1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:05,296 --> 00:00:09,008 MAN ON TV: We now return to Aaron Sorkin's new show, The Kitchen. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,551 Where's the miIk? No miIk? We're out. No. 5 00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,011 WaIk with me. l want you to get some milk. 6 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,554 Where? Now? At the store. Right now. 7 00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,305 Any store? Bloomie's? Any store. ls that a joke? 8 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,473 What do you think? I think we need miIk. 9 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:17,516 I think you're right. 10 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,684 You know, I never get tired of hearing that. 11 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,477 Should l go get the milk? Go get the milk. 12 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,563 (ALL GROANlNG) 13 00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,189 Looks like the power's out again. 14 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,026 What, are we in lraq? This happens entirely too often. 15 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,319 Can we tell stories till it comes back on? 16 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:33,115 Yeah, Dad. Remember the last time you told us the story of Star Wars? 17 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,658 Maybe you could tell us another one. 18 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:35,784 Well, all right. 19 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,537 This is the story of BIack Snake Moan. 20 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:42,332 Once upon a time, Christina Ricci was all tied up for some reason. . . 21 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,126 l'm already bored and confused. 22 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:48,130 Yeah, Dad. lsn't there another story like Star Wars you could tell us? 23 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:51,967 There just might be, Chris. There just might be. 24 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,561 (STARS WARS THEME PLAYlNG) 25 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,746 CHORUS: (SlNGlNG) His boy Elroy 26 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,935 (MlMlCKlNG PROBE DROlD) 27 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:33,086 Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me? 28 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:36,048 Luke, l thought we taIked about this. l changed my code name. 29 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:39,885 Right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener. 30 00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,386 Carlos Spicy Wiener here. Go ahead. 31 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,722 There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here. 32 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,891 l'm gonna go check it out. Won't take long. 33 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,727 Okay, but be careful. There's some snow monsters out there. 34 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,562 Relax, Han, l'll be careful. . . 35 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,647 (SCREAMlNG) 36 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:52,940 Cookie! 37 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,671 Hey, you guys, l hate to do this to you, but l gotta get out of here. 38 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,340 Hey, what's that on your jacket? ls that the Purina logo? 39 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,092 No, it's just a patch. l like it. 40 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,551 Thank you. l lied. lt's lame. 41 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,262 l won't miss you. 42 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:27,099 Han, wait. l thought you said you were gonna stay. 43 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,434 Sorry, l can't. But l'll give you my email address. 44 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:33,146 lt's HanSolo64@CompuServe.com. 45 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,148 Comp. . . Yes, CompuServe. 46 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,900 But you can't leave now. 47 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,318 You're a natural leader and we. . . 48 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,238 Hey. Did you guys order some ice? 49 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,991 'Cause l got a bag of ice here. 50 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,909 Thought you might need some ice. 51 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:49,621 Yes, there is a lot of ice around here. We get it. 52 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,124 We're having a conversation here. 53 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:55,002 Hey. l thought you guys might need some ice. 54 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,920 SOLDlER: What? Why would l need ice? We're surrounded by. . . 55 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,714 (LAUGHlNG) Oh ! 56 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,217 What a day brightener. 57 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,802 Han, we need you. 58 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,179 Oh, really? "We" or "l"? 59 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,264 What do you mean? 60 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,933 You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. 61 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,686 l bet you're afraid l'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss. 62 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:15,147 Ugh ! l'd rather kiss George Takei. 63 00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,149 Hello. 64 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,027 (CHUCKLlNG) 65 00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,280 Man, it's cold in here. 66 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:24,448 Beep-boop-beep. 67 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,701 l like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice. 68 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,953 That's probably pretty safe, right? 69 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,747 Captain Solo, have you seen Master Luke? 70 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,123 'Cause no one knows where he is. 71 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,167 What? Well, that doesn't sound good. 72 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:37,836 All right, l'm gonna go out and look for him. l'll take my Don Don. 73 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,381 Well, l can't go outside. lt's cold out there. 74 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,092 You can't go out there in this weather. Your Don Don will freeze. 75 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,510 Then l'll see you in hell ! 76 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,012 SOLDlER: Wait, Han. You'll need this. 77 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,096 What? 78 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,681 (SNlCKERlNG) Bag of ice. 79 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,684 You knucklehead. Get out of here, but know l love you. 80 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:02,527 (GRUNTS) 81 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,947 Damn these stubby arms! 82 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,253 Well, this is no better. 83 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,216 (SCREAMlNG) 84 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,467 (GASPS) 85 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:32,933 Me was going to ask you to snow monster ball, but now forget it! 86 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,309 (SOBBlNG) 87 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:06,216 OBI-WAN: Luke. Luke, pull your pants down. 88 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,427 Ben? 89 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,178 You Iook awfuI coId. 90 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,849 Why don't l get you a nice hot bowI of Zima soup? 91 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,016 Ben. 92 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,101 Luke. 93 00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:21,690 You will go to the Dagobah system and learn the ways of the Force from Yoda. 94 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,066 Ben. 95 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,990 Luke! Ben ! 96 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,158 Hang on, kid. 97 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,327 Yoda. Dagobah system. 98 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:38,874 Zima soup. Yoda. Dagobah. 99 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,669 Last time l was in a dago bar l was drinking a beer in Little ltaly. 100 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,004 Go on, get out of here! 101 00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,924 Well, l can't stand this cold anymore. l'm gonna die. 102 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,468 Oh ! 103 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,011 Well, it's probably for the best. 104 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:55,056 There are way too many elderly comedians out here in the snow. 105 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:04,399 This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm. 106 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:05,942 (SlGHS) 107 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,445 l thought they smelled bad 108 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,905 (GASPlNG) 109 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,084 on the outside. 110 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:36,389 Captain Solo, do you copy? This is Overweight Pilot Number One. 111 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,850 Commander Skywalker, do you copy? 112 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,143 HAN: Who are you looking for? 113 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,686 Captain Solo, there you are! 114 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,439 l'm sorry, l didn't copy that. Who are you looking for? 115 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,567 Carlos Spicy Wiener, do you copy? 116 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,277 Carlos Spicy Wiener here, go ahead. 117 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,536 They found us, kid. We're going back to base. 118 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,956 Just as soon as l grab some powder with these skiing young people. 119 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,832 (JUlCY FRUlT THEME PLAYING) 120 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,714 MAN: (SlNGlNG) Get your skis shined up Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit 121 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,384 The taste is gonna move ya 122 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,011 Take a sniff PuII it out 123 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:20,058 The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouth 124 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,894 Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya 125 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:26,022 It chews so soft, it gets right to ya 126 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,148 Juicy Fruit 127 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:30,819 The taste, the taste, the taste is gonna move ya 128 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,281 How you doing, kid? 129 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,950 You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner. 130 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,243 Thanks to you. 131 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,996 Well, your managed- to-keep-me-around- a-little-longerness, 132 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,540 it looks like you managed to keep me around a little longer. 133 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,042 l assure you, l had nothing to do with it. 134 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,210 Yeah, right. 135 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:50,380 l think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sight. 136 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:55,677 Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder! 137 00:09:56,512 --> 00:10:00,015 You can't use that word ! Only we can use that word ! 138 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,458 (GASPS) The boss is coming. Look busy. 139 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,043 Lot of Empire stuff to do. Empire stuff. 140 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,961 Getting Empire stuff done. Busy with Empire stuff. 141 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,005 Yes, this is good Empire stuff. This Empire stuff looks good. 142 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,757 Yes, l think we're done with this Empire stuff. 143 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,842 Hey, dudes, what you looking at? 144 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,552 We think we found something. 145 00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,554 (PROBE DROlD CHATTERlNG) 146 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,474 That's it. The Rebels are there. 147 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,268 My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. 148 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,647 lt could be a phony! A big, fat phony! 149 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,357 What'd them Rebels do anyways? 150 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,483 You know your friend Alan? 151 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:52,734 Yeah, l like Alan. 152 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,027 They took his dog. 153 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,780 (GASPS) They took Zeus? Oh, no! 154 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,114 Central Command to Jeffrey. 155 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,199 Jeffrey here. 156 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,950 Jeffrey, them Rebels took Zeus. 157 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:01,993 That's Alan's dog. 158 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,161 l know. 159 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,496 Oh, no! 160 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,789 l know. 161 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,583 Set your course for the Hoth system. 162 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,422 Hey, take care of yourself, Chewie. 163 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,590 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 164 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,384 What's this handshake business, huh? 165 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,887 Come here. Come on. Come on, bring it in. Come on. Come on. 166 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,555 l'm not really a hug person. 167 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,350 Knock it off. Come here. Come on, bring it. 168 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,727 Yeah, yeah. Hug it out, bitch. 169 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,771 Hug it out, yeah. Spray that hug all over me. 170 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,022 What's wrong with you? 171 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,025 What? l just wanna share my throbbing emotions 172 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,443 and shoot hot hug all over you. 173 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,070 l don't get why that's a problem. 174 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,614 Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay? 175 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,740 You, too. 176 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,951 Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped? 177 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,661 l killed it and ate it! 178 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,954 Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah ! 179 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:47,872 Rebels! Rebels! Rebels! 180 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,374 Empire sucks! Rebels! 181 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,417 Rebels! Yeah ! 182 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,419 Yeah, Rebels! Yeah. 183 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,600 Lord Vader, we've entered the Hoth system, 184 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:10,645 but the Rebels have put up an energy shield blocking our entry. 185 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,021 What are we gonna do now, buddy? 186 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,482 Admiral Ozzel came out of light speed too quickly. 187 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,236 (CHUCKLlNG) Yeah. l had that problem with a chick the other night. 188 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,865 Okay, gross. l'm gonna turn around and take care of this other guy. 189 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:25,368 Lord Vader, we're out of light speed and... 190 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,536 (CHOKlNG) 191 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,330 You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. 192 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,958 Didn't know l could choke you through the TV, did you? 193 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:35,545 Well, l can. Captain Piett, you're in charge now. 194 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,548 Don't fail me, Admiral Piett. 195 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,967 A promotion? Really? 196 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,428 Can l get business cards that say "Admiral"? 197 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,181 That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. 198 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,558 l don't even have business cards. None of us do. 199 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,143 Do you have business cards? Yeah. 200 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,437 You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. 201 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,106 There's like a million of you. What do you need business cards for? 202 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,483 Well, they're for my cookie business. 203 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,777 l don't want. . . Oh, my God. 204 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:02,489 (CHUCKLlNG) That chocolate chip cookie looks like the Death Star. 205 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,619 May l have everyone's attention please? 206 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,662 We're evacuating into outer space, 207 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,457 with literally infinite directions in which to flee. 208 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,918 However, we have decided that our transports 209 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,837 will travel directly toward the fleet of Star Destroyers. 210 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:18,963 Any questions? 211 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,089 Yeah. 212 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:24,052 ls there someone from the military we can talk to? A man, perhaps? 213 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,852 Sir, Rebel ships are coming into our sector. 214 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,146 Good. Our first catch of the day. 215 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,856 (SCOFFS) Like you know how to fish. 216 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,567 Prepare to fire giant boob-nipple gun. 217 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,030 (CHUCKLlNG) 218 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,673 Feeling okay, sir? 219 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,008 Just like new. How about you, Dack? 220 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,970 l feel like l could take on the whole Empire myself. 221 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,722 Really? 'Cause that would be awesome. 222 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,517 Hey, everyone, Dack says he's got this one. 223 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,102 (ALL CHEERlNG) 224 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,145 You know it, bitches! 225 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,823 Hey, lmperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dack! 226 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,000 l think we're doomed. Nah. 227 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:40,545 Unless they've got any big, giant robot camels, l think we're okay. 228 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,009 Jim, robot camels. 229 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,892 Check it out, that one's wearing Crocs. 230 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,607 (MEN SCREAMlNG) 231 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,985 Echo Station 5-7, we are on our way. 232 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,236 REBEL LEADER: Great. We'll see you in... 233 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,322 (GUN FlRlNG) 234 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,949 Echo Station 5-8, we are on our way. 235 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,159 Hurry! 236 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,177 Yes, Lord Vader, their shield will be down in moments. 237 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,470 You may start your landing. 238 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,764 ExceIIent. We'll prepare for our descent. 239 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,807 Hey. Hey, Consuela, no cleaning. 240 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,186 No cleaning while l'm doing the hologram... Shut that off! 241 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:43,358 Mr. Darth, you no have no more Windex on Star Destroyer. 242 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,442 Well, that's not my problem. 243 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,777 Why don't you go out and buy some? 244 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,196 No. No, you buy. 245 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,740 What if l give you the money, then you can go out and buy it? 246 00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,033 No. 247 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,095 (EXCLAlMlNG) 248 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,638 (GROANlNG) 249 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,462 Crap! l'm hit! 250 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,804 (GASPS) 251 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,725 FEMALE VOICE: OnStar. What is the nature of your emergency? 252 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:02,061 Yeah, l just got laser torpedoed by an lmperial walker 253 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,855 and l need roadside assistance. 254 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,023 Of course, sir. 255 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,025 Am l speaking with AdmiraI Ackbar? 256 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,361 Yeah. Yes. Yes, l'm Admiral Ackbar. 257 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:11,571 (HOARSELY) lt's a trap. 258 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:18,953 (SLURRlNG) l love you guys. We had a great summer. 259 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,958 Han ! What are you still doing here? 260 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:28,129 Well, l just realized that my spaceship works better when l have the keys. 261 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,297 Duh ! 262 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,551 MAN ON PA: lmperial troops have entered the base. lmperial troops have... 263 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,969 (FEEDBACK) 264 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,473 Sorry, l dropped the thing. lmperial troops have entered the base. 265 00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:01,204 (GASPS) Oh, my God, it's pregnant. We're in a war. We're in a war. 266 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,765 l want the princess captured immediately. 267 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:24,644 Geez, Gordon, maybe today wasn't the day to wear your mesh stormtrooper shirt. 268 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:28,314 Sorry, it's just. . . l'm going out dancing after work tonight. 269 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:32,193 Oh, my God, l can't remember the last time l went out dancing. 270 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:35,113 l think it was Memorial Day, like, two years ago. 271 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,781 No, you know what? lt was four years ago. 272 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,324 You know how long it was? 273 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,536 lt was on Alderaan. That's how long ago it was. 274 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,414 Are those guys getting away? We should probably get those guys. 275 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:48,709 Those other guys will get them. So, what else? 276 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,842 This bucket of bolts is never gonna get us past that blockade. 277 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,969 This bucket's got a few surprises left in her. 278 00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,346 Plus, me and Chewie are on it. Ain't that right, Chewie? 279 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:01,973 Hell, yeah. You my nerf herder. 280 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,808 You my nerf herder. 281 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,351 All right, Chewie, punch it. 282 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,111 Thank God that hot chick is gone. 283 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,155 Now l can let loose my Darth farts. 284 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,281 (FARTS) 285 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:19,323 (AlR HlSSlNG) 286 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:20,408 (FARTS) 287 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,826 (AlR HlSSlNG) 288 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,329 Artoo, get her ready for takeoff. 289 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,166 You may not remember, but l told you last week 290 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,668 l got my niece's recital today. 291 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,296 (VlOLlN PLAYlNG OFF-KEY) 292 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,594 We gotta sit through this whole thing? 293 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,637 lt's not that much longer. 294 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,932 She's number seven and there's, like, 1 8 people. 295 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,392 Relax, man. 296 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,352 l mean, as long as she knows you were here. . . 297 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,230 Look, this is happening, so just come to peace with it. 298 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:01,115 Hey, this ain't the way to the rendezvous point. 299 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,700 We're not meeting up with the others. 300 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,202 We're going to the Dagobah system. 301 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,874 Hi. Excuse me. Excuse me. 302 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,210 Hi, yeah, do you know how to get to the Dagobah system? 303 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,046 Yeah, actually we're headed there now. You can follow us. 304 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:18,799 Okay, great. Annoying question. We have to get gas, 305 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,427 would you mind pulling off and waiting for us while we do that? 306 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,553 (GROANS) 307 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,305 Thank you so much. 308 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,015 (SlGHlNG) 309 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,656 Han, look! 310 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,574 Crap, there's two more of them dead ahead. 311 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,577 lt's all right, l think l can outmaneuver them. 312 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:59,090 JOHN BUNNELL: This RebeI Iawbreaker thinks he can outrun the Empire. 313 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:02,760 The pursuing officers reaIize he's entered a residentiaI area. 314 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:06,472 They give him a wide berth, but they don't let him out of their sight. 315 00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:11,102 Astonishingly, the driver makes a left, right into an asteroid field. 316 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:14,814 What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field. 317 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,191 Well, it's either that or go into the strawberry fields. 318 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:20,278 Hey, you know what l'm getting into? ls one-legged chicks. 319 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,780 Yeah, Paul, what's your new wife's name? Peg? 320 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,198 That'll be enough of that, lad. 321 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,283 How about Eileen? 322 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,701 Ringo got it. 323 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,876 Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one. 324 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,505 Never tell me the. . . Actually, that's not bad. 325 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,382 Yeah. No, let's keep going. 326 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:06,490 Look at that one! Look at that one there! Look at that other one! 327 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,908 (SCREAMlNG) 328 00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,785 We're gonna get pulverized out here! 329 00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:12,079 Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. 330 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,331 l think we'll be fine. 331 00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,436 There, that looks good. 332 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,732 Doesn't that pie look good? Too bad we can't get at it. 333 00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:41,692 lt's in space, and we're in here. 334 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,111 Otherwise, l'd be eating it right now. 335 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,738 All right, let's park right there in that cave. 336 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:50,159 What are you doing? You can't park there. 337 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,370 You're not handicapped. 338 00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:53,454 l have vertigo. 339 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:55,331 lt's a real medical condition. 340 00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:58,459 l'm just going on record as saying l'm not comfortable with this. 341 00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:09,929 l hope you know what you're doing. 342 00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:13,432 l've just found that Leia's constant questioning of me 343 00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:16,644 has not been productive to the atmosphere of the ship. 344 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:20,272 And l think that she just needs to get some respect for herself. 345 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:29,740 Artoo, wake up, we're here. Put your shoes on. 346 00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,492 You better hurry up and land. 347 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:34,870 The last half hour, l've been having all pee dreams. 348 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,960 All the scopes are dead ! l can't see a thing ! 349 00:23:41,461 --> 00:23:45,297 Sorry, that's me. l was still using an electronic device. 350 00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:49,343 Okay, that's much better. Now l can see the swamp. . . The swamp! 351 00:23:58,061 --> 00:24:00,980 Swamp crashes. They can land you knee-deep in trouble. 352 00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:05,067 But the "good hands" people at Allstate will make sure you have a soft landing. 353 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:08,446 Professional service. Non-threatening black spokesperson. 354 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,030 That's Allstate's stand. 355 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:16,162 Thank God for these airbags. You okay back there? 356 00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:20,040 l'm okay, but the midget inside me's got a head concussion. 357 00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,215 No, no, no, no, no, no! 358 00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:30,676 Artoo? 359 00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:42,771 Artoo! 360 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,608 (R2-D2 SCREAMlNG) 361 00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:50,446 Artoo, are you okay? 362 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:54,241 l think so. Boy, who knows what else is in this swamp? 363 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,786 SUPER FRIENDS ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom! 364 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,330 Not now! Okay. 365 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,499 (EERlE SlLENCE) 366 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:02,833 (CAWlNG) 367 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:08,047 Hey, who the hell are you? 368 00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:10,591 What the hell is that creepy little thing? 369 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:12,343 Well, l'm not Yoda. 370 00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:13,761 Okay, l'm Yoda. 371 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:15,221 You're Yoda? 372 00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:18,182 You're the one that Obi-Wan sent me here to find. 373 00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:20,267 Will you teach me the ways of the Force? 374 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,437 No, l will not teach you the ways of the Force. 375 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,856 Okay, l'll teach you the ways of the Force. 376 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:29,360 But if you want to become a Jedi, first l gotta ask you something. 377 00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:30,694 Did you see Van WiIder? 378 00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,196 Yeah, l saw it on Comedy Central. 379 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,867 No! No, no, no, no, no! We got a lot of training to do. 380 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:39,203 l'm asking, did you see the DVD frat house edition 381 00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:42,122 with all the uncensored footage and the interview with Ryan Reynolds? 382 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:43,249 No. 383 00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:45,960 Well, that's all part of mastering the Force, man. 384 00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,963 lt starts with checking out sweet-ass DVD releases, 385 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:51,882 like Iron Man, directed by Jon Favreau. 386 00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,718 Yeah, he puts himself in his own movies, but you don't mind 387 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,972 'cause he seems like the kind of guy who'd help you move if you asked him. 388 00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:08,899 l'm glad you're here. Look, l pulled this all apart, 389 00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,901 and it looks like you're gonna need a new condenser. 390 00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:12,236 Really? A new condenser? 391 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,612 Yeah, and l would also highly recommend 392 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:16,156 a complete flush of your photon conversion system. 393 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,616 l swear l just did that. 394 00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,743 Okay, well, how about this? Do you want me to just go ahead 395 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,371 and do that while l'm replacing the new condenser? 396 00:26:22,455 --> 00:26:25,291 l think l'd like to call my husband. 397 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,500 Look, how about this? 398 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,669 You buy the condenser, and l'll make out with you. 399 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:29,920 (EXCLAlMS) 400 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,589 l'm gonna kiss you so hard, 401 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:34,800 the picture's gonna change into something else. 402 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,977 Look, this isn't Windex but it's just as good. lt's the store brand. 403 00:26:45,061 --> 00:26:47,521 No. No. lt leave a film. 404 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,273 l'm okay with the film. Just use it. 405 00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:52,443 No. No. l no can clean. 406 00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:53,611 Shit. 407 00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:54,945 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) 408 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,697 Hello? Mr. Darth Vader. . . 409 00:26:56,781 --> 00:27:00,075 Yes, sir. Quiet, quiet. lt's the Emperor. 410 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,160 lt's the Emperor. 411 00:27:01,244 --> 00:27:02,828 Tell him l no can do Friday. 412 00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:03,954 Okay. Okay, okay. Sir. . . Yeah. 413 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,122 My apartment need water. 414 00:27:05,206 --> 00:27:06,332 No, no. No. He need to get it fixed. 415 00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:09,418 (STUTTERlNG) Hello? l can't hear you. 416 00:27:09,502 --> 00:27:12,838 l'm going to the knee pad. l'm gonna call you from the knee pad. 417 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,850 What is thy bidding, my master? 418 00:27:24,934 --> 00:27:27,227 Hey, l'm downloading all my music to my iPod 419 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:28,687 'cause l'm getting rid of my CDs. 420 00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:29,813 Do you have any desire for 421 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:31,106 NataIie Merchant's Tigerlily? 422 00:27:31,191 --> 00:27:32,232 No. 423 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,734 AIanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill? 424 00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:34,902 No. 425 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:36,987 You sure? This thing was unstoppable. 426 00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:39,615 This was the soundtrack to my '95. 427 00:27:39,699 --> 00:27:41,742 To my '95 and my '96, actually. 428 00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:42,826 No, thank you. 429 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:43,994 Richard Marx, Hold On To The Night? 430 00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:45,037 (EXClTEDLY) Yes! 431 00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:46,830 (STUTTERlNG) l mean. . . Yeah, no. . . 432 00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:48,874 l mean, if you're giving stuff away, yeah, sure. 433 00:27:48,958 --> 00:27:50,000 All right, listen. 434 00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:53,212 It turns out Anakin Skywalker's son is stiII aIive. 435 00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:55,673 l'm gonna need you to find him and turn him. 436 00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:58,676 Really? Maybe l can make him go bi, but all the way is gonna be tough. 437 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,511 No, I mean, turn him to the dark side. 438 00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:01,595 Well, yeah, l thought that's what you. . . 439 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,055 Oh, of the Force. Yes. 440 00:28:03,139 --> 00:28:05,349 l'll get him over to the dark side. 441 00:28:05,433 --> 00:28:07,267 l'll just show him our recruiting video. 442 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:09,478 (CHEERFUL MUSlC PLAYlNG) 443 00:28:14,150 --> 00:28:16,402 Thanks to the training l received in the Empire, 444 00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:19,196 l have all the skills l need to make it in the real world. 445 00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:24,284 The Empire Gl Bill helped me finish school. Hey, wait up! 446 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,620 And l met my wife in the service. 447 00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,455 We had our honeymoon on Alderaan. 448 00:28:28,623 --> 00:28:30,249 Good thing we took pictures, huh? 449 00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:31,667 (LAUGHlNG) 450 00:28:32,001 --> 00:28:34,503 RECRUITMENT ANNOUNCER: The Empire, chasing Rebel scum, 451 00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,630 killing Luke's aunt and uncle, 452 00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,966 telling people to move along. 453 00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:42,636 The Empire, our ships are big triangles. 454 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,055 (BlRDS CAWlNG) 455 00:28:47,350 --> 00:28:49,143 That's good. Stretch it out, 456 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:51,729 stretch it out because we're gonna start the training. 457 00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:55,649 l'm ready, Master Yoda. l'm ready to become a Jedi. 458 00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,068 All right, kid, let's do it. 459 00:28:58,153 --> 00:29:00,404 (ROCKY IV THEME MUSlC PLAYlNG) 460 00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:15,502 (lNAUDlBLE) 461 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,642 You know, l'm up for this, 462 00:30:11,726 --> 00:30:15,604 but it kind of feels like the dark side has a better gym than us. 463 00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:31,119 (DlSTANT EXPLOSlONS) 464 00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:44,758 (SCREAMS) 465 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,427 There's something out there. 466 00:30:50,515 --> 00:30:51,515 Hmm? 467 00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:53,517 There's something out there. Where? 468 00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:55,143 Out there, in the cave! 469 00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:57,688 (LAUGHS) Crazy women, always hearing things. 470 00:30:57,772 --> 00:30:58,856 There's something out there. 471 00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:00,148 Let's go check it out. 472 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:06,071 What's all this slime on the floor? 473 00:31:06,155 --> 00:31:08,615 Yeah. lt feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach. 474 00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,037 Wait a minute. 475 00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:16,540 Hang on a second. 476 00:31:18,001 --> 00:31:19,501 What's going on here? 477 00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:22,546 Something doesn't add up. 478 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,424 Just a minute. 479 00:31:26,718 --> 00:31:27,801 Time out. 480 00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:30,971 This ain't quite right. 481 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:33,932 Now l get it. We should go. 482 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,105 Hang on, sweetheart. We're taking off. 483 00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:47,112 The cave is collapsing ! 484 00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:48,822 This is no cave. What? 485 00:32:01,502 --> 00:32:03,962 How come l never get any lines in these things? 486 00:32:04,047 --> 00:32:05,839 PETER: Shut up, Meg. 487 00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:08,383 (CAWlNG) 488 00:32:15,224 --> 00:32:16,600 All right. Let's take a break. 489 00:32:16,684 --> 00:32:17,976 Your back's getting all sweaty. 490 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,686 Sorry. Does that. 491 00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:22,022 All right. Now, let's go over what we've learned. 492 00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:23,231 Naked chicks. Best? 493 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:25,108 Rebecca De Mornay in Risky Business. 494 00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,193 Good. Worst? 495 00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:27,319 Kathy Bates in About Schmidt. 496 00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:31,114 Correct. l also would've accepted the rotting old woman in The Shining, 497 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:34,117 but Kathy Bates is probably worse. Best scene in Teen WoIf? 498 00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:35,702 When Michael J. Fox is in the bathroom, 499 00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:37,287 turning into a werewolf for the first time 500 00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:39,539 and his dad's knocking on the door and he is freaking out 501 00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:42,209 and he opens the door and his dad's a werewolf, too. 502 00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:43,293 Gold star. 503 00:32:43,378 --> 00:32:45,837 l would've also accepted the scene at the end, at the basketball game, 504 00:32:45,922 --> 00:32:48,048 where the guy in the crowd has his dick out. 505 00:32:48,132 --> 00:32:49,758 What? Yeah, there's a guy at the end. 506 00:32:49,842 --> 00:32:52,552 Go online. Look it up. He's in the stands, way in the background, 507 00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:55,055 and he's totally got his dick out. 508 00:32:55,723 --> 00:32:58,809 What's in there? lt feels cold. 509 00:32:59,018 --> 00:33:01,937 That place is strong with the dark side. 510 00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:05,691 But it's very confusing and it stops the movie dead. 511 00:33:05,775 --> 00:33:07,818 l'm going in there anyway. 512 00:33:08,152 --> 00:33:09,903 (EERlE MUSlC PLAYlNG) 513 00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:16,618 (GASPS) 514 00:33:33,428 --> 00:33:36,805 You know, l guess we should take advantage of this very rare opportunity. 515 00:33:36,889 --> 00:33:39,224 (CHEERFUL MUSlC PLAYlNG ON PlANO) 516 00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:42,602 BOTH: (SlNGlNG) You and I wiII settIe down 517 00:33:42,687 --> 00:33:47,899 ln a cottage built for two 518 00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,609 Dear little buttercup 519 00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,695 Sweet little buttercup 520 00:33:51,779 --> 00:33:53,780 (SlNGlNG) My little buttercup 521 00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:58,368 BOTH: (SlNGlNG) l love you 522 00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:06,084 l hate these hats. 523 00:34:06,169 --> 00:34:07,461 Yes, sir. 524 00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:10,172 Okay, nice bounty hunter turnout today. 525 00:34:10,256 --> 00:34:14,551 Let's see, we got Robot Guy, Old Timey Deep Sea Diver Looking Guy, 526 00:34:14,635 --> 00:34:18,221 Lizard Guy, who l think l saw get in a fight with Captain Kirk, 527 00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:20,766 Boba Fett, of course, thanks for coming, and. . . 528 00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,225 What are you supposed to be? 529 00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:24,019 Raggedy Andy. 530 00:34:24,187 --> 00:34:27,147 Get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting. 531 00:34:32,528 --> 00:34:36,323 Okay, get ready to go to light speed. One, two, three. 532 00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:42,746 Whanh ! Whanh ! Whanh ! Whanh ! 533 00:34:42,830 --> 00:34:43,830 Crap. 534 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:44,956 No light speed? 535 00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:46,374 No light speed. 536 00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:53,173 l got an idea. Chewie, turn us around. 537 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:54,549 You're gonna attack them? 538 00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:56,426 (MlMlCKlNG) "You're gonna attack them?" 539 00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:57,594 That's how you sound. 540 00:34:57,678 --> 00:34:59,346 (SQUEAKlLY) "You're gonna attack them?" 541 00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:00,722 lmagine listening to that all day. 542 00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:07,771 They're moving into attack position. 543 00:35:07,855 --> 00:35:08,980 Good. Put the shields up. 544 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:11,316 Oh, my God ! You have cake? Where'd you get cake? 545 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,652 lt was Jim's birthday, but l think it's all gone. 546 00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:23,620 Track them. They may come around for another attack. 547 00:35:23,704 --> 00:35:26,289 Captain, the ship no longer appears on our scopes. 548 00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:29,501 They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device. 549 00:35:29,585 --> 00:35:33,046 Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit of the Millennium Falcon. 550 00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:36,258 (STUTTERlNG) Tell him. . . Tell him we blew it up. 551 00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,302 He's not on hold and he just heard you. 552 00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:40,554 DARTH VADER: Yeah, l just heard you. 553 00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:41,847 (CHOKlNG) 554 00:35:51,774 --> 00:35:54,151 This is insane, Han ! They're gonna find us here. 555 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,235 Yeah, and even if they don't, 556 00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:56,987 where are we gonna hide out after this? 557 00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:58,530 Hey, what about Lando? 558 00:35:58,614 --> 00:36:00,198 The Lando system? 559 00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,576 Lando's not a system. He's a black guy. 560 00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:05,162 ln fact, l think he might be the only black guy in the galaxy. 561 00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:06,746 (CHUCKLES) Let's hope, right? 562 00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:08,331 Whoa! 563 00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:09,749 (CLANKlNG) 564 00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:11,251 All right, the fleet's breaking up. 565 00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:13,003 Chewie, get ready to release the landing claw 566 00:36:13,087 --> 00:36:15,672 and we'll float away with their garbage. Release! 567 00:36:21,762 --> 00:36:23,805 Look at that. Space bums. 568 00:36:28,936 --> 00:36:31,438 Let's be thankful for what we have, everyone. 569 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:33,064 Be thankful for what we have. 570 00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:34,191 (THUD) 571 00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,943 Oh, my God, l hit a space bum ! Chewie, go, go, go, go! 572 00:36:45,244 --> 00:36:47,162 All right, concentrate. 573 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:49,372 What do you see? 574 00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:52,542 l see a woman draining your bank account 575 00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:55,378 and running off with a real estate agent. 576 00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:57,422 That is a bitch you see. 577 00:36:57,506 --> 00:37:01,635 And l see my friends. They're in trouble! l gotta save them ! 578 00:37:03,137 --> 00:37:04,930 Wait, wait, wait. Luke, that's a stupid idea. 579 00:37:05,014 --> 00:37:06,598 You're not done with all your Force stuff. 580 00:37:06,682 --> 00:37:08,558 And besides, you can't fight Vader. 581 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,186 Only an experienced Jedi could fight Vader. 582 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:13,146 Well, why don't you go? 583 00:37:13,814 --> 00:37:16,024 Yeah, you're probably ready to fight Vader. 584 00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:25,200 That boy was our last hope. 585 00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,994 No, there is another. 586 00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:31,289 I know. I have the Force, too, you know. 587 00:37:40,841 --> 00:37:45,512 l don't have a landing permit. l'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian. 588 00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:47,555 What the hell's he firing at me for? 589 00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:48,932 l told you not to shoot. 590 00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,016 Well, you're not in charge. l am. 591 00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,184 Well, l'm steering. No, l'm steering. 592 00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:52,352 No, l am. l have a steering wheel. 593 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:53,728 So do l. There's two. Well, that's stupid. 594 00:37:53,854 --> 00:37:55,105 l know. l know, too. That's why l said it. 595 00:37:55,189 --> 00:37:56,606 Oh ! We lost them. This is going in my report. 596 00:37:56,691 --> 00:37:57,691 No, it's going in my report. 597 00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:21,131 (LAUGHlNG) 598 00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:22,299 Lando! 599 00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,634 Hey, Han, you crazy old bastard. 600 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,304 Hey, let me introduce everybody. You remember Chewbacca. 601 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:32,267 And this is my special friend, Leia. And that's Sarge over there. 602 00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:33,685 You don't know my name, do you? 603 00:38:33,769 --> 00:38:34,936 You never bothered to learn it. 604 00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:36,313 What are you talking about? 605 00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:39,149 We've been through all kinds of space adventures together. 606 00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:40,692 Of course l know you, slugger. 607 00:38:40,776 --> 00:38:42,652 Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you. l'm C-3PO. 608 00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:43,778 C-3PO, yeah. 609 00:38:43,863 --> 00:38:45,238 l was just gonna introduce you, C-3PO. 610 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:46,656 Why didn't you let me, C-3PO? 611 00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,658 Maybe we should go inside. 612 00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:50,118 Yeah, let's get inside, C-3PO. 613 00:38:50,202 --> 00:38:52,245 You ever been to Cloud City, C-3PO? 614 00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:14,309 J.Crew outlet store. Oh, my God ! Awesome! 615 00:39:14,393 --> 00:39:16,686 Space summer is right around the corner. 616 00:39:22,735 --> 00:39:24,569 Oh, my God. What happened? 617 00:39:24,653 --> 00:39:28,865 l got into a slap fight with a prep droid over a pair of cargo shorts. 618 00:39:28,949 --> 00:39:30,533 Are you guys all ready for dinner? 619 00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:33,078 l don't know, the time change is really hitting me. 620 00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:35,413 l might just stay in the room and watch bad TV. 621 00:39:35,498 --> 00:39:38,500 Geez, it's only like two hours earlier on Hoth. What's the big deal? 622 00:39:38,584 --> 00:39:40,710 l'm having my period, okay? 623 00:39:40,795 --> 00:39:44,214 Please come in. l have nothing to say to Lando. 624 00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:50,512 Okay, the door's gonna open and you guys say, "Freeze," 625 00:39:50,596 --> 00:39:51,721 and point your guns at them. 626 00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:53,598 Or, you know. . . Or should it just be me? 627 00:39:53,682 --> 00:39:55,266 Yeah, you know what? l think that'll be better. 628 00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:57,811 Get out. Go, go, go. lt's just me. 629 00:39:58,521 --> 00:40:00,146 l wasn't ready. Hi ! 630 00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:01,564 (EXCLAlMS) 631 00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:05,318 (SlNGlNG) Wonder Woman 632 00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:11,074 (JEERlNG ) Look, the Giant Chicken's Boba Fett. 633 00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:17,080 Very well, Solo, if you won't talk, 634 00:40:17,164 --> 00:40:19,916 we have very effective means of torture. 635 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,502 Whoa! Well, l don't want to be tortured. 636 00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:25,088 All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base on Kashyyyk, 637 00:40:25,172 --> 00:40:27,590 and l'm the one who clogged the toilet on the 1 6th floor. 638 00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:29,300 That was disgusting ! 639 00:40:29,385 --> 00:40:32,512 You know, because of that, l had to use the little pig people's bathroom. 640 00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:34,013 All right, start the torture. 641 00:40:36,517 --> 00:40:37,600 (WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE PLAYlNG) 642 00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:41,563 WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Where have all the cowboys gone? 643 00:40:41,647 --> 00:40:44,190 (SHOUTlNG lN DlSGUST) Shut it off. Shut it off! 644 00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:47,193 (HAN SCREAMlNG) 645 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,280 HAN: Ow! 646 00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:53,283 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 647 00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:54,826 Ow! Ow! 648 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:57,579 Ow! 649 00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:06,296 This facility should be adequate to freeze Skywalker for his trip to the Emperor. 650 00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:08,423 We'll test it on Captain Solo. 651 00:41:08,507 --> 00:41:09,799 And as long as we're freezing things, 652 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:12,802 why don't you toss this ice cube tray full of orange juice in there? 653 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:14,554 And be careful with the toothpicks. 654 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,975 Lando, Lando. Lando! Be careful with the toothpicks. 655 00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:28,443 Chewie, you have to take care of the princess while l'm gone. 656 00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:29,819 Take care of her? 657 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:31,029 You mean like. . . 658 00:41:31,113 --> 00:41:32,238 No. What? 659 00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:33,823 No. Just make sure she stays safe. 660 00:41:33,908 --> 00:41:36,075 Okay. That'll be fun for me. 661 00:41:44,627 --> 00:41:45,919 l love you. 662 00:41:46,587 --> 00:41:47,754 Fuck off. 663 00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:42,016 (AMERlCAN lDOL THEME PLAYING) 664 00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:43,810 (AUDlENCE CHEERlNG) 665 00:42:43,894 --> 00:42:48,064 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your lightsaber battle. 666 00:42:51,318 --> 00:42:53,903 The Force is with you, young Skywalker. 667 00:42:53,988 --> 00:42:56,197 But you are not a Jedi yet. 668 00:42:56,699 --> 00:42:58,366 You're getting there. You're getting there, though. 669 00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,327 l can defeat you, Vader. You'll see. 670 00:43:05,082 --> 00:43:08,001 Okay, so, no cutting off body parts. Let's make that a rule. 671 00:43:08,085 --> 00:43:10,336 No below the belt, if you know what l'm saying. 672 00:43:10,421 --> 00:43:12,547 And you know what? How about no name calling? 673 00:43:12,631 --> 00:43:16,092 You know, let's not have one of those kinds of lightsaber battles. 674 00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:30,148 Car. Car coming ! 675 00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:33,234 We're clear. 676 00:43:43,871 --> 00:43:45,121 (BEEPlNG) 677 00:43:48,125 --> 00:43:49,626 Nice work, fellas! 678 00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:52,629 And, David, you sold the most magazine subscriptions, 679 00:43:52,713 --> 00:43:56,007 so you get to invite four of your friends to a pizza party. 680 00:43:56,091 --> 00:43:57,258 Hurray! 681 00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:01,888 Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold. 682 00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:03,097 Duh ! 683 00:44:18,572 --> 00:44:22,450 Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace. 684 00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:24,619 Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, 685 00:44:24,703 --> 00:44:26,412 we should rescue him in three years. 686 00:44:52,856 --> 00:44:55,525 (GASPlNG) Oh, God. Oh, my God. 687 00:44:55,609 --> 00:44:59,612 l would give my right hand for this day to just end. 688 00:45:02,783 --> 00:45:06,703 Oh, no. Damn it. They changed the security code. 689 00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:09,747 Let me see if l can do something about that. 690 00:45:10,624 --> 00:45:13,835 Hey, baby. You're gonna let us through, ain't you? 691 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:17,255 Yeah, that's right. You know that feels good. 692 00:45:17,339 --> 00:45:21,384 FEMALE VOICE: Oh, God! Nobody's touched me like that for so long. 693 00:45:21,468 --> 00:45:22,927 (MOANlNG EXClTEDLY) 694 00:45:23,011 --> 00:45:25,012 Oh, no! I think l hear my husband. 695 00:45:25,097 --> 00:45:27,890 Honey, l'm home. What the heII is this? 696 00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:29,225 (SHOUTlNG) Who's he? 697 00:45:29,309 --> 00:45:30,852 Thank God you're home, honey. 698 00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:32,395 He tried to rape me. 699 00:45:32,479 --> 00:45:33,563 Oh, that's bullshit. 700 00:45:33,647 --> 00:45:34,981 You get out of our home! 701 00:45:40,654 --> 00:45:43,364 Oh, man. How am l supposed to run with this? 702 00:45:59,798 --> 00:46:01,758 Have we ever hit anybody with these guns? 703 00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,009 l hit a bird once. 704 00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:05,052 (LlGHTSABERS HUMMlNG) 705 00:46:08,682 --> 00:46:10,016 (GRUNTlNG) 706 00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:15,605 Come on, Luke, join the dark side. lt's really cool. 707 00:46:15,689 --> 00:46:17,023 Well, who's in it? 708 00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:21,861 Me, the Emperor, this guy Scott. You'll meet him, he's awesome. 709 00:46:21,945 --> 00:46:23,488 And James Caan. 710 00:46:23,572 --> 00:46:25,656 l'll be your friend if you let me kick your ass. 711 00:46:25,741 --> 00:46:28,951 l'll never join the dark side. Never! 712 00:46:30,704 --> 00:46:32,038 (GRUNTlNG) 713 00:46:35,250 --> 00:46:36,626 (GROANlNG) 714 00:46:38,712 --> 00:46:40,213 MAN: Hey, a hand. 715 00:46:41,924 --> 00:46:43,633 There is no escape. 716 00:46:43,884 --> 00:46:47,136 Don't make me destroy you. Join me, Luke. 717 00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:49,263 l'll never join you. 718 00:46:49,556 --> 00:46:52,725 Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. 719 00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:54,602 He told me you killed him. 720 00:46:54,686 --> 00:46:56,479 No, l. . . Hang on. 721 00:46:56,563 --> 00:46:57,730 Spoiler alert. 722 00:46:57,815 --> 00:47:01,317 Okay. No, l am your father. 723 00:47:01,401 --> 00:47:05,613 Well, that's fine, but l don't see how that affects. . . What? 724 00:47:05,697 --> 00:47:10,743 Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son ! You know? 725 00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:13,496 l mean, it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can just be as, 726 00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:16,541 you know, as two really close guys who just happen to be men, you know? 727 00:47:16,625 --> 00:47:19,836 Just two good-looking guys sharing a cramped office, 728 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,171 running the galaxy together, you know? 729 00:47:22,256 --> 00:47:24,924 Just getting the job done, you know? Maybe we. . . 730 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:27,176 Maybe we'd do it occasionally, but it's not weird, you know, 731 00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:30,763 'cause we're just two guys with raging goals, you know? 732 00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:32,390 l mean, it's not even about the doing it part, 733 00:47:32,474 --> 00:47:34,725 but that's a part of it, but it's not the whole thing. 734 00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,367 (SCREAMlNG) 735 00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:02,044 Hey, did you see a hand come down here? 736 00:48:02,129 --> 00:48:03,129 No. 737 00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:06,883 (LUKE SCREAMlNG) 738 00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:13,097 (GRUNTlNG) 739 00:48:15,517 --> 00:48:18,269 Ben. Ben. 740 00:48:18,812 --> 00:48:21,480 Leia. Leia. 741 00:48:22,357 --> 00:48:23,816 Tom Selleck. 742 00:48:32,701 --> 00:48:33,701 Leia. 743 00:48:38,206 --> 00:48:41,709 Luke. Turn the ship around. l know where Luke is. 744 00:48:41,793 --> 00:48:43,586 What, are you out of your mind? What about those fighters? 745 00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:45,171 l said turn us around ! 746 00:48:45,255 --> 00:48:48,799 WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Turn the ship around 747 00:48:48,884 --> 00:48:52,428 Leia knows where Luke is 748 00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:56,265 Turn it upside down 749 00:48:56,350 --> 00:49:00,478 Take it back to Bespin 750 00:49:01,229 --> 00:49:02,313 ls that him? 751 00:49:02,397 --> 00:49:03,856 l don't know. 752 00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:07,985 Luke, if that's you, wave your right hand ! 753 00:49:08,528 --> 00:49:10,154 No, your right hand. 754 00:49:10,238 --> 00:49:12,031 LUKE: lt's me, you fuckers! 755 00:49:46,775 --> 00:49:47,900 Luke. 756 00:49:48,151 --> 00:49:49,151 Yeah. 757 00:49:49,236 --> 00:49:50,528 Luke? Yeah? 758 00:49:50,612 --> 00:49:51,612 Wait. Luke Skywalker? 759 00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,697 Yeah. 760 00:49:52,781 --> 00:49:55,616 Oh, my God ! This is so stupid, l was trying to call Luke Adams. 761 00:49:55,701 --> 00:49:58,744 His number is right next to yours in my helmet. 762 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:02,081 So, how's everything been going since our fight? 763 00:50:03,083 --> 00:50:04,125 lt's good. 764 00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:06,627 And, you know, the offer's still open for the whoIe 765 00:50:06,712 --> 00:50:08,671 "two dudes running the galaxy" plan. 766 00:50:08,755 --> 00:50:10,464 Yeah, listen, l gotta go. 767 00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:12,299 Sure, sure, you're busy. lt's okay. 768 00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:16,012 All right. Well, l'll talk to you later, Luke Skywalker, right? 769 00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:17,513 Yeah. Okay. 770 00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:30,026 Prepare to lock the tractor beam onto the Millennium Falcon. 771 00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:32,528 All right, Chewie, punch it! 772 00:50:38,410 --> 00:50:40,619 Oh, man. All right, someone's getting choked over this. 773 00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:42,204 Who was in charge of the tractor beam? 774 00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:43,330 That was me. 775 00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:44,540 Oh, yeah? Well. . . 776 00:50:44,916 --> 00:50:47,460 You have failed me for the last time. 777 00:50:49,421 --> 00:50:51,297 l can still breathe just fine. 778 00:50:51,381 --> 00:50:52,381 l know. 779 00:50:52,466 --> 00:50:53,758 You're choking my. . . Yup. 780 00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:57,344 'Cause l'm upset with you. For the tractor beam thing. 781 00:51:09,941 --> 00:51:12,943 Don't worry, we'll find Jabba the Hutt and that bounty hunter, 782 00:51:13,028 --> 00:51:14,987 and we'll get Han back. 783 00:51:15,322 --> 00:51:17,740 Why are you wearing Han's clothes? 784 00:51:17,824 --> 00:51:19,325 Seriously, watch the actual movie. 785 00:51:19,409 --> 00:51:22,620 Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. lt's really weird. 786 00:51:23,705 --> 00:51:25,581 Take care, you two. 787 00:51:25,665 --> 00:51:27,333 May the Force be with you. 788 00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:31,128 CHEWBACCA: There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man. 789 00:51:32,297 --> 00:51:34,381 All right. ls this thing good to go? 790 00:51:34,466 --> 00:51:36,258 Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. 791 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:38,344 Otherwise you might rip your dick off. 792 00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:45,684 Someday, l'm gonna buy my moms a place with a view like this. 793 00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:48,771 (lNSTRUMENTAL MUSlC PLAYlNG) 794 00:52:16,133 --> 00:52:17,341 (MUSlC STOPS) 795 00:52:17,425 --> 00:52:19,802 Wait a minute. This is how it ends? 796 00:52:19,886 --> 00:52:22,388 There's so many questions left unanswered. 797 00:52:22,514 --> 00:52:23,806 Are you Luke Skywalker? 798 00:52:23,890 --> 00:52:24,932 Yeah. 799 00:52:25,016 --> 00:52:26,892 l've got something for you. 800 00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,227 A letter. 801 00:52:30,063 --> 00:52:32,690 "Dear Luke, if my calculations are correct, 802 00:52:32,774 --> 00:52:36,318 "you should receive this letter at the exact moment the DeLorean vanished. 803 00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:40,823 "l have been living happily for the past six months in the year 1 885. 804 00:52:40,907 --> 00:52:41,991 "The lightning bolt that. . ." 805 00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:43,033 (GASPS) 806 00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:45,161 1 885! The doc's alive! 807 00:52:45,245 --> 00:52:48,038 l mean, he's in the Old West, but he's alive! 808 00:52:59,384 --> 00:53:01,093 The end. 809 00:53:01,595 --> 00:53:03,095 (ALL CHEERlNG) 810 00:53:03,430 --> 00:53:05,890 Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one. 811 00:53:05,974 --> 00:53:09,018 Actually, l think they did a pretty good job of that already, Dad. 812 00:53:09,102 --> 00:53:10,394 Well, l'll have to take your word for it. 813 00:53:10,478 --> 00:53:12,062 l don't watch Comedy Central. 814 00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:14,398 lt's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. 815 00:53:14,482 --> 00:53:15,691 l'm pretty sure you know that. 816 00:53:15,775 --> 00:53:16,817 l don't know that. 817 00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:19,695 l haven't seen that show in a while and l don't know that anyone else has. 818 00:53:19,779 --> 00:53:21,322 l think plenty of people have. 819 00:53:21,406 --> 00:53:22,865 Their fans are pretty loyal to them. 820 00:53:22,949 --> 00:53:24,700 Oh, yeah? All 42 of them? 821 00:53:24,784 --> 00:53:27,203 (SlGHS) l'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. 822 00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:28,662 l'm not gonna let you get to me. 823 00:53:28,747 --> 00:53:30,706 Well, maybe l got time for another story then. 824 00:53:30,790 --> 00:53:32,041 lt's called Without A PaddIe. 825 00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:33,876 Fuck you, Dad !