1 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,548 Ah, the Heckler & Koch G-36. 2 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,800 Quite deadly in the right hands. 3 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:56,074 Ah, Agent One. 4 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,163 I have been so looking forward to this moment. 5 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:05,709 Well, in that case, I'll try not to disappoint. 6 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:10,714 You overestimate your power over women, Mr English. 7 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,676 I'd say that would be virtually impossible. 8 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:31,068 Sir? Sir? 9 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,780 - Sir! Have you got them? 10 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:38,492 - Hmm? - The mission documents. Agent One's flying tonight. 11 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,996 Yes, the mission documents. They're here somewhere. Ah, here we are. 12 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,584 Agent One. 13 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,461 Gentlemen. 14 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,469 I'm here for my documents. 15 00:02:57,553 --> 00:03:00,722 Bough, Agent One's documents, please. 16 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,311 - Thank you. 17 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,438 Your mission documents, Agent One. 18 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:12,234 Including the codes for the submarine hatch, which I've checked myself. 19 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,028 Thank you. 20 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:20,033 So, is it just France tonight, or will you be slipping over the Pyrenees as well? 21 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,829 If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you. 22 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:28,083 Oh. 23 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:33,463 Oh, yes, yes. Well, I expect you would. 24 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,465 Cheerio, Agent One. 25 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,594 Bonne chance. Arrivederci. 26 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:44,850 Such class. Such distinction. 27 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,438 To: Ml7 All Depts. Urgent Agent One killed in action in Biarritz. 28 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:53,025 Submarine hatch failed to open. 29 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:58,113 The greatest secret agent England's ever had snuffed out in an instant. 30 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,991 Terrible. 31 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,953 Do you know what makes us envied the world over, Bough? 32 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,832 - That there's always another agent waiting to step in. - Absolutely, sir. 33 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:12,211 And every last one of them is gathered around that grave. 34 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:16,590 It is our honour and privilege to guard them while they grieve. 35 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:20,636 Their lives are in our hands, Bough. 36 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,980 Everything in order, English? 37 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:35,776 I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, sir. 38 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:39,780 You're now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. 39 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,373 Pegasus, we face a national crisis. 40 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:53,335 Agent One was clearly onto something, and we have to find out what. 41 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,338 I need another agent on this. Who else is there? 42 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,633 No one, Prime Minister. They all died in the explosion. 43 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,969 All of them? 44 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,680 Well, luckily there is one who survived. 45 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,056 Who? 46 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,475 ## One eye on the shadows ## 47 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,311 ## Protecting his fellows ## 48 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:14,398 - ## From sunup till the moon on his back ## 49 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,693 - ## Sendin' villains to Hades A hit with the ladies ## - Johnny English. 50 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,029 ## A stallion in the sack ## 51 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:25,075 - ## You can't get your life back when right follows left, Jack ## 52 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,579 ## The more you see the less you know ## 53 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,875 ## When others would leak it His service is secret ## 54 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:36,628 ## Plays God when it's your time to go ## 55 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,590 ## Hey, fellas Don't be jealous ## 56 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:43,010 ## When they made him they broke the mould ## 57 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:47,181 ## So charismatic with an automatic ## 58 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,350 ## Never prematurely shooting his load ## 59 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:52,311 Hah! 60 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,396 ## Queen and country safe and sound ## 61 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,440 ## With villains six feet underground ## 62 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,067 ## And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace ## 63 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,111 ## Of a man for all seasons ## 64 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,697 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 65 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:07,242 ## So alone ## 66 00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:11,079 ## And you and I wouldn't have a clue who's doin' what, why, when and who ## 67 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:13,207 ## Up a creek with no canoe Watch out ## 68 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,792 ## For the man for all seasons ## 69 00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,712 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 70 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,672 ## So alone ## 71 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:25,886 - ## But safe at home ## - ## But safe at home ## 72 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,431 - ## Oh, yeah, yeah ## - ## But safe at home ## 73 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,142 ## But safe at home But safe at home ## 74 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:39,983 ## Then you and I wouldn't have a clue who's doin' what, why, when and who ## 75 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,237 ## Up a creek with no canoe Watch out ## 76 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,531 ## For the man for all seasons ## 77 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:49,326 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone, so alone ## 78 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,413 ## But safe at home ## 79 00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,459 Right. 80 00:06:57,543 --> 00:07:01,463 Johnny English. I'm here to see Pegasus. 81 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:04,716 Still, no sense rushing things. 82 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,264 There are some items you need to sign before your briefing. 83 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,267 This is your new retinal I.D. Card, 84 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,436 and this is your level nine security clearance. 85 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,648 Sign and date, please. 86 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,859 Ah. 87 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:25,529 Oh, reminds me of the old service issue ballpoint. 88 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,991 I remember every agent would carry a pen that looked just like this. 89 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:32,286 Completely innocent to the untrained eye, but click it twice... 90 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,250 Ah, English, there you are. 91 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:41,253 Have you seen my secretary? 92 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:44,548 Um... she went out. 93 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:49,261 Um... shall we? 94 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:56,268 Now, Agent One believed that there was a plot to steal the Crown Jewels. 95 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:59,438 They've recently been through a multimillion-pound restoration, 96 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,648 largely paid for by a corporate sponsor. 97 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:05,110 They're due to be unveiled tonight at the Tower of London. 98 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:09,323 The queen is insisting that the ceremony goes ahead, so what we want you to... 99 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:15,287 Hah! Who... Who... 100 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,956 Who is the sponsor, sir? 101 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,375 Pascal Sauvage. 102 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:23,378 What, that flouncy Frenchman who owns a couple of prisons? 103 00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:26,715 Sauvage's £7 billion empire, English, 104 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,718 operates over 400 prisons in 60 countries. 105 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,262 - He's built 25 of them here. - Right, sir. 106 00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,973 The man's related to the royal family, for goodness’ sake. 107 00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:39,978 As far as the prime minister's concerned, he's one of the greatest friends England's got. 108 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:45,651 Now, English, I want you at the Tower tonight, monitoring this unveiling. 109 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,237 Any chink in security, any weakness, 110 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,073 however slight, must be plugged immediately. 111 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,534 Do we understand each other? 112 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,619 - Perfectly, sir. - Good. 113 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,413 - Oh, yes. - And, uh, English... 114 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:02,042 we can't afford any mistakes... not tonight. 115 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:06,755 The word "mistake," sir, is not one that appears in my dictionary. 116 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,424 THE TOWER OF LONDON 117 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,513 Fantastic car, sir! 118 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:28,068 Mr English, Colonel Sir Anthony Chevenix, head of Royal Security. 119 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,070 Ah, Colonel, good evening. 120 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,990 - Snipers posted on the roof as per my request? - Thirteen of them. 121 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,951 - Windows? - Refitted with bullet- and shatter-proof glass. 122 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:42,833 I shall now mingle inconspicuously with the guests. 123 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,878 - Let me know when Her Majesty arrives. - Very good. 124 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,547 Shall I mingle with you, sir? 125 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,675 Oh, yes, Bough. Once you've checked the roof. 126 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,449 Help! Help! 127 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,492 Well, hello. 128 00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,495 Hello yourself. 129 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,373 Johnny English. 130 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,959 Lorna Campbell. 131 00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,837 A Bloody Mary, please, not too spicy. 132 00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:32,466 So, are you here in some professional capacity? 133 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,801 I worked on the restoration of the jewels. 134 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:37,804 - Intriguing. - And yourself? 135 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:41,517 If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you. 136 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,810 I'd like to see you try. 137 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,569 Monsieur Sauvage, on behalf of Her Majesty, 138 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,863 may I welcome you to the Tower. 139 00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:57,407 Merci, monsieur. 140 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,243 So, are you here alone, Mr English? 141 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,371 That's how I choose to live my life, Miss Campbell. 142 00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:07,125 Women want safety, security. I can offer them nothing but danger. 143 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:10,003 Some women find danger very attractive. 144 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:13,131 Women like you, Miss Campbell? 145 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:18,011 Women like me expect men like you... 146 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:20,264 to find that out for yourself. 147 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,058 Hmm. 148 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,894 Madame. 149 00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:30,440 Oh, it's for me, actually. Could your rustle up some of those cheesy niblets? 150 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,901 Now, where were we? 151 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,821 You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Sauvage. 152 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,990 No, thank God. 153 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:42,619 You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus... 154 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,330 than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. 155 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:50,335 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should host is an invasion. 156 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:54,423 Sorry, can I help? 157 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:58,010 Pascal Sauvage, jumped-up Frenchman. 158 00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:01,096 Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you. 159 00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:03,724 - Enchanté. 160 00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,894 But of course! You're Johnny English. I've heard all about you. 161 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:10,480 And between you and me, I'm not so keen on the French myself. 162 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:13,442 But please don't tell them that. 163 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:16,737 Let me go and search for your nibbly cheese bits. 164 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:20,657 - No, no, no. L... - I insist. The French are, after all, fantastic waiters. 165 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,868 - The best in the world. - Well... But-But... 166 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,996 - Wait here, and I will wait on you. - No, really. There's no... 167 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,291 No. Please, please, please! 168 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,420 Hmm. Les Français. 169 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:38,717 Ils sont very... n'est-ce pas? 170 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,860 Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames est messieurs, 171 00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:01,406 bienvenus, welcome tonight to this wonderful occasion. 172 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:05,202 As we stand here in the Tower of London, 173 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,371 the most famous prison in the world, 174 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,916 where these wonderful jewels will rest safely... 175 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,085 under lock and key, 176 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,879 I want to thank you... 177 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:19,132 for giving me this wonderful experience... 178 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:23,637 to contribute to the restoration of these jewels. 179 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:28,058 It was, as we say in France, le top, le best of. 180 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,561 - And what a beautiful... 181 00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:55,419 It's Colonel Chevenix! He's got a nasty wound, sir. Who hit him? 182 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,964 The assailant. He ran in here. 183 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,425 Bough, you guard the door. 184 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:05,053 Aha! 185 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,018 For God's sake, Bough, don't come in. The man's a maniac! 186 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:14,313 - You don't frighten me! 187 00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:16,565 - - Missed! 188 00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:48,013 - - I've managed to subdue the assailant. 189 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:52,184 The panic's over. Everything's under control. 190 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:56,063 - 191 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,899 Thank you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, 192 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,735 we should compose ourselves for the arrival of Her Majesty... 193 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,905 and return to the site of our great nation's... 194 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:09,243 magnificently restored Crown Jewels. 195 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,249 I know. I feel it too. 196 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:17,709 The very symbols of our island nation, 197 00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:21,588 so close we could almost reach out and... 198 00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:27,010 - Pray silence for Her Majesty the Queen. 199 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:30,055 Oh, where are the jewels? 200 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,349 It's an unmitigated disaster, English. 201 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,185 I couldn't agree more, sir. 202 00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:38,897 Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. 203 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:46,697 Tell me about this assailant. When they searched the room, there was no sign of him. 204 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,575 Well, the man was clearly a professional. 205 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,744 He must have escaped while the queen was being sedated. 206 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:55,747 But he's the only lead we've got. We have to find him. 207 00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:59,793 Come in. This is... This is Roger from Data Support. 208 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,921 Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. 209 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:06,300 So tell us, what did this man look like? 210 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,386 Um... well... 211 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,556 he was... big. 212 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:18,437 - Hair colour? - Um... orange. 213 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,565 - Orange? - Mmm. And curly. 214 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,277 Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing. 215 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,821 - Frizzy. - An eyepatch. 216 00:16:27,905 --> 00:16:31,366 Broken nose. Very few teeth. 217 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,702 Two, I would say, at the most. 218 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:37,039 And a scar on his cheek... 219 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:41,376 in the shape... of a banana. 220 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:45,339 - Which cheek? - Both cheeks. 221 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:48,217 They sort of met in the middle. 222 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,018 Are you sure about this, English? 223 00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:02,397 Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. 224 00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:06,693 Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us. 225 00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:16,495 Wow! Look at this, sir. Got all the bells and whistles. 226 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,456 Never mind about the gadgets. Just focus on the case. 227 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:29,299 Oh, uh... 228 00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:37,516 Good morning, gentlemen. Thank you very much for waiting. 229 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:41,895 Now, the question that faces us this morning is a simple one. 230 00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:46,358 Namely, how did the thieves gain access to this highly secure environment... 231 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:49,653 and then escape with the jewels afterwards? 232 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:54,533 A simple question, but one which I believe has a complex answer. 233 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:57,744 - Actually, sir... - Uh, please, Bough. My mind is at work. 234 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,706 Now, what you must grasp, gentlemen, is that the master criminal... 235 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:04,960 sees not a room but a series of opportunities. 236 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,337 Should I go in through the window? 237 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,339 Possibly. 238 00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:13,760 - Should I drop down from the ceiling? - Actually, sir... 239 00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:17,598 There's one thing I think we can be fairly confident about, 240 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,267 that is that they didn't come up through the floor... 241 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,436 I've got you, sir. 242 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,230 That's all right. Just come my way, Bough. 243 00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:28,942 - That'll bring me right over the hole, sir. - There's no need to panic. 244 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,323 Can you see the bottom yet, Bough? 245 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,242 Not yet, sir. The shaft appears to be narrowing. 246 00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:40,162 I'm just a little bit worried I might get stuck. 247 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:44,416 Trust me, Bough. You won't get stuck if you just keep moving. 248 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,169 Yes, sir. 249 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,088 I'm okay, sir. 250 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,549 Are you at the bottom now, Bough? 251 00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:55,052 No, I am in fact stuck now, sir. 252 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,722 Oh, for God's sake, Bough. Stay there! I'm coming down. 253 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,934 Uh, I'm not especially sure that's a good idea, sir. 254 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,728 Don't worry. 255 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,272 Be careful, sir! 256 00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:12,819 Gently does it. 257 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,531 - Sir? 258 00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:22,454 - Are you all right, sir? - Yes. I landed on something quite soft. 259 00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:25,207 - That was me, sir. - Oh, good. 260 00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,544 What now? 261 00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:31,380 There's no way back up there, that's for sure. 262 00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:33,465 But this must lead somewhere. 263 00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:35,592 I'm slightly uncomfortable in the dark, sir. 264 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,845 There's nothing to worry about, Bough. 265 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:41,849 - It may be pitch black, but we can still see. - Can we, sir? How? 266 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:44,601 The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains... 267 00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:47,020 developed a system of sonic chanting. 268 00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:49,731 - I see, sir. - The sound of their chanting... 269 00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:51,984 would bounce back off any obstacles, 270 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,236 and using their highly tuned ears... 271 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,072 they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead. 272 00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,200 - Brilliant, sir. - However, you must always sing in E-flat. 273 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:07,040 # E-flat, E-flat, E-flat # 274 00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:11,837 # Thank you for the music The songs I'm singing # 275 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,548 - Is it working, sir? - Extremely well, thank you, Bough. 276 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:16,550 # Thanks for all the joy that... # 277 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,510 - - Ow! 278 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,930 You all right, sir? I think I can see something, sir. 279 00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:24,433 Oh, yeah. Come on. 280 00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,661 Here is the long one. 281 00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:46,788 It is a long one. 282 00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,832 Careful. 283 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:55,672 - I knew it. - Shall we call for backup, sir? 284 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,593 What? And watch some fat-bottomed bobby make our arrest for us? 285 00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:01,595 I don't think so. 286 00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:08,060 Good morning, gentlemen. Ml7 at your service. 287 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:12,898 Observe, Bough, the dull incompetence of the criminal mind. 288 00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:17,069 It can never hope to match our level of technical expertise. 289 00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:06,285 - You've got it. - What do we do now, sir? 290 00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:08,370 Watch and learn, Bough. 291 00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:16,253 - They're too far ahead of us. - Have faith, Bough. They're heading south. 292 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,431 - There they are, sir! - Just as I thought. 293 00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:34,479 - Hang on tight, Bough. 294 00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:44,323 - We're never gonna catch them in this. 295 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:47,284 - Take the wheel, Bough. I'm getting in the Aston. - Sir? 296 00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:54,082 Change places, Bough. I'm getting out the other side. 297 00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:56,084 Sir? 298 00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:18,065 Set, Bough. Take me up. 299 00:23:25,781 --> 00:23:28,367 Swing me out, Bough! 300 00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:35,457 - Whoa. - Down. 301 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,422 - Up! Up! 302 00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:48,053 Sorry! 303 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,224 Bough, pull out! 304 00:23:57,437 --> 00:24:00,232 Ow! Ow! 305 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:04,194 Those idiots are right behind us. Faster! 306 00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:28,802 Uh-huh. 307 00:24:52,451 --> 00:24:55,037 Drop me here, Bough! 308 00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:01,460 Ow! Oh. 309 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,755 No! No! No! 310 00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:07,174 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 311 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:45,379 They're turning into the Brompton Cemetery. 312 00:25:45,462 --> 00:25:48,841 Get here as soon as you can. I'm going in. 313 00:25:55,848 --> 00:26:00,143 In a wheelchair. But Geoffrey overcame these terrible disabilities... 314 00:26:00,227 --> 00:26:03,939 with that simple resilience and sunny optimism... 315 00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:07,109 that so warmed all of us who knew him, 316 00:26:07,192 --> 00:26:09,528 spending the rest of his life in the service... 317 00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:12,489 of the poor and disabled of this parish. 318 00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:16,618 It's very good. Really very good. 319 00:26:16,702 --> 00:26:19,329 No, no, please go on. I'm sorry to interrupt. 320 00:26:19,413 --> 00:26:22,166 - It's very entertaining. - Who's that? 321 00:26:22,249 --> 00:26:27,129 That priest act of yours should keep the other prisoners entertained for hours. 322 00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:30,048 Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are my manners? Johnny English, 323 00:26:30,132 --> 00:26:33,260 British Secret Service, and you are all under arrest. 324 00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:35,888 I must say you've done this whole thing very well. 325 00:26:35,971 --> 00:26:38,473 The attention to detail is excellent. 326 00:26:38,599 --> 00:26:41,602 You, the grieving granny, you're very convincing. 327 00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:45,647 Oh, look. Real tears. Do you get paid extra for that? 328 00:26:45,731 --> 00:26:49,484 Ahh, what we're all here for. 329 00:26:49,568 --> 00:26:52,988 I know! Why don't we take a look inside? 330 00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:57,618 - - Oh, you've nailed it down! 331 00:26:57,701 --> 00:27:00,037 Why would you do that? 332 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:04,917 I know you're gonna come back in two weeks and dig it up again. 333 00:27:07,419 --> 00:27:12,299 Now, what are you playing in this little vignette of deceit and villainy? 334 00:27:12,382 --> 00:27:14,426 I'm the hearse driver. 335 00:27:14,510 --> 00:27:17,179 - You're the hearse driver? - Yes, sir. 336 00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:21,558 - You're the hearse driver? - Yes, sir. 337 00:27:21,642 --> 00:27:24,520 Ah! Aha! 338 00:27:24,603 --> 00:27:27,940 There you are... Gunther. 339 00:27:28,023 --> 00:27:32,152 Uh, I do hope he hasn't made a nuisance of himself. 340 00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:35,739 I'm Doctor, um... 341 00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:42,538 Bough, of the Lunatic Response Unit. 342 00:27:42,621 --> 00:27:46,583 I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't supposed to be released until 2028. 343 00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:49,378 Isn't that right, Gunther? 344 00:27:49,461 --> 00:27:53,757 Yes, yes, there's been the most monumental cock-up. 345 00:27:54,508 --> 00:27:58,178 Um, if you'll excuse me, with the deepest respect, 346 00:27:58,262 --> 00:28:00,472 utmost sympathy. 347 00:28:00,597 --> 00:28:03,183 Uh, he hasn't urinated on anyone, has he? 348 00:28:03,267 --> 00:28:04,977 - No. - No, no. 349 00:28:05,060 --> 00:28:09,231 That's a blessing. Are you gonna give me the gun, Gunther? 350 00:28:14,736 --> 00:28:18,282 There. That wasn't too difficult, was it? 351 00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:22,452 - Are you going to come home now? 352 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,503 Oh... in the van! Yes, we are going in the van. 353 00:28:31,587 --> 00:28:33,881 Yes, yes. Vroom, vroom. 354 00:28:33,964 --> 00:28:37,050 - Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom. - Yes. Yeah. 355 00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:41,513 - Yes. He's waving good-bye. Good-bye, everyone. 356 00:28:41,597 --> 00:28:43,891 - Good-bye. - Good-bye, Gunther. 357 00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:46,727 Mind the nice dead people. There we go. 358 00:28:51,690 --> 00:28:55,694 Oh, we'll just go to the path here. There. Big step. 359 00:28:55,777 --> 00:28:59,072 It's a graveyard. It's where they bring people... 360 00:28:59,198 --> 00:29:01,241 Yes, all right. You can stop now. 361 00:29:01,325 --> 00:29:05,078 - For appearances, I'll just hold your arm. - Just keep walking. 362 00:29:05,162 --> 00:29:07,539 In fact, run, run, run! 363 00:29:13,337 --> 00:29:17,007 I can't believe I've done this. 364 00:29:17,090 --> 00:29:21,220 I mean, I really cannot believe I've done this! 365 00:29:25,432 --> 00:29:28,644 You see, 200 years ago, 366 00:29:28,727 --> 00:29:33,565 my family should have inherited the throne of England, 367 00:29:33,649 --> 00:29:36,401 but they were cast aside. 368 00:29:36,485 --> 00:29:39,738 Well, in a few very short days, 369 00:29:39,822 --> 00:29:42,950 it will be back where it belongs. 370 00:29:45,536 --> 00:29:48,080 With me. 371 00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:53,502 Shall I try it on? Yes? No? Maybe? 372 00:29:53,585 --> 00:29:57,506 To make you king, we need the archbishop of Canterbury to do that. 373 00:29:57,589 --> 00:29:59,633 The archbishop of Canterbury... 374 00:29:59,758 --> 00:30:03,637 is being taken care of even as we speak. TARGET ACQUIRED 375 00:30:03,679 --> 00:30:06,807 TARGET LOCKED 376 00:30:15,357 --> 00:30:19,111 There's only one thing, sir. What are we going to do about English? 377 00:30:21,864 --> 00:30:25,784 If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about English. 378 00:30:25,868 --> 00:30:29,496 He is no threat to us. I had his flat bugged. 379 00:30:55,772 --> 00:30:59,234 Clearly, the aptly named English is a fool. 380 00:30:59,359 --> 00:31:02,863 He might be a fool, but he's a fool who keeps showing up. 381 00:31:02,946 --> 00:31:06,867 Well, the next time he shows up, 382 00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:08,994 eliminate him. 383 00:31:09,077 --> 00:31:10,037 Thank you. 384 00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:13,624 Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, sir. 385 00:31:13,707 --> 00:31:17,503 Released from prison six months ago. 327 convictions between them. 386 00:31:17,586 --> 00:31:19,630 Armed robbery, grievous bodily harm... 387 00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:22,007 and combined parking fines of more than 400... 388 00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:24,927 Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough. I think we get the picture. 389 00:31:25,177 --> 00:31:28,180 The point is, sir, that Vendetta and Klein... 390 00:31:28,263 --> 00:31:31,642 are both in the employ of Monsieur Sauvage. 391 00:31:31,725 --> 00:31:34,728 - Pascal Sauvage? - Precisely, sir. 392 00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:37,564 But you're not suggesting Sauvage is involved? 393 00:31:37,648 --> 00:31:39,733 I think he's more than just involved, sir. 394 00:31:39,816 --> 00:31:42,194 I'm convinced he's up to his French neck in it. 395 00:31:42,277 --> 00:31:45,656 Don't be absurd. Sauvage employs thousands of people. 396 00:31:45,739 --> 00:31:48,867 Just because two of them are villains doesn't mean that he is. 397 00:31:48,951 --> 00:31:51,912 I want him discounted from this investigation immediately. 398 00:31:52,037 --> 00:31:53,914 Yes, sir. 399 00:31:57,167 --> 00:32:02,089 All right. Tonight I shall be at Sauvage's reception for the new French ambassador. 400 00:32:02,172 --> 00:32:04,842 Any developments, you can reach me there. 401 00:32:04,925 --> 00:32:08,345 Apart from that, I don't want you within a hundred miles of the man. 402 00:32:08,428 --> 00:32:10,389 Absolutely, sir. 403 00:32:10,764 --> 00:32:14,393 Requisition order: Ml7 quartermasters for immediate supply; 404 00:32:14,476 --> 00:32:18,438 one military transport plane, fully fueled, with permission for nighttime city over flight; 405 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,985 two night camouflage parachutes, plus reserves, plus neoprene bodysuits, twice, in black. 406 00:32:23,068 --> 00:32:25,237 I've never liked the navy blue. 407 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,699 And a 40-inch chest for me 'cause I need the sleeve length. 408 00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:30,117 - Morning, Felch. - Morning. 409 00:32:30,159 --> 00:32:32,578 Oh, and two Special Forces signet rings, 410 00:32:32,661 --> 00:32:34,580 primed and colour-coded. 411 00:32:34,663 --> 00:32:37,207 - What's all this for? - For tonight's operation. 412 00:32:37,291 --> 00:32:40,002 We're going to break into Sauvage's headquarters. 413 00:32:40,085 --> 00:32:42,379 - But Pegasus said... - Let me worry about Pegasus. 414 00:32:42,462 --> 00:32:46,675 I know that Sauvage is behind all this, and tonight we're going to get the evidence. 415 00:32:46,758 --> 00:32:50,053 - Is something wrong, sir? - Did that sound like Felch to you? 416 00:33:18,081 --> 00:33:21,210 Bough... 417 00:33:34,973 --> 00:33:37,267 You, upstairs. 418 00:33:51,323 --> 00:33:53,242 Ow. 419 00:34:24,231 --> 00:34:26,275 Can you see him, Bough? 420 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,486 He's on the upper level, sir. 421 00:34:34,867 --> 00:34:36,785 Got him. 422 00:34:42,749 --> 00:34:46,837 And like a coiled viper... he strikes. 423 00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:58,849 So what you're saying, sir, is there must have been two of them? 424 00:34:58,932 --> 00:35:01,143 Oh, at least, Bough. Possibly four. 425 00:35:01,226 --> 00:35:03,270 I wonder why I didn't see them. 426 00:35:03,353 --> 00:35:05,647 You mustn't dwell on your mistakes. 427 00:35:05,731 --> 00:35:08,984 - You must learn from them, then move on. - Yes, sir. 428 00:35:09,067 --> 00:35:12,946 - So where were you, sir? - Just drop it, Bough! 429 00:35:16,867 --> 00:35:19,995 - Aah! What is it, sir? - That bike. 430 00:35:22,247 --> 00:35:24,666 You get things sorted out for tonight. 431 00:35:39,056 --> 00:35:41,850 Well, well, we meet again. 432 00:35:41,934 --> 00:35:44,436 Mr English. What a pleasant surprise. 433 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,563 I wondered when you might show up again. 434 00:35:46,647 --> 00:35:51,068 On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is not I who keeps showing up. It's you. 435 00:35:51,151 --> 00:35:53,529 Do you like sushi? 436 00:35:53,612 --> 00:35:55,572 Hmm? 437 00:35:56,990 --> 00:36:00,494 Oh, sushi! I practically live off the stuff. 438 00:36:00,577 --> 00:36:04,373 You might say the mysteries of the Orient are no mystery to me. 439 00:36:12,923 --> 00:36:16,760 - Sake? - Ah. Sake. 440 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,721 Cheers. 441 00:36:19,805 --> 00:36:24,977 May all your daughters be born with three bottoms. 442 00:36:32,067 --> 00:36:35,028 Now then, perhaps you can explain how it is... 443 00:36:35,112 --> 00:36:37,656 that I run into you at two crime scenes... 444 00:36:37,739 --> 00:36:41,326 and then can't find any record of you on a single government computer. 445 00:36:41,410 --> 00:36:43,954 Shouldn't you ask the government that? 446 00:36:44,037 --> 00:36:46,582 I am the government and I'm asking you. 447 00:36:50,419 --> 00:36:52,212 Let me. 448 00:36:53,630 --> 00:36:56,133 Mmm. You're brave. 449 00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:59,261 They say that sea urchin's the ultimate acquired taste. 450 00:36:59,344 --> 00:37:03,015 Hmm. It's a personal favourite of mine. 451 00:37:07,352 --> 00:37:11,023 I think people are put off by how it feeds through its bottom. 452 00:37:11,106 --> 00:37:13,317 Would you excuse me for a moment? 453 00:37:32,252 --> 00:37:35,255 Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from Ml7. Sorry. I'm a secret agent. 454 00:37:53,482 --> 00:37:56,401 - Everything set, Bough? - Just about, sir. 455 00:37:56,485 --> 00:38:00,614 Actually, sir, do you mind if I run through the plan one more time? 456 00:38:00,697 --> 00:38:02,950 - No, no. - These are the two buildings here. 457 00:38:03,033 --> 00:38:07,454 This one is our target, Sauvage's headquarters, next to City Hospital. 458 00:38:07,538 --> 00:38:10,749 I jump first and land on the south side of the roof, 459 00:38:10,833 --> 00:38:13,961 abseil down 14 floors and cut through this window here. 460 00:38:14,044 --> 00:38:17,881 I then land on the east side and abseil down 12 floors. 461 00:38:17,965 --> 00:38:21,134 Where you wait for my signal that I've disabled the alarm system. 462 00:38:21,218 --> 00:38:23,679 - Yes. - You them break into this window here, 463 00:38:23,762 --> 00:38:26,431 work your way along the secure corridor and penetrate Sauvage's office. 464 00:38:26,557 --> 00:38:29,518 - Yes, yes. - Is that okay, sir? 465 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,521 It's been okay ever since I thought up the idea, Bough. 466 00:38:36,733 --> 00:38:39,653 Oh, I nearly forgot, sir. Your laser beacon. 467 00:38:39,736 --> 00:38:42,656 - My what? - Your laser beacon! 468 00:38:42,739 --> 00:38:45,325 It'll guide you onto Sauvage's building. 469 00:38:45,409 --> 00:38:48,787 Your dependence on hardware really does amuse me, Bough. 470 00:38:48,871 --> 00:38:51,582 I've been dropped into the Kalahari Desert... 471 00:38:51,665 --> 00:38:56,003 carrying nothing more than a toothbrush and a packet of sherbet lemons, 472 00:38:56,086 --> 00:39:00,257 and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan. 473 00:39:00,340 --> 00:39:04,178 So thank you, Bough, but no thank you. 474 00:39:07,014 --> 00:39:09,391 - Bough, go! 475 00:39:09,474 --> 00:39:11,935 Geronimo! 476 00:39:37,711 --> 00:39:42,257 - Fandango! 477 00:40:03,362 --> 00:40:07,741 Ugh! Ai-yi-yi. 478 00:40:12,579 --> 00:40:14,873 Right. 479 00:40:29,805 --> 00:40:33,225 - Alarm's disabled, sir. 480 00:40:33,308 --> 00:40:35,227 Roger that, Bough. 481 00:41:11,221 --> 00:41:14,099 This is worse than I thought, Bough. 482 00:41:14,183 --> 00:41:18,228 Sauvage has got some kind of laboratory set up here. 483 00:41:18,312 --> 00:41:21,356 God knows what kind of sick operation he's running. 484 00:41:33,911 --> 00:41:36,622 My God, what have they done to you? 485 00:41:36,705 --> 00:41:39,917 They've taken some of my blood. 486 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,378 - Bastards! - It's only for tests. 487 00:41:43,462 --> 00:41:46,215 Of course it is. Come on, my friend. 488 00:41:46,298 --> 00:41:49,384 Let's get you out of here before they take anything else. 489 00:41:57,309 --> 00:42:01,355 Ah! Good evening, Dr Frankenstein. 490 00:42:01,438 --> 00:42:03,440 This way, please. 491 00:42:03,524 --> 00:42:06,276 Come on. I haven't got all night. 492 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,238 And you, you angels of death. 493 00:42:09,321 --> 00:42:11,990 About turn. Come on, let's go. 494 00:42:12,074 --> 00:42:14,284 Come On, come On. Keep moving. 495 00:42:14,368 --> 00:42:17,788 Come on. Over there. I know what you're doing here. And you. 496 00:42:17,871 --> 00:42:20,916 Come on. Quicker. Quicker. Over there. 497 00:42:22,334 --> 00:42:25,087 Now then, 498 00:42:25,170 --> 00:42:28,173 perhaps you could direct me to your evil paymaster. 499 00:42:28,257 --> 00:42:32,636 - What are you talking about? - You know exactly what I'm talking about. 500 00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:36,598 Where is the office of Pascal Sauvage? 501 00:43:00,497 --> 00:43:03,500 Are you coming over here in a minute, sir? 502 00:43:05,752 --> 00:43:07,504 I'm from Ml7. 503 00:43:07,588 --> 00:43:10,424 This has been a test of your emergency response systems, 504 00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:13,635 and I have to say you've all done extremely well. 505 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,805 Right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 506 00:43:16,889 --> 00:43:18,891 And, uh, get well soon. 507 00:43:24,229 --> 00:43:28,317 Oh, God! 508 00:43:46,293 --> 00:43:48,545 Sir. Sir. 509 00:43:55,093 --> 00:43:58,388 Did you just land on the wrong building? 510 00:43:58,472 --> 00:44:02,226 I did a precautionary sweep of the immediate environment. 511 00:44:02,309 --> 00:44:04,311 Right. 512 00:44:05,479 --> 00:44:07,814 - And everything was fine. - Good. 513 00:44:07,898 --> 00:44:10,025 Okay, let's go. 514 00:44:14,947 --> 00:44:19,535 I will be downstairs at the reception... 515 00:44:26,083 --> 00:44:29,878 - That's far enough. - Well, good evening. 516 00:44:29,962 --> 00:44:33,048 - Perhaps you'd like this as well. - What is it? 517 00:44:33,131 --> 00:44:35,843 - Let me show you. - Aah! 518 00:44:35,926 --> 00:44:38,387 Well executed, Bough, but completely redundant. 519 00:44:38,470 --> 00:44:41,515 - How do you mean, sir? - Super-strength muscle relaxant. 520 00:44:41,598 --> 00:44:44,935 When he wakes up, he'll be as floppy as a damp old sock. 521 00:44:50,858 --> 00:44:52,651 What's this? 522 00:45:06,707 --> 00:45:10,169 That's the face of the archbishop of Canterbury. 523 00:45:13,297 --> 00:45:16,008 What are they doing? 524 00:45:19,803 --> 00:45:23,098 What's this got to do with the Crown Jewels? 525 00:45:44,119 --> 00:45:46,121 Bough. 526 00:46:03,096 --> 00:46:05,057 English. 527 00:46:05,140 --> 00:46:07,893 A people whose empire once covered... 528 00:46:07,976 --> 00:46:11,271 one quarter of the surface of the earth. 529 00:46:11,396 --> 00:46:13,649 Alas, no longer. 530 00:46:13,732 --> 00:46:16,902 My friends ask me, "Pascal, how can you be so interested... 531 00:46:16,985 --> 00:46:21,073 in such a backward, grotty little country?" 532 00:46:21,156 --> 00:46:23,867 My answer is simple: The queen. 533 00:46:23,951 --> 00:46:27,746 The queen has more power in her tiny white gloves... 534 00:46:27,830 --> 00:46:31,250 than any other head of state in the entire world. 535 00:46:31,333 --> 00:46:33,627 She can declare war or make peace, 536 00:46:33,710 --> 00:46:35,963 and most intriguingly... 537 00:46:36,046 --> 00:46:40,717 she can seize any piece of land which takes her fancy. 538 00:46:40,801 --> 00:46:44,513 Of course, the queen never uses... 539 00:46:44,638 --> 00:46:47,307 the enormous power afforded to her. 540 00:46:47,391 --> 00:46:51,895 But imagine someone who would use that power. 541 00:46:51,979 --> 00:46:55,482 Imagine, say, me. 542 00:46:55,566 --> 00:46:59,611 But how could he do that, sir? How could he make himself king? 543 00:46:59,695 --> 00:47:01,780 The archbishop. 544 00:47:01,864 --> 00:47:04,283 - - 545 00:47:11,039 --> 00:47:13,041 Ow. 546 00:47:14,293 --> 00:47:17,754 Hands up. There's a good fellow. 547 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,631 Heavily armed for a late night at the office. 548 00:47:19,715 --> 00:47:24,011 You fool, English. You'll never get out of the building alive. 549 00:47:24,094 --> 00:47:26,305 I'd save your breath for my questioning. 550 00:47:26,388 --> 00:47:28,265 I'm not telling you anything. 551 00:47:28,348 --> 00:47:30,017 Incorrect. 552 00:47:31,268 --> 00:47:33,103 Sodium pentothal. 553 00:47:33,187 --> 00:47:36,565 - I won't lie to you. It's a truth serum. 554 00:47:36,648 --> 00:47:41,195 Now then, why does Sauvage want to have himself crowned? 555 00:47:41,278 --> 00:47:44,448 You have no idea what's going on here, do you? 556 00:47:44,531 --> 00:47:47,534 It would be funny if it wasn't so "pablibblit." 557 00:47:47,618 --> 00:47:48,952 What? 558 00:47:55,542 --> 00:47:57,878 - He's talking gibberish, sir. - I can hear that. 559 00:47:59,963 --> 00:48:02,841 - He's collapsed onto me, sir. - I can see that. 560 00:48:02,925 --> 00:48:06,220 - You don't think you could've got the syringes mixed up? - What? 561 00:48:06,303 --> 00:48:09,139 Given the guard outside truth serum and given Klein the muscle relaxant? 562 00:48:09,223 --> 00:48:11,141 Aah! 563 00:48:11,225 --> 00:48:15,521 Don't be ridiculous, Bough. I think I know my right from my left. 564 00:48:15,604 --> 00:48:18,607 - Sir? - Oh, bugger it. 565 00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:22,110 Bough, take "flodd." 566 00:48:22,194 --> 00:48:26,156 - Take what, sir? - "Flodd." "Schlage." 567 00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:29,576 - I'm not quite getting that second word, sir. - "Schlaaaagh!" 568 00:48:29,660 --> 00:48:31,578 - Write it down, sir. - "Schlaaaagh!" 569 00:48:31,662 --> 00:48:34,665 Yes! 570 00:48:35,958 --> 00:48:38,418 "C." C-A... Uh... 571 00:48:38,502 --> 00:48:42,256 Car! Take the car! We came by plane. 572 00:48:42,339 --> 00:48:45,092 Bugger off! 573 00:48:45,175 --> 00:48:47,386 - Hold it right there. 574 00:48:47,469 --> 00:48:50,848 - What's wrong with them? - I'm not telling you. 575 00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:53,725 Wrong answer. 576 00:48:53,809 --> 00:48:55,978 What is it with you two? 577 00:48:56,061 --> 00:48:58,272 Huh? 578 00:48:59,648 --> 00:49:01,316 Let's get outta here. 579 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,277 Sorry, but who are you, exactly? 580 00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,988 Special Agent Campbell. I'm attached to Interpol in Paris. 581 00:49:06,071 --> 00:49:08,240 We've been watching Sauvage for months. 582 00:49:08,323 --> 00:49:10,242 Why? 583 00:49:10,325 --> 00:49:13,412 Because every major convict released from a Sauvage prison in six months... 584 00:49:13,495 --> 00:49:15,664 has been employed by one of his companies. 585 00:49:15,747 --> 00:49:18,083 We believe he's recruiting them for a major criminal conspiracy. 586 00:49:18,167 --> 00:49:20,752 - We just don't know what yet. - 587 00:49:22,087 --> 00:49:24,298 - What did he say? - Pegasus! 588 00:49:24,381 --> 00:49:26,675 We have to report to Pegasus! 589 00:49:26,758 --> 00:49:28,677 Oh, no, sir. No, no, no. 590 00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,763 - How do we get out of here? - Hey, you two! 591 00:49:31,847 --> 00:49:34,516 What you did to me really hurt. 592 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,854 Yeah. Sorry about that. How do we get out of here without being seen? 593 00:49:38,937 --> 00:49:41,607 Okay. 594 00:49:41,690 --> 00:49:45,402 Left by the fountain, right by the fire exit, to the elevator at the end. 595 00:49:45,486 --> 00:49:47,821 - Thank you. - Oh, my God. 596 00:49:47,905 --> 00:49:49,573 Nice job, Bough. 597 00:49:49,656 --> 00:49:52,451 - Left, sir. Left! 598 00:49:52,534 --> 00:49:55,496 Sir, you can't go to Sauvage's reception in this state. 599 00:49:55,579 --> 00:49:58,373 The effect of the drug has practically worn off. 600 00:49:58,457 --> 00:50:00,334 I'm "fline"... 601 00:50:00,417 --> 00:50:02,586 "schline"... uh, "gline"... 602 00:50:12,304 --> 00:50:14,723 - Monsieur. - Ah. Thank you. 603 00:50:18,685 --> 00:50:20,896 - Would you like another? - Please. 604 00:50:27,027 --> 00:50:28,779 Thank you. 605 00:50:33,951 --> 00:50:35,994 What in God's name... 606 00:50:36,119 --> 00:50:38,038 Ah, Foreign "Sebretarary." 607 00:50:38,121 --> 00:50:40,582 Um... 608 00:50:40,666 --> 00:50:42,501 Aah! 609 00:50:42,584 --> 00:50:45,796 - Shall we dance? 610 00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,638 Excuse me, sir. I'm very sorry to interrupt... 611 00:51:36,722 --> 00:51:38,765 Pascal, how nice to see you again. 612 00:51:38,849 --> 00:51:41,393 - Enjoying the party? - Oh, splendid affair. 613 00:51:41,476 --> 00:51:46,356 I was until I was informed that your man English... 614 00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,276 and his curious boyfriend here have spent the evening... 615 00:51:49,359 --> 00:51:52,779 breaking into my office and assaulting my staff. 616 00:51:52,863 --> 00:51:55,991 - Is this true, Bough? - Well, we... we... 617 00:52:06,001 --> 00:52:08,212 What do you think you're up to? 618 00:52:08,295 --> 00:52:11,048 - Sir, if I could just offer... - Go home, Bough! 619 00:52:11,131 --> 00:52:12,883 Now! 620 00:52:12,966 --> 00:52:15,511 I gave you direct orders not to meddle with Sauvage. 621 00:52:15,594 --> 00:52:18,889 What do you do? Break into his office and assault two of his staff. 622 00:52:18,972 --> 00:52:23,227 Then you march in here, loaded with God knows what, and insult the foreign secretary. 623 00:52:23,310 --> 00:52:26,021 I haven't encountered such behaviour in Whitehall in 30 years. 624 00:52:26,104 --> 00:52:28,899 - But... - There are no "buts," English. 625 00:52:28,982 --> 00:52:32,444 You're off the case. Your security clearance is hereby cancelled. 626 00:52:32,528 --> 00:52:35,781 After a three-month leave of absence, you will return at your old grade. 627 00:52:35,864 --> 00:52:38,867 And I hope never to hear your name again. 628 00:53:29,501 --> 00:53:31,795 English has seen too much. 629 00:53:31,879 --> 00:53:34,298 We go to plan "B." 630 00:53:34,381 --> 00:53:36,675 Get rid of the fake archbishop... 631 00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,595 and green-light the visit to Her Majesty. 632 00:53:39,678 --> 00:53:43,348 Then this pathetic country can humiliate itself... 633 00:53:43,432 --> 00:53:45,976 by crowning me officially. 634 00:53:57,196 --> 00:54:01,241 THE QUEEN'S RESIDENCE AT SANDRINGHAM 635 00:54:11,084 --> 00:54:13,003 That's a letter of abdication... 636 00:54:13,086 --> 00:54:15,005 renouncing your claims to the throne... 637 00:54:15,088 --> 00:54:18,050 and the claims of your entire family. 638 00:54:18,133 --> 00:54:20,052 Sign it. 639 00:54:27,768 --> 00:54:29,770 Never. 640 00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:43,909 - Yes? 641 00:54:43,992 --> 00:54:46,954 Prime Minister, sorry to call so late, but I'm afraid the queen is abdicating. 642 00:54:47,037 --> 00:54:48,664 What? 643 00:54:48,747 --> 00:54:52,960 Abdicated? But that's not possible. 644 00:54:53,043 --> 00:54:55,170 I only wish that were true. 645 00:54:55,254 --> 00:54:59,216 - Let me talk to her. Maybe she just... - Pascal, she's gone. 646 00:54:59,299 --> 00:55:01,927 My people have spent the last 10 hours... 647 00:55:02,010 --> 00:55:05,472 trying to track down the rightful heir to the throne... 648 00:55:05,556 --> 00:55:08,642 and they've come up with a name, which they've double-checked. 649 00:55:08,725 --> 00:55:11,145 Who is it? 650 00:55:11,228 --> 00:55:14,231 - It's you. - No! 651 00:55:18,402 --> 00:55:21,321 In the wake of the return of the Crown Jewels... 652 00:55:21,405 --> 00:55:23,365 to a police station in North London, 653 00:55:23,448 --> 00:55:26,118 Pascal Sauvage has requested that his coronation... 654 00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,620 take place this Thursday. 655 00:55:28,704 --> 00:55:32,499 In the House, the prime minister said he was looking forward to the ceremony... 656 00:55:32,583 --> 00:55:35,002 and he believed that Monsieur Sauvage will make a fine king... 657 00:55:35,085 --> 00:55:39,715 and will bring all that is best about modern Europe to our ancient institutions. 658 00:55:46,930 --> 00:55:49,516 Get your car keys. We've got work to do. 659 00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,603 - Miss Campbell. - Sauvage is heading back to France. 660 00:55:52,686 --> 00:55:57,191 He's invited 13 of the richest criminal masterminds in the world to meet him there. 661 00:55:57,274 --> 00:56:00,569 I'm sorry, Miss Campbell. I'm off the case. 662 00:56:00,861 --> 00:56:02,196 It's been reassigned. 663 00:56:02,279 --> 00:56:04,823 I know. Reassigned to me. 664 00:56:08,327 --> 00:56:10,913 - I want you with me. - Just leave me alone. 665 00:56:11,038 --> 00:56:14,666 Are you gonna sit here in this grotty flat feeling sorry for yourself? 666 00:56:14,750 --> 00:56:17,836 Or are you gonna get out there and save your country? 667 00:56:19,004 --> 00:56:21,256 I'm gonna sit in the flat. 668 00:56:21,340 --> 00:56:25,260 - Johnny, this is ridiculous. - I'm a spent force. 669 00:56:26,929 --> 00:56:29,640 Spent, my ass. 670 00:56:34,353 --> 00:56:36,104 Ow. 671 00:56:37,314 --> 00:56:39,691 Will... you... please... stop? 672 00:56:52,079 --> 00:56:54,081 I'll just be a minute. 673 00:57:12,391 --> 00:57:15,477 NORTHERN FRANCE 674 00:57:37,457 --> 00:57:40,961 It'll be nightfall in an hour. Then we can strike out for the chateau. 675 00:57:41,044 --> 00:57:44,173 The fact is, the moment Sauvage gets that crown on his head, 676 00:57:44,256 --> 00:57:47,384 he'll be able to do whatever he likes with the country that I love, 677 00:57:47,467 --> 00:57:50,095 and that is why you and I have got to stop him. 678 00:57:51,805 --> 00:57:55,350 - Relishing the thought? - Something like that. 679 00:57:58,187 --> 00:58:01,773 I suppose you've made love to lots of women, haven't you, Johnny? 680 00:58:03,442 --> 00:58:08,030 Uh... Uh, well, you know, 681 00:58:08,113 --> 00:58:10,699 one does one's best. 682 00:58:12,117 --> 00:58:13,869 It's just... 683 00:58:13,952 --> 00:58:18,790 Well, it's been three years since my fiancé left me, 684 00:58:18,874 --> 00:58:22,544 and since then I haven't made love to anyone. 685 00:58:22,628 --> 00:58:24,463 But then I met you... 686 00:58:25,714 --> 00:58:28,592 and I felt this... hunger... 687 00:58:28,675 --> 00:58:31,762 deep down inside. 688 00:58:31,845 --> 00:58:34,932 I wanted to say things to you, I wanted to do things to you... 689 00:58:35,015 --> 00:58:39,394 that I haven't wanted to do in a very, very, very long time. 690 00:58:43,232 --> 00:58:45,984 What, uh... 691 00:58:46,068 --> 00:58:48,821 What sort of things are we talking about? 692 00:58:48,904 --> 00:58:51,698 Things like punching you in the face, 693 00:58:51,782 --> 00:58:54,993 kicking you in the backside for being such a pompous, know-nothing asshole. 694 00:58:55,118 --> 00:58:59,206 But then I started to see beyond the idiot that everybody else saw. 695 00:58:59,289 --> 00:59:02,209 I started to see the man on the inside... 696 00:59:02,292 --> 00:59:06,255 who was determined to do his duty, no matter what or who lay in his way. 697 00:59:06,338 --> 00:59:10,133 And I began to feel other things for him, 698 00:59:10,217 --> 00:59:14,847 to want to do other things for him. 699 00:59:14,930 --> 00:59:17,307 Things... 700 00:59:17,391 --> 00:59:21,019 involving plastic toys and soft cheese? 701 00:59:21,103 --> 00:59:25,607 - What? - What? What? 702 00:59:25,691 --> 00:59:29,987 You're toying with me. You're telling me to stop in the gentlest way you know how. 703 00:59:30,070 --> 00:59:32,030 No. N-N-No... 704 00:59:32,156 --> 00:59:33,740 You're such a special person... 705 00:59:33,824 --> 00:59:36,910 not to take advantage of me while I'm vulnerable. 706 00:59:36,994 --> 00:59:39,413 - N-No... Well... - So thank you... 707 00:59:39,496 --> 00:59:41,707 for being such a gentleman. 708 00:59:44,126 --> 00:59:46,336 Not at all. 709 01:00:06,982 --> 01:00:10,194 I know what you're thinking, Miss Campbell. 710 01:00:10,319 --> 01:00:13,030 If we don't pull this off, God knows what might happen to England. 711 01:00:13,113 --> 01:00:16,366 Actually, I was thinking there must be a better way in than that pipe. 712 01:00:17,451 --> 01:00:19,495 Well, there isn't. 713 01:00:19,578 --> 01:00:22,498 I've analysed it from every angle, and this is the best option. 714 01:00:22,581 --> 01:00:26,210 I'll go in first, and if it's a clear way through, I'll call down. 715 01:00:27,836 --> 01:00:29,838 Johnny. 716 01:00:29,922 --> 01:00:33,091 - Be careful. - I'm always careful. 717 01:00:33,175 --> 01:00:34,968 Ohh. 718 01:01:22,349 --> 01:01:25,769 - Gentlemen. 719 01:01:25,853 --> 01:01:27,646 In a few hours time... 720 01:01:27,729 --> 01:01:30,315 I will become the next king of England. 721 01:01:47,082 --> 01:01:49,501 Oh, no. 722 01:02:04,183 --> 01:02:06,101 Hyah... 723 01:02:06,185 --> 01:02:08,937 - How did you get here? - Up the ladder. 724 01:02:09,021 --> 01:02:11,440 Pull yourself together. It's only a bit of poo. 725 01:02:15,486 --> 01:02:18,530 Oh! Oh, it's cold! It's cold! 726 01:02:18,989 --> 01:02:20,657 What is the one commodity... 727 01:02:20,741 --> 01:02:25,412 the world never seems to run out of? 728 01:02:25,496 --> 01:02:27,539 Criminals, gentlemen. 729 01:02:27,623 --> 01:02:29,833 - - Lawbreakers. 730 01:02:29,917 --> 01:02:33,504 Every nation in the world struggles... 731 01:02:33,587 --> 01:02:36,215 with the issue of overcrowded prisons. 732 01:02:36,298 --> 01:02:41,428 So, what do we do with all these villains? 733 01:02:41,512 --> 01:02:44,431 Find the solution to that problem... 734 01:02:44,515 --> 01:02:48,685 and the governments of the world would pay you through their nose. 735 01:02:50,312 --> 01:02:52,689 Fortunately, I have found a solution. 736 01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:58,779 We empty every prison on the entire planet, 737 01:02:58,862 --> 01:03:03,700 we take the resulting tidal wave of human scum... 738 01:03:03,784 --> 01:03:06,328 and we put it here. 739 01:03:09,748 --> 01:03:13,085 The moment I am crowned king, 740 01:03:13,168 --> 01:03:15,754 I will turn England into the largest prison... 741 01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:18,632 in the history of the world. 742 01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:23,345 210,000 square miles... 743 01:03:23,428 --> 01:03:25,472 of prime real estate... 744 01:03:25,597 --> 01:03:29,143 conveniently separated from true civilization... 745 01:03:29,226 --> 01:03:31,353 by 20 miles of ocean... 746 01:03:31,478 --> 01:03:33,605 - and soon to be available... - Come on. 747 01:03:33,689 --> 01:03:39,403 For the entire world to dump its human waste in. 748 01:03:39,486 --> 01:03:41,488 According to current projections, 749 01:03:41,572 --> 01:03:47,244 we will not run out of prison space for the next 500 years. 750 01:03:47,327 --> 01:03:51,248 So, tonight one, and only one, of you... 751 01:03:51,331 --> 01:03:56,211 will leave here owning 49 percent... 752 01:03:56,295 --> 01:03:58,589 of this venture. 753 01:03:58,714 --> 01:04:03,427 So that's his little game. We must get hold of that DVD. 754 01:04:03,510 --> 01:04:06,471 But how, Johnny? There's only two of us. 755 01:04:06,597 --> 01:04:08,724 You're young, Miss Campbell, and inexperienced. 756 01:04:08,807 --> 01:04:11,059 What you seem to have forgotten is that... 757 01:04:11,143 --> 01:04:14,438 Nobody knows we are here. 758 01:04:14,521 --> 01:04:17,900 At our disposal we have the vital element of surprise. 759 01:04:17,983 --> 01:04:20,944 Now, my plan is simple but effective. 760 01:04:21,028 --> 01:04:25,407 I shall drop from the gallery at this end of the room and take Sauvage prisoner. 761 01:04:25,491 --> 01:04:29,953 You will then enter from the far door, cutting off any means of escape. 762 01:04:30,037 --> 01:04:35,250 Then, using Sauvage as a hostage, we'll get the hell out of here. Clear? 763 01:04:42,466 --> 01:04:44,635 Get 'em up, you French ponce. 764 01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:49,097 But, Mr English, I'm gobsmacked! 765 01:04:49,181 --> 01:04:51,558 What an unexpected surprise. 766 01:04:51,642 --> 01:04:55,145 Surprises are very much my speciality, Sauvage. 767 01:04:56,355 --> 01:04:59,024 I think we've seen enough of this. 768 01:04:59,107 --> 01:05:05,656 I know exactly what you're planning, and I'm here to put a stop to it. 769 01:05:05,739 --> 01:05:10,285 My bottom will be king of England before you are. 770 01:05:10,369 --> 01:05:12,287 Wrong again. 771 01:05:12,371 --> 01:05:15,457 Perhaps you'd care to look behind you. 772 01:05:15,541 --> 01:05:17,751 Oh, please. 773 01:05:20,796 --> 01:05:22,756 Lorna! 774 01:05:25,467 --> 01:05:27,469 I'm sorry, Johnny. 775 01:05:27,553 --> 01:05:31,306 Well, I'm afraid that we'll have to... 776 01:05:31,390 --> 01:05:33,976 conclude the floor show for tonight. 777 01:05:34,059 --> 01:05:35,811 Not so fast, Sauvage. 778 01:05:35,894 --> 01:05:40,232 You may have taken me, but you'll never take England. 779 01:05:40,315 --> 01:05:42,985 Not as long as I have breath in my body... 780 01:05:43,068 --> 01:05:45,237 or a bullet in my gun. 781 01:05:54,037 --> 01:05:58,500 You know, Mr English, I'm going to miss you. Really. 782 01:05:58,584 --> 01:06:00,711 You're very entertaining. I thank you. 783 01:06:00,836 --> 01:06:02,421 Take them away. 784 01:06:06,884 --> 01:06:08,552 Good morning, everybody, 785 01:06:08,677 --> 01:06:10,721 and welcome to the breakfast show. 786 01:06:13,015 --> 01:06:16,143 As the crowds are gathering here for the crowning of our first French king... 787 01:06:16,226 --> 01:06:18,270 since the year 1066, 788 01:06:18,353 --> 01:06:23,108 call here at London FM with the top ten things you most love about the French. 789 01:06:23,192 --> 01:06:26,487 We haven't had any calls yet, uh, at all, 790 01:06:26,570 --> 01:06:29,990 but the lines are still open and I'll give you that number again... 791 01:06:30,073 --> 01:06:33,035 0- 2-0-7... zero, deux, zero, sept... 792 01:06:35,621 --> 01:06:37,748 This is not good, Johnny. 793 01:06:37,831 --> 01:06:39,875 We've got to think of something. 794 01:06:41,585 --> 01:06:44,713 Wait a minute. I've got an idea. 795 01:06:44,796 --> 01:06:46,340 Hop! Hop! 796 01:06:46,423 --> 01:06:50,010 And hop! And hop! And stop! 797 01:06:50,093 --> 01:06:52,471 Now, are you familiar... 798 01:06:52,554 --> 01:06:56,099 with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan delta? 799 01:06:56,183 --> 01:06:57,518 What? 800 01:06:57,559 --> 01:06:59,478 It has long been their belief... 801 01:06:59,561 --> 01:07:03,440 that a whistle pitched at the precise resonant frequency of a metal lock... 802 01:07:03,524 --> 01:07:07,444 will vibrate the levers in such a way that the door will simply swing open. 803 01:07:07,528 --> 01:07:09,321 Unbelievable. 804 01:07:09,404 --> 01:07:12,241 - And kneel. 805 01:07:15,118 --> 01:07:17,913 Right. Here goes. 806 01:07:28,841 --> 01:07:32,970 - I can't hear anything. - I'm into ultrasonic. 807 01:07:33,053 --> 01:07:35,848 Will you just stop all this and face facts? 808 01:07:35,931 --> 01:07:39,518 We've failed. The only thing that can save us now is a miracle. 809 01:07:46,150 --> 01:07:47,734 It worked! 810 01:07:47,818 --> 01:07:50,445 - Ohh! - Sir? 811 01:07:58,328 --> 01:08:01,248 I don't know why you hauled yourself up that dreadful poo tube, Bough, 812 01:08:01,331 --> 01:08:04,960 when there was a perfectly good ladder right beside it. 813 01:08:05,043 --> 01:08:07,379 Now, Sauvage may have fooled the country... 814 01:08:07,462 --> 01:08:10,090 with his fake archbishop and his secret agenda, 815 01:08:10,174 --> 01:08:12,467 but he hasn't fooled me. 816 01:08:13,802 --> 01:08:16,263 - So, here's the plan. 817 01:09:09,817 --> 01:09:12,444 ## Let all good people rejoice ## 818 01:09:14,154 --> 01:09:16,031 ## Rejoice ## 819 01:09:17,282 --> 01:09:19,535 - ## Rejoice ## - Aaah! 820 01:09:19,618 --> 01:09:23,372 ## Let all good people rejoice ## 821 01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:27,459 ## Rejoice ## 822 01:09:27,543 --> 01:09:28,919 ## Rejoice ## 823 01:09:30,003 --> 01:09:32,422 ## Rejoice ## 824 01:09:32,506 --> 01:09:34,925 ## Rejoice ## 825 01:09:35,008 --> 01:09:37,469 ## Rejoice ## 826 01:09:37,553 --> 01:09:43,350 ## And sing ## 827 01:09:43,433 --> 01:09:47,271 Sirs, you are hereby called to witness the anointing... 828 01:09:47,354 --> 01:09:53,360 of your one true lord and future king Pascal. 829 01:09:53,443 --> 01:09:57,322 Pascal, are you willing to take the oath? 830 01:09:57,406 --> 01:10:00,701 I am willing. 831 01:10:00,784 --> 01:10:04,121 Then be thou anointed... 832 01:10:04,204 --> 01:10:07,833 with this holy oil. 833 01:10:08,208 --> 01:10:14,298 And do you, the chosen bishops of England, Scotland and Wales, 834 01:10:14,381 --> 01:10:17,092 ascent to this anointing? 835 01:10:17,176 --> 01:10:19,595 For Scotland, I do. 836 01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:21,346 For Wales, I do. 837 01:10:22,222 --> 01:10:25,142 For England, I do not! 838 01:10:25,225 --> 01:10:28,812 - - English! 839 01:10:31,023 --> 01:10:35,486 That man must not be crowned king because he is... 840 01:10:35,569 --> 01:10:38,238 a fraudster, a charlatan and a thief. 841 01:10:38,322 --> 01:10:41,825 No, please. Let him speak. 842 01:10:43,577 --> 01:10:46,455 It is this man, Pascal Sauvage, 843 01:10:46,538 --> 01:10:49,625 who stole the Crown Jewels, 844 01:10:49,708 --> 01:10:51,835 who forced the queen to abdicate... 845 01:10:51,919 --> 01:10:55,672 and who would kill anyone who got in his way. 846 01:10:55,756 --> 01:10:57,633 It is the end, Herr English. 847 01:10:59,259 --> 01:11:02,596 He has cheated, conned and manipulated... 848 01:11:02,679 --> 01:11:05,349 this great country for his own ends. 849 01:11:05,432 --> 01:11:07,643 He's fooled you all! 850 01:11:09,561 --> 01:11:12,898 What's more, this whole ceremony is a sham... 851 01:11:12,981 --> 01:11:16,401 because that man standing in front of you... 852 01:11:16,485 --> 01:11:19,530 is not the archbishop of Canterbury. 853 01:11:21,907 --> 01:11:25,577 English, a word of advice: Don't go there. 854 01:11:25,661 --> 01:11:29,998 Shut it, Frenchy. I'll go wherever I damn well please. 855 01:11:30,082 --> 01:11:33,460 - Now take it off. - What? 856 01:11:33,544 --> 01:11:36,755 Your face is made of plastic. 857 01:11:38,382 --> 01:11:40,259 Remove it at once. 858 01:11:40,342 --> 01:11:42,719 I have no idea what you're talking about. 859 01:11:42,803 --> 01:11:46,682 Right. I'll just have to remove it myself. 860 01:11:46,765 --> 01:11:50,811 Come On! 861 01:11:50,894 --> 01:11:54,064 - Maybe it pulls up from the front. - 862 01:11:54,148 --> 01:11:56,483 Come on, you! 863 01:12:11,206 --> 01:12:13,667 - Aaah! - Thank you very much. 864 01:12:15,377 --> 01:12:17,337 Must be a join here somewhere. 865 01:12:17,421 --> 01:12:20,215 Fascinating performance as always, Monsieur English, 866 01:12:20,299 --> 01:12:22,801 but I'm afraid we must move on. 867 01:12:22,885 --> 01:12:27,097 Nobody's moving anywhere until I'm finished with this piece of low-life. 868 01:12:27,181 --> 01:12:30,100 Do you or do you you not... 869 01:12:30,184 --> 01:12:33,270 have tattooed on your bottom the words, 870 01:12:33,353 --> 01:12:36,231 "Jesus is coming... look busy"? 871 01:12:36,356 --> 01:12:40,235 - - Are you insane? 872 01:12:40,319 --> 01:12:42,446 Well, let's find out, shall we? 873 01:12:42,529 --> 01:12:45,115 Go on, over. Let's have a look. 874 01:12:53,874 --> 01:12:56,084 - Excellent! 875 01:13:05,010 --> 01:13:08,931 All right, so I was wrong about the archbishop's bottom. 876 01:13:10,641 --> 01:13:13,352 - But there's more. - But not, I'm afraid, today. 877 01:13:13,435 --> 01:13:15,771 Sergeant, please take this man away. 878 01:13:15,854 --> 01:13:19,399 - But be gentle with him. - Do you think that's it? 879 01:13:19,483 --> 01:13:21,819 You think I don't have more evidence? 880 01:13:21,902 --> 01:13:25,197 My loyal subordinate is standing by with a DVD... 881 01:13:25,280 --> 01:13:28,784 which shows Sauvage's hideous plans for this country. 882 01:13:28,867 --> 01:13:30,994 Get him out! Get him out of here! 883 01:13:31,078 --> 01:13:34,748 - Play it, Bough! Play the disk! - Play it! Now! 884 01:13:50,347 --> 01:13:53,642 - ## You're so hot teasing me ## 885 01:13:53,725 --> 01:13:59,565 ## So you're blue, but I can't take a chance on a chick like you ## 886 01:13:59,648 --> 01:14:02,818 ## It's somethin' I couldn't do ## 887 01:14:04,820 --> 01:14:07,948 ## Well, I can dance with you, honey if you think it's funny ## 888 01:14:08,031 --> 01:14:10,701 ## Does your mother know that you're out ## 889 01:14:10,784 --> 01:14:14,329 ## And I could shout with you, baby Flirt a little, maybe ## 890 01:14:14,413 --> 01:14:17,416 ## Does your mother know that you're out ## 891 01:14:17,499 --> 01:14:20,085 - ## Take it easy ## - ## Take it easy ## 892 01:14:20,169 --> 01:14:22,462 ## Better slow down, girl That's no way to go ## 893 01:14:22,546 --> 01:14:25,883 ## Does your mother know ## 894 01:14:33,056 --> 01:14:35,309 - Oi! - Hey! 895 01:14:43,150 --> 01:14:45,235 Well, shall we? 896 01:14:51,575 --> 01:14:54,745 Then as Solomon was anointed king... 897 01:14:54,828 --> 01:14:58,957 by Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet, 898 01:14:59,041 --> 01:15:02,377 so be thou anointed... 899 01:15:02,461 --> 01:15:04,296 and consecrated king... 900 01:15:06,006 --> 01:15:09,468 over all the peoples... 901 01:15:09,551 --> 01:15:11,470 whom the Lord thy God... 902 01:15:11,553 --> 01:15:14,890 hath given thee to govern... 903 01:15:14,973 --> 01:15:18,227 and of all your possessions, 904 01:15:18,310 --> 01:15:20,145 wherever they may be. 905 01:15:20,229 --> 01:15:24,399 And so, in the name of the Father... 906 01:15:24,483 --> 01:15:26,109 and of the Son... 907 01:15:26,193 --> 01:15:28,070 and of the Holy Ghost, 908 01:15:30,072 --> 01:15:32,199 I crown you... 909 01:15:34,701 --> 01:15:38,372 Damn it! 910 01:15:38,455 --> 01:15:40,457 - Give it back! - NO! 911 01:15:40,541 --> 01:15:42,376 - That is my crown! - Never! 912 01:15:42,459 --> 01:15:45,838 - Give it back! - Never in a million years, Sauvage! 913 01:15:45,921 --> 01:15:47,798 - Give it to me! - Get off. 914 01:15:47,881 --> 01:15:50,509 Merde! 915 01:15:52,761 --> 01:15:54,179 Give it back! 916 01:15:55,848 --> 01:15:57,724 - Stop! - Shut up! 917 01:15:59,560 --> 01:16:03,438 All this stupid little country have to do is stand in line... 918 01:16:03,522 --> 01:16:07,693 and do what it's told for one miserable day! 919 01:16:07,776 --> 01:16:10,445 But can it do that? 920 01:16:10,529 --> 01:16:12,948 My fragrant French ass, it can! 921 01:16:17,536 --> 01:16:20,038 Merde! 922 01:16:20,998 --> 01:16:23,417 - Aah! 923 01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:27,629 Give it! The crown, eh? The crown! Go! 924 01:16:32,593 --> 01:16:34,845 And so, in the name of the Father... 925 01:16:34,928 --> 01:16:37,306 and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, 926 01:16:38,474 --> 01:16:39,933 I crown you... 927 01:16:42,811 --> 01:16:44,605 king. 928 01:16:44,688 --> 01:16:46,690 What... 929 01:17:12,549 --> 01:17:15,511 Arrest that man... 930 01:17:15,594 --> 01:17:17,638 and lock him away. 931 01:17:22,267 --> 01:17:26,063 # God save the king Long live the king # 932 01:17:26,146 --> 01:17:28,732 ## God save the king ## 933 01:17:33,153 --> 01:17:37,574 ## Amen, amen, amen, amen Amen, amen ## 934 01:17:43,372 --> 01:17:48,710 ## Ahh, amen, amen Amen, hallelujah ## 935 01:17:48,794 --> 01:17:50,838 ## Amen ## 936 01:17:59,721 --> 01:18:02,975 ## God save the king ## 937 01:18:03,058 --> 01:18:07,729 Words can hardly express just how much we appreciate everything you've done. 938 01:18:07,813 --> 01:18:10,149 Nothing more than my duty, ma'am. 939 01:18:10,232 --> 01:18:15,154 And in return, is there anything that your queen and country can do for you? 940 01:18:15,237 --> 01:18:17,322 Well, 941 01:18:17,406 --> 01:18:21,243 since one is asking, ma'am... 942 01:18:21,326 --> 01:18:24,413 In celebration of her return to the throne, 943 01:18:24,496 --> 01:18:27,416 the queen has declared August 5 a national holiday... 944 01:18:27,499 --> 01:18:31,920 and has conferred a knighthood on the unnamed Ml7 agent... 945 01:18:32,004 --> 01:18:36,008 responsible for foiling the plot of French businessman Pascal Sauvage. 946 01:18:36,091 --> 01:18:38,594 Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial for high treason, 947 01:18:38,719 --> 01:18:40,846 a crime which still carries the death penalty. 948 01:18:40,929 --> 01:18:45,225 If found guilty, he's asked that his brain be donated to medical science... 949 01:18:45,309 --> 01:18:49,146 to further research into the causes of hyper manic schizophrenia. 950 01:18:49,229 --> 01:18:51,648 Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent has left the country... 951 01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:54,776 and has already embarked on his next challenging mission. 952 01:18:57,571 --> 01:19:00,491 SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE 953 01:19:00,574 --> 01:19:02,743 Sir Johnny English. 954 01:19:02,826 --> 01:19:05,579 Her Majesty did seem very grateful. 955 01:19:07,122 --> 01:19:09,208 She's not the only one. 956 01:19:17,508 --> 01:19:20,636 Mmm. You are full of surprises. 957 01:19:24,932 --> 01:19:28,060 Aaaah! 958 01:19:28,143 --> 01:19:31,647 - Johnny! - Oh, f... 959 01:19:31,897 --> 01:19:34,274 ## One eye on the shadows ## 960 01:19:34,399 --> 01:19:36,276 ## Protecting his fellows ## 961 01:19:36,360 --> 01:19:39,321 ## From sunup to the moon on his back ## 962 01:19:39,404 --> 01:19:43,534 ## Sendin' villains to Hades A hit with the ladies ## 963 01:19:43,617 --> 01:19:47,287 ## A stallion in the sack ## 964 01:19:47,371 --> 01:19:51,041 ## You can't get your life back when right follows left, jack ## 965 01:19:51,124 --> 01:19:54,670 ## The more you see the less you know ## 966 01:19:54,753 --> 01:19:58,257 ## When others would leak it his service is secret ## 967 01:19:58,340 --> 01:20:01,301 ## Plays God when it's your time to go ## 968 01:20:01,385 --> 01:20:06,390 ## Hey, fellas Don't be jealous ## 969 01:20:06,515 --> 01:20:09,393 ## When they made him they broke the mould ## 970 01:20:09,476 --> 01:20:12,437 ## So charismatic with an automatic ## 971 01:20:12,479 --> 01:20:17,359 ## Never prematurely shooting his load, ha ## 972 01:20:17,442 --> 01:20:19,361 ## Queen and country safe and sound ## 973 01:20:19,444 --> 01:20:21,196 ## With villains six feet underground ## 974 01:20:21,280 --> 01:20:24,074 ## And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace ## 975 01:20:24,158 --> 01:20:26,493 ## Of a man for all seasons ## 976 01:20:26,577 --> 01:20:29,621 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 977 01:20:29,705 --> 01:20:32,416 ## So alone ## 978 01:20:32,499 --> 01:20:34,209 ## And you and I wouldn't have a clue ## 979 01:20:34,293 --> 01:20:36,295 ## Who's doin' what, why when and who ## 980 01:20:36,378 --> 01:20:38,088 ## Up a creek with no canoe ## 981 01:20:38,172 --> 01:20:41,341 ## Watch out for the man for all seasons ## 982 01:20:41,425 --> 01:20:44,344 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 983 01:20:44,428 --> 01:20:47,473 ## So alone But safe at home ## 984 01:20:47,598 --> 01:20:51,727 ## But safe at home But safe at home ## 985 01:20:54,855 --> 01:20:56,482 ## Queen and country safe and sound ## 986 01:20:56,565 --> 01:20:58,317 ## With villains six feet underground ## 987 01:20:58,400 --> 01:21:01,153 ## And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace ## 988 01:21:01,278 --> 01:21:03,572 ## Of a man for all seasons ## 989 01:21:03,655 --> 01:21:06,742 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 990 01:21:06,825 --> 01:21:09,536 ## So alone ## 991 01:21:09,620 --> 01:21:11,288 ## And you and I wouldn't have a clue ## 992 01:21:11,371 --> 01:21:13,373 ## Who's doin' what, why when and who ## 993 01:21:13,457 --> 01:21:15,209 ## Up a creek with no canoe ## 994 01:21:15,292 --> 01:21:18,462 ## Watch out for the man for all seasons ## 995 01:21:18,545 --> 01:21:21,465 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 996 01:21:21,548 --> 01:21:24,551 ## So alone But safe at home ## 997 01:21:24,635 --> 01:21:26,261 ## Queen and country Safe and sound ## 998 01:21:26,345 --> 01:21:28,096 ## With villains six feet underground ## 999 01:21:28,180 --> 01:21:30,891 ## And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace ## 1000 01:21:30,974 --> 01:21:33,352 ## Of a man for all seasons ## 1001 01:21:33,435 --> 01:21:36,480 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 1002 01:21:36,563 --> 01:21:39,316 ## So alone ## 1003 01:21:39,399 --> 01:21:41,026 ## And you and I wouldn't have a clue ## 1004 01:21:41,109 --> 01:21:43,070 ## Who's doin' what, why when and who ## 1005 01:21:43,195 --> 01:21:44,947 ## Up a creek with no canoe ## 1006 01:21:45,030 --> 01:21:48,158 ## Watch out for the man for all seasons ## 1007 01:21:48,242 --> 01:21:51,245 ## Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone ## 1008 01:21:51,328 --> 01:21:52,496 ## So alone ## 1009 01:21:52,579 --> 01:21:56,875 ## But safe at home ## 1010 01:21:56,959 --> 01:22:00,546 ## Oh-Oh-Ohh, yeah ##