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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,092
RlCCO:
Colonel Sandurz?

3
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,303
What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?

4
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:46,183
You told me to let you know
the moment Planet Druidia
was in sight, sir.

5
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,310
So?

6
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,562
Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.

7
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,647
You're really
a Spaceball.

8
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,107
You know that,
don't you?

9
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,400
Thanks, sir.

10
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,902
Have you notified
Lord Helmet?

11
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,237
Yes, sir.
l took the liberty.
He's on his way.

12
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:00,489
CORPORAL: Make way
for Dark Helmet!

13
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,451
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

14
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,505
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)

15
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,784
(CHOKlNG)

16
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,585
l can't breathe
in this thing.

17
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,672
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

18
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:58,923
Good.

19
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:02,009
l'll call Spaceball City
and notify
President Skroob immediately.

20
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,845
l already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

21
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,434
What? You went
over my helmet?

22
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:14,146
Well, not exactly
over, sir.
More to the side.

23
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:17,775
l'll always call you first.
lt'll never happen again.
Never ever!

24
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,487
Oh, shit!

25
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,448
No! Please!

26
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,784
Please, no, not that!

27
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,413
Yes, that.

28
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,666
(GROANlNG)

29
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,757
(SOBBlNG)

30
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,142
Sandurz!
Sir.

31
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,102
l don't see
Planet Druidia.
Where is it?

32
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,439
We don't have visual
contact yet, but we have
it on the radar screen.

33
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,815
Shall l punch it
up for you?

34
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,316
Never mind.
l'll do it myself.

35
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,693
Very good, sir.

36
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,490
What's the matter?
What's that
churning and bubbling?

37
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,117
You call that
a radar screen?

38
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,828
No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.

39
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,747
(MACHlNE BEEPS)
Care for some?

40
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:17,543
Yes. l always have coffee
when l watch radar.
You know that.

41
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,420
Of course l do.
Everybody knows that!

42
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,297
Of course we do, sir.

43
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:26,135
Now that l have my coffee,
l'm ready to watch radar.

44
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,095
Where is it?

45
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,930
Right here, sir.

46
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,515
Switch to teleview.

47
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,685
There it is.
Planet Druidia.

48
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:38,189
And underneath
the air shield,
1 0,000 years of fresh air.

49
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,982
We must get through
that air shield.

50
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,108
We will, sir.

51
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:44,570
Once we kidnap the Princess,
we can force
her father, King Roland,

52
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,739
to give us the combination
to the air shield,

53
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,659
thereby destroying
Planet Druidia and
saving Planet Spaceball.

54
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,953
Everybody got that?

55
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,748
Good. When will
the Princess
be married?

56
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,333
Within the hour, sir.

57
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,710
Well, l hope
it's a long ceremony,

58
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,004
'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.

59
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,926
(GROANlNG)

60
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,056
Hot! Too hot.

61
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:32,409
lf only your mother
were alive
to see this day.

62
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,411
ls everyone ready?
Yes, Your Majesty.

63
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,247
No! Where's my
droid of honor?

64
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,375
Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?

65
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,669
Dot Matrix!

66
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,838
Oh, thank God,
dear!

67
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,132
Where've you been?

68
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,051
Here l am.
l'm sorry. l had to
make a pit stop.

69
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,846
l'm so excited,
l couldn't
hold my oil.

70
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,807
All right, people.
lt's magic time!

71
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,560
All right, everyone,
starting
on the left foot.

72
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,145
Daddy, that's
the right foot.

73
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,896
lt's too late.
Keep going.

74
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,069
(WEDDlNG MARCH PLAYlNG)

75
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,661
Daddy.

76
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,371
(STOPS PLAYlNG ORGAN)

77
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,873
Must l go through
with this?

78
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,333
l'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

79
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,753
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

80
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,428
But, Daddy,

81
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,512
(GROANlNG)

82
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:34,597
(STOPS PLAYlNG)

83
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,015
l don't love him.

84
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:39,602
l'm sorry, Vespa.
He's the last prince
left in the galaxy.

85
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,356
(SCATTERED MURMURlNG)

86
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,317
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

87
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:55,326
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion

88
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:59,205
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

89
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:02,791
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp

90
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,668
and out the door!

91
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,379
Stop her!
Someone stop her!
Stop her!

92
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,799
Hey, wait!
You forgot
to get married !

93
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,468
Will you stop?

94
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,595
What are you doing?

95
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,764
No questions, Dot.
Get in.

96
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,308
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

97
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,985
What is she doing?
Where is she going?

98
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,117
Come back!

99
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,621
(RAISE YOUR HANDS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

100
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,182
MAN: (SINGING)
Ooh, yeah

101
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,606
You

102
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:11,277
You got
a nasty reputation

103
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,947
We're in
a sticky situation

104
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:18,200
lt's down to
me and you

105
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,370
So tell me,
is it true?

106
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,249
They say there ain't
nobody better

107
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,002
Well, now
that we're together

108
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,628
(PHONE RlNGlNG)

109
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,047
Show me
what you can do

110
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,260
Barf.

111
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,887
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

112
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,889
Barf.

113
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,850
(MUSlC BLARlNG)

114
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,184
Barf.

115
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,145
And playin'
to win

116
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,521
Huh?

117
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,523
Raise your hands...

118
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,150
(REDUCES VOLUME)

119
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,318
LONE STARR: Barf?

120
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,570
Always when l'm eating.

121
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,909
Barf!

122
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,911
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

123
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,663
What can l
do you for, boss?

124
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,789
Where you been?

125
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:06,874
Grabbing myself a snack.

126
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,083
You want some?
No!

127
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,418
A little hair
of the dog?

128
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,628
No! Listen,
answer that thing
for me.

129
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:12,671
Will you
watch that?

130
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,756
Sorry.

131
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,884
l'll just throw on
our audio here. That way
they won't see you.

132
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,261
Yello!

133
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,597
Hello, Lone Starr.

134
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,223
Sorry, wrong switch.

135
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,642
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

136
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:28,937
No, it's not what l want.

137
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,940
lt's what he wants.

138
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,443
(LAUGHlNG)

139
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,695
BARF AND LONE STARR:
Pizza the Hutt.

140
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:37,821
(BURPlNG)

141
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,991
Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr

142
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,619
and his sidekick, Puke.

143
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,579
That's Barf.

144
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,082
Barf, Puke, whatever.

145
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,459
Where's my money?

146
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,087
Don't worry, Pizza.
You'll have it
by next week.

147
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:56,131
No. l gotta have it
by tomorrow.

148
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,510
1 00,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?

149
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,305
1 00,000? No way!

150
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,391
You forgot late charges

151
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:09,645
which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!

152
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:12,648
A million?
That's unfair!

153
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,150
Unfair to the payer,

154
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,694
but not to the payee.

155
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,196
(LAUGHlNG)

156
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,951
But you're gonna
pay it or else. . .

157
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,285
(PIZZA LAUGHING)

158
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,870
Or else what?

159
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,622
Tell him, Vinnie.

160
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:35,963
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.

161
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,757
(PIZZA AND VINNIE LAUGHING)

162
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,596
You're delicious.

163
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,764
Ciao, boys.

164
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,683
(PIZZA COUGHING)

165
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,230
(HEARTSTRINGS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

166
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,399
WOMAN: (SINGING)
l slept in your arms

167
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:59,987
Content to go on dreaming

168
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,867
A nightmare
too real to imagine

169
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:08,328
Losing you

170
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,332
Can we talk?

171
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,836
Okay. We all know
Prince Valium
is a pill,

172
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,338
but you could've
married him for
your father's sake

173
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,383
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

174
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,469
l love you more each day

175
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,804
Will you turn
that thing off?

176
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,849
Play on my heartstrings...

177
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,058
What?

178
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,394
What is it?

179
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:36,315
l was saying,
do you realize
what you've done?

180
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,692
Yes! And l'm glad.

181
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,653
Glad.

182
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,324
l wonder
if she's glad.

183
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,167
Don't be ridiculous.

184
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,753
As president
of Planet Spaceball,

185
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,838
l can assure
both you and your viewers

186
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,634
that there's
absolutely no air shortage
whatsoever.

187
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,054
Yes, of course.
l've heard
the same rumor myself.

188
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,140
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

189
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:11,475
Yes, bye.

190
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,810
Shithead.

191
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:21,860
(AlR HlSSlNG)

192
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,278
(lNHALlNG)

193
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,662
President Skroob.

194
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:33,747
Yes?

195
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,165
This is CentraI ControI.

196
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,543
SpacebaII
Commanderette Zircon
speaking, sir.

197
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,044
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

198
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,673
Lord Helmet has just
notified us that
Princess Vespa is in sight

199
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,758
and Spaceball One
is closing in on her.

200
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,093
Good.

201
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:50,264
We have both ships coming up
on the teledar, sir,
if you wish to observe.

202
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,723
l'll be down immediately.

203
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,518
ShouId I have Snotty
beam you down, sir?

204
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,813
l don't know about
that beaming stuff.
ls it safe?

205
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,149
Oh, yes, sir.
Snotty beamed me
twice last night.

206
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,443
lt was wonderful.

207
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,904
All right.
l'll take a shot at it.

208
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,282
What the hell,
it works on Star Trek.

209
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,996
Snotty,

210
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,581
beam him down.

211
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,790
SNOTTY: Yes, sir.
lmmediately, sir.

212
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,843
(ALL MURMURlNG)

213
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,557
SNOTTY: Great beasties!
What's happened
to his head?

214
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,309
lt's on backwards!

215
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,769
This is terrible!
Do something !

216
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:42,024
l'm sorry, sir.
There must have been
a micro-converter malfunction.

217
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,445
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

218
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,322
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

219
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,867
Hold on, sir.
We'll try to
reverse the beam.

220
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,953
SNOTTY: lt could be
the interlocking system.

221
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,252
Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond !

222
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,386
(SlGHS)

223
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,641
Are you all right,
Mr. President?

224
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,809
Fine.
No thanks to you !

225
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,394
We'll beam you back, sir.

226
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,897
Forget it.
No more beaming.

227
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,732
This time l'm gonna walk.

228
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,488
President Skroob!
Salute!

229
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,490
Hail, Skroob!

230
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:36,078
Hello, President Skroob.

231
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,622
Hello, Charlene.

232
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,831
l'm Marlene.

233
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:40,999
Hello, Marlene.

234
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,376
l'm Charlene.

235
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,336
Chew your gum.

236
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,004
Where's the Princess?

237
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,632
Right there, sir,
on the left side
of the screen

238
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:52,427
approaching Spaceball One
at 1 ,500 light leagues
per minute.

239
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,097
Good. She's almost
in our grasp.

240
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,266
Tell Dark Helmet
he must take
the Princess alive.

241
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,443
Princess Vespa's
spaceship
within range, sir.

242
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,611
Good.

243
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,115
Fire a warning shot
across her nose.

244
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,075
(LASER SHOTS FlRlNG)

245
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,993
What's going on?

246
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,787
lt's either
the Fourth of July,

247
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,706
or someone's
trying to kill us!

248
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,210
Hey!

249
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:28,130
l don't have to put up
with this. l'm rich.

250
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,049
What are you doing?

251
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,467
l'm calling my father.

252
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,929
1 -800-Druidia.

253
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,768
Careful, you idiot!
l said across
her nose, not up it!

254
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,230
Sorry, sir.
l'm doing my best.

255
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,566
Who made
that man a gunner?

256
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,067
l did, sir.

257
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,652
He's my cousin.

258
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,988
Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.

259
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,115
l know that.
What's his name?

260
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,199
That is his name, sir.

261
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,951
Asshole.
Major Asshole.

262
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,995
And his cousin?
He's an Asshole, too, sir.

263
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,330
Gunner's Mate,
First Class,
Phillip Asshole.

264
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,875
How many Assholes
we got
on this ship anyhow?

265
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:05,959
ALL: Yo!

266
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,007
l knew it.
l'm surrounded
by assholes.

267
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,594
Keep firing, assholes!

268
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,097
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

269
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,560
There are laser blasts
all around us! l'm scared.

270
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:28,648
ON RADIO:
King RoIand to Lone Starr.

271
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,983
Are you there?

272
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,487
Lone Starr, you've got
to help me.
Please save my daughter.

273
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,739
She's being attacked
by SpacebaIIs!

274
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:38,074
Spaceballs?
Forget it.
Too dangerous.

275
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,828
Besides, l'm already
numero uno on
Dark Helmet's hit list.

276
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:45,123
Look, Your Highness,
it's not that we're
afraid. Far from it.

277
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:48,460
lt's just that
we got this thing
about death. lt's not us.

278
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,503
Please, you must!

279
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,547
You're the only ones
that can save her!
l'll give you anything !

280
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,674
Did you hear me?
Anything.

281
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,301
Anything?

282
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,511
Yes, anything.

283
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,349
Okay. We'll do it
for a million.

284
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,475
A million?

285
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,478
You're starting to fade here.
We're losing picture,
Your Highness.

286
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,648
All right, l'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.

287
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,817
All right, King.
You just made a deal.

288
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,319
One princess for
1 million space bucks.

289
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,487
What's she driving?

290
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,322
A brand-new white Mercedes

291
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,616
2001 SEL limited edition.

292
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,493
Moon roof,
all-leather interior.

293
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,037
l got it at
a very good price.
l paid cash.

294
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,665
My cousin, Prince Murray,
has a dealership
in the valley.

295
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:27,874
He was very nice to me.

296
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,000
We get the idea.

297
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,335
Where was
she last seen?

298
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,337
She was just passing
Jupiter Two.

299
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,505
We'll find her.

300
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,841
Please bring her back safely.

301
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,970
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.

302
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,350
1 million space bucks!
We'll be able to
pay off Pizza the Hutt!

303
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,601
Give me paw!

304
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,186
(BOTH HOWLlNG)

305
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,026
What's happening?

306
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,488
What's that glow?

307
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,198
We're not moving.

308
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,200
We're moving,
all right.

309
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,785
Backwards.

310
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,042
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

311
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,044
Oh, no.
Spaceballs!

312
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,422
And they've already
got her in
their magnetic beam.

313
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:17,048
We're too late.
What a shame.

314
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,342
l'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

315
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:20,760
No! Bad.

316
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,763
What are we doing
risking our lives for
a runaway princess?

317
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,724
l know we need
the money, but. . .
Listen,

318
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,310
we're not just
doing this for money.

319
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,148
We're doing it
for a shitload of money.

320
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,774
You're right.

321
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:38,069
And when you're right,
you're right. And you,
you're always right.

322
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,946
Okay, we save her.
But how?

323
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,741
The minute we move in there,
they're gonna
spot us on their radar.

324
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,035
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

325
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,745
Not if we jam it.

326
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,871
Aha!

327
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:48,997
You're right.

328
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,916
Down scope.
Down scope.

329
00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:01,509
Radar about to be jammed.

330
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,310
(BEEPS)

331
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,396
(BUZZlNG)

332
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:26,993
Shit.

333
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,704
(CLANKlNG)

334
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,293
ON PA: Sir.
What is it?

335
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:38,338
Can I taIk to you
for a minute,
please, sir?

336
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:42,968
Well?

337
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,052
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

338
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,972
You don't need that,
Private. We're right
here. What is it?

339
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:49,265
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

340
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,350
Now what is it?

341
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:51,810
l'm having trouble
with the radar.

342
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:52,852
What's wrong?

343
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,980
l've lost the bleeps,
the sweeps,
and the creeps.

344
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,272
The what?
And the what?

345
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:57,732
You know. The bleeps.

346
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,317
(BLEEPlNG)

347
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:01,987
The sweeps.

348
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:03,446
(GURGLlNG)

349
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,824
And the creeps.

350
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,283
(SQUEAKlNG)

351
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:09,411
That's not
all he's lost.

352
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,788
Sir.
The radar, sir.

353
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:13,623
lt appears to be

354
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:15,625
jammed.

355
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,420
Jammed.

356
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:23,717
Raspberry.

357
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:30,140
Well, there's only one man
who would dare
give me the raspberry.

358
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,268
Lone Starr!

359
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:35,103
(CLATTERlNG)

360
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:02,047
What was that?

361
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,131
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

362
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,216
Never mind that.
What was that?

363
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:07,135
(GASPS)

364
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,344
Hi.

365
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,513
Who are you?
Barf.

366
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,475
Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.

367
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:15,727
No, that's
my name. Barf.

368
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:16,895
Barf?

369
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,313
What are you?

370
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,857
l'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.

371
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,193
l'm my own best friend.

372
00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:24,569
What do you want?

373
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:27,072
Your father hired
Captain Lone Starr
and me to save you.

374
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,032
We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.

375
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:31,242
Good. Quick.
Hurry, darling.
Follow the dog.

376
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,827
Mawg. l'm a Mawg.

377
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,663
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

378
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,165
(WHlMPERlNG)

379
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,296
DOT: Stop looking
up my can.

380
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:44,547
Sorry.

381
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:57,477
Checking in?
What the hell
is all that?

382
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:02,232
lt's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

383
00:24:02,316 --> 00:24:03,358
LONE STARR: What?

384
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,569
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

385
00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:08,947
Matched luggage, huh?

386
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:11,616
What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?

387
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,993
Well, she wouldn't
go without it.

388
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,370
Oh, yeah?

389
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,205
(GRUNTS)

390
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,583
Now hear this.

391
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,461
The minute
we get out of here,
the first thing we do is

392
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,547
dump the matched luggage.

393
00:24:26,257 --> 00:24:27,715
Who is that?

394
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,594
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

395
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:34,347
You wiII not touch
that luggage.

396
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:37,308
And furthermore,
l want this pigsty
cleaned up.

397
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:40,019
l will not be rescued
in such filth.

398
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:44,357
Listen. On this ship,
l don't take orders,
l give them.

399
00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:46,860
This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.

400
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:48,528
Sweetheart?

401
00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:49,779
Oh-oh.

402
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,158
How dare you
speak to me that way?

403
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:56,578
You wiII address me
in the proper manner
as Your Royal Highness.

404
00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:58,538
l am Princess Vespa,

405
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,958
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

406
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,462
That's all we needed.

407
00:25:06,589 --> 00:25:09,215
A Druish princess.

408
00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:14,137
Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.

409
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:54,302
Now we wiII show her
who is in charge
of this galaxy.

410
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:59,098
HoId it.
I'II handIe this
personally.

411
00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:02,352
Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!

412
00:26:05,773 --> 00:26:08,066
So, Princess Vespa,

413
00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:11,986
you thought you could
outwit the imperious forces
of PIanet SpacebaII.

414
00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:14,030
Well, you were wrong.

415
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,282
You are now our prisoner.

416
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:19,285
And you will be held
hostage until such time

417
00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:22,872
as aII of the air
is transferred
from your planet

418
00:26:23,165 --> 00:26:24,916
to ours.

419
00:26:33,634 --> 00:26:35,093
She's not in there.

420
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,762
CORPORAL ON PA:
Radar repaired, sir.

421
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:40,932
We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.

422
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,934
Winnebago?

423
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:44,978
Lone Starr.

424
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:56,030
Here comes
the Badyear blimp.

425
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,408
We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.

426
00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:00,201
Switch to
secret hyper-jets.

427
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,036
Switching to
secret hyper-jets.

428
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:05,540
Buckle up back there,
we're going
into hyperactive.

429
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:14,507
We're closing in
on them, sir.

430
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,884
ln less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

431
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,637
Good.
Prepare to attack.

432
00:27:19,722 --> 00:27:21,055
Prepare to attack.

433
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,099
On the count of three.

434
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,600
One,

435
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,394
two,

436
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:28,479
Iate!

437
00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:29,731
What happened?
Where are they?

438
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,024
l don't know, sir.

439
00:27:31,108 --> 00:27:32,692
They must have
hyper-jets
on that thing.

440
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:34,902
And what have
we got on this thing,
a Cuisinart?

441
00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:35,987
No, sir.

442
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:37,196
Well, find them,
catch them !

443
00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:38,281
Yes, sir.

444
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,074
ON PA: Prepare ship
for light speed.

445
00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:41,659
No, light speed
is too slow.

446
00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:42,827
Light speed too slow?

447
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:45,747
Yes. We're gonna
have to go right to
ludicrous speed.

448
00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:46,998
(ALL GASPlNG)

449
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:48,207
Ludicrous speed?

450
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:51,377
We've never gone that fast.
l don't know
if this ship can take it.

451
00:27:51,462 --> 00:27:53,338
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?

452
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:54,630
Chicken?

453
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:57,759
Prepare ship.

454
00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:00,928
Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.

455
00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:02,847
Fasten aII seat beIts.

456
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:04,724
SeaI aII entrances
and exits.

457
00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:06,517
CIose aII shops
in the maII.

458
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,519
CanceI the
three-ring circus.

459
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:10,021
Secure aII animaIs
in the zoo...

460
00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:12,815
Give me that,
you petty excuse
for an officer.

461
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:13,900
(ALARM BUZZlNG)

462
00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:15,485
DARK HELMET:
Now hear this.

463
00:28:15,903 --> 00:28:17,362
Ludicrous speed!

464
00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:18,696
Sir, hadn't you
better buckle up?

465
00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:20,365
Buckle this.

466
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:23,076
Ludicrous speed! Go!

467
00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:28,289
(EXCLAlMlNG)

468
00:28:29,583 --> 00:28:30,958
(SCREAMlNG)

469
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,390
(DARK HELMET SCREAMlNG)

470
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:47,809
DARK HELMET:
What have l done?

471
00:28:50,020 --> 00:28:54,065
My brains are going
into my feet.

472
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,787
What the hell
was that?

473
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:09,872
SpacebaII One.

474
00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:13,167
They've gone to plaid.

475
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:19,173
We passed them.
Stop this thing.

476
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,801
We can't stop.
lt's too dangerous.

477
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:24,220
We've got to
slow down first.

478
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:28,474
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing !

479
00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:32,186
l order you. Stop!

480
00:29:41,447 --> 00:29:42,822
(SCREAMlNG)

481
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,787
Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.

482
00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:53,416
Are you
all right, sir?

483
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,668
Fine.
How have you been?

484
00:29:55,752 --> 00:29:56,752
Fine, sir.

485
00:29:56,837 --> 00:29:57,837
Good.

486
00:29:57,921 --> 00:29:59,297
Good thing
you were wearing
that helmet.

487
00:29:59,381 --> 00:30:00,423
Yeah.

488
00:30:00,507 --> 00:30:02,091
What shall
we do now, sir?

489
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:04,260
Well, are we stopped?

490
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:05,470
We're stopped, sir.

491
00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:06,596
Good.

492
00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:09,640
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

493
00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:11,267
Very good, sir.

494
00:30:11,894 --> 00:30:13,728
Smoke if
you got them.

495
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,149
Take her out of
hyperactive.

496
00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:20,193
Taking her out
of hyperactive.

497
00:30:21,904 --> 00:30:22,945
(SlGHS)

498
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:24,655
Congrats, boss.
We did it.

499
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,824
They must have
overshot us
by a week-and-a-half.

500
00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:28,326
Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.

501
00:30:28,410 --> 00:30:29,452
Setting a course
for. . .

502
00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:30,495
(ALARM BEEPlNG)

503
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:31,662
What's that?

504
00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:33,748
l don't know.
We're losing power!

505
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:35,374
Why?
'Cause we're out of gas!

506
00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:37,001
Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.

507
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,504
We should have put
more than
five bucks' worth in !

508
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,380
Okay. We'll have to
set her down.

509
00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:43,341
Prepare for
an emergency landing.

510
00:30:43,425 --> 00:30:44,592
Quick, give me
a reading !

511
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:47,011
Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name. . .

512
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:48,846
Will you stop that?

513
00:30:48,931 --> 00:30:50,765
Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.

514
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:52,016
You okay, Princess?

515
00:30:52,100 --> 00:30:53,476
(SCREAMlNG)

516
00:30:54,144 --> 00:30:57,355
No, you idiot!
Where'd you learn
how to fly?

517
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,774
Okay.
Eagle 5 coming in.

518
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:07,615
(WHlMPERlNG)

519
00:31:20,629 --> 00:31:22,838
BARF: Left! Go left!
Right! l mean right!

520
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,298
Pull up!

521
00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,261
(WHlMPERlNG)

522
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:36,811
Where're you going?

523
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,814
l am going to tell him
off once and for all.

524
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:43,901
Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

525
00:31:43,986 --> 00:31:45,695
Called me an idiot?

526
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:48,739
l'm going back there
and explain
a few things to her.

527
00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:52,159
Besides, he's got
a sexy voice.
He might be cute.

528
00:31:53,287 --> 00:31:54,579
You haven't seen her.

529
00:31:54,663 --> 00:31:55,830
l know what
she looks like.

530
00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:57,665
You've seen one,
you've seen them all.

531
00:31:57,749 --> 00:32:00,960
Cute? l know
these space bums,
they're all alike.

532
00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:02,420
Fat, ugly. . .

533
00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:03,754
Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed. . .

534
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:05,464
Beer-swilling pigs!

535
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,008
Horse-faced space dogs!

536
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:08,092
Yeah, well, normally. . .

537
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:09,176
(RlPPlNG)

538
00:32:09,261 --> 00:32:10,845
That's gonna leave a mark.

539
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,680
Now listen, you. . .

540
00:32:14,391 --> 00:32:15,391
You listen.

541
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:19,520
On this ship, you're
to refer to me as "idiot,"
not "you Captain."

542
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:21,731
l mean. . . You know
what l mean.

543
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:23,816
And you will not
call me "you."

544
00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:26,068
You will never
address me as "you."

545
00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:28,863
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

546
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:31,699
You are a royal
pain in the. . .

547
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,451
Hold it. Time!
BOTH: What?

548
00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:35,202
May l make
a small suggestion?

549
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,997
Any minute now,
the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,

550
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:40,458
head back this way,
and make us all dead.

551
00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:42,251
He's right. Let's go.

552
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:43,919
Wait. My things.

553
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,172
Now listen,
you royal. . .

554
00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:47,340
(WHlMPERS)

555
00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:48,799
Highness.

556
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:52,011
Take only what
you need to survive.

557
00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:53,804
(GROWLS)

558
00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:16,661
DOT: Please slow down.
l'm getting sand
up my gears.

559
00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:22,583
Gee, l hope
she didn't
forget anything.

560
00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,383
All right,
wait a minute, Barf.
Put it down.

561
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:34,095
What the hell's
in this thing?

562
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:39,767
What's this?

563
00:33:40,394 --> 00:33:43,270
l said, take only
what you need
to survive.

564
00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:45,731
My industrial-strength
hair dryer.

565
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,275
And l can't
live without it!

566
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:51,904
Okay, Princess,
that's it.

567
00:33:52,406 --> 00:33:54,031
The fairy tale is over.

568
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,367
Welcome to real life.

569
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,495
You want this
hot air machine,
you carry it.

570
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:05,459
You pick that up.

571
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,838
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?

572
00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:11,966
Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!

573
00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:13,718
(ECHOlNG)
Nobody!

574
00:34:14,094 --> 00:34:16,762
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?

575
00:34:16,847 --> 00:34:17,847
(BARF SHUDDERlNG)

576
00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:21,767
Those flashing eyes,
those flushed cheeks,
those trembling lips.

577
00:34:21,852 --> 00:34:23,769
You know
something, Princess?

578
00:34:23,854 --> 00:34:26,147
You are ugly
when you're angry.

579
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:27,398
Uh-oh.

580
00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:28,816
That's it.

581
00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:30,735
You and
your dog are. . .

582
00:34:30,819 --> 00:34:32,027
Please.

583
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,321
Total humans,
droids, if l may?

584
00:34:34,698 --> 00:34:35,948
lt's going to be
very dark soon.

585
00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:37,992
l suggest we find
a place to camp
for the night.

586
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:39,577
Come, darling.

587
00:34:45,834 --> 00:34:47,626
LONE STARR:
See? lt's lighter.

588
00:34:47,711 --> 00:34:50,254
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

589
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:54,258
l could have carried
two or three of these.

590
00:34:56,219 --> 00:34:58,345
Have you
found them yet?

591
00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,555
No, Lord Helmet.

592
00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:01,140
They're still not
on the scanner.

593
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:03,601
Well, keep looking
for them.

594
00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:07,521
(SLURPING)

595
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:14,612
Pardon me, sir.
l have an idea.

596
00:35:15,030 --> 00:35:18,449
Corporal, get me
the video cassette of
SpacebaIIs: The Movie.

597
00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:19,825
CORPORAL: Yes, sir.

598
00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,624
"The Producers, Twelve Chairs,
BIazing SaddIes,
Young Frankenstein."

599
00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:29,126
Colonel Sandurz,
may l speak
with you, please?

600
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:30,169
Yes, sir.

601
00:35:30,253 --> 00:35:32,755
How can there be a cassette
of SpacebaIIs: The Movie?

602
00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:34,131
We're still
in the middle
of making it.

603
00:35:34,216 --> 00:35:35,299
True, sir.

604
00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:37,843
There's been
a new breakthrough in
home video marketing.

605
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:38,928
There has?

606
00:35:39,012 --> 00:35:40,638
Yes.
lnstant cassettes.

607
00:35:40,722 --> 00:35:43,849
They're out in stores
before the
movie is finished.

608
00:35:43,934 --> 00:35:44,934
No.

609
00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:48,062
Here it is, sir!
SpacebaIIs.

610
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,815
SANDURZ:
Good work, Corporal.
Punch it up.

611
00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:56,821
That's much too early.
Prepare to
fast-forward.

612
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:57,988
Preparing to
fast-forward.

613
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,032
Fast-forward !
Fast-forwarding, sir.

614
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:07,540
(CHATTERING SQUEAKILY)

615
00:36:10,919 --> 00:36:12,336
(EXPLOSION)

616
00:36:18,802 --> 00:36:21,178
No, go past this.
Past this part.

617
00:36:21,263 --> 00:36:23,597
ln fact, never play
this again.

618
00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:28,018
Try here. Stop.

619
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:40,990
What the hell
am l looking at?

620
00:36:41,074 --> 00:36:42,575
When does this happen
in the movie?

621
00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:43,701
Now.

622
00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,035
You're looking
at now, sir.

623
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,413
Everything that happens now
is happening now.

624
00:36:47,497 --> 00:36:49,164
What happened to then?
We passed then.

625
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,332
When?
Just now.

626
00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:51,542
We're at now, now.

627
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:52,668
Go back to then.

628
00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:53,878
When?
Now.

629
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:55,796
l can't. We missed it.
When?

630
00:36:55,881 --> 00:36:57,172
Just now.

631
00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,091
When will then
be now?

632
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:00,301
Soon.

633
00:37:01,303 --> 00:37:02,469
How soon?

634
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,388
CORPORAL: Sir!
We've identified
their location !

635
00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:05,890
Where?
lt's the moon of Vega.

636
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:07,766
Set a course
and prepare
for our arrival.

637
00:37:07,851 --> 00:37:09,143
When?
1 900 hours, sir.

638
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,520
By high noon tomorrow,
they will be
our prisoners.

639
00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:12,646
Who?

640
00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:15,941
(CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG)

641
00:37:30,624 --> 00:37:32,708
No, thank you.
l'm perfectly all right.

642
00:37:32,792 --> 00:37:34,710
Take it,
it's freezing.

643
00:37:34,878 --> 00:37:36,378
lf you insist.

644
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:45,346
Won't you be cold?

645
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,640
No, cold never bothers me.

646
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,104
(SlGHS)

647
00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:56,065
l can't seem
to find Druidia.

648
00:37:56,149 --> 00:37:57,691
lt's right there.

649
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:58,943
Where?

650
00:37:59,027 --> 00:38:02,529
lt's right there.
lt's that bright blue one
right there. See?

651
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:07,534
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.

652
00:38:09,079 --> 00:38:11,413
Don't worry,
l'll get you there.

653
00:38:12,457 --> 00:38:13,582
Which one's yours?

654
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:14,667
Who knows?

655
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,126
You don't know
where you're from?

656
00:38:16,211 --> 00:38:19,213
Not really. l was found
on the doorstep
of a monastery.

657
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:20,965
Monastery? Where?

658
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:23,175
Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.

659
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:26,303
Well, didn't the monks
tell you who
your parents were?

660
00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:29,181
They couldn't.
They took a vow
of silence.

661
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:32,059
All l got was this.
lt was around my neck.

662
00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:33,477
What is it?
l don't know.

663
00:38:33,561 --> 00:38:35,854
l've taken it
to every wise man
in the universe

664
00:38:35,939 --> 00:38:38,565
and nobody could
tell me
what it means.

665
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,360
lt's beautiful.

666
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:44,363
You know, l. . .

667
00:38:47,075 --> 00:38:48,617
lt's beautiful.

668
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,916
So, how come
you ran away
from your wedding?

669
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,671
Well, if you must know,
l wasn't in love
with the groom.

670
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:03,257
Why were you
going to marry him?

671
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,803
Because l'm a princess,
and l have to
marry a prince.

672
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,973
And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?

673
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:14,727
No, he doesn't
do it for me.

674
00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:17,688
(SlGHS)

675
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:20,774
l really must go back.

676
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:24,278
l shouldn't have run away.

677
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:28,115
l realize now that
love is one luxury

678
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,242
a princess
cannot afford.

679
00:39:30,744 --> 00:39:32,286
You're probably right.

680
00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:36,832
l know now
that l must learn
to live without love.

681
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:38,459
l guess so.

682
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,627
Besides, love isn't
that important.

683
00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:42,671
No, it never was.

684
00:39:42,756 --> 00:39:46,300
l could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without

685
00:39:47,469 --> 00:39:48,552
love.

686
00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:50,637
Sure you could.

687
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,100
Without physical contact.

688
00:39:55,852 --> 00:39:56,977
Yeah.

689
00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,813
Without being held.

690
00:39:59,898 --> 00:40:01,148
Yeah.

691
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,068
Or kissed.

692
00:40:07,947 --> 00:40:09,490
(ALARM BLARlNG)

693
00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:13,952
Abandon ship!

694
00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:15,662
Women and Mawgs first!

695
00:40:16,998 --> 00:40:18,957
(BLARlNG STOPS)
We'll have none
of that, mister.

696
00:40:19,042 --> 00:40:21,085
How far did he get?
What did he touch?

697
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:22,628
Nothing happened !

698
00:40:22,712 --> 00:40:24,338
What the hell
was that noise?

699
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:26,048
That was
my Virgin Alarm.

700
00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,634
lt's programmed
to go off
before you do.

701
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:30,761
You get back
to bed, miss.

702
00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:32,262
And as for you,
sex fiend. . .

703
00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:34,890
All right.
Let's all just get
some sleep.

704
00:40:34,974 --> 00:40:36,934
We gotta get moving
before dawn.

705
00:40:37,018 --> 00:40:38,102
Why so early?

706
00:40:38,186 --> 00:40:40,062
Because we're in
the middle of the desert

707
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:44,191
and we aren't gonna get
very far once that
blazing sun gets overhead.

708
00:40:48,822 --> 00:40:50,405
BARF: Nice dissolve.

709
00:40:56,788 --> 00:40:58,205
(PANTlNG)

710
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:02,292
Water.

711
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,045
(PANTlNG)

712
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:09,550
(GASPlNG)

713
00:41:12,554 --> 00:41:14,388
(PANTlNG) Oil.

714
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,101
Room service.

715
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,109
(GASPlNG)
Chief, l'm dead.

716
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,364
l can't go
any further.

717
00:41:34,701 --> 00:41:36,493
Come on, Barf,
old buddy.

718
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:38,996
Just one more
dune to go.

719
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:40,164
No!

720
00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:43,876
You said that
three dunes ago.
l got no more left.

721
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,297
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

722
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:57,431
Must go on.

723
00:41:58,975 --> 00:42:00,726
Who am l kidding?

724
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,450
(ALL SCATTlNG SQUEAKlLY)

725
00:42:22,749 --> 00:42:24,333
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

726
00:42:37,472 --> 00:42:39,348
(CHATTERlNG CONTlNUES)

727
00:42:50,777 --> 00:42:52,110
(GRUNTS)

728
00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:03,455
Thanks, little guy.

729
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:07,167
Thank you.

730
00:43:09,379 --> 00:43:11,171
Did l miss something?

731
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:13,966
When did we get
to Disneyland?

732
00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,302
(DlNKS SCATTlNG)

733
00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:33,944
I don't
see them, Sandurz.

734
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:36,446
l've sent the troops
on ahead
to Vector 78, sir.

735
00:43:36,531 --> 00:43:37,614
Let's get moving.

736
00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:39,241
Yes, sir.
Driver, prepare
to move out.

737
00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:41,994
What are you preparing?
You're always
preparing. Just go.

738
00:43:42,078 --> 00:43:43,287
Just go.
Yes, sir.

739
00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:45,497
Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?

740
00:43:46,416 --> 00:43:47,874
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

741
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:04,891
BARF: What're they saying?

742
00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:08,103
Well, it's obvious
they want us
to go with them.

743
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:09,896
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

744
00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:19,323
What is
this place?

745
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:21,700
lt looks like
the Temple of Doom.

746
00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:24,411
Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth lsrael.

747
00:44:24,579 --> 00:44:27,247
Come on. l think
we'd better
follow them.

748
00:44:38,468 --> 00:44:39,468
(STATUE HlSSlNG)

749
00:44:39,552 --> 00:44:41,428
Oh-oh. l think
we woke it up.

750
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,598
Goodbye, folks!
Let me know
how it turns out.

751
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:45,807
Come back
here, Dot!

752
00:44:45,892 --> 00:44:47,017
Come on.
We gotta
keep going.

753
00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:48,602
We need you.

754
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,777
What's gonna
happen now?

755
00:44:56,861 --> 00:44:58,528
Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.

756
00:44:58,613 --> 00:44:59,863
But what if
it does?

757
00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:02,199
l don't know about you,
but l'm all for leaving.

758
00:45:02,283 --> 00:45:04,826
l say we get out
of here right now,
while the going. . .

759
00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:05,911
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

760
00:45:05,995 --> 00:45:07,245
YOGURT: Silence!

761
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:11,375
Who dares enter
the sacred and
awesome presence

762
00:45:11,459 --> 00:45:14,669
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

763
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,506
ALL: Yogurt?

764
00:45:27,642 --> 00:45:28,809
You heard of me?

765
00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:31,812
Heard of you?
Who hasn't
heard of Yogurt?

766
00:45:32,355 --> 00:45:33,855
Yogurt,
the wise.

767
00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:35,816
Yogurt,
the all-powerful.

768
00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,692
Yogurt,
the magnificent.

769
00:45:37,819 --> 00:45:41,530
Please, don't make a fuss.
l'm just plain Yogurt.

770
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,240
But you're the one. . .

771
00:45:43,324 --> 00:45:44,366
Yes.

772
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:47,035
l am the keeper of
a greater magic,

773
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:50,789
a power known throughout
the universe as the. . .

774
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:51,873
The Force?

775
00:45:51,958 --> 00:45:53,959
No. The Schwartz.

776
00:45:54,669 --> 00:45:56,628
ALL: The Schwartz!

777
00:45:57,004 --> 00:46:00,507
Yes, the Schwartz.

778
00:46:04,053 --> 00:46:07,848
But, Yogurt, what is
this place? What is it
that you do here?

779
00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:09,933
Merchandising.

780
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,935
Merchandising?
What's that?

781
00:46:12,019 --> 00:46:13,103
Merchandising.

782
00:46:13,187 --> 00:46:15,939
Come, l'll show you.
Open up the store.

783
00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:17,691
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

784
00:46:21,070 --> 00:46:23,822
Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.

785
00:46:23,906 --> 00:46:27,200
We put the picture's
name on everything !

786
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:30,245
Merchandising,

787
00:46:30,329 --> 00:46:32,873
where the real money
from the movie is made.

788
00:46:33,166 --> 00:46:34,916
Spaceballs, The T-shirt.

789
00:46:35,084 --> 00:46:36,960
SpacebaIIs,
The Coloring Book.

790
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:38,837
SpacebaIIs,
The Lunch Box.

791
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,214
SpacebaIIs,
The Breakfast Cereal.

792
00:46:41,424 --> 00:46:43,800
SpacebaIIs,
The Flamethrower.

793
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:46,470
The kids love this one.

794
00:46:46,888 --> 00:46:48,680
Last, but not least,

795
00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:51,224
Spaceballs, The Doll.
Me.

796
00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:52,559
(WlNDlNG)

797
00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:54,895
May the Schwartz
be with you.

798
00:46:55,438 --> 00:46:57,063
(DlNKS CHUCKLlNG)

799
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,398
Adorable.

800
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,068
WOMAN: (SINGING)
Hot together

801
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:03,778
Hot

802
00:47:03,863 --> 00:47:05,322
So hot together

803
00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:06,990
Baby, we could be hot...

804
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:08,700
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

805
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:15,290
President Skroob.

806
00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:16,416
What is it?

807
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:20,295
l have an urgent message
from Lord HeImet.
He's Iost the Princess.

808
00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:21,421
Where?

809
00:47:21,506 --> 00:47:22,797
Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.

810
00:47:22,882 --> 00:47:26,551
Tell them to comb the desert.
Do you hear me?
Comb the desert!

811
00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:28,011
Yes, sir.

812
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:35,435
Sir?
What?

813
00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:39,231
Are we being
too literal?

814
00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:41,024
No, you fool.
We're following orders.

815
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:44,444
We were toId to
comb the desert,
so we're combing it.

816
00:47:44,779 --> 00:47:46,488
Found anything yet?

817
00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,907
Nothing yet, sir.

818
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:52,869
DARK HELMET:
How about you?

819
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:54,996
Not a thing, sir.

820
00:47:57,959 --> 00:47:59,793
What about
you guys?

821
00:48:00,211 --> 00:48:01,962
We ain't found shit!

822
00:48:05,383 --> 00:48:08,969
lt's a big mystery.
None of the wise men
could tell me what it means.

823
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:13,223
Wise men, pshaw.
Wise guys, you mean.
What do they know?

824
00:48:13,307 --> 00:48:15,308
Here, let me
take a look.

825
00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:19,312
(GlBBERlNG)

826
00:48:24,527 --> 00:48:25,694
You can read it!

827
00:48:25,778 --> 00:48:27,904
No, l was just
clearing my throat.

828
00:48:27,989 --> 00:48:30,323
Here, let me
take a. . .

829
00:48:32,535 --> 00:48:35,829
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!

830
00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:36,997
You understand it?

831
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,748
Yes.
What's it say?

832
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:43,378
l cannot tell you that now.
lt shall be revealed
to you at the proper time.

833
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:44,879
Great.

834
00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:46,798
Come on, don't be
disappointed.

835
00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:48,508
Back to your
Schwartz training.

836
00:48:48,593 --> 00:48:52,137
Here, take the ring.
Point it at
that big statue.

837
00:48:52,388 --> 00:48:54,306
Okay. But l still
don't understand

838
00:48:54,390 --> 00:48:57,559
how l'm going to lift
that big statue
with this little ring.

839
00:48:57,643 --> 00:49:01,855
Never underestimate
the power
of the Schwartz!

840
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:04,774
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

841
00:49:06,235 --> 00:49:07,694
Concentrate.

842
00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,529
(GRUNTlNG)

843
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,910
(CONTlNUES GRUNTlNG)

844
00:49:16,829 --> 00:49:18,204
(RUMBLlNG)

845
00:49:20,875 --> 00:49:23,376
YOGURT: Lone Starr,
you're doing it!

846
00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:28,965
l can't believe it!
The Schwartz,
it's working !

847
00:49:30,259 --> 00:49:33,136
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

848
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:34,512
(YELPlNG)

849
00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:40,185
Give me the ring, quick.

850
00:49:40,853 --> 00:49:42,187
(CHANTlNG)

851
00:49:43,773 --> 00:49:45,231
Upsy-daisy!

852
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:48,860
(GROANlNG)

853
00:49:50,946 --> 00:49:52,405
Sorry, Barf.

854
00:49:52,907 --> 00:49:54,240
(GRUNTlNG)

855
00:49:54,367 --> 00:49:55,659
(GROANlNG)

856
00:49:58,037 --> 00:49:59,621
Keep searching.

857
00:49:59,705 --> 00:50:00,955
(SlGHlNG)

858
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:03,792
lt's no use, sir.
We've searched
everywhere.

859
00:50:03,876 --> 00:50:04,834
Wait.

860
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:08,088
l feel the presence
of the Schwartz.

861
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,173
The Schwartz?
Yes.

862
00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:12,926
lt's coming
from somewhere

863
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,637
down there.

864
00:50:18,182 --> 00:50:21,518
You're right, sir.
There's a secret
entrance here.

865
00:50:21,602 --> 00:50:24,437
And look at this
insignia. lt's a "Y."

866
00:50:25,481 --> 00:50:29,317
Yogurt!
l hate yogurt!

867
00:50:29,777 --> 00:50:31,611
Even with strawberries!

868
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,196
l'll call for
the attack squad, sir.

869
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,074
No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.

870
00:50:36,158 --> 00:50:37,450
lt's far too powerful.

871
00:50:37,535 --> 00:50:40,203
But, sir, your ring.
Don't you have
the Schwartz, too?

872
00:50:40,287 --> 00:50:42,414
He got the upside.
l got the downside.

873
00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:44,040
There's two sides
to every Schwartz.

874
00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:47,001
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

875
00:50:48,254 --> 00:50:50,255
We wiII not
go in there.

876
00:50:50,715 --> 00:50:53,508
She wiII
come out to us.

877
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:10,817
KING ROLAND:
Vespa, my child.
Where are you?

878
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:12,569
Daddy?

879
00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:16,823
Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.

880
00:51:17,158 --> 00:51:18,575
Come to me.

881
00:51:18,659 --> 00:51:19,868
Daddy?

882
00:51:20,244 --> 00:51:22,996
l hear you.
Where are you?

883
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,331
Follow my voice.

884
00:51:26,292 --> 00:51:28,334
Come to me.

885
00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:35,592
Vespa, where are you going?

886
00:51:35,676 --> 00:51:38,720
Vespa, come to me.

887
00:51:42,683 --> 00:51:45,602
Daddy.
ls it really you?

888
00:51:45,686 --> 00:51:47,187
Yes, my dear.

889
00:51:47,897 --> 00:51:51,608
l guarantee it.
Would l lie?

890
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:55,361
Daddy.

891
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,446
(EXCLAlMS)

892
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,156
DOT: No, Vespa, don't!

893
00:51:58,282 --> 00:51:59,365
(EXCLAlMS)

894
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:00,450
(GROANS)

895
00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:03,536
Fooled you.

896
00:52:04,413 --> 00:52:06,289
(DARK HELMET LAUGHING)

897
00:52:06,707 --> 00:52:09,626
Take them both aboard
and put the Princess
in my quarters.

898
00:52:09,710 --> 00:52:11,211
Yes, sir.

899
00:52:11,378 --> 00:52:12,962
Now she is mine.

900
00:52:13,422 --> 00:52:14,923
What's the matter?
What are they saying?

901
00:52:15,007 --> 00:52:16,883
They've taken
the Princess.

902
00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,802
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

903
00:52:22,223 --> 00:52:24,057
(SPACESHlP RUMBLlNG)

904
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:28,645
Spaceballs.
Too late.

905
00:52:28,729 --> 00:52:31,356
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

906
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,277
Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.

907
00:52:36,362 --> 00:52:38,488
You're welcome.
And here!

908
00:52:39,198 --> 00:52:41,366
Just in case
you get hungry.

909
00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:43,868
A fortune cookie?
Yes!

910
00:52:44,036 --> 00:52:47,247
Remember, open it
before you eat it.

911
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,124
Thanks.
We better get going.

912
00:52:50,292 --> 00:52:52,877
l wonder,
will we ever see
each other again?

913
00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:56,381
Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again

914
00:52:56,465 --> 00:52:59,425
in SpacebaIIs 2:
The Search for More Money.

915
00:53:00,261 --> 00:53:01,970
Goodbye, Lone Starr.

916
00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:03,638
Goodbye, Yogurt.

917
00:53:04,348 --> 00:53:06,391
The ring of the Schwartz!

918
00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:09,018
No, l can't take this.

919
00:53:09,103 --> 00:53:12,647
Take it.
You might need it.

920
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:15,775
Thanks.
l'll never forget you.

921
00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:18,945
Wish me luck.

922
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:26,077
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

923
00:53:41,594 --> 00:53:43,344
So, Princess Vespa,

924
00:53:43,429 --> 00:53:46,639
at last l have you
in my clutches

925
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:50,852
to have my way with you
the way l want to.

926
00:53:51,145 --> 00:53:53,855
No, please!
Leave me alone.

927
00:53:53,939 --> 00:53:55,273
No, you are mine.

928
00:53:55,357 --> 00:53:56,733
(MlMlCKlNG LONE STARR)
Not so fast, Helmet.

929
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:58,067
Lone Starr.

930
00:53:58,152 --> 00:54:00,778
Yes, it's me.
l'm here to
save my girlfriend.

931
00:54:00,863 --> 00:54:01,988
Hi, honey.

932
00:54:02,072 --> 00:54:04,282
Now you are
going to die.

933
00:54:04,617 --> 00:54:06,200
(MlMlCKlNG GROANlNG)

934
00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:08,620
(MlMlCKlNG BARF)
Hey, what'd you do
to my friend?

935
00:54:08,704 --> 00:54:11,748
The same thing
l'm going to do
to you, big boy.

936
00:54:11,832 --> 00:54:13,333
And you, too.

937
00:54:14,126 --> 00:54:17,754
Now, Princess Vespa,
at Iast we are aIone.

938
00:54:18,631 --> 00:54:21,215
No, l hate you.
Leave me alone!

939
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:23,843
Yet l find you
strangely attractive.

940
00:54:23,928 --> 00:54:25,428
Of course you do.

941
00:54:25,512 --> 00:54:29,599
Druish princesses
are often attracted
to money and power.

942
00:54:29,683 --> 00:54:32,560
And I have both.
And you know it.

943
00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:35,146
Leave me alone!
No, kiss me!

944
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:36,773
No! Yes! No!

945
00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:38,024
No!
Yes!

946
00:54:38,484 --> 00:54:39,776
(MOANlNG)

947
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,406
Your helmet
is so big.

948
00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:47,325
Lord Helmet.
What?

949
00:54:47,409 --> 00:54:49,285
You're needed
on the bridge, sir!

950
00:54:49,370 --> 00:54:51,663
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

951
00:54:51,747 --> 00:54:52,789
Yes, sir.

952
00:54:52,873 --> 00:54:54,457
Did you see anything?
No, sir.

953
00:54:54,541 --> 00:54:56,125
l didn't see
you playing
with your dolls.

954
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:57,293
Good.

955
00:55:16,397 --> 00:55:17,814
(GASPS)
President Skroob.

956
00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:21,734
l told you never to
call me on this wall.
This is an unlisted wall.

957
00:55:21,819 --> 00:55:23,653
Sorry, sir,
but it's very important.

958
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,072
The Princess
has just been brought
to your office

959
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:28,700
and Lord HeImet
and CoIoneI Sandurz
are awaiting you there.

960
00:55:28,784 --> 00:55:31,160
All right. Tell them
l'll be right there.

961
00:55:31,245 --> 00:55:32,495
Yes, sir!

962
00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:37,834
(ZlPPlNG)

963
00:55:37,918 --> 00:55:39,127
(GROANS)

964
00:55:41,005 --> 00:55:42,338
(FLUSHlNG)

965
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:46,843
Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?

966
00:55:46,927 --> 00:55:48,511
What are you doing
to my daughter?

967
00:55:48,595 --> 00:55:50,346
Permit me
to introduce

968
00:55:50,431 --> 00:55:54,183
the brilliant young
plastic surgeon,
Dr. PhiIIip SchIotkin.

969
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:59,105
The greatest nose job man
in the entire universe
and Beverly Hills.

970
00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:00,648
Your Highness.

971
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:02,191
Nose job?
I don't understand.

972
00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:05,361
She's aIready had a nose job.
It was her
sweet-sixteen present.

973
00:56:05,446 --> 00:56:08,781
No, it's not what
you think.
It's much, much worse.

974
00:56:08,991 --> 00:56:12,493
lf you do not give me
the combination
to the air shield,

975
00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:16,873
Dr. SchIotkin wiII give
your daughter back
her oId nose.

976
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:18,124
(EXCLAlMlNG)

977
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,960
No!

978
00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:24,338
Where did you get that?

979
00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:26,591
All right, l'll tell!

980
00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:28,968
No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!

981
00:56:29,053 --> 00:56:32,096
You're right, my dear.
l'll miss your new nose.

982
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:35,391
But I wiII not teII him
the combination,
no matter what.

983
00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:39,187
Very well.
Dr. Schlotkin,
do your worst.

984
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,230
My pleasure.

985
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:46,360
KING ROLAND: No! Wait!

986
00:56:47,321 --> 00:56:49,655
I'II teII.

987
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:54,368
DARK HELMET: l knew
it wouId work.
All right, give it to me.

988
00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:57,663
The combination is:

989
00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:00,917
One.

990
00:57:01,001 --> 00:57:02,001
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

991
00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:03,127
Two.

992
00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:04,212
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

993
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,505
Three.

994
00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:07,340
Four.

995
00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:10,968
Five.

996
00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:16,766
So the combination is
1-2-3-4-5.

997
00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,645
That's the stupidest
combination
l ever heard in my life!

998
00:57:20,729 --> 00:57:23,272
That's the kind of thing
an idiot would
have on his luggage!

999
00:57:23,357 --> 00:57:24,690
Thank you,
Your Highness.

1000
00:57:25,818 --> 00:57:26,859
What did you do?

1001
00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:27,944
l turned off
the wall.

1002
00:57:28,028 --> 00:57:29,487
No, you turned off
the whole movie.

1003
00:57:29,613 --> 00:57:30,947
l must have pressed
the wrong button.

1004
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:32,532
(lNDlSTlNCT MOANlNG)
Put the movie back on !

1005
00:57:32,616 --> 00:57:33,699
Yes, sir.

1006
00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:35,118
You gotta get
that thing fixed.

1007
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:37,787
We're back!
And we have
the combination !

1008
00:57:37,871 --> 00:57:39,497
Schlotkin !
What?

1009
00:57:39,623 --> 00:57:40,873
We're done with you.

1010
00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:43,626
Go back to the golf course
and work on your putts.

1011
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:45,503
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

1012
00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:49,257
Of course, you know
l'll still have
to bill you for this.

1013
00:57:52,511 --> 00:57:54,720
l bet she gives
great helmet.

1014
00:57:57,766 --> 00:57:59,308
Did it work?
Where's the King?

1015
00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:01,310
lt worked, sir.
We have the combination.

1016
00:58:01,395 --> 00:58:05,857
Great. Now we can take
every last breath of fresh air
from Planet Druidia.

1017
00:58:05,941 --> 00:58:07,108
What's the combination?

1018
00:58:07,192 --> 00:58:09,068
1 -2-3-4-5.

1019
00:58:09,403 --> 00:58:10,653
1 -2-3-4-5?

1020
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:11,737
Yes.

1021
00:58:11,822 --> 00:58:15,366
That's amazing.
l've got the same
combination on my luggage.

1022
00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:18,119
Prepare Spaceball One
for immediate departure.

1023
00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:19,245
Yes, sir.

1024
00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:22,081
And change the combination
on my luggage.

1025
00:58:23,041 --> 00:58:23,833
(GROANS)

1026
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,632
There it is.
Spaceball City,
straight ahead.

1027
00:58:31,717 --> 00:58:33,509
Good,
l'm taking her in.

1028
00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,140
GUARD: What the hell
is that thing?

1029
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,434
GUARD 1 : lt looks like
a Winnebago with wings.

1030
00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:45,188
Hey, you can't
park here!

1031
00:58:45,272 --> 00:58:48,024
Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."

1032
00:58:51,612 --> 00:58:52,820
(MlMlCS KlSSlNG)

1033
00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:54,906
That son of a. . .

1034
00:58:57,910 --> 00:59:02,371
All right, hands up.
You're under arrest
for illegal parking.

1035
00:59:02,456 --> 00:59:03,456
Yeah !

1036
00:59:06,877 --> 00:59:08,461
(GUARDS YELLlNG)

1037
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:30,608
MAN ON PA: Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-17.

1038
00:59:31,193 --> 00:59:35,655
Attention.
Section C scanners, report.

1039
00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:37,990
Nah.

1040
00:59:42,329 --> 00:59:43,829
She's gotta be
in one of
these cells.

1041
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:45,831
(WHlSPERlNG)
Yeah, but which one?

1042
00:59:47,668 --> 00:59:49,043
No.
No.

1043
00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:52,255
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
Nobody knows

1044
00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:53,631
lt's coming
from here.

1045
00:59:53,715 --> 00:59:54,924
That can't
be her.

1046
00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:57,343
The troubIe
I've seen

1047
00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:03,349
Nobody knows
but Jesus

1048
01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:06,394
lt's her.

1049
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:11,023
Nobody knows

1050
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,068
The troubIe I've seen

1051
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,611
She's a bass.

1052
01:00:15,696 --> 01:00:19,865
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
GIory haIIeIujah

1053
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:24,787
(GROANS)

1054
01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,123
What do you want?

1055
01:00:27,207 --> 01:00:28,416
lt's me.

1056
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:30,293
lt's us.

1057
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:32,920
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

1058
01:00:33,005 --> 01:00:34,964
No time to talk.
Come on.

1059
01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:36,173
We gotta move.

1060
01:00:36,258 --> 01:00:37,800
Barf! How'd you do it?

1061
01:00:40,512 --> 01:00:41,887
(WHlSPERlNG)

1062
01:00:59,239 --> 01:01:01,824
Those are the guys
that stole
our uniforms!

1063
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:04,243
And beat the shit
out of us, too!

1064
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:06,537
(SHUDDERlNG)

1065
01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:10,082
We got company.

1066
01:01:15,255 --> 01:01:16,505
Watch out!

1067
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,677
Damn it!
That's our
only way out.

1068
01:01:21,762 --> 01:01:22,803
We're trapped.

1069
01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,055
l hate
these movies.

1070
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:27,808
(GROANlNG)

1071
01:01:27,893 --> 01:01:28,893
l'm out of ammo!

1072
01:01:28,977 --> 01:01:30,895
Get back!
l'll hold them off.

1073
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,647
l got an idea!

1074
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,859
DOT:
What's he doing?

1075
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,486
(BARF GRUNTlNG)

1076
01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:46,369
(GROANlNG)

1077
01:01:49,623 --> 01:01:50,790
Good work.

1078
01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,833
More ping-pongs.
Run for it.

1079
01:01:52,918 --> 01:01:54,168
Let's go!

1080
01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,799
lt's closing !

1081
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,968
The door's closing !

1082
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:04,512
Go for broke!

1083
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:07,556
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

1084
01:02:13,063 --> 01:02:15,648
Don't move or
you're dead.
Stand up!

1085
01:02:15,774 --> 01:02:17,775
Captain,
we've got them.

1086
01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:25,574
Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.

1087
01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:28,327
Turn around, please.

1088
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:32,915
What a pity.

1089
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:37,420
So, Princess, you thought
you could outwit
the imperious force of. . .

1090
01:02:37,504 --> 01:02:38,671
(GASPS)

1091
01:02:41,383 --> 01:02:42,800
You idiots!

1092
01:02:43,343 --> 01:02:46,929
These are not them.
You've captured
their stunt doubles.

1093
01:02:47,848 --> 01:02:50,641
Search the area.
Find them !

1094
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:56,147
LONE STARR: Hurry up.
Get aboard.
l'll hold them off.

1095
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,776
Open the door!

1096
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,278
l can't,
it's fused.

1097
01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:04,113
What about this one?
lt's locked.

1098
01:03:04,197 --> 01:03:05,948
Where are the keys?
lnside.

1099
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:07,700
Oh, great!
Duck!

1100
01:03:10,871 --> 01:03:13,205
Here, you hold them off.
l'll get the door.

1101
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:15,749
l ain't shooting
this thing.
l hate guns.

1102
01:03:18,378 --> 01:03:21,130
My hair.
He shot my hair!

1103
01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:24,216
You son of a bitch !

1104
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,896
Holy shit!

1105
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:43,152
How was that?

1106
01:03:43,236 --> 01:03:44,695
Not bad.

1107
01:03:44,779 --> 01:03:46,238
Not bad
for a girl.

1108
01:03:46,323 --> 01:03:48,657
That was pretty good
for Rambo!

1109
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:50,659
Let's blow this joint.

1110
01:03:54,122 --> 01:03:55,915
(FOOTSTEPS POUNDlNG)

1111
01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:05,716
SANDURZ:
President Skroob!
Salute!

1112
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:07,343
ALL: Hail, Skroob.

1113
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,764
The ship is too big.
lf l walk, the movie
will be over.

1114
01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:13,015
Sir.
Yes?

1115
01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:14,141
(GASPS)

1116
01:04:14,226 --> 01:04:17,186
Never have that
damn thing down
in front of me.

1117
01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:20,022
How do l know you're not
making faces
at me under that thing?

1118
01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:21,565
SANDURZ: President Skroob.
Yes?

1119
01:04:21,650 --> 01:04:23,817
There it is,
Planet Druidia.

1120
01:04:24,611 --> 01:04:28,614
(EXCLAlMlNG) Planet Druidia.
And 1 0,000 years
of fresh air.

1121
01:04:28,949 --> 01:04:31,116
The way he runs things,
it won't last 1 00.

1122
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:32,201
What?

1123
01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:34,453
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

1124
01:04:34,538 --> 01:04:36,038
Good.
Get on with it.

1125
01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:37,581
Ready, Kafka?

1126
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:45,464
Look, it's
SpacebaII One.

1127
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:49,051
They've reached
the air shieId.

1128
01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:50,928
DOT: And it's opening.

1129
01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:56,809
The ship's too big.
They'll never
get through.

1130
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:59,895
How will they get
the air out? l don't see
any hoses or anything.

1131
01:05:05,151 --> 01:05:06,819
What's happening?

1132
01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,199
The ship. Changing.

1133
01:05:26,256 --> 01:05:29,883
Oh, my gosh.
lt's not just
a spaceship.

1134
01:05:30,719 --> 01:05:32,511
lt's a transformer.

1135
01:05:43,231 --> 01:05:44,982
DOT: It's changing into...

1136
01:05:45,066 --> 01:05:46,859
BARF: A gigantic...

1137
01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:48,360
VESPA: Maid!

1138
01:05:48,695 --> 01:05:50,529
LONE STARR:
With a vacuum cIeaner.

1139
01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:55,034
So that's how
they're gonna
get the air out.

1140
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,684
Metamorphosis completed, sir.
Spaceball One has now become

1141
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,523
Megamaid.

1142
01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:28,192
Good !

1143
01:06:28,276 --> 01:06:29,360
Remarkable.

1144
01:06:29,444 --> 01:06:33,697
Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.

1145
01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:37,326
(MEGAMAlD WHlRRlNG)

1146
01:06:40,205 --> 01:06:43,290
TOGETHER: Suck.

1147
01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:59,640
(GASPlNG)
Goodbye, little Vespa.

1148
01:07:01,476 --> 01:07:06,063
My little baby Vespa.

1149
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:07,940
(GASPlNG)

1150
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,239
The air bag,
it's almost full.

1151
01:07:15,323 --> 01:07:16,365
DOT: What do we do?

1152
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,537
We've gotta act fast.

1153
01:07:21,621 --> 01:07:25,499
Step one: We reverse
the vacuum and blow
the air back onto the planet.

1154
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:28,877
Step two:
We destroy
that thing.

1155
01:07:29,129 --> 01:07:30,879
But isn't that
dangerous?

1156
01:07:30,964 --> 01:07:32,172
Extremely.

1157
01:07:32,257 --> 01:07:36,135
Plus, l don't know
how the hell
we're gonna do it.

1158
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:38,554
What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?

1159
01:07:38,638 --> 01:07:39,930
Oh, yeah.

1160
01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:43,225
Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!

1161
01:07:43,309 --> 01:07:45,310
Okay.
Here goes nothing.

1162
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:56,655
VESPA: Look at that.

1163
01:07:56,740 --> 01:07:57,906
Wow!

1164
01:07:58,992 --> 01:08:00,492
BARF: lt's working.

1165
01:08:01,661 --> 01:08:03,620
VESPA: Come on, Schwartz!

1166
01:08:03,872 --> 01:08:05,414
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1167
01:08:12,672 --> 01:08:14,214
Helmet,
what's going on?

1168
01:08:14,299 --> 01:08:15,924
Sandurz,
what's going on?

1169
01:08:16,009 --> 01:08:19,762
lt's Megamaid.
She's gone from
suck to blow.

1170
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:23,182
What? They're getting
all their air back.
Do something.

1171
01:08:23,266 --> 01:08:24,808
Do something !

1172
01:08:24,893 --> 01:08:26,143
ON PA: Do something!

1173
01:08:35,945 --> 01:08:37,488
(WlND BLOWlNG)

1174
01:08:42,202 --> 01:08:43,744
l'm breathing.

1175
01:08:44,996 --> 01:08:46,079
Air.

1176
01:08:48,291 --> 01:08:49,625
Air!

1177
01:08:58,134 --> 01:08:59,384
Dim the lights.

1178
01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:00,928
Dimming the lights.

1179
01:09:01,221 --> 01:09:02,304
LONE STARR:
Go to infrared.

1180
01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:03,680
Going to infrared.

1181
01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:04,765
Pray to God.

1182
01:09:04,849 --> 01:09:06,391
Praying to God.

1183
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:09,436
(BEEPlNG)

1184
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:17,319
DOT: (PANlCKlNG) Careful.

1185
01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,662
What are you doing?

1186
01:09:26,746 --> 01:09:27,996
Scanning.

1187
01:09:32,669 --> 01:09:34,044
(WHlRRlNG)

1188
01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:37,005
There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism

1189
01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:39,091
somewhere in
the central brain area.

1190
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:45,430
l think
we just found it.

1191
01:09:45,515 --> 01:09:47,266
Where?
Watch.

1192
01:09:47,433 --> 01:09:49,059
(FLlPPlNG SWlTCH)

1193
01:09:52,564 --> 01:09:54,648
Bingo!
There it is.

1194
01:09:56,067 --> 01:09:57,860
lt's right below us.

1195
01:09:58,570 --> 01:10:00,112
Put her in hover, Barf.

1196
01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:01,655
Putting her in hover.

1197
01:10:02,490 --> 01:10:03,532
l'm going
down there.

1198
01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:05,576
He's going
down there.

1199
01:10:06,119 --> 01:10:07,536
l wouldn't.

1200
01:10:49,287 --> 01:10:51,455
What the hell
are you doing?

1201
01:10:52,540 --> 01:10:54,416
The Vulcan
neck pinch?

1202
01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:57,961
No, stupid.
You got it
much too high.

1203
01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,756
lt's down here
where the shoulder
meets the neck.

1204
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:02,174
Like this?

1205
01:11:02,258 --> 01:11:03,342
Yeah.

1206
01:11:06,054 --> 01:11:07,304
Thanks.

1207
01:11:12,852 --> 01:11:16,104
AUTOMATED VOICE: Hand print
identification, please.

1208
01:11:22,362 --> 01:11:23,654
(BEEPlNG)

1209
01:11:26,199 --> 01:11:27,658
Thanks again.

1210
01:11:35,583 --> 01:11:37,042
ls that you, Mylar?

1211
01:11:48,262 --> 01:11:50,430
Who are you?
What are you doing
with that?

1212
01:11:50,515 --> 01:11:51,723
This!

1213
01:11:52,183 --> 01:11:53,183
(SCREAMS)

1214
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,770
(GROANlNG)

1215
01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:58,814
Sweet dreams.

1216
01:12:16,082 --> 01:12:18,291
Not so fast,
Lone Starr.

1217
01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:20,085
Helmet.

1218
01:12:20,503 --> 01:12:24,798
So. At last we meet
for the first time
for the last time.

1219
01:12:25,258 --> 01:12:26,591
(lNAUDlBLE)

1220
01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:32,055
Before you die,
there is something you should
know about us, Lone Starr.

1221
01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,182
What?

1222
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:39,980
l am your father's
brother's nephew's
cousin's former roommate.

1223
01:12:42,942 --> 01:12:44,651
What's that make us?

1224
01:12:44,736 --> 01:12:46,611
Absolutely nothing!

1225
01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:49,614
Which is what
you are about to become.

1226
01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:52,784
Prepare to die.

1227
01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:05,047
You have the ring,
and I see your Schwartz
is as big as mine.

1228
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:10,302
Now Iet's see
how well you handle it.

1229
01:13:13,306 --> 01:13:14,848
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1230
01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:31,615
(SCREAMlNG)

1231
01:13:33,159 --> 01:13:34,493
(STUTTERS)

1232
01:13:34,744 --> 01:13:35,869
He did it.

1233
01:13:35,953 --> 01:13:37,037
What?

1234
01:13:53,805 --> 01:13:57,182
Shit! I hate it
when l get
my Schwartz twisted.

1235
01:13:57,892 --> 01:14:02,604
Maybe if l put my leg
up on yours, we could
scoot apart, like...

1236
01:14:03,189 --> 01:14:06,066
Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!

1237
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:18,829
(CRACKLlNG)

1238
01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:30,549
(LAUGHlNG)

1239
01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:37,931
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1240
01:14:43,312 --> 01:14:44,688
(GROANING)

1241
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:52,445
So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.

1242
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:56,867
lf there's one thing
l despise,
it is a fair fight.

1243
01:14:57,243 --> 01:14:59,411
But if I must,
then I must.

1244
01:14:59,579 --> 01:15:01,413
May the best man win.

1245
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:03,915
Put her there.

1246
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:11,798
The ring! l can't believe
you fell for
the oIdest trick in the book.

1247
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:16,428
What a goof!
What's with you, man?
Come on.

1248
01:15:16,804 --> 01:15:19,181
You know what?
Here, let me give it
back to you.

1249
01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:21,683
Look at that!
You fell for that, too.

1250
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:23,727
I can't believe it, man.

1251
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:30,400
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph

1252
01:15:30,902 --> 01:15:32,903
because good is dumb.

1253
01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:44,706
Very impressive,
Lone Starr.

1254
01:15:45,166 --> 01:15:48,126
Too bad this isn't
the Wide World of Sports.

1255
01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:52,339
YOGURT: Use the Schwartz,
Lone Starr.
Use the Schwartz.

1256
01:15:52,423 --> 01:15:54,674
l can't.
l lost the ring.

1257
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:57,594
Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.

1258
01:15:57,678 --> 01:16:00,013
I found it
in a Cracker Jack box.

1259
01:16:00,431 --> 01:16:04,226
The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. It's in you.

1260
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:06,436
All right. l'll try.

1261
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,356
Say goodbye to
your two best friends.

1262
01:16:09,732 --> 01:16:12,651
And l don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.

1263
01:16:18,074 --> 01:16:19,491
(SCREAMlNG)

1264
01:16:21,327 --> 01:16:24,162
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Thank you for pressing
the seIf-destruct button.

1265
01:16:24,247 --> 01:16:27,332
This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.

1266
01:16:27,458 --> 01:16:29,000
(ALARM BLARlNG)

1267
01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:35,590
What's going on?
Where the hell
are we? Paris?

1268
01:16:35,675 --> 01:16:37,968
Thank you for pressing
the seIf-destruct button.

1269
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:42,514
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes
and 45 seconds.

1270
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:45,100
You've got to stop it.
ls there any way
to stop it?

1271
01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:47,269
l can't.
lt's irreversible.

1272
01:16:47,353 --> 01:16:48,937
Like my raincoat.

1273
01:16:49,021 --> 01:16:52,065
Attention, this is
CoIoneI Sandurz
in forward command.

1274
01:16:52,149 --> 01:16:53,608
Abandon ship!

1275
01:16:53,734 --> 01:16:56,319
All personnel proceed
to escape pods.

1276
01:16:56,404 --> 01:16:59,281
CIose down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.

1277
01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:03,201
The seIf-destruct mechanism
has been activated.
Abandon ship.

1278
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,622
Sandurz, you gotta help me.
l don't know what to do.

1279
01:17:07,707 --> 01:17:10,417
l can't make decisions.
l'm a president!

1280
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,585
AUTOMATED VOICE: This is
your two-minute warning.

1281
01:17:12,670 --> 01:17:15,672
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.

1282
01:17:15,756 --> 01:17:18,842
SANDURZ ON PA:
Launch all escape pods
as soon as they are filled.

1283
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,885
What's happening?
Where is he?

1284
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:23,096
CHORUS: (SINGING)
SpacebaIIs

1285
01:17:23,597 --> 01:17:25,015
Watch out!

1286
01:17:27,852 --> 01:17:29,519
Where is he?
LONE STARR: Here.

1287
01:17:29,603 --> 01:17:31,896
We've got a minute and 40
before the end of the world.
Hang on.

1288
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:34,274
SpacebaIIs

1289
01:17:36,736 --> 01:17:38,028
Full throttle.
Full throttle.

1290
01:17:38,112 --> 01:17:39,779
Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.

1291
01:17:41,615 --> 01:17:45,744
MAN: (SINGING)
lf you're livin' in a bubble
and you haven't got a care

1292
01:17:45,828 --> 01:17:47,871
Get out of there.
Where do you think
you're going?

1293
01:17:47,955 --> 01:17:49,122
Pizza to go!

1294
01:17:49,248 --> 01:17:50,999
Well, you're gonna
be in troubIe

1295
01:17:51,083 --> 01:17:53,001
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1296
01:17:56,464 --> 01:17:58,423
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1297
01:17:58,507 --> 01:18:00,508
And aII we do
is dirty deeds

1298
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,886
We're the SpacebaIIs

1299
01:18:03,095 --> 01:18:04,054
Watch out!

1300
01:18:04,138 --> 01:18:06,973
'Cause we're
the SpacebaIIs

1301
01:18:07,058 --> 01:18:08,433
(GROWLlNG)

1302
01:18:11,228 --> 01:18:13,438
That's my escape pod.
Who are you?

1303
01:18:13,522 --> 01:18:16,941
l'm the bearded lady.
What are you,
one of the freaks?

1304
01:18:17,443 --> 01:18:18,777
(LAUGHlNG)

1305
01:18:19,278 --> 01:18:22,530
Come back!
That's my pod ! No!

1306
01:18:26,035 --> 01:18:28,787
Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch !

1307
01:18:29,955 --> 01:18:34,084
One pod left.
And three of us.
And l'm the president.

1308
01:18:34,335 --> 01:18:36,669
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

1309
01:18:36,754 --> 01:18:38,755
l think you should
go down with it.

1310
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423
Goodbye!

1311
01:18:43,886 --> 01:18:46,179
What the hell's
the matter
with this seat belt?

1312
01:18:46,263 --> 01:18:47,597
(SCREAMlNG)

1313
01:18:47,681 --> 01:18:48,973
(GROWLS)

1314
01:18:50,142 --> 01:18:51,518
(LAUGHlNG)

1315
01:18:53,771 --> 01:18:55,230
SpacebaIIs

1316
01:18:55,314 --> 01:18:58,274
AUTOMATED VOICE:
This ship will self-destruct
in 20 seconds.

1317
01:18:58,359 --> 01:19:01,277
This is your last chance
to push
the canceIIation button.

1318
01:19:01,362 --> 01:19:03,822
Cancellation button?
Hurry!

1319
01:19:05,324 --> 01:19:07,575
CHORUS: (SINGING)
SpacebaIIs

1320
01:19:07,660 --> 01:19:09,244
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1321
01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:12,872
Where is it?

1322
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:14,249
lt's gotta be here.

1323
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:15,291
SKROOB:
Out of order?

1324
01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:17,794
Fuck!
Even in the future
nothing works.

1325
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:21,172
AUTOMATED VOICE:
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly 1 0 seconds.

1326
01:19:21,257 --> 01:19:22,424
(ALL SHUDDERlNG)

1327
01:19:22,508 --> 01:19:23,925
Counting down.

1328
01:19:24,009 --> 01:19:25,677
Ten. Nine.

1329
01:19:26,303 --> 01:19:27,262
Eight.

1330
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:28,346
Six.

1331
01:19:28,431 --> 01:19:30,432
Six? What happened
to seven?

1332
01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:32,016
Just kidding.

1333
01:19:32,518 --> 01:19:33,560
There's
the other end.
Faster!

1334
01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:34,644
Seven.

1335
01:19:34,728 --> 01:19:37,730
Six. Five. Four.

1336
01:19:37,815 --> 01:19:40,608
Three. Two. One.

1337
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,735
Have a nice day.

1338
01:19:42,820 --> 01:19:44,362
ALL: Thank you.

1339
01:19:54,874 --> 01:19:56,207
VESPA: We did it!

1340
01:19:56,292 --> 01:19:57,792
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1341
01:19:59,211 --> 01:20:00,503
(HOWLlNG)

1342
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:04,966
We all did it.

1343
01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,053
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1344
01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,490
So, I guess you might
caII that a case
of man bites droid?

1345
01:20:31,452 --> 01:20:34,120
On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,

1346
01:20:34,205 --> 01:20:38,791
famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today

1347
01:20:38,876 --> 01:20:41,669
in the back seat
of his stretched Iimo.

1348
01:20:41,754 --> 01:20:43,796
Evidently,
the notorious gangster

1349
01:20:43,881 --> 01:20:47,759
became Iocked in his car
and ate himseIf to death.

1350
01:20:48,469 --> 01:20:52,680
Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000.

1351
01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:54,974
Pongo.

1352
01:20:55,059 --> 01:20:56,184
PONGO: Whoever said
when you've seen...

1353
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,770
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

1354
01:20:58,854 --> 01:21:03,107
Now we don't have to
pay him the million.
We can keep it for ourselves.

1355
01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:04,526
(SlGHlNG)

1356
01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:23,836
Daddy!

1357
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:27,882
Vespa, my darling.
l thought l'd never
see you again.

1358
01:21:27,967 --> 01:21:32,512
My sweet little daughter.
l'm so happy that
you're home and safe.

1359
01:21:32,763 --> 01:21:36,641
And, little Vespa,
here's someone else
who's happy to see you.

1360
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:42,772
Hello.
Where have you been?

1361
01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:50,863
(MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

1362
01:21:58,622 --> 01:21:59,998
Thanks, hon.

1363
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:07,171
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

1364
01:22:12,636 --> 01:22:15,805
Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.

1365
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,265
What will you have?

1366
01:22:17,349 --> 01:22:20,101
We just got a couple minutes
while we're gassing up.
What's ready?

1367
01:22:20,185 --> 01:22:22,562
l can give you
the space soup,
or the space special.

1368
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:24,480
LONE STARR:
l'll have the soup.

1369
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:25,732
Okay.

1370
01:22:25,816 --> 01:22:28,526
l'll have the cleavage.
Special.

1371
01:22:29,612 --> 01:22:32,614
Okay, one special
and one soup.

1372
01:22:35,993 --> 01:22:36,951
Ready to order?

1373
01:22:37,036 --> 01:22:38,077
Hi, yes.

1374
01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:39,495
We'll both have
the lunafish.

1375
01:22:39,580 --> 01:22:40,580
Anything to drink?

1376
01:22:40,664 --> 01:22:43,583
Hey, watch where
you're sticking
that thing.

1377
01:22:43,667 --> 01:22:44,667
(EXCLAlMS)

1378
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,628
Look, it's got
a mind of its own,
sweetheart.

1379
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,713
l can't do
a thing with it.

1380
01:22:49,048 --> 01:22:50,340
(HOWLlNG)

1381
01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:58,389
So, we were lost.
None of us knew
where we were.

1382
01:22:58,474 --> 01:23:02,518
And then Harry
began feeling around
on all the trees.

1383
01:23:02,603 --> 01:23:06,356
Then he said,
"l got it.
We on Pluto."

1384
01:23:06,815 --> 01:23:08,900
And we say,
"Harry, how can
you tell?"

1385
01:23:08,984 --> 01:23:11,611
He said,
"From the bark,
you dummies."

1386
01:23:16,408 --> 01:23:17,617
(GROANlNG)

1387
01:23:17,701 --> 01:23:18,701
ls he all right?

1388
01:23:18,786 --> 01:23:21,120
MAN 1 : Yeah,
the guy digs me.

1389
01:23:21,205 --> 01:23:22,747
Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?

1390
01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:24,290
l don't know.

1391
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:25,917
(JOHN GROANlNG)

1392
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:28,503
Bring him
some water!

1393
01:23:28,587 --> 01:23:32,048
Water, my ass!
Bring this guy
some Pepto-Bismol !

1394
01:23:32,925 --> 01:23:36,010
Waitress!
What did he order?

1395
01:23:36,095 --> 01:23:37,804
He had the special.

1396
01:23:37,888 --> 01:23:40,640
That's what l ordered.
Change my order
to the soup.

1397
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:41,808
Good move.

1398
01:23:41,934 --> 01:23:43,267
(GROANlNG)

1399
01:23:46,814 --> 01:23:48,147
(SNARLlNG)

1400
01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:53,736
Oh, no. Not again !

1401
01:23:55,823 --> 01:23:57,198
(EXCLAlMlNG)

1402
01:23:57,282 --> 01:23:58,616
(GROWLlNG)

1403
01:24:05,916 --> 01:24:08,251
(SlNGlNG)
Hello, my baby
Hello, my honey

1404
01:24:08,335 --> 01:24:10,628
Hello, my ragtime gal

1405
01:24:10,713 --> 01:24:15,299
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire

1406
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:17,760
lf you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me

1407
01:24:17,845 --> 01:24:19,137
Then you'll be
Ieft aIone

1408
01:24:19,221 --> 01:24:24,183
Oh, baby,
telephone and tell me
l'm your own

1409
01:24:26,979 --> 01:24:28,479
BOTH: Check, please.

1410
01:24:39,158 --> 01:24:41,576
Five minutes
to magic time.

1411
01:24:41,660 --> 01:24:45,037
Are you all right,
my dear? You look
a little flighty.

1412
01:24:45,122 --> 01:24:48,541
Don't worry about me, Father.
l'm completely over him.

1413
01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:49,709
(SCOFFS)

1414
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:51,586
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

1415
01:24:51,670 --> 01:24:54,589
Just grabbed
his million space bucks
and ran.

1416
01:24:54,673 --> 01:24:56,758
He didn't
take the million.

1417
01:24:56,842 --> 01:24:58,092
He didn't?

1418
01:24:58,177 --> 01:25:03,055
No. He just took
248 space bucks for lunch,
gas and tolls.

1419
01:25:13,442 --> 01:25:15,777
l still can't believe
you turned down the money.

1420
01:25:15,861 --> 01:25:19,280
At least we could have
stayed for the wedding feast.
l'm starving.

1421
01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:21,574
Have you got
anything to eat?

1422
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:25,745
Wait a minute.
Yogurt gave me
that fortune cookie.

1423
01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,371
Here, chow down.

1424
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:29,290
Wow, thanks.
l'll split it
with you.

1425
01:25:29,374 --> 01:25:30,708
No.
Okay.

1426
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,172
BOTH: Yogurt!

1427
01:25:36,256 --> 01:25:37,590
Hello, boys.

1428
01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:41,302
Well, you opened
your fortune cookie,
so here's your fortune.

1429
01:25:41,386 --> 01:25:45,306
Lone Starr, you know
that medaIIion that
you wear around your neck

1430
01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:47,475
but you don't know
what it means?

1431
01:25:47,559 --> 01:25:50,895
Here's what it means.
lt's a royal
birth certificate.

1432
01:25:50,979 --> 01:25:55,441
Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.

1433
01:25:55,526 --> 01:25:59,153
Which makes you
a certified prince.

1434
01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:01,823
Hey, l'm a prince!

1435
01:26:01,907 --> 01:26:04,116
l'm a prince.
Which means. . .

1436
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:08,329
Which means, if you hurry,
there couId be
a princess in your future.

1437
01:26:08,413 --> 01:26:11,332
lf you want to get back there
before she marries
SIeeping Beauty,

1438
01:26:11,416 --> 01:26:14,669
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.

1439
01:26:14,753 --> 01:26:15,753
Good Iuck, boys.

1440
01:26:15,838 --> 01:26:16,879
Bye, Yogurt.

1441
01:26:16,964 --> 01:26:19,674
And, Yogurt, thanks.

1442
01:26:19,758 --> 01:26:21,175
You're weIcome.

1443
01:26:21,260 --> 01:26:25,471
And may the Schwartz
be with you!

1444
01:26:25,556 --> 01:26:27,306
(SCATTING GIBBERISH)

1445
01:26:30,477 --> 01:26:32,311
Barf, open that
glove compartment.

1446
01:26:32,396 --> 01:26:34,438
You got it,
Your Highness.

1447
01:26:37,818 --> 01:26:40,528
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

1448
01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:42,530
Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.

1449
01:26:42,614 --> 01:26:43,823
Right.

1450
01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:48,536
Look at that.

1451
01:26:50,163 --> 01:26:51,247
Done!

1452
01:26:51,331 --> 01:26:54,292
Hang on, Barf,
we're gonna
make spacetracks.

1453
01:26:54,376 --> 01:26:56,043
(ENGlNES REVVlNG)

1454
01:27:04,428 --> 01:27:06,804
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1455
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:35,124
(GULLS CAWlNG)

1456
01:27:47,179 --> 01:27:50,640
Dear me, what are
those things
coming out of her nose?

1457
01:27:52,184 --> 01:27:53,935
Hey, watch my helmet.

1458
01:27:54,019 --> 01:27:55,353
(GRUNTlNG)

1459
01:27:57,356 --> 01:27:59,315
Spaceballs?

1460
01:27:59,566 --> 01:28:02,276
Oh, shit.
There goes the planet.

1461
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:09,408
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered
here together

1462
01:28:10,911 --> 01:28:12,119
again.

1463
01:28:12,204 --> 01:28:14,121
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

1464
01:28:14,206 --> 01:28:16,123
l didn't think
it was important.

1465
01:28:16,208 --> 01:28:17,833
May l continue,
please?

1466
01:28:17,918 --> 01:28:20,544
Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.

1467
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:22,546
Thank you.

1468
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:27,843
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium. . .

1469
01:28:29,096 --> 01:28:31,097
l'm sorry,
it's the hair.

1470
01:28:31,723 --> 01:28:36,018
Prince Valium
in the bonds
of holy matrimony.

1471
01:28:36,103 --> 01:28:39,647
l see it all now.
Don't you see?
He loves me!

1472
01:28:39,731 --> 01:28:41,607
l'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,

1473
01:28:41,692 --> 01:28:42,942
which has nothing
to do with love.

1474
01:28:43,026 --> 01:28:44,568
Please be quiet.
l'm sorry.

1475
01:28:44,653 --> 01:28:45,653
l'm sorry.

1476
01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:46,737
l'm sorry, too.

1477
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,072
Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!

1478
01:28:48,156 --> 01:28:49,949
ALL THREE: l'm sorry!

1479
01:28:52,703 --> 01:28:56,747
To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium

1480
01:28:56,832 --> 01:28:59,083
in the bonds of holy

1481
01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:00,751
(RUMBLlNG)
moly!

1482
01:29:01,336 --> 01:29:02,962
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1483
01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:07,258
Matrimony.

1484
01:29:07,342 --> 01:29:09,969
That's him !
l know it's him.
He's come back.

1485
01:29:10,053 --> 01:29:13,514
That's it! l'm gonna
take no more chances.
We're doing the short version.

1486
01:29:13,598 --> 01:29:17,351
Prince Valium, do you take
Princess Vespa to be
your lawfully wedded wife?

1487
01:29:17,436 --> 01:29:21,147
Princess Vespa, do you take
Prince Valium to be your
lawfully wedded husband?

1488
01:29:21,231 --> 01:29:23,566
(STUTTERlNG)
Well, l suppose.

1489
01:29:23,775 --> 01:29:25,651
Well. . .
Oh, l don't know.

1490
01:29:25,736 --> 01:29:27,069
LONE STARR:
No! She doesn't!

1491
01:29:27,154 --> 01:29:28,279
What?

1492
01:29:28,363 --> 01:29:29,864
(ALL GASPlNG)

1493
01:29:33,285 --> 01:29:35,119
Who the hell are you?

1494
01:29:35,287 --> 01:29:37,121
Prince Lone Starr.

1495
01:29:37,205 --> 01:29:38,456
Prince?

1496
01:29:38,540 --> 01:29:40,958
l just found out.
That's what this says.

1497
01:29:41,043 --> 01:29:43,169
l'm an honest to God prince.

1498
01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:45,463
Will you marry me?

1499
01:29:45,797 --> 01:29:47,923
Well, let me
think about it.

1500
01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:50,176
Yes.

1501
01:29:50,260 --> 01:29:51,427
l'm sick of this.

1502
01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:54,722
l don't give a damn
who it is, but l'm gonna
marry somebody today!

1503
01:29:54,806 --> 01:29:56,557
Who are you?
l'm the best man.

1504
01:29:56,641 --> 01:29:58,059
What's your name?
Barf.

1505
01:29:58,143 --> 01:29:59,310
Your full name.

1506
01:29:59,394 --> 01:30:00,644
Barfolomew.

1507
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,063
Are you the one
that's getting married?

1508
01:30:02,147 --> 01:30:03,147
No.

1509
01:30:03,231 --> 01:30:04,732
Then get over there!

1510
01:30:04,816 --> 01:30:07,902
Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.

1511
01:30:08,320 --> 01:30:10,279
Do you?
Yes.

1512
01:30:10,489 --> 01:30:11,697
Do you?
Yes!

1513
01:30:11,782 --> 01:30:14,075
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

1514
01:30:14,534 --> 01:30:17,328
l love you.

1515
01:30:28,340 --> 01:30:30,549
(SNlFFLlNG)
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.

1516
01:32:27,459 --> 01:32:29,210
(SPACEBALLS PLAYlNG)

1517
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:52,483
MAN: (SINGING)
lf you're livin' in a bubble
and you haven't got a care

1518
01:32:55,737 --> 01:32:57,571
Well, you're gonna
be in troubIe

1519
01:32:57,656 --> 01:33:00,199
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1520
01:33:03,036 --> 01:33:05,037
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1521
01:33:05,121 --> 01:33:07,039
And aII we do
is dirty deeds

1522
01:33:07,123 --> 01:33:09,500
We're the SpacebaIIs

1523
01:33:09,918 --> 01:33:10,918
CHORUS: Watch out!

1524
01:33:11,002 --> 01:33:13,671
'Cause we're
the SpacebaIIs

1525
01:33:14,673 --> 01:33:16,590
We're the masters of space

1526
01:33:16,675 --> 01:33:18,425
MAN: Hey,
don't mess around

1527
01:33:18,510 --> 01:33:20,678
With the SpacebaIIs

1528
01:33:29,813 --> 01:33:31,605
Going cruising
in a spaceship

1529
01:33:31,690 --> 01:33:34,024
We're so good at being bad

1530
01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:41,657
We'll destroy
your little planet
if you ever get us mad

1531
01:33:44,703 --> 01:33:46,620
We're mothers of the galaxy

1532
01:33:46,705 --> 01:33:48,956
You better scatter
when you see

1533
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,333
The SpacebaIIs!

1534
01:33:51,501 --> 01:33:52,584
Watch out!

1535
01:33:52,669 --> 01:33:55,129
We're the SpacebaIIs

1536
01:33:56,006 --> 01:33:58,048
We're the masters of space

1537
01:33:58,133 --> 01:33:59,967
Say what?
Don't mess around

1538
01:34:00,051 --> 01:34:02,428
With the SpacebaIIs

1539
01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:04,555
Watch out!

1540
01:34:33,126 --> 01:34:35,711
We're mothers of the galaxy

1541
01:34:35,795 --> 01:34:40,257
We're gonna take
the air you breathe

1542
01:34:40,717 --> 01:34:44,053
Oh, SpacebaIIs!

1543
01:34:44,512 --> 01:34:45,596
Watch out!

1544
01:34:45,680 --> 01:34:48,557
We're the SpacebaIIs

1545
01:34:48,767 --> 01:34:51,435
We're the masters of space

1546
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:55,314
Don't mess around
with the SpacebaIIs

1547
01:34:55,398 --> 01:34:56,732
Duck!
Watch out!

1548
01:34:56,816 --> 01:34:59,610
We're the SpacebaIIs

1549
01:35:00,612 --> 01:35:03,113
We're the masters of space

1550
01:35:03,198 --> 01:35:06,992
Don't mess around
with the SpacebaIIs

1551
01:35:07,118 --> 01:35:08,118
Watch out!

1552
01:35:08,203 --> 01:35:10,621
We've got
a bossin' little ship

1553
01:35:11,706 --> 01:35:13,999
So you better
watch your lip

1554
01:35:15,502 --> 01:35:18,420
'Cause we're the SpacebaIIs

1555
01:35:18,505 --> 01:35:19,546
Watch out!

1556
01:35:19,631 --> 01:35:21,882
You may think
that you are bad

1557
01:35:23,301 --> 01:35:26,053
But believe you can be had

1558
01:35:26,888 --> 01:35:29,848
By the SpacebaIIs

1559
01:35:29,933 --> 01:35:30,933
Watch out!

1560
01:35:31,017 --> 01:35:33,435
We're the SpacebaIIs

1561
01:35:33,603 --> 01:35:34,561
Watch out!

1562
01:35:34,646 --> 01:35:37,398
We're the SpacebaIIs

1563
01:35:37,982 --> 01:35:40,943
We're the masters of space

1564
01:35:41,027 --> 01:35:45,072
Don't mess around
with the SpacebaIIs

1565
01:35:46,491 --> 01:35:48,242
We're so bad and mean

1566
01:35:49,744 --> 01:35:52,621
We make nightmares
out of dreams

1567
01:35:53,540 --> 01:36:00,087
We're the SpacebaIIs

1568
01:36:01,548 --> 01:36:02,589
You better

1569
01:36:02,674 --> 01:36:03,841
Watch out!

1570
01:36:03,925 --> 01:36:05,426
(MAN LAUGHING)

1571
01:36:06,927 --> 01:36:08,927
Subrip
by
AlfArt

1572
01:36:09,305 --> 01:37:09,844
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