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It's an important and popular fact
2
00:00:32,327 --> 00:00:36,038
that things are not always
what they seem.
3
00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:39,566
For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
4
00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:43,326
that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
5
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,972
instead of the third most intelligent.
6
00:00:46,053 --> 00:00:50,366
The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
7
00:00:50,454 --> 00:00:54,131
had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
8
00:00:54,216 --> 00:00:56,526
They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
9
00:00:56,617 --> 00:00:59,496
but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
10
00:00:59,578 --> 00:01:02,935
as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for titbits.
11
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:07,333
So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
12
00:01:07,421 --> 00:01:10,459
The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
13
00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:13,660
as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
14
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,662
through a hoop,
whistling The Star-Spangled Banner.
15
00:01:16,784 --> 00:01:18,423
In fact, the message was this:
16
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,299
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
17
00:01:46,876 --> 00:01:48,833
So long and thanks for all the fish
18
00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:50,874
So sad that it should come to this
19
00:01:50,998 --> 00:01:54,912
We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
20
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You may not share our intellect
21
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Which might explain your disrespect
22
00:01:59,121 --> 00:02:03,081
For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
23
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So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
24
00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:11,203
Your world's about to be destroyed
25
00:02:11,286 --> 00:02:13,322
There's no point getting all annoyed
26
00:02:13,406 --> 00:02:17,720
Lie back and let the planet
dissolve around you
27
00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,606
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
28
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,601
We thought that most of you were sweet
29
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Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
30
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So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
31
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:33,852
So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
32
00:02:36,095 --> 00:02:40,170
If I had just one last wish
33
00:02:40,257 --> 00:02:44,137
I would like a tasty fish
34
00:02:44,218 --> 00:02:48,338
If we could just change one thing
35
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We would all have lungs to sing
36
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Come one and all
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Man and mammal
38
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Side by side
39
00:03:03,906 --> 00:03:09,858
In life's great gene pool
40
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So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
41
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:37,989
So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
42
00:03:50,924 --> 00:03:55,124
The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
43
00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,798
begins very simply.
44
00:03:56,886 --> 00:03:59,641
It begins with a man.
45
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,847
An Earthman, to be precise,
who no more knows his destiny,
46
00:04:11,932 --> 00:04:15,244
than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
47
00:04:17,494 --> 00:04:20,168
His name is Arthur Dent.
48
00:04:20,256 --> 00:04:23,408
He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant,
49
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,332
and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
50
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:34,332
What do I want you to do about it?
51
00:04:34,421 --> 00:04:38,416
Find him and tell him I'm currently
lying flat on my back in front of...
52
00:04:38,503 --> 00:04:39,731
Fine, I'll hold.
53
00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:42,384
You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers for ever.
54
00:04:42,464 --> 00:04:44,535
I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
55
00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:47,823
This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
56
00:04:47,906 --> 00:04:51,742
- Why has it got to be built?
- It's a bypass.
57
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:56,226
You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
58
00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:59,508
The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
59
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:02,152
On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
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00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:07,394
Mr Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
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00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,830
if I just let it roll straight over you?
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- How much?
- None at all.
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00:05:13,916 --> 00:05:16,636
By a strange coincidence,
"none at all"
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00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:20,268
is exactly how much suspicion
ape-descendant Arthur Dent had
65
00:05:20,359 --> 00:05:22,271
that one of his closest friends
66
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,876
was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
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00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:28,954
somewhere in the vicinity
of Betelgeuse.
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00:05:29,722 --> 00:05:32,112
Arthur.
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- Ford.
- Yes?
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00:05:33,964 --> 00:05:35,398
Here.
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00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,759
There you are.
72
00:05:36,845 --> 00:05:38,598
Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
73
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:41,804
Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
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00:05:43,288 --> 00:05:46,122
You already know? How?
75
00:05:46,209 --> 00:05:48,041
What do you...?
76
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:52,689
Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
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Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
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00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,723
Well, what about my house?
79
00:06:04,056 --> 00:06:09,337
Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer.
80
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,214
Good. Let's go to the pub.
81
00:06:21,302 --> 00:06:24,182
They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
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- Can we trust 'em?
- To the end of the Earth.
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00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:28,940
- How far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
84
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Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
85
00:06:33,987 --> 00:06:35,819
Six pints coming up.
86
00:06:35,908 --> 00:06:39,424
Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
87
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:42,748
Three pints each? At lunchtime?
88
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Sorry.
89
00:06:51,594 --> 00:06:53,825
Time is an illusion.
90
00:06:53,915 --> 00:06:55,986
Lunchtime, doubly so.
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00:06:56,076 --> 00:06:59,752
And eat those peanuts
because you'll need the salt.
92
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,398
- Look, what is going on, Ford?
- Arthur...
93
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:07,750
What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
94
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:12,074
I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
95
00:07:12,202 --> 00:07:15,559
- Is it something you're likely to say?
- Remember when we met?
96
00:07:22,286 --> 00:07:23,435
Out of the way.
97
00:07:26,888 --> 00:07:27,877
Hi.
98
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:30,881
Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
99
00:07:30,969 --> 00:07:32,449
I assumed you were drunk.
100
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:36,445
I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
101
00:07:36,572 --> 00:07:40,771
You saved my life.
And now I'm saving yours. Please drink.
102
00:07:40,853 --> 00:07:44,051
It must be Thursday. I could never
get the hang of Thursdays.
103
00:07:44,135 --> 00:07:47,367
- If this is about your house...
- No, it's not about the house.
104
00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:53,254
- Who's he?
- She.
105
00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:56,809
Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
106
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I hate those kind of parties.
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I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
108
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- But there I was.
- Who are you?
109
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:06,975
And there she was.
110
00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:11,581
- Dent. Arthur Dent.
- No. I mean, who are you?
111
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:14,783
Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume."
112
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:20,060
Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
113
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You're the first to get that right.
114
00:08:22,189 --> 00:08:24,863
- Really?
- Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
115
00:08:24,950 --> 00:08:27,340
- Right.
- I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
116
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So did I.
117
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People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
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00:08:31,513 --> 00:08:32,832
What?
119
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,474
All these people are idiots. God.
120
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That's awkward.
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Tell me.
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She was amazing though, Ford.
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Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
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Without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
125
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Maybe I'm de-evolving.
126
00:08:59,964 --> 00:09:05,404
Well, I should tell you that I do not
date single-celled organisms, OK?
127
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:10,124
Let's go somewhere.
128
00:09:10,208 --> 00:09:14,168
Yeah. Definitely.
Where do you have in mind?
129
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:18,449
- Madagascar.
- Is that that new club on Dean Street?
130
00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:21,330
No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
131
00:09:21,412 --> 00:09:24,291
That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
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Wait a sec.
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Go.
134
00:09:31,856 --> 00:09:36,170
God, you're serious.
I can't go to Madagascar.
135
00:09:36,258 --> 00:09:39,171
- Why not?
- Because, I just, you know...
136
00:09:39,259 --> 00:09:40,579
- You're serious?
- Yeah.
137
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:44,131
I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you,
138
00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:46,861
so what do you say, Dr Livingstone?
139
00:09:47,942 --> 00:09:52,540
I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
140
00:09:52,624 --> 00:09:55,503
I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
141
00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:57,736
Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
142
00:09:57,866 --> 00:09:59,778
I don't even know your real name.
143
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:03,065
- Tricia McMillan.
- Well, Tricia McMillan.
144
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:06,424
I have a proposition for you.
145
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:13,151
Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first, say Cornwall,
146
00:10:13,232 --> 00:10:16,943
and we'll see how it goes.
147
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:21,426
Right, of course, Cornwall.
148
00:10:21,515 --> 00:10:23,632
Hey, excuse me.
149
00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:30,392
Is this guy boring you?
Why don't you talk to me instead?
150
00:10:30,479 --> 00:10:33,233
I'm from a different planet.
151
00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:39,239
It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
152
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:45,236
"Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
153
00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:47,316
That does happen.
154
00:10:47,406 --> 00:10:49,317
Speaking of...
155
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We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
156
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That's my house.
157
00:11:01,971 --> 00:11:05,852
People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
158
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,494
You really think
the world's going to end?
159
00:11:08,574 --> 00:11:10,053
Yes.
160
00:11:10,615 --> 00:11:14,404
Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
161
00:11:14,496 --> 00:11:17,295
- If you like.
- Will it help?
162
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,972
Not at all. See you.
163
00:11:20,058 --> 00:11:21,253
Last orders, then.
164
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,136
- What is that?
- Run.
165
00:11:39,226 --> 00:11:41,103
Look out.
166
00:12:08,317 --> 00:12:09,875
Towel.
167
00:12:10,758 --> 00:12:12,670
Arthur.
168
00:12:12,759 --> 00:12:14,636
What the hell are those things?
169
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,115
They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
170
00:12:18,201 --> 00:12:22,593
I picked up their signal this morning.
Here, you'll need this.
171
00:12:22,682 --> 00:12:25,721
- What are you doing?
- We're hitching a ride.
172
00:12:28,805 --> 00:12:33,004
People of Earth,
this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
173
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,647
of the Galactic Hyperspace
Planning Council.
174
00:12:35,727 --> 00:12:37,207
As you are probably aware,
175
00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:40,759
plans for the development
of the outlying regions of the galaxy
176
00:12:40,849 --> 00:12:45,208
involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
177
00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:49,286
And your planet is one of those
scheduled for demolition.
178
00:12:57,016 --> 00:12:59,406
There's no point
acting surprised about it.
179
00:12:59,497 --> 00:13:01,932
The plans have been on display
180
00:13:02,018 --> 00:13:05,614
at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
181
00:13:06,459 --> 00:13:10,249
If you can't be bothered
with local affairs, that's your lookout.
182
00:13:10,341 --> 00:13:12,697
Apathetic bloody planet.
183
00:13:12,782 --> 00:13:15,661
I've no sympathy at all.
184
00:14:58,743 --> 00:15:01,338
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
185
00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:03,780
is a wholly remarkable book.
186
00:15:03,865 --> 00:15:06,983
Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
187
00:15:07,066 --> 00:15:10,981
ever to come out of the great
publishing corporations of Ursa Minor.
188
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:14,220
More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
189
00:15:14,309 --> 00:15:17,939
better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
190
00:15:18,030 --> 00:15:20,909
and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
191
00:15:20,992 --> 00:15:24,030
of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
192
00:15:24,113 --> 00:15:26,503
Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
193
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:28,825
and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
194
00:15:29,475 --> 00:15:32,468
It's already supplanted
the Encyclopaedia Galactica
195
00:15:32,596 --> 00:15:35,589
as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
196
00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:37,953
for two important reasons.
197
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,507
First, it's slightly cheaper,
198
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,598
and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic"
199
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,992
printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
200
00:15:55,325 --> 00:15:57,999
So you're not from Guildford?
201
00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:02,006
Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
202
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:05,684
You're not an out-of-work actor,
203
00:16:05,769 --> 00:16:11,050
but rather a writer for this,
this book thing.
204
00:16:11,811 --> 00:16:13,450
Good, huh?
205
00:16:13,532 --> 00:16:15,842
I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
206
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:19,210
If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
207
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:22,287
- We're safe for now.
- Good.
208
00:16:22,375 --> 00:16:26,165
We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
209
00:16:26,297 --> 00:16:29,608
- Get me home, Ford.
- Arthur, your home is...
210
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:34,097
Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
211
00:16:38,782 --> 00:16:40,693
You don't remember.
212
00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:47,700
OK, Arthur, I've got something to tell
you. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
213
00:16:47,785 --> 00:16:50,823
Your home planet has been blown up.
214
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,221
Blown up.
215
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,785
Couldn't you have done something?
216
00:17:09,874 --> 00:17:13,754
I saved your life.
OK, that makes us even.
217
00:17:13,835 --> 00:17:16,987
It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here,
218
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:21,151
you've gotta know where your towel is.
219
00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:23,668
OK, give me a hand over here.
220
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,920
Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
221
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:31,958
Before the Vogons find us.
222
00:17:32,042 --> 00:17:34,955
Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
223
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,724
- Now we'll get a signal.
- What is a Vogon?
224
00:17:43,807 --> 00:17:45,605
Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
225
00:17:47,288 --> 00:17:49,280
Vogons.
226
00:17:50,049 --> 00:17:54,249
Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
227
00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:58,451
Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
228
00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:01,970
They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
229
00:18:02,054 --> 00:18:05,127
from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal without orders
230
00:18:05,215 --> 00:18:07,571
signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
231
00:18:07,656 --> 00:18:10,854
queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
232
00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:14,210
lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
233
00:18:14,299 --> 00:18:17,053
and recycled as firelighters.
234
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:22,898
On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
235
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:28,895
They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
236
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,858
And if we don't get a ride soon,
237
00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:40,225
we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
238
00:18:40,309 --> 00:18:42,540
They've already destroyed
a planet today.
239
00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:44,861
That always makes them a little...
240
00:18:50,993 --> 00:18:53,906
- What is that?
- Put this in your ear.
241
00:18:58,276 --> 00:19:01,952
We have unwittingly picked up
a couple of hitchhikers.
242
00:19:02,037 --> 00:19:04,632
The fish is translating for you.
243
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:08,552
The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
244
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,793
and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
245
00:19:12,881 --> 00:19:17,161
It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
246
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,712
and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
247
00:19:19,844 --> 00:19:21,915
to the speech centres of the brain.
248
00:19:22,045 --> 00:19:25,402
The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
249
00:19:25,486 --> 00:19:30,881
you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
250
00:19:38,651 --> 00:19:41,041
Resistance is useless.
251
00:19:44,694 --> 00:19:46,685
- All right.
- Someone's coming.
252
00:19:46,815 --> 00:19:49,090
Here we go. Look lively.
253
00:20:25,029 --> 00:20:26,509
Sir.
254
00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:29,230
- What?
- Hitchhikers.
255
00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:10,164
"O freddled gruntbuggly..."
256
00:21:10,247 --> 00:21:12,682
No, really, you don't have to read.
257
00:21:12,768 --> 00:21:15,363
We've put you through
enough trouble already.
258
00:21:15,449 --> 00:21:20,400
"...as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
259
00:21:20,491 --> 00:21:25,613
Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
260
00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:29,851
The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
261
00:21:29,934 --> 00:21:33,326
During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
262
00:21:33,416 --> 00:21:36,215
of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
263
00:21:36,297 --> 00:21:38,766
I Found in my Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
264
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:41,971
four of his audience
died of internal haemorrhaging,
265
00:21:42,059 --> 00:21:45,416
and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
266
00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:47,810
survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
267
00:21:47,901 --> 00:21:52,613
"Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
268
00:21:52,703 --> 00:21:55,537
"...with my blurgle..."
269
00:21:55,624 --> 00:21:59,858
The absolute worst poetry was by
Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
270
00:21:59,946 --> 00:22:02,336
Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
271
00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:06,940
"See if I don't." Yeah.
272
00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:14,186
So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
273
00:22:14,272 --> 00:22:17,265
Either die in the vacuum of space,
274
00:22:17,393 --> 00:22:21,991
or tell me what you thought of my poem.
275
00:22:23,555 --> 00:22:27,311
Actually, I rather liked it.
276
00:22:29,398 --> 00:22:31,993
That's good. Run with it.
277
00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:34,388
Some of the words I didn't understand,
278
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,752
but I found the imagery quite effective.
279
00:22:38,641 --> 00:22:39,916
Continue.
280
00:22:40,002 --> 00:22:43,518
Well, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
281
00:22:43,603 --> 00:22:45,959
which seemed to counterpoint
282
00:22:46,044 --> 00:22:48,605
the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
283
00:22:48,685 --> 00:22:51,758
- Vogonity.
- Vogonity, sorry, vogonity
284
00:22:51,846 --> 00:22:54,236
of the poet's soul.
285
00:22:57,648 --> 00:23:01,609
So what you're saying is,
286
00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:04,159
I write poetry because
287
00:23:04,291 --> 00:23:08,525
underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
288
00:23:08,613 --> 00:23:12,402
I just want to be loved?
289
00:23:13,615 --> 00:23:15,571
Yes.
290
00:23:15,655 --> 00:23:18,011
Yes, yeah, please.
291
00:23:23,378 --> 00:23:24,892
Throw them off the ship.
292
00:23:24,979 --> 00:23:28,256
- No.
- Ford.
293
00:23:29,821 --> 00:23:32,017
All right.
294
00:23:32,102 --> 00:23:35,493
Resistance is useless.
295
00:23:38,064 --> 00:23:42,378
Shut up. Get a job.
Wash your filthy hands.
296
00:23:42,506 --> 00:23:45,101
Don't panic.
297
00:23:45,187 --> 00:23:50,946
So this is it?
We're gonna die?
298
00:23:51,029 --> 00:23:54,500
Yeah, we're gonna die.
299
00:23:54,591 --> 00:23:57,390
No, what's this?
300
00:23:57,472 --> 00:23:59,064
What is this?
301
00:23:59,152 --> 00:24:03,272
What's this? This is nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
302
00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:15,555
You're sweating.
303
00:24:23,482 --> 00:24:25,633
- Would you like a hug?
- No.
304
00:24:38,648 --> 00:24:42,085
"Space," says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
305
00:24:42,169 --> 00:24:44,525
"is big. Really big."
306
00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:49,811
"You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. "
307
00:24:49,892 --> 00:24:51,690
And so on.
308
00:24:51,773 --> 00:24:54,686
It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
309
00:24:54,774 --> 00:24:59,975
you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
310
00:25:00,056 --> 00:25:02,127
But with space being really big and all,
311
00:25:02,257 --> 00:25:04,692
the chances of being picked up
within that time
312
00:25:04,778 --> 00:25:06,849
are two to the power of two billion,
313
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:09,852
79 million, 460 thousand,
314
00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:12,814
347 to one against.
315
00:25:12,901 --> 00:25:14,620
By a staggering coincidence,
316
00:25:14,742 --> 00:25:17,211
it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat
317
00:25:17,343 --> 00:25:19,459
where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
318
00:25:19,543 --> 00:25:22,742
and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
319
00:25:26,106 --> 00:25:29,986
Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
320
00:25:30,068 --> 00:25:35,463
have all now been demolished,
Ford and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
321
00:25:35,550 --> 00:25:38,270
- Ford?
- Yes.
322
00:25:38,351 --> 00:25:42,265
- I think I'm a sofa.
- I know how you feel.
323
00:25:49,395 --> 00:25:51,990
So much for the laws of physics.
324
00:25:52,076 --> 00:25:53,829
And once again, our top story.
325
00:25:53,957 --> 00:25:58,076
The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
326
00:25:58,158 --> 00:25:59,990
the starship Heart of Gold.
327
00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:02,514
Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
328
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,320
than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
329
00:26:05,401 --> 00:26:10,477
In the name of people, freedom,
and democracy, stuff like that,
330
00:26:10,563 --> 00:26:14,444
I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me.
331
00:26:14,525 --> 00:26:16,482
Come on.
332
00:26:16,566 --> 00:26:18,921
Beeblebrox, universally considered
333
00:26:19,006 --> 00:26:21,841
to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
334
00:26:21,928 --> 00:26:25,444
is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
335
00:26:25,529 --> 00:26:29,318
who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
336
00:26:29,411 --> 00:26:31,402
in the universe contest.
337
00:26:32,412 --> 00:26:33,401
Great.
338
00:26:33,492 --> 00:26:36,291
Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
339
00:26:36,413 --> 00:26:38,848
"Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
340
00:26:38,934 --> 00:26:42,292
Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
341
00:26:42,376 --> 00:26:46,575
If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
342
00:26:46,697 --> 00:26:48,290
Come on, I love it.
343
00:26:48,378 --> 00:26:51,291
Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
344
00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:55,049
What d'you...?
345
00:26:55,181 --> 00:26:59,255
- I was just watching myself.
- We have a couple of hitchhikers.
346
00:26:59,342 --> 00:27:01,811
Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
347
00:27:01,903 --> 00:27:03,701
I didn't. The ship did.
348
00:27:03,824 --> 00:27:05,941
What? Say what?
349
00:27:06,025 --> 00:27:10,463
When we engaged the
lmprobability Drive... The big button.
350
00:27:10,546 --> 00:27:12,503
- I know.
- They were picked up here.
351
00:27:12,587 --> 00:27:16,787
In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
352
00:27:16,869 --> 00:27:18,701
- On Earth.
- That's impossible.
353
00:27:18,790 --> 00:27:21,988
- No, just very improbable.
- Listen. I don't have time for this.
354
00:27:22,111 --> 00:27:26,186
We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
355
00:27:26,273 --> 00:27:28,503
So ten out of ten for style, but
356
00:27:28,593 --> 00:27:30,949
minus several million
for good thinking.
357
00:27:31,034 --> 00:27:34,187
You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
358
00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,506
Don't. I'll send Marvin.
359
00:27:38,677 --> 00:27:40,396
Marvin.
360
00:27:43,399 --> 00:27:46,198
You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
361
00:27:47,281 --> 00:27:50,479
Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
362
00:27:50,562 --> 00:27:55,035
It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
363
00:27:55,164 --> 00:28:00,843
Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
364
00:28:00,966 --> 00:28:03,686
and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
365
00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:06,919
Just that? I won't enjoy it.
366
00:28:07,008 --> 00:28:09,569
Yeah, well, that's life.
367
00:28:09,649 --> 00:28:13,724
Life? Don't talk to me about life.
368
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:24,890
- Commander Kwaltz.
- Yes.
369
00:28:24,975 --> 00:28:29,129
We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
370
00:28:29,217 --> 00:28:33,177
- Where?
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
371
00:28:33,259 --> 00:28:35,693
Requesting hyperspace clearance.
372
00:28:35,820 --> 00:28:41,454
Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
373
00:28:41,542 --> 00:28:45,695
- Yes, sir.
- Get me Vice-President Questular.
374
00:28:48,945 --> 00:28:52,985
Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
375
00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:55,337
Here we go.
376
00:29:16,075 --> 00:29:18,670
I think that door just sighed.
377
00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:21,066
Ghastly, isn't it?
378
00:29:21,157 --> 00:29:23,467
All the doors have been programmed
379
00:29:23,558 --> 00:29:26,631
to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
380
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:33,318
Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
381
00:29:35,082 --> 00:29:36,994
Please yourselves.
382
00:29:37,083 --> 00:29:40,201
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
383
00:29:40,284 --> 00:29:42,719
and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
384
00:29:42,845 --> 00:29:46,157
Call that job satisfaction?
Cos I don't.
385
00:29:46,247 --> 00:29:51,721
You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics
Corp. For building robots with GPP.
386
00:29:51,809 --> 00:29:55,166
- What's G.P. P?
- Genuine People Personalities.
387
00:29:55,330 --> 00:29:59,530
I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
388
00:30:05,414 --> 00:30:06,894
Arthur?
389
00:30:07,775 --> 00:30:12,168
Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? Cos I'm wearing yours.
390
00:30:12,257 --> 00:30:14,931
And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
391
00:30:17,979 --> 00:30:19,971
Oh, for heaven's sake.
392
00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:23,699
I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
393
00:30:25,862 --> 00:30:27,819
Freeze.
394
00:30:27,943 --> 00:30:31,300
Freeze? I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
395
00:30:31,384 --> 00:30:34,856
- I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
- Why do I bother?
396
00:30:34,946 --> 00:30:36,664
- Zaphod?
- Ford.
397
00:30:36,786 --> 00:30:40,986
Is that you? Ford. Praxibetel lx.
398
00:30:41,068 --> 00:30:42,980
What the hell are you doing here?
399
00:30:43,069 --> 00:30:46,346
I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
400
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:49,144
- That is so you.
- Look at you.
401
00:30:49,271 --> 00:30:53,471
President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
402
00:30:53,553 --> 00:30:55,111
You zarkin' frood.
403
00:30:55,194 --> 00:30:59,393
I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
404
00:31:00,556 --> 00:31:05,347
President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half brother...
405
00:31:05,437 --> 00:31:08,875
- We share three of the same mothers.
- We've met.
406
00:31:08,999 --> 00:31:14,234
Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
407
00:31:14,321 --> 00:31:18,475
This is him, Ford. The would-you-like-
to-see-my-spaceship bloke.
408
00:31:19,963 --> 00:31:24,993
- Hello, Arthur.
- Tricia.
409
00:31:25,085 --> 00:31:27,395
- How you doin'?
- Hey, Trillian.
410
00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:31,116
This is my semi-half-brother lx,
I'm sorry, Ford.
411
00:31:31,207 --> 00:31:33,881
- Hi.
- Hi.
412
00:31:34,009 --> 00:31:37,764
Would you excuse us
for a second, please?
413
00:31:37,850 --> 00:31:40,968
You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
414
00:31:41,051 --> 00:31:43,771
Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
415
00:31:43,852 --> 00:31:46,048
Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
416
00:31:46,133 --> 00:31:49,171
I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
417
00:31:49,254 --> 00:31:51,723
I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
418
00:31:51,855 --> 00:31:54,290
Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
419
00:31:54,376 --> 00:31:56,254
I don't know, Arthoolia.
420
00:31:56,337 --> 00:32:00,218
That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
421
00:32:00,299 --> 00:32:03,690
- How'd you get here?
- I just stuck out my thumb.
422
00:32:03,780 --> 00:32:07,251
- Right. In your pyjamas?
- I was in a hurry.
423
00:32:07,381 --> 00:32:09,373
OK. Did you know I was here?
424
00:32:09,462 --> 00:32:12,023
Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
425
00:32:12,103 --> 00:32:14,698
Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
426
00:32:14,824 --> 00:32:16,781
OK, look.
427
00:32:16,865 --> 00:32:20,542
I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
428
00:32:20,627 --> 00:32:23,506
Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
429
00:32:24,588 --> 00:32:26,102
You do know what happened?
430
00:32:26,189 --> 00:32:28,863
Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
431
00:32:28,950 --> 00:32:30,782
Excuse me, we're having a chat.
432
00:32:30,951 --> 00:32:33,226
Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo.
433
00:32:33,352 --> 00:32:38,428
You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
434
00:32:38,514 --> 00:32:40,027
- You wanna fight?
- OK.
435
00:32:40,114 --> 00:32:42,788
- No.
- I'm just kidding.
436
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:46,187
I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
437
00:32:47,037 --> 00:32:49,029
Didn't see that one coming, did you?
438
00:32:49,118 --> 00:32:52,316
Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah.
439
00:32:52,679 --> 00:32:55,717
Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
440
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,116
He's a guest on my ship.
441
00:32:59,082 --> 00:33:01,038
I thought you said you stole it.
442
00:33:02,603 --> 00:33:05,357
Stole what?
What are we talking about?
443
00:33:06,925 --> 00:33:08,961
That doesn't sound good.
444
00:33:13,247 --> 00:33:16,479
- Are you OK?
- Just fabulous, thanks, Trill.
445
00:33:16,568 --> 00:33:19,208
A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
446
00:33:19,329 --> 00:33:22,562
I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
447
00:33:22,691 --> 00:33:23,840
Yes, I do.
448
00:33:23,931 --> 00:33:26,048
Hey, this is really pretty.
449
00:33:26,132 --> 00:33:28,567
- Don't.
- They're on our tail.
450
00:33:28,693 --> 00:33:30,969
Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage.
451
00:33:40,097 --> 00:33:41,087
Stop that.
452
00:33:41,178 --> 00:33:43,135
Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
453
00:33:43,219 --> 00:33:46,018
- Computer?
- Hi, there.
454
00:33:46,100 --> 00:33:48,092
I'm Eddie, your computer.
455
00:33:48,181 --> 00:33:51,777
I'm pleased to report that it's a fleet
of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
456
00:33:51,862 --> 00:33:54,058
They're sending you a message.
457
00:33:54,143 --> 00:33:56,419
This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
458
00:33:56,504 --> 00:33:59,781
I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the President?
459
00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:01,021
She digs me.
460
00:34:01,106 --> 00:34:03,176
Surrender the stolen vessel at once
461
00:34:03,306 --> 00:34:06,664
or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
462
00:34:08,628 --> 00:34:12,418
section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar
Space Bylaws...
463
00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:15,742
Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
464
00:34:15,831 --> 00:34:18,471
Leap to hyperspace. Come on.
465
00:34:18,592 --> 00:34:20,504
Sure thing, fella.
466
00:34:27,396 --> 00:34:28,749
No.
467
00:34:28,876 --> 00:34:34,032
Did they have proper
hyperspace authorisation?
468
00:34:34,118 --> 00:34:35,916
No, commander.
469
00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:43,113
Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
470
00:34:43,202 --> 00:34:45,114
I'm coming, sir.
471
00:34:47,564 --> 00:34:49,794
I'm boiling. Here's the form, sir.
472
00:34:53,126 --> 00:34:57,200
So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
473
00:34:57,287 --> 00:35:00,486
That depends. Where are you going?
474
00:35:00,569 --> 00:35:02,480
Where am I going?
475
00:35:03,530 --> 00:35:07,809
- You OK?
- Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
476
00:35:07,891 --> 00:35:10,851
Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
477
00:35:10,933 --> 00:35:15,246
When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
478
00:35:15,334 --> 00:35:19,568
The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
479
00:35:19,656 --> 00:35:24,174
the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
480
00:35:24,258 --> 00:35:26,727
wrapped round a large gold brick.
481
00:35:31,260 --> 00:35:34,060
- Belgium. Hold it one second.
- Belgium.
482
00:35:35,022 --> 00:35:37,776
Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
483
00:35:37,863 --> 00:35:40,219
- Arthur.
- Right. Gorgeous.
484
00:35:40,304 --> 00:35:43,536
No hard feelings, OK?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
485
00:35:43,625 --> 00:35:45,344
- Earth.
- Yeah. I liked Earth.
486
00:35:45,426 --> 00:35:48,260
Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
487
00:35:48,387 --> 00:35:51,984
Because if you do... I'll pull your
spleen out through your throat.
488
00:35:52,069 --> 00:35:54,868
- All right. Thanks, buddy.
- OK.
489
00:35:54,950 --> 00:35:57,863
Good stuff. Like those jammies.
490
00:36:00,552 --> 00:36:03,431
Zaphod, what's with the two-head thing?
491
00:36:04,153 --> 00:36:07,989
Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't
be president with a whole brain.
492
00:36:08,075 --> 00:36:10,031
It's crazy.
493
00:36:10,116 --> 00:36:12,152
- Oh, so you carved it up?
- Yes.
494
00:36:12,236 --> 00:36:16,197
Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
495
00:36:16,278 --> 00:36:18,156
You know what I'm talkin' about.
496
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,149
Your tea is ready.
497
00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:40,163
I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea.
498
00:36:40,247 --> 00:36:42,921
So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
499
00:36:43,008 --> 00:36:45,239
I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
500
00:36:45,329 --> 00:36:47,400
Or your own spaceship.
501
00:36:48,330 --> 00:36:50,128
Anything else he's got two of?
502
00:36:50,211 --> 00:36:52,601
Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
503
00:36:52,692 --> 00:36:56,767
What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
504
00:36:56,854 --> 00:36:59,528
I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
505
00:36:59,615 --> 00:37:03,291
OK, look. Do you see this?
506
00:37:03,416 --> 00:37:07,297
This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
507
00:37:07,378 --> 00:37:09,529
Enjoy your doughnut.
508
00:37:13,140 --> 00:37:15,052
Do you see this?
509
00:37:18,062 --> 00:37:24,253
This toasts bread
while you're slicing it.
510
00:37:25,185 --> 00:37:29,896
We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
511
00:37:29,986 --> 00:37:32,786
- I told you I wanted to get away.
- To Madagascar.
512
00:37:32,868 --> 00:37:36,179
That was some sort of test.
513
00:37:37,149 --> 00:37:38,822
And I failed.
514
00:37:38,910 --> 00:37:42,267
- How badly does it hurt?
- It doesn't feel great.
515
00:37:42,351 --> 00:37:44,308
No, I mean your chin.
516
00:37:44,392 --> 00:37:46,463
I might have an aspirin.
517
00:37:46,553 --> 00:37:47,906
Right.
518
00:37:54,276 --> 00:37:59,227
Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
519
00:37:59,318 --> 00:38:02,470
- Please, don't.
- Showtime, Trill.
520
00:38:08,922 --> 00:38:11,391
I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
521
00:38:11,483 --> 00:38:13,075
Buttons aren't toys.
522
00:38:13,163 --> 00:38:16,122
Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
523
00:38:16,204 --> 00:38:20,677
that's when I realised
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
524
00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:23,804
I think. It's all a little...
525
00:38:24,568 --> 00:38:25,557
...shaky.
526
00:38:28,489 --> 00:38:31,482
I've seen it. It's rubbish.
527
00:38:34,932 --> 00:38:37,048
Many millions of years ago,
528
00:38:37,132 --> 00:38:40,444
a race of hyperintelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
529
00:38:40,534 --> 00:38:44,289
got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
530
00:38:44,375 --> 00:38:47,209
that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
531
00:38:47,336 --> 00:38:50,489
to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
532
00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:54,777
to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
533
00:38:54,859 --> 00:38:57,738
O Deep Thought,
534
00:38:57,821 --> 00:39:01,895
we want you to tell us the answer.
535
00:39:02,022 --> 00:39:04,139
The answer to what?
536
00:39:04,223 --> 00:39:08,662
The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
537
00:39:08,785 --> 00:39:12,620
We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
538
00:39:12,706 --> 00:39:15,267
I'd have to think about that.
539
00:39:15,347 --> 00:39:20,582
Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
540
00:39:22,030 --> 00:39:25,580
- Is it finished?
- No, there's more. They go back.
541
00:39:25,671 --> 00:39:30,542
- Seven-and-a-half million years later?
- That's right, they do.
542
00:39:46,559 --> 00:39:48,949
Deep Thought, do you have...
543
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:53,274
An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
544
00:39:54,402 --> 00:39:57,362
- It doesn't matter. We must know it.
- All right.
545
00:39:57,444 --> 00:40:00,243
The answer to the ultimate question
546
00:40:02,125 --> 00:40:05,597
of life, the universe
and everything...
547
00:40:07,207 --> 00:40:08,243
... is...
548
00:40:14,810 --> 00:40:16,290
... 42.
549
00:40:16,371 --> 00:40:18,203
Yeah? What?
550
00:40:19,772 --> 00:40:21,570
42?
551
00:40:21,653 --> 00:40:25,648
Yes, I thought it over quite thoroughly.
It's 42.
552
00:40:25,735 --> 00:40:28,887
It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
553
00:40:28,976 --> 00:40:33,654
But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything.
554
00:40:33,738 --> 00:40:35,535
That's not a question.
555
00:40:35,658 --> 00:40:39,209
Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
556
00:40:39,300 --> 00:40:43,739
- Give us the ultimate question then.
- I can't. But there is one who can.
557
00:40:43,822 --> 00:40:47,611
A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
558
00:40:47,703 --> 00:40:50,172
A computer of such infinite complexity,
559
00:40:50,304 --> 00:40:54,185
that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
560
00:40:54,346 --> 00:40:58,260
And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms,
561
00:40:58,387 --> 00:41:03,861
and go down into the computer
to navigate its 10-million-year program.
562
00:41:03,989 --> 00:41:07,540
I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
563
00:41:12,833 --> 00:41:16,224
- That's it?
- That's it.
564
00:41:16,314 --> 00:41:20,025
You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
565
00:41:20,116 --> 00:41:22,790
I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
566
00:41:22,877 --> 00:41:25,631
- Let's get it ready, baby.
- Why...
567
00:41:25,718 --> 00:41:28,711
...do you want to know
the ultimate question?
568
00:41:28,799 --> 00:41:31,633
Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
569
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,032
but mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
570
00:41:35,121 --> 00:41:37,192
You're President of the Galaxy.
571
00:41:37,282 --> 00:41:39,080
- Yes, Arman.
- Arthur.
572
00:41:39,163 --> 00:41:41,439
Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
573
00:41:41,524 --> 00:41:45,154
I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
574
00:41:45,285 --> 00:41:47,675
Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
575
00:41:48,367 --> 00:41:52,839
We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
576
00:41:52,928 --> 00:41:56,002
We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
577
00:41:56,130 --> 00:41:58,439
- You in?
- Always.
578
00:41:58,531 --> 00:42:01,205
- All right.
- I want to get off.
579
00:42:01,292 --> 00:42:04,603
- Sorry, what exactly are we doing?
- This.
580
00:42:08,654 --> 00:42:12,205
The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
581
00:42:12,296 --> 00:42:15,016
of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
582
00:42:15,097 --> 00:42:18,135
without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
583
00:42:18,218 --> 00:42:21,336
As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
584
00:42:21,419 --> 00:42:25,255
it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
585
00:42:25,341 --> 00:42:27,014
almost simultaneously.
586
00:42:27,102 --> 00:42:29,093
So you're never sure
where you'll end up
587
00:42:29,182 --> 00:42:31,697
or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
588
00:42:31,783 --> 00:42:34,618
It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
589
00:42:34,705 --> 00:42:38,858
The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
590
00:42:39,026 --> 00:42:40,983
often used to break the ice at parties
591
00:42:41,067 --> 00:42:44,185
by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
592
00:42:44,268 --> 00:42:46,225
leap one foot to the left
593
00:42:46,309 --> 00:42:48,744
in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
594
00:42:48,870 --> 00:42:52,261
Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
595
00:42:52,351 --> 00:42:54,388
partly because it debased science,
596
00:42:54,472 --> 00:42:58,308
but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
597
00:43:08,117 --> 00:43:11,429
Is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
598
00:43:11,519 --> 00:43:13,351
Very probably, yes.
599
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,314
Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
600
00:43:16,401 --> 00:43:19,155
In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
601
00:43:20,042 --> 00:43:21,761
Come on.
602
00:43:21,883 --> 00:43:24,273
We have normality.
603
00:43:24,404 --> 00:43:25,917
Did it work? Are we there?
604
00:43:27,725 --> 00:43:31,720
Yeah. We're here. Magrathea.
605
00:43:31,807 --> 00:43:33,445
I don't think so. Eddie...
606
00:43:33,567 --> 00:43:35,445
What planet are we looking at?
607
00:43:35,568 --> 00:43:37,287
I'm checking for you.
608
00:43:37,369 --> 00:43:42,161
Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
609
00:43:42,931 --> 00:43:45,651
Thank you so much for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
610
00:43:45,732 --> 00:43:47,724
but this is not Magrathea.
611
00:43:47,853 --> 00:43:51,449
We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
612
00:43:52,415 --> 00:43:54,326
Humma Kavula.
613
00:43:55,216 --> 00:43:59,928
Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
614
00:44:00,738 --> 00:44:03,537
Humma Kavula.
615
00:44:07,621 --> 00:44:11,661
In the beginning,
the universe was created.
616
00:44:11,782 --> 00:44:16,380
This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
617
00:44:18,425 --> 00:44:21,577
Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
618
00:44:21,706 --> 00:44:24,141
though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
619
00:44:24,227 --> 00:44:28,984
firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
620
00:44:29,069 --> 00:44:31,743
called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
621
00:44:31,830 --> 00:44:33,423
Humma Kavula.
622
00:44:33,511 --> 00:44:35,741
The Jatravartids, who lived in fear
623
00:44:35,831 --> 00:44:39,189
of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
624
00:44:39,273 --> 00:44:42,869
were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
625
00:44:42,954 --> 00:44:45,389
They were unique in being
the only race in history
626
00:44:45,475 --> 00:44:49,072
to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
627
00:44:50,917 --> 00:44:52,829
Mr President.
628
00:44:52,918 --> 00:44:54,557
Hey, all right. How you doin'?
629
00:44:54,679 --> 00:44:56,476
What have we here? I love it.
630
00:45:01,882 --> 00:45:03,918
Hey, I love you. Fantastic.
631
00:45:04,002 --> 00:45:06,517
You guys related? Don't go changing.
632
00:45:06,603 --> 00:45:08,595
Arthur, I want a drink.
633
00:45:08,684 --> 00:45:12,679
I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
634
00:45:16,167 --> 00:45:18,124
Lxxie.
635
00:45:18,248 --> 00:45:21,082
- I've been here before.
- Humma Kavula.
636
00:45:21,169 --> 00:45:22,842
Come on.
637
00:45:22,930 --> 00:45:25,650
Tricia, I...
638
00:45:30,413 --> 00:45:38,209
Now we await
with eager expectation
639
00:45:38,336 --> 00:45:44,607
Thy handkerchief
to bring us back to Thee
640
00:45:53,061 --> 00:45:54,814
Hello, Humma.
641
00:45:56,263 --> 00:46:00,462
- Join us. Sit down.
- Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
642
00:46:00,544 --> 00:46:02,581
The handkerchief is coming.
643
00:46:02,665 --> 00:46:08,299
Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion upon us all.
644
00:46:09,908 --> 00:46:13,663
So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
645
00:46:14,390 --> 00:46:18,509
We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
646
00:46:18,591 --> 00:46:20,628
in reverence to you.
647
00:46:22,313 --> 00:46:27,025
Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
648
00:46:27,115 --> 00:46:32,589
We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
649
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:42,958
Bless you.
650
00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:45,632
We goin' in here?
651
00:46:45,722 --> 00:46:49,398
All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
652
00:46:49,483 --> 00:46:52,875
Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous President.
653
00:46:52,965 --> 00:46:55,605
What brings you to our humble planet?
654
00:46:55,686 --> 00:46:59,646
- I think you know why I'm here.
- No, I don't think I do.
655
00:46:59,727 --> 00:47:01,366
I think you think you don't.
656
00:47:02,408 --> 00:47:05,128
But we both know you do.
657
00:47:05,930 --> 00:47:07,727
Eloquent as always.
658
00:47:07,810 --> 00:47:11,521
Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
659
00:47:11,612 --> 00:47:14,525
That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
660
00:47:14,613 --> 00:47:16,923
when you were my opponent
running against me,
661
00:47:17,014 --> 00:47:18,926
you said I was stupid.
662
00:47:37,782 --> 00:47:42,016
The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
663
00:47:44,385 --> 00:47:46,182
...if memory serves, you won,
664
00:47:46,265 --> 00:47:48,860
proving that good looks
and charm
665
00:47:48,946 --> 00:47:54,227
win over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
666
00:47:58,310 --> 00:48:01,428
And, incidentally, you are stupid.
667
00:48:01,511 --> 00:48:03,980
Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.
668
00:48:05,073 --> 00:48:08,066
I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix up
669
00:48:08,154 --> 00:48:10,464
cos, actually, he's not with us.
670
00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,354
We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
671
00:48:13,436 --> 00:48:16,076
He grew, didn't he. He's not that tall.
672
00:48:16,197 --> 00:48:20,989
You didn't come half-way across the
galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
673
00:48:22,439 --> 00:48:24,396
Why are you here?
674
00:48:25,921 --> 00:48:28,482
Of course not, that's ridiculous.
675
00:48:28,562 --> 00:48:33,957
I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years, I haven't been avoiding you.
676
00:48:34,044 --> 00:48:36,923
You look great. You're doing well.
677
00:48:37,005 --> 00:48:38,644
You've grown, obviously.
678
00:48:39,486 --> 00:48:42,604
Wait. We don't know why we're here.
679
00:48:42,687 --> 00:48:46,158
We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
680
00:48:47,689 --> 00:48:51,046
How very, very improbable.
681
00:48:58,173 --> 00:49:00,847
I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
682
00:49:00,934 --> 00:49:03,733
Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
683
00:49:04,696 --> 00:49:11,171
But even an Infinite lmprobability Drive
requires coordinates.
684
00:49:11,298 --> 00:49:13,574
Which I happen to have.
685
00:49:13,699 --> 00:49:15,258
No, no, no.
686
00:49:15,380 --> 00:49:17,656
You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
687
00:49:17,781 --> 00:49:20,296
You must bring me something in return.
688
00:49:20,382 --> 00:49:23,181
- What?
- A gun.
689
00:49:23,263 --> 00:49:25,141
- A gun?
- A very special gun.
690
00:49:25,224 --> 00:49:28,422
Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
691
00:49:28,505 --> 00:49:31,304
But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
692
00:49:31,386 --> 00:49:35,700
Fine. I'll get your gun.
Just give me the coordinates.
693
00:49:35,788 --> 00:49:38,462
And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
694
00:49:39,269 --> 00:49:41,579
My word as President.
695
00:49:42,830 --> 00:49:46,188
No. I need a hostage.
696
00:49:48,593 --> 00:49:55,512
Only, what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
697
00:49:59,157 --> 00:50:01,069
Come on.
698
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,711
Oh, no.
699
00:50:05,839 --> 00:50:08,513
Hey, take it easy now. Think about this.
700
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,639
No, stop it.
That kind of tickles.
701
00:50:11,722 --> 00:50:15,159
Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
702
00:50:15,923 --> 00:50:18,836
It's not fair. You need me.
703
00:50:18,964 --> 00:50:22,959
Come back. Don't leave me alone.
704
00:50:25,886 --> 00:50:27,798
Come back.
705
00:50:27,927 --> 00:50:31,557
I thought I alone
considered your boyfriend
706
00:50:31,648 --> 00:50:34,209
a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
707
00:50:34,289 --> 00:50:37,009
What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir."
708
00:50:37,090 --> 00:50:41,370
"We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
709
00:50:41,452 --> 00:50:43,364
Where the hell is Ford?
710
00:50:47,214 --> 00:50:53,406
By the left, march.
Left, right, left, right.
711
00:50:53,497 --> 00:50:57,616
Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
712
00:50:58,059 --> 00:51:00,574
Fire upon the kidnapper.
713
00:51:01,300 --> 00:51:02,574
Hey, come on.
714
00:51:02,660 --> 00:51:05,129
The President is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him.
715
00:51:07,142 --> 00:51:09,020
It's locked.
716
00:51:11,824 --> 00:51:14,100
Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
717
00:51:19,187 --> 00:51:21,543
Come on, Zaphod, man.
718
00:51:24,909 --> 00:51:27,549
- Hey, what did I miss?
- What have you been doing?
719
00:51:27,630 --> 00:51:30,987
Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer.
720
00:51:31,071 --> 00:51:33,711
They're shooting at us.
What are we going to do?
721
00:51:33,832 --> 00:51:36,951
- I have an idea.
- Pushing him out and running away?
722
00:51:37,034 --> 00:51:39,424
What? He's the one they want.
723
00:51:39,515 --> 00:51:41,665
You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
724
00:51:42,916 --> 00:51:45,750
- Back off.
- What's going on?
725
00:51:47,358 --> 00:51:50,510
I have the President
and I will kill him, I swear.
726
00:51:50,599 --> 00:51:54,388
- Could that actually kill him?
- I don't think so.
727
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,591
It's an aerosol can.
728
00:51:56,681 --> 00:51:59,071
OK, frightened now, frightened.
729
00:52:00,643 --> 00:52:03,954
- Hi, little guy.
- Get her.
730
00:52:04,044 --> 00:52:06,923
- Zaphod, no, come on.
- Arthur.
731
00:52:07,686 --> 00:52:10,406
- Arthur.
- Tricia.
732
00:52:10,487 --> 00:52:13,366
- Arthur.
- Tricia. Wait.
733
00:52:21,971 --> 00:52:24,361
Arthur.
734
00:52:27,013 --> 00:52:29,892
Resistance is useless.
735
00:52:39,458 --> 00:52:43,054
Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
736
00:52:44,740 --> 00:52:46,413
Where's the circus?
737
00:52:46,501 --> 00:52:49,062
They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go.
738
00:52:49,142 --> 00:52:50,541
Let's go.
739
00:52:53,984 --> 00:52:55,895
Computer, take us to Magrathea.
740
00:52:55,984 --> 00:52:58,374
What? No.
We've got to go after Tricia.
741
00:52:58,465 --> 00:52:59,785
- Who?
- Trillian.
742
00:52:59,866 --> 00:53:03,257
They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git.
743
00:53:03,347 --> 00:53:05,623
Right, you're coming out.
744
00:53:06,388 --> 00:53:10,144
Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
745
00:53:10,230 --> 00:53:13,746
I'd love to, but my guidance system
has been deactivated.
746
00:53:13,871 --> 00:53:14,907
Oh, come on.
747
00:53:15,032 --> 00:53:17,308
I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.
748
00:53:17,393 --> 00:53:19,349
What you doing on this ship?
749
00:53:19,473 --> 00:53:20,987
- Ford?
- Marvin.
750
00:53:21,074 --> 00:53:23,384
I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
751
00:53:23,515 --> 00:53:25,108
And?
752
00:53:25,196 --> 00:53:26,675
It hates me.
753
00:53:27,036 --> 00:53:29,835
No. Eddie, computer,
754
00:53:29,917 --> 00:53:33,275
is there another way
to follow the ships?
755
00:53:33,399 --> 00:53:37,678
Activating Emergency Escape Pod.
It's super-neat and fun to fly.
756
00:53:40,001 --> 00:53:41,435
Unbelievable.
757
00:53:41,522 --> 00:53:45,642
I'm in. OK, Ford,
do you have any idea?
758
00:53:45,724 --> 00:53:47,919
- We'll press this button.
- No.
759
00:53:49,485 --> 00:53:52,364
- This button.
- OK. Nothing's... OK.
760
00:53:52,486 --> 00:53:55,320
Good man.
761
00:53:55,407 --> 00:53:58,845
- OK, we're wobbling...
- You forgot your towel.
762
00:53:58,929 --> 00:54:01,319
Get him off me. I'll kill him.
763
00:54:01,410 --> 00:54:03,800
- OK, Ford, there's a...
- Is that better?
764
00:54:03,891 --> 00:54:05,847
No, that's worse.
765
00:54:05,971 --> 00:54:09,090
- Do what... I don't need that.
- OK.
766
00:54:09,173 --> 00:54:11,813
Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
767
00:54:11,894 --> 00:54:15,365
I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
768
00:54:15,455 --> 00:54:16,809
Thanks, Marv.
769
00:55:01,073 --> 00:55:04,953
- Magrathea.
- No, we're on the Vogon planet.
770
00:55:05,034 --> 00:55:07,549
- Yes, it is. It's Magrathea.
- This is Vogsphere.
771
00:55:07,635 --> 00:55:10,673
- Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
- No, it's not.
772
00:55:10,756 --> 00:55:14,148
- There is no Magrathea.
- Yes, it is.
773
00:55:15,238 --> 00:55:17,309
- What are you doing?
- They took my head.
774
00:55:17,399 --> 00:55:20,119
They have these
on Arcturan megafreighters.
775
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,635
They use them
when they need to concentrate.
776
00:55:22,721 --> 00:55:24,872
- What is it?
- It's a thinking cap.
777
00:55:29,444 --> 00:55:31,481
There you go.
778
00:55:35,086 --> 00:55:38,966
That should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
779
00:55:39,047 --> 00:55:42,359
Now I'm feeling much better
about our predicament.
780
00:56:02,817 --> 00:56:06,811
I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
781
00:56:06,898 --> 00:56:09,891
It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
782
00:56:09,979 --> 00:56:12,448
Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could...
783
00:56:14,421 --> 00:56:16,538
- Did anyone see that?
- See what?
784
00:56:16,662 --> 00:56:18,460
What was it?
785
00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:22,702
Nothing, it's nothing.
It's just my imagination.
786
00:56:22,824 --> 00:56:26,865
OK, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
787
00:56:26,946 --> 00:56:31,658
There's definitely something
going on here.
788
00:56:33,349 --> 00:56:35,499
Just watch.
789
00:56:35,589 --> 00:56:37,501
Just watch.
790
00:56:40,791 --> 00:56:43,147
OK, I think we...
791
00:56:44,473 --> 00:56:45,872
You too.
792
00:56:46,874 --> 00:56:49,150
Yeah, what was that?
793
00:56:52,396 --> 00:56:54,308
Zaphod, what do you think?
794
00:56:57,478 --> 00:57:01,154
I think... Zarquon.
What was that?
795
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,557
I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
796
00:57:05,681 --> 00:57:08,480
- No one ever does.
- I have an idea.
797
00:57:08,562 --> 00:57:11,555
Ford. Kill it. Get rid of it.
798
00:57:19,606 --> 00:57:22,326
OK, don't think.
799
00:57:22,408 --> 00:57:24,797
Nobody think. No ideas.
800
00:57:24,888 --> 00:57:26,959
No theories. No nothing.
801
00:57:32,892 --> 00:57:35,407
This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
802
00:57:35,493 --> 00:57:40,124
- We need an idea to help save her.
- I have an...
803
00:57:40,214 --> 00:57:42,251
Run.
804
00:58:10,426 --> 00:58:12,463
You're supposed to stop.
805
00:58:21,310 --> 00:58:25,430
OK, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
806
00:58:28,153 --> 00:58:31,146
OK, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
807
00:58:31,274 --> 00:58:34,951
but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
808
00:58:37,317 --> 00:58:39,387
OK, where is she?
809
00:58:42,238 --> 00:58:44,958
Who, the director of robot arm repair?
810
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:50,919
Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus of Blaard?
811
00:58:51,002 --> 00:58:54,075
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
812
00:58:54,203 --> 00:58:55,717
Oh. Right.
813
00:59:01,326 --> 00:59:04,603
Sorry, no record of Earth.
814
00:59:05,367 --> 00:59:08,998
Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
815
00:59:09,089 --> 00:59:12,400
- Oh, yes.
- She's lying.
816
00:59:13,851 --> 00:59:17,049
She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
817
00:59:18,292 --> 00:59:20,761
Oh, yes, here we are. Earth.
818
00:59:22,694 --> 00:59:24,094
"Destroyed."
819
00:59:24,215 --> 00:59:27,413
Do you have
a second home planet?
820
00:59:27,496 --> 00:59:30,933
- Destroyed? That's impossible.
- That's what it says here.
821
00:59:31,057 --> 00:59:36,008
Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
822
00:59:42,782 --> 00:59:46,219
Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
823
00:59:48,264 --> 00:59:52,019
- He said the gray building, right?
- All the buildings are gray.
824
00:59:52,106 --> 00:59:55,383
"Give me a hand." Very funny.
825
00:59:55,467 --> 00:59:58,778
How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
826
01:00:03,030 --> 01:00:06,068
So, you need to go back
and fill that in.
827
01:00:06,151 --> 01:00:09,349
Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
828
01:00:07,872 --> 01:00:12,549
Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
829
01:00:14,114 --> 01:00:19,031
If you'd fill that form in for me,
and return it as soon as possible.
830
01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:23,270
- Writing implements to your left...
- You're President. Can you do anything?
831
01:00:23,358 --> 01:00:28,035
Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
832
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:31,997
Hey, how you doin'?
833
01:00:32,081 --> 01:00:36,599
Hey, it's me, your President.
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
834
01:00:36,683 --> 01:00:39,403
All right. I know that sponge.
All right.
835
01:00:39,524 --> 01:00:41,800
- Next.
- President coming through.
836
01:00:41,925 --> 01:00:44,759
How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
837
01:00:45,606 --> 01:00:47,325
I love kabuki. Look at that.
838
01:00:47,407 --> 01:00:49,319
Out the way.
839
01:00:51,008 --> 01:00:53,204
Give us a kiss.
840
01:00:54,210 --> 01:00:56,964
Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
841
01:00:57,051 --> 01:00:59,087
Prisoner release form.
842
01:01:02,333 --> 01:01:04,450
I don't believe you.
843
01:01:04,534 --> 01:01:06,411
These are the orders.
844
01:01:11,296 --> 01:01:13,208
"Love and kisses"?
845
01:01:13,977 --> 01:01:17,335
Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
846
01:01:17,419 --> 01:01:21,936
the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
847
01:01:22,020 --> 01:01:25,617
is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
848
01:01:26,382 --> 01:01:28,374
Good day.
849
01:01:29,983 --> 01:01:34,137
Get off of me. What the hell is that?
850
01:01:35,466 --> 01:01:39,540
No, wait.
There's been some kind of mistake.
851
01:01:41,948 --> 01:01:47,308
- Tick all the boxes on the right.
- Right. Got it.
852
01:01:47,390 --> 01:01:49,302
Not that one.
853
01:01:49,391 --> 01:01:53,511
What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
854
01:01:53,593 --> 01:01:57,792
Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
855
01:01:57,874 --> 01:02:00,867
Alternatively, if life
hasn't been good to you so far,
856
01:02:00,955 --> 01:02:04,188
which, given your current circumstances,
seems more likely,
857
01:02:04,277 --> 01:02:08,317
consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
858
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,399
Right, there we go.
859
01:02:14,481 --> 01:02:16,757
Kidnapping the President.
860
01:02:16,882 --> 01:02:21,115
Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
861
01:02:21,203 --> 01:02:24,241
OK. Right.
Look, this is the President.
862
01:02:24,324 --> 01:02:26,361
OK. See, there?
863
01:02:26,445 --> 01:02:29,917
He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
864
01:02:30,007 --> 01:02:31,520
Oh, yeah.
865
01:02:31,607 --> 01:02:35,158
She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
866
01:02:35,249 --> 01:02:39,801
But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
867
01:02:39,891 --> 01:02:41,802
Those are blue.
868
01:02:43,052 --> 01:02:46,966
- I'll stay here.
- All right. Hold that. OK.
869
01:02:51,455 --> 01:02:53,686
Oh, he's hungry today.
870
01:02:56,177 --> 01:02:57,656
That's blue. Right.
871
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:02,617
- I'm not a journalist.
- We're just hanging out.
872
01:03:02,699 --> 01:03:05,168
OK, this is for Tricia McMillan.
873
01:03:05,941 --> 01:03:09,173
Tricia McMillan. OK.
874
01:03:11,223 --> 01:03:15,183
Sir, it's a release form.
875
01:03:15,304 --> 01:03:16,499
Thank you.
876
01:03:16,585 --> 01:03:19,623
She's free to go.
877
01:03:19,706 --> 01:03:21,698
Release her.
878
01:03:24,388 --> 01:03:28,064
Zaphod's here.
Well, then, that's fine then.
879
01:03:28,149 --> 01:03:30,061
Let's just go and get him.
880
01:03:37,833 --> 01:03:40,428
Who are we waiting for again?
881
01:03:44,315 --> 01:03:46,227
No, I'm serious.
882
01:03:48,117 --> 01:03:50,313
Tricia.
883
01:03:53,239 --> 01:03:55,151
- Tricia.
- Trill.
884
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,479
- Hey, come on.
- You idiot.
885
01:03:58,561 --> 01:04:00,518
You signed the order to destroy Earth.
886
01:04:00,602 --> 01:04:02,354
- He did?
- I did?
887
01:04:02,443 --> 01:04:06,722
Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod"?
You didn't even read it, did you?
888
01:04:06,804 --> 01:04:11,402
Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
889
01:04:13,407 --> 01:04:15,159
An entire planet, my home,
890
01:04:15,247 --> 01:04:18,446
destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
891
01:04:18,529 --> 01:04:20,998
- They framed me.
- Are you an idiot?
892
01:04:21,090 --> 01:04:24,845
- Trillian.
- You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
893
01:04:24,931 --> 01:04:28,812
- He threatened me.
- Get a backbone, Arthur.
894
01:04:28,893 --> 01:04:33,844
Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea.
895
01:04:35,055 --> 01:04:36,967
Stupid.
896
01:04:41,097 --> 01:04:43,328
- Got your arm.
- How considerate.
897
01:04:43,418 --> 01:04:47,618
Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
898
01:05:03,626 --> 01:05:06,619
The President tests my patience.
899
01:05:06,707 --> 01:05:11,339
This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
900
01:05:11,429 --> 01:05:14,228
Fantastic. At last.
901
01:05:19,312 --> 01:05:22,511
That's one hour for lunch, everybody.
902
01:05:23,274 --> 01:05:25,345
I think I'll have soup today.
903
01:05:27,355 --> 01:05:30,713
The Encyclopaedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
904
01:05:30,797 --> 01:05:34,074
states that it is
far too complicated to define.
905
01:05:34,158 --> 01:05:38,392
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love:
906
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,995
"Avoid, if at all possible."
907
01:05:41,081 --> 01:05:43,835
Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
908
01:05:43,922 --> 01:05:46,278
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
909
01:05:46,403 --> 01:05:50,192
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, come in.
910
01:05:50,324 --> 01:05:52,441
I didn't...
911
01:05:55,286 --> 01:05:56,879
Look...
912
01:05:56,967 --> 01:05:59,766
Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
913
01:05:59,848 --> 01:06:05,163
I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
914
01:06:05,250 --> 01:06:08,800
For what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling.
915
01:06:10,492 --> 01:06:14,646
- Can you hand me a towel?
- Yeah, sure, this...
916
01:06:16,054 --> 01:06:17,966
Thank you.
917
01:06:18,055 --> 01:06:20,934
Actually, what I was going to say was
918
01:06:22,177 --> 01:06:27,014
if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
919
01:06:27,099 --> 01:06:29,135
then neither of us would be here now.
920
01:06:30,900 --> 01:06:34,530
I just thought that might
count for something.
921
01:06:37,663 --> 01:06:39,574
It doesn't matter.
922
01:07:01,924 --> 01:07:07,319
All right, computer, take us to...
Where we headed again?
923
01:07:07,406 --> 01:07:09,841
OK, I'm gonna get you another lemon.
924
01:07:10,808 --> 01:07:12,719
All right.
925
01:07:16,850 --> 01:07:19,160
Engaging Improbability Drive.
926
01:07:19,251 --> 01:07:22,961
No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
927
01:07:23,052 --> 01:07:24,850
Magrathean coordinates accepted.
928
01:07:32,376 --> 01:07:34,845
It blows my circuits to tell you
929
01:07:34,937 --> 01:07:38,214
that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
930
01:07:38,338 --> 01:07:41,810
around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
931
01:07:41,900 --> 01:07:44,495
Magrathea.
932
01:07:50,863 --> 01:07:52,775
Unbelievable.
933
01:07:55,225 --> 01:07:57,136
Incredible.
934
01:07:58,106 --> 01:08:00,462
It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
935
01:08:01,627 --> 01:08:05,747
Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
936
01:08:05,829 --> 01:08:09,140
The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
937
01:08:09,270 --> 01:08:12,468
but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
938
01:08:12,551 --> 01:08:16,182
If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
939
01:08:16,273 --> 01:08:18,310
kindly do so at the tone.
940
01:08:19,354 --> 01:08:23,110
- How can a planet be closed?
- Zarkin' A, cousin.
941
01:08:23,196 --> 01:08:26,473
OK, computer, keep going.
Take us down.
942
01:08:26,597 --> 01:08:28,110
I'd be happy to.
943
01:08:29,678 --> 01:08:34,549
It is gratifying that your enthusiasm
for our planet continues unabated.
944
01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:37,155
As a token of our appreciation,
945
01:08:37,281 --> 01:08:40,194
we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
946
01:08:40,282 --> 01:08:43,400
we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
947
01:08:44,084 --> 01:08:46,394
To ensure on-going quality of service,
948
01:08:46,525 --> 01:08:50,599
your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
949
01:08:51,206 --> 01:08:55,326
I'm delighted to tell you there are two
nuclear missiles heading right for us.
950
01:08:55,408 --> 01:08:58,640
If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
951
01:09:02,811 --> 01:09:05,884
Something's jamming
my guidance system.
952
01:09:05,972 --> 01:09:07,850
Impact minus 45 seconds.
953
01:09:11,454 --> 01:09:13,571
Computer, do something.
954
01:09:13,695 --> 01:09:17,815
Sure. Handing over manual control.
Good luck.
955
01:09:28,061 --> 01:09:30,017
I need some help.
956
01:09:30,782 --> 01:09:33,217
I can't do this without my third arm.
957
01:09:35,944 --> 01:09:38,095
Arthur, grab my hand.
958
01:09:48,108 --> 01:09:51,659
- Did we lose 'em?
- No, they're coming right at us.
959
01:09:54,231 --> 01:09:57,781
- Why don't I just press this?
- No, we're not back to normal yet.
960
01:09:57,872 --> 01:09:59,829
- What will happen?
- I don't know.
961
01:09:59,913 --> 01:10:03,749
Don't do it. We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
962
01:10:06,596 --> 01:10:08,473
- No, sod it all.
- No.
963
01:10:14,399 --> 01:10:16,310
Where are we?
964
01:10:20,241 --> 01:10:23,791
- Exactly where we were.
- And the missiles?
965
01:10:24,803 --> 01:10:30,118
Apparently, they've turned
into a bowl of petunias.
966
01:10:31,565 --> 01:10:34,319
And a very surprised-looking whale.
967
01:10:34,446 --> 01:10:41,400
And an improbability factor
of 8,767,128 to 1 against.
968
01:10:42,289 --> 01:10:44,201
We have normality.
969
01:10:45,131 --> 01:10:47,486
Normality, right.
970
01:10:47,571 --> 01:10:50,371
We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
971
01:10:51,493 --> 01:10:54,406
- What is normal?
- What's home?
972
01:10:54,494 --> 01:10:56,133
What are cows?
973
01:10:57,255 --> 01:11:00,009
A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
974
01:11:00,096 --> 01:11:04,171
It is important to note that suddenly,
and against all probability,
975
01:11:04,258 --> 01:11:07,012
a sperm whale had been
called into existence
976
01:11:07,099 --> 01:11:11,060
several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
977
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:13,861
Since this is not a tenable position
for a whale,
978
01:11:13,942 --> 01:11:18,734
this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
979
01:11:18,824 --> 01:11:21,293
This is what it thought as it fell:
980
01:11:21,385 --> 01:11:24,458
What's happening? Who am I?
981
01:11:24,546 --> 01:11:28,062
Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by "who am l"?
982
01:11:28,187 --> 01:11:30,224
OK, calm down, get a grip now.
983
01:11:30,308 --> 01:11:34,223
This is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
984
01:11:34,310 --> 01:11:39,146
I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
985
01:11:39,272 --> 01:11:43,152
What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
986
01:11:43,233 --> 01:11:45,270
Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
987
01:11:45,354 --> 01:11:48,506
Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
988
01:11:48,595 --> 01:11:51,030
Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
989
01:11:51,116 --> 01:11:55,031
And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
990
01:11:55,158 --> 01:12:00,029
It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground.
991
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:04,478
That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
992
01:12:06,762 --> 01:12:10,393
The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
993
01:12:10,484 --> 01:12:14,364
as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again."
994
01:12:15,566 --> 01:12:20,961
Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
995
01:12:21,048 --> 01:12:26,249
we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
996
01:12:30,371 --> 01:12:32,522
What are those things?
997
01:12:32,612 --> 01:12:35,844
They're portals to another dimension.
998
01:12:35,933 --> 01:12:40,247
Right. I don't suppose this portal
has central heating, does it?
999
01:12:46,057 --> 01:12:47,776
This is the one.
1000
01:12:47,858 --> 01:12:52,138
This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
1001
01:12:54,901 --> 01:12:56,972
Right here.
1002
01:13:01,183 --> 01:13:03,573
OK, in we go.
1003
01:13:03,664 --> 01:13:08,581
We can't just step into that... that.
We don't know where it leads.
1004
01:13:08,666 --> 01:13:10,703
If we pick the wrong one,
1005
01:13:10,827 --> 01:13:14,377
we just come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
1006
01:13:14,508 --> 01:13:17,946
What? Yeah, it's a big biggie, Ford.
A big biggie.
1007
01:13:18,030 --> 01:13:22,822
What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
1008
01:13:22,912 --> 01:13:26,303
This is the right one. I have a hunch.
1009
01:13:26,393 --> 01:13:30,434
- Ford.
- His hunches are good.
1010
01:13:30,515 --> 01:13:32,825
Arthur, I say we go.
1011
01:13:32,916 --> 01:13:38,550
Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?
1012
01:13:38,638 --> 01:13:40,230
This is suicide.
1013
01:13:40,318 --> 01:13:44,154
- I think I resent that.
- I don't care.
1014
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:47,039
I'm getting hostility from you, Alex...
1015
01:13:47,121 --> 01:13:50,558
- Arthur.
- Have you ever tried yoga?
1016
01:13:51,683 --> 01:13:55,154
- Trillian.
- I think that's supposed to happen.
1017
01:13:59,806 --> 01:14:02,002
She's gone. Ford, she's gone.
1018
01:14:03,127 --> 01:14:05,323
Arthur, don't panic.
1019
01:14:07,649 --> 01:14:11,438
- Ford.
- Hey, wait for me.
1020
01:14:24,456 --> 01:14:26,128
Come on.
1021
01:14:26,216 --> 01:14:28,128
Idiot. Come on.
1022
01:14:52,186 --> 01:14:55,703
No, don't leave.
Come on, just start.
1023
01:14:55,788 --> 01:14:58,781
I told you this would end in tears.
1024
01:14:58,909 --> 01:15:00,901
Did you?
1025
01:15:09,873 --> 01:15:11,466
Geronimo.
1026
01:15:14,075 --> 01:15:15,667
Far out.
1027
01:15:18,436 --> 01:15:20,507
This is it.
1028
01:15:20,597 --> 01:15:22,953
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
1029
01:15:25,639 --> 01:15:30,271
So, this is how it's all going to end,
is it?
1030
01:15:32,562 --> 01:15:36,522
Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
1031
01:15:36,603 --> 01:15:38,481
You think you've got problems.
1032
01:15:38,564 --> 01:15:41,477
What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
1033
01:15:41,605 --> 01:15:43,517
Excuse me.
1034
01:15:49,528 --> 01:15:53,967
- Who are you?
- No, my name is not important.
1035
01:15:55,131 --> 01:15:57,487
You must come with me.
1036
01:15:57,572 --> 01:16:01,691
- Get away.
- Terrible events are afoot.
1037
01:16:01,773 --> 01:16:05,131
You must come or you'll be late.
1038
01:16:05,215 --> 01:16:07,410
- Late? What for?
- What?
1039
01:16:07,495 --> 01:16:12,776
No. What's your name, Earthman?
1040
01:16:13,698 --> 01:16:15,974
- Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Well...
1041
01:16:16,059 --> 01:16:18,699
Well, late as in
"the late Dentarthurdent."
1042
01:16:19,420 --> 01:16:23,131
It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
1043
01:16:23,262 --> 01:16:26,141
- No.
- Your friends are safe.
1044
01:16:26,223 --> 01:16:29,296
- You can trust me.
- A man who won't tell me his name?
1045
01:16:31,025 --> 01:16:33,938
OK, my name is...
1046
01:16:34,026 --> 01:16:37,781
My name is... is... is...
Slartibartfast.
1047
01:16:39,868 --> 01:16:42,827
I said it wasn't important.
1048
01:16:44,430 --> 01:16:48,470
Well... So my friends are safe?
1049
01:16:48,591 --> 01:16:49,945
Let me show you.
1050
01:16:50,032 --> 01:16:55,711
I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
1051
01:17:19,643 --> 01:17:22,317
Did you know we built planets?
1052
01:17:22,404 --> 01:17:25,443
Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
1053
01:17:26,366 --> 01:17:30,839
Doing the coastlines
was always my favourite.
1054
01:17:30,928 --> 01:17:35,879
We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
1055
01:17:35,970 --> 01:17:41,251
But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
1056
01:17:41,332 --> 01:17:45,212
are a bit of a luxury commodity...
1057
01:17:46,694 --> 01:17:50,404
Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
1058
01:17:50,495 --> 01:17:52,646
Best laid plans of mice, you know.
1059
01:17:52,736 --> 01:17:56,048
- And men.
- What?
1060
01:17:56,138 --> 01:17:58,094
Best laid plans of mice and men.
1061
01:17:59,779 --> 01:18:02,738
Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
1062
01:18:41,915 --> 01:18:43,952
I must warn you,
1063
01:18:44,036 --> 01:18:47,347
we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
1064
01:18:47,477 --> 01:18:49,594
It may disturb you.
1065
01:18:49,678 --> 01:18:51,749
It scares the willies out of me.
1066
01:19:22,011 --> 01:19:25,448
Welcome to our factory floor.
1067
01:19:48,261 --> 01:19:50,173
All right.
1068
01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:54,416
Yeah, this is it.
1069
01:19:57,345 --> 01:19:59,734
This is it.
1070
01:19:59,865 --> 01:20:03,576
O great Deep Thought.
1071
01:20:03,667 --> 01:20:05,306
We have travelled long...
1072
01:20:07,308 --> 01:20:08,981
...and far.
1073
01:20:09,109 --> 01:20:14,344
Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
1074
01:20:14,431 --> 01:20:16,741
the universe and everything?
1075
01:20:17,552 --> 01:20:18,542
No.
1076
01:20:18,633 --> 01:20:21,068
- What?
- I've been watching TV.
1077
01:20:21,914 --> 01:20:24,383
I designed
another computer to do that.
1078
01:20:25,876 --> 01:20:28,106
Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
1079
01:20:28,196 --> 01:20:30,836
No, it's not here. It's another world.
1080
01:20:30,918 --> 01:20:32,954
It's on another world.
1081
01:20:33,078 --> 01:20:36,436
It is another world, stupid.
1082
01:20:36,520 --> 01:20:38,830
Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
1083
01:20:38,921 --> 01:20:41,197
to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
1084
01:20:41,402 --> 01:20:43,518
Well... OK.
1085
01:20:43,602 --> 01:20:45,639
You sure you don't have the question,
1086
01:20:45,723 --> 01:20:49,081
or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
1087
01:20:49,165 --> 01:20:51,042
I think I've done a lot to get here.
1088
01:20:51,165 --> 01:20:54,398
Oh, shh. The show's back on.
1089
01:20:59,609 --> 01:21:03,523
Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
1090
01:21:03,610 --> 01:21:07,844
Great. I'm gonna go find something
else for my entire life to be about.
1091
01:21:07,932 --> 01:21:11,084
Zaphod, there's the gun.
1092
01:21:11,173 --> 01:21:13,369
- Gun?
- That Humma sent you for.
1093
01:21:13,454 --> 01:21:17,768
- You gave him your head.
- Why'd I do that?
1094
01:21:17,856 --> 01:21:19,448
- OK.
- That's stupid.
1095
01:21:19,576 --> 01:21:24,447
O Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
1096
01:21:38,664 --> 01:21:40,815
There you are.
1097
01:21:40,905 --> 01:21:42,497
Look familiar?
1098
01:21:42,585 --> 01:21:45,977
So it wasn't destroyed?
1099
01:21:46,067 --> 01:21:50,141
Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark II.
1100
01:21:53,149 --> 01:21:54,868
So you made the Earth?
1101
01:21:55,790 --> 01:21:58,430
Not me alone, but I did my part.
1102
01:21:58,551 --> 01:22:01,704
Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
1103
01:22:01,793 --> 01:22:05,503
That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
1104
01:22:14,798 --> 01:22:18,109
All right, Frank? That's Frank.
1105
01:22:20,040 --> 01:22:22,396
They've nearly finished the oceans.
1106
01:22:31,444 --> 01:22:32,719
Zaphod.
1107
01:22:32,805 --> 01:22:34,716
Here, it's...
1108
01:22:37,126 --> 01:22:40,040
It's just like Humma said.
1109
01:22:40,128 --> 01:22:42,597
- Now you can go get your head back.
- Hey, Ford.
1110
01:22:42,689 --> 01:22:45,079
It's been nice knowing you,
you zarkin' frood.
1111
01:22:45,170 --> 01:22:46,159
No.
1112
01:22:47,210 --> 01:22:49,361
This is a bust too.
1113
01:22:49,451 --> 01:22:53,492
Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
1114
01:22:53,573 --> 01:22:56,486
You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
1115
01:22:56,574 --> 01:22:59,214
which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
1116
01:22:59,295 --> 01:23:04,291
The Point-of-View Gun, conveniently,
does precisely what its name suggests.
1117
01:23:04,417 --> 01:23:06,807
Fantastic.
1118
01:23:07,898 --> 01:23:10,732
If you point it at someone
and pull the trigger,
1119
01:23:10,859 --> 01:23:13,500
they instantly see things
from your point of view.
1120
01:23:13,581 --> 01:23:15,333
Give me that thing.
1121
01:23:15,461 --> 01:23:17,293
It was designed by Deep Thought,
1122
01:23:17,382 --> 01:23:21,137
but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
1123
01:23:21,224 --> 01:23:23,533
who, after arguments
with their husbands,
1124
01:23:23,624 --> 01:23:26,857
were sick of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
1125
01:23:26,986 --> 01:23:28,978
"You just don't get it, do you?"
1126
01:23:31,668 --> 01:23:33,818
And you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
1127
01:23:33,908 --> 01:23:38,267
because life goes on, you know,
and I should just go on with it.
1128
01:23:38,870 --> 01:23:41,101
Shoot him again.
1129
01:23:44,232 --> 01:23:47,863
Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
1130
01:23:47,954 --> 01:23:51,106
- Say what?
- That is brilliant.
1131
01:23:51,195 --> 01:23:53,187
What's goin'...?
1132
01:23:53,276 --> 01:23:55,950
I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
1133
01:23:57,157 --> 01:23:59,752
- We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
- Who cares?
1134
01:23:59,838 --> 01:24:04,197
I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
1135
01:24:04,280 --> 01:24:06,317
Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
1136
01:24:06,441 --> 01:24:09,115
You wanna know why I'm edgy?
1137
01:24:10,403 --> 01:24:12,998
Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
1138
01:24:13,084 --> 01:24:16,794
and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
1139
01:24:18,886 --> 01:24:20,957
You actually wanted
to know the question
1140
01:24:21,047 --> 01:24:23,687
because you always wondered
if there was more to life
1141
01:24:23,768 --> 01:24:27,523
and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
1142
01:24:27,609 --> 01:24:31,968
Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
1143
01:24:33,692 --> 01:24:37,322
You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
1144
01:24:37,413 --> 01:24:40,884
another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
1145
01:24:43,215 --> 01:24:45,127
That's not true.
1146
01:24:47,737 --> 01:24:51,937
And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
1147
01:24:57,261 --> 01:24:59,252
Oh, baby doll.
1148
01:24:59,942 --> 01:25:01,854
Give me that thing.
1149
01:25:05,504 --> 01:25:08,622
It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
1150
01:25:19,309 --> 01:25:21,505
It's OK.
It's only a couple of little mice.
1151
01:25:25,112 --> 01:25:28,469
Voilà. Himalayas. Good, eh?
1152
01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:34,025
Earthman, you must realise
1153
01:25:34,155 --> 01:25:37,148
that the planet you lived
on was commissioned,
1154
01:25:37,236 --> 01:25:40,434
paid for and run by mice.
1155
01:25:43,118 --> 01:25:46,237
When you say mice,
do you mean the little furry creatures
1156
01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:48,151
with whiskers, ears, cheese?
1157
01:25:48,240 --> 01:25:53,077
Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyperintelligent beings.
1158
01:25:53,162 --> 01:25:56,520
I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
1159
01:25:56,644 --> 01:26:00,194
but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
1160
01:26:00,285 --> 01:26:04,997
I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
1161
01:26:05,127 --> 01:26:08,803
Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
1162
01:26:08,888 --> 01:26:12,678
but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
1163
01:26:14,331 --> 01:26:16,721
Actually, this explains a lot.
1164
01:26:16,812 --> 01:26:19,201
All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
1165
01:26:19,293 --> 01:26:22,286
there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
1166
01:26:22,374 --> 01:26:26,368
No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
1167
01:26:29,216 --> 01:26:32,574
Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
1168
01:26:32,658 --> 01:26:35,253
what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
1169
01:26:35,339 --> 01:26:39,299
that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
1170
01:26:39,380 --> 01:26:41,690
I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
1171
01:26:41,821 --> 01:26:43,699
- And are you?
- No.
1172
01:26:44,422 --> 01:26:46,334
That's where it all falls down.
1173
01:26:57,187 --> 01:26:59,224
Here you are then.
1174
01:27:13,113 --> 01:27:14,672
Is this...?
1175
01:27:28,119 --> 01:27:30,270
It's all there.
1176
01:27:31,360 --> 01:27:33,511
You know, it all works.
1177
01:27:33,601 --> 01:27:35,593
Welcome home.
1178
01:27:56,650 --> 01:27:58,642
- There you are.
- Surprise.
1179
01:27:58,731 --> 01:28:01,530
What are you doing?
What happened to you?
1180
01:28:01,692 --> 01:28:03,046
Is that tea?
1181
01:28:03,133 --> 01:28:07,286
- First, our hosts attacked us.
- Right.
1182
01:28:07,374 --> 01:28:10,686
But then they made up for it
by making us
1183
01:28:10,776 --> 01:28:13,007
this amazing meal.
1184
01:28:13,857 --> 01:28:17,055
It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
1185
01:28:18,619 --> 01:28:21,180
Oh, come on, that's lovely.
1186
01:28:21,260 --> 01:28:23,456
We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
1187
01:28:27,462 --> 01:28:31,980
The talking mice. Cool.
1188
01:28:32,064 --> 01:28:36,981
- Sit, Earthman.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
1189
01:28:37,906 --> 01:28:41,218
- Please, drink.
- Excuse me.
1190
01:28:41,308 --> 01:28:44,540
- Is there anything else?
- No, we're quite happy, thank you.
1191
01:28:44,629 --> 01:28:48,179
Good, I'll be outside, so...
1192
01:28:48,270 --> 01:28:50,421
You were right.
1193
01:28:50,511 --> 01:28:52,230
- Please, drink.
- Yes.
1194
01:28:52,832 --> 01:28:54,710
He was right.
1195
01:28:54,833 --> 01:28:56,585
Now, to business.
1196
01:28:56,673 --> 01:28:58,392
To business.
1197
01:28:58,474 --> 01:28:59,749
Eat.
1198
01:29:00,955 --> 01:29:02,150
Sorry.
1199
01:29:02,236 --> 01:29:05,991
We've spent a lot of time on your planet
looking for this ultimate question.
1200
01:29:06,077 --> 01:29:09,514
Only to have it blow up in our faces.
Literally.
1201
01:29:09,598 --> 01:29:12,956
Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
1202
01:29:13,040 --> 01:29:14,997
to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
1203
01:29:15,081 --> 01:29:17,516
But here's the point.
We must have product.
1204
01:29:17,602 --> 01:29:20,675
We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
1205
01:29:20,803 --> 01:29:22,999
- Of course.
- We've rebuilt the planet.
1206
01:29:23,084 --> 01:29:25,838
Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
1207
01:29:25,925 --> 01:29:28,042
- Which happens to be your brain.
- Right.
1208
01:29:28,126 --> 01:29:29,320
More tea?
1209
01:29:29,446 --> 01:29:32,041
Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
1210
01:29:32,127 --> 01:29:34,323
Yes, to complete the programme.
1211
01:29:37,169 --> 01:29:39,764
You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
1212
01:29:39,890 --> 01:29:44,522
- Hardly.
- Hardly? Cheeky mouse.
1213
01:29:48,854 --> 01:29:51,289
Zaphod. Trillian.
1214
01:29:51,375 --> 01:29:53,571
Ford.
1215
01:29:53,656 --> 01:29:55,089
What was in that food?
1216
01:29:56,657 --> 01:29:58,774
What was in my tea?
1217
01:29:58,858 --> 01:30:01,327
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
1218
01:30:04,660 --> 01:30:06,458
Just wait a sodding minute.
1219
01:30:06,541 --> 01:30:09,136
You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
1220
01:30:09,222 --> 01:30:10,814
What about, what's 6x7?
1221
01:30:10,902 --> 01:30:14,294
Or how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
1222
01:30:14,384 --> 01:30:18,014
Here's one: How many roads
must a man walk down?
1223
01:30:19,346 --> 01:30:21,257
Hey, that's not bad.
1224
01:30:21,346 --> 01:30:27,458
Fine, take it, cos my head
is filled with questions,
1225
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:29,740
and no answer to any one of them
1226
01:30:29,830 --> 01:30:33,301
has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
1227
01:30:33,391 --> 01:30:34,905
Except for one.
1228
01:30:34,992 --> 01:30:37,791
The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
1229
01:30:37,873 --> 01:30:39,465
Is she the one?
1230
01:30:40,514 --> 01:30:43,791
The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
1231
01:30:43,875 --> 01:30:49,190
Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
1232
01:30:49,277 --> 01:30:52,031
And for one week,
1233
01:30:52,158 --> 01:30:56,711
one week in my sad little blip
of an existence,
1234
01:30:58,881 --> 01:31:00,873
it made me happy.
1235
01:31:02,962 --> 01:31:04,316
That's a good answer.
1236
01:31:04,403 --> 01:31:07,476
Rubbish. We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
1237
01:31:07,564 --> 01:31:11,081
- What's this "Is she the one" tripe?
- Take his brain.
1238
01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:14,239
No, don't take the brain.
Don't take the brain, mice.
1239
01:31:23,410 --> 01:31:26,404
It wasn't me. I'm famous.
1240
01:31:26,492 --> 01:31:28,767
Shoot him, quickly, shoot him.
1241
01:31:28,852 --> 01:31:30,252
Oh, bollocks.
1242
01:31:38,936 --> 01:31:40,416
I'm gonna be sick.
1243
01:31:43,858 --> 01:31:45,178
Belgium.
1244
01:31:53,302 --> 01:31:54,735
Follow me.
1245
01:31:55,303 --> 01:31:57,693
Left, right, left, right.
1246
01:31:57,784 --> 01:32:00,219
Attention.
1247
01:32:03,546 --> 01:32:06,380
Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
1248
01:32:06,507 --> 01:32:08,624
Though I can't say I blame you.
1249
01:32:08,708 --> 01:32:12,258
Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
1250
01:32:12,349 --> 01:32:14,580
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
1251
01:32:14,670 --> 01:32:15,945
Fire.
1252
01:32:17,711 --> 01:32:19,225
No.
1253
01:32:22,153 --> 01:32:24,190
What's all the fuss about?
1254
01:32:24,274 --> 01:32:26,994
Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy.
1255
01:32:27,075 --> 01:32:31,992
- For God's sake, stop.
- Cease fire.
1256
01:32:38,359 --> 01:32:40,271
Now I've got a headache.
1257
01:32:50,564 --> 01:32:52,442
Marvin.
1258
01:32:52,565 --> 01:32:53,759
Oh, no.
1259
01:32:55,926 --> 01:32:59,044
He's got a towel, run away.
1260
01:33:01,168 --> 01:33:04,047
I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
1261
01:33:04,129 --> 01:33:05,404
What's going on?
1262
01:33:07,731 --> 01:33:09,608
We need that gun.
1263
01:33:10,732 --> 01:33:13,531
Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start.
1264
01:33:14,613 --> 01:33:16,570
Come on. Oh, fire, fire.
1265
01:33:16,654 --> 01:33:17,929
Fire, fire.
1266
01:33:22,376 --> 01:33:24,493
He's locked it from the other side.
1267
01:33:24,577 --> 01:33:26,648
We'll have to go the other way.
1268
01:33:26,738 --> 01:33:28,570
Come on, let's go.
1269
01:33:33,701 --> 01:33:36,057
Stop.
1270
01:33:41,864 --> 01:33:45,859
Stop it. Stop shooting at us.
1271
01:34:04,153 --> 01:34:07,703
Oh, I feel so depressed.
1272
01:34:09,035 --> 01:34:13,746
I can't face another day.
1273
01:34:15,557 --> 01:34:17,276
What's the point?
1274
01:34:25,001 --> 01:34:27,197
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1275
01:34:32,644 --> 01:34:35,398
Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
1276
01:34:40,727 --> 01:34:42,844
Marvin, you saved our lives.
1277
01:34:42,928 --> 01:34:46,080
I know. Wretched, isn't it?
1278
01:34:51,331 --> 01:34:54,244
You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
1279
01:34:54,372 --> 01:34:56,329
Take it away.
1280
01:35:04,256 --> 01:35:09,332
You could do all of that, but it's
not gonna... I'll ask... I'll just ask.
1281
01:35:09,418 --> 01:35:13,048
I've just been informed
by some of the lads
1282
01:35:13,179 --> 01:35:15,455
that since we're so near completion,
1283
01:35:15,540 --> 01:35:17,850
we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
1284
01:35:19,502 --> 01:35:23,337
Well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
1285
01:35:23,423 --> 01:35:26,656
Unless there's...
1286
01:35:26,745 --> 01:35:30,136
there's, you know,
anything you want to change.
1287
01:35:32,147 --> 01:35:37,269
Something you think
your planet could do without.
1288
01:35:38,669 --> 01:35:41,787
Yeah. Me.
1289
01:35:42,271 --> 01:35:44,387
Oh. Hello?
1290
01:35:44,472 --> 01:35:48,068
No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
1291
01:35:49,954 --> 01:35:51,467
Let's go somewhere.
1292
01:35:51,554 --> 01:35:54,023
Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
1293
01:35:54,115 --> 01:35:57,233
I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
1294
01:35:57,997 --> 01:36:00,228
I am a little peckish.
1295
01:36:02,158 --> 01:36:04,832
I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
1296
01:36:04,919 --> 01:36:10,315
- I think. I'm so confused.
- Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
1297
01:36:10,442 --> 01:36:13,913
All right, let's trip the light
fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
1298
01:36:14,003 --> 01:36:15,756
Come on.
1299
01:36:15,884 --> 01:36:19,764
- You got your towel?
- Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
1300
01:36:19,885 --> 01:36:23,162
- Only always.
- Right. Yeah.
1301
01:36:23,247 --> 01:36:27,446
I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel.
1302
01:36:31,930 --> 01:36:34,684
OK. Hold tight.
1303
01:36:38,052 --> 01:36:43,048
Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
1304
01:36:43,134 --> 01:36:44,887
All right.
1305
01:37:27,351 --> 01:37:29,547
Not that anyone cares what I say,
1306
01:37:29,632 --> 01:37:32,750
but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
1307
01:38:00,524 --> 01:38:03,996
So long and thanks for all the fish
1308
01:38:04,126 --> 01:38:08,040
So sad that it should come to this
1309
01:38:08,167 --> 01:38:12,799
We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1310
01:38:15,690 --> 01:38:19,571
You may not share our intellect
1311
01:38:19,652 --> 01:38:23,362
Which might explain your disrespect
1312
01:38:23,493 --> 01:38:30,572
For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
1313
01:38:30,656 --> 01:38:35,413
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1314
01:38:42,701 --> 01:38:46,456
The world's about to be destroyed
1315
01:38:46,542 --> 01:38:50,218
There's no point getting all annoyed
1316
01:38:50,304 --> 01:38:56,336
Lie back and let the planet dissolve
1317
01:38:57,986 --> 01:39:01,776
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1318
01:39:01,908 --> 01:39:05,584
We thought that most of you were sweet
1319
01:39:05,709 --> 01:39:12,709
Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
1320
01:39:12,792 --> 01:39:16,582
So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
1321
01:39:20,555 --> 01:39:25,347
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1322
01:39:30,959 --> 01:39:32,188
Yeah.
1323
01:39:42,884 --> 01:39:44,283
Play it.
1324
01:39:47,726 --> 01:39:51,686
So long and thanks for all the fish
1325
01:39:51,767 --> 01:39:55,523
So sad that it should come to this
1326
01:39:55,609 --> 01:40:01,368
We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1327
01:40:01,491 --> 01:40:03,084
Oh, dear
1328
01:40:03,172 --> 01:40:06,961
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1329
01:40:07,053 --> 01:40:10,889
We thought that most of you were sweet
1330
01:40:11,015 --> 01:40:18,014
Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
1331
01:40:18,098 --> 01:40:21,853
So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
1332
01:40:25,700 --> 01:40:33,417
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1333
01:40:34,264 --> 01:40:36,825
For all the fish
1334
01:40:40,186 --> 01:40:44,261
It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
1335
01:40:44,348 --> 01:40:47,546
But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
1336
01:40:47,629 --> 01:40:50,906
For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
1337
01:40:50,990 --> 01:40:54,382
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel",
1338
01:40:54,472 --> 01:40:58,864
a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
1339
01:40:58,953 --> 01:41:02,311
and carried his words far,
far back in time,
1340
01:41:02,395 --> 01:41:06,275
across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
1341
01:41:06,356 --> 01:41:09,873
where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
1342
01:41:09,958 --> 01:41:12,348
of frightful interstellar battle.
1343
01:41:12,439 --> 01:41:16,797
The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jewelled battle shorts
1344
01:41:16,880 --> 01:41:18,837
were meeting for the last time,
1345
01:41:19,001 --> 01:41:21,641
when a dreadful silence fell.
1346
01:41:21,722 --> 01:41:23,600
And at that very moment,
1347
01:41:23,683 --> 01:41:27,472
the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
1348
01:41:27,644 --> 01:41:30,479
drifted across the conference table.
1349
01:41:30,566 --> 01:41:33,127
Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
1350
01:41:33,207 --> 01:41:36,086
this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
1351
01:41:36,168 --> 01:41:37,726
So the opposing battle fleets
1352
01:41:37,808 --> 01:41:40,323
decided to settle
their remaining differences,
1353
01:41:40,409 --> 01:41:43,642
in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
1354
01:41:43,731 --> 01:41:47,691
now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
1355
01:41:47,772 --> 01:41:50,890
For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
1356
01:41:51,014 --> 01:41:56,215
the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
1357
01:41:56,296 --> 01:42:00,176
where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
1358
01:42:00,297 --> 01:42:04,895
the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
1359
01:42:04,979 --> 01:42:08,416
Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
1360
01:42:08,540 --> 01:42:10,179
in the history of the universe
1361
01:42:10,301 --> 01:42:14,615
say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.