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Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP

2
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<i>Wallace, whatever you saw,
there's an explanation.</i>

3
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,898
<i>I'm not saying
that it's a good explanation,</i>

4
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,858
<i>it's obviously a bad explanation,</i>

5
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:08,236
<i>but we can't just
leave things like this.</i>

6
00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:09,988
<i>You have to call me back, okay?</i>

7
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,782
<i>Wallace, whatever happened,
I still love you.</i>

8
00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:16,578
<i>This message
has been saved for 379 days.</i>

9
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:20,039
<i>Message deleted.</i>

10
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,777
Yeah, that was supposed to be
an anonymous fridge magnet poem.

11
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,446
And here I am quietlyjudging you.

12
00:01:51,613 --> 00:01:53,573
Oh, I can handle it.
I've humiliated myself

13
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,117
much more thoroughly
in front of people I actually know.

14
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,786
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

15
00:02:18,431 --> 00:02:19,682
I'm sorry, I moved your poem.

16
00:02:19,849 --> 00:02:21,309
I find this, like, weirdly addictive.

17
00:02:22,644 --> 00:02:24,771
- Yeah, like face tattoos.
- Like peeing in the ocean.

18
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:26,898
Here it is. Here it is.

19
00:02:27,065 --> 00:02:28,358
- Hi.
- Hi.

20
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,276
- Oh, did you guys meet?
- Kind of, yeah.

21
00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:32,153
- Wallace, this is my cousin Chantry.
- Hi.

22
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,989
She's an animator. Chantry, this
is my college roommate Wallace.

23
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,157
- You're Wallace?
- Yup.

24
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,618
This is the first time
he's been outside in, like, a year.

25
00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:41,788
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you do look pale.

26
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,457
I just assumed you were, like,
anemic or partially albino.

27
00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,626
- It's both, actually.
- He's been hibernating

28
00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:49,128
like an adorable bear cub
because of his broken heart.

29
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:52,173
Please stop telling people that
and stroking my face.

30
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,717
- Anyway--
' HeY- Do you guys know Becky?

31
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:57,887
She's small, has brown hair, always
bragging about her eating disorder.

32
00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,305
I'm Becky.

33
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:01,599
- It's been a while.
- Oh, hello.

34
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:03,101
It's so good to see you again.

35
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:06,479
- That's just what she sounds like.
- Can I give you a tour of the house?

36
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,148
Come.

37
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:11,651
To be fair,

38
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,028
I don't always like parties, either.

39
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:17,198
Awkward small talk is not my forte.

40
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,658
It's fort, actually.

41
00:03:18,825 --> 00:03:22,120
Forte is Italian, it means "forcefully."
And fort is French for "strength."

42
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,122
But I still say forte too.
If you say fort,

43
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,916
everyone thinks you're getting it wrong,
even though it is correct.

44
00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:30,002
So is that, like, your thing?
Correcting people's pronunciation?

45
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:32,255
- Yeah, that's my thing.
- How's that going for you?

46
00:03:32,422 --> 00:03:35,967
I have a dead-end job, I live in my
sister's attic, I basically never go out.

47
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:37,802
Correcting pronunciation
is my old thing.

48
00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:39,804
My new thing is over-sharing.

49
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,098
Here, try some of Allan's beer.

50
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,307
Thank you.

51
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,809
You actually knocked yourself out?

52
00:03:44,976 --> 00:03:48,020
I think so. And I'll tell you
something really weird.

53
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:50,356
My face is, like,
permanently damaged.

54
00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:53,151
Like, if you look up here,
you can see there's, like--

55
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:57,029
- I think there's, like, a dent.
- Sort of like Quasimodo.

56
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,197
Yeah.

57
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,371
So I've got to go to the bathroom.

58
00:04:05,538 --> 00:04:07,540
Do you need anything,
like some dental floss,

59
00:04:07,707 --> 00:04:11,502
- or, you know, expired aspirin?
- No, but I've left a matchbox in there,

60
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:14,630
and I was hoping all the women here
could leave one pubic hair in there.

61
00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,841
I'll just go around
with, like, a party tray.

62
00:04:17,008 --> 00:04:19,761
No, they'll be in there. It'll be fine.
I'm stuffing a pillow.

63
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,012
0K8)'-

64
00:04:36,486 --> 00:04:38,154
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.

65
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:42,366
I was just leaving
without saying goodbye, like a dick.

66
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:48,247
Yeah. Yeah, that's totally
what I am doing as well.

67
00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:54,670
Where are you...?

68
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,839
I'm just, like, a couple blocks west.

69
00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:58,049
Me too.

70
00:04:58,216 --> 00:05:01,511
- Would you like to walk together?
- Yeah. Sure.

71
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,179
Cool.

72
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,391
I read in the tabloids
that she's a cannibal

73
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,561
- and he faked Parkinson's for attention.
- I read that too. Crazy.

74
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,064
Awful people. Really.

75
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:14,857
This is actually me here.

76
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,777
Right. Well, hey, I had
a really good time talking to you.

77
00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,737
Yeah. Me too.
Which is rare, actually.

78
00:05:19,904 --> 00:05:22,240
I'm usually not that social, so...

79
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,408
Well,

80
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,828
maybe you'd like
to talk again sometime.

81
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,579
Yeah, definitely.
We should hang out.

82
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,832
Yeah. It'd be lovely.

83
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,543
Okay, so I'm gonna
give you my number.

84
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,211
- Okay. I will...
- Top secret.

85
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,420
Good.

86
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,714
I did not mean to stay out so late.

87
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,424
No, me neither.

88
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:43,636
My boyfriend will be worried
about what happened to me,

89
00:05:43,803 --> 00:05:46,764
so, you know, call me.

90
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:49,308
Yes. Thank you very much.

91
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:51,519
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you.

92
00:05:51,686 --> 00:05:52,728
- Cool.
- Good night.

93
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:53,896
Good night.

94
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,100
<i>Well, hey, I had a good time
talking to you.</i>

95
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,810
<i>Yeah. Me too.</i>

96
00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:38,649
<i>My boyfriend will be wondering
what happened to me.</i>

97
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:15,144
- Hey, what's up, Felix?
- Hey.

98
00:07:15,353 --> 00:07:17,271
- You all right?
- Just dropped an earring.

99
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:18,856
Your dinner's in the oven.

100
00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,150
- Good night.
- What time will you be home?

101
00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:23,110
If the date is good, midnight.

102
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,446
If the date is bad, 8.

103
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:28,366
No treats, okay?
And no horror movies.

104
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,201
And don't let him go up on the roof.

105
00:07:30,368 --> 00:07:32,161
And don't sell his organs
on the black market.

106
00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:34,080
Okay. I'm off.

107
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:37,208
Take care. Have fun. Good luck.

108
00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:48,594
- Clear!
- All right, mate, close your eyes.

109
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:49,845
<i>Clear.</i>

110
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,394
Okay, you can open them again.

111
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,816
Thank you.

112
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:49,030
<i>Nothing gave Buttercup
as much pleasure</i>

113
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,532
<i>as ordering Westley around.</i>

114
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,325
<i>Farm boy?</i>

115
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,202
<i>Polish my horse's saddle.</i>

116
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,039
<i>I want to see my face
shining in it by morning.</i>

117
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,166
<i>As you wish.</i>

118
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:06,464
<i>"As you wish"
was all he ever said to her.</i>

119
00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:12,011
Thank you.

120
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:25,983
- Hey. Need a ride?
- Oh, hey.

121
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:30,321
Hey. No, I think we're okay.
Thanks. Yeah.

122
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,656
Sorry, I didn't see you there.

123
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,160
No, I also didn't see you
standing right next to me.

124
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:37,620
Hi, Wallace.

125
00:09:37,787 --> 00:09:39,121
- Chantry.
- Yes.

126
00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,373
- I'm here alone.
- Me too.

127
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:45,961
My boyfriend was supposed to come,
but he had to work late, so...

128
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,755
I like seeing movies
by myself, though.

129
00:09:47,922 --> 00:09:50,007
I think it's really cool
you're here alone.

130
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,134
Oh, yeah. Super cool.

131
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,344
Yeah.

132
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,888
- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.

133
00:09:56,055 --> 00:09:58,974
Oh, Wallace, I don't think
you can have <i>Princess Bride</i>

134
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,477
as one of your favorite movies
if you actually think love

135
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,062
makes you a worse person.

136
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:04,647
Well, no, it's irrelevant.

137
00:10:04,814 --> 00:10:06,482
<i>The Princess Bride is</i> a fairy tale.

138
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:10,027
In fairy tales, love inspires you
to be noble and courageous,

139
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:14,365
but in real life, love is just an
all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.

140
00:10:14,532 --> 00:10:20,079
You can lie and cheat and hurt people,
and it's all okay because you're in love.

141
00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:25,626
I don't know
if you are actually cynical,

142
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:29,839
or just a super crazy,
romantic cheese ball.

143
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:32,758
You did go see <i>Princess Bride</i>
by yourself, on a weeknight,

144
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,051
like a total loser.

145
00:10:34,218 --> 00:10:38,305
Yeah, well, your boyfriend ditched you,
and you still came all by yourself,

146
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,558
- so who's the real loser?
- Are you hungry?

147
00:10:41,392 --> 00:10:43,394
I can't believe
you ordered deep-fried pickles.

148
00:10:43,561 --> 00:10:47,148
Pickles are disgusting.
Pickling is like embalming, basically.

149
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,775
Like, a pickle jar
is like a tomb for cucumbers.

150
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:53,112
I violated a tremendous amount
of corpses in medical school,

151
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,322
so I know that pickling
is not the same as embalming.

152
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,616
- You're a doctor?
- No.

153
00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,118
- Med school dropout.
- All right.

154
00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:07,042
The whole premise of deep-frying
is it makes everything taste better.

155
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:09,461
- I don't like deep-fried food.
- French fries?

156
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,463
Onion rings?

157
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:12,631
- Fried chicken?
- Nope.

158
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:13,799
- Fish and chips?
- Gross.

159
00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:16,177
Funnel cakes? Doughnuts?
Deep-fried banana sandwiches?

160
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,928
No, but Elvis ate those.

161
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,471
And something called Fool's Gold.

162
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,140
- What is that?
- I don't know exactly,

163
00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:23,559
but I read on the Internet
that Elvis died

164
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:27,146
with 4O pounds of undigested feces
still in his intestine.

165
00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:29,565
Thank you for telling me that
in the middle of dinner.

166
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,525
- You're welcome.
- Next time I take a bite,

167
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:34,028
- you can say "diarrhea."
- Diarrhea.

168
00:11:34,195 --> 00:11:35,821
Is this something
you learn in med school?

169
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,115
Yeah. They go through the...

170
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:40,451
- All the famous people.
- All the famous people

171
00:11:40,618 --> 00:11:43,704
and how much feces were left in
them at the time of their death.

172
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:44,872
- Marie Antoinette?
- Tons.

173
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:48,292
In fact, they had to guillotine
her intestine as well as her head.

174
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:52,087
Yeah. They just, like, moved the body
further along through the machine.

175
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,672
Who do you think weighs the feces?

176
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,216
I think, as the king,

177
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,676
it would've been, like,
a job that people fought for.

178
00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,845
"Well, if I can't dress him,

179
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:03,724
if I can't make him look pretty for the
casket, can I at least touch his poo?"

180
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,643
- You think he kept a bit?
- I'm sure he did.

181
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,394
In a matchbox or something, yeah.

182
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,189
Like, one of those little vials
you could wear around your neck.

183
00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:12,816
Like, yeah, he had, like,
a little shit locket.

184
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,151
Yeah, yes.

185
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:19,031
So, like, I've been with Ben
for five years, and, like,

186
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:22,576
I get that guys don't want to hang
outwith the girl with the boyfriend,

187
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,870
but it just sucks, you know.

188
00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,789
It just makes you feel like
the only thing

189
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:29,667
that's interesting about you
is how you look with your clothes off.

190
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,836
I mean, like, it should be easier to
make friends if you have a boyfriend,

191
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,256
because there's no confusion.

192
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,091
So is that it?

193
00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:39,677
That's your big pitch
to be my friend?

194
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:42,554
- That was terrible.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

195
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,391
I'm just--
I practiced in the mirror, and...

196
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:46,934
- Anyway.
- Friends?

197
00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:49,228
- Yeah, why not? Friends.
- All right.

198
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,397
Is this how you make friends?
Like a business deal?

199
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,732
Yeah, actually. It's just my style.

200
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,818
It's quite unnerving, but it's good.

201
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,404
"What's shaking, hot pants?"

202
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,864
You can't write
"What's shaking, hot pants?"

203
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,493
Have you seen anyone wearing
hot pants in the last five years?

204
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,745
That homeless man who shouts
at people near the pool.

205
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,748
<i>"So I found this website</i>

206
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:16,130
where they explain
what Fool's Gold is.

207
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:18,424
<i>You take</i>

208
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,593
<i>a loaf of Italian white bread,</i>

209
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,345
<i>you coat it in butter</i>

210
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:25,723
<i>and bake it.</i>

211
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:31,437
<i>Then you hollow out the inside</i>

212
00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:39,111
<i>and coat it
with an entire jar of peanut butter,</i>

213
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:43,324
<i>and an entire jar of jam.</i>

214
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:48,120
<i>Then you stuff it
with a pound of crispy bacon.</i>

215
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:54,752
<i>The website said it serves
eight to ten people, or one Elvis."</i>

216
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:59,423
You know, a jar of peanut butter
has, like, 6,000 calories in it.

217
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:01,133
And bacon is not even a food.

218
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,053
Technically, it's just pure fat.

219
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:09,266
"Championbeefcake@hotmail.com,
re: Just pure fat.

220
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:12,895
I can't confirm how much feces
were in Elvis's colon when he died,

221
00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:16,398
but I did find out
how he discovered Fool's Gold."

222
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,108
They get on the jet, private jet,

223
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,069
fly to Denver, get to Denver,

224
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,529
order Fool's Gold sandwiches
to be delivered to the plane,

225
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,324
eat them, fly back to Graceland
without ever getting off the plane.

226
00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,702
And the best part is,

227
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:33,582
February 1st, 1976?
The day my parents got married.

228
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,628
- Oh, no. Wallace!
- Come on.

229
00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:40,214
- Got it!
- Mail storm!

230
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,794
It starts dirty, it ends dirty.

231
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:22,297
A relationship that starts with a breakup
is doomed to end with a breakup.

232
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,590
- Who said that?
- Me.

233
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:27,511
You, after Vicky Cardero gave me
a BJ at her boyfriend's keg party

234
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:30,264
- and I wanted to ask her out.
- I recall you ignored that advice.

235
00:15:30,431 --> 00:15:32,141
- What was the result?
- It ended dirty.

236
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,559
Gonorrhea-and-a-fistfight dirty.

237
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:36,687
This is not gonorrhea and a fistfight.
I'm not trying to break them up.

238
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:40,315
I just-- I'm happy
just being friends with her.

239
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,569
Is this a good
housewarming gift for Nicole?

240
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,864
Why are you buying a housewarming
gift? She's moving into your house.

241
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,867
Girls are weird about this sort of stuff,
and I'd rather overcompensate.

242
00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:52,286
How much for the flying moose?

243
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:53,996
This dinner is a terrible idea.

244
00:15:54,163 --> 00:15:57,583
Normally, I wouldn't care about you
tumbling into some mess with a girl.

245
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,543
I'd even rejoice
at the statistically tiny

246
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:02,546
but mathematical possible chance
of a threesome, but this is my cousin.

247
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:04,465
I accidentally
saw her labia one time,

248
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,091
immediately, explosive diarrhea.

249
00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:08,760
Oh, but you are misreading
this whole situation,

250
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:11,763
because you can't interact with
a woman without sex screwing it up.

251
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,515
But I can, because I'm a grown-up.

252
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,726
And it's so adorable
that you really believe that.

253
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:18,103
More importantly,
if this was your bedside lamp,

254
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:21,231
do you think the warm glow would make
you feel more sexually experimental?

255
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,318
- Absolutely.
- What do you think?

256
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,778
I've got the same one at home.

257
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:32,618
It's the worst thing that's
ever happened in all of human history.

258
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:36,079
Was it worse than when that meteor
hit Earth and killed all the dinosaurs?

259
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:39,500
Yes. My breakup is definitely
worse than a stupid meteor.

260
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,418
I just can't believe
that Rob cheated on you.

261
00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,754
- With a grad student.
- No, I know.

262
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:47,090
Her thesis is probably
on how to be a rat-faced whore.

263
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,468
And I really liked him. I'm so sorry.

264
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:53,680
I liked him so much, I don't even want to
sleep with his friends to get back at him.

265
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,599
I mean, I will,
but I'm not gonna enjoy it.

266
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:59,770
Do you think there might be, like,
a less skanky option for rebounding?

267
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:02,064
No. This is something
you have to do.

268
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,525
I'm gonna go. I don't want
to wreck your dinner party.

269
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,860
No, no, it's not a dinner party.

270
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,612
It's just, like, my friend, Wallace.

271
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:11,490
Stay. This Wallace guy
could be a good rebound for you.

272
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,576
0K8)'-

273
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,496
Please, go easy on him.
He's delicate.

274
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:19,873
- Hi.
- Hi.

275
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,292
- Hey. I brought booze.
- Thank you. That's so nice.

276
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,294
- You're welcome.
- You can take your coat off.

277
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,796
I will. Thank you very much.

278
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,589
Wow, this place is
just like I imagined.

279
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,091
- Really?
- Well, I mean,

280
00:17:29,258 --> 00:17:32,344
yeah, I pictured more potpourri
and doilies and stuffed animals

281
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,805
- and things, knowing you, you know...
- I put that away.

282
00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,682
I know that it weirds you out.

283
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:39,226
Ben, Wallace is here.

284
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:41,311
- Hi.
- Hey, Wallace. How are you?

285
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:42,980
Hi.

286
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,774
- Sorry.
- No worries.

287
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,192
Let me dry off my hands.

288
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,820
- Thanks for coming by.
- No. Nice to meet you. Thank you.

289
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,572
<i>_</i> Hey, everybody.
- Hey.

290
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,324
Oh, Wallace, this is my sister, Dalia.

291
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,201
- Nice to--
- So nice to meet you.

292
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,161
- Hi.
- Hello.

293
00:17:58,370 --> 00:17:59,830
- You smell really good.
- Really?

294
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:02,165
Yeah. Or maybe
it just smells really bad in here, right?

295
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,127
No, he smells great.
But it is getting kind of oniony in here.

296
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:08,005
- Can someone open the window?
- Yeah, I'll get it.

297
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,090
Right over there.

298
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:12,426
So, Wallace, I'd like to get
your opinion on something.

299
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,344
- Yeah?
- Europe.

300
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:15,971
The--? The continent?

301
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,180
- See?
- Is it?

302
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:18,932
- Is it?
- Yes, it is a cont--

303
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,726
- Is it a continent?
- It is.

304
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,686
He is from that continent,
he should know.

305
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:24,354
Okay, look at a map, any map,

306
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,898
Europe's not a separate continent,
it's clearly part of Asia.

307
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:31,987
Right. But, wait, so if Europe isn't
a continent, then why is it a continent?

308
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,906
Because Europeans were the ones
who decided what the continents are,

309
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:39,036
and they didn't want to get lumped in
with all the, you know, Asians.

310
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:43,248
Ben is trying to change the world
from the inside out.

311
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:45,459
Okay? Eurasia.
That's what they should call it.

312
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:48,420
- Europe plus Asia: Eurasia.
- Okay.

313
00:18:48,587 --> 00:18:50,922
- Who wants more wine?
- I do. Please.

314
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,341
- In my glass.
- Yeah.

315
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,052
And so, Ben, what is it exactly
that you do at the U.N.?

316
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:58,180
I'm part of an international consortium
of lawyers with a U.N. mandate

317
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:00,265
to negotiate
global copyright standards.

318
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,809
More importantly, are you trying
to sleep with my girlfriend?

319
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,729
Ben was working late, I don't know,
and Allan invited me...

320
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,940
Don't worry,
we're just talking "guy," okay?

321
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,526
They think we're talking about
international copyright law.

322
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,819
0K8)'-

323
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,989
Now, look, I have no problem with the
concept of Chantry having guy friends,

324
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,159
- but if you're trying to move in--
- No, no, God, I wouldn't do that.

325
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,286
I just want to be friends with her.
And with you.

326
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:23,664
Friends is fine. Okay?
I can do friends.

327
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,625
But you'd better not try
and put your penis anywhere near her.

328
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:28,835
- Okay.
- Every country has different laws,

329
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:32,172
so it's a logistical nightmare, but
I think it's important work, you know?

330
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,424
- I think it's worth it.
- Yeah, that is impressive.

331
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,301
Very impressive.

332
00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:41,515
Oh, shit.

333
00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:42,683
You all right?

334
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,268
- Oh, my God, my eye.
- What is it?

335
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,687
He's just rubbed his eye.

336
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,647
God! My eye. It's really burning.

337
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,691
- Did you cut the jalapeño?
- Yeah, I did.

338
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,901
- Yeah.
- Oh, my...

339
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,655
- Wallace, medical school!
- Shit, it hurts!

340
00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:59,324
Okay, well, do you--? Saline solution.
Do you use contacts?

341
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:01,618
- I do. It's in the bathroom.
- Ben wears contacts.

342
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,412
- Okay. Where?
- Through that door.

343
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,330
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, that's painful!

344
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:09,292
- Okay, what can I do, honey?
- God, that burns so badly.

345
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,212
It's on that rag
and it's in my other eye now!

346
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,966
I'm sorry. Just...

347
00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:18,301
Over there!

348
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:24,933
- Ben? Ben!
- Oh, shit!

349
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,435
_ Oh' m)' God!
<i>'</i> Ben? <i>'</i>

350
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,437
Are you okay?

351
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:30,897
Okay, don't move. Ben!

352
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:33,775
- Do something.
- Call 911!

353
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,361
Oh, no!
Okay, stay right there! Don't move!

354
00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:40,490
I'm sorry. You look fine.

355
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:44,786
It hurts me! It hurts me!

356
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,039
- Just be still.
- What if I'm paralyzed?

357
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,750
- What if I'm--?
- You're not paralyzed.

358
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,377
I'm gonna give you something
for the pain to help you relax.

359
00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,171
Oh, my God.
What if I relax too much?

360
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,381
What if I lose control
of my bodily function?

361
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:57,799
What if I shit myself?

362
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,093
You know, that actually happens
more than you'd think.

363
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,387
It's the worst part of my job.
It's super gross.

364
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:04,181
Here we go.

365
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:06,057
Okay. Okay. Okay.

366
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,519
- And there we are.
- Just lie still.

367
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,524
Should you really be eating?

368
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:17,444
Stress makes me hungry. That's why
I can never be a fighter pilot.

369
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,614
I'd weigh, like, 500 pounds, I wouldn't
even be able to fit in the cockpit.

370
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:24,576
<i>Holy night</i>

371
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,046
So, what's the prognosis, doc?

372
00:21:36,213 --> 00:21:37,839
He'll need the cast
for a few more weeks,

373
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,966
but the neck brace is a precaution.

374
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,302
And he'll probably
be out in the morning.

375
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,721
If you're gonna spend the night,
I can wait here with Ben.

376
00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:46,223
You guys get something to eat.

377
00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:50,018
What are you getting?

378
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,563
Tuna salad. Yeah.

379
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:56,525
- I hate hospitals.
- Me too.

380
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,195
I spent a lot of time
in hospitals as a child.

381
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,072
Because of all your deformities?

382
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,992
- My parents met as surgical interns.
- Right.

383
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:08,036
He does cardiology,
she does orthopedics.

384
00:22:08,203 --> 00:22:12,123
He actually proposed to her on the roof
of Charing Cross Hospital in London.

385
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:13,458
That's romantic.

386
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,627
Yeah, until the affairs.

387
00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:17,462
She cheated on him,
he cheated on her.

388
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,672
It was just a mess.

389
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:21,466
How old were you
when they got divorced?

390
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,802
Seven, I think.

391
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:26,680
You don't know
how to teleport, do you?

392
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:27,889
- No.
- Okay.

393
00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:30,600
Then I want to apologize
for the horribly awkward situation

394
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:31,810
you're about to witness.

395
00:22:31,977 --> 00:22:33,520
Hi.

396
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:37,691
Sorry, Chantry, this is Megan, my...

397
00:22:37,858 --> 00:22:39,359
Well, my nothing in particular.

398
00:22:39,818 --> 00:22:42,070
Nice to meet you.

399
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,781
Wallace, what are you doing here?
Are you sick?

400
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:49,119
No, Chantry's boyfriend
fell out of a window, but he's okay.

401
00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:52,080
- Do you want me to look in on him?
- No. That won't be necessary.

402
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,751
I'm gonna go.
We only get 15 minutes to eat lunch.

403
00:22:57,168 --> 00:22:58,670
Don't get the bagel
with smoked salmon,

404
00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:00,797
or the tuna salad,
or anything with seafood in it.

405
00:23:00,964 --> 00:23:03,675
The company that stocks the machine
has failed four inspections,

406
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,635
but the manager's brother
works for the mayor.

407
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,847
I'm sorry, I've been on shift
for 18 hours and I'm really tired.

408
00:23:09,014 --> 00:23:12,017
I had so much coffee, and when I saw
her, I thought she was your girlfriend,

409
00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:13,727
and that made me want to cry.

410
00:23:13,894 --> 00:23:15,562
It's weird I'm saying this out loud,
right?

411
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,315
- You are, and it is.
- I just want us to be friends.

412
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:20,066
Not today, but someday.

413
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:22,027
Whatever he said,
it wasn't black-and-white--

414
00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:24,946
He hasn't said anything about you.

415
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:27,157
He's never even mentioned you.

416
00:23:33,330 --> 00:23:36,082
Okay, it was nice to meet you.

417
00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:39,669
- I hope your boyfriend feels better.
- Thank you.

418
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,425
That was my ex-girlfriend.

419
00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,636
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

420
00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:05,570
Dude, you're really fishhooking me
over this new manual.

421
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:07,739
Is fishhooking good or bad?

422
00:24:07,906 --> 00:24:10,241
- You enjoy being fishhooked?
- I've never been fishhooked.

423
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:12,243
- Take a guess.
- Probably not.

424
00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:13,453
Definitely not.

425
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:14,996
Nobody wants to be fishhooked.

426
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:18,124
All those girls in high school
you fishhooked, they didn't like it.

427
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:22,545
They just wanted to have sex with me.
You. Men. Men.

428
00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:23,755
I'm off topic.

429
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:26,549
- God, I hope so.
- Yeah. Manual.

430
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:27,926
It needs a lot of work.

431
00:24:28,093 --> 00:24:30,679
So I'll give you another wee--
Month.

432
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:33,390
Extra month. So make it...

433
00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:35,058
Make it right.

434
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:40,146
Hang on a second.

435
00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:43,650
Seriously, Josh,
this is where we're doing it?

436
00:24:43,817 --> 00:24:47,278
With the wood? Because I think
it might be cleaner someplace else.

437
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:49,990
- You're blocking the shot, so...
- Oh, sorry.

438
00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:52,367
- Keep going, Josh.
- Douche.

439
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:55,787
It is total bullshit that Josh got
the project manager job over you.

440
00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,707
Everyone knows it's your design,
and now Josh is acting like it's his.

441
00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:01,543
- It's, like, sexism or something.
- Our boss is a woman.

442
00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:04,504
I am so pissed that I gave Josh
a hojo after the Christmas party.

443
00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:07,590
In your defense, it is kind of your
tradition to give one of our coworkers

444
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:09,884
a handsie for Christmas.

445
00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:12,554
Listen, guys, Holly offered me
the promotion first.

446
00:25:12,721 --> 00:25:14,472
- I turned it down.
- What?

447
00:25:14,639 --> 00:25:18,309
- Why?
- Because I like being an animator.

448
00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:21,771
I do, and the project manager
has to deal with so much more,

449
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:24,649
like, hassle and paperwork
and meetings,

450
00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:27,819
and Josh is gonna end up
stuck in Taiwan half the year.

451
00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,572
Yeah, all that extra power and money
and travel is gonna suck.

452
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,782
Stop. She doesn't want
the hassle, okay?

453
00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:36,953
She's got a great job, a great boyfriend,
great friends like me, kind of you.

454
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,039
She's happy
just the way things are, right?

455
00:25:39,873 --> 00:25:41,624
Right.

456
00:25:45,045 --> 00:25:46,796
Oh, good, there they are.

457
00:25:46,963 --> 00:25:49,007
"Servings per pack, about 107."

458
00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:50,216
- Oh, about.
- About.

459
00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:51,885
Oh, okay.

460
00:25:52,052 --> 00:25:54,637
Just in case you wanted to eat
all of it in one sitting.

461
00:25:54,804 --> 00:25:56,890
That is not a good idea.

462
00:25:57,057 --> 00:25:59,100
Please don't-- Please don't eat it all.

463
00:25:59,267 --> 00:26:00,894
I won't.

464
00:26:04,355 --> 00:26:05,774
I wanna know
where the weird shit is.

465
00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:08,526
Like, where are the animal parts
that you think are trash,

466
00:26:08,693 --> 00:26:10,987
- but are actually food?
- Chantry, I've been waiting

467
00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:13,406
for the right moment
to talk to you about this,

468
00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:16,534
but I think maybe it's betterjust
to stop building it up and just say it.

469
00:26:16,701 --> 00:26:17,911
Okay. ls everything okay?

470
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:20,622
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, yeah.

471
00:26:20,789 --> 00:26:22,332
Okay, so we've been together
five years,

472
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:25,919
and it feels like
our relationship is built to last.

473
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:28,213
No matter what the future holds.

474
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:31,883
I've been asked to take charge
of the European negotiation.

475
00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:34,010
It's a six-month contract.

476
00:26:34,177 --> 00:26:36,513
But the thing is,
the team is based in Ireland,

477
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:38,515
so I would have to live in Dublin,

478
00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:41,684
although I'd have to travel
around the whole continent.

479
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:45,730
You mean the subcontinent,

480
00:26:45,897 --> 00:26:48,483
- but that's okay.
- Right.

481
00:26:49,109 --> 00:26:50,944
Look, this is important to me,

482
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,363
but there is nothing
more important than you.

483
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,740
So if you feel like
the long-distance thing

484
00:26:55,907 --> 00:26:57,450
is too much, I'll turn it down.

485
00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:01,621
This is a huge opportunity
for you, right?

486
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:03,665
Lead negotiator?

487
00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:07,585
- I love you.
- I love you.

488
00:27:08,545 --> 00:27:09,546
Go, Felix!

489
00:27:10,463 --> 00:27:13,424
Dude, I'm not saying you can't eat it.
I'm saying you'll get horribly sick.

490
00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:14,634
But it Wouldn't kill you.

491
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:16,177
You can eat your own poop,

492
00:27:16,344 --> 00:27:18,138
but if you eat the poop
that you poop out

493
00:27:18,304 --> 00:27:21,182
after eating the first poop,
it's so toxic, you'll die.

494
00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,518
So you can eat your poop once,
but not twice.

495
00:27:24,435 --> 00:27:26,229
Hey, excuse me.

496
00:27:26,396 --> 00:27:28,940
Okay, where did you get beer
at a children's karate tournament?

497
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:31,526
"Where'd you get beer
at a children's karate tournament?"

498
00:27:33,153 --> 00:27:35,780
So, Wallace, we should
get to know each other better.

499
00:27:35,947 --> 00:27:37,407
Talk about the issues of our time.

500
00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:41,035
Gay marriage, abortion,
can men and women really be friends,

501
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:43,079
or do you secretly
want to bang Chantry?

502
00:27:43,246 --> 00:27:44,747
Thank you. She has a boyfriend.

503
00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:47,375
- Yeah, who you threw out a window.
- By accident.

504
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:50,003
Dude, listen,
Ben is moving to Dublin,

505
00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:53,715
and your whole "if it starts dirty,
it ends dirty" thing is bullshit anyways.

506
00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:55,717
The night I met Allan,
I was so into him,

507
00:27:55,884 --> 00:28:00,471
it wasn't till I woke up the next morning
that I remembered I had a boyfriend.

508
00:28:00,638 --> 00:28:02,348
Love is dirty, baby.

509
00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:03,933
Sometimes it's downright filthy.

510
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,312
Oh, Christ.

511
00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:31,920
Hey-

512
00:28:32,086 --> 00:28:34,297
I need to wear something
to this company dinner

513
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:37,050
with our production partners
from Taiwan.

514
00:28:37,217 --> 00:28:38,301
What do you think?

515
00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:39,719
I think that's quite a dress.

516
00:28:39,886 --> 00:28:42,639
Do you think it's, like,
a little too slutty for me?

517
00:28:42,805 --> 00:28:45,225
- No, nothing's too slutty for you.
- Can I help you?

518
00:28:45,391 --> 00:28:47,852
Yeah, actually,
I would like to try on that dress.

519
00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:50,563
We only have the one left,
and it's a size two.

520
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:52,732
- Are you a two?
- Yes.

521
00:28:52,899 --> 00:28:55,610
- I'm gonna get the measuring tape.
- I'm a two.

522
00:29:24,013 --> 00:29:25,974
Wallace?

523
00:29:26,724 --> 00:29:28,893
- Wallace.
- Yes?

524
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,604
Are you alone?

525
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:33,147
Like, in the universe?

526
00:29:33,314 --> 00:29:35,358
No, in the hallway.

527
00:29:35,525 --> 00:29:38,027
- Yes.
- Okay...

528
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:41,739
- Do you need me to get someone?
- No, no, don't get anyone.

529
00:29:41,906 --> 00:29:44,701
I need you to come in here.

530
00:29:44,867 --> 00:29:45,910
What?

531
00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:47,578
I'm kind of stuck.

532
00:29:47,745 --> 00:29:51,124
So I need you to crawl under,
but keep your eyes closed.

533
00:29:51,291 --> 00:29:53,167
- Really?
- I am in a state of undress.

534
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:55,044
- You need to close your eyes.
- Okay, okay.

535
00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:56,796
Do you promise to close your eyes?

536
00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:59,590
- Yes, I promise.
- Hurry.

537
00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:02,593
- What?
- I-- No--

538
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,179
- Did you open your eyes?
- No, I just banged my head

539
00:30:05,346 --> 00:30:06,597
because my eyes are closed.

540
00:30:06,764 --> 00:30:08,558
Okay, so here's what happened.

541
00:30:08,725 --> 00:30:11,394
I tried it on, and I think
it got hooked on my bra or something,

542
00:30:11,561 --> 00:30:13,604
- and now I can't get it off.
- Right.

543
00:30:13,771 --> 00:30:15,023
You're not gonna laugh, are you?

544
00:30:15,189 --> 00:30:17,734
- I can't even see what's going on.
- Okay.

545
00:30:18,693 --> 00:30:20,028
0K8)'-

546
00:30:20,194 --> 00:30:23,406
- Are your eyes closed?
- Yes.

547
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:26,617
I think you need to move a bit.

548
00:30:26,784 --> 00:30:28,786
There, yeah.

549
00:30:42,216 --> 00:30:43,634
- You're all right.
- No. It's stuck.

550
00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:46,721
Okay, okay.
Turn around, turn to me.

551
00:30:47,138 --> 00:30:48,848
Yeah.

552
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:10,453
- Thank you.
- It's okay.

553
00:31:11,245 --> 00:31:13,039
Should I hold that?

554
00:31:25,510 --> 00:31:27,720
Here, hold this.

555
00:31:28,888 --> 00:31:31,140
And keep your eyes closed.

556
00:31:36,729 --> 00:31:39,190
Oh, I love you so much,
I wanna just rip off your arms and legs

557
00:31:39,357 --> 00:31:41,067
and carry you around
in my purse all day.

558
00:31:41,234 --> 00:31:43,528
I love you so much I want
to grind up your muscles

559
00:31:43,694 --> 00:31:47,156
and organs and bones
and spread you on toast.

560
00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:50,660
I love you so much I want to just out
you open and scoop out your insides

561
00:31:50,827 --> 00:31:53,955
and wear your skin around town
like an Allan suit.

562
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:01,879
- Okay. Bye, Wallace.
- Bye, Nicole.

563
00:32:05,925 --> 00:32:08,469
Can I talk to you about something?

564
00:32:11,097 --> 00:32:14,308
I just had sex.
I'm about to eat nachos!

565
00:32:14,475 --> 00:32:17,019
It's the greatest moment of my life!

566
00:32:17,353 --> 00:32:19,647
Unless you screw it up
with whatever you're about to say.

567
00:32:20,064 --> 00:32:22,024
It's about your cousin.

568
00:32:22,191 --> 00:32:24,360
She's my cousin. It's like incest.

569
00:32:24,527 --> 00:32:25,695
Well, she's not my cousin.

570
00:32:25,862 --> 00:32:28,531
But you're like my brother,
so it's like my brother asking my advice

571
00:32:28,698 --> 00:32:30,283
on how to incestuously
bang my cousin.

572
00:32:30,450 --> 00:32:32,118
No, I'm not. She--
She has a boyfriend.

573
00:32:32,285 --> 00:32:34,036
Yeah. Yeah. He's been coming over

574
00:32:34,203 --> 00:32:36,747
for Thanksgiving and Christmas
for the past five years.

575
00:32:36,914 --> 00:32:38,291
Okay, let me break it down for you.

576
00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,793
This perfect nacho chip is Ben.

577
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,214
He works at the United Nations as
an expert in international copyright law.

578
00:32:45,381 --> 00:32:47,341
This moldy banana is you.

579
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:50,219
I have no idea what you do.
Every time you tell me, I fall asleep.

580
00:32:50,386 --> 00:32:53,097
You know I write user manuals
for dedicated purchasing software.

581
00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:56,476
- Like copyright law is so exciting.
- At least he's an expert in something.

582
00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:58,269
What are you an expert in? Nothing.

583
00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:00,354
"There are no people
anywhere in the world

584
00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:02,523
seeking my advice on any subject."

585
00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:04,942
Ben's been dating Chantry
for five years.

586
00:33:05,109 --> 00:33:06,152
They live together.

587
00:33:06,319 --> 00:33:07,695
They own furniture.

588
00:33:07,862 --> 00:33:09,947
They have a cat. You have nothing.

589
00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:11,449
You don't even have a plant.

590
00:33:11,616 --> 00:33:14,202
You've been single
since that douche bag Megan

591
00:33:14,368 --> 00:33:15,620
broke your fragile little heart.

592
00:33:15,786 --> 00:33:17,747
Okay, okay.
I broke up with Megan, all right?

593
00:33:17,914 --> 00:33:19,665
She wanted to stay together
and work it out.

594
00:33:19,832 --> 00:33:21,709
I said no, so I dumped her.

595
00:33:22,710 --> 00:33:23,836
Of course you did.

596
00:33:24,003 --> 00:33:25,129
Anyway, I get it. It's fine.

597
00:33:25,296 --> 00:33:27,131
She's in a relationship.
Nothing's gonna happen.

598
00:33:29,217 --> 00:33:31,302
You totally killed
my sex nacho high.

599
00:33:31,469 --> 00:33:32,845
So...

600
00:33:33,012 --> 00:33:34,722
Keys,

601
00:33:34,889 --> 00:33:37,141
wallet, there it is.

602
00:33:37,642 --> 00:33:38,684
Passport, phone.

603
00:33:38,851 --> 00:33:42,104
Keys, wallet and, yes, this.

604
00:33:42,647 --> 00:33:45,483
It's an open ticket to Dublin.
It's a five-hour flight.

605
00:33:45,650 --> 00:33:47,818
It's already paid for,
so use it whenever you want,

606
00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:49,529
even if it's just for a weekend,

607
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,239
even if it's just for a day,

608
00:33:51,405 --> 00:33:53,115
even if it's just for a kiss.

609
00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:54,742
Okay?

610
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,130
No, baby, baby, I got to go.
I got to go. The cab's here.

611
00:34:08,297 --> 00:34:11,133
I'm so sorry. I can't miss my flight.

612
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,594
Okay, I'm so late. Okay?

613
00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:15,638
Okay, baby?

614
00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:19,016
Good bye.

615
00:34:21,018 --> 00:34:23,896
- Love you.
- Love you too.

616
00:34:24,063 --> 00:34:25,815
Bye.

617
00:34:54,594 --> 00:34:56,929
<i>Hey, it's me.
Sorry I missed your call.</i>

618
00:34:57,096 --> 00:34:58,514
<i>I'm in Berlin.</i>

619
00:34:58,681 --> 00:35:00,600
<i>Hey, it's me. I'm in Munich.</i>

620
00:35:00,891 --> 00:35:03,811
<i>Hey, I'm in Prague.
I'm in Amsterdam. I'm in Florence.</i>

621
00:35:03,978 --> 00:35:05,855
<i>Hey, honey, I'm in Vienna now.</i>

622
00:35:07,398 --> 00:35:10,192
<i>I got your message.
Cell reception in Athens is a mess.</i>

623
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:11,986
<i>- Did you get my postcard?
- Hey, it's me.</i>

624
00:35:12,153 --> 00:35:16,157
<i>Why don't you call me right before you
go to bed, even if it's a weird time here.</i>

625
00:35:16,324 --> 00:35:18,075
<i>I just want to hear your voice.</i>

626
00:35:31,005 --> 00:35:32,840
<i>So I finally got my cast off.</i>

627
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:35,343
<i>My arm's all smelly and shriveled.</i>

628
00:35:35,509 --> 00:35:38,512
<i>If I felt you up, it'd be like you were
cheating on me with my evil twin.</i>

629
00:35:38,679 --> 00:35:41,098
Please, tell me more
about how you want to molest me

630
00:35:41,265 --> 00:35:43,476
with your creepy, rancid freak arm.

631
00:35:43,643 --> 00:35:45,061
You'd love Dublin, though.

632
00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:47,063
They've got us all staying
in the same building,

633
00:35:47,229 --> 00:35:49,690
so the whole office
is basically living together,

634
00:35:49,857 --> 00:35:51,609
but I've already made
some good friends.

635
00:35:51,776 --> 00:35:54,320
It's nice, but I just...

636
00:35:54,487 --> 00:35:55,988
You know, I miss you so much.

637
00:35:56,155 --> 00:35:57,782
Yeah, I know, I...

638
00:35:57,948 --> 00:35:59,950
I really miss you too.

639
00:36:00,284 --> 00:36:02,787
Look, I got to go, okay?

640
00:36:02,953 --> 00:36:04,288
I love you.

641
00:36:04,455 --> 00:36:05,539
0K8)'-

642
00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:07,166
<i>- See you.
- Okay.</i>

643
00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:09,710
<i>- All right, speak tonight.
- All right, talk to you then.</i>

644
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,879
<i>' Bye-bye.</i>
- Bye.

645
00:36:12,463 --> 00:36:13,923
- Sorry.
- No worries.

646
00:36:14,090 --> 00:36:16,717
- Black for you, milk for me.
- Cheers.

647
00:36:18,386 --> 00:36:19,387
Yep.

648
00:36:19,762 --> 00:36:21,847
So is Ben settling in okay?

649
00:36:22,014 --> 00:36:24,475
Yeah, he's great. He's doing great.

650
00:36:24,642 --> 00:36:27,103
He's having a great time.

651
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:29,980
Are you having a great time?

652
00:36:30,147 --> 00:36:33,859
Not really. I'm having
kind of a crappy time, actually.

653
00:36:34,026 --> 00:36:36,696
- Sorry.
- Yep, this, right now,

654
00:36:36,862 --> 00:36:39,448
this is the high point
of my social calendar.

655
00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:40,658
See, that is sad.

656
00:36:40,825 --> 00:36:44,912
I know. I've been thinking
about just starting drinking.

657
00:36:45,079 --> 00:36:46,122
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

658
00:36:46,288 --> 00:36:47,289
- Heavily.
- Heavily.

659
00:36:47,790 --> 00:36:50,209
Do you need someone
to start drinking with you?

660
00:36:50,751 --> 00:36:53,170
- Really?
- I'm very, very willing.

661
00:36:53,337 --> 00:36:55,297
You want to help me
drown my sorrows?

662
00:36:55,464 --> 00:36:57,341
Of course. Absolutely.

663
00:36:57,508 --> 00:36:59,218
Done.

664
00:37:05,725 --> 00:37:07,435
Bottoms up.

665
00:37:09,687 --> 00:37:10,938
Oh, my God!

666
00:37:11,105 --> 00:37:12,148
- Horrible.
- Horrible.

667
00:37:12,314 --> 00:37:13,649
- As always.
- And cheap.

668
00:37:13,816 --> 00:37:16,861
All right, prospective person
at this bar for you.

669
00:37:17,027 --> 00:37:19,488
I don't think anyone I'd like
would come to a place like this.

670
00:37:19,655 --> 00:37:20,698
You're here, Wallace.

671
00:37:20,865 --> 00:37:22,491
- Yeah, because you dragged me here.
- So?

672
00:37:23,409 --> 00:37:25,411
Look at this girl. She's so pretty.

673
00:37:25,911 --> 00:37:27,204
Oh, yeah.

674
00:37:27,371 --> 00:37:29,999
- "Yeah." No, she's super pretty.
- Yeah. Oh, okay.

675
00:37:30,166 --> 00:37:32,626
You want me to go tell her
that you have six nipples?

676
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,295
- Yeah. No, you know what?
- All right.

677
00:37:34,462 --> 00:37:37,673
No, you know what? I'll do it myself.
It'll be easier coming from me.

678
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,091
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

679
00:37:39,258 --> 00:37:41,302
- I'm sorry, hi.
- Hi.

680
00:37:41,469 --> 00:37:43,095
You've got amazing teeth.

681
00:37:43,554 --> 00:37:45,848
Sorry, can I buy this drink for you?

682
00:37:46,015 --> 00:37:47,975
Yeah, that's so sweet.

683
00:37:48,142 --> 00:37:50,019
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

684
00:37:50,186 --> 00:37:51,729
So...

685
00:37:53,397 --> 00:37:54,523
Burn.

686
00:37:54,690 --> 00:37:57,651
All right,
weirdest place you've ever had sex.

687
00:37:57,818 --> 00:37:59,570
Bakery, night shift.

688
00:37:59,737 --> 00:38:03,073
<i>I will never be comfortable
eating a cupcake again.</i>

689
00:38:03,282 --> 00:38:04,784
What about you?

690
00:38:05,826 --> 00:38:06,869
Ferris wheel.

691
00:38:07,036 --> 00:38:09,413
<i>Stuck at the very top.
We could see for miles around,</i>

692
00:38:09,872 --> 00:38:11,165
<i>but no one could see us.</i>

693
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:14,919
Yes! Oh, yeah!

694
00:38:15,085 --> 00:38:16,754
Thank you for being
so gracious in victory.

695
00:38:18,088 --> 00:38:19,715
Hand clasp of champions.

696
00:38:19,882 --> 00:38:21,425
Rub it in.

697
00:38:29,266 --> 00:38:32,311
So how many serious relationships
have you actually had?

698
00:38:32,478 --> 00:38:34,563
Four! Two in high school,

699
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:37,942
and one in college before Ben,
and then Ben.

700
00:38:38,108 --> 00:38:39,527
_ You?
<i>'</i> Six?

701
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:42,571
One in high school,
one the summer after high school,

702
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:44,615
three in college, and one since.

703
00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:46,742
No, sorry, two since. So seven.

704
00:38:46,909 --> 00:38:49,078
Are you usually
the dumper or dumpee?

705
00:38:49,286 --> 00:38:52,456
Statistically, I'm a dumper, but it's
not like I've never been dumped.

706
00:38:52,623 --> 00:38:54,792
I've just been really good
at knowing when to get out.

707
00:38:54,959 --> 00:38:57,837
- You?
- No, I've never dumped anyone.

708
00:38:58,003 --> 00:38:59,839
I always try to make it work.

709
00:39:00,381 --> 00:39:04,134
You know, I haven't hit the bar scene
in, like, a very long time.

710
00:39:04,301 --> 00:39:07,263
I thought it was gonna be the worst,
but that was surprisingly painless.

711
00:39:07,429 --> 00:39:09,723
I'm just sorry
you didn't find true love tonight.

712
00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:11,767
Well, you can't have it all.

713
00:39:11,934 --> 00:39:14,812
And what's the worst thing
that's ever happened to you?

714
00:39:15,688 --> 00:39:17,314
The worst thing
that's ever happened to me

715
00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:20,484
is kind of the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

716
00:39:20,651 --> 00:39:22,653
<i>Megan, you met the other day,</i>

717
00:39:22,820 --> 00:39:28,242
<i>I burst in on her making out with our,
frankly, gross anatomy professor,</i>

718
00:39:28,409 --> 00:39:34,081
<i>and I was like,
"Wow, we actually are my parents.</i>

719
00:39:34,248 --> 00:39:35,791
<i>We are almost both doctors,</i>

720
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:38,752
<i>and we're already
starting cheating on each other."</i>

721
00:39:38,919 --> 00:39:41,964
So I got out of there, and yeah.

722
00:39:42,131 --> 00:39:43,591
So, in a way, that became

723
00:39:43,757 --> 00:39:45,801
the best thing
that ever happened to me.

724
00:39:45,968 --> 00:39:49,555
So, what is the worst thing
that ever happened to you?

725
00:39:50,764 --> 00:39:54,685
My morn died
when I was in junior high.

726
00:39:57,354 --> 00:39:59,648
She had breast cancer.

727
00:40:01,442 --> 00:40:06,447
You don't realize how quickly
everything can fall apart until it does.

728
00:40:07,448 --> 00:40:11,285
Makes you never want to give up
anything good ever again.

729
00:40:13,954 --> 00:40:16,040
Can I change my answer?

730
00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:17,708
The worst thing
that happened to me

731
00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:19,501
is saying
my lame relationship drama

732
00:40:19,668 --> 00:40:21,211
is the worst thing
that happened to me,

733
00:40:21,378 --> 00:40:23,464
when something really awful
happened to you.

734
00:40:23,631 --> 00:40:25,090
It's okay.

735
00:40:25,257 --> 00:40:27,384
I like your answer.

736
00:40:27,551 --> 00:40:29,929
Plus, I get to be part of
the worst part of your life now.

737
00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:31,472
That's really good.

738
00:40:31,847 --> 00:40:33,766
And for future reference,
when the answer is

739
00:40:33,933 --> 00:40:36,560
your morn died of cancer,
you should really go first.

740
00:40:37,394 --> 00:40:40,105
All right.
Thanks for the etiquette lesson.

741
00:40:40,272 --> 00:40:41,982
No worries.

742
00:40:42,650 --> 00:40:44,318
Good night, Wallace.

743
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:46,695
Good night, Chantry.

744
00:40:56,580 --> 00:40:58,749
You know,
he has all these new experiences,

745
00:40:58,916 --> 00:41:00,793
he's meeting all these new people.

746
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:02,378
And then,
"What's going on with you?"

747
00:41:02,544 --> 00:41:05,631
And it's like, "Well, I'm in the middle
of my same old life,

748
00:41:05,798 --> 00:41:09,009
except, whoops,
my boyfriend's out of the country."

749
00:41:09,218 --> 00:41:12,429
So Dalia was telling us
about this Wallace guy...?

750
00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:13,597
We're friends.

751
00:41:13,764 --> 00:41:17,267
Well, no, I know, obviously
you guys are friends, but is he cute?

752
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:18,686
Should you be introducing him

753
00:41:18,852 --> 00:41:20,646
to your single,
desperate friends like me?

754
00:41:20,813 --> 00:41:23,065
No, no, I already called dibs on him.

755
00:41:23,232 --> 00:41:24,274
Why?

756
00:41:24,441 --> 00:41:27,319
He was supposed to be my rebound.
That's why it didn't work with Noel.

757
00:41:27,486 --> 00:41:29,238
I needed a buffer
between Rob and Noel.

758
00:41:29,405 --> 00:41:30,698
A buffer made of sex.

759
00:41:30,864 --> 00:41:33,242
You little prostitute.

760
00:41:33,409 --> 00:41:35,703
- Dalia, you barely know him.
- Well, you know him.

761
00:41:35,869 --> 00:41:38,038
You hang out with him all the time,
so he's not a loser.

762
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:39,707
He hasn't made some
creepy move on you,

763
00:41:39,873 --> 00:41:41,917
so we know he's not a creep.
He's vetted.

764
00:41:42,084 --> 00:41:44,962
Well, is he funny or smart?

765
00:41:45,129 --> 00:41:47,131
He's definitely smart.
He's not funny.

766
00:41:47,297 --> 00:41:49,174
He's, like, kind of, like, bantery.

767
00:41:49,341 --> 00:41:51,552
He's kind of like a male version
of Chantry, actually.

768
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,929
- Oh, wait, so he's Mantry?
- Oh, no.

769
00:41:54,096 --> 00:41:56,265
- Yes, he is. He's totally Mantry.
- No. No, we're not--

770
00:41:56,432 --> 00:41:58,767
Dalia wants to have rebound sex
with her sister's man-twin.

771
00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:00,811
<i>Option one, make a move on her.</i>

772
00:42:00,978 --> 00:42:02,646
Bold, direct.

773
00:42:02,813 --> 00:42:05,441
If you're lucky, you hook up,
she feels guilty, breaks up with Ben.

774
00:42:05,607 --> 00:42:07,776
If you're unlucky, she's furious,
ends your friendship.

775
00:42:07,943 --> 00:42:09,153
- So be sleazy?
- Yeah.

776
00:42:09,319 --> 00:42:10,946
- You think that'll work?
- No.

777
00:42:11,113 --> 00:42:13,866
Even if she goes for it, she'll
resent you for getting her to cheat.

778
00:42:14,033 --> 00:42:16,285
She'll break up with him,
won't go outwith you, you're...

779
00:42:16,452 --> 00:42:18,454
- Sleazy.
- Yeah. Option two,

780
00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:20,539
be the guy she goes to for advice.

781
00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:23,125
The downside is you have to listen
to her talk about Ben.

782
00:42:23,292 --> 00:42:26,086
The upside is you can slant your
advice to slowly turn her against him.

783
00:42:26,253 --> 00:42:27,296
- So be conniving?
- Yeah.

784
00:42:27,463 --> 00:42:28,630
- And that'll work?
- Maybe.

785
00:42:28,797 --> 00:42:30,507
Maybe she'll see through it,
think you're...

786
00:42:30,674 --> 00:42:31,675
- Conniving?
- Yeah.

787
00:42:31,842 --> 00:42:34,762
Option three, patiently wait it out.

788
00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:37,097
Either the distance
gets to them and they break up,

789
00:42:37,264 --> 00:42:40,350
or it doesn't, and they get married,
live a happy life,

790
00:42:40,517 --> 00:42:45,272
with you always on the outside
looking in, quietly pining indefinitely.

791
00:42:45,439 --> 00:42:47,149
- So be pathetic?
- Yeah.

792
00:42:47,316 --> 00:42:48,358
That sounds fun.

793
00:42:48,525 --> 00:42:50,694
Well, it's got the advantage
of not being unethical,

794
00:42:50,861 --> 00:42:52,196
but the disadvantage of being...

795
00:42:52,362 --> 00:42:53,489
- Pathetic.
- Yeah.

796
00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:57,367
So your advice is be sleazy,
conniving or pathetic.

797
00:42:58,786 --> 00:43:01,914
Well, when you put it that way,
it doesn't sound like very good advice.

798
00:43:06,335 --> 00:43:08,337
- Oh, my God.
- Do you like it?

799
00:43:09,296 --> 00:43:10,756
Well, it's not my engagement ring.

800
00:43:10,923 --> 00:43:13,467
- It's whether she'll like it.
- I think she'll love it.

801
00:43:13,634 --> 00:43:15,302
Then you're made for each other.

802
00:43:15,469 --> 00:43:18,639
Why'd you get all snaky when we
were talking about Wallace earlier?

803
00:43:19,223 --> 00:43:20,724
IIII

804
00:43:20,891 --> 00:43:22,142
Come on.

805
00:43:22,935 --> 00:43:24,103
Look, you just, like--

806
00:43:24,269 --> 00:43:27,481
You don't have the greatest
track record with guys. That's all.

807
00:43:27,648 --> 00:43:29,650
I'm gonna break his heart,
mess up your friendship?

808
00:43:29,817 --> 00:43:30,818
No.

809
00:43:30,984 --> 00:43:32,694
So you think
I'm not good enough for him?

810
00:43:32,861 --> 00:43:35,364
Obviously not.
That's obviously not what it is.

811
00:43:35,531 --> 00:43:37,366
Okay, some of us
aren't as lucky as you and Ben.

812
00:43:37,533 --> 00:43:40,077
Some of us just want a guy
that doesn't make us feel like crap.

813
00:43:40,244 --> 00:43:41,286
There is a fourth option.

814
00:43:41,453 --> 00:43:42,621
- Yeah?
- Be honest.

815
00:43:42,788 --> 00:43:43,956
Tell her how you feel.

816
00:43:44,123 --> 00:43:46,208
It might ruin the friendship,
but at least

817
00:43:46,375 --> 00:43:48,585
you stood up like a man
and expressed your feelings.

818
00:43:48,752 --> 00:43:51,255
Wait, I'm sorry.
Since when does being a man

819
00:43:51,421 --> 00:43:53,006
involve expressing your feelings?

820
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,716
Did I miss a memo?
Because if I recall,

821
00:43:54,883 --> 00:43:57,094
being a man meant
hiding your feelings forever.

822
00:43:57,261 --> 00:43:59,847
Like Bruce Willis. You never see
Bruce Willis expressing feelings.

823
00:44:00,013 --> 00:44:02,266
The most you ever get out of Bruce
is a hint of melancholy

824
00:44:02,432 --> 00:44:04,226
- at the edge of a smirk.
- Do you think Bruce

825
00:44:04,393 --> 00:44:06,937
would be happy just being friends?

826
00:44:07,104 --> 00:44:09,940
A hundred percent honesty
is the foundation of any relationship.

827
00:44:10,107 --> 00:44:11,859
You are a hundred percent honest
with Nicole?

828
00:44:12,025 --> 00:44:13,318
- Yes. Yep.
- About everything?

829
00:44:13,485 --> 00:44:16,488
New Orleans, 2006?
What was her name? Favia?

830
00:44:16,655 --> 00:44:19,032
Yeah, she did look like a woman,
to be fair.

831
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:22,035
Ninety-nine percent honesty
is the foundation of any relationship.

832
00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:25,747
You know, it's not worth the risk,
not if it means losing her as a friend.

833
00:44:25,914 --> 00:44:27,749
- Well, so then it's option five.
- What's that?

834
00:44:27,916 --> 00:44:29,668
You move on.

835
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,059
Hello.

836
00:44:46,226 --> 00:44:47,227
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.

837
00:44:48,645 --> 00:44:50,022
Hello, welcome.

838
00:44:50,189 --> 00:44:51,648
Welcome to our engagement party.

839
00:44:51,815 --> 00:44:56,737
We are so happy to have everybody
we care about together in one space.

840
00:44:56,904 --> 00:44:59,281
Here's the thing, we both
really want to get married, but--

841
00:44:59,448 --> 00:45:02,409
But we hate weddings. Every wedding
I've been to has completely sucked.

842
00:45:03,035 --> 00:45:06,163
Sorry, Aunt Cathy,
Uncle Drew and Olivia.

843
00:45:06,330 --> 00:45:09,875
And we don't like long engagements,
so we are getting married

844
00:45:10,042 --> 00:45:11,501
here, tonight.

845
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,588
Zella is our registered civil officiant.

846
00:45:14,755 --> 00:45:18,592
Oh, and, Mom, I got your wedding
dress altered. I hope that's okay.

847
00:45:18,759 --> 00:45:20,427
Becky's gonna be
Nicole's maid of honor.

848
00:45:20,594 --> 00:45:22,221
- Wallace
- Here!

849
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,473
Is gonna be my best man.
Thank you very much.

850
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,683
Everyone stay away
from my Uncle Herman. All right.

851
00:45:33,357 --> 00:45:36,109
Okay, I-- Like, I don't need you
finger-combing my wisps. I'm serious.

852
00:45:36,276 --> 00:45:37,611
- You look pretty.
- Nicole?

853
00:45:37,778 --> 00:45:38,946
I've been sent to get an ETA.

854
00:45:39,112 --> 00:45:40,489
- Oh, is that Wallace?
- Yes.

855
00:45:40,656 --> 00:45:42,407
Just come in.

856
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:43,742
Oh, wow, you look amazing.

857
00:45:43,909 --> 00:45:45,160
Yes. Becky, seriously,

858
00:45:45,327 --> 00:45:47,204
if I don't get some alcohol,
I'm gonna panic.

859
00:45:47,371 --> 00:45:48,997
- Hey, I'll go.
- No, no, no, you stay.

860
00:45:49,164 --> 00:45:52,251
Becky's more nervous than I am, and
frankly, it's wigging me out. Now, go.

861
00:45:52,709 --> 00:45:54,878
You, stay, talk to me.

862
00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:00,801
- So...
- So?

863
00:46:01,510 --> 00:46:03,845
- So?
- What?

864
00:46:04,012 --> 00:46:05,389
Why are you torturing yourself

865
00:46:05,555 --> 00:46:08,767
over a ten-second conversation with
Chantry that would answer everything?

866
00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:09,977
It's your wedding day.

867
00:46:10,143 --> 00:46:12,437
- Can we talk about you?
- Exactly. It's my wedding day.

868
00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:14,398
As best man,
it's your job to keep me calm

869
00:46:14,564 --> 00:46:17,025
so that I don't crawl out that window
and go and bang a sailor.

870
00:46:17,192 --> 00:46:19,569
- Where are you gonna find a sailor?
- At the dock.

871
00:46:20,195 --> 00:46:22,489
God, what's the best-case scenario?

872
00:46:22,656 --> 00:46:26,076
"Wallace, I love you. Let's have sex
forever until we die having sex"?

873
00:46:26,243 --> 00:46:27,452
That is the best-case scenario.

874
00:46:27,619 --> 00:46:29,663
Okay, and what's
the worst-case scenario?

875
00:46:29,830 --> 00:46:31,164
"Wallace, you shit-drizzling liar.

876
00:46:31,331 --> 00:46:34,584
This whole time, you've just been
trying to put yourjunk inside my trunk."

877
00:46:34,751 --> 00:46:36,420
The phrase
"put your junk inside my trunk"

878
00:46:36,586 --> 00:46:38,297
actually would be
the worst-case scenario.

879
00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:41,466
Look, the one thing
I like about getting married

880
00:46:41,633 --> 00:46:44,219
is that you get to stand up
in front of everyone you care about

881
00:46:44,386 --> 00:46:48,765
and state, for the record, that you
believe in the best-case scenario.

882
00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:51,518
It terrifies me,

883
00:46:51,685 --> 00:46:53,353
but that's why the outfits
are so nice.

884
00:46:54,438 --> 00:46:56,106
0K8)'-

885
00:46:59,401 --> 00:47:00,902
- Thanks.
- Cheers.

886
00:47:20,130 --> 00:47:23,592
I got her. She's mine. My wife.

887
00:47:24,176 --> 00:47:25,927
Yeah. Mommy!

888
00:47:26,553 --> 00:47:28,513
I can't believe no one stopped that.

889
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:29,723
Nice.

890
00:47:30,474 --> 00:47:35,812
And I learned a lot of lessons that night
about gambling addictions

891
00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:37,606
and identity theft

892
00:47:37,773 --> 00:47:40,442
and the Romanian legal system,

893
00:47:40,609 --> 00:47:45,572
but the most important lesson
I learned was from Nicole,

894
00:47:45,739 --> 00:47:48,033
and it was about friendship.

895
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,701
I love you, Nicole.

896
00:47:50,369 --> 00:47:52,621
Oh, so much fun.

897
00:47:54,331 --> 00:47:56,041
Look at you.
You didn't even practice.

898
00:47:56,708 --> 00:47:58,168
- Go, Wallace!
- Go, Wallace!

899
00:47:58,335 --> 00:47:59,961
Thank you, thank you.

900
00:48:00,379 --> 00:48:04,841
To those of us who begrudgingly
call Allan a friend,

901
00:48:05,008 --> 00:48:08,220
it seems impossible that any woman
could handle him for an hour,

902
00:48:08,387 --> 00:48:09,721
let alone a lifetime.

903
00:48:10,347 --> 00:48:11,973
And then you meet Nicole,

904
00:48:12,140 --> 00:48:14,267
and that is the good news here.

905
00:48:14,476 --> 00:48:16,311
If these two can find each other,

906
00:48:16,478 --> 00:48:19,731
then there truly
is somebody for everyone.

907
00:48:19,898 --> 00:48:21,858
The bad news is that one day,
they will procreate,

908
00:48:22,025 --> 00:48:24,611
and their hideous offspring
will obviously cause the Apocalypse.

909
00:48:24,945 --> 00:48:27,656
But tonight,
we celebrate the good news.

910
00:48:27,823 --> 00:48:31,368
I remember the night
Allan and Nicole met,

911
00:48:31,535 --> 00:48:34,704
and that instant connection.

912
00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:36,915
You know, if you're lucky,

913
00:48:37,082 --> 00:48:38,250
it happens once in a lifetime,

914
00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:42,963
and if you're unlucky,
then you have to come to weddings

915
00:48:43,130 --> 00:48:44,798
and hear people like me
talking about it,

916
00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:47,884
and assume that we are all
hopeless romantics.

917
00:48:49,761 --> 00:48:52,806
It's very easy
to be cynical about love,

918
00:48:52,973 --> 00:48:54,474
but this, tonight,

919
00:48:54,641 --> 00:48:56,101
this is hard.

920
00:48:57,894 --> 00:48:59,604
Soto Allan and Nicole,

921
00:48:59,771 --> 00:49:01,690
for making the hard way look easy.

922
00:49:01,857 --> 00:49:04,818
- Cheers!
- To Allan and Nicole.

923
00:49:06,903 --> 00:49:09,156
All right, thanks, everyone.

924
00:49:10,365 --> 00:49:11,741
Yep. That's it.

925
00:49:26,673 --> 00:49:28,633
Perfect timing.

926
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:05,420
Are you sure?
It's so near here for me.

927
00:50:05,587 --> 00:50:08,340
Oh, yeah, no, I'm all about
the door-to-door service.

928
00:50:09,716 --> 00:50:11,092
0K8)'-

929
00:50:12,427 --> 00:50:14,888
- Can you let me out?
- Sure.

930
00:50:15,055 --> 00:50:16,473
Oh, gosh. German cars.

931
00:50:19,142 --> 00:50:21,019
Good night.

932
00:50:21,728 --> 00:50:23,480
Wallace, you clean up nice.

933
00:50:23,647 --> 00:50:25,899
Yes, so do you.

934
00:50:26,483 --> 00:50:28,151
- Okay.
- Good night.

935
00:50:31,530 --> 00:50:32,531
Bye.

936
00:50:32,697 --> 00:50:33,907
- Bye.
- Bye.

937
00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:50,590
Great. Thank you very much.

938
00:50:51,424 --> 00:50:52,968
Listen,

939
00:50:53,426 --> 00:50:56,054
I don't think it's a good idea for me
to come inside with you.

940
00:50:57,180 --> 00:50:59,558
- What?
- Don't get all mad.

941
00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:02,185
Because if you're gonna get mad,
I guess we could make out,

942
00:51:02,352 --> 00:51:04,854
- but we are not having sex.
- No.

943
00:51:05,438 --> 00:51:07,482
I'm not sure that's a good idea.

944
00:51:07,649 --> 00:51:09,693
Why? Because I won't
have sex with you?

945
00:51:09,859 --> 00:51:11,903
That's really nice, Wallace.

946
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:13,488
No, that's not what I meant.

947
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,658
I know, I'm just kidding.

948
00:51:16,825 --> 00:51:19,744
Oh, right.
What part are you kidding about?

949
00:51:19,911 --> 00:51:22,581
- All of it.
- I'm very confused by this conversation.

950
00:51:22,998 --> 00:51:25,041
Fine, let's go inside.

951
00:51:31,006 --> 00:51:34,926
- Dude, my sister. Sweet score.
- No, this isn't what it looks like.

952
00:51:35,552 --> 00:51:38,305
Well, okay.
Yeah, it is, it is what it looks like.

953
00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:42,851
She's super-hot. Plus, she's 99 percent
genetically identical to me, so...

954
00:51:43,310 --> 00:51:47,772
Anyway, have fun
making outwith my sister.

955
00:51:47,939 --> 00:51:50,525
Actually, just FYI,
if you do go through with this,

956
00:51:50,692 --> 00:51:52,652
you can be pretty much
absolutely positive

957
00:51:52,819 --> 00:51:56,531
I will never, ever, ever, ever
have sex with you ever.

958
00:52:00,994 --> 00:52:02,287
<i>Ever!</i>

959
00:52:02,454 --> 00:52:03,496
I'm sorry.

960
00:52:03,663 --> 00:52:09,044
Dalia, I-- Look, I think--
I think you're great, but I can't do this.

961
00:52:09,210 --> 00:52:11,796
"Great"?
You think I'm great? I don't--

962
00:52:11,963 --> 00:52:13,798
I don't throw myself at guys,
like, ever.

963
00:52:13,965 --> 00:52:16,926
I made an exception for you because
you were cute, and you think I'm great?

964
00:52:17,093 --> 00:52:18,637
Great?

965
00:52:18,803 --> 00:52:20,388
- Get the fuck out!
- Sorry.

966
00:52:20,764 --> 00:52:21,848
God, get your...

967
00:52:22,349 --> 00:52:23,725
- Get out faster!
- Okay, I'm going.

968
00:52:24,309 --> 00:52:25,977
I can't believe I got
a Brazilian for this!

969
00:52:26,144 --> 00:52:28,104
Good bye!

970
00:52:28,271 --> 00:52:29,272
Jesus.

971
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:47,165
<i>- Hello?</i>
- Ben. <i>Hi.</i>

972
00:52:47,332 --> 00:52:48,750
<i>- Hi. Are you okay?
- Hi.</i>

973
00:52:48,917 --> 00:52:50,585
<i>It's the middle of the night there.</i>

974
00:52:50,752 --> 00:52:52,087
I'm really good.

975
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:55,090
I'm really just a little bit drunk.

976
00:52:55,298 --> 00:52:56,508
- Okay, <i>but--</i>
- And I'm wearing

977
00:52:56,675 --> 00:53:00,053
such a fancy, fancy dress.

978
00:53:00,220 --> 00:53:01,721
- <i>I see.</i>
- Hang on a second.

979
00:53:01,888 --> 00:53:02,931
- But--
- Hang on a second.

980
00:53:03,098 --> 00:53:04,891
Listen very closely, okay?

981
00:53:05,058 --> 00:53:07,435
- Okay.
- Really closely.

982
00:53:07,602 --> 00:53:09,062
<i>But...</i>

983
00:53:11,648 --> 00:53:13,149
- Do you hear that?
- <i>I</i> can, but--

984
00:53:13,316 --> 00:53:17,946
That's the sound of me unzipping
my very, very fancy dress

985
00:53:18,113 --> 00:53:21,199
- Well, that's good news.
- that I happen to be wearing

986
00:53:21,366 --> 00:53:23,868
really cute panties under.

987
00:53:24,035 --> 00:53:25,787
- You are?
- And also, like, a bra

988
00:53:25,954 --> 00:53:28,957
that totally, totally matches.

989
00:53:29,124 --> 00:53:32,627
- Chantry...
- Can you picture me in them?

990
00:53:32,794 --> 00:53:35,547
Hey, can you picture me
out of them?

991
00:53:35,714 --> 00:53:37,340
L-- I-- I definitely can.

992
00:53:37,507 --> 00:53:41,052
The thing is, I'm just in the middle
of the Brazilian presentation now.

993
00:53:41,219 --> 00:53:44,556
That's not to say
I don't fully support the concept.

994
00:53:44,723 --> 00:53:46,766
It sounds very interesting.

995
00:53:46,933 --> 00:53:51,604
And I would love to continue
discussing it at a later time.

996
00:53:52,021 --> 00:53:54,149
Okay, I'll confirm. Bye.

997
00:53:57,444 --> 00:53:59,779
Sir. Please, carry on.

998
00:54:00,113 --> 00:54:01,656
- It's good?
- Oh, yeah.

999
00:54:24,345 --> 00:54:27,307
You never asked me what happened
with Wallace the other night.

1000
00:54:27,474 --> 00:54:29,851
I'm respecting your privacy.

1001
00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:33,021
He's a big, stupid, fat jerk.

1002
00:54:33,188 --> 00:54:34,814
I hate him.

1003
00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:36,274
0K8)'-

1004
00:54:36,441 --> 00:54:38,067
He propositioned me.

1005
00:54:38,234 --> 00:54:42,363
He said, like, dirty, disgusting
things he wanted to do to me.

1006
00:54:42,530 --> 00:54:44,491
Me, your little sister.

1007
00:54:44,657 --> 00:54:45,784
That's so terrible.

1008
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:48,119
I know, and so I told him,
"I'm not that kind of girl,"

1009
00:54:48,286 --> 00:54:49,746
and he just, like, flew into a rage,

1010
00:54:49,913 --> 00:54:53,541
and he attacked me and tried to break
all my fingers and poke my eyeballs out.

1011
00:54:53,708 --> 00:54:55,710
So the cops had to come
and pull him off me.

1012
00:54:55,877 --> 00:54:57,629
- The cops came?
- Yeah.

1013
00:54:57,796 --> 00:55:00,673
And then he just shot them all
in the face, and they all died.

1014
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,259
And some of them had kids
and they'll never know their father.

1015
00:55:03,426 --> 00:55:05,386
He didn't even care.
He was just, like, laughing

1016
00:55:05,553 --> 00:55:07,972
and shooting them all,
and he had a huge chubby.

1017
00:55:08,264 --> 00:55:10,642
And then he said he was gonna
come to your house and kill you

1018
00:55:10,809 --> 00:55:12,268
while you were sleeping.

1019
00:55:12,435 --> 00:55:15,438
Yeah, that sounds
exactly like Wallace.

1020
00:55:15,605 --> 00:55:17,607
Have you talked to him lately?

1021
00:55:17,774 --> 00:55:19,359
No.

1022
00:55:20,485 --> 00:55:22,278
So he didn't say anything about me

1023
00:55:22,445 --> 00:55:24,906
completely humiliating myself
in front of him?

1024
00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:27,700
No.

1025
00:55:27,867 --> 00:55:29,494
He's a big, stupid, ugly jerk,

1026
00:55:29,661 --> 00:55:31,621
and you shouldn't
be friends with him anymore.

1027
00:55:31,788 --> 00:55:33,456
0K8)'-

1028
00:55:34,082 --> 00:55:36,584
Look how pregnant
I can make myself look.

1029
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:40,255
You want to feel my baby?

1030
00:55:40,421 --> 00:55:42,131
It's so hard.

1031
00:55:42,298 --> 00:55:44,050
- Oh, my God, it kicked.
- Shut up.

1032
00:55:44,968 --> 00:55:47,011
I'm gonna make you raise it.

1033
00:55:51,307 --> 00:55:52,350
<i>I'm firing Josh.</i>

1034
00:55:52,517 --> 00:55:54,561
<i>The Taiwan team hates him,
nobody listens to him.</i>

1035
00:55:54,727 --> 00:55:57,564
On the plus side, I hear
he's banging enough Taiwanese girls

1036
00:55:57,730 --> 00:55:59,274
to qualify for
the douche bag Olympics.

1037
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:00,692
So there's a silver lining.

1038
00:56:00,859 --> 00:56:02,610
That's unfortunate.

1039
00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:05,864
I need someone full-time in Taiwan
to clean up Josh's mess.

1040
00:56:06,030 --> 00:56:07,073
I want it to be you.

1041
00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:08,825
I mean, this whole thing
is your concept.

1042
00:56:08,992 --> 00:56:10,994
If we had had you as project manager
from the start,

1043
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,204
- we'd have saved a lot of time.
- Honestly, I just--

1044
00:56:13,371 --> 00:56:16,541
I don't even know if I would enjoy
being the project manager, so...

1045
00:56:16,708 --> 00:56:18,585
You get an apartment, car,
language lessons.

1046
00:56:18,751 --> 00:56:20,169
- Yeah.
- Obviously a raise.

1047
00:56:20,336 --> 00:56:22,005
I need your answer
by the end of the month.

1048
00:56:22,171 --> 00:56:25,466
And to be clear, this is the last time
I offer you a promotion.

1049
00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:28,094
Okay. I got it.

1050
00:56:29,470 --> 00:56:30,513
Holly,

1051
00:56:32,098 --> 00:56:33,850
I'm gonna think about it, I promise.

1052
00:56:40,690 --> 00:56:44,027
So I was reading this thing
about how,

1053
00:56:44,193 --> 00:56:48,031
when they were trying
to name Cool Whip,

1054
00:56:48,197 --> 00:56:51,117
they came up with 10,000 ideas.

1055
00:56:51,284 --> 00:56:53,620
Like, they brainstormed
10,000 ideas.

1056
00:56:53,786 --> 00:56:55,455
And none of them
were as good as Cool Whip?

1057
00:56:55,622 --> 00:56:57,582
No, Cool Whip was the best.
That's what they said.

1058
00:56:57,749 --> 00:57:00,960
And they said, "Just try to, like,
think of, like, ten of your own,

1059
00:57:01,127 --> 00:57:04,672
just to see, like, how hard it is."

1060
00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:06,883
- Cool Puff.
- Puffy Whip.

1061
00:57:07,050 --> 00:57:08,426
- Creamy Dream.
- Zit Topping.

1062
00:57:08,593 --> 00:57:09,969
- Angel Puff.
- Angel Gas.

1063
00:57:10,136 --> 00:57:12,764
Bruce Springscream
and the E-Foam Band.

1064
00:57:12,931 --> 00:57:15,058
- Puffin' Lovin'.
- Dump That Puff on My Face.

1065
00:57:15,224 --> 00:57:16,726
Whip-Master Cool
and the Puff Brigade.

1066
00:57:16,893 --> 00:57:18,311
Stuff Me with Puff.

1067
00:57:18,478 --> 00:57:19,854
Sir Puff-A-Lot's Whipped Foam.

1068
00:57:20,021 --> 00:57:21,064
Non-Hodgkin's Cream-Foam-A.

1069
00:57:21,230 --> 00:57:24,901
- Shove This Shit on Food.
- Whip-- Whippy-- Whippy Pippitins.

1070
00:57:26,569 --> 00:57:28,112
- So how many is that?
- I don't know.

1071
00:57:28,279 --> 00:57:29,864
- Yeah, it's not that hard.
- No.

1072
00:57:30,031 --> 00:57:32,408
- No.
- Let's go swimming.

1073
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:37,538
- I didn't bring my suit, did you?
- No.

1074
00:57:37,956 --> 00:57:40,166
- We should take our clothes off?
- Yeah.

1075
00:57:41,501 --> 00:57:43,044
- Are you gonna come get me?
- Yeah!

1076
00:57:43,211 --> 00:57:45,463
Are you gonna come get me?

1077
00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:47,632
You're hitting me.

1078
00:57:47,799 --> 00:57:50,134
It's warm. It's very warm.

1079
00:57:50,301 --> 00:57:52,679
It's cold. It's cold. It's cold.

1080
00:57:52,845 --> 00:57:55,139
<i>It's cold!</i>

1081
00:57:56,057 --> 00:57:57,767
Allan!

1082
00:58:00,979 --> 00:58:02,438
Don't.

1083
00:58:06,985 --> 00:58:09,112
Do you want to go swimming?

1084
00:58:10,697 --> 00:58:12,407
Yeah.

1085
00:58:20,832 --> 00:58:22,125
Do you think it'll be cold?

1086
00:58:22,291 --> 00:58:23,876
Yep.

1087
00:58:54,699 --> 00:58:57,076
You've got a tattoo.

1088
00:58:57,243 --> 00:58:58,870
Yeah.

1089
00:59:00,496 --> 00:59:02,874
- Yeah, it's--
- I know, it's...

1090
00:59:03,458 --> 00:59:05,501
It's your mom, right?

1091
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,298
- Oh, God.
- What?

1092
00:59:10,465 --> 00:59:12,383
Something just--
Something just touched my foot.

1093
00:59:12,550 --> 00:59:14,010
- Okay.
- No, it was really gross.

1094
00:59:14,177 --> 00:59:15,678
- Okay.
- It's not funny.

1095
00:59:15,845 --> 00:59:16,846
That was funny.

1096
00:59:26,481 --> 00:59:28,357
Oh, yeah.

1097
00:59:30,234 --> 00:59:32,028
Wallace?

1098
00:59:33,029 --> 00:59:34,489
Yes?

1099
00:59:35,114 --> 00:59:37,325
I'll look if you look.

1100
00:59:39,952 --> 00:59:41,287
0K8)'-

1101
01:00:04,310 --> 01:00:06,354
Where are our clothes?

1102
01:00:07,105 --> 01:00:10,691
- Did we drift further down?
- No, the fire's right there.

1103
01:00:12,693 --> 01:00:15,321
Yeah, they took our clothes.

1104
01:00:27,583 --> 01:00:29,085
Oh, God.

1105
01:00:35,967 --> 01:00:37,844
The car is gone.

1106
01:00:38,010 --> 01:00:40,263
God, how'd it get so cold?
it wasn't cold at all before.

1107
01:00:40,429 --> 01:00:42,181
It was, like, a warm night.

1108
01:00:42,348 --> 01:00:45,434
Okay, you keep the sleeping bag
and I will figure something out.

1109
01:00:45,601 --> 01:00:48,062
No, I can't let you just, like,
spend the night on the sand,

1110
01:00:48,229 --> 01:00:52,567
like, all cold and wet
and naked like a walrus.

1111
01:00:53,151 --> 01:00:54,652
Do you think that's funny?

1112
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:57,238
Do you think this is, like,
some hilarious prank

1113
01:00:57,405 --> 01:01:00,491
played on us by our wacky pals?
Because I don't.

1114
01:01:00,658 --> 01:01:02,451
I thought you were trying
to lighten the mood

1115
01:01:02,618 --> 01:01:04,912
with a mildly amusing joke
involving a walrus.

1116
01:01:05,079 --> 01:01:08,040
I'm sorry if I misunderstood the
seriousness of your walrus reference.

1117
01:01:08,207 --> 01:01:09,417
Don't be an asshole.

1118
01:01:09,584 --> 01:01:12,170
- I'm not being an asshole.
- You are. You are being an asshole.

1119
01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:15,798
You're not taking this seriously, and
you're treating it like a joke, and it's not.

1120
01:01:15,965 --> 01:01:19,468
There is a line, a line that should not
be crossed, and they crossed it.

1121
01:01:19,635 --> 01:01:22,513
And you know what? Treating it
like a joke is being an asshole.

1122
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:25,016
I'm not treating this like a joke,
I'm not being an asshole.

1123
01:01:25,183 --> 01:01:27,310
Allan is being an asshole,
Nicole is being an asshole,

1124
01:01:27,476 --> 01:01:29,020
and right now,
you are being an asshole.

1125
01:01:29,187 --> 01:01:31,022
Me?
I'm standing here with a branch.

1126
01:01:31,189 --> 01:01:34,859
A branch that cuts down 0 percent
of the wind-chill factor on my dick.

1127
01:01:35,026 --> 01:01:36,777
I've got a branch,
you've got a sleeping bag.

1128
01:01:36,944 --> 01:01:39,071
How does that
make me an asshole?

1129
01:01:39,822 --> 01:01:42,033
- Fine.
- Fine? What does "fine" mean?

1130
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,994
Fine. It means we'll share.

1131
01:02:06,641 --> 01:02:08,851
- Chantry?
- What?

1132
01:02:09,352 --> 01:02:11,646
They brought our clothes back.

1133
01:02:27,495 --> 01:02:29,163
I'll never doubt you again.

1134
01:02:35,670 --> 01:02:38,172
Hey, you guys have fun last night?

1135
01:02:42,885 --> 01:02:44,428
Hey-

1136
01:02:46,722 --> 01:02:49,267
- Sleep well?
- You're an asshole.

1137
01:04:15,144 --> 01:04:16,187
Ben.

1138
01:04:17,438 --> 01:04:19,023
Chantry?

1139
01:04:21,734 --> 01:04:23,402
Julianne is part of
the Argentinean team.

1140
01:04:23,611 --> 01:04:25,571
She lives in the apartment next door.

1141
01:04:25,738 --> 01:04:28,366
A bunch of us went for a drink after
work, I was helping her home.

1142
01:04:28,532 --> 01:04:32,078
- Ben, I'm not accusing you of anything.
- You need not worry about his fidelity.

1143
01:04:32,244 --> 01:04:35,081
I'm not some beautiful
but morally corrupt Argentine girl.

1144
01:04:35,247 --> 01:04:36,791
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?

1145
01:04:36,957 --> 01:04:39,460
Because I wanted to surprise you.

1146
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:40,961
Surprise.

1147
01:04:41,128 --> 01:04:43,923
Okay, I need to go
to my apartment now,

1148
01:04:44,090 --> 01:04:46,926
and stuff old socks in my ears

1149
01:04:47,093 --> 01:04:49,220
so I don't hear your lovemaking
through the wall.

1150
01:04:49,387 --> 01:04:51,222
And I'm keeping this meat.

1151
01:04:51,806 --> 01:04:54,058
Good night. Sorry, you startled me.

1152
01:04:54,225 --> 01:04:56,394
This isn't how I planned
to welcome you to Dublin.

1153
01:04:56,936 --> 01:04:58,312
Are you still startled?

1154
01:04:58,479 --> 01:05:00,189
Should I get you some warm milk?

1155
01:05:02,233 --> 01:05:03,859
Welcome to Dublin.

1156
01:05:52,283 --> 01:05:55,077
So I was reading this thing about

1157
01:05:55,244 --> 01:05:57,788
how when they were trying to come up
with the name for Cool Whip,

1158
01:05:57,955 --> 01:06:00,124
- they brainstormed 10,000 ideas--
- What is Cool Whip?

1159
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:02,543
It's a kind of processed cream.
Comes in a spray can.

1160
01:06:02,710 --> 01:06:03,752
Or in a tub.

1161
01:06:03,919 --> 01:06:05,004
I've had the Cool Whip.

1162
01:06:05,171 --> 01:06:07,631
I prefer the fresh whipped cream.

1163
01:06:07,798 --> 01:06:10,551
Well, when they were trying to come
up with the name for that product,

1164
01:06:10,718 --> 01:06:13,471
they brainstormed 10,000 ideas,

1165
01:06:13,637 --> 01:06:17,641
and they said, "Try to come up with ten
of your own just to see how hard it is."

1166
01:06:17,808 --> 01:06:21,479
Like Puffy Whip,
or Whip-- Wiffy Puff.

1167
01:06:21,645 --> 01:06:24,190
Puffy Air. Whippy Air.

1168
01:06:24,815 --> 01:06:26,150
Cow Mixture?

1169
01:06:26,317 --> 01:06:28,402
- Sweet Dreams?
- Sweet Dreams.

1170
01:06:28,986 --> 01:06:30,529
Cotton Vul-candy-cow?

1171
01:06:30,696 --> 01:06:31,947
That could be one.

1172
01:06:32,114 --> 01:06:33,741
Cloudy Cow?

1173
01:06:34,950 --> 01:06:38,329
So you must be
really proud of our Benji.

1174
01:06:38,496 --> 01:06:40,289
- Yeah.
- He has the Brazilians on the run.

1175
01:06:40,998 --> 01:06:43,626
You know he has
the whole negotiation in his hands?

1176
01:06:43,792 --> 01:06:46,086
We're so happy that he's able
to stay another six months.

1177
01:06:46,253 --> 01:06:48,589
And his Portuguese
is really coming on.

1178
01:06:48,756 --> 01:06:51,717
He's going to be so good
by the time we get to Rio de Janeiro...

1179
01:06:51,884 --> 01:06:53,385
<i>I haven't accepted the offer yet.</i>

1180
01:06:53,552 --> 01:06:56,138
Obviously, I was planning
on talking to you about it first,

1181
01:06:56,305 --> 01:06:58,057
but I mean, I love it here.

1182
01:06:58,224 --> 01:07:02,269
Not just the work.
The people, the culture, the music.

1183
01:07:02,436 --> 01:07:04,104
You never asked me
to move here with you.

1184
01:07:04,271 --> 01:07:06,190
When you got the job,
you never asked me to come.

1185
01:07:06,357 --> 01:07:07,983
I didn't want to ask you to quit a job.

1186
01:07:08,150 --> 01:07:10,152
- And I mean, you never offered.
- You never asked.

1187
01:07:10,319 --> 01:07:12,988
Well, okay, I'm asking you now.

1188
01:07:13,155 --> 01:07:15,366
I mean, there must be
animation companies here.

1189
01:07:15,533 --> 01:07:17,368
I couldn't do that to Holly.
She's been generous

1190
01:07:17,535 --> 01:07:19,161
giving me this week
to make my decision.

1191
01:07:19,328 --> 01:07:22,623
Okay, so take the job.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing.

1192
01:07:22,790 --> 01:07:24,124
You'd be in Taipei, I'd be here.

1193
01:07:24,291 --> 01:07:25,376
We can meet in the middle.

1194
01:07:25,543 --> 01:07:26,585
Like in Toronto?

1195
01:07:26,752 --> 01:07:30,130
No, like Tel Aviv,
Istanbul, Mumbai...

1196
01:07:30,297 --> 01:07:33,133
It'll be a story we can tell our kids.

1197
01:07:33,384 --> 01:07:35,886
- It's romantic.
- Sounds lonely.

1198
01:07:36,053 --> 01:07:39,890
Look, I'm just trying
to make this work, okay?

1199
01:07:40,641 --> 01:07:41,934
Don't you wanna make this work?

1200
01:07:50,442 --> 01:07:52,861
Did you guys want to borrow
some of my balls?

1201
01:07:53,195 --> 01:07:56,949
I think someone sharted
and it might be Mrs. Cole.

1202
01:07:57,116 --> 01:07:59,577
Everyone, check.
Check. Shari check.

1203
01:07:59,743 --> 01:08:01,704
You can look it up
on Urban Dictionary.

1204
01:08:01,870 --> 01:08:05,374
Fail. You couldn't find that stone
if it was in your kidney.

1205
01:08:05,541 --> 01:08:07,585
I can see your back acne
through your blouse.

1206
01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:11,213
Look at you just drunkenly
spewing out joy like a shit Santa.

1207
01:08:11,380 --> 01:08:14,300
- Yep.
- That's you now, yeah?

1208
01:08:16,051 --> 01:08:18,345
Nicole's spending the night
at Becky's.

1209
01:08:18,512 --> 01:08:20,598
We had a fight.

1210
01:08:21,223 --> 01:08:23,892
First fight as a married couple.

1211
01:08:24,727 --> 01:08:26,020
You want a beer?

1212
01:08:26,186 --> 01:08:27,730
Sure.

1213
01:08:34,903 --> 01:08:36,655
So...

1214
01:08:38,866 --> 01:08:41,452
I'm sorry, okay?

1215
01:08:41,619 --> 01:08:44,371
I let Nicole talk me into it,
even though I knew it was a bad idea.

1216
01:08:44,538 --> 01:08:45,581
I'm not like you.

1217
01:08:45,748 --> 01:08:48,542
I can't hook up with somebody
if they're already with someone else.

1218
01:08:48,709 --> 01:08:51,211
It's wrong. It was wrong
when my parents did it to each other,

1219
01:08:51,378 --> 01:08:52,880
it was wrong
when Megan did it to me.

1220
01:08:53,047 --> 01:08:55,007
It was wrong when you and Nicole
did it to her ex.

1221
01:08:55,174 --> 01:08:57,843
You don't think the fact
that we got married kind ofjustifies it?

1222
01:08:58,010 --> 01:09:00,804
Not unless you want to be married to
someone who doesn't mind cheating.

1223
01:09:00,971 --> 01:09:03,474
Hey, that's my wife, okay?

1224
01:09:03,641 --> 01:09:06,977
Nicole talks a good game, but she's
been hurt like everybody else.

1225
01:09:07,144 --> 01:09:08,896
Her ex was a dick.

1226
01:09:09,063 --> 01:09:10,439
He treated her real bad.

1227
01:09:10,606 --> 01:09:11,649
It's complicated.

1228
01:09:11,815 --> 01:09:14,526
All this love shit's complicated.
And that's good.

1229
01:09:14,693 --> 01:09:17,029
Because if it's too simple,
you've got no reason to try.

1230
01:09:17,196 --> 01:09:19,948
And if you got no reason to try,
you don't.

1231
01:09:21,992 --> 01:09:24,161
Wait, I just described you.

1232
01:09:25,329 --> 01:09:27,164
You know what? Maybe you're right.

1233
01:09:27,331 --> 01:09:29,958
But either way,
you're an asshole, Allan.

1234
01:09:36,590 --> 01:09:38,425
Hit a three-pointer.

1235
01:09:53,649 --> 01:09:55,943
- Hi.
- Hi.

1236
01:09:56,110 --> 01:09:57,736
Come in or whatever.

1237
01:10:00,989 --> 01:10:02,700
I just jogged over here
to feed the cat.

1238
01:10:02,866 --> 01:10:04,910
If I don't shower right away
my pores get all clogged

1239
01:10:05,077 --> 01:10:07,413
and I get this, like,
zit nest on my forehead.

1240
01:10:07,579 --> 01:10:09,540
So why are you feeding the cat?

1241
01:10:09,707 --> 01:10:11,125
So it doesn't starve to death.

1242
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:13,794
- But why can't Chantry feed it?
- Because she flew to Dublin.

1243
01:10:14,795 --> 01:10:16,714
She flew to Dublin?

1244
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:18,799
Yes, of course she did.

1245
01:10:20,092 --> 01:10:21,176
You like her.

1246
01:10:22,803 --> 01:10:24,263
You like Chantry.

1247
01:10:24,430 --> 01:10:26,473
Get in the shower.
I can see your blackheads here.

1248
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:29,393
No, don't get all snooty with me
just because you're so busted.

1249
01:10:29,560 --> 01:10:31,103
Look, I'm not in love with your sister.

1250
01:10:31,270 --> 01:10:34,022
You are a nice-ish guy,

1251
01:10:34,189 --> 01:10:37,067
and you're amusing,
but Chantry loves Ben.

1252
01:10:37,234 --> 01:10:39,737
They're gonna get married
and live happily ever after.

1253
01:10:40,362 --> 01:10:43,365
You're just gonna be this guy that she
was friends with for a couple months.

1254
01:10:43,532 --> 01:10:46,744
"What was his name...?
Walter? I don't know."

1255
01:10:46,910 --> 01:10:49,913
So you just need to do whatever
you need to do to get over it, okay?

1256
01:10:50,289 --> 01:10:52,833
Because it's never gonna happen.

1257
01:11:08,474 --> 01:11:11,852
<i>Welcome to Dublin
and thank you for flying with us.</i>

1258
01:11:32,623 --> 01:11:33,957
0K8)'-

1259
01:11:39,505 --> 01:11:40,798
She's gone.

1260
01:11:42,591 --> 01:11:45,844
Is she coming back?

1261
01:11:59,942 --> 01:12:02,694
<i>Hey, Wallace, it's Chantry.
I'm getting on a plane right now,</i>

1262
01:12:02,861 --> 01:12:04,863
<i>and I'm wondering
if you're free for lunch tomorrow</i>

1263
01:12:05,030 --> 01:12:08,283
<i>at, like, noon,
at the George Street Diner?</i>

1264
01:12:09,618 --> 01:12:11,411
<i>There's something
I want to talk to you about.</i>

1265
01:12:12,579 --> 01:12:16,416
Shit! Shit! Shit!

1266
01:12:16,583 --> 01:12:17,626
Taxi!

1267
01:12:19,962 --> 01:12:21,046
George Street Diner.

1268
01:12:22,214 --> 01:12:23,632
Shit.

1269
01:12:27,970 --> 01:12:29,513
Excuse me.

1270
01:12:43,902 --> 01:12:45,904
- Hi.
- Hey.

1271
01:12:47,239 --> 01:12:49,199
Oh, my God,
what did you do to yourself?

1272
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,494
Oh, ninja attack.

1273
01:12:52,661 --> 01:12:53,704
Those stupid ninjas.

1274
01:12:53,871 --> 01:12:55,038
- I know.
- I hate them.

1275
01:12:55,205 --> 01:12:58,000
Me too. Very annoying.

1276
01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:01,837
Oh, thank you.

1277
01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:03,589
I'm good.

1278
01:13:05,591 --> 01:13:07,551
- How you doing?
- Hi.

1279
01:13:08,093 --> 01:13:09,803
So I went to Dublin, right?

1280
01:13:09,970 --> 01:13:12,306
- Right. Yes.
- Yes. Listen,

1281
01:13:12,472 --> 01:13:14,057
there's a bunch of stuff
going on with me

1282
01:13:14,224 --> 01:13:16,768
that I haven't told you about
because

1283
01:13:16,935 --> 01:13:20,022
I haven't been sure
what the right thing to do is.

1284
01:13:20,188 --> 01:13:21,773
Wallace, your face
just looks terrible.

1285
01:13:21,940 --> 01:13:25,611
Oh, no, don't worry about it, really.
What were you gonna say?

1286
01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:29,698
Okay, so-- Just that--

1287
01:13:30,866 --> 01:13:34,745
I've been having to do a lot of
big-picture thinking about...

1288
01:13:35,454 --> 01:13:37,539
Wallace, seriously,
I cannot concentrate

1289
01:13:37,706 --> 01:13:38,874
because of your mangled head.

1290
01:13:39,041 --> 01:13:41,126
What did you do to yourself?

1291
01:13:41,293 --> 01:13:43,378
Did you hit yourself with something?

1292
01:13:43,545 --> 01:13:44,922
Car accident?

1293
01:13:45,088 --> 01:13:47,549
Did you walk into a door...?

1294
01:13:50,052 --> 01:13:51,261
Ben punched me.

1295
01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:54,973
I flew to Dublin.

1296
01:14:00,437 --> 01:14:01,688
Why did you fly to Dublin?

1297
01:14:02,564 --> 01:14:06,443
To tell you how I feel about you.

1298
01:14:07,653 --> 01:14:10,238
- That's not why.
- Well, I wanted to be honest with you.

1299
01:14:10,405 --> 01:14:12,157
You could have been
honest with me any time.

1300
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:16,578
You flew to Dublin
to break up me and Ben.

1301
01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:18,705
Right?

1302
01:14:21,458 --> 01:14:24,711
How long have you felt this way?

1303
01:14:26,254 --> 01:14:28,674
Pretty much since the day we met.

1304
01:14:31,259 --> 01:14:33,929
So when I said "I have a boyfriend
and I just want to be friends"

1305
01:14:34,096 --> 01:14:36,682
and you said that's what
you wanted too, that was a lie?

1306
01:14:36,890 --> 01:14:38,266
No. No. I wanted that to be true.

1307
01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:40,310
But it wasn't.
You never wanted to be my friend.

1308
01:14:40,477 --> 01:14:46,024
We are friends. I haven't just been
trying to put my junk inside your trunk.

1309
01:14:47,109 --> 01:14:50,278
I told Ben you weren't that kind of guy,
but you're totally that kind of guy.

1310
01:14:50,445 --> 01:14:53,240
God, he must think I'm such an idiot.
You must think I'm such an idiot.

1311
01:14:53,407 --> 01:14:54,658
- Of course not.
- I trusted you.

1312
01:14:54,825 --> 01:14:57,995
I trusted we were
what we said we were: friends.

1313
01:14:58,161 --> 01:15:00,122
But you can't be friends
if you're skulking around

1314
01:15:00,288 --> 01:15:01,957
waiting for some opportunity
to screw them.

1315
01:15:02,124 --> 01:15:04,167
No. Look,
what are you talking about?

1316
01:15:04,334 --> 01:15:06,712
I'm not--
It's not like you've caught me

1317
01:15:06,878 --> 01:15:09,756
bathing in orphan blood
or masturbating in your kitchen.

1318
01:15:09,923 --> 01:15:11,591
I just...

1319
01:15:11,758 --> 01:15:14,553
I like you a little bit more romantically
than I let on.

1320
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:15,762
It's not a crime.

1321
01:15:16,555 --> 01:15:19,558
And if it is,
you're not exactly innocent.

1322
01:15:20,308 --> 01:15:21,560
What's that supposed to mean?

1323
01:15:21,977 --> 01:15:24,938
You crossed all the same lines I did,
and I was single. You weren't.

1324
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:27,691
I've never cheated on anybody.

1325
01:15:27,858 --> 01:15:30,277
And now you're making me feel like
I somehow cheated on Ben?

1326
01:15:30,444 --> 01:15:31,528
Wait. Hold on.

1327
01:15:31,695 --> 01:15:33,488
I'm making you feel like that?

1328
01:15:33,655 --> 01:15:36,199
What, and you did nothing
that I might possibly misconstrue?

1329
01:15:36,366 --> 01:15:39,286
That night on the beach?
"I'll look if you look"?

1330
01:15:39,453 --> 01:15:40,912
I mean...

1331
01:15:41,079 --> 01:15:42,414
What, did you tell Ben about that?

1332
01:15:48,503 --> 01:15:50,005
That was a mistake.

1333
01:15:50,172 --> 01:15:52,382
This was a mistake.

1334
01:15:54,051 --> 01:15:55,093
- I'm leaving.
- Please.

1335
01:15:55,260 --> 01:15:57,596
- No, Chantry, please--
- No, I'm leaving the country.

1336
01:15:57,763 --> 01:15:58,972
- You're moving to Dublin?
- No.

1337
01:15:59,306 --> 01:16:01,516
I've been offered a job in Taiwan.

1338
01:16:01,683 --> 01:16:03,018
I'm putting my career first.

1339
01:16:03,185 --> 01:16:06,188
So I'll be gone soon, for a year.

1340
01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:08,774
Maybe more.

1341
01:16:09,399 --> 01:16:12,027
It's a really big promotion.

1342
01:16:14,529 --> 01:16:16,490
Congratulations.

1343
01:16:21,411 --> 01:16:22,454
See you around, Wallace.

1344
01:16:36,009 --> 01:16:38,428
- Uncle Wallace?
- Not right now, Felix.

1345
01:16:38,595 --> 01:16:42,516
- Can I talk to you?
- Felix, I said not right now.

1346
01:16:42,682 --> 01:16:45,018
I'm having a bad life.

1347
01:16:47,020 --> 01:16:48,522
What are you doing
that's so important

1348
01:16:48,688 --> 01:16:50,690
that you don't have time
for your nephew?

1349
01:16:50,857 --> 01:16:52,234
I'm not the kid's dad, all right?

1350
01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:54,694
- He's your responsibility, not mine.
- Fine.

1351
01:16:54,861 --> 01:16:56,113
I'm a bad mom.

1352
01:16:56,279 --> 01:16:57,656
And when Felix grows up,

1353
01:16:57,823 --> 01:17:00,242
he can blame me
for all his problems

1354
01:17:00,408 --> 01:17:01,827
and the circle of life can continue.

1355
01:17:01,993 --> 01:17:03,578
I'm doing the best I can.

1356
01:17:03,745 --> 01:17:06,414
Which is all any of us can do,
except you.

1357
01:17:06,581 --> 01:17:09,501
You are not doing
the best you can do. You--

1358
01:17:09,960 --> 01:17:12,504
What's wrong? What's wrong?
Are you choking?

1359
01:17:13,255 --> 01:17:15,048
Okay, I'm gonna try
and Heimlich you.

1360
01:17:16,299 --> 01:17:18,260
Okay. Again.

1361
01:17:18,468 --> 01:17:19,803
Big one.

1362
01:17:19,970 --> 01:17:21,513
Oh, God.

1363
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:31,148
Ellie, you know
you're not a bad morn, right?

1364
01:17:31,314 --> 01:17:35,152
It wasn't my plan that you should be
my son's primary male role model.

1365
01:17:35,485 --> 01:17:37,195
But you are.

1366
01:17:40,115 --> 01:17:41,783
Mine.

1367
01:17:42,576 --> 01:17:44,452
Gross.

1368
01:17:44,619 --> 01:17:46,788
This expired months ago.

1369
01:17:46,955 --> 01:17:49,291
Yeah, it's probably Ben's.

1370
01:17:49,833 --> 01:17:52,460
So that's it?
You're just gonna throw it away?

1371
01:17:52,878 --> 01:17:54,838
Let me guess,
we're not talking about salsa.

1372
01:17:55,005 --> 01:17:57,174
I just think you're making
a huge mistake.

1373
01:17:57,340 --> 01:18:00,385
- You really think Taiwan's a mistake?
- Yes, I do.

1374
01:18:00,552 --> 01:18:03,138
I think you're totally
screwing up your life, actually.

1375
01:18:16,735 --> 01:18:18,445
Or not, maybe?

1376
01:18:18,612 --> 01:18:20,614
I just don't have any idea
what I'm doing.

1377
01:18:20,780 --> 01:18:23,575
I'm gonna be all the way over there,
and I'm not gonna have anybody.

1378
01:18:23,742 --> 01:18:26,828
I'm gonna be all alone, and I'm gonna
have all these huge responsibilities,

1379
01:18:26,995 --> 01:18:29,289
and then...
And you're gonna be so far away.

1380
01:18:29,456 --> 01:18:30,707
And Ben and...

1381
01:18:33,585 --> 01:18:35,837
And there's, you know...

1382
01:18:38,048 --> 01:18:39,424
Wallace?

1383
01:18:40,717 --> 01:18:42,469
Yeah.

1384
01:18:43,637 --> 01:18:45,639
Yeah. Have you heard from him?

1385
01:18:45,805 --> 01:18:49,059
No, but I think
I messed it up really bad.

1386
01:18:49,226 --> 01:18:51,645
I called him a liar.

1387
01:18:51,811 --> 01:18:53,396
And I think that I might be the liar.

1388
01:18:53,563 --> 01:18:55,357
- No.
- Yes.

1389
01:18:55,523 --> 01:18:58,235
I mean, I think it might count as lying
if you lie to yourself.

1390
01:18:58,401 --> 01:19:00,528
No. Come here.

1391
01:19:03,156 --> 01:19:05,325
Everything might have
turned out for the best.

1392
01:19:05,492 --> 01:19:09,204
I'm...
I'm going back to med school.

1393
01:19:09,371 --> 01:19:13,375
- I sent in my application today.
- So you just gave up?

1394
01:19:13,541 --> 01:19:16,294
No. I'm not giving up. I'm going--

1395
01:19:16,461 --> 01:19:18,964
I'm getting back to the life
I was supposed to have by now.

1396
01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:21,800
When you're old and wrinkled
and your penis doesn't work anymore--

1397
01:19:21,967 --> 01:19:23,301
Not that it's in great shape now.

1398
01:19:23,468 --> 01:19:27,931
--But in that old, wrinkled, dickless
future, will this seem like the right call?

1399
01:19:28,306 --> 01:19:31,559
Yes. I'll think dropping out of med
school because of a girl was stupid.

1400
01:19:31,726 --> 01:19:34,771
Not chasing after a girl who doesn't
want me was definitely smart.

1401
01:19:34,938 --> 01:19:35,981
I'm a doctor now.

1402
01:19:36,147 --> 01:19:40,110
I've saved probably millions of lives,
because I'm brilliant.

1403
01:19:40,277 --> 01:19:42,195
I cured the zombie epidemic.
You remember that?

1404
01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:44,364
I found the cure,
so you can just all be grateful,

1405
01:19:44,531 --> 01:19:47,117
shut up and stop
questioning my decisions.

1406
01:19:48,034 --> 01:19:49,661
What?

1407
01:19:49,828 --> 01:19:52,664
Well, it was supposed
to be a secret,

1408
01:19:52,831 --> 01:19:58,503
but loose lips over here
knocked me up.

1409
01:19:58,670 --> 01:20:01,631
Oh, shit. You got a baby in you.

1410
01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:03,675
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- Congratulations!

1411
01:20:03,842 --> 01:20:06,219
Oh, that means the Apocalypse
has really started.

1412
01:20:06,386 --> 01:20:08,054
That's great.

1413
01:20:08,888 --> 01:20:11,891
And you're the first person we told,
so you can't be mad at us anymore.

1414
01:20:13,226 --> 01:20:16,146
You have to forgive pregnant people
for anything they've ever done to you.

1415
01:20:16,313 --> 01:20:18,273
- It's like a federal law.
- Deal.

1416
01:20:19,107 --> 01:20:20,525
I can't wait to meet this kid.

1417
01:20:20,692 --> 01:20:22,235
Yeah.

1418
01:20:23,153 --> 01:20:25,989
And we're having a going-away party
for Chantry,

1419
01:20:26,156 --> 01:20:28,408
and you should come to it
to say goodbye.

1420
01:20:30,910 --> 01:20:32,203
No.

1421
01:20:32,370 --> 01:20:35,081
No, we already said our goodbyes.

1422
01:21:01,983 --> 01:21:04,569
- Wallace?
- No.

1423
01:21:09,991 --> 01:21:11,451
- It's nice.
- So slutty.

1424
01:21:11,618 --> 01:21:13,244
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.

1425
01:21:40,522 --> 01:21:43,942
No, I think mine are normal
and yours are tiny.

1426
01:21:54,244 --> 01:21:55,245
I don't want you to leave.

1427
01:21:55,412 --> 01:21:57,580
- No.
- Me neither.

1428
01:22:00,333 --> 01:22:01,668
I'm sorry I'm late.

1429
01:22:03,962 --> 01:22:05,672
BVe- Skype me.

1430
01:22:05,839 --> 01:22:07,507
Be careful. Take care of yourselves.

1431
01:22:07,674 --> 01:22:09,843
- I'm never gonna Skype.
- Call me tomorrow.

1432
01:22:10,009 --> 01:22:11,678
Bye.

1433
01:22:15,473 --> 01:22:17,475
<i>- HEY-
- H6'!-</i>

1434
01:22:22,355 --> 01:22:24,399
- How are you?
- I'm great. How are you?

1435
01:22:24,566 --> 01:22:26,734
- Good.
- Good.

1436
01:22:27,944 --> 01:22:31,281
So your new job
is going to be amazing.

1437
01:22:31,448 --> 01:22:32,991
And you get to live in Asia.

1438
01:22:33,158 --> 01:22:35,160
- Yeah.
- I hear Taiwan is incredible.

1439
01:22:35,326 --> 01:22:37,537
Yeah, and you're gonna
go back to med school.

1440
01:22:37,704 --> 01:22:38,746
Yeah. Yes.

1441
01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:41,040
That is so great.

1442
01:22:42,333 --> 01:22:44,043
You think so?

1443
01:22:44,919 --> 01:22:47,088
No. Actually,
I've always hated doctors,

1444
01:22:47,255 --> 01:22:49,549
so I pretty much think
you've become the Antichrist.

1445
01:22:49,716 --> 01:22:51,551
Right. And Taiwan is shit.

1446
01:22:51,718 --> 01:22:53,845
That was-- Everything I said
a second ago was a lie.

1447
01:22:54,012 --> 01:22:55,722
And you're gonna have
an awful time because

1448
01:22:55,889 --> 01:22:59,100
Chantry means "syphilitic woman."

1449
01:22:59,267 --> 01:23:00,643
Well, at least it will be accurate.

1450
01:23:00,810 --> 01:23:02,979
- Yeah, right. Exactly.
- Yeah.

1451
01:23:03,146 --> 01:23:05,690
So how long until you see people
just as, like,

1452
01:23:05,857 --> 01:23:08,067
slabs of meat that you can cut up
and sew back together,

1453
01:23:08,234 --> 01:23:10,737
and not, like, actual people
with, like, real feelings?

1454
01:23:10,904 --> 01:23:12,405
Oh, God,
hopefully as soon as possible.

1455
01:23:12,572 --> 01:23:14,115
I mean, I've been practicing at night

1456
01:23:14,282 --> 01:23:16,910
on tiny, defenseless animals
and homeless people.

1457
01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:19,454
Oh, good. That's actually what
homeless people are there for.

1458
01:23:19,621 --> 01:23:20,955
- Yes, I know.
- Yeah.

1459
01:23:21,122 --> 01:23:23,833
- They're all just bodies in waiting.
- Especially for a sociopath.

1460
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:26,169
Especially for-- Yeah, that--
But that's been my goal,

1461
01:23:26,336 --> 01:23:28,338
as you know: just to feel nothing.

1462
01:23:28,505 --> 01:23:32,300
Yeah, it wouldn't be
such a bad idea sometimes.

1463
01:23:33,259 --> 01:23:34,511
- So Dublin--
- It's okay.

1464
01:23:34,677 --> 01:23:36,387
No, it's not. I'm really sorry.

1465
01:23:36,554 --> 01:23:40,391
It was stupid, and I know Ben is
a good guy and he didn't deserve that.

1466
01:23:41,226 --> 01:23:43,770
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1467
01:23:43,978 --> 01:23:45,230
So are you two okay?

1468
01:23:47,273 --> 01:23:49,442
I'm not sure.

1469
01:23:50,610 --> 01:23:52,820
About anything.

1470
01:23:57,784 --> 01:24:00,703
So I got really creative
when I was cleaning out my fridge.

1471
01:24:00,870 --> 01:24:02,789
- Did you?
- And...

1472
01:24:02,956 --> 01:24:04,749
IIII

1473
01:24:06,251 --> 01:24:08,253
I made you that.

1474
01:24:15,885 --> 01:24:18,930
It's-- It's Fool's Gold.

1475
01:24:19,097 --> 01:24:24,185
I even coated the loaf in butter
as you are supposed to.

1476
01:24:24,352 --> 01:24:26,688
That's the real thing.

1477
01:24:28,231 --> 01:24:29,607
I can't believe you did this.

1478
01:24:32,402 --> 01:24:35,029
This is your going-away present.

1479
01:25:02,056 --> 01:25:04,267
I don't know what to say.

1480
01:25:07,770 --> 01:25:11,649
So I've thought a lot
about something you said.

1481
01:25:11,816 --> 01:25:15,361
About how,
when you realize how quickly

1482
01:25:15,528 --> 01:25:17,447
everything can fall apart,

1483
01:25:17,614 --> 01:25:21,743
it makes you never want to give up
anything good ever again.

1484
01:25:22,785 --> 01:25:25,622
Whatever this is between us,

1485
01:25:27,040 --> 01:25:29,292
it is good.

1486
01:25:29,459 --> 01:25:30,460
It is so good.

1487
01:25:30,627 --> 01:25:35,048
It is actually the best thing
that has ever happened to me,

1488
01:25:35,214 --> 01:25:38,009
and I don't want it to be over.

1489
01:25:42,472 --> 01:25:45,224
I don't want it to be over, either.

1490
01:25:52,565 --> 01:25:55,276
I kind of wish, you know, like,

1491
01:25:56,611 --> 01:26:00,281
we could invent
a time machine or something.

1492
01:26:01,574 --> 01:26:03,660
- If we ever invent time travel,
- Yeah?

1493
01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:06,746
I would go back to the night we met.

1494
01:26:07,372 --> 01:26:09,832
- You would?
- Yes.

1495
01:26:15,046 --> 01:26:17,757
What would you do differently?

1496
01:26:18,591 --> 01:26:20,259
Nothing.

1497
01:26:23,388 --> 01:26:25,181
Me too.

1498
01:27:21,487 --> 01:27:23,740
Hey, Walter.

1499
01:27:24,782 --> 01:27:26,367
- Wallace.
- Oh, sorry.

1500
01:27:26,534 --> 01:27:28,411
It's just so weird seeing you here.

1501
01:27:28,578 --> 01:27:29,620
Yeah, really weird.

1502
01:27:29,787 --> 01:27:31,539
- Where have you just come in from?
- Taiwan.

1503
01:27:31,706 --> 01:27:33,207
You've been in Taiwan
this whole time?

1504
01:27:33,374 --> 01:27:38,087
Yeah, I was, and then I was doing
some traveling with my fiancé.

1505
01:27:38,588 --> 01:27:39,672
You got engaged?

1506
01:27:39,839 --> 01:27:40,882
Yeah.

1507
01:27:41,507 --> 01:27:42,842
Yeah, no, me too.

1508
01:27:43,009 --> 01:27:45,511
I don't know why I did that.
I have nothing on this hand.

1509
01:27:45,678 --> 01:27:47,597
So who is the incredibly lucky guy?

1510
01:27:47,764 --> 01:27:50,808
He's just this dude who stalked me
all the way to Taiwan.

1511
01:27:50,975 --> 01:27:53,436
That's a coincidence. I followed
my fiancee to Taiwan as well,

1512
01:27:53,603 --> 01:27:56,147
but I made outwith her sister first.
I'm a badass.

1513
01:27:56,314 --> 01:27:57,982
Come here.

1514
01:28:00,526 --> 01:28:02,945
0h, my God! Oh, my God!
0h, my God!

1515
01:28:03,404 --> 01:28:06,699
I'm so happy you're home!

1516
01:28:11,746 --> 01:28:12,872
She loved it.

1517
01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:14,665
She loved it.

1518
01:28:30,389 --> 01:28:31,933
Three!

1519
01:28:33,726 --> 01:28:35,895
Oh, please,
he's not even a real doctor.

1520
01:28:36,062 --> 01:28:37,730
He's a real doctor.
He finished his degree.

1521
01:28:37,897 --> 01:28:40,858
- Allan, in Asia. We're not Asian.
- It's legitimate medical training.

1522
01:28:41,025 --> 01:28:42,902
- Wine, please.
- Here, ask him.

1523
01:28:43,986 --> 01:28:45,905
After you have a baby,
if you eat the placenta,

1524
01:28:46,072 --> 01:28:47,406
does it count as cannibalism?

1525
01:28:47,573 --> 01:28:49,283
You know it's not
a medical question, right?

1526
01:28:49,450 --> 01:28:52,370
If a baby's hand is bigger
than its face, will it have cancer?

1527
01:28:52,537 --> 01:28:54,747
No, it just means your baby
has massive hands.

1528
01:28:56,290 --> 01:28:59,502
- What's going on here?
- Oh, Jesus.

1529
01:28:59,961 --> 01:29:04,882
Oh, it smells bad. Wait, can you write
us a prescription or not? Oh, God.

1530
01:29:05,049 --> 01:29:06,342
There goes my husband.

1531
01:29:06,509 --> 01:29:08,302
I can't believe you have a husband.

1532
01:29:08,469 --> 01:29:11,013
- It's crazy.
- You're weirding me out.

1533
01:29:11,973 --> 01:29:13,683
- Hey.
- So...

1534
01:29:13,850 --> 01:29:15,017
Careful. Give me your hand.

1535
01:29:15,184 --> 01:29:19,689
You're basically up here alone,
like a total loser.

1536
01:29:19,856 --> 01:29:22,108
Yeah, but who's the bigger loser?
Me for escaping up here,

1537
01:29:22,275 --> 01:29:25,403
- or you for agreeing to marry me?
- No, that's me.

1538
01:29:27,071 --> 01:29:30,741
If I fell, do you think I'd die,
or just become massively paralyzed?

1539
01:29:30,908 --> 01:29:32,034
Probably just paralyzed.

1540
01:29:32,201 --> 01:29:35,580
You'd be so screwed. Because
you'd have to stay married to me.

1541
01:29:35,746 --> 01:29:37,290
If you didn't, people would be like:

1542
01:29:37,456 --> 01:29:39,375
"He divorced his wife
immediately after

1543
01:29:39,542 --> 01:29:41,586
she became paralyzed
from the waist down."

1544
01:29:41,752 --> 01:29:43,170
- From the waist down'?
- Yeah.

1545
01:29:43,337 --> 01:29:45,548
So everything would still work
down there, though, right?

1546
01:29:45,715 --> 01:29:48,134
Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't be able
to feel anything, but...

1547
01:29:48,301 --> 01:29:50,386
I really don't even need you
to feel anything now.

1548
01:29:50,553 --> 01:29:53,055
I don't want the sex
to be too good right away.

1549
01:29:53,222 --> 01:29:55,600
I'm intentionally being much worse
in bed than I actually am

1550
01:29:55,766 --> 01:29:57,685
so that it can just
keep getting better forever.

1551
01:29:57,852 --> 01:30:00,563
But, like, very slowly,
over many, many decades

1552
01:30:00,730 --> 01:30:02,481
so that we hit our sexual peak
in our 90s.

1553
01:30:02,648 --> 01:30:04,525
Yeah. That's the plan, actually,

1554
01:30:04,692 --> 01:30:10,781
is if the last time we have sex is also
the best and that it actually kills you.

1555
01:30:10,948 --> 01:30:12,742
That wouldn't be
such a bad way to go.

1556
01:30:14,493 --> 01:30:17,955
- We should head back soon, right?
- Yes.

1557
01:30:19,206 --> 01:30:22,209
Or we could stay here
for another minute.

1558
01:30:23,794 --> 01:30:26,213
Or maybe, like, forever.

1558
01:30:27,305 --> 01:31:27,220
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