1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 2 00:00:27,307 --> 00:00:28,975 Oh, America. 3 00:00:29,143 --> 00:00:31,978 I wish I could tell you that this was still America... 4 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,982 ...but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. 5 00:00:37,401 --> 00:00:39,986 And there are no people here. 6 00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,412 No! No! 7 00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:54,500 Go back... Fuck! 8 00:00:57,171 --> 00:00:58,171 No, my friends. 9 00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:02,383 This is now the United States of Zombieland. 10 00:01:05,721 --> 00:01:10,850 It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm. 11 00:01:11,018 --> 00:01:14,395 And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? 12 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,398 It's because of my list of rules. 13 00:01:17,566 --> 00:01:20,777 Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. 14 00:01:22,738 --> 00:01:23,780 Fuck! 15 00:01:23,947 --> 00:01:26,532 When the virus struck, for obvious reasons... 16 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,035 ...the first ones to go were the fatties. 17 00:01:33,373 --> 00:01:34,957 Poor fat bastard. 18 00:01:37,085 --> 00:01:39,712 But as the infection spread and the chaos grew... 19 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,381 ...it wasn't enough to just be fast on your feet. 20 00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:46,385 You had to get a gun and learn how to use it. 21 00:01:46,553 --> 00:01:49,055 Which leads me to my second rule: The Double Tap. 22 00:01:51,558 --> 00:01:55,228 In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really "dead" dead... 23 00:01:55,395 --> 00:01:57,396 ...don't get all stingy with your bullets. 24 00:01:57,564 --> 00:02:00,399 I mean, one more clean shot to the head... 25 00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:06,239 ...and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. 26 00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:09,242 Woulda, coulda, shoulda. 27 00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:11,994 Wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever. 28 00:02:12,162 --> 00:02:15,498 When you're at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it. 29 00:02:15,666 --> 00:02:18,918 Can't a guy take a dumper in peace? 30 00:02:25,092 --> 00:02:27,760 Don't let them catch you pants down. Beware of bathrooms. 31 00:02:31,807 --> 00:02:34,267 As zombies began to outnumber humans... 32 00:02:34,434 --> 00:02:37,353 ...well, that's when you had to cut all emotional ties. 33 00:02:37,521 --> 00:02:41,107 If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked-up little monsters... 34 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:45,987 ...well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool. 35 00:02:50,617 --> 00:02:52,994 You had to focus on your own survival... 36 00:02:53,161 --> 00:02:55,955 ...which leads to rule number four. Pretty basic. 37 00:03:04,631 --> 00:03:08,467 Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. 38 00:04:54,282 --> 00:04:58,160 That guy down there is me. I'm in Garland, Texas. 39 00:04:58,328 --> 00:05:01,998 And it may look like zombies destroyed it, but that's actually just Garland. 40 00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:05,501 Two months since patient zero took a bite of a contaminated burger... 41 00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:06,961 ...at a Gas N' Gulp. 42 00:05:07,129 --> 00:05:11,424 Just two months, and I might be the last non-cannibal freak in the country. 43 00:05:11,591 --> 00:05:13,592 I may seem like an unlikely survivor... 44 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,013 ...with all my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome... 45 00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:21,434 ...but I had the advantage of never having any friends or any close family. 46 00:05:21,601 --> 00:05:24,186 I survive because I play it safe and follow the rules. 47 00:05:25,689 --> 00:05:26,939 My rules. 48 00:05:56,303 --> 00:05:57,970 Shit. 49 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:12,651 Of course. 50 00:06:40,263 --> 00:06:42,223 Motherfucker. 51 00:07:06,706 --> 00:07:10,876 On the bright side, I had found a place to go number two. 52 00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:17,716 Another rule to surviving Zombieland: Travel light. 53 00:07:19,094 --> 00:07:21,053 And I don't mean just luggage. 54 00:07:21,221 --> 00:07:23,055 I've always been kind of a loner. 55 00:07:23,223 --> 00:07:25,224 I avoided people like they were zombies... 56 00:07:25,392 --> 00:07:27,101 ...even before they were zombies. 57 00:07:27,269 --> 00:07:30,688 Now that they are all zombies, I kind of miss people. 58 00:07:31,565 --> 00:07:34,275 So I'm on my way from my college dorm in Austin, Texas... 59 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:38,404 ...to Columbus, Ohio, where I'm hoping my parents are still alive. 60 00:07:38,572 --> 00:07:40,573 Even though we were never really close... 61 00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:43,492 ...it would be nice to see a familiar face, or any face... 62 00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:47,580 ...that doesn't have blood dripping from its lips and flesh between its teeth. 63 00:09:16,336 --> 00:09:17,419 Thank you. 64 00:09:24,678 --> 00:09:27,513 - What are you looking for? - Nothing. I just have this list. 65 00:09:28,890 --> 00:09:30,891 No one back there but my duffel bag. 66 00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:37,856 - What's your name? - Stop. No names. 67 00:09:38,024 --> 00:09:40,109 Keeps us from getting too familiar. 68 00:09:41,736 --> 00:09:44,446 You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife. 69 00:09:45,407 --> 00:09:48,534 - That's okay, you don't have to... - So where you headed? 70 00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:51,870 Columbus. You? 71 00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:55,541 Tallahassee. 72 00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:03,048 No, one for me. One and done, I always say. I said that once. 73 00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:09,054 You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are both east. 74 00:10:09,222 --> 00:10:10,472 So? 75 00:10:11,391 --> 00:10:13,934 So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? 76 00:10:14,102 --> 00:10:18,063 - Least for a while? - Here's the deal, Columbus. 77 00:10:18,898 --> 00:10:20,566 I'm not easy to get along with... 78 00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:23,068 ...and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch... 79 00:10:24,863 --> 00:10:27,781 ...so I give this relationship to about Texarkana. 80 00:10:27,949 --> 00:10:31,076 Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana. 81 00:10:31,244 --> 00:10:34,121 You're a peppy little spit-fuck, aren't you? 82 00:10:34,914 --> 00:10:36,915 You might wanna buckle up for safety. 83 00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:41,420 I can tell already you are gonna get on my nerves. 84 00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:44,465 Even though teaming up wasn't my style... 85 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:46,800 ...I figured I'd be safer with Tallahassee. 86 00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:49,470 You see, he was in the ass-kicking business, and... 87 00:10:49,637 --> 00:10:51,472 Business is good. 88 00:10:52,682 --> 00:10:56,894 It became quickly apparent, however, that he did have one weakness. 89 00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:58,479 What are we doing here? 90 00:10:58,646 --> 00:11:00,939 Well, take a look. It's a goddamn Hostess truck. 91 00:11:01,107 --> 00:11:04,443 Yeah, I see that, a Hostess truck. So what? 92 00:11:04,611 --> 00:11:05,986 I could use a Twinkie. 93 00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:17,122 - You coming? - Yes. Yeah. One second. 94 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,379 - Are you fucking with me? - No. 95 00:11:24,798 --> 00:11:26,548 You should actually limber up as well. 96 00:11:26,716 --> 00:11:28,717 Especially if we are going down that hill. 97 00:11:28,927 --> 00:11:30,177 It is very important. 98 00:11:30,678 --> 00:11:31,970 I don't believe in it. 99 00:11:32,138 --> 00:11:35,641 You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle? 100 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,000 - Sno Balls? - Yeah. 101 00:12:02,836 --> 00:12:05,003 Sno Balls? 102 00:12:05,338 --> 00:12:08,340 Where's the fucking Twinkies? 103 00:12:08,758 --> 00:12:10,384 I like Sno Balls. 104 00:12:10,552 --> 00:12:13,554 I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency. 105 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:15,848 Fresh. 106 00:12:18,184 --> 00:12:21,395 Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain't over yet. 107 00:12:23,690 --> 00:12:27,276 Hey, this may be a bad time... 108 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,778 ...but I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl. 109 00:12:29,988 --> 00:12:31,447 - Really? - Really. 110 00:12:38,079 --> 00:12:41,081 I know, again, so soon? What can I say? 111 00:12:41,249 --> 00:12:43,625 I have a case of chronic anxiety. 112 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:52,634 Truth is, I was always kind of phobic. I found lots of things disturbing. 113 00:12:52,802 --> 00:12:56,305 Like undertow or department store Santas. 114 00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,015 Being alone with a baby. 115 00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:03,896 But the thing I fear more than anything, yes, even more than zombies... 116 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,107 ...fucking clowns. 117 00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:12,571 When you're afraid of everything that's out there... 118 00:13:12,739 --> 00:13:15,073 ...you quit going out there... 119 00:13:15,241 --> 00:13:17,743 ...which is what happened to me before Zombieland. 120 00:13:18,077 --> 00:13:21,788 Friday night, third straight week indoors. 121 00:13:21,956 --> 00:13:23,790 "World of Warcraft"... 122 00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:26,084 ...leaning tower of pizza boxes... 123 00:13:26,252 --> 00:13:28,337 ...Code Red Mountain Dew. 124 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,631 Pride, nowhere. 125 00:13:30,798 --> 00:13:32,508 Dignity, long gone. 126 00:13:32,675 --> 00:13:35,260 Virginity, totally justifiable to speculate on. 127 00:13:35,428 --> 00:13:37,262 Smooth. 128 00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:40,098 My whole life, all I'd ever wanted was to find a girl... 129 00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:43,685 ...and fall in love, bring her home to meet the folks. 130 00:13:43,853 --> 00:13:46,772 Then again, since my folks are paranoid shut-ins like me... 131 00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,441 ...maybe this girl could bring me home to her folks. 132 00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:54,029 And then I'd finally be a member of a cool, functional family. 133 00:13:54,197 --> 00:13:56,114 408. 134 00:13:56,282 --> 00:13:59,284 Please, is anyone home? Please, it's an emergency. 135 00:13:59,786 --> 00:14:02,454 I don't usually unlock my door to the sounds of panic... 136 00:14:02,622 --> 00:14:04,540 ...but my neighbor 406 is insanely hot. 137 00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:06,124 Okay, okay. 138 00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:13,966 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 139 00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:15,801 Nice to meet you. 140 00:14:20,473 --> 00:14:22,224 Here. 141 00:14:22,976 --> 00:14:24,643 There you go. 142 00:14:29,482 --> 00:14:31,733 - Mountain Dew? - Yeah. Code Red. 143 00:14:31,901 --> 00:14:35,654 And here's some Golden Grahams. The Ziploc bag keeps them crisp. 144 00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:38,657 Okay. Keep that there. 145 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,243 So tell me what happened. 146 00:14:42,996 --> 00:14:47,040 He was homeless and sick. 147 00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,085 And I was walking home from the bar, talking on my phone... 148 00:14:50,253 --> 00:14:54,339 ...and then he just came sprinting towards me. 149 00:14:54,507 --> 00:14:57,634 I mean, not running, sprinting. 150 00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:01,847 And I thought, you know, like, maybe he was running from someone... 151 00:15:02,015 --> 00:15:07,269 ...or after someone, but last time I saw he was still out there going crazy. 152 00:15:07,437 --> 00:15:08,562 Drugs, maybe? 153 00:15:11,024 --> 00:15:13,066 I didn't even tell you the worst part. 154 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,028 Yeah? 155 00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:18,030 He tried to bite me. 156 00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:25,704 - You're right, that's the worst part. - I'm sorry. I'm just so scared. 157 00:15:25,872 --> 00:15:29,875 No, no, no, you should be scared. A homeless man just tried to eat you. 158 00:15:30,043 --> 00:15:32,461 That's the right kind of scared. That's reasonable. 159 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:36,423 I get scared for things that don't make sense, like clowns with red noses... 160 00:15:36,591 --> 00:15:41,136 ...or the rags they use to wipe tables when you finish eating at a restaurant. 161 00:15:41,304 --> 00:15:42,971 Really? 162 00:15:43,181 --> 00:15:46,892 Look, the point is I am here for you, okay? 163 00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:50,562 And as long as you are by my side, I am not leaving this apartment. 164 00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,398 Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute? 165 00:15:53,566 --> 00:15:55,233 No, of course. Of course. 166 00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:57,986 - Thank you. - Okay. 167 00:15:59,072 --> 00:16:01,323 Set aside the feverish, homeless cannibal... 168 00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:03,408 ...I'm living the dream. 169 00:16:03,576 --> 00:16:05,661 I had always, my whole life... 170 00:16:05,828 --> 00:16:09,456 ...wanted to brush a girl's hair over her ear. 171 00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:12,417 - Good night. - Good night. 172 00:16:27,475 --> 00:16:29,309 Oh, my God. 173 00:16:29,852 --> 00:16:31,103 Are you okay? 174 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,443 Okay, okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. 175 00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:41,113 What are you doing? 176 00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:51,123 Look, stay back, 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but... 177 00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:52,624 Shit. 178 00:17:04,387 --> 00:17:07,055 Oh, my God, I'm so fucking sorry. 179 00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:47,554 You see, you just can't trust anyone. 180 00:17:48,014 --> 00:17:51,433 The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me. 181 00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:09,117 Please. Listen to me. 182 00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:11,244 406. 183 00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:13,455 If you're in there... 184 00:18:14,957 --> 00:18:17,918 ...you're just sick. Okay? 185 00:18:33,726 --> 00:18:37,270 That was my first brush with the plague of the 21 st century. 186 00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:39,064 Remember mad cow disease? 187 00:18:39,232 --> 00:18:42,567 Well, mad cow became mad person became mad zombie. 188 00:18:42,735 --> 00:18:46,780 It's a fast-acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever... 189 00:18:46,948 --> 00:18:48,949 ...that made you hateful, violent... 190 00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:51,952 ...and gave you a really, really bad case of the munchies. 191 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,162 All right, you steer, I'll push. 192 00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:59,918 Okay. 193 00:19:02,171 --> 00:19:04,923 I've heard there's a place that's untouched by this crap. 194 00:19:05,091 --> 00:19:07,592 - Back east, yeah? - Yeah. You heard the same thing? 195 00:19:08,135 --> 00:19:12,305 Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. 196 00:19:12,473 --> 00:19:15,308 It's all just nonsense. 197 00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,978 You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole... 198 00:19:18,145 --> 00:19:21,314 ...who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of year. 199 00:19:21,482 --> 00:19:24,192 There are no penguins on the North Pole. 200 00:19:25,444 --> 00:19:27,946 You wanna feel how hard I can punch? 201 00:19:30,032 --> 00:19:31,366 So, what do you think? 202 00:19:31,534 --> 00:19:34,035 Wait, the last time I laid some pipe? 203 00:19:34,203 --> 00:19:37,789 Last time you went 20 toes, put Percy in the playpen? 204 00:19:37,957 --> 00:19:38,957 Who's Percy? 205 00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:41,501 Wallpapered the closet, passed the gravy. 206 00:19:41,669 --> 00:19:44,838 - Went heels to Jesus. - Oh, made love. 207 00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:46,798 Well, just sex. 208 00:19:50,136 --> 00:19:51,636 Three weeks ago. Yeah. 209 00:19:51,804 --> 00:19:53,638 In the back of an abandoned FedEx truck. 210 00:19:53,973 --> 00:19:58,143 - Shut up. - No, no, I was headed east. 211 00:19:58,311 --> 00:20:00,478 She, west. 212 00:20:00,646 --> 00:20:02,814 And we took shelter in the back of the truck. 213 00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:05,984 - It was full of undelivered packages. - What was her name? 214 00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:08,069 Beverly. 215 00:20:08,237 --> 00:20:09,404 Beverly Hills. 216 00:20:09,572 --> 00:20:10,739 You dog. 217 00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:15,327 So, what about you? 218 00:20:15,661 --> 00:20:18,496 Me? I... 219 00:20:19,206 --> 00:20:21,249 Aye, aye, aye. 220 00:20:24,837 --> 00:20:27,505 Oh, my God. It makes you sick. 221 00:20:27,673 --> 00:20:30,508 You know, it makes you sad, it makes you... 222 00:20:30,676 --> 00:20:34,179 It makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now... 223 00:20:34,347 --> 00:20:35,597 ...you know, you'd be... 224 00:20:35,765 --> 00:20:38,975 You'd be out in the backyard, you know, trying to catch fireflies. 225 00:20:40,353 --> 00:20:41,561 And instead this. 226 00:20:44,857 --> 00:20:47,442 - I mean, it makes you... - Hungry. 227 00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,194 I'm worried about you. 228 00:20:49,362 --> 00:20:52,364 Look, whatever you have waiting for you in Columbus... 229 00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:57,077 ...I promise you it ain't prettier than our friend here enjoying her Manwich. 230 00:21:04,502 --> 00:21:07,879 Tallahassee had a sick sense of humor when it came to zombies. 231 00:21:08,047 --> 00:21:11,508 Zombies aren't the most lovable creatures, but he really hated them. 232 00:21:11,717 --> 00:21:14,761 The only thing he was more obsessed with than killing zombies... 233 00:21:14,929 --> 00:21:16,221 ...was finding a Twinkie. 234 00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:19,724 Something about a Twinkie reminded him of a time not so long ago... 235 00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:23,478 ...when things were simple and not so fucking psychotic. 236 00:21:23,646 --> 00:21:26,898 It was like if he got a taste of that comforting childhood treat... 237 00:21:27,066 --> 00:21:31,236 ...the world would become innocent, and everything would return to normal. 238 00:21:31,404 --> 00:21:33,154 What, are you prospecting? 239 00:21:33,906 --> 00:21:35,073 Jesus Christ. 240 00:21:35,783 --> 00:21:37,158 You are a dangerous man. 241 00:21:38,828 --> 00:21:41,746 You're gonna risk our lives for a Twinkie? 242 00:21:41,914 --> 00:21:44,749 There is a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. 243 00:21:44,917 --> 00:21:46,751 Not just any box of Twinkies. 244 00:21:46,919 --> 00:21:51,923 The last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. 245 00:21:52,091 --> 00:21:54,926 Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. 246 00:21:56,095 --> 00:22:02,100 Someday very soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go empty. 247 00:22:02,935 --> 00:22:05,937 Time to nut up or shut up. 248 00:22:08,107 --> 00:22:10,108 When Tallahassee goes Hulk on a zombie... 249 00:22:10,276 --> 00:22:13,153 ...he sets the standard for notwto-bewfucked-with. 250 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,113 No fear, nothing to lose. 251 00:22:15,698 --> 00:22:19,284 What can I say? It's like-w It's like art. 252 00:22:37,386 --> 00:22:38,970 You got a pretty mouth. 253 00:22:49,732 --> 00:22:51,024 Don't swing, don't swing. 254 00:22:51,484 --> 00:22:53,109 Swing. 255 00:22:58,115 --> 00:23:00,116 - Thank you. - You owe me. 256 00:23:01,994 --> 00:23:03,661 Yeah. 257 00:23:03,829 --> 00:23:04,996 You're incredible. 258 00:23:05,164 --> 00:23:06,539 - I know. - Yeah. 259 00:23:06,707 --> 00:23:10,168 Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie. 260 00:23:11,337 --> 00:23:12,837 Big Hoss. 261 00:23:19,178 --> 00:23:22,347 Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top. 262 00:23:29,688 --> 00:23:32,273 Wow, these fellas really let themselves go. 263 00:23:32,691 --> 00:23:34,526 And they're so fat. 264 00:23:34,693 --> 00:23:36,903 I think we should probably just keep going. 265 00:23:40,574 --> 00:23:43,201 All I could think of was, what are the odds? 266 00:23:43,369 --> 00:23:46,955 Another marriageable woman to bring home to the folks. 267 00:23:47,164 --> 00:23:48,373 Come quick. 268 00:23:49,208 --> 00:23:52,710 Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it. 269 00:23:55,214 --> 00:23:56,714 Hey. 270 00:23:57,174 --> 00:23:59,050 I'll catch up. 271 00:24:01,679 --> 00:24:04,931 Rule number 22: When in doubt, know your way out. 272 00:24:14,483 --> 00:24:17,152 They're sisters. The little one's been bitten. 273 00:24:17,319 --> 00:24:19,571 Act normal. Try not to freak her out. 274 00:24:19,738 --> 00:24:21,489 Yeah. 275 00:24:22,992 --> 00:24:25,493 Columbus, Wichita, Little Rock. 276 00:24:27,746 --> 00:24:30,248 So you did all this for a Twinkie? 277 00:24:30,749 --> 00:24:35,503 No, no, no, he did. I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character. 278 00:24:37,756 --> 00:24:39,799 Look, I don't think she has long. 279 00:24:39,967 --> 00:24:44,137 Yeah, I know. I know, and she knows. We're just looking for a way out. 280 00:24:45,431 --> 00:24:47,974 No, no, no, no. She's just a little girl. 281 00:24:48,225 --> 00:24:50,101 Don't talk about me like I'm not here. 282 00:24:50,853 --> 00:24:53,146 Right, sorry. 283 00:24:53,314 --> 00:24:57,942 Look, I know that you're really sick. 284 00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:00,486 But your sister wants me to... 285 00:25:00,654 --> 00:25:03,239 It's not her decision, okay? It's mine. 286 00:25:03,949 --> 00:25:05,283 I made her promise. 287 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:09,954 We already said goodbye, but we didn't have a gun. 288 00:25:10,331 --> 00:25:13,750 - We don't know that there's no cure. - You're just gutless! 289 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,127 Give him the gun. 290 00:25:33,020 --> 00:25:35,813 Wait, wait, wait. 291 00:25:38,651 --> 00:25:39,692 I'll do it. 292 00:25:57,336 --> 00:26:00,296 - I love you. - I love you too. 293 00:26:10,516 --> 00:26:11,683 You need some help? 294 00:26:12,393 --> 00:26:14,560 Now that you mention it... 295 00:26:14,728 --> 00:26:17,355 ...we'll take your weapons, car keys, your ammunition. 296 00:26:17,523 --> 00:26:20,817 - And if you've got it, sugarless gum. - What the fuck? 297 00:26:22,194 --> 00:26:24,612 Wait, why are you guys doing this? 298 00:26:24,822 --> 00:26:26,948 Better you make the mistake of trusting us... 299 00:26:27,116 --> 00:26:29,200 ...than us make the mistake of trusting you. 300 00:26:32,037 --> 00:26:35,790 The first hot girl in 1000 miles shows up, makes me feel like an idiot... 301 00:26:35,958 --> 00:26:40,044 ...steals my double-barrel and then says I'm the one that can't be trusted. 302 00:26:44,383 --> 00:26:45,717 Nice going, genius. 303 00:26:45,884 --> 00:26:47,885 You're the one that gave her the gun. 304 00:26:48,053 --> 00:26:50,638 Those guys were dumb. 305 00:26:52,725 --> 00:26:54,600 Avoid the vanity mirror. 306 00:26:54,768 --> 00:26:57,061 Relax, okay? I just passed for a zombie. 307 00:26:59,148 --> 00:27:02,984 - What I'd give for a shower... - Do not say S-H-O-W-E-R, okay? 308 00:27:03,902 --> 00:27:06,070 Let's just get where we're going. 309 00:27:06,238 --> 00:27:09,073 - So do you think it's true? - Is what true? 310 00:27:09,241 --> 00:27:11,242 You know, about Pacific Playland? 311 00:27:11,410 --> 00:27:15,413 Totally zombie-free. Only place west of Waco. 312 00:27:16,999 --> 00:27:18,916 Trust me. 313 00:27:21,253 --> 00:27:23,671 He's on one of these serious Tour de France bikes... 314 00:27:23,881 --> 00:27:26,007 You know, with, like, the toeholds, right? 315 00:27:26,175 --> 00:27:31,179 - and he's pedaling, and the zombie's head is, like, caught in the gear. 316 00:27:31,388 --> 00:27:35,099 You know, with the hair in the chain just, like, going around. 317 00:27:35,267 --> 00:27:37,101 Very cool. 318 00:27:37,269 --> 00:27:42,190 But zombie kill of the week? No, sir. 319 00:27:42,399 --> 00:27:46,277 I saw this construction worker. I shit you not... 320 00:27:46,445 --> 00:27:49,864 ...he is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him. 321 00:27:50,032 --> 00:27:52,617 You ever roll a tube of toothpaste up from the bottom? 322 00:27:52,785 --> 00:27:57,205 - I always roll it up from the bottom. - Well, the zombie's head is the cap. 323 00:27:57,414 --> 00:28:00,708 Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story? 324 00:28:00,918 --> 00:28:05,046 No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me. 325 00:28:05,214 --> 00:28:07,298 All right, let's just try to find a car. 326 00:28:07,466 --> 00:28:08,508 Which reminds me... 327 00:28:08,675 --> 00:28:11,677 ...I never had headaches like this till your ass came onboard. 328 00:28:11,845 --> 00:28:16,391 I mean, do what you want with a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac. 329 00:28:16,558 --> 00:28:17,809 Hey, there's a nice minivan. 330 00:28:17,976 --> 00:28:20,561 Oh, you know something? That is nice. 331 00:28:20,729 --> 00:28:22,063 That's a beautiful van. 332 00:28:24,316 --> 00:28:27,360 Tallahassee believes you have to blow off steam in Zombieland... 333 00:28:27,528 --> 00:28:30,154 ...or else you lose what's left of your mind. 334 00:28:30,322 --> 00:28:33,658 If it makes him happy and keeps him from using that crowbar on me... 335 00:28:33,826 --> 00:28:36,369 ...then I say, "Hey, go ape shit." 336 00:28:36,537 --> 00:28:38,579 I want my Caddy back! 337 00:28:39,456 --> 00:28:42,542 Stupid little bitches! 338 00:28:48,507 --> 00:28:52,093 Oh, I think I pulled something. 339 00:28:53,178 --> 00:28:56,514 Think the two of us are smart enough to come up with a con like that? 340 00:29:00,686 --> 00:29:02,854 You hesitated. 341 00:29:04,523 --> 00:29:09,026 Is it better to be smart or lucky? 342 00:29:09,403 --> 00:29:12,488 Look at what we got here. 343 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:35,928 Come on. 344 00:29:40,517 --> 00:29:43,019 - That's nice. - Smell the finger? 345 00:29:47,566 --> 00:29:48,816 Yes. 346 00:29:53,071 --> 00:29:56,240 Thank God for rednecks. 347 00:29:56,408 --> 00:29:58,910 This is a really big truck... 348 00:29:59,077 --> 00:30:03,831 ...and these are really big guns. 349 00:30:04,041 --> 00:30:05,666 Take your time. 350 00:30:29,107 --> 00:30:31,192 You know, they say, "He who seeks revenge... 351 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,194 ...should remember to dig two graves." 352 00:30:33,362 --> 00:30:37,573 Right. Two graves. One for the big chick, one for the little chick. 353 00:30:37,866 --> 00:30:39,158 You are scary happy. 354 00:30:42,329 --> 00:30:45,540 Come on, why don't we just forget about those girls and head home? 355 00:30:45,707 --> 00:30:47,959 Oh, you want to talk about home? 356 00:30:48,835 --> 00:30:53,464 For me, home was a puppy named Buck. 357 00:30:54,132 --> 00:30:55,967 Cutest dog ever. 358 00:31:03,350 --> 00:31:05,685 All those fucking zombies. 359 00:31:06,728 --> 00:31:07,812 I lost him. 360 00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:14,110 And there ain't no getting him back, so I'm looking for a new home. 361 00:31:14,987 --> 00:31:19,198 Tomorrow, I may be skinny-dipping in the Yellowstone River... 362 00:31:19,408 --> 00:31:22,910 ...or swinging from the chandeliers in the Playboy Mansion... 363 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,498 ...but today, a Vortec six-fucking-liter V8... 364 00:31:27,666 --> 00:31:31,419 ...a box full of hollow points, and, Lord willing, a GD Twinkie. 365 00:31:33,338 --> 00:31:36,257 Gotta enjoy the little things. 366 00:31:37,759 --> 00:31:40,761 I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like Yosemite Sam... 367 00:31:40,929 --> 00:31:42,346 ...but I'm writing it down. 368 00:31:42,514 --> 00:31:45,016 Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things. 369 00:31:53,233 --> 00:31:55,401 Knowing them, it's a trap. 370 00:31:55,569 --> 00:31:58,946 Wait here. Drive down if I signal. 371 00:31:59,156 --> 00:32:01,240 You're not gonna shoot them, are you? 372 00:32:01,408 --> 00:32:04,160 Not unless they shoot at me. 373 00:32:04,453 --> 00:32:07,413 Oh, let's hope they shoot at me. 374 00:32:57,756 --> 00:33:00,174 Looks like they hoofed it. 375 00:33:00,342 --> 00:33:02,677 Probably headed west. 376 00:33:02,844 --> 00:33:04,845 Just drive slow, keep your eyes peeled. 377 00:33:05,013 --> 00:33:06,764 Sure. 378 00:33:10,519 --> 00:33:13,646 - They're in the back, aren't they? - Just me. 379 00:33:14,481 --> 00:33:17,233 I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger. 380 00:33:17,651 --> 00:33:20,736 You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old? 381 00:33:20,946 --> 00:33:24,448 Girls mature faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age. 382 00:33:24,616 --> 00:33:27,785 Twelve's the new 20. Gun, please. 383 00:33:27,953 --> 00:33:30,162 Like you would ever use that thing. 384 00:33:30,330 --> 00:33:33,290 Don't kill me with my own gun! 385 00:33:33,458 --> 00:33:35,167 All those violent video games. 386 00:33:35,335 --> 00:33:37,128 - Yeah. - Thank you. 387 00:33:37,295 --> 00:33:39,046 - Now honk your horn. - What? 388 00:33:39,256 --> 00:33:40,840 Honk it. 389 00:33:45,637 --> 00:33:48,180 It's your sister, with my gun. Hello. 390 00:33:52,519 --> 00:33:53,894 Bummer. 391 00:33:55,355 --> 00:33:57,314 Now step away from the vehicle. 392 00:33:59,818 --> 00:34:02,194 You get to ride shotgun. 393 00:34:09,369 --> 00:34:11,245 I kind of like this girl. 394 00:34:11,413 --> 00:34:14,665 She's not your typical hot, stuck-up bitch. 395 00:34:15,167 --> 00:34:19,795 Even before Zombieland, Wichita was running the table on guys like us. 396 00:34:34,186 --> 00:34:37,688 - What are you looking for? - My engagement ring. 397 00:34:38,607 --> 00:34:42,443 I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse... 398 00:34:42,611 --> 00:34:45,780 ...but it must've fallen out, and I'm late for my flight and... 399 00:34:45,947 --> 00:34:50,034 Well, listen, I'll find your ring, and I'll FedEx it to you. 400 00:34:50,535 --> 00:34:52,036 I'll give you a reward. 401 00:34:52,204 --> 00:34:53,412 Don't be silly. 402 00:34:53,580 --> 00:34:57,541 Three thousand dollars. It's worth more than my car. 403 00:34:58,543 --> 00:35:00,085 Just give me your number. 404 00:35:01,421 --> 00:35:03,214 Yeah. I'll find it. 405 00:35:03,715 --> 00:35:05,758 Yeah, I'll start looking for it right now. 406 00:35:05,926 --> 00:35:08,219 Because I got nothing else to do. 407 00:35:08,386 --> 00:35:10,304 I was engaged once... 408 00:35:10,472 --> 00:35:12,723 ...but I'm single now. 409 00:35:15,101 --> 00:35:16,560 Bye-bye. 410 00:35:19,397 --> 00:35:21,732 Hope you make your flight. 411 00:35:27,364 --> 00:35:29,323 No, but I know it's around here somewhere. 412 00:35:29,491 --> 00:35:31,909 She's on a plane, that's the beauty of it. 413 00:35:35,580 --> 00:35:37,081 Let me call you back. 414 00:35:37,249 --> 00:35:39,792 Hey, you found my ring. 415 00:35:40,585 --> 00:35:43,087 Thanks. I've been looking all over for it. 416 00:35:43,255 --> 00:35:45,506 - Your ring? - Well, it's my friend's, you know. 417 00:35:45,674 --> 00:35:48,384 - I'm gonna send it to her. - Do I get a reward? 418 00:35:48,927 --> 00:35:53,472 Forty, 60, 80, 400. 419 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,600 That's it. That's the whole register. 420 00:35:59,020 --> 00:36:00,479 You made someone very happy. 421 00:36:02,107 --> 00:36:03,148 You too. 422 00:36:10,448 --> 00:36:12,449 Nice. 423 00:36:12,784 --> 00:36:14,535 How many left? 424 00:36:15,620 --> 00:36:17,496 Let me see. 425 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,792 Enough for us to get to California. 426 00:36:22,794 --> 00:36:24,670 Someday, I want a ring this big. 427 00:36:24,838 --> 00:36:26,964 For the low price of 30 bucks, sold. 428 00:36:29,342 --> 00:36:32,344 It's amazing how far you can get with some costume jewelry... 429 00:36:32,512 --> 00:36:33,971 ...and a cutthroat attitude. 430 00:36:34,139 --> 00:36:38,017 I guess we're just lucky they didn't leave us by the side of the road. 431 00:36:39,853 --> 00:36:41,812 Thank you, Wichita. Thanks, Little Rock. 432 00:36:47,193 --> 00:36:50,487 For fuck's sake, enough! We're being chased by ravenous freaks! 433 00:36:50,655 --> 00:36:52,656 We don't have enough problems? 434 00:36:52,824 --> 00:36:55,159 "They stole my Hummer. We have trust issues." 435 00:36:55,327 --> 00:36:57,411 We can't just fucking drive down the road... 436 00:36:57,579 --> 00:37:01,206 ...playing I Spy or some shit for hours like four normal-ass Americans? 437 00:37:01,666 --> 00:37:03,000 Fuck me! 438 00:37:04,044 --> 00:37:05,169 I know. 439 00:37:07,213 --> 00:37:08,756 Let me be the mature one. 440 00:37:10,342 --> 00:37:11,675 Good. 441 00:37:23,021 --> 00:37:25,773 So where are you guys headed? 442 00:37:25,982 --> 00:37:28,192 Pacific Playland. 443 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:29,610 The amusement park? 444 00:37:29,778 --> 00:37:33,113 - Wait, outside L.A.? - Yeah. We went there as kids. 445 00:37:33,281 --> 00:37:35,199 That place totally blows. 446 00:37:37,369 --> 00:37:39,954 My mind. It's so fun. 447 00:37:40,121 --> 00:37:42,873 Just good entertainment for the whole family. 448 00:37:43,041 --> 00:37:47,211 Yeah, I went there as a kid too. In fact, this probably counts as off-season. 449 00:37:47,379 --> 00:37:49,880 Well, did you guys hear? There are no zombies there. 450 00:37:50,048 --> 00:37:51,423 Yeah, we heard. 451 00:37:51,591 --> 00:37:56,553 You know, I may not shoot you, but you have still royally pissed me off... 452 00:37:56,721 --> 00:38:00,391 ...and I'm not going to play with you at Pacific Playland. 453 00:38:02,227 --> 00:38:04,895 - Don't worry, he grows on you. - Really? 454 00:38:05,063 --> 00:38:06,605 No. It gets worse. 455 00:38:06,773 --> 00:38:09,233 Okay. How about we play the quiet game? 456 00:38:09,401 --> 00:38:10,901 Yeah? Starting now. 457 00:38:13,571 --> 00:38:15,572 Oh, I've actually been meaning to ask you: 458 00:38:15,740 --> 00:38:17,992 Did you hear anything about Columbus, Ohio? 459 00:38:18,159 --> 00:38:20,452 - You never played the quiet game? - Sorry. 460 00:38:20,620 --> 00:38:22,788 No? Well, they're playing it in Columbus. 461 00:38:22,956 --> 00:38:26,083 It's a total ghost town. It's burned to the ground. 462 00:38:34,843 --> 00:38:35,968 You're Columbus. 463 00:38:37,345 --> 00:38:38,929 I'm sorry. 464 00:38:39,097 --> 00:38:41,682 I didn't realize it was... 465 00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:45,769 I'm not sure what's more tragic: that my family is gone... 466 00:38:45,937 --> 00:38:49,815 ...or the realization that I never really had much of a family to begin with. 467 00:38:49,983 --> 00:38:53,986 Either way, I can't pretend that what I'm looking for I'll find by going home. 468 00:38:54,154 --> 00:38:56,280 I have no home. 469 00:38:58,491 --> 00:39:02,077 We can get you a ride. 470 00:39:03,371 --> 00:39:06,540 You know, you can go see for yourself... 471 00:39:06,708 --> 00:39:09,126 ...or settle somewhere new. 472 00:39:09,794 --> 00:39:11,170 Okay. 473 00:39:12,297 --> 00:39:14,798 I could tell she knew what I was feeling. 474 00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:18,302 We were all orphans in Zombieland. 475 00:39:31,357 --> 00:39:34,818 I know this Pacific Playland thing is nuts... 476 00:39:36,863 --> 00:39:40,365 ...but it's just been so long since she got to be a kid. 477 00:39:40,700 --> 00:39:43,368 Yeah, it's tough growing up in Zombieland. 478 00:39:43,536 --> 00:39:45,913 It's tough growing up. 479 00:39:51,377 --> 00:39:52,711 There. 480 00:39:52,879 --> 00:39:54,713 You could take that truck. 481 00:39:59,511 --> 00:40:04,056 Well, I hope you find whoever it is you're looking for. 482 00:40:06,059 --> 00:40:09,436 And don't let go, once you do. 483 00:40:22,367 --> 00:40:25,369 It wasn't just because I had nowhere else to go. 484 00:40:25,537 --> 00:40:29,248 It was because, in that moment, it became clear. 485 00:40:29,415 --> 00:40:33,877 Wherever this girl was, that's where I wanted to be. 486 00:40:52,438 --> 00:40:57,234 Man, we're gonna have to pull over soon. I'm feeling cooped up. 487 00:40:58,570 --> 00:41:00,571 "Wantum your wampum." Yeah. That'll work. 488 00:41:00,738 --> 00:41:05,409 - Okay, but what the hell are we doing? - Just humor him. Trust me. 489 00:41:16,838 --> 00:41:18,338 Hold up. 490 00:41:19,716 --> 00:41:21,592 Who wants to go first? 491 00:41:21,759 --> 00:41:25,137 I really, really wanna impress Wichita... 492 00:41:25,305 --> 00:41:27,472 ...but it would be in violation of rule 17... 493 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,350 ...maybe the most important rule of all: Don't be a hero. 494 00:41:31,769 --> 00:41:35,480 - Why don't you take this one? - Don't mind if I do. 495 00:41:49,871 --> 00:41:52,206 What do you think? Zombie kill of the week? 496 00:41:53,625 --> 00:41:55,626 Close, but no cigar. Kill of the week... 497 00:41:55,793 --> 00:41:58,295 ...goes to Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker. 498 00:42:03,384 --> 00:42:04,801 Poor flat bastard. 499 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,159 - Perfume? - What? 500 00:42:29,327 --> 00:42:31,411 Is that perfume? 501 00:42:32,497 --> 00:42:33,830 It's cologne. 502 00:42:33,998 --> 00:42:36,166 I'm thinking... 503 00:42:36,334 --> 00:42:37,542 ...Lanc鬽e Magnifique. 504 00:42:37,710 --> 00:42:39,503 Why don't you speak up a little? 505 00:42:39,671 --> 00:42:42,172 I think they might have missed it in Santa Fe. 506 00:42:44,717 --> 00:42:47,844 - Oh, my God. - All right. Okay. 507 00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,390 You're thinking about fucking Wichita. 508 00:42:52,517 --> 00:42:56,103 Wish granted. She spent the last 24 hours fucking us both. 509 00:42:57,105 --> 00:42:58,730 Hey. 510 00:43:00,191 --> 00:43:01,942 Good luck now, Petunia. 511 00:43:08,908 --> 00:43:10,534 Okay. 512 00:43:10,702 --> 00:43:14,454 Let me begin by saying you're a wonderful human with great potential. 513 00:43:14,622 --> 00:43:20,043 It's okay, but FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that. 514 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:25,549 - I'm sure. - You get 45 percent power. 515 00:43:25,717 --> 00:43:27,050 Thank you. 516 00:43:28,553 --> 00:43:31,430 Yeah. Come on, break another one. 517 00:43:35,727 --> 00:43:37,352 Nice. 518 00:43:40,148 --> 00:43:41,398 Doesn't that feel good? 519 00:44:31,115 --> 00:44:34,159 Tallahassee's right. You gotta enjoy the little things... 520 00:44:35,536 --> 00:44:38,622 ...even if that means destroying a whole lot of little things. 521 00:44:41,793 --> 00:44:44,127 Smells like perfume. 522 00:44:46,506 --> 00:44:49,966 - You don't know who Willie Nelson is? - No. 523 00:44:50,968 --> 00:44:52,386 Willie Nelson? 524 00:44:52,553 --> 00:44:54,471 Yeah, no, I don't. 525 00:44:54,847 --> 00:44:59,184 I shave every morning, but sometimes by, like, 4:30, I'll have a thing. 526 00:44:59,352 --> 00:45:02,354 It's called 5:00 shadow, but sometimes I'll get it prematurely. 527 00:45:02,522 --> 00:45:06,483 Since it's a freeway, you can get it up to, like, 65, but don't go more than 75. 528 00:45:06,651 --> 00:45:10,404 - You don't wanna go more than 20. - Don't worry about a blind spot. 529 00:45:10,571 --> 00:45:12,572 Blind spots are for other drivers. 530 00:45:12,740 --> 00:45:15,409 It's like the first time that I've ever driven. 531 00:45:15,576 --> 00:45:19,746 So do you never strap in or it's just on long road trips? 532 00:45:19,956 --> 00:45:24,501 It's just there's zombies everywhere. I think the least of my worries... 533 00:45:24,669 --> 00:45:26,711 - Yeah, that's true. ...is seat belts. 534 00:45:26,879 --> 00:45:28,046 Yes, but, no, she's not. 535 00:45:28,214 --> 00:45:31,675 She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana, when she's wearing the wig. 536 00:45:31,843 --> 00:45:34,219 - Right. Only wig. - So... 537 00:45:38,182 --> 00:45:40,267 It's kind of freeing. 538 00:45:40,476 --> 00:45:42,352 Yeah. 539 00:45:44,063 --> 00:45:48,275 For the first time in a long time, we were having fun. 540 00:45:48,484 --> 00:45:50,861 So even though it ran counter to our strategies... 541 00:45:51,028 --> 00:45:53,864 ...we decided to stay together as far as Pacific Playland. 542 00:46:22,894 --> 00:46:26,229 I think sleep deprivation is the number one health problem in America. 543 00:46:26,397 --> 00:46:28,648 Well, now I think it might be number two. 544 00:46:29,275 --> 00:46:32,319 - Number two. - That's adorable. 545 00:46:32,528 --> 00:46:35,739 - I think we should find a place to crash. - Oh, I got an idea. 546 00:46:35,907 --> 00:46:39,576 We're in Hollywood, let's sleep in style. 547 00:46:44,540 --> 00:46:46,291 Grab a map. 548 00:46:52,298 --> 00:46:53,840 Come on. 549 00:46:54,050 --> 00:46:55,842 Hurry! Hurry! 550 00:46:56,052 --> 00:46:58,094 Good job. 551 00:47:03,684 --> 00:47:06,853 Looks like anyone who's ever been in a movie lives on this block. 552 00:47:07,063 --> 00:47:10,482 What exactly you think we're doing in the 90210, Sally? 553 00:47:10,942 --> 00:47:13,151 I pictured Tom Cruise living somewhere nicer. 554 00:47:13,319 --> 00:47:17,364 B-lister compared to who I got in mind, folks. 555 00:47:17,573 --> 00:47:20,617 We're going to the tippy-top of the A-list. 556 00:47:20,785 --> 00:47:22,619 - Who? - You'll see. 557 00:47:29,293 --> 00:47:30,627 Hey. There's a big BM. 558 00:47:32,004 --> 00:47:33,838 And it ain't Bob Marley. 559 00:47:40,638 --> 00:47:43,098 This place is incredible. 560 00:47:53,234 --> 00:47:59,406 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to la man鏸on de Murray. 561 00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:02,325 - Bill Murray. - God, no way. 562 00:48:02,493 --> 00:48:05,996 This guy has a direct line to my funny bone. 563 00:48:06,163 --> 00:48:08,039 - Everything... - Wait. Who's Bill Murray? 564 00:48:08,207 --> 00:48:09,916 Hey, I've never hit a kid before. 565 00:48:11,502 --> 00:48:14,004 All right? I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is. 566 00:48:14,714 --> 00:48:16,423 Who's Gandhi? 567 00:48:16,632 --> 00:48:18,842 She's 12. 568 00:48:21,929 --> 00:48:23,930 - No Twinkies. - Shit, fuck! 569 00:48:24,140 --> 00:48:26,600 See? I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's. 570 00:48:26,767 --> 00:48:29,394 - No one listens to me. - Hello, inside voices. Okay? 571 00:48:29,562 --> 00:48:31,229 At least until we know we're alone. 572 00:48:31,397 --> 00:48:34,357 Tallahassee, Wichita, take that way. Little Rock, come here. 573 00:48:34,525 --> 00:48:36,901 Why do I get stuck with her? 574 00:48:40,197 --> 00:48:42,699 It doesn't seem to end. 575 00:48:48,039 --> 00:48:49,789 Hey, come here. 576 00:48:51,250 --> 00:48:53,960 He has his own movie theater? 577 00:48:57,590 --> 00:49:00,216 Okay, I'm gonna teach you something about Bill Murray. 578 00:49:02,094 --> 00:49:04,763 A king slept right here. 579 00:49:05,890 --> 00:49:08,099 Dibs on the bed. 580 00:49:10,603 --> 00:49:13,313 Too soft for me, anyway. 581 00:49:20,112 --> 00:49:23,281 Oh, this is so exciting. You're about to learn who you gonna call. 582 00:49:23,449 --> 00:49:25,742 It's Ghostbusters. 583 00:49:43,844 --> 00:49:45,845 This is pretty catchy. 584 00:49:46,597 --> 00:49:48,264 Come on. 585 00:49:48,432 --> 00:49:50,767 Help me with the boots. Come on. 586 00:49:50,935 --> 00:49:52,435 Help me with the boots. 587 00:49:52,603 --> 00:49:56,439 Okay. I'll get them myself. 588 00:50:16,252 --> 00:50:18,044 Shit. 589 00:50:23,467 --> 00:50:25,009 Bill Murray, you're a zombie? 590 00:50:31,142 --> 00:50:33,476 I'm on fire! 591 00:50:33,811 --> 00:50:35,895 You're not a zombie, you're talking, and... 592 00:50:36,063 --> 00:50:38,898 - You're okay? - The hell I am! 593 00:50:39,066 --> 00:50:42,736 I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was "you" you. 594 00:50:42,903 --> 00:50:44,904 Are you...? What's with the get-up? 595 00:50:45,072 --> 00:50:47,824 Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. 596 00:50:47,992 --> 00:50:50,034 Zombies don't mess with other zombies. 597 00:50:50,202 --> 00:50:52,328 Buddy of mine showed me how to do this. 598 00:50:52,496 --> 00:50:55,832 Cornstarch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. 599 00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:59,586 Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. 600 00:50:59,795 --> 00:51:03,757 Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there. 601 00:51:03,924 --> 00:51:08,178 Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! 602 00:51:08,345 --> 00:51:10,555 I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. 603 00:51:10,723 --> 00:51:14,768 This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. 604 00:51:14,935 --> 00:51:17,687 Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. 605 00:51:17,855 --> 00:51:19,189 I mean, I swear, you know... 606 00:51:19,356 --> 00:51:22,525 ...l've seen every one of your movies a million times. 607 00:51:22,693 --> 00:51:27,530 I even love your dramatic roles and just everything. 608 00:51:27,698 --> 00:51:31,534 Six people left in the world, one of them is Bill fucking Murray! 609 00:51:31,702 --> 00:51:35,371 I know that's not your middle name. I been watching you since I was like... 610 00:51:35,539 --> 00:51:39,042 Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected. 611 00:51:39,210 --> 00:51:42,462 "A former greenskeeper about to become the Masters champion." 612 00:51:46,967 --> 00:51:49,219 Well, that's why we do it. 613 00:51:50,387 --> 00:51:52,388 I love you, Bill. I love you. 614 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,057 I thank you. 615 00:51:54,391 --> 00:51:55,600 Thank you. 616 00:51:56,060 --> 00:51:58,394 You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece. 617 00:51:58,562 --> 00:52:02,065 I'm sorry. No, it was just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen. 618 00:52:02,233 --> 00:52:03,566 I just saw Eddie Van Halen. 619 00:52:04,235 --> 00:52:05,735 - Really? - Yeah. 620 00:52:05,903 --> 00:52:08,112 - Where? How was that? - At the Hollywood Bowl. 621 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:09,614 He's a zombie. 622 00:52:09,782 --> 00:52:11,783 That's a tough break. 623 00:52:11,951 --> 00:52:14,619 So how about a little West Coast hospitality? 624 00:52:14,787 --> 00:52:17,580 Can I get you something? What would you like? 625 00:52:28,968 --> 00:52:31,177 Smooth, isn't it? 626 00:52:31,387 --> 00:52:34,764 Oh, hurry. Hurry, he's on the ceiling. 627 00:52:34,932 --> 00:52:38,309 - Come get him. Avoid the chandelier. - Light him up, Ray. 628 00:52:38,477 --> 00:52:42,605 - See you on the other side, Pete. - Oh, he's so disgusting. 629 00:52:42,773 --> 00:52:45,650 - Looks like Slimer. - Don't cross the streams! 630 00:52:45,818 --> 00:52:47,861 - I don't wanna cross... - Oh, no, he's awful. 631 00:52:48,028 --> 00:52:50,488 Don't cross the streams! 632 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,452 Thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds. 633 00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:57,787 That's a big Twinkie. 634 00:52:58,455 --> 00:53:00,290 Your sister is single, right? 635 00:53:00,457 --> 00:53:02,959 There's nothing long distance or anything? 636 00:53:03,127 --> 00:53:04,919 - No. - Oh, good, good. 637 00:53:05,921 --> 00:53:08,965 And if she had, like, a type, you know... 638 00:53:09,133 --> 00:53:12,176 ...if you can have a type, what would that be, you think? 639 00:53:12,344 --> 00:53:14,637 She kind of goes for, like, bad boys. 640 00:53:14,805 --> 00:53:16,055 - Really? - Yeah. 641 00:53:16,223 --> 00:53:17,807 That's cool. 642 00:53:17,975 --> 00:53:19,559 What? 643 00:53:21,478 --> 00:53:26,190 - So Columbus is the scared one? - Yeah. He's like a little bunny. 644 00:53:26,984 --> 00:53:28,735 I'll get him. 645 00:53:30,988 --> 00:53:32,947 Watch this. 646 00:53:41,665 --> 00:53:42,832 No. 647 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,043 No, no, it's okay, it's okay. 648 00:53:45,210 --> 00:53:47,045 I got him. 649 00:53:51,342 --> 00:53:54,510 Is that how you say hello where you come from? 650 00:53:55,179 --> 00:53:56,512 Oh, my God. 651 00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,599 Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray. 652 00:54:01,018 --> 00:54:05,480 - Mr. Murray? - I'm just Bill, I think, now. 653 00:54:06,190 --> 00:54:08,358 - Bill? - Yeah? 654 00:54:08,525 --> 00:54:11,736 I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this. 655 00:54:13,530 --> 00:54:15,531 That's still tender. 656 00:54:15,699 --> 00:54:17,492 You think you might pull through? 657 00:54:20,996 --> 00:54:22,205 No. 658 00:54:22,373 --> 00:54:25,416 If it means anything now, I am so sorry. 659 00:54:25,584 --> 00:54:27,543 It was just instinctive. 660 00:54:27,711 --> 00:54:29,420 It was my bad. 661 00:54:29,588 --> 00:54:32,882 I was never a very good practical joker. 662 00:54:33,425 --> 00:54:35,551 So do you have any regrets? 663 00:54:38,138 --> 00:54:40,556 Garfield, maybe. 664 00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:08,042 I'm sorry, he just gets me. 665 00:55:09,586 --> 00:55:11,421 - But it still is sad. - Yeah. 666 00:55:14,425 --> 00:55:17,093 - Okay. - Oh, shit. 667 00:55:18,095 --> 00:55:20,096 Okay. Okay. 668 00:55:20,764 --> 00:55:23,599 Okay. Shit. Okay. 669 00:55:32,109 --> 00:55:37,655 Sorry. One second. It's a double-barrel. Sorry. 670 00:55:37,823 --> 00:55:39,365 Okay. 671 00:55:44,288 --> 00:55:48,291 Three, two, one. 672 00:55:49,376 --> 00:55:51,002 - You guys want some Purell? - Yes. 673 00:55:51,170 --> 00:55:52,295 - Please. - Yeah. 674 00:55:52,629 --> 00:55:53,671 Around the world. 675 00:55:57,843 --> 00:55:59,343 Yes. 676 00:56:00,721 --> 00:56:02,847 - Oh, free parking. - Yeah. 677 00:56:03,015 --> 00:56:05,475 Which is the best thing about Zombieland. 678 00:56:05,642 --> 00:56:08,519 No, best thing about Z-land, no Facebook status updates. 679 00:56:08,687 --> 00:56:11,564 You know, "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday." 680 00:56:11,732 --> 00:56:15,860 - Who cares? - The best thing is no more flushing. 681 00:56:16,028 --> 00:56:19,405 - Epic. - And the worst thing about Z-land? 682 00:56:19,615 --> 00:56:22,158 You mean, other than the fact that I shot Bill Murray? 683 00:56:22,326 --> 00:56:24,494 That's easy. Losing Buck. 684 00:56:25,496 --> 00:56:27,330 That's his puppy. 685 00:56:27,498 --> 00:56:31,751 I'm gonna tell you, I never thought I could love anything like Buck. 686 00:56:31,919 --> 00:56:36,005 He was just... The day he was born, I just lost my mind. 687 00:56:38,175 --> 00:56:39,175 Sorry. 688 00:56:40,844 --> 00:56:43,346 We were two peas. 689 00:56:43,514 --> 00:56:49,519 He had my personality, my laugh, my appetite. 690 00:56:49,686 --> 00:56:50,853 Laugh? 691 00:56:51,021 --> 00:56:54,690 That's when it hit me. I felt ashamed that it had taken me this long-w 692 00:56:54,858 --> 00:56:56,859 Me, with the best cardio in the business. 693 00:56:57,027 --> 00:56:59,779 - wto realize I wasn't the only one running from something. 694 00:57:06,245 --> 00:57:10,414 Oh, there it is. There you go. 695 00:57:10,582 --> 00:57:14,168 Oh, you like the syrup. Yes. 696 00:57:15,379 --> 00:57:17,088 Okay. 697 00:57:24,054 --> 00:57:27,223 We made this wallet together out of duct tape. 698 00:57:33,063 --> 00:57:34,313 Take away a man's son... 699 00:57:34,815 --> 00:57:37,275 ...you've truly given him nothing left to lose. 700 00:57:47,828 --> 00:57:51,581 I haven't cried like that since Titanic. 701 00:58:09,766 --> 00:58:11,434 Hi. 702 00:58:32,456 --> 00:58:33,664 A hint. 703 00:58:34,625 --> 00:58:41,756 Why don't you exhale slowly, squeeze the trigger? 704 00:59:14,998 --> 00:59:16,707 Don't make me drink alone. 705 00:59:16,875 --> 00:59:18,668 Okay. 706 00:59:24,174 --> 00:59:29,512 It's a 1997 Georges? 707 00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:33,724 I never took French. Georges de Latour? I don't know. 708 00:59:33,892 --> 00:59:37,186 - Oh, it's a '97? - Yeah. 709 00:59:37,354 --> 00:59:39,689 - Was that a good year? - Oh, my God. 710 00:59:39,856 --> 00:59:41,399 It was great. Are you kidding me? 711 00:59:41,566 --> 00:59:45,236 I saw my first R-rated movie that year. 712 00:59:45,404 --> 00:59:48,572 wYeah, Anaconda. wAnaconda. 713 00:59:50,117 --> 00:59:52,451 First tattoo, porpoise. 714 00:59:52,619 --> 00:59:54,704 - Really? - Fake. 715 00:59:55,038 --> 00:59:57,039 First kiss. 716 00:59:57,833 --> 00:59:59,041 Scotty Lynch. 717 00:59:59,626 --> 01:00:02,336 You guys used tongue? 718 01:00:05,048 --> 01:00:07,049 Maybe. 719 01:00:07,884 --> 01:00:09,468 You jealous of Scotty Lynch? 720 01:00:11,388 --> 01:00:13,556 Yes, I am. 721 01:00:13,724 --> 01:00:18,227 Actually, I think I'm jealous of your whole 1997. 722 01:00:18,395 --> 01:00:20,229 Let's see. 723 01:00:22,232 --> 01:00:24,567 Mine, first orthodontist. 724 01:00:24,735 --> 01:00:27,820 The bastard gave me headgear. Yeah. I got my first B. 725 01:00:27,988 --> 01:00:29,905 Oh, no. 726 01:00:30,073 --> 01:00:32,616 Frightening as Anaconda. 727 01:00:33,410 --> 01:00:36,787 In wood shop, which doesn't really count as a class anyway. 728 01:00:36,955 --> 01:00:38,581 No. 729 01:00:39,583 --> 01:00:42,084 Had my first school dance. Oh, thank you. 730 01:00:42,252 --> 01:00:46,380 It was a Sadie Hawkins, so girls' choice, you know. 731 01:00:49,593 --> 01:00:53,262 - What, and nobody picked you? - It was girls' choice. 732 01:00:53,430 --> 01:00:55,848 - Those bitches. - I know. 733 01:00:56,016 --> 01:00:58,934 No, I will not stand for this. No. You know what? 734 01:00:59,603 --> 01:01:05,441 On behalf of all the eighth-grade girls, I would like to make it up to you. 735 01:01:08,195 --> 01:01:09,320 Relax. 736 01:01:09,488 --> 01:01:11,822 Scotty's old news. 737 01:01:47,067 --> 01:01:51,654 I don't even know your name, but this is actually really nice. 738 01:01:51,822 --> 01:01:56,242 You know, between you, me and What About Bob? 739 01:01:57,828 --> 01:01:59,578 ...you're actually kind of cute. 740 01:01:59,746 --> 01:02:00,830 You think so? 741 01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:03,374 Yeah. 742 01:02:04,167 --> 01:02:06,836 I mean, you got the guts of a guppy... 743 01:02:07,671 --> 01:02:09,839 ...but I could hit that. 744 01:02:13,343 --> 01:02:15,261 Really? 745 01:02:15,762 --> 01:02:19,265 Or at least give you the intentional walk to first. 746 01:02:29,609 --> 01:02:32,486 Hey, a little help moving the couch? 747 01:02:33,113 --> 01:02:35,030 We're making a fort. 748 01:02:40,078 --> 01:02:42,121 - Yeah. - Yeah, that's probably for the best. 749 01:02:42,289 --> 01:02:44,123 - Right. - Because... 750 01:02:46,042 --> 01:02:47,710 ...I like you... 751 01:02:47,878 --> 01:02:50,463 ...Columbus, but my sister and I... 752 01:02:50,630 --> 01:02:53,924 ...are gonna do whatever it takes to survive, so... 753 01:03:05,103 --> 01:03:07,813 I was hoping Wichita was just playing hard to get... 754 01:03:08,023 --> 01:03:10,483 ...but I realized she had more trust issues than I... 755 01:03:10,650 --> 01:03:14,403 ...when I woke up the next day and she was leaving. 756 01:03:18,241 --> 01:03:20,284 You are like a giant cock-blocking robot... 757 01:03:20,452 --> 01:03:23,621 ...like, developed in a secret fucking government lab. 758 01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:25,581 Hey. 759 01:03:25,749 --> 01:03:28,417 I can't believe I almost kissed him. What's our rule? 760 01:03:28,585 --> 01:03:31,337 - Trust no one, just you and me. - Just you and me. 761 01:03:32,088 --> 01:03:34,340 Yeah. You and me. 762 01:03:47,938 --> 01:03:50,314 You have just survived the zombie apocalypse... 763 01:03:50,482 --> 01:03:52,483 ...and drove halfway across the country. 764 01:03:52,651 --> 01:03:54,151 Where are you gonna go? 765 01:03:54,319 --> 01:03:57,488 I'm going to Pacific Playland. 766 01:04:16,174 --> 01:04:18,717 Open sesame. 767 01:04:28,228 --> 01:04:31,188 This is the problem with getting attached to someone. 768 01:04:31,356 --> 01:04:33,983 When they leave you, you just feel lost. 769 01:04:34,150 --> 01:04:36,318 Having Tallahassee around didn't comfort me... 770 01:04:36,486 --> 01:04:38,153 ...it just made me feel more alone. 771 01:04:38,321 --> 01:04:42,032 Hey. You weren't exactly gonna score, anyway. 772 01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:45,619 You know, you weren't storming the trenches before I came along. 773 01:04:47,622 --> 01:04:50,833 That's why I don't let people close. You only get burned. 774 01:04:51,001 --> 01:04:52,042 You don't say. 775 01:04:54,170 --> 01:04:55,671 Mexico. 776 01:04:55,839 --> 01:04:59,425 You know what they call Twinkies in Mexico? 777 01:05:00,051 --> 01:05:04,263 - That's where I'm headed, amigo. - Whatever. 778 01:05:59,402 --> 01:06:00,819 - Oh, my God. - I know. 779 01:06:00,987 --> 01:06:02,821 - This is really fun. Oh, my God. - Yeah. 780 01:06:27,931 --> 01:06:29,723 Oh, no. 781 01:06:32,936 --> 01:06:34,436 I'm going after Wichita. 782 01:06:34,604 --> 01:06:38,148 Look, you ever read that book She's Just Not That Into You? 783 01:06:38,316 --> 01:06:40,275 You can't make yourself too available. 784 01:06:40,443 --> 01:06:43,112 I don't care, all right? I wanna be with her. 785 01:06:43,488 --> 01:06:45,739 Have fun in Mexico. 786 01:06:50,787 --> 01:06:52,454 Come on. Hurry. 787 01:06:56,668 --> 01:06:57,876 Get in. 788 01:07:06,970 --> 01:07:08,971 Come on, go. 789 01:07:10,515 --> 01:07:11,807 Go, go. 790 01:07:24,821 --> 01:07:28,782 On the count of three. One, two, three. 791 01:07:43,506 --> 01:07:46,216 You okay? Come on. Hurry, get up. 792 01:07:46,384 --> 01:07:47,593 - Come on, let's go. - Yeah. 793 01:07:53,516 --> 01:07:55,309 There. 794 01:08:14,370 --> 01:08:18,248 I'm not great at farewells, so... 795 01:08:19,959 --> 01:08:21,084 ...that'll do, pig. 796 01:08:22,045 --> 01:08:24,087 That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard... 797 01:08:24,255 --> 01:08:26,381 ...and you stole it from a movie. 798 01:08:29,552 --> 01:08:31,720 Tell the ladies I said hey. 799 01:08:31,888 --> 01:08:34,473 You know, their pictures were in someone's wallet too. 800 01:09:00,083 --> 01:09:01,917 Hop in the car, Evel Knievel. 801 01:09:02,377 --> 01:09:06,255 - Let's go ride the roller coaster. - Thanks. 802 01:09:16,266 --> 01:09:17,933 Go! 803 01:10:17,869 --> 01:10:19,369 Not as fun as I remember. 804 01:10:25,209 --> 01:10:27,461 Shoot the control box. 805 01:10:59,911 --> 01:11:01,203 - Columbus? - Tallahassee? 806 01:11:01,371 --> 01:11:05,958 I think they might actually require our assistance this time. 807 01:11:06,125 --> 01:11:09,878 - Buckle up. - Yeah. I'm way ahead of you. 808 01:11:11,589 --> 01:11:14,091 Time to nut up or shut up. 809 01:11:18,513 --> 01:11:20,055 Holy shit. 810 01:11:42,078 --> 01:11:46,456 My mama always told me someday I'd be good at something. 811 01:11:46,624 --> 01:11:49,084 Who'd have guessed that would be zombie killing? 812 01:11:49,252 --> 01:11:50,252 Probably nobody. 813 01:11:51,796 --> 01:11:53,422 Look. 814 01:11:56,175 --> 01:11:58,844 We better start working on our apology. 815 01:12:13,276 --> 01:12:15,944 Oh, no. No. 816 01:12:23,202 --> 01:12:24,286 - Hey! - Hey! 817 01:12:24,454 --> 01:12:25,787 - Hey! Ohio! - Over here! 818 01:12:25,955 --> 01:12:27,956 - Hey! Help! - Help! 819 01:12:28,124 --> 01:12:30,625 - Oh, my God. - Help! 820 01:12:30,793 --> 01:12:32,210 Hey! 821 01:12:32,795 --> 01:12:34,296 Help! 822 01:12:34,464 --> 01:12:37,632 - Hey, they're up there. They're okay. - What are you waiting for? 823 01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:38,842 That's your gal. 824 01:12:40,845 --> 01:12:42,095 - Over here! - Help! 825 01:12:44,807 --> 01:12:48,310 Come on! Come get a piece of Tallahassee! 826 01:12:48,478 --> 01:12:50,479 Anybody hungry? 827 01:12:50,646 --> 01:12:55,317 Tallahassee's nice this time of year! Come on! 828 01:12:55,485 --> 01:12:58,028 Come on, you ugly bastards! 829 01:13:15,922 --> 01:13:21,009 Holy shit. 830 01:13:21,177 --> 01:13:22,886 Hey! 831 01:13:48,412 --> 01:13:49,538 Motherfucker! 832 01:14:21,237 --> 01:14:23,488 Shit. I'm out of shells. 833 01:14:27,243 --> 01:14:28,410 Bingo. 834 01:14:36,919 --> 01:14:38,295 Yeah! 835 01:14:39,213 --> 01:14:40,463 Oh, yeah. 836 01:14:50,433 --> 01:14:52,142 Here we go. 837 01:17:23,878 --> 01:17:25,420 Oh, shit. 838 01:17:26,672 --> 01:17:29,466 - Wichita! Little Rock! - Hurry! 839 01:17:32,595 --> 01:17:34,679 Oh, my God. 840 01:17:34,889 --> 01:17:36,973 Look at this fucking clown. 841 01:17:40,186 --> 01:17:42,979 Of course. It had to be a clown. 842 01:17:43,147 --> 01:17:45,106 Fuck. 843 01:17:46,442 --> 01:17:49,944 No, it had to be a clown, and it had to be Wichita... 844 01:17:50,112 --> 01:17:51,946 ...for me to finally understand... 845 01:17:53,449 --> 01:17:55,367 ...that some rules are made to be broken. 846 01:17:59,205 --> 01:18:00,622 Time to nut up or shut up. 847 01:18:05,127 --> 01:18:07,045 Fuck this clown. 848 01:18:51,173 --> 01:18:52,757 - Thanks. - Hey. 849 01:18:52,967 --> 01:18:56,177 Get your gun. Here you go. Hi. 850 01:18:56,679 --> 01:18:57,887 Okay. 851 01:19:06,856 --> 01:19:09,065 Krista. 852 01:19:42,391 --> 01:19:46,144 Okay. We should probably head out now. 853 01:19:50,608 --> 01:19:52,942 Finally got to first base. 854 01:19:53,110 --> 01:19:56,404 Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck. 855 01:20:03,829 --> 01:20:05,788 Where's Florida? 856 01:20:09,460 --> 01:20:11,085 I have a little hunch. 857 01:20:13,088 --> 01:20:16,591 Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards? 858 01:20:16,759 --> 01:20:18,259 - Where are you? - Yo. 859 01:20:23,265 --> 01:20:25,266 False advertising. 860 01:20:28,854 --> 01:20:30,271 Jesus Christ. 861 01:20:31,941 --> 01:20:33,775 You want a Sno Ball or something? 862 01:21:00,678 --> 01:21:02,971 Oh, God. 863 01:21:08,978 --> 01:21:11,980 Words cannot express. 864 01:21:12,606 --> 01:21:13,648 It's too soon. 865 01:21:13,816 --> 01:21:17,819 Do you think you could maybe just pick out the buckshot and eat around it? 866 01:21:17,987 --> 01:21:20,530 Okay, yeah. 867 01:21:21,407 --> 01:21:23,324 No! 868 01:21:23,492 --> 01:21:25,910 - No! - No! 869 01:21:28,664 --> 01:21:29,872 That face? 870 01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:33,376 That's me realizing that those smart girls in that big black truck... 871 01:21:34,837 --> 01:21:37,505 ...and that big guy in that snakeskin jacket... 872 01:21:37,881 --> 01:21:40,425 ...they were the closest to something I'd always wanted... 873 01:21:40,593 --> 01:21:41,884 ...but never really had. 874 01:21:42,511 --> 01:21:44,012 A family. 875 01:21:44,179 --> 01:21:46,889 I trusted them and they trusted me. 876 01:21:50,561 --> 01:21:52,895 Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things. 877 01:21:54,273 --> 01:21:56,107 Tallahassee got his Twinkie. 878 01:21:56,275 --> 01:22:00,445 And even though life would never be simple or innocent again... 879 01:22:00,654 --> 01:22:03,781 ...as he savored that spongy, yellow log of cream... 880 01:22:03,949 --> 01:22:06,659 ...we had hope. We had each other. 881 01:22:08,037 --> 01:22:12,582 And without other people, well, you might as well be a zombie. 882 01:22:12,791 --> 01:22:14,584 - Thank you so much. - You had us going. 883 01:22:14,752 --> 01:22:16,586 Yeah. 884 01:22:18,589 --> 01:22:20,214 That was very funny. 885 01:22:20,382 --> 01:22:21,883 So until next time, remember: 886 01:22:22,051 --> 01:22:25,053 Cardio, seat belts, and this has nothing to do with anything... 887 01:22:25,220 --> 01:22:27,889 ...but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. 888 01:22:29,558 --> 01:22:34,395 I'm Columbus, Ohio, from Zombieland, saying good night. 889 01:26:58,368 --> 01:27:03,497 In the words of the immortal Jean-Paul Sartre... 890 01:27:08,503 --> 01:27:11,547 In the... In the immortal... How do you do it? 891 01:27:11,715 --> 01:27:13,049 Just give me a little hint. 892 01:27:13,216 --> 01:27:19,722 In the words of the immortal philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre... 893 01:27:20,766 --> 01:27:22,683 ...au revoir, gopher. 894 01:27:22,851 --> 01:27:23,976 Okay. 895 01:27:24,305 --> 01:28:24,383 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP