1
00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:06,089
Oh! Oh, I cannot believe you.

2
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:09,425
Are you out of your big fat
Russian skull?

3
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,594
Of all the dumb stunts you've...

4
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,680
Nikolai, how could you do this?

5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:19,310
With KGB surveillance team. They...
Not "how" how, you ass. "Why" how.

6
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:21,979
For record of activities
in Krakow.

7
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:24,732
Oh, some blurry 8 mm of...

8
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:27,110
No, we have
the digital hi-def now.

9
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,446
Wonderful. So they can blow it up
for the jury at my treason trial.

10
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,116
Is amazing,
no loss of resolution...

11
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,702
Damn your bloodshot eyes,
I'm serious.

12
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,578
I will not let that
happen to you.

13
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:41,040
You let this happen. And by doing so,
jeopardized our entire operation.

14
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,042
Darling, please.

15
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:46,421
Don't say that.
I have no idea how this Ramón Limón...

16
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,465
...got the disk. He must have gone rogue.

17
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,427
Oh, all Hispanics
look roguish.

18
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,637
The KGB had no idea
about my plan.

19
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:57,098
So please, do not blame
Major Jakov.

20
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,599
Oh, right, how could I?

21
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,978
The important thing is that the disk
does not fall into the wrong hands.

22
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:05,398
You mean "wronger" hands.
Like your government's. Or mine.

23
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:09,485
I find it very surprising
that Castro okayed an operation...

24
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,739
...with such potential
to embarrass the Soviets.

25
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,866
Well, he is unpredictable.

26
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:18,828
Which is why I am planning ahead
for my retirement. In beautiful Miami.

27
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,664
And so, here are the keys and the deed...

28
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,833
...to my condo in South Beach.

29
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:26,794
A nice start to a new start.

30
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,838
But what of the
financial arrangements?

31
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:32,633
You'll get the money when I get the disk.
And if you've made copies...

32
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:36,679
I tried, but the Russian was smart
enough to copy-protect the disk.

33
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,514
Yeah, he's a real genius.

34
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,058
But if you try to
double-cross me...

35
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,977
Well, you should know what...

36
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:46,272
...kind of a man you are...

37
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,608
...dealing with.
Oh, Ramón.

38
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,319
I think I know exactly
what kind of man you are.

39
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:52,528
Uh, que?

40
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,865
I said I could eat
the absolute pants off some shrimp.

41
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:03,074
Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP

42
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,607
- I don't suppose he's up.
- No, mum.

43
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,569
And from the looks of it,
not to mention the lemur...

44
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,905
...I would hazard
he's taking a personal day.

45
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,907
The hell he is.

46
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,575
Woodhouse, we got any lube?

47
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,452
Like at this point
even olive oil would...

48
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,039
...help me get that drawer unstuck.

49
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,084
Jesus God, Sterling. Schoolgirls?

50
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,711
Those are costumes.
I suppose that makes it better?

51
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,965
Doesn't it? Oh, uh, Woodhouse,
I told my guests you'd pack their lunch.

52
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:57,677
I'll do my best, sir. I'm afraid
the lemur got into the pudding cups.

53
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:01,722
Yeah, like I told you he would. You idiot.
Will you please focus?

54
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,350
Now, I know you're familiar
with the honey pot.

55
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,436
Seducing and blackmailing
a hot female enemy agent.

56
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,272
I love the honey pot.

57
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,815
I'm sure you do.

58
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,484
But this time you may not
find the target...

59
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,862
...appealing.
What, is it Pam?

60
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,781
Seriously, whoever.
It's all the same in the dar... No.

61
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,409
Yes. Yes. Yes!
No. No. Come on.

62
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:25,121
Have Gillette do this.
Sterling, you're the only one I can trust.

63
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:28,124
And don't even get me
started on Miss Gillette.

64
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,626
She has never liked me.

65
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,880
But someday I'm gonna
write a book about this place. Mm-hm.

66
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,923
A real smackarooni.

67
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:38,759
Sterling, please, I need your help.

68
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,387
This Ramón Limón is blackmailing me.

69
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,764
With what? What's he got on you?
It's...

70
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:47,560
...none of your nosy beeswax.
Well, then it sucks to be you.

71
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:51,147
You'll be who it sucks to be
if I have to call my bridge partner.

72
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,899
Oh, who's your bridge partner?

73
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,984
The district attorney.
So?

74
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:59,238
Sir, that stolen lemur bit one
of your prostitutes right in the face...

75
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,407
...and she says she can't go
to hospital...

76
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,744
...because she's, quote, "tripping balls."

77
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:10,249
You know, when I was little,
I used to pretend you weren't my mother.

78
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,001
- Me too.
- Bang.

79
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,502
Bang.

80
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,922
Ew, kill. Bang.

81
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,132
Shock.
Shut up. Oh, my God, bang.

82
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,968
I hesitate to even ask.
We're doing "Kill, Bang, Marry."

83
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,596
Again, hesitation.
It's on the ISIS Intranet.

84
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,974
You click through pictures of everybody
who works here, and say if you'd rather...

85
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:31,854
Kill them or bang or marry them.
Wow, that is entirely inappropriate.

86
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,523
That's what I said.
If you go through the whole list...

87
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,692
...you can see what everybody said.

88
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,655
Everybody? Like...?
Like Lana. And if, I don't know...

89
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,865
...maybe she said "bang"
about Mr. Archer?

90
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,201
I got ups. Move it, chubs.
Hey.

91
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:48,371
Dr. Krieger's covert team
installed these surveillance cameras...

92
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,539
...while Limón was out
shopping yesterday.

93
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,625
Yup, we've got video
and audio...

94
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,461
...with a satellite feed
back to these hard drives.

95
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,214
Same set-up I've got in my van.
Jesus, Krieger.

96
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,884
You're still taping bum fights?
No, now I'm into something...

97
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,678
...darker.
Ahem!

98
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,638
Since that obnoxious little Castro...

99
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,474
...is such a raging homophobe...
Fidel hates the gays.

100
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,603
...it's a safe bet he'd have Ramón killed
if he ever found out he was gay.

101
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,855
So once you seduce him...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

102
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,483
I thought nobody else
was supposed to know about this.

103
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,735
He won't remember.
Yeah, no, I'm...

104
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,030
- I am shitfaced.
- Miss Archer, phone call.

105
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,282
I'm busy.
Um, we all are?

106
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,744
Bang. Uh, kill, I guess.
Thanks a lot.

107
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:31,163
It's a bad picture, Pam.
He says it's urgent.

108
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,082
Something about
developments in Krakow?

109
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,418
Krakow? Oh, for...

110
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,421
Sterling, get to Miami,
and don't come back...

111
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,424
...until you've completed
your assignment.

112
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,010
Taking one for the team, huh?
Hopefully not.

113
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,179
Well if you do, I've developed
a proprietary chemical compound...

114
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,182
...which may come in handy.
I call it Formula K.

115
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,268
And it makes you
temporarily gay?

116
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:54,437
I don't know.
Just started human testing.

117
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,939
By dosing Danny
the intern's coffee.

118
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:01,527
Danny is definitely feeling something.
I think I'm going to pass.

119
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:05,031
Suit yourself. Just means
more for me and Danny.

120
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,742
Who is loving it.

121
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,881
I have ascertained the target, sir.

122
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,134
And he's actually quite handsome.

123
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,136
And I suppose that makes it better.
Doesn't it?

124
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,722
No, it... Woodhouse, this is Miami.

125
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,225
Don't you have any cooler clothes?
No sir, not anymore.

126
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,643
And your shoes.

127
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,230
Because how hard is it to
poach a goddamn egg properly?

128
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:42,109
Seriously, that's like Eggs 101,
Woodhouse.

129
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:45,988
Now I know you've lost your mind.
You want me to defect to Russia?

130
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,658
Just, uh, you know,
if the worst happens.

131
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,912
That is the worst.
Standing in the snow...

132
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,539
...for beet rations in my Blahniks?
Come on.

133
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,751
I'm head of KGB.
I have my beets delivered.

134
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:02,713
Nikolai.
Free Stolichnaya, Beluga caviar.

135
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,840
My own private limousine.

136
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,676
The Soviet system
is actually incredibly unfair.

137
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:11,972
And it just sounds wonderful, but...
Hey, I'm just putting it out there.

138
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,351
Well, just put it back in.
You're the whole reason I'm in this mess.

139
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,394
I'm trying to help.

140
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,356
I mean, if that Cuban
does not fall for the honey pot.

141
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,441
Oh, I think he will.

142
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:26,278
I've got my top man on it.
Or possibly bottom.

143
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,374
- Ahem. Can I help you?
- I don't know. Can you?

144
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,419
Is this some sort of viral marketing?
What? No, I meant...

145
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,172
Or are you asking me,
specifically, if I have a penis?

146
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,050
Uh, it's more of a conversation starter.

147
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,387
And here's a conversation ender. Adiós.

148
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,889
Oh, bilingual snap.
Thank you.

149
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:58,018
Do you not see me rocking
this chiseled slab of hard man-body?

150
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,105
I mean, come on. Are you gay or not?
I am.

151
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:04,191
But you. You are so not my type.
What?

152
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,068
Hey, I am everybody's type.

153
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,237
Oh, please.
What?

154
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,739
You are entirely too gay.
No, I'm not.

155
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,410
Are you kidding?
Oh my God, you, like, sneeze glitter.

156
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,245
Thank you.

157
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,000
So, yeah. I'm an ISIS agent...

158
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,419
...and that Ramón guy's a Cuban agent...

159
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:26,922
...and, uh, I'm supposed to run
what we call a honey pot on him.

160
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,884
I can't believe you have all this
stuff and it's, like, portable.

161
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,928
I can't believe you blab
that you're a secret agent.

162
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,599
I can't believe you're a hairdresser
and Rudi's an interior decorator.

163
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,851
God, he's the best in Miami.
Thank you.

164
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,686
You're quite welcome, sir.

165
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,771
- If I had a spoon...
- No, no, no.

166
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,773
...I would eat you up.
Don't be nice.

167
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:48,944
So this spy agency, is it, like, the real
CIA "James Bondy" deal, or what?

168
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,572
Charles, ISIS employs
some of the world's foremost...

169
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:55,284
...intelligence analysts,
covert operatives and scientists.

170
00:08:55,452 --> 00:09:00,581
Wait, did Cyril play this stupid game?
You'll have to play to find out.

171
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:04,168
Danny. Danny, stop running.
We gotta keep that heart rate down, buddy.

172
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,711
- Okay.
- Danny!

173
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,297
Kill. Bang. Bang.

174
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,883
Ew, kill.
Well, thanks a lot.

175
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,636
Pam, it's a bad picture.
I think that's hot.

176
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:18,057
Like, somebody murdering me?
It's so intimate.

177
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,477
So, yeah, basically, we're the front line
in the fight against tyranny.

178
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,520
Thank you.
My pleasure, sir.

179
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,481
I wanna dress you up
like a little gnome...

180
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:29,151
...and just have you live in my garden.
I would like some new clothes.

181
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,737
Shut up. But also,
and speaking of clothes...

182
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,407
...these seem way too normal.
What, normal as opposed to gay?

183
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,534
Implying that gay
is abnormal?

184
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,912
Not abnormal, just gay.

185
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,665
In spite of your personality,
you get plenty of women, right?

186
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,500
Uh, duh and or hello.

187
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,962
So, "duh and or hello,"
just act like you normally do...

188
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,630
...around women.
Really?

189
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,675
Because how hard is it to poach
a goddamn egg properly?

190
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,805
I believe he means before
you lure them into the apartment, sir.

191
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:02,476
Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense.
So I just like, what? Approach him in a bar?

192
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,187
Yeah, If I were you, I'd try The Cock Fight.
What? A cockfight?

193
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:08,148
It's the name of a gay bar.
They also have actual cockfights.

194
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,193
Yeah, Latino men.
You take the bad with the good.

195
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:15,197
Jesus, what's your problem?
You are. Blonde, brunette.

196
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,449
I thought I made it clear
you are not my type.

197
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,618
Is that where we landed
on that, because I...

198
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,662
Dios mío. Is your ego so large...

199
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,039
...you cannot handle a single rejection?
Yes.

200
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,418
Let me buy you a drink.
I already have a drink.

201
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,212
Why don't you buy him one?
He could use it.

202
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,674
Why... Why don't we all
have one and talk about it.

203
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,471
Seriously Woodhouse, how can you be
so totally awesome and not be gay?

204
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,392
Well, I was very fond
of a boy at school once.

205
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,602
Reggie Thistleton.

206
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,189
But he died in the war, at Flanders.
Flanders?

207
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,526
What war was that?
Oh, the Great War.

208
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,446
They're all great.
Oh, my God, yes, those Nazi uniforms?

209
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,197
Hugo Boss.
Shut up.

210
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,992
Swear to God.
And look at slut, just getting home.

211
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,911
Well, I guess our advice worked.
No, it didn't.

212
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,497
Ramón blew me off.
Then where were you all night?

213
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,499
Way the Christ out
in the Everglades...

214
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,669
...burying some Dominican guy's rooster.
Fun.

215
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,713
Oh, you mean literally.
Yes.

216
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,757
Sorry.
I mean, look at my clothes.

217
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,842
And what the hell
are you wearing, Woodhouse?

218
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,761
I...
We bought those for him.

219
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,430
If you throw them off the roof
I'll fly to New York...

220
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,390
...and fling acid in your face.
Thank you.

221
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:28,270
Oh, great.
Mother, I have nothing to report yet.

222
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,022
This is a lot harder than I thought.

223
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,274
How hard could it be to talk a gay man...

224
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:33,984
...into having anonymous sex?

225
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,613
See the stereotypes we put up with?
You don't know what I'm dealing with.

226
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,656
You don't know what
I'm dealing with!

227
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:43,952
See? Here is my nice building,
my limousine, my mother.

228
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,790
Oh, and my apartment is two bedrooms,
so she won't even have to move out.

229
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,751
So you just listen to me, Mr. Man.

230
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,463
Get me some video
of hot man-on-man action by tonight...

231
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,215
...or don't bother coming home.

232
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,217
She sounds fabulous.

233
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,219
Yeah, she's actually not.

234
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,346
But the stereotype thing
got me thinking...

235
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:06,308
...because, let's see, Ramón is Latino...
And Latinos are all about machismo.

236
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,269
So you may have
to out-macho him.

237
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,231
Out-macho a gay guy? Oh, my stars.

238
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,526
Or, wait, you could just be
a sarcastic bitch your whole life.

239
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,236
- Thank you.
- Wait a...

240
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,279
Did you set this whole thing up...

241
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,116
...just so I'd have to come
live with you and your mother?

242
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:26,995
No! It was merely incompetence.
And I suppose that makes it better?

243
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,622
Doesn't it?

244
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,500
Wait a minute, how do you know
Ramón's playing jai alai right now?

245
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,545
Um, he's Latino.
So it's either that or dominoes.

246
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,797
Stereotypes exist for a reason.

247
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:40,175
Okay, we're off to get
our scrotums waxed.

248
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:45,180
Ramón, hey.
I have a proposition for you.

249
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,017
Mama, have to call you back.

250
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,311
Don't you ever give up?
Not when it comes...

251
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,480
...to somebody refusing
to have sex with me.

252
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,649
You know, consensually or whatever.
Hmm.

253
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,610
So me and you,
one on one, loser has to do...

254
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,196
...whatever the winner says.
If I win...

255
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:04,324
...I want you to leave me alone.
Fine. But if I win...

256
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,536
...we go to your place
and have, you know...

257
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,164
...gay sex.
Have you ever played jai alai?

258
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,333
Uh, actually, lacrosse.
But it's jai alai for white people.

259
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,503
Lacrosse is gay.
You're gay. I mean, I am too.

260
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,214
We're both gay.
Seriously, I can serve this pelota...

261
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:22,134
...almost 200 miles an hour.
Big whoop, that little squishy...

262
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,721
Jesus, is this made of limestone?
It's a dangerous game.

263
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,765
Yeah? Well, I'm dangerous.
And I'm gonna win.

264
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,310
And gay sex.
Okay.

265
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,312
Go stand over there.
Where, over here?

266
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,440
Mm, little more far.
What, here?

267
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,400
Sí, sí. That's good, right there.
Is this...?

268
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,361
That's what you're gonna
be saying when I'm, uh, all...

269
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,322
...inside you with gay sex.

270
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,450
Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.

271
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,410
Wait, do I need a helmet?
Probably.

272
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,496
Wait, what?

273
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,749
I mean, after all...

274
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,335
...you are playing
a very dangerous game...

275
00:13:56,503 --> 00:14:00,047
...Sterling Archer of ISIS.

276
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,053
There he is. Welcome back, amigo.

277
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,888
Jesus Christ, who...

278
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:12,476
...apparently uses the same
awful decorator as my mother.

279
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,645
Trust me,
whoever decorated this condo...

280
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,897
...is not in heaven.
And neither are you...

281
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,942
...Agent Sterling Archer of ISIS.
Wait, you know who I am?

282
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,777
Duh and or hola.

283
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:25,197
So you know why I'm here.
I assume because your mother forced you...

284
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,325
...to pose as a gay man, in hopes
of catching me in a, how you say...

285
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,453
...pot of honey.
Yeah, which is just so classic her.

286
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:35,582
Oh, you should meet my mother. She...
No, no, no, shut up, listen. My mother...

287
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,128
Oh, my God, that's her.
Dios mío. It's her.

288
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,846
I... I can't believe we hung up
on them.

289
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:53,141
That was so thoroughly awesome, Ramón.
This is awesome.

290
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,893
Here, try it.
No. Whoa, whoa.

291
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,313
It's raw, man.
No, the citric acid from the limes...

292
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,440
...actually cooks the fish.
Try it.

293
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:01,817
Mm. Mm!

294
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,987
Oh, my, Ramón, that is amazing.
Right? Mama always said:

295
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:11,285
"Sterling,
come in here and check me for lumps."

296
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,788
Holy shit, was that out loud?
It's okay. This is a safe place.

297
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,791
Yeah, but it's not, though.
Are you referring to these?

298
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,503
Ha. You found Krieger's cameras?
I think he is not so good at his job.

299
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:25,007
Danny!

300
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,843
Dude, that whole agency's
not so good at their jobs.

301
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:33,015
Kill. Kill. God, when do I get to the end
so I can see what Cyril said?

302
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,810
You seriously don't think that's hot?
I seriously think you're scary.

303
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,271
No, no, no, like, a big sweaty fireman...

304
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,357
...carries you out of a burning building,
lays you on the sidewalk.

305
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,651
You think,
"He's gonna give me mouth-to-mouth."

306
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,780
But instead he just starts
choking the shit out of you...

307
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,783
...and the last sensation
that you feel before you die...

308
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,203
...is he is squeezing your throat
so hard that a big...

309
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:59,583
...wet blob of drool
"Blurp!"

310
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:02,669
Falls right onto your popped-out eyeball.

311
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,841
Jesus Christ.
I know, right?

312
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,344
What the hell?
I'm wet just thinking about it.

313
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,013
Cyril? Cyril, you get your ass
out here right now!

314
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,724
Is she freaking cause Cyril said
he wanted to bang Danny?

315
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,851
No, it's because he said
he wanted to marry her.

316
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,730
She's so weird.
Hey, will you choke me a little bit?

317
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:25,359
Pfft. That's nothing compared to
the pendejos I have to work with.

318
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,403
You haven't banged half of them,
like yours truly.

319
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,615
I can't. If Fidel found out I'm gay, he'd...

320
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:35,118
Well, that's why you're here.
And maybe it's the concussion...

321
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,079
...but I seriously feel crappy about that.

322
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:41,541
No. I feel crappy. I should not have
tried to blackmail your mother.

323
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,210
Yeah, what's on this thing anyway?

324
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:48,256
Get on the floor, you tacky-ass,
white-after-Labor-Day-wearing bitches.

325
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,592
Thank you.
Charles and Rudi? What the...?

326
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,345
What is the meaning of this?
Sorry. We're a hit squad.

327
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,598
Turns out Fidel is unhappy
that one of his top agents is gay.

328
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:00,435
Hey. Save your breath
for cooling your ceviche.

329
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:01,853
Ceviche is already cold.
I know.

330
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,272
You dicks were working
for Castro this whole time?

331
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,651
Positutely, yes.
But we were having such a blast...

332
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,237
...hanging with Woodhouse...
Who is fine, by the way.

333
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,490
I'm genuinely sorry about this.
But may I can keep the clothes?

334
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,450
Forever and always.

335
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,453
Not that you care.
Yeah, I actually don't.

336
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:22,207
So are you two even really gay?
As big old tangerines, yes.

337
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,627
Then how can you work for Castro?
You know his stance on homosexuality.

338
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,547
Because, commie,
I have something called a mortgage.

339
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:32,467
Hey, whoa, if this is about money,
I know somebody who'd pay...

340
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,761
...a whole lot of money
to get this back.

341
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,555
Sterling, no.
Hey, Ramón, shut up.

342
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,474
Let the mummy talk.
I can't let you do this.

343
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,436
What the...?
You'll never take me alive, bastardos.

344
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,980
Let's outsource it
to some cracked-up Haitains.

345
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,732
That's what I said.
You know why?

346
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,443
So you could be all
Little Miss "Hindsight's 20-20."

347
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,028
Here, take this.
Why did you have a salad gun?

348
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,613
Eh, I was going to kill you.

349
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,992
Oh, you are just the worst kind of...
Me? Your mother started all of this.

350
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,327
- So give them the freaking disk.
- If I do that...

351
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,997
...it will become public.
And if you see what's on this disk...

352
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,667
Well if you weren't gay, you will be.
Ha, ha! Well, what is it?

353
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,670
A sex tape of Mother?

354
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,464
Ahem.
Oh, my...

355
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,800
But there, you see. It's gone.

356
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,845
So it's okay, just let it all...

357
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,723
Jesus, God, do you ladies
want to put on your nightgowns...

358
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,683
...crack open a tube of
cookie dough and talk?

359
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,228
Goddamn it, we're dealing
with some profound issues here...

360
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,981
...you queer.
What the hell, man?

361
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,358
Sorry, I meant homosexual person.

362
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,444
No, you idiota. We have
a finite number of bullets.

363
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,530
- Oh, my bad.
- Oh, my bad.

364
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:40,035
Ha, ha. Now who feels stupid?
My guess is both of you.

365
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,996
Since the last thing you see
is gonna be that horrific sofa.

366
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,999
Shut up, I bet you're
not even a real interior decorator.

367
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,919
Well, he's not licensed or anything,
but he's got a real flair for it.

368
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,379
Thank you.
So how about stand up...

369
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,048
...and let us paint the walls
with your brains.

370
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,801
- Here, take this.
- Jesus, Ramón, a Claymore?

371
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,636
I can explain.
You were gonna frag me?

372
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:01,556
No. This was for decorating.
What? Look at this place.

373
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:04,976
I was going to have to start from scratch.
The kitchen's not bad.

374
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,313
Oh, God, are you kidding?
That kitchen is awful... Oh, crap.

375
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,564
No, thank you.

376
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:18,073
Ramón, was that not
totally epic?

377
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,992
Sí, Sterling.
Because you lived to tell the tale.

378
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,371
No, no, no,
because my mother's condo got trashed.

379
00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,582
God, she is gonna freak when...
Wait, where's Charles and Rudi?

380
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:32,087
Hmm. I think they must have escaped,
however implausible that may seem.

381
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,381
That does seem implausible.

382
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,591
And so I must now
go into hiding.

383
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,927
Fidel will keep sending
hit squads...

384
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:43,348
...and he will not stop until I am dead.
So, what, just a life on the run?

385
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,101
Sí, just like el Doctor David Banner.

386
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,562
How do you say "The Hulk" in Spanish?
El Hulk.

387
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,063
Gay.
What?

388
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:53,191
We don't have a word for "Hulk."
Do you have a word for "gay?"

389
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,693
Gay.
Gayer!

390
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,820
Jesus, Spanish,
our jobs aren't enough?

391
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,655
Now you got to take our words?
Sterling!

392
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,740
I didn't mean that,
it was racist.

393
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,076
And even though you were
gonna shoot and or frag me...

394
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,953
...I feel like we had
kind of a connection.

395
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:09,124
I'm sad because we had
a connection, and now...

396
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:11,167
And now I feel like a dick,
so come on.

397
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,837
Let me turn that frown upside down.
How?

398
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,798
Well, the bedroom
was untouched by the explosion.

399
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:19,467
I'm listening.
So let's blow the shit out of it.

400
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,469
Oh. I thought you meant
you wanted to...

401
00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:26,308
Ramón.
And just why is that so funny?

402
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,686
Not that. Woodhouse.
He's all tied up somewhere.

403
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:32,188
Scared... Scared and alone.

404
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,318
Probably dehydrated.

405
00:20:37,305 --> 00:21:37,684
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