1 00:00:02,407 --> 00:00:05,570 I get to go to the French Riviera on the ISIS dime to do what? 2 00:00:05,743 --> 00:00:08,075 Locate a stolen shipment of Redeye missiles... 3 00:00:08,246 --> 00:00:12,307 and kill the arms dealer trying to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio. 4 00:00:12,483 --> 00:00:14,212 Whoa, what, is diabetes busy? 5 00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:18,446 Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's a reason the bounty on him is so high. 6 00:00:18,623 --> 00:00:21,854 - Like, high enough to redo my kitchen? - Ugh. What did I tell you? 7 00:00:22,026 --> 00:00:25,291 That Saltillo tile is terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous. 8 00:00:25,463 --> 00:00:28,660 And Mexican whore-house-y. So I'm sure your cook feels at home. 9 00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:31,529 - Hey, Pita isn't a whore. - Not until you got a hold of her. 10 00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:34,170 - First of all... - Oh, shut up. The bounty on Skorpio... 11 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:37,398 - is more than enough for a new kitchen... - I also have the nook... 12 00:00:37,575 --> 00:00:41,477 And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable medical expenses. 13 00:00:41,646 --> 00:00:43,910 Ugh. Like, one time that happened. 14 00:00:44,082 --> 00:00:46,243 It's pretty late. Why don't you take a cab? 15 00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:49,318 Mr. Sterling? I have problem. 16 00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:50,511 I'll pay for it. 17 00:00:51,989 --> 00:00:53,980 Again? Seriously, Pita... 18 00:00:54,992 --> 00:00:58,985 You're killing me here. Again? This was supposed to be coconut shrimp. 19 00:00:59,163 --> 00:01:02,724 One, three times. But it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom. 20 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:06,529 - Why don't you wear a vasectomy? - This again? Don't you want a grandkid? 21 00:01:06,704 --> 00:01:10,572 Well, if I did, I'd just scrape all your previous mishaps into a big pile... 22 00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:13,539 - and knit a onesie for it. - Jesus Christ. 23 00:01:13,711 --> 00:01:16,236 - Sorry, I've been fasting and I'm edgy. - Still though... 24 00:01:16,414 --> 00:01:19,008 - Sterling. - Okay. If there's money left... 25 00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,151 after the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe. 26 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:22,650 You do want the assignment? 27 00:01:22,987 --> 00:01:25,649 - Yeah, I want it. - You really, really, really want it? 28 00:01:25,823 --> 00:01:27,017 Yes. I really want it. 29 00:01:27,191 --> 00:01:28,852 Well, too bad. Because guess what. 30 00:01:29,026 --> 00:01:30,220 Womp-womp. 31 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,862 - Why does she get the mission? - Because I said so. 32 00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,964 Either way, we have a plane to catch. 33 00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:36,327 We? Why are you going? 34 00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:39,527 I'm going to, um, a conference? 35 00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:42,298 Oh, well, isn't that convenient? 36 00:01:42,473 --> 00:01:45,738 If you think that's convenient, wait till you see my new kitchen. 37 00:01:45,910 --> 00:01:50,142 Ha! Seriously though, you should look through some of her design catalogs. 38 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:58,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 39 00:02:21,746 --> 00:02:24,078 So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France? 40 00:02:24,248 --> 00:02:26,648 - Isn't that kind of sudden? - No, baby. 41 00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:29,615 Sudden is wanting to move in with somebody after four months. 42 00:02:29,787 --> 00:02:31,948 Talking. Just talking about it. 43 00:02:32,123 --> 00:02:34,990 You know, I mean, jeez, I moved in with my last girlfriend... 44 00:02:35,159 --> 00:02:37,389 - after four weeks. - What are you, a lesbian? 45 00:02:37,562 --> 00:02:40,224 Why, would you be into that? Just curious. 46 00:02:40,398 --> 00:02:44,858 Which was an odd word choice right there, and am I talking out loud? 47 00:02:45,036 --> 00:02:48,199 Now remember, I want the entire data system on those new servers... 48 00:02:48,372 --> 00:02:50,897 or I will just make it rain pink slips. 49 00:02:51,075 --> 00:02:53,168 - I'm not doing that. - That's a poor motivator. 50 00:02:53,344 --> 00:02:56,142 Lana, I want you to call or text me at the top of every hour. 51 00:02:56,314 --> 00:02:59,078 - I'll call or text at the... - I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon. 52 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:00,740 Well, it's all on this schedule. 53 00:03:00,918 --> 00:03:03,614 Oh, no, honey. The doors are closing and I didn't get the... 54 00:03:03,788 --> 00:03:05,255 Oh, so close. 55 00:03:05,423 --> 00:03:07,983 So your conference wouldn't be for control freaks... 56 00:03:08,159 --> 00:03:12,653 - who micro-manage everything, would it? - What? No, that's not why I'm... 57 00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:16,266 But look, you be careful with Skorpio. He won't hesitate to kill you. 58 00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:20,263 - Unless I get smothered to death. - Oh. That's just pathetic. 59 00:03:20,438 --> 00:03:24,966 - But even though Cyril may be clingy... - Oh. Saran Wrap could take a lesson. 60 00:03:25,142 --> 00:03:28,543 You used to complain constantly that Sterling was emotionally distant. 61 00:03:28,713 --> 00:03:30,374 Yeah, I was just being nice, though. 62 00:03:30,548 --> 00:03:34,279 I wonder if he's like that because I used to spank him with a wooden spoon. 63 00:03:34,452 --> 00:03:38,513 Uh... Yeah, I don't know about that, but it might explain the ping-pong paddle. 64 00:03:40,157 --> 00:03:42,489 My point is, dear, you can trust Cyril. 65 00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:45,026 Now you go have a fun assassination. 66 00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:48,461 Okay, and you go have fun at your thing. 67 00:03:48,633 --> 00:03:52,569 Oh, I will. Bye, dear. Did you rent a boat? 68 00:03:52,737 --> 00:03:57,140 Da, is very... Ahem. Pretty nice boat. 69 00:03:57,308 --> 00:03:59,674 It better be, Mr. Sex-Tape. 70 00:03:59,844 --> 00:04:03,507 And you, scuff that luggage, and I'll cut your hamstrings for you. 71 00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:07,412 - I think we're making some progress. - Where, in opposite-world? 72 00:04:07,585 --> 00:04:11,715 - We're never gonna finish all this. - We can, if certain people would help. 73 00:04:11,889 --> 00:04:15,825 I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in... 74 00:04:15,993 --> 00:04:19,656 - Fort Kickass. - Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help. 75 00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:22,264 Hey, I'm helping Cyril. Text her again. 76 00:04:22,433 --> 00:04:25,231 - I am, if you'd shut up. - And really pour out your feelings. 77 00:04:25,403 --> 00:04:28,167 - Don't listen to him, he's just trying to... - Shut up! 78 00:04:28,339 --> 00:04:30,500 Cyril, bare your soul. 79 00:04:30,675 --> 00:04:34,941 So, heh-heh, did I say is nice boat, or what? 80 00:04:35,112 --> 00:04:37,103 Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did... 81 00:04:37,281 --> 00:04:40,079 which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself... 82 00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:41,684 aboard the Chum Guzzler. 83 00:04:43,387 --> 00:04:45,480 I am just getting that. 84 00:04:45,656 --> 00:04:48,090 Well, I know what you're not getting. 85 00:04:48,259 --> 00:04:51,422 - Give it. I'm serious. Give me my phone. - No, get off. Cut it out. 86 00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:53,756 Cyril, goddamn it, you're smothering Lana. 87 00:04:53,931 --> 00:04:56,729 - Pam, I will hit you in the face. - Aha-ha-ow! 88 00:04:56,901 --> 00:05:00,496 Don't listen to her, Cyril. If there's one thing women totally love... 89 00:05:00,671 --> 00:05:02,400 it's to be smothered by men. 90 00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:05,167 - Heh. Like you'd know. - Or choked, in your case. 91 00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:07,470 Cyril, trust me. Give her some space. 92 00:05:07,645 --> 00:05:10,546 But why hasn't she called? I mean, what if she's in danger? 93 00:05:10,715 --> 00:05:12,155 - Or... Or... - Cyril, come on. 94 00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:14,780 Worst-case scenario, her cover got blown... 95 00:05:14,952 --> 00:05:16,943 - and Skorpio's raping her senseless... - Oh! 96 00:05:17,121 --> 00:05:19,589 Before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. 97 00:05:19,757 --> 00:05:21,884 - What is wrong with you? - How can you say that? 98 00:05:22,059 --> 00:05:23,617 What? I said "worst-case." 99 00:05:24,995 --> 00:05:27,327 Leave that to your field agent. 100 00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:29,830 Why must you always micro-manage? 101 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,366 I don't. And if you will recall... 102 00:05:32,536 --> 00:05:34,834 I used to be an excellent field agent. 103 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:37,872 Da, is why I fall in love with you. 104 00:05:38,042 --> 00:05:40,670 My God, Kolya, we were so young. 105 00:05:40,845 --> 00:05:44,076 Young and in love, and in Berlin. 106 00:05:44,248 --> 00:05:48,378 On that magical moonlit night, beneath the Bridge of Spies. 107 00:05:48,552 --> 00:05:52,283 The night before you break my heart, and disappear for nine months. 108 00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:57,189 Kolya, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 109 00:05:57,762 --> 00:05:59,229 What is in this drink? 110 00:05:59,397 --> 00:06:02,161 Sorry, is ice from cooler. 111 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,700 - Somehow it got butter all over it. - Aah! 112 00:06:05,903 --> 00:06:07,962 Hey, don't be queen of drama. 113 00:06:08,139 --> 00:06:10,767 That wasn't me, you idiot. 114 00:06:12,243 --> 00:06:13,574 Oh, dear God. 115 00:06:16,313 --> 00:06:17,524 - Cyril, give it to me. - I bet that's Lana. 116 00:06:17,548 --> 00:06:20,312 - It's my phone. Pam put yours in the blender. - Come on. 117 00:06:20,484 --> 00:06:23,920 - It's called tough love, Cyril. - The secret ingredient is phone. 118 00:06:24,088 --> 00:06:27,717 Hello. Mother. What? Really? 119 00:06:27,892 --> 00:06:30,053 - And you're sure it was Lana? - What was Lana? 120 00:06:30,227 --> 00:06:33,788 - Okay, I'm on it. What? Yes. God. - Come on. 121 00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:37,127 - What did she say? - Well, she's still really pro-vasectomy. 122 00:06:37,301 --> 00:06:39,792 - About Lana. - Oh, right. Yeah, so... 123 00:06:40,738 --> 00:06:43,366 remember that worst-case scenario we talked about? 124 00:06:43,541 --> 00:06:45,805 - Oh, my God. - Yes, yes, I remember. 125 00:06:45,976 --> 00:06:49,002 - Archer, if anything... - Cyril, relax. I will rescue her. 126 00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:52,305 So, Krieger? How's about a roadie? 127 00:06:54,985 --> 00:06:58,546 It would be nice to know what kind of danger I'm facing. 128 00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:00,922 What danger? They do it outpatient. 129 00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:03,552 What...? Not the vasectomy, the rescue. 130 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,251 How would I know? I'm at a conference. 131 00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:08,928 - Wait a minute. - You don't have a minute. 132 00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:10,794 Now, will you just put a lid on it? 133 00:07:10,968 --> 00:07:14,563 - All right, I'm going. - Shitty flying rats. 134 00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:16,137 Just put the damn lid on it. 135 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:20,475 "Something about I rescue Lana... 136 00:07:20,644 --> 00:07:24,080 and she begs me to take her back, so then Cyril commits suicide." 137 00:07:24,248 --> 00:07:26,546 I swear to God I had something for this. 138 00:07:27,852 --> 00:07:30,980 Seriously, are you just bailing on this whole assignment, or what? 139 00:07:31,155 --> 00:07:35,319 Who gives a gosh-damn about that? Lana's captured, maybe even... 140 00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:37,552 Rescued, Kenny Crybaby. 141 00:07:37,728 --> 00:07:42,097 Come on. I bet Mr. Archer already went all double-oh-ninja on Skorpio's ass. 142 00:07:42,266 --> 00:07:43,426 Waa-paah! 143 00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:45,364 - Karate sound. - You really think so? 144 00:07:45,536 --> 00:07:47,936 Cyril, right this second... 145 00:07:48,105 --> 00:07:50,266 I bet he's untying Lana... 146 00:07:50,441 --> 00:07:52,341 - taking off her ball gag... - Her what? 147 00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:55,445 And she's looking up into his steely-blue eyes... 148 00:07:55,613 --> 00:07:57,740 and parting her moist lips... 149 00:07:57,915 --> 00:07:59,974 - Wait a minute. - Yeah, hang on, crazy pants. 150 00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:03,347 - Let her talk, woman. - As he takes her in his rippling... 151 00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:06,979 - Rambo-y arms, throws her down... - Oh, my God... 152 00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:10,456 and then... yeah! Oh, yeah! 153 00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:13,620 That's right! Give it to me! Uhn! 154 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:17,164 Damn it, look what you... Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere? 155 00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:20,235 - I've got some in the lab. - I mean, maybe it's not that... 156 00:08:20,404 --> 00:08:23,862 - but there's only one way to find out. - Give me that. 157 00:08:24,575 --> 00:08:25,803 Oh, Jesus, God. 158 00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:28,738 - I thought I gave you a fake number. - What? 159 00:08:28,913 --> 00:08:31,905 - Archer, it's me. - Cyril? Hey, I can't really talk right now. 160 00:08:32,082 --> 00:08:35,677 Well, that's too bad, Mr. Man. Now, you just put Lana on the phone. 161 00:08:35,853 --> 00:08:40,153 - Well, Cyril I can't really do that either. - He says he can't put her on. 162 00:08:44,762 --> 00:08:47,595 - Archer, put her on the phone. - Cyril, buddy, look... 163 00:08:47,765 --> 00:08:50,529 when I see her, I will tell her to call you... 164 00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:53,135 but I can't freaking talk right now! 165 00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:56,068 Archer? Hello? He hung up. 166 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:57,366 Probably cause he's all: 167 00:08:58,876 --> 00:09:01,436 Oh, my God, I can't breathe. 168 00:09:09,887 --> 00:09:13,118 And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co-workers. 169 00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:16,691 - That and no one ever lets me. - I've had good results with ether. 170 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,693 Oh, no! 171 00:09:27,304 --> 00:09:29,144 Oh, my God, Nikolai, something's wrong. 172 00:09:29,306 --> 00:09:32,707 Is just fat dripping from kebabs. 173 00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:35,344 Not that. Kolya, my people need help. 174 00:09:35,512 --> 00:09:38,948 - Do you have any KGB agents nearby? - Meh... 175 00:09:39,116 --> 00:09:42,813 - "Meh" what? - I just don't feel so comfortable... 176 00:09:42,987 --> 00:09:47,219 - discussing KGB operations with you. - What? I tell you everything. 177 00:09:47,391 --> 00:09:51,487 Da, but is a little unprofessional. 178 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:54,657 Swear to God, Lana better be dead on a slab... 179 00:09:54,832 --> 00:09:57,392 or begging for mercy over a vat of acid... 180 00:09:57,568 --> 00:09:59,627 or a shark tank or... 181 00:09:59,803 --> 00:10:03,330 - Drinking champagne in a bikini? - Oh, screw me. 182 00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:07,310 Two minutes, my love. I am just now again... 183 00:10:07,478 --> 00:10:10,140 re-shaving my balls again. 184 00:10:10,314 --> 00:10:13,215 First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation. 185 00:10:13,384 --> 00:10:16,876 And not that it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex with Skorpio. 186 00:10:17,054 --> 00:10:18,521 - Oh, really? - No. God. 187 00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:21,157 I just kept putting him off, making him re-shave his balls. 188 00:10:21,325 --> 00:10:23,759 Oh. So you can hang out on a boat? 189 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,293 It's a mega-yacht. And I just... 190 00:10:26,463 --> 00:10:27,930 I needed a break from Cyril. 191 00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:30,794 Who thinks you got captured, or killed. 192 00:10:30,968 --> 00:10:32,595 - What was that all about? - Um... 193 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:42,537 Uh... I actually forget what that was. I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard. 194 00:10:42,713 --> 00:10:46,774 - Jesus. You are so irresponsible. - Oh, really? Go ask Pita who's irresponsible. 195 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,850 Hey, she knew the job was risky going in. 196 00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,681 - And since you didn't do your job... - I will, all right? 197 00:10:51,855 --> 00:10:53,516 Just give me like a week. 198 00:10:53,691 --> 00:10:55,852 Too late! You had your chance and you blew it. 199 00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:59,052 - Now, how's my disguise? - Depends. Who are you supposed to be? 200 00:10:59,229 --> 00:11:01,663 Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper... 201 00:11:01,832 --> 00:11:03,561 of the USS Rough Service? 202 00:11:04,935 --> 00:11:07,233 - What, they're your clothes, idiot. - Uhn! 203 00:11:07,404 --> 00:11:10,237 Oh, damn it, that was the guy in charge of the chocolate fountain. 204 00:11:10,407 --> 00:11:13,137 - There's a chocolate fountain? - Oh. There's everything. 205 00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:15,778 Great champagne, ridiculous food... 206 00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:18,642 a whole, like, squad of hot little Filipina masseuses. 207 00:11:18,816 --> 00:11:20,215 - Skeet? - Probably. I just... 208 00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:24,150 really need some me time before I have to go back to Cyril and his whole... 209 00:11:24,321 --> 00:11:26,482 Curiously oppressive brand of love? 210 00:11:26,657 --> 00:11:30,388 - I mean, come on, haven't I earned that? - Yes, we have. I'm staying. 211 00:11:30,561 --> 00:11:32,119 - What? No. No, you're not. - Yes. 212 00:11:32,296 --> 00:11:36,323 Yes, I am. Or would you prefer I tell Cyril you slept with Skorpio? 213 00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:39,434 - Even you wouldn't stoop that low. - Lana, come on... 214 00:11:39,603 --> 00:11:41,537 this is me, remember? 215 00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,532 Unprofessional? 216 00:11:44,708 --> 00:11:47,472 From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team... 217 00:11:47,644 --> 00:11:49,737 just to make a sex tape of me? 218 00:11:49,913 --> 00:11:53,314 Ha. And entire KGB art department... 219 00:11:53,484 --> 00:11:56,044 to airbrush wrinkles off your old ass. 220 00:11:56,353 --> 00:11:58,913 I want to leave, please. Right now. 221 00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:02,547 So who's stopping you? 222 00:12:02,726 --> 00:12:03,750 Hmm. 223 00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:06,085 Hmm. 224 00:12:06,263 --> 00:12:09,426 Smiles everyone, smiles. 225 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,263 For this party, everything must be as perfect... 226 00:12:13,437 --> 00:12:15,598 - as my beautiful companion. - Ha-ha. 227 00:12:15,773 --> 00:12:19,834 Because in one hour, the world's most dangerous terrorists... 228 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:25,971 will gather here, on the Argo, to bid on my humble wares. 229 00:12:26,416 --> 00:12:29,874 Wait, wait, you. Chocolate-fountain guy. 230 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,180 You look, uh... 231 00:12:32,823 --> 00:12:34,848 - different. - Oh! 232 00:12:35,225 --> 00:12:39,355 - Um, I guess I've been working out? - Yes, I can see that. 233 00:12:39,696 --> 00:12:42,164 - Quick. Bring me some duct tape. - I, uh... 234 00:12:42,332 --> 00:12:44,630 Because this malaka is ripped. 235 00:12:47,037 --> 00:12:50,632 Come, my dear. Before the party, I must relax... 236 00:12:50,808 --> 00:12:52,901 - on top of you. - Ugh. 237 00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:56,379 No excuses, huh? My balls are smooth. 238 00:12:56,947 --> 00:13:00,974 - And you know I love that. - Not as much as I love chocolate. 239 00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:06,145 - Oh-hoh-hoh. - So, you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes. 240 00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:07,813 I would prefer not to. 241 00:13:09,193 --> 00:13:11,753 Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody? 242 00:13:11,929 --> 00:13:14,261 Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh? 243 00:13:14,431 --> 00:13:16,194 Yeah, he's not an easy read. 244 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,262 And I drove her right into his arms. 245 00:13:19,636 --> 00:13:21,900 His big, tan, muscle-bulgy arms. 246 00:13:22,072 --> 00:13:24,836 Cyril, come on. Don't listen to... 247 00:13:25,008 --> 00:13:27,238 What the hell is your name now, anyway? 248 00:13:27,411 --> 00:13:30,073 - I don't even remember. - Exactly. So... 249 00:13:31,448 --> 00:13:34,906 - What are you snorting off me? - It's mostly MSG. 250 00:13:35,085 --> 00:13:38,521 - The flavor enhancer. - Which you so need. 251 00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:40,179 Pipe down, pipe cleaner. 252 00:13:40,357 --> 00:13:43,019 And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay? 253 00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:46,094 - Probably fraught with danger. - You really think so? 254 00:13:46,263 --> 00:13:49,198 I bet they're fighting for their lives. 255 00:13:49,366 --> 00:13:50,799 Wow. 256 00:13:51,835 --> 00:13:53,359 Yeah, that... 257 00:13:55,272 --> 00:13:56,739 That got a little dark. 258 00:13:59,276 --> 00:14:02,074 So now we have champagne, huh? 259 00:14:02,279 --> 00:14:06,807 - Um, got anything a little stronger? - Or way stronger. Like poison? 260 00:14:06,984 --> 00:14:10,112 Mm. I think I have just the thing. 261 00:14:11,088 --> 00:14:13,886 - Oh, my God. - Ready the shark tank for my guests... 262 00:14:14,057 --> 00:14:17,618 - Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS. - What? 263 00:14:17,794 --> 00:14:18,988 You knew the whole time? 264 00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,255 How you say? Womp-womp. 265 00:14:21,698 --> 00:14:26,135 - All right, you heard Mr. Skorpio. - No, just Skorpio. 266 00:14:26,303 --> 00:14:28,897 Remember? How we're doing that from now on? 267 00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:33,236 - Sorry, sir. - Hang on just one second. 268 00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:35,605 Where was this enthusiasm before? 269 00:14:35,779 --> 00:14:37,770 I know, right? Now he wants to contribute. 270 00:14:38,215 --> 00:14:42,151 M... Ha-ha. Oh, funny. Actually, I'm getting this. 271 00:14:43,754 --> 00:14:47,315 Damn, I had something for this too. Damn it. 272 00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:48,958 Eat grenade, stupids. 273 00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:53,293 - Oh, well, now what? - Ugh. 274 00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:55,294 Are you still here? 275 00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:57,956 - Where'd you get a grenade? - Hanging from the lampshade. 276 00:14:58,135 --> 00:14:59,159 Wait, what? 277 00:15:02,873 --> 00:15:07,367 - What? Did he just call me a whore? - Now, why on earth would he do that? 278 00:15:07,544 --> 00:15:11,071 Because he turns women into whores. 279 00:15:11,248 --> 00:15:13,045 Just ask his slutty Mexican cook. 280 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:14,649 Oh, my God, yes. 281 00:15:14,818 --> 00:15:17,252 We should call her, because I would literally... 282 00:15:17,421 --> 00:15:19,821 murder somebody for some migas right now. 283 00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:23,687 Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me. 284 00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:25,919 And I'm so open to that. 285 00:15:26,096 --> 00:15:27,791 And, Cyril, ignore her. 286 00:15:27,965 --> 00:15:30,729 Nothing's going on between Archer and Lana. 287 00:15:30,901 --> 00:15:33,836 - Although... - Although what? 288 00:15:34,004 --> 00:15:36,905 Well, every ISIS agent has a company-issued... 289 00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:39,565 life-insurance policy, and... 290 00:15:39,743 --> 00:15:40,743 And what? 291 00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:45,204 - You're my beneficiary! - Your what? 292 00:15:45,382 --> 00:15:47,714 On my company life insurance. 293 00:15:47,884 --> 00:15:49,044 Oh, my God. 294 00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:50,811 I mean, if this goes tits-up. 295 00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:55,555 Now? Really? 296 00:15:55,726 --> 00:15:58,957 Oh, right. Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse... 297 00:15:59,129 --> 00:16:01,757 and said, "Help me showcase my intellect." 298 00:16:01,932 --> 00:16:04,230 Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci. 299 00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:06,995 Uh... I think it's pronounced, "Knock-off." 300 00:16:08,739 --> 00:16:13,506 Right after I get back, I'm changing that stupid policy. Ugh! 301 00:16:13,677 --> 00:16:16,373 Yes, you're my beneficiary. 302 00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:21,574 How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone? 303 00:16:21,752 --> 00:16:23,686 But that doesn't mean anything. I mean... 304 00:16:23,854 --> 00:16:26,721 they could've forgotten to fill out new beneficiary forms... 305 00:16:26,890 --> 00:16:30,223 Cyril, they have to update those bennie forms every quarter. 306 00:16:31,595 --> 00:16:35,224 - Ouch. - But that means... Oh, my God. 307 00:16:35,399 --> 00:16:37,765 Damn ass-hammered shit! 308 00:16:37,934 --> 00:16:41,802 - What? - Benefits! I forgot to spend the balance... 309 00:16:41,972 --> 00:16:44,133 in my goddamn flex-account! 310 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,470 - Are you date-of-employment, or...? - Calendar-year! 311 00:16:47,644 --> 00:16:49,737 - Ouch. - That's just leaving money on the table. 312 00:16:49,913 --> 00:16:50,971 How did you forget that? 313 00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:54,811 I guess I was busy fantasizing about Archer and Lana having intercourse! 314 00:16:56,253 --> 00:17:01,122 - Ouch. - Cyril, come on, hon, we all were. 315 00:17:01,291 --> 00:17:03,350 And you expect me to believe that? 316 00:17:03,527 --> 00:17:07,327 I don't care. Just like I don't ever think about you. 317 00:17:07,497 --> 00:17:09,431 - Reloading. - Firing. 318 00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:13,626 So when you filled out your insurance, you weren't thinking about my muscular arms... 319 00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:20,141 - or my ass, in the combat-firing stance? - No, I wasn't. I don't. I mean, I'm... 320 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:23,006 So full of shit, your eyes are brown. 321 00:17:25,982 --> 00:17:29,418 No, they're... Oh, my God, they're green. 322 00:17:30,854 --> 00:17:33,322 Like emeralds. How did I never see that? 323 00:17:33,490 --> 00:17:35,458 - Lana, your eyes are amazing. - Archer. 324 00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:38,458 I mean, not compared to your tits, but... Ow! Ow! 325 00:17:38,995 --> 00:17:40,462 What is your problem? 326 00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:42,860 You. And plus, I have a boyfriend. 327 00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:45,467 Oh, right, how could I forget Mr. Cling? 328 00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:49,471 Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go. 329 00:17:49,639 --> 00:17:53,234 Oh, God, he's stronger than he looks. 330 00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,844 Get him out of here! 331 00:17:56,012 --> 00:17:57,946 Because these corporate bag-munchers... 332 00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,413 owe me 630 dollars... 333 00:18:00,584 --> 00:18:04,179 for my goddamn flex-account! 334 00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:07,522 I cannot believe you shot me. 335 00:18:07,691 --> 00:18:09,352 God, you know how much I hate that. 336 00:18:09,526 --> 00:18:12,359 - You better get used to it. - Kill them, you fools. Kill them. 337 00:18:12,529 --> 00:18:14,690 Oh, my God. I am gonna die... 338 00:18:14,865 --> 00:18:17,231 and you're the last man I was in bed with. 339 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,496 Well, one of them. Don't worry, I won't tell Cyril. Probably. 340 00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:25,865 - Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer! - Lana. Lana. 341 00:18:26,042 --> 00:18:28,875 - Do you trust me? - What? No, I don't trust you. 342 00:18:29,045 --> 00:18:32,208 Well, that's too bad. Because guess what. 343 00:18:36,653 --> 00:18:39,781 Oh, my God. Nikolai. Our son. 344 00:18:39,956 --> 00:18:42,754 - Our what? - Oh, so... 345 00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:45,895 remember that little something I wanted to tell you? 346 00:18:46,062 --> 00:18:51,659 A little something? Oh, that is just classic you. 347 00:18:51,835 --> 00:18:54,497 - So I'm a little late. - A lot late. 348 00:18:54,671 --> 00:18:58,334 No one could have survived that. 349 00:18:58,508 --> 00:19:01,568 Oh, man! Whoo! 350 00:19:01,778 --> 00:19:03,837 I am awesome! 351 00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:07,381 Ugh. And it just keeps on getting better. 352 00:19:07,551 --> 00:19:09,018 - Lana? - Asshole? 353 00:19:09,186 --> 00:19:12,849 Oh, my God. Was that not epic? 354 00:19:13,023 --> 00:19:15,719 - First of all... - Nikolai, look, they're alive. 355 00:19:15,892 --> 00:19:19,191 - Oh, thank God. - Thank God? 356 00:19:19,362 --> 00:19:23,765 For what? The lying woman I risk my career for? 357 00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,494 The son she don't told me of? 358 00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:30,538 Or maybe my damn security deposit? 359 00:19:30,707 --> 00:19:34,438 Security deposit. What was it, a pair of flip-flops? 360 00:19:34,611 --> 00:19:37,102 - Half the bounty. Come on, I deserve it. - Ha! 361 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,010 Too bad. So you can just paddle that hole in your foot... 362 00:19:40,183 --> 00:19:42,447 right on back to your cheesy, Mexican kitchen... 363 00:19:42,619 --> 00:19:44,780 Oh, I'll get a new kitchen. 364 00:19:44,955 --> 00:19:48,049 Let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a talk with Cyril. 365 00:19:48,225 --> 00:19:50,386 Ha! About what, exactly? 366 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,721 How you cried during a two-man threesome? 367 00:19:52,896 --> 00:19:55,797 Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, Lana. 368 00:19:55,966 --> 00:19:58,366 Yeah, and now I know. And when I tell Pam... 369 00:19:58,535 --> 00:20:00,400 so will everybody in the office. 370 00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:02,902 - Oh, is that how you wanna play it? - Yeah. 371 00:20:03,073 --> 00:20:07,806 Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then! And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend. 372 00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:12,745 I will. Oh, and Cyril may be clingy, but at least I know I can trust him. 373 00:20:13,183 --> 00:20:16,448 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Cyril, come on. 374 00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:19,851 Snap out of it, seriously. It's not like we burned down the mainframe. 375 00:20:20,023 --> 00:20:21,183 You really need to relax. 376 00:20:21,358 --> 00:20:24,191 How? My life is ruined. Again. 377 00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,921 Look, what happens on this scratchy green office rug... 378 00:20:27,097 --> 00:20:29,565 stays on this scratchy green office rug, okay? 379 00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:31,030 You mean... 380 00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:34,864 this, what we just did, you'll keep this our secret? 381 00:20:35,038 --> 00:20:37,632 Yeah. God, Cyril. 382 00:20:37,807 --> 00:20:40,970 You can trust me. You know, probably. 383 00:20:41,144 --> 00:20:42,202 Probably? 384 00:20:42,879 --> 00:20:44,141 Womp-womp. 384 00:20:45,305 --> 00:21:45,702 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.