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FXX presents
Archer 1999.
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Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP
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Woooooo!!
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Rocket pack!
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You know how much fuel
you just wasted?
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I don't know.
How much paint
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did Michelangelo waste
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on the Sistine Chapel?
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Yeah, but when Mikey
ran out of paint,
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he didn't die in space.
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Well, let's just cross
that bridge
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when we never ever cross
it because it doesn't exist.
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Would you just trace the...
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Shut up, Lana.
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I'm trying to trace the signal.
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And it's right...
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there.
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Nanotube-reinforced
reactor grid.
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Man, if we can re-tune that,
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it'll sell for 18 months
of operating costs.
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And, more importantly,
a sizable bonus for us.
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First off, no.
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We badly need a restock
of Gran Classico.
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Second...
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And third,
Cyril's picked up a...
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What was it?
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I've got a class D shipon
a hyperbolic intercept orbit.
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- Yes, that.
- It's right there!
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For the thousandth time,
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we can't see you pointing.
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And why wasn't that
the first thing?
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Because I said
two other things first?
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All right.
We've trained for this.
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Cyril, on guns.
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- We need cover.
- On it.
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- Krieger, spool up hyperspace drive.
- Spooling.
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- Cheryl, get to your fighter.
- Lame.
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- Ray, you're still useless.
- You know...
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Pam, swoop in with
the gig, lasso the grid,
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and tow it to the ship.
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Pam? Pam.
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Pam!
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What?
I'm right friggin' here.
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I don't know. Maybe we got
attacked by scavengers,
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barely got out with the
power core, and... oh, right...
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I ran out of fuel
and almost died.
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Something about a bridge...
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Who am I,
Santiago Calatrava?
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- The shortstop?
- No.
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That's what I'm gonna
call my foot
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when it's gracefully
yet powerfully suspended
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up your ass.
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Look, I feel terrible, guys.
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No more mistakes.
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I'll be the perfect
crew member from now on.
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Which is why you skipped
the debriefing?
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I said from now on.
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And came directly
to the mess hall.
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I eat my feelings?
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- Amongst everything.
- Don't be a dick.
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Why would he possibly
stop now?
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It's kind of
a big part of my draw.
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Look, I just came down here
to get a leftover sandwich
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from that time we were on
Toba Station.
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Dibs! Dibs, dibs,
dibs, dibs.
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Where are you, you beautiful...
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Aah!
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- Aah!
- Aah!
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What the hell was that?!
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That would be my sandwich.
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*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 03
Episode Title :"1999: The Leftovers"
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What do we know about it?
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Well, apparently
it's allergic to compliments.
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And ate all our food.
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The food?
But that's what we eat.
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Where did it come from?
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Well, originally it was
a sandwich from Toba Station.
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See, you eat it while
it's alive and struggling,
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but it was definitely
dead when I finished.
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It must've regenerated.
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Be that as it may,
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we need a plan before
this gets out of hand.
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It laid eggs.
Weird, gross eggs.
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Cool, let me see!
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Uh, how many?
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I don't know.
Th-They're everywhere.
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So we've got an alien on board
that's multiplying,
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no food, and scavengers
might still be tracking us.
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Anyone have an idea
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00:04:07,811 --> 00:04:10,450
that doesn't involve
us dying in space?
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I vote dying.
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Archer, Lana,
you go find this thing.
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Gillette, Cheryl,
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gather all the scraps of food
that are left
95
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to see if we can make
the next spaceport.
96
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Krieger, study the eggs.
Try to find a weakness.
97
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Cyril, Ms. Archer, keep
scanning for those scavengers.
98
00:04:25,125 --> 00:04:26,388
Now, if you'll excuse me,
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00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,652
I have to stride somewhere
with purpose.
100
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Wow. Now, I want to say
that's dumb,
101
00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:36,156
because, well, Pam.
102
00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:38,450
- Yeah, but that's...
- Actually...
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A good idea.
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So, if I were
to hypothetically suss out
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the military applications of... Okay,
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yes, I see by your faces, yes.
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Got it.
Won't do that.
108
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We're going to have
such adventures together.
109
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,044
Yeah, that won't
come back to haunt us.
110
00:04:54,139 --> 00:04:55,520
I'll keep an eye on him.
111
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And just
kill that thing, Sterling,
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before Krieger uses it
to mutate us all into,
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let's say... space goo.
114
00:05:05,453 --> 00:05:07,411
I vote space goo.
115
00:05:07,499 --> 00:05:09,066
- So, are you gonna...
- Shh.
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Shut.
Shut your mouth.
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I will not let you
ruin this for me,
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like you have
so many other times.
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I. Am. Ready.
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- Ya done?
- What?
121
00:05:31,395 --> 00:05:33,463
I don't know how to do
the volume on this thing.
122
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I said, "ya done?"
123
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Oh, got it.
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I think so.
There's nothing left,
125
00:05:38,069 --> 00:05:39,637
and also I can barely move.
126
00:05:39,725 --> 00:05:41,590
And that's gonna help you
catch this thing how?
127
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All of this, Lana,
is totally necessary.
128
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:50,385
Actually,
let's see where it is.
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00:05:50,473 --> 00:05:52,517
I only have another seven,
eight steps in me.
130
00:05:53,717 --> 00:05:55,801
Huh. This says
it's within two meters.
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Which would only
make sense if...
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Oh, screw you,
two-dimensional display.
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00:06:03,868 --> 00:06:05,618
Aah!
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00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,426
Hey! Hey!
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Lana, it's friendly.
136
00:06:12,046 --> 00:06:14,997
Also laying gross eggs.
Pretty much constantly.
137
00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,083
And the cloaca blooms.
138
00:06:17,983 --> 00:06:19,426
And what does that mean,
139
00:06:19,514 --> 00:06:21,395
other than that you now
have a sideline
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00:06:21,546 --> 00:06:23,286
in Georgia O'Keefe sculptures?
141
00:06:23,374 --> 00:06:25,637
The eggs contain
self-healing DNA.
142
00:06:25,725 --> 00:06:26,809
If I can isolate it,
143
00:06:26,897 --> 00:06:29,595
I might unlock the secret
of regeneration.
144
00:06:30,417 --> 00:06:32,551
And they called me mad.
145
00:06:32,639 --> 00:06:33,857
- Who did?
- Huh?
146
00:06:33,945 --> 00:06:35,770
Oh, I guess I just assumed.
147
00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:37,442
Safe bet.
148
00:06:38,270 --> 00:06:40,528
So, do you want the bad news?
149
00:06:40,616 --> 00:06:44,272
- Or the what?
- Uh, there is no other news.
150
00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:46,700
Then why did you ask?
151
00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:47,934
Rhetorical effect?
152
00:06:48,022 --> 00:06:50,226
Well, it stopped us
in our tracks, Cicero,
153
00:06:50,314 --> 00:06:51,919
so mark it as ineffective.
154
00:06:52,007 --> 00:06:53,591
Look, we don't have
enough food to make it
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00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:54,911
to the nearest spaceport.
156
00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:57,122
Even if we carefully rationed
out the scraps here,
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00:06:57,210 --> 00:06:58,738
we still wouldn't have...
158
00:07:01,396 --> 00:07:02,807
He... He's incorrigible.
159
00:07:02,895 --> 00:07:04,114
- Damn it, Archer.
- What?
160
00:07:04,202 --> 00:07:06,520
He said there wasn't enough
food to make it to spaceport.
161
00:07:06,622 --> 00:07:09,848
Nothing's changed.
So I accept your apology.
162
00:07:09,936 --> 00:07:12,857
Ooh! It's starting.
We'll tear ourselves apart
163
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with suspicion and doubt
and then eat each other!
164
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I call first dibs.
165
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- To eat or be eaten?
- Whatever. I'm not picky.
166
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:22,333
Better sharpen those chompers.
167
00:07:22,432 --> 00:07:24,614
I am so confused
by your tone.
168
00:07:24,702 --> 00:07:26,739
Me too.
169
00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:28,342
It may not come to that.
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Using the egg,
I may have found a way
171
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to regenerate our cells
as we starve.
172
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It won't be pleasant...
173
00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:37,068
- But?
- No, I was done.
174
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:39,044
Let me guess...
There's a chance
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00:07:39,132 --> 00:07:40,581
it'll turn us into space goo?
176
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,465
No. Well, yes.
Actually, it's pretty likely.
177
00:07:43,553 --> 00:07:44,525
How'd you know that?
178
00:07:44,613 --> 00:07:47,098
Because it's always
space goo with you.
179
00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:49,420
- Well, not just that.
- We should eat the eggs.
180
00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:51,299
Oh, these hook-covered,
evil-smelling
181
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:52,715
pus sacks that just happen
182
00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:55,239
to be the property
of my new best friend?
183
00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:57,622
But they make you
feel amazing!
184
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,410
- Oh, God.
- But you didn't even
185
00:08:00,497 --> 00:08:01,754
know we were out of food.
186
00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:03,365
So when did you
start eating those?
187
00:08:03,453 --> 00:08:05,419
Pretty much immediately.
188
00:08:10,663 --> 00:08:13,057
So, not to start
this off on the wrong foot,
189
00:08:13,145 --> 00:08:15,090
but I'm thinking
of eating your feet.
190
00:08:15,178 --> 00:08:17,059
When I said we had
to consider our options,
191
00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:18,902
- this is not what I meant.
- Well, I didn't hear
192
00:08:18,989 --> 00:08:20,448
anyone else
suggesting anything.
193
00:08:20,535 --> 00:08:21,958
Because you told me
to shut up.
194
00:08:22,046 --> 00:08:23,743
And here you are, talking.
195
00:08:23,859 --> 00:08:25,296
I meant something
that leaves us
196
00:08:25,384 --> 00:08:26,715
with the right number of feet.
197
00:08:26,803 --> 00:08:30,192
Lana, it's offensive to call
it "the right number of feet"
198
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,327
when those lacking limbsare
valuable members of society.
199
00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:34,677
Hey, yeah.
200
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,612
It's also why you should
let me eat your feet.
201
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,215
This seems productive.
202
00:08:38,303 --> 00:08:40,130
Shouldn't you be scanning?
203
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,497
I think Cyril's on that.
204
00:08:41,585 --> 00:08:44,079
- Not on that.
- And clean yourselves up.
205
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:45,825
You go a few days
without food,
206
00:08:45,913 --> 00:08:47,828
and suddenly you look
like a pack of Okies
207
00:08:47,916 --> 00:08:50,702
matted with wet dirt.
208
00:08:50,826 --> 00:08:52,044
Uh, it's called mud,
209
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,230
and why is it that you
don't care about starving?
210
00:08:54,318 --> 00:08:56,409
Oh, I've trained myself
to live on a liquid diet.
211
00:08:56,497 --> 00:08:58,137
I guess that's
the upside of having blood
212
00:08:58,225 --> 00:08:59,630
that's basically formaldehyde.
213
00:08:59,718 --> 00:09:01,850
So you're essentially
pre-embalmed.
214
00:09:01,938 --> 00:09:03,375
Okay, look, we're all hungry.
215
00:09:03,463 --> 00:09:06,466
Let's just calm down
and stop insulting Mother
216
00:09:06,554 --> 00:09:08,190
until I think
of a really good one.
217
00:09:08,278 --> 00:09:09,584
I'll mark my calendar.
218
00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:13,543
Oh, look... it's dreaming.
219
00:09:13,631 --> 00:09:15,764
Shouldn't we try
eating these eggs?
220
00:09:15,851 --> 00:09:17,473
I mean, before
we drown in them?
221
00:09:17,561 --> 00:09:19,941
Not yet. Krieger says
they're loaded with all sorts
222
00:09:20,029 --> 00:09:22,807
of crazy chemicals
and God knows what.
223
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,294
Pam seems okay.
224
00:09:24,382 --> 00:09:25,499
Does she?
225
00:09:33,088 --> 00:09:35,489
Anyhoo, just hang tight.
226
00:09:35,577 --> 00:09:37,309
Krieger might
have something soon.
227
00:09:37,397 --> 00:09:39,917
And for God's sake,
show some restraint.
228
00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:43,885
I must be pretty hungry.
Now I'm hearing things.
229
00:09:43,973 --> 00:09:45,838
- Uh, that's not imaginary.
- Good.
230
00:09:45,926 --> 00:09:48,010
'Cause I was about
to kick my imagination's ass
231
00:09:48,098 --> 00:09:50,755
for having terrible taste.
What is that?
232
00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:53,976
Sounds like a piano
double-crossed the yakuza.
233
00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:59,170
♪ Struck oil from the start ♪
234
00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:01,417
♪ But the real land
you stole was in my... ♪
235
00:10:01,505 --> 00:10:03,197
Please don't say "heart."
236
00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:06,195
Start-heart is the lyrical
equivalent of light beige.
237
00:10:06,283 --> 00:10:07,548
What is all this here, then?
238
00:10:07,636 --> 00:10:09,525
Hey, remember when
you said I was useless?
239
00:10:09,613 --> 00:10:11,828
Honestly, no,
but it does sound like me.
240
00:10:11,916 --> 00:10:12,951
"All this here then"
241
00:10:13,038 --> 00:10:15,617
is me finally finding
my true purpose in life.
242
00:10:15,705 --> 00:10:17,073
Didn't you come out,
like, years ago?
243
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,603
Yeah, there's more to me
244
00:10:18,691 --> 00:10:20,275
- than my sexuality.
- Eh.
245
00:10:20,363 --> 00:10:22,666
For example, my love
of musical theater.
246
00:10:22,754 --> 00:10:24,582
And that's distinct from...
247
00:10:26,406 --> 00:10:28,539
I'm writing what
I always dreamed of:
248
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:31,765
A rock musical about
the Teapot Dome Scandal.
249
00:10:31,853 --> 00:10:32,978
That is the worst idea...
250
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,087
Let me finish!
251
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,478
With some
hip-hop elements.
252
00:10:35,566 --> 00:10:37,142
I stand corrected.
253
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:39,102
Please tell me it's not
called "Off the Dome."
254
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,853
Why?
Do you not like that?
255
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,119
Well, I'm proud of you
for pursuing your dream.
256
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:44,721
Thank you very much.
257
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:47,624
But you sure seem to have
a lot of energy
258
00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:49,001
for a starving person.
259
00:10:49,089 --> 00:10:51,206
- Come on, where's your stash?
- Be more specific.
260
00:10:51,294 --> 00:10:53,634
This room is basically
nothing but contraband.
261
00:10:53,722 --> 00:10:56,116
- Your food stash.
- I don't have any.
262
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:58,648
I'm just filled with
a glowing sense of purpose.
263
00:10:58,736 --> 00:11:00,572
Now, if you'll
leave me to my art,
264
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,166
I have to find a rhyme
with Mineral Leasing Act.
265
00:11:03,254 --> 00:11:06,257
The Crédit Mobilier scandal
would be much more compelling.
266
00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:09,826
- You take that back.
- Oh, come on. Union Pacific Railroad...
267
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,420
One of the central guys
was named George Train.
268
00:11:12,508 --> 00:11:13,576
That writes itself.
269
00:11:13,664 --> 00:11:15,419
Nothing writes itself.
270
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,514
Don't listen to them.
271
00:11:17,602 --> 00:11:19,858
Nothing but great calls,
baby Ray.
272
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,506
God, these eggs are dynamite.
273
00:11:23,594 --> 00:11:25,632
Neurological dynamite,
that is.
274
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,725
- Loaded with neurotransmitters.
- So what do they do?
275
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,022
The human brain
is fiendishly complex.
276
00:11:31,117 --> 00:11:34,754
It's all neurons and
electricity and mushy parts.
277
00:11:34,842 --> 00:11:36,959
- So you don't know?
- We'd have to scan someone
278
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:38,639
while they ate one
for the first time.
279
00:11:38,776 --> 00:11:40,483
But that could cause anything.
280
00:11:40,571 --> 00:11:42,704
Define "anything."
281
00:11:42,792 --> 00:11:45,522
Hmm.
Insanity, memory loss, death,
282
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:48,418
or a sexual syndrome
called brainaphilia
283
00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:49,873
that I just now invented.
284
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:52,485
So testing on a live subject
285
00:11:52,572 --> 00:11:54,819
would be totally unethical.
286
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,545
Let's use Cheryl.
287
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,623
Wait, were we considering
anything else?
288
00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:03,148
So, hitting the sauce
pretty hard?
289
00:12:03,235 --> 00:12:04,584
It's not sauce.
290
00:12:04,672 --> 00:12:06,028
I didn't think
it was literally...
291
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:07,326
It's marinade.
292
00:12:07,413 --> 00:12:09,616
And that's how
that conversation ended.
293
00:12:09,764 --> 00:12:12,405
Hey, the map thingy says
that we're flying toward
294
00:12:12,493 --> 00:12:14,201
- the Fang Nebula.
- So it does.
295
00:12:14,289 --> 00:12:16,772
Well, aren't there, like,
six overlapping wars
296
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:17,948
going on there right now?
297
00:12:18,036 --> 00:12:20,123
Why do people
rob banks, Cheryl?
298
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:21,883
If I'm remembering
this right,
299
00:12:21,979 --> 00:12:25,131
it's because the action
is the juice?
300
00:12:25,219 --> 00:12:27,241
Because that's
where the money is,
301
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,201
and if we're
looking for salvage,
302
00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:31,475
you fly into
the teeth of chaos
303
00:12:31,563 --> 00:12:34,725
and howl at the shadow
of death itself.
304
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:37,170
So say we all.
305
00:12:37,827 --> 00:12:39,702
Greetings, Rat Racers.
306
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:42,140
How does it feel to follow
orders like robots,
307
00:12:42,243 --> 00:12:44,158
pawns in your own lives?
308
00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:45,841
Cyril, what are you doing?
309
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:47,582
Other than mixing metaphors
310
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:49,530
into some kind
of smoothie-like paste.
311
00:12:49,618 --> 00:12:51,065
As little as possible,
muchacha.
312
00:12:51,153 --> 00:12:52,926
Why aren't you scanning?
313
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:55,100
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
Hold on.
314
00:12:56,928 --> 00:12:58,241
Yep, all clear.
315
00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:01,662
We're in deep space.
Nothing's ever on the scanner.
316
00:13:02,947 --> 00:13:04,699
It's all a scam
to keep you busy
317
00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:06,117
while they rob you
of your freedom.
318
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:09,294
Freedom to what, become
a human Jimmy Buffet B-side?
319
00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:11,451
You mean awesome
and underrated?
320
00:13:11,539 --> 00:13:15,147
No. Stop twisting my words.
Lana, he's twisting my words.
321
00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:18,456
Can we just get to the point?
Cyril, did you find food?
322
00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:19,676
You bet I did.
323
00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:21,243
Mmm, mmm.
324
00:13:21,686 --> 00:13:23,701
I came here to do two things:
325
00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:25,796
eat eggs and nothing.
326
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,679
And I'm not out of either.
327
00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:29,569
Now get out.
328
00:13:30,589 --> 00:13:32,289
What is going on?
329
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:34,210
I know.
Why am I in the hallway?
330
00:13:34,298 --> 00:13:35,843
No.
That's not what I was...
331
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:37,247
Wait, did I just
do what he said?
332
00:13:37,335 --> 00:13:39,101
Oh, no.
He's the alpha.
333
00:13:39,189 --> 00:13:40,593
He cares less than I do.
334
00:13:40,681 --> 00:13:43,445
I-I don't want to live
in a world where Cyril's cool.
335
00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:45,562
So, you're not worried
that our crew
336
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,398
seems to be going insane
and/or starving?
337
00:13:48,486 --> 00:13:50,793
Listen to me, I'm talking
about something important.
338
00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:53,429
My intrinsic dominance
over other males.
339
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,242
You think
he'd let me groom him?
340
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,571
It's something about those eggs.
341
00:13:56,658 --> 00:13:58,124
This might be
the starvation talking
342
00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,636
or the fact that I don't like
the looks of your feet,
343
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:03,118
but maybe we should
just eat the eggs?
344
00:14:03,206 --> 00:14:04,351
Everyone's acting weird,
345
00:14:04,439 --> 00:14:06,281
but I guess
they're not dead, right?
346
00:14:06,369 --> 00:14:08,676
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?
347
00:14:08,888 --> 00:14:10,367
Dot, dot, dot.
348
00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:13,640
How did this happen?
I hate you.
349
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:15,366
Yeah, and I don't usually
have a thing
350
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:16,601
for older divorced ladies.
351
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,867
- Hey!
- I'm kidding.
352
00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:20,263
I totally have a thing
for older divorced ladies.
353
00:14:21,243 --> 00:14:22,210
Not all the time.
354
00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:23,945
It's like a...
What's the drink called?
355
00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,117
Like a drink you drink
between other drinks.
356
00:14:26,205 --> 00:14:28,945
Like aperitif, but not.
357
00:14:29,033 --> 00:14:31,085
God, Cyril's gonna be pissed.
358
00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:33,045
Not digestif, that's after...
359
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,046
wait, you're sleeping
with Cyril?
360
00:14:35,134 --> 00:14:37,427
- And why would you care?
- I don't know.
361
00:14:38,201 --> 00:14:39,257
I guess, deep down,
362
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,367
I s-still care what you do.
363
00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:44,083
That's very slightly touching.
364
00:14:44,171 --> 00:14:45,843
I mean, you're my ex-wife, Lana.
365
00:14:45,931 --> 00:14:47,453
What you do reflects back on me.
366
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:50,837
Oh, this from the guy that
just called me an intermezzo.
367
00:14:50,925 --> 00:14:52,640
That's it!
Intermezzo.
368
00:14:52,728 --> 00:14:53,906
That was really bothering me.
369
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,515
This is a nightmare.
370
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,742
Talking to you is like talking
to a very selfish rock
371
00:14:58,830 --> 00:14:59,984
with mother issues.
372
00:15:00,072 --> 00:15:01,804
Rocks don't have moms.
373
00:15:01,892 --> 00:15:03,929
Unless you count volcanoes.
374
00:15:04,017 --> 00:15:06,398
But speaking of things
that are hard as a rock...
375
00:15:06,486 --> 00:15:08,444
Great segue.
That was pretty amazing, right?
376
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,804
Unfortunately, yes.
377
00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:12,020
Round two?
378
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:17,385
Does it bother you
that it's watching us?
379
00:15:20,525 --> 00:15:21,781
Why?
380
00:15:26,351 --> 00:15:28,619
How long do you need?
381
00:15:28,714 --> 00:15:30,588
After that sexual Iditarod?
382
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,640
- Two minutes, 15 seconds.
- Should we maybe discuss
383
00:15:33,728 --> 00:15:35,512
what's going on
with the ship and, uh,
384
00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:37,874
how we should
maybe do something about it?
385
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:40,203
Now you've pushed it back
to three with all that talk,
386
00:15:40,291 --> 00:15:41,758
so might as well.
387
00:15:41,845 --> 00:15:43,775
I just want to look at it.
388
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:45,799
Oh, my God, what's that?
389
00:15:45,887 --> 00:15:48,573
Huh.
I-I guess it was nothing.
390
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:50,831
- Oh, put a sock in it, Benedict.
391
00:15:50,964 --> 00:15:52,462
You've fallen for that,
like, four times.
392
00:15:52,549 --> 00:15:54,581
At some point,
it is your fault.
393
00:15:54,669 --> 00:15:57,673
You're calling it... No.
I will not engage with that.
394
00:15:57,761 --> 00:15:59,921
Are you sure? I've got awhole
series of quips about it.
395
00:16:00,037 --> 00:16:02,174
We're under the influence
of something, right?
396
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,830
I think we've just finally
discovered our true feelings.
397
00:16:04,918 --> 00:16:06,753
All the games can stop now.
398
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,714
We're gonna
be together forever.
399
00:16:11,657 --> 00:16:13,979
Yeah, yeah, we're egg crazy.
400
00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:16,354
Which explains why
we're setting sex records
401
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:19,893
in both frequency and duration
and probably distance,
402
00:16:19,981 --> 00:16:22,924
- if they measured sex in that.
- So let's go talk to Krieger,
403
00:16:23,012 --> 00:16:24,738
figure out a solution
to our starvation problem
404
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:26,596
and then get
rid of these eggs.
405
00:16:26,684 --> 00:16:28,784
Or we could just
have sex again?
406
00:16:28,872 --> 00:16:30,448
Yup, probably that.
407
00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:36,487
Krieger, I command
that you scan me.
408
00:16:36,575 --> 00:16:37,794
I already am.
409
00:16:37,882 --> 00:16:39,878
Because I command it.
All is well.
410
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,924
Huh,
same as Gillette and Cyril.
411
00:16:42,012 --> 00:16:44,227
Tough to see brain changes
with all the background egg
412
00:16:44,315 --> 00:16:45,104
in your blood.
413
00:16:45,196 --> 00:16:46,792
This scanner sees
through clothes.
414
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,393
- Why are we in our underwear?
- Why indeed?
415
00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:51,227
I did it because
Pam told me to.
416
00:16:51,315 --> 00:16:53,049
- Hey, me too.
- Patton couldn't lift
417
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,667
these nuts.
Hooah!
418
00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:57,540
My current hypothesisis
that these neurotransmitters
419
00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:58,803
free you from mental blocks
420
00:16:58,923 --> 00:17:00,885
and let you pursue
your deepest wishes.
421
00:17:00,973 --> 00:17:02,182
Leadership.
422
00:17:02,273 --> 00:17:03,331
Doing nothing.
423
00:17:03,419 --> 00:17:05,029
"Off the Dome."
424
00:17:05,117 --> 00:17:07,284
And we're married
to that title?
425
00:17:07,372 --> 00:17:09,287
Do you just live
in doorways now?
426
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:11,768
Found this one nibbling
on a power cord.
427
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:14,047
What are you, part Mynock?
428
00:17:14,135 --> 00:17:16,839
No. I was just trying
to tenderize myself.
429
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:18,157
Now who's stupid?
430
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:20,115
Can't believe we were
so wrong about you.
431
00:17:20,203 --> 00:17:21,956
Cheryl, can you step in here
432
00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:23,190
and put this in your mouth?
433
00:17:23,278 --> 00:17:25,151
Not gonna fall for that again.
434
00:17:26,799 --> 00:17:27,901
Damn it!
435
00:17:28,016 --> 00:17:30,337
- How do you feel?
- I don't feel any different.
436
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,073
I mean, hmm, I kinda
want to blow up the ship,
437
00:17:34,161 --> 00:17:35,238
but I always want to do that.
438
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:36,621
There goes your theory.
439
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:38,674
No, I think
this actually confirms it.
440
00:17:38,762 --> 00:17:40,589
Because she has
no impulse control,
441
00:17:40,637 --> 00:17:42,214
the eggs don't affect her.
442
00:17:42,313 --> 00:17:44,228
That's totally unfair.
443
00:17:44,479 --> 00:17:45,628
Whuh-oh.
444
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,783
Seems these eggs
are also highly addictive.
445
00:17:47,871 --> 00:17:49,487
- No, they're not.
- That's ridiculous. -What, these?
446
00:17:49,574 --> 00:17:50,601
These eggs right here?
447
00:17:50,689 --> 00:17:53,776
Krieger, I think
it's time we took a walk.
448
00:17:53,871 --> 00:17:55,969
Ooh, I love secret plans.
449
00:17:58,324 --> 00:17:59,938
Oh, God.
450
00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:02,506
- I just ejaculated dust,
451
00:18:02,594 --> 00:18:05,219
and I'm pretty sure it was
my own pulverized skeleton.
452
00:18:05,936 --> 00:18:07,198
One more go?
453
00:18:07,704 --> 00:18:09,094
So, hey, guys.
454
00:18:09,182 --> 00:18:12,272
Ugh. I would act startled
but it would probably kill me.
455
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,454
Turns out those eggs
are highly addictive
456
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:16,326
and make you act out
your deepest desires.
457
00:18:16,414 --> 00:18:18,460
Yeah, that's kind of
where we came out on it.
458
00:18:18,608 --> 00:18:20,349
So if you'll excuse us.
459
00:18:20,437 --> 00:18:22,091
Please, don't mind me.
460
00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:25,008
Do we mind? I mean,
I could go either way.
461
00:18:25,096 --> 00:18:26,258
Yes, we mind.
462
00:18:26,346 --> 00:18:28,097
And I mind that
this ship is doomed
463
00:18:28,185 --> 00:18:29,610
if no one does their jobs.
464
00:18:29,698 --> 00:18:31,282
Oh, come on, it's...
465
00:18:33,421 --> 00:18:35,454
- probably fine.
- But if this keeps up,
466
00:18:35,584 --> 00:18:37,107
we're probably
gonna die of chafing.
467
00:18:37,194 --> 00:18:39,086
Pam also locked the ship
onto a course
468
00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:41,220
for the Fang Nebula.
469
00:18:41,308 --> 00:18:43,353
♪ I am Wyoming, I am home ♪
470
00:18:43,441 --> 00:18:46,024
♪ I am America,
I'm Teapot Dome. ♪
471
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:49,115
God, wow, that is
cask-strength ear poison,
472
00:18:49,203 --> 00:18:51,257
but I'm still on the fence.
473
00:18:51,345 --> 00:18:52,730
Do you really want
to live the rest
474
00:18:52,818 --> 00:18:54,142
of your short life in a world
475
00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:55,946
where Cyril
is cooler than you?
476
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,008
We'll shoot the eggs into space.
477
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,741
But only if you modify
Benedictso he stops laying eggs.
478
00:19:00,829 --> 00:19:02,751
He's my friend and he's staying.
479
00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:04,689
And I just realized
he's probably a she.
480
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,375
There's no way for me
to know if I can even...
481
00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:08,282
He'll do it
or he goes in the recycler.
482
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:09,978
But wait...
What will we eat?
483
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,095
I cobbled together a formula
from stuff on hand
484
00:19:12,183 --> 00:19:13,532
and the regenerative DNA.
485
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,054
It should provide
enough nutrients
486
00:19:15,142 --> 00:19:16,197
to get us to spaceport.
487
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:17,853
Really?
Space goo?
488
00:19:17,941 --> 00:19:19,767
No.
It's more of a slurry.
489
00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:22,158
Yeah, it's a goo.
490
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:26,736
All right,
that's the last of them.
491
00:19:26,824 --> 00:19:29,332
- Took you long enough.
- Not engaging. Not engaging.
492
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:31,683
Engage, MF-ers.
493
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,736
You'll touch that button
when I say so.
494
00:19:33,831 --> 00:19:35,615
And guess what?
I won't.
495
00:19:35,703 --> 00:19:37,792
- How did you find us?
- Uh, I tapped into
496
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,621
the shipwide
surveillance system.
497
00:19:39,709 --> 00:19:41,986
Which, by the way...
Pretty pissed about.
498
00:19:42,074 --> 00:19:43,859
Look, we've got to get
rid of these eggs,
499
00:19:43,969 --> 00:19:45,432
and everything
will go back to normal.
500
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:46,580
- No.
- Screw normal.
501
00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:48,298
You think I
likebeing a courtesan
502
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:49,486
on a salvage ship?
503
00:19:49,574 --> 00:19:51,267
I have a postgraduate degree.
504
00:19:51,355 --> 00:19:54,924
- What's it called? A Ph. Dong?
- That's what they call it.
505
00:19:55,012 --> 00:19:57,414
I just want to do nothing
and be happy
506
00:19:57,502 --> 00:19:58,797
and not get yelled at!
507
00:19:58,885 --> 00:20:00,439
And I'm good at being a captain.
508
00:20:00,527 --> 00:20:03,105
I want to take some
initiative without this ding dong.
509
00:20:03,193 --> 00:20:04,730
- Hey!
- Not you.
510
00:20:04,818 --> 00:20:06,605
Doing his stupid plans.
511
00:20:06,693 --> 00:20:09,714
So, what I'm hearing is you
wantArcher to be nicer or,
512
00:20:09,802 --> 00:20:12,406
alternatively,
we can die in space,
513
00:20:12,494 --> 00:20:14,104
as previously discussed.
514
00:20:14,738 --> 00:20:16,088
I'm thinking.
515
00:20:16,176 --> 00:20:17,423
Ow, fine.
516
00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:19,949
Jesus, your knuckles
are like filberts.
517
00:20:20,036 --> 00:20:21,603
Well, don't worry about
food, because I...
518
00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:22,604
- Christ.
- Yup. -You made space goo.
519
00:20:22,691 --> 00:20:23,605
- Space goo.
- Space goo.
520
00:20:23,692 --> 00:20:24,867
Aw, my moment.
521
00:20:24,954 --> 00:20:27,109
- Oh, my God!
- Oh! Come on, man! -Oh, the stench!
522
00:20:27,197 --> 00:20:30,307
What'd you use to make it...
Human waste and garbage?
523
00:20:30,394 --> 00:20:31,455
Hmm, not just that.
524
00:20:31,543 --> 00:20:33,174
Okay, I'm back on the egg side.
525
00:20:33,262 --> 00:20:34,571
Seriously? What about...
526
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:35,799
Wow. Okay.
527
00:20:35,887 --> 00:20:36,924
That is powerful.
528
00:20:37,012 --> 00:20:38,681
Cork it, electro-nuts.
529
00:20:38,769 --> 00:20:39,783
Whew.
530
00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:41,786
L-Look, we're all happy.
531
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,593
Yes, maybe it's a shortcut,
532
00:20:43,681 --> 00:20:45,720
but don't we deserve that
once in a while?
533
00:20:45,897 --> 00:20:48,119
Isn't it nice
just to be together?
534
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:49,948
To not worry about the future?
535
00:20:50,092 --> 00:20:53,547
Call it an intermezzo,
but maybe it's worth it?
536
00:20:53,635 --> 00:20:55,419
Ah, that was beautiful.
537
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:58,596
But no, I will not gorge myselfon
a highly addictive substance
538
00:20:58,683 --> 00:20:59,963
while we drift into a war zone
539
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,748
while listening
to a shitty rock musical,
540
00:21:01,836 --> 00:21:04,549
because it's insane
and we will die.
541
00:21:06,637 --> 00:21:08,463
- Seize her.
- No, no, no...
542
00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:11,926
- - No, no, no, wait!
- Hey, guys.
543
00:21:12,496 --> 00:21:14,416
Remember when you were happy?
544
00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:15,916
No!
545
00:21:23,493 --> 00:21:26,010
- Why did you do that?
- It turns out the eggs
546
00:21:26,098 --> 00:21:27,681
did unleash my deepest desire.
547
00:21:27,769 --> 00:21:29,858
It's to make you all miserable.
548
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:33,914
Warning: unknown
vessel approaching.
549
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,727
- Cyril, what did we say about the scanner,
- Warning:
550
00:21:35,814 --> 00:21:37,026
- you colossal turd?
- Unknown vessel approaching.
551
00:21:37,113 --> 00:21:38,956
- Hey, you said you'd be nicer to me.
- Warning:
552
00:21:39,043 --> 00:21:40,250
I never agreed to that.
553
00:21:40,338 --> 00:21:41,334
Yes, you did.
Unknown vessel approaching.
554
00:21:41,422 --> 00:21:42,379
- I obviously didn't
- Warning: unknown vessel
555
00:21:42,466 --> 00:21:44,002
- mean it, Lana.
- Approaching.
556
00:21:45,469 --> 00:21:46,572
Well,
557
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:47,835
we're all gonna die.
558
00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:49,708
- Thanks, Lana.
- How is this my fault?
559
00:21:49,804 --> 00:21:52,799
I don't know,
but it feels good to say that.
560
00:21:53,046 --> 00:21:55,549
Hey, guys,
it's Captain Brett!
561
00:21:55,637 --> 00:21:57,769
Yeah, I've been tracking
you guys for a while,
562
00:21:57,857 --> 00:22:00,041
and I thought you guys
might need some supplies.
563
00:22:02,142 --> 00:22:03,938
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
How do we know it's Brett?
564
00:22:04,025 --> 00:22:05,367
Ooh, hold on guys,
565
00:22:05,455 --> 00:22:08,158
I'm getting something weird
on my scanner here.
566
00:22:08,246 --> 00:22:09,900
Yeah, what are those?
567
00:22:10,092 --> 00:22:11,783
Oh, no. No, no!
568
00:22:11,871 --> 00:22:13,220
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
569
00:22:13,396 --> 00:22:15,525
No!
570
00:22:24,814 --> 00:22:27,283
Yep, th-that was Brett.
571
00:22:48,619 --> 00:22:51,970
Made in Georgia.
572
00:22:56,626 --> 00:22:58,541
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
573
00:22:58,629 --> 00:23:00,861
Corrections done by srjanapala
574
00:23:03,504 --> 00:23:05,375
Sun"s out, guns out.
575
00:23:05,462 --> 00:23:08,384
- Well, in space, the sun is always...
- Don"t step on my line!
576
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:10,240
What the hell was that?
577
00:23:10,327 --> 00:23:12,329
My last bottle of Bitter Lemon!
578
00:23:12,423 --> 00:23:14,033
Archer 1999.
579
00:23:14,121 --> 00:23:16,921
All new,
Wednesdays at 10:00 on FXX.
580
00:23:18,143 --> 00:23:19,673
Since this is
your first time,
581
00:23:19,761 --> 00:23:22,298
why don"t you tell us
something about yourself?
582
00:23:24,204 --> 00:23:25,509
I don"t like cats.
583
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,703
Okay.
Martha, what about you?
584
00:23:29,443 --> 00:23:31,548
Well, Chip stole mine.
585
00:23:33,039 --> 00:23:34,166
Baskets.
586
00:23:34,254 --> 00:23:37,275
All new,
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.
587
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:46,503
The insight you get...
is important.
588
00:23:46,590 --> 00:23:48,984
I really am gonna try to figure
out what happened on the ground.
589
00:23:49,071 --> 00:23:51,639
I had a few moments where I was
like, "Can I do this?"
590
00:23:51,726 --> 00:23:54,598
It"s a question
that we have to answer.
591
00:23:54,729 --> 00:23:56,644
How late are you gonna be
driving tonight, do you think?
592
00:23:56,731 --> 00:23:58,168
Can I ask you just a
couple more questions?
593
00:23:58,256 --> 00:23:58,895
No problem.
594
00:23:58,983 --> 00:24:01,725
At that point, what did you guys
know about family separation?
595
00:24:03,738 --> 00:24:04,739
The Weekly.
596
00:24:04,869 --> 00:24:07,655
All new,
Sundays at 10:00 on FX.
597
00:24:16,577 --> 00:24:19,928
Pose.
All new, Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
598
00:24:21,495 --> 00:24:23,540
It"s a place I go.
599
00:24:24,541 --> 00:24:25,629
It moves
in two directions.
600
00:24:25,716 --> 00:24:27,196
One way...
601
00:24:27,326 --> 00:24:28,676
Is the past.
602
00:24:28,763 --> 00:24:29,894
The other way...
603
00:24:29,981 --> 00:24:31,592
Is the future.
604
00:24:32,288 --> 00:24:33,289
Show me.
604
00:24:34,305 --> 00:25:34,923
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