1
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:07,850
So then he's all like "Ya
gotta go before my roommate

2
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:11,014
gets home" and I'm like "Who cares?"
and he's like...

3
00:00:11,082 --> 00:00:12,434
You're a moped.

4
00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:15,771
How do you know?
What's it mean anyway?

5
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:18,521
Mopeds are fun, but you don't want
your buddies to see you riding one.

6
00:00:18,589 --> 00:00:21,157
- Ohhh...
- Yeah.

7
00:00:21,225 --> 00:00:23,460
I thought he meant
I was fuel-efficient.

8
00:00:23,527 --> 00:00:24,809
I only had ten beers.

9
00:00:24,929 --> 00:00:26,730
- Fourties?
- No!

10
00:00:26,797 --> 00:00:28,665
Yes. Hence the shandy.

11
00:00:28,733 --> 00:00:32,464
My head feels like a bunch of monkies
fighting over a bucket of marbles.

12
00:00:33,571 --> 00:00:36,807
Stick that horn in your ass!

13
00:00:37,975 --> 00:00:39,142
Nutsack.

14
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:40,692
And what time is it?

15
00:00:40,812 --> 00:00:44,072
- Well it's 9:01, but...
- And what time is late?

16
00:00:44,192 --> 00:00:49,036
Technically 9:01, also, but I'm
sure Cheryl has a good excuse this time.

17
00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:55,392
Oh right, like the
time her ocelot was sick!

18
00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:58,194
Or yesterday, when she said she had to
walk to work because there was a midget

19
00:00:58,262 --> 00:00:59,663
on the train!

20
00:01:00,054 --> 00:01:03,833
- I think she said it was a dwarf...
- And I said that was her last chance!

21
00:01:03,901 --> 00:01:04,567
She's fired.

22
00:01:04,635 --> 00:01:07,570
I want her desk cleaned out
and a new secretary by lunch.

23
00:01:07,638 --> 00:01:10,974
- That's kinda more Pam's department...
- Who is also late!

24
00:01:11,042 --> 00:01:14,620
And I just can't wait to
hear that lame excuse...

25
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,181
Just get her in the damn van!

26
00:01:18,249 --> 00:01:20,565
She's crazy frickin strong!

27
00:01:20,685 --> 00:01:22,686
Yeah!
You fight 'em off, Cheryl!

28
00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:23,920
Wh-? ! Cheryl?!

29
00:01:23,988 --> 00:01:26,456
Yes!
That's you! You're Cheryl!

30
00:01:26,524 --> 00:01:28,725
What? ! What're you...

31
00:01:28,793 --> 00:01:30,894
Aaaghh!
I swear to God I'm blind!

32
00:01:30,962 --> 00:01:34,230
C'mon, the boss is waiting!
We don't need her!

33
00:01:34,298 --> 00:01:37,434
Because I'm
just her stupid friend!

34
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:39,269
She's who you want!

35
00:01:39,337 --> 00:01:40,704
Cheryyyyl!

36
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:44,708
Yes, just keep
shouting your own name!

37
00:01:44,775 --> 00:01:45,809
What're you...

38
00:01:45,876 --> 00:01:47,711
I'll pray for you, Cheryl!

39
00:01:47,778 --> 00:01:50,363
Goddammit, I'm not...

40
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,565
Whew!

41
00:01:54,685 --> 00:01:56,987
Well that was a close one.

42
00:01:57,054 --> 00:01:59,155
Ugh. And thank Pam.
Way to drag out a kidnapping.

43
00:01:59,223 --> 00:02:00,757
Now I'm late again.

44
00:02:00,825 --> 00:02:03,793
Although this is a way better
excuse than the train-dwarf.

45
00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:05,489
Which... ick.

46
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:17,546

47
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:25,074
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48
00:02:43,432 --> 00:02:44,419
Kidnapped.

49
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,144
Like a huge,
sweatery Lindbergh baby.

50
00:02:47,264 --> 00:02:48,857
So it's really Pam's
fault I'm late.

51
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:51,007
- Why would anyone...
- In the world...

52
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:52,836
... want to kidnap Pam?

53
00:02:52,888 --> 00:02:56,572
There's a... teeny-tiny chance
they maybe might've thought Pam was me?

54
00:02:56,692 --> 00:02:57,684
- How?
- No idea.

55
00:02:57,804 --> 00:02:59,986
- Well, even if you weren't lying...
- The train-dwarf

56
00:03:00,106 --> 00:03:03,485
was real and he looked right at
me with his dwarfy eyeballs!

57
00:03:05,005 --> 00:03:06,801
Why would anyone
want to kidnap you?

58
00:03:06,868 --> 00:03:12,824
Because my last name
isn't Gimple, like it says on my W-4.

59
00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:15,094
- It's Tunt.
- Tum again?

60
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:18,861
- Oh c'mon, nothing?
- Not the Tunts.

61
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,241
Wait, how do I know that name?

62
00:03:20,361 --> 00:03:21,777
Ever been on a railroad?

63
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,621
- Yes.
- Ho-lee shit!

64
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:24,860
Not a big deal,
they're everywhere.

65
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:28,841
Yeah, and her
great-grandfather built 'em all!

66
00:03:28,961 --> 00:03:29,499
Wait, what?

67
00:03:29,619 --> 00:03:33,569
Do you expect me to believe
you're a descendant of Cornelius Tunt?

68
00:03:33,689 --> 00:03:36,364
Yeah all,
whatever, five Cornelia.

69
00:03:36,431 --> 00:03:40,038
MALORY And George Washington Tunt,
The Tuntmore House. Yes.

70
00:03:40,158 --> 00:03:41,969
I spent like, every summer
there, listening to my creepy

71
00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:44,590
great-grandmother bitch
about Abraham Lincoln.

72
00:03:45,997 --> 00:03:48,131
Apparently slavery
was pretty awesome.

73
00:03:48,251 --> 00:03:49,043
Prove it.

74
00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:50,001
What's to prove, it's free labor.

75
00:03:50,121 --> 00:03:51,874
Not that! Ass!

76
00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:53,843
Prove you're really a Tunt.

77
00:03:53,963 --> 00:03:58,102
- CHERYL/CAROL Umm, I have a picture...
- You're kidding.

78
00:03:58,222 --> 00:04:00,187
Oh my god! That's you!

79
00:04:00,255 --> 00:04:01,455
Yes, it's me.

80
00:04:01,523 --> 00:04:04,458
Do you guys... I'm kinda freaking
out, you mind if I glue up?

81
00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:06,660
- It's your house.
- This is your house!

82
00:04:06,728 --> 00:04:10,231
And right next door, is that...
that's the Roosevelt mansion!

83
00:04:10,298 --> 00:04:11,905
CHERYL/CAROL Total shitbox,
they're weird.

84
00:04:12,025 --> 00:04:14,259
- What the...?
- What the hell was that?

85
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,103
Ugh, my stupid ocelot.

86
00:04:16,484 --> 00:04:18,472
I've never seen an ocelot!

87
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:21,776
Cheryl dear...
I don't know quite how to put this, but...

88
00:04:21,843 --> 00:04:25,579
Holy shit! You guys!
Look at his little spots.

89
00:04:25,647 --> 00:04:28,354
How much are you, ahem, worth?

90
00:04:28,474 --> 00:04:31,751
Well until Monday it was
liiike, I dunno, about fifty million?

91
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,087
Do what huh what?

92
00:04:33,155 --> 00:04:34,455
Carol, what's his name?

93
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,057
- Babou!
- I love him.

94
00:04:36,124 --> 00:04:38,065
But it should be Buyer's Remorse!

95
00:04:38,185 --> 00:04:40,465
Stupid thing's sick all the time.

96
00:04:41,296 --> 00:04:42,477
What happened Monday?

97
00:04:42,597 --> 00:04:44,398
Oh.
My parents were murdered.

98
00:04:44,466 --> 00:04:45,933
What?!

99
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,993
I'm kidding!
They are dead, though.

100
00:04:49,113 --> 00:04:52,206
The chauffeur had a stroke
and slammed into a tree.

101
00:04:52,274 --> 00:04:54,008
Funeral's probably
just wrapping up.

102
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:54,942
Why aren't you there?!

103
00:04:55,010 --> 00:04:57,611
Because you said if
I was late again you'd fire me!

104
00:04:57,679 --> 00:04:59,947
- Not for your parents' funeral!
- Well!

105
00:05:00,015 --> 00:05:02,582
- I don't know all your rules...
- Can I... jump in?

106
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,419
Just kinda curious, why
do you even work at ISIS?

107
00:05:05,487 --> 00:05:06,253
Why do you?

108
00:05:06,321 --> 00:05:08,722
I... because I'm not
worth a billion dollars!

109
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:09,790
Yeah, me neither.

110
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:12,226
I have to split it with
my stupid brother Cecil.

111
00:05:12,294 --> 00:05:14,727
And how much
will you be splitting?

112
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,798
It actually is a billion dollars.

113
00:05:17,866 --> 00:05:20,201
I am...
literally wet with jealousy.

114
00:05:20,268 --> 00:05:21,068
Jealous of what?

115
00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:24,038
Being scared of kidnappers
the rest of my life?!

116
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,407
It was bad enough when I was
only worth fifty million!

117
00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:31,212
Now it's gonna be ten times worse and...
And oh my God, I'm such a chicken!

118
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,257
I told them Pam was me!

119
00:05:34,579 --> 00:05:36,230
- Wow.
- Lana shut up.

120
00:05:36,350 --> 00:05:41,751
- First of all, I'm sure Pam is fine...
- Who taught ya how to punch?

121
00:05:41,871 --> 00:05:43,873
Yer husband?

122
00:05:44,926 --> 00:05:47,798
You better just [BLEEP] kill me.

123
00:05:47,918 --> 00:05:52,500
And second of all, no one
is going to kidnap you on my watch.

124
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,330
You may consider ISIS
your personal bodyguard.

125
00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:58,443
For, you know...
a modest retainer.

126
00:05:58,563 --> 00:06:00,126
- Ah.
- Still shut up.

127
00:06:00,246 --> 00:06:02,248
But... oh my God,
what about Pam?!

128
00:06:02,368 --> 00:06:05,266
I dunno about Pam...
And I know even less about ocelots.

129
00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:08,349
But my gut tells me you gotta
get some tree branches or a

130
00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:13,687
tire swing or something in there, because
he is desperate for stuff to play with.

131
00:06:13,755 --> 00:06:14,455
What're we doing?

132
00:06:14,523 --> 00:06:16,991
We're taking Cheryl back
to ISIS and locking it down

133
00:06:17,058 --> 00:06:20,161
until we catch those
dastardly kidnappers.

134
00:06:20,228 --> 00:06:21,829
Because we're all she has now.

135
00:06:21,897 --> 00:06:24,598
Okay, but on the way we gotta
stop at a toy store and at least get him

136
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:25,283
a stuffed animal.

137
00:06:25,403 --> 00:06:26,628
Something.

138
00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:31,916
It's like Meow-schwitz in there.

139
00:06:43,931 --> 00:06:45,339
Hm-hmm.

140
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:47,783
Half a billion?!
With a B?!

141
00:06:47,903 --> 00:06:48,896
Followed by an illion.

142
00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:52,478
Well that little... she owes
me thirtyseven hundred dollars!

143
00:06:52,598 --> 00:06:53,407
For what?

144
00:06:55,342 --> 00:06:56,966
What, nothing, what're we doing?

145
00:06:57,086 --> 00:06:57,991
Locking down ISIS.

146
00:06:58,111 --> 00:07:00,652
Because once the kidnappers realize
they've got the wrong idiot,

147
00:07:00,772 --> 00:07:03,150
they'll probably come
back for the right one.

148
00:07:03,217 --> 00:07:05,284
So here. All hands on deck.

149
00:07:05,404 --> 00:07:06,518
Cool.

150
00:07:09,682 --> 00:07:11,058
Safety's off, Barn.

151
00:07:11,178 --> 00:07:14,129
Trust me, dear.
This vault is the safest place

152
00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:15,395
in the entire building.

153
00:07:15,463 --> 00:07:18,298
But wait... how much are
you gonna charge for ISIS to protect me?

154
00:07:18,366 --> 00:07:20,218
Well that's based on my expenses.

155
00:07:20,338 --> 00:07:25,105
Plus an administrative fee, a small
contingency fee, few odds and ends...

156
00:07:25,173 --> 00:07:26,707
And you're
gonna get Pam back, right?

157
00:07:26,774 --> 00:07:28,642
Right after you
sign that contract.

158
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:31,778
Okaaaaayno.
First get Pam back.

159
00:07:31,846 --> 00:07:33,589
- Wh-? But...
- And bring me some stuff to do,

160
00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:35,746
it's crazy stupid boring in here.

161
00:07:35,866 --> 00:07:38,249
Well, now you
know how Babou feels.

162
00:07:39,163 --> 00:07:40,805
Crepuscular?

163
00:07:40,925 --> 00:07:43,351
God! Damn it, Cyril!

164
00:07:43,471 --> 00:07:44,595
Sorry!

165
00:07:44,844 --> 00:07:47,315
- Aw, c'mon...
- Barney.

166
00:07:48,252 --> 00:07:50,705
Well now this is just a disaster.

167
00:07:50,825 --> 00:07:52,236
Yeah ya think?!

168
00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:54,663
Not you, Mr. Blood Mobile!

169
00:07:54,783 --> 00:07:58,059
Cheryl is insisting we try to get
the kidnappers to release Pam!

170
00:07:58,179 --> 00:08:00,444
Weren't you...
gonna do that anyway?

171
00:08:01,805 --> 00:08:03,029
If it came up!

172
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:07,114
And will somebody answer the
damn phone once in their life?!

173
00:08:07,181 --> 00:08:08,658
Lookin your way, Brett.

174
00:08:08,778 --> 00:08:10,458
- Hello?
- Was that so hard?

175
00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:13,820
Yes? Yeah, one sec?
Kidnappers.

176
00:08:13,888 --> 00:08:15,088
Wh-? Keep 'em on the line!

177
00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:16,574
- I'm lead negotiator!
- No you're not!

178
00:08:16,694 --> 00:08:20,894
And you. Take Cheryl some...
crayons, or cheese or something.

179
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:26,258
- Unghh... I'm s-so... c-coold...
- Brett get off the phone!

180
00:08:26,378 --> 00:08:28,201
- You got it?
- Yes! Hang up!

181
00:08:28,269 --> 00:08:29,859
How long do I need
to keep him on?

182
00:08:29,979 --> 00:08:30,810
- Two minutes.
- What?!

183
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:32,273
What happened to thirty seconds?!

184
00:08:32,393 --> 00:08:34,104
Your mother's budget priorities!

185
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:36,314
No, this is all one solid piece.

186
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:40,313
Brazilian rosewood, straight from
the heart of the Amazon jungle.

187
00:08:40,381 --> 00:08:43,283
Guess how many pygmies
died cutting it down.

188
00:08:43,976 --> 00:08:45,879
Hint, six.

189
00:08:45,999 --> 00:08:48,308
Small price to pay for beauty.

190
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:51,491
Hi, Sterling Archer,
lead negotiator.

191
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:52,826
And to whom might I be speaking?

192
00:08:52,894 --> 00:08:54,245
Your worst nightmare.

193
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:56,530
Hi great, one sec?

194
00:08:56,597 --> 00:08:58,131
What are you doing?!

195
00:08:58,199 --> 00:09:02,702
I'll tell ya what I'm not doing,
is negotiating with a goddamn cyborg!

196
00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:04,525
That's just a voice modulator!

197
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,802
You don't think cyborgs
have that technology?!

198
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,325
- I'm hanging up!
- Hanging up?!

199
00:09:08,445 --> 00:09:10,089
Lana, it's not
worth it, it's just Pam!

200
00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:11,777
No, Archer, stop.

201
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,967
They're probably tracing us.

202
00:09:19,754 --> 00:09:21,608
We don't want them coming here.

203
00:09:22,157 --> 00:09:23,485
You idiots.

204
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:27,382
- This is Cheryl Tunt!
- That's what I've been trying to tell you

205
00:09:27,502 --> 00:09:30,235
between this little girl's love taps.

206
00:09:30,931 --> 00:09:34,984
Seriously, maybe see if your daddy
will give you a roll of nickels?

207
00:09:35,104 --> 00:09:37,589
First of all, how
are you still conscious?!

208
00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:40,452
How do ya think
I paid for college?

209
00:09:40,715 --> 00:09:44,773
Two sixty, two-eighty,
and jackson makes three.

210
00:09:44,893 --> 00:09:47,277
And sorry about your homey.

211
00:09:48,511 --> 00:09:49,700
Homeys.

212
00:09:49,954 --> 00:09:52,592
And second,
where is Cheryl Tunt?!

213
00:09:52,712 --> 00:09:56,323
Well I just assume she's safe at
ISIS, laughing her skinny lying ass

214
00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,119
off because she got me kidnapped.

215
00:10:00,782 --> 00:10:04,931
This isn't funny Cheryl, I need
that thirty-seven hundred dollars back!

216
00:10:04,999 --> 00:10:06,938
Well, sorry.
That money's gone.

217
00:10:07,058 --> 00:10:09,143
Wh-?
What do you mean it's gone?

218
00:10:16,255 --> 00:10:18,608
It's been an
extremely volatile year.

219
00:10:19,925 --> 00:10:21,187
- In the stock market?
- Sure.

220
00:10:21,307 --> 00:10:24,818
Well, whatever, I borrowed it from
my IRA and if I don't pay it back...

221
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:26,253
What're they
gonna do, kneecap you?!

222
00:10:26,373 --> 00:10:30,072
Wh-? Not the IRA, my IRA!

223
00:10:30,336 --> 00:10:32,692
And there are huge tax
implications for that!

224
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:33,967
I don't
have it, dum-dum!

225
00:10:34,087 --> 00:10:37,611
All my money's in like, a trust or whatever,
and I'd have to ask my gross brother!

226
00:10:37,731 --> 00:10:39,473
- So?!
- So he's gross.

227
00:10:39,593 --> 00:10:41,401
Cheryl I need that money.

228
00:10:41,469 --> 00:10:43,870
I don't have it!
Now screw already.

229
00:10:43,938 --> 00:10:45,939
I've got kidnappers
to worry about.

230
00:10:46,007 --> 00:10:47,111
But...

231
00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:54,721
Okay, here we go...
This is Agent Lana Kane.

232
00:10:54,841 --> 00:10:55,477
And you are?

233
00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:57,651
About five
seconds away from shooting

234
00:10:57,718 --> 00:11:00,453
your friend Pam in
her rock-like face.

235
00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:04,023
- Well, we obviously don't want you to...
- Violate the First Law of Robotics.

236
00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:08,528
... Shoot Pam, so what will it
take for you to release her unharmed?

237
00:11:08,596 --> 00:11:09,586
I'll trade you.

238
00:11:09,706 --> 00:11:10,874
For Cheryl Tunt.

239
00:11:10,994 --> 00:11:11,942
Tum again?

240
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:12,923
Still nothing?

241
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:17,469
Nooo no no no no... First of all,
we don't even know if Pam is still alive...

242
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,940
Yeah,
I'm right here with the guy!

243
00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:21,601
- And even if she were...
- I am!

244
00:11:21,721 --> 00:11:22,903
That's a no-brainer!

245
00:11:23,023 --> 00:11:26,166
I mean my God, Cheryl's
worth half a billion.

246
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,351
What?!

247
00:11:27,702 --> 00:11:29,614
Well?!
How much is this one worth?!

248
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:35,320
- Oh, for... seriously?
- I'm thinking!

249
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,315
You're stalling!

250
00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:37,737
So you can trace the call!

251
00:11:37,857 --> 00:11:38,820
No you've got tons of time.

252
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:39,596
Oh shut up.

253
00:11:39,643 --> 00:11:41,246
Hey!
What's it gonna be?

254
00:11:43,608 --> 00:11:46,212
- Malory!
- Alright, I can do...

255
00:11:46,795 --> 00:11:47,966
5 thousand?

256
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,324
- What?!
- Okay, we're done here.

257
00:11:49,444 --> 00:11:50,905
No no wait wait
wait, don't hang...

258
00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:54,799
- Five thousand?
- For Pam?

259
00:11:54,919 --> 00:11:57,965
I bet you spent ten tis
that on your new conference table!

260
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,121
I did not!

261
00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:02,266
Unless you include the funeral
expenses for those pygmies.

262
00:12:02,719 --> 00:12:05,885
And I bet that sneaky little
chief just dumped them all

263
00:12:05,953 --> 00:12:07,787
into one medium-sized hole.

264
00:12:07,907 --> 00:12:11,170
Well I was able to trace
the call to a one-block radius,

265
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:14,309
so if you will excuse me,
I am going to rescue Pam.

266
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,413
- No, I will do that.
- No, I will.

267
00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:18,645
God damn it!
Let's just everybody go!

268
00:12:18,765 --> 00:12:19,499
No!

269
00:12:19,619 --> 00:12:22,512
There's half a billion dollars worth
of Tunt sitting in that vault!

270
00:12:22,632 --> 00:12:24,236
That's the critical mission here!

271
00:12:24,356 --> 00:12:25,787
So who gets it?

272
00:12:28,217 --> 00:12:31,121
No heroics, you two.
It's just Pam.

273
00:12:31,241 --> 00:12:34,677
I mean, I know it's hard to put
a dollar value on a human life,

274
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:37,135
but for shit's sake...
five grand?

275
00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:39,553
Yeah, so please
don't take this the wrong way,

276
00:12:39,673 --> 00:12:40,814
but I am gonna kill you.

277
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,829
Aw c'mon, I haven't
seen your faces!

278
00:12:44,158 --> 00:12:45,125
- There.
- Damn.

279
00:12:45,245 --> 00:12:46,135
Now shut up.

280
00:12:46,255 --> 00:12:50,538
Hey so, I'm not totally on-board
with a full-frontal assault on ISIS.

281
00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:52,474
Yeah I'm
actually totally off-board.

282
00:12:52,594 --> 00:12:54,830
- My eyes still hurt pretty bad.
- Too bad.

283
00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:57,342
That's the only way
we're gonna get to Cheryl Tunt.

284
00:12:57,462 --> 00:12:59,215
- I can get you guys in.
- Um...

285
00:12:59,786 --> 00:13:01,835
- Seriously?
- Yeah, screw them.

286
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,181
Especially Cheryl.

287
00:13:03,301 --> 00:13:05,347
Hope you kidnap a shit out of her.

288
00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:08,275
Huh! Where the hell is she?

289
00:13:08,946 --> 00:13:12,092
- You're gonna be in so much trouble...
- No...

290
00:13:12,212 --> 00:13:15,831
Trouble is what the IRS will do to me
if I don't pay back that loan.

291
00:13:15,951 --> 00:13:17,080
The IRS?

292
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:21,081
Jesus, how many Irish gangs are there?

293
00:13:24,699 --> 00:13:26,586
But she must still
be in the building!

294
00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:28,493
All the blast doors are down!

295
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,529
Yeah, so... oh, dammit!

296
00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:32,864
Archer and Ray had to
leave through the garage!

297
00:13:32,932 --> 00:13:35,465
But they're not dumb enough
to leave the door wide open!

298
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:37,208
Are they?

299
00:13:37,328 --> 00:13:38,642
- Yes!
- Why?!

300
00:13:38,762 --> 00:13:40,984
Because you're just
wearing it to piss me off!

301
00:13:42,141 --> 00:13:42,774
Is it working?

302
00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:45,303
Yes! So take it off!
We look totally gay!

303
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:46,744
- I am gay.
- Well I'm not!

304
00:13:46,864 --> 00:13:48,558
Then why are you
wearing that turtleneck?

305
00:13:48,983 --> 00:13:50,033
Take it off.

306
00:13:50,153 --> 00:13:52,433
You better put
that back in your purse.

307
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,455
Hang on, this is far from over.
Talk to me.

308
00:13:57,523 --> 00:14:00,518
Yeah, it's totally wide open.
What?

309
00:14:00,638 --> 00:14:03,855
No, I'm not an idiot, Mother!
We're still here, in the garage!

310
00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:06,831
Because Ray is being
a total bitch!

311
00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:08,500
Why do you care
what he's wearing?!

312
00:14:08,568 --> 00:14:11,066
- Oh my God...
- I'm not taking his side!

313
00:14:11,186 --> 00:14:13,714
- Oh my God...
- Sterling, they've taken Cheryl!

314
00:14:14,407 --> 00:14:17,842
Probably right past you two while you
were arguing over who's prettiest!

315
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:19,611
They didn't come through here!

316
00:14:19,679 --> 00:14:21,096
- Kidnappers got Cheryl.
- Dukes!

317
00:14:21,216 --> 00:14:22,867
But wait, they've still
gotta be in the building, right?

318
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:26,291
Probably! So secure the perimeter,
do a floor-by-floor sweep, and...

319
00:14:26,411 --> 00:14:28,588
Brett! For the love of God!

320
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:31,730
Hello? Yeah one sec?

321
00:14:31,850 --> 00:14:34,059
Kidnappers, line one.

322
00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:36,481
That's them.
Secure and sweep.

323
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:37,652
Idiots.

324
00:14:37,772 --> 00:14:38,866
Lana, follow me.

325
00:14:38,986 --> 00:14:42,267
Roger that.
I will definitely tell him.

326
00:14:42,335 --> 00:14:44,208
- Tell me what?
- She said for you take it off.

327
00:14:44,328 --> 00:14:45,337
No she didn't!

328
00:14:45,404 --> 00:14:47,305
She absolutely certainly did Ray.

329
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,507
And also for us to
sweep the building.

330
00:14:49,575 --> 00:14:51,612
The doing of which
I am in charge.

331
00:14:53,512 --> 00:14:55,412
Hey, thanks
for getting us inside.

332
00:14:55,532 --> 00:14:56,571
Somebody shoot her.

333
00:14:56,691 --> 00:15:00,585
Oh, okay! Then good luck getting
past all the biometric scanners!

334
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:05,445
I mean, unless you wanna chop off my
fingertips and slice out my retinas!

335
00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:09,857
Oh don't be dicks.

336
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:10,762
What?

337
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:14,266
I said, I'll kill the Tunt
woman if you don't pay the ransom.

338
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,867
I can't understand
a word of this.

339
00:15:15,935 --> 00:15:18,882
Hey, Trainspotting.
Can you dial that modulator down a skoosh?

340
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,272
Is that better?

341
00:15:20,392 --> 00:15:21,293
Barely...

342
00:15:21,413 --> 00:15:23,718
Hang on a second...
how about now.

343
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:24,494
That's better.

344
00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:26,592
Now I believe there was
some mention of a ransom?

345
00:15:26,712 --> 00:15:28,920
Three thousand
seven hundred dollars.

346
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,085
- Wh-?
- Wait, how much?!

347
00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:34,160
A million dollars.

348
00:15:34,408 --> 00:15:35,857
Fifty million dollars.

349
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,789
Why the hell are you down here?!

350
00:15:37,857 --> 00:15:40,558
Because Cyril kidnapped me, duh!

351
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:42,838
Oh you are full of shit.

352
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,251
You heard me.
Fifty million dollars.

353
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:49,367
- Unmarked bills, uh, non-sequential...
- Just keep him on the line.

354
00:15:49,435 --> 00:15:51,251
Something's very fishy
about this kidnapper.

355
00:15:51,371 --> 00:15:54,851
- Uh, let's see, what else...
- Tom Collins, try not to drown it.

356
00:15:55,126 --> 00:15:59,112
- Obviously a dye pack is a dealbreaker...
- Jesus, would you hurry up?

357
00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:02,703
Hey! I'm not the one who
smashed my eyes into eggplants!

358
00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:03,982
Nutsack.

359
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:07,986
There. Now cut this shit off
so I can do the fingerprint reader.

360
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,754
Let's see, what else?

361
00:16:09,822 --> 00:16:11,928
Ahhhhh... ha!!
Who ya talkin to?

362
00:16:12,048 --> 00:16:14,275
- Nobody. Phone sex.
- Really.

363
00:16:14,395 --> 00:16:16,227
Yep! See?

364
00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:19,206
- Oh yeah, you like that, don't you?
- What?!

365
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:23,068
Your Daddy's dirty,
dirty little whore.

366
00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:23,702
What?!

367
00:16:23,769 --> 00:16:25,441
Okay, I'm done masturbating.
Goodbye.

368
00:16:25,805 --> 00:16:29,262
What kind of sick, degenerate...

369
00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:37,437
My God, he was calling
from this floor!

370
00:16:37,557 --> 00:16:39,818
Lana! Lanaaa!

371
00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:40,585
Where is she?

372
00:16:40,653 --> 00:16:42,854
Who knows, probably
some trailer park in Alabama.

373
00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:46,530
Not the phone sex operator
you're totally lying about! Cheryl!

374
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,260
- She's right here!
- What?

375
00:16:48,305 --> 00:16:50,028
What? I mean "See?"

376
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,864
Yeah, little Miss Cry Wolf
here handcuffed herself to a radiator.

377
00:16:52,932 --> 00:16:53,932
What!

378
00:16:53,999 --> 00:16:56,134
Which, even for
you, pretty pathetic.

379
00:16:56,202 --> 00:16:58,403
I didn't kidnap myself!
He did!

380
00:16:58,471 --> 00:16:59,220
Who me?

381
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,488
No, I've been up here
the whole time.

382
00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:03,391
Having some phone sex.

383
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,543
Just, jerking it.

384
00:17:06,055 --> 00:17:07,077
On telephone...

385
00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,538
Um, does the internet porn
know you're cheating on it?

386
00:17:09,658 --> 00:17:10,898
- Very funny.
- Thank you.

387
00:17:11,018 --> 00:17:13,088
Lana, Lana, the kidnapper!

388
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:15,416
- He was calling from this floor.
- Yeah.

389
00:17:15,536 --> 00:17:17,099
And where the hell was she?

390
00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:19,215
- Basement. - Kidnapped herself.
- No, I didn't.

391
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:21,395
- Oh, even for you...
- No, I didn't!

392
00:17:21,515 --> 00:17:22,528
...is pathetic.

393
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:25,030
- ***, she's crazy.
- Yeah, crazy.

394
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,252
Just jacking it. On telephone.

395
00:17:27,603 --> 00:17:29,272
*** ambushed, that's what I was doing.

396
00:17:29,392 --> 00:17:31,942
- Wait, hang on.
- All the trouble you put us through.

397
00:17:32,062 --> 00:17:34,521
Were there even any
kidnappers in the first place?

398
00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:37,046
- Wh-Yes!
- Prove it!

399
00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:38,933
They're right there, duh!

400
00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:41,883
- That's not good.
- Drop your weapons.

401
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:44,049
Or she dies.

402
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,873
Oh, for... Seriously?

403
00:17:47,907 --> 00:17:50,694
They're not gonna shoot you, Pam.
Their programming won't allow it.

404
00:17:50,814 --> 00:17:51,854
- What?
- Don't ask.

405
00:17:51,974 --> 00:17:53,278
- What?
- Plus if they do,

406
00:17:53,398 --> 00:17:54,859
- I'll shoot Carol.
- What?!

407
00:17:54,927 --> 00:17:56,272
- What the shit?!
- Relax!

408
00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:57,847
They can't risk killing Carol!

409
00:17:57,967 --> 00:17:59,707
Although that would
actually be a win-win for me...

410
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,163
Shut up.
And here, just in case.

411
00:18:02,283 --> 00:18:04,285
- Oh, cool...
- No no, don't give him a...

412
00:18:12,244 --> 00:18:14,705
Shut up!
That vest is bulletproof!

413
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:16,329
Oww!!

414
00:18:16,449 --> 00:18:18,221
But it is, ya know, a vest.

415
00:18:23,222 --> 00:18:24,322
Okay okay!

416
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,827
Don't shoot! I give up!
Totally give up.

417
00:18:26,947 --> 00:18:29,041
Keep those hands up.
Pam? You okay?

418
00:18:29,089 --> 00:18:32,263
Do you people even give a shit?!

419
00:18:32,331 --> 00:18:33,932
Whoa!

420
00:18:33,999 --> 00:18:36,835
Cheryl's dumb ass gets me
kidnapped and the shit kicked

421
00:18:36,902 --> 00:18:39,971
outta me all day, and nobody
even tries to rescue me...

422
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:41,039
Archer's fault.

423
00:18:41,106 --> 00:18:42,558
- Shut up.
- You shut up!

424
00:18:42,678 --> 00:18:44,593
Mr. Pam's Not Worth It!

425
00:18:44,713 --> 00:18:50,114
And then you stupid a-holes shoot a
jillion stupid a-hole bullets at me!

426
00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:52,283
Not me!
I wasn't shooting!

427
00:18:52,351 --> 00:18:55,520
And you!
The worst of the bunch.

428
00:18:55,588 --> 00:18:57,034
Me? ! Why me?!

429
00:18:57,093 --> 00:19:00,091
Five thousand measly dollars.

430
00:19:00,159 --> 00:19:02,327
I, you know, maybe
I low-balled him at first,

431
00:19:02,394 --> 00:19:03,795
but I had some wiggle room!

432
00:19:03,863 --> 00:19:08,366
Yeah? Well, let's see how much you
wiggle when I'm whippin five thousand

433
00:19:08,434 --> 00:19:10,187
bucks' worth of yer ass.

434
00:19:10,307 --> 00:19:12,028
- What?!
- Hey, whoa! Pam!

435
00:19:12,148 --> 00:19:14,281
Lana.
Let her have this one.

436
00:19:14,323 --> 00:19:16,233
Sterling!
Somebody?

437
00:19:16,511 --> 00:19:17,609
Anybody?!

438
00:19:17,676 --> 00:19:19,355
Yeah, anybody?

439
00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:23,004
Wanna piece of this?

440
00:19:27,863 --> 00:19:28,981
Nope.

441
00:19:29,305 --> 00:20:29,190
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