1 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,604 WD-40, Mother. 2 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,231 - Oh. - Costs, like, a nickel. 3 00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:27,694 Or maybe, Mother, you could swallow your pride and just apologize to your super. 4 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,447 Oh, and to me, for ruining my Friday night, which is now being spent here. 5 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,366 So, what, why the frantic phone call? 6 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,787 Hello? Malory? Why did you call us? 7 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,414 Because if it was... Oh. 8 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:44,919 I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it had something to do with that. 9 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,630 - It's not what it looks like. - Well, that's a relief. 10 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,300 Because, uh, it looks like you're sitting here with a gun, right? 11 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,053 And over there, strapped to a chair and shot to death... 12 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,973 ...is a guy in a full-body latex catsuit. 13 00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,559 Or am I misreading the situation? 14 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,645 Well, technically, it's a zentai. What? 15 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:07,400 A zentai covers the face and head. I think a catsuit just stops here. 16 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,152 Give me that. 17 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,486 I didn't shoot him. 18 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,531 You're saying the fact that your gun has recently been fired is... 19 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:17,160 Is unrelated to the dead guy over there who's chock-full of bullets. 20 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,662 Well, obviously they're related. 21 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:23,332 Yeah, do that, take that tone. But I swear, I didn't shoot him. 22 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,420 Oh, okay. So I guess he walks in here already shot, obviously panicking... 23 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,839 ...so you restrain him with these leather cuffs... 24 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:33,509 ...then to keep pressure on the wounds, you greased him up, squeezed him into this... 25 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,763 Zentai. And of course not, you ass. 26 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,973 Someone broke in here and shot him. 27 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,308 Okay, Malory? 28 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,686 Well, unless it was the creepy-old-people-bondage-sex police... 29 00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,647 ...why would anyone break in here and shoot him? 30 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:50,359 No answer? Okay, let's ask him. 31 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,529 Holy shit. 32 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,866 Because he's Savio Mascalzone. 33 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,075 Um... Oh, for... 34 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,369 The prime minister of Italy. The what? 35 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,996 Wait, doesn't Italy use a king? 36 00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:03,956 Wha...? No, they don't use a king. 37 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,833 What year do you think this is? 38 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:09,128 I, uh... Yeah, exactly. Good question. 39 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,838 And, uh, speaking of questions... 40 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,424 No, no, no, don't. Don't go back there, Sterling. 41 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,385 I have a question, Mother. 42 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,514 Why does this chair have no seat? 43 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,432 And what... 44 00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,559 ...is in his ass? 45 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,771 - Mother, what is in this man's ass? - Oh, please. 46 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:12,400 Don't act like you've never seen a marital aid before. 47 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,527 Not in a dead prime minister's ass. 48 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,406 And you don't have to keep repeating it. We've established where it is. 49 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,575 Yeah, so you wanna move on to why? 50 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,327 Wait, not why that. Why he's here. 51 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,623 Savio and I met after the war when I was in Italy with Gladio. 52 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,166 Who's that, his brother? 53 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,877 No, it... Ew! 54 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,295 Are you finished? 55 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,588 Hang on. 56 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,464 Ew. Now I'm done. 57 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,926 Operation Gladio. It was a NATO stay-behind mission... 58 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,972 ...set up to counter a possible Soviet invasion of Western Europe. 59 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:47,518 But then it sort of turned into this whole weird cryptofascist CIA shit show... 60 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,563 ...starring Allen Dulles and a bunch of former Nazis. 61 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,481 Thanks, Holly Hindsight. 62 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,651 Anyway, Savio was in Italian intelligence... 63 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:56,861 Rimshot. Shut up. 64 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,905 - And we were working all these late nights. 65 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,158 There was a mutual attraction, one thing led to another... 66 00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,409 Mm, please skip ahead. 67 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,578 Then he got married and went into politics. 68 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,164 But ever since then, once a year, he'd slip away... 69 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,833 ...and we'd spend a romantic weekend together. 70 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:15,004 Well, you definitely nailed it. I mean, if this doesn't just scream "romance." 71 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,339 Archer. What, Lana? 72 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:19,675 What's more romantic than a dildo-party-slash-murder? 73 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:23,346 A murder I'm trying to get a handle on, so could you shut up a second? 74 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,097 And he wasn't always into that. 75 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,266 You mean vice versa? Shut up. 76 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:32,521 As he grew older, Savio's tastes became more and more exotic. 77 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:37,777 And so he started introducing all these accoutrements very gradually. 78 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,278 He'd have to. Thing's huge. 79 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,488 Ow! Ow! 80 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,448 Okay. Okay. I... Okay. 81 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,201 God, your hands are like cricket bats. Shut up. 82 00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,662 What happened? Can you walk us through the crime? 83 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:52,041 Just the crime of murder, not the crime of sodomy-by-rubber-eggplant. Oh! 84 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,710 Savio was in town to give a speech at the U.N. 85 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,337 We'd made plans to meet here... 86 00:04:56,505 --> 00:05:00,383 ...so he gave his handlers the slip and arrived here at about 7. 87 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,053 We caught up over a glass or two of champagne. 88 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,891 Then I freshened up while Savio got changed and situated. 89 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:13,396 - So he put the, uh? In his own...? - Yes. Hush. 90 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,231 I came out of the bedroom... 91 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,447 I crossed over to the chair and tightened his last restraint. 92 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,824 Aah! 93 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,870 Then I went to refill my champagne. Ah. 94 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,248 Savio loved to be kept waiting. Mm. Ah. 95 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:35,376 And then, bang, in burst three men. 96 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:39,797 Savio! 97 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,886 Wait, whoa, whoa, back up. Why did you have a gun? 98 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:51,600 Hm? Oh, well, Savio liked it to seem a little dangerous. You know? 99 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,562 No, Mother, I don't. Jesus, what else was on tonight's menu? 100 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,605 Sex under a hive of Africanized bees? 101 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,940 Archer. 102 00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,942 So you fired three times... 103 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,069 And missed. 104 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,904 - Can you believe it? - No. 105 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,449 Oh, sorry, was that rhetorical? 106 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,618 Lawyer up, call the cops. What? 107 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,162 Hit the throttle on the bourbon... 108 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,290 ...because I'm gonna have to, uh, heh, bust you in the face a couple times. 109 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:18,252 What are you talking about? Self-defense. It's your only shot. 110 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,130 We gotta uncuff him and de-dildo him, obviously. 111 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,467 We'll smash the furniture like he was chasing you around all rape-y. 112 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,553 Fortunately, he's Italian, so that shouldn't be hard to sell. 113 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,263 I didn't shoot him. 114 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,475 On purpose. Exactly. The gun just went off. 115 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,227 You probably wanna play that a lot softer with a jury. 116 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,855 A jury? When you don't believe me? 117 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,691 Mother, come on. I mean, I want to believe you, but... 118 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,736 But those bullet holes don't prove anyone else was here. 119 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,988 Well, maybe those don't. 120 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,909 Unh! What? 121 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,744 Malory, you got shot. 122 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,662 Yes, I know dear, I was there. 123 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:57,500 Let me see. Take off your coat. No. I'm fine, it's just a through-and-through. 124 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,794 Mother. What? I put Bactine on it. 125 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,003 Mother. Sterling. 126 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,673 The Italian prime minister was just assassinated in my apartment. 127 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,884 And so I think an apology is in order. 128 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,678 Thank you. I mean, I know it's hard for you. 129 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,139 You two owe me an apology. 130 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,974 For what? Not believing me. 131 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:19,021 How about for you dragging us into your S&M dildo-sex-murder freak show? 132 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,898 Look. You look. 133 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,360 I bet I'll never be able to have sex again without thinking about this. 134 00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:27,196 I bet I won't even be able to eat spaghetti and meatballs. 135 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,031 - Oh, God. - What? 136 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,199 I could eat. 137 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,077 I mean, not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs... 138 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:36,705 ...but, you know, not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs. 139 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,041 I mean, I really like spaghetti and meatballs. 140 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,503 Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs, I may literally die. 141 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,884 - Oh, and thanks so much. - You're welcome. 142 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,012 Wait till you try it, because I'm just kind of winging it here. 143 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,806 I meant for dragging me into this. 144 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,015 Still, you're welcome. 145 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:58,644 So we've got a dead Italian prime minister in the living room, which... 146 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,563 Sucks. Bet he knew how to make sauce. 147 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,690 Which will be hard to explain. 148 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,985 Given the circumstances leading up to his death, which were... 149 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,736 Dildo-y. Unseemly. 150 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,446 Eh. Potato, po-dildo. 151 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,451 So plausible deniability isn't a super-realistic goal here. 152 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,078 We need to sneak the body out. 153 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,665 Sure, we'll just walk a dead body right out the front door. Idiot. 154 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,709 What then? Burn the apartment down? 155 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:24,003 We're not burning down my apartment. 156 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,672 You sure? Shut up. I hit broil instead of bake. 157 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,342 Well, blood loss can make you stupid. Can I please look at your wound? 158 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,096 No. Nor can you burn down my apartment, so think of something else. 159 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,848 I shall fetch a rug. 160 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,558 Something "else" else. 161 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,685 You're not rolling him up in one of my rugs. 162 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,895 Why not? 163 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,104 Because then what? 164 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,274 We get some coveralls and a carpet-cleaning van... 165 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,276 ...and just walk him right out the front door. 166 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:51,197 You just called me an idiot for that. Your version didn't have coveralls. 167 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,949 Could we go out through the basement? 168 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,620 No. We'd have to go past the super's apartment, and his door is always open. 169 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:01,040 I assume to let the stink of cabbage waft through the halls, but... 170 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,876 So you think he'd be a problem? God, yes. 171 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,962 We're not on the best of terms. 172 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,300 Well, ma'am, it's just, at Christmas, the tenants usually give me a small consideration... 173 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,928 ...for the work I do all year keeping up the building. 174 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,429 We surely count on it, ma'am. 175 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,974 Especially this year, as we had more than the usual medical bills. 176 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,645 Your point being? Well, it's just that, for the third year running... 177 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,979 ...you give me a potato. 178 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,189 Oh, dear. 179 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:29,235 So once again you're faced with the classic Irishman's dilemma: 180 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:34,365 Do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later? 181 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,619 Will I get the operation now, Da? No, son. 182 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,288 You're gonna die. 183 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,165 What is your problem with the Irish? 184 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,252 You mean besides not being on our side in World War II? 185 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,836 Yeah, besides that. 186 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,589 Wait, seriously? They were Nazis? No. 187 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,341 They're not Japanese. Neutral. 188 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,177 Now, since I don't wanna be an accessory after the fact... 189 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,764 ...how's about we figure out a way to get that body out of the apartment? 190 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,849 Where did we land on the coveralls thing? 191 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,811 I don't know where we'd get coveralls this time of night, so... 192 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:09,191 So if we can't get the body out of here in one piece... 193 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,651 Nope. What? 194 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,861 Lana, it's the only way. What is? 195 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,864 No. Malory, I've done some messed-up shit working for you... 196 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,993 ...but I am not, repeat not, chopping up a dead body. 197 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,494 Oh. Ew, Mother. 198 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,205 What? My God, do you want me to get the electric chair? 199 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,541 For a murder you both know I didn't commit? 200 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,376 Malory, I just can't. Me neither. 201 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,086 Can't or won't? 202 00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,423 I... Whatever. Call it her can't, me won't. 203 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,387 No, hey, Mother, come on. Stop that. Stop it. 204 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,764 Here, here, look. I'm gonna get help. 205 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,727 From who? 206 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,689 I need access to a 2-inch drain, hot water, three GFCI outlets... 207 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:52,401 ...this bathroom should do nicely, and a pot of coffee like I like my women: 208 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,611 Black, bitter, preferably fair trade. 209 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,990 Oh, and your sauce needs less salt. How can you...? 210 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,160 Put two halves of a potato in with the sauce, it'll absorb the salt. 211 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,370 Oh, and I assume that's our patient? 212 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,664 Not ours, Krieger, yours. 213 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,875 Thank you. 214 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,586 Ugh, too salty. Yeah, I know. You got a potato? 215 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,546 What is this, Christmas? 216 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,007 And is Krieger hard at work? 217 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,925 He literally might be, yes. Ew. 218 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,178 Well, say what you will about him... I did. 219 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,514 He's discreet. So no one else will ever know about this whole... 220 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,433 Aah! What in the...? 221 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,642 - Hell is that? 222 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,771 - Oh, God! - Hopefully, my greatest work yet. 223 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:33,692 No. No, no, no. Whatever this is, I am not getting mixed up in it. 224 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:34,943 Too late. Malory. 225 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,571 Hey, whoa, whoa, everybody calm down. 226 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,282 - It's not what it looks like. - Then what is it, exactly? 227 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:44,870 Because it sure as shit ain't a surprise party, Krieger. You big fat liar. 228 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,956 Someone's framing Malory for murdering the prime minister of Italy. 229 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:52,294 Ooh, I bet it's that wicked king. So? Why'd Krieger drag us into it? 230 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:53,712 Yes, Krieger. Why? 231 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,632 I needed help disseminating him. 232 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:57,800 Ew! 233 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,302 Not what it means. Still pretty gross, though. 234 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,139 And brilliant. When I'm done, each of us will walk out carrying a small parcel. 235 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,307 How small? 236 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,976 Eh. On our way home, we simply drop the parcels... 237 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,146 ...into seven different trash cans in three different boroughs. 238 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,482 That's actually pretty smart. 239 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,151 Hopefully, when you look at the drop points on a map... 240 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,570 - ...it'll look like a big smiley face. Ha-ha-ha! 241 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,322 - That's gross. - You're just a mess. 242 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,866 - That's kind of clever. Super-creepy. 243 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,831 Every time, every single time we come over here... 244 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,793 ...we have to help you get rid of a dead body. You've only been here twice. 245 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:35,796 Speaking of, why was the prime minister of Italy here? 246 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,464 Don't ask. And follow up... 247 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:42,970 ...did those dastardly dagos kill him and then dress him up like a big giant penis, or...? 248 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,973 - Oh, God, that reminds me. Krieger? - Yeah, I found it. 249 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,474 - Found what? - Don't ask. 250 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,976 Can I keep it? Keep what? 251 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,645 Don't ask. Just get it out of here, please. 252 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,147 Yeah, take that tone. 253 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:56,525 I'd like to know how this could possibly get any worse. 254 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,944 For one thing, there's not enough sauce for everybody. 255 00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,655 N.Y.P.D. Open up, please. 256 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,990 Cheese it, it's the cops. 257 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,366 Oh, shit. Busted. 258 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:08,412 And/or the police could show up. Oh, for the... Now what do we do? 259 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,914 Cover your arm up, answer the door and stall them. 260 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:14,460 And then somebody get me a number 10 can of tomatoes. 261 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,463 What? There's already not enough sauce. 262 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,051 N.Y.P.D. Come on, lady, open the door. 263 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:26,638 Coming. Sorry, I was in the kitchen. 264 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:31,059 I'm making spaghetti and meatballs. 265 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,104 Hi, I'm... Italian, huh? Well, that's a coincidence. 266 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,898 Oh, are you Italian, officer? 267 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,275 No, and it's detective. Murphy. 268 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,776 Irish. That's right. 269 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,489 We got an anonymous tip that Savio Mascalzone was up here. 270 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,741 Ooh! Who's that, some mobster? 271 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,576 Prime minister? Of Italy? 272 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:50,370 Doesn't Italy use a king? I wouldn't know. 273 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,164 Somebody dead? What? 274 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,000 Oh, my bird. Little Tweetsie. 275 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,835 Uh-huh. Well, that's another coincidence... 276 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,880 ...because this anonymous tip said Mascalzone was dead up here. 277 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,926 What? Oh, for heaven's sake. Yeah. Right here in the living room. 278 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:08,430 Well, as you can see, there hasn't been a murder in here. My gosh. 279 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,225 Although I guess someone must have spilled a drink. 280 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,019 I have a few dear friends over for a dinner party. 281 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,606 Uh-huh. Mind if I talk to them? Heavens, no, of course not, but... 282 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,108 What's in here? Bathroom? 283 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,401 Uh-huh. 284 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,612 My guests are in here, detective, but... 285 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,864 What are you doing? 286 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,908 From the left, dear. One serves from the left. 287 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,869 Whatever's gotten into you, Calpurnia? 288 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,287 My mistake, ma'am. 289 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:35,332 Well, I should say it is, Calpurnia. 290 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,584 Mother, your maid is... 291 00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,337 Oh, hello. Evening. Sorry to disturb your, uh... 292 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:47,302 Elegant dinner party, for the most elegant people in all of New York. 293 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,389 Uh-huh. But we got a tip there'd been a murder up here. 294 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,349 Good heavens, a murder? 295 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:56,853 Well, apart from this sullen wench murdering good etiquette... Ow! 296 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,983 I find the very suggestion laughable. Heh-heh. 297 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:05,237 Ha-ha-ha. Which is what I'm doing. I'm laughing. 298 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,324 So you don't mind if I look around? Uh, no, of course not. 299 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,994 Calpurnia? May I speak with you in the kitchen? 300 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,204 Certainly. Ow. Heh-heh. 301 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,290 All right, I'll let you get back to your, uh... 302 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:19,626 Ooh-ooh, elegant dinner party. 303 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,670 Uh-huh. 304 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,548 I hate you all so much. 305 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,049 No one cares, Figgis. 306 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,218 You were only invited to round out the numbers. 307 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,022 What, how is this my fault? 308 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,150 Gee, where to start? Oh, the murder? 309 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,694 I thought you meant that silly French maid costume. 310 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,155 Which makes you look ridiculous. And which... 311 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,866 Why do you even...? Never mind, I don't even wanna know. 312 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,327 Good, it's none of your beeswax. 313 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,622 Here. I hope you won't need it, but... Why would I need? 314 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,041 Whoa! Uh-uh. Nope. Lana. 315 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,209 Malory, I am not killing a... 316 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,504 A perfectly nice dinner, Calpurnia. 317 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:08,216 By God, if you were my servant, I'd have you over my knee in a trice. 318 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,802 And, Mother, the constable wishes a word. 319 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,221 - He does? I mean, yes? - Yeah. 320 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,724 Sorry for the intrusion. That tip must have been a hoax. 321 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,726 I checked out the apartment. It's clean. 322 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,186 No thanks to this one. Mm... 323 00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,395 Sullen wench. 324 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,065 I mean, indubitably, lieutenant. 325 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,401 So then, I'll, uh... I'll just be on my way. 326 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,571 It's just, who would call in with a fake tip like that though? 327 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,575 I wouldn't be surprised if it was our super, Mr. Herlihy. He drinks. 328 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,285 Ah. Thanks, I'll check... 329 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,246 Oh, hey, I never checked this bathroom. You mind? 330 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:42,626 I... No, of course not. Be my guest. 331 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,635 Whoo! Oh. 332 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,138 Sorry, didn't know anyone was waiting. I'd recommend the other bathroom. 333 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:59,935 I mean, I did what I could, but you can only ask so much of a vanilla candle. Dinner ready? 334 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,480 My God. Ugh! Yeah. Whoa. 335 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,900 He really did a number. Make sure he didn't leave an upper decker. 336 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,777 Sorry again for the intrusion, ma'am. 337 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,113 Uh, Herlihy, you said his name was? Hm? 338 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,366 Oh, yes. Yes, that's right. 339 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,494 Ow! Lana come on, I was... Ow! I'll show you a sullen wench. 340 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,499 Whistling bitch. Right then. That snoopy detective is gone... 341 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,084 ...thanks to Dr. Krieger, so... 342 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,086 Krieger? What about the rest of us? 343 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:29,923 The rest of you can get out of my clothes and then out of my house. 344 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,008 But thank you all so much for coming. 345 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,593 - Oh, shut up, ma'am. - Loved it. 346 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,096 Never again. Thanks for dead guy in a box. 347 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,266 Not very elegant. No, thanks for having us. Amazing. 348 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,393 And remember, smiley face. 349 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,645 And thank you. Krieger, wait. 350 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,148 The bathroom, the body, how did you...? 351 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,152 You don't wanna know. 352 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,946 But you do probably want to go wash your lips now. 353 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,949 Ew! Ugh. Ugh. 354 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,993 Screw you, Archer. Sullen wench? 355 00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:01,079 Lana, come on, I was just kidding. I had to make it look good. 356 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,999 You had to make it look good? Well, and also annoy you. 357 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:08,670 Walther PP, chambered for.32 ACP. What's the magazine capacity? 358 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:09,963 Uh, eight? 359 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,675 Eight rounds, plus one in the chamber, for a total of nine. 360 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:16,052 Hey, thanks, Rain Man. Your point being? 361 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,765 Malory's clip was empty. But she said she only fired three shots. 362 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:24,644 Oh, my God. So you're saying Mother lured Mascalzone up there... 363 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:28,231 ...greased him into a 6-foot man rubber, strapped him to a chair... 364 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,326 I know, dear. But you have to wait. 365 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,036 Calls us... 366 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,623 What? Mother, calm... I'm on my way. 367 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,626 Don't move. I'll, uh... I'll probably be back. 368 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,795 Then she pulls a gun on him? 369 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,631 What is this? A crock of shit. 370 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,634 Because that would mean she called the cops on herself. 371 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,428 Knowing they'd never come back after they searched her apartment. 372 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,764 Which was full of people and spotless. 373 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:05,811 Oh, my God, do the math, Rain Man. The wall was shot three times. 374 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,314 Mascalzone was shot five times. 375 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,735 For a total, wait for it, of eight. 376 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,737 Yep. Plus the one in her arm. Heh-heh. 377 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:20,075 So, what, Mother shot herself? Oh, my God, Lana. 378 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:27,207 Why? I'll tell you exactly why. Before I kill you. 379 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,417 Operation Gladio. Gladio? 380 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:35,924 Which would mean Mother's been banging him once a year for like 35 years... 381 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:39,427 ...and the whole time she's been holding a grudge, right? 382 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,930 Just waiting to... 383 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,307 Holy shit. She killed him. 384 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,227 And got us to dispose of the body. Ew. 385 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,688 But why? After all this time? 386 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,441 Well, to be honest, until recently, the sex has been pretty phenomenal. 387 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,444 And I figured, eh, what's the hurry? 388 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,406 But then you started getting weird. 389 00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,283 But why you make la vendetta? 390 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,785 Because one night, all those years ago in Rome... 391 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:07,497 ...you and your fascist thugs gunned down a young man in the street. 392 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:12,294 A beautiful man. Blue eyes, full lips, black, thick, wavy hair. 393 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,131 What was this man's crime? Well, I wouldn't call speaking out... 394 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,592 ...against the rebirth of fascism a crime. 395 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:23,054 More of a mistake. By a beautiful, idealistic young man. 396 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,599 Who may have been my son's father. 397 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,268 May have been? You don't know? 398 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:40,113 Who knows? It's Malory. You really wanna know why she killed a guy? 399 00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,990 I... do not. No. 400 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,952 Although, I am curious why she wouldn't take off that trench coat. 401 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,080 Mm. Honey, you still got it. 402 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,958 Uh-huh-huh. 403 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,003 So much of this I never wanna know the answer to. 404 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,006 Okay, how about a slice? 405 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:01,718 God, what is with me and Italian lately?