1 00:00:01,352 --> 00:00:04,201 Which brings us to our penultimate item, 2 00:00:04,202 --> 00:00:08,251 which concerns... yet again, and to no great surprise... 3 00:00:08,252 --> 00:00:09,391 the restrooms. 4 00:00:09,392 --> 00:00:12,231 Specifically, the towel dispensers. 5 00:00:12,232 --> 00:00:13,872 Why'd you get the loopy, old-timey 6 00:00:13,897 --> 00:00:15,371 cloth kind in the first place? 7 00:00:15,372 --> 00:00:16,431 Because... Shut up. 8 00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,281 And I don't know who's doing it, 9 00:00:18,282 --> 00:00:20,251 and I doubt even God knows why, 10 00:00:20,252 --> 00:00:22,261 but my next step is to have 11 00:00:22,262 --> 00:00:24,321 the damn things swabbed for DNA! 12 00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:30,281 Seems like it'd be easier just to take out the trash cans. 13 00:00:30,282 --> 00:00:31,844 Whoever's doing it, they obviously 14 00:00:31,869 --> 00:00:33,361 have to climb up on a trash can. 15 00:00:33,362 --> 00:00:35,281 'Cause it's like, up here, so... 16 00:00:35,282 --> 00:00:38,241 Wow. Name a handsome Hollywood power lawyer 17 00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:39,147 who is having major second 18 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,401 thoughts about hiring you people. 19 00:00:40,402 --> 00:00:44,241 - Mr. Shapiro! - Boom! Square gets the square! 20 00:00:44,242 --> 00:00:46,311 And I get going. You guys validate? 21 00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:49,321 Mr. Shapiro, please, as I said on the phone, 22 00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,351 the Figgis Agency values your business, 23 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,361 and I can assure you this internal affair 24 00:00:53,362 --> 00:00:56,241 doesn't reflect our ability as investigators, so... 25 00:00:56,242 --> 00:00:57,331 - Yes, it does. - Archer? 26 00:00:57,332 --> 00:00:58,391 What? Shut up. If anything, 27 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,321 it proves I'm a great investigator. 28 00:01:00,322 --> 00:01:03,331 I totally just Encyclopedia Browned that thing. 29 00:01:03,332 --> 00:01:06,401 Bugs Meany is wiping his ass on our towels? 30 00:01:06,402 --> 00:01:10,371 - No, dummy! - Yes! It's the only explanation! 31 00:01:10,372 --> 00:01:13,211 Well, or any of the Tigers. 32 00:01:13,212 --> 00:01:15,281 So, is it like a stamp, or stickers... 33 00:01:15,282 --> 00:01:17,321 Please, you've come all this way. 34 00:01:17,322 --> 00:01:18,922 And obviously you thought we were 35 00:01:18,947 --> 00:01:20,381 the right agency for the job. 36 00:01:20,382 --> 00:01:23,381 And besides, we're only 25 cents a day, plus expenses. 37 00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,221 For the love of Christ, woman! 38 00:01:25,222 --> 00:01:27,311 Seriously, you gotta shut up. 39 00:01:27,312 --> 00:01:29,211 You shut up! Because I'm catching 40 00:01:29,212 --> 00:01:31,301 the first bus outta this hick town! 41 00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:35,201 Ha! So long, Idaville! 42 00:01:35,202 --> 00:01:36,211 As I was saying... 43 00:01:36,212 --> 00:01:37,341 Okay. 44 00:01:37,342 --> 00:01:39,241 - Hmm? - Okay! 45 00:01:39,242 --> 00:01:41,421 I can't get anyone else on such late notice, and... 46 00:01:41,422 --> 00:01:44,401 I dunno. Maybe you people can handle this job, so... 47 00:01:44,402 --> 00:01:47,321 Mind if I, uh, beep boop? 48 00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:50,261 Oh, preesh. Okay, so 49 00:01:50,262 --> 00:01:52,201 I'm sure you all remember my client, 50 00:01:52,202 --> 00:01:54,261 Hollywood legend Veronica Deane. 51 00:01:54,262 --> 00:01:55,341 - Remember? - Ugh. 52 00:01:55,342 --> 00:01:57,231 - Who could forget? - Right? 53 00:01:57,232 --> 00:01:59,271 She almost makes me Q my G. 54 00:01:59,272 --> 00:02:01,130 What, did she die of old age? 55 00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:02,421 Oh, for the... She's 50! 56 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,381 And, if anything, more beautiful than ever. 57 00:02:05,382 --> 00:02:07,201 Especially when she's wearing... 58 00:02:09,302 --> 00:02:11,401 the Tsarina, an emerald and diamond necklace 59 00:02:11,402 --> 00:02:15,381 crafted for Empress Maria Alexandrovna in 1855, 60 00:02:15,382 --> 00:02:19,391 and now the, uh, centerpiece of Ms. Deane's collection. 61 00:02:19,392 --> 00:02:22,371 My God, it must be worth millions! 62 00:02:22,372 --> 00:02:24,261 And you want us to steal it! 63 00:02:24,262 --> 00:02:28,231 I... No! No, that's the exact opposite of what I want. 64 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,371 She wants to wear the Tsarina to a fund-raiser 65 00:02:30,372 --> 00:02:33,311 hosted by her ex-husband, Ellis Crane, 66 00:02:33,312 --> 00:02:37,261 Oscar-winning director and also total jit-rag. 67 00:02:37,262 --> 00:02:38,381 - Ooh! - He's handsome! 68 00:02:38,382 --> 00:02:40,341 Ugh! Total jit-rag. 69 00:02:40,342 --> 00:02:42,351 Wearing that necklace to a crowded event 70 00:02:42,352 --> 00:02:44,271 seems like a pretty big risk. 71 00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:45,421 I know. Believe me, 72 00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,744 I tried to talk Ms. Deane out of wearing it, but... 73 00:02:47,745 --> 00:02:49,371 Is it just to rub it in his face? 74 00:02:49,372 --> 00:02:52,281 Man, I'd rub it in his face! 75 00:02:56,222 --> 00:02:59,341 - Pam! - I will stop, but I will not apologize. 76 00:02:59,342 --> 00:03:01,361 So, you want us to guard the necklace. 77 00:03:01,362 --> 00:03:03,381 Yes. Undercover, at the fund-raiser. 78 00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:09,351 For which, I am prepared to pay your agency s... $50,000. 79 00:03:09,352 --> 00:03:11,361 - Oh, nice! - Pretty good. 80 00:03:11,362 --> 00:03:13,301 But surely the necklace is insured. 81 00:03:13,302 --> 00:03:15,231 And even if the deductible was, like... 82 00:03:15,232 --> 00:03:17,211 Obviously more than that, Lana. 83 00:03:17,212 --> 00:03:19,251 - Yeah, Lana. - Holy shit-snacks! 84 00:03:19,252 --> 00:03:22,251 So we're going to a no-shit black-tie Hollywood gala? 85 00:03:22,252 --> 00:03:23,381 Well, yes, but... 86 00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:25,371 But what do we wear? Is it, like, gowns and gloves? 87 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,431 And do I rent a girdle? Are there gonna be dress fittings? 88 00:03:27,432 --> 00:03:30,291 Do I get a bikini wax? And I don't know my tiara size! 89 00:03:30,292 --> 00:03:32,301 And, oh, my God, what of shoes? 90 00:03:32,302 --> 00:03:35,411 Uh, your attire will be provided. 91 00:03:35,412 --> 00:03:39,211 This is gonna be suckin' amazing! 92 00:03:39,212 --> 00:03:43,242 Yeah. For five-eighths of you. 93 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:51,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 94 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:18,426 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 95 00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:24,202 And so, when I said "suckin' amazing"... 96 00:04:25,372 --> 00:04:28,261 obviously I meant "suckin' bullshit." 97 00:04:28,262 --> 00:04:29,261 I mean... 98 00:04:29,262 --> 00:04:30,331 Seriously? 99 00:04:30,332 --> 00:04:33,201 Oh, quit your griping, you three. 100 00:04:33,202 --> 00:04:35,211 The whole idea is to blend in, so... 101 00:04:35,212 --> 00:04:36,311 Meaning? 102 00:04:36,312 --> 00:04:39,251 No. Meaning just... you know... 103 00:04:39,252 --> 00:04:41,401 You can't put lipstick on a pig. 104 00:04:41,402 --> 00:04:42,365 - Really? - Excuse you? 105 00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:43,291 What's that supposed to mean? 106 00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:46,211 - Well, that's a little harsh. - And also inaccurate. 107 00:04:46,212 --> 00:04:47,301 Lipstick, they don't really mind, 108 00:04:47,302 --> 00:04:50,261 but mascara? Huh, whole big thing. 109 00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:52,291 And I suppose he's blending? 110 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,281 - Who? - You, Otto Von Jizmarck. 111 00:04:55,282 --> 00:04:56,431 I was gonna say Franz Turdinand. 112 00:04:56,432 --> 00:04:57,722 - Eh... - Guys, come on. 113 00:04:57,747 --> 00:04:59,271 What's going on here? 114 00:04:59,272 --> 00:05:01,301 I was just explaining some basic tenets 115 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,251 of fieldcraft to these three. 116 00:05:03,252 --> 00:05:04,391 Yeah, you gotta blend, 117 00:05:04,392 --> 00:05:06,271 but I meant what's going on hors d'oeuvre-wise. 118 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:07,281 Wouldn't you like to... 119 00:05:07,282 --> 00:05:09,251 Blend. 120 00:05:09,252 --> 00:05:11,291 This is a deconstructed slider 121 00:05:11,292 --> 00:05:13,201 made from certified Kobe beef 122 00:05:13,202 --> 00:05:14,331 from Hyogo prefecture, 123 00:05:14,332 --> 00:05:15,431 with a tarragon aioli. 124 00:05:15,432 --> 00:05:18,291 Tapas of pata negra jamón iberico, 125 00:05:18,292 --> 00:05:20,321 topped with queso Torta del Casar. 126 00:05:20,322 --> 00:05:22,351 And these are tiny quiches, 127 00:05:22,352 --> 00:05:24,371 probably made from endangered quail eggs, or... 128 00:05:24,372 --> 00:05:26,401 No, none of this is that. 129 00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:31,381 This is the world's most expensive Mc10:35. 130 00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,411 Oh, for the... Sterling! 131 00:05:34,412 --> 00:05:36,261 Is that really necessary? 132 00:05:36,262 --> 00:05:38,201 Mm. Mm-hm. 133 00:05:38,202 --> 00:05:39,331 Mm. Ah. 134 00:05:39,332 --> 00:05:41,251 Lana, this is Hollywood. 135 00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:43,361 None of this is even remotely necessary. 136 00:05:48,232 --> 00:05:49,341 So if you'll excuse me, 137 00:05:49,342 --> 00:05:52,301 I'm gonna go guard some priceless emeralds. 138 00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:53,351 Oh, really? 139 00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,261 You're gonna go do the job 140 00:05:55,262 --> 00:05:57,261 I'm paying you a fortune to do? 141 00:05:57,262 --> 00:05:58,431 Might as well. 142 00:05:58,432 --> 00:06:00,391 I'm already here. 143 00:06:00,392 --> 00:06:03,241 And speaking of guarding the Tsarina, 144 00:06:03,242 --> 00:06:04,564 do you think the optimal 145 00:06:04,589 --> 00:06:06,381 formation for that is a clump? 146 00:06:06,382 --> 00:06:07,602 Really? 147 00:06:07,627 --> 00:06:09,311 Some bullshit job. 148 00:06:09,312 --> 00:06:11,163 Oh, my God, even for Idaville, 149 00:06:11,164 --> 00:06:14,411 this stupid party is so boring! 150 00:06:14,412 --> 00:06:17,422 Like, hire a clown, tinnitus people. 151 00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:23,271 Whatever, Pocket Tony Montana. 152 00:06:23,272 --> 00:06:27,421 Wait! Tiny Montana. 153 00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:31,281 Either one, 154 00:06:31,282 --> 00:06:35,401 oughta be quarantined in the sick burn unit. 155 00:06:36,422 --> 00:06:38,311 Excuse me. Hi. Pardon me. 156 00:06:38,312 --> 00:06:39,341 Sterling Archer. 157 00:06:39,342 --> 00:06:40,391 Hello. Pardon me. 158 00:06:40,392 --> 00:06:42,311 Or move, basically. 159 00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:44,231 Good evening, Archbishop. 160 00:06:44,232 --> 00:06:46,251 Could you hold this for me? 161 00:06:46,252 --> 00:06:48,311 Pardon me. Yep. S-Sorry. 162 00:06:48,312 --> 00:06:49,421 That was my hand. 163 00:06:49,422 --> 00:06:51,361 Jesus, glad I'm not allergic to mink. 164 00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:53,341 - Right? - Hm? 165 00:06:53,342 --> 00:06:55,422 Oh, hi. Uh, so sorry. I thought 166 00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,301 you were Commodore Perry. 167 00:06:57,302 --> 00:06:59,281 Oh, how dare you! 168 00:06:59,282 --> 00:07:01,241 Remember the Maine! 169 00:07:01,242 --> 00:07:02,321 Couple things. 170 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:05,261 A, Perry opened Japan to the West. 171 00:07:05,262 --> 00:07:07,401 He died 40 years before the sinking of the Maine, 172 00:07:07,402 --> 00:07:10,251 the cause of which... spoiler alert... 173 00:07:10,252 --> 00:07:13,321 has since been proven to be improper coal storage, 174 00:07:13,322 --> 00:07:15,361 not a Spanish harbor mine. 175 00:07:15,362 --> 00:07:17,221 And two... 176 00:07:17,222 --> 00:07:19,211 he didn't have sideburns. 177 00:07:19,212 --> 00:07:20,221 Did he not? 178 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,381 No. 179 00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:24,261 He was totally... 180 00:07:24,262 --> 00:07:26,301 completely... 181 00:07:26,302 --> 00:07:30,391 clean... 182 00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:32,271 shaven. 183 00:07:32,272 --> 00:07:35,261 Wow. Talk about smooth sailing. 184 00:07:35,262 --> 00:07:38,201 It was clearly the Age of Steam. 185 00:07:38,202 --> 00:07:40,271 Hi. Sterling Archer. 186 00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:42,311 What the... That little bitch! 187 00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:45,221 Oh, you're way prettier than her. 188 00:07:45,222 --> 00:07:46,231 I meant Archer. 189 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:49,231 And also, dahoy. 190 00:07:50,292 --> 00:07:53,201 - Oh! - Shut up! 191 00:07:53,202 --> 00:07:55,331 Excuse me. Pardon me. Think you're gonna flirt... 192 00:07:55,332 --> 00:07:56,401 Hello. Right in front of me... 193 00:07:56,402 --> 00:07:58,431 Hi. With some C-list C-word! 194 00:07:58,432 --> 00:08:00,221 Impossible. 195 00:08:00,222 --> 00:08:01,241 Huh? 196 00:08:01,242 --> 00:08:03,211 My dear, how can this be? 197 00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:05,261 How have you never been in one of my pictures? 198 00:08:05,262 --> 00:08:07,361 Hm. Because I'm not an actress? 199 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,421 Huh. In what sense? 200 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,431 Every. 201 00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:13,201 Perhaps we should begin anew. 202 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,211 Ellis Crane, Academy Award winner. 203 00:08:16,212 --> 00:08:18,291 Lana Kane, private investigator. 204 00:08:18,292 --> 00:08:19,321 You're kidding. 205 00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:21,321 No, so if you ever have 206 00:08:21,322 --> 00:08:23,341 anything that needs private investigating... 207 00:08:23,342 --> 00:08:25,291 I thought you were a producer. 208 00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:27,361 Uh, I produce results. 209 00:08:27,362 --> 00:08:30,201 Idiot! 210 00:08:30,202 --> 00:08:31,271 How was that my fault? 211 00:08:31,272 --> 00:08:33,201 How is everything your fault? 212 00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:34,321 Aw, leave him alone. 213 00:08:34,322 --> 00:08:36,391 He's not the one trying to shuck your lady-corn. 214 00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:38,391 My what? 215 00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:41,371 Oh, so that's how it is now, huh? 216 00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:44,381 Well, then you can tell Lana that two can play at that game. 217 00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:45,421 Where's Veronica Deane? 218 00:08:45,422 --> 00:08:47,311 How should I know? 219 00:08:47,312 --> 00:08:50,231 Y... Because you're supposed to be guarding her. 220 00:08:50,232 --> 00:08:52,431 I'm also supposed to be pooling tips. 221 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:56,281 Which I haven't gotten any yet, so... 222 00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:58,281 Hey, Ray! You getting any tips? 223 00:08:58,282 --> 00:09:01,231 - Hang on! - Excuse me. Pardon me. 224 00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:03,281 Idiot! 225 00:09:03,282 --> 00:09:05,231 What's up her bleached asshole? 226 00:09:05,232 --> 00:09:07,211 Okay, so, I've been watching like a hawk, 227 00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:09,351 and here's the whats... Lana's pissed at Archer 228 00:09:09,352 --> 00:09:10,693 'cause she thought he was macking on 229 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,361 Bleached Asshole, and she's pissed at Archer 230 00:09:12,362 --> 00:09:14,261 'cause she thought he was a Hollywood honcho 231 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,201 like ol' Whitey Crane over there, 232 00:09:16,202 --> 00:09:18,331 who is macking on Lana, who's totally full of crap 233 00:09:18,332 --> 00:09:19,785 'cause deep down, she's totally 234 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,331 buyin' into Whitey's bullshit. 235 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,353 So to get back at her, Archer's gonna 236 00:09:23,378 --> 00:09:25,321 pretend to mack on, but not really, 237 00:09:25,322 --> 00:09:26,694 'cause deep down, he's got a 238 00:09:26,719 --> 00:09:28,311 real-life crush-boner for her, 239 00:09:28,312 --> 00:09:29,381 Veronica Deane! 240 00:09:29,382 --> 00:09:31,381 Who we're supposed to be guarding. 241 00:09:31,382 --> 00:09:33,331 Well, "whom," but yeah. 242 00:09:33,332 --> 00:09:35,261 And she is... 243 00:09:35,262 --> 00:09:36,341 I don't know who she's into. 244 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,241 I meant, where is she? 245 00:09:38,242 --> 00:09:39,281 How should I know? 246 00:09:39,282 --> 00:09:41,371 Yeah, who is she, Kate Warne? 247 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,371 - What? - Anyway, 248 00:09:42,372 --> 00:09:44,301 I don't want to jinx it, 249 00:09:44,302 --> 00:09:48,371 but this might end up... a murder mystery. 250 00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:50,421 Well, fingers crossed. 251 00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:52,261 Clump! 252 00:09:52,262 --> 00:09:53,371 Aah... 253 00:10:01,514 --> 00:10:04,877 Okay. Okay, here we go. 254 00:10:04,878 --> 00:10:06,937 Hello? 255 00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:09,798 Excuse me, Miss Deane? 256 00:10:13,828 --> 00:10:14,927 Yes? 257 00:10:16,878 --> 00:10:18,957 I have tinnitus. 258 00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:20,907 Why do we have to clean it up? 259 00:10:20,908 --> 00:10:22,907 Her dumb ass broke the damn thing. 260 00:10:22,908 --> 00:10:24,897 Well, he's the one sneaking around, scaring people 261 00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:25,967 like Casper the Ghost. 262 00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:28,977 A... Casper was the Friendly Ghost. 263 00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:32,937 Well, take a page from his book. 264 00:10:32,938 --> 00:10:34,877 You ever wonder how Casper died? 265 00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:37,907 When you're finished here, un-clump! 266 00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:39,957 'Cause my theory is Casper and Spooky 267 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,907 were kidnapped, raped, and murdered... 268 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,017 by Stevie. 269 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,967 Wow, that sounds pretty dark. 270 00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:49,807 No, Miss Kane, not dark. 271 00:10:49,808 --> 00:10:50,917 Noir. 272 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,897 - I... - Or nouveau noir, if you must, 273 00:10:52,898 --> 00:10:53,997 but rest assured, my dear, 274 00:10:53,998 --> 00:10:56,977 Deadly Velvet will redefine the genre. 275 00:10:56,978 --> 00:10:58,937 Of the private-eye movie? 276 00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:04,817 Um, are you... 277 00:11:04,818 --> 00:11:05,967 Madam, you wound me. 278 00:11:07,898 --> 00:11:10,897 Deadly Velvet is going to be a cinematic tour de force, 279 00:11:10,898 --> 00:11:13,837 and I want you deeply involved. 280 00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:16,017 Well, but I haven't been a private investigator 281 00:11:16,018 --> 00:11:17,787 for very long. 282 00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:18,897 Had Shocking Blue been a band 283 00:11:18,898 --> 00:11:20,907 very long before they recorded "Venus"? 284 00:11:20,908 --> 00:11:21,927 - I... - No. 285 00:11:21,928 --> 00:11:22,957 I don't know. 286 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:23,987 We can't know. 287 00:11:23,988 --> 00:11:25,957 And speaking of not knowing... 288 00:11:25,958 --> 00:11:27,957 what does a technical advisor even do? 289 00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,917 Well, advise on technical matters, of course, 290 00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,847 but I think you could also help me 291 00:11:31,848 --> 00:11:35,887 really get inside the mind of the private detective. 292 00:11:35,888 --> 00:11:39,887 What... makes... her... tick. 293 00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:41,887 Oh, wow, it's a female lead? 294 00:11:41,888 --> 00:11:44,807 What? 295 00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:45,867 Oh, God, no. 296 00:11:45,868 --> 00:11:48,797 What does Lana think she's doing? 297 00:11:48,798 --> 00:11:49,947 Well, I think she's... 298 00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:51,787 She's embarrassing herself. That's what. 299 00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:52,987 Fawning all over Ellis Crane. 300 00:11:52,988 --> 00:11:54,847 Trying to make Archer... 301 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:55,977 When he's clearly much better suited 302 00:11:55,978 --> 00:11:57,937 for a woman like, well, 303 00:11:57,938 --> 00:11:58,977 me. 304 00:11:58,978 --> 00:12:01,797 Jealous. Hey, how's Ron? 305 00:12:01,798 --> 00:12:02,907 He's great. 306 00:12:02,908 --> 00:12:05,807 How's nobody? 307 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,817 You're gon... 308 00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:13,987 I [bleep] you on a blimp. 309 00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,917 Oh, my God! 310 00:12:17,918 --> 00:12:19,987 That's right. 311 00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:22,017 Man, what ever happened to blimps? 312 00:12:22,018 --> 00:12:24,007 I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. 313 00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:25,877 I mean, I do have tinnitus, 314 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:26,987 but that's not the main thing. 315 00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:28,957 I'm sorry. I'm babbling. 316 00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:30,957 Hello. Uh, Sterling Archer. 317 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,857 And we have actually met. 318 00:12:33,858 --> 00:12:35,977 You hired me to meet some blackmailers 319 00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:37,977 and exchange... 320 00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,827 I know exactly who you are. 321 00:12:39,828 --> 00:12:40,847 Hm? 322 00:12:40,848 --> 00:12:41,957 What I don't know, Mr. Archer, 323 00:12:41,958 --> 00:12:44,797 is why you would think it even remotely acceptable 324 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,907 to discuss such private matters 325 00:12:45,908 --> 00:12:47,797 in such a public setting. 326 00:12:49,898 --> 00:12:50,937 I'm sorry. 327 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,887 It's all just so very sensitive. 328 00:12:53,888 --> 00:12:54,967 Now, why are you here? 329 00:12:54,968 --> 00:12:57,837 Well, for one thing, it's a great cause. 330 00:12:57,838 --> 00:12:59,837 But for another, more accurate thing, 331 00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:01,787 we're here because Shapiro hired us. 332 00:13:01,788 --> 00:13:02,847 What? Why? 333 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:03,977 To guard the the Tsarina. 334 00:13:03,978 --> 00:13:06,847 I knew I shouldn't have worn it. 335 00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,827 No... Yes, you totally should have. 336 00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:10,907 And I get it. I get why you did. 337 00:13:10,908 --> 00:13:12,967 - I wore it bec... - Because, come to find out, 338 00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:14,453 you and I find ourselves 339 00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:15,997 - in the same boat. - What? 340 00:13:15,998 --> 00:13:17,967 And it's a totally shit boat, 341 00:13:17,968 --> 00:13:20,997 and the cargo is pathetic petty jealousy. 342 00:13:20,998 --> 00:13:22,897 - What? - And so I apologize 343 00:13:22,898 --> 00:13:23,967 for being so forward, 344 00:13:23,968 --> 00:13:25,887 but I think this needs to happen, 345 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,857 and I think it's a win-win. 346 00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:28,967 What... 347 00:13:33,978 --> 00:13:35,977 Mother... 348 00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:40,877 What the... 349 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,827 Get on the ground! 350 00:13:47,798 --> 00:13:48,877 Get down! Move! 351 00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:49,967 Archer! 352 00:13:49,968 --> 00:13:51,887 Lana! 353 00:13:51,888 --> 00:13:52,968 Come on. 354 00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,897 Ladies... and... gentlemen... 355 00:14:01,898 --> 00:14:02,967 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. 356 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,007 - What are you doing? - Shut up. 357 00:14:05,008 --> 00:14:08,907 That is so baller. 358 00:14:08,908 --> 00:14:11,917 But, like, old-school baller. 359 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,857 - Like medicine baller. - Shh. 360 00:14:14,858 --> 00:14:17,817 Children of all ages, 361 00:14:17,818 --> 00:14:21,007 welcome to this robbery. 362 00:14:21,008 --> 00:14:23,017 I am your host, 363 00:14:23,018 --> 00:14:25,927 Mr. Rompers. 364 00:14:25,928 --> 00:14:27,838 And I did not tell you to stop. 365 00:14:31,848 --> 00:14:33,807 Okay, I think that red one's the leader, 366 00:14:33,808 --> 00:14:35,807 so you're gonna want to take him out first. 367 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,867 Now, we do not wish to harm you. 368 00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:39,797 Take him out? With what? 369 00:14:39,798 --> 00:14:41,807 But if you try anything foolish... 370 00:14:41,808 --> 00:14:42,907 How do you not have a gun? 371 00:14:42,908 --> 00:14:44,007 Uh, dahoy. 372 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,977 you will die here tonight. 373 00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:47,867 Oh, right. Yeah, that thing's 374 00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:49,857 about three sizes too small as it is. 375 00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:51,857 And how do you not have a gun? 376 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,847 Well, I would have if I had a jacket, 377 00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:55,847 but since I'm just a lowly waiter... 378 00:14:55,848 --> 00:14:57,827 Well, maybe you can pout your way out. 379 00:14:58,908 --> 00:15:00,857 Shh... 380 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:01,917 That was her, 381 00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:03,847 running her fat mouth. 382 00:15:10,813 --> 00:15:12,559 Ladies and gentlemen, 383 00:15:12,731 --> 00:15:15,461 please, this is all very simple. 384 00:15:15,462 --> 00:15:17,491 Every phone line has been cut. 385 00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:19,581 Every exit has been booby-trapped. 386 00:15:19,582 --> 00:15:20,893 Now, please, give your 387 00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:22,561 cell phones to Mr. Oingo. 388 00:15:22,562 --> 00:15:24,551 He's the handsome gentleman in orange. 389 00:15:24,552 --> 00:15:27,391 And give your valuables to Mr. Boingo. 390 00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:29,391 He's the handsome gentleman in blue! 391 00:15:29,392 --> 00:15:32,381 Please, we do not wish to harm you! 392 00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:34,541 Please, just do as they say! 393 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,471 Thank you, my good sir. Finished? 394 00:15:37,472 --> 00:15:39,501 Hm? Uh, hm. Uh, yes... 395 00:15:41,382 --> 00:15:42,441 Are you insane? 396 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,541 I don't know. Maybe. 397 00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,401 But check this out. 398 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,551 And that, ladies and germs, 399 00:15:48,552 --> 00:15:51,431 is the very best you can expect. 400 00:15:51,432 --> 00:15:52,820 And if Veronica Deane 401 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:56,351 doesn't get her wrinkly old ass out here with the Tsarina, 402 00:15:56,352 --> 00:15:58,481 I guess we'll have to go find it! 403 00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,471 Shh. 404 00:16:00,472 --> 00:16:02,351 First of all... 405 00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:04,511 Giggles! Yum-Yum! Pinky Brewster! 406 00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:08,419 Tear this place apart, room by room! 407 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,571 And please don't take this the wrong way, 408 00:16:10,572 --> 00:16:13,531 but your butt is like ka-kow. 409 00:16:13,532 --> 00:16:14,561 They're going to kill me. 410 00:16:14,562 --> 00:16:16,471 No, no, they're not. 411 00:16:16,472 --> 00:16:18,581 I have a plan, but I'm going to need you to trust me. 412 00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:20,401 Why? 413 00:16:20,402 --> 00:16:21,270 Because this. 414 00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:22,531 What are you doing? 415 00:16:22,532 --> 00:16:23,581 They'll see it. 416 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,697 Shh. I know. I want them to. 417 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:26,984 What? Why? 418 00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:28,491 Because I'm gonna... um, 419 00:16:28,492 --> 00:16:30,431 incapacitate one of them 420 00:16:30,432 --> 00:16:31,531 and then take his place. 421 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,391 Are you insane? 422 00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,571 What? It's a proven concept. 423 00:16:34,572 --> 00:16:37,411 Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. 424 00:16:37,412 --> 00:16:39,491 Um, probably a ton of other examples. 425 00:16:39,492 --> 00:16:41,441 Oh, God. I'm gonna die. 426 00:16:41,442 --> 00:16:43,351 - I'm gonna die. - Shh, hush, no you're not, 427 00:16:43,352 --> 00:16:44,471 I'm gonna get you out of here. 428 00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:45,561 But to do that, 429 00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:47,581 I'm gonna have to do a very bad thing. 430 00:16:47,582 --> 00:16:50,461 W-What? What do you mean? 431 00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:52,361 Great. 432 00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:53,522 Had to be the goofy pink one. 433 00:16:54,951 --> 00:16:56,581 Just promise me you won't scream. 434 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,371 I... What? 435 00:16:58,372 --> 00:16:59,481 I can't promise that. 436 00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:01,371 Okay, so if you feel it coming, 437 00:17:01,372 --> 00:17:03,441 maybe just do it into your hand, phrasing. 438 00:17:03,442 --> 00:17:04,491 Can you do that for me? 439 00:17:04,492 --> 00:17:06,411 I... I don't know. 440 00:17:06,412 --> 00:17:07,421 I'll try. 441 00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:08,461 Good, you're doing great. 442 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:09,571 Just remember to breathe 443 00:17:09,572 --> 00:17:11,371 in and out. 444 00:17:11,372 --> 00:17:12,491 In... 445 00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:14,371 and out. 446 00:17:14,372 --> 00:17:15,461 In... 447 00:17:15,462 --> 00:17:16,501 and out. 448 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,431 Phrasing, doing great, 449 00:17:18,432 --> 00:17:20,521 and sorry in advance for what's about to happen. 450 00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:25,431 Oh, baby, 451 00:17:25,432 --> 00:17:26,571 don't you worry. 452 00:17:26,572 --> 00:17:29,501 I'm gonna give you something to scream about. 453 00:17:29,502 --> 00:17:31,361 Hey, Rompers, guess... 454 00:17:45,512 --> 00:17:48,411 So hey, again, I'm sorry. 455 00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:50,481 Why, that wasn't so bad. 456 00:17:50,482 --> 00:17:52,551 I mean, you made it sound like you were going to... 457 00:17:56,482 --> 00:17:59,481 No, sorry for that. 458 00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:00,581 Why did you do that? 459 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,045 What? That... That's how you do it. 460 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,551 You could have just tied him up. 461 00:18:04,552 --> 00:18:07,421 With what? And also, no, I couldn't. 462 00:18:07,422 --> 00:18:08,521 That only works in the movies. 463 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,351 He would've gotten loose or yelled or... 464 00:18:11,352 --> 00:18:13,401 Well, shooting him would've been better than that. 465 00:18:13,402 --> 00:18:15,441 Not for him. Plus it's really loud, 466 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,511 and I actually do have tinnitus, so... 467 00:18:17,512 --> 00:18:19,491 Where did you learn that, the army? 468 00:18:19,492 --> 00:18:23,277 What? No, no, God, no. 469 00:18:23,278 --> 00:18:24,491 But, I mean, don't get me wrong. 470 00:18:24,492 --> 00:18:26,441 I truly appreciate the sacrifices 471 00:18:26,442 --> 00:18:28,491 of the men and women who serve in our armed forces, 472 00:18:28,492 --> 00:18:30,590 but there's easier ways to almost 473 00:18:30,615 --> 00:18:32,441 be eligible for food stamps. 474 00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:34,501 It is just criminal what they get paid. 475 00:18:34,502 --> 00:18:36,511 Although, I'd probably be an officer. 476 00:18:36,512 --> 00:18:38,571 Still, though... 477 00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:40,531 seems like a lot of running. 478 00:18:40,532 --> 00:18:42,371 And now if you'll excuse me, 479 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,411 I'm going to go kill some evil clowns. 480 00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,391 Do you... 481 00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:48,491 have an erection? 482 00:18:48,492 --> 00:18:50,352 No. 483 00:18:51,582 --> 00:18:52,582 No. 484 00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:08,295 There he is. 485 00:19:10,086 --> 00:19:11,205 How you doing, bub? 486 00:19:11,206 --> 00:19:12,295 Uh, who... 487 00:19:12,296 --> 00:19:14,195 Whuzza... 488 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,225 Where... What happened? 489 00:19:16,226 --> 00:19:18,247 Oh, my God, what didn't happen? 490 00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:19,884 Well, for starters, 491 00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:21,225 you're a one-hitter quitter. 492 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,265 Wait. How long was I out? 493 00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:25,265 Hm, like five hours? 494 00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:27,392 Oh, that is not good. 495 00:19:27,539 --> 00:19:29,155 Uh, no. 496 00:19:29,156 --> 00:19:30,525 You're gonna want a brain scan, 497 00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:32,275 you know, if we don't get murdered. 498 00:19:32,276 --> 00:19:34,065 Which... 499 00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:35,125 Veronica! 500 00:19:35,126 --> 00:19:36,125 Where's Veronica? 501 00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:37,275 That's the thing. 502 00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,135 Nobody knows. 503 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,145 And these guys are losing their shit. 504 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,255 Well, they're under a lot of stress. 505 00:19:42,256 --> 00:19:44,135 Don't start. 506 00:19:44,136 --> 00:19:46,105 Because somehow, some stupid idiot 507 00:19:46,106 --> 00:19:47,265 must've called 911. 508 00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:50,075 And so about a jillion cops showed up, 509 00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:52,185 so then it was a full-on siege. 510 00:19:52,186 --> 00:19:54,215 And then after that, the head clown... 511 00:19:54,216 --> 00:19:56,245 Mr. Rompers. 512 00:19:56,246 --> 00:19:58,075 He's awesome. 513 00:19:58,076 --> 00:19:59,265 And he was like, "This blows dicks. 514 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,175 The bathroom situation's a nightmare. 515 00:20:01,176 --> 00:20:03,095 I'm making an executive decision. 516 00:20:03,096 --> 00:20:04,235 This is too many hostages." 517 00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:06,215 And so then they let everyone go. 518 00:20:06,216 --> 00:20:08,295 Wait, what? Everybody? 519 00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:11,285 Well, except for kinda... 520 00:20:11,286 --> 00:20:15,115 the core group. 521 00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:17,235 Oh, and the band, which... 522 00:20:17,236 --> 00:20:20,145 Good job, guys! Doing great! 523 00:20:20,146 --> 00:20:22,563 Goddamn it! 524 00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:25,165 What did I say about running your mouth? 525 00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:27,245 Sorry, that was my jam. 526 00:20:27,246 --> 00:20:30,185 Hey, Mr. Rompers. 527 00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:32,175 Shut... up! 528 00:20:32,176 --> 00:20:34,075 Everybody! 529 00:20:35,106 --> 00:20:37,075 Wait, so did... 530 00:20:37,076 --> 00:20:38,095 Shut up. 531 00:20:38,096 --> 00:20:39,145 Pam, tell him the best part. 532 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,235 Wh... That is the least best part. 533 00:20:41,236 --> 00:20:43,065 Tell him! 534 00:20:43,066 --> 00:20:44,095 So Cheryl here... 535 00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:45,235 I'm sorry. 536 00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:49,115 Tania here has decided she's got Stockholm Syndrome. 537 00:20:49,116 --> 00:20:52,275 And soon I will be Mrs. Rompers. 538 00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,175 Again, that's if we don't get murdered. 539 00:20:55,216 --> 00:20:57,116 Shh. 540 00:20:58,136 --> 00:21:00,126 Which... 541 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:04,170 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans Resync by indy_dandy - www.Addic7ed.com - 541 00:21:05,305 --> 00:22:05,785 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP