1 00:00:00,052 --> 00:00:01,439 *ARCHER* Season 09 Episode 01 Episode Title: "Danger Island-Strange Pilot" 2 00:00:01,453 --> 00:00:06,750 No, you idiot! I got married to my husband. 3 00:00:06,844 --> 00:00:10,232 - This is my honeymoon! - Oh, thank God. 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,906 - For a minute there, I... - I remember drinking champagne 5 00:00:13,023 --> 00:00:15,495 in the bar, and then Whitney went off 6 00:00:15,563 --> 00:00:17,291 to play roulette in the back room... 7 00:00:17,359 --> 00:00:19,307 He just ditched you? What a jerk. 8 00:00:19,375 --> 00:00:23,633 - Yeah. Plus, Whitney. - But then it all goes a bit fuzzy. 9 00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:26,447 I think that patch is sexy 10 00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:29,422 and I kinda want to put my tongue in there. 11 00:00:29,722 --> 00:00:30,883 Oh, okay. 12 00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:33,659 Oh, my God! What have I done?! 13 00:00:33,727 --> 00:00:35,844 Well, hopefully not that. 14 00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:37,368 Charlotte?! 15 00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:38,539 That's him! 16 00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:40,202 - Who's him? - My husband! 17 00:00:40,270 --> 00:00:41,890 - Duh. - Right? 18 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,070 Answer me this instant! 19 00:00:43,138 --> 00:00:45,539 - You have to hide me! - Uh, actually, I do not. 20 00:00:45,607 --> 00:00:49,140 - Wh...? Are you...? - Ooh! Here! Hide in here! 21 00:00:49,882 --> 00:00:51,749 What the hell are you doing? 22 00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:54,834 - Charlotte! - Oh, come on, don't be a dick. 23 00:00:57,107 --> 00:00:59,092 - What? - Yes, I'm looking for my wife, 24 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,128 Mrs. Charlotte Stratton? Nee Vandertunt? 25 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,209 Redhead? Kind of flibbertigibbity? 26 00:01:04,277 --> 00:01:06,724 Oh, why, yes, as a matter of fact. 27 00:01:07,577 --> 00:01:08,678 Closet. 28 00:01:08,746 --> 00:01:09,951 - What?! - Archer! 29 00:01:10,076 --> 00:01:11,216 - C'mon, man... - Charlotte! 30 00:01:11,284 --> 00:01:13,587 What are you doing? You're ruining everything! 31 00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:15,248 Why the hell'd you do that? 32 00:01:15,316 --> 00:01:16,694 What'd you think, we're going to run away 33 00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:18,061 and live happily ever after? 34 00:01:18,129 --> 00:01:19,596 I mean... 35 00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,818 How could I ever trust her? 36 00:01:22,185 --> 00:01:23,615 You know, plus she obviously 37 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:26,005 - makes terrible decisions. - I'll say. 38 00:01:26,073 --> 00:01:27,443 - You'll say what? - What. 39 00:01:27,513 --> 00:01:30,084 - Goddamn it, Manu. If... - Sterling! 40 00:01:31,838 --> 00:01:33,521 Mama wants you. 41 00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,357 Don't call her that! 42 00:01:36,935 --> 00:01:39,435 Oh, I would just murder that. 43 00:01:39,503 --> 00:01:41,403 - Me too. - I meant sexually. 44 00:01:41,471 --> 00:01:44,240 - I meant murder-ly. - Sterling! 45 00:01:45,451 --> 00:01:47,982 What, Mother? Jesus! 46 00:01:48,615 --> 00:01:50,654 What the hell is wrong with you? 47 00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:53,466 Me? He's the one calling you Mama. 48 00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:56,341 What? No, not Manu, you ass. 49 00:01:56,409 --> 00:02:00,271 - Shooting off a gun in my hotel! - Oh. Oh, right, that. 50 00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:03,123 - Oh. No, there was a rat. - Snake. 51 00:02:03,208 --> 00:02:04,218 - Rat-snake. - Snake-rat. 52 00:02:04,286 --> 00:02:06,552 - Goddamn it. - Are you finished? 53 00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,966 - Yes. - Well, then, we are finished. 54 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,029 And apparently so are the Strattons. 55 00:02:14,262 --> 00:02:17,363 But then I don't suppose you'd know anything about that. 56 00:02:17,522 --> 00:02:20,255 No, I was pretty busy with the... 57 00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:21,352 - rat-snake. - Snake-rat. 58 00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:23,341 - Goddamn it! - What?! 59 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,297 - Right? - I swear to God, 60 00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:27,638 if you can't learn to keep 61 00:02:27,706 --> 00:02:31,123 - that thing in your pants... - It was actually in a drawer. 62 00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:34,693 Then you're going to have to find a new place to live. 63 00:02:34,761 --> 00:02:37,301 Wha...? Where else can I live for free? 64 00:02:38,704 --> 00:02:40,404 Oh, what, is that your point? 65 00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:44,802 My point is, as the majority stakeholder in Archer Airways, 66 00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:47,646 I'd like to see a return on my investment. 67 00:02:47,749 --> 00:02:49,930 Ah, well, yeah, we all would. 68 00:02:49,998 --> 00:02:51,794 - Sterling! - And we got a charter. 69 00:02:51,862 --> 00:02:53,755 - A what? - A boat, you fool. 70 00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:55,498 I want a boat. 71 00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:57,865 Why, Mr. Stratton, you're down early. 72 00:02:57,933 --> 00:02:59,350 Would you care for some breakfast? 73 00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:00,739 Porridge. 74 00:03:01,076 --> 00:03:02,248 Uh, I'm sorry? 75 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,052 Save your breath for cooling yours. 76 00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:07,142 I want a boat to take me out to the Clipper, 77 00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:08,482 and I mean this instant. 78 00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:09,724 But I don't understand. 79 00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:11,169 - Are you...? - And you! 80 00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:13,704 I have half a mind to give you the worst beating of your life. 81 00:03:13,772 --> 00:03:16,099 All right, now. You're obviously upset. 82 00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,067 Yeah, you're talking crazy. 83 00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:20,714 'Cause he's literally had the shit beat out of him. 84 00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:22,125 - 'Member? - You know... 85 00:03:22,193 --> 00:03:23,654 Well, then maybe I'll just sue him 86 00:03:23,722 --> 00:03:27,123 for alienation of affection and prosecute you for... 87 00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:28,770 - pandering. - What?! 88 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,943 Yeah, I don't think any money changed hands. 89 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,758 - But if it did, it would be mine. - Well... 90 00:03:33,826 --> 00:03:36,029 Do you people think this is some sort of joke? 91 00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:39,029 - I will ruin you! - Oh, all right. 92 00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:41,451 - Manu, call the tender. - Yes, Mama. 93 00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:43,357 And quit calling her that! 94 00:03:43,475 --> 00:03:46,732 - Why does it bother you so much? - Seriously?! 95 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,255 Now, while you're waiting, 96 00:03:48,326 --> 00:03:50,177 perhaps you'd like to settle your account? 97 00:03:50,245 --> 00:03:52,345 I really do not get your sense of humor. 98 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:54,919 If you think I'm paying for that so-called honeymoon suite... 99 00:03:55,087 --> 00:03:58,318 No no, I was referring to your marker from last night 100 00:03:58,386 --> 00:04:00,130 at the roulette table. 101 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,231 Oh, all right, now that it is funny. 102 00:04:02,299 --> 00:04:04,701 You want me to pay you for what I lost 103 00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:06,537 in your illegal gambling den? 104 00:04:08,405 --> 00:04:13,141 Everyone out! Zis hotel is closed until furzer notice! 105 00:04:13,228 --> 00:04:15,728 How can you close me? Upon what grounds? 106 00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:17,834 I am shocked, shocked to find 107 00:04:17,902 --> 00:04:19,557 - that gambling is going on in here! 108 00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:20,901 - Oh, for... - Ha ha! 109 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,417 Not to mention adultery. 110 00:04:22,485 --> 00:04:24,388 He seduced my wife. Arrest him. 111 00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,802 Monsieur, this is French territory. 112 00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:28,958 Of course adultery is not illegal. 113 00:04:29,026 --> 00:04:31,396 What about consensual buggery? 114 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,208 Uh, asking for a buddy. 115 00:04:37,975 --> 00:04:40,510 All right, Reynaud, cut the merde. 116 00:04:40,638 --> 00:04:41,778 What do you want? 117 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,580 Well, we can start with my winnings from last night. 118 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,396 - Fair enough. - I beg your... 119 00:04:46,464 --> 00:04:48,344 - Now, just a damn minute! - Merci. 120 00:04:48,412 --> 00:04:49,656 What?! 121 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,961 - The tender is waiting. - No! I demand that 122 00:04:52,029 --> 00:04:53,922 - you arrest her! - You demand it? 123 00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:57,393 - I most certainly... - Doudou? Aide monsieur a bord. 124 00:04:57,513 --> 00:04:59,466 What...? No, I... Ow! 125 00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:03,666 You people haven't heard the last of Whitney Stratton IV! 126 00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,537 Oh, I bet we have... 127 00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:08,951 - Pastis? - Mmm, un petit. 128 00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,930 And then you can explain to me 129 00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:13,594 why I hear gunshots coming from your hotel. 130 00:05:13,662 --> 00:05:15,612 - Sterling? - Yeah, sorry. 131 00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:17,162 - There was a rat-snake. - Snake-rat. 132 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,320 - Pam! - What?! 133 00:05:18,388 --> 00:05:20,316 Whatever the reason. Idiots! 134 00:05:20,384 --> 00:05:22,719 I can assure you, that was the last time 135 00:05:22,794 --> 00:05:24,701 you're ever going to hear... 136 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:32,074 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP 137 00:05:35,248 --> 00:05:36,763 Alors. 138 00:05:37,524 --> 00:05:39,367 What is wrong with you? 139 00:05:39,458 --> 00:05:41,671 - Me? - She's crazy. 140 00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:43,595 I'm just trying to calm her down, you know, 141 00:05:43,662 --> 00:05:45,240 doing my thing, and then out of nowhere, 142 00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:48,341 the crazy broad grabs the gun and tries to shoot me. 143 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,771 - Me, Crackers! - Because why are you talking?! 144 00:05:51,844 --> 00:05:55,258 How can a bird be talking?! 145 00:05:56,396 --> 00:05:57,935 He is parrot. 146 00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,555 Actually, technically, I'm a macaw, 147 00:06:00,623 --> 00:06:02,062 which is actually a type of parrot, 148 00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,367 so I-I'm technically a parrot, actually. 149 00:06:04,438 --> 00:06:05,646 But I mean, technically, 150 00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:07,270 - I'm, you know... - Rambling? 151 00:06:07,338 --> 00:06:08,601 I almost died, woman! 152 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:11,474 I know. Here, get some of this down ya. 153 00:06:11,557 --> 00:06:15,201 - I mean... - But... But how? 154 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,874 - How can he do that? - He's a parrot! 155 00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:19,732 - Well... - Shut up, bird. 156 00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:21,648 He talks. That's just how it is. 157 00:06:21,716 --> 00:06:23,375 Don't make a big thing out of it. 158 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,297 - Don't make a big thing out of it?! - See! She just flips! 159 00:06:26,365 --> 00:06:30,099 - You destroyed my marriage. - Hey, it takes two to tango. 160 00:06:30,193 --> 00:06:32,748 And obviously, you guys already had some problems, so... 161 00:06:32,836 --> 00:06:34,912 You want to talk problems?! 162 00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:38,662 Zut alors... 163 00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,365 My marriage is ruined. 164 00:06:40,451 --> 00:06:43,810 When my family finds out why, they will disown me. 165 00:06:43,896 --> 00:06:45,998 As will all of New York society. 166 00:06:46,091 --> 00:06:49,021 I have no money, no job, no skills, 167 00:06:49,099 --> 00:06:51,693 and no prospects, and it's all your fault! 168 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,031 And so right now, the only thing I want 169 00:06:54,099 --> 00:06:56,078 in this world, besides for you to die 170 00:06:56,146 --> 00:06:59,044 of some heretofore unknown form of eyehole cancer, 171 00:06:59,146 --> 00:07:02,623 is to get off this godforsaken island! 172 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:18,044 - And... when does it come back? - Ahem. Two weeks? 173 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:21,029 - And Whitney's on it? - Mm-hmm. 174 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:25,458 Oh, come on now, it's not that bad... 175 00:07:25,526 --> 00:07:27,990 He has my passport! 176 00:07:29,271 --> 00:07:30,888 What do you mean?! 177 00:07:30,956 --> 00:07:33,123 I mean just that, it is impossible. 178 00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,611 To get a passport, you have to go to the consulate 179 00:07:35,681 --> 00:07:37,140 in Papeete, on Tahiti. 180 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,797 - Well, how far is that? - As the crow flies? 181 00:07:39,865 --> 00:07:40,969 Ugh, crows. 182 00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:43,412 On the supply ship, it takes about a week. 183 00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:45,494 - A week?! - It makes other stops. 184 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:50,154 And it will be here in... one month. 185 00:07:58,753 --> 00:08:01,526 Of course, it's only three hours by plane. 186 00:08:01,643 --> 00:08:04,620 Well, news flash, lady, the plane just left! 187 00:08:04,722 --> 00:08:07,581 Yeah, so, air travel's not really an option here, Mother. 188 00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:09,784 Well, now, wait a minute... 189 00:08:09,854 --> 00:08:11,599 - Mother... - Sterling, dear, 190 00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,776 couldn't you just take her in your plane? 191 00:08:14,511 --> 00:08:16,450 - Your what? - Hey, yeah! 192 00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:19,996 - No, actually, Mother, I can't. - Well, why ever not? 193 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:25,065 - Because! Uh, because... - Presumably... 194 00:08:25,253 --> 00:08:28,537 because you can't tell time. 195 00:08:28,886 --> 00:08:32,122 Her royal highness, Princess Lanaluakalani. 196 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:35,378 - Latou te iloa. - Votre Altesse. 197 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:40,341 Ah, Capitaine Reynaud. Et pourquoi me parles-tu en français? 198 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:44,154 Parce que la langue officielle de Mitimotu est français. 199 00:08:44,222 --> 00:08:46,388 Oui, en ce moment. 200 00:08:46,487 --> 00:08:50,761 Now, can someone please explain to me why Mr. Fuchs and I 201 00:08:50,893 --> 00:08:53,940 aren't sipping champagne in the plane I chartered? 202 00:08:54,073 --> 00:08:56,560 - Uh, well... - For one thing, we don't do that. 203 00:08:56,628 --> 00:08:59,128 - And secondly, Fuchs? - Yeah? 204 00:08:59,229 --> 00:09:01,253 Well, we could, and we're happy to, Your Highness. 205 00:09:01,425 --> 00:09:05,763 Or even... I bet we could even mix you up some Bellinis. 206 00:09:05,831 --> 00:09:07,042 - We have fresh peaches? - No. 207 00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:09,661 Then shut up! The point is, Your Highness, 208 00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:12,315 - my plane is your plane. - Well, then... 209 00:09:12,487 --> 00:09:16,386 What?! I don't care who you are, lady, I've got dibs on that plane. 210 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,151 Reynaud? 211 00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:21,599 I'm very sorry, madame, 212 00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:26,104 but we have strict law against vagrancy, and you have no money. 213 00:09:27,464 --> 00:09:30,566 Alors, for your dinner, one turnip. 214 00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,331 You must be kidding. 215 00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,755 Are you sure this thing can fly? 216 00:09:37,823 --> 00:09:39,870 Oh, don't worry about ol' Lucy Goosey. 217 00:09:39,987 --> 00:09:43,058 She may not look like much, but that's... 218 00:09:44,339 --> 00:09:47,177 - mainly cosmetic. Flaps! - Well, except for the fue... 219 00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:49,154 - I just... - Flaps, goddamn it, flaps! 220 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,083 Okay, Your Highness, as you requested, 221 00:09:51,151 --> 00:09:53,628 we'll be making a big loop around the island, 222 00:09:53,722 --> 00:09:55,942 so just sit back and relax. 223 00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:59,097 That is physically impossible. 224 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,763 Uh. Ja, zis is not a good airplane. 225 00:10:02,089 --> 00:10:04,299 I hope it at least has parachutes. 226 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,471 There's actually only three, so... 227 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,604 Gott im Himmel! 228 00:10:07,672 --> 00:10:10,746 Oh, yes, I talk. Get over it. 229 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,745 No, Your Highness, I just meant 230 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,761 it's kinda weird though, right? 231 00:10:27,829 --> 00:10:29,915 I think he's just reacting to the music. 232 00:10:30,141 --> 00:10:33,744 - Thanks, you just defined dancing. - Shut up, bird! 233 00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:36,544 No, I mean, it's not a big island, so the fact that 234 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,300 we've never run into each other, kinda weird, right? 235 00:10:39,393 --> 00:10:42,850 No. And should you... be drinking? 236 00:10:44,496 --> 00:10:45,526 - Yes. - I... 237 00:10:45,594 --> 00:10:46,971 So what's your story, Fuchs? 238 00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,737 What brings you out here to Mitimotu? 239 00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:51,880 - Er, uh, well, er... - Breadfruit. 240 00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:54,411 Oh, ja! I will make a plantation. 241 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,495 - A plantation? Where? - Down there. On the island. 242 00:10:57,563 --> 00:10:59,638 Creating many jobs for our people. 243 00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:02,536 As what, artisanal coffin builders? 244 00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:04,034 - Was? - Nothing. 245 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,354 Nothing but danger. 246 00:11:05,479 --> 00:11:08,141 That jungle's stuffed to the tits with quicksand, 247 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,005 ferocious baboons, poisonous snakes... 248 00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:13,893 - Poisonous frogs. - The frogs are poisonous? 249 00:11:13,961 --> 00:11:16,222 - Mildly. - Insanely. I mean, 250 00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,831 you get hit by a dart slathered with frog poison...? 251 00:11:18,899 --> 00:11:20,613 - Will you...? - A dart? From where? 252 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:21,889 - The cannibals. - Please! 253 00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:23,532 - What cannibals?! - The... 254 00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:27,292 - The Mua Mua! Man, they are... - Simply a small native tribe 255 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,206 that has had very limited experience 256 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,581 with people from the outside world. 257 00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,505 - Except as food. - If you... 258 00:11:35,573 --> 00:11:37,292 Although compared to the dragons... 259 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,513 What dragons?! 260 00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:40,208 Oh. They're just extremely big lizards. 261 00:11:40,276 --> 00:11:42,065 You told me none of these dangers! 262 00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,033 Because the dangers... 263 00:11:44,151 --> 00:11:47,026 aren't that dangerous. And if Mister... 264 00:11:47,094 --> 00:11:48,158 - Archer! - Thank you. 265 00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:50,940 - If Mister... - No, Archer, come here! Like now! 266 00:11:51,268 --> 00:11:53,389 - What's happening? - Is there a problem? 267 00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:54,815 No. 268 00:11:57,358 --> 00:11:59,827 - What is your problem? - It's not my problem, it's Lucy's! 269 00:11:59,895 --> 00:12:02,972 - Her fuel pressure's dropping! - Son of a... 270 00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,612 Why do you always do this? 271 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,615 I mean, I finally meet someone I might like, 272 00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,768 we're having fun, getting to know each other, 273 00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:11,714 I'm being super charming, but no, 274 00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:15,792 I'm not allowed to be happy because you're a big, jealous baby! 275 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,386 Oh. You're talking to me? 276 00:12:18,513 --> 00:12:20,675 - Who else is there?! - The fuel pump. 277 00:12:20,743 --> 00:12:23,092 Oh, right. Okay, I've got a plan. 278 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,159 I'm all ears. 279 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,380 - What is wrong? - Was ist los?! 280 00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,157 Nothing, all good. Have some bubbles. 281 00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:32,393 Feather props! 282 00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:33,927 Feather one! Feather two! 283 00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,435 Nein! Let me go! 284 00:12:35,503 --> 00:12:36,608 Okay, now let me see if we... 285 00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:39,607 - We are going to die up here! - No, we're not! 286 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,458 Yeah, it's the ground that kills ya. 287 00:12:41,526 --> 00:12:42,697 - Thanks. - Eh. 288 00:12:42,794 --> 00:12:44,802 But how can we fly with no engines?! 289 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,357 The same way a bird does... 290 00:12:46,425 --> 00:12:48,154 Flapping around with hollow bones? 291 00:12:48,222 --> 00:12:49,384 Shut up, bird! 292 00:12:49,452 --> 00:12:51,974 We're gonna glide right into a smooth landing. 293 00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,348 Where?! The island has no runway! 294 00:12:54,416 --> 00:12:57,573 - The ocean is the runway. - But... 295 00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,081 Wh...? No, no, no, no, no, no! 296 00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:03,566 - Well, it was. - Goddamn it, Fuchs! 297 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:06,815 Ach! Why would someone put the landing gear control there?! 298 00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:08,729 Because they didn't know you're an asshole? 299 00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:10,714 - Get 'em up! - Love to... 300 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,832 - But... - Goddamn it! 301 00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:15,201 - What?! - We can't land on the water 302 00:13:15,269 --> 00:13:19,277 - if the frickin' wheels are down! - And if there is no runway... 303 00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:21,300 Oof! What are you doing? 304 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:22,893 Parachutes! 305 00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:25,526 Where are the parachutes?! 306 00:13:25,636 --> 00:13:28,229 - Oh, for the... You pussy! - No, he's right! 307 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,698 - What? - Ah-ha! 308 00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:32,051 - You all gotta bail out! - Oka atua! 309 00:13:32,151 --> 00:13:35,189 Go on! I'll get us over land, you get the princess in a chute, 310 00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,409 get her down safe, and get her home safe! 311 00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:39,526 - What about you?! - I'll try to bring Lucy down 312 00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,995 easy in the water. Go on, I'll be fine! 313 00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:45,753 - No you won't! - Just go, you big dumb ox! 314 00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:51,565 Wow. Okay, let's go, Your Fanciness. 315 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,908 Vater Unser im Himmel, geheiligt werde dein Name... 316 00:13:54,976 --> 00:13:56,440 Better pray I don't kick your ass... 317 00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,917 - What do we do? What do we do? - Well, the first thing 318 00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:00,548 you want to do, is take some deep breaths. 319 00:14:00,615 --> 00:14:02,348 While you help her put that on! 320 00:14:02,479 --> 00:14:05,718 You help her! I'm getting... owwww! 321 00:14:05,839 --> 00:14:09,356 Your fists are like... Dosenschinken! 322 00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:10,698 Yeah, I get that a lot. 323 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,558 Hey! We don't have all day here! 324 00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:14,716 Once we get below a thousand feet, 325 00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:16,629 those chutes are basically just laundry! 326 00:14:16,697 --> 00:14:18,964 Hang on, we're almost ready! 327 00:14:19,081 --> 00:14:22,002 - Will you hurry up?! - Will you shut up?! 328 00:14:22,073 --> 00:14:23,703 - There! Happy? - Not really! 329 00:14:23,705 --> 00:14:28,041 Okay, you two! Jesus! You can bitch on the way down. 330 00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,917 - What is all that for?! - Protection. 331 00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:32,447 We weren't kidding about that jungle. 332 00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:34,341 Come on, Pam, it's now or never! 333 00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:36,983 Let's go, people! Move! Move! Move! 334 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,964 Ow, my twat! 335 00:14:50,284 --> 00:14:53,167 Good luck. Except for you, Fuchs. 336 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,101 I hope you wind up as an entree. 337 00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:58,097 Hey, Crackers? Crackers, come here, buddy! 338 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,591 - Okay, so listen... - Yeah, not great, huh? 339 00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:04,308 No, no, not great. I'm gonna do the best I can, 340 00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:05,526 but we're gonna hit the water 341 00:15:05,594 --> 00:15:07,385 pretty hard, probably even flip over. 342 00:15:07,453 --> 00:15:08,231 Mm-hmm. 343 00:15:08,299 --> 00:15:10,385 But there's a bunch of life jackets in the storage locker, 344 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:13,823 so I want you to get in there and hunker down, okay, buddy? 345 00:15:13,891 --> 00:15:16,258 Hopefully that'll cushion the impact. 346 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,493 Oh. You're talking to me. 347 00:15:20,688 --> 00:15:22,062 Wh...? Who else would I be...? 348 00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,790 - Oh. - Yeah. 349 00:15:23,932 --> 00:15:25,832 - You can fly. - Yeah. 350 00:15:25,954 --> 00:15:27,934 So you're outta here. 351 00:15:28,087 --> 00:15:29,902 - Is that weird? - I mean... 352 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,509 Well, yeah, obviously it's weird if you make it weird. 353 00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:34,384 Okay, you know what?! 354 00:15:36,314 --> 00:15:39,704 Aaaassshoooole! 355 00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,082 Yeah, I'm the asshole. 356 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:46,568 Okay, Lucy! Here we go! 357 00:15:54,185 --> 00:15:57,930 Next time on Archer: Danger Island: 358 00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:05,145 Fuel pump piece of shit! 359 00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,771 Oh. 360 00:16:09,998 --> 00:16:12,473 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 361 00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:16,828 Now who's the asshole? Stupid bird. 361 00:16:17,305 --> 00:17:17,614 Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP