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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Wow, still can't believe this sale.
3
00:00:24,511 --> 00:00:27,196
Six thousand low-fold
dispenser napkins for $58?
4
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What are they thinking?
5
00:00:28,566 --> 00:00:29,766
I don't know.
6
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Yeah, and they're
two-ply.
7
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This is...
this is a great day.
8
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A really great day.
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Wow, look how big and empty
the parking lot is,
10
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huh?
(low whistle)
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What do you say you
get behind the wheel?
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What would I do behind the wheel?
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Drive.
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Is that legal?
15
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Well, no, but my father let me drive
16
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when I was about your age.
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Call it a perk for running
errands with your dad.
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Let's make this kitty purr.
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Mm, go ahead.
Try a turn.
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(Tina groans)
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Tina, why are you groaning?
You're doing fine.
22
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(groaning louder)
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Rela... Tina, relax. Easy, easy.
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(continuous groaning)
25
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(chuckling):
Okay, okay.
26
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Tina, you're kind of headed toward
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the only other car in the lot.
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You have plenty of time to turn, Tina,
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so just go ahead.
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Turn one way or the other...
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You're just swerving back and forth.
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Turn one way and stick with it, Tina.
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(continuous groaning)
34
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Tina, for the love of God,
turn away or stop!
35
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The brakes, Tina!
On the left!
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You're about to hit that car!
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The brakes!
Hit the brakes!
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Oh, my God, it's bad.
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I ruined the car!
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You did.
You really did.
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Okay, uh...
Well, that's... Ugh.
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At least there doesn't seem to be
43
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any damage to the other car.
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No, I see a dent!
There's a dent!
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That-That's a ding. Not even.
It's like a little scratch.
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N-No, it's a dent!
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All right, we'll leave a note.
48
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You know, then again, for all we know,
49
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that probably was there, right?
50
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We have to leave a note!
We have to leave a note!
51
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Okay, okay! You're-
You're so honest.
52
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Who raised you?
53
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I don't know.
54
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Da... It was me. I did.
55
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(bell dings) What's with the cab?
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Yeah, where's the car?
57
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Um, the car is in the shop.
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There was a little accident and...
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What?!
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Wait, Lin, Lin.
What?
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What happened?
Calm down. We hit a parked car.
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Are you okay?
What happened?
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My baby, wa...
Look at me.
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Look at me. Oh, God.
We're fine. Tina is fine.
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Oh, my baby.
Oh, my baby.
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Wait, how'd you manage
to hit a parked car?
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Are you drunk?
No.
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You smell like wine.
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(chuckles)
We-we were coming out
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of the restaurant supply store and...
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(phone rings) Hold on.
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Bob's Burgers.
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Oh, hi, Jimmy.
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Yeah, he's right here.
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It's Jimmy Pesto.
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Ugh, what does he want?
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Hello, Jimmy.
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Hello, Bob, want to hear
a knock-knock joke?
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No.
Knock-knock.
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I'm really not in the mood.
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Knock-knock!
Ugh, who's there?
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You hit my car, dumbass.
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Eh, classic knock-knock.
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You've got to be kidding me.
That was your car?
85
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Did you or did you not
hear my knock-knock joke?
86
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O-Okay, look,
what happened was...
87
00:02:54,511 --> 00:02:55,728
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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tell it to your insurance company.
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Oh, come on, Jimmy.
I don't want my rates to go up.
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I'll just pay
whatever the damage is and...
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00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:02,735
No way. Not on
your salary.
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I don't have time for you to work out
93
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an eight-cents-a-month
payment plan.
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Ha. He's poor.
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(groans) Fine.
96
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We'll go through
my insurance. Good-bye!
97
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You drive like a fart!
Fart.
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00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:14,147
So what happened?
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So anyway, I was driving,
and I ran into what turned out
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to be Jimmy Pesto's car
in the parking lot.
101
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But, Dad, I was...
Come on, Tina.
102
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Help me carry the napkins
down to the basement.
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00:03:22,623 --> 00:03:24,424
Okay.
Help you carry napkins?
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Yeah, Dad, be sure to lift
with your legs.
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BOB:
Ha-ha.
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Use the hand truck.
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You shouldn't be carrying
anything at your age.
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Yeah, you're pregnant.
You sit down, Dad.
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Hey, while your car is in the shop,
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I can drive you guys around.
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Oh, thank you, Mort,
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but we don't need to go anywhere.
113
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
we'd get to ride in the hearse?
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There's lots of places we need to go.
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What? Where?
116
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Nightclubs, day clubs, smoky cafes...
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Chinatown, Thai Town...
Library.
118
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Great, I'm heading out now
if you want to come with.
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I call shotgun.
120
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I call coffin.
121
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No fair, I want coffin!
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Good, it was a trick!
123
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I'm too scared to ride coffin.
124
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So we just have to say
I was driving, okay?
125
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That's lying.
That's not right.
126
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,647
That's true, Tina.
127
00:04:04,681 --> 00:04:06,816
Lying is wrong,
and you should never do it.
128
00:04:06,850 --> 00:04:08,584
Unless an idiot named Jimmy Pesto
129
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makes you go through
insurance, which he is.
130
00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:12,488
So we have to lie this one time.
131
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What's next? Perjury?
Human trafficking?
132
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Look, our insurance will go up
a little, but we'll be fine.
133
00:04:17,628 --> 00:04:18,961
We just can't tell anyone about it.
134
00:04:18,996 --> 00:04:20,897
Even Mom?
Ugh, especially Mom.
135
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:21,964
She can't lie.
136
00:04:21,999 --> 00:04:23,499
But I can't lie, either.
137
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You know what, it's
not even really a lie.
138
00:04:25,636 --> 00:04:26,736
It's a secret.
139
00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,604
It's our shared secret.
140
00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:30,606
Huh, maybe if I had a backstory?
141
00:04:30,641 --> 00:04:32,008
A backstory?
142
00:04:32,042 --> 00:04:34,677
Do I have a boyfriend in this scenario?
143
00:04:34,711 --> 00:04:37,513
Uh, we should probably just
stick to the necessary facts.
144
00:04:37,548 --> 00:04:38,648
Oh, okay.
145
00:04:38,682 --> 00:04:40,183
Fine, all right,
146
00:04:40,217 --> 00:04:42,318
you have a secret boyfriend
in this scenario.
147
00:04:42,352 --> 00:04:44,020
One that you can't ever talk about.
148
00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:45,454
What's his name?
149
00:04:45,489 --> 00:04:46,989
Um, Sebastian.
150
00:04:47,024 --> 00:04:48,825
He plays lacrosse, and he loves me.
151
00:04:48,859 --> 00:04:50,827
Mm-hmm.
But he loves lacrosse more.
152
00:04:50,861 --> 00:04:52,695
Uh, yeah.
How long is his hair?
153
00:04:52,729 --> 00:04:54,614
I-I-I don't know,
but it's greasy.
154
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:56,082
Yes.
155
00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:58,584
So Mort, what special features
does this baby have?
156
00:04:58,619 --> 00:05:00,503
Special features?
Like what?
157
00:05:00,537 --> 00:05:01,971
You know, like an oil slick
158
00:05:02,005 --> 00:05:03,856
in case you're being followed
by mourners?
159
00:05:03,891 --> 00:05:05,525
Oh, no, no, nothing like that.
160
00:05:05,559 --> 00:05:06,809
Is there a hammer in case
161
00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:08,311
one of them comes back to life?
162
00:05:08,345 --> 00:05:09,362
No, no hammers.
163
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,948
I guess you have to use
your bare hands then.
164
00:05:11,982 --> 00:05:13,699
You're cute.
Yeah.
165
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:15,484
Whoa, how'd you swing that?
166
00:05:15,518 --> 00:05:17,019
Oh, the police escort?
167
00:05:17,037 --> 00:05:18,688
In addition to giving you kids a lift,
168
00:05:18,722 --> 00:05:20,156
I'm also on my way to a funeral.
169
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:21,874
Killing two birds with one stone.
170
00:05:21,909 --> 00:05:23,459
So there's a dead body back there?
171
00:05:23,493 --> 00:05:25,027
And two birds.
172
00:05:25,045 --> 00:05:26,412
And two buns!
173
00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:29,365
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
174
00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:30,833
Take that, po-po!
175
00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:32,335
Come on, kids, please.
This is not...
176
00:05:32,369 --> 00:05:33,836
Sorry!
177
00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:35,137
Oil slick, go.
178
00:05:35,172 --> 00:05:36,339
(hissing)
179
00:05:36,373 --> 00:05:38,808
Why are you wearing a hair net?
180
00:05:38,842 --> 00:05:40,576
Because stress is making
my hair fall out.
181
00:05:40,611 --> 00:05:42,728
Look at me.
182
00:05:42,763 --> 00:05:44,897
Tina, you have the fullest head
of hair in the family.
183
00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:46,332
I would kill for that hairline.
184
00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:47,633
I believe you would.
185
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:49,202
Take it easy. Take it easy.
186
00:05:49,236 --> 00:05:51,170
This is all wrong.
I'm going to jail.
187
00:05:51,205 --> 00:05:52,238
Or hell.
188
00:05:52,272 --> 00:05:53,506
Or hell jail.
189
00:05:54,758 --> 00:05:55,875
What's for lunch today?
190
00:05:55,909 --> 00:05:57,559
Your lies!
191
00:05:57,578 --> 00:05:59,161
No!
192
00:05:59,196 --> 00:06:00,763
That's what we had yesterday.
193
00:06:00,797 --> 00:06:02,164
Look, I know it's hard,
194
00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:03,549
but I swear it will get easier.
195
00:06:03,584 --> 00:06:05,151
Just hang in there;
we'll get through this.
196
00:06:05,185 --> 00:06:06,419
(bell dings)
197
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,921
Hey, there.
What can I get for you?
198
00:06:08,956 --> 00:06:10,156
Oh, I'm not having anything,
199
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,724
but I do have a few questions.
200
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:14,260
I'm Chase Kaminsky,
your insurance adjuster.
201
00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:18,898
(groaning)
202
00:06:18,932 --> 00:06:21,000
What's that sound?
203
00:06:21,034 --> 00:06:22,568
Uh, uh, what sound?
204
00:06:22,603 --> 00:06:24,437
(groaning continues)
I don't hear anything.
205
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,572
Oh that, that, yes, I hear that.
206
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:28,407
That's probably my daughter.
207
00:06:28,442 --> 00:06:30,543
Is she all right?
208
00:06:30,577 --> 00:06:32,345
I-I-I think it's a song.
209
00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,247
She's always singing, so...
it's probably a song.
210
00:06:34,281 --> 00:06:35,915
You know, kids and their music.
211
00:06:35,949 --> 00:06:37,683
(thud)
212
00:06:37,718 --> 00:06:38,951
Uh, oh.
213
00:06:38,986 --> 00:06:39,733
She passed out.
214
00:06:39,853 --> 00:06:40,885
Better go check on her.
215
00:06:44,731 --> 00:06:46,699
Everything's fine, Tina.
We're going to go out there
216
00:06:46,733 --> 00:06:48,334
and act like
we didn't do anything wrong,
217
00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:49,902
which we didn't, kind of.
218
00:06:49,936 --> 00:06:51,504
But lying to Mom was one thing;
219
00:06:51,538 --> 00:06:54,106
lying to the insurance guy
is another. (groaning)
220
00:06:54,141 --> 00:06:55,758
Okay, stop, stop making that sound.
221
00:06:55,776 --> 00:06:57,410
He hears it.
Okay.
222
00:06:57,444 --> 00:06:58,878
All right,
let's-let's have you go
223
00:06:58,912 --> 00:07:00,930
down to the basement
and, um, sweep something.
224
00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:03,115
Like dirt?
Yes, like dirt.
225
00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:06,035
So, I was in park,
but I thought it was in drive,
226
00:07:06,069 --> 00:07:08,788
so I was thinking,
"Uh, why am I not moving?"
227
00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:10,356
Yeah, well, we've all done that.
228
00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:12,425
I mean, I haven't,
but somebody must have.
229
00:07:12,459 --> 00:07:14,293
We... you did.
230
00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:15,895
(laughing)
231
00:07:15,929 --> 00:07:17,613
Yeah, I did.
232
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:20,249
(forced laughing)
233
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:22,151
Oh, God.
234
00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:24,153
Uh, this is my daughter, Tina.
235
00:07:24,187 --> 00:07:26,589
Laughing is another one of her noises.
236
00:07:26,623 --> 00:07:27,890
Oh, is that laughing?
237
00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,458
I was in the car with my dad.
238
00:07:29,493 --> 00:07:30,926
Uh, in the passenger seat, she was.
239
00:07:30,961 --> 00:07:32,311
Yeah, where passengers sit.
240
00:07:32,345 --> 00:07:33,996
Right, so after I put it in park,
241
00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:37,083
and I was moving,
I thought, "Am I in neutral?"
242
00:07:37,117 --> 00:07:39,468
So I shifted into gear
and lurched forward.
243
00:07:39,503 --> 00:07:41,470
And then a butterfly flew in the window
244
00:07:41,505 --> 00:07:42,788
and Dad started swatting at it.
245
00:07:42,823 --> 00:07:44,156
(bell dings) A butterfly?
246
00:07:44,191 --> 00:07:45,458
What butterfly?
Wha-What butterfly?
247
00:07:45,492 --> 00:07:47,159
Hey, Linda, kids.
248
00:07:47,194 --> 00:07:49,395
Uh, this is Chase.
He's from the insurance company.
249
00:07:49,429 --> 00:07:51,614
I was just telling him
what happened, uh...
250
00:07:51,648 --> 00:07:53,165
Uh, yes, I was...
251
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,584
I was just getting to
the butterfly part of the story.
252
00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:58,254
I thought it was a bee,
and I was startled.
253
00:07:58,288 --> 00:08:00,155
So I was, ah...
swatting at it.
254
00:08:00,173 --> 00:08:01,674
Dad's scared of butterflies.
255
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:03,776
Uh-oh, Dad, look out.
There's a ladybug!
256
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,327
Stop it.
All right, so, uh,
257
00:08:05,345 --> 00:08:07,162
anyway, back to the story, uh, Chase.
258
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,298
Uh, I mean, not a story;
it's the truth.
259
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:11,834
Um, so I swerved and...
260
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:13,319
A cormorant flew in the window.
261
00:08:13,353 --> 00:08:14,487
What's a cormorant?
262
00:08:14,521 --> 00:08:15,688
It's a kind of seabird.
263
00:08:15,722 --> 00:08:17,022
We learned about them in school.
264
00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:18,491
In China they use them to catch fish.
265
00:08:18,525 --> 00:08:19,625
Yeah, thanks, Tina.
266
00:08:19,659 --> 00:08:21,510
Sorry I left out the cormorant.
267
00:08:21,528 --> 00:08:23,963
GENE: A cormorant? What
an auspicious sign.
268
00:08:23,997 --> 00:08:26,365
Anyway, that's how I hit the car.
269
00:08:26,399 --> 00:08:28,684
Butterfly, then cormorant.
270
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,392
Okay!
Really?
271
00:08:36,426 --> 00:08:38,127
We'll get your claim check
cut right away.
272
00:08:38,161 --> 00:08:39,562
Thanks for your business, Bob.
273
00:08:39,596 --> 00:08:41,197
(bell dings) Thank you.
274
00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:42,665
That was easy, right? Phew.
275
00:08:42,699 --> 00:08:44,049
One more thing.
Aah! Aah!
276
00:08:44,084 --> 00:08:45,818
It just occurred to me to ask you...
277
00:08:45,852 --> 00:08:46,819
Here it comes.
278
00:08:46,853 --> 00:08:48,404
I'm hosting a barbecue this Sunday.
279
00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:50,489
My caterer fell through.
Boom, I meet you.
280
00:08:50,524 --> 00:08:51,791
What do you say?
281
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:53,242
You ever take this show on the road?
282
00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:55,227
Oh, um, cater your party?
283
00:08:55,262 --> 00:08:57,413
Mm-hmm.
Sounds great. We'll do it.
284
00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:59,048
Our only other employees are the kids.
285
00:08:59,082 --> 00:09:00,549
Is that... is that okay?
286
00:09:03,737 --> 00:09:05,237
Great!
287
00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:06,489
Here's my number.
Huh.
288
00:09:06,523 --> 00:09:08,190
See you all on Sunday.
289
00:09:08,225 --> 00:09:09,425
Great.
290
00:09:11,711 --> 00:09:13,512
Where's the bathroom
in this thing? Under here?
291
00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:15,181
No. No, it's not there.
292
00:09:15,215 --> 00:09:16,565
Yeah, it's fine.
Well no, just...
293
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,067
Can you just hold it a little longer?
294
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,435
Well, it's not a problem.
No, no, please.
295
00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:21,036
Don't worry about it.
296
00:09:21,071 --> 00:09:22,438
I'm meeting a grieving
widow in ten minutes.
297
00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:24,423
Oh, I have to go,
too. Hey, look!
298
00:09:24,457 --> 00:09:25,658
"Three bedroom, two bath."
299
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:27,076
We can both go.
300
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,377
Ah, all right.
301
00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:29,395
But make it quick.
302
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:30,946
Got to go. Got to go. Got to go.
303
00:09:30,981 --> 00:09:32,765
Everything okay in there?
304
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,500
Everything's great.
305
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:36,218
I had to pee,
but one thing led to another.
306
00:09:36,253 --> 00:09:37,920
Bam, I showered.
307
00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:40,089
So our grandpa died.
That's him out front.
308
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:41,891
He's in the to-go box.
309
00:09:41,925 --> 00:09:45,928
His last wish was to be buried
at the house he was murdered in.
310
00:09:45,962 --> 00:09:48,564
Yeah, with the shovel
he was murdered with.
311
00:09:48,598 --> 00:09:51,283
Can you believe he was
poisoned with a shovel?
312
00:09:51,318 --> 00:09:52,785
(stammering)
313
00:09:52,819 --> 00:09:54,119
We'll take it!
314
00:09:54,154 --> 00:09:56,372
Kids.
Ah, perfect timing.
315
00:09:56,406 --> 00:09:58,557
Mortimer, give this fellow
a fair price for the house,
316
00:09:58,592 --> 00:10:00,893
and we'll meet you in the car.
317
00:10:04,514 --> 00:10:06,365
Hey, thanks for the lift, Mort.
318
00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:08,601
Uh, shouldn't be more
than a couple hours, so, uh...
319
00:10:08,635 --> 00:10:10,386
are you gonna wait here or come back?
320
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:12,488
Well, it's an hour back to my place,
321
00:10:12,522 --> 00:10:14,423
so I guess I'll just sit in the hearse.
322
00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,958
Maybe grab a nap in the back.
323
00:10:15,992 --> 00:10:17,877
Uh-huh.
A nap in the back of a hearse?
324
00:10:17,911 --> 00:10:19,628
Who says morticians are creepy?
325
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:23,065
Ha-ha. Well, all this gas
is getting pretty expensive.
326
00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:25,935
A hearse doesn't exactly sip gas.
327
00:10:25,969 --> 00:10:27,603
It's a big vehicle, you know?
Uh-huh.
328
00:10:27,637 --> 00:10:29,655
But you know,
if you would like to chip in
329
00:10:29,657 --> 00:10:31,674
that would be so great because...
Great, we'll see you in a few.
330
00:10:31,708 --> 00:10:32,942
Okay. All right.
331
00:10:32,976 --> 00:10:35,144
See you soon. That's fine.
332
00:10:35,178 --> 00:10:36,512
Why are we even here?
333
00:10:36,546 --> 00:10:38,414
You said it would all be over
after the one lie.
334
00:10:38,448 --> 00:10:40,482
Well, we couldn't exactly
say no to Chase, Tina.
335
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:41,417
That would make it worse.
336
00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:43,118
After the barbecue, I promise,
337
00:10:43,153 --> 00:10:44,637
everything will go back to normal.
338
00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:45,471
Will it?
339
00:10:45,505 --> 00:10:46,755
Or is that another lie?
340
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,657
Whoa, easy.
You've gotta calm down.
341
00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:51,927
Let's, let's, let's see your
"everything is okay" face.
342
00:10:51,962 --> 00:10:54,163
Um, no, no, no,
343
00:10:54,197 --> 00:10:55,130
that's, that's not, that's...
344
00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:57,633
No, that's bad.
No, don't do that face.
345
00:10:57,667 --> 00:10:58,767
Like, like this?
346
00:10:58,802 --> 00:11:00,436
No. Just stop doing
the face.
347
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,770
How about this?
348
00:11:01,805 --> 00:11:03,172
And stay with me here by the grill.
349
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:06,008
That way your sweat
will look more natural.
350
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:07,343
So then a butterfly spooks him,
351
00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:10,346
and he crashes our freaking car!
(laughs)
352
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,281
Hey, your wife has 'em
roaring over there,
353
00:11:12,315 --> 00:11:14,133
talking about your little
fender-bender.
354
00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:16,518
Uh. Uh, Tina, I'll be
right back.
355
00:11:16,536 --> 00:11:17,870
Mm...
356
00:11:17,904 --> 00:11:20,105
Just try and keep the meat off the ground.
Okay...
357
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:21,657
You heard of the butterfly effect?
358
00:11:21,691 --> 00:11:23,475
If a butterfly flaps its wings,
359
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:26,478
Bob crashes his car!
(laughs)
360
00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:27,630
Okay, Linda.
361
00:11:27,664 --> 00:11:28,797
Let's, uh, settle down.
362
00:11:28,832 --> 00:11:31,033
Oh, what?
I'm making conversation.
363
00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:33,669
And he says I'm a bad driver!
364
00:11:33,703 --> 00:11:35,287
TINA:
Ah! Ah...!
365
00:11:35,322 --> 00:11:37,556
Ah...!
366
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:38,373
Tina!
367
00:11:38,391 --> 00:11:40,175
Oh, call the fire department!
368
00:11:41,328 --> 00:11:43,762
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Ooh! Ooh, my face!
369
00:11:47,328 --> 00:11:49,763
Tina, no one's blaming you for this,
370
00:11:49,797 --> 00:11:51,098
but what wrong thing did you do?!
371
00:11:51,132 --> 00:11:53,066
I don't know.
I was cooking like normal.
372
00:11:53,324 --> 00:11:55,225
Maybe I had the flame too high?
373
00:11:55,259 --> 00:11:57,193
Why would you let me around fire?
374
00:11:57,228 --> 00:11:58,495
All right, Tina, calm down.
375
00:11:58,529 --> 00:11:59,996
This is, this is bad,
376
00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:01,531
but it was an accident.
377
00:12:01,565 --> 00:12:03,133
We'll, we'll tell Chase we're sorry.
378
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:04,734
And that we lied about the car accident.
379
00:12:04,769 --> 00:12:06,019
What?!
380
00:12:06,053 --> 00:12:07,170
No. No-no-no-no-no-no.
381
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,471
We're, we're in too deep now.
382
00:12:08,506 --> 00:12:09,739
We have to stick to our story.
383
00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:12,542
Oh, this is horrible.
It's horrible!
384
00:12:12,576 --> 00:12:14,911
We barbecued that poor man's house.
(gasps)
385
00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:15,929
Wait, who's this "we"?
386
00:12:15,963 --> 00:12:17,897
I was locking Gene in the garden shed
387
00:12:17,932 --> 00:12:19,566
when Tina was playing Firestarter.
388
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,035
I burrowed out like a little mole!
(growls)
389
00:12:22,069 --> 00:12:25,238
Louise is right. I'm a firestarter and a jinx.
Yep.
390
00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:26,756
And I'm going to destroy this family.
391
00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:27,991
You're the reason I'm fat!
392
00:12:28,025 --> 00:12:29,926
I know.
Oh, my God, Chase.
393
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,511
I, I don't know what to say.
394
00:12:31,545 --> 00:12:33,480
We're, we're so sorry.
(house creaks)
395
00:12:35,483 --> 00:12:38,184
Bob, it's okay.
396
00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:40,336
This was still a
better-than-average party for me.
397
00:12:40,371 --> 00:12:42,338
Really? But your,
but your house.
398
00:12:42,373 --> 00:12:44,607
Your-Your really nice
house is gone!
399
00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:47,577
Well, this might surprise you.
I have insurance!
400
00:12:47,611 --> 00:12:49,779
(laughs)
401
00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:52,348
(sporadic laughing)
402
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:55,752
Yeah, I lost a lifetime of
memories and my cat Spritzal.
403
00:12:55,786 --> 00:12:56,853
I killed your cat?!
404
00:12:56,887 --> 00:12:58,354
Well, no, Spritzal died
405
00:12:58,389 --> 00:12:59,522
last week. Natural causes.
406
00:12:59,557 --> 00:13:02,091
She's, uh, she's peeing
in God's shoes now.
407
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:03,193
Too soon!
408
00:13:03,227 --> 00:13:04,561
But her ashes were in there.
409
00:13:04,595 --> 00:13:05,795
Well, technically, they still are,
410
00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:06,963
aren't they, buddy?
(sobs)
411
00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:08,698
Look, you all go home
412
00:13:08,732 --> 00:13:10,767
and just forget about this, okay?
413
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:13,453
I'm just so grateful
that no one got hurt.
414
00:13:13,487 --> 00:13:14,754
Ow.
Coming through!
415
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,892
I'm a firestarter and a jinx.
416
00:13:18,926 --> 00:13:21,411
And I'm going to destroy this family.
417
00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:24,481
We're in too deep now!
We have to stick to our story!
418
00:13:24,515 --> 00:13:26,833
(both scream)
419
00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:28,485
Huh?! Wha...?!
420
00:13:28,519 --> 00:13:29,752
(screams)
421
00:13:29,787 --> 00:13:31,554
Screaming!
(keyboard plays sampled scream)
422
00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:33,490
Wha...? Wha...?
Gene!
423
00:13:33,524 --> 00:13:34,741
What the heck is going on?
424
00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:36,142
My stomach is in knots.
425
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,911
Did you eat rope again?
426
00:13:37,945 --> 00:13:39,913
Tina, sweetie, is this about the fire?
427
00:13:39,947 --> 00:13:41,247
Because houses can be rebuilt.
428
00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:42,782
No one was in it, honey.
429
00:13:42,816 --> 00:13:44,584
But my conscience is still on fire.
430
00:13:44,618 --> 00:13:47,954
Okay, enough. I, I can't stand
to see Tina like this.
431
00:13:47,988 --> 00:13:50,273
Listen, I lied
about who was driving our car
432
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,175
during the accident.
Huh?!
433
00:13:52,209 --> 00:13:54,611
I let Tina drive a little
in the parking lot.
434
00:13:54,645 --> 00:13:56,946
No fair!
Mort doesn't let us drive!
435
00:13:56,981 --> 00:13:59,482
And then I made everything
worse by lying about it.
436
00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:00,950
Why didn't you tell me?
437
00:14:00,985 --> 00:14:02,352
Because you're terrible
at keeping secrets.
438
00:14:02,386 --> 00:14:03,953
You just blurt everything out.
439
00:14:03,988 --> 00:14:07,257
Sorry we're late!
Bob had diarrhea!
440
00:14:07,291 --> 00:14:08,625
? Running down the gutter
441
00:14:08,659 --> 00:14:09,926
? With the piece of bread
and butter, diarrhea. ?
442
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,160
(makes fart noise) Lin!
443
00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:12,662
I love you, Mom.
444
00:14:12,696 --> 00:14:14,497
Anyway, I shouldn't have
kept this from you.
445
00:14:14,532 --> 00:14:15,798
I was wrong.
(keyboard scream)
446
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:17,033
Stop it.
447
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,768
I'm going down to Chase's office
448
00:14:18,802 --> 00:14:20,470
first thing in the morning
to come clean.
449
00:14:20,504 --> 00:14:21,604
I'm going with you.
450
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,673
Yes! Good.
We'll tell some truth!
451
00:14:25,175 --> 00:14:27,143
"Hey, while your car's in the shop,
452
00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:29,445
I can drive you guys around."
453
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,648
Why did I say that?
What's wrong with me?
454
00:14:32,566 --> 00:14:33,700
Oh, hey, guys!
455
00:14:33,734 --> 00:14:35,301
What can I do for you?
456
00:14:35,336 --> 00:14:36,369
Hi, Chase.
457
00:14:36,403 --> 00:14:38,538
Uh, I have something I need to tell you.
458
00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:41,074
Is it about my dead fish?
'Cause I already know.
459
00:14:41,108 --> 00:14:45,028
I wasn't driving when I had
the car accident. Tina was.
460
00:14:45,062 --> 00:14:47,230
It's true. I was. (sighs)
461
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:48,064
I knew that.
462
00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:48,898
You knew?
You knew?
463
00:14:48,933 --> 00:14:50,366
What, you thought you were
464
00:14:50,401 --> 00:14:51,701
fooling me with that cockamamie story
465
00:14:51,735 --> 00:14:53,069
about a butterfly and a bird?
466
00:14:53,103 --> 00:14:53,903
A cormorant.
467
00:14:53,938 --> 00:14:55,855
Whatever.
Of course I knew!
468
00:14:55,889 --> 00:14:58,424
I figured if I scratched
your back, you'd scratch mine.
469
00:14:58,459 --> 00:15:00,693
Wait. I-I don't want
to scratch your back.
470
00:15:00,728 --> 00:15:02,028
You already did.
471
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:06,165
Tina's "accidental" fire?
No accident.
472
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,734
It was an accident, I swear!
473
00:15:07,768 --> 00:15:09,035
What are you talking about?
474
00:15:09,069 --> 00:15:10,870
We're all in on this, compadres!
475
00:15:10,904 --> 00:15:13,339
I looked the other way
on your fender-bender.
476
00:15:13,374 --> 00:15:16,109
You gave me a convenient cover
to burn down my house.
477
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:17,844
Why would you burn down your own house?
478
00:15:17,878 --> 00:15:20,179
'Cause I'm covered for twice
what it's worth.
479
00:15:20,214 --> 00:15:21,914
And no one is gonna question my claim
480
00:15:21,949 --> 00:15:23,950
when little Tina
was left in charge of the grill.
481
00:15:23,984 --> 00:15:25,952
How did you know
I was going to start a fire?
482
00:15:25,986 --> 00:15:27,720
Well, you didn't.
483
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:30,089
My good buddy
odorless kerosene did. Ugh!
484
00:15:30,124 --> 00:15:31,357
So I'm not a jinx.
485
00:15:31,392 --> 00:15:32,692
I, I can't believe what you're saying.
486
00:15:32,726 --> 00:15:35,228
Well, believe this.
It's your cut!
487
00:15:35,262 --> 00:15:36,362
My cut?
488
00:15:36,397 --> 00:15:37,680
I'm... I'm not taking
your money.
489
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,215
Oh, think about it, you two.
490
00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,951
We'll be the three amigos
of insurance fraud.
491
00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:44,287
Restaurants are disaster magnets!
492
00:15:44,321 --> 00:15:46,456
Broken pipes,
slip-and-falls, her.
493
00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:47,707
Aw...
Hey.
494
00:15:47,741 --> 00:15:49,475
I make sure you get the maximum payout,
495
00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:51,144
minus a small percent, of course.
496
00:15:51,178 --> 00:15:53,246
Hey, we're not gonna commit
insurance fraud.
497
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,448
Yeah, that doesn't sound
like something you'd do.
498
00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:57,433
Oh, wait, you already did!
499
00:15:57,468 --> 00:15:59,202
Your daddy could go to jail!
500
00:15:59,236 --> 00:16:00,453
Huh?! Huh! Huh!
501
00:16:00,487 --> 00:16:02,088
Chase, you can't be serious...
502
00:16:02,122 --> 00:16:03,606
Huh! Huh!
Serious as a judge.
503
00:16:03,641 --> 00:16:06,592
Judges, by the way, are most
interested in the testimony
504
00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:10,296
of the insurance adjuster.
And I will testify against you.
505
00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:12,231
Oh, I got it!
You'll flood your basement!
506
00:16:12,266 --> 00:16:14,000
Why are you doing this to us?
507
00:16:14,034 --> 00:16:15,468
Because you're my golden goose.
508
00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:17,170
And I'm not letting you get away.
509
00:16:17,204 --> 00:16:19,339
You are the worst insurance adjuster.
510
00:16:19,373 --> 00:16:22,091
But the world's greatest uncle.
(clicks tongue)
511
00:16:23,694 --> 00:16:24,894
So, Chase is blackmailing us.
512
00:16:24,928 --> 00:16:26,946
And if we don't go along with his scam
513
00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:28,998
and flood the basement,
he's gonna turn me in.
514
00:16:29,033 --> 00:16:30,316
Flood the basement?
515
00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:31,801
But my collage supplies!
516
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:33,236
They're just magazines, Mom.
517
00:16:33,270 --> 00:16:36,822
They are '90s Cosmopolitans
from the '90s.
518
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,491
Lin, let's focus on the blackmailing.
519
00:16:38,509 --> 00:16:41,444
Huh! Huh! We gotta take
that son of a bitch down!
520
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:42,595
Language.
521
00:16:42,629 --> 00:16:43,629
Sorry, Mom.
Tina's right.
522
00:16:43,663 --> 00:16:45,298
We need to come up with an idea
523
00:16:45,332 --> 00:16:47,450
to get us out of this.
Huh! Huh! Huh!
524
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,585
Tina, stop doing that.
It's disturbing and scary.
525
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:50,953
Wait. That's it!
526
00:16:50,988 --> 00:16:52,021
What is?
527
00:16:52,056 --> 00:16:53,790
What if we scare Chase so bad
528
00:16:53,824 --> 00:16:55,358
he'll never want to see us again?
529
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:56,759
Hmm. That could work.
530
00:16:56,794 --> 00:16:57,927
Scare him? How?
531
00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,421
Boo!
Ah!
532
00:17:02,068 --> 00:17:02,790
(bell jingles)
533
00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:04,079
Good morning, Bob!
534
00:17:04,113 --> 00:17:05,981
Or should I call you "Rob"
535
00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:07,639
since we're gonna be
stealing money together?
536
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:09,660
I'm sorry. It was
too good to resist.
537
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,248
Yeah, that was hilarious.
538
00:17:11,368 --> 00:17:13,503
Uh, so anyway, my basement flooded.
539
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:15,238
Luckily, we're covered.
540
00:17:15,272 --> 00:17:17,607
Uh, Bob, will you send the kids up?
541
00:17:17,641 --> 00:17:20,109
Their breakfast is getting cold.
They aren't down here.
542
00:17:20,144 --> 00:17:22,445
What are you talking about?
Of course they are.
543
00:17:22,479 --> 00:17:23,980
They were playing down in the basement.
544
00:17:24,014 --> 00:17:25,448
The basement?!
545
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,383
Bobby, what's the matter?
546
00:17:29,286 --> 00:17:30,486
My babies!
547
00:17:30,521 --> 00:17:32,989
No...!
Agh! Agh!
548
00:17:34,675 --> 00:17:37,944
Oh, my God, no...!
549
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,413
I went too far!
What have I done?!
550
00:17:40,447 --> 00:17:44,184
My kids...!
My children are dead!
551
00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:46,920
Bobby, why?!
552
00:17:46,954 --> 00:17:49,022
Bob, I can't handle this!
I never saw this...
553
00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:50,790
Okay, I'm leaving!
I'm sorry!
554
00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,926
You'll never hear from me again!
555
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,994
And... scene.
Eh?
556
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:57,163
Great performances by
all three of us, huh?
557
00:17:57,198 --> 00:17:58,665
Oh. You figured it out.
558
00:17:58,699 --> 00:17:59,966
Come on. You didn't
really expect me
559
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,434
to buy that, did you, Bob?
560
00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:02,869
Uh, sorta. Yes.
561
00:18:02,903 --> 00:18:04,704
Your acting is terrible.
You closed the door.
562
00:18:04,738 --> 00:18:06,606
You didn't even try
to resuscitate your kids!
563
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,309
Yeah, It turns out the kids can't
hold their breath that long.
564
00:18:09,343 --> 00:18:12,011
And we were gonna give 'em
snorkels, but, uh...
565
00:18:12,046 --> 00:18:13,046
Snorkels.
566
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,881
Yeah, uh, you know what?
Never mind.
567
00:18:14,915 --> 00:18:15,882
Snorkel.
568
00:18:15,916 --> 00:18:19,002
Kids, come upstairs.
569
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:20,703
Now let's get this paperwork started!
570
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:23,039
Get this claim processed!
571
00:18:23,073 --> 00:18:25,642
And remember, this stays
just between us.
572
00:18:25,676 --> 00:18:27,710
No one can ever know.
573
00:18:27,745 --> 00:18:29,545
Bob, Lin, oh, good.
You're, you're both here.
574
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,581
Listen, I, I got
something stuck in my craw.
575
00:18:31,615 --> 00:18:33,049
Not a good time, Mort.
576
00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:36,402
Uh, you know, it's never
a good time for these things.
577
00:18:36,437 --> 00:18:37,370
You're my neighbors and I love you,
578
00:18:37,404 --> 00:18:39,055
and I, I love your kids.
579
00:18:39,089 --> 00:18:42,025
I mean, up to a point
But I'm not a taxi, okay?!
580
00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:43,159
All right. Sorry,
581
00:18:43,193 --> 00:18:44,761
That came out wrong.
A little over the top.
582
00:18:44,795 --> 00:18:45,929
Let me, let me start over.
583
00:18:45,963 --> 00:18:47,664
Look, we're getting
our car back tomorrow.
584
00:18:47,698 --> 00:18:50,033
So we don't need any more rides, Mort.
585
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:51,234
Yeah, we left you a note
586
00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:53,336
and a thank-you package
on your doorstep.
587
00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:56,606
Oh, so you did. Okay.
588
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,676
Well, I mean, that wasn't necessary.
589
00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:02,912
What a lovely surprise.
All right, I'm gonna go now.
590
00:19:02,947 --> 00:19:05,748
Okay, Chase.
You, you caught us.
591
00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:07,583
But you're playing with fire...
Fire.
592
00:19:07,618 --> 00:19:09,018
...and water, literally.
593
00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:10,920
And eventually, somebody
is going to get hurt.
594
00:19:10,955 --> 00:19:12,255
(bark sound) Gene, stop it!
595
00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:13,239
Ah!
596
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:14,440
Don't insult me, Bob.
597
00:19:14,475 --> 00:19:16,258
You're new to this.
I'm the pro.
598
00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:17,610
I've pulled hundreds of scams,
599
00:19:17,645 --> 00:19:19,562
and I'm gonna pull hundreds more.
600
00:19:19,596 --> 00:19:23,182
Now for our next fraud,
I'm thinking lightning.
601
00:19:23,217 --> 00:19:25,034
A big surge could mess up
602
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:27,887
all these incredibly expensive
appliances. Am I nuts?
603
00:19:27,921 --> 00:19:30,590
Yes.
Well, off to process this flood claim.
604
00:19:30,624 --> 00:19:32,425
Talk soon, partner!
605
00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:34,627
Oh, my God.
We're stuck with this guy forever.
606
00:19:34,662 --> 00:19:37,063
Like me and this piece
of corn in my teeth.
607
00:19:37,097 --> 00:19:38,965
Right, corn?
Are we?
608
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:40,700
I've pulled hundreds of scams,
609
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:42,435
and I'm gonna pull hundreds more.
610
00:19:42,469 --> 00:19:44,203
Ha! Tina,
that's brilliant!
611
00:19:44,238 --> 00:19:46,472
Oh, sure, when she does it,
it's brilliant.
612
00:19:46,507 --> 00:19:48,775
That scammer is going to the slammer!
613
00:19:48,809 --> 00:19:50,076
Buh-bye, baby!
614
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:51,611
Tina, do you realize what this means?
615
00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:53,046
You saved the family.
616
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,598
I guess it's all part
of learning to drive.
617
00:20:01,989 --> 00:20:03,423
(farting)
618
00:20:03,457 --> 00:20:04,424
(lion roars)
619
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,426
(lasers firing)
620
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:07,727
(farting)
621
00:20:07,761 --> 00:20:09,145
Uh, the, this one.
622
00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:13,649
For our next fraud,
I'm thinking lightning!
623
00:20:16,603 --> 00:20:18,121
Hey! Hey, Bob!
Bob, look!
624
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:21,341
(mimics tires screeching, crash sound)
625
00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:22,475
That's you.
626
00:20:23,777 --> 00:20:25,628
Well, I'm glad this week is behind us.
627
00:20:25,662 --> 00:20:27,430
This was the worst week of my life.
628
00:20:27,464 --> 00:20:28,765
But I'm better for it.
629
00:20:28,799 --> 00:20:31,017
This was the worst week
of your life, Tina?
630
00:20:31,051 --> 00:20:33,653
You got to crash a car
and burn down a house!
631
00:20:33,687 --> 00:20:35,321
I got to do nothing!
632
00:20:35,356 --> 00:20:37,690
Fine. Here, Louise,
you can break this plate.
633
00:20:37,725 --> 00:20:38,341
Ah!
634
00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:39,776
No fair!
I want one!
635
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:41,094
Yeah!
636
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:42,862
That felt good.
I want another one!
637
00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:44,180
No, that's it.
638
00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:45,765
Here, give me one!
Stop!
639
00:20:45,799 --> 00:20:46,799
Lin, what are you doing?
640
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,668
What? They're...
I hate these plates.
641
00:20:48,702 --> 00:20:50,136
Stop breaking plates! Lin!
642
00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:51,371
Ah!
643
00:20:51,405 --> 00:20:52,742
- Ah-ha-ha, it's fun.
- Smash!
644
00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:55,751
- Watch me break this plate
and the window! - No!
645
00:20:55,871 --> 00:21:06,417
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com