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# Going to Florida
# Going to Florida #
# Sunshiney, Florida
# Now-ow
# Going to Florida
# Florida, Florida
# Everyone's going somehow.
Great song, Mom.
- Ugh. - Hey, sourpuss.
What are you gonna do, stay here and work?
The restaurant's being fumigated.
It's the perfect time to go down and see my parent's new condo.
Ugh, I'd rather let a fumigator spray poison in my mouth
than stay with your parents.
- Bobby, stop it. - No, they're nice.
Florida's our most penis-shaped state.
- Who's your geography teacher? - Mr. Ding-Dong.
I'm just thinking about that pool. Oh, man.
Pool, pool, pool.
I'm gonna go down the slide. Whoo.
I went down backwards. No, I didn't.
Well, I'm glad you kids are excited,
because I am going to kill myself.
- Bob. - Yes!
Enough. My parents are gonna be so excited
to see their little grandbabies.
And we are gonna be excited to see them.
- Yay! - # Going to Florida, tropical Florida #
Hey!
- Gene! Oh, crap. Hey! - # Manatees Florida, now.
You really didn't have to come all this way.
- Of course we did. - Well, it's done.
So, you know, you're here, so...
So, uh, how are you enjoying the place, Al?
- Eh, fah. - Oh, we're still adjusting.
What am I looking at over there in leopard-print tights? A leopard?
I've told them a hundred times.
- Oh, that's Helen Kellerman. - She's nuts.
Okay, great story, Grandma. Uh, you still got it.
Love you, miss you, and where's the pool?
Ear infection, here we come.
Okay, go have fun.
Sorry, Gloria.
I guess you've still got that thing about loud noises.
So, what's the plan? What should we do?
Well, tonight, Al and I are supposed
- to go to a potluck, but, uh... - Hey, we could all go.
No! I mean, you don't want to go to that.
Potluck? There's so many other fun things to do around here:
- Mahjongg. - Yeah.
- No. - Chinese checkers.
- No. - Yeah, yeah.
- Boccie. - Oh, boccie.
No.
- Backgammon. - No.
- Mahjongg. - Oh. You said that.
- I don't remember saying mahjongg. - You did, you said it first.
Wine tasting.
- That. Let's do that. As... - Ooh, yay, wine.
As soon as we can, right?
Can we go taste wine now?
Uh, I've never peed in an Olympic-size pool.
I'm a little nervous about going for the gold.
Relax, Gene. This is where all those years of training pay off.
Mm.
"Closed for cleaning"?
No!
Okay, okay, okay, calm down, calm down.
We can fill it. There's a drinking fountain.
Okay, we just... we need a bucket.
Where are the buckets?
Forget the bucket, just spit.
My mouth's dry. Tina, give me some of your spit.
- You missed. Try again. - Oh, no! No, no, no!
Oh, no, no! Our trip is ruined.
I used all my vacation days for this!
Now what? I'm not gonna sit and watch the sunset
or whatever these people do.
I say we go to Cuba. We've got the floaties.
I've always wanted to see the Bay Of Pigs. Sounds cute.
Hey, look, it's the crazy leopard lady.
# My Bitsy...
- Wow, that's bewitching. - It's for my dead dog, Bitsy.
He used to love the sound of this thing.
- I used to love it, too. - How'd Bitsy die?
- Python ate him. - There's pythons in Florida?
They didn't mention that in the brochure.
Oh, we got everything here.
Pythons, panthers, predatory stink bugs.
Yup, that's everything.
How do you know your dog got eaten by a python?
- Did it leave a note? - Two weeks ago,
I saw my little Bitsy go into these woods.
Then I saw the python in there. You do the math.
Ah, no thanks. We're on vacation.
You do the math. You do it.
Wow, the red pairs nicely with the white.
Look at all these active seniors.
I can't wait to get old and move down here myself.
Lin, there's something you should know.
- Now don't get upset. - What? What happened?
Uh, this place
- is kind of special. - Fah.
- I can see that. - The seniors are active.
- Very active. - Yeah, I said that already.
- I mean, like adventurous. - Uh.
Yeah, okay.
- Okay. - Ah.
- I got one. - Ah...
Hmm?
Oh, my God, Lin.
These people are swingers.
What, like-like dancers?
- No. - No.
Like golfers?
- Uh-uh. - No.
Yeah.
Wha, wha, wha, wha, swi...
What? Huh? Oh.
I'm sorry about Bitsy. Is this him?
He was a snazzy dresser.
- Wait, how big was this snake? - At least ten feet.
Ten feet of snake? In there?
Oh, he'd put the squeeze on you.
Oh...
I told the condo association get rid of it.
They don't believe me.
But that snake's in there, and it's a killer,
and I'm gonna prove it.
That's why I got this.
The only problem is, I don't walk so well.
You kids could go in there.
- I'll pay ya. - What?! No!
Gene, let Helen speak.
Well, what would you say to a $100?
- Oh, my God! - No.
- Yes. - Yes!
But you've got to get it on there. No proof, no money.
- No. - For a hundred bucks,
- we will get that thing on tape. - No.
- Cheating on his wife. - No.
- Taking bribes. - No.
- Uh, shoplifting from a snake mall. - No.
- Uh, giving up on his dreams. - No.
We're going to get it all!
Since the first Burmese pythons were released in Florida,
these voracious predators have spread
from the panhandle to the Everglades.
- So Helen's not crazy. - At least not about this.
They eat rabbits, raccoons, small dogs, even deer.
I'm too young to be an outline in a snake's belly!
Gene, get a grip!
We're talking about a hundred dollars.
You once licked a slug for a bite of a granola bar.
Slugs go well with granola!
Don't worry, Gene. As long as we stick together,
the snake can't swallow all of us.
Speaking of sticking together, how about I don't go with you?
I'll stay at base camp.
I'll be the guy who's, uh... good with computers.
Call me... Circuit Breaker.
I'm not calling you that.
I really think you should, because, um,
I'm hacking into the mainframe.
Oh, oh, encryption.
Ha, ha. Right around ya.
And, oh... Activate spellcheck.
Go. I'm in!
What about those two?
- Yes. - Wow. Ugh.
How about, uh, Earlobes and uh, Back Hair?
Don't tell me they're into it.
You don't want to know how into it they are.
That is unbelievable.
Oh, it's not funny, Bob. It's gross.
No, Lin, it's really funny.
Ma, this is wh...
Why would you want to do that?
Why would you want to live here?
Because the other places were horrible!
Old people waiting to die.
This place, the people are alive.
They're really alive.
That's amazing. - Stop it!
We thought, if swinging is part of it, why not give it a try?
Then we moved here, and your father got cold feet.
Good for your feet, Dad.
Eh?
It's not good! It's not good, Al!
No!
Can I have a graham cracker, Helen?
Get your own.
You know, we could become
professional python bounty hunters.
We could move here and start our own reality TV show.
We could call it Snake It to the Limit.
Or So You Think You Can Snake.
Or Snake and Bake,
if we baked the snake after we caught it.
Hey, I'm paying you kids to track, not yak.
Hey, don't get your tights in a bunch, Helen.
We're gonna find that snake. See ya, Gene.
Can I have some melon?
No.
There must be millions of places in here
where that snake could hide.
Okay, maybe not millions.
Let's try that again.
Florida's weird.
What's going on? You just left.
- Ugh. Let us work, Helen! - Then work!
We're working! God!
Ow.
Ha! You missed!
Yeah, you missed. Wait.
Ugh. I don't want all these old
horny toads anywhere near my parents.
I can't believe they got mixed up in all this.
Easy, Lin. Your parents are adults.
It's really none of our business.
I'm telling everybody when we get home.
Ugh! I can't get the image out of my mind.
A bunch of naked old people
all in a... yuck, naked.
- Oh, hi, kids! - Hey.
- All in a what? - Uh... look, over there!
- What? - I got you.
Huh.
Go to bed. All of you. Bed now.
Actually, we were thinking we'd camp out tonight
in the parking lot by the woods.
Grandpa Al said we could use his tent. Huh?
In the parking lot? Away from this?
That's great! Yeah, great!
But if anyone invites you to a potluck, run away.
There's a potluck?!
You would not like it.
Really? What do you mean?
It's hard to explain why you wouldn't like it.
Well, give me some ideas.
I love the idea of everyone bringing a dish.
Oh, God!
Don't do it while we're here, please!
Ugh! Oh!
Linda, we've been served
with a Notice of Failure to Perform.
What? Failure? W-Why? Wha...?
Your parents RSVP'd "no" to the potluck.
It's clear they have no intention
of taking part fully in the activities here.
And those who don't play can't stay.
- Eh. - They can't?
Tonight's potluck was their third strike.
They also missed the Best Ball golf outing
and the South of the Border fish taco night.
Ugh! Oh!
Wait. So you're kicking them out for not going to your parties?
You can do that?
It's in our bylaws, large print edition.
You've got to be part of the community.
Well, these pots are keeping their lids on!
Stay away from their beef and noodles!
I'm going to bed.
I hope you're better at finding snakes
than pitching tents, because you stink.
Well, I hope you're good at finding your purse
and ponying up that hundred bucks.
I got the money. Yeah?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- Yeah! - Yeah?!
Let me see it!
Hey, don't you worry. I'm good for it.
Just put ten dollars in my hand.
Good night. Good night, Helen.
Sweet dreams, okay?
I love you, Helen!
And I love your money!
Uh, it's getting dark.
I better go in the tent and do base camp stuff.
Oh, no! The tent's running away.
Oh, get back here with base camp, Gene!
I don't want to!
Helen said she'll get you crackers!
No, I didn't!
Oh, go to bed, already!
Don't you worry, Mom.
I'm sure you and Dad can find
a nice retirement community.
One where a porch swing is something you sit on
and not strap into.
I sat on that. It was weird.
We won't be able to afford to live in a retirement community.
Or even an apartment.
- What? Why? - Why?
If we get kicked out, we'll have to forfeit our down payment.
No.
Well, you know what I'm thinking.
No, no. You could always...
No, no, no. No. ...move in...
No, no. ...with us.
No!
What kind of animal was that?
Stop being scared, okay?
You're gonna spook Tina.
I'm not spooked. What's the thing after spooked? I'm that.
Wait, wait! Let's all stay in the tent.
Let's order tent service!
I'll get... Ooh. Ooh, this is hard.
I'll get the Cobb salad and...
What do you guys want? Okay, I'll just put you down
for some spicy wings and, like, a dill salmon.
What else? Guys! Guys!
Shh!
Did you say "shh"? Or did the snake say "sss"?
What was that?
Aah! Qu-Quit shining the light in my eyes!
Whoops. I think something's on me.
Is there something on me? Uh, yes.
It's either a feather or a scorpion.
Get it off!
Tina, stop! Stop! I'll get it!
No, no, no, no, no! Now I can't see the scorpion!
Drop and roll!
Maybe it was a feather. Just think feather.
I hate feathers.
Oh, God. Oh.
Oh, stop it. Oh, no.
If they need a place to live they will live with us, Bob!
- Case closed! - Well, why can't they live with your sister?
- Her life is already ruined. - Gayle has a studio apartment.
- We have three kids and one bathroom. - Not another word, Bob.
If they get kicked out of here, then they are staying with us.
Well, then they are not going to get kicked out of here.
What? Bob, Excuse me.
- Bob, where are you going? - Nowhere.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Bob. Sheesh. Bye.
Snake-hunter to Snake-wuss. Over.
Snake-wuss to... Hey.
We're lost, our flashlights are gone
and we can't find our way out of the woods,
which is possibly full of scorpions... or feathers. Over.
Follow the sound of my voice!
It's on the walkie-talkie, Gene.
Then follow your heart.
You can't go wrong! Shush! Just shush!
Tina, let's think.
Is there such a thing as night butterflies?
Please say yes.
It could still be butterflies. No, they're not.
- Hi, Al. - Eh.
Looks like a pretty fun party.
I mean, look, all you got to do is show up, right?
And then they'll let you stay.
Show up and... and play.
Well, yeah, but, you know, that's why you came here, right?
I mean, you must have been excited about it at some point.
What-what happened?
I saw all these other fellas.
- They're just a bunch of... peacocks. - Mmm. Oh.
Y-You don't want to be the last breadstick in the basket, huh?
- Ah. - There's, uh...
breadstick pills, you know?
Doc won't let me take those pills.
Bad heart... and kidney...
- liver... - Right.
And leg pains and dry mouth.
W-Well, what else gets you going?
Is there anything you're into? Like, uh...
- I don't know... - uh, feet or something?
Leather?
- Spanking? - Eh.
Um, I don't really know any others.
Well, there's one thing. Gloria doesn't know.
What? What-what is it?
Eh. F-Forget it.
You can tell me, Al.
Balloons. - What?
Balloons! Um, that's great.
I... Wait. What is that?
I like... to watch a woman inflate a balloon
and then sit on it till it pops.
It drives me cra-crazy.
No, that's... I mean, that's what you're into.
Yeah, but Gloria hates loud noises. It'd never work.
Uh, does it have to pop? Yes! Pop! Pop! Yes!
What... Where'd-where'd you see that first?
World Wide Web. Uh-huh.
Uh, I've... I'll have to, um... I'll check it out.
- You just... You just, uh... www-dot... - Mm-hmm.
Women-inflates-a-balloon-and- sits-on-it-and-pops-it-dot-com.
Yeah. Catchy name.
How are we still in here?
This is the tiniest forest in the world!
All of a sudden I feel slower.
And shorter. We're in a mud hole.
That's it! I hate Florida!
Gene, come help us! We're gonna drown in mud
if the snake doesn't eat us first. I don't believe you.
Send me a picture of you in the mud holding today's newspaper.
Until you do, I am turning off the walkie-talkie.
Gene, don't do it! Don't do it!
He did it. You're dead to me, Gene!
And we'll be dead, too, so it's complicated.
- Help! - Help!
Help! Help!
# I'm not afraid of ghosts
# I'm not afraid of sharks #
# I'm not afraid of cancer
# I'm just afraid of snakes #
# They really creep me out
# Where are their arms and legs? #
# It's not okay!
I don't think Gene's coming.
Less thinking, more screaming!
Louder!
I can't, but I'll add gestures.
Oh, God!
No wonder they had to clean the pool.
Dirty old ducks.
# Dirty ducks
Dirty ducks.
# Dirty ducks.
Quack, quack.
Hi, Gloria.
Oh, sorry. Sorry to startle you.
I know that's your thing. Okay. So, uh...
- so, what are you doing? Dishes? - Yeah. I guess
I'm gonna have to pack this place up.
Well, actually, maybe not.
Guess who's been talking to Al about sex parties?
- Who? - This guy.
And guess who found out Al's secret kink
that even you didn't know about?
Who? Me. I did. Right here.
- What is it? - Well, the answer may startle you. Literally.
Do you have any earplugs or headphones?
- And balloons? - Huh?
And something to share, 'cause it's a potluck.
So we should whip something up. What do you got in the fridge?
Uh...
Can't hold on much longer.
Tina, help me record my last will and testament.
If you're watching this, I'm dead.
And I only have a few things to say.
Don't touch my stuff!
No one gets anything!
I leave it all to my ghost!
What the hell is that?
Gene, you came!
Quick. Grab this.
You saved us, Gene. I owe you my life.
No, thanks. I've seen it, and I'm not impressed.
Yellow Belly! Gene!
Your belly's not as yellow as I thought.
- What happened? - I didn't want to be an only child.
They're always weird.
Gene mowed us a path. Drive us out of here.
I hate Florida. I hate Florida.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Wh.
- Look. Bitsy's tutu. - Ah. Yeesh.
This must be the place the snake comes to digest its prey.
It's Bitsy!
He passed right through the snake without being digested!
Like that time I swallowed a button!
This button.
Where are my parents?
Um, getting ready for the party.
Wha...?
What is going on?
What?! Go! Go, you two. Have fun.
- Okay. - What?!
Okay, bye!
- Eh. - We're going now!
- Bye-bye. - Thank you, Bob.
No problem, Al. Oh, no.
- I wasn't talking to you. Oh.
Bob, you tell me what is happening right now.
Al finally got into the swing of things.
They're going to the party, which means
they won't be kicked out, which means I'm a hero.
Oh, you're a hero 'cause you got my parents
to go to a sex party?!
Well, maybe not a hero, but, uh, eh.
Great, so they get to stay here
and get passed around like hors d'oeuvres?!
With crabs! In their crotches!
Linda, look at them.
Oh, my God. They haven't kissed each other
in 20 years. Ooh, it shows.
I'm sure they'll get better at it.
Huh. I guess if you love something, you let it go swing.
What's with the balloons? Oh, it's a long story.
Actually, I kind of want to try something.
Does this do anything for you?
- Ooh! - Maybe...
Well, I guess the only python was in Helen's head.
"Snakes on a brain." Am I right?
Yes, you are correct! I can hardly wait
to see the look on Helen's face when we reunite her with Bitsy.
Oh, you again. What do you got?
Get your purse out, Helen. Better yet, go to the bank
and open up your safe... we've got good news.
You got the snake?
Better.
Bitsy!
Oh, what happened to your clothes?
Let's get you into your big-dog pants.
Come back!
- Bitsy! - Maybe he doesn't like wearing clothes.
With that body, I wouldn't either.
- Bitsy! - Oh, man.
We're never gonna get our hundred bucks now.
Bitsy!
Bitsy seemed really happy in there,
- if it makes you feel any better. - Oh, yeah?
Uh, Bitsy!
Whatever you want to do, I support you!
Bitsy, listen! Your favorite!
# My little Bitsy baby
# Bitsy # Bitsy
# Bitsy # Oh, my Bitsy, baby
# Bitsy, I'm gonna miss ya, my Bitsy # # Bitsy!
- Bye! - Bye! Good-bye forever maybe!
- Bye, Ma! - Bye, Dad!
We'll never forget it.
Can we come back sometime when they're not cleaning the pool?
- No. Never. - Absolutely not. Not a chance in hell.
Who were those people eating breakfast
- with Gram and Gramps this morning? - Yeah.
Oh, those were the Madisons.
Well, why was Mr. Madison sitting on Gram-Gram's lap?
She never lets us sit there. And I have asked.
Honey, he's old. He-he thought she was a chair.
Right, right.
Um, you kids didn't see any of the party last night, did you?
No, but we could hear it.
Those people should learn
to have a potluck without popping all those balloons.
And without having really loud sex.
# I'm not afraid of ghosts
# I'm not afraid of sharks #
# I'm not afraid of cancer
# I'm just afraid of snakes #
# They really creep me out
# Where are their arms and legs? #
# It's not okay!
# I'm not afraid of ghosts
# I'm not afraid of sharks #
# I'm not afraid of cancer
# I'm just afraid of snakes #
# They really creep me out
# Where are their arms and legs? #
# It's not okay!
# Oh, my Bitsy, baby, Bitsy, I'm gonna miss ya. #
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