What the fuck?
Can I get, like...
Can I get, like, 30 or 4--
All right, I need, like, 30 or 40 minutes to eat lunch.
What the fuck?
♪ Who let the dogs out?♪
♪ Who, who, who, who?♪
♪ Who let the dogs out?♪
♪ Who, who, who, who?♪
♪ Who let...♪
♪ Cha and you know that boy♪
-♪ I'm single♪ -♪ Hey♪
-♪ Let's mingle♪ -♪ Ho♪
♪ I'm the best guy left, it's official♪
-♪ Yeah♪ -♪ Get back, just...♪
-Run that back. -Are you, like,
retired from rap or something and nobody told me?
Or, like...
I'm sorry. I'm on this new online dating platform,
and man, is it an oasis.
Every single person on here is either
an incredibly hot girl or an incredibly successful man so...
Nigga, if I had your status, bro, I'd be taxing
everybody and their mama to kick it.
-What? -Bro, he famous, bro.
That's the whole point of being famous.
Time costs money. His presence is a present.
Bro, you better make these hos pay homage, bruh.
Pay homage? Omage. Homage?
I want you to see what I'm working with here.
I have a date tonight with Sadie.
And I got a feeling I'm gonna explode.
You ain't getting sucked.
"Live, love, laugh," bro? That's her bio.
Well, what would your bio be?
"I bring girls over and I watch
"Surviving R. Kellywith them
because I don't know the content of it."
-Oh. Oh. -"And then I try to kiss them
-"during the commercial breaks, -Oh. Relax.
-like a fucking creep"? -Enough.
Wasn't that a horrible decision on your end?
On ourend. It was ourend, because me and her both
made the decision to watch that shit.
Gata, do you want to get on this app?
'Cause I can get you on. Friend pass.
Nah, nah, nah, I'm cool. I'm on Jdate right now
looking for my wife with a 401 plan
-that'll let me be her man. Are you actually on Jdate?
Yeah. I'm on here swiping right now. This is great, bro.
-I guess that's so smart. Opposites attract.
-Ho! What?
Big-time, big-time, big-time.
Is that a direct deposit or what?
Wow, this is real. This is actually--
this is reality.
This is insane. Look at who
I just matched with.
Who the fuck is that?
Look at who I just matched with.
Bro, you know who Doja Cat is.
Oh, that's the chick with all that ass, bro.
-Yeah, it is. -That's a whole--
That's another level of thickness, bro.
Advanced thickness, bro.
Niggas gonna be trying to assassinate you, bro.
I've never dated a famous woman before.
Hold on. -Man, just treat her like a pedestrian, bro.
Hello? -I'm getting a Perrier. We're gonna
put our heads together when I'm back. Textually.
I know you be on all that weirdo art shit.
Who you know could pull up right now, man?
I need somebody to give me all of that weird shit
-for this video. -Whose video?
-Um... Nothing, man. Damn. -Whose video?
Let me think. Give me a second. Okay, relax.
-Rae Sremmurd. -Me. Tell him me.
-Me! I can do it! -Uh... -Who's that?
-Lil Dicky. -You know, uh,
you know that white rapper Lil Dicky?
-He's kind of... corny. -Skyrocketing. Coming up.
-He's growing right now. He's bubbling. -Bubbling!
Bad haircut.
Everything's going up for him.
Corny white boy?
-Exactly. -Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he's perfect. Tell him to pull up ASAP.
-Okay, I'll connect you guys. You can get him out of my hair. -All right.
-Thanks.
-Why you hit me? -This is incredible.
W-What is it, like, a cameo?
I don't know. The nigga said he needed some weird stuff,
and you were the one who said "yeah" to weird stuff.
So I'm going to my first rap video shoot right now?
Is your day just that fucking clear that you can just be like,
drop everything? You have nothing to fucking do?
I definitely have nothing better to do,
but there's also nothing on my schedule. Either way,
you judge me while I'm gonna go back here
and text this pop star real quick.
You keep doing you-- chilling, right?
You're hanging out, chilling, and I like the sweatshirt,
'cause you're laid-back.
I've got a whole lot of other things going on
socially, professionally, borderline sexually, but...
Wait, wait, before you even finish,
I'm gonna walk away.
Okay.
-This is incredible. -Ooh, man, that was a good little workout, man.
-You got some good news I see. -I'm very excited.
Man, you know I gotta keep my Bruce Lee body in shape, bro.
We-we on another level, bro.
♪
I know, just put it right down where you're standing
and I got it from here. I appreciate it.
You sure? -Yep. It's a fame thing.
No worries, man. Appreciate it.
♪
-I'm so happy you guys are here. -Oh, honey, I miss hugging you.
-You still smell like an old Bible, Mom.
Lord's ear to my witness you do.
Yeah, it's the rental car.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Oh, my God.
-Lot of errands today, huh? -That house is so gorgeous.
I wanted to jump in the pool.
-I just wanted to forget about everything. -It's beaut--
-And this weather. Don, this weather! -Take a swim.
-Please!
You hungos?
I'll feed you, just give me a sec.
-He was anime. -Anime?
-He had the ping-pong balls... -He was not anime.
He was a short New Zealander
-who got, who got lucky. -He's, he had...
-Fuck you say?
Well, it's Game of Thronesor Lord of the Rings,
but at the time, you said he looked like the guy
from The Shape of the Water.
-No, I never said that. -Yes, you did.
Because he had those three little tattoos by his ears,
and you thought he had gills.
But I'm telling you I will not be eating there.
You think the Ikea recipe says onions, carrots,
celery and horse?
I'm not saying that it's part of their recipe,
-but I think there's clearly a lack of oversight. And... -Hey, Siri,
are Ikea meatballs made of horse?
We're not going to Ikea.
-Why? -I'm not doing that today. -Good.
Okay, I found this on the Web
for what is: are Ikea meatballs made of horse? Check it out.
Alex, out.
Humans only.
Out, out!
I think I need a little more time to adjust.
We've been here three weeks. You can't--
David, how long were you jet-lagged
-when you first got here? -Never.
-Never? -Three-hour time difference.
-I'm unaffected by that type of thing. -I don't know.
Jet lag can last months, I think.
No, you can't be jet-lagged for that-- Are you feeling...
♪ Before you-hoo, you-hoo♪
♪ Who are you now?♪
-All right, I think... -Well, I think we need a lot of--
-I'd like an air fryer. - Okay.
We're only here for six months.
Well, still.
All right, I think that's probably a good idea.
-David. -Sor-- Sorry.
My stylist bought it for me,
and he said we should turn it into a merkin.
If you don't know what that is, that's-that's fake pussy hair
on top of your pussy hair.
I remember just feeling like this.
Just feeling like this.
Do you see this comment section?
What is wrong with my eyebrows?
I'm-I'm about to look this dude up. Who's this?
Just from your avi alone,
I can tell that you have bad sex often.
Listen, Mr. Rogers, I love your show.
But something about you being on my live...
Okay, guys, so as you can see, I probably got to go sh--
uh, shave and wax-- "shax" my...
I have to shax my merkin.
Bye.
♪ Anyone.♪
Look, I don't think you can get Chinese food out here
the way it is back east.
-I thought this was really good. -No, it was good.
-It was good. -I thought it was good.
-Wasn't East Coast. David. -Did you...
-What do you-- David? -Huh?
You know, we come out here for the winter
to be with you, and it's...
it's like you're not even here with us.
I've just been talking to a woman all day,
and my heart's kind of racing-- it's exciting.
And she may or may not be famous.
-Ooh. -Yeah.
-Who is it? -Her name is...
Amala. Or "Ah-mah-la."
The junkets would refer to her as Doja Cat.
Is she... is she Jewish?
Wikipedia actually does say that she's half-Jewish.
-Oh! -Yeah. -Oh, what's the other half?
: Black.
Well, that's wonderful, David.
-What?
Who cares what ethnicity she is?
Well, you asked if she was Jewish.
That's different.
-Check her out. Wow.
-Yeah. -She has...
great breasts.
Oh, very impressive woman.
-Here. Let me... -All right, Dad. You got Carol right there.
-I know... -I just got to send this one thing to her,
and then I'll get right back
-to whatever's going on over here. Honey...
If you think it's gonna make you happy--
dating women in the industry--
let me tell you, you've got another thing coming.
Another thinkcoming.
-What? -I got to get off this app.
Another think.
-What are you talking about? -You said "another thing."
It's another-- The expression,
-"another think coming." -We're moving off the app.
Think? Yeah.
♪
-I apologize. -Oh, so you're just gonna up and leave us here
and have Mike help us for the rest of the afternoon?
-Yeah. -And why isn't he going to your video shoot?
It's not my video shoot.
It's-- They're other artists
who need my help for their video.
-It's-- But, yeah. -Well, and while we're talking about it,
I would love to show my friends yourvideos,
but when I listen to your lyrics, I feel shame.
-Thanks, Mom. I-I appreciate that. -Well, I just...
-There's nice... -I have to get a Lyft right here, so...
David, there is a nicer way to say things.
Everything doesn't have to be so crass and vulgar.
"Fuck a bitch on a stick" this,
and "somebody suck me" that.
Its degrading and misogynistic,
-and, David, you are so much better than that. -I hear you.
I-I think you just don't
kind of understand rap music to an extent--
it's the nature of the beast--
but I will take your feelings
into account moving forward.
I understand.
No more misogyny.
-I love you. -I love you, too.
Hey, what exactly is "neck"?
"Getting neck"?
'Cause I've heard you say that,
but I don't understand what it means.
We're gonna pick this up at a later juncture.
Mike's gonna text you and meet up with you.
-Okay. -Take care of all the errands. I love you both.
-Drive safe. See you soon. Same here.
-Love you. Love you. -Love you both. Drive safe. See you soon.
-: You... -Yeah.
What isgetting neck?
I think it's getting head,
but in a modern kind of way.
-Like, with your neck? -No, like...
Exactly.
My sister's six months pregnant now,
and it's like boom-- trajectory on pause
-for what, a year?
While her body is just mutating
because of the--
Oh, my God.
He texted me.
-What do I say? -Uh...
Does this mean that it's not happening?
He's a rapper.
Every day is probably like this for him.
Just be super chill.
Don't be thirsty.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
-How's it going, man?
-It's going.
♪ Known it, why don't you say so?♪
♪ Didn't even notice♪
♪ No punches left to roll with♪
-♪ You got to keep me focused♪ -Two, three, four.
-♪ You want it, say so♪ -Five, six, seven, yep.
-Good. Okay, ladies.
Good job. Um...
Why don't we all take five and get some water.
Thank you.
-She called me a clown.
I said, "If I'm a clown, what does that make you?
"Some sort of clown supervisor?
Some part-time clown lover?"
-Like, I've got a voice.
I'm gonna speak up. I'm gonna say something.
I'll clap right back at you.
-You know? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You'll figure that out. -I-- I'll figure it out,
but, you know, she wants to eat the clown's food, you know.
-I hear you. -She wants to make the clown feel good.
But, uh, she wants...
-Okay, what does that make you?
-Get a real job. No.
-Clown hand. -No.
Everything all right back there?
I get hot in the car, brother.
Like, I sweat like hog meat.
Don't go through, don't go through. Ah, f...
Three, four, five,
six, sev-- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Thank you, ladies.
That was the best one yet.
Let's call it a day.
♪ Yeah, yeah♪
: Yes.
You're a fucking genius.
I know he'll be fine-- I just worry about him.
She was really so great for him.
Yeah, you know, exes are hard.
I mean, my last relationship was two years ago, and...
it's still on my mind, I guess.
Oh, honey. Didn't she get married?
She did, yeah.
She married a guy named Christian Guy.
: No, she didn't.
Did she really? Is he Christian?
He's Presbyterian, so yeah, yeah.
I'm so glad David has someone he can trust
looking after him these days.
Must be nice, two best friends working together like this.
Mm. It's a privilege and an honor.
How long has Don been in that dressing room?
Uh, a... couple minutes, I think.
Could you check on him, please?
You, um...? Yeah. Yeah.
-Please. -Yes.
Don?
Oh, man.
-What happened? -Don.
-What? -: Um...
I think you might have...
Did you pee yourself, Don?
Uh, yes. I did.
I-I'm... Yeah, I-I did.
-Okay. -You know, I've been jet-lagged and...
Have you heard of Doja Cat?
Did you jizz your pants?
No, I peed, I peed, I peed. No, I peed.
Uh, okay...
-I know it. I peed. -Okay, well, tidy up.
-I'll remember this... -Don't tell Carol.
Okay, Don.
We're gonna take the pants.
They're good.
I do feel marginally bad about it, I guess,
but I feel as though if I'm coming to these rap shoots,
I need to be, like, I guess with you and not necessarily Mike.
Never, ever feel bad about being the boss, bro.
I do have no idea where to go.
Yeah, me, either. This place is dope, bro.
Lil Dicky?
-Yeah? -Lil Dicky, hi.
-Hi. -Hi. Uh, thanks so much for coming.
Who's this?
-This is my friend, Gata. -I'm his manager.
Oh. Okay, great. Here's his paperwork.
-I'll be right back. -Hey, where do we go?
-Hey... -You're a manager?
I'm a ganderer. Hey, you got any diet restrictions?
I know you like chicken, and I know you don't like
fruits and vegetables,
but what you want me to write down?
So, we are about to shoot for, uh, a magazine,
and I can't specify what it is, but I'm extremely excited.
And, um...
I hope you enjoy all the pictures and whatnot.
We're working pretty hard over here.
Uh...
Yeah. Stay tuned.
They've been obsessed with vibrational aesthetics.
Really inspired by Rothko lately.
-Yeah? -Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
-Yo! -Oh, my God.
-What the fuck? Bro! -Are you all right?
What's up? Yes!
-Hey. Dave. Nice to... -How you doing?
-Good. -This is exactly what the fuck we needed
-right now. -Okay. I don't... Great.
-Let's go. -Happy to be here.
Swae Lee. What's up, man?
What's up, bro? Yeah, he's perfect. Ay, J, pull up.
J Balvin...
Man, just like me on my OnlyFans, bro.
-Fuck. -What up, my G? Yeah.
-Wow. -You good?
What a trio this is.
-Thank you, I appreciate it. -Triumvirate.
Bring the girls over, please.
-Yo. -So, what is, uh, happenin', fellas?
-What's going on?
Look backstage, like backstage.
So check this out. -Okay.
We got these eight beautiful women,
and they're all for you, so you pick the ones,
and those are the ones we're going with.
Going with for...?
For the video.
Like your preference.
-And just, what, select? -Yes, sir.
-You got to choose up, man. -Right.
Just go with, like, the fatty.
The physical of the... the body type.
Come on, bro.
Um, hi, guys. My name's Dave. I...
-No, we-we don't have time for that. -Okay.
-What? -You want me to manage the situation for you, bruh?
-I'm okay. -You sure?
-I think... He's your manager?
You want us to matchmake for you?
That would be great. Why don't you...?
'Cause I don't... You guys know the video
and the vision better than me.
And so why don't you guys tell me,
and I'll just fit right in where I get in.
-Get in where I fit in, as well. -Okay.
-Por supuesto. -Right. Oh, español.
-Sí. Hey...
-Yeah? -Yeah.
This is getting really weird very fast.
I don't know how to handle that type of situation.
Me and you got a different type of weird, bro.
-What...? -That's J Balvin.
He got all the Spanish Latinas on lock.
Spanish Latinas? Isn't that the...?
What is... what is a Lat...? What is Spanish?
Spanish from Spain, bro.
He got 'em all over the world, bro.
What do you want me to do-- select them in front of them?
-It's, like, so disheartening. -Just do your job.
Be a rapper.
-All right. I'll let them pick. -Come on.
And then I'll see what the fuck happens.
Mm-hmm.
How has she not responded?
-♪ But she ain't really love me♪
♪ Y'all better leave me alone...♪
Ugh. Uh, all right, we're gonna try this.
♪ Baby on my hit list...♪
What is that?
It's just some pieces I pulled.
No. Hold on.
It's gonna be great. Don't worry.
It's not that I'm worried. It's just that nothing
that I okayed yesterday is even on that.
Sweetheart, we do not have time.
Sweetheart... you were three hours late.
What's going on?
This is... crazy.
Why is everybody so unprofessional right now?
Look, come on, let's do...
We're gonna do it my way.
Everybody, let's go.
-Let's go. Let's go.
-Come on. I don't have time. -This bitch.
Just real quick. Did you want this
on your feed, or on your story?
-Story's good. Yeah, thanks. -Okay. Mm.
So we want it to feel like an intervention.
You know, very serious, like you have a real problem
you've been sweeping under the rug for years.
And all this ass represents your closest friends
and family, and they want to help you,
but you feel betrayed and cornered.
-All right. -You know about primal therapy?
It's, like, a way to, like, release childhood trauma
by screaming louder than a bitch.
Yeah. You know, like...
Sremm! Sremm!
Y'all screaming past that ass. Like, you should let it out.
-Know what I'm saying? -Like, you know?
Yeah. So, basically,
you're gonna just scream toward all that ass,
and all that ass is gonna just absorb
all that pent-up anger and frustration
that you've been repressing for years.
Right. Makes sense.
Quick pitch, though, before we move forward.
If this is really about childhood trauma and pain,
which I dig-- I like that-- for me personally,
it would resonate a lot more if we did,
perhaps, like, a dick joke.
A dick... dick joke. What you mean by that?
A dick joke. You know, when you...
Or, instead of me being surrounded by females
and their butts,
what if we put a bunch of dudes up there,
and we had my head in the middle of, like, a bunch of male asses?
Why?
'Cause it'd be really funny if I did that, I think.
How is that funny, though?
Isn't that a little homophobic to think that's funny?
Well, isn't this a little misogynistic,
to have women as ornaments?
Ornaments? These are dancers, these are queens.
Like, this is a Black art form.
-Yeah. -It's way different.
Don't you think it's a little bit racist
for you to come here and tell us that?
Well, yeah, for real. -I mean, I'm...
Here. VOSS, just like you like.
-Yo, bro. Was that good?
Where the fuck are the horses?
Like, we still waiting on the horses.
We had to get the last five in
from Idaho on a 767, so, just be patient.
What'd you just say?
Oh, I was just... I was just trying to explain.
Man, take your corny ass over there.
-Yeah, bro, hey. -But I'm your assistant.
Just slide out for now. We making art right here.
You're disrupting the process.
Just slide out. Slide out for me.
Yo, PSA! Did Basquiat have to tell motherfuckers 50 times?!
-Why y'all making me act like this?! Hell.
Is my body acne on camera?
This is the third fucking revelation of Sremm!
We used to work at fucking Olive Garden,
-eating breadsticks... -Bussing tables.
-...and drinking fucking water! -We came all the way up.
This ain't no fucking game to us!
There should be dancers.
Y'all standing here, looking around,
-looking stupid. -You're right.
Like we speaking Morse code, got us waiting on horses.
The horses need to be waiting on us.
Dang. I am such a fan.
Oh, yeah. Those guys are beyond geniuses.
Let's go!
Get it together Sremm-like.
50 times platinum.
I already got a few people in mind
-I'd love for you to meet. -Great.
I think it works great for both of us if we get you
in front of more of our artists.
You know, we trust each other, we got a good rapport.
-Yeah. Thank you. -I'm super down to help.
I think it's time for me to branch out a little bit.
Me, too. You're a cool dude.
You know, just keep it between us, though. Just...
-Definitely. -Yeah.
Cool.
Yeah. No.
Sunday.
Thursday.
Yeah. I have a date.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
I love you. Bye.
Oh...
Where is my earring?
There you are.
Okay.
Oh, uh, sir, I'm gonna order, actually.
-Indeed. -Can I do the gumbo without the onions in it?
Ah, it's all premade like that. I'm sorry.
It's all good. I'll just do it anyways.
All right. Any entrées for you?
I'm still deciding. Just another minute, please.
All right, take as much time as you need.
♪
♪ You got me smiling at my phone♪
♪ Ooh♪
♪ You got me smiling at my phone♪
♪ Mm♪
♪ I think you got me smiling at my phone♪
-♪ You got me♪ -♪ Smiling at my phone♪
-♪ My phone♪ -♪ You got me♪
-♪ I think you got me♪ -♪ Yeah, smiling at my phone♪
-♪ Ooh♪ -♪ I think you got me♪
♪ You got me smiling at my phone♪
-♪ I think you got me♪ -♪ You got me♪
♪ You got me smiling at my phone♪
-♪ I think you got me♪ -♪ You got me♪
♪ You got me smiling at my phone♪
♪ Whoa, waking up with the work♪
-♪ With the♪ -♪ Work, work♪
♪ Your ... put me on like a shirt♪
-♪ Like a shirt♪ -♪ Like a shirt♪
♪ I might have to hit you with the smirk♪
-♪ With the smirk♪ -♪ My eyes roll up...♪