1 00:00:06,275 --> 00:00:07,524 - So... - So... 2 00:00:07,643 --> 00:00:09,138 What do we do? 3 00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:11,779 Do I have to sit somewhere? Are there seat belts? 4 00:00:11,780 --> 00:00:14,659 Well, you've done this before. This isn't your first trip. 5 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:16,460 Yeah, but it's proper this time. 6 00:00:18,340 --> 00:00:19,699 Oh, that's a mistake. 7 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:20,899 What is? 8 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,739 You can't reach the controls from the seats. 9 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:24,379 What's the point in that? 10 00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:26,459 Or do you have stretchy arms, like Mr Fantastic? 11 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,539 Oh, I stand, like this. 12 00:00:28,540 --> 00:00:31,619 You never thought of bringing the seats a bit closer? 13 00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,219 No, not so far, no. 14 00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,179 Where's the steering wheel? 15 00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:38,779 Well, you don't steer the TARDIS, 16 00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:40,540 you negotiate with it. 17 00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:45,060 The still point between where you want to go... 18 00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:48,859 ..and where you need to be, that's where she takes you. 19 00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,619 How much did it cost? 20 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:52,020 Ah. 21 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:54,979 No idea. 22 00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,380 Stole it. 23 00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,059 - Seriously? - Yep. 24 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,539 Why? 25 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,819 Well, actually, because I felt like it. 26 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:07,339 - What if I steal it from you? - On you go, then. 27 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,739 I don't know how it works. 28 00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:10,099 Well, neither did I. 29 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,299 BANGING ON DOOR 30 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,700 Who's that? 31 00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:15,980 BANGING ON DOOR 32 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,099 Mum. 33 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,540 BANGING ON DOOR 34 00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:26,379 Excuse me, just what is the TARDIS doing down here? 35 00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:29,819 I'm over 2,000 years old, I don't always want to take the stairs. 36 00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:32,539 Your oath, sir. You're not supposed to go off-world 37 00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:33,939 unless it's an emergency. 38 00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,470 - I'm not off-world. - Are you going off-world? 39 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:38,592 I'm going back to my office. 40 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,739 Could you put the kettle on, please? 41 00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:42,220 Hm. 42 00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:45,939 Why's she here? 43 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,540 Because she isn't anywhere else. 44 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:50,379 Kettle. 45 00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:54,099 Well, I'm not making any for her... she can make her own. 46 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,580 I'm not a slave for any human, I can assure you. 47 00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:04,340 So... 48 00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:07,380 ..back up to your office for a cuppa, then? 49 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:12,179 Between here and my office, before the kettle boils, 50 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:14,780 is everything that ever happened or ever will. 51 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:18,740 - Make your choice. - What choice? 52 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,340 Past or future. 53 00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:24,260 Future. 54 00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:28,527 Why? 55 00:02:28,529 --> 00:02:31,198 Why do you think? I want to see if it's happy. 56 00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:38,700 'Kezzia, where are you?' 57 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:43,019 Hey, Goodthing. I'm coming back in. 58 00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:44,659 'Kezzia, don't come in just yet.' 59 00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:47,540 I've been out since second sunrise. I'm hungry. 60 00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:50,420 Round them up, big fella. 61 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,539 MECHANICAL BUZZING 62 00:02:56,540 --> 00:03:00,739 'Kezzia, please don't come in. We're having a little tiny Vardy problem.' 63 00:03:00,740 --> 00:03:04,099 Me and my Vardies have just pollinated three miles of wheat. 64 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,259 - 'You've got to keep smiling.' - Got to what? 65 00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:10,419 - It's the Vardies. - God, what's wrong with you? 66 00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,179 Is that smile supposed to look real? 67 00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:14,219 It's like you're standing in a wind tunnel. 68 00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:18,299 OK. Big smiles now, brace yourself! 69 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,819 Mum is dead. 70 00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:23,339 - Sorry? - Smile, smile, smile! 71 00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:25,059 That's not even funny. 72 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,939 No, it's not a joke. Mum is dead. 73 00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,340 Mum is dead. 74 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:34,859 And Hopeful, she's dead too. And her friend Sunshine, she's dead. 75 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:38,819 And Eliza. And quite a few other people are dead. 76 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,379 Why are you saying this? 77 00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:44,299 You can't say things like that, grinning like an idiot. 78 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,739 Smile, really. Try. If you don't... 79 00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:50,619 I shouldn't have told you. Please smile. 80 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:54,179 Oh... You're on two tears now. 81 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,259 Is it hugging me? 82 00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,099 MECHANICAL BUZZING 83 00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,739 Who programmed that? 84 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,019 Please, give her a moment! 85 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:04,659 She'll be happy in a moment! 86 00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,060 Kezzia! 87 00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:15,419 No. Look, I'm smiling. 88 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,299 Smiling... 89 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,260 SHE SCREAMS 90 00:04:45,623 --> 00:04:49,326 - sync and corrections by Doctor C - - www.addic7ed.com - 91 00:04:54,724 --> 00:04:56,365 _ 92 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,259 Which way is Earth? 93 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:02,179 Ah, space is bent. 94 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:05,899 Earth is any way you choose to look. 95 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,539 Why? You thinking about leaving? 96 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,260 Thinking? I'm not thinking. My brain's overloading. 97 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:14,259 - Why a phone box? - I told you. 98 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:16,699 Yeah, I get that it's a cloaking device. 99 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,699 But why keep it that shape? Why do you like it? 100 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,219 Who said I like it? 101 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,459 You kept it. 102 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:23,860 Come along. 103 00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:27,859 This is one of the Earth's first colonies. 104 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:31,380 They say the settlers have cracked the secret of human happiness. 105 00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:36,579 One question, 106 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:38,059 little fella said you made an oath. 107 00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:39,980 You're not supposed to leave the planet. 108 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:44,140 OK, I suppose I owe you an explanation. 109 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:50,299 A long time ago, a thing happened. As a result of the thing, 110 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,739 I made a promise. As a result of the promise, 111 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:54,419 I have to stay on Earth. 112 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,699 Guarding a vault? 113 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,819 Guarding a vault. 114 00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:00,379 Well, you're not guarding the vault right now. 115 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:03,459 Yes, I am. I have a time machine, I can be back before we left. 116 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,499 But what if you get lost, or stuck, or something? 117 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,299 - I've thought about that. - And? 118 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,859 Well, it would be a worry, so best not to dwell on it. 119 00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,619 Look at this building. Look at it. 120 00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:18,459 You know what I like about humanity? Its optimism. 121 00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:20,579 Do you know what this building is made of? Pure... 122 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:21,659 soaring... 123 00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:23,019 optimism. 124 00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:25,660 MECHANICAL BUZZING 125 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,780 What are they? Alien birds? 126 00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:34,419 Vardies. 127 00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,140 Tiny robots. 128 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,899 Work in flocks. 129 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,340 They're versatile, hard-working. 130 00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:44,860 Good at learning skills. 131 00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:48,379 The worker bees of the Third Industrial Revolution, 132 00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:50,939 probably just checking us out for security. 133 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:53,300 These are robots? These are disappointing robots. 134 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:57,099 That's a very offensive remark. 135 00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,459 Don't make personal remarks like that. 136 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,299 You can't offend a machine. 137 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,819 Typical wet brain chauvinism. 138 00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:04,019 HIGH PITCHED WHINE 139 00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:05,420 Oh, what just happened? 140 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,819 LOUD: Your ear's on fire. 141 00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:10,019 Your voice just came out in my ear. 142 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:13,099 I mean, I know voices go into ears but this was like... 143 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,939 We've been fitted with some kind of communication device that is 144 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:18,579 using our own nervous system as hardware. 145 00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:20,739 We just downloaded an upgrade for our ears. 146 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:24,379 I'll never lose my phone again. I'll never run out of battery again! 147 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:25,899 Welcome to paradise. 148 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,299 Hang on, is there a mute button? What if you're in the loo? 149 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,780 Who needs loos? There's probably an app for that. 150 00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:34,739 So, where is everyone? 151 00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:37,379 Don't tell me we've come halfway across the universe and 152 00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:38,939 they've all gone out. 153 00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:41,100 We should've texted first or something. 154 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:47,180 What's that? 155 00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:51,019 That is a robot. 156 00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:53,539 That is not a disappointing robot. 157 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,979 Technically, this isn't a robot at all. 158 00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:59,539 The tiny little things, those are the robots, 159 00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:01,419 this is the interface with them. 160 00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:04,499 Does it speak? Will we understand it? 161 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:07,739 Well, depends upon what aspect of your language have survived over 162 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:10,139 so many thousands of years. 163 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:12,259 Emoji. It speaks emoji! 164 00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:13,659 Of course it does! 165 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,020 Aw. It's cute. 166 00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:23,500 - What's that? - Blank badges. 167 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,139 Yours isn't blank. It's got a face on the back. 168 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:30,540 Yours too. 169 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,419 Interesting. 170 00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:37,500 It's never on the side that you're looking at. 171 00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:41,819 What's it doing now? What, what face is it making? 172 00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:43,220 Sort of... puzzled. Me? 173 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,460 The same. 174 00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:48,219 Do you know what I think? 175 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,779 I think that this is some kind of mood indicator. 176 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,306 But you're never allowed to see your own mood. 177 00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:55,131 - Makes sense. - Does it? 178 00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:58,579 Well, seeing your own mood might affect your own mood. 179 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,059 It's like a feedback loop, 180 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:02,699 interfering with the information being collected. 181 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,179 Like a scale weighing itself. 182 00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,580 Who's collecting the data? 183 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:10,139 - Is the big question. - So what do we do, then? 184 00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,540 Well, if they're badges then... 185 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,780 - What? Where's...? Where's it gone? - Oh, it's on your back. 186 00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:21,940 Yours too. 187 00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:26,059 So, everyone you walk past can see what you're thinking. 188 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,779 What if you really fancy someone? 189 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:30,259 Well, I suppose it means that you have to maintain 190 00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:32,660 - eye contact with them. - Oh, that's brilliant. 191 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,900 Welcome to the future. 192 00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:43,539 Emojis, wearable communications, 193 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,900 we're in the utopia of vacuous teens. 194 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:56,219 Look at this... it knew I was starving! 195 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,579 Food from another planet. 196 00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:00,060 You've got to, haven't you? 197 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:03,419 Smells like fish. 198 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,179 I'm not that fond of fish, 199 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,780 except socially, which can complicate a meal like this. 200 00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:11,059 Should we eat it, though? 201 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,739 I mean, what if they're not like us? 202 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,259 The cutlery is human cutlery. 203 00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:16,419 No other species in the universe uses emojis. 204 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,740 Everything here is human except... 205 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,619 No humans. 206 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,299 This is a perfect colony for humans, 207 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,700 so where are all the colonists? 208 00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,780 That's some sort of flavoured algae. 209 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,739 I haven't seen any livestock yet. 210 00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,260 That's good, isn't it? 211 00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:38,579 In the future we don't eat living things, we eat algae. 212 00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,860 I met an emperor made of algae once. 213 00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,860 He fancied me. 214 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:50,539 Why aren't you loving this? 215 00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:53,299 Everything is here, everything is ready, 216 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,659 but there's no-one here. 217 00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:56,339 It's like the Student Union first thing, 218 00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:57,899 before the actual students arrive. 219 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,939 Two portions, though. 220 00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:02,180 Well, that's because that one is mine. 221 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:09,299 That's it! That's it! Of course! 222 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,459 The whole place is waiting. 223 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:13,219 We're just too early. 224 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:17,419 So, they're all still in bed? Two portions. One portion. 225 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,339 Is there going to be food sexism even in the future? 226 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,619 Is this bloke utopia? 227 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:24,459 It's probably reading me as two people. The heartbeats. 228 00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,019 If you're going to travel 20 light years, you're going to want 229 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,419 to make sure you've got somewhere to sleep at the end of it, aren't you? 230 00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:33,379 - So, what do you do? - Sorry? Two hearts? 231 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:36,579 You send a rocketload of intelligent robots up ahead of you. 232 00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:38,699 They build you a place to live, 233 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:42,259 so that, when you arrive, it's all waiting. This is brilliant! 234 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,939 You've got two hearts? 235 00:11:44,940 --> 00:11:46,499 Robots, they don't breathe. 236 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,259 They can fix the atmosphere for you, 237 00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:52,139 send data back, so you know whether to bring your waterproofs or not. 238 00:11:52,140 --> 00:11:56,459 Work in huge robot flocks. 239 00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:59,779 You just send them up ahead and you leave them to it. 240 00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,899 Hearts, though, why two? 241 00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,099 Well, why one? 242 00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,420 Does that mean you've got really high blood pressure? 243 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,180 Really high. 244 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,140 So, if the people aren't here yet, what do we do? 245 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,540 Put the kettle on? 246 00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,900 Or are we going to leave before they arrive? 247 00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:28,020 Is that what you're worried about? 248 00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,379 I can see you're worried. 249 00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:36,060 Well, you never know what's round the next corner. 250 00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:44,299 Ah, of course, wheat fields outside. 251 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:47,419 Now something else to eat when they get here. 252 00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:49,500 This is their crops. 253 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,779 Look, they're going to have orchards, olive groves. 254 00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:58,499 This is their nursery. The little robots are doing pollination work. 255 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,699 Oh, this plant! There's one of these growing 256 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,020 outside the student union. It smells amazing. 257 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,539 Rosemary. 258 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:10,740 I'm smelling home 20 light years from home. 259 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,659 Thanks for bringing me. 260 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:17,660 This is a great day out. 261 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:21,459 I mean, come on, admit it. 262 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:22,659 You love it. 263 00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:24,899 Did I say I didn't love it? Yes, I do. 264 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,859 It's very... lovable. 265 00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:30,139 You asked me where all the people were and I theorised that 266 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,979 they hadn't got here yet. 267 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:33,580 Did I sound convincing? 268 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,220 - Yeah. - And did I convince myself? 269 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:41,459 - No. - No, no. And I'll tell you why 270 00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:43,899 because there should be somebody here. 271 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:48,100 There should be some kind of set-up team, a skeleton crew. 272 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,539 You're thinking. 273 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,939 Tell me what you're thinking about. 274 00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:55,739 A magic haddock. 275 00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:57,220 Obviously! 276 00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:03,060 What is this stuff? Is it snow? 277 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:11,739 This is fertiliser, mineral fertiliser, calcium-based. 278 00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:14,979 Now, we don't have answers, so let's put together two questions. 279 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,140 What is the source of this mineral fertiliser? 280 00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:22,020 And where are all the people? 281 00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:28,659 Ugh! 282 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,139 SHE GASPS 283 00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:34,139 Here, right here, in this garden. 284 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,940 Oh, my God. 285 00:14:51,860 --> 00:14:54,260 Despite appearances, they haven't been dead very long. 286 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:57,779 Those are the colonists? 287 00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:59,579 The colonists aren't here yet. 288 00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:00,979 This is the set-up team, 289 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,509 the skeleton crew. 290 00:15:02,511 --> 00:15:04,178 Why did the robots feed them to the garden? 291 00:15:04,180 --> 00:15:06,339 I don't know, maybe they ran out of fertiliser. 292 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,740 Let's not ask them. 293 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:13,809 Oh, hello! We were just admiring your garden. 294 00:15:13,811 --> 00:15:14,559 Yes! 295 00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:17,779 Moving on now because there's nothing of particular interest here. 296 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:19,180 Cheerio. 297 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:26,819 If he's chasing us, he's moving very slowly. 298 00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:28,982 Do you know what it means when something chases you very slowly? 299 00:15:28,984 --> 00:15:29,843 What? 300 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:32,421 It means there's a reason that they don't have to run. 301 00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:43,379 OK. They're slow, but the city is full of them, 302 00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:45,339 - so they catch you in the end. - What do we do? 303 00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:48,779 Question: we've been here for ages, why are they attacking us now? 304 00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,300 - Does it matter? - Only if we want to live. 305 00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:54,779 Smile for me! 306 00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:56,180 Smile? 307 00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,979 Use your whole face, right now, do it. 308 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:01,259 What good's smiling? 309 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,939 Smiles aren't just smiles. 310 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:05,019 Psychologically, they have a measurable effect 311 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:06,819 on your mood states. 312 00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:08,220 Yes. 313 00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,459 These robots, they built this place. 314 00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,859 They grew those trees. 315 00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:15,579 Something went wrong but they were designed to make you happy. 316 00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:18,499 How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy? 317 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:21,740 "How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy" smiley face. 318 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,339 - Smiley face. - The magic haddock. 319 00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:28,059 What magic haddock? What's that all about? 320 00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:31,019 The robots want you to be happy but they got the wrong end of the stick. 321 00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:33,700 I think we should give them what they want. 322 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,139 Don't even try without smiling. 323 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:47,939 What a lovely place you have here. 324 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,459 Thank you so much for your hospitality. 325 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,180 We will come again. 326 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:57,619 Doctor, I was thinking maybe next time we might go 327 00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:01,139 to Wiltshire, perhaps, or Aberdeen. 328 00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:07,460 Ah, yes. Two thumbs up for Wiltshire/Aberdeen. 329 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:21,140 - Doctor! - Smile! Smile! 330 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,468 Where did they come from? 331 00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:31,258 Once we're out of the city, we should be safe. 332 00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:46,939 Are they coming after us? 333 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:50,180 I'm guessing that, once we're out, we're not their problem. 334 00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:55,779 Right. You'll be perfectly safe in the TARDIS. She'll look after you 335 00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,940 - until I get back. - Where are you going? 336 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:04,019 There's a giant smiley abattoir over there 337 00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:06,285 and I'm having this really childish impulse to blow it up. 338 00:18:06,287 --> 00:18:07,390 Be right back. 339 00:18:07,392 --> 00:18:09,579 What, you're going back in?! We've only just escaped! 340 00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,060 I thought we were going home?! 341 00:18:12,620 --> 00:18:14,100 Home?! 342 00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:17,419 Why would we be going home? 343 00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:19,059 That place is a living deathtrap, 344 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:21,339 we can't just leave it with its mouth wide open. 345 00:18:21,340 --> 00:18:23,979 But they're all dead. We saw them. It's too late. 346 00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:27,059 We have to assume that there's a colony ship on the way. 347 00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,979 What do you think's going to happen when all those people arrive? 348 00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:31,899 They're expecting the new garden of Eden, 349 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,259 what they are not expecting is to be the fertiliser. 350 00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:35,979 There's broadband in there. Go! 351 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:38,019 Go and watch some movies or something! 352 00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:41,099 I get that someone has to do something but why's it you? 353 00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:42,819 Can't you phone the police? 354 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,339 Isn't there a helpline or something? 355 00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:48,460 And stay away from my browser history! 356 00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:04,500 Penguin with its arse on fire. 357 00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,660 Huh! 358 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:36,580 Ah! 359 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,020 Good morning! I'm happy! 360 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:44,499 Good morning. Look at me, I'm happy, happy, happy, happy! 361 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:49,059 What a lovely, beautiful morning, it makes me so happy. I'm happy. 362 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,060 I hope that you're happy, too. 363 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:56,300 See? Happy? 364 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,499 Hello? Is someone there? I can hear you breathing. 365 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:24,900 Why are you Scottish? 366 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,939 - I'm not Scottish, I'm just cross. - Is there Scotland in space? 367 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,379 They're all over the place, demanding independence from 368 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:33,179 every planet they land on. Why are you here? 369 00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:36,339 Because I figured out why you keep your box as a phone box. 370 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:37,659 I told you, it's stuck. 371 00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:40,579 "Advice and Assistance Obtainable Immediately." You like that. 372 00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:41,659 No, I don't. 373 00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:43,299 See, this is the point. 374 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:47,739 You don't call the helpline because you ARE the helpline. 375 00:20:47,740 --> 00:20:51,619 Don't sentimentalise me. I don't just fly around helping people out. 376 00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:53,539 What are you doing right now? 377 00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:55,779 I happened to be passing by, so I'm mucking in. 378 00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,659 You've never passed by in your life. 379 00:20:57,660 --> 00:20:59,899 You couldn't even leave me serving chips, 380 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,420 so I'm not going to leave you. 381 00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:04,419 Look at the wall. 382 00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:06,460 - The wall? - Closely. 383 00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:14,339 Before, when the Vardy, the little microbots, were going to 384 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,740 attack you, you asked me where they came from. 385 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:23,299 They didn't come from anywhere, they were here all the time. 386 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:26,739 What? In the wall? 387 00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,540 No, not in the wall. 388 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:37,379 They're not in the wall, they are the wall... they're all the walls. 389 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:41,459 These little robots, they didn't build this place, they became it. 390 00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:44,219 They can be a part of a wall one minute, flying around the next. 391 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:48,940 This whole structure is built from interlocking microbots. 392 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:54,059 Smile! 393 00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:55,940 You're in the belly of the beast. 394 00:21:57,140 --> 00:21:58,539 So what do we do? 395 00:21:58,540 --> 00:22:00,019 Well, the obvious... 396 00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,499 we find a real wall. 397 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:03,659 You really are smiling, aren't you? 398 00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:08,140 Do you know why? You're an awesome tutor. 399 00:22:10,820 --> 00:22:14,179 When the Vikings invaded, they used to pull their longboats out 400 00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:17,499 of the water, turn them upside down and live in them as houses 401 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:20,979 until they'd pillaged and looted enough to build new ones. 402 00:22:20,980 --> 00:22:22,619 So? 403 00:22:22,620 --> 00:22:24,819 You didn't see a space ship outside, did you? 404 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:26,459 When the settlers first landed, 405 00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:29,259 they must have lived in it and built out from it, 406 00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:34,140 so it's still here, somewhere inside this building. 407 00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,379 Bits of meteor damage. Flecks of rust. 408 00:22:42,380 --> 00:22:43,819 Rivets... Oh, I love rivets. 409 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,219 A wall, a real, honest wall, 410 00:22:46,220 --> 00:22:48,579 not made of tiny robots but made of any old iron. 411 00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:51,900 Every spacecraft needs... a door. 412 00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:02,980 Not even locked. 413 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,420 They were expecting to live in peace. 414 00:23:16,860 --> 00:23:18,099 Wicked. 415 00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:19,740 We'll lock it after us, shall we? 416 00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:38,579 Its life support systems are starting up. It knows we're here. 417 00:23:38,580 --> 00:23:41,819 Whoever did the interior decoration in here needs to take lessons 418 00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,539 from whoever did it out there. 419 00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:46,619 This was built by humans, that was built by the Vardy. 420 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:48,380 Wet brains, dry brains. 421 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:02,380 Ah! 422 00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:12,980 Good, old, universally compatible, incorruptible maps. 423 00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:16,620 You are here. 424 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:20,499 This is the engine room. 425 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,579 That's the target. That's where I'm going. 426 00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:25,019 - Where am I going? - You're staying here 427 00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:29,539 and you will be guiding me to here, using this map. 428 00:24:29,540 --> 00:24:33,459 I'll hear you through the thingamabob. 429 00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:35,140 I'm on a space ship... 430 00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:39,660 ..like, for real. A proper one. 431 00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:43,500 - 'Left or right?' - Er... 432 00:24:46,260 --> 00:24:47,619 Right. 433 00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:51,020 Well, they were certainly planning to make themselves at home here. 434 00:24:52,260 --> 00:24:54,619 They brought all their favourite knick-knacks. 435 00:24:54,620 --> 00:24:57,099 'There should be a door' 436 00:24:57,100 --> 00:24:58,500 that leads onto a corridor. 437 00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:03,499 - I really am on a space ship. - 'Yes...' 438 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,979 Which we're about to blow up. 439 00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:08,019 How are you allowed to do that? 440 00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:10,379 Like, how are you allowed to blow something up 441 00:25:10,380 --> 00:25:13,939 and not get into trouble? I mean, blow something up, get into trouble, 442 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:16,499 that is a standard sequence. 443 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:17,939 'What do you mean, "allowed"?' 444 00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:19,699 It's a moral imperative. 445 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,539 This is a murder machine. 446 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:24,300 Beautiful, though, I mean, the whole place. 447 00:25:25,380 --> 00:25:28,259 You should be able to see a staircase... 448 00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:31,179 All traps are beautiful, that's how they work. 449 00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:33,380 - Up or down? - Down. 450 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:38,139 What? What's this big bit in the middle? 451 00:25:38,140 --> 00:25:40,699 There's a big empty space in the middle. 452 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:44,219 The engine is right in the middle of a big empty space. 453 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,779 - What's that for? - 'Attention. 454 00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:50,059 'Attention. Erehwon system's initiated.' 455 00:25:50,060 --> 00:25:54,419 Ship's systems are set to respond to human presence. It WAS sleeping. 456 00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:56,859 We walked in, now it's waking up. 457 00:25:56,860 --> 00:26:00,100 - Er, there should be a ladder. - Got it. 458 00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:14,580 ALARM BLARES 459 00:26:23,260 --> 00:26:24,539 Beautiful. 460 00:26:24,540 --> 00:26:26,379 Fleishman Cold Fusion Engine. 461 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:30,339 All I've got to do is back the flow into the calorimeter and run. 462 00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:32,260 It's like it wants to get blown up. 463 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:37,859 'Hang on, I'm being thick.' 464 00:26:37,860 --> 00:26:39,539 I can come with you. 465 00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:42,020 'Took that long to think of photographing it?' 466 00:26:43,980 --> 00:26:46,419 - You'd already memorised it, hadn't you? - 'Yep.' 467 00:26:46,420 --> 00:26:48,500 Stop trying to keep me out of trouble. 468 00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:51,420 There's no trouble. 469 00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:55,180 This is going to be a stroll in the park. 470 00:28:29,060 --> 00:28:32,819 Doctor, why did people come here? 471 00:28:32,820 --> 00:28:34,739 Did something terrible happen? 472 00:28:34,740 --> 00:28:36,140 I can't hear you! 473 00:28:41,740 --> 00:28:43,619 This isn't as easy as it looks. 474 00:28:43,620 --> 00:28:44,979 I've got to know. 475 00:28:44,980 --> 00:28:47,339 The people who came here... 476 00:28:47,340 --> 00:28:49,859 were they the last people? 477 00:28:49,860 --> 00:28:52,019 Were they our last hope? 478 00:28:52,020 --> 00:28:53,940 'Earth was evacuated.' 479 00:28:58,620 --> 00:29:01,220 But there were a number of ships. 480 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:04,979 I've bumped into a few of them over the years. 481 00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:09,060 Right, I've re-routed the flow. 482 00:29:11,420 --> 00:29:12,979 No, no, no, no. That's not right. 483 00:29:12,980 --> 00:29:15,260 Bad noise. That's not right, no, no! 484 00:29:23,260 --> 00:29:26,179 No. When the calorimeter reaches its peak... 485 00:29:26,180 --> 00:29:27,939 I could do with a hand here! 486 00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:29,700 'OK, on my way.' 487 00:29:37,460 --> 00:29:39,139 Oh! 488 00:29:39,140 --> 00:29:40,540 Are we there yet? 489 00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:45,059 'Doctor, there's something you need to know.' 490 00:29:45,060 --> 00:29:46,540 I'm too busy! 491 00:30:06,060 --> 00:30:08,139 'Almost with you, Doctor.' 492 00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:10,219 You took your time. 493 00:30:10,220 --> 00:30:13,540 When I let this go, it's going to spin back. 494 00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:19,940 I want you to hold it tight while I jam it shut. 495 00:30:30,260 --> 00:30:32,740 Doctor? Doctor, can you hear me? 496 00:30:33,860 --> 00:30:35,299 Ah! Don't worry about me. 497 00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,299 I'm having the time of my life! 498 00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:39,460 Making new friends! 499 00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:54,739 ALARM BLARES 500 00:30:54,740 --> 00:30:57,220 Get ready to run! Run really fast! 501 00:30:59,660 --> 00:31:02,899 What? Where did you come from? 502 00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:06,900 - Where is everybody? - When you say "everybody"...? 503 00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:10,939 WOMAN'S VOICE OVER PA: 'My very good people, we will soon be beginning 504 00:31:10,940 --> 00:31:13,619 'an emergency disembarkation. 505 00:31:13,620 --> 00:31:17,020 'Good people, please prepare for disembarkation. 506 00:31:18,860 --> 00:31:20,659 'We wish you a happy new world.' 507 00:31:20,660 --> 00:31:22,579 Doctor? 508 00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:25,939 Pods! Pods! 509 00:31:25,940 --> 00:31:28,499 What is it? What's happening? 510 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:30,700 We can't blow up the city! 511 00:31:33,660 --> 00:31:38,100 - Why? Those pods, what's in them? - I got it wrong. 512 00:31:39,780 --> 00:31:42,140 I got it very, very wrong. 513 00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:48,820 The colony ship isn't on the way, it's right here. 514 00:31:50,260 --> 00:31:53,499 The colonists are all around us, cryogenically frozen. 515 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:55,100 What's in those pods, Bill... 516 00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:59,260 ..is the surviving population of Earth. 517 00:32:01,580 --> 00:32:03,499 And I nearly killed all of them. 518 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:07,340 'Welcome to your new world. Be happy.' 519 00:32:08,540 --> 00:32:10,059 They're waking up, aren't they? 520 00:32:10,060 --> 00:32:12,500 We must have triggered the process when we came in. 521 00:32:14,820 --> 00:32:17,779 So, what happens now? 522 00:32:17,780 --> 00:32:19,180 Now? 523 00:32:20,780 --> 00:32:22,939 Now they're all going to leave this ship, 524 00:32:22,940 --> 00:32:25,420 and find their friends and family mulched in the garden. 525 00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:29,500 And if they don't smile about that... 526 00:32:31,020 --> 00:32:33,180 ..it's going to be the end of the human race. 527 00:32:45,980 --> 00:32:49,819 Oh! Oh, those pods, eh? Not much headroom. 528 00:32:49,820 --> 00:32:54,259 Oh, I thought I'd be first up. Steadfast, MedTech One. 529 00:32:54,260 --> 00:32:55,499 What day is this? 530 00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:56,659 The end of the world. 531 00:32:56,660 --> 00:32:58,620 Again? We've only just got here. 532 00:32:59,740 --> 00:33:01,179 Bill, with me. 533 00:33:01,180 --> 00:33:02,580 What's happening? 534 00:33:03,580 --> 00:33:05,939 What's happening is nobody leaves this ship 535 00:33:05,940 --> 00:33:07,419 until I tell you otherwise. 536 00:33:07,420 --> 00:33:09,060 Clear? Nobody leaves. 537 00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:12,979 - Where are we going? - No idea. 538 00:33:12,980 --> 00:33:15,659 But if I look purposeful, they'll think I've got a plan. 539 00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:18,299 If they think I've got a plan, at least they won't 540 00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:20,859 - try to think of one themselves. - But you don't have a plan. 541 00:33:20,860 --> 00:33:22,899 I don't know how to stop it happening again 542 00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:25,379 because I can't figure out why it happened last time. 543 00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:27,259 What made them do this? 544 00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:29,500 I think I need to show you something. 545 00:33:30,860 --> 00:33:34,860 'Section A34, reanimation sequence commencing.' 546 00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:40,099 The spacecraft landed. 547 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:43,019 Most of the colonists were kept in cryogenic suspension. 548 00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:45,699 A few, the ones with skills... 549 00:33:45,700 --> 00:33:47,339 The best ones. The brave ones. 550 00:33:47,340 --> 00:33:52,899 They were woke to shepherd the little flocks of Vardy robots. 551 00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:56,180 She came here. She was happy. 552 00:33:57,860 --> 00:33:59,260 It was all going well... 553 00:34:01,180 --> 00:34:03,819 Those are the shepherds, aren't they? 554 00:34:03,820 --> 00:34:05,380 And they're all dead. 555 00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:11,339 If we rearrange this data to reflect the time of death, 556 00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:12,740 what do we get? 557 00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,220 That's her. 558 00:34:23,420 --> 00:34:26,259 This woman died. There's no sign of violence. 559 00:34:26,260 --> 00:34:28,700 So, you know, she just died the way that humans do. 560 00:34:30,940 --> 00:34:34,379 Then a few more people died all at the same time, and then 561 00:34:34,380 --> 00:34:37,740 a lot more died just after, and then... 562 00:34:38,900 --> 00:34:40,700 ..the rest. Dozens. 563 00:34:42,020 --> 00:34:44,699 A virus? A virus that went... 564 00:34:44,700 --> 00:34:45,979 well, viral? 565 00:34:45,980 --> 00:34:50,379 Grief! Grief! Grief as plague. 566 00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:51,699 But how? 567 00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:56,019 The Vardies, well, their job was to maintain happiness. 568 00:34:56,020 --> 00:34:59,219 At first, that meant making sure there was enough oxygen and water. 569 00:34:59,220 --> 00:35:02,219 That's what the badges are meant to communicate... 570 00:35:02,220 --> 00:35:08,139 satisfaction, a positive mental state. But the Vardy are smart, 571 00:35:08,140 --> 00:35:09,819 they learn, 572 00:35:09,820 --> 00:35:11,899 they try to be good servants, 573 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:17,379 so they expand the definition of happiness until... 574 00:35:17,380 --> 00:35:19,020 She dies. 575 00:35:20,460 --> 00:35:23,179 No-one had ever died here before this lady. 576 00:35:23,180 --> 00:35:26,299 The Vardies, they've never heard of grief before. 577 00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:31,459 This place is all about hope and the future, and happiness. 578 00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:33,179 No-one ever thought about the opposite. 579 00:35:33,180 --> 00:35:35,180 The Vardies didn't know what to do with it. 580 00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:41,259 They identified grief as the enemy of happiness 581 00:35:41,260 --> 00:35:46,299 and everyone who was experiencing grief as a problem, 582 00:35:46,300 --> 00:35:48,139 - as... - Compost. 583 00:35:48,140 --> 00:35:49,739 And all those dead people, 584 00:35:49,740 --> 00:35:52,179 well, you know, they had friends and family, too, so... 585 00:35:52,180 --> 00:35:54,819 - Even more compost. - And so on, and so on, and so on, 586 00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:58,419 and what you get is a whole grief tsunami. 587 00:35:58,420 --> 00:36:01,339 And all of this took how long? One morning? 588 00:36:01,340 --> 00:36:04,379 All of these people were slaughtered in a day? 589 00:36:04,380 --> 00:36:06,059 Slaughtered for their own good 590 00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:08,139 because the Vardy think different. 591 00:36:08,140 --> 00:36:12,259 Like the magic haddock. Not bad, not good, just different. 592 00:36:12,260 --> 00:36:15,260 So, what will happen when the new people meet the robots? 593 00:36:26,220 --> 00:36:28,539 That's the boy. 594 00:36:28,540 --> 00:36:30,419 The first to wake up. Where did you get this? 595 00:36:30,420 --> 00:36:32,179 I'd think it's his mother's, don't you? 596 00:36:32,180 --> 00:36:36,099 Or his nan's. Well, he'll find her, 597 00:36:36,100 --> 00:36:37,659 when she wakes up in her pod. 598 00:36:37,660 --> 00:36:40,860 I found that in the fruit garden, when we first arrived. 599 00:36:42,780 --> 00:36:44,019 Oh. 600 00:36:44,020 --> 00:36:48,219 I would say that a lot of the colonists had friends or family 601 00:36:48,220 --> 00:36:50,179 who were working here as shepherds. 602 00:36:50,180 --> 00:36:53,700 - When they find out what happened... - They'll be grief-stricken. 603 00:36:54,620 --> 00:36:57,460 - And after that... - A massacre. 604 00:37:01,780 --> 00:37:05,020 - OK, where are we going? - What's the opposite of a massacre? 605 00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:08,580 - OK, what? - In my experience, a lecture. 606 00:37:19,060 --> 00:37:21,579 You brought the Vardy here, 607 00:37:21,580 --> 00:37:25,379 microbots to make your life so easy. 608 00:37:25,380 --> 00:37:27,819 But like every slave class in history, 609 00:37:27,820 --> 00:37:31,060 the Vardy are beginning to have ideas of their own. 610 00:37:32,340 --> 00:37:34,819 They wanted to eliminate unhappiness, 611 00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:38,219 but to a robot that meant eliminating unhappy people. 612 00:37:38,220 --> 00:37:40,539 They gave you monitors, badges, 613 00:37:40,540 --> 00:37:43,820 so they'd know when you were too unhappy to live. 614 00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:58,219 - You need to listen. - I did listen. What did I miss? 615 00:37:58,220 --> 00:38:00,259 The Vardy have killed our families. 616 00:38:00,260 --> 00:38:02,018 But you need to understand why that happened. 617 00:38:02,020 --> 00:38:03,203 I don't care why. 618 00:38:03,205 --> 00:38:05,379 Then you will die, too, and so will everyone on your ship. 619 00:38:05,380 --> 00:38:07,899 - The Vardy are not your enemy. - They want to kill us. 620 00:38:07,900 --> 00:38:10,739 No. They want to help you. Killing you is just a side-effect. 621 00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:12,779 - Get out of my way. - You've got guns. 622 00:38:12,780 --> 00:38:15,579 You think that will help against a whole living city? 623 00:38:15,580 --> 00:38:18,179 That little boy, where did he go? 624 00:38:18,180 --> 00:38:19,980 My mum was a gardener. 625 00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:22,900 Have you seen her? 626 00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:27,180 She's supposed to be here. 627 00:38:37,220 --> 00:38:38,739 There he is! 628 00:38:38,740 --> 00:38:40,579 Step away from the kid. 629 00:38:40,580 --> 00:38:43,539 They're not armed. You don't need to do this. 630 00:38:43,540 --> 00:38:47,259 - You just need to... - What's wrong? What's going on? 631 00:38:47,260 --> 00:38:49,900 Where's my mum? Where's everyone? 632 00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:54,059 Where's everyone? 633 00:38:54,060 --> 00:38:56,259 Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Don't cry, don't cry! 634 00:38:56,260 --> 00:38:59,619 Hey, hey. Look, everything's going to be OK. 635 00:38:59,620 --> 00:39:03,459 Look, this is your new house. Isn't it lovely? 636 00:39:03,460 --> 00:39:04,779 I want Mummy. 637 00:39:04,780 --> 00:39:06,779 Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. 638 00:39:06,780 --> 00:39:09,459 Everything's going to be fine if you just keep smiling... 639 00:39:09,460 --> 00:39:10,860 Get away from the kid! 640 00:39:18,020 --> 00:39:20,779 What's that? 641 00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:23,259 Rage? Revenge? 642 00:39:23,260 --> 00:39:25,660 - It's one robot. - It's not one robot. 643 00:39:27,460 --> 00:39:29,220 Doctor, what do we do? 644 00:39:30,700 --> 00:39:32,819 Doctor, what's happening? 645 00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:34,820 Cover fire, now! 646 00:39:37,780 --> 00:39:39,739 - Fascinating! - What's fascinating?? 647 00:39:39,740 --> 00:39:43,939 The Vardy are identifying as under attack, which means they identify 648 00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:47,779 as a species. They are self-aware. They're... They're alive! 649 00:39:47,780 --> 00:39:49,619 They're going to kill us! 650 00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:52,140 SCREAMING 651 00:39:53,660 --> 00:39:55,979 - What are you doing? - I really hope this doesn't hurt. 652 00:39:55,980 --> 00:39:59,019 Do you know why I always win at chess? 653 00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:01,339 I have a secret move. 654 00:40:01,340 --> 00:40:02,899 I kick over the board. 655 00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:04,620 Here it comes! 656 00:40:11,100 --> 00:40:16,420 Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. 657 00:40:17,660 --> 00:40:21,659 The haddock offered the fisherman three wishes in return for its life. 658 00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:25,859 The fisherman said, "I'd like my son to come home from the war 659 00:40:25,860 --> 00:40:27,460 "and 100 pieces of gold." 660 00:40:28,580 --> 00:40:34,419 The problem is magic haddock, like robots, don't think like people. 661 00:40:34,420 --> 00:40:38,619 The fisherman's son came home from the war in a coffin 662 00:40:38,620 --> 00:40:43,339 and the King sent 100 gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. 663 00:40:43,340 --> 00:40:46,099 The fisherman had one wish left. 664 00:40:46,100 --> 00:40:48,059 What do you think he wished for? 665 00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:51,299 Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series 666 00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:54,419 of wishes, but if your city proves anything, 667 00:40:54,420 --> 00:40:57,619 it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. 668 00:40:57,620 --> 00:41:01,499 It's OK. It's not going to hurt you. 669 00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,699 Actually, it doesn't even know who you are. 670 00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:05,419 What happened? What have you done? 671 00:41:05,420 --> 00:41:09,299 In fact, the fisherman wished that he hadn't made the first two wishes. 672 00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,139 In a way, he pressed the reset button. 673 00:41:12,140 --> 00:41:13,740 What the hell did you do? 674 00:41:15,180 --> 00:41:16,899 Aren't you listening? 675 00:41:16,900 --> 00:41:18,659 I pressed the reset button. 676 00:41:18,660 --> 00:41:21,499 Every computer has one and anyone can find it, 677 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:25,339 especially if they happen to be a scary, handsome genius from space. 678 00:41:25,340 --> 00:41:27,659 I re-initialised the entire command structure, 679 00:41:27,660 --> 00:41:31,579 retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary 680 00:41:31,580 --> 00:41:33,259 preference architecture. 681 00:41:33,260 --> 00:41:35,299 He turned it off and on again. 682 00:41:35,300 --> 00:41:36,700 I turned it off and on again. 683 00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:41,460 Of course, I wiped their memories. 684 00:41:43,580 --> 00:41:46,099 They no longer have the faintest idea who you are 685 00:41:46,100 --> 00:41:47,739 and, in fact, they're wondering 686 00:41:47,740 --> 00:41:49,900 what you're doing in their very nice city. 687 00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:52,659 THEIR city? 688 00:41:52,660 --> 00:41:56,579 Yes. THEIR city. It's made of them. 689 00:41:56,580 --> 00:41:59,586 It's our city. They're our robots. 690 00:41:59,588 --> 00:42:00,855 They were. 691 00:42:00,857 --> 00:42:04,499 Welcome to your new world. Meet the Vardy. 692 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:07,219 They are, as of now, the indigenous life form. 693 00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:11,459 You'd best make friends with them because there's loads of them, 694 00:42:11,460 --> 00:42:14,220 and they're the only ones who know how anything works. 695 00:42:15,420 --> 00:42:16,820 They killed our people. 696 00:42:18,860 --> 00:42:22,660 Well, look, they have forgotten about that. 697 00:42:23,940 --> 00:42:25,739 They've forgotten about you, 698 00:42:25,740 --> 00:42:29,459 they've forgotten that you even made them in the first place. 699 00:42:29,460 --> 00:42:32,299 Now, since they have absolute power over this city, 700 00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:35,859 and since I'm assuming you all don't want to sleep rough tonight, 701 00:42:35,860 --> 00:42:37,580 I have a suggestion for you... 702 00:42:39,980 --> 00:42:41,380 BOTH: Smile. 703 00:42:42,620 --> 00:42:44,099 You can't be serious. 704 00:42:44,100 --> 00:42:47,659 I am serious. In fact, I'm willing to be a negotiator. 705 00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:49,699 - Are you now? - Yes. 706 00:42:49,700 --> 00:42:51,380 Watch. 707 00:42:54,140 --> 00:42:56,339 Hello, I'm the Doctor. 708 00:42:56,340 --> 00:43:00,739 A few hours ago, I made the mistake of not recognising your status 709 00:43:00,740 --> 00:43:03,219 as an emergent new life form. 710 00:43:03,220 --> 00:43:07,779 As recompense for my mistake, please allow me to act as your negotiator 711 00:43:07,780 --> 00:43:11,139 with a migratory conglomerate known as the human race. 712 00:43:11,140 --> 00:43:12,699 They're looking for a place to stay 713 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:14,500 and they've got their eye on your city. 714 00:43:17,340 --> 00:43:18,980 Would you like me to discuss rent? 715 00:43:24,260 --> 00:43:26,180 So, is it going to work? 716 00:43:27,500 --> 00:43:29,100 That's up to them. 717 00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:34,019 Did you just... 718 00:43:34,020 --> 00:43:36,380 Well, did WE just... 719 00:43:37,620 --> 00:43:39,099 ..jumpstart a new civilisation? 720 00:43:39,100 --> 00:43:41,139 It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it. 721 00:43:41,140 --> 00:43:42,539 Did you do this all the time? 722 00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:45,019 - Do what? - Fly around, sorting things out, 723 00:43:45,020 --> 00:43:47,299 like some kind of intergalactic policeman. 724 00:43:47,300 --> 00:43:50,379 I don't sort things out and I'm definitely not a policeman. 725 00:43:50,380 --> 00:43:52,659 You live in a police box. 726 00:43:52,660 --> 00:43:54,179 That's pure coincidence. 727 00:43:54,180 --> 00:43:55,740 Yeah, of course. 728 00:44:00,140 --> 00:44:02,779 Back at the exact moment we left. 729 00:44:02,780 --> 00:44:07,099 The kettle's boiling, I've got a vault to guard, 730 00:44:07,100 --> 00:44:10,780 and everything is exactly as we left it. 731 00:44:15,860 --> 00:44:17,540 Wasn't snowing when we left. 732 00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:23,940 Maybe I do need a steering wheel. 733 00:44:26,180 --> 00:44:28,740 - Where are we? - London. 734 00:44:31,140 --> 00:44:34,980 And this is the Thames. 735 00:44:36,460 --> 00:44:38,420 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 736 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:42,460 IT TRUMPETS AGAIN 737 00:44:44,264 --> 00:44:45,618 _ 738 00:44:45,620 --> 00:44:47,659 Travel into the past, there's got to be rules. 739 00:44:47,660 --> 00:44:50,140 If I step on a butterfly, it could send ripples through time. 740 00:44:51,620 --> 00:44:54,659 Regency England? A bit more black than they show in the movies. 741 00:44:54,660 --> 00:44:57,139 Are there any side effects to time travel? 742 00:44:57,140 --> 00:45:00,139 Sometimes you see lights under the ice. Stay back! 743 00:45:00,140 --> 00:45:03,339 There's something frozen under the Thames and it's eating people. 744 00:45:03,340 --> 00:45:04,940 Plan? Let's get eaten. 745 00:45:08,260 --> 00:45:10,419 The creature will be fed. 746 00:45:10,420 --> 00:45:12,020 Have you ever killed anyone?