(crickets chirping, dog barks in distance)
(woman moaning, giggling)
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(footsteps snapping twigs)
CHUCK: The world is a scary place.
(twig snaps)
Did you hear that?
I mean, just take a look
at the headlines sometimes. Hear what?
You've got your serial killers,
your flesh-eating viruses... Ted, don't be so paranoid.
...your wild packs of carnivorous coyotes
roaming the countryside.
You never know what's gonna pop out of the dark.
Hi.
(screams)
Hey, don't worry. I'm not here to hurt you.
Who are you?
Never mind that.
Your father's on the way.
Why?
He's coming for you, pal.
Ah, so what? That guy doesn't even know me.
Oh, well, that's good
'cause he's bringing a Louisville Slugger with him.
I gotta go.
Ted, wait.
Oh, my God.
That's him. See ya, Jennifer.
Call me tomorrow.
Yeah, right.
All right, who is he?!
God, he's really angry.
Can you help me?
I'm 20 years old.
My father's a nut case. Please?
Who's this?
He's my date. Huh?
What's his name?
I don't know.
You didn't even tell her your name?
I... Oh, what's that?!
Hey, come back here!
Sometimes the scariest things out there
are the things you simply don't understand.
Take, for example,
a guy who gets tomorrow's newspaper today.
What's scarier than that?
GARY: Whoa!
(water splashes)
(theme music plays)
♪ ♪
(shower running)
(cat purring)
(shower stops)
(shower curtain opens)
(knocking at door)
CHUCK (sing-songy): Gare... good morning.
Wake up.
(knocking)
Come on, buddy. It's me.
Gare, open up!
Good morning.
What's so good about it?
You look gorgeous.
What, you get up on the wrong side of the bed?
No, I never went to bed.
Oh, yeah?
And, uh, where did you spend the night?
In a swamp.
Any particular reason you spent the evening in a swamp?
This.
It leads. I follow.
Well, I hope it was worth it.
Did anybody say thank you, at least?
What do you think?
You want my advice?
You need help.
What kind of help do you suggest?
You need someone that you can talk to,
someone to help you lighten the load a little bit.
I thought that was you.
Someone you can trust.
Ah.
Maybe you should tell your folks.
What?
Yeah.
I mean, look at you.
You're pale, you're not having very much fun.
Why don't you invite them down
for the weekend, have them take care of you?
You can bond.
I definitely think you should tell your folks.
You know what I think?
I think
out of all the advice that you've given me, Chuck,
that that is the worst.
My parents here in Chicago.
You gotta be joking me.
In all this time, you've never breathed a word to them
or dropped even a slight hint?
You got it.
Whoo! That's a big secret
to keep from the people that changed your diapers.
What do you expect me to do?
Go home and say, "Gee, Mom, Dad, I forgot to tell you,
but I get tomorrow's paper today."
That'd be great.
And my dad, can you imagine him?
First thing he'd want to do is help.
And you know what that means. He'd...
There it is.
All right.
Remember the paper route in seventh grade?
Or how about that explosive science project?
We were lucky to get out of there alive.
Yeah, well, let's just get out of here alive, okay?
Hey, anybody in there?
All right. Nobody's in there.
Put this thing out. Let's go.
I know this trailer.
Yeah? Come on. Let's go.
The thing's gonna blow.
I know that smell.
Gare, come on! Now!
I'll get the door. Go!
(both coughing)
What is that smell?
Gnocchi.
Oh, no. You're not gonna believe this.
Yes, I am.
No, you're not.
Oh, yes, I am.
What's going on here?
Chuckie, is that you?
Bernie!
(laughs) There's my boy!
Gare. Dad.
Hey! Good to see ya.
Hey!
Is this a joke?
You guys are playing
a joke on me? Where there's smoke...
No, your trailer's on fire, Dad.
...there's fire. Really? Yeah.
So this is it, huh?
Well, let's have a look around.
Yeah, make yourself at home, Mr. Hobson.
Not much in the way of furnishings,
but, wow, look at this view.
Fantastic.
Yeah. So, Dad, uh...
Hey, how'd you find this place?
Back of a matchbook.
Oh! Oh!
Chucko, still the old jokester, huh?
That's me.
So how's the stock market business?
Well, you know, it has...
BOTH: ...its ups, and it has its downs.
Hey, it's good to see you guys.
How long's it been?
Well, over a year, right?
Yeah, well, we've been busy, you know, saving the world.
Yeah? So, hey, Dad, listen,
so what, what are you doing here in town?
Since when does a guy need an excuse
to come and see his kid, huh?
You should have seen the traffic out there.
Hey, I gotta wash up.
How about some coffee?
You guys got any coffee?
Yeah, it's in the pantry.
You call this a pantry? Look at this.
CHUCK: He's your dad, buddy.
Look, I gotta go back to the office
and take care of some very important business.
Yeah. Hey, listen... Good luck.
Let's see what we've got here.
Filters, cups, coffee.
Are you all right?
You want to have a little coffee with me?
Come on. You didn't answer me. You got me worried here.
What's wrong?
Why does something always have to be wrong?
I felt like taking a little trip.
You've had that trailer locked up for ten years in mothballs.
I talked to you the other day,
you're out in your shed, building cabinets.
You don't mention anything about visiting.
And now, all of a sudden, here you are. What's going on?
She threw me out.
Who threw you out?
Your mother.
She threw me out.
When did that happen?
Last Tuesday.
You've been driving around for a week?
Well, I took the scenic route.
Did a little fishing.
What are you doing?
What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm calling Mom.
(laughs)
Are you kidding me?
She packed those bags with her own little hands,
set 'em out on the porch, closed the door, and said, "See ya."
Dad, after 35 years,
what'd you do to make her so mad?
Ya got me.
Dad.
Okay.
I retired.
That's it?
Well, that's my point, isn't it?
Exactly.
You spend your whole life on your job,
and then all of a sudden, bam, that's it.
You're finished.
Out of there.
Well, not me. I got a lot to do.
Well, like what?
You sound just like her.
That's exactly what she said. "Like what?"
Well, then, what did you say?
I said, "I am too young to spend the rest of my life
building shelves for your china."
You said that to Mom?
I said that to Mom, and that's when she threw me out.
She said, "Come back when you've found whatever it is
you're looking for."
Dad... So I hooked up the trailer.
I went up to Yellowstone.
I saw Old Faithful.
Hey, I fished the lower Madison, I fished the upper Madison,
then I fished
he Clearwater, then I fished the Yellowstone,
and then I got real tired of fishing.
So I circled around, I headed down to the Grand Canyon,
spit in there, and then, uh...
I came here.
(dialing tones)
Yeah, you came here. Now you're gonna go home.
Really?
Mom, hey,
how ya doing?
Listen, Mom...
Yeah, I'm eating fine.
Listen, is there anything that you want to tell me?
Yeah... no.
Mom, Dad's here.
Huh?
No, Mom, Mom...
I, I know. I...
Yeah, I love you, too.
I... Okay. Uh...
Well, I guess it's just the two of us, pal.
Which closet's mine?
So he's staying, huh?
No.
Just long enough for Mom to calm down,
then he's going home.
(blues music playing)
Hey, you got any gnocchi?
What's gnocchi?
Never mind. Just give me
two fingers of scotch and a glass of water with some lime.
You got it.
Has this ever happened before?
No. I mean, the guy's...
He's always been the Rock of Gibraltar, huh?
Well, it looks like the rock is starting to roll.
Well, I think he's pretty charming.
I mean, maybe it'll be good for you, you know,
like a father-son bonding.
Is that what they teach you in psychology?
Oh, come on, Gary. He loves you.
Don't be so hard on him. I'm not being hard on him.
I love him. He's my father.
I'm just being practical.
He's got his life, and I've got mine.
Not to mention the newspaper at your doorstep.
Yeah. You... Listen to me.
You don't mention anything about that,
you understand? (stifled moans)
You can't keep it a secret. I mean, he is gonna
be living in your house...
For a couple of days, and that's it. And then?
And then, uh... then I'll talk to him. He'll listen.
I'll just... I'm just gonna have to be tough on him.
BERNIE: Marissa?
Thank you, sir.
Listen, Dad, I uh... To old friends...
and new. Before you do that, I want...
Here's to new adventures, come what may.
Son, you're not toasting.
Well, that's because...
Here's to finding ourselves, Chuck.
Right behind you, Bernie.
Okay.
Finally, to family.
To the ones who love you, to the ones who pull
your fat from the fire, the ones who stand by you
when you have no place else to go.
Salud.
(glasses clink) MARISSA: Cheers.
CHUCK: L'chaim.
Gare?
Yeah.
You don't mind me being here, do you?
No. What are you talking about?
I'm just worried about you and Mom.
That's all.
I appreciate that.
So what's up for tomorrow?
(cat meows, purrs)
I have no idea.
Dad.
BERNIE: Making breakfast. Scrambled okay?
Yeah.
(eggs beating)
Hell of a day out there, son.
People all over the place, like roaches.
Did you turn my alarm clock off?
Yeah, I did. It went off at 6:30.
You were sounding like an 18-wheeler
with the jake brake on, so I figured, "What the hell?
Kid doesn't have a job. We'll let him sleep in."
Hey, you mind if I ask you a question?
What?
What do you do with yourself all day?
Oh. Um... Well, I, uh...
Well, you know, I, uh, I do, uh...
Not much. Uh...
Not much?
That doesn't sound like you, Gare.
Well, I...
(meows)
Did you get the paper today?
Yeah, I did.
Did you read the paper?
Of course, I read it. That's what papers are for.
And?
The funnies weren't funny,
if that's what you mean. Why?
(nervous laughter)
Nothing.
Hey, by the way,
you can't find anything in this kitchen.
What you need are some more shelves, you know?
Your mother always used to say that...
Never mind.
You want some coffee?
Yeah.
Listen, Dad, uh...
maybe you ought to call Mom today, huh?
Your mother was right.
She was?
Yeah. Throwing me out.
She had every reason to.
She did?
For one thing,
I insulted her china.
For another thing,
a man ain't worth diddly-squat unless he's got some direction.
I need to find my direction.
How are you gonna do that?
No idea.
But it'll come to me.
Like that time we got stuck
in the tree house. You remember that?
Oh, yeah.
We couldn't get down.
The rope ladder broke and... (meows)
...there we were. No way down.
You thought we'd be stuck there forever,
till we starved to death.
Of course, I agreed, but I couldn't say so.
So I'm thinking, what's the worst that could happen?
Broken leg, broken neck.
It took me a while, but I figured it out.
This is today's.
Of course, it's today's paper.
I went down and got it fresh from the newsstand.
Yeah, well, what happened to the,
the one that... the other, the...
I got rid of it. You what?
There was something wrong with that,
you know, it was cockamamie.
Had the wrong headline, had the wrong date on it.
What'd you do with it?
I told you. I got rid of it.
Where?
I gave it away.
Dad, to who?
Some old guy who was pushing a shopping cart.
(mumbling)
BERNIE: I don't believe this.
Are you out of your mind?
50 bucks for a newspaper.
That's pretty steep, even at home.
Yeah... Yeah.
So what's the deal? You a collector, or what?
Well, something like that. Yeah.
Kind of a hobby, huh?
Maybe that's what I need, a hobby.
Electric trains or something.
Maybe I could go in on this with you.
No, Dad. No, you can't go in.
We're not going out...
Look. Don't you think you ought to call Mom today?
Can't do that, Gare.
I made my break.
The bullet's out of the gun.
No going back now.
Dad, listen. I gotta go.
What?
What's the rush?
Why don't we get something
to eat, you know? I betcha we could I can't do that.
find some gnocchi around here. Well, I'd like to,
but I can't do that. I-I gotta go.
Are you sick, son? No, I'm not sick.
It's just that I got something I gotta do.
Okay. I'll go with you. No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not.
Look. You just, you, uh, you do...
You know, why don't you--
I'll meet you back at the apartment. I gotta go. Okay?
I'll talk to you later.
Hey, Gare! Wait up!
Dad.
What else am I gonna do? Go shopping?
Listen. I gotta do this alone. All right?
Fine. I won't say a word. I'm invisible.
All right. Look. Uh...
All right. Here we are.
Huh?
Uh... Yeah.
Uh, I've got an appointment.
Job interview.
Huh?
You got a job interview. Why didn't you tell me
you had a job interview? I can't go
to a job interview with you, I'm your father.
They'll think you're nuts.
Of course, they will.
That's why, that's why...
That's why I think you should get a cup of coffee.
Good idea. All right?
Good luck, son.
Thank you. Hey, look.
I'll be right back, all right?
Just stay here. Okay.
Oh, boy.
Okay. You ready?
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Of course, it's a good idea.
I thought of it, didn't I?
But why do I have to go?
Because.
Because what?
Because who's gonna hold the rope?
Hey!
Don't do that!
Who are you?
It doesn't matter. You're gonna fall.
What are you doing?
No, he's not. I'm just going to lower him.
You're gonna what?
Like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Tied the knots myself.
Yeah, well, that's great, but it's not gonna work, kid.
Ignore him. Come on.
Hey! Now, listen to me.
Listen to me, uh, Derek and Jimmy.
Now, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna
come up there and I'm gonna tell your mother...
No, I'm not gonna tell your mother
'cause your mother's not home, is she?
So listen to me, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
We dropped our dad's baseball.
You what?
His Willie Mays baseball.
It's in there.
Well, why don't you come down and get it?
Can't. Mom says we can't go out the front door.
Look. Just stay there, all right?
Don't do anything. I'll get the baseball.
(mutters)
Where is it?
It's there!
Where?
Right there.
You sure...? Oh!
(laughing)
WOMAN: Boys?!
It's Mom. I'm home!
Hey, I got it!
Hey, kid!
Hey, kid. I got your ball!
BERNIE: What the hell's going on here?
Oh, I, uh, um, uh...
Uh, well...
What's that?
Willie Mays.
You're in trouble, aren't you?
Dad, no, I'm not in any trouble.
Ha! Here's what I see.
Okay? I see a guy who buys a newspaper from a bum.
I see a guy who's in a dumpster
up to his keester in orange peels.
I see a guy who's in trouble and who's
also hiding something from me.
Excuse me.
Um, I know you, don't I?
You're the man from the woods
last night, the one who snuck up on my car.
(nervous chuckle)
I just want you to know that I'm sorry
for how I behaved, but, uh...
you were great.
It's just my father, you know. He's like
some sort of madman. He follows me everywhere.
You'd think he'd trust his own daughter, huh?
How did she behave?
Dad... Anyway,
whatever you saw in that paper,
thanks for rescuing me.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
'Bye.
Hey. What are you doing?
Dad. Hey!
Look at this. Whoopee! You know how you've got
your electric trains and everything?
Well, that's your hobby, and this is mine.
That's all it is.
Yeah, but-- this is some hobby.
Hey. Now, look. You collect some things, I collect
some things. Yeah? Huh?
(brakes squealing)
(chickens clucking)
What are you doing?
(truck crashes)
Hey! What are you...?
Hey!
(horns honking, chickens clucking)
I don't believe it.
(clucking)
(elevator bell dings)
Tomorrow's newspaper...
today.
It comes in the morning.
With the cat. With the cat.
So, you read a story in the paper,
then you run out into the city
and you save somebody's life,
and then, just like that, the story is gone?
Well, uh, some... something like that.
Well, how do they do that?
Some kind of special ink?
Well, uh...
I-I-I'm not sure. I, uh...
I'll bet it's the ink.
Hmm. Disappearing ink.
The army was working on a project like that
when I was at Fort Briggs.
Top secret stuff.
Oh.
Look, Dad...
I really didn't mean for you to find out about this.
You don't even have to say it.
If something like this gets out,
it could cause a lot of trouble.
Yeah. Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
Good.
I'm very relieved to hear that.
What the hell? I'm your old man.
If I can't help, who can?
Yeah.
What do you mean, help?
With this.
We're in this together, right?
Oh, no. No, no, we... no.
(groans)
There's nothing to say. Gare, hear me out on this, will ya?
Thanks for the offer, but the answer is no.
Seems to me that you're not thinking straight.
Everyone needs a leg up once in a while.
GARY: Yeah, well, that's great,
but my legs, they're fine.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I'm using your VCR.
Mine's busted.
X-Files are on tonight.
So, uh, how's it going with you two, huh?
Did you know he gets tomorrow's paper?
That was fast.
Son, this is too much responsibility for one man.
How long has this been going on?
About a year.
No wonder you look so tired.
You're carrying the whole world around on your back.
Where you going?
I'm going to call Mom.
Oh, put the phone down.
Come on, put the phone down, will ya?
You want to know what I'm thinking here?
I'm remembering that summer we went camping.
You were around ten years old, remember?
And you wanted to sleep outside in your sleeping bag.
I wanted you to stay in the tent.
But you wanted to do what you wanted to do, by yourself.
So about 11:00, I get this feeling. I go out
to see how you're doing.
And there you are in your sleeping bag,
shaking like a leaf, scared out of your wits.
But you didn't want to go back in.
So I came out, and I stayed with you.
Now, I'm not saying that I believe in ESPN
or anything like that. CHUCK: ESP.
What?
E-S-P.
I... that's what I said. ESP.
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
You said "ESPN." Chuck, I know what I... I know what I said.
That's what I said.
You did not say that.
You said "ESPN." Guys!
Look, all I'm saying is
maybe there's a reason I'm here,
a reason besides your mother's china.
Maybe I can be of some help.
Come on, Gare.
Give your old man a chance, will ya?
You won't regret it.
(rock music playing)
(tires screech)
(tires squealing)
♪ ♪
(air hissing)
(Bernie laughing)
You should have been there.
It was such a trip.
So you like this save-the-world stuff, huh?
You know, I can't remember ever having so much fun.
Fun?
That's something we don't hear very much.
What is this stuff?
I don't know.
It's not gnocchi.
What's "nokey"?
BERNIE: Hasn't anyone in this town ever heard of gnocchi?
Gare. Hey! Hmm?
It's your shot. Oh.
Give me the chalk, would ya?
So how's it going?
Good. Uh...
No one got hurt, and nothing got blown up.
So you're thinking you're out of the woods, huh?
Gare, I don't want to say anything.
It's none of my business.
But, uh, I think you're headed for trouble.
At the rate you're going,
you're gonna end up with a permanent partner.
GARY: What are you talking about?
CHUCK: I've known your old man almost as long as you have.
Look at him.
You're playing with fire.
He's a good guy. Yeah.
Look at those eyes.
Look at those eyes looking at that paper.
Well, he's...
Dad, uh, listen...
I was just... you know... Yeah, I know.
Dad, look, I hope you don't think this is going to be
a permanent thing, I mean this... us working together.
Hell, no.
Are you kidding me?
In the first place, it's a waste of manpower.
Two guys covering the same story, that's nuts.
Tomorrow we split it up.
Huh? Yeah, I know I'm
new at this, but I really think I'm getting a feeling for it.
You know, first thing I need is a very good watch.
Uh-oh. Then I figure
you take page one,
I take page two... No, Dad. Dad, listen.
Listen. What?
I...
I'm glad you had a good time and all,
but, uh... I don't want your help.
Okay, okay.
If that's how you feel.
I just thought we might try to... Look, no more.
I was only going to suggest...
Look, Dad, I need you to promise me something...
that you'll keep away from the paper, all right?
Ah, Gare.
Dad, come on.
Look, it's nothing to fool with.
Believe me, I know.
I need you to give me your word.
All right, I promise.
Thank you.
Good night.
(cat meowing)
How are ya, buddy?
(meowing)
He did it again.
Dad, I told you not to turn the alarm clock off.
Dad.
Hey, Dad?
(meowing)
The paper.
Oh, no.
(sirens wailing)
CRUMB: All right, let's block up this whole
block here now.
Get me the phone.
Hey, Crumb.
Oh, no. What do you want? Who's in there?
Gee, I was hoping you could tell me.
There wouldn't happen to be a guy with a grudge
and a gun with hostages in there, would there?
Sir, we've got someone on the line.
Some nut with a grudge? Not the nut.
Some guy named Hobson.
That might be my father.
What, there are two of you?
He says they're coming out.
Really? Really?
MAN: There they are.
It's okay. It's okay.
There's no trouble. Everything's fine.
MAN: People, everybody on the sidewalk.
Hey, Gare, what are you doing here?
Dad, what are you doing? You promised me.
Well, when you weren't up this morning...
You turned off the alarm clock.
You were sound asleep. I figured I could handle it.
Dad, you promised me.
Aw, what's the
big deal, Gare?
Everything worked out great.
You know, I think I got a knack for this.
Hey, this nut, what happened to his gun?
He just gave it to you? Just like that?
No. I sweet-talked him out of it.
What did you say to him?
I said, "What good is a gun gonna do you?
"If you want people to listen to you,
you gotta think bigger than a gun."
So he handed me the gun,
threw his laundry down, and we came out. What laundry?
I don't know. Some laundry he had wrapped in some paper.
You know, Chinese stuff
or something.
Everybody, get down! Everybody, get down!
It's a bomb!
(panicked screams)
I'm hungry.
What do you say we go get some gnocchi?
Does this guy know I was a volunteer fireman for six years?
Put a lid on it, would you?
I'm just trying to get the ball rolling.
Bernie...
It is Bernie?
Actually, it's Bernard, but my friends call me Bernie.
Well, Bernard, I have three choices here.
One, I can arrest you
for interfering with police activity.
Two, I can recommend you for a medal
for saving all those lives.
Or three, I can throw the two of you out of here on your ear.
I kind of like the medal thing.
Three!
Three.
GARY: Don't say anything.
BERNIE: Listen...
I don't want an explanation.
I thought I could help. You thought you could help.
You blew up a video store.
Let me ask you something. What would Mom think about that, huh?
Well, she wouldn't like it.
No, she wouldn't like that very much, would she?
Listen, son,
I just want you to know, for what it's worth,
I think I learned my lesson here.
This thing is nothing to be fooling around with.
I'm glad to hear that.
It won't happen again. Good.
From now on,
you should do the lifesaving stuff,
and I'll back you up.
All right... What? Remember when you were about nine?
We were playing softball at one of the picnics.
You were pitching. I was backing... Dad!
No more.
Do you understand?
No more.
Gare...
Hey, Gare, wait up.
Gare.
Gare, wait up.
Where are we going?
Home. Great.
I'm gonna pack your bags and I'm gonna put them in the trailer.
Why?
Because you're leaving. Not tomorrow, today.
And I don't want any more stories about when I was six years old, all right?
You remember that birthday party when we went to the circus?
Look, Dad, you know what? Mom was right.
You're trying to find yourself.
That's fine, but let me tell you something.
Don't try to find yourself in me, okay?
Is that how you feel?
Yes, that's how I feel.
All right, fine.
I'll pack my own bags.
Aw!
Which one? The one over there?
Hey, Dad. Whoa.
Excuse me.
Gary Hobson?
Yeah. I know you?
No. But you know my daughter.
Oh, you're, uh...
That's right, sonny.
(gun hammer cocking)
How about we take a little ride?
Now.
So where are we going?
None of your business.
Maybe I shouldn't be...
You know what's wrong with the world today?
People don't have any respect for their parents.
Look, mister, uh...
See what I mean?
You're after my daughter,
and you don't even know her last name.
I hardly even know your daughter.
Oh, is that why you
were in the woods together two nights ago?
No, no, no. See, that wasn't me... I...
I mean, it was me, but I wasn't in the woods with your daught...
Look, I wasn't there because I liked your daughter... I mean, I...
You know, you're not helping your case any here, you know that?
No, I'm not.
Lost again.
Hey, yo, which way's Canada?
Thanks, pal.
(cat meowing)
What have we got here, a stowaway?
(meowing)
You're not coming with me, fur ball.
You're going back to the hotel.
(meowing)
GARY: Look, what do you say we talk this over, huh?
No. I've tried that.
I... she doesn't listen to me.
I told her no dating until she's 21.
But she dates anyway.
So the time to talk is over.
It's time to show by example.
What do you need me for?
You're going to be the example.
Gare.
Dad.
Hey.
Don't make me put you in the trunk.
He's in trouble, isn't he? (meowing)
Hang on, son. I'm coming.
Look... Nick.
It's Nick.
Nick, are you sure you want to do this?
'Cause I know I don't want to do this.
Yeah, well, you should have thought about that
before you snuck around behind my back with Jennifer.
Sneaked... Look, you know, you can't spend the rest
of your life trying to kill your daughter's boyfriends, Nick.
And, uh, why is that?
Well, because no matter how many of them you kill,
you know, there's always gonna be more of 'em.
What?
Let me... let me rephrase that. (car horn honking)
What the hell is that idiot doing?
(horn honks)
I'm coming, son. Hold on.
What's with that guy?
That would be my dad.
Yeah, what does he want?
I think he wants you to stop, Nick.
Fat chance.
(tires squealing)
(horns honking)
Persistent bastard.
You have no idea.
There's no escaping the Gray Ghost.
(meowing)
(tires squealing)
(horn honks)
(tires squeal)
(chuckles)
He's right on my tail.
Ollie, ollie, in free.
You can't get away
from me.
Yikes!
I lost him.
Not quite.
(gun cocking) You all right?
Yeah.
No, he's not. Who are you, and what do you want with my kid?
What does he want with my daughter?
I asked first.
Yeah, well, I'm older.
Are you sure about that?
I've got the gun.
You're right. You're first.
I caught them together in the woods.
The paper?
No, Dad, let...
look, whatever your name is...
Relax. Will ya let me handle this?
What is your name?
Nick.
Well, Nick, what's she like, your daughter?
What's...
She drives me crazy.
I... all I want is what's best for her,
but she won't listen to me.
They do that, don't they?
How old is she?
NICK: She's just 20.
I remember when he was 20.
Wouldn't listen to anything I had to say.
Then I figured it out.
Somewhere along the line,
he learned what I was trying to tell him.
Remember when she was a baby?
All those cries?
One meant that she was
hungry, one meant that she was tired.
You figured it out, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, see? It's no different now.
She's grown up, yeah, but she's still your kid.
You gotta listen to her.
She'll tell you what she needs.
And they'll tell you what they don't need.
And what about me?
Same as me.
We're still their fathers...
...no matter what kind of asses we make of ourselves.
Hey, are you hungry? What do you say we go grab
something to eat and talk this over?
NICK: Yeah, there's a...
a place up the road.
They serve gnocchi.
BERNIE: Really?
Is it any good?
Not like mine, but it'll do.
Great. Why don't you drive?
I never rode in one of these things.
You like this?
Yeah, they're the best. Yeah.
Dad... you want some company?
I thought you'd never ask.
Follow us in my rig.
Hey, you got a phone in here and everything, huh?
Uh... hey!
CHUCK: They say that no one can teach you to be a father.
But it's not really true.
Because every father was once somebody's son.
It was such a pleasure to meet you, Marissa.
Same to you, Mr. Hobson.
Oh, you can call me Bernie.
Bernie.
Take care of yourself, Chucko.
Because nobody else...
...will. ...will.
You're right. Ooh!
What's wrong? You got indigestion?
Something I ate, I think, huh?
There aren't any cats in there, are there?
No, no.
Hey, Dad, listen, you want to stick around, I'm telling you...
Nah, it's time.
I've spent enough time saving your bacon.
Besides, I talked to your mother this morning.
She misses me.
What did you tell her?
I told her it was all your fault.
Oh, Dad.
Look, son, I know this is not easy for you.
You've got a big job to do here.
God knows, I couldn't handle it.
I'm proud of you, son.
MARISSA: Hey, Bernie.
You sure you're not going to miss saving the world?
I got better things to do.
I've got shelves to build.
Hey, Dad.
Come back anytime, huh?
There's always tomorrow.
(engine turns)
Hey...
Take care.
CHUCK: The thing is, you don't get to pick your parents.
No one automatically gets the father they want.
No one.
Sometimes, however, if you're lucky,
and if you're blessed, you get the father you need.
That's the best you can hope for.
And really, it's more than enough.
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