(footfalls approaching)
I took a message for you.
There's no name. Just a number.
Thank you.
Is there anything else I can do?
No.
Thank you, Father Keir.
(line ringing)
MAN (on phone): 6-9-8-4.
Is everything in place?
Target on schedule for 1500 day after tomorrow.
I'll take care of it.
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(theme music playing)
CHUCK: What if you knew, beyond a doubt,
what was going to happen tomorrow?
What would you do?
There's no easy answer
for a guy who gets tomorrow's news today.
♪
(purring)
(meowing)
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
You're supposed to be waiting at the door.
(growling)
All right.
Morning.
What do you have for me today?
"Foreign Trade Deficit Climbs."
Great.
"Port Pilot Strike."
Good.
"Rat Population Dwindles."
Great.
(meowing)
(growls)
No.
Hey.
(speaking Polish)
Too skinny. Capisce?
No meat!
(speaking Polish)
Enough!
I need you people to focus, or else nothing will happen.
Marissa, what's going on?
Chuck got us a catering job.
He... How come no one told me about this?
Ah, an oversight in the master plan.
Ma...
Wh-Wh-Who are all these people?
(meowing) That's it!
GORIN: Get him out of here!
Get him off!
I think he's trying to tell you something.
Give me a cup of coffee.
Someone give me a cup of coffee right now!
Come on. I need it.
If there's something in here, I don't see it.
(meowing)
"Truck Driver Assaults..."
"8:45 am, the corner of Orchard and Belmont,
"truck driver assaulted
a local cabaret performer."
GARY: "Tomorrow we reap what we sow today."
Boy, you're not kidding.
(truck horn blowing)
(brakes screeching) Oh!
MARILYN: What...?
What kind of maniac...
Excuse me, bubba!
Do you think you own this road,
or have you just never heard of brakes?
You see a stop sign, hmm?
'Cause I don't see a stop sign.
You-you see a stop sign?
Uh, no. But, uh... No, no, no.
Listen, fella, you rear-ended me.
I want to see some insurance now.
You want a piece of me, huh?
Come on, right now, here, Princess.
Let's go. You and me. Go.
No, I-I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't mess with him, uh, her.
Oh, looky, hero.
Princess has got a girlfriend.
What, you want to go two on one,
or you're scared you'll break a nail?
Yeah. He's a black belt in karate.
He's got two years in the NFL.
CHUCK: You tell me, huh?
Oh, God! Oh, gross!
Oh, the whole town's turning into Dennis Rodman!
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Uh, your car looks all right, so maybe you should uh...
Have you ever considered
plucking your eyebrows?
No.
Think about it. I'll do that.
Oh! Hmm-mm.
Bad boy.
MARILYN: Ta-ta, sweetheart.
Hey, rental man! You're two hours late!
GARY: Chuck...
Hey!
Hey.
Hey, Gare. How you doing? What are you doing here?
Uh, we got a little function.
Marissa informs me that we're catering a wedding.
Yeah. Yeah, we are.
And, uh, everything is totally under control.
Yeah, well, why don't I give you a hand?
I don't need a hand.
I have plenty of hands right here.
Don't you have somebody's life to save, huh?
Berlatski-Stan...
Oh, boy. Genie Berlatski?
The Genie Berlatski? Why didn't you tell me about this?
I was gonna tell you, but you didn't give me a chance.
I didn't give you a ch...
Her caterer called her last week and bailed.
She asked if we did weddings.
I said we did. What else am I going to say?
We need the business.
You-you know, that's another thing.
We've never catered before, partner.
Well, you never know until you try, now, do you?
DRIVER: Hey, I need help unloading these chairs.
I got to be across town in a half an hour.
Is it my fault you're two hours late?
If you know someplace else you can get 150 little gold chairs,
then you be my guest.
Look, man, I'm, I'm really sorry, pal.
You-you just should have told me, that's all.
I know, I know. I was trying to protect you.
Well, I don't need your protection, thank you.
Look, the bad news is,
your high school sweetheart's getting married.
The good news is, you're catering her wedding.
It wasn't just high school.
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You two moved here together so you could go to college.
And then she dumped you because...
Don't even get into that.
She didn't dump me.
We... It was mutual.
Right. Just like Marcia. (knocking)
No, it's not like Marcia.
Marcia and I were married.
Genie and I, we just...
We-we split up, that's all.
Hey, and who's this Stanford fella, anyway?
Stan Stanford.
Stan... Stan Stanford?
Yeah. You believe
that dumb jock who would do his physics papers on hockey pucks
is now president and founder of Offside Software, the hottest
commodities trading software on the market?
Genie's marrying Stan, and I'm catering the wedding.
Tsk. Yeah. (door opening)
STEADMAN: Who are you?
We're the caterers.
Steadman, U.S. Marshal Service.
Head of security for the wedding.
We walk some more, we see the happy friends and famil...
(groaning): Oh...
I know he's a marshall,
but he cannot possibly wear that suit tomorrow, okay?
Please don't even start, Scott.
I will have a breakdown.
Mrs. Berlatski.
Oh, that must be the caterer.
We have to add another eight for the reception.
Gary!
It's wonderful your being here to help at the last minute.
I didn't know if you'd be able to come in person.
Oh, well...
Everything all right in here, Mrs. Berlatski?
Yes, thank you...
Inspector.
Well, what's, uh, with the, uh, security?
Alex is testifying at one of those RICO hearings.
My husband, the hero.
Genie did not want him to do it because of the wedding.
But you know Alex.
They've been hiding him in some hideous hotel
for the past three weeks.
Oh. (clears throat)
Well, will Mr. Berlatski be at the, uh, the wedding?
He'll be so happy to see you, Gary.
I'll, I'll be very happy to see him.
Isn't it something,
Genie getting married?
Yeah.
Finally.
Yeah. I'm sure she'll be very happy.
You know, Alex and I always thought...
we always hoped that it would be you
walking Genie down the aisle.
You were so good for her.
Well, Genie's...
Gee, Mrs. Berlatski, you know, I should call the restaurant
and let them know that we have eight extra guests coming.
Um, I'll, I'll talk to you soon.
Good. Okay.
Yes.
Yeah, the, uh, phone would be down this way.
Gary! Hi!
Another eight? Oh, sure.
No problem.
I'll tell Gorin. Um...
Don't forget to tell Chuck we need three extra temp waiters,
and don't forget to finalize the guest list.
Whoa, hang on. Let me, uh,
find a pen, or something to write with.
All right. Yeah?
Okay, now, that's
three temp waiters. Try Six this weekend.
He'll give you some names.
Oh, and we'll need one extra bartender.
Are you there, Gary?
Yeah, the three waiters and the bartender.
Okay. Umm, now, would you repeat that
back to me? I just want to make sure that everything... Gary?
Uh, listen, I'll, I'll call you back, okay?
All right. All right. Don't forget everything, okay? Yeah.
I'll see you later. Bye. (line disconnects)
May I help you?
Hello, Father. I was, uh, I was just using the phone.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh.
Oh, here's your pen.
Thank you.
Genie?
Gary!
How are you?
Fine. How are you doing?
Good to see you. Oh, it's good to see you, too.
Uh, I didn't think you were going to be able to come by.
Chuck said that you've been so busy.
Uh, Chuck overstates things a little bit.
Look, uh, every caterer in town was booked.
I hope you don't mind doing this.
Of course not. You really don't mind?
No, I don't mind.
Good.
I'm very happy for you.
Any closer, you two guys could sell tickets for this.
Stan.
Isn't this wonderful, sweetie?
Gary's here.
Oh, absolutely. Stan.
Congratulations.
You did good.
Oh, I guess I would have to agree with you on that.
MRS. BERLATSKI: Isn't this sweet?
It's your own little reunion, sweetheart.
Stan, I just realized something awful.
We haven't arranged for anybody to pick up your Uncle Bob
tomorrow at the train station.
Oh, that's terrific. Honey, send a limo.
Genie, I haven't seen the man in 20 years.
Okay? He's my only relative coming to the wedding.
I'd pick him up myself, but I-I have to be at the hairdresser.
And we have got the photographer at, uh...
11:00.
I'll go pick him up.
That is so thoughtful of you, Gary.
GENIE: Thank you. That's very nice.
Well, it's nothing.
You're a prince, Gary.
But then I guess you do have a lot of free time on your hands.
I'm sure that Gary has a lot of important things to attend to.
Actually, I need to get the final guest list...
Oh! ...so we can go over it.
(quiet chatter)
(sighing)
Great.
And you're sure this catering business of yours,
this isn't interfering with the restaurant?
Gare, look, I know you're new to the restaurant game, okay?
I know what I'm doing.
The wedding reception is 150 people
and is a captive audience.
Now, I guess the, uh, bride-and groom-to-be
are gonna show up here, huh? (makes popping sound)
They're bringing by the guest list
and Genie wants to see the, uh... restaurant.
Well, not only is she getting married,
but she's, uh, rubbing your face in it.
Let me tell you something...
Gary, great place.
Genie!
Hey, here's the list.
Thanks, Stan.
It's a nice suit. You look sharp.
Uh, can I get you a drink?
No, thank you.
Wow. I love this place. Huh.
Very impressive list.
GARY: Oh, this is the kitchen, obviously,
and that back there is where we put the office. Oh.
And where they're preparing the food for tomorrow.
Looks good.
Hey, uh...
what happened with your dad?
Oh, well, his accounting firm was doing the books
for this big construction union, and he caught them
dipping into the pension funds.
So...
He keeps telling me all the security isn't necessary,
but I think he's just trying to make me feel better.
Thank you.
Well, I'm sure everything's gonna be fine.
Yeah, I'm sure he will.
So, Chuck said you live upstairs.
Is that right?
Yeah, upstairs.
Live upstairs. Do you want to see?
Yeah, I really would.
This is it.
Your basic bachelor pad?
Well, yeah. Well, no, it's not...
You know, occasionally.
Wow.
Wow, it's really great.
My place is like a total archeological dig.
And I still have all those letters you wrote me,
from, like, ten years ago.
You're kidding.
They were so beautiful, Gary.
I couldn't just throw them away.
Well, you're getting married, you know...
Yeah.
Stan... I love Stan.
Well, Stan's a good guy. Yeah.
But, uh, he's not exactly the romantic type.
And a girl needs a little romance
every once in a while.
Even if it is just from an old letter.
Well, yeah, you know,
those letters that I wrote, they, uh...
You loved me so much.
Yeah, I did, but that was a long time ago.
I used to think maybe we made a mistake breaking up.
But we were too much alike.
Neither one of us knew where we were going.
Well, we were 19 years old.
Well, you know what I mean.
Stan is so together.
And I actually finally feel like I have a sense of direction.
But I just wish...
Your letters, Gary...
I practically memorized them.
Well, th-that's flattering.
"I'll be around in the dark."
Huh?
"I'll be everywhere, wherever you look."
It was so powerful, you know.
You know, Hen...
(clears throat)
Henry Fonda said that
and-and-and John Steinbeck wrote that.
I didn't write that.
I knew that.
Oh.
Well, so let's go downstairs, huh?
CHUCK: Stevie Unger.
Don't tell me.
He's working on a cure for cancer.
Diabetes.
Genie, honey, I'm sorry.
Turns out, I am gonna have to go back to the office.
I'll drop you at home on the way.
You promised me you weren't gonna work tonight.
I'm sorry, honey,
but I don't have much of a choice.
Chuckie, I'm counting on you, man.
Don't short me on those hors d'oeuvres.
Whatever you say, Stanley.
Bye, Gary.
I always hated that guy.
Huh?
Oh.
(cat meows)
(meows)
(sotto voce): No.
That's it for the main courses!
Move to the church!
Dessert team, you're up next!
Come on, people!
We've got a wedding in a couple of hours.
"St. Stephens Church was the scene of tragedy
"Saturday afternoon when assassins bullets took down
"Alexander Berlatski
"and his daughter Genie.
"Berlatski, a protected witness set to testify
"against corruption in the construction business, came out
"of seclusion in order to attend his daughter's wedding.
"Earlier this week, Berlatski said,
"'In spite of the personal risk, I believe the state
"'deserves an honest
"'and accountable construction industry.
"'I will do everything in my power to see that
"the wrongs of the past are corrected.'
(gunshot)
(woman screams)
(gunshot, panicked screaming)
"Alex Berlatski was pronounced dead on arrival
"at Chicago Hope Hospital.
"His daughter is in intensive care
"but is expected to survive.
No charges have been filed."
So what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I got to pick up Stan's Uncle Bob in an hour.
Uh, no, Gare, don't look at me, okay?
I'm a little busy here, you know?
Hey, listen to me.
This, uh, this mad Bulgarian Gorin's
got everything taken care of here.
This is important, you understand?
Hey, it's bad enough that Stan's
looking down his nose at me 'cause I'm a caterer.
Now I got to be his car service, too?
No way, Gare!
I don't think so!
MAN: Taxi!
Shagin, Robert, Colonel.
Fishman, Chuck, Caterer.
We got a wedding to get to.
My pleasure.
(grunts)
Right over here.
What did you say your name was?
Hobson. Gary Hobson.
Look, I'm not accusing anybody.
I'm just saying that I saw a gun.
You saw a gun in the vestry? That's right.
We'll check it out.
Now!
I mean, I-I really think that y-you should check it out now.
Yeah.
It was right here.
Next to the Bible?
Well, no, the Bible was over here.
The-the, it was...
Hey.
Steadman, now wait a second.
Look, I'm not making this up.
You and the bride, you had something going on, right?
Well, yeah.
You otherwise attached?
No.
Look, I'd like to see her get married.
And the daddy would like that, and so would Mom.
In fact, the only one who doesn't
want her to get married is Gary Hobson.
Am I wrong?
Wait a second. You think I'm doing this
because I don't want to see them get married?
Yeah, I do.
You don't understand.
There's gonna be trouble here today, big trouble.
(laughs)
No, there's not, because I'm here.
You're not listening, Steadman.
Hey, the only trouble
I'm getting is coming from you.
And that is 100% unacceptable.
Get the point?
(church bells toll in distance)
GORIN: Garnish, people, garnish!
The guy ignored me.
You accused a priest, Gary.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Believe me, I know.
(sighs)
Well, he didn't totally ignore you.
Our guys from the church called, and everything slowed down
because Steadman had metal detectors put on the doors.
We've only got a couple of hours before the wedding.
Damn.
So me and my partner, we have this restaurant.
Uh-huh. It's called McGinty's.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it.
Nope.
Ah, it's a great place... very happening,
lots of chicks.
I knew a guy bought a restaurant.
Steak so tender, you could cut it with a fork.
Between the health department and the IRS,
he went belly-up inside a year.
Oh.
Blew his brains out in the meat locker.
Poor son of a bitch.
Wow, that's, uh...
(cell phone ringing)
that's terrible.
Excuse me. Hold on for a second.
(phone beeps on) Hello.
GARY: Chuck.
I'm telling you, I think
this Father Mark's in on it, but I need proof.
You kidding?
Chuck, I need time.
Stan's not gonna start
the ceremony until his Uncle Bob shows up.
So what you got to do is, you got to delay Uncle Bob.
How?
Just do it!
I don't know how you're gonna do it.
Just do it.
Just...
take the Van Buren Street Bridge.
(car horns honking)
What the hell is going on?
You got a problem, General?!
You're damn right I do!
Well, why don't you get off your fat butt
and help me pick it up, then?!
WOMAN: Go! Move it!
This guy's a menace.
(grumbling)
Now I got to deal with G.I. Joe with a attitude here.
(horn honking) Oh, come on, let's go!
Here you go.
(phone ringing)
(door closes in distance)
(phone continues ringing)
Yes?
MAN: The drop is at 12:30.
We do the drop at 12:30.
1200 Lakeshore Drive.
God bless you, Father.
God bless you, too.
(door closes in distance)
I want them set up all over the church.
You got it.
Steadman. Listen, I got to talk to you.
Let me guess.
The priest is acting suspicious again.
Oh, yes, he is.
Get a date. Huh?
Get a life.
Get... out.
No, no, no. Steadman, you don't understand. Nick.
You don't... Steadman, you don't understand!
Excuse me.
Stead... no.
Steadman! You... (door slamming)
Genie, Genie.
Listen, Genie, I got to talk to you about this wedding.
Now, there's something that you...
What's wrong?
Gary,
I think I'm making a terrible mistake.
(sobs quietly)
You think you, you...
(sobbing quietly)
He was at his desk until 2:00 in the morning last night.
Well, he works hard.
But Gary, if I asked you who you were, what would you say?
(church bell tolling)
Gary Hobson.
Yeah.
Stan is the president of Offside Software.
He's the junior chairman of the club.
He's the 164th richest man in Chicago.
But he is hardly ever just Stan.
And when he is, it's good.
Well, you wanted someone who was going somewhere,
you found him.
I mean, when you,
you and I were together, Gary,
we were just ourselves, weren't we?
Hey, look, Genie, I mean, we-we were... different.
GENIE: Well, you've known me since we were kids.
Huh?
Am I making a mistake marrying Stan?
GARY: You know what I think?
You should postpone the wedding.
Really? Yeah.
You know, just-just for a few days.
Just until you have time to-to, you know,
think things through a little bit.
You really think so?
I really think it would be better for everybody.
I think you should postpone the wedding.
I-I-I-I-I-I, I really think so.
I really do.
(murmured conversation)
FATHER MARK: All right.
Do whatever you can.
(murmuring)
SUIT: Good.
(metal clanking)
FATHER MARK: Did you hear that?
SUIT: I'll get the fire escape.
SUIT: I'm gonna find him.
CHUCK: Yeah, so we watch our overhead. We keep it low.
(horns honking) Find the right market niche, you know?
I mean, there's also the franchise angle.
McGinty's all over the state.
Maybe even McGinty's all over the country.
It's not gonna be a Fortune 500 company,
but the growth potential is there. You know what I mean?
Sure, sure. Like uh, Martha Stewart.
Exactly.
You find your base, you become a monster, and then you expand.
Bottom line is, a man's gotta do what he's good at.
Like Joseph Campbell.
Follow your bliss.
It's clear.
It is.
The traffic, it's clear.
Let's go. Move it.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Okay, let's go.
Let's go! Right.
Would you, would you like another sandwich to go?
I'm full. Move it. Come on.
Okay. No problem.
Maybe a soda or something?
We're late.
Oh, all right.
COMPUTER VOICE: Chicago diocese employment records.
Enter search terms.
I can't believe you're making me hack into the diocese files.
It's like breaking into church, Gary.
Well, this is very important.
I know, I know.
Uh-oh. What?
Hey, Stan, what are you doing here?
You told Genie she should postpone the wedding, didn't you?
Now, look, Stan, this is for your own good.
You gotta believe me. You don't know what's good for us.
Why are you meddling in our lives? What gives you the right?
Stan, what if I told you there was gonna be a shooting.
Oh, yeah. Steadman told me about that ploy.
This is pretty desperate, Gary.
I mean, you really want Genie that badly?
Stan, I don't want Genie.
I want you to be married and very happy.
Well, you certainly have a bizarre way of showing that.
Now, Stan, if you could just put off this wedding
for a couple of days. Just let everything cool down.
I don't want to cool down.
I love her, and I want to marry her.
And you will.
Today.
I have been working my ass off
for ten years, Gary,
to become the kind of guy that Genie would want to marry.
So this wedding is gonna happen,
and if you try and stop it, I swear to God...
I guess she's still got a thing for you, Gary.
I don't know if it's me or cold feet.
Well, here are the "R's."
There's uh, Ritkes, Rivera...
Rossignuolo.
No Romanow.
Guess you're right.
Father Mark isn't who he says he is.
I gotta get Inspector Steadman to pay attention, Marissa.
Well, has the headline changed?
No, it's the same...
Marissa.
What?
The traffic jam story's gone.
What does it say?
"Traffic Accident Kills Restauranteur.
"A traffic accident at the corner of Hutchings and 7th
"took the life of Chuck Fishman at 1:07 p.m. yesterday,
"when a large truck lost control of its brakes
"and collided with Fishman's car.
"Gary Hobson, Fishman's business partner
"said, 'Chicago has lost a fine citizen.
I've lost my best friend.'"
Listen to me. You get Chuck on the cell phone, all right?
Come on, Chuck, answer the phone.
MALE VOICE: Cellular phone services temporarily unavailable.
Please try your...
It's five after 1:00.
Can't you take a side street, or something?
Will you relax?
The wedding will never start on time,
not with all that security.
What? A couple of U.S. marshals? Please.
Are you nuts?
It's like the Pope is in town.
They're checking everybody's IDs.
Plus, you have to go through a metal detector.
Damn.
What?
I forgot to pick up Stan's gift.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well, by all means, let's stop
and get those crazy kids their present.
Stop the car. Here.
I'll call the store.
All right.
Uh, take your time, Colonel Bob.
There's no rush.
Seven after.
CHUCK: Here we are.
One of Chicago's finer department stores.
Is this it?
Thanks a lot.
Ah. Okay?
Thanks for your help, Chuck.
That's my mission, Colonel Uncle Bob.
(horn honking)
Chuck!
(tires squealing)
(brakes squealing)
(brakes screeching)
(grumbling and grunting)
Again!
I've seen better brakes on tricycle!
Hey, you all right? You all right?
Yeah, I'm okay. Look, you were in the paper.
I don't have time to explain.
Oh, look here, it's Cinderella
and his ugly step-sister.
(police siren wailing) You stalking me, weenie boy?
Let me take care of this.
Who the hell you think you're talking to, sausage head?
Oh, sau... Well, you kiss my Polish butt, eh?
Yeah? That'd be like kissing the Sears Tower.
Oh, you know what? That's enough.
You and me, we can... Hey, who's with the truck?
I need a report now. Okay, okay, okay.
You with the Supra, you're next.
Does this look like a Supra to you, officer? Taxi!
Whatever it is. I don't care. I would not describe this...
CHUCK: Look, I'll see you later. You have a good day, huh? Bye.
Hey, Uncle, Uncle Bob?
My name is Gary, and uh, well,
I'll be going with you to the wedding.
Whatever. Have a seat.
Station A, report.
We have Berlatski on standby.
What's the holdup?
We can't start without Uncle Bob.
We have a relative situation.
STEADMAN: Stand by. CAROL: Gary, finally.
And you must be Uncle Bob.
Ah, yes. I'm sorry I'm late.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
How sweet.
Steadman.
STEADMAN: Station B, proceed Berlatski to the church.
Hey, listen, listen to me.
I, I got proof that Father Mark's a fake.
The girl is getting married. Give it up.
Here's a printout from the diocese
of all the priests in the Chicago area.
There is no Father Mark Romanow.
Come on.
This man is delusional.
Delusional? Huh.
I'm telling you, I saw the gun in that drawer.
I also saw this guy over at the water tower
with two other guys that also had guns.
And when they got done talking, they started chasing me around.
I uh, think this is what you're looking for.
FBI Special Agent Romanow.
STEADMAN: No way. FATHER MARK: Way.
(clears throat) What about the water tower?
What about it?
All right, pal, what about the package
you're handing back and forth, huh?
None of your business. It's my business.
It was wedding invitations.
I wanted two guys undercover
in the guests.
Hey, this is my case.
Berlatski is my witness.
Oh, yeah, you guys have some record protecting witnesses.
Oh, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Hey, guys, you gonna stop this wedding,
or you want me to do it myself, huh?
Your boogeyman is a fed.
You just ran out of excuses, okay?
Two agencies of the federal government
are gonna make sure this girl gets married safe and sound. And...
And you take one step inside that church,
and you are going directly to jail.
For what? For being pathetic.
STEADMAN: Now, get lost. GARY: Listen, let me tell you something.
GARY: If you think that I'm gonna... STEADMAN: No, you don't tell me anything. You just keep...
Okay...
GARY: Mr. Berlatski...
Mr. Berlatski!
What did I tell you?
You are gone.
Station A, you have a go.
(organ playing "Wedding March")
CHUCK: Gary!
Hey!
Oh, man, you are not gonna believe
what happened to me today.
It's been one disaster after...
What's wrong with you?
They wouldn't listen to me.
Who? What do you mean who?
I'll tell you who. Half the...
What?
GARY: "20 Dead In Bomb Blast."
CHUCK: Oh, no.
"Major explosion tore through
"St. Stephen's Church yesterday.
"Survivors report that the explosion occurred
just as the couple were declared husband and wife."
("Wedding March" playing)
Sit.
I think I know where the bomb is.
And you were the delivery boy.
No. I'm telling you, the man is a cold-blooded assassin.
I was taking career advice from a professional killer.
Uncle Bob?
Yeah. Why do you think I was so late, huh?
When the cops pulled me over to fill out the accident report,
they found a gun in my car.
It took me a half an hour to explain to him
that it wasn't my gun.
Who else was in the car besides me?
Uncle Bob.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to celebrate the unity of Genie and Stan.
That gift he arranged to pick up, Gare, it had to be the bomb.
So nobody knew what Uncle Bob looked like,
so they-they replaced Uncle Bob with a hit man.
I delivered a bomb.
CHUCK: It had to have been his gun.
FATHER KEIR: Christ abundantly blesses this love.
He has already consecrated you in baptism.
And now, He enriches and strengthens you
by a special sacrament, so that you may assume
the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity.
Since it is your intention to enter into marriage,
join your right hands and declare your consent
before God and His church.
A bomb? Yeah.
In the church? In a wedding gift?
That's right.
And you know this because...?
Look, because... We have our sources.
Yeah. Oh. Does your source have a name?
Well... We can't disclose that presently.
No. Oh, okay, I understand.
Hobson, I'm gonna take care of you.
Thank you very much. DiMaio!
Now, listen, this Uncle Bob, whoever he is,
he's gonna try to escape before the bomb goes off,
so you might want to have someone look around.
He says one more word, protective custody.
Thank you. Wait a minute!
The man is trying to tell... Both of them.
Heads up.
I want another face check of that crowd.
You're looking for known offenders.
FATHER KEIR: Stan and Genie, have you come here
freely and without reservation
to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Yes.
(clearing throat)
(whispering): I really do need an answer.
Yes.
All right, let's go, fellas.
FATHER KEIR: Do you, Stan, take Genie to be your wife?
To have and to hold,
from this day forward, for better or for worse...
Yes, I do, Father.
Well, I haven't quite gotten there yet.
Do you, Genie,
take Stan to be your husband?
CHUCK: Okay, hold it steady. Keep it straight.
Uh, we're the, uh, caterers. ID.
That's a beautiful ensemble you've got on.
The stripes and, uh...
Okay, fellas, let's go.
All right, you know what to do. You know where to take it.
You know where to go.
Stay.
What do you mean, "stay"?
Hey, wait a minute.
My company!
I'm the boss!
May the Lord bless these rings (Uncle Bob coughing)
which you give to each other as a sign
of your enduring love. (coughing)
Excuse me.
(coughing)
STAN: Genie,
take this ring as a sign of my enduring love.
CHUCK: Hey! It's him!
(gun cocking)
FATHER MARK: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Been waiting for you, Eldridge.
(Chuck gasping for air)
CHUCK: Thank you, Father.
And now, by the powers vested in me by the church
and the state of Illinois... GARY: Everybody!
Everybody out of the church! There's a bomb!
Everybody out! No.
No! No! GARY: Out of the church!
GARY: Where's Uncle Bob?
Where was he sitting?
Over there.
(panicked screaming)
Freeze!
Listen, Steadman, you have got to believe me.
There's a bomb in one of these packages.
Right, Hobson.
Open it up.
(clattering)
All right, all right.
STEADMAN: LeFevre, listen up.
In case there really is a bomb here,
you have to clear the street, hold the traffic
and find me a containment site.
Yes, sir.
All right, it's, it's got to be in one of these.
Steadman... (timer beeping)
your turn.
Holy Mother of...
Open the door now.
Open the door!
(grunting)
STEADMAN: Get back!
STEADMAN: Take cover!
(bystanders murmuring)
MAN: Oh, wow, it was a bomb.
WOMAN: Are you okay?
Genie...
Stan, this is some kind of omen.
I-I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you
that th-this was nothing personal.
Thank you, Gary.
Huh?
It's all over.
Wh...
TV NEWS ANCHOR: Arson investigators have determined
that the fire last week in a Rosemont dry cleaning plant
was arson-related.
There are no suspects at this point.
Last night reputed mob hit man
Eldridge Speeks was arrested on charges
of conspiracy to commit murder.
In a joint statement issued
this morning, the FBI and the U.S. Marshall's Service
announced that Speeks has agreed
to hand over the names of the construction...
Hey.
I got your message.
Ah, one second.
It's not your fault everything went haywire.
I want to pay you for it.
Mm-mm.
I don't want your money.
Don't do me any favors. Uh-uh.
We'll make it up next week on Michael Jordan's birthday party.
Michael Jordan has his own restaurant.
Yeah. Well, we're doing him a favor.
Fine.
On the other hand...
Stan?
Can I talk to you for a minute out here?
Don't use the good olive oil!
CHUCK: Use the domestic.
The two of you have something you want to tell me?
Uh, well, I do.
Look, Stan, you and Genie, you belong together.
Gen... Genie, you and I, we had a great time,
but that was the past, and the reason we broke up
is 'cause we were wrong for each other.
Because you didn't know where you were going.
No, I didn't. And I-I like that.
That's part of the adventure of it for me.
But you... you always wanted a guy like Stan.
Well, here he is.
And Stan? Stan loves you.
And you love Stan.
But Stan, the thing is,
she doesn't want to marry the president
of Offside Software; she wants to marry you.
But the thing is also
that she doesn't get enough of you...
Okay, Gary.
(sighs)
Genie, I know I work too much,
but, uh, everything I'm doing,
I'm doing for us because
I-I love you more than anything in the world.
You should have seen him in Boy Scouts.
Went after those merit badges like a hound
on pork ribs. Uncle Bob?
Sorry I'm late.
Some clown slashed my tires, I missed my train...
So, am I going home with wedding cake, or not?
Um...
You know, there is nothing I want more in the world
than for you to be happy.
I know.
So, will you please marry me?
(sighing)
Yes.
I will.
CHUCK: There's no telling why some people hold on to the past
even when it jeopardizes their future.
FATHER KEIR If anyone here has any reason
why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
Don't look at me.
By the authority vested in me
by the state of Illinois,
I finally pronounce you husband and wife.
CHUCK: Maybe it's because the past always looks better
in the present.
(applause)
I give it six months.
Hey, uh, champagne on the house for everyone.
Next time, we stick to Bar Mitzvahs.
What are you crying about?
You didn't even know these two.
Oh, they're so wonderful.
Weddings, funerals...
CHUCK: Or maybe it's because the future is as mysterious
as tomorrow's newspaper.
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