All I want is a regular life.
Go to a ballgame,
see a movie.
Is that too much to ask?
I don't know.
Is it?
Well, no, it's not.
But I can't because of the paper.
It's the paper's fault.
Right.
You have no choice.
No, I don't.
You read the newspaper in the morning,
and then feel compelled
to go out and help the people you've read about.
Well, you-you see, it's not a typical paper.
It's-it's kind of hard to explain.
I mean, you-you might think I was crazy,
unless, of course, you... you think I'm crazy already.
I had a patient once who thought his dog told him what to do.
In that case...
It's-it's a cat.
Excuse me?
Well, the cat comes with the paper.
Or the...
paper comes with the cat.
You see, I-I-I'm not quite sure which.
Well, in the short term, Gary,
my advice is, um...
stop reading the newspaper.
Well, I can't do that.
I-I-I just can't...
Pick a day.
How about, um, how about Sunday?
Slowest news day of the week.
Can you stop reading the Sunday paper?
Stop reading the Sunday paper.
That a boy.
Now, I want
to see you three times a week.
I have, um...
Mondays at 11:30,
or 3:15.
And, uh...
...Wednesdays at, uh, 4:00.
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(machine guns firing)
Hey! Hey! (cat meowing)
(paper thuds against door)
(cat meowing)
Good morning.
(sneezes)
PSYCHIATRIST: Gesundheit.
(theme music playing)
CHUCK: What if you knew, beyond a doubt,
what was going to happen tomorrow?
What would you do?
There's no easy answer
for a guy who gets tomorrow's news today.
♪
Forget it, pal.
I didn't order these.
Somebody did.
These are the ugliest wine glasses I've ever seen.
You'd have to be blind to order something like this.
I'm sorry, you gotta take these back.
Morning, Chuck.
My new stemware come in yet?
Your new stemware?
Yeah. I ordered it last week.
Since when do you order anything without telling me?
Since Gary put me in charge of inventory.
Oh, he did? Yeah.
Well, he didn't tell me.
Well, he did.
Well, he shouldn't. Well, he did.
Well, he shouldn't.
Gary, excuse me, did you tell her
she could order new wine glasses?
Remember last week?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I-I-I-I might have done that.
Oh, thanks for telling me.
Oh, oh, yeah, you're welcome.
What's wrong with you?
Hmm? Oh, nothing.
You-you know what?
I don't have much of a life, do I?
I mean, I get up in the mornings and I get the paper,
and then I go out and I do
what the paper tells me to do, and then I come back,
and then I go to bed, and then I get up the next morning,
I do the same thing all over again, don't I?
I hate to tell you this, pal, but you didn't have much
of a life before you started getting that paper.
You know what?
This morning, I-I thought I heard the cat
speak to me.
The cat?
Yeah. But it wasn't. It was a psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist?
Well, in-in the dream.
Ah.
Hey, you know, he had some
pretty darn good things to say to me.
The cat?
No, the psychiatrist.
He told me that I should take Sundays off from the paper.
And that I should rest.
And-and then I got to thinking,
well, maybe we should take Sundays
and have a brunch here at the bar when the Bears play.
Just like old McGinty used to do.
That goes completely against our marketing strategy, Gare.
Yeah, but it would make my whole life a whole lot better.
Oh.
Well, if that's what you need to do,
then that's what we'll do, Gary.
Well, good. That's wonderful.
Then that... that's what we'll do.
Where you going?
Me? Oh, I'm- I'm-I'm going
over to St. John's Hospital.
There's a... a sleep-deprived surgical resident
who is about to take someone's kidney out,
but it's the wrong kidney. It's the usual.
Wait a minute.
We've got some unfinished business here.
Oh, I'm sure you can take care of it.
No. We can't take care of it.
Just wait a second.
Now, Marissa here
is ordering wine glasses out of a Salvador Dali catalogue.
Excuse me? And she tells me
that you put her in charge of inventory.
Now, is that true, or what? I need to know these things.
You know what I'd really like the both of you
to think about...
is Sunday, and the Bears game, and brunch.
PAT O'BRIEN: Third-and-six for the Bears.
Under a minute remaining.
DICK BUTKUS: He's gonna have to throw, Pat.
Hut, hut...
There's the snap.
Damski has a man over the middle.
He's got it.
First down Bears on the Dolphins 40.
That's five in a row for Damski. I love you, Joe.
Here's the replay. This guy's amazing.
Quick release. Eight yard pick up.
What a performance by Regular Joe Damski.
275 yards in the air, three touchdown passes,
and now Damski puts the Bears in a position to win it
with just under 30 seconds to play.
I'm here, Joe. I'm here.
I'm here, too, Joe.
I'm here, too.
Oh, but he's married. (stomps foot)
I don't care. Whoever she is, I'll share.
Well, you just can't say enough about the guy.
I mean, he comes out of retirement,
and plays like he never missed a snap.
You know, Damski's turned this entire team around.
Hey, Butkus, for your information,
there are ten other players on the field
like my husband. Her man deserves all the credit.
I mean, where were we without Joe?
Amen.
You strut all you want to, girl.
That man of yours is one delectable piece of pie.
You go, Joe.
I can't take it, Gare.
The Bears win, right? You can tell me.
I told you, I don't know. I'm not reading the paper.
18 seconds to play.
Bears trailing by five, as Damski comes to the line.
Another barn burner for the Bear fans.
But I guess they've come to expect it.
...really gotta tell me what's gonna happen.
Damski's forced out of the pocket,
eludes one tackler. Get rid of it, Joe.
Still on his feet.
He has a man in the corner... and Ford,
now on the ten, on the five, touchdown Bears.
Bears win! Bears win! Unbelievable!
Damski does it again.
♪ We're in the money ♪ (cheering)
♪ We're in the money ♪
And Damski's slow getting up, Dick.
Man, I-I'm afraid he's not getting up at all.
I hope it's not another concussion.
He's had enough of those.
All right, here's the replay.
See what happens?
He waits till the last second before he got rid of it.
He'll remember that one.
All of Chicago is holding its breath right now,
I can tell you that.
Wait a minute. He's moving now.
And Damski's up.
Now, there's a Chicago Bear.
Somewhere you gotta believe
George Halas is smiling right now.
BUTKUS: Somewhere you gotta believe... He's gonna be fine, honey.
He'll be just fine.
Look at him, waving and everything.
Hey, Joe. Hey, baby.
You know, I'll tell you something.
I feel good.
Yeah? You want to know why you feel good?
'Cause the Bears won.
No, not only because the Bears won.
MAN: Hey, Gare, great game. Just like old times.
You feel good, my friend,
because you didn't do a good deed today.
For once, you acted totally selfishly,
just like every other red-blooded American.
And I'm proud of you.
Cheers.
Excuse me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You felt guilty.
Yeah.
You were enjoying yourself.
Well, yeah...
No, well, it's because I didn't read the paper.
And did the world fall apart?
Well, no, it didn't,
but I felt I should have been doing something,
or-or helping someone.
Should, could.
This compulsion of yours to do good, this leads to craziness.
You know that, don't you?
Do you think that it's crazy to want to help someone?
To help your friends on occasion,
people you know, that's healthy.
But to feel that you must help total strangers all the time,
now that's madness.
Yeah, but the paper...
Oh, enough with the paper.
This paper is making a nutcase out of you.
You know what the real issue is?
Avoidance.
Avoidance of what?
You tell me.
What is it within you makes you so afraid
that you think exclusively
about others, ignoring your own needs?
(people screaming)
(roaring)
You say you want to be a regular Joe.
But you won't let yourself be a regular Joe.
You must see the contradiction in that.
Gary?
(meows)
We do not need embossed matchbooks.
We do if we're gonna have a cigar room.
And whose idea was that?
Mine. Really?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Gary, you tell him that there is no smoking in my restaurant.
Your restaurant? Now it's your restaurant?
I think it's more my restaurant, if anything,
than your restaurant.
Hey, keep it down, would you?
Now I thought it was our restaurant, the three of us.
What are you talking about? Gary, listen to me.
It was never supposed to be the three of us.
It was supposed to be you and me.
Well, I can't take it anymore.
I will not work with this woman.
Either she goes, or I go.
All right, now, listen... No, I mean it.
Marissa...
Fine.
Working with this turkey's too hard for anyone.
Even my dog can't stand him.
See what I mean?
Beneath that angelic facade is a cauldron of boiling hostility.
GARY: All right, now wait a second.
We can work this out together. No, we can't work this out.
You're so busy running around trying to save the world,
that you don't even see what's going on
underneath your own nose.
She says tomato, I say tomahto.
She says potato, I say potahto.
You get the picture? I can't take it anymore.
I've had it.
Now, what's it gonna be, Gare, her or me?
Well, I...
Now, listen...
Thanks a lot for your vote of confidence, pal. Huh?
I'm out of here.
(distant siren wailing)
Now, wait a second, Chuck...
Forget it. I quit.
MARISSA: You're gonna go after him, aren't you?
No, I'm not going after him.
I'll let him cool down a little bit.
I'll let him just be, uh, Chuck.
Look, Gary, I-I'm sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't... No, no, no, no, it's-it's not your fault.
It's-it's-it's my fault.
As much as I hate to admit it, maybe he's right.
I haven't been paying enough attention to this place.
I haven't even been able
to pay enough attention to my life because of this.
Because of this. Because of this paper, huh?
WOMAN: Hi. Can I get a table for two?
HOSTESS: Sure. Follow me.
WOMAN: Something private would be great.
HOSTESS: How does this look for you?
"Bears quarterback sued for divorce."
What...?
Thanks. Mm-hmm.
Oh, I think I'm gonna wait for my husband.
HOSTESS: All right. Mm-hmm. Thank you.
PSYCHIATRIST: This compulsion of yours to do good, this leads to craziness.
You know that, don't you?
To feel that you must
help total strangers all the time,
now that's madness.
Gary?
Huh?
Gary, what's going on?
Uh...
PSYCHIATRIST: This paper's making a nutcase out of you.
Excuse me a minute, would you?
Excuse me.
Hmm.
My name is Gary Hobson.
I-I run this place.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'll be fine.
Thanks.
Because if you're not,
you could use my office to powder your nose,
or...
Thanks.
Um, that'd be great, actually.
Uh, here you are.
Thank you.
Aren't you, uh...
Colleen Damski.
Yeah. I've, uh,
I've followed your husband's career.
Actually, I'm supposed to meet him here in a few minutes.
He's coming here?
Yeah. But I'm afraid it's not such a happy occasion.
Uh, please sit down, Ms. Damski.
Thanks.
Uh...
Is-is there anything that I can do for you?
Well, not unless you're a marriage counselor.
(nervous chuckle)
No, I'm not.
Well, that's too bad, 'cause
these are my divorce papers.
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Yeah, me, too.
When Joe and I first got married, he was out of the game.
He promised
that we were gonna settle down
and start a family and lead a normal life,
but Joe just can't stay away from football.
Well, he's-he's a great quarterback.
Yeah. Everybody says that.
He acts like he's a big kid.
Uh, yeah.
But he's 37 years old.
And he has had concussions, and he has a bad back,
and he has bad knees,
and he is out there being chased
by 300-pound linemen who can run a five-four 40.
I mean, how long do you think
that his body can take that kind of punishment?
Uh...
I'm sorry.
Well, I-I was divorced.
And-and I gotta tell you something.
You know, I hate to see it when-when people give up...
...when they're still in love.
And it seems to me
it sounds like you're still in love with your husband.
And I-I don't know Mr. Damski personally,
of course, but... well,
if you leave your husband,
it seems to me you would force him back into playing football,
which is exactly what you don't want him to do.
And if you did that,
well, he'd have nothing else in his life.
Well, I'm hardly in his life right now.
Well, maybe he doesn't see it that way.
Maybe he doesn't know exactly what's going on,
what with everything going on.
And that, uh, he doesn't know
exactly how to deal with it.
I don't know.
Uh... JOE: Great.
Thank you. Colleen. You're welcome.
They said you were back here.
Hi, Joe. Hey.
Joe, this is, um, Gary.
This is his place.
How do you do? JOE: Fine.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Hi, Joe.
Hi. What's your name?
Robin. Robin, uh,
why-why don't you get the Damski's another table,
in the back, in a private area.
No problem.
This way.
Thank you for the information, Gary.
Maybe I can just, uh, talk to you about this later.
Well, sure.
That would-that would be fine.
Nice to meet you. JOE: Yeah.
You, too.
ROBIN: You know, I'm your biggest fan.
I even liked you when you played for the Vikings.
Oh. My brothers
wanted to kill me, but I didn't care.
It's a shame Chuck's not here to see this.
Regular Joe Damski at McGinty's.
(Robin giggling)
There you go, Jimmy.
Thanks.
You're welcome. Take care.
Oh.
Uh, if you can make it out to Chuck.
Wait a minute, I know you.
You're the guy from the restaurant.
Larry. Uh...
Gary. Whatever.
Who's Chuck?
Uh, Chuck's my business partner over at the restaurant.
Wow, this ball looks like it's had some use.
Yeah. You ever play?
A little bit.
A little high school, a little less college.
A wide receiver, mostly.
Really?
Let's see what you got.
Huh? Shotgun formation,
square out to the right. Let's go.
Well, I... Second sound, let's go.
Hut!
Whoa.
Hey!
Hey, that's not bad.
Yeah, well, I, uh,
I played a little quarterback.
Very little.
Did you ever think about the pros?
No.
That's all I ever thought about.
You got a pen?
Oh, uh...
Your, uh, your wife mentioned that.
My wife?
Well, at the-at the restaurant,
we were talking about football and yourself.
Oh. She say anything else?
No. No.
Oh.
Well, here you go.
Uh, well... well, thanks.
I gotta hop a bus back to work.
All right. Take care.
Thank you. Yeah.
Hey, you want a lift?
No! I couldn't do that. I...
Go on, hop in. I'll give you a ride.
All right.
JOE: So, uh, so she was upset, huh?
GARY: What? Colleen.
Oh, well, I think she was, uh, concerned, yeah.
She wants me to quit.
You believe that?
She thinks I've had my bell rung too many times.
She's probably right, too, you know.
I can hear a few screws rattling around up in there.
Damn concussions.
Uh, she did mention something about symptoms.
She's, uh..
Oh, I get names mixed up occasionally,
but everybody does.
You know, I had a friend in college,
he, uh, got hit in the first quarter...
concussion.
Played the rest of the game.
Afterwards, he didn't-he didn't remember a thing
about the whole game.
Doc told him if he got, uh, hit again, it'd kill him.
So, what did he do?
Oh, he quit.
He's got a, uh, computer company now, and a wife and kid.
I keep in touch with him.
Well, to each his own, I guess, huh?
So I understand that you
had quit originally because of the injuries.
Oh, that and Colleen.
I was tired.
She was beautiful.
Like an angel.
She convinced me that I could get over football, you know,
and, well, I believed her for a little while.
So-so what made you change your mind?
Well, it's not the money, you know.
I got plenty of that.
You know what it's like to trot out in the field
with the game on the line, you got millions of fans
waiting for you to pull off another miracle?
Well, I'll tell you something, Harry...
Gary.
At that moment,
at that very second,
you just feel like you're gonna live forever.
I don't know,
I'm-I'm nothing without a football in my hands.
Well, I'm sure your wife doesn't feel that way.
Colleen is the best thing that ever happened to me,
and I know that.
But you saw me out there the other day.
We could go to the play-offs.
And I'm just not ready to quit.
That's all.
I mean, I know I have to someday.
Just not today.
PSYCHIATRIST: Schmuck.
Been almost a week,
and you still feel like a schmuck, don't you?
Yeah.
It's a complicated world, kiddo.
You tried to help Colleen and Joe.
What more could you do?
But-but they-they still love each other.
You want a headline?
I'll give you a headline.
Love does not conquer all.
They're adults.
You're an adult.
Live your life.
I-I'm trying.
Well, try harder.
Look what this compulsion's already cost you.
Your peace of mind.
Your best friend.
What's next?
You're right.
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I'm-I'm gonna stick to the plan,
and I'm-I'm gonna stay away from the paper on Sunday.
I'm gonna watch the Bears' game.
Good.
And whatever it says, ignore the paper.
Do nothing.
GARY: Nothing?
(bomb whistling through air)
(explosion)
(subway train passing by)
(gasps)
(cat meows)
(paper thuds against door)
(purrs)
Well, come on in.
(meows)
Do nothing.
It's Sunday.
I get a break.
(cat meows)
(meows)
Heh.
O'BRIEN: Welcome to historic Soldier Field,
on the shores of Lake Michigan. This stadium,
well, it's seen a lot of great sporting events in its time,
but none more unexpected than the football game
about to be played here today.
Do you believe in miracles?
Join us as the fairy tale continues
for the city of Chicago,
where their beloved Bears take on the Washington Redskins.
(TV playing in background)
Hey!
Game day, huh?
Hey, Mike.
Hey, how are you? Good. How are you?
...37 years old, retires from chronic injuries,
then comes out of the mothballs to play in,
well, Super Bowl form. Well, now, of course,
Joe can't scramble like he used to on those banged up knees,
but I'll tell you something,
he still gets plenty of zip out of them.
O'BRIEN: It's been a long time since the Bears were playing
with so much at stake.
BUTKUS: Too long.
This is a city that's starved
for some postseason play.
Lenny, man, where are you? (TV playing in background)
I thought you were coming over.
Well, uh, how about the second half?
BUTKUS: But I'll tell you something else about this Redskins team.
They're smart, they're physical, Yeah, sure.
and Terry Allen may have one of the premier running backs Whatever. Okay. Bye-bye.
in the game.
O'BRIEN: Redskins won the toss, and here comes the kick.
And we're under way.
A long, high kick.
Redskins try to run it right up the middle.
Big mistake, Pat.
There was no seam there.
All right! You see that tackle?
You know, the trick is to stop this great kick returner
specialist before they get up a head of steam.
You okay?
Of course I'm okay.
I got the Bears, I got my Bloody Mary, I got a brunch.
What more could I want? Uh-huh.
Chuck's not here... that's his decision.
I'm not reading the paper today...
that's my decision.
Sunday's my day.
I'm gonna enjoy my day, even if it kills me.
Come on, Bears!
O'BRIEN: 24-17, Redskins, in the second quarter.
We're under two minutes now.
The Bears trail by seven.
And this is where Damski really shines... the two minute drill.
O'BRIEN: The Bears come to the line... Come on, Joe.
Damski in the pocket.
And he has a man to the right.
It's Fuller.
First down, Bears on the Washington 17,
a 20-yard pick up.
BUTKUS: Man, did he drill that one.
I mean, that's what you call a frozen rope.
Another huge first down for the Bears.
Joe Damski has just gone over
the 200-yard mark in passing. What the...?
Psst. Go on, get out of here!
(cat meows)
Mario, clean it up.
But the game... I told you ten minutes ago
to take out those coffee grounds.
Move.
Paper towels cost money, Mario.
Get some newspaper.
O'BRIEN: Damski would love to tie this thing up before halftime.
Rush in motion.
Damski takes a short drop, fires off his back foot.
Touchdown, Bears!
(crowd cheering)
Here comes Masello for the extra point.
Look out.
The Bears' placekicking stinks.
Why Stan's putting his faith
in Masello, and to be honest,
I don't understand... Come on, Masello.
24, 23 and Masello lines up for the kick.
Here we go. And it's...
no good!
(crowd sighing)
You stink, Masello!
I could kick better than you!
You gotta wonder what's going
through Masello's mind right now.
I'm going to the kitchen.
I could kick better than that guy.
You want to know something, Pat?
I could kick better than that guy.
Mario, you're leaking all over the place!
I don't believe it.
(grunting)
I don't believe it!
Mario... (speaking Italian)
(meows)
(meowing)
(groaning)
(meowing)
Both teams have come out flat in the second half.
You can see Joe Damski trying to get the crowd back into it.
He comes to the line of scrimmage. (buzzer sounds)
Third and eight. It's a little late.
All right, the Redskins are definitely looking pass here.
Here's the snap.
Play action. It's a screen.
What do you want? I'm watching the game!
Look! What, did the cat have a bladder problem?
Joe's gonna get hit
with 12 seconds left in the game.
He's gonna go into a coma.
We gotta do something about it.
What do you mean we, kemosabe?
Look, I need your help.
Oh, this is so typical.
Suddenly you need my help.
Where before I'm nothing but a pain in the butt,
now you can't do it without me, huh?
Now, listen... You got to admit, I have a point.
No, I gotta admit, I'm gonna strangle you in a few seconds.
All I'm asking for is a little respect.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
find out what it means to me.
You through?
Not quite.
The second half's just begun.
Now, we don't have much time here.
Will you help me?
Pat O'Brien, along with Dick Butkus.
After an explosive first half,
neither team has been able to put points up on that board.
Well, both defenses have tightened it up.
Especially the Redskins secondary.
And you know, it looks to me
like the Bears' offensive line is beginning to tire.
Joe's gonna have to scramble,
and on those bad knees, that could be a problem.
This game's been sold out for weeks, Gare.
How we gonna get in there?
Well, we'll just have to think of something.
Uh, I don't know, my connections
have all dried up.
CHUCK: What?
I know.
(indistinct chattering)
CHUCK: I can't breathe in this thing!
Come on, just keep walking. All right.
But I am not doing this for you.
(groans)
I'm doing this for the city of Chicago.
My trainer.
How you doing?
Oxygen.
I need oxygen.
I don't think this guy's bathed in months.
All right, we're in.
Yeah.
You, me and 60,000
screaming fans.
Now what?
We punt.
O'BRIEN: Just under eight minutes, Bears trail by one
and fans are looking to Damski for another miracle finish.
GARY: Come on, we're gonna stop Joe.
CHUCK: What do you want us to do?
Go out on the field and tackle him?
O'BRIEN: Here's the snap.
Damski dumps it off for maybe a three yard gain.
Look, it says here he's brought down to the locker room
with five minutes to play to have his leg checked out,
then he comes back up top.
That's when he's hurt. So, come on.
Wait! Where are you going?
I'm going down to the locker room.
And how do you expect us to get into the locker room?
The same way we got into the stadium.
Oh, no. I'm not putting this thing on again.
It stinks. I've had it.
Hey! Come on, Smokey.
I'm breathing noxious fumes in here!
O'BRIEN: Five minutes on the clock now, and ticking down,
and the Bears' offense continues to struggle.
Damski drops back.
Whoa! You've gotta pick up that blitz.
He's down.
Damski's brought down
for a six yard loss, and appears to be hurt, Dick.
You know, it's his left knee.
I mean, it's been bothering him the whole half.
Talk about a bad break for the Bears.
Down a point with five minutes to go.
You gotta wonder how many more games those knees can take?
I mean, after all, he's had operations on both of them.
The hopes of Chicago are riding on those knees right now.
Okay, let's take a look, Joe.
Ah, wait a second.
Wait a second.
Ah, man.
Look, it's just a bruise.
We don't have a prayer without Joe.
He'll be back.
What happened to Gary?
Couldn't take the suspense?
I have no idea where he is.
That should give you enough support. Great.
Let me get out of here. Whoa.
Redskins ball. Take your time.
DOCTOR: Hey, I don't like the way that brace is riding.
Sit back down here.
I'm going to make a couple adjustments.
(doctor continues talking indistinctly)
DOCTOR: Okay, try that out.
That feel any better?
Joe?
Colleen?
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Is he fine, Jack?
Still in one piece.
JOE: Great. Tell 'em I'm on my way,
would you, Doc? Thanks.
Colleen, I can't have you coming down here, okay?
I'll talk to you after the game.
No, you won't, Joe.
What?
I can't do this anymore.
What?
I never wanted to come between you and football,
and I didn't think that I had to.
But it is very clear what you are married to,
and it is not me.
Colleen, this is not the time to have this discussion.
You are not the only one who's getting hurt out there, Joe.
I mean, you have no idea what I feel every time
you put on that uniform.
And I love you.
I love you
too much to watch you get crippled, Joe.
So you go out there,
and you win one for the Bears.
And I will read about it in tomorrow's paper.
Colleen, wait.
O'BRIEN: ...Peroth back on the field, third in inches.
Redskins leading by one with under four minutes remaining.
Peroth takes the snap,
and he passes over the middle.
First down, Redskins.
BUTKUS: Didn't I tell you?
Look out for pass.
Wait a minute. There's a flag on the play.
Holding, Redskins.
Whoo! That's a huge break for the Bears.
The first and ten is now third and eleven.
CHUCK: Hey, Joe.
Joe, hey. Whoa, whoa, hey.
How you doing? I'm a big fan of yours.
JOE: How did you get in here?
CHUCK: Oh, we're just maintenance crew.
We're checking on the... What?
The whirlpools... Listen, I gotta go...
Hey, Joe.
(muffled grunting)
BUTKUS: They stuffed 'em, Pat.
The Redskins will have to punt it away.
The Bears will have one more chance.
Now, the question is, where's Damski?
MASELLO: Joe? Joe, where are you?
Joe, we need you.
Masello.
Masello!
(grunting)
MASELLO: Who the hell are you?!
CHUCK: I'm your worst nightmare!
Gare, anytime!
(muffled grunting)
All right.
Get him off me.
What are you thinking?!
It's Masello, the placekicker.
I hate that guy.
Oh.
Oh, let's get him out of here.
Come on...
(grunting)
Punk.
(men chattering)
(hushed): Someone's coming.
Close the door.
Lock it!
MAN: Hey, Joe, is that you?
(knocking on door) Hey, Joe, open up!
(clears throat)
Uh... it's stuck.
MAN: Who's this?
Security.
Where's Joe?
Uh, he's, um... (clears throat)
call of nature.
Well, listen, we got the ball back.
We need him. He's coming right out.
He just said be patient for a sec, you know.
He's human.
Hey, who is this?
Come on, open up!
I'm gonna go call somebody.
Oh, no, no. Oh, yes.
Oh, no. Uh, listen, in another minute,
they're gonna force this door down,
and they're gonna see you and me
and two chloroformed Bear players.
It's your call, buddy.
(gulps)
One foot in front of the other. All right.
What's the worst thing that can happen, huh?
You take the snap, you get flattened,
an ambulance comes, and then, uh...
Just remember, Gare,
there are 20 million Bears fans counting on you.
All right?
Let me do all the talking. Keep your mouth shut.
Hey, look, here's Joe!
Joe, thank God. Hey, what's with the visor?
Uh, he had eye problems... cornea, it's his cornea.
How come he can't talk?
He, uh, broke his jaw, too.
His jaw's wired shut.
His jaw? I thought it was his knee.
You know, the jaw bone's connected to the knee bone's
connected to the eye socket's connected...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't call plays, huh?
Conklin, get over here!
ALL: Joe!
Joe can't talk.
You gotta call the snap for him.
Uh, 93, wide cross. Go.
Now, you got it? Go, go. Get it done.
O'BRIEN: Listen to that crowd, Dick.
Damski's back, and so are the Bears' chances. I told ya.
BUTKUS: Couldn't have put it better myself.
Well, whatever they did to him in the locker room,
Damski doesn't even look like the same player.
Well, he's got a knee brace on his left knee,
and a-and a visor, which I've never seen before.
There's a report now from the field
that he has a scratched cornea and a broken jaw.
And he's still out there.
Unbelievable.
You gotta love a guy like that.
14 seconds left.
Ball on the Redskins' 40. No time outs.
Well, that would be a record kick for a good placekicker,
and unfortunately, the Bears don't have a good kicker.
So, it's all on Damski's shoulders,
as the Bears break from the huddle.
Shotgun formation,
Fuller split left.
And the crowd's on its feet.
This is it. The entire season on the line.
If the Bears win, they're in the play-offs.
If they lose, it's wait till next year.
Damski seems confused, Pat.
That injury may have shook him up more than we know.
Conklin's calling the signals. Very long count.
Play clock down to three seconds.
Come on, come on, snap the ball, will ya?
♪
And Fuller has it. (crowd cheering)
Makes a great move on Curtis,
and it's a footrace for the sideline.
(crowd cheering)
First down at the six, a 34-yard play.
Hold it, Pat. Damski's hurt.
Damski's not moving, and there's a flag on the field.
Here's the replay.
Joe rolls right, avoids the tackle,
but Rass keeps after him...
and down he goes.
After he released the ball, Pat.
I mean, that's definitely roughing the passer.
Look at his head snap back.
Man, I hate to see that.
CHUCK: Excuse me. Excuse me. That was nasty, huh?
Hey, you okay? Huh? Hey, Joe?
Speak to me. Hey, shake it off, Joe.
He's moving.
No, no! Don't touch his helmet!
He's right. Don't move his head. Is he all right?
Get a stretcher in here. Hey, get a stretcher!
All right, easy, watch it.
MAN: We love you, Joe!
Put him down. One, two, three...
WOMAN: You'll, be all right, man.
You're gonna be all right, buddy.
MAN: We're with you, Joe.
All right, Joe. Watch his head.
Shake it off! Masello!
Hey, Masello? Masello?
Come on. Yeah, you.
Remember, we got a game to win.
Huh? Come on!
O'BRIEN: Four seconds on the clock.
Ball on the Redskins' six.
It all comes down to the foot
of kicker Tony Masello.
Stay with him.
I want to check on the X-ray unit.
Masello's missed one extra point already today.
You know something? I hate kickers.
I mean, you spend 59 minutes in a war,
and then it all comes down to a skinny kid
who grew up playing soccer.
We will keep you updated on Damski's condition
as soon as we get anything.
In the meantime, we've still got a one point game
down on the field.
Four seconds left.
This is it.
Masello's coming on for what will be
a 23-yard field goal attempt.
This would be an automatic for most kickers.
Kiss this one good-bye. We're doomed.
Have faith.
He stinks.
BUTKUS: Yeah, but Masello isn't most kickers.
I mean, look at the guy, Pat.
O'BRIEN: Look at the crowd.
I've never heard them so quiet.
Well, the hopes and dreams of an entire city
are riding on this kick.
Well, you're right about that.
We're talking about three points
that'll spell the difference
between disaster and triumph.
O'BRIEN: It's good! The Bears win!
BUTKUS: I don't believe it!
(cheering)
O'BRIEN: It's good.
The Bears win.
BUTKUS: I don't believe it.
The ball bounced off a Redskins' helmet,
hit the right upright,
and somehow got through.
I don't believe it.
(groans)
Joe?
Joe, are you all right?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just... I'm just...
I'm just a little woozy, that's all.
But I'm ready to play, coach.
Masello?
Send-send me in, coach.
If you're in here, then who's out there?
(excited chattering)
Hey, what up?
How you doing? I'm freezing.
Put this on.
Can we go now? Yeah.
CHUCK: Pretty great kick, huh?
Tell us about that last drive, Joe.
Well, to tell you the truth, Dick, I don't remember too much.
I've, uh, I've seen the replay.
Doesn't seem to be me out there.
And that made me realize something.
I mean, I love this game.
It's all I've ever known.
Hey, Bob. But I think there comes a time in every athlete's life
where he has to face the fact that he's just...
just too old to play anymore.
And that time is now.
Frankly, life without football scares the hell out of me.
But a future without my health...
and my wonderful wife, Colleen,
boy, that scares me a lot more.
So, I'd like to thank the Bears and the city of Chicago.
They're the greatest fans
in the world.
And I'll be cheering with you all the way to the Super Bowl.
Good-bye. BUTKUS: Good luck, Joe.
(reporters murmuring)
Well, Pat, Regular Joe just dropped another bomb.
But you know something?
I think this retirement is for good.
Back to you, Pat.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Quarterback Regular Joe Damski shocked the fans here in Chicago
by announcing his retirement.
Damski brought the team from the cellar
all the way to the play-offs.
He left the game as he arrived... (buzzer sounds)
a class act, a leader by example...
(sighs)
Hup.
What is this?
That's... it's a, uh...
peace offering.
"To Chuck, Regular Joe Damski."
Hey, you think you can buy my love with a football?
So, you need my help at McGinty's, huh?
Look...
you belong there.
And Marissa?
Well, she's part of the team, too.
She doesn't know anything about running a restaurant.
Well, that's another thing.
It's not gonna be a restaurant anymore.
We're gonna turn it back into the tavern that it used to be.
And no more fancy wine glasses, no more cigar rooms.
You gonna be around this time?
Well, as much as I can.
I still gotta deal with the paper.
What about Sundays?
Even the big guy upstairs rests on Sundays.
Well, hey, look what almost happened today.
I thought you wanted your life back.
Well, I've been thinking...
Maybe this is my life.
And-and maybe if... maybe if I didn't get the paper,
I'd... I'd still be helping people.
That's you, Gare,
always looking out for number two.
Maybe.
Well, anyway, the fact of the matter is that, you know,
I-I-I don't... I don't need much to make me happy, Chuck.
And, you know, a place to call home,
and friends to share it with.
I mean, what do you say?
Partners?
We need cocktail napkins.
Right.
Say no more.
Chuck, you're a whirlwind.
Got to stay on top.
Business is up 40% since I convinced Gary
to turn this place back into a sports bar.
You convinced Gary to...?
That's right. I gotta go.
I'm busy. Busy like a little beaver.
Fishman to Hobson. (bottles clattering)
Take care of those, buddy.
Sissy, make sure all the tables have pretzels, okay?
Damian, this one...
(muttering): Get him out of here.
What's with Chuck?
It's like he's-he's a whole new, uh, Chuck.
Not entirely.
(sneezes)
PSYCHIATRIST: Gesundheit.
You know...
I love what you're doing with the place.
You made the right choice, Gary.
Always listen to your heart.
It's what's in here that counts.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Do you know that man, Gary?
I-I-I don't know if I do or not.
(cat meows)
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