1
00:00:04,417 --> 00:00:06,534
Previously, on "Future Man"...
2
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:08,836
When we use the TTD,
3
00:00:08,902 --> 00:00:10,972
we jump in time but not space.
4
00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,740
If we jump back, we'd still be
in the same exact place,
5
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,542
just 11 seconds earlier.
6
00:00:15,608 --> 00:00:17,510
Running and jumping,
running and jumping,
7
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:19,312
running and jumping,
extending our window
8
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:20,847
- for as much time as we need.
- What's gonna happen
9
00:00:20,913 --> 00:00:22,415
- to all of them?
- Who cares?
10
00:00:22,482 --> 00:00:24,250
- They're not us!
- Down on the ground.
11
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:27,653
You're under arrest
for violating statute HX-B34
12
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:29,688
of the Santa Clarita County Time Code.
13
00:01:18,757 --> 00:01:22,537
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
14
00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:32,277
Hello, Josh.
15
00:01:32,344 --> 00:01:33,678
I'm Susan.
16
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,779
I know in your time it's a woman's name.
17
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,316
In ours, it's not.
18
00:01:38,382 --> 00:01:40,451
- It's for both.
- Okay.
19
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,753
Uh, hello, Susan.
20
00:01:42,820 --> 00:01:45,888
Are you my lawyer, or...
21
00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:48,992
Think you'll find a lot has changed
22
00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:52,262
in the 1,497 years since you were born.
23
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,264
Whoa.
24
00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:57,233
So it's 3674...
25
00:01:57,299 --> 00:01:58,500
3491.
26
00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:00,269
You should have stayed in school.
27
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:04,039
If you had, probably wouldn't
be staring death in the face...
28
00:02:04,105 --> 00:02:06,107
at Ultra-Max.
29
00:02:06,174 --> 00:02:08,143
"Ultra-Max"?
30
00:02:08,209 --> 00:02:11,311
- That sounds pretty bad.
- It is bad.
31
00:02:11,378 --> 00:02:12,379
It's the worst.
32
00:02:12,446 --> 00:02:13,780
Your crimes against humanity
33
00:02:13,847 --> 00:02:15,015
are some of the worst on records.
34
00:02:15,082 --> 00:02:16,816
I don't even know where to start.
35
00:02:16,883 --> 00:02:18,918
Biggest to smallest,
smallest to biggest.
36
00:02:18,986 --> 00:02:20,819
Sizes that we don't even know yet
37
00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:22,855
because they are unquantifiable.
38
00:02:22,921 --> 00:02:25,424
You have put the greatest legal minds
39
00:02:25,491 --> 00:02:28,526
of our time in a real pickle,
40
00:02:28,593 --> 00:02:30,862
and I know how much you like those.
41
00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:33,565
But everything that we did was for...
42
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,633
"For a good cause"?
43
00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:37,468
Is that what you were going to say?
44
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:41,072
Not gonna bother asking you what this is
45
00:02:41,138 --> 00:02:43,840
because I'm 100% sure
that you don't know.
46
00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:46,077
- The Horsehead Nebula.
- Oh.
47
00:02:46,143 --> 00:02:48,678
I was gonna say the Crab Nebula.
48
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:50,413
Your little time-traveling caper,
49
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,016
repeating the same 11 seconds
over and over and over again?
50
00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:55,484
It ripped a hole
in the space-time continuum
51
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:56,851
right here.
52
00:02:56,918 --> 00:03:00,089
This was Grazier's Triangle,
53
00:03:00,155 --> 00:03:03,658
which you destroyed along with
the 27 planets that were
54
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,994
inhabited by intelligent life
in its vicinity.
55
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,628
We killed a bunch of ETs?
56
00:03:07,695 --> 00:03:10,798
You killed 85 trillion ETs.
57
00:03:10,864 --> 00:03:13,600
Many of whom looked like ET.
58
00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:16,136
- Whoops.
- We're not alone
59
00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:18,471
- in the universe?
- We weren't.
60
00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:19,940
Now we are again.
61
00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:21,341
There's not even a word
for that kind of murder.
62
00:03:21,408 --> 00:03:23,909
And that's charge one.
63
00:03:23,976 --> 00:03:25,844
Meet your family, Josh.
64
00:03:25,911 --> 00:03:27,579
Every duplicate version of you,
65
00:03:27,646 --> 00:03:29,181
they didn't just conveniently die
66
00:03:29,248 --> 00:03:32,450
Many of them escaped into time,
where they proceeded
67
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:33,919
to wreak havoc, setting off
68
00:03:33,985 --> 00:03:36,487
the greatest menhunts of all times.
69
00:03:36,554 --> 00:03:38,823
What, women weren't hunted
in this fucked-up future?
70
00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,958
Oh, they are, with shocking brutality.
71
00:03:41,025 --> 00:03:42,826
- Thank you.
- Case in point:
72
00:03:42,892 --> 00:03:45,595
William Wolfson,
Third Governor of New York.
73
00:03:45,662 --> 00:03:47,664
Fun fact: he killed John Jay in a duel.
74
00:03:47,731 --> 00:03:49,798
Jay must have been spoiling for a fight.
75
00:03:49,865 --> 00:03:52,301
You slept with five
of his six beloved children.
76
00:03:52,368 --> 00:03:55,204
- He slept with children?
- They were adult children.
77
00:03:55,271 --> 00:03:57,273
Well, that sixth child
of John Jay must have been
78
00:03:57,340 --> 00:04:00,442
- a real dog.
- We were on a mission to...
79
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:01,977
to save the world.
80
00:04:02,044 --> 00:04:04,146
Most of these previous you's
felt the same way,
81
00:04:04,212 --> 00:04:06,214
and they continued to go back in time
82
00:04:06,281 --> 00:04:09,383
to right previous wrongs,
almost always ending
83
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,418
in the destruction of humanity.
84
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:16,990
This version of you tried
to stop bin Laden before 9/11.
85
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,658
He ended up giving him a time machine.
86
00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:20,726
Wh... I would never do that.
87
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:24,197
You did that, and now
time-traveling bin Laden is on you.
88
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,298
He's knocking down towers
haven't even been built yet,
89
00:04:26,365 --> 00:04:29,101
so you can imagine that's
a headache for us around here.
90
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,870
And now, let me tell you
91
00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,572
about the Topanga Triumverate.
92
00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:37,575
These you's jumped way, way,
way, way, way too far back,
93
00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:40,979
got stuck in the wall of a cave, died,
94
00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:43,047
was found by archeologists and disproved
95
00:04:43,114 --> 00:04:44,814
the entire theory of evolution.
96
00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:46,383
Am I boring you?
97
00:04:46,449 --> 00:04:48,151
I'm just noticing
that this glass is reinforced
98
00:04:48,218 --> 00:04:51,121
with carbon-fusion
electro-sealant, so it's just...
99
00:04:51,188 --> 00:04:52,888
it's not how I'm gonna be escaping.
100
00:04:52,955 --> 00:04:54,790
Oh, you won't be escaping at all.
101
00:04:54,856 --> 00:04:57,159
- Nothing leaks from Ultra-Max.
- Sure, sure.
102
00:04:57,226 --> 00:04:59,095
Next time you're in this cell
I won't be.
103
00:04:59,161 --> 00:05:00,829
Did any of the us's do any good?
104
00:05:00,896 --> 00:05:04,299
Yeah, they did good in their timelines.
105
00:05:04,365 --> 00:05:08,269
But they were also creating
other timelines.
106
00:05:08,336 --> 00:05:10,071
That's what you don't seem to get.
107
00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:12,973
Every time you went back
to fix something,
108
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,510
you were creating another timeline.
109
00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:18,612
Wait, what... what's that, now?
110
00:05:18,678 --> 00:05:20,279
- No.
- Yes.
111
00:05:20,346 --> 00:05:22,748
All these timelines,
112
00:05:22,815 --> 00:05:25,351
all these different realities,
113
00:05:25,418 --> 00:05:26,819
your fault.
114
00:05:26,885 --> 00:05:28,921
And in that reality
the things that we change
115
00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:30,488
change there, but then when we left
116
00:05:30,555 --> 00:05:31,823
it just stays the same...
117
00:05:31,889 --> 00:05:33,926
- Forever.
- Forever-ever?
118
00:05:33,992 --> 00:05:35,860
Forever-ever-ever.
119
00:05:35,928 --> 00:05:38,229
So Achilles died
in that bunker even though
120
00:05:38,295 --> 00:05:39,430
we took down Stu.
121
00:05:39,496 --> 00:05:40,998
Yes, horribly.
122
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:43,200
And the Biotics wiped out
the rest of humanity
123
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:45,169
even though we killed Kronish?
124
00:05:45,236 --> 00:05:47,403
You've never changed anything.
125
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,040
All the you's running around
thinking they're fixing things,
126
00:05:50,106 --> 00:05:51,874
they're just creating new things.
127
00:05:51,942 --> 00:05:53,743
You can kill Hitler,
but there will still be
128
00:05:53,809 --> 00:05:56,811
a Hitler, because there was a Hitler.
129
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:59,081
Do you understand what I'm saying?
130
00:05:59,148 --> 00:06:00,049
Yeah.
131
00:06:00,115 --> 00:06:01,883
- So I killed Hitler?
- No.
132
00:06:01,951 --> 00:06:04,752
Shockingly, that is one
of the few things
133
00:06:04,818 --> 00:06:06,921
you never even tried to do.
134
00:06:06,988 --> 00:06:09,790
All Hitlers in your realities
were left unscathed.
135
00:06:09,857 --> 00:06:11,359
Four of them thrived and won the war.
136
00:06:11,425 --> 00:06:14,894
There's evidence to suggest
you helped Hitler's rise.
137
00:06:14,962 --> 00:06:16,997
So deal with that.
138
00:06:17,864 --> 00:06:19,732
- Yes.
- Who is Hitler, again?
139
00:06:19,799 --> 00:06:23,035
Hitler is just a convenient shorthand.
140
00:06:27,039 --> 00:06:29,909
This is your case file
coded to your thumbprint.
141
00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:33,111
Here's the bottom line: The three of you
142
00:06:33,178 --> 00:06:35,613
are responsible for all the time-crimes
143
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,415
all the other you's committed,
144
00:06:37,482 --> 00:06:41,151
and the punishment
for time-crimes, my friend,
145
00:06:41,218 --> 00:06:42,519
is death.
146
00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:03,405
Look, Susan, this is bullshit, okay?
147
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:05,640
There... there is no way
that I am responsible
148
00:07:05,707 --> 00:07:07,074
for what those psychopaths did.
149
00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:09,310
That's not me. I'm me.
150
00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:10,677
Bullshit?
151
00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:12,413
Try settled law.
152
00:07:12,479 --> 00:07:15,182
Robespierre versus Robespierre,
153
00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,716
2735.
154
00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:19,152
They found in favor
of Robespierre, overturning
155
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:22,222
the lower court's decision
for Robespierre.
156
00:07:22,288 --> 00:07:24,057
Did you not even read your cube?
157
00:07:24,124 --> 00:07:25,490
The neural interface gave me nosebleeds.
158
00:07:25,557 --> 00:07:29,394
Look, still...
still, I cannot be punished
159
00:07:29,461 --> 00:07:31,063
for their crimes.
160
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:33,065
There might be another way for you.
161
00:07:33,132 --> 00:07:36,300
You see, some of you
162
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:37,936
may be...
163
00:07:38,002 --> 00:07:41,505
higher-value targets than others.
164
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:46,043
If you're willing to cooperate...
165
00:07:46,109 --> 00:07:48,411
you might just be able to speedboat off
166
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:50,914
Damnation Island with your life.
167
00:07:50,981 --> 00:07:53,815
And maybe even a fresh start.
168
00:07:59,321 --> 00:08:01,522
All right, I'll be back in a bit.
169
00:08:01,589 --> 00:08:04,559
In the meantime, you got
your "smork" on backwards, kid.
170
00:08:09,164 --> 00:08:11,966
Would you be surprised to know
171
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:14,534
that is who we're really after?
172
00:08:14,601 --> 00:08:16,070
Are you surprised that I'm still here?
173
00:08:16,136 --> 00:08:17,637
Because I am.
174
00:08:17,704 --> 00:08:20,940
I notice a distinct lack
of oversized laundry carts.
175
00:08:21,007 --> 00:08:22,241
Bravo.
176
00:08:22,308 --> 00:08:24,677
There's a very easy way out of here.
177
00:08:24,743 --> 00:08:27,313
Through the front door,
onto the red carpet,
178
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:29,314
onto the speedboat, to the holo-port
179
00:08:29,381 --> 00:08:32,450
with a very handsome parting gift.
180
00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:35,653
All you have to do
is tell me all of this
181
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,088
is Futturman's fault.
182
00:08:37,154 --> 00:08:39,290
- Why?
- No one in human history
183
00:08:39,356 --> 00:08:41,025
has caused more suffering than Josh.
184
00:08:41,092 --> 00:08:44,061
Not Caligula, not Stalin, not Stu.
185
00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:46,796
Not Xarxon 9, the Destroyer of Men,
186
00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:49,499
and all he did was destroy men.
187
00:08:49,565 --> 00:08:52,602
Morning, noon and night,
just destroying them up.
188
00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:54,570
Josh is worse.
189
00:08:54,637 --> 00:08:57,139
I mean, just look at him.
190
00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:00,976
Monsters take many shapes.
191
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,544
As much as I would like to live...
192
00:09:02,611 --> 00:09:06,214
and believe me, Susan, I...
I'd like to live...
193
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,715
but he's our mistake.
194
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,918
He's also a grown man.
195
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:13,686
Technically.
196
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,989
Just think about it.
Tell the world the truth
197
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,591
about Josh, and you get to go free.
198
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,160
Him dying so you can live?
199
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,494
It has a tender mercy to it.
200
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:26,698
After all, he's responsible
for all of this, and...
201
00:09:27,699 --> 00:09:29,035
And he is beyond redemption.
202
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,775
You are not beyond redemption, Josh.
203
00:09:37,842 --> 00:09:41,111
And I know the truth.
204
00:09:41,178 --> 00:09:43,948
They're responsible for all of this.
205
00:09:44,949 --> 00:09:47,484
You know what, Susan, I know
what you're trying to do,
206
00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:50,887
and I am not rolling over on my friends.
207
00:09:50,954 --> 00:09:52,321
"Friends."
208
00:09:52,388 --> 00:09:54,057
They've done nothing
but use and abuse you.
209
00:09:54,123 --> 00:09:56,459
On a good day they barely tolerate you.
210
00:09:56,525 --> 00:09:58,961
That... that's just our dynamic, okay?
211
00:09:59,027 --> 00:10:00,428
- It's fun.
- For them.
212
00:10:00,495 --> 00:10:03,831
They get... and I mean
no disrespect by this...
213
00:10:03,899 --> 00:10:07,168
a hapless, boob, bitch-ass punk
as their whipping boy.
214
00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:08,970
How is that not disrespectful?
215
00:10:09,036 --> 00:10:11,072
It is, but I qualified it
216
00:10:11,138 --> 00:10:14,208
in an attempt to protect you, which...
217
00:10:14,275 --> 00:10:16,109
is more than I can say about them.
218
00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:38,229
Yeah, okay. Pretty... pretty clever.
219
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:40,431
I see what you're doing.
Classic divide-and-conquer.
220
00:10:40,498 --> 00:10:42,100
Well, I'll tell you something, okay?
221
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,667
Our bond was forged
in the fires of combat,
222
00:10:44,734 --> 00:10:47,137
which is something that you
and your future race
223
00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:49,873
with your weird suits
and tufts of colorful hair
224
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,341
could never, never understand.
225
00:10:51,408 --> 00:10:53,042
Here's what I understand:
226
00:10:53,109 --> 00:10:54,610
they're the ones with the time machine.
227
00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,979
They came from the future
and they dragged you along,
228
00:10:57,046 --> 00:11:00,848
ripping you from the comfort
of your masturbation chamber.
229
00:11:00,916 --> 00:11:02,683
You shouldn't die for them.
230
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,685
You wanna hear what they're saying?
231
00:11:04,752 --> 00:11:05,853
Because I do.
232
00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:09,823
We're the ones who put
that savior shit in his head.
233
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:12,893
Let him tag along even though
I still do not know
234
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,528
what that guy's skill set is.
235
00:11:14,594 --> 00:11:17,331
Yeah, sure, we shoulder
some blame for making him think
236
00:11:17,397 --> 00:11:19,432
he was of any use at any time.
237
00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:20,833
Come on.
238
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:23,269
I mean, the little guy
has got to take responsibility
239
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:25,204
for his own actions at some point.
240
00:11:25,271 --> 00:11:27,040
God, that boy had some ideas.
241
00:11:27,106 --> 00:11:28,907
Oh, the whole "Time Warrior" thing?
242
00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:30,308
Are you kidding me?
243
00:11:30,375 --> 00:11:31,877
Act like you've been there
before, right?
244
00:11:31,944 --> 00:11:34,712
If we're guilty of anything
it's for being too nice.
245
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,881
Well, I told you we should have shot him
246
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,916
after he got us into that lab.
247
00:11:38,983 --> 00:11:41,152
Ouch.
248
00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:43,520
That hurts.
249
00:11:43,587 --> 00:11:45,989
Could they be talking about anybody?
250
00:12:00,269 --> 00:12:04,438
Hi, Wolf.
251
00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:06,674
Still mulling over the big decision?
252
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:09,477
No idea which way you're leaning?
253
00:12:12,779 --> 00:12:14,882
Nano-technology.
254
00:12:14,948 --> 00:12:16,516
Also...
255
00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:20,687
Gurkha Black Dragons.
256
00:12:20,753 --> 00:12:23,990
Wrapper's Connecticut Broad Leaf Maduro.
257
00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:26,158
But you know that.
258
00:12:26,225 --> 00:12:28,060
Yeah, go ahead.
259
00:12:28,127 --> 00:12:29,661
Yeah.
260
00:12:29,728 --> 00:12:31,429
Binder's Cameroonian,
261
00:12:31,496 --> 00:12:33,164
filler's...
262
00:12:33,231 --> 00:12:35,000
Five-year-aged Dominican.
263
00:12:35,066 --> 00:12:36,434
My buddy Sly smoked one of these
264
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:37,869
in the movie "F. I. S. T."
265
00:12:37,936 --> 00:12:39,336
F-I-S-T.
266
00:12:39,403 --> 00:12:40,871
- Federation of Inter-State...
- Truckers.
267
00:12:40,938 --> 00:12:42,339
Right. It was a classic film.
268
00:12:42,406 --> 00:12:44,074
- Great.
- Anyway, they cut the scene
269
00:12:44,141 --> 00:12:45,542
because they felt it was gratuitous.
270
00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:47,577
Went on too long, sapping energy
271
00:12:47,644 --> 00:12:50,846
from the plot when, uh,
they should have been...
272
00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:56,019
Building the...
273
00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:58,020
uh, tension.
274
00:12:58,086 --> 00:12:59,721
Sounds like a good cut.
275
00:13:04,226 --> 00:13:07,995
Okay, your parlor tricks
and your bribes are not gonna...
276
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:11,132
oh, that is Sweet Mama Jessup.
277
00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:12,867
Sweet Mama J.
278
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:15,301
It's not all I have, Tiger.
279
00:13:20,406 --> 00:13:23,409
Inside this envelope
is the story of a girl.
280
00:13:23,476 --> 00:13:25,710
A girl born to Biotic parents,
281
00:13:25,777 --> 00:13:28,914
stolen from them
at an impossibly young age.
282
00:13:30,115 --> 00:13:31,216
Sorry, this is a Phonola.
283
00:13:31,283 --> 00:13:33,451
I am used to a Philco.
284
00:13:33,517 --> 00:13:35,586
I didn't hear anything you said.
285
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:39,723
5,500 square feet, raw restaurant space.
286
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,993
Collins Avenue, Miami,
287
00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:44,161
1987.
288
00:13:44,227 --> 00:13:45,328
And to make sure you get started
289
00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:48,098
on the right foot:
290
00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:49,699
This.
291
00:13:49,766 --> 00:13:52,101
And this is not that weak shit
you were butt-darting
292
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:53,269
in Los Angeles.
293
00:13:53,335 --> 00:13:54,871
This is that good shit.
294
00:13:54,937 --> 00:13:57,739
That Colombian shit
that doesn't leave South Beach.
295
00:13:57,806 --> 00:14:00,775
And I got one more thing
I think you might
296
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:01,943
be interested in.
297
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,581
- This handsome fellow.
- Oh...
298
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:09,150
Pulled off a dead Josh
from the Epsilon line.
299
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,650
Fully functional.
300
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,454
Just begging to be reattached.
301
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,456
In our time, penile enhancements
302
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,858
take eight minutes
and are quite pleasurable.
303
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:22,028
Trust me, I've had three.
304
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,429
Go ahead.
305
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:30,535
Girthier than you remember, right?
306
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:32,104
Oh, it feels just right.
307
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:33,571
Weighs 19 1/2 pounds.
308
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,440
I know.
309
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,374
Oh, hello, old friend.
310
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,343
You two look very beautiful together.
311
00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:41,312
No, no, no, I can't.
312
00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:43,080
I can't. Every time I whipped it out
313
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:46,249
I'd be whipping out the memory
of a friend I betrayed.
314
00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:47,683
All right.
315
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:50,786
I'll leave you two to think about it.
316
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,562
Look, Susan...
317
00:15:37,628 --> 00:15:39,796
I've, uh, given your offer
some thought...
318
00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:41,198
Too late.
319
00:15:41,265 --> 00:15:43,667
Offer's off the table.
320
00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:44,869
Okay.
321
00:15:44,935 --> 00:15:46,536
Well, that's fine,
because I was actually
322
00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:48,137
gonna say that there was
no way you can get me
323
00:15:48,204 --> 00:15:49,572
to turn on my friends.
324
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:51,307
Yep.
325
00:15:51,374 --> 00:15:52,641
I suspected that might be the case.
326
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:55,678
Your loyalty is impressive, Josh...
327
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:57,012
Thank you.
328
00:15:57,079 --> 00:15:59,447
But it's about to be put
to the ultimate test.
329
00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:02,717
What?
330
00:16:02,784 --> 00:16:03,785
By... by who?
331
00:16:03,852 --> 00:16:05,153
What... what are you talking about?
332
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:06,587
Is there a judge? Is there a jury?
333
00:16:06,653 --> 00:16:08,455
Like, what the... what the fuck
is going on?
334
00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:10,024
Josh, your barbaric legal system,
335
00:16:10,091 --> 00:16:12,726
it's been replaced
by something far more elegant.
336
00:16:12,793 --> 00:16:15,061
This is skin-eating poison.
"Death Rain."
337
00:16:15,128 --> 00:16:18,064
One spray kills on contact
and you, Josh,
338
00:16:18,131 --> 00:16:20,666
are going to use it on Tiger
339
00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:23,769
or Wolf.
340
00:16:23,837 --> 00:16:25,204
Uh, no I'm not.
341
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:27,572
No way. No.
342
00:16:27,639 --> 00:16:29,341
Well, that's the best offer
we have to give you.
343
00:16:29,408 --> 00:16:31,076
Otherwise, all three of you die.
344
00:16:31,143 --> 00:16:32,644
And that's more elegant?
345
00:16:32,711 --> 00:16:34,512
Elegant just means "simple."
It doesn't mean "fancy."
346
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:35,679
People think it means "fancy"...
it doesn't.
347
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,148
It just means "simple."
348
00:16:37,215 --> 00:16:38,850
Still wouldn't call that elegant,
349
00:16:38,917 --> 00:16:42,385
but I guess there is some kind
of cruel justice to it.
350
00:16:42,452 --> 00:16:45,055
No, no. It's not cruel, Josh.
It's a gift.
351
00:16:45,122 --> 00:16:47,724
All three of you are facing
the death penalty.
352
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:51,227
But this way, two of you get to live.
353
00:16:51,293 --> 00:16:53,729
This all seems very random.
354
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:56,032
Tonight, you will have
your final meal together.
355
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,168
When the last course arrives...
a traditional dessert salad...
356
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,302
the dressing will be in these.
357
00:17:01,369 --> 00:17:02,938
Yours will have Death Rain.
358
00:17:03,004 --> 00:17:04,705
One minute after the course arrives
359
00:17:04,772 --> 00:17:06,574
the lights will go out,
giving you the opportunity
360
00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:10,377
to anonymously kill one
of your dear, dear friends.
361
00:17:10,444 --> 00:17:11,778
That's future justice?
362
00:17:11,846 --> 00:17:13,413
Choose which friend to kill?
363
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,782
That's one way of looking at it.
364
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:17,551
Another...
365
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:19,285
you choose which friend to save.
366
00:17:19,352 --> 00:17:20,887
I know it's a tough choice.
367
00:17:20,954 --> 00:17:23,022
Just know that if they were
given this same offer...
368
00:17:23,089 --> 00:17:25,624
which they definitely
were not... but if they were,
369
00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,226
they would kill you without hesitation.
370
00:17:28,293 --> 00:17:29,727
So there it is.
371
00:17:29,794 --> 00:17:33,265
All three of you die,
or you save yourself...
372
00:17:33,331 --> 00:17:35,133
and one of them.
373
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,368
That's the best deal you're gonna get...
374
00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:40,571
from Ultra-Max.
375
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:45,775
I know you're the leader of the group,
376
00:17:45,842 --> 00:17:48,744
bound by honor and integrity.
377
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:51,081
The Tigers across all
the timelines have been
378
00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:52,382
a force of good.
379
00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:53,883
Many have even helped us.
380
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:56,485
Well, those other me's,
they're using you.
381
00:17:56,551 --> 00:17:58,687
You just don't know it yet.
382
00:17:58,753 --> 00:18:02,424
Think of Josh.
383
00:18:02,491 --> 00:18:05,059
Sick with delusions of grandeur.
384
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,395
Or maybe you pity him.
385
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,897
Fine. Kill Wolf.
386
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,032
He's a prisoner of his own appetites.
387
00:18:11,099 --> 00:18:13,366
Sashaying selfishly through life
388
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,668
with wanton disregard for anyone
389
00:18:15,735 --> 00:18:17,304
or anything that doesn't please him.
390
00:18:17,370 --> 00:18:19,572
Has he ever not abandoned you?
391
00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:22,441
From where I'm standing,
the hardest choice:
392
00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:24,376
Deciding who not to kill.
393
00:18:27,746 --> 00:18:30,815
And that's why only you
can carry this out.
394
00:18:30,882 --> 00:18:34,585
Trained soldier, a survivor
who sashays effortlessly
395
00:18:34,652 --> 00:18:36,354
through life no matter
what it throws at him.
396
00:18:36,421 --> 00:18:38,688
You're no mission commander.
You're not the Chosen One.
397
00:18:38,755 --> 00:18:42,359
You follow orders,
and you make lemonade.
398
00:18:42,426 --> 00:18:43,693
You don't deserve to die for that.
399
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,762
I am still in my prime.
400
00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:48,131
You're the only one
I'm making this offer to, Wolf,
401
00:18:48,197 --> 00:18:50,599
because you're the only one
402
00:18:50,666 --> 00:18:52,701
I truly believe is innocent.
403
00:18:52,768 --> 00:18:55,171
Thank you, Susan.
404
00:18:55,238 --> 00:18:56,839
Call me Sue.
405
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,407
Sue.
406
00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:04,363
♪ Oh, what a day ♪
407
00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:08,049
- Mm.
- Mm.
408
00:19:08,115 --> 00:19:11,385
Gotta tell you guys,
I sure am gonna miss
409
00:19:11,452 --> 00:19:12,987
Texas barbecue.
410
00:19:13,054 --> 00:19:16,089
This abalone tastes like
it was caught tomorrow.
411
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:21,427
Mine's, uh... mine's cat.
412
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,196
Pass the salt.
413
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,532
Thank you, Tiger.
414
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,602
I like a little extra seasoning
on my food.
415
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,204
You probably didn't know that
because we don't
416
00:19:33,271 --> 00:19:34,672
know each other that well.
417
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,074
Unlike me and Tiger.
418
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,043
We've known each other our whole lives.
419
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,678
Thick and thin.
420
00:19:42,145 --> 00:19:45,883
Yeah, I don't really know you that well,
421
00:19:45,949 --> 00:19:49,987
which, to me, makes it
even weirder that you're always
422
00:19:50,053 --> 00:19:51,753
such a dick to me.
423
00:19:51,821 --> 00:19:54,924
What I can't figure out is...
424
00:19:54,991 --> 00:19:56,458
which one of you is meaner.
425
00:19:56,525 --> 00:19:58,194
Oh, well, that's... that's easy.
426
00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:01,662
I mean, Wolf says mean things,
but I have an anger toward you
427
00:20:01,729 --> 00:20:03,398
that is almost primal.
428
00:20:03,464 --> 00:20:05,033
True.
429
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:07,869
However, when I was about to die
430
00:20:07,936 --> 00:20:10,670
in James Cameron's lab, you did go
431
00:20:10,737 --> 00:20:12,772
rathole-to-rathole for me.
432
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,276
Okay, well, there goes
my appetite, so anybody want
433
00:20:16,343 --> 00:20:17,844
my kitty cubes?
434
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:19,145
Tiger, do you remember the time...
435
00:20:19,212 --> 00:20:20,980
you weren't there... we jumped out
436
00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:23,216
of Count Bowncelizar's Trampolarium
437
00:20:23,282 --> 00:20:26,352
and, uh, did not think
that net was gonna hold?
438
00:20:26,419 --> 00:20:27,419
Do you remember that?
439
00:20:27,485 --> 00:20:29,221
But it did. It did.
440
00:20:29,287 --> 00:20:30,555
It held.
441
00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:31,990
Just like our bond.
442
00:20:34,292 --> 00:20:36,193
But then again, Wolf,
443
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,695
you did save me from the Smash Pit,
444
00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:41,698
and, uh, from being burned alive.
445
00:20:41,765 --> 00:20:44,634
Um, yeah, the again from, uh...
446
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,903
from Stu's kill-mandos, so...
447
00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:48,972
Wow.
448
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:52,675
That's way more
than you've done for me lately.
449
00:20:52,742 --> 00:20:54,910
Well, luckily for us
"lately" is just a blip
450
00:20:54,977 --> 00:20:56,778
in a life-long blood bond.
451
00:20:56,846 --> 00:20:58,747
Mm. Sometimes, though,
452
00:20:58,814 --> 00:21:01,984
it's the, uh... the people
closest to you
453
00:21:02,051 --> 00:21:04,618
that disappoint you the most.
454
00:21:14,594 --> 00:21:16,196
A toast.
455
00:21:16,263 --> 00:21:18,198
Yes.
456
00:21:18,265 --> 00:21:19,499
To life.
457
00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:22,268
And death, which is inevitable,
458
00:21:22,334 --> 00:21:25,704
and sometimes comes
sooner than expected.
459
00:21:25,771 --> 00:21:27,974
And sometimes it comes randomly,
460
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,175
like someone flipped a coin
461
00:21:30,241 --> 00:21:32,911
because they couldn't...
couldn't decide.
462
00:21:32,978 --> 00:21:35,847
But when it does come, sometimes it's...
463
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:38,816
well, it's for the best.
464
00:21:38,883 --> 00:21:42,486
To our inevitable fate...
465
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,088
- however...
- Whenever.
466
00:21:44,154 --> 00:21:46,590
- By the hand of whomever.
- It may come.
467
00:21:46,656 --> 00:21:48,557
Uh-huh.
468
00:22:13,747 --> 00:22:15,215
Yum.
469
00:22:15,281 --> 00:22:17,851
Salad dessert.
470
00:22:17,918 --> 00:22:20,320
It's dessert salad.
471
00:22:20,386 --> 00:22:22,788
You know, I always thought
this is how it would end.
472
00:22:22,856 --> 00:22:26,125
Time jail, cube salad,
a man named Susan.
473
00:22:26,191 --> 00:22:30,229
I mean, I want to blame this
on the universe, but...
474
00:22:30,295 --> 00:22:32,430
I think this one's on us.
475
00:22:42,505 --> 00:22:44,007
So long, face!
476
00:22:44,074 --> 00:22:45,909
It burns!
477
00:22:45,976 --> 00:22:48,045
Tastes like raspberry vinaigrette.
478
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:13,633
Wow.
479
00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:15,135
That gave me goosebumps.
480
00:23:15,202 --> 00:23:17,871
That was amazing television,
and you three
481
00:23:17,937 --> 00:23:20,606
are going to make fantastic competitors
482
00:23:20,673 --> 00:23:23,309
on the centennial season
483
00:23:23,376 --> 00:23:26,311
of "The DieCathalon."
484
00:23:27,779 --> 00:23:29,848
Meet your three contestants:
485
00:23:29,915 --> 00:23:32,317
Tiger, the commander,
486
00:23:32,384 --> 00:23:34,619
Wolf, the survivor,
487
00:23:34,686 --> 00:23:36,687
Josh, the lamb.
488
00:23:36,753 --> 00:23:38,455
Did he just call me "the lamb"?
489
00:23:38,522 --> 00:23:41,158
What... why am I a lamb?
490
00:23:41,225 --> 00:23:42,794
They'll be running for their lives
491
00:23:42,860 --> 00:23:45,761
and killed for sport on New Pangea's
492
00:23:45,829 --> 00:23:48,764
favorite human-hunting
reality competition.
493
00:23:48,832 --> 00:23:50,834
I hate the future.
494
00:23:50,901 --> 00:23:52,768
Sponsored by Ultra-Max.
495
00:23:52,836 --> 00:23:55,304
Ultra-Max: The bulk-free blood diaper
496
00:23:55,370 --> 00:23:57,306
you never have to remove.
497
00:23:57,372 --> 00:23:59,208
Back after this.
498
00:24:14,660 --> 00:24:19,660
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com