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Previously on "Future Man"...
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Another escape on your watch,
Saint Jackalope?
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Sooner or later, we will get them
4
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and when we do, you'll be out of a job
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and a family.
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- Albino bear of legend.
- Whitey is a myth.
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No. I will kill Whitey.
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We've gathered here to sign
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this peace and trade agreement.
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Turns out she was a dame.
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And so am I.
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I think we're looking at temporal decay.
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Time overlapping,
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future and past existing simultaneously.
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This version of you tried
to stop bin Laden before 9/11.
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He ended up giving him a time machine,
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and now time traveling
bin Laden is on you.
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- God?
- No, my friend.
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Osama bin Laden?
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Guilty as charged.
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No, no, no, no.
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No, no, no, no, no.
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Are you not happy to see me?
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Fuck no!
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You're Osama fucking bin Laden!
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Yes, you know me?
I'm the voice in your head.
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- Here, let me help you.
- No, don't touch me!
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Don't touch me!
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Oh, I see what's happening here.
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You're confusing the nice me
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with the naughty me from your timeline.
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- Naughty?
- But I'm not that guy.
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Another you saved me from becoming him!
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So I'm like reverse SEAL Team Six now.
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A Josh came to me at university.
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He called himself J1, but you
know him by a different name.
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The Josh with the nut for the face.
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- Nut-face.
- He told me about,
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you know, the thing with the planes,
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and that I could choose
a different path.
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So I did. I don't even believe in God.
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You... you lied to me.
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You told me I had a divine purpose.
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I said purpose,
you filled in the divine, bro.
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But you... you told me
that you were God.
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- Didn't you?
- Nope.
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I never lied to you.
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I told you I was a friend,
and I was here to help you.
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All the God stuff,
that's on you, my friend.
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No, we are not friends!
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Of course we are!
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I'd like to think we've developed
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a nice little rapport in a short while.
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Besides, me and the other Josh
were the very best of friends.
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Uh-uh, that is impossible!
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Is it?
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During our time together,
he told me many things.
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Things one would only tell their B...
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- No.
- F...
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- No, don't say...
- F!
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You were nine years old.
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Your second grade class
went on a field trip
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to Mission San Juan Capistrano.
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You snuck an extra churro at snack time,
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and then two more.
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And they didn't sit well, did they?
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- Stop it, stop it, stop it!
- Hmm?
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You dookied your pants
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halfway through that afternoon's tour
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of the bell tower,
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and then you stripped off
your soiled underwears
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in the bathroom,
snuck out behind the mission,
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and buried the evidence
in a soldier's grave.
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No, no, I never... I never...
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- Tell the truth.
- That didn't...
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You'll feel better.
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It was a cemetery!
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You're supposed to bury things
in cemeteries!
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And you never told anyone.
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Only me.
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Your best...
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- Friend.
- Forever!
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You were supposed to be God.
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You were supposed to take me home!
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The home I promised you is real, Josh!
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I can still take you there.
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- You're a liar.
- I never lied to you.
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I never will.
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There's a place where
the nut-faced Josh and I
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spent a great deal of time.
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A refuge off-the-grid,
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beyond the reach of the Time Constables.
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It's a place where you told me
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you felt most at home in the world,
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where you felt safe.
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No running, no hiding.
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That's the home I was talking about.
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Keep talking.
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It's called Haven.
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Any idea how much wampum
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that shoddy pelt presentation cost us?
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Just at casual glance, I see
burrs, blood from its entrails.
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I mean, would it have killed
you to zhoozh up its fur a bit?
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Mmm, false outrage. Classic tell.
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You're just upset I interrupted
your little world summit.
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Summit?
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More like a child's birthday party.
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Right, right, right.
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Well, you printed it in 40 languages.
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We never got that front right.
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Wait.
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You hear that?
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Yeah.
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Nothing.
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Time Cops did this.
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We don't know that.
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We do now.
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Shit! Run!
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Au secours!
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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Fine, fine, I admit it.
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I chaired an international
trade conference.
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Watching helpless people
suffer in their tiny lives
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when the answers are
so obvious is excruciating.
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So yeah, yeah, I'm guilty.
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Guilty of feeling a moral obligation
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to help the people around me.
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What was the typeface
you wanted for that pamphlet?
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Copperplate Gothic.
It's classic, timeless.
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Name one person at the summit.
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I wanna say, uh...
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Chief, uh...
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something-something.
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Okay.
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Futturman! It's go time!
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Fuck.
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Pus residue. Half-crust.
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Maybe twelve hours old.
139
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No, no, it's ten,
and he left in a hurry.
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With the TTD.
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Son of a... okay, why would he do that?
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Probably to get attention.
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I don't wanna point fingers,
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but you haven't been around much.
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Oh, so you abandoned him,
just left him for dead?
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- He's so annoying.
- You don't have to tell me.
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Why do you think I'm out there
covered in bear shit every day?
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They breached the maple grove.
Let's move.
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Lose 'em in the riverbed?
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No, no, there's no losing them.
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They're in my woods now.
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Let's hunt.
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You might catch a hint of lavender.
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My own mix, hand-foraged.
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- It might be better with...
- A little honey?
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I told you, I know you.
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And now, at last, we can leave
this foul time behind together.
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It's just a matter of entering
these coordinates
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into your neural tesseract.
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- If I could just...
- No, no, no, no.
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I think I'll be holding onto the TTD,
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Time Traveling bin Laden.
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Okay, just trying to help. Teamwork.
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It's all right. I got this.
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They're in.
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So now press the button
and take us to Haven.
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Okay, you know what? Slow your roll.
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All right, if we do this,
and I'm only saying if,
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you and me, we are back to square one.
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You understand?
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We are not BFFs, we are barely even Fs.
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I'm... I'm fine taking it slow.
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See where it goes.
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You make the first move, just
know the answer is always yes.
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And where we're going is a real utopia,
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off-the-grid of space and time
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where the weather's always perfect,
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and you want for nothing?
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Don't forget the women, Josh.
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Or... or men. Your choice.
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Bet you didn't expect Osama bin Laden
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to be cool with that, huh?
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Yeah.
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You are full of surprises, OBL.
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Well, well, well.
186
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Isn't this cozy?
187
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You know, I just got these
woods set up perfectly,
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my own personal forest of stabby-trees,
189
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and now we gotta leave because of you
190
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and your out-of-control ego.
191
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You know, time travel's
really changed you.
192
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Me? Look at you.
193
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:10,704
Salivating over your next kill
like a dingo at a daycare.
194
00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:17,924
Yeah!
195
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,480
Well, I guess if a tree falls
in the forest,
196
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it does make a sound.
197
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Splat!
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Oh, great.
199
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Don't you just love the sound
of spike impaling body?
200
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Hmm.
201
00:10:48,942 --> 00:10:51,571
Oh, that's what I call
sticking the landing.
202
00:10:51,572 --> 00:10:54,285
You know what I mean?
203
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,206
I barely recognize you.
204
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:59,127
You used to be, well, not nice,
205
00:10:59,129 --> 00:11:01,089
but you had interesting facets.
206
00:11:01,091 --> 00:11:02,841
- I still have facets.
- Murder doesn't count.
207
00:11:02,844 --> 00:11:04,060
Well, I like trapping...
208
00:11:04,061 --> 00:11:05,476
Trapping and hunting are just
209
00:11:05,477 --> 00:11:07,475
more palatable words for murder.
210
00:11:14,243 --> 00:11:16,579
Hey, fuck-nose.
211
00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:21,798
You had purpose, you had drive.
212
00:11:21,799 --> 00:11:24,259
You were an avenging angel
fighting for a cause.
213
00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:26,599
Yeah? And what good did that do?
214
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,350
Get a bunch of people killed?
215
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,324
Soldiers under my command, check.
216
00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:31,986
Untold billions, check.
217
00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:33,737
I tried, I failed.
218
00:11:33,739 --> 00:11:35,409
So what?
219
00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:37,830
Now you're just a junkie
looking for their next fix?
220
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:49,308
I made it rain blood.
221
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:50,647
Ohh.
222
00:11:58,122 --> 00:12:00,459
Okay, are you ready
to divide and conquer?
223
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:02,170
I'll take those three down
to the River Styx.
224
00:12:02,172 --> 00:12:04,220
Those are my sharpest sticks,
by the river.
225
00:12:04,221 --> 00:12:06,097
Fine, fine. I'll kill the big guy.
226
00:12:06,098 --> 00:12:07,846
Okay. Hey, hey, hey!
227
00:12:07,849 --> 00:12:09,559
Meet back here when everyone's dead.
228
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:10,941
All right, go, go, go!
229
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,169
Your stride says all business,
230
00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:23,298
but that skirt says you like to party.
231
00:12:23,299 --> 00:12:27,967
Nevertheless, I'm gonna
take you down, Gigantor.
232
00:12:32,649 --> 00:12:34,359
Oops.
233
00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:35,947
That's step one.
234
00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:43,044
That's step two.
235
00:12:46,928 --> 00:12:49,928
Oh, emotionless cyborg.
236
00:12:49,934 --> 00:12:51,853
No matter.
237
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,983
You are not gonna like
step three, my friend.
238
00:13:06,675 --> 00:13:09,385
What the fuck?
239
00:13:20,828 --> 00:13:23,458
Okay.
240
00:13:23,459 --> 00:13:25,587
Gut punch!
241
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:28,588
Ow.
242
00:13:28,594 --> 00:13:30,974
I said gut punch!
243
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,022
Gut punch?
244
00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:40,117
Oh, no!
245
00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:43,213
Tree slam.
246
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,186
She's in the trees!
247
00:13:57,193 --> 00:13:59,321
- Run!
- Where is she?
248
00:13:59,322 --> 00:14:01,202
- I can't see her!
- She blinded me!
249
00:14:01,203 --> 00:14:03,751
My God, she's everywhere!
250
00:14:03,752 --> 00:14:05,452
My insides are out!
251
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,761
Is she even human?
252
00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:24,538
Susan. All right.
253
00:14:24,539 --> 00:14:27,129
The second I saw you mumbling
to yourself in that goo,
254
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:30,717
I knew you must be getting help
from the one dickhead
255
00:14:30,718 --> 00:14:33,928
who escaped The DieCathlon before.
256
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:37,814
Time traveling Osama bin Laden.
257
00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:39,435
Guilty as charged.
258
00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:41,454
I am not going back to that elevator.
259
00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:44,118
I'm not here to take you back there.
260
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,628
I'm here because we can help each other.
261
00:14:46,629 --> 00:14:49,254
There is nothing that
you could possibly offer me
262
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,795
that I could possibly be interest...
263
00:14:51,802 --> 00:14:54,598
medi-goo! You brought me medi-goo!
264
00:14:54,599 --> 00:14:56,059
Oh, oh, God!
265
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,729
Oh, God.
266
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,608
Get in there.
267
00:14:59,609 --> 00:15:02,319
Oh! Oh, oh!
268
00:15:02,323 --> 00:15:03,833
You like that goo? It's good, huh?
269
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:12,141
I haven't brushed my teeth
in like six months, okay?
270
00:15:13,804 --> 00:15:15,557
Drop the mug, Osama.
271
00:15:15,558 --> 00:15:17,518
Drop it!
272
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,358
Don't trust him, Josh. He lied to you.
273
00:15:20,359 --> 00:15:22,739
Remember, I never lied to you.
274
00:15:23,532 --> 00:15:26,078
That's true.
275
00:15:26,079 --> 00:15:28,669
You tricked me so many times.
Why would I trust you now?
276
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:32,339
Because...
277
00:15:33,887 --> 00:15:36,217
I'm risking everything to be here.
278
00:15:36,224 --> 00:15:38,853
If the dickwads at the network
knew I was here,
279
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,824
I'd be deader than the version
of him that perpetrated 9/11,
280
00:15:41,825 --> 00:15:45,575
and then was killed ten years later.
281
00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:46,995
That's a long time.
282
00:15:46,996 --> 00:15:49,326
Again, it's not me. Different guy.
283
00:15:49,334 --> 00:15:51,173
He sounds like a real piece of shit.
284
00:15:51,174 --> 00:15:53,891
Okay, okay.
So-so what do you want from me?
285
00:15:55,346 --> 00:15:57,636
Same thing he does. Haven.
286
00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:02,951
And you're gonna help me destroy it.
287
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:15,510
Yeah, okay.
288
00:16:15,511 --> 00:16:17,097
Oh, shit.
289
00:16:17,098 --> 00:16:20,144
I see you for jammed up
with step two there.
290
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,355
Is that ice cream?
291
00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:25,820
Ugh, pistachio. The worst.
292
00:16:25,823 --> 00:16:27,659
He's a machine.
293
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:30,120
And not the way I call
Stallone a machine.
294
00:16:30,124 --> 00:16:32,210
An actual machine.
295
00:16:32,211 --> 00:16:34,464
All right, come here. Come on.
296
00:16:38,223 --> 00:16:40,143
Okay.
297
00:16:40,144 --> 00:16:42,522
Shit, is that an orbital fracture?
298
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:44,651
God, I gotta meet this guy.
299
00:16:44,652 --> 00:16:47,872
Hey, you were right.
300
00:16:48,995 --> 00:16:51,535
I don't care about helping people.
301
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:54,296
I just wanna see my name in lights.
302
00:16:54,297 --> 00:16:56,717
Thought it'd be neat
to have my own flag.
303
00:16:56,718 --> 00:16:58,218
- Here's a mockup.
- Oh, okay.
304
00:16:58,221 --> 00:16:59,721
Right here.
305
00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:02,479
Oh, yeah.
306
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,070
I like the use of our resistance colors.
307
00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:07,949
- Yeah, never forget my roots.
- Hmm.
308
00:17:12,959 --> 00:17:15,505
You were right too.
309
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:17,466
I'm a natural born killer.
310
00:17:17,468 --> 00:17:19,058
It's just it's what I'm great at.
311
00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:21,725
It's what I love to do.
312
00:17:21,726 --> 00:17:26,396
I think it might be
the purest expression of, uh...
313
00:17:26,403 --> 00:17:28,489
Me.
314
00:17:30,661 --> 00:17:32,501
What have we become?
315
00:17:35,629 --> 00:17:37,429
The best versions of ourselves?
316
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:38,925
Totally.
317
00:17:38,928 --> 00:17:40,847
The pressure of all our time
travel escapades
318
00:17:40,848 --> 00:17:42,728
has turned two lumps of sewer coal
319
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,767
into a couple big-ass
princess cut diamonds.
320
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,784
So why we beefing?
321
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,748
Josh.
322
00:17:53,749 --> 00:17:55,749
I mean, day one,
we knew we had the wrong guy.
323
00:17:55,753 --> 00:17:57,882
How much training does one guy need?
324
00:17:57,883 --> 00:18:00,390
Just handle yourself in a fight already.
325
00:18:00,391 --> 00:18:02,727
I think he genuinely doesn't
like hurting people.
326
00:18:03,727 --> 00:18:05,687
- I can't work with that.
- I know, I know.
327
00:18:05,689 --> 00:18:07,319
In Josh's case, three's not a crowd,
328
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,778
it's a cancer.
329
00:18:08,779 --> 00:18:10,865
Mm-hmm. So we agree.
330
00:18:10,866 --> 00:18:13,955
We find him, give him
one last courtesy jump.
331
00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,496
- Yeah, but only one.
- Of course, of course.
332
00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:17,211
And then we ditch him somewhere.
333
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:18,633
There's a backdoor at Cedars
334
00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:21,052
with a "no questions asked" policy.
335
00:18:21,054 --> 00:18:24,104
My friendship with
Charlie Sheen pays off again.
336
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:27,107
And then we go and, uh...
337
00:18:27,108 --> 00:18:28,985
live our best lives.
338
00:18:28,986 --> 00:18:30,906
That's a great plan.
339
00:18:30,907 --> 00:18:32,947
- It's gonna kill Josh.
- Well, you know what?
340
00:18:32,953 --> 00:18:35,169
At some point, baby bird's
gotta leave the nest.
341
00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:37,544
And no matter how much
resistance he puts up,
342
00:18:37,545 --> 00:18:39,125
we have to stay strong.
343
00:18:39,132 --> 00:18:41,301
Yup.
344
00:18:41,302 --> 00:18:42,888
Let's move.
345
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,389
That thing's coming back any minute,
346
00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:46,772
and we don't wanna be here when he does.
347
00:18:46,773 --> 00:18:48,357
Look, Josh,
348
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:51,028
you're not stupid.
349
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,870
I'm always telling people that.
350
00:18:52,871 --> 00:18:56,117
I always say,
"His actions might be stupid,
351
00:18:56,124 --> 00:18:58,252
but his heart is smart."
352
00:18:58,253 --> 00:19:00,883
So here's what I ask you.
353
00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:05,057
Did you ever think that maybe
for like a millisecond
354
00:19:05,058 --> 00:19:09,357
that you were being misled
or manipulated
355
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:11,858
by Osama bin Laden?
356
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:14,952
I mean, to be completely honest,
357
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,663
up until about 20 minutes ago,
358
00:19:16,664 --> 00:19:19,344
I thought I was talking
with God the whole time.
359
00:19:20,714 --> 00:19:22,634
Uh...
360
00:19:22,635 --> 00:19:24,675
I don't know where he got that idea.
361
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,310
I may have, like,
projected a bit of that,
362
00:19:26,311 --> 00:19:27,895
but I didn't know.
363
00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:30,396
Anyway, now that you know he's not God,
364
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,658
and is, in fact, Osama bin Laden,
365
00:19:34,659 --> 00:19:36,909
does that reframe any of this?
366
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:38,464
Make you have a few questions
367
00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:41,088
maybe that you didn't have before?
368
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:43,549
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
369
00:19:43,551 --> 00:19:45,931
How the fuck were you talking to me?
370
00:19:45,932 --> 00:19:48,269
How is not important.
371
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,400
- Why is really...
- No, no, no, no, no.
372
00:19:50,401 --> 00:19:52,609
I think that I really
wanna focus on the how.
373
00:19:56,411 --> 00:19:57,831
He blasted the door!
374
00:19:57,832 --> 00:19:59,540
- No, no.
- Oh, you do did!
375
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:01,211
- No, I was just...
- He so did.
376
00:20:01,212 --> 00:20:03,432
- Joshua, my friend.
- I'm going in there.
377
00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:05,505
I'm going in that room.
378
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,479
The fuck?
379
00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:15,571
Is that an ear?
380
00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:20,536
It looks worse than it is.
381
00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,762
Did you cut off some random person's ear
382
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,095
to put a voice in my head
across time and space?
383
00:20:26,972 --> 00:20:29,225
Okay.
384
00:20:29,226 --> 00:20:31,686
It looks better than it is.
385
00:20:40,917 --> 00:20:43,587
Is that my ear?
386
00:20:46,803 --> 00:20:49,520
Oh, this is where
being able to lie to you
387
00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:51,186
would come in real handy.
388
00:21:12,298 --> 00:21:15,382
Look, all gone. Problem solved.
389
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:16,611
Trust restored.
390
00:21:16,612 --> 00:21:19,202
No, you cut off your best friend's ear.
391
00:21:19,203 --> 00:21:21,001
Oh, so it's okay when you say it.
392
00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:24,631
How did you even do all this?
393
00:21:24,632 --> 00:21:26,878
It's a DNA-based, cross-temporal
394
00:21:26,884 --> 00:21:29,095
aural transmitter.
395
00:21:29,096 --> 00:21:31,475
You travel through time,
you pick a few things up.
396
00:21:31,476 --> 00:21:33,606
I also use lichen to make
my own deodorant.
397
00:21:34,732 --> 00:21:36,818
Why did you do this?
398
00:21:36,819 --> 00:21:38,614
Me and you?
399
00:21:38,615 --> 00:21:40,155
We went on many excellent
400
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,790
time traveling adventures together.
401
00:21:41,791 --> 00:21:44,667
searching for Hav...
402
00:21:44,668 --> 00:21:47,668
searching for Haven.
403
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:50,054
Then I got caught.
404
00:21:50,055 --> 00:21:52,305
After I escaped The DieCathlon,
405
00:21:52,309 --> 00:21:57,026
I discovered the location
and left you a map to paradise.
406
00:21:57,027 --> 00:21:59,447
It was perfect.
407
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:02,955
All that was missing was you.
408
00:22:02,956 --> 00:22:04,536
And then you arrived!
409
00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:09,634
But you weren't alone.
410
00:22:09,635 --> 00:22:12,675
You brought others with you.
411
00:22:12,683 --> 00:22:15,773
They-they weren't like the rest of us.
412
00:22:17,568 --> 00:22:19,528
They didn't share our values.
413
00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:22,577
Maybe they didn't have
any values at all.
414
00:22:22,578 --> 00:22:25,207
You let infidels invade our holy land!
415
00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:26,838
There he is. There he is.
416
00:22:28,506 --> 00:22:31,716
I tried to make you understand,
but you refused to listen.
417
00:22:31,721 --> 00:22:33,771
So naturally, I sliced off your ear.
418
00:22:33,772 --> 00:22:35,016
Naturally?
419
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,900
I said, "Now I have your ear!"
420
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:42,074
He didn't laugh either.
421
00:22:42,075 --> 00:22:44,535
He lunged for my jugular,
I lunged for his.
422
00:22:44,538 --> 00:22:46,958
We fell down in a heap,
rolled down a hill.
423
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,590
By the time we got to the bottom,
424
00:22:48,591 --> 00:22:51,718
he was dead, strangled.
425
00:22:51,719 --> 00:22:53,809
My best friend died in my arms.
426
00:22:53,810 --> 00:22:57,356
Because they were around his neck.
427
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,196
The others exiled me,
428
00:23:01,197 --> 00:23:03,487
tossed me through the big time door,
429
00:23:03,493 --> 00:23:05,582
thrust randomly through space and time
430
00:23:05,583 --> 00:23:07,710
with no control of where
or when I landed.
431
00:23:07,711 --> 00:23:11,716
That put me here with nothing
but your ear and a dream,
432
00:23:11,717 --> 00:23:15,097
to one day get back to Haven.
433
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:20,149
So what do you say, Josh?
434
00:23:22,489 --> 00:23:26,287
You and me, together.
435
00:23:26,288 --> 00:23:28,128
A do-over.
436
00:23:30,296 --> 00:23:34,556
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
437
00:23:36,434 --> 00:23:37,978
You know what?
438
00:23:37,979 --> 00:23:41,569
You fool me once, shame on...
shame on you!
439
00:23:43,740 --> 00:23:45,910
You... you fool me...
you can't get fooled again!
440
00:23:45,911 --> 00:23:47,998
Get out! Go, go!
441
00:23:47,999 --> 00:23:49,789
- Uh, Josh. This isn't you.
- Go, go!
442
00:23:49,793 --> 00:23:51,633
Oh shit, here we go!
443
00:23:58,352 --> 00:24:00,572
You would never shoot me.
I'm your friend.
444
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:02,025
Oh, really?
445
00:24:02,027 --> 00:24:05,447
Bin Laden, more like been lying!
446
00:24:06,827 --> 00:24:08,617
Oh!
447
00:24:11,462 --> 00:24:14,217
First of all, great burn. Been lying.
448
00:24:14,218 --> 00:24:17,928
Second of all, yes, finally!
Fuck you, bin Laden!
449
00:24:17,934 --> 00:24:19,694
That was crazy. What a shot.
450
00:24:34,884 --> 00:24:38,807
Oh, tried to fire off a warning shot?
451
00:24:38,808 --> 00:24:40,978
I... I was aiming in the corner.
452
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,730
Right, right, right. Yeah.
453
00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:44,612
Hit the axe, picked up speed
when it hit the kettle.
454
00:24:46,323 --> 00:24:48,243
Well, I'll be.
455
00:24:48,244 --> 00:24:51,671
When folks hear you're the man
who took out Wild Sam Bladden,
456
00:24:51,672 --> 00:24:53,957
you'll never have to pay
for a drink again.
457
00:24:55,341 --> 00:24:57,551
Whole gang's here, I see.
458
00:24:57,554 --> 00:24:59,354
Oh, guess your little summit
459
00:24:59,355 --> 00:25:01,686
brought all the big boys to town.
460
00:25:01,687 --> 00:25:03,857
Summit? No.
461
00:25:03,858 --> 00:25:06,238
You were found out through this.
462
00:25:11,248 --> 00:25:13,708
"The inspirational tall tale
463
00:25:13,711 --> 00:25:16,341
of the bearded-lady
who traps like a man."
464
00:25:16,342 --> 00:25:18,682
It's a proto-feminist classic.
465
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,319
Okay, so I'm keeping this.
This is great.
466
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,948
Wolf, go ahead and kill him
before we gets more Time Cops.
467
00:25:27,949 --> 00:25:29,829
I'm not with the Time Cops.
468
00:25:29,830 --> 00:25:31,914
I'm here for another reason...
469
00:25:31,915 --> 00:25:33,625
to grant you your freedom.
470
00:25:33,626 --> 00:25:35,754
I'm talking full amnesty.
471
00:25:35,755 --> 00:25:37,835
Don't need it. We're already free.
472
00:25:37,842 --> 00:25:39,431
You guys can't keep this up forever.
473
00:25:39,432 --> 00:25:42,269
You already encountered
The Killing Machine.
474
00:25:45,566 --> 00:25:47,196
- It's goo.
- Oh.
475
00:25:52,664 --> 00:25:53,832
Yeah.
476
00:25:53,833 --> 00:25:55,293
Oh!
477
00:25:55,294 --> 00:25:56,546
Mm-hmm.
478
00:25:56,547 --> 00:25:58,047
Oh, that's good goo.
479
00:25:58,050 --> 00:25:59,550
Sure as hell is.
480
00:25:59,553 --> 00:26:01,983
And by the way, FYI,
The Killing Machine?
481
00:26:01,984 --> 00:26:03,765
He can't be stopped,
482
00:26:03,769 --> 00:26:06,107
but you deliver me Haven,
483
00:26:06,108 --> 00:26:08,448
I'll deliver you
to the timeline of your choice,
484
00:26:08,449 --> 00:26:10,276
records wiped clean.
485
00:26:11,535 --> 00:26:15,035
So we're supposed to just
hand over paradise to you.
486
00:26:15,043 --> 00:26:18,548
Paradise? Oh, I get it.
487
00:26:18,549 --> 00:26:21,429
Osama bin Laden promised you paradise.
488
00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:22,848
Pretty on-brand.
489
00:26:22,849 --> 00:26:25,059
It's kind of his whole shtick, dude!
490
00:26:25,063 --> 00:26:26,773
Holy shit.
491
00:26:26,774 --> 00:26:30,447
No, Haven is not paradise.
Haven's an awful place.
492
00:26:30,448 --> 00:26:32,287
It's a hideout for the worst criminals
493
00:26:32,288 --> 00:26:33,615
time has ever known.
494
00:26:33,621 --> 00:26:35,960
That's how you three can gain access.
495
00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:39,419
The Network will give us
anything if we bring them in.
496
00:26:39,424 --> 00:26:42,096
All right, why should we trust you?
497
00:26:42,097 --> 00:26:43,977
'Cause I'm risking everything too.
498
00:26:43,978 --> 00:26:45,935
No one knows I'm here.
499
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:50,318
This isn't about a TV show or ratings.
500
00:26:50,321 --> 00:26:52,581
This is about protecting my family.
501
00:26:53,452 --> 00:26:57,092
Something maybe you can relate to.
502
00:27:02,178 --> 00:27:04,138
Haven does not exist in time or space.
503
00:27:04,141 --> 00:27:05,725
Believe me,
504
00:27:05,726 --> 00:27:08,146
we spent a shitload
of time looking for it.
505
00:27:08,149 --> 00:27:10,399
The only way to put it on
a map is from inside,
506
00:27:10,403 --> 00:27:13,993
and that's exactly what these
geolocation devices will do.
507
00:27:13,994 --> 00:27:16,084
Take them.
508
00:27:20,715 --> 00:27:22,335
Okay.
509
00:27:22,343 --> 00:27:25,773
So if we do this,
and I'm only saying if...
510
00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:30,357
Can you do a full
memory wipe thing on me?
511
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,109
So I can forget everything
that's happened to me
512
00:27:32,113 --> 00:27:33,656
since I left home?
513
00:27:33,657 --> 00:27:35,197
I'm talking Eternal Sunshine here.
514
00:27:35,202 --> 00:27:38,041
Yeah, Spotless Mind. We can do that.
515
00:27:38,042 --> 00:27:40,754
All you have to do is get to Haven,
516
00:27:40,755 --> 00:27:42,674
activate those devices.
517
00:27:42,675 --> 00:27:44,545
That will send me a beacon,
518
00:27:44,554 --> 00:27:46,515
I'll show up and do the rest.
519
00:27:46,516 --> 00:27:48,556
All right, I have to go.
520
00:27:48,562 --> 00:27:51,072
My daughter is performing
opposite of Robo-Pavarotti
521
00:27:51,073 --> 00:27:52,904
in Rigoletto.
522
00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,695
Good luck.
523
00:28:01,838 --> 00:28:05,048
You just wanna erase us
from your entire life?
524
00:28:05,054 --> 00:28:06,434
No, that's not what he's saying.
525
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:07,891
That's not what you're saying.
526
00:28:07,893 --> 00:28:09,440
That's exactly what I'm saying.
527
00:28:09,441 --> 00:28:11,526
I wanna go back to the moment
528
00:28:11,527 --> 00:28:13,735
before I met you two
and... and completely forget
529
00:28:13,737 --> 00:28:15,737
that any of this ever happened.
530
00:28:15,741 --> 00:28:17,958
Wait, wait,
so you're breaking up with us?
531
00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:20,875
I'm gonna... I'm gonna make
a note on my hand that says,
532
00:28:20,877 --> 00:28:22,966
"Josh, do not beat Bionic Wars.
533
00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:24,465
It will ruin your life."
534
00:28:24,467 --> 00:28:26,806
We didn't ruin your life. We love you.
535
00:28:26,807 --> 00:28:28,345
We don't ever wanna be apart.
536
00:28:28,350 --> 00:28:29,600
What?
537
00:28:29,602 --> 00:28:31,272
What are you guys talking about?
538
00:28:31,273 --> 00:28:33,949
This is not working.
We are not getting along.
539
00:28:33,950 --> 00:28:35,985
Since when? Oh, I'm reeling.
540
00:28:35,991 --> 00:28:37,161
This is coming out of nowhere.
541
00:28:37,162 --> 00:28:39,290
- I thought we were happy.
- Happy?
542
00:28:39,291 --> 00:28:42,544
You... you guys treat me
like shit all the time.
543
00:28:42,545 --> 00:28:45,375
This morning, I tried killing myself.
544
00:28:45,384 --> 00:28:47,354
And that was actually
before I found out that God
545
00:28:47,355 --> 00:28:49,224
was Osama bin Laden.
546
00:28:49,225 --> 00:28:50,935
Okay, I don't know what
you want from us, Josh.
547
00:28:50,937 --> 00:28:52,564
We come from the sewer.
548
00:28:52,565 --> 00:28:54,185
We love you the way we know how.
549
00:28:54,194 --> 00:28:55,823
- By protecting you.
- Killing for you.
550
00:28:55,824 --> 00:28:58,041
And yes, occasionally lightly ribbing.
551
00:28:58,042 --> 00:29:00,865
- Always with love.
- So much love.
552
00:29:00,874 --> 00:29:03,304
Well, I reject your terrible love.
553
00:29:03,305 --> 00:29:05,665
Okay.
554
00:29:05,674 --> 00:29:07,514
I know how to fix this.
555
00:29:21,874 --> 00:29:23,131
Okay, please stop! God!
556
00:29:23,132 --> 00:29:25,207
Those are fucking terrible hugs.
557
00:29:25,214 --> 00:29:26,883
Well...
558
00:29:26,884 --> 00:29:28,722
You guys, I'm sorry, but everything...
559
00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:30,390
everything that has happened in my life
560
00:29:30,391 --> 00:29:32,310
since you came into it has been bad.
561
00:29:39,952 --> 00:29:42,038
Okay, I'm not a hero.
562
00:29:42,039 --> 00:29:44,039
My life is not special.
If you really loved me...
563
00:29:44,043 --> 00:29:45,712
We do.
564
00:29:45,713 --> 00:29:48,012
We will never make fun of you again.
565
00:29:48,013 --> 00:29:50,350
Then you will help me narc
out the time-rogues in Haven
566
00:29:50,351 --> 00:29:51,887
so I can go home
567
00:29:51,893 --> 00:29:53,733
and spend the rest of my life
with my parents.
568
00:29:53,734 --> 00:29:55,648
I....
569
00:29:55,649 --> 00:29:57,945
okay.
570
00:30:00,159 --> 00:30:05,589
That is a very normal thing
for an adult male to say.
571
00:30:09,510 --> 00:30:13,434
So what do you guys say?
572
00:30:13,435 --> 00:30:16,475
One last jump for old time's sake?
573
00:30:30,052 --> 00:30:32,102
Is this Haven?
574
00:30:33,308 --> 00:30:35,268
No.
575
00:30:37,066 --> 00:30:38,776
It's Iowa.
576
00:30:38,777 --> 00:30:40,987
State University.
577
00:30:43,955 --> 00:30:46,745
Oh, fucking bin Laden.
578
00:30:47,852 --> 00:30:52,091
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com