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Kleenex.
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I'm gonna miss Stan.
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I know, I'm gonna miss him too.
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He was so cute, with his fedora and his Hush Puppies.
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Everyday, the fedora and the Hush Puppies.
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Yeah, if he just would have added some pants.
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Mom!
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I'm sorry, I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
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'Cause you wouldn't want a downer funeral.
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Ok, we're being serious now.
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You remember every Tuesday,
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Stan came to the Independence Inn for lunch?
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I remember.
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That was a total waste because he couldn't eat dairy,
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or salt, or meat,
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so he basically just came in every week for a salad,
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with no oil, and no mushrooms.
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- He hated mushrooms.
- I hate mushrooms too.
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Oh, here you go.
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You know, he called last week and made the first lunch reservation at the Dragonfly.
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- He did?
- Don't cancel it.
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No, of course not. We'll save a seat for Stan.
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Save him a seat...
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You'll find The Mourners' Kaddish on page 453.
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"May his illustrious name become increasingly great and holy...
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Hey, did you ever notice that in Stars Hollow death comes in fives?
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Do not try to lighten the mood!
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I'm not, it's true!
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It is?
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Yeah, last year: Chester Thompson, Sarah Merrymen,
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- Fran, and the Dublin twins.
- That's right.
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Yeah, year before: Chuck O'Mishner, Santos Perez Jr, Santos Perez Sr -
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...Perry Lewis and Charlie Slater, you're right!
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And now, Pinochle Downs, Mr. Angelotopolous -
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- Mrs. Krenz!
- And Stan.
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Wait a minute, that's only four.
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It is only four.
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That means the fifth hasn't happened yet.
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Blessed, praised,
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glorified, exalted -
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Number five could be in this room right now.
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Oh, no.
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- What?
- Hank Krutzman!
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- Hank Krutzman?
- Why would it be Hank Krutzman?
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Because he's 110!
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- Hank's 110?
- No.
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Why would you say that?
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Because, that's the age you say when someone is really old.
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- I don't.
- What age do you say?
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I say the age they are, otherwise I would seem cruel and insensitive.
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Fine, the point is he is very, very old.
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That doesn't make him number five.
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I don't know...
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Hank Krutzman. He was such a happy guy.
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He had such a good life.
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He owned those horses.
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He loved his golf.
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- Stop!
- What?
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You guys just eulogized Hank! He's not even dead yet.
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At this time, I would like to call up Stan's dear friend
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and fellow Rotary Club member, Reverand Skinner.
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Ok, but if we do think it's Hank -
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- We don't think it's Hank.
- Why not?
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Because if we think it's Hank, and then something happens
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and it turns out to be Hank, then we caused it.
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She's right.
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It's not Hank.
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So now, let's just focus on Stan because he's dead,
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and we had nothing to do with that.
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- Fine.
- Right.
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My good friend Stan Green lived here for 56 years.
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He loved this town and it's friendly people,
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charming stores and beautiful church bells.
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Now, many of you don't remember the church bells.
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They fell into disrepair about 20 years ago and have been quiet ever since.
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But Stan remembered those bells,
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and it was his wish that they ring out over Stars Hollow once again,
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so he generously bequeathed the funds to make that dream come true.
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We're going to restore the bells in honor of our dear friend Stan,
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and every time they ring we'll think of him.
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He will be missed, but never forgotten.
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Oh, Stan.
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Thank you, Reverend.
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Now, please join us in saying goodbye at the cemetery.
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That's so sweet.
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Yeah, do you remember the bells?
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- No, it was before my time.
- Me too, sounds great.
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Oh, they were fantastic.
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One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells.
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Your first kiss?
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Sure. Oh-kay.
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- Oh, no!
- Hank!
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Okay. He's okay, he's okay.
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Oh, thank god.
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We are going to be very stressed out for the rest of Hank's life.
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Serves us right for making him the fifth.
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Hey, we did not make him the fifth, we do not have the power.
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We just speculated.
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Yeah, that was it, for all we know anyone could be the fifth.
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That's right, it could be anyone. I mean Taylor,
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or Reggie, or Andrew or Kirk.
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Oh! Going dark, going dark!
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We are the Witches of Eastwick.
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- Yeah!
- Perfect.
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That middle-A drum roll was awesome!
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- So keep it?
- Keep it!
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Zack, you seem less than thrilled?
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Yeah man, you look like my seven year old when she's all grumpy-puss.
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Look, far be it from me to complain -
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- Since when?
- Don't be a putz.
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But you complain a lot.
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I just think we're a little too on the beat, that's all.
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Too on the beat. That's crazy.
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How can we be too on the beat?
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We should be off the beat?
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Hey, fine, sorry I brought it up.
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Let's just play perfectly on the beat and add a laser show
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and a flute and be "prog" rock, if that's what you want.
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We're just trying to figure out what you mean, Zack.
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- So, we're too perfect?
- I think.
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Are we practicing too much?
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We don't practice too much, we're just good.
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I don't want to sound all fake and computerized, alright?
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I don't wanna be N*Sync.
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N*Sync, what's that?
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N*Sync is one of those sucky boy-bands.
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Oh, I'm rock and roll, I don't know anything about boy-bands.
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I don't either, I've just read about them.
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You read about N*Sync?
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What are they, like a guilty pleasure for you or something?
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Hey, if we're getting confessional and all,
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I kinda like Simon and Garfunkel.
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I've always had this thing for Fleetwood Mac, I'm embarrassed to say.
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Sarah McLachlan.
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So, N*Sync?
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I'm not into N*Sync!. I just read a lot about music,
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and I've read about them, and I don't read, I skim!
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Hey, as far as the beat goes, we can loosen things up a bit.
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- I mean, I know I can.
- That's all I'm saying.
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A little more Stones, a little less Kraftwerk.
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Well, are we takin' a break now? I gotta make a call.
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Yeah, let's take a break.
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- You're so mean to him.
- No, I'm not.
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He knows exactly who you're talking about, and he's so nice.
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Yeah, I mean he gets here early, he brings sandwiches from his shop.
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Never an Italian sub with pickles, which is what I like, I must say.
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I would rather you gave me the hard time instead of Gil,
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since I'm the one who let him in the band.
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Hey, we all let him in, we're a democracy, we all let him in the band.
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Fine, we all let him in, so we should all remember that.
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You guys are not going to believe this, not in a million years.
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Xander win a soccer match?
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No, that's at 4:00 tomorrow.
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We, the band, are booked...
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- at CBGB's.
- We're what?
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Dude, we have a gig at CBGB's.
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CBGB's in New York?
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No, in Hackensack.
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Joke, dudes, the one in New York.
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- Oh My God!
- Gil, come on, are you serious?
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Dude, I am always serious about rock and roll.
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How did this happen?
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My buddy Pete works sound there?
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I got him a tape, he slipped it to the booker, and BAM, we're in.
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- Holy bam!
- I need my inhaler.
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Now, it's not a great slot; It's 1:00 on a Tuesday night.
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Who cares? It's CBGB's!
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The Ramones started there!
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Blondie, Sonic Youth, Television, Talking Heads... the list goes on and on.
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I said yes. It's okay to say yes?
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I guess it's okay...
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- Sure is pretty, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.
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I love the first snow of the year.
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I know, me too.
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Although this isn't actually the first snow of the year.
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- It isn't?
- No.
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What happened to the first snow of the year?
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- I had a philosophy final.
- Oh, right.
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And the second snow of the season was on Wednesday.
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Yeah, I had my walkthrough of the inn.
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So, actually this is the third snow of the season.
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Fourth, the third was on Saturday.
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It was? Why didn't you call me?
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Because, it happened in the middle of the night.
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You still could have called me.
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- In the middle of the night?
- Yes.
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You wanted me to call you, at Yale, in the middle of the night
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so I could say, "Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with Mommy?"
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And then take the craziest mother-daughter title from Judy and Liza.
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So fourth snow of the season.
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- Still pretty.
- Yes, we are.
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- The bells, they fixed the bells.
- Oh, Stan.
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See, if we had taken our traditional
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"first snow of the season" walk, we wouldn't have heard the bells.
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Bless our oppressive schedules.
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I have to go drop something off at Lane's.
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Good, 'cause I have to go drop something off at Luke's.
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What?
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I'm just dropping off some stuff, and a few things and -
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- Mom?
- I need coffee.
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I'll meet you there.
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Hurry, we can come back out for the bells in half an hour.
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Order me some coffee, a muffin and some onion rings.
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Look what I pass on to the next generation.
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Eating habits from Hades.
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Love that DNA!
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Pursue an interview with a distinguished leader
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with great influence on the community state or nation.
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Well, that sounds like it should be interesting.
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Who should we interview?
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- Oh, Jordan!
- Pastor Cho is available.
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Yes! Pastor Cho would be interesting
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and... convenient since his house is right on campus,
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so okay, good option in Pastor Cho. Any other suggestions?
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Assistant Pastor Eric?
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Yes. Assistant Pastor Eric, also a fine idea,
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he lives next door to Pastor Cho.
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Would anyone like to think outside the clergy?
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Why?
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Pastor Cho did it last year.
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Pastor Cho does it every year.
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So then perhaps Pastor Cho might like a rest?
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Then it would be Assistant Pastor Eric!
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Hey, I have an idea.
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How about we send a letter to Bill Clinton.
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It's probably be a long shot, but you never know!
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- Bill Clinton?
- Yeah!
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But Pastor Cho is expecting our call.
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Unless he's sick, in which case it would be Assistant Pastor Eric!
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- Yes, but I...
- Lane! Rory is here to see you.
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Rory! Hi, and bless you.
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Lane! Hi and... thank you.
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Rory, this is Andy, Sarah, Jill, Marla and Jordan.
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Nice to meet you all. I didn't mean to interrupt,
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I just wanted to return your book and get another one.
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Oh, of course.
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I'll be right back
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Please hurry, the tea is almost ready.
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I will.
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So, how did you like it?
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It's great, I burned a copy for my Mom.
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You know, its people like you who are destroying the music industry!
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Oh, now. Britney's gotta shoulder some of the blame.
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Let me see. How about The New Pornographers?
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Sold.
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So, it's quite a lively bunch you got down there.
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Oh yeah, I'm kind of worried, all of those breakables.
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What are you working on?
250
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:53,250
Oh, the usual: how to avoid any contact with the outside world.
251
00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:55,450
Those guys must really be screwing up the curve.
252
00:11:55,550 --> 00:11:57,650
- Yes, it's annoying.
- Everyday?
253
00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,950
Yes, but I could care less because today, all I can think about is the gig!
254
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:02,050
I mean, I can't believe it!
255
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,750
I'm actually going to be on stage at CBGBs!
256
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,550
I know, but how are you going to get there?
257
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:10,150
Oh, I will get there. As we speak, I am working on the perfect alibi.
258
00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:11,550
Oh, what do ya got so far?
259
00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:17,450
Mama, may I run something past you?
260
00:12:18,950 --> 00:12:19,850
That's it.
261
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:21,350
I like it.
262
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,650
Yeah, so I was originally gonna start with "Can I run something past you,"
263
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:27,150
but I thought the may I added a certain level of respect.
264
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:30,450
I agree. However, you now need to add an excuse.
265
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,650
I've come up with lots of, you know, mid-afternoon
266
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:36,650
and evening alibis, but so far no 1:00 AM alibis.
267
00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:39,250
You can always tell your Mom that you're sleeping over at my dorm.
268
00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:41,750
She knows they're co-ed. By the way, she's praying for you.
269
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:43,550
So, you wanna borrow the new Sparks?
270
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:44,550
Please!
271
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:46,150
Oh, now how about this?
272
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,450
Tell your Mom that you're taking an astronomy class,
273
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:51,650
and you have to go on a field trip to look at the stars.
274
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,450
There are no astronomy classes at Adventist College.
275
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,050
That would imply the universe is old.
276
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,550
Not a lot of loopholes in your world, huh?
277
00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:58,950
It's okay, I'll come up with something.
278
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:01,650
My entire life has been a training session for this very event.
279
00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:03,450
- I have faith in you.
- Thank you.
280
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:04,550
Wait!
281
00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:09,550
Oop! Getting a little sloppy, there.
282
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,550
- Lane! Your classmates are waiting.
- Sorry, Mama.
283
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:18,050
I gotta go. Thank you for the book.
284
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,450
- Bye, Mrs. Kim.
- Wait!
285
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,350
"Jane - One woman's harrowing journey to God."
286
00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:27,050
Good choice!
287
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:29,150
Thank you, ma'am.
288
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:32,450
Smart move, jumping on my bandwagon
289
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,150
with the International Relations Association.
290
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:35,850
- Like I had a choice.
- What?
291
00:13:36,050 --> 00:13:37,350
You dragged me here, Paris.
292
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,950
You'll thank me when you're interviewing for grad school in a few years
293
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:42,250
and find those waifish looks of yours aren't quite as charming.
294
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:43,350
Whatever that means.
295
00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,550
It means these kind of clubs look good on your resumé.
296
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:48,150
You know what also looks good on a resumé? Passing your classes.
297
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:50,050
No one studies more than you do, you're fine.
298
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:54,150
Now, remember to argue, even if you have nothing to say, or add, be vocal.
299
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,750
Very few people in lifelisten to what anyone else says anyhow.
300
00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:57,850
It's all about volume.
301
00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:00,950
Can I ask why you're suddenly so interested in international relations?
302
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:01,750
You're pre-med.
303
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:05,750
It's critical to step out of one's major and experience our worlds sweeping expanse.
304
00:14:05,950 --> 00:14:07,550
Plus, a certain fellow told me about it.
305
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:08,650
Okay, enough with that.
306
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,450
Oh, this is too much.
307
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,950
- What?
- Our advisor, Professor Friedman.
308
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,950
- You know her?
- Of her.
309
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,150
Her daughter was busted last spring by New Haven police
310
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:21,350
for growing pot in their basement, right during harvest season.
311
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:22,650
Strangely, it never made the papers.
312
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:23,750
Then how do you know about it?
313
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:24,750
A certain fellow told me.
314
00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:26,650
I have got to stop asking questions.
315
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,450
- Luke?
- Yeah, Kirk.
316
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,650
- What time is it?
- I'm not saying, Kirk.
317
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:43,350
Why not?
318
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,050
Because I just told you 30 seconds ago!
319
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,950
More like 45 seconds if you add in all the bickering.
320
00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:50,150
3:58.
321
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:51,950
Only two minutes until the bells.
322
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,950
Unless of course, I'm fast.
323
00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,150
You're cruel at times, Luke.
324
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,750
Only when poked with a stick.
325
00:14:57,850 --> 00:14:59,250
Coffee, big cup and hello!
326
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:01,250
Lorelai, what time do you have?
327
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,950
Do not tell him. He already knows.
328
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:03,950
I do not!
329
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:06,450
If you just wait for the bells, then you'll get to hear the bells,
330
00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:07,750
and then you'll know what time it is.
331
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:09,350
Actually, that's not true.
332
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,450
The other day I stood too close to the bells and they rang so loud
333
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:15,050
that there's now a persistent ringing in my ears.
334
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:18,050
Now I can't tell which are the church bells and which are the Kirk bells.
335
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,450
Oh, no. Did you go to the doctor?
336
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:21,150
Yes, he said I have tinnitis.
337
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:24,750
I looked it up on the web at "Celebrities Who Share Your Disease"
338
00:15:24,950 --> 00:15:27,750
and found that William Shatner is likewise afflicted.
339
00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:29,550
Really, Kirk and Captain Kirk?
340
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:31,150
The irony wasn't lost on me.
341
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:32,450
Was that them?
342
00:15:32,650 --> 00:15:35,550
Relax, the church bells will be the loud obnoxious ones.
343
00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:37,350
Somebody doesn't like bells.
344
00:15:37,550 --> 00:15:39,050
Not everyone likes bells.
345
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:40,450
No, actually they do.
346
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:43,050
They enjoy the constant interruptions of conversations,
347
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,850
the monotonous drone of the same tones, hour after hour?
348
00:15:47,450 --> 00:15:48,950
Yes! Can you believe it?
349
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:52,850
These are the same freaks who also like sunsets and the moon and the stars...
350
00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:54,050
What are the paint chips for?
351
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,550
Oh, I'm just doing some painting.
352
00:15:56,650 --> 00:16:00,650
Oh, really? You're not gonna collect and trade them amongst your friends?
353
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:01,950
What are you painting?
354
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:03,950
Our apartment.
355
00:16:04,150 --> 00:16:05,850
You and I, we're getting an apartment?
356
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:08,350
No. Me and Nicole. We're getting an apartment.
357
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,450
Oh! That's great. When?
358
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:12,950
When what?
359
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:14,350
When are you getting an apartment?
360
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:15,450
Three weeks ago.
361
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,250
Three weeks … You moved already?
362
00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,550
So, where is the apartment?
363
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:23,650
Litchfield.
364
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,250
You moved to Litchfield?
365
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,750
Three weeks ago you moved to Litchfield?
366
00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:30,450
Litchfield is another county.
367
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:33,750
Three weeks ago you moved to another county?
368
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:36,550
Were you gonna mention this to me anytime soon?
369
00:16:36,850 --> 00:16:37,750
- Sure.
- When?
370
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:39,150
- When it came up.
- When it came up.
371
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,850
Okay, so if I hadn't asked for the next twenty or thirty years
372
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:44,850
and I sent you a nice fruit basket upstairs you just never would have gotten it.
373
00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,750
- It's not that big a deal.
- Okay.
374
00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:48,650
I mean it's not like we tell each other everything.
375
00:16:48,850 --> 00:16:50,250
No! Of course we don't!
376
00:16:50,450 --> 00:16:53,850
I mean, I tore a pair of panty hose this morning and I didn't tell you about it.
377
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,350
Oh wait, I guess I just did.
378
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,450
- Hey, you know now, right?
- Yeah. Right.
379
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,850
Look, nothing's changed.
380
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:01,450
Yeah nothing's changed, except you don't live here!
381
00:17:01,650 --> 00:17:02,850
- So what?
- So?
382
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:05,650
- I don't even have your phone number.
- I'll give you my phone number.
383
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:07,350
I don't even know what you live in!
384
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:10,650
- An apartment, a trailer, a batcave...
- A townhouse.
385
00:17:10,850 --> 00:17:14,550
A townhouse? Sure, 'cause when I look at you I think "common driveway".
386
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,950
It's fine, you'll come over and see it eventually.
387
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:20,150
Will I? Will I come over, because me coming over implies we're friends!
388
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:22,750
- We are friends!
- No, we're not!
389
00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:26,050
We're not friends! Friends tell each other at least the most basic things
390
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:28,850
like where you live and when you moved away.
391
00:17:28,950 --> 00:17:31,450
I thought we were friends but I guess we're not!
392
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,850
- Where are you going?
- I can't stay!
393
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,150
Lorelai!
394
00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:37,350
Damn bells!
395
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:41,850
Oh! This is the tragedy that results when your mom
396
00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:45,050
goes out of town leaving your dad in charge of the care package.
397
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:46,750
Cling peaches in light syrup.
398
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:50,050
They make Rice Krispies Treats in foil packs now, how hard is that?
399
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,550
Hey, want your smile back? Pork Top Ramen.
400
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,850
For that, you share your care package.
401
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:57,150
Fine. My mom doesn't bake but she knows people who do.
402
00:17:57,750 --> 00:17:59,650
This makes great packing material…
403
00:17:59,650 --> 00:18:02,150
Look, look, look. The guy over by the vending machine.
404
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,050
Two thumbs up!
405
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,750
That is my friend Josh's roommate, William.
406
00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,450
Ah! Hello your highness.
407
00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:10,950
I'm seriously debating a move here.
408
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,450
Nakedness tends to work.
409
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,450
I met him at this party this weekend.
410
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:16,550
He's pretty cool - and funny!
411
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,950
He tells this story about a girl in this dorm.
412
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:22,250
She doesn't even know him, she just comes up to him and starts talking to him,
413
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,450
and he's talking to her, you know, just to be nice,
414
00:18:24,550 --> 00:18:26,550
but she thinks he's into her or something,
415
00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:29,350
so like three seconds later she asks him out.
416
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:33,150
Of course he said no. But I guess to her no doesn't mean 'no',
417
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:35,750
so now she's showing up everywhere he is.
418
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:39,050
He calls her his "adoring fan."
419
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,550
Did he say who it was?
420
00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:44,050
Someone cranked up the karaoke machine right at that moment so no, no names.
421
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,050
But his impression of her asking him out,
422
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:51,450
all flitty eyelashes and 'look how hot I am' is hilarious.
423
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:53,250
Oooh, intrigue.
424
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:55,350
Psycho girl in the dorm.
425
00:18:55,650 --> 00:18:56,950
I wonder who it can be?
426
00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:00,750
So, now that he lives in Litchfield, what's that supposed to mean?
427
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,050
According to Luke, nothing!
428
00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:03,050
But what about the diner?
429
00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:05,750
Oh, he said the diner's fine, everything's fine!
430
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:08,150
And he's gonna continue working here even though he's living there?
431
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:11,350
Yes, apparently he'll go from being grumpy Luke to grumpy-commuter Luke.
432
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,950
Luke plus road-rage, there's a healthy combination.
433
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:15,950
Ooh! What do you think of that sconce?
434
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:19,550
Oh, it's too British. I swear, that guy should work for the CIA.
435
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,150
He gives away nothing, absolutely nothing!
436
00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:22,650
I have friends there.
437
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,850
- What? Where?
- The CIA.
438
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,750
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I...
439
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:29,450
Ah, you didn't mean the Culinary Institute of America?
440
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:30,250
No.
441
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:33,450
Okay, then. Oh! What about this?
442
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:36,050
No, too Spanish. Three weeks he's been living there!
443
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,750
Three weeks, and not a single word,
444
00:19:37,850 --> 00:19:40,450
and he looked at me like I was completely insane to be upset.
445
00:19:41,050 --> 00:19:42,650
- What about this one?
- Too German.
446
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:43,950
How can a sconce be too German?
447
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,450
It's shaped like an knockwurst.
448
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:46,550
It is not.
449
00:19:46,650 --> 00:19:48,850
Oh, it is. Why would they do that?
450
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:51,450
Maybe I am insane, I mean what's the big deal right?
451
00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:54,250
Just because I go in there for coffee every day that doesn't make us friends.
452
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:55,650
You are friends!
453
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,150
Yes, but I thought we were 'friend' friends,
454
00:19:58,250 --> 00:19:59,550
and apparently we're just coffee friends.
455
00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:01,650
I buy the coffee and he's my friend.
456
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,150
It's like a dog and a liver treat.
457
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,550
If you have a liver treat, the dog will like you and, that's us.
458
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:07,350
Which one are you, the dog or the liver treat?
459
00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:08,550
I was the liver treat,
460
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:12,150
and I thought I was a collar or at least a really cute leash and I'm not.
461
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,450
I wanna chime in and be supportive,
462
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:16,250
but I don't know what you're talking about.
463
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:17,750
I'm talking about nothing, nevermind.
464
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:22,050
I'm coming, Cookie.
465
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:23,950
What's the matter, is he hungry?
466
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:25,650
No, it's the bells.
467
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:26,850
The bells aren't ringing.
468
00:20:27,050 --> 00:20:28,550
No, but they're about to.
469
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,150
He's crying in anticipation of the bells?
470
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:31,350
He hates them.
471
00:20:31,550 --> 00:20:34,450
At first he just cried when they rang, and now he knows their schedule.
472
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,850
Oh, that's terrible!
473
00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:38,250
Believe me, the 5:00 AM-ers are the worst.
474
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,150
Oh, oh, I know.
475
00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:42,750
Poor thing.
476
00:20:43,750 --> 00:20:45,050
Hey, Sookie.
477
00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:47,350
Look, it's Luke.
478
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:48,750
What's he doing?
479
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,350
He's shovelling my walk.
480
00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:55,950
He's good.
481
00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:58,450
I'll be right back.
482
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:04,850
Oh, you missed a spot.
483
00:21:06,650 --> 00:21:07,950
This is really nice Luke.
484
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:10,250
Can we fight again 'cause I need my rain gutters cleaned.
485
00:21:10,550 --> 00:21:13,350
You think everything is your business.
486
00:21:13,550 --> 00:21:15,650
Everything is about you!
487
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:18,950
Well, here's a newsflash. Some things are not about you.
488
00:21:19,050 --> 00:21:19,950
Why are you yelling at me?
489
00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:23,250
If I want to move in with Nicole, it concerns her and it concerns me,
490
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,050
- and that is it.
- Yeah, I know.
491
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,050
It does not concern you! It is none of your business!
492
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,650
I don't have to tell you anything!
493
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:34,350
And you do not have the right to make me feel guilty because I didn't tell you anything.
494
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:36,650
- I wasn't trying...
- I have been tying my own shoes
495
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:40,350
since I was I was four, I have repairing my own car since I was fourteen,
496
00:21:40,450 --> 00:21:43,350
and I have been making my own decisions since I could crawl!
497
00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:44,250
What does any of that have to do with anything?
498
00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:46,550
I owe you nothing!
499
00:21:46,950 --> 00:21:47,850
- Fine.
- Nothing!
500
00:21:48,050 --> 00:21:48,850
Fine!
501
00:21:48,950 --> 00:21:51,150
And shovel your walk! It is a safety hazard
502
00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:55,350
and you can't just walk past it and ignore the fact that the snow is up to your ass!
503
00:21:55,550 --> 00:21:57,050
You've got my shovel!
504
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:59,350
I loaned it to you three years ago!
505
00:22:02,050 --> 00:22:04,550
When you boil it down, isn't the whole Israeli-Palestinian problem
506
00:22:04,650 --> 00:22:06,650
- a case of sibling rivalry?
- Follow up?
507
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,650
The Old Testament, it's all there.
508
00:22:08,950 --> 00:22:11,250
Israelis are descendents of Abraham and Sarah.
509
00:22:11,450 --> 00:22:13,950
Arabs are descendents of Abraham and his maid Hagar.
510
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:16,350
So Israelis and Arabs both have the same dad,
511
00:22:16,450 --> 00:22:18,950
and both want the great nation God promised Abraham.
512
00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:21,450
They might as well be fighting over who gets the TV remote.
513
00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:23,250
Your Biblical facts are correct, Paris,
514
00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:26,350
but your arguments disregard the complexities of the last 4000 years.
515
00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:28,650
I know research takes time.
516
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:31,450
At least I don't have to worry about Cheech growing Thai stick in the rec room.
517
00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:32,550
- What?
- Nothing.
518
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:33,850
Okay. Anyone else?
519
00:22:33,950 --> 00:22:36,050
It's just a power struggle, nothing mysterious.
520
00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:38,150
- Follow up?
- Who wins in this game?
521
00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:40,550
And in whose best interest is it to keep the kids fighting?
522
00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:42,850
Right, like they're some all powerful entity,
523
00:22:42,950 --> 00:22:44,950
manipulating the entire population of Israel.
524
00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:46,650
There's a good thought process for you.
525
00:22:46,850 --> 00:22:48,450
- Excuse me?
- It's more complex than that.
526
00:22:48,650 --> 00:22:50,950
- But if you disregard power...
- That's not what I said.
527
00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:54,250
Maybe if you sat up straight for a minute you could hear a little more clearly.
528
00:22:54,350 --> 00:22:55,550
Decorum, people.
529
00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:58,450
Israel is made up of over 6 million individuals,
530
00:22:58,650 --> 00:23:01,250
each with a unique view on the situation.
531
00:23:01,350 --> 00:23:03,950
You know something about a unique view of a situation, don't you?
532
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:05,050
I guess -
533
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:08,850
Because propaganda and the spreading of blatant, heinous, ridiculous lies
534
00:23:08,950 --> 00:23:12,950
can cause more damage than guns or bombs or any sort of weaponry.
535
00:23:13,050 --> 00:23:14,950
Personally, if I'm in an alley with Osama,
536
00:23:15,050 --> 00:23:18,050
I'd rather he was armed with a blatant, heinous lie than an Uzi.
537
00:23:18,150 --> 00:23:19,150
That's cause you're an idiot.
538
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,350
You know, you didn't look scary when you came in here.
539
00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:22,750
Oh yeah, give me back my pencil.
540
00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:26,150
Okay, you two. Let's take a cooling off period and hear from someone else.
541
00:23:26,850 --> 00:23:28,450
Sarah, your thoughts on this.
542
00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:31,250
- I'm starving.
- Order a pizza.
543
00:23:31,450 --> 00:23:33,350
No, it's snowing, they won't deliver.
544
00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:35,250
- Then go to Al's.
- It's curry night!
545
00:23:35,550 --> 00:23:36,950
China Charlie's sounds pretty good.
546
00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:38,550
- I hate Chinese.
- Since when?
547
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,350
Since tonight!
548
00:23:39,450 --> 00:23:40,750
You're acting like a four year old.
549
00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:42,150
I don't care, I'm bored.
550
00:23:42,350 --> 00:23:43,850
This is stupid, just go to Luke's.
551
00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:45,050
No. Way.
552
00:23:45,150 --> 00:23:46,850
Oh, come on, you guys always fight.
553
00:23:46,950 --> 00:23:48,850
- Not like this.
- And then you make up.
554
00:23:48,950 --> 00:23:50,450
No, I'm not going to Luke's.
555
00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:53,150
- You're gonna starve to death.
- Well fine, I will starve to death,
556
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,250
because I'm not going to reward bad behavior.
557
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,550
Is there something in the fridge?
558
00:23:56,850 --> 00:23:57,850
Nothing edible.
559
00:23:58,050 --> 00:23:59,950
There's Beefaroni. You like Beefaroni.
560
00:24:00,050 --> 00:24:01,350
I'm not in the mood for Beefaroni.
561
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,150
Mom, you have to do something.
562
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:04,250
I need a suggestion.
563
00:24:04,350 --> 00:24:06,250
- Have you read The Bell Jar?
- Not funny!
564
00:24:06,450 --> 00:24:08,050
Okay, you know what, you're on your own.
565
00:24:08,150 --> 00:24:09,650
No, no! Come on!
566
00:24:09,850 --> 00:24:11,750
I have to study and you're in your stubborn mood.
567
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,550
Hey! I sat up with you all night when you had the chicken pox.
568
00:24:14,650 --> 00:24:17,650
I held your hands so that you couldn't scratch your face and scar your perfect skin.
569
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,550
- You look that way because of me.
- Night, mom.
570
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,050
But, ah, the chicken pox!
571
00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:22,850
Beefaroni, it's calling you!
572
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:39,650
One, and two, and three and four.
573
00:24:39,750 --> 00:24:42,250
Ignore the bells, they aren't the beat.
574
00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:44,950
The bells will screw, it all to hell.
575
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,950
And one, and two, and three, and four...
576
00:25:02,850 --> 00:25:04,550
You want to help me break the bells?
577
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:06,350
I'll get my toolbox.
578
00:25:12,250 --> 00:25:13,450
- I'll just be a sec.
- 'Kay.
579
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:29,950
Got it, let's go.
580
00:25:30,450 --> 00:25:31,350
Right behind you.
581
00:25:42,550 --> 00:25:44,950
Sorry, Zack, anything immobile is fair game.
582
00:25:45,750 --> 00:25:47,250
- I'm so hyped.
- Me too.
583
00:25:47,450 --> 00:25:48,550
Did you find Blondie anywhere?
584
00:25:48,650 --> 00:25:50,450
No, I think they repainted at some point.
585
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:52,650
Repainting is so not rock and roll!
586
00:25:53,850 --> 00:25:56,150
You have seriously gotta stop that.
587
00:25:56,350 --> 00:25:57,150
Sue me.
588
00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:58,550
Hey, here are The Strokes!
589
00:25:58,750 --> 00:25:59,550
Yawn.
590
00:26:00,050 --> 00:26:02,550
Hey, you almost done, you've been tuning for a half hour.
591
00:26:02,850 --> 00:26:04,750
Almost. Geez, I'm nervous.
592
00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:06,250
Yeah, you're shaking like the Pope.
593
00:26:06,550 --> 00:26:08,050
- You do it for me.
- Fine.
594
00:26:08,350 --> 00:26:09,750
So, do we get to sign the wall?
595
00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:11,450
Oh, we are signing the wall!
596
00:26:11,550 --> 00:26:13,950
It's the whole reason to be in the band, that and the loose chicks.
597
00:26:14,050 --> 00:26:15,350
Here are The Strokes again!
598
00:26:15,550 --> 00:26:16,850
Yeah, they're over there too.
599
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,150
Man, they're overexposed, even on walls.
600
00:26:20,550 --> 00:26:23,550
Hey guys, bad news. I'm gonna have to bump you.
601
00:26:23,850 --> 00:26:25,150
- What?
- What does that mean?
602
00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:26,950
It means you're bumped. You're not playing.
603
00:26:27,050 --> 00:26:27,950
We'll reschedule, okay?
604
00:26:28,150 --> 00:26:29,150
Drag!
605
00:26:29,350 --> 00:26:30,450
I guess I can stop tuning.
606
00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:32,850
No, don't stop tuning. I don't get this, why are we being bumped?
607
00:26:32,950 --> 00:26:34,750
There's like two people out in the audience
608
00:26:34,850 --> 00:26:37,950
and they're born again or something, and they're not even drinking.
609
00:26:38,150 --> 00:26:39,450
I'll get 'em drinking, I'm very good
610
00:26:39,550 --> 00:26:40,950
at working around religious mandates.
611
00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:43,150
- Older couple?
- Yeah.
612
00:26:43,450 --> 00:26:45,150
That's my parents. They don't drink.
613
00:26:45,450 --> 00:26:47,950
We'll just play for Brian's parents, that's fine with us.
614
00:26:48,050 --> 00:26:50,850
- This is unbelievable!
- Look guys, it happens.
615
00:26:51,050 --> 00:26:53,950
- I'm sorry, we're playing tonight.
- To an empty room.
616
00:26:54,150 --> 00:26:56,250
Every band plays to empty rooms at some point.
617
00:26:56,450 --> 00:26:57,850
They can be the most classic gigs.
618
00:26:58,050 --> 00:26:59,450
Look, I've already sent people home.
619
00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:01,050
The doorman, the waitresses-
620
00:27:01,150 --> 00:27:02,550
You don't need them, there's no one out there.
621
00:27:02,750 --> 00:27:04,250
- The sound guy.
- We don't need sound!
622
00:27:04,450 --> 00:27:05,750
Look, it's not up to you.
623
00:27:06,150 --> 00:27:07,350
We'll reschedule, okay?
624
00:27:07,850 --> 00:27:10,050
- Nice goin', dude.
- Don't dump on Gil!
625
00:27:10,350 --> 00:27:13,050
Excuse me, we're not done.
626
00:27:13,350 --> 00:27:14,250
I think we are.
627
00:27:14,450 --> 00:27:17,450
No, we are not just little gnats that you can flick away.
628
00:27:17,550 --> 00:27:18,950
We are professionals and some of us have gone through
629
00:27:19,050 --> 00:27:21,250
a lot of trouble to be here tonight, a lot of trouble.
630
00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:23,350
Then you have a lot of my sympathies.
631
00:27:24,150 --> 00:27:25,150
I need a cigarette.
632
00:27:25,650 --> 00:27:27,150
Get cancer, Darryl!
633
00:27:27,150 --> 00:27:29,350
Lane! Come on, you gotta roll with the punches.
634
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:31,050
- No, we have to play tonight.
- We can't!
635
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:32,950
What are you doing?
636
00:27:34,750 --> 00:27:35,550
Packing up?
637
00:27:36,050 --> 00:27:37,550
Just because Darryl said to?
638
00:27:37,750 --> 00:27:38,550
He's the booker.
639
00:27:38,650 --> 00:27:41,350
No, he's the man, and rock and roll is about saying no to the man!
640
00:27:41,450 --> 00:27:43,750
- This is a lot of trouble for nothing!
- Guys!
641
00:27:43,850 --> 00:27:45,750
- I said I'm sorry!
- It's not Gil's fault!
642
00:27:45,950 --> 00:27:46,650
Then whose is it?
643
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:48,650
Look, you gotta roll with the punches too, Zack.
644
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:50,350
You just stepped on my guitar!
645
00:27:50,450 --> 00:27:52,050
- I didn't see it.
- What are you blind?
646
00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:54,250
- Pretty much.
- Dude, get it together.
647
00:27:54,450 --> 00:27:56,150
I cannot believe that your parents don't drink.
648
00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:05,150
What, they lock the door to a church, are they serious?
649
00:28:05,250 --> 00:28:06,350
What if I need to do something holy?
650
00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:07,650
Like commit vandalism?
651
00:28:07,850 --> 00:28:09,550
Even she's sick of hearing the damn bells.
652
00:28:09,650 --> 00:28:11,250
- I'm gonna have to break the lock
- No wait.
653
00:28:11,950 --> 00:28:12,550
What are you doing?
654
00:28:12,750 --> 00:28:15,050
All those years of watching Hart to Hart are about to pay off.
655
00:28:15,450 --> 00:28:17,150
- What is that?
- It's my gym card.
656
00:28:17,350 --> 00:28:18,250
You joined a gym?
657
00:28:18,450 --> 00:28:19,250
- Yeah.
- When?
658
00:28:19,350 --> 00:28:21,450
After I had Rory, to lose the pregnancy weight.
659
00:28:21,550 --> 00:28:24,050
- Did you go?
- God, no. I was way too fat.
660
00:28:26,550 --> 00:28:31,450
Ah, praise be to Him and all the little lambs that frolic the earth
661
00:28:31,450 --> 00:28:33,750
- with their frankincense and myrrh and...
- Would you get inside?
662
00:28:38,950 --> 00:28:41,050
Oy! Would it kill God to dust?
663
00:28:41,150 --> 00:28:45,450
Okay, now just hold the flashlight, do not do any moving spotlight gags
664
00:28:45,550 --> 00:28:48,550
and point it at me and yell "Freeze, drop your weapons."
665
00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:52,650
How about if I shine it on the wall and do a dirty hand puppet show?
666
00:28:52,750 --> 00:28:55,350
Just stand back so the lightning only strikes you.
667
00:28:55,450 --> 00:28:57,450
So, what's the game plan here?
668
00:28:57,650 --> 00:29:00,450
Personally, I thought we could whack the bells really hard with a hammer.
669
00:29:00,550 --> 00:29:02,650
You don't break bells with a hammer.
670
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,350
Okay, I'm out. What's your plan, Clyde?
671
00:29:04,450 --> 00:29:08,250
I was thinking we could just jam the turnbuckle,
672
00:29:08,450 --> 00:29:10,550
or wedge the main mechanism,
673
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:13,450
just for fun disconnect a few of the clappers;
674
00:29:13,550 --> 00:29:16,050
Contrary to popular belief you don't have to break every bell.
675
00:29:16,250 --> 00:29:17,650
If you just damage a couple,
676
00:29:17,850 --> 00:29:20,450
say the tierce and the prime, you pretty much ruin the set.
677
00:29:20,650 --> 00:29:23,050
You must have been the top of your class at hunchback school.
678
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:24,850
Let's just say you can wait your whole life
679
00:29:25,050 --> 00:29:28,050
waiting for bells to fall into disrepair. Sometimes they need a push.
680
00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:30,950
No way! You broke the bells.
681
00:29:31,050 --> 00:29:31,950
You're welcome.
682
00:29:32,450 --> 00:29:35,350
It's a little narrow up there, so we should just take the tools that we need,
683
00:29:35,450 --> 00:29:36,450
leave the toolbox down here.
684
00:29:36,550 --> 00:29:38,650
God, these things are heavy. Don't you have a smaller toolbox?
685
00:29:38,850 --> 00:29:41,150
No, why would I have two toolboxes?
686
00:29:41,350 --> 00:29:42,750
'Cause then you'd have a big one and a small one.
687
00:29:42,850 --> 00:29:44,550
If you have a big one you don't need a small one.
688
00:29:44,850 --> 00:29:47,550
Don't say 'dirty', it's too easy. Hold these.
689
00:29:49,750 --> 00:29:53,450
So, why wasn't your toolbox at your new place?
690
00:29:53,550 --> 00:29:54,650
I needed it here.
691
00:29:55,450 --> 00:29:58,750
Usually moving requires lots of tools;
692
00:29:59,050 --> 00:30:01,350
hanging things, putting things together.
693
00:30:01,450 --> 00:30:03,450
Nicole hired a professional picture-hanger
694
00:30:03,550 --> 00:30:05,050
and we didn't have anything to put together.
695
00:30:05,150 --> 00:30:07,050
- Hand me a screwdriver.
- Phillips or flathead?
696
00:30:07,650 --> 00:30:09,350
- I know things.
- Phillips.
697
00:30:11,850 --> 00:30:13,950
Luke, how come you told me you moved?
698
00:30:14,050 --> 00:30:14,850
I did move.
699
00:30:15,050 --> 00:30:17,050
You may have moved, but none of your stuff did.
700
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,750
What are you talking about? Hand me the open-ended wrench.
701
00:30:20,350 --> 00:30:23,350
Luke, I was in your apartment. It's exactly the same.
702
00:30:23,550 --> 00:30:24,450
No, it's not.
703
00:30:24,550 --> 00:30:27,450
I just think it's weird you're pretending you moved when you didn't.
704
00:30:28,350 --> 00:30:29,550
I did move.
705
00:30:29,650 --> 00:30:31,250
- Luke, your bed wasn't even made.
- So?
706
00:30:31,350 --> 00:30:33,950
There were dishes in the sink, some kind of shake in the blender,
707
00:30:34,150 --> 00:30:35,750
Mega-Man protein powder on the counter.
708
00:30:35,850 --> 00:30:37,350
Remind me to mock you for that later, by the way.
709
00:30:37,450 --> 00:30:38,550
Can we talk about something else?
710
00:30:38,650 --> 00:30:40,850
Or better yet, let's not talk and just get this done.
711
00:30:41,150 --> 00:30:42,250
Does Nicole think you moved?
712
00:30:42,450 --> 00:30:44,350
Of course she thinks I moved, I did move.
713
00:30:44,550 --> 00:30:47,350
- Do you sleep there?
- Of course I sleep there.
714
00:30:47,450 --> 00:30:48,650
When was the last time you slept there?
715
00:30:48,750 --> 00:30:50,550
- I live there.
- So, last night?
716
00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:54,850
I had an early delivery and it didn't make sense to sleep there.
717
00:30:55,350 --> 00:30:57,150
- The day before?
- I was there for dinner.
718
00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:57,950
And after dinner?
719
00:30:58,050 --> 00:31:00,950
Nicole was getting a sore throat so it made sense to go back to my place
720
00:31:01,050 --> 00:31:02,450
- and not get sick.
- Your place?
721
00:31:03,350 --> 00:31:04,050
My old place.
722
00:31:04,250 --> 00:31:06,050
You didn't say your old place, you said your place.
723
00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:07,850
Well, I meant my old place.
724
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:11,250
- Luke, you don't live with Nicole.
- Yes, I do.
725
00:31:11,350 --> 00:31:14,350
You watch her TV, you eat her food, you keep stuff in a duffel bag at her house;
726
00:31:14,450 --> 00:31:15,750
you're a rude guest, not her boyfriend!
727
00:31:15,850 --> 00:31:17,950
- Husband.
- Whole other discussion.
728
00:31:18,050 --> 00:31:19,350
You know what, you're doing it again.
729
00:31:19,450 --> 00:31:20,050
Doing what again?
730
00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:22,650
You're passing judgment on my relationship with Nicole.
731
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:23,750
I'm not passing judgment.
732
00:31:23,850 --> 00:31:26,350
You passed judgment on our marriage, you passed judgment on our divorce
733
00:31:26,450 --> 00:31:29,550
and now you're passing judgment on our living together.
734
00:31:29,750 --> 00:31:31,250
I'm not passing judgment on you living together.
735
00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:33,850
You're passing judgment on you living together… by not living together.
736
00:31:33,950 --> 00:31:35,850
You know, I was a little tipsy on that cruise ship,
737
00:31:35,950 --> 00:31:38,750
but I don't remember anyone pronouncing us husband and wife and Lorelai.
738
00:31:38,850 --> 00:31:39,950
They may as well have,
739
00:31:40,050 --> 00:31:41,950
because I spend as much time with Nicole as you do.
740
00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:43,250
And the judgment's back!
741
00:31:43,450 --> 00:31:45,650
I could move in with you guys. You wouldn't know.
742
00:31:45,750 --> 00:31:48,050
You know, none of this is any of your business.
743
00:31:48,150 --> 00:31:49,550
- It's absolutely my business.
- How?
744
00:31:49,650 --> 00:31:53,250
Because! I wasted a week of my life adjusting to the idea
745
00:31:53,350 --> 00:31:55,750
that you had moved only to find out that you haven't moved.
746
00:31:55,850 --> 00:31:58,550
How much adjusting did you have to do? Nothing's changed!
747
00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:01,050
I still see you everyday, I still cook your food,
748
00:32:01,150 --> 00:32:03,450
I still serve your coffee. What do you care?
749
00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:05,950
- I care.
- Why?
750
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,150
Because I don't want you to move.
751
00:32:08,650 --> 00:32:11,350
Why? Why don't you want me to move?
752
00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:17,950
Lorelai? Luke?
753
00:32:21,550 --> 00:32:23,850
Oh, thank God! Carry on.
754
00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:32,950
Paris! It's 4:00 in the morning!
755
00:32:35,850 --> 00:32:36,750
What are you doing here?
756
00:32:36,850 --> 00:32:38,150
Funny you should ask,
757
00:32:38,250 --> 00:32:40,650
because I didn't know what to do and you always seem to know what to do,
758
00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:43,550
so I thought I'd drop by and ask you what to do.
759
00:32:43,650 --> 00:32:44,350
About what?
760
00:32:44,550 --> 00:32:45,450
I didn't come up with one.
761
00:32:45,650 --> 00:32:47,050
- One what?
- One alibi.
762
00:32:47,150 --> 00:32:47,750
What?
763
00:32:47,950 --> 00:32:48,850
I couldn't think of anything!
764
00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:49,850
Lane!
765
00:32:50,050 --> 00:32:52,550
I swear, I tried, but nothing I came up with sounded
766
00:32:52,650 --> 00:32:53,850
like she would believe it so I just left.
767
00:32:54,050 --> 00:32:55,050
What do you mean you just left?
768
00:32:55,150 --> 00:32:59,250
I mean I waited until she went to bed, which was about 9:15, and then I left.
769
00:32:59,350 --> 00:33:00,550
You didn't leave a note?
770
00:33:02,050 --> 00:33:02,850
You didn't call?
771
00:33:03,050 --> 00:33:05,250
I don't even think I locked the door behind me.
772
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:06,450
Lane, this is bad.
773
00:33:06,550 --> 00:33:09,350
I know, but I couldn't miss the gig, Rory.
774
00:33:09,450 --> 00:33:11,050
I mean it was CBGB's!
775
00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:13,450
I had to go and she wouldn't let me go.
776
00:33:15,150 --> 00:33:15,950
Where are you going?
777
00:33:16,350 --> 00:33:17,350
You have to call your mom.
778
00:33:17,750 --> 00:33:18,550
No way.
779
00:33:19,050 --> 00:33:20,650
Lane, she could be freaking out right now.
780
00:33:20,850 --> 00:33:22,350
I can't tell her. I can't call her.
781
00:33:22,550 --> 00:33:24,150
Well, what are you gonna do, just never go home again?
782
00:33:24,350 --> 00:33:25,550
You say that like it's a bad thing.
783
00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:27,450
It is a bad thing, a really bad thing!
784
00:33:27,650 --> 00:33:28,550
I can't talk to her.
785
00:33:28,950 --> 00:33:29,550
Fine.
786
00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:32,050
Who are you calling?
787
00:33:37,150 --> 00:33:38,050
I hate you.
788
00:33:38,150 --> 00:33:39,650
- Mom, are you awake?
- No.
789
00:33:39,850 --> 00:33:41,450
- Could you be awake?
- What's the matter?
790
00:33:41,750 --> 00:33:43,550
- Lane's here.
- What? Why?
791
00:33:43,650 --> 00:33:46,050
She snuck out of her house tonight, and she's scared to go home.
792
00:33:46,350 --> 00:33:47,750
She snuck out?
793
00:33:47,950 --> 00:33:49,350
She had something to do with the band.
794
00:33:49,550 --> 00:33:51,550
She snuck out!
795
00:33:51,650 --> 00:33:52,550
Yes.
796
00:33:52,750 --> 00:33:53,550
Bye.
797
00:33:53,850 --> 00:33:54,550
What are you doing?
798
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:55,950
I'm calling Mrs. Kim.
799
00:33:56,150 --> 00:33:57,050
Mom, no.
800
00:33:57,250 --> 00:33:59,150
Rory, if I woke up and you weren't there,
801
00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:00,650
I would have a friggin' heart attack.
802
00:34:00,850 --> 00:34:04,450
Now keep Lane there and tell her I am pissed as hell at her.
803
00:34:04,650 --> 00:34:05,650
Goodbye.
804
00:34:09,650 --> 00:34:15,350
Mrs. Kim, it's Lorelai Gilmore. I am so sorry to be calling so late and,
805
00:34:15,550 --> 00:34:19,550
I don't know if you know this or not, but Lane isn't there.
806
00:34:19,750 --> 00:34:20,650
Where is she?
807
00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:24,350
Well, she went out tonight, and I think she was just scared to tell you about it,
808
00:34:24,550 --> 00:34:27,050
but she is fine. She's with Rory at Yale
809
00:34:27,250 --> 00:34:30,150
and they're safe and they promise to stay put.
810
00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:31,350
Give me the address!
811
00:34:31,550 --> 00:34:35,550
198 Elm Street, Durfee Hall, suite five. Do you need directions?
812
00:34:35,750 --> 00:34:37,150
I have a navigational system.
813
00:34:37,350 --> 00:34:39,550
Okay, well, call me if you need anything.
814
00:35:03,050 --> 00:35:03,850
Luke!
815
00:35:04,550 --> 00:35:06,550
Hey, Mrs. Kim. You're up early.
816
00:35:06,850 --> 00:35:09,250
I just want to tell you that Lane will not be coming to work today.
817
00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:10,850
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.
818
00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:11,850
You know?
819
00:35:12,050 --> 00:35:12,750
Yeah, she called.
820
00:35:13,150 --> 00:35:14,450
- She called?
- Twice.
821
00:35:14,550 --> 00:35:17,450
She left a message last night and she called again a minute ago
822
00:35:17,650 --> 00:35:21,450
just to make sure I got it. I tell you, that is one responsible kid.
823
00:35:21,750 --> 00:35:23,150
- She called you?
- Twice.
824
00:35:24,350 --> 00:35:26,150
She called you, she called Lorelai.
825
00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:27,250
Is everything okay?
826
00:35:27,450 --> 00:35:28,650
Everything's fine.
827
00:35:29,850 --> 00:35:31,650
- I'm going home.
- Okay.
828
00:35:51,850 --> 00:35:53,850
Let's not stray too far from the coffee cart.
829
00:35:53,950 --> 00:35:55,450
I can barely feel my feet this morning.
830
00:35:55,750 --> 00:35:57,450
The floor wasn't too comfortable, huh?
831
00:35:57,550 --> 00:36:00,150
No, tit was fine until Paris came home and stepped on my face.
832
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:02,350
The stepping on my face wasn't too comfortable.
833
00:36:02,550 --> 00:36:04,550
At least Paris doesn't tend to wear heels.
834
00:36:04,850 --> 00:36:06,050
Where was she so late?
835
00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:09,350
I don't know, Paris's business is Paris's business.
836
00:36:09,950 --> 00:36:11,150
I wish I lived in a dorm.
837
00:36:11,450 --> 00:36:12,650
Hey, have you called your mother yet?
838
00:36:12,850 --> 00:36:13,550
Nope.
839
00:36:13,950 --> 00:36:17,150
Oh good, because the longer you wait, the easier it's going to be.
840
00:36:17,350 --> 00:36:20,250
I still can't believe she didn't just show up in the middle of the night,
841
00:36:20,450 --> 00:36:23,050
kick down the door, douse the place with holy water.
842
00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:25,550
Maybe she wanted a chance to cool off.
843
00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:27,250
No, that's your mother.
844
00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:29,250
My mother's the kicker and the douser.
845
00:36:29,450 --> 00:36:31,250
No, Mrs. Kim is sending a message.
846
00:36:31,550 --> 00:36:32,550
What message is that?
847
00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:35,050
The message is, "You messed up, kid,
848
00:36:35,150 --> 00:36:38,050
and now you get to sit there and panic about what's gonna happen next,
849
00:36:38,250 --> 00:36:40,150
and while you're panicking thinking about what's gonna happen next,
850
00:36:40,250 --> 00:36:42,450
you get to find your own way home,
851
00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:45,350
cause the Mrs. Kim shuttle van service is closed for business."
852
00:36:45,550 --> 00:36:46,750
So, it's a wordy message.
853
00:36:47,050 --> 00:36:48,550
Everything's so screwed up:
854
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:51,050
my life, everything I'm doing.
855
00:36:51,250 --> 00:36:52,150
It's not that bad.
856
00:36:52,450 --> 00:36:54,450
It is that bad. I mean, look at this.
857
00:36:54,550 --> 00:36:57,150
Look at where you are, look at what you have.
858
00:36:57,350 --> 00:36:59,050
I'm so jealous you have a life.
859
00:36:59,150 --> 00:37:00,150
You have a life too.
860
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:01,750
Yeah, just not a very good one.
861
00:37:01,850 --> 00:37:02,650
Lane, come on.
862
00:37:02,850 --> 00:37:05,150
You're healthy, you have a band and a boyfriend,
863
00:37:05,250 --> 00:37:07,450
and so what if school is boring?
864
00:37:07,550 --> 00:37:09,550
You won't be in school forever. You have a good life.
865
00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:11,050
I'm weak.
866
00:37:12,050 --> 00:37:13,250
I have no spine.
867
00:37:13,650 --> 00:37:15,450
If you had no spine you'd be walking funny.
868
00:37:15,750 --> 00:37:17,950
I wanna thank you for letting me crash here last night.
869
00:37:18,150 --> 00:37:19,350
Of course, any time.
870
00:37:19,550 --> 00:37:20,450
I gotta get going.
871
00:37:20,850 --> 00:37:22,750
Do you want to wait till this afternoon?
872
00:37:22,850 --> 00:37:24,650
I can give you a ride home when I'm done with classes.
873
00:37:24,850 --> 00:37:27,550
Now. I have to get home. I have to take care of this.
874
00:37:27,750 --> 00:37:29,250
Okay, come on.
875
00:37:29,650 --> 00:37:30,650
Where are we going?
876
00:37:30,850 --> 00:37:33,950
I can't send you home to Mrs. Kim without a purse full of mini donuts.
877
00:37:34,050 --> 00:37:36,450
You know, I believe that's how Mother Theresa got started.
878
00:37:36,850 --> 00:37:38,150
Really, I heard it was Pixie Stix.
879
00:37:49,850 --> 00:37:51,250
Hey, it's Madeleine Albright.
880
00:37:54,050 --> 00:37:54,850
You know what?
881
00:37:55,350 --> 00:37:57,050
I do not appreciate you calling me that.
882
00:37:57,150 --> 00:38:00,750
In fact, I don't appreciate you talking to me, or about me at all.
883
00:38:00,950 --> 00:38:02,750
- Fine.
- I know you've been telling the story.
884
00:38:02,950 --> 00:38:03,750
What story?
885
00:38:03,950 --> 00:38:06,750
The laundry room story. Remember the laundry room?
886
00:38:06,850 --> 00:38:08,450
Machines, rinse cycle...
887
00:38:08,650 --> 00:38:10,150
I asked you to get coffee, that's it.
888
00:38:10,350 --> 00:38:12,650
I did not ask you to get married, or say that I loved you,
889
00:38:12,850 --> 00:38:16,050
or ask to have your children. And I'm not stalking you!
890
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:18,750
It was a complete coincidence that I happened to go into a meeting
891
00:38:18,850 --> 00:38:21,350
that you happened to be in. I had no idea you were there.
892
00:38:21,550 --> 00:38:26,350
And it's hard to ask someone out and it puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position!
893
00:38:26,650 --> 00:38:30,050
So, it's cruel to use that incident as a funny cocktail story.
894
00:38:30,150 --> 00:38:33,050
So from now on, I would appreciate it if you would refrain from telling
895
00:38:33,150 --> 00:38:36,950
the hilarious laundry room incident to anyone, anywhere, ever again.
896
00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:39,150
I wasn't talking about you.
897
00:38:41,350 --> 00:38:42,250
What?
898
00:38:42,650 --> 00:38:44,350
There was this girl from the third floor,
899
00:38:44,450 --> 00:38:47,150
she asked me out like a 100 times. She followed me to class.
900
00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:49,250
She baked me a cake every day for a month,
901
00:38:49,450 --> 00:38:52,650
then she snuck in my window and hid in my closet, covered in whipped cream.
902
00:38:52,950 --> 00:38:56,150
Oh, that is a little … extreme.
903
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:58,150
I didn't tell anybody about the laundry room.
904
00:38:58,450 --> 00:39:00,850
Well, good.
905
00:39:02,750 --> 00:39:06,750
Do you think that you could maybe not tell anyone this story also,
906
00:39:07,050 --> 00:39:10,050
'cause, that would be great. Thanks.
907
00:40:00,750 --> 00:40:01,650
Is this all?
908
00:40:16,950 --> 00:40:17,850
That's all.
909
00:40:20,650 --> 00:40:21,550
I'm sorry.
910
00:40:23,050 --> 00:40:24,050
About what?
911
00:40:24,150 --> 00:40:25,550
I'm sorry about last night.
912
00:40:26,250 --> 00:40:28,250
I don't want to keep secrets from you.
913
00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:29,450
You don't?
914
00:40:30,250 --> 00:40:33,750
My band had this amazing chance
915
00:40:33,850 --> 00:40:36,950
to play this really famous club last night
916
00:40:37,650 --> 00:40:39,650
and I didn't know how to tell you about it.
917
00:40:39,850 --> 00:40:41,350
I knew you wouldn't approve,
918
00:40:41,550 --> 00:40:44,050
you wouldn't approve of me being in the band
919
00:40:44,350 --> 00:40:46,650
or the music we were playing
920
00:40:47,350 --> 00:40:50,050
and I can't even imagine what you would have said
921
00:40:50,150 --> 00:40:52,750
if I had asked you to let me stay out 'til four in the morning.
922
00:40:52,950 --> 00:40:53,950
I would have said no.
923
00:40:54,150 --> 00:40:56,750
Well, then I guess I could have imagined it after all.
924
00:40:57,350 --> 00:40:58,150
How long?
925
00:40:58,450 --> 00:40:59,350
How long what?
926
00:40:59,650 --> 00:41:01,450
How long … this.
927
00:41:03,150 --> 00:41:05,350
I started it when I was six,
928
00:41:06,350 --> 00:41:10,850
the day you told me the Cookie Monster was one of the seven deadly sins.
929
00:41:10,950 --> 00:41:13,450
- Gluttony.
- Yes, gluttony.
930
00:41:13,950 --> 00:41:16,350
So, I made you do this?
931
00:41:16,450 --> 00:41:17,450
No, I just...
932
00:41:18,750 --> 00:41:22,750
I want to please you so badly, but I can't.
933
00:41:23,850 --> 00:41:26,850
I mean, look at you, look at what happened last night.
934
00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:31,350
It's not good. I don't want anything like this to ever happen again.
935
00:41:32,350 --> 00:41:34,750
I've been thinking a lot about this, our situation,
936
00:41:34,850 --> 00:41:38,050
and I think I figured out a way to make everything better.
937
00:41:38,250 --> 00:41:39,050
You have?
938
00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:41,850
I don't want to go to Seventh Day Adventist College anymore.
939
00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:46,550
I want to be able to play with my band. I want to be a drummer.
940
00:41:47,450 --> 00:41:50,550
I will happily go to community college, and I will happily live at home
941
00:41:50,650 --> 00:41:54,750
and adhere to your curfew, except on the nights when the band plays or practices.
942
00:41:55,050 --> 00:41:57,550
This way, I can get what I want
943
00:41:57,650 --> 00:42:00,250
and I won't be lying to you or sneaking around.
944
00:42:00,350 --> 00:42:01,950
This way we can both be happy.
945
00:42:03,050 --> 00:42:04,750
Children do not make the rules.
946
00:42:05,950 --> 00:42:11,150
You may… move out and live like that somewhere else.
947
00:42:19,950 --> 00:42:21,550
I think you handled that very well.
948
00:42:21,650 --> 00:42:24,050
- I was so humiliated.
- You didn't know.
949
00:42:24,150 --> 00:42:27,550
How self-centered am I that I just assumed that he was talking about me?
950
00:42:27,750 --> 00:42:30,150
I would have assumed the same thing, so, incredibly self-centered.
951
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:33,550
All I know is I can't show my face in International Relations Club again,
952
00:42:33,650 --> 00:42:36,550
or the laundry room, or the dining room, or anywhere.
953
00:42:36,650 --> 00:42:39,850
Hey, if that nut job who jumped out of his closet Reddi-Whipped
954
00:42:39,950 --> 00:42:41,250
is still hanging around, I think you're fine.
955
00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:42,550
- Hey, it's 4:00.
- So?
956
00:42:42,850 --> 00:42:45,250
- Where are the bells?
- They... stopped.
957
00:42:45,350 --> 00:42:46,450
What happened?
958
00:42:46,650 --> 00:42:48,750
I don't know, they just haven't been working all day.
959
00:42:48,850 --> 00:42:50,050
Oh. Too bad.
960
00:42:50,250 --> 00:42:51,850
Yeah, ain't it though.
961
00:42:52,550 --> 00:42:54,150
Someone's at the door. Call me tomorrow.
962
00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:55,050
You bet.
963
00:42:55,350 --> 00:42:57,150
- You okay?
- Yeah, why?
964
00:42:57,350 --> 00:42:58,950
You just sound a little distracted.
965
00:42:59,150 --> 00:43:02,450
Do I? No, I'm good, I just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all.
966
00:43:02,650 --> 00:43:04,450
- Okay, see you later.
- Bye.
967
00:43:08,050 --> 00:43:08,850
What are you doing here?
968
00:43:09,250 --> 00:43:11,050
Well, funny you should ask.
969
00:43:15,450 --> 00:43:25,450
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