What in the hell do you think you're doing?
I was just getting some coffee.
- You came behind my counter. - I saw Lorelai do it the other day.
Lorelai is my fiancée.
So, only people you're sleeping with
- are allowed to go behind the counter? - Yes.
Well, I don't really know you that well, Luke.
I mean, I know what you do for a living,
and I know you're a Scorpio and you smell okay,
but we've never really connected on a deeper level...
- Get out from behind my counter, Kirk! - Well, now it's a definite no.
Oh, my God! Look who's back!
Why, I believe it's those adorable Gilmore girls!
- My! How we have missed them. - I hear they're different now.
- A little sad. - A little broke.
Don't you two believe in jet lag?
No way! We're still flying on the Atlantic City buzz.
Hey, handsome. Were you bad while I was gone?
I was. I went to bed every night at 10:15.
Grandpa, what am I gonna do with you?
- Hey, Luke. - Hey, Rory.
We, on the other hand, have not been to bed at all since we left.
- We did fall over once, though. - Did you have a good trip?
I believe it was the best belated 21st birthday party on record.
- What's different? - No Kahlúa.
Oh, right!
Which reminds me, sorry about all the drunken late-night phone calls.
What drunken late-night phone calls?
So, do you wanna hear about all the things we can tell you about our trip?
I'm not sure.
Okay. Well, first of all, video poker is my calling.
I think that I'm totally gonna dedicate my life to it.
Especially the third machine in the second row of machines
as you hit the entrance of Trump Taj Mahal.
I'm more of a roulette girl, myself.
And we did the whole thing up right, you know?
We did the martinis at the blackjack table.
I would pretend that I was turning 21 while we were playing 21.
And we actually won and bought our 21 items.
Shot glasses, glow-in-the-dark coasters, salt and peppershakers, pasties.
- Oh, and look. - What's that?
Twenty-one guys' phone numbers.
I must say, I'm pretty proud of how quickly we got them
and also of the fact that no one questioned us
when we said our names were Wendy and Lisa.
So tell me, how was Paul Anka, the person not the dog?
We didn't get to see him.
- Why not? It's all you talked about. - The billboard was old
and his show had actually closed a week before we got there.
So who'd you end up seeing?
Well, it came down to Journey without their original lead singer,
INXS without their original lead singer,
Queen without their original lead singer,
The Supremes without Diana,
and weirdly, the James Brown band without James Brown.
But we wound up seeing Tony Danza, who was sublime.
Oh, the tap dancing!
Why Taxi never utilized his musical comedy skills is astonishing.
- Sounds great. - We snagged you a Paul Anka T-shirt.
Had some left over.
- Wear it tonight. - Okay.
I'm making you burgers.
Wait, wait. You haven't seen the best part yet.
- What? - We were walking.
Well, sort of walking, sort of drunk girls-in-high-heels stumbling.
Down the street and we see this guy.
And Luke, my hand to God, it's you.
It's totally you. Luke 2.0.
We came face-to-face with your doppelgänger, my friend.
- So we followed him. - Yeah, 'cause we had to.
And he went into this nightclub, so we followed him.
'Cause we're now stalkers and obsessed with getting his picture.
So, we follow him through this, kind of, grungy place and he goes backstage.
- He's in the biz. - Yeah, so we sneak behind the curtain
and we track him down, and we told him all about you,
and then I showed him your picture and he totally freaked out.
Wait. I got it.
Luke, I want you to meet Dereck McKinney.
- Your twin, separated at birth. - This is a man dressed like Dolly Parton.
You should hear him do Jolene. Amazing.
You think I look like a guy dressed as Dolly Parton?
Well, I mean a little less with the makeup, but check out the chins.
I'm gonna get you burgers.
- He missed us. - Definitely.
Mom! I gotta go!
Hold on. Wait, I'm coming!
Here's sustenance for the road.
For the very long, 30-minute ride back to school?
Thank God. I don't think I would've made it.
- Do you have everything? - I think so.
Oh, no!
What? What are you doing? Why do you hate the boxes?
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
I accidentally forgot to turn in my community service vest!
- So? - So, this vest belongs to the state.
I have now stolen state property!
They're gonna give me community service
for stealing my community service vest!
Okay, freaky link, hand me the vest. I will personally deliver it to the state.
Okay? What's next on your agenda?
I'm just gonna head straight over to Paris's apartment.
I can't believe you're gonna live with Paris again. Again.
Hey, she's got an empty room and the price is right.
And all the housing on campus is taken.
So it's either that or a cardboard box.
Okay, but how big a cardboard box?
After I dump my stuff at Paris's, I have to hit campus.
I still have some class begging to do.
I have to add two courses to my schedule
if I'm gonna make up all the work I've missed this year.
You don't have to make up everything right away.
I do if I want to graduate at the same time I would've before the detour.
Anyway, I have tons of books to buy.
I have a meeting with the dean.
Oh, and of course, I have a meeting with the school psychologist.
Back up! I'm sorry. You are meeting with who?
- I told you about this. - No, you did not.
Every student who unexpectedly takes time off and wants to come back,
has to have a one-time meeting with the school psychologist.
- You did not tell me this. - I did, too.
No, you did not. Because I would have remembered
if you told me you had to have your head shrunk.
It's just a formality.
They just wanna make sure I'm stable and that everything's cool.
I can't believe you're going to a therapist.
You know, they're totally gonna ask you about me.
What?
They always wanna ask about your mother.
It's okay, say whatever you want,
but make sure you start with, "My mother's very hot..."
Yes, that won't seem at all disturbing to the doctor.
- I have to get going. - I don't want you to go.
- Mom! - No, you just got here.
But you're gonna come see me in three days.
I know, but with our stupid fight, I got cheated this year.
I know. Me, too.
Come here.
Okay.
All right. That's enough affection for you.
- Paul Anka, come say goodbye. - I haven't seen him all morning.
Paul Anka!
Well, I guess he doesn't like you better than me.
- Fickle pooch, that one. - Well, he knows who pours the kibble.
Well, say goodbye to him for me and I'll call you tonight.
- Okay. Bye. Hey! - What?
He does like me better!
Oh, you put bacon in your laundry!
Paul Anka likes me better. Paul Anka likes me better.
First, Tony Danza tosses you the corsage, and now this.
Get out of here, you... Yeah.
That's right. Avoid my glance there, buddy.
It's the sugar on the toe thing. A dog never forgets his first sugar toe.
I thought you had, like, a million things to do today.
- Suddenly not so sad to see me go, huh? - What? No. Don't be a stranger. Bye-bye.
Bye, Paul Anka.
If you squint really hard, she kind of looks like me.
Take off, lady.
Judas! Get back here right now!
So, what are your initial thoughts about your wedding?
Well, it should be legal.
- Good. Okay and after that? - After that I'm out.
How about a hometown wedding?
Town square. Ceremony in the gazebo.
- Gaze-blah. - Okay. Boring.
- I got it. How about a church wedding? - Maybe.
Oh, beach wedding, huh?
- No shoes. Luke can wear shorts. - No.
But I wanna be with you when you pitch the shorts idea to Luke.
Okay, no consensus on the locale.
- Let's move on to the dress. - Okay.
- Any thoughts? - There should be one.
Okay. Doing great here.
- Are you gonna eat that cake? - Why, you want it?
Well, it's just sitting there and it doesn't look like you're gonna eat it.
Oh, my God. You want our table, don't you?
- Yeah, we're swamped. - Luke, I'm your fiancée.
That doesn't buy me a little extra table-time?
You've been sitting there for two hours.
- We're planning our wedding. - Well, plan it at the counter.
You want a counter-planned wedding? Seriously?
- Coming right up! Forget I said anything. - Yeah.
- Hey, that's a pretty dress. - Maybe. It's very white.
- You don't wanna wear white? - Maybe. I'm not sure.
Of course you're gonna wear white. Brides wear white. That's the rule.
- Says who? - You have to wear white.
My mother wore white, her mother wore white.
Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke!
- Do you know who I am? - Of course I know who you are.
- Who am I, Luke? - You're Sookie.
No, Luke. I'm not Sookie.
I'm Sookie, B.F.O.T.B.
- What? - Best friend of the bride.
It is my responsibility to help plan this event,
to talk through all the details, to taste the cake and pick the invitations,
and to keep you, the fiancé of the bride,
from having to pretend to be interested in things that he has no interest in.
- I have an... - No, you don't!
- I have an interest. - B.F.O.T.B!
- But I'm not... - Luke, your turkey melt is up.
- Oh, Luke, your turkey melt's up. - Fine.
- Refills? - Yes. See? I can make decisions.
- What's all this? - We are planning a wedding.
Oh, super. Well, at least there'll be cake.
Wow. It's nice that my outlook on life is sunnier than a 21-year-old's.
Okay, let's start with something simple. A date for the wedding.
Okay. That does sound simple.
Now, some people have mentioned some conflicts
and I think we should take those into consideration.
- Okay. - Miss Patty is going to be in Baja
the first two weeks in April.
And Babette said the last two weeks in April are bad
- because her cat's expecting kittens. - That little tramp.
Michel is bad every Saturday from now until February
because he signed up for his bootie boot camp again.
Kirk has no conflicts,
but Lulu is going to Florida sometime between May 15 and June 1.
- Yeah, who's Lulu? - Kirk's girlfriend.
Yeah, we're not moving wedding plans around
for people whose last names I don't even know!
- Luke! - What?
- Who am I? - Oh, jeez.
Apartment 5 is Mrs. Holiday. She steals mail.
Apartment 6 is the chili cheese boys. Take the description at face value.
I don't know who's in Apartment 7
because meeting 5 and 6 was, enough It Takes A Village for me.
- Here we are. Apartment 8. - Eight is great.
Okay. Now, you have to unlock the middle bolt first,
the bottom bolt second,
the top lock third,
the bottom lock fourth,
you gotta kick the door twice, and that's it.
Wow. You really have to earn it, huh?
It's just a precaution. It isn't really necessary.
This neighborhood is only as scary as you make it.
Those guys downstairs, they just look deadly.
Believe me, they don't bother you if you don't bother them.
When you have guests over, just tell them they're a doo-wop group.
We keep the door fully locked, even when we're home.
We actually added the chains
after there were a couple of break-ins on the street.
But we've never had any trouble.
We've actually got a very sophisticated crime-prevention system set up here.
When we leave, we always keep the radio on,
Rush Limbaugh, of course, so they know we have guns in the house.
The lights are all on a timer, so don't touch the switches,
and there's a motion detector in the hallway,
so don't freak out when it goes on at night.
Now, over here is our trusty dog, Bloodhound.
Excellent for magazine pushers and pamphlet bearers of all types.
- You've got it all covered. - Pretty much.
That's our room, that's your room.
They're both the same size but we have an extra window
'cause Doyle has dreams about walls collapsing in on him,
so he needs to sleep near glass.
- Oh, my God. Were those gunshots? - No. That was just a car backfiring.
The real gunfire actually sounds fake.
You'll pick it up eventually. They call it "ghetto ear."
Something to look forward to.
Now, Doyle sleeps very deeply, so don't worry about the hours.
I, as you know, haven't slept through the night
since the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz. Thank you, Mom.
So I tend to do my crafts in the middle of the night,
but the walls are very thick. You won't hear a thing.
Oh, now the hot water in the bathroom...
You let your guard down, Geller, and I did it! I got the best of you!
- I was giving a tour! - Admit your defeat!
- Never! Rematch! - Challenge accepted!
- Helmets on! - What are you doing? What's going on?
When we moved into the neighborhood,
we thought it would be good to take some self-defense classes.
Krav Maga. The official self-defense, hand-to-hand combat style of Israel.
Krav Maga is not about being a tough guy, or fighting in a ring.
It's about going home alive, no matter what.
- And it's a rush! - Pads on!
Attack on three! One, two...
Okay, I'm gonna go get the rest of my stuff. So, I'm just gonna...
- Steinbeck! Steinbeck! - That's not your safety word!
I know. It's Saroyan!
You've been practicing behind my back!
I love you!
3418, 3418. Did we pass 3418?
Boy, this is a weak coffee.
Maybe I wrote it down wrong. Across the street from a butcher.
Or a barber. Or a Barbra.
Across the street from a Barbra. Oh, I wonder if it's a famous Barbra.
- Like Streisand or Mandrell. - Okay. I give.
I think we passed it.
This was supposed to be the best place to find wedding invitations
- and now we've passed it! - And since we've passed it,
it's just vanished from the face of the earth,
never to be seen again. Here, let me see the paper.
- Oh, yeah, we passed it. - Of course we have.
- And we're on the wrong side of the street. - Of course we are.
- Oh, look, look. - What? Oh, jeez.
Let's go in!
- Why? - To look at dresses!
Sookie, I don't even know what kind of dress I want.
- I may even make my own dress. - So what?
- We can just go in and look around. - They're going to look at us funny.
What are you talking about? You have the golden ticket.
I do, don't I?
You've got the golden ticket on your hand
All right. You're gonna stop singing when we go inside, right?
Otherwise they really will look at us funny.
Wow! This is a lot of white.
Try this on. I dare you!
I think this is the one Divine turned down for being too over the top.
- Are we allowed to touch these? - I don't know.
- Do you see anyone here? - No.
Maybe they're in back.
Maybe they've been taken hostage by the tulle.
Where you going?
- What are you doing? - Look.
- Pretty. - Not pretty. It's perfect.
- It's the perfect dress. - Really? You think?
I don't believe it. I just turned around and there it is.
The perfect dress.
It's your size.
The perfect dress is my size. That is weird.
Does anyone work here?
Hello? Does anyone work here?
- Oh, my God! - What?
It's on sale!
It's the perfect dress. That's it. I'm trying it on.
Oh, my God.
Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not looking for anything serious.
Look. Woman come in here, tell me this is full set of 1950s milk glass.
Does she think my mother dropped me on my head when I'm a baby?
I know Nigella Lawson when I see it.
I'm going upstairs.
Wait. Talk. How was work?
I handed people food for six and a half hours.
It's every little girl's dream.
I'm making kimchee dumplings tonight.
I smell like burgers and fries,
- so I'll have to shower. - Okay.
Which means I won't be ready for dinner for at least 45 minutes.
Fine. I need to make the dumplings. Dumpling don't make themselves.
And you might wanna put on your Korean television show
because I'm gonna listen to music
and it's going to be music that you don't approve of,
but I'm 21 now, so I'll listen to the music that I like when I like,
and that's just the way it's gonna be.
- Professor Geline! Professor Geline! - Sorry. I'm in a bit of a hurry.
That's okay. Don't slow down. I'll catch up.
- Hi. Rory Gilmore. - Nice to meet you, Rory.
And you. Really. I'm actually hoping to get a spot in your class.
It was full by the time I got my name in.
Not that my delay in registering should be taken as lack of enthusiasm.
Apparently not.
So anyhow, I'm really hoping to score a spot in your class.
- Well, add/drop begins tomorrow. - I'm aware of that.
I just thought I would start putting in a good word for myself right now.
So here's the good word. I'm dying to be in your class.
I even bought your book, see? The one you wrote for the class.
And I bought it new, not used, so you get full royalty payment on it.
- Well, thank you. - I wanna be in your class.
I can't make you any promises, but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
And by the way, I get full royalties whether you buy the book new or used.
See how much I've learned already?
- Goodbye, Rory. - I will see you tomorrow.
I knew you'd have to hit the coffee cart eventually.
Well, we're done.
- We're done with what? - With the wedding preparations.
- We're all done. - What?
I just dropped off a deposit check to the caterer
and I brought you some duck sausage rolls, by the way.
- Duck sausage rolls? - I know.
They sounded weird to me, too, but they're incredible.
I don't understand, how did this happen?
This morning, you didn't know whether you were gonna wear a white dress or not.
I know. But then Sookie and I went to check out these invitations, you know.
And right next door, there was this little bridal shop.
And we thought, "Oh, we'll just go in, look around."
You know, no big deal, just girl fun, right?
And I went in, and I turned around, and there it was.
- The perfect dress. - The...
The bodice is this blush-colored silk tulle, and has all these little crystal beads on it,
and the skirt is a blush silk tulle with a blush silk satin lining,
and the back goes into a train and...
Oh, it has a cream satin sash,
so you get a little white in there, which I know is very important to you.
And I tried it on and it fit me perfectly, and it was on sale and so I bought it.
And from the minute I bought the dress, everything else fell into place.
What does that mean?
Well, the dress is strapless, so, hello, summer wedding.
And summer means daisies, so flower choice, done.
And we went into this stationery store,
and there was the perfect daisy invitations,
which I know sounds a little girlie.
But seriously, there are no macho wedding invitations
so please just give me this one, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
So, I bought the invitations. The place is running a special!
They print the invites and mail them for you
and handle the R.S.V.P. list. So that's done.
Then we go to get some coffee, and in the window of the coffee shop,
there is a picture of a beautiful rose-covered church.
And I thought, "Gee, that's pretty. I wonder where that is."
- And do you know where it is? - No.
Right around the corner from the coffee shop.
- So we went in and talked to Pastor Todd. - Pastor Todd?
And the church is perfect.
And out back, there's a separate function hall
with these floor-to-ceiling windows and doors that open out,
and behind the hall is this old carousel.
- A carousel. - From 1850.
And it should be fully restored and working by June 3,
which, by the way, is the date of our wedding.
- June 3. - Yes.
Which is also, miraculously, a date
that absolutely no one in Stars Hollow has a conflict with,
and the Pastor was running a special.
- A special? - Yeah.
I rented the church and he gave me the hall for half-price
and he threw in the use of the carousel for nothing.
And his sister runs a catering company
and Sookie blessed it and so basically, that's it. We're done.
It was so weird how this happened, you know.
It's like the dress was a sign or something.
- There are no signs. - Oh, my God!
- What? - Oh, my God. It started snowing.
It started snowing right as I started talking about signs.
That, my friend, is a sign.
That is not a sign. That is weather.
No. This is more than weather. This is fate.
- June 3, huh? - June 3.
- That's soon. - I know.
- That's less than five months away. - I know.
Okay. I better get this back home before the snow gets any worse.
Oh, and I picked out your tuxedo.
You can stop by the place anytime you want,
and they were running a special, so the alterations are free.
City beat, Martha Billings. Editorials, Peter Brooke.
Sports, Russ Tamblin. Religion beat, Heather Torrence.
Religion beat. My former beat. Good luck, Heather.
And Features, Arlen Sather, Nick Scott, and the returning Rory Gilmore.
Also joining our ranks this year, our former editor, Doyle McMaster,
and his new column, "The World According to Doyle."
It's going to be a great term, people. An important term.
A term to change the history of the Yale Daily News.
The work will be hard. It has to be hard.
Nothing less than perfect will be tolerated.
Please remember that I am your editor.
I am not your mother or your hugger.
If you need some love, get a hooker.
If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal.
My door is not open to you. Ever.
You have five minutes to enjoy your cookies.
Welcome to the Yale Daily News.
Thanks for the features beat, Paris.
You deserve it. You're a good writer.
Thank you. And I know you're gonna be a great editor.
- I plan on it. - Yeah.
But, you know, you might wanna ease up just a tad.
What do you mean?
You know, the five minutes for the cookies,
the "No talking" signs posted everywhere,
the "no decorating your desk" rule, the new demerit system,
the locks on the bathroom doors.
It's just all a little harsh and restrictive. This is a newsroom.
People should be able to talk, yell, joke around...
- I don't agree. - ...go to the bathroom.
Journalism is an art form and the best art is created under repression.
Like Stalin's gulag.
You think Solzhenitsyn could have written
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich on a yoga retreat?
- Paris, I don't really think... - Oh, great.
I got a call saying your boyfriend was coming back.
He's not my boyfriend anymore, Paris. We broke up.
Hey, keep your personal stuff at home, okay?
I can't be seen caring about this.
My door is not open! Huntzberger! My office, now!
Sit down, Logan. Let's have a little talk about your future.
Sure, Paris.
Now, I know you think your sugar daddy runs the world
and that includes this paper,
and possibly in the past that was true, but not anymore.
You don't scare me.
Your daddy doesn't scare me. Your mommy doesn't scare me.
If you have a brother, a sister, or a really angry cat,
they don't scare me, either.
Hey! Either spin a plate on your nose while you do that
or cut it out, 'cause I am speaking!
- Sorry. - Oh, you will be.
Now, let's talk about deadlines. Emphasis on "dead."
So, the elevator's getting fixed on Monday,
but I'm thinking I may not even use it 'cause the stairs are excellent exercise.
And I love having a hallway, you know.
I never had a hallway before.
And I am really lucky that Paris and Doyle hadn't rented out that other room yet.
I mean, this location is really in demand.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I mean, it is literally 10 minutes from campus.
Do you know how hard I'm gonna have to work to be late for class?
Those guys down there, are they your neighbors?
No. They're a doo-wop group.
You have some plutonium back there or something?
No, just Paris, you know. She's quirky.
Okay. Welcome to my place.
- No! - Mom, give it a chance.
- No! - Look, we have a really big living room.
No!
I know it just looks rundown, but everything works fine.
No!
- Mom! - No!
- Okay. Tour's over. Time for lunch. - No.
- Let's go. - No. No.
Saroyan! Saroyan!
- No! No! No! - Okay. Okay.
- It's very nice. - It's one-of-a-kind.
- Will you take $250? - For that chair?
Well, it does have some nicks.
That chair is 200 years old. It's gonna have some nicks.
It sat in James Madison's bedroom. This chair is a piece of history.
We shouldn't even be allowed to sell it to you.
- Well, I didn't mean to insult you. - You didn't insult me.
You insulted the chair. And the United States of America.
- All right, $300's fine. - Forget it.
That's what the price tag says.
Price just went up, flag burner. If you want the chair, it's $350.
If you don't, please leave because I have a lot of work to do.
- Well... - Bye.
$350! Here!
- Do you take cash? - Exact change only.
I don't suppose you have a delivery service?
Oh, that's okay. I'll take it with me, right now.
You forgot to kick her in the pants as she walked out.
I made the sale, didn't I?
Yes. But with a little less bite, a customer might come back.
- You always drive a hard bargain. - Yes, I do.
- Okay then. - We do have a delivery service.
Yeah. Me in a minivan. Not in the mood.
No matter how exciting the prospect of a $2 tip is.
Too bad it's not Christmas.
That smiley face of yours would cheer up children for miles around.
Oh, Zach. Zach!
You have a lot of nerve just to walk into my place like this.
What are you talking about? This is, like, a place of business.
- Maybe I wanna buy some antiques. - Oh, right.
You're not wearing your glasses anymore.
What do you want, Zach?
- I think you have a CD of mine. - What CD?
You know, the one with, like, a crazy-looking chick on it?
- I don't have any of your CDs, Zach. - I think you do.
- I can go up to your room and check. - No, Zach.
You can't go up to my room and check.
I'll look, and if I find a CD
with a crazy-looking chick on it, I'll mail it to you.
- Seriously, let's go upstairs and look now. - I'm working, Zach.
Yeah, I can tell there's a major rush on ancient crap going on here.
- Bye, Zach. - Five minutes, Lane.
- Out, Zach. - It's my favorite CD.
- Out! - Fine!
Hey! You break it, you buy it!
- Oh, Rory. - Come on, it's not so bad.
- It's Angela's Ashes. - It's basic.
- It's Sanford and Son. - Mom, the neighborhood is safe.
A ton of kids from school live there.
And they have a safety van that goes to and from campus
so I don't have to walk home at night.
- That wasn't a doo-wop group, was it? - No.
Let's call Daddy.
Make him pay for an apartment with one lock.
No. Look, this is the way it's supposed to be.
I'm in college. Don't you see?
I'm supposed to live in a crappy apartment.
I'm supposed to eat Ramen noodles and mac and cheese for months.
I've been living in a pool house
with maids and fresh-cut flowers and mints on my pillow every night.
You gotta love my mother sometimes.
This is good and right and I'm happy.
And I have roommates who are learning to kill people, so where's the bad?
Now, let's talk about you. How are the wedding plans going?
- Done. - What?
- All done. - What?
The dress, the cake, the place, the invitations.
- It's June 3, by the way. - Wow!
Yeah. I also bought your dress and shoes.
How did all this happen?
Well, I found this dress, which at the time, seemed like the perfect dress,
and from the dress, all the other details fell into place.
By the end of the day, I was done.
- That's great. - Is it?
- Isn't it? - I don't know.
Yes. Sure. I thought it was.
I mean, I thought it was a sign or something.
You know, finding the dress and then, oh, when it started to snow,
I was like, "Somebody's telling me something."
So it would seem.
But, then I started thinking. It was all too easy.
And planning a wedding shouldn't be easy. Because marriage isn't easy.
How do you know? You've never been married.
- Exactly! - Exactly what?
I've never been married because it's not easy
and I usually freak out and screw everything up.
I freaked out and screwed everything up with Max, remember?
- Yeah, but... - But I haven't freaked out about Luke yet.
Why haven't I freaked out about Luke yet?
It's my pattern. It's what I do.
And then I started freaking out
about the fact that I hadn't freaked out.
Oh, dear! You got caught in a circle of freak-out.
What if this dress is really a bad sign, and not a good sign?
What if the dress is telling me
- that it's so right it's wrong? - Mom...
What if I'm about to bail out and I don't even know it?
You are driving yourself crazy.
What if all the signs are saying that things shouldn't be this easy?
That I shouldn't get the guy I want?
What if it's like that Twilight Zone
where the woman on a horse is being chased by another woman on a horse
who turns out is older her, chasing younger her, trying to tell her
that she should not run off with the guy she's going to run off with
because it will be a terrible, terrible mistake.
Okay, King George. Take a breath, eat a fry, and listen to me.
The dress is a good sign.
Everything fell into place because it should. It's all right.
The dress is right. The date is right. Luke is right.
And the snow, remember the snow? The snow never lies.
- I guess. - Be happy. This is all good.
Thanks.
I'm gonna miss you when you're murdered
and stuffed into a dumpster by the doo-wop group.
So, tell me about my dress.
- Two words. Hoop skirt. - Nice.
- In a lovely shade of tangerine. - Excellent.
And the minute I saw it, I thought, "This would totally be Rory
"if only it had a few more ruffles."
- A fry with your evilness? - Why, thank you.
- Hello, stranger. - Hey.
- Can I come in? - Why not?
- Sorry about barging in on you like that. - Hey, it's fine.
- I'm making tea. You want some tea? - Sure. Tea sounds like tea.
April's not here right now. She's tracking a grub migration.
All inquiries stopped after the word "grub."
That's okay. I came by to see you, actually.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
You got a lot of stuff here. You sell clothes?
Clothes, pillows, candles, fabrics.
It's one of those everything kind of boutiques that used to send you
on a "What do people need with all this crap" kind of rant.
Oh, yeah.
- Well, that's nice. - Thanks.
- Here. - Thanks.
Tastes like tea.
- This is weird. - I know.
- It's been a very long time. - I know.
I actually saw you once about five years ago
- in the parking lot of some lumberyard. - Yeah?
Yeah, I waved, but you either didn't see me or didn't wanna see me or...
I didn't see you. I would've waved back.
Unless I was holding stuff and then I would've nodded or something.
Sure. I'm sure.
I thought about you when the Red Sox won.
- Really? - I knew it would be a big day for you.
It was.
How come you didn't tell me, Anna?
- Luke... - It was a phone call.
We should sit down.
I've been in the same place forever. I haven't moved.
You certainly knew how to find me.
Luke, come on.
We'd already broken up by the time I found out.
And I knew how you felt about kids.
- What do you mean, how I felt about kids? - You hate kids.
I don't hate kids.
- What are you talking about? - I don't.
We couldn't go to the movies before 10:00 at night
in case there were kids in the theater.
Well, kids talk during a movie, and they throw crap around.
They run up and down the aisles. They're animals.
We would move tables in a restaurant if they seated us near a family.
Only if there was something crying or spitting up.
You would flip out if you saw a woman breast-feeding in public.
You couldn't stand to watch diaper commercials.
And you had an unnatural hatred of Macaulay Culkin.
Okay, fine! I hated kids! But I'm not that guy anymore!
Thirteen years ago you were that guy.
It doesn't mean I would've been like that with my kid.
And even if I would have been like that with my kid, I still had a right to know.
- I'm sorry. - Yeah.
Well, you know, I could have helped.
I could have helped pay for stuff and take care of things.
I didn't need you to pay for stuff or take care of things.
This is my responsibility, too.
And now that I know, I have to do something.
What does that mean?
It means I wanna offer you whatever assistance I can.
- I don't... - Monetary, of course.
- And compensation for the past 12 years. - But we really don't need anything.
It was not my idea for April to call you. It was all her thing.
She got obsessed with winning that science contest
and she's really a smart, driven kid.
She's already written a short novel, and she's got her own website.
So, she went through my old letters and put the whole thing together,
and, frankly, didn't tell me anything about it till way after the fact.
- I did not send her to you. - I know you didn't.
But she came to me and now I know and I wanna help.
I'm not talking about contact here. I know you've got your life here.
I don't wanna mess things up.
I just wanna live up to my end of the bargain.
You don't owe us anything, Luke. We want for nothing and always have.
But if you wanna chip in, then sure, chip in.
Really? Great. That's great. That's...
That's really... Thank you.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Okay, well, that's all I came to say, so...
So, I guess I'll get going.
- Hey, Luke, it was really great seeing you. - You, too.
- Tell April "hi" for me. - I will do that.
- Hey, Luke? - Yeah?
- You happy? - Yeah.
- Me, too. That's pretty cool, isn't it? - Yeah. It is.
I brought coffee, but it's cold.
Nice place you got here. I've been discussing
the proper baking soda to actual crack ratio
you can get away with, with your neighbors downstairs.
Two-to-one during the daylight. Three-to-one at night.
I have 10 minutes to change, then I have someplace I have to be.
It's gonna take you 20 to unlock your door.
Bye, Logan.
This place is a dump, Rory. You can't live here.
You don't get to care about where I live anymore, Logan.
You broke up with me. Through your sister.
- I didn't mean for that to happen. - You're a coward!
Mr. Life and Death Brigade can't even break up with his girlfriend.
Honor was bugging me and I just told her
we broke up to shut her up. I needed some time.
- So, you didn't mean it? - No. I did. I just...
- It was too much for me, okay? - It was a fight.
- People fight. - Yeah, well, I don't fight.
I don't wanna be screaming at you at a bar.
I can't take that. It's too much drama.
Well, if you can't take the drama
then you shouldn't even be in a relationship,
which, by the way, you're not. So everything's good.
- It's not that easy. - Sure it is.
- You want some help? - Nope.
Bet one of those guys downstairs could help you out
getting into a locked apartment.
Just go be you somewhere else, Logan.
I thought that I wanted to break up.
I thought it was a stupid experiment, me trying to be a boyfriend.
That it didn't work and I'd just move on. And I didn't. Couldn't, actually.
Rory! I love you.
I have an appointment. I have to go.
Sorry I'm late.
Well, considering how many times you rescheduled,
I'm just happy you're here at all.
I was just spending some time with my mother, you know.
We were apart for a while so...
- You were? - Yeah.
Falling out?
Nothing major, just mother-daughter stuff.
- I don't have to lie down, do I? - No. That's not a lying down couch.
Good.
So, did this falling out have anything to do with your dropping out of school?
Boy, we just jumped into this, didn't we?
You wanna talk about something else first?
No.
I mean, we're here to talk about your leaving school,
so I figured let's just start there.
- What happened? - Nothing. We fought.
I'm fine. We're fine.
I hear you had some legal problems.
My, those are some big ears you have there, Grandma.
Stealing a boat is a pretty big deal.
- I was upset. - About what?
About life
and things and stuff.
- You spent a night in jail? - Yes, I did.
- How did that feel? - Great.
You don't wanna talk about this, either?
I'm just... I'm sick of talking about it, that's all.
- You seem very agitated. - I'm not agitated. I...
So I spent a night in jail. Big deal. So did Martin Luther King.
Are you comparing yourself with Martin Luther King?
No. I'm not. I just... I'm saying that he spent a night in jail, too.
- You were arrested with your boyfriend? - Yes, I was.
- Tell me about that. - About what?
He was my boyfriend then, and now he's not.
- He's not. - No, he's not.
We broke up. No. Oh, no. I'm sorry. He broke up.
I thought that we were just taking some time,
but apparently, I'm a moron.
This is Logan.
What, you have his name, too? Super!
Do you also have the picture of him hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?
- I'm sorry, what? - I mean, how fair is that?
He's gone and then he shows up out of the blue.
"You can't live here. This place is a dump.
"And, by the way, I love you!"
- "I love you"? Is he serious? - I don't know.
Nothing for weeks, and then he just decides that he loves me?
So what happens now? I get another Birkin bag?
And how long until he doesn't love me again, huh?
I stole a boat with him!
I never stole a boat with Dean!
Who's Dean?
My married ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to!
- Wow. - Yeah! I'm a treat!
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I don't think I can take running into him every day
in the halls, and the paper, and the coffee cart!
Oh, my God!
I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee!
I really love coffee!
- I feel like an idiot! - Just relax, Luke.
It should only take a couple more minutes.
I've been following you around the town square for half an hour.
I know there's a wireless Internet hub around here somewhere.
No. Encrypted.
I used to use the bank's access,
but I had to stand right in front of the Versateller machine
and they got very snippy about that.
Then Doose's had it for a while, but Taylor put a block on it.
- Sad what this world is coming to. - You know what?
Why don't I just find someone who actually has the Internet?
Hold on.
Hold on!
- We have achieved contact. - We have?
Yes. Courtesy of Stars Hollow Books.
- Okay, now, tell me what you need? - I just need to look up a website.
Okay. Give me the name and I'll type it in for you.
- Well, I... - Hold on. Is this one of those websites?
'Cause if they'll come after Pete Townsend, then no one is safe.
Kirk, just tell me what to do, and I'll do it myself.
- Are you sure? - Yes, just... Here.
- Okay. Give me your hand and I'll guide... - Stop it!
All right. Just click here
and then type in the name of the website here
- and then press here. - Okay.
- This makes the page go up and down... - Yeah, I can figure out the rest, Kirk.
All right. I'll be over here if you need me.
I've never felt safer in my life.
Thank you for coming. We appreciate your business.
Everything's dusted. The receipts are organized.
I'm not hungry, I'm going upstairs.
Lane Kim!
Come down! Now!
Follow me!
Help me!
Good. Come.
Whoa!
Lane, it's been six weeks since you come home.
You have grieved, and now we move on.
One more.
Hey, buddy.
Yeah. There is something weird about it, right?
What? What is it?
- Hello? - Guess who's crazy?
- Who? - Me.
You? Since when?
Since I went all Frances Farmer in my psychologist's evaluation today.
All right. I'm on the bed and comfortable.
Should I get popcorn or is it a shorter story than that?
I went home from class to get ready for the appointment
and Logan was there.
- At your apartment? - In the hallway.
And, of course, I couldn't get my door open fast enough so he started talking.
- What did he say? - He said he loved me.
- No way. - And it completely threw me.
And I got out of there as fast as I could, but then I got to Dr. Shapiro's office
and he started peppering me with all these questions
and I just got more and more upset, then I exploded all over the place.
I went through two boxes of Kleenex.
I started hyperventilating and I had to breathe into a paper bag.
- Do you believe him? - Believe who?
Logan. You believe he loves you?
I don't know. I guess I can figure that out next week in therapy.
- What? - After my little meltdown,
Dr. Shapiro thinks I should come see him once a week for the next two months.
You're kidding.
There are no jokes in the mental health field.
Only hand puppets, inkblots, and inflatable anger bats.
I'm so sorry you're a nut.
That's okay. I'm sure Dr. Shapiro has a nice padded room for me.
Well, don't let them put you on any of those pills.
Tom Cruise will be very upset.
All right, I should go. I have a massive amount of reading to do.
I just wanted to call and say hi.
Okay. Remember. Blame it all on Grandma.
- Will do. - Bye.
Okay.
Hold on.
- Hello. - Just a sec.
Major pillow emergency happening here!
What? Anna?
Sorry. Hi. Who's this?
- It's Luke. - Luke.
- Wow. When it rains it... - I saw her website!
- Her... - I saw her pictures.
The one in the lab, and the one with the Christmas tree.
And you never told me she wore a back brace!
- Why was she wearing a back brace? - She had just read Deenie.
- It was a phase. - Well, still, I should've known.
- That she had just read Deenie? - Yes!
And that she was going through a phase, and that she was a science whiz
and that she wore crazy bike helmets and glasses and looked like me!
- Just the nose. - The nose is something!
There's no one else running around with my nose!
That you know of.
- Is this funny to you? - No. I'm sorry.
You should've told me!
Luke, we went through all this already. I...
- I want contact! - What?
I wanna relationship. I wanna talk to her and see her on a regular basis.
- But you said... - I don't care what I said.
This is what I want. I wanna know my own daughter,
and I want her to know me!
Okay.
- Really? - Well, it's really up to April.
But if she's cool, then I'm cool.
- So, is April there now? - No.
But she'll be home pretty soon.
- Can I have her call you? - Yes.
- No! - No?
- I should call her. - She'll definitely be home by 8:00.
- Then I will call back at 8:00. - Okay.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Hey, Anna?
What the hell is "Deenie"?
The gospel according to Judy Blume.
- What? - It's a book, Luke.
And now would probably be a good time for you to read it.
- Bye. - Bye.
Lorelai?
Luke, I'm upstairs.
Yeah.
Can you come down? I have to talk to you about something.
Okay. Yes.
I will come down, but I'm coming down in my wedding dress.
- What? No! - Yes!
It's bad luck for me to see the wedding dress.
I know, but I need you to see this dress. There's something not right up here!
It was too easy! I can't be objective anymore.
- But... - Coming down!
But I don't...
- Well? - It's...
You're perfect.
Really? Have you seen the back?
'Cause I think the train's a little weird and, I can still take it back if you don't think it...
- It's perfect. - Are you sure?
Okay.
It's not bad luck if it's under five minutes!