Zoe, I love you, but I don't even know if I can write here.
You're gonna fall in love with BlueBell.
I don't have any interest in being part of an organization
that would ask me to remove gum from the sidewalk.
There is this girl, Zoe. Zoe Hart? I love her.
I called off my wedding for her.
Then I found out I was too late, 'cause she slept with Wade.
Luckily, the solution is simple. Write a song about your pain.
I'm Lemon Breeland. I go by Peter.
Aren't you gonna miss your flight? It can wait a couple more hours.
We are not going to get together. Lavon would break my kneecaps.
- George? - I need a doctor, and it can't be Brick.
George! Hey!
Just the guy I'm looking for.
I have something for you.
Nope. No, thank you.
Well, try it. It's whitefish salad from Russ & Daughters!
No! No, thank you.
You know, was a gesture, just to say that we have put everything behind us,
and that we're friends now.
No, we are not friends.
Incorrect. We are friends.
Remember the other week, when I fixed your hand,
I sewed you up, and we chatted?
There was bonding, repair, bridges once crumbled, rebuilt.
I called you out of desperation.
Fine.
Next time you get an appendage stuck in some girl's zipper,
have Brick deal with it.
He will not be as gentle as I.
Wade, my old pal, as you may surmise, I will have my usual.
Meat Lover's Omelet... hold the meat, hold the yolks,
hold the potatoes, don't butter the toast.
Got it.
Doc, can I get you anything?
I'm on my way to the office. Just a coffee to go.
Will do.
What are we smiling at?
Just, I've never had a usual. I really like it.
I'm settling into a nice routine here.
You know, I-I write in the morning, I have lunch,
take a taxi over to Gulf Shores
to get my double caramel Macchiato.
Maybe it's time to learn how to drive.
No way. I'm the only person keeping Yellow Cab Company in business.
Well, you and BlueBell seem to be hitting it off.
I'd say our future is very promising.
Oh, now, my dear, go save lives.
I have a book to write.
My short story takes place in London.
This helps set the mood.
Is he gonna camp out there all day hogging the only outlet?
- 'Cause Frank's gonna have a cow. - Shut up!
Joel... he's doing good. You know, he has
a place to write, he has friends.
And it's all thanks to my acclimation program.
Hey, ladies, some good gossip?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just Dash's weekly poll.
You know, should we get a traffic light? Who wore it best?
Oh, turns out it was Delma at Bingo night.
58% thinks we should do Oklahoma as the town musical,
42% think that the Rammer Jammer should have soft serve,
and 13% thinks Joel is the right guy for Zoe Hart.
Hey, 13%! Ain't half bad.
You! Are you somehow behind this?
Dash's blog poll? Yeah, caught me red-handed.
See, I took a computer class, learned hacking and I made it into the mainframe.
It was pretty tough, but I did it.
No, I did not.
Matter of fact, I voted yes.
Well, I don't get it.
You know, how could they not think that he's right for me?
Don't they like him? What's not to like?
Season 3, Episode 05 "How Do You Like Me Now?"
Synced by Reef www.addic7ed.com
Something I can help you with, ladies?
Not a thing. Just discussing Belle business.
- With an actual Belle. - Mm.
And how you stood up Tanner Hughes at the Halloween Masquerade.
And the possibility that you just may be mentally ill.
Okay, well, thank you for your concern,
but I ended my date with Tanner early because I met someone better.
His name is Peter, and he's a news producer.
So, where is he?
Well, he had to leave the next day on an extended assignment
to Scotland, and then he's off to Vancouver.
Oh, Lemon, dear,
you literally have a figurative boyfriend in Canada.
Well, he's not my boyfriend, and I assure you,
he is very charming, very handsome and very real.
This is my in.
Lemon's making up fake boyfriends.
If she's desperate enough to do that, she's desperate enough to take me back!
I thought you said you were done with her.
As long as she's so pretty and I'm so... me,
"done" is a four-letter word.
- Morning, Lemon. - Ah.
Ladies, fortifying ourselves for the big day, I see.
Our gazebo made the Gazebos of Alabama Calendar for the first time.
We're February.
Congratulations, Lavon. Competition for that is fierce.
Yeah. Well, I'm not content with just February.
You know, shortest month of the year. I want the cover.
Well, don't you worry, Lavon. The Belles will not let you down.
We are off to make that gazebo look like St. Valentine himself.
If he were made of 4,000 pink roses.
Are you crazy, Lavon?
Putting Crickett in charge of a major public relations project?
Well-well, the gazebo falls under Belle jurisdiction.
Wait, look, I-I know
you left them ladies behind, but you think you might help out?
Just this once?
Nope. I'm sorry, Lavon.
Good luck to you.
Are you aware that 87% of people in this town
don't think Joel and I should belong together?
- What? - Have you not read Dash's poll?
Well, I-I read about the soft serve.
It was right after the soft serve!
Yeah, I'm a single-issue voter, so...
Come on. You know, it's obvious. They don't like Joel.
You didn't either, until a few days ago.
- Well, that is true. - My God, it's all my fault.
You know, I've been so busy selling Joel on BlueBell,
that I've neglected to sell BlueBell on Joel!
Why do you care so much?
Because these are my people, you know?
I want them to root for us!
Oh, give it time, Zoe. Joel is an acquired taste.
Just like you.
Yeah, and it stunk when I didn't fit in.
We need to make him popular, pronto.
- You know what would help? - Mm.
An endorsement from an esteemed public figure.
You want me to issue a mayoral decree that all people like your boyfriend?
Yes.
Come on, you're supposed to be my best friend.
Yeah, and I forgot how exhausting it could be.
Fine. I will take care of this myself.
No, no, no, no...
Thank you so much, Mrs. Gorey. Good to see you.
Good morning, George.
Lynly? You're... you're back?
- Came in last night. - Great.
That is... that is great, and now you're in my... you're in my office.
Uh, please tell me you have something on under that coat.
I totally deserve that.
- How's your finger? - Uh, it... It is better.
It's back to normal, actually. It can point to the exit. You see that?
I took a practice LSAT while I was in Texas.
Did pretty well.
So, despite the fact that I was mainly trying to seduce you,
guess some of the stuff you were teaching me sunk in.
So, I got you this.
That's-that's not gonna explode or anything?
No.
It's a biography of Thurgood Marshall.
Please consider it
a very small token of my very humongous apology.
Thank you.
And don't worry.
I'll stay out of your way from now on.
Good-bye, George Tucker.
I don't want to learn how to drive a car.
As an environmentalist, I'm worried about emissions.
As a New Yorker, I'm worried about driving a car.
Everyone in BlueBell drives.
How else are you going to get to your movies in Mobile?
Or the fishing hole in Daphne?
I saw every movie in Mobile three years ago.
- And I don't fish. - Well...
no better time than now to start.
I bet you're gonna love it.
Also, I got you this
to keep your eyes out of the sun while you're doing it.
I... wh...
What is going on with you?
I want us to be more integral to our community, you know?
And... and if, in doing so, we are
embraced by an acceptable 66% of it, great.
You know? Ten and two, start the car.
No, I... no.
Zoe. Zoe, turn this car off.
- Just put your foot on the gas. - I'm not putting my foot on the gas.
- Push down on the gas. - I am not...
Push down on the gas!
- I'm not putting my foot down! - Push it!
Good heavens! Did you all not see me right here?
- Oh, I see stars. - Oh, my God, Reverend.
So sorry. Aah. Are you okay?
Breaking news, BlueBell.
Zoe's new beau just rear-ended our revered Reverend.
This man just can't catch a break.
Or seem to find one.
Reverend Mayfair, don't blame Joel... it's all my fault.
I don't know if you saw the Blawker's weekly poll,
but only 13% of the people think that I should be with him.
And I'm sure the number's even less after hitting you.
I was just trying to help him out.
Zoe, please... accidents happen.
I don't blame Joel. He's new; he's learning.
He seems like an outstanding fella.
I'm glad you met him.
He is!
You know... if only the whole town could see that, too.
Hey, you know what?
You have the entire town's ears every Sunday.
I have a great idea.
What if this Sunday, you preach a "Love Thy Neighbor"?
Thy new neighbor?
Zoe, uh, I am not the all-request DJ at WWJD.
I already have my sermon all set to go.
My in-laws are in town, the wife is on edge
because we are sleep-training the twins.
I barely have time to eat my dinner, much less rewrite my sermon.
I know what you need. Some R & R.
Doctor's orders.
And then wake up in the morning,
write your new sermon with fresh eyes.
Lovely as that sounds, Beverly's parents are here
because I have the Tween Adventure Camp tomorrow.
24 hours of zip-lining, hiking
and communing with nature slash the Lord.
Well, what if Joel and I led the camping trip?
I am a great zip-liner.
- Mmm... - No, I am.
I have zip-lined at Club Meds on three continents!
And Joel?
Half of his book takes place in the wilderness.
He'll be great.
Well, it would be lovely to get away
just for a night, alone,
me and the missus, no kids.
All right. I'm in.
- Mazel tov. - Hallelujah.
Hey, Lemon. What's up?
These are for you.
Meatball, we've been through this.
Right. Of course.
You'd rather be with an imaginary guy from Canada than me.
Peter...?
Even the name's not realistic.
Elodie and I checked the guest list for the masquerade party last week.
No sign of any Peter.
That is because he used his boss's invitation.
I'm sure he did, dear.
First you told people you were dating Wade, then Peter.
Who's next, Santa Claus?
Okay, you know, I don't know if you ladies know this,
but that lovely vine you planted
back there is kudzu. By tomorrow morning,
it will have strangled your entire garden.
So... good luck to you.
Kudzu? Kudzu?!
This never would've happened under Lemon's reign.
Right, ladies?
Well... we'll just clear it out then.
Clear it out.
Yeah. Just clear it out!
Dig! Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
Faster!
All right, folks, tonight's pub quiz is a close one.
Shula and Cody are in the lead. George and Tom, one point behind.
Our next question.
How long... did the Hundred Year War last?
- 116 years. - Correct!
Boom!
In your face,
- Shula! - Oh...
Tom, sweetie, Lemon said I could leave early.
But George and I are about to take the lead.
Yes, but it's Friday night.
I have to go. It's Friday night.
That's-that's fine. That's fine. I can go home.
No, no, no... Team Long/Tucker is tied for first.
Dang it. Wait. It's...
Tom, really, it's no big deal.
You don't have to... What are you doing?
Here? Wally, I am invoking rule number 24, replacement teammate.
I saw her mouthing answers over there. She's real good.
Uh... I can go.
Hey, you don't have to stay if you don't...
Our next question is for you oceanography buffs.
What is the deepest part of the ocean?
You know it? Go ahead.
- The Mariana Trench. - Correct!
And now George and his new partner Lynly take the lead.
- Oh, man! I knew that one. - Sure you did, dummy.
You keep answering questions like that, you can stick around.
- Really? - Yeah. Just...
Stay on your side of the barrel. Okay?
Hi, Lavon. What are you doing here?
Well, I'm here to ask you... uh, to beg you, really...
would you please reconsider helping out with the gazebo?
I mean, Crickett has completely cracked under pressure.
And I need this, uh, we need this to go well.
For BlueBell's dignity.
Okay.
Yes, I'm in.
- You are? - Yes.
But...
In return, I need you to help me prove
that the man that I met at the masquerade party the other day exists.
His name's Peter.
Yeah, o-okay. Uh, what's his last name?
That's the thing...
I don't know.
Wow, okay, well, not a lot to work with.
Uh, but don't worry, Lemon, we will find your man.
- Deal? - Deal.
All right.
Correct!
And our winners tonight are George Tucker and Lynly Hayes.
- Give 'em a hand, y'all! - Yes!
- We trounced the competition. - More like destroyed.
Demolished. Obliterated.
- Extirpated. - Extirpated?
To pull up from the roots. To destroy completely.
I get in trivia mode, and... the mind starts going, okay?
Okay. No, I get it completely.
This is why my parents sent me here.
Oh, really? To play, uh, pub games with your former one-night stand?
To have good clean fun.
Yeah, well... this was fun.
And nobody got any body parts zipped up
into somebody else's clothing, so there's that.
You are not gonna let me live that down, are you?
No, I am not.
You want to do it again sometime? I mean, not the zipper thing.
The-the good clean, unbloody fun.
- I'd love that. - Yeah? Uh, I think they got a...
Darts tournament here tomorrow afternoon, if you're into it.
Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow, George.
Okay. Yes, you will. Go, team.
All right.
Ooh! Hi.
- Something's different. - I've been shopping.
Getting all sorts of ready.
Sleeping bag, tent, chest harness.
Did we join the Israeli army?
Oh, no. Literally the opposite.
Me, you, a Christian youth group zip-lining!
Yeah, no, we're not doing that.
Oh, no... yes, we are. It's gonna be great!
This may surprise you, but I am tragically, deathly afraid of heights.
- No, you're not. - Oh, yes, I assure you, I am.
But an entire section of your novel takes place on top of a mountain.
Yes, but I didn't write it on top of a mountain. I wrote it in a duplex.
I can't even go on the High Line without taking a Valium.
I-I promised Reverend Mayfair.
Oh, no. Is this because of the accident?
Yeah, I already sent him a fruit basket, you know,
an expensive one... like, not one of those where there's, like,
one star fruit on top of a ton of cantaloupe.
- It's more than the accident. - No, I can't go.
- You don't understand... - I do have a phobia...
- ...which I definitely do... - Please don't make me tell you...
- I don't like the outdoors! - I really don't want to tell you.
- I have allergies, my neck hurts If - I say it, I'm going to regret it.
- ...if I don't use my memory foam... - We have to go because only 13%
of the people in this town think you're the right guy for me.
I'm sorry. What?
There was this poll.
But it doesn't matter 'cause we can fix it.
With Reverend Mayfair's endorsement,
people will see how great you are.
Then they'll see how great we are.
Come on. We have to go camping.
I'm not going camping.
Wait. Yes, you are.
No. No, I'm not. You know,
if the people of BlueBell don't like me, that's their problem.
No, Joel, it's our problem.
You won't be happy here unless you fit in.
And I want you to be happy!
Well, you know what would make me happy is not zip-lining!
Fine! Don't go!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out a way
to tell Reverend Mayfair that he's not getting lucky tomorrow!
What?
And now we are teething.
But, thanks to your little plan,
tonight it is Bertie and Marge's problem.
Oh, you're a saint, Zoe Hart.
Right. About that. Um, some bad news.
It turns out Joel has a medical condition... acrophobia... fear of heights.
So it would be really unsafe for him to go
on any sort of trip where the main activity
involves flying through trees on a wire.
I'm sorry, but are you writing
your boyfriend a doctor's note? Here, sweetheart.
Uh, may I remind you that I also have a medical condition?
Whiplash.
Yes, which I feel really bad about.
- But... - No, no, no.
I'm sorry, but you cannot back out of this.
Now... I have bought champagne.
Beverly has bought some lingerie.
We need this. And, if I remember correctly, you need a sermon.
What if I found someone to take Joel's place?
Well, that would be fine.
I mean, as long as it's someone that was reliable
and has basic outdoor experience
and had no criminal record, that would be kosher with me.
I know just the guy.
No way, no how.
But it's an all-expense paid vacation!
It'll give us a chance, you know, to get over all this.
- Bond and such. - It is chaperoning.
And I don't want to bond because I don't like you.
- When are we gonna get over that? - When are you gonna go back to New York?
See, that is the kind of thing that we need to get over.
Uncalled for, Tucker!
Hey, Wanda.
How would you like a free night
at a rustic outdoor resort with zip-lining?
I'm sorry, Zoe, but I have to work.
And also, I went to Tween Adventure Camp
and those girls are mean.
Hey! Jemmaline, Cody! What do you say? I'm desperate.
I'll do it.
Not that desperate.
I'll go.
I like the woods. Nice and quiet.
Oh, thanks, but this trip involves a dozen loud 13-year-old girls.
I'll turn off my hearing aid.
Better than nothing.
Hey, Susie, do you think that you could fit me in for a haircut this afternoon?
- Sure, sugar. 3:00? - 3:00. It's a date.
Haircut, huh?
I wonder which pretty brunette that could be for.
Hmm. Maybe it's the one who asked me how
to play darts this morning in Lavon's kitchen.
Okay. Okay. Lynly and I are hanging out. It's no big deal.
No big deal. Just make sure you marry her.
Excuse me?
Well, you and Lavon, you're buds now.
You know, he probably thinks you're a stand-up guy.
But when you hurt his little Lynly?
That man will pull out your toes,
one by one, and he will stick them up your nose.
And I'd have to lend a hand 'cause I don't pay rent
and he expects me to help out with that kind of thing.
Okay, Elodie, let's remove
a few of those swans. There's no need to be gaudy.
Wow. We may actually make it.
Oh, we'll make it. This ain't my first rodeo.
Crickett, let me see those dahlias.
You guys need a hand?
Oh, yeah, that would be great.
Um, these begonias need planting.
Actually, I really need to keep my nails dirt-free,
because I kind of might have a date later.
A date? With who?
Something came up, not going to make it tonight.
With you!
To watch one of those... bug war shows. Yay!
- Now hand me a digger thingy. - Oh. Yeah.
Oh, uh, I'll be right back.
Did you hire Frank to find Peter?
He's the town P.I. I support local business.
Plus, he-he ain't that bad.
Not bad? I'm excellent!
You know how difficult this task has been?
Peter is the third most common name in the world!
Well, I mean, I knew it was gonna be a long shot.
But, since I also knew he was a news producer
and stayed at the Sandy Breeze, it helped narrow things down.
- So you did find him? - Well, let a man tell a story!
Okay, can you just tell... Did you find him or not?
I narrowed it down to one man.
Peter Galecki.
News producer for WZVR.
Peter Galecki?
Zip-line! Zip-line! Zip-line...!
Zip-line! Zip-line...!
Zoe?!
Hey, Rev. Wait... can I call you Rev?
Because I feel like we're good enough friends where I can call you Rev.
No! No, no, no, no, no.
- What? No Rev? - No! Sergeant, how are you?
Good, good.
No. Sergeant Jeffries is completely unacceptable as a co-counselor.
You two are apt to set a forest fire out there. You know what?
- Just forget it. I'm going. - Really, dear? Really?
All right, on second thought...
Do not move this bus for ten minutes.
I'll be right back.
Huh. He is surprisingly agile for a man of the cloth.
I can't believe you're really going through with this.
Look, Joel, this town has few perks,
but the one that has kept me here is the feeling,
for the first time in my life, that I belong to a community.
And I wanted you to feel that, too.
So I'm doing it for us.
A popular thought is to always keep your weight on the top of your feet.
That's ridiculous! The weight should be on the bottom of your feet.
George! Mr. Outdoors! How you doing?
Any big plans tonight?
- Uh, actually, I had a date, but... - Oh, great.
'Cause this guy needs a favor.
And, uh, that guy does, too.
- Sergeant Jeffries? - Yeah.
Glad I found you. Um, Delma said that she needs you
to step in and run bingo night over at the community center.
- All right. - And don't worry. I got all this.
All right, but, uh, be careful of the one with the pink hair, though.
I think she's a wiccan.
Noted. Noted.
Um, this does not mean we're friends.
Good morning, girls. You ready to go?!
Wow. People, uh... people really like that guy.
Oh, yeah, George Tucker is the best.
Of course, you must be pretty great yourself,
or our Dr. Hart wouldn't have volunteered
to swing through the woods with a bunch of gossipy tweens
just to make me make you feel welcome.
I'll see you Sunday, compadre.
I'm setting up my tent.
Can you show me how to set up my tent?
Why, exactly, are you leading a church camping trip again?
It's a long story.
Well, I'm sure that's not gonna keep you from wanting to tell it.
There was a poll. People don't like Joel.
- Shocker. - I think it might be his lamp.
You know, writers are a unique breed.
Nope, that's not it.
Okay.
11-year-old girl, thanks for your input.
Name is Maisie, and I didn't vote for Joel,
my parents didn't vote for Joel,
none of the girls here voted for Joel,
because we think you should be with him.
- What? - Wait.
- Him?! Wait. - No, that's...
Seriously, that's what the poll's about?
- Ridiculous! - Sure.
The day George left Lemon at the altar
because he secretly loved Zoe was, like, the most dramatic day in BlueBell history.
- It so was. - Totally!
It was in the newspapers and everything.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, it was in magazines...
Okay, girls. Yeah, you know what? Let's just...
Let's settle down... let's all just settle down a little bit.
Okay, first off, that was a long time ago.
- Yeah. - And secondly, nothing, and I mean
nothing ever happened between Dr. Hart and I, so...
- No. - But, what about the song?
- What...? - Hmm? What song?
♪ If she never came to town
♪ Then she never would have found me ♪
♪ Driving on the side of the road ♪
♪ When I gave her a ride and she sat down inside ♪
♪ I didn't know things were about to explode. ♪
Not a word.
What's up, buddy? Can I get you a beer?
Actually, whiskey.
And make it a double. And then, double that.
Quadruple whiskey, coming right up.
13 percent.
It's not like I'm the House of Representatives.
Hey, why don't people like me?
Is it the whole North-South thing?
Because I thought we, as a country, had moved past that.
Don't let it bother you, all right?
I don't care what people say about me. Seems to have gotten me this far.
Tween girls were cheering
for George in the street today, like he was a British boy band.
So, I mean, even Zoe told me that she had a thing for him, right?
Look, there's one thing I know, it's that
you can't worry about how you measure up to George Tucker.
'Cause nobody does.
You're right. No one does.
How you holding up over there, Lonely Hearts Club?
George is great at everything, except for relationships.
What do you think happened to make him so messed up?
You mean, you don't know?
It all started when handsome lawyer
George Tucker found beautiful city doctor Zoe Hart
along the side of the road.
Everything ready to go?
Gazebo looks great.
Are you okay?
I mean, is this about the address?
You know, the thing is, Lavon, what if Peter is imaginary?
What-what do you mean? You-you got the address.
I know, but... we had a magical night, but what if...
that's all it was supposed to be
is just a wonderful memory?
Meatball!
If you want to get Lemon's attention,
I think I know how you can.
♪ The cutest guy, the cutest guy... ♪
- You wrote a song about me? - Yes, about how much I hate you.
I don't know why everyone finds that so romantic.
Okay, so, you wrote it right after you found me with Wade in May.
Then you went on tour.
Then, I found you in the motel all bearded and broken-hearted.
I was broken-hearted about Tansy, you egomaniac!
And you know why she rejected me?
Because she heard that song,
and she also found it to be weirdly romantic.
- Oy. - Yeah.
And the worst part is, now everyone in BlueBell...
they know exactly how messed up I am.
Can't go on a date without everyone thinking
I'm gonna break some poor girl's heart!
- Well, you have had a bad run of it. - No.
You know what the worst part is?
I don't even know if I want to go on dates anymore.
'Cause I can't really afford to have my heart broken anymore.
I realize that that could partly be my fault.
Yeah, I wish that I would not have gone to see you that morning,
I definitely wish I wouldn't have written that song, and
I wish I would have never picked you up on the side of the road.
Yeah. No, I can see why.
'Cause if you never met me,
you'd probably be happily married to Lemon right now.
Okay, that's not fair, Zoe.
Look, George, I get it, okay?
I get that I came here, and I complicated things.
And I get that you don't want to be my friend.
But I just... I wish that you could figure out
that everything that's gone wrong isn't entirely my fault.
I just...
You were the first person to accept me here.
And I miss you.
And the rest is history.
Ooh, I'm late for bingo.
I got to get there early, before the ladies get all the hot cards.
You want to know why this town isn't rooting for you and Zoe?
It's the same reason George won't date me.
Because he and everyone else
are still waiting for Zoe and George to get together.
I should have known. I'm a writer!
You know, she met George in Act One,
and they all think that I'm just the Act Two complication,
but, I'm not! I'm not!
I am going to rewrite this love story so that when
she walks off into the sunset, it's with me.
- What are you gonna do? - I'm going to the woods.
- I don't think that's a good idea. - Why not?!
You know, I-I'm a... I'm a man of action!
I can tap into my inner... my inner Hemingway, and, uh, and
my, um... my "Morman Nailer."
Whoa! Wait there, pal. You, uh... you need a hand?
No! No.
Yes!
Where-where are the woods?
Well, I'll tell you what...
I'll drive you there myself.
- Ha! - Yes, I will.
- Yeah! - Yeah, buddy.
No, thank you.
Yeah! All right!
Huh. That was awesome.
I am going again.
George is so cool.
I think tonight, you should sneak into his tent.
- We won't tell anyone. - You girls got it all wrong.
I have met the love of my life.
We share the same morals, humor, background...
somebody you all should look up to.
Zoe Hart!
I love you.
And I'm going to show the world that I am a "fitter-inner."
Joel, what are you doing here? Wade, what's he doing here?
Don't look at me... I'm just the designated driver.
'Cause I was too drunk to drive.
And I... and I... I don't know how to drive.
Have you been drinking whiskey? Remember, whiskey makes you stupid.
- I karate-chopped a street lamp. - The street lamp won.
- How could you bring him here like this? - Man heard the call of nature.
Where is he? Where is he?
- Who? - George Tucker, of course!
What? Why?
Yeah, baby!
- Yeah! - Whoa.
Oh, man! This is awesome!
Of course... of course it would come to this.
The hero must face his greatest fear.
Wh... uh, Joel, w-what are you... what are you doing?
Joel, come down from there. Come down from there right now.
Attention, BlueBellites!
You have it all wrong!
George Tucker is not the hero of the Zoe story.
I am!
Oh, my God!
And I'm gonna prove it.
In the manner of literature's greatest protagonists...
by zip-lining!
What? No, Joel! No! Joel!
See, I think that you'll find
that the landscaping reflects the timeless elegance of the South.
Are you a gazebo aficionado?
I just kind of... got the assignment.
Oh, abort, abort, abort.
- What? - We have a... situation...
Over at the gazebo. We need more time.
Perhaps Lavon could give you a quick tour of the town before we do the shoot.
For context, of course.
Uh, you know, that's a great idea.
Uh, we'll be back.
Lemon Breeland,
I love you!
Oh, good Lord.
- Joel, you have to wear a harness! - Harness is for pansies!
What... No... Do not jump!
Do not do it! It's dangerous. You'll kill yourself!
- What? - No, no, no, no.
Hey. I have got this well in hand!
What the hell is Joel doing here?
Actually, he's trying to fit in.
- He's gonna hurt himself. - No kidding.
I got him.
Oh, no, no. No, no. You are not saving me!
You are not saving me, Mr. Golden Boy!
No.
Joel! You could kill yourself!
Viva Joel!
It's too bad.
Guy's so worried about George Tucker.
I know. It's insane.
Course it is. Everybody's got it all wrong.
'Cause you and I both know damn well...
you're still in love with me.
Looking good, buddy!
Help.
A little help?
Never seen that one before.
But I got to tell you, boy's got chutzpa.
I can't believe you did that.
- That was crazy. You are crazy. - Yes, I am.
It was kind hot, right?
I'm just gonna... I'm gonna take a nap.
Sleep it off, babe. Sleep it off.
Is, uh...
- Is he alive? - Yeah.
Super-duper drunk, but alive.
Good. Good to hear that. Um... listen, Zoe, I just...
I just wanted to say that I...
do not completely regret it.
Picking you up on the side of the road.
- I don't. - You don't?
No.
And the disaster that is my life...
It is not... entirely your fault.
Really?
Yeah, just, like, almost 90% of it is.
Oh.
As moderately satisfying as it is
for me to blame you for... everything,
well, I-I realize now that it's time for me to...
stop dwelling.
So... does this mean that we are friends again?
Mm. We-we can be acquaintances to start.
Yeah. I'll take it.
OMG, Zoe, you were right.
Joel was so brave. Is he gonna be okay?
- I am totally gonna read his book. - I'm gonna read his book, too!
I'm gonna get his autograph! I'm gonna get his picture!
I'm gonna get everything!
I can't believe he did that!
- Meatball, you have to go now! - Listen to this song.
♪ My love is like a zombie coming back from the dead ♪
♪ You make me weak
♪ In my knees and in my head
♪ You may like your Crickett, Elodie or AB ♪
♪ But Lemon Breeland is the one for me. ♪
Well, that was, um...
Unique.
And despite being a little off-key, it was...
It was very sweet.
- You are very sweet. - So you'll take me back?
Meatball... you were there for me in a...
moment in time where I really needed someone.
But some moments in time are just meant to be that,
just a... a fleeting memory for us to cling to.
- But I don't want anybody else. - Of course you do.
You want someone that's crazy about your-your songs and your wardrobe and...
Your unique odor and...
Doctor Who.
You didn't like Doctor Who?
So...
Are you ready to unchain yourself?
On one condition.
I want a good-bye kiss. With tongue.
Fine.
One kiss.
No tongue.
This is new...
You knocking on my door.
Yeah. Yeah.
- Want to come in? - Uh... sure. Um...
Look, Lynly, I-I just wanted to...
I just wanted to come by and to say
I'm sorry for cancelling our date yesterday.
Had an interesting afternoon.
Dash filled me in on your whole dramatic past.
Oh. Yeah, like I said, damaged goods.
I see.
But I really want you to know that this isn't about you.
You know, I mean, besides the manipulation and the... nakedness
and the... just the general kookiness,
you... you are really... pretty great.
It's just that...
The timing's not right.
Okay.
- I accept that. - You do?
Course not, George Tucker.
I've got my eyes on you.
And I am gonna wear you down.
Damaged goods and all. You'll see.
I...
Whew. Quite a sermon today.
- Mmm. - Yeah.
The reverend was in a great mood.
He really was, right?
So, uh, what'd you decide to do about Peter?
Nothing.
Uh, I decided that it was perfect...
as it was, the moonlight walk and the easy conversation,
and I just think if I try and recreate it again or get it back...
- It won't be the same. - Exactly.
Well, if-if you do see him again,
you can brag about your instrumental role
in landing our gazebo on the cover
of the Gazebos of Alabama Calendar.
No way!
Shut up! Is it amazing? Let me see.
How do the dahlias look?
Uh, good.
But, um...
Well, you should see for yourself.
- Of course. - Yeah.
But it is a great shot, is it not?
It is.
Hey, Reverend, great sermon. Thank you.
I'll second that. It was the...
First sermon I've ever heard, but it was very well composed.
Well, any time, son.
And thank you two for covering at the camp.
Uh, a night away was just what the missus and I needed.
- Wasn't it, honey? - Absolutely.
We're just gonna go... now.
Guys, have you seen Dash's new poll?
You're up. Way up.
Oh, 35% think Joel is the right guy for Zoe.
Well, it's not soft-serve territory yet but it's progress.
Joel, I'd really like it if you'd come do a reading at my book club this week.
Sure, I'd love to.
And I have a weekly poker game I'd love for you to join.
Poker... see, I can do poker. Thanks.
Seriously? I've never been invited to poker night.
Well, I'm a man of the people.
Joel, tell us more about zip-lining.
Was it... was it terrifying?
Did you puke? Oh, oh,
Did the firemen have a Dalmatian?
Oh, hey! I'll have you know
Joel's numbers have doubled since last night.
Well, just remember, there's a...
pretty big margin of error on those things.
...and I was totally unaware.
I didn't know where I was or what I was doing.
And somewhere in the middle, I looked down
and I'm, like, "Oh, my God! I'm in the air!"
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