Fancie's has burned and flooded.
One hundred thousand dollars? No problem.
- What's the catch? - That you get on that cruise
tomorrow and you don't get off until you've met the man
with whom you're gonna share the rest of your life.
Lemon's going on a Belles and Bachelors cruise for a month.
Claims she's coming back engaged.
Lemon! Lemon!
George? No.
- No, no, no, no, no! - No, no, no, no, no!
It's time you knew the truth. I am gay!
You had the guts to drive across the state to tell me.
So today I'm telling you. I love you.
We tried to make this work and it just didn't.
I know that you believe we don't have a future together.
I'm not giving up.
Ripped By mstoll
Wade! Hello. Beautiful day, is it not?
Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. You've seen Lavon?
I told him to go to the Butter Stick because we needed some alone time.
- Zoe. - For breakfast.
It's the most important meal of the day and all.
And I made it myself.
- You cooked? - Yeah. I made grits and eggs.
Grits. Think I'm a little bit afraid.
I can make grits. I'm a trained surgeon.
Well, thanks for making breakfast.
The eggs are edible, actually.
Well, I am really glad that you like them.
So, later I heard they are screening RoboCop
at the library and I've never seen it.
Robots, cops. Robot cops?
I mean, that sounds pretty great. Thought we could check it out.
Seriously? That's your move?
RoboCop at the library?
Yes. I told you I was gonna prove to you that I was serious
and that we belong together.
- And I am. - With RoboCop?
Yes, with RoboCop.
Well, tempting as that sounds, Doc, I think I'm gonna have to pass.
And, no offense, trained surgeon,
but the grits, they're just not.
- Yes, they are. - By all means.
Nice try, Doc.
Good morning!
Honey, I have to go to work. Are you gonna be okay?
Absolutely. I love this couch.
You know, sweetie, you can't hide here forever.
How can I ever face the town, my mother, the Belles again?
Because you are the bravest person I know.
Your coming out was the most courageous thing
any of us have ever done.
Although, you know, the timing could've been a little better.
- Poor Stanley. - Poor Stanley.
Together, you and I will turn over new leaves,
start fresh and conquer the world!
So come on! Let's conquer! Okay?
Can we conquer tomorrow?
I have two more seasons of The L Word to watch.
It has been quite educational.
Tomorrow.
Wade. Wade, I really have to talk to you, man.
Again?
You're the only one who knows what happened, okay?
I have to vent to you.
Because otherwise, I might implode.
Look, the thing is, I just can't get over...
...my profound disappointment in him.
George hasn't shown anything for Lemon but disdain in years.
It's outrageous! Their affair ended ages ago!
- I thought he loved AB. - He and Lemon had their chance.
- Fifteen... ...years.
All right? You don't just give up on that.
- She is the... ...one. The one.
It's Lemon.
- It's always been... ...Lemon.
Look, GT. Lavon's your friend.
George is your friend.
Could you please just talk to each other?
- No! - No!
- He's gonna want me to back down. - I'm not gonna back down for him.
- Wade, urgent business over here. - Meatball.
- Meatball, thank you. - No, thank you.
For letting me crash at your pad. Please?
Lily Anne kind of broke my house.
Yeah, well, I've been there.
- Thanks! - Okay. All right.
Grits and RoboCop?
I don't think anyone ever realized they loved someone over grits.
Even my unborn child is disappointed.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Make a big romantic gesture. Like in the movies.
Drive up to Wade's house in a white limo,
climb the fire escape and declare your love!
Jump out of a plane!
Run alongside his train shouting his name
while he ships off to fight the Kaiser.
Those might be a little hard to pull off in BlueBell.
You got any other ideas?
In the wake of BlueBell's first ever fire at Fancie's,
it's clear we shouldn't have to wait for those fatsoes over in Daphne
to come to our rescue anymore.
So I have gathered you, the smartest, bravest,
most in-shape members of our community,
to come together to form
BlueBell's first Volunteer Fire Department.
Just point me in the direction of the fire.
Can't see with my cataracts.
Actually, that was a mistake. It's an old phone sheet so...
This is ridiculous. I'm gonna...
This is Jaysene Charles.
She's an honest to goodness fire-fighter
and she is here to train us up.
We got eight weeks to get your sorry asses in shape
and prove to the county fire supervisor
that BlueBell has what it takes to receive permanent funding.
You think you can do it?
Yeah, will there be a written test?
- Will we have to carry heavy stuff? - How much does volunteering pay?
I don't wanna slide down any poles. I got concerns about chafing.
You can do it.
Say it with me. We can do it!
- We can do it. - Again!
We can do it!
She's scary, but kind of hot. Dibs.
Shoot. I was gonna call that.
Now I'm gonna pair you up. Your partner is your lifeline.
Okay, you with you. Big guy, little guy.
You two.
No. No, that is a bad idea.
- Is there a problem? - No problem. They are best friends.
These two are rock solid.
Trust me. This brigade is on fire!
No, no. The opposite of that.
I resent being dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.
But singing is cleansing!
And you needed to get out of the house.
You know what? Crickett is right. This is silly.
- Does Wade like Johnny Cash or not? - I'm not positive.
I think so. It seems like he would.
Zoe Hart, this is your epic John Cusack
with the boom box over your head moment.
Everybody loves that moment.
Yeah. Okay. You're right. All right, ladies, let's do this.
Oh, yeah!
I always knew you had a thing for me, Dr. Hart.
This is not how it went down for John Cusack.
Dr. Hart. Hello.
You know, I just heard a fascinating tale about you.
Yes, I serenaded Meatball.
Well, he asked me for my blessing before he pursued things further.
- He is thoughtful like that. - And what did you say?
I told him I hoped you two would be happy together.
Or, as your people say, "mazel tov".
Well, out of curiosity, if you were home last night,
would the song have actually worked?
I thought so. But I'm gonna figure something out, Wade Kinsella.
You'll see. Because no man is immune to all of this.
Trust me, Doc. I have been thoroughly inoculated.
Dr. Hart is tardy again.
Now, I do realize she was up late
pledging her love to Meatball through song.
But I do expect a modicum of professionalism!
Bertram!
Your mother is leaving for Europe in two days.
You can handle this. Yoga breaths, yoga breaths.
Mother!
I didn't see you there. How are you?
Wonderful. Now that Lemon is off on her cruise,
surrounded by nothing but open ocean and eligible bachelors,
I can finally focus on your sinkhole of a social life.
Good news. Well...
It's time for you to get back on the horse, Bertram.
And I have just the woman for you.
Thelma O'Donnell.
Yes, she does have that awful under-bite.
But I'm willing to overlook that for my son's future.
Thelma O'Donnell? God, no.
Well, I'll just have to find somebody else for you then.
Even if I have to postpone my trip a few weeks, I'll do it.
You mean Thelma O'Donnell. Well, of course.
I would love to have a meal with Thelma.
Good.
Now, in a real call, you need to be in gear
and on the truck in two and a half minutes.
- Lollygagging kills! - I don't think I have had those...
No!
- And coming up in five. - What?
- Four. Three. - First! I finished first!
I'm not that competitive a person,
but I would like it noted that I did, in fact, finish first.
Two, one.
- Step forward. - Yeah.
- Shoes are on the wrong feet. - What?
And you, you forgot to fasten your helmet.
It won't be so funny when a building falls on your head.
People, I am very disappointed.
You two, set up the hose!
- You try spinning counterclockwise? - You try shutting your yap?
Hey! Just the two guys I was looking for.
Lavon, George, I need you to help me figure out
the perfect gesture to get Wade back.
I've already serenaded him,
- but he wasn't home, so... - "Serenaded"?
Like, you sang him a song?
What are you laughing at? All the girls agreed
that it was romantic. It might have worked.
Because Wade is secretly Kate Hudson?
Okay, fine. What do men like?
- Sex. - Sex.
"Sex"? That is so obvious.
I'm looking for something big, you know, something romantic.
- No. Sex is better. - Yeah.
It may not get the man down the aisle,
but I guarantee it'll get his attention.
Okay.
Come on.
What's up, Earl? You looking for money or free gin?
Look here, Mr. Smarty Pants.
It just so happens I'm almost five and a half weeks sober.
Got my first date with Mae tonight.
Well, good for you, Dad.
I'm here because I heard the pretty doctor said she loves you.
Look, me and Zoe, we're like a stick of dynamite.
All right? With one of them long fuses.
Everything's fine, no trouble here.
All the while...
And then, kablang.
Hey, Wade. What are you doing here?
What am I doing here? It's my house. What are you doing here?
Just swimming. The water's great.
Yeah, I can see you're swimming.
It's funny, normally you're worried about getting your hair messed up,
and the snakes and the leeches and the mucky bottom.
Less worried today.
Kablang!
Mother, what are you doing up?
Well, I couldn't sleep if I tried.
I'm having a strange, foreboding feeling.
Yeah.
It is a weird night like that.
Must be that full moon.
How was your date with Thelma?
Well, I have to be honest with you, Mother.
That woman gives me the creeps.
But you are absolutely right. I do need to get on that horse.
I suppose looking at that under-bite forever would be a challenge.
But just promise me you'll be more sensible this time?
Absolutely. I promise.
One moment.
Shelby! What? Huh?
Guess who rented a weekend house in town.
Moi.
And if you think it's 'cause I realized I'm in love with you
and want you back, you're right.
- Bertram! Everything okay? - Your real name is Bertram?
Shelby, I beg you, come back tomorrow. Tomorrow!
- Okay. No problem. - Yeah.
- Kisses, my love. - Bye.
It's just a girl scout!
Mother, you should pack. Let me help you.
Hello, there.
What's going on here?
I am here, Wade...
to seduce you.
You know, most people don't announce it first.
I just wanted to make sure you were aware of what was happening.
Because this, my friend, is happening.
- This is going to be hard to resist. - Yeah, well, that's the plan.
Zoe...
this isn't going to work the way you think.
Sex doesn't lead to anything else.
We'll just have to see about that.
Just like riding a bicycle.
That was nothing like riding a bicycle.
No! What I meant was, it was so easy to fall back into it.
Because it felt so right. So connected. So...
So stop talking. Let's do some more connecting.
Wait, I'm hungry. Maybe we can get some food first.
- We can do that later. - Seriously, I'm starving!
Oh, my God! Are you serious right now?
- I'm hungry. - All right, we'll go over to Lavon's,
we'll get some grub and we are coming right back here,
and we are finishing this mess for real.
That, my friend, is a great idea.
But I should probably head to work soon.
How about we meet back here later for a little replay, you know?
- Maybe we can get some dinner first. - What?
No. No, Zoe.
No, no. There's no dinner. No dates, all right?
I told you. This...
This is just sex. Nothing more.
"Just sex"? Right, sounds familiar.
What does that mean?
- All right, here we go! - Come on, come on, come on!
This is mine! This is mine!
Hey!
Maybe the worst volunteer fire department
I've ever had to work with.
- Maybe you all should just quit now. - No! No. No. This is BlueBell.
We always pull together at the last moment. I guarantee it.
Woo! Jaysene! Looking fine today.
Salutations, boss.
It is a fantastic day to do some healing. Is it not?
What is going on?
If you must know, Wade and I had sex last night.
No! I do not want to know that.
- Really, truly amazing. - No!
And I think he's finally seeing that we belong together.
Dr. Hart, have you lost your mind? You are a doctor.
You know there's no relation between a man's genitalia and his heart.
Sex can lead to love. It did for us before.
- This is a great step. - Phooey!
The man either loves you or he doesn't.
Giving away the milk for free only confuses you.
Belles, our co-leader Crickett Belinda Watts is back with us today.
Maybe we should start with a show of support.
Or questions.
- How did it happen? - When did it happen?
What do lesbians eat? Does this mean you're vegetarian?
Do you have a girlfriend? Is it Ellen?
- Are you gonna start wearing fleece? - Or watching the news?
Have you always secretly been in love with me?
Honey, why don't you just tell them how you got here?
I suppose I've known since college.
There was this girl, Donna Lynn.
For her, it was an experiment. But for me it was life-changing.
Like when I finally realized I don't look good in yellow.
My parents had certain expectations and then I met Stanley.
I guess I figured we could be secretly gay together.
But it turns out, Stanley isn't even a little bit homosexual.
What is his obsession with his Pilates teacher?
- And his hair? - And all those cravats?
He loves the ladies.
- So, he's available? - As am I.
I know a vegetarian.
I think I knew someone in college. Did you?
What is going on with you two?
How do you expect the team to work if you guys can't?
Work it out because right now you guys are about as useful
as two steering wheels on a mule.
He's right.
We do have to find a way to work together.
I agree. I do.
But you should know that when Lemon comes back,
I am gonna go after her with everything I am,
and she will choose me.
That's hilarious. She's gonna choose me, always.
Okay. We shall see.
Bertram, stop pestering.
I wanna order a muffin for the plane. It's a long way to Europe.
I don't want you to miss your flight. You know, security nowadays just...
My stars. Lemon?
Wonderful!
- Everyone's here! - Hey.
Lemon, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be on that cruise for three weeks. We had a deal.
Well, I got a little seasick,
so I spent some time with the ship's doctor
and we fell in love!
Everyone, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Dr. Henry Dalton.
Looks like she went with door number three.
Dr. Henry Dalton is one of the Greensboro Daltons.
Delightful! Okay, let's get going. Let's chop-chop.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna let this one slip off the hook
like so many prize catches have.
I'm postponing my trip.
All right. Another round?
No. No more games, okay? We need to talk.
I know what I know. What I have known since...
I love you.
And you love me, too. Will you please just admit it?
Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do.
Well, then, what's the hold-up?
Zoe, the hold...
The hold-up is the last time we did this, it damn near killed me.
And I hated myself for hurting you.
So I tried to be a better man.
To show you that it would never happen again.
And you still left.
- I needed space. - Look, I get it, all right?
Doesn't mean it didn't slay me.
And when I was finally coming around to the idea of you being gone,
of imagining life without Zoe Hart, you came back.
With another boyfriend.
That is not fair, okay? Because you hurt me, too.
You really hurt me.
But I saw that you changed and I forgave you.
I got over it.
I know it's not fair.
But you wrecked my heart, Zoe.
And I don't...
I just can't do this again.
What if I promised that I wouldn't hurt you?
I guess...
I don't trust that you know how to stop yourself.
It's as simple as that.
Okay, then.
Here we go. Move it, move it! Let's do it, let's do it!
- Here we go, here we go, here we go. - All right, all right.
We are coming together, people.
Just in time for the fire inspector's visit tomorrow.
There's that teamwork I was talking about.
Hey, Doc. Haven't seen you in a while.
Hey. Hi.
I don't have any hot water. Do you think you could look at it?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
I mean, that's it?
I mean, it's been eight weeks. Can we talk?
What do you want me to say, Wade? You said how you felt.
No matter what I do,
you not trusting me is kind of insurmountable, right?
I'll just fix your hot water, then.
I swear, I swear, that's exactly the way it happened.
Exactly the way it happened.
I can't believe that bozo's lasted this long.
I know, right? So what if he's a rich former Navy SEAL
who's also a doctor and looks like that? I mean...
- It's not a big deal. - Not a big deal?
You risked your entire life to save that town from the plague.
It is a very big deal.
As a Doctor Without Borders, that was just my job.
There are no borders, Lemon. No borders.
You know, I have saved many lives right here in this town.
Bertram, don't be a show-off.
Now, Lemon, Henry, tell me again about the night you met.
I could hear that story 100 times.
My apologies, but I'm exhausted. I think I'm gonna go home and rest.
Darling, you've been run down for weeks now.
Perhaps you should have a physical. Maybe I could run a blood test.
Now, as I recall, you are not the town doctor
and I will examine my own daughter, thank you very much.
Lemon, you come on by at 3:00. I...
Medical emergency! I just remembered.
I got to go. Bye.
- He is more odd than ever. - Might be dementia.
It runs in his daddy's side of the family.
All this sneaking around is so hot. But tonight, I want a real date.
Shelby, we both know this is going nowhere.
I mean, you live in another town and my family hates you.
We belong together, Brick.
And I am gonna prove that, tonight. At dinner.
Well, okay, fine.
But my mother leaves tomorrow. Let's do it then.
No, no. You have been saying that for two months.
Tonight, or I'm gonna march myself in there
and I'm gonna tell them exactly why
you missed breakfast this morning.
Okay. Fine. Tonight.
Let me give you a preview of what's ahead.
- Are you ready? - Yes, I am.
You know, Henry once saved people from an avalanche on Mount Everest?
Carried all the Sherpas on his back.
Was that before or after
he saved the orphans from the burning school?
How does he find the time?
Nobody is that perfect. I'm not buying it.
And the way he has Lemon wrapped around his little finger.
No, you know what we should do? We should do some digging.
Prove to her that he is as phony as we think he is.
No. No, no.
You two will leave Lemon be. She deserves to be happy for once.
Anyway, you two ding-dongs should be thanking your lucky stars
old Henry arrived, all right?
Now you got nothing to compete for. He saved you all's friendship.
Shake on it.
- Shake on it! - All right, all right, all right.
My work here is done.
My gosh! I have it!
The Belles' list of women seeking women in the area.
- I'm so scared to open it! - Open it, open it, open it!
Well? What does it say? Well, Criminy Jickets.
Come here.
Zoe Hart!
Are you eating takeout from the Fillmore Falafel Hut?
Yes, thanks to stupid Wade,
I can't eat in Lavon's kitchen or the Rammer Jammer.
You think your life is bad?
I am the only lesbian in the state under the age of 40.
My prospects for finding love have been reduced
to my eighth-grade gym teacher and your Aunt Winifred.
- Baba ganoush? - Will you just come sit with us?
Wade's at the Rammer Jammer. No need to hide.
- Hello, pretty doctor. - Small, small town.
I was thinking, maybe we'd have dinner sometime.
You and my boy, and me and my gal.
Thanks, Earl. But that's never gonna happen.
I'm gonna go.
I can't believe my own father stood me up. It's typical.
Well, he's been pretty distracted lately.
You're not the only patient that he's skipped out on,
- if it makes you feel any better. - Not so much.
So what brings you here?
Henry's being a worrywart. I haven't been sleeping so well.
Just tired. Queasy.
Well, there is a virus going around.
I've been feeling pretty run-down myself.
Why don't I give you a blood test just to make sure it's nothing else?
Okay.
So I noticed that you and Wade are still barely speaking.
Yeah, well, I tried.
I really did. But, you know, what can you do?
He just keeps pushing me away.
You know he's just scared, right?
Maybe.
But maybe not.
But I'm really happy that you found someone.
I mean, Henry, he just seems awesome.
And that's amazing how he saved those orphans
from that burning building.
It was just two orphans. Just two.
Okay. Spill. What is with the whistling?
Well, life is good, AB. Life is just mmm-mmm good.
Lemon! You're here?
Yes, Daddy. You told me to come. Then you missed our appointment.
Oh. Well, you're in good hands with Dr. Hart.
She has really been throwing herself into her work lately.
What is going on with him?
Investigate.
- Bye. - Bye.
- I think Brick has a secret lover. - Wait, what?
But seriously! I mean, he's spacey. Singing. Secret phone calls.
He let you examine Lemon.
She's been dizzy and nauseous for weeks.
He didn't even care!
I mean, she could be pregnant for all he know...
I'm just gonna go run a few more tests.
Here you go.
Wade, it's Mae. Earl fell down his hole again.
Seriously? Again with the hole?
Earl?
Earl!
- Where's Earl? - Well, he's not in the hole.
I know he's not in the damn hole. I was just at the hole.
What? What's going on here?
We're sorry we tricked you.
But we didn't know how else to get you to sit down
and talk about all this like two adults.
- What is this? - Haven't you seen the movie?
We've been reverse Parent Trapped.
Earl, Mae, this is all lovely, but...
No buts! Sit, relax. Enjoy each other.
And this crisp white wine while we prepare the amuse-bouche.
Well, they really went all out.
At least it gives us a chance to talk.
Wade, here's the thing, okay?
I have racked my brain
to try to figure out how to prove that you can trust me.
But it's impossible if you don't give me a chance.
I want things to be different.
You know, I want you to come and knock on my door
and tell me that you want this.
That you want to take a chance.
I know that it's pathetic, but it's the truth.
I don't know what to say.
Who wants crab cakes?
No, I am so sorry. But I'm actually not hungry.
- Hear, hear. - Yes, sir.
Good, you're both here. I got that information.
- Don't know what you're talking... - What information?
I did some digging and it's all true.
Mount Everest, the orphans. The vice president of Peru.
Henry Dalton is a hero. He's perfect in every way.
Except that you two don't like him.
- You went to Frank? - You went to Frank?
- We had a deal! - Yeah, well, you broke the deal!
- No, you broke the deal! - No, you...
Who broke the deal first? No, don't answer that!
I know your family hates me and I live far away.
I know I treated you badly. I know I'm selfish.
I wish I could say I've changed, but I am trying.
I know I drive you crazy, and I got a baby that ain't yours.
But I have never loved anybody like I love you.
You know I have never been able to resist you.
So, does that mean you're not going to?
We can be a couple? You'll tell Lemon and Magnolia?
Yes. Damn it. Damn it, yes! Yes!
But if my mother finds out, she will never leave town.
So, please, please, please, please, can we just keep this under wraps
for two more days till she leaves for Europe?
Anything for you.
Well, the night didn't go quite like I hoped.
Look, you and everybody else around here
got to understand that me and Zoe, we just...
We don't work.
I get that you're afraid of getting hurt.
I get that better than anyone.
After your mother died...
I was so afraid of loving, of feeling again,
I hid inside a bottle for 20 years.
Hiding did nothing for me. And it'll do nothing for you.
- Dad, it... - But I'm recovering.
I'm learning to live again.
Feel again.
And I'll tell you something.
Even if Mae crushes my heart, it'll all be worth it.
Take a chance, son. Don't be like your old man.
Hey, Zoe. How are you?
You know, peachy.
Cole Maliska has a sore throat. He's on his way.
The Alberstat twins both have pinkeye again.
And Lemon's tests came in.
- Cool. - Here.
Oh, my God!
Old Man Jackson was getting his new wheelchair today.
I said I would be there!
- Can you reschedule all my patients? - Of course!
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Whoopsies!
Well, butter my biscuit.
It's the big day! The inspector will be here any minute.
All right, let's run the drill one more time.
Hey! Hey, Jaysene!
Now that we're done with our training,
I was wondering if you wanted to go out some time?
I'm sorry, I've met someone else I'm interested in.
I see.
Why don't you take a little longer there, Lavon?
Not like we have a fire to put out or anything.
Hey, we had an understanding!
- I called dibs! - So, what?
Maybe she just wants someone
who doesn't need a booster seat at the dinner table.
Okay, okay. You know what? You shut your fat face!
George, Lavon? Help!
Guys, guys! Come on, come on, stop! Stop it!
Look, Big Tom's right. You can't just call dibs on someone.
Well, why not?
Seems to me there was an agreement here.
And agreements amongst friends should stand for something!
Now you're an expert on friendship?
I am so sick of you and your high horse!
Well, likewise!
No, no! Oh, God!
I guess you're the fire inspector?
Yeah, I take it we're not getting our department?
Try again next year, Mr. Long.
Shut it down! Shut it down!
She called me Mr. Long.
Hey, Jaysene! How's the fire training going?
Not well.
Which means I won't be staying in town much longer.
But I wanted to ask,
would you maybe want to get dinner with me sometime?
- Like a date? - Exactly like that.
- I'd love to! - Great.
What are you doing here?
Well, I thought maybe we could go to dinner.
- Is this a joke? - No.
I'm sorry I waited so long.
But you were right. I love you, Zoe.
And I want to give this a try.
No.
You were right. This is never gonna work out.
I'm sorry, Wade, but it's just too late.
I know you don't think I know what I know.
But I do know. Here is a care package for you.
Ice cream, pickles.
Prenatal vitamins! What on Earth is this?
Congratulations!
What? I'm not pregnant! I have a virus!
Yes, you are. I saw your test results.
I promise you I am not.
Henry and I haven't even had sex yet, okay?
What? Why?
Oh, God. It's all a ruse, okay?
We're just pretending to be a couple, all right?
To placate our demanding grandmothers.
Because, as you know, I need the money for Fancie's.
And he's got his own troubles, so...
Well, I can't say I'm surprised. You do love your fake relationships.
But I am confused.
There's no such thing as a false positive on a pregnancy test.
Well, I assure you that test is not mine.
Well, then whose is it?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ripped By mstoll