1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,000 FRANK (laughing): These things are hilarious. 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,880 CHARLIE: These are priceless. These are priceless. 3 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,400 DEE: What are you guys looking at? Uh, Garbage Pail Kids. 4 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,120 FRANK: Heavin' Steven. Classic. 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,960 Totally classic. I love Heavin' Steven. 6 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,200 Are those those stupid cards 7 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,840 where babies are doing disgusting things? 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,320 They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things. 9 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,280 You got quite a collection there, buddy. 10 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,480 Yes, I do. 11 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,840 Hey, Charlie, how about givin' me a couple of these? 12 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,400 Uh, no. 13 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,400 I tell you what. I'll buy 'em from you. You got a ton of 'em. 14 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,440 No, no. These are, like, an investment. 15 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,880 This is my future here, okay. So don't mess with them. 16 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,320 Hey, have you guys seen this? 17 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,680 We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax. 18 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,600 "Blasted in the ass." 19 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,760 Mac, we have this same conversation every year. 20 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,760 There's nothing you can do about taxes. 21 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,720 You guys might want to think about voting every once in a while. 22 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,680 - What has voting ever done? - Why... Since wh... What has... 23 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,760 - Why are you comin'down... Voting? - Who am I supposed to vote for? 24 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,360 Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat 25 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:56,600 who's gonna blast me in the ass... 26 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,320 or the Republican who's blasting my ass? 27 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,840 Politics is just one big ass blast. 28 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,480 It is a coast-to-coast, nationwide ass blast. 29 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,360 No more! You guys are such morons. 30 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,320 If you knew about politics, you would know that that is not true. 31 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,440 Deandra, it's just some jerk gettin' into office 32 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,040 so he can get out for the payday. 33 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,560 Right. The guy's runnin' for office. He's... What? What payday? 34 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,880 I see it every year. 35 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,520 Some clown runs for office, drops out of the race 36 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,520 and gets a big chunk of dough. 37 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:28,800 I mean, you have to be a real low-life piece of shit 38 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,840 to get involved in politics. 39 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,640 Okay. I just got off the phone with the city clerk. 40 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,000 Turns out there's an election comin' up. 41 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,840 Local, small-time shit. Anybody can run. 42 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,080 - What's the position? - "South Philly, Zone 2, 43 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,840 "District 37 Comptroller." 44 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,040 - Nice. What's a comptroller? - Who gives a shit, dude? 45 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,120 We're doin' it for the bribe. I nominate Dennis. 46 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,600 - I accept your nomination. - Wait a minute. 47 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,000 How come he gets to be the candidate? 48 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,960 Take a look at that hair... Kennedy hair. 49 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,480 Note the bone structure. It's like a young J.F.K. 50 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,120 I got the same bone structure. 51 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,320 (hemming and hawing) 52 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,800 What are you making that noise... What is that about? 53 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,440 You got something funky goin' on in the forehead area. 54 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,120 - Five head. - Did you say five head? 55 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,320 I don't have that. 56 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,440 Deandra, a woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus. 57 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,160 Come on. There are plenty of amazing women politicians. 58 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,440 - Name one. - Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. 59 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,480 - Awful. - How is she awful? 60 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,640 - Hates freedom. - Uh... 61 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,440 Okay, Dennis, you are gonna need a campaign manager. That's me. 62 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,480 - So... - We should put that one to a vote. 63 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,000 'Cause I'd be a good campaign manager. 64 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,680 It's too late. I already have the clipboard. You can be my assistant. 65 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,480 - Mmm. Assistant is... - Should I wear a blazer for this? 66 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,600 - Yes. - No. 67 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:12,920 I like what he said. 68 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,520 Charlie? Campaign manager. You don't need a blazer. 69 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,440 - A blazer's gonna look... - I like where he's goin'. 70 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,200 - What am I gonna do? (sights) - You get to be the intern. 71 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,080 - Yeah, the intern. - What does an intern do? 72 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:22,840 - Cut limes. - Stock glasses. 73 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,960 - Serve drinks. - No. No. Come on. Damn you! 74 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,680 - I'm not doing that. - Hold it! Hold it! 75 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:32,320 If my son is gonna solicit a bribe, he's gonna do it the right way. 76 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,560 - I'm gonna be campaign manager. - Like hell you are. 77 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,800 You are way too old. Politics is a young man's game. 78 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,040 Mac, I think you might be in over your head here. 79 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,880 - Over my head? - Yeah. Listen. 80 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,920 Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager 81 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,880 raise their hand. 82 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,080 - For God sakes! - The people have spoken.You're out. 83 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,640 So that's it? I'm fired? This is bullshit! 84 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,800 - That's politics, man. - That's politics? That's politics? 85 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,120 This is wonderful. This is just wonderful. You know what? 86 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,120 I'm walkin' outta here. I don't need this shit. 87 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,520 I'm washin' my hands of the whole situation. Show you, bitches. 88 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,640 - Can I grab that clipboard? - No. That's mine. 89 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,400 Dee, check out my blazer. 90 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,480 - Yeah. It's too small. - Nah. It's perfect. 91 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,560 - How's the bar? - Full of hoboes. A lot of hoboes. 92 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,640 - Watch your ears. There you go. - Frank. 93 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:26,000 Frank, I don't think this is the best idea for our candidate's image. 94 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,160 This is a brilliant idea... "hobo-vertising". 95 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,320 Come on. It looks good. Beer him. 96 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,760 - We gotta fire Frank. - He's my dad. I don't know. 97 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,160 But, Dennis. Dennis. Hobo-vertising? 98 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,320 - That's not you. It's cheap. - Ooh. 99 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,600 It's cheap politics. It's not gonna get us that bribe. 100 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,600 I mean, you need to be out there. 101 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,840 You gotta be shakin' hands. You gotta be kissin' babies. 102 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,320 - I don't like babies. - No babies. Don't kiss babies. 103 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,400 Just get out there into the world, and... 104 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,560 You gotta let me be your campaign manager. 105 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,520 I mean, I can really drive this thing in a different direction. 106 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,240 I mean, when I look at you, I see success. 107 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,600 I see... You're top-notch. You're Goin' all the way with this thing. 108 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,720 - Oh. - Frank's just gettin' in the way. 109 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,520 Give me this chance. Just give it to me. 110 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,920 I didn't realize I was gonna have to make so many tough decisions. 111 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,960 Take him down. 112 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,680 This is a goddamn coup! 113 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,640 Don't take it personally, Dad. That's just politics. 114 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,840 You look like a dick in that tiny jacket. 115 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,800 - Let's not attack my candidate. - Don't go after the jacket. 116 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,640 - Shut up, Charlie. - The jacket's good. 117 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,720 I can talk to my son any way I want. 118 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,680 - Give him the clipboard. - No. No. 119 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,000 - Clipboard belongs to the manager. - I want that clipboard. 120 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,240 - Go to hell. - Oh, that was ugly. 121 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,360 - That was uncalled for. - Mmm. 122 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,200 Wow. That was, uh, a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be. 123 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,400 - I can get a clipboard anywhere. - Yeah. 124 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,440 - All right. - Don't do that. 125 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,320 - I want you to run for comptroller. - What? 126 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,480 I'm gonna be your campaign manager. 127 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,560 We're gonna stroll right into that comptroller's office 128 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,960 and solicit a bribe. 129 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,440 - Forget it. I am not helping you. - Deandra, we'll get this bribe... 130 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,440 and we'll shove it right in your brother's face. 131 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,840 We'll screw those guys. 132 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,160 I would like to shove it in his face. 133 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,120 Okay. 134 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,640 Okay. Now let's get you ready for the ball, Cinderella. 135 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,640 - What are you doing? - The bangs, they... The five head. 136 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,280 Let me get this straight. You want to try and solicit a bribe? 137 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,960 Yes! 138 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,320 You want my union to back your roommate 139 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,440 for South Philly District 37 Comptroller? 140 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,080 - Yes. Correct. - But not to win. 141 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,560 - It sounds illegal. - Aw, for God sakes. 142 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,000 What is with you two? Come on! 143 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,920 Like, in the movies, union guys are, like, tough and shady and shit. 144 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,960 - Sorry to disappoint you. - You're, like, a couple of nerds. 145 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:00,400 All right, look. Let me take you bitches to school for a second. 146 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,080 In this country, in the real world, people make money. 147 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,400 Somebody is gonna make a ton of money off my roommate. 148 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,120 - I want it to be you. - Let me make one thing clear. 149 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,520 We are not a criminal organization. 150 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,520 Why are you talking to me like I'm a jackass? I am not a ja... 151 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,320 Oh. I see what you're doin'. 152 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,320 (loudly) Okay. Nobody here is a criminal. No, sir. 153 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,880 (whispers) I think we're speaking the same language. 154 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,600 - Are we? - Oh, yeah. 155 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,760 We're being listened to. Bugged. The feds. I get it. 156 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,560 I read. I see movies. I understand. Okay. 157 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,560 I want you to contact me at Paddy's. 158 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,440 - I'm gonna get the ball rolling. - Mm-hmm. 159 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,480 It's safe there. 160 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,920 (loudly) Okay, gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out. 161 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,600 But, uh, I'm gonna go home and pay my taxes. 162 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:46,840 Right? 163 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,280 - You want me to call the cops? - Not yet. 164 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,800 I've got a better idea. Let's screw this son of a bitch. 165 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,800 Come on, Morris. We don't have time for this. 166 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,480 He called us nerds, Gary. 167 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,080 Nerds. 168 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,400 Are you gonna take care of the crime problem here? 169 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,400 Absolutely. I say we put 'em on busses, ship 'em over to Iraq 170 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,880 make 'em fight the terrorists. - You're very handsome. (giggles) 171 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,880 - Thank you. - This is going very well, man. 172 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,040 - People are responding to me. - They love the bone structure. 173 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,080 - They like the Kennedy hair. - I've been looking for you guys. 174 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,960 I've been thinkin', and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. 175 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,000 - I want to help. - What? Wait, wait. 176 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,640 First you wash your hands of politics. Now you want back in. 177 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,800 That's called flip-flopping. That's what Democrats do. 178 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,520 Hang on a second. Let's give the guy a chance to prove himself. 179 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,160 Yeah. Give me a chance. What should I do? 180 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,080 "What should I do?" Strike one, buddy. 181 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,320 You gotta bring something to the table, Mac. 182 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,440 All right. Ah, check this out. 183 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,880 Excuse me. Hi. 184 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,760 I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby. 185 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:46,960 - Oh, thank you. 186 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,960 Yeah, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind 187 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,840 f that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it. 188 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,000 - Excuse me? - Oh. I'm sorry. 189 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,880 He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool. 190 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,440 - You know, I'd rather not. - It's good for him, and for you. 191 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,160 - You should just give me the baby. (crying) - Please leave me alone. 192 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,080 Okay, lady. 193 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,080 If you give me the baby, I could get it over with. 194 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,160 - I said no! - Goddamn it! Just give me the baby! 195 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,280 - Somebody help me! - Lady! Give me the ba... 196 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,000 - This is campaign suicide, dude. - Let's get outta here. 197 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,280 There, there, there. 198 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,960 There, there, there. Take a look. 199 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,800 - Got it on? Sure? - Yeah. Take a look. 200 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,960 - What do you think? - I think I look like a whore. 201 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,520 - I'm trying to make you sexy. - This is not sexy. 202 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:29,320 - What is this? What's this? - It's the bed look. 203 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,280 The tossed look. The ruffled look. 204 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,440 You look like you just... Anyway, we have to convince this guy... 205 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,600 That we're a legitimate threat to his campaign. 206 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,200 There is nothing more threatening to a man 207 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,960 than a woman who is smart and attractive. 208 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:48,120 - We have to pretend you're both. - Wow. You're a horrible father. 209 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,400 - Let's just go. Let's get it done. - Great. Great. 210 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:55,360 Now, Daddy hates to say this, but... 211 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,120 I think we should talk about the breasts. 212 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,280 "Oh, don't hurt my baby." Like I'm gonna hurt somebody's baby. 213 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,480 You know what I mean? Goddamn Dennis. Fire me? 214 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,560 - I'll fire you. - Mac. Get in. 215 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,080 We got a bribe for your roommate's withdrawal from the race. 216 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:16,000 Really? Wow. You nerds work fast. All right. How much did we get? 217 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,400 We don't get any money until you pull your guy from the race. 218 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,160 Oh. 219 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,080 Okay, uh... 220 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,160 That's not gonna be a problem, is it? 221 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,120 - No. That's not gonna be a problem. - Better not be, Mac. 222 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,320 Otherwise, Marvin here is gonna have to take care of you. 223 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,200 Take care of me how? 224 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,840 I'll probably stab you in your throat. 225 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,200 Jesus Christ! Stab me in my throat? 226 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,200 - Are you serious? - Pull your guy out, Mac. 227 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,400 I'm gonna pull him out. I'm gonna pull him out, Marvin. 228 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,320 Marvin, I'm gonna pull him out. Okay. 229 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,440 Who's the nerd now, bitch? (chuckles) 230 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,800 That was fun. I feel like a gangster. 231 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,360 Shut up, Gary. 232 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,240 I'm not dropping out. 233 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,240 - Bro, you have to drop out. - Why? 234 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,560 I didn't wanna say this before, but you don't have Kennedy hair. 235 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,560 - All right! Oh, God! - You don't have thejawline. 236 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,560 - How could you say that? - If I hear one more flip-flop... 237 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,520 I'm gonna throw up in my mouth. 238 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,840 - You ready to do this? - I'm just doing some fine-tuning. 239 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,520 - It looks good. - Just trying to get my tan on. 240 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,960 Let's hurry. The battery on this drains like a tub. 241 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,240 What is going on in here? Are those beach towels? 242 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,720 We're gonna shoot a commercial, 243 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,480 getit on public access, get the message out. 244 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,000 - It's a million-dollar bill pal. - Yeah. A million-dollar bill. 245 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,840 You guys are never gonna get a bribe. 246 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,360 - It's not about the bribe anymore. - We don't care about that. 247 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,520 - I could be a real politician. - He's goin' to the top. 248 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:35,200 - Really do some good in here. - Are you listening to yourself? 249 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,200 You've never done any good for anybody ever! 250 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,560 I do good! I do good! 251 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,640 - You never do anything! Loser! - You're just jealous! 252 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,360 - I'm not jealous! - All right! All right! That's... 253 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,640 That's no way to run a campaign, boys. 254 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,040 - Let's have the talk outside. - All right. We'll talk outside. 255 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,120 - Yeah, we'll make you happy. - You're droppin' out of that race. 256 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:52,960 - We'll work it out. - I'm droppin' out of shit. 257 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,600 - We'll work it out. - We'll work it out. You and me... 258 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,600 - Did you just lock this door? - Yes, I did. 259 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,080 - You are going to hell, little man! - Mmm, I don't think so. 260 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,680 - That's politics, bitch. - I hate you, Charlie! 261 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,440 - You ready? - I'm ready. 262 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,440 Get in front of the flag and the million-dollar bill. 263 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,720 Dude, you and my dad share this futon? 264 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,120 No. 265 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,320 No, we... No, we got a whole different situation worked out. 266 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,080 - What's the situation? - It's... I sleep on the... And... 267 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,360 You got the script that I wrote? Grab the script. 268 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,240 I've been meaning to speak to you about this. 269 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,320 I can't read these words. They're not in the right order. 270 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,080 - It's good. - I think you might be dyslexic. 271 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,360 - No, no! Please. Read it. - I think you might be dyslexic. 272 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,280 - Read the script. - You want me to read the script? 273 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,280 - Yes. And action. - All right. 274 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,160 I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American. 275 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,520 "This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. 276 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:51,080 "Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I am hot." 277 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,800 What? 278 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,520 "Taxes. They'll be lower, son. 279 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:59,400 "The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia. 280 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:03,240 "So do." This doesn't make any sense. 281 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,480 Well, then just say whatever you want. 282 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,080 The battery's dead. It's gone. I gotta charge it up again. 283 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,680 This one piece is makin'me nervous. 284 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,760 - You need to stop touching me. - This right here. 285 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,240 Please stop touching me. This is really ridiculous. 286 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,240 I'm stuffed in here like a jerk. 287 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,360 - Deandra, you look sensational. - No, I don't. 288 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,560 Just remember. Let Daddy do all the talkin'. (door opens) 289 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,720 Sorry I'm late. (chuckles) 290 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,040 - Jack Stanford. - Frank Reynolds. 291 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,200 - This here is my daughter, Deandra. - Hi. 292 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,080 Hi. Well, I never like to keep a beautiful woman waiting. 293 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,960 - Oh. Thanks. - You see, uh, Mr. Stanford... 294 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,560 I myself am a problem solver 295 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,960 and you got a big problem on your hands. 296 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:50,200 - I'm afraid I'm not following. - Check out the goods to my right. 297 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,280 This pretty little lady is not only my daughter. 298 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,120 She happens to be your biggest opponent in the election. 299 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:01,440 - Beauty and the beast. (laughs) - You're funny. 300 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,560 Let the men do the work here, Dee. 301 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,800 Now we can make this problem go away 302 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,600 before it becomes a more expensive problem... 303 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,080 f you catch my... drift. 304 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:19,200 Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me? 305 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,960 - I don't know. Am I? - 'Cause if you are... 306 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,800 ... not only is that illegal and highly unethical... 307 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,640 ... but you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon. 308 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,880 - Let me take another approach here. - I tell you what. 309 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,240 Why don't we discuss this over dinner? 310 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,320 Dinner. That sounds good. 311 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,280 - I was talking to her. - Look, Jack, 312 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,840 my little girl don't go nowhere without her old man. 313 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,800 - Isn't that right, sweetie? - You're fired. 314 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,160 Frank. Frankie, I gotta talk to you. 315 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,040 - Not interested. - Look, I'm in a lot of shit here. 316 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,240 - So? - I need to destroy Dennis. 317 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,000 What do you have in mind? 318 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,080 When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland 319 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:07,200 he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. 320 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,520 A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. 321 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,080 Dennis Reynolds... baby rapist. 322 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,080 Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia. 323 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,800 - This is a goddamn smear campaign. - You raped a girl? 324 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,160 No, no. Okay. Rape? 325 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,480 I was accused of... Okay, statutory, first of all. 326 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,200 Not... I kissed her. She was a year younger than me. 327 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,680 That's not... even statutory or anything. 328 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,960 What's the note say? 329 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,040 All right. Yeah. All right. 330 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,000 Uh, "Meet"... 331 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,920 Starts out "Meet", and then there's, like, other stuff. 332 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,200 "Meet me in the parking garage. Frank." 333 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,840 - Yeah? - Yeah. 334 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,840 You clearly have a learning disability, dude. 335 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,080 - This is a trap. - It's not. Go see what he wants. 336 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,360 - It's a trap. - It's not! Make this thing go away. 337 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,440 Okay. I'll get the master. 338 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,880 - Did you come alone? - Yeah. 339 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,520 Where'd you get that trench coat? 340 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,480 - It's cool, huh? - It's very cool. Was a smart buy. 341 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,680 - All right, you got the tape? - Affirmative. 342 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,120 Okay, what's this gonna take? 343 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,480 You and Dennis gotta bow out of the race. 344 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,200 - Not gonna happen. - Gotta happen. 345 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,840 Not gonna happen. I want that tape. 346 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,720 I'm gonna need you to beg. 347 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,880 - Don't make me beg. - You gotta beg. 348 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,040 - Seriously? - Seriously. Down. Down. 349 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,080 All right. I know what you're talkin' about. 350 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,560 - What do you say? - Please, can I have the tape now? 351 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,560 - No. - God! What's this gonna take? 352 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,840 What the hell is that? 353 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,840 Charlie traded me his whole collection 354 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,000 of Garbage Pail Kids for the tape. 355 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,920 Oh, my God. This is bad. This is so bad, man. 356 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,720 These things, Mac... You don't know how rare they are. 357 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,880 These are rare. You can't find these. 358 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,960 Bro, I am in some serious shit. I needed him to drop out. 359 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,760 I don't care what you need. That is politics, bitch. 360 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,680 I wanna tell you somethin'. 361 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,920 - I'm really glad you asked me out. - Me too. 362 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,920 - How's that drink comin'? - Strong. 363 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,720 I should really probably think about gettin' something to eat. 364 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,520 Yeah. Still got a little left there. 365 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,840 Not for long. 366 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,760 Hey, have mine. 367 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,600 Oh. You're such a gentleman. 368 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,120 Are you gonna buy me some food at some point? Or... 369 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,760 What do you say we get outta here? 370 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,960 - Oh. - Who's the slut? 371 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,760 - Honey, this isn't what... - Another one of your whores? 372 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,800 Who do you think you are... Bill Clinton? You're a comptroller. 373 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,480 Did he tell you he had a wife? 374 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,880 - Did he tell you that, you whore? - No. 375 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,680 - Whoa! Whoa! All right. - You bitch! 376 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,120 Hey! Pour me a shot there, buddy boy. I got it. 377 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,080 - Oh, what'd you get? - I got the smear tape. 378 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,600 - Oh, hey, man. That's great. - Yes! 379 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,040 Whoa. Sweet Dee. What the hell's goin' on with you? 380 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,320 Screw politicians. Charlie, pour me a shot. 381 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,600 No time for that. We gotta get back out on that campaign trail. 382 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,040 - What do you say? - I was thinking about that. 383 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,880 - I don't wanna do that anymore. - What? 384 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,200 Oh, yeah. I googled "comptroller". 385 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,960 Turns out that this guy's really just a glorified accountant. 386 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:18,360 And I hate doing math. It sounds like a ton of work. 387 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,840 - Do you understand me? I hate work. - No. 388 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,920 These guys, they make less than teachers. It's a... 389 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,760 - So what? - So I'm not doing it anymore. 390 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,640 - No. You have to run. - No, I don't. 391 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,960 Yeah. Yeah, you do. 392 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,920 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 393 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,480 No, I don't. You're not the boss of me. 394 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,640 - I'm the campaign manager. - You're fired. (yells) 395 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,040 I traded all my Garbage Pail Kids for you. 396 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,600 Well, that was stupid. 397 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,240 Bit of an overreaction, don't you think? 398 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,480 You look like a whore. 399 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,800 - Psst. You come alone? - Yeah. 400 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,720 Why couldn't we just meet in your apartment? 401 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,720 - It's not safe. - Is that Frank's trench coat? 402 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,720 - Yeah. Pretty sweet, right? - Totally sweet. 403 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,680 Listen. I need your help. I'm in a lot of shit. 404 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,640 - I'm listening. - I need to make Dennis disappear. 405 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,920 Ah! Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about. 406 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,000 - Really? - I was thinkin' that same thing. 407 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,680 - I know you guys have become close. - Not that close. 408 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:31,960 How do you wanna do this thing? 409 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,080 If we use a gun, we're gonna need a silencer. 410 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,560 - A gun? - Fine. No guns. Piano wire. 411 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,680 Maybe we can use some piano wire. Look, whatever it is... 412 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,960 I gotta be the guy to pull the trigger on this thing. 413 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,920 Retard. I'm talking about taking Dennis to Atlantic City 414 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,920 for a couple of days until the election is over. 415 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,560 What are you talkin' about? 416 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,120 Atlantic City. That's good. 417 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,760 Just take him down to the shore for a couple days. 418 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,480 - I'll take him to Atlantic City. - What's wrong with you? 419 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,160 I give the guy my blood, sweat and tears, right? 420 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,360 And my Garbage Pail Kids. And... 421 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,880 And he just drops right out of the race on me. 422 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,560 - Dennis dropped out? - He dropped right out of the race. 423 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,160 So I'm out my Garbage Pail Kid... And, like... 424 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,960 If we used piano wire on him... As long as we hurt him a bit... 425 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,680 Sorry, Charlie. Plan's off. 426 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,680 - What are you doin'? - I'm gonna go collect my money. 427 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,920 Looks like you bitches shouldn't have fired me in the first place. 428 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,600 Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me with that? 429 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,920 I'm gonna buy a car and drive as far away from this goddamn city... 430 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,240 Hey, Mac. Where you runnin' to? 431 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,720 Huh? 432 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,120 Goin' to visit your friend over at the union? 433 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,400 What's goin' on? Is there a problem? 434 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,800 I don't know. Phil, is there a problem? 435 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,160 Conspiracy to solicit a bribe. Racketeering. 436 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,040 I'd say there's a big problem. 437 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,680 Your buddy over at the union came to see us recently. 438 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,560 Told us about your interest in politics. 439 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,760 - He ratted you out, Mac. - Apparently, you called him a nerd. 440 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,720 Some people don't take kindly to that type of insult. 441 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,880 Yeah. You're goin' away for a long time 442 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,600 and prison can be a very unpleasant place 443 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,040 for a good-lookin' young man like yourself. 444 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,400 Oh, yeah. They're gonna tear through you like Kleenex. 445 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,320 That is, of course, 446 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,760 unless you got something to make it worth our while. 447 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,440 Are you soliciting a bribe from me? 448 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,920 Sorry, pal. That's politics. 449 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,480 (both laughing)