1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,200 Hey-o! What is up, bitches? 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,200 I'm trying to revamp my MySpace page, but Dennis keeps criticizing 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,120 every move that I make. - What is that? 4 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:11,880 What in the hell is a MySpace page? 5 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,320 - It's, like, that friends forum. - These things are awesome. 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,200 You create a profile, put your picture on... 7 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,200 ... other people send you pictures and want to be your friend. 8 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,800 So that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers. 9 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:22,600 How are we losers, dude? 10 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,960 Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy. Computers are for losers. 11 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,960 You're drinking a beer at 8:00 in the morning. 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,360 - Whatever, dude. Irrelevant. - Holy shit! 13 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,960 This guy's been trying to contact me for, like, two weeks now 14 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,720 and I've just been blowing him off. 15 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,440 - But he's saying that he's our dad. - Awesome. Crazy person. 16 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:38,800 - Let me see. - No. Not awesome. 17 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,640 Because look at the pictures he's sending. 18 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,160 - Oh! Oh, look at that! - See? 19 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,640 That's your mom, dude! There's, like... 20 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,840 There's, like, a ton of pictures of this guy and your mom. 21 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,560 Oh, you know what? He does kind of look like you, Dennis. 22 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,280 Don't jump to any conclusions here. 23 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,440 This is bullshit! You guys have two dads, and I don't even have one. 24 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,640 Yeah! That is bullshit! We don't even have one. 25 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,080 What are you talking about? You have a father. 26 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,160 But he's in prison. He's been there my whole life. It doesn't count. 27 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,160 That does count! I never met my father! 28 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,200 Take it easy, all right? This guy's not our dad. 29 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,240 I don't know. This is really freaking me out. 30 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,720 Look, Dee, this guy can't be our dad. That's ridiculous. 31 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,120 Is it? Is it any more ridiculous than our dad having brown eyes... 32 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,880 black hair and being 4'10"? 33 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,280 This is really a nice place. 34 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,280 It's about time you kids show me some respect. 35 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,200 It doesn't really have anything to do with respect. 36 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,960 We wanted to take you to a fancy place so you would behave yourself. 37 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,240 - Yeah, yeah. - We need to talk to you, Dad. 38 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,680 - Shoot. - It's kind of disturbing. 39 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,400 You two aren't banging, are you? 40 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,720 - What? - No! What are you talking about? 41 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,160 - That's disgusting. - Yeah. Yeah, it is. 42 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,440 Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it. Trust me. 43 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,440 - That's not what we're here for. - It better not be 44 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,640 because I don't want no... (grunts) grandkids. 45 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,480 - I am not banging my sister. - Jesus Christ! 46 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,240 - What have I walked into here? - Oh, my God. 47 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,280 You two aren't having sex together? 48 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,600 - No, we're not having sex together. - What the hell is she doing here? 49 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,000 Sit down, please, Mom. Sit. 50 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,720 I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk. 51 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,720 - It's not perverted. - Banging your sister is perverted. 52 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,160 I am not banging my sister! 53 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,640 - God! Can you just sit, please? - Please sit in the chair. 54 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,440 - Frank. - Barbara. 55 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:07,720 Your turkey neck is exceptionally attractive this evening. 56 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,720 - You have turned into a retarded. - You're a retard. 57 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,160 Can we use some adult language, just for a couple minutes? 58 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:17,400 Let's get to it. There's this guy Bruce who contacted Dee on MySpace 59 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,520 and he's claiming to be our biological father. 60 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,360 We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way. 61 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,280 Is there a chance that that could be possible? 62 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,240 - No. - Yes. 63 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:31,000 - What? - Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis? 64 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,560 - Yeah. - Then, yes. 65 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,280 There's a chance this guy could be our father? 66 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:39,880 - No. Yes, he is your father. - What are you talking about? 67 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,920 Do we really have to get into all of this? 68 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,560 - My God! Yes. - Yes, we really have to. 69 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,720 Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. 70 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,440 A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, 71 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,280 or whatever you want to call it. 72 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,880 Long story short, he got me pregnant and I had to make a decision. 73 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,360 Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone 74 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,000 was if I didn't tell Bruce 75 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,440 and let your father think that the twins were his. End of story. 76 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,640 - End of story? - How could you do that? 77 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,120 Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted? 78 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,200 Children, would you like to have been aborted? 79 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:22,640 I can't believe this. I just can't believe this! 80 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,560 - Okay, Dad. Keep your voice down. - You whore! 81 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,480 - Keep it down, okay? - Please don't make a scene. 82 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,400 - Don't make a scene. - Sit back down. 83 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:32,400 Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene! I was just told, excuse me, 84 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,280 that my horrible, whore wife, 85 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,240 has tricked me into raising two bastards... 86 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,840 ... for 30 years, and I'm being asked to not make a scene! 87 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:46,720 Whoa! Oh, excuse me? Oh, did you bang my wife? Huh? 88 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:51,480 Did you bang my whore wife? Anybody here have any illegitimate children 89 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,560 with my whore wife that I should know about? 90 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,920 - Jesus, Frank! - Jesus! Jesus, Frank! 91 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,720 Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! 92 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:06,680 Jes... Oh! Jesus, Frank! My life is a lie! My life is a lie! 93 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,720 Somebody's got to get stabbed! Somebody's got to get sta... 94 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,720 - No... - Sta... Sta... 95 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,000 (people gasp) 96 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,560 Let's get out of here. 97 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,440 So, Dad. Kind of a funny story. 98 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,720 Turns out my friends got some weird news the other day 99 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,200 about their biological father... 100 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,160 And it got me to thinking, about maybe reconnecting with mine. 101 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,240 Uh-huh. 102 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,200 And, you know, Charlie never had a father. 103 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,920 And, uh, I thought that maybe the three of us... 104 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,320 ... could all become, like... like, friends or something. 105 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:51,960 Really? Okay. I'll tell you what. Maybe I got something for you. 106 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,080 - It's a father-son type of thing? - Yeah. 107 00:05:55,720 --> 00:06:00,880 I got a business I been running in here the last couple of years. 108 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,080 I was thinking of expanding. I'm gonna need people on the outside. 109 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:09,000 Some really badass, tough guys. 110 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:13,440 - Like where you're going with this. - Think you came to the right place. 111 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,440 What do you guys know about... 112 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,320 ... smuggling heroin through your anus? 113 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,640 You definitely look good. That's not what I'm saying. 114 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,360 I just think you need to tuck it in in the back. 115 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,720 - In the back? - Yeah. 116 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,920 You button the top button and then they tuck it in in the back. 117 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,240 - It is tucked in the back. - Is it? 118 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,880 - Is it bunchy? - It's not bunchy. 119 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,080 - Let me see. That's exactly it. - How do I look? 120 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,520 - That's gonna impress your dad. - It is gonna impress my dad. 121 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,640 You piece of shit! You no-good piece of shit! 122 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,760 Whoa, whoa, Frank! What's going on in here? What happened? 123 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,320 - I had a minor stroke. No big deal. - What's with the gun, dude? 124 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,280 I'm trying to find the son of a bitch who fathered my children. 125 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,440 - What? By doing MySpace? - I did everything they said to do. 126 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,640 I put a picture, a profile. 127 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,520 And won't tell me where the bastard lives. 128 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,000 - Did you send him a friend request? - I don't want to be his friend. 129 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,480 I want to shoot him in the face. Can you help me? 130 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,720 - No. You... - Yes, absolutely. But no killing. 131 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,000 - Needs to be killed. - Doesn't need to be killed. 132 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,280 He could take a good ass whupping. And we're down with that. 133 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,200 - Are you crazy? - No, dude! 134 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,160 - Give us one second here. - Charlie. 135 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,760 This is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. 136 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,360 No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right? 137 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,560 - Yeah. - And what are dudes in prison? 138 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,400 - Hard? - Right. Is our chance to get hard. 139 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,000 Okay. I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard. 140 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,840 Of course it is. This is totally hard. 141 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,760 - You want to get hard, don't you? - I want to get hard. 142 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,040 I want to get very, very hard. 143 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,560 Do you want to shove heroin into your ass? 144 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,320 I don't want to shove anything in my ass. 145 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,360 This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are 146 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,080 and not shove anything into our asses! 147 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,160 What in God's name are you two talking about? 148 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,800 - Frank, we're in. - Great. 149 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,760 Oh, God! This is so weird. I'm really nervous. 150 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,560 I really hope he's not an asshole. 151 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,640 I don't think I can handle two asshole dads. 152 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,160 Are these my beautiful children? 153 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,160 I can't believe what a miracle this is after all these years. 154 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,920 Oops. 155 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,080 You know, I loved your mother more than I can say. 156 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:14,080 And I'm sure she had her reasons, but she never told me. 157 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,080 Yeah. Well, this whole thing is very strange for all of us. 158 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,720 - We've got a lot to catch up on. - Yeah. Tell us about yourself. 159 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,840 - Yeah. - Where to begin, uh... 160 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,320 I met your mom here in, uh... in Philadelphia. 161 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,680 It was just before I shipped off to Alaska with Greenpeace. 162 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,760 I do a lot of environmental work and work with kids. 163 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,640 And we were in Alaska. And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan. 164 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,520 We... Here. 165 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,760 This... This is my adopted family. 166 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,400 - Oh. - You adopted them? 167 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,240 - Yup. In fact, um... - Huh. 168 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,760 Hello. Those are your brothers and sisters. 169 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,080 Your family just got a little bigger today. 170 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,280 - It sure... It sure did. - You want to know their names? 171 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,320 No. We'll do that later. Because it's... it's hard to remember. 172 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,880 - Okay, thank you very much. - Anything here is yours. 173 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,840 Anything in my life is yours. 174 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,320 - These are cool speakers. - Yep. They're yours. Take 'em. 175 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,320 - No, no. I was kidding. - It was just a joke, I think. 176 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,640 But if you want them, just... Uh... Africa. 177 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,640 - Yes. Yes, Africa. - Right? Sudan. 178 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,360 I went from the Sudan... I was in Darfur. 179 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,480 We had a water-purification program there. 180 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,520 So much work to be done there. 181 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,280 And then I... I spent a little time in Afghanistan. 182 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,760 We were doing a literacy program for women 183 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,200 who were resisting the Taliban. 184 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,280 Well, for better or worse, I came back here a couple of years ago. 185 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,240 And I think it was for better, 'cause I'm doing this work, 186 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,080 starting some programs for Sacred Cross Hospital, 187 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:42,480 which I think is very promising. And... My story is boring. I... 188 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,600 What about you? What are your passions? 189 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,360 You know, what are you doing with your lives? 190 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,520 There's been a lot of... 191 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,040 - Oh, so many things we do. - Phases. 192 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,200 - Oh, God. Where do you begin? - Yeah. 193 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,240 - Something like... - I know. I know. It's... 194 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,360 - A lot of different... - Chapters. 195 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,800 - Kinds of... kinds of things. - I want to hear anyth... 196 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:05,280 - Just tell me chapter one. - A lot of this kind of stuff. 197 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,240 - Yeah. - These guys. 198 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,160 - A lot of... - These guys are important to us. 199 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,840 I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 200 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,600 Son of a piece of shit! 201 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,520 Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank. 202 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,360 Seriously, bro. You're gonna have another stroke. 203 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,840 He won't make me his friend. 204 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,320 How am I gonna find him if he won't make me his friend? 205 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,720 - Be patient. It's a process. - Yeah, bro. Come on. 206 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,680 It's been days. I got no friends. 207 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,600 - Stop. You have friends. - I got you. I got this guy Tom. 208 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,080 And that crazy woman who claims we had a one-night stand 30 years ago. 209 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,080 Tom doesn't really count though. He kind of, like, comes with it. 210 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,840 Screw this! I'm gonna just follow Dennis and Dee around. 211 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,080 Sooner or later, they're gonna bump into this bastard. 212 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,480 We're gonna jump him and beat him over the head with a baseball bat! 213 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,080 Frank, come on. They're gonna see that coming a mile away. 214 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,040 Man, we need to be more devious, more cunning! 215 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,680 - Uh, that's not very hard. - That's some weak ass-buster shit. 216 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,760 This bastard destroyed my lineage. He must be smashed. 217 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,920 We're gonna smash him good, friend. We know people. 218 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,680 Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy on the inside we can talk to. 219 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,840 He might be willing to help us out with the situation here. 220 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,800 You guys are fast. I'm proud of you. 221 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,880 - Thanks, Dad. - Now, here's how it's gonna work. 222 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,000 I'll have a guy meet you in the bathroom in about 10 minutes. 223 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:26,880 Now he doesn't mind sifting through the feces, so don't hold back. 224 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,800 Uh, yeah, here's the thing about that, Dad. 225 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,240 We don't have anything in our butts. 226 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,760 No. We don't have anything in our butts. We're working on that. 227 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,840 - But we're still hard. - Should see how hard we're getting. 228 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,360 Oh, we are getting so hard. It's, like... Whew! 229 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,880 We actually came by 'cause we need your help. 230 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,520 Let me get this straight. 231 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,280 You come to me empty-handed and you want my help? 232 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,960 Yeah. And, look, we are really, really sorry about that, Dad. 233 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:57,320 But if you could give us some advice on how to handle a situation, 234 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,000 then we promise we will come back with our butts filled. 235 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,080 Oh, so filled. So filled for you. 236 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:06,080 We need to find our friends' father so that we can give him a beating. 237 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,120 Oh, we're gonna kick the crap out of this guy. 238 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,280 And check it out. We can't find him. 239 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:14,880 Right. Why don't you just follow your friends around for a while? 240 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,280 They're bound to contact him at some point. 241 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,880 When they do, just jump him. 242 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,360 Beat him with a baseball bat. 243 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,160 - That's pretty badass. - That could work. 244 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,760 Now, you listen to me. Do not come back here... 245 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,840 ... without anything up those asses! 246 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,160 Okay? 247 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,480 BOTH: Okay. 248 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,960 #Save the children 249 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,600 #Save the children 250 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,280 #Save, save, save, save, Save, save, save, save, save 251 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,720 #Save the children Save the children 252 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,240 #Save the children Save the children 253 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,360 #Save the children# 254 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,840 Thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Philadelphia. 255 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,920 The Juvenile Lupus Association 256 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,000 thanks you, and the children thank you. 257 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:08,080 - Oh, saving the kids, huh? - Yeah, I guess. 258 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,720 Those little angels, they're the future. 259 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,760 That's my dad up there. He put this whole shindig together. 260 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,440 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 261 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,720 Well, I mean, I helped, of course. 262 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,040 I mean, this whole lupus nightmare has gone on long enough... 263 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,440 ... you know? - Yeah. 264 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,840 Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes a father has the privilege 265 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,800 of playing a little music with his daughter. 266 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:33,000 Would you please welcome Deandra Reynolds? 267 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:37,880 (indistinct talking) 268 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,800 BOTH: #I believe the children Are our future# 269 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,600 Juvenile Lupus Association. What a bunch of bullshit. 270 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,200 - Mac, I got one question for you. - What? 271 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,960 - What's the plan again? - Are you kidding me? 272 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,960 I swear, Charlie, you're, like, a retard. 273 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,040 We're gonna bash him with the bat when he comes out. 274 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,640 - You wanna huff some of this glue? - No! Put the glue away! 275 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,560 - Please. Huff a little with me. - All right, fine. 276 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,240 - Fine! - We just need to keep an edge. 277 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,800 We got to stay hard, dude, because you can't do it if... 278 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,400 This is Elmer's glue, for Christ sakes, Charlie! 279 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,240 #If I fail If I succeed 280 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,560 #At least I live as I believe 281 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,200 #No matter what They take from me 282 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,240 #They can't take away My dignity 283 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:25,800 #Because the greatest# 284 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,720 - Do you have the camera? - Yeah, I got the camera! 285 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,400 - I just don't know what it's for! - I'm gonna bash you with this! 286 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,240 When he comes out, I'm gonna smash his face. 287 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,160 You're gonna take a picture. We're gonna show it to my dad... 288 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,120 - Show it to your dad. - To prove how hard we are! 289 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,920 #Find your strength 290 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:44,880 #In Love# 291 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,120 (crowd cheering) Whoo! 292 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,880 No, dude. We shouldn't do this. I'm backing out. 293 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,720 You can't back out. Frank is waiting in the car. 294 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,200 - He's gonna be pissed. - Let Frank wait in the car. 295 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,280 We owe this to him. This guy banged Frank's wife. 296 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,880 - So did you. - Yeah, but it's different. 297 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,800 - How is that different? - I don't know, Charlie! Focus! 298 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,360 (gasps) There they are. Just relax, dude. 299 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,480 He's hugging them. They're hugging him back! 300 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,920 This is crazy. We shouldn't do this. 301 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,200 We should bash all three. 302 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,680 This is it. Let's go. You ready? Don't be a pussy. 303 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,920 - Let's go. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 304 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,040 Oh. Hi. 305 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,640 Hi. 306 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,240 - Can I help you? - Can I help you? 307 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,600 - Can I help you? - Can I help you? 308 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,760 Uh, okay. 309 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,960 Um... 310 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,080 It's... It's okay. It's okay. 311 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,160 I got it. 312 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,520 Have a good night. 313 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,440 What the hell was that shit? What did you do? 314 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,880 - I freaked out. - You totally freaked out! 315 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,440 - I was gonna hit him. - I took a picture of the guy. 316 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,960 - Hey! - What? 317 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,920 - Snap out of it! Okay? - Okay! Yes. 318 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,240 Now we got to think of something to tell Frank. 319 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,840 - Hey! Look at me. - Yeah? 320 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,960 Ow! 321 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,360 (breathing deeply) 322 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,320 - Let's tell him the truth. - Let's tell him the truth. 323 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,640 - Blood! There's so much blood! - What happened? 324 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,560 - We bashed him good! - We bashed him so good! 325 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,160 - We bashed him good! - I think we killed him. 326 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,720 Drive! Drive! Drive! 327 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,120 (tires screeching) 328 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,160 Jesus, children! This isn't exactly what Mommy needs right now. 329 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,400 No. No, no, no. Mom, Bruce is so awesome. He... 330 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,880 - We had the best time last night. - Bruce is the coolest. 331 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,560 We went to this lupus event last night. Lupus is awesome! 332 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,120 You should give Bruce another chance. 333 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,680 Barbara. 334 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:04,080 - My God. You still look amazing. - Wow. 335 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,320 The years have treated you well. 336 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,920 I would have thought living in poverty 337 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,080 for a quarter of a century would have taken its toll. 338 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,280 Well, when Father died, I was left with all that money. 339 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,720 There's only so much you can give away before you finally realize 340 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,560 t's okay to spend a little on yourself. 341 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,480 - On you. - Yeah, on me. 342 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:26,000 Father? Wealthy? I never knew. 343 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,040 I guess it never came up. So you guys ready? 344 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,040 I am! I'm up for anything. 345 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,200 Okay. But first things first. 346 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,560 - Oh. - Yeah. Let's just put these on. 347 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,040 One for you. One for me. 348 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,880 Great. 349 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,920 Okay, let's go spread somejoy. 350 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,960 Right. Uh... 351 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,160 Ooh. Okay. Um, hey. 352 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,480 Hey, pal. How... How you feeling? 353 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,440 It hurts everywhere. 354 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,400 - Well... - Well, everything's gonna be okay. 355 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,440 - You don't know that, Deandra. - Shut up, Mother. 356 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,840 I don't think we should be lying to the sick children. 357 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,160 - I was trying to be encouraging. - What if he doesn't get better? 358 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,640 - You're gonna look like a fool. - I gotta say I agree with Dee. 359 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,000 The kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make? 360 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,880 I can hear you. 361 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,560 Oh, you heard... Well, you know what? Disregard that. 362 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,560 - We weren't even talking about you. - No. No. 363 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,480 We were talking about your sick and dying friend in the next bed. 364 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:35,000 Mother! What are you doing? 365 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,640 - Nothing! - Oh, my God! 366 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,760 You can't steal the children's medication. 367 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,000 I'm not. 368 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,960 - Let me see in your purse! Openit. - Don't be ridiculous! 369 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,360 - Really? - Everything okay over here? 370 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,280 - Yes. - A slight glitch here. 371 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,880 - This is kind of bumming me out. - Yeah, this is not fun. 372 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,280 Yes. I'm not exactly sure what it is we're trying to prove. 373 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,120 We're not trying to prove anything. We're just helping the kids. 374 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,440 - Who are we really helping? - Yeah? 375 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,000 I'm not sure I understand what you mean. 376 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,120 Well, listen, it's one thing to rock out, raise some cash. 377 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,480 But it's a totally different thing to put our lives at risk. 378 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,440 Oh, yeah. I mean, there's all these diseases floating around in here. 379 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,080 Yes. I mean, how can we help anyone if we're all getting sick? 380 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,480 - I mean, use your head. - Plus, it's freezing in here. 381 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,960 You think you could talk to somebody about cranking the heat up a little? 382 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,480 - This isn't good for us. - You're not serious? 383 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,480 I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them turn the temperature up. 384 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,080 It's easy. You just push a button or, like, crank a thing over. 385 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,120 - Are you guys getting hungry? - Oh, yes. 386 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,080 - I am starving. - Yeah, I could eat. 387 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,440 - Is there a cafeteria in here? - No, come on. Gross. 388 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,720 - I'm not eating in a hospital. - That's a good point. 389 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,480 Brucie, do you know a nice restaurant in the area? 390 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,400 I'm gonna want those noses back. 391 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,920 Please. Give it a rest with that martyr nonsense. 392 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,360 Yeah. Who is he? Patch Adams? 393 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,080 You know who never acts like he cares about kids? 394 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,600 - Dad. - Dad. 395 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,440 All right, buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons. 396 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,960 This is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna jam this into your rectum. 397 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,960 And then, woo! Like that, it's gonna expand in your colon, okay? 398 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,160 - It's gonna be that big? - Absolutely. Drop those pants. 399 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,120 Hey, guys. What do you think? 400 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,760 That's a good look. That's a good look for you. Where're you headed? 401 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,840 I tell you what, I feel like a hundred dollars. 402 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,720 Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got to thinking. 403 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,360 Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh? 404 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,000 Dive into some kind of depression over this? No. 405 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,160 I'm gonna jump right back on the horse. 406 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,280 So I contacted that woman on MySpace 407 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,200 who claimed that we had a one-night stand. 408 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,800 Turns out she's single and ready to go. 409 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,760 - Give me some skin. - Good work. 410 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,280 (knocking on door) There you go, Frankie! 411 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,880 - Might be her. Mac, get the door. - Let me clean this up. 412 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,160 - Hide that balloon. - That's gonna kill your date. 413 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,760 - Where's my dad? - So he's your dad now... 414 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,880 - Get out of the way. - Daddy. 415 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,360 Don't Daddy me. 416 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,760 You blew your chances with this daddy. You're dead to me. 417 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,040 - No. Just listen for a second here. - No. No. 418 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,720 We've had a change of heart. We've decided to forgive you 419 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,720 and to allow you to be our father again. 420 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,600 I'm not into being your dad anymore. Don't want to be your dad. 421 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,240 - Kinda giving you a second chance. - Daddy, yeah. 422 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,440 - No. I'm over it. - You can't be over it. 423 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,360 - No, no, no. - I'm over it. 424 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,560 - He can be over it. - Shut up! What is with you two? 425 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,360 - I am over over over it! - You're not allowed to be over it! 426 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,760 (knocking on door) DEE: Don't yell at me! 427 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,440 - Charlie? - Hey, Mom. 428 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,160 What... What are you doing here? 429 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,320 - I'm confused. Do you live here? - Yeah. 430 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,160 - Bonnie? - Frank! 431 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,280 How do you guys know each other? 432 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,480 - This is my date. - Whoa! Wait a second. 433 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,760 I thought you were going on a date 434 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,880 with a woman you had a one-night stand with 30 years ago. 435 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,560 - Yeah. - Yeah. 436 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,160 So if you guys had a one-night stand 30 years ago, and I don't... 437 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,960 You know, I don't know who my... father... 438 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,840 You could be my... 439 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,040 Dad?