1
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,310
Your pals found a package

2
00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,710
that belonged
to a coupla Degens
the other day.

3
00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:17,480
ALL: You're wrong, you're wrong
you're wrong.
WAYNE: Hey!

4
00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:19,850
Where was it?
Dollar Store parking lot.

5
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:20,880
Tell him whose it was.

6
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,720
Soupy Campbell's
and Spider Creemanse's.

7
00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:24,020
KATY: Argh.

8
00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:25,150
Well, did you open it?

9
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:27,120
Nope. Popped in right back
in the mailbox. Proper thing.

10
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,460
Shoulda opened it.

11
00:00:28,490 --> 00:00:30,360
That just didn't feels right
on accounts that it wasn't ours.

12
00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:33,160
Well, by the rules
of 'finders keepers,'
it was yours.

13
00:00:33,190 --> 00:00:34,060
So you shoulda opened it.

14
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,900
Yeah, it was our guyses
by the rights.

15
00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:37,300
I begs to differ.

16
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:39,370
Even though we founds it,
it was still technically
their guyses.

17
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,400
It was yours, fair and square.

18
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,700
With all dues respects,
Miss Katys,

19
00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:45,970
it was them fellowses,
just landed in our guyses
hands brieflys.

20
00:00:46,010 --> 00:00:47,740
Hmm, I'm with Katy.

21
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,210
It was our guyses.

22
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,010
And now we'll never know
what was in Soupy's
and Spider's package.

23
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:52,880
That's what I said.

24
00:00:52,910 --> 00:00:54,050
Looks, I know what
you're thinking.

25
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,920
You're thinking,
"You guyses
let yer consciences

26
00:00:56,950 --> 00:00:59,190
"get in the way
of something that was
rightfully your guyses."

27
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:01,190
And you might be right.
She's right.

28
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,090
Their guyses loss
is our guyses gain.

29
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,560
There's something
not right here.

30
00:01:04,590 --> 00:01:07,160
Not pertaining
to whose package
it was, but just...

31
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,930
like the English language
part of it

32
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,430
You guys keep saying,
"Your guyses,"

33
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,400
and "Our guyses,"
and "Them fellowhases."

34
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:18,210
Okay, just, 'kay,
you know what, 'kay,

35
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,210
what say Katy and I
find a wallet.

36
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,180
Whose wallet is it?

37
00:01:22,210 --> 00:01:23,850
Yours and Katyses.
No.

38
00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:27,250
Wayneses and Katy...ses.

39
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,180
It's ours.
Correct.

40
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:30,420
Or Katy's and mine.

41
00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:33,050
You know what, it kinda chaps
my ass more than just a wee bit

42
00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:35,060
when people use big words
to sound smart.

43
00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,790
It's far more smart
and efficient

44
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:37,760
to use small words.

45
00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:40,030
Save your breath
for something more important,

46
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:41,860
like chorin' or toe curlin'.

47
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:43,360
Hmm, especially toe curlin'.

48
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,300
You know, I thinks I know
what you'res insinuating
at here, Wayne.

49
00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:47,370
And I want you to know
I take great solstice

50
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,200
in working through all
the conflictions that come

51
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,540
from the King and Queens
language.

52
00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:52,440
Shall I call you
an ambleance, Dan?

53
00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:54,780
Or better yet, a whambleance?

54
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,380
The library has a lots
of choice literature

55
00:01:56,410 --> 00:01:57,910
to help through
your confliction, Dan.

56
00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:00,220
Well, the lie-berry's is full
of choice laterature.

57
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,380
Irregardlessly...

58
00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:03,890
expresso.

59
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,720
Ooh, now that one's so wrong,
it might as well be right.

60
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:08,690
In any event,

61
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,160
the decision on
what happens
to the package,

62
00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:13,060
is Darylses,
and Danses,

63
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:15,030
not mine and Katyses.

64
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,470
But you did
the right thing, Dan.

65
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,900
Well, thank you.
I appreciate yer support.

66
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,600
Sssss.

67
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,840
Hey, have you
ever seen that movie,

68
00:02:24,870 --> 00:02:26,140
There's Something About Mary?

69
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:29,680
Bet you didn't know
they're making a Canadian
version. Yeah.

70
00:02:29,710 --> 00:02:31,650
It's gonna be called,
There's Something About Marie.

71
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,920
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

72
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:42,074
Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
Signup Here -> WWW.ADMITME.APP

73
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:47,260
Guys by applause,
who agrees with me on this.

74
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,200
Women are like cats.

75
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:51,270
Men are like dogs, right?

76
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,600
Oh, yeah, case in point.

77
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,340
There's your waitress,
everyone.

78
00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,310
Meow.
(SLIGHT CLAPPING)

79
00:02:58,340 --> 00:02:59,770
MAN: Yeah, Bonnie.

80
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:00,940
Don't forget the tip.

81
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,210
Actually, you should give her
more than just the tip,

82
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,380
tip her on her back
and smash her, yeah!

83
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:06,350
(MAN BANGS TABLE) Oy!

84
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,980
How about I tip you
on your back and smash you

85
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,290
with a rusty rebar,

86
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,550
until you apologize
to my sister,

87
00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:13,190
you shitty fuckin' citiot.

88
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:14,790
I'll smash you too
that' all I know.

89
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,560
Okay, what's your problem
tighty-whitey?

90
00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:21,400
Jeez, it's like Mr. Clean
shopped at Baby Gap, right?

91
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,630
You're gonna be shopping
for a new suit at the morgue

92
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,330
unless you take a log
off that fire, pussy!

93
00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,500
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)

94
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,910
Yeah, all right, settle down,
Olaf from Frozen.

95
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:33,140
You forget that shirt
in the dryer for three years

96
00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:36,240
and now, it's cutting off
all the oxygen to your brain.

97
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,980
Settle down,
you can breathe.

98
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,580
Get the fuck
of the stage.

99
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,320
CROWD: Yeah.

100
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:42,420
Hey, hey, okay,

101
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:43,990
here's one for ya, uh...

102
00:03:44,020 --> 00:03:47,220
why did the chicken cross
the road?
Why?

103
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,060
To get the fuck out
of Letterkenny.

104
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:50,590
This place fuckin' sucks!

105
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,360
CROWD: Boo.

106
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:55,230
Oh, yeah. Nice. What am
I suddenly in LetterKenya?

107
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,370
You guys run fast.

108
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,000
Wow, I thought you guys
would appreciate that.

109
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,130
It's racist,
just like you.

110
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:03,370
Okay! Thanks very much,
Letterkenny.
(CROWD BOOING)

111
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,440
This has been
the exact opposite of fun.

112
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:08,380
Too bad the show wasn't
in Betterkenny,

113
00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:11,180
'cause you guys
are the worst audience ever!

114
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,250
(CROWD BOOING)

115
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,080
No, you suck.

116
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,450
Here's some chicken,
funny man.

117
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:17,620
What the fuck?

118
00:04:17,650 --> 00:04:19,890
MCMURRAY: This is a real place.
You think this is easy?

119
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,890
Think it's so fuckin' easy.
Why don't you
try it yourselves?

120
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:27,860
REILLY: What's up boys?

121
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:28,960
What's up, tank top?

122
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,870
Aw, looks like you guys
could use a bit of a tune-up.

123
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,070
Yeah, summer shape
is slip sliding away, boys.

124
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,600
You're letting yourselves go
a little bit, eh?

125
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,100
Getting ready
for the SAG awards?

126
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:38,440
Hmm, you two are going
to be the rollsiest, pollsiest,

127
00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:40,310
Letterkenny Irish
ever seen boys.

128
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:42,280
Rollsiest of
the pollsiest,
ferda.

129
00:04:42,310 --> 00:04:43,650
What are you
fuckin' blind?

130
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,410
The fuck are you smoking boys?

131
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,980
Looks like you buys
can use some cross-fit.

132
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:47,880
That's squat's up.

133
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,720
Wait, you dick farmers
work here, now?

134
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,650
Oh, more like
Celebrity Endorsers.

135
00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,290
Get the Celebrity Endorphins
going.

136
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,560
Celebrity Enforcers.
Uppin' memberships,

137
00:04:56,590 --> 00:04:57,960
droppin' shoulder dips.

138
00:04:57,990 --> 00:04:59,290
Gettin' yolked boys?

139
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:00,330
REILLY:
You guys want a free trial?

140
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,930
We put the abs in
absolutely free.

141
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,470
Full body workout,
abso-glutely, bro.

142
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:06,600
Crunch and munch, boys.

143
00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:08,070
Crunch then brunch, boys.

144
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,470
Play the cards
you're dealt.

145
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,340
Chuckin' tires
and muscle fires, boys.

146
00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:12,470
It'a cardio day.

147
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:13,310
BOTH: Fuck cardio.

148
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:15,510
Why would we get
training from you?

149
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:16,910
You look like
our before pictures.

150
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,950
Squat's the matter,
are you chicken?

151
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,250
(BOTH SQUAWKING)

152
00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:27,690
MCMURRAY: Wayne...
WAYNE AND MCMURRAY:
How'r you...

153
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,120
MCMURRAY: We're good, man.
Not so bad.

154
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,490
Look, I'm getting real sick...
MCMURRAY: One time...

155
00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:33,190
You go...

156
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:34,660
Get after it.
All right. Ahem.

157
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:38,670
The lovely Mrs. McMurray and I
have been doing some very
serious thinking.

158
00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:41,370
Maybe we should
try it ourselves.

159
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,470
Stand up comedy?

160
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,340
Or something similar.

161
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:44,610
Well, to be fair...

162
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,040
(SINGING) To be fair...

163
00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:51,310
(ALL SINGING) To be fair.

164
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,550
To be fair, it's likely
pretty tough sledding up there,
for a stand-up comedian.

165
00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:56,050
That comedian was a joke.

166
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,690
(LAUGHING)

167
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,520
Well that's a good one,
big hos.

168
00:05:59,550 --> 00:06:01,490
Thank yous.
Let me put it
this way, okay,

169
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:05,030
I was this close to making
that stand-up comic

170
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,030
a lie-down comic.

171
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,530
I don't get it.

172
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:09,900
Well, I'm just saying that

173
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:12,130
I was thinking about
whoopin' his ass

174
00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:13,530
and so I imagined

175
00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:15,570
he would have been
lying down had I done that.

176
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,700
Well, see there you go,
point and proof

177
00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:18,910
you're up there trying
to be funny like a nut sack,

178
00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:20,740
if nobody gets your shit,
you're hooped like him.

179
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:23,540
So...
So can confirm it's pretty
tough sleddin' up there

180
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:25,150
for a stand-up comedian.

181
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:26,280
Ah, okay. I get it.

182
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:28,350
Could use a little work.

183
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,420
Point for test-driving it
though.

184
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:31,450
In any event...
In any event...

185
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:34,890
In any event, we should
host our own talent show.

186
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:36,390
That's not a bad idea.

187
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:37,660
How're we gonna get
the word out?

188
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:40,190
Ah, you can put it
on your fuckin' Facebooks,
likely.

189
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:43,360
And whos will be preforming
at this events?

190
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,300
Who wouldn't,
that's the question.

191
00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:45,770
The fuck else is there
to do around here.

192
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,870
Jimmy Dickens should host.
So we just need judges
and a few more acts.

193
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:51,410
Well, I'll judge
and so will he.
Why?

194
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,840
ALL: Born to judge, bud.

195
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,440
All right.
There's our judges.

196
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,640
Now we just need
a few more acts.

197
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,380
Would you be needing
a joke smith for this
esteems affair?

198
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:01,880
'Cause I've always
wanted to try my hand
at stands ups comedy.

199
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,950
And I've often wondered
how those courageous souls
makes it work.

200
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,220
Salt of the earth people,
stand up comedians.

201
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,890
For the most part.
You're in.

202
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,590
That leaves you, Daryl.

203
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:16,530
Got any special talent
you'd like to share
with the class?

204
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,570
Oh, I don't know.

205
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,370
I'd be half scared
to get up there.

206
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,700
That means you'd
be half excited too.

207
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,270
Well, we could make first prize

208
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:28,480
$100 bar tab at MoDean's
if that colors the water
any different for you.

209
00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:29,540
He's in.

210
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:32,210
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

211
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:33,550
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

212
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:34,820
Good 'nuff.
Good 'nuff.

213
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,880
Good stuff.

214
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,620
Wayne?
Dary?

215
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:43,720
What'd you get me into?

216
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,460
It's time to get back
on the horse, bud.
Oh, no.

217
00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:48,730
No, I took that horse out
the back side of the barn.

218
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,500
Put her down for good.
And for good reason.

219
00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:52,070
Are you forgettin' where you
come from?

220
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,440
'Cause it sounds to me
like you're forgettin'
where you come from.

221
00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:55,300
Are you forgettin' your roots?

222
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:58,340
Your line-dancing lineage
is legendary.

223
00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:00,480
You will find
no finer liners, Dary.

224
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:01,740
Aunt Doreen made it
to sectionals.

225
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,080
I was not given that gift.

226
00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:04,780
Aunt Doreen could
have gone to provincials.

227
00:08:04,810 --> 00:08:06,110
Some say she could have
gone to regionals.

228
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,520
If she had lived
in the States, she would
have gone to state.

229
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,520
Oh, how she'd
have won state.

230
00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:11,720
She'd a took state.

231
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,490
If it hadn't have been for...
She didn't have the...

232
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,260
If it weren't for the...
ALL: ...bum leg.

233
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:17,360
Buerger's disease.

234
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:19,260
Was it Buerger's?
Yes.

235
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,430
Buergers.

236
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,630
Didn't she get treated
at the Mayo Clinic?
Yes.

237
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:24,600
She got her Buerger's
treated with mayo.

238
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,800
Did she do that to ketchup
to the competition?

239
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,500
Did she ketchup?
Yes.

240
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,510
And despite her Buerger's,

241
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,140
she never beefed with anyone.

242
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:34,680
She relished a challenge.

243
00:08:34,710 --> 00:08:36,610
That was a challenge
that she relished.

244
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,150
Mustard up the courage.

245
00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,780
She worked her buns off.

246
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,780
She worked the buns
off her Buergers.

247
00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:45,320
No cheesy moves.
Lettuce all be inspired by her.

248
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,560
She lettuce.
No hot-dogging.

249
00:08:47,590 --> 00:08:48,720
Just Beurgers.

250
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:49,790
The point is,

251
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,860
if Aunt Doreen can do
all that with a gouty gam,

252
00:08:51,890 --> 00:08:54,200
you sure as shit
can line dance in Letterkenny.

253
00:08:54,230 --> 00:08:55,700
I guess you're right.

254
00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:57,730
If Aunt Doreen can do it
with a shitty stick,

255
00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:00,570
then I can probably get up
on stage at the talent show

256
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,570
for Aunt Doreen.
The thing is, I just

257
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,270
wished I had
your guyses
confidence.

258
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,340
Or Fred Astaire's.

259
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,740
-es.

260
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,550
Hey, guys,
I was over at Gailers.
How's Gailer?

261
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:14,720
You know, usual.
Upbeat and horny.

262
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,250
Who's your guys favorite
stand up comedians?

263
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:19,490
Mark Forward.

264
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,320
Dave Chappelle.
Steven Wright.

265
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,660
Why?
Who's yours?

266
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,990
Oh, big fella.
Hell of a storyteller.

267
00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:27,730
Handsome as the day
is long. Can't remember
his name though.

268
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:28,960
Good guy?
Great guy.

269
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,500
I'm glad to hear
he's a good guy, at least.
Anywho...

270
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:34,200
I was wondering if I could
get your guyses opinions
on something.

271
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,770
Okay.
I've been working on
my stand up act.

272
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,310
My style's going to be
observationals comedy.

273
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:41,740
Pretty much I'm just going
to make observations about
days-to-day life.

274
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:43,610
You wants to hear one?
Sure.

275
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,050
All right.

276
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,910
Did yous ever notice

277
00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:50,790
when you goes
to the gas station
and there's a line up

278
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:53,390
you always picks
which vehicles
to waits behind and,

279
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:55,760
and the other fellas whats
you didn't get behind

280
00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:57,430
is always done first?

281
00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:58,590
Always happens every time.

282
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:00,730
Kind of makes a fella wonder.

283
00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:03,200
Don't it?

284
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:06,270
Yeah, that's
a choice observation,
Squirrely Dan.

285
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,700
Yeah, that happens sometimes.

286
00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:09,700
All right. All right.

287
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:13,710
Let me try's another one.
Did you ever notice

288
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:17,810
you're at the grocery store
and you picks a cart what
with to do shopping with,

289
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,950
you always seem to grabs
the one that got
the squeaky wheel.

290
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:23,780
It almost happens
every single time,
every time.

291
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,090
Kind of makes a fella wonder...

292
00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:28,290
don't it?
Yeah.

293
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,260
Yeah, I just needs to cook up
a few more of these,
and I'm in business.

294
00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:34,930
Yeah, yous never know.

295
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,760
You're letting gravity
win these days, boys.

296
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,830
No more man cans.
No more puddin' pecs.

297
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:39,830
No ifs, ands or guts.

298
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,740
So, let's gut going.

299
00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:43,770
First things first,
you're gonna
reach your arm up

300
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,870
as high as it will go
touch that ceiling.

301
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:47,840
Higher than Ariana Grande
doing a Mariah Carey cover.

302
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,840
I told you, it's cardio day.

303
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,410
BOTH: Fuck cardio.

304
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:52,410
Goddamn it.

305
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,920
Gotta crack a snappy
for the Winstagram, buddy.

306
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,790
Yeah, couple of pickies
for the chickies.

307
00:10:57,820 --> 00:10:59,620
JONESY: Gymstagram, bro.

308
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:01,290
REILLY: Instapicks, instachicks.

309
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,160
Gotta provide people
with proof you're
pressin' pounds,

310
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:05,830
otherwise
what's the point?
Am I right?

311
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,660
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

312
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,470
Welcome Letterkenny,
to the first ever
Letterkenny Talent Show.

313
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,370
Round of Applause.

314
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:22,580
How many people
are we looking at here?

315
00:11:22,610 --> 00:11:25,150
We got 20 little people
over here. We're looking at
25, 25 little, lotta people

316
00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:27,310
lookin' away. Lookin' 25,
we got 30 little people
over here.

317
00:11:27,350 --> 00:11:29,520
Doop, dee, doop, dee, dee
doop do theme song.

318
00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:32,690
Let's check in with our judges
to see what they're looking for.

319
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,460
First up is Katy.

320
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:41,460
Hey, Jim, um...

321
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:45,200
You know, I guess I'm just
looking for something that
I've never seen before.

322
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:48,640
This is hour opportunity,
Letterkenny. Tonight it's
your stage.

323
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:52,240
Couldn't have said it
better myself, if I tried,
5-6-7 times,

324
00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,640
how about 8?
Okay, I'll take 8.
How about 9 times?

325
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,650
Now we're looking at 10 times.
How many times should
I have tried before I died,

326
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,810
maybe 13.

327
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:02,880
Last up is Wayne.
What are you lookin to see
here, tonight, Wayne?

328
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,320
Don't fuck it up, bud.
There you have it.

329
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,860
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

330
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,430
Well, it's time for
our first act of the night.

331
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:14,830
Here to perform a monologue
from her favorite movie,

332
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:17,360
 Gladiator. It's Gail.

333
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,740
I do apologize.

334
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,340
This is a monologue
from Gladiator,

335
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:30,480
"XXX Glad-he-ate-her."

336
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,960
Lingus, you barbarian.

337
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,460
Let your Italian hands,

338
00:12:43,490 --> 00:12:46,330
Rome all over my body.

339
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:48,530
(GRUNTS)

340
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,700
You're such a gifted orator.

341
00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:54,600
Unsheathe your sword.

342
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,000
I implore you.

343
00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:59,610
Spare me you dick-

344
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,640
tator.

345
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:05,950
Oh, I'm about to Climaximus.

346
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:08,050
Oh, oh, what

347
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:12,150
we do in life echoes
in eterni-tittiees.

348
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:13,620
Ah! Oh.

349
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:14,860
(SOUNDS BUZZER)

350
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:18,530
Well, that was bang on.

351
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:21,100
Even better than the movie.

352
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:22,900
Thanks.

353
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:25,070
(CLAPPING)

354
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:27,740
This one's for you, Barbara.

355
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:32,870
(PLAYING UKULELE)

356
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:41,580
(SINGING) ♫ Love is a feelin'

357
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:51,690
 ♫ That goes deeper with time

358
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:55,260
 ♫ From the first whisper
 In the morning ♫

359
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,560
(MAN COUGHING)

360
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:00,840
Want me to start over?

361
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,510
(MAN IN AUDIENCE COUGHING)

362
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:17,520
Sneezus Christ,
Ebisneezer Scrooge!

363
00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:20,990
What! Somebody got a life
threatening dissneeze out there!

364
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:22,460
Huh?

365
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,330
We finally got some class
up here after Gail's little
strip sneeze

366
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,530
and then now look what happens!

367
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,860
Look at it!

368
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:31,570
God, am I speaking
Canton-sneeze up here!

369
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,030
Do I need to get down
on my sneeze and beg?

370
00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:36,540
Huh? You take that garbage

371
00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:41,480
over-sneezeand order yourself
some Chi-sneeze cuisine,

372
00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:45,710
before I go Hercu-sneeze
up your asshole.

373
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:48,520
Carpi diem. Sneeze the day.

374
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:50,820
Yes!

375
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,390
It's fuckin' embarrassing.

376
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,490
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

377
00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:01,030
GLEN: Now I know you all know
the Salty Treats.

378
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:04,100
We got together
and formed ourselves
a Christian post alt-rock

379
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:07,300
emo super band.
And we are called...

380
00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:09,300
My Tattered Journal.

381
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,850
(SINGING)
 ♫ I wanna be close to Christ

382
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:24,180
 ♫ Why, n... why

383
00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:29,260
 ♫ I wanna be close to Christ

384
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,690
 ♫ And why...

385
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,060
 ♫ N'why...

386
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,800
Is he singin'...?
Yeah.

387
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,770
 ♫ Touch me...

388
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:41,370
 ♫ Is it Christ?

389
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,700
 ♫ Oh why?

390
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:47,510
 ♫ And I will touch me...

391
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,910
 ♫ Is it Christ?

392
00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:54,110
 ♫ Oh why? Oh, why?

393
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:56,280
 ♫ Oh, why, oh why?

394
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,650
 ♫ Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why? ♫

395
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:01,060
(BUZZES)

396
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:02,720
Cut.

397
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:04,490
Glen?
What?

398
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:08,760
I was just wondering,
where exactly do you want
Wayne to touch you?

399
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:09,600
Where do I wan...

400
00:16:09,630 --> 00:16:11,270
Where do I want
Wayne to touch...

401
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,730
My spirit.

402
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:13,930
What else would I mean?

403
00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:15,800
Well...
Don't answer that.

404
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,270
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

405
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:22,280
(SCREAMING)

406
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,840
(BUZZES)

407
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,480
What the actual fuck
was that Stewart?

408
00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:04,490
Scream therapy juxtaposed
against self-expression
from the streets.

409
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,150
You've just witnessed
the new genre of dance

410
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:09,820
that's about to slit through
the Saudi-Samoan, Estonian,
Scandinavian, Istanbullian

411
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:14,660
Sri Lankan, Swiss, Saharan,
Southern State sub underground
city streets!

412
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,460
It's called...

413
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:18,500
(YELLS)

414
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:20,330
...ache dancing.

415
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:24,640
And now, for our second set.

416
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:27,640
(BUZZING)

417
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:31,710
(SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)

418
00:17:33,950 --> 00:17:37,650
SANTA: Oh, you're a little
rascal, aren't you, little girl.

419
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:41,660
Oh, oh, am I in twouble Santa?

420
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:45,060
(SEXUALLY) I've been a really
good girl, this year.

421
00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:46,490
(BOTH SEXUALLY GRUNTING)

422
00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:49,530
SANTA: Uh, you've been
a naughty girl.
(MRS. MCMURRAY SQUEALS)

423
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,770
You need a bare bum
spanking like this.

424
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,670
MRS. MCMURRAY: No! No.
SANTA: yes, yes,

425
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:57,200
you've been naughty.
You have been so naughty.

426
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,240
You little (MUMBLING) thing.

427
00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:02,040
...and bury my jingle balls.
(BUZZES)

428
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,940
What the fuck, Wayne!

429
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,180
These costumes weren't cheap.

430
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,850
Doing you a favor before
you had to get 'em dry cleaned.

431
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,620
Well, we're still gonna
need 'em dry cleaned, don't
you worry. (LAUGHS)

432
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:12,790
... in a little role-playing
isn't it baby...

433
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,790
(BUZZING)

434
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:17,930
(UPBEAT GYM MUSIC PLAYING)

435
00:18:18,990 --> 00:18:20,130
Hi, snipers.

436
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,030
Who squat, when, where,
why, snippies?

437
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,260
Cardio day.

438
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,400
BOTH: Fuck, cardio.

439
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:27,270
So you think that
we could get
some training?

440
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,040
Oh, for sure. The most
important thing
is to get a high angle.

441
00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:32,140
It makes your eyes pop
and your eyebrow game
on point.

442
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:33,910
You ladies
know your angles?

443
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,640
If you don't provide people
with proof that you're pressing
pounds, what's the point?

444
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,410
I meant cross-fit training.
From them.

445
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:42,620
I mean, yeah, sure,
if you want to start
with beginners.

446
00:18:42,650 --> 00:18:44,890
Dip your toe
in the water
before you commit?

447
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,320
Start soft, makes sense.

448
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,160
Those fellas will show
you the ropes, literally.

449
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,390
REILLY:
More satisfied customers, buddy.

450
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:54,760
See what happens when
we work the celebrity
endorphins, buddy?

451
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,300
REILLY: Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

452
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:57,900
Appies and ales,
wheelin' some tails.

453
00:18:57,930 --> 00:18:59,800
You bet.
BOTH: Ninja dust.

454
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,440
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Oh, calm down, everybody.
Calm down.

455
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,510
Now did, did you ever notice...

456
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:11,110
lineups at the Dollar Store
is gettin' longer. Like, I just
stopped in there to get

457
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,280
a candy bar the other day.
I'm stuck waitin' three hours
behind Mrs. Henderson

458
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:15,850
buying a whole kitchen sink.

459
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,120
(CROWD LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

460
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:18,290
MAN: It's true.

461
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,620
Kinda makes a fella wonder.

462
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:23,260
Don't it?

463
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:26,930
Did you ever notice...

464
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:30,530
overalls don't breathe
very good.

465
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,630
I get so hot out this summer
I'm afraid I'm gonna steam

466
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:33,930
the wrinkles
out of my ball sack.

467
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,940
(MAN SHOUTING)

468
00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:38,070
Kinda makes a fella wonder.

469
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,380
I like when he does that.

470
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:43,140
Don't it?

471
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,310
Oh, and did yous ever notice,

472
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,550
Glen over here
is wearing his glasses again.

473
00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:49,150
What's the matter
over there Glen?

474
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,220
You got poor eyesights?

475
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,950
Dan, I sure do.

476
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:55,090
Last winter, Gail got me Lasik,
but it didn't take, so...

477
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,290
I didn't say it was your fault.

478
00:19:58,330 --> 00:19:59,990
I didn't ask you
for your life story, Glens.

479
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:01,360
(CROWD LAUGHING)

480
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,760
But it kinda makes
a fella wonder...

481
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,430
Don't it?

482
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,970
Thank you everybody
that's my time.

483
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,540
(CROWD CHEERING)

484
00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,410
Judges, a few...

485
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,240
a few thoughts on Dan's act.
I thought it was good, good,
good, so good, we're looking

486
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:22,320
at great, so great, we're
talking about unbelievable
making me laugh. Katy?

487
00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:25,250
Well, it was observational,
as billed.

488
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,220
Funny, 'cause it's true,
I guess.

489
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,060
Overall, not s'bad.

490
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:32,490
Thank you, Miss. Katys.
I appreciates your assessment.

491
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:34,360
(LAUGHING) Appreciate it.

492
00:20:34,390 --> 00:20:36,060
Wayne.
Well...

493
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,070
Well, I liked it because

494
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:41,870
what I see, I understand.

495
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,000
Whereas everything else
I've seen today

496
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,440
I don't understand.

497
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:49,380
I guess that makes you
the fella to beat,
Squirrely Dan.

498
00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:50,540
(CROWD CHEERING)

499
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:52,750
Hot dog.

500
00:20:52,780 --> 00:20:54,380
I don't know
what that means,
it's probably not this,

501
00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:55,420
but this was super easy.

502
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:57,550
DAN: You do sinkers
and you tells people about it.

503
00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:59,390
Have a good night.
GLEN: Yay, for Dan.

504
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:00,720
Yay for Dan.

505
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:03,290
Time for our final act
at the Met this evening.

506
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,360
This gentlemen comes
from a long, long line
of line dancers

507
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,930
and tonight he's here
to dance for you.

508
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,300
Let's hear it for Daryl.

509
00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:16,270
(CROWD CLAPPING)

510
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,170
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

511
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,610
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

512
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,490
( SWAMP THING PLAYING)

513
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:14,530
KATY: He's losing it.

514
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,100
WAYNE: All for show offs
up there. Hang on there,
good buddy.

515
00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:20,360
Fuck cardio.

516
00:23:24,260 --> 00:23:25,970
( SWAMP THING CONTINUES)

516
00:23:26,305 --> 00:24:26,550
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