1 00:00:08,082 --> 00:00:09,842 My God, Jamie. 2 00:00:10,242 --> 00:00:12,202 How in the world did you get ahold of one of these? 3 00:00:15,322 --> 00:00:16,522 Do you have any idea what could happen 4 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,162 if you play around with one of these? 5 00:00:18,282 --> 00:00:19,082 Look. 6 00:00:19,522 --> 00:00:20,402 See? 7 00:00:20,842 --> 00:00:23,362 This isn't a game. This is not a toy. 8 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,282 Call 9 00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:30,962 your mother! 10 00:01:06,402 --> 00:01:07,922 Hi, hon. How was your day? 11 00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:10,122 It is Big Super Crazy Days at the Lucky Aide. 12 00:01:10,242 --> 00:01:12,922 And I feel like I have been hit by a truck. 13 00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:14,722 Here's your herbal tea. 14 00:01:15,122 --> 00:01:17,522 The thing is absolutely nothing is on sale. 15 00:01:17,722 --> 00:01:19,162 They take all the stuff off the shelves 16 00:01:19,282 --> 00:01:21,042 dump it in the bins and the people go nuts. 17 00:01:21,162 --> 00:01:22,362 I dropped my car keys in one of 'em. 18 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:24,802 I had to wrestle a woman for 20 minutes to get 'em back. 19 00:01:25,962 --> 00:01:28,482 Oh, God, my neck is killing me. - Got it! 20 00:01:28,682 --> 00:01:30,642 And then this 90-year-old man with glaucoma comes in. 21 00:01:30,802 --> 00:01:32,922 He wants to pay for his toiletries with a bag full of pennies. 22 00:01:33,042 --> 00:01:36,082 Feet up. - We finally settled on $5, six buttons 23 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,562 and a run-over bottle cap. 24 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:38,602 Feet down. 25 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,402 I swear, Hal, I could hardly stand up through my shift. 26 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,482 I'm afraid I'm going to have to break down 27 00:01:45,602 --> 00:01:47,562 and buy those custom orthotics for my shoes. 28 00:01:47,802 --> 00:01:50,362 Dr. Fletcher said I've got the pronation of a circus clown. 29 00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:52,882 Well, if you need 'em, you need 'em. That's all there is to it. 30 00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:55,242 That right heel looks like it could use some pumice. 31 00:01:55,722 --> 00:01:57,322 Hal, what would I do without you? 32 00:01:57,482 --> 00:01:58,642 I swear I couldn't make it through the day 33 00:01:58,802 --> 00:01:59,922 if you weren't here to pick up the pieces 34 00:02:00,042 --> 00:02:01,162 and put me back together again. 35 00:02:01,282 --> 00:02:03,882 Oh, nonsense, honey. I'm only doing what any husband would do. 36 00:02:04,122 --> 00:02:05,842 Any husband who cares. 37 00:02:06,362 --> 00:02:08,002 There. Back in. 38 00:02:08,202 --> 00:02:09,562 Now if you'll lean forward, I'll get that spot 39 00:02:09,682 --> 00:02:10,682 between your shoulder blades. 40 00:02:10,802 --> 00:02:13,242 Actually, that's the one part of me that doesn't hurt today. 41 00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:14,882 Really? 42 00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:17,562 Did I mention the washer is out again? 43 00:02:17,962 --> 00:02:18,882 I got it. 44 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,682 It's not fair. You owe me $10, Malcolm. 45 00:02:24,802 --> 00:02:26,442 You promised to pay me back a month ago. 46 00:02:26,602 --> 00:02:28,962 Dewey, it seems to me you're the only one holding onto this. 47 00:02:29,762 --> 00:02:30,882 The rest of us have moved on. 48 00:02:30,962 --> 00:02:32,082 Yeah, you keep hounding people 49 00:02:32,202 --> 00:02:34,162 pretty soon, no one's going to want to borrow money from you. 50 00:02:34,882 --> 00:02:36,402 He's isolated one-on-one. He fakes. 51 00:02:36,682 --> 00:02:38,282 Fakes again. A behind-the-back pass to.. 52 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,962 Do you get points for missing your mom's head? 53 00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:54,282 Rims's a little loose. 54 00:02:55,122 --> 00:02:56,362 Mom, how did you do that? 55 00:02:56,482 --> 00:02:57,682 Orthotics, boys. 56 00:02:57,882 --> 00:02:59,202 They can change your life. 57 00:03:00,362 --> 00:03:01,962 Give me a hand with the groceries, Malcolm. 58 00:03:02,962 --> 00:03:03,762 I might as well. 59 00:03:04,322 --> 00:03:06,482 I don't think I'll be playing basketball ever again. 60 00:03:10,642 --> 00:03:11,562 What the.. 61 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,202 I've been waiting to get you alone 62 00:03:15,322 --> 00:03:18,042 you miserable, scum-sucking piece of garbage. 63 00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:20,242 Short Stack, is that you? 64 00:03:22,882 --> 00:03:23,882 I don't believe it! 65 00:03:24,002 --> 00:03:26,042 What the hell are you doing here, you ugly grub eater? 66 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,242 I had a few days' leave. Thought I'd spend it 67 00:03:27,362 --> 00:03:28,722 with my favorite idiot. 68 00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:29,762 Who's this? 69 00:03:29,882 --> 00:03:31,402 Only my best buddy from the army. 70 00:03:31,562 --> 00:03:33,162 You remember that story I told about that girl soldier 71 00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:35,562 who went all crybaby when she got her first care package from home? 72 00:03:35,722 --> 00:03:37,442 Abby's the one that kicked her ass and made her shut up. 73 00:03:37,602 --> 00:03:39,642 It was what any platoon leader would have done. 74 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,522 I'm Abby Tucker. It's nice to meet you. 75 00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:43,242 I'm Lois. This is Malcolm. 76 00:03:43,362 --> 00:03:45,002 Oh, right, Pea Pod. 77 00:03:45,162 --> 00:03:46,282 I see what you mean. 78 00:03:46,402 --> 00:03:48,202 So, you're a platoon leader. 79 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,482 It's nice the army lets a woman 80 00:03:49,602 --> 00:03:51,682 have some authority once in a while. - Yes, Ma'am. 81 00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:54,122 Although it does feel a little weird to give orders to men. 82 00:03:54,242 --> 00:03:56,362 Well, it shouldn't. Men are like dogs 83 00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:58,442 It calms them down when they know their boundaries. 84 00:03:58,602 --> 00:04:00,562 Look, if you don't mind, she's only got a couple free days 85 00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:02,042 and we've got, like, a ton of catching up to do. 86 00:04:02,162 --> 00:04:03,042 Sure. 87 00:04:11,842 --> 00:04:16,642 I want my money. I want my money. I want my money. I want my money. 88 00:04:16,842 --> 00:04:17,722 I want my money. 89 00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:19,962 Dewey! I heard you the first 500 times. 90 00:04:20,122 --> 00:04:21,722 Just shut up. - Okay. 91 00:04:22,882 --> 00:04:25,242 'I want my money. I want my money.' 92 00:04:25,602 --> 00:04:28,362 'I want my money.' - You know, you're right. 93 00:04:28,482 --> 00:04:29,562 I wasn't being fair to you. 94 00:04:29,682 --> 00:04:30,722 A deal's a deal. 95 00:04:31,122 --> 00:04:34,202 I've been saving all this stuff for you for a, a special occasion. 96 00:04:35,002 --> 00:04:36,562 But today's as good a day as any. 97 00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:38,522 Happy Dewey Day. 98 00:04:38,682 --> 00:04:39,922 You're giving me garbage. 99 00:04:40,042 --> 00:04:42,042 Hey, I once lent five bucks to Francis 100 00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:43,762 and all I got was a double-dip swirly. 101 00:04:43,882 --> 00:04:44,882 Consider yourself lucky. 102 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,322 Hi, honey, sorry I'm late. 103 00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:54,082 I had to stop by and pick up this puppy on my way home. 104 00:04:54,242 --> 00:04:56,162 Why don't you rub yourself up against this for a while 105 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,402 while I get your foot bath ready. 106 00:04:58,562 --> 00:05:00,482 I'm making a small adjustment on the pH 107 00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:03,162 which I think you're going to find especially refreshing. 108 00:05:03,322 --> 00:05:05,362 Hal, you can forget about all that. 109 00:05:05,482 --> 00:05:07,522 I wore my new orthotics today. 110 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,282 See? 111 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,042 It was miraculous. 112 00:05:11,162 --> 00:05:14,042 All the pain and tension disappeared everywhere. 113 00:05:14,162 --> 00:05:16,242 It was like once my feet were properly supported 114 00:05:16,362 --> 00:05:19,402 the rest of my body fell in line like a family of ducks. 115 00:05:19,522 --> 00:05:21,442 Well, how about that? 116 00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:25,242 So, I-I guess Crazy Days have quieted down a little, huh? 117 00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:27,922 Are you kidding? Today we started After Crazy Day Sale. 118 00:05:28,042 --> 00:05:29,482 It was wild. And wouldn't you know 119 00:05:29,602 --> 00:05:31,642 the old blind guy with the pennies was back. 120 00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:34,642 He has the most delightful stories about his health. 121 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:37,482 Did you know that men can get yeast infections? 122 00:05:37,762 --> 00:05:38,562 Imagine that. 123 00:05:38,762 --> 00:05:40,562 So, honey, you can put all that paraphernalia away. 124 00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:41,682 I don't need it anymore. 125 00:05:41,802 --> 00:05:43,162 Isn't that wonderful? - Yeah. 126 00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:45,442 Could-Couldn't be happier, hon. 127 00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:48,082 Shut up. 128 00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:53,082 Are you absolutely sure you don't want to sleep inside tonight? 129 00:05:53,202 --> 00:05:54,882 Ma'am, your backyard is more than adequate. 130 00:05:55,162 --> 00:05:56,082 Oh, and you folks don't have to worry about 131 00:05:56,202 --> 00:05:57,242 that possum any longer. 132 00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:59,242 Oh, well, thanks. 133 00:06:00,522 --> 00:06:02,842 I have to confess, I'm a great admirer of yours, Ma'am. 134 00:06:03,202 --> 00:06:05,162 Me? - Yes, Ma'am. 135 00:06:05,442 --> 00:06:07,362 Reese told me so many amazing stories about you. 136 00:06:07,482 --> 00:06:08,602 Is it true you once made him 137 00:06:08,722 --> 00:06:10,762 cut the front lawn with a pair of manicure scissors? 138 00:06:10,882 --> 00:06:12,362 I can't take all the credit for that. 139 00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:15,442 After all, he was the one who didn't refill the ice cube tray. 140 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,402 Malcolm, Reese, get the lead out! 141 00:06:28,202 --> 00:06:29,482 Say it, or I'll lick your ear! 142 00:06:29,602 --> 00:06:32,602 I'm a worthless sack of pus, and I will always be your bitch! 143 00:06:33,682 --> 00:06:35,562 You know it's true, but it's still nice 144 00:06:35,682 --> 00:06:37,162 to hear once in a while. 145 00:06:37,762 --> 00:06:39,162 So, is the latrine free? 146 00:06:39,322 --> 00:06:40,402 I think Dewey's still using it. 147 00:06:40,522 --> 00:06:42,002 That's okay. I dug my own. 148 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:44,042 Wow. 149 00:06:45,242 --> 00:06:47,162 So when are you guys going to hook up and get it over with? 150 00:06:47,562 --> 00:06:48,962 What? What are you talking about? 151 00:06:49,122 --> 00:06:50,042 Oh, come on. 152 00:06:50,162 --> 00:06:51,162 Every time I turn around 153 00:06:51,282 --> 00:06:52,802 she's got her hands all over you. 154 00:06:53,042 --> 00:06:54,282 She clearly digs you, dude. 155 00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:55,602 You take that back. 156 00:06:55,962 --> 00:06:56,962 What's your problem? 157 00:06:57,122 --> 00:06:59,242 I mean, I wouldn't turn my back on her but 158 00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:00,442 I think she's kind of hot. 159 00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:01,362 No, she isn't. 160 00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:03,002 Buddies can't be hot. 161 00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:04,962 I don't believe you. 162 00:07:05,282 --> 00:07:06,602 The best friend I ever had wakes me up 163 00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:08,762 in the middle of the night, gives me a stinging face fart 164 00:07:08,882 --> 00:07:10,642 and you go and turn it into something ugly! 165 00:07:13,922 --> 00:07:15,642 I sold those comics you gave me. 166 00:07:15,842 --> 00:07:16,962 Turns out they're pretty crappy. 167 00:07:17,082 --> 00:07:18,162 Dewey, we're done with this. 168 00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:22,042 In fact, 'Captain Danger 243' even had a misprint. 169 00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:23,522 Funny how people in the comic world 170 00:07:23,642 --> 00:07:25,042 are very interested in misprints. 171 00:07:25,242 --> 00:07:26,762 Especially when there's only five such copies 172 00:07:26,882 --> 00:07:29,682 in existence, and Quentin Tarantino has the other four. 173 00:07:30,442 --> 00:07:31,522 What are you talking about? 174 00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:34,362 Is it hot in here, or is just money? 175 00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:36,642 Oh, my God, this is fantastic! 176 00:07:36,802 --> 00:07:38,562 Who knew we were sitting on such a gold mine here? 177 00:07:38,802 --> 00:07:40,682 We? I don't think so. 178 00:07:41,682 --> 00:07:42,762 Dewey, you didn't think 179 00:07:42,882 --> 00:07:44,802 the whole garbage thing was for real, did you? 180 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:47,482 You told me I should be happy with what you gave me and I have to say 181 00:07:47,962 --> 00:07:48,802 I am. 182 00:07:49,082 --> 00:07:50,682 Here's 20 bucks. Make yourself scarce. 183 00:07:51,282 --> 00:07:52,162 What? This is my room. 184 00:07:52,282 --> 00:07:54,322 You can't buy me out of here for 20 bucks. 185 00:07:54,802 --> 00:07:55,722 How's $40? - Forget it! 186 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,842 I'm not.. Okay! 187 00:08:01,122 --> 00:08:02,242 I'll be damned if I'm gonna call 188 00:08:02,362 --> 00:08:04,322 that washing machine repairman again. 189 00:08:04,522 --> 00:08:06,722 I could only find the Japanese version of the manual 190 00:08:06,842 --> 00:08:10,042 but I think I get the gist of it. - It's all taken care of, honey. 191 00:08:10,362 --> 00:08:11,402 What? What do you mean? 192 00:08:11,522 --> 00:08:12,682 After dinner, I felt so energized 193 00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:13,682 I thought I'd take a look. 194 00:08:13,842 --> 00:08:15,082 Turns out one of Jamie's toys 195 00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:16,642 was jammed between the drum and the housing. 196 00:08:16,922 --> 00:08:19,482 Isn't it wonderful I don't have to bother you with all this anymore? 197 00:08:27,962 --> 00:08:29,682 Well, that's strange. 198 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,482 What's that, dear? - My orthotics 199 00:08:31,602 --> 00:08:32,642 they were right here in my shoes. 200 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,682 I left them there last night. Where could they be? 201 00:08:34,802 --> 00:08:36,642 Beats me! Unless.. 202 00:08:36,762 --> 00:08:37,762 Wait a minute. 203 00:08:38,322 --> 00:08:40,802 Oh, for the love of.. That darn kid! 204 00:08:40,962 --> 00:08:41,762 Who? - Jamie. 205 00:08:41,882 --> 00:08:42,922 See, there's a little piece of jelly 206 00:08:43,042 --> 00:08:44,202 on the back of the shoe, see that? 207 00:08:44,762 --> 00:08:47,002 We have to face it, Lois. We are raising a klepto. 208 00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:48,522 What would he want with my orthotics? 209 00:08:48,642 --> 00:08:51,122 Who knows? Yesterday, he took the last donut. 210 00:08:51,482 --> 00:08:54,602 Well, I doubt we'll ever see those orthotics again. 211 00:08:54,762 --> 00:08:57,122 Oh, and just when you were feeling so good. 212 00:08:58,482 --> 00:09:01,362 Why, God, why does this always happen to us? 213 00:09:01,682 --> 00:09:03,682 Why can't we just once catch a break? 214 00:09:04,602 --> 00:09:06,762 You did have them. 215 00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:09,922 Why are they covered in dirt? 216 00:09:10,042 --> 00:09:12,122 Did you bury them, you little devil? 217 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,162 Isn't he a clever kid? 218 00:09:20,522 --> 00:09:22,122 Well, thanks again for the company. 219 00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:24,482 Although I still don't know what you find so fascinating 220 00:09:24,602 --> 00:09:26,162 about my job at the Lucky Aide. 221 00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:27,762 Are you kidding? 222 00:09:27,882 --> 00:09:29,522 The way that you handled that unruly mob 223 00:09:29,642 --> 00:09:31,402 without once firing over their heads. 224 00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:32,762 You are incredible. 225 00:09:37,762 --> 00:09:39,242 So, you wanna do some buddy stuff? 226 00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:40,962 You know, wrestle, horse around? 227 00:09:41,082 --> 00:09:42,682 No funny business, no strings attached? 228 00:09:42,842 --> 00:09:44,402 Yeah, sure. Just give me a second. 229 00:09:45,362 --> 00:09:46,322 What are you doing that for? 230 00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:48,042 My lips are a little bit chapped. Here, you want some? 231 00:09:50,082 --> 00:09:51,082 What else did you buy? 232 00:09:51,202 --> 00:09:53,522 Shampoo and nail files, some Q-tips. Why? 233 00:09:53,642 --> 00:09:55,162 Well, you don't have to get all fem on me! 234 00:09:55,282 --> 00:09:56,802 What's the matter, big dog? 235 00:09:56,962 --> 00:09:58,362 Afraid I can't take you anymore? 236 00:09:59,362 --> 00:10:00,602 What's wrong, Reese? 237 00:10:00,762 --> 00:10:02,082 We have to get some stuff out in the open. 238 00:10:02,482 --> 00:10:03,362 Punch me if I'm wrong 239 00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:04,562 but there's something in the air around here 240 00:10:04,602 --> 00:10:06,442 that smells a whole lot more than friendship. 241 00:10:08,602 --> 00:10:10,482 God, am I that obvious? 242 00:10:10,682 --> 00:10:13,122 So it's true? - Don't be mad, Reese. 243 00:10:13,242 --> 00:10:15,562 I swear I did not intend for this to happen. 244 00:10:15,762 --> 00:10:17,162 It's just a silly schoolgirl crush 245 00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:18,522 and I know it won't go anywhere. 246 00:10:19,442 --> 00:10:20,282 I'm sorry. 247 00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:23,042 The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. 248 00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:25,362 Am I making you uncomfortable, Reese? 249 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:27,562 No, it's cool. 250 00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:28,962 It's nothing I can't handle. 251 00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:30,922 That's good. 252 00:10:39,882 --> 00:10:41,282 I need someone to dry. 253 00:10:41,402 --> 00:10:42,322 Yes, Ma'am. 254 00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:46,762 Damn! I never should have let her see me in my bike shorts. 255 00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:55,162 Hold it. 256 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,322 You're not going anywhere. 257 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,402 You don't even like this show. 258 00:11:00,562 --> 00:11:01,842 What's more important is, you don't either. 259 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,602 'All right, Keith, Charlie, Bradley. Let's sing along.' 260 00:11:04,722 --> 00:11:06,362 Good, a sing-a-long. 261 00:11:06,762 --> 00:11:07,922 Nice and loud now. 262 00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:13,362 Have I told you how much I 263 00:11:13,642 --> 00:11:15,442 love my orthotics? 264 00:11:15,722 --> 00:11:16,562 Yes. 265 00:11:16,962 --> 00:11:19,362 You made up a little song about them at dinner, remember? 266 00:11:20,362 --> 00:11:21,442 Are you coming to bed? 267 00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:23,362 Oh, I can't. I'm just too up to sleep. 268 00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:26,322 Well, if you're really looking to release some tension 269 00:11:26,442 --> 00:11:28,402 I guess there's something I could do for you. 270 00:11:29,162 --> 00:11:31,242 If you ask nicely. 271 00:11:31,402 --> 00:11:33,842 Hal, you are sweet, but I'm going to take a rain check. 272 00:11:33,962 --> 00:11:35,762 I'm jogging on down to the high school to run a few laps. 273 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,562 Hold these while I get my running shoes. 274 00:12:12,322 --> 00:12:14,722 Okay, you're done. The school day's officially over. 275 00:12:18,202 --> 00:12:20,202 This was worth way more than $45. 276 00:12:20,722 --> 00:12:21,842 You know, I have to agree. 277 00:12:22,562 --> 00:12:24,162 Sombrero will go with Mom's earrings 278 00:12:24,322 --> 00:12:25,882 and something that shows off your figure. 279 00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:26,962 No, I'm done with this. 280 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,362 I'm not going to humiliate myself anymore 281 00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:30,002 for money that's rightfully mine. 282 00:12:30,242 --> 00:12:31,562 Then you'll never know how much you could have had. 283 00:12:31,722 --> 00:12:33,122 Trust me, I really don't care. 284 00:12:33,322 --> 00:12:34,522 Not at all? - No. 285 00:12:34,802 --> 00:12:36,522 Not even to the nearest thousand? 286 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:38,882 Thousand? 287 00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:41,002 No. You're right. This is getting kind of boring. 288 00:12:41,122 --> 00:12:42,842 I'm sure I can find some other way to torment you. 289 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:43,922 No! No! 290 00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:44,842 This is working out great. 291 00:12:44,962 --> 00:12:46,522 Look, I'm even breaking out in hives. 292 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:47,842 You don't want to throw that away. 293 00:12:48,162 --> 00:12:51,362 I got it. How about I go walking through the mall tomorrow 294 00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,522 wearing swim fins and goggles. 295 00:12:54,122 --> 00:12:55,122 We'll see. 296 00:13:03,042 --> 00:13:04,122 How long have you been here? 297 00:13:04,282 --> 00:13:05,242 Since last night. 298 00:13:05,442 --> 00:13:07,642 To be honest, I'm a little hurt that no one seemed to miss me. 299 00:13:07,762 --> 00:13:09,642 Is this about Abby? - You were right, Malcolm. 300 00:13:09,802 --> 00:13:11,002 She wants me bad. 301 00:13:11,242 --> 00:13:12,522 This is a disaster. 302 00:13:12,682 --> 00:13:13,522 Why? 303 00:13:13,642 --> 00:13:15,322 You've got a girl that's crazy about you. 304 00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:16,522 But it's just wrong. 305 00:13:16,682 --> 00:13:17,762 She's my buddy. 306 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,482 The best friend I've ever had. 307 00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:21,562 But in a roll around on the floor and make her smell my armpit 308 00:13:21,682 --> 00:13:24,482 kind of way. - Everyone has their own kind of foreplay. 309 00:13:24,882 --> 00:13:26,842 The important thing now is how you feel about her. 310 00:13:27,082 --> 00:13:27,882 It's hard to say. 311 00:13:28,402 --> 00:13:30,522 Now when I think about her I get all nervous in my stomach. 312 00:13:30,682 --> 00:13:32,642 Like my bowels could cut loose at any moment. 313 00:13:33,082 --> 00:13:34,122 That's love, dude. 314 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:35,962 Wow. 315 00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:38,122 You'd think somebody would put that in a song. 316 00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:40,002 Listen, I know we've had our differences 317 00:13:40,162 --> 00:13:41,522 but I say this as a brother. 318 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,482 You're not that great a catch. 319 00:13:43,602 --> 00:13:45,722 This girl might be the best shot you'll ever get. 320 00:13:45,842 --> 00:13:47,842 You need to suck it up and at least tell her how you feel. 321 00:13:48,002 --> 00:13:49,802 Otherwise, you might end up looking like an idiot. 322 00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,082 Do we still have the skirt that goes with these? 323 00:13:59,042 --> 00:14:00,962 Who's the lame brain who left the trash cans 324 00:14:01,122 --> 00:14:02,442 in the middle of the driveway? 325 00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:03,882 Yes! 326 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:08,882 I hate these things. 327 00:14:08,962 --> 00:14:10,722 Oh, honey, what happened? 328 00:14:10,922 --> 00:14:12,362 I was standing at my cash register 329 00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:14,282 putting up these cute little butterfly decals 330 00:14:14,402 --> 00:14:17,402 when suddenly, I got the most excruciating cramp in my leg. 331 00:14:17,842 --> 00:14:19,482 It was like that time Francis chomped down on me 332 00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:21,202 only I couldn't turn the hose on it. 333 00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:23,242 You know, if they're going to fix one problem 334 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,202 and just cause another 335 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,322 I don't want any part of them. 336 00:14:25,442 --> 00:14:27,402 Why don't I get the footbath ready? - It's my own damn fault 337 00:14:27,522 --> 00:14:29,922 for thinking there was a magic pill to give me my life back. 338 00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:32,082 I should have known it was too good to be true. 339 00:14:32,242 --> 00:14:33,282 You can't trust the banks. 340 00:14:33,402 --> 00:14:34,482 You can't trust your own kids. 341 00:14:34,602 --> 00:14:37,162 And you obviously cannot trust doctors. 342 00:14:37,802 --> 00:14:40,562 God, Hal, you're the only person I still have to believe in. 343 00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:42,682 I'm so happy I can still trust you. 344 00:14:45,042 --> 00:14:46,722 Sorry. I was looking for Reese. 345 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,682 Well, if the refrigerator door isn't open 346 00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,042 he's probably not home. 347 00:14:50,202 --> 00:14:51,202 Hal, get rid of these. 348 00:14:51,322 --> 00:14:52,242 I'm gonna try to walk it off. 349 00:14:52,362 --> 00:14:53,962 Well, honey, you know, it may not be all their fault. 350 00:14:54,082 --> 00:14:55,122 I've made up my mind. 351 00:14:55,442 --> 00:14:56,882 I do not want them anymore. 352 00:14:59,682 --> 00:15:02,482 Looks like a mild strain of the gastrocnemius. 353 00:15:02,642 --> 00:15:04,522 Used to see it all the time in boot camp. 354 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,962 You might want to try massaging that muscle. 355 00:15:07,202 --> 00:15:08,002 Do you think so? 356 00:15:08,602 --> 00:15:10,042 I'd be happy to do it for you. 357 00:15:10,682 --> 00:15:12,722 Oh, would you? Abby, that would be great. 358 00:15:15,962 --> 00:15:17,642 Go ahead. Don't be timid. 359 00:15:20,322 --> 00:15:22,002 No, really, dig in. 360 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:25,162 Oh, yeah! 361 00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:26,682 Oh, God 362 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:27,882 that's the spot. 363 00:15:31,602 --> 00:15:33,202 Oh, yes. 364 00:15:34,402 --> 00:15:35,242 Yes. 365 00:15:36,162 --> 00:15:37,362 Don't stop. 366 00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:39,202 That's it. 367 00:15:40,442 --> 00:15:41,842 That's a little high. 368 00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:46,802 I'm sorry. Did you just make a pass at me? 369 00:15:46,922 --> 00:15:47,802 Ma'am, forgive me. 370 00:15:48,082 --> 00:15:49,882 Oh, no, no, no, it's not that I'm not flattered 371 00:15:50,002 --> 00:15:51,522 but I'm the mother of, like, five children. 372 00:15:51,642 --> 00:15:53,162 I've been married for 100 years. 373 00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:54,882 Why would you think.. - I was wrong, Ma'am. 374 00:15:54,962 --> 00:15:56,082 I was way out of line. 375 00:15:56,282 --> 00:15:57,762 Do I give off that kind of vibe? 376 00:15:57,882 --> 00:15:58,842 Because I would hate to think 377 00:15:58,962 --> 00:16:01,522 people are walking around with me giving them false hopes. 378 00:16:01,922 --> 00:16:03,962 Would it help if I changed my hair? - Ma'am, I really have to go. 379 00:16:04,082 --> 00:16:04,922 Sure. 380 00:16:05,722 --> 00:16:06,922 Don't beat yourself up. 381 00:16:07,042 --> 00:16:10,122 I'm sure there are many women who find you very attractive. 382 00:16:17,322 --> 00:16:18,522 Don't forget the cherry. 383 00:16:20,602 --> 00:16:21,682 There. Happy? 384 00:16:22,922 --> 00:16:25,042 In truth, it was better conceptually. 385 00:16:25,162 --> 00:16:26,522 Just give me my money and leave me alone. 386 00:16:26,642 --> 00:16:28,442 Tough words for a human sundae. 387 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,642 What? What do you know? 388 00:16:31,842 --> 00:16:32,762 That's the last of it. 389 00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:34,842 Really? That's the last of it? 390 00:16:35,042 --> 00:16:36,042 So it appears. 391 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,442 Who looks like the idiot now, huh? 392 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:39,602 I've got all the money. 393 00:16:39,762 --> 00:16:42,802 All $148 of it, and what do you have, little man? 394 00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:44,802 Nothing! - Except my self-respect. 395 00:16:45,122 --> 00:16:46,842 But it's hard to put a price on that. 396 00:16:47,722 --> 00:16:49,322 Wait, maybe I can. 397 00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:03,522 Reese? 398 00:17:04,162 --> 00:17:05,042 You in here? 399 00:17:05,562 --> 00:17:06,602 I have a present for you. 400 00:17:08,042 --> 00:17:08,922 What? 401 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,802 Something I've never given another girl in my entire life. 402 00:17:11,962 --> 00:17:12,962 I hope you like it. 403 00:17:16,762 --> 00:17:17,802 Reese, what the.. 404 00:17:20,522 --> 00:17:21,562 Oh, my God, you tied a bow. 405 00:17:21,682 --> 00:17:23,322 I'm giving you my innocence. 406 00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:25,562 I've saved myself for you, Abby. 407 00:17:26,082 --> 00:17:27,802 Let's not wait any longer. - I'm gay. 408 00:17:28,602 --> 00:17:29,802 What? - I like women. 409 00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:31,922 Are you kidding? - No. I thought you knew. 410 00:17:35,282 --> 00:17:36,282 You dropped your bow. 411 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,442 So, you don't think I'm attractive, not even a little? 412 00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:46,962 Look, maybe if you were the last person on Earth 413 00:17:47,202 --> 00:17:50,722 or we were trapped on a desert island, and you had surgery. 414 00:17:51,642 --> 00:17:54,042 Nope. You're still dog meat. 415 00:17:55,042 --> 00:17:56,962 This is fantastic! We're buddies again! 416 00:17:57,122 --> 00:17:58,442 We're right back where we started! 417 00:17:59,882 --> 00:18:00,922 Wait a minute. 418 00:18:02,042 --> 00:18:04,402 But, if I'm not the girl you're hung up on around here.. 419 00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:07,162 Oh, my God. 420 00:18:07,642 --> 00:18:08,442 Oh, my God! 421 00:18:08,562 --> 00:18:11,122 Reese, it was just a stupid.. - Big Gloria, the meter reader? 422 00:18:12,242 --> 00:18:13,042 Yes. 423 00:18:13,442 --> 00:18:14,762 Yes. There was an awkward scene. 424 00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:17,402 Turns out she's taken, but that's not why I'm leaving. 425 00:18:17,602 --> 00:18:19,322 May not be seeing you for a while, Big Dog. 426 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,922 So, this really is it then? 427 00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:23,122 You take care of yourself, Reese. 428 00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:24,802 You're a great guy, you know that? 429 00:18:25,002 --> 00:18:26,522 You're more than that. 430 00:18:27,402 --> 00:18:29,122 You're the best friend I've ever had. 431 00:18:35,122 --> 00:18:36,522 I'll miss you, too, buddy. 432 00:18:38,882 --> 00:18:40,762 A little more, and you'll be 433 00:18:40,922 --> 00:18:43,202 just like new. 434 00:18:46,402 --> 00:18:48,922 All I got to say is that you better be good to her. 435 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,322 Sweet mother of God! 436 00:18:53,122 --> 00:18:54,722 You home wrecker! 437 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,482 Hal, what are you doing? 438 00:18:58,362 --> 00:18:59,522 Saving our marriage! 439 00:18:59,642 --> 00:19:02,122 What? - I-I.. 440 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,642 I was trying to put your orthotics back together 441 00:19:04,762 --> 00:19:05,922 the way they were, but I.. 442 00:19:06,122 --> 00:19:07,602 There's only so much I can take, Lois. 443 00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:10,122 At some point, a man has to take a stand. 444 00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:12,282 What do you mean, put them back the way they were? 445 00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:14,482 What? Did you do something to my orthotics? 446 00:19:14,882 --> 00:19:16,362 Yes, and I'd do it again. 447 00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:18,082 Why? - Because.. 448 00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:23,562 Because I miss the old you. 449 00:19:23,842 --> 00:19:25,442 I missed the Lois who would come home 450 00:19:25,562 --> 00:19:27,242 racked with pain and tension 451 00:19:27,362 --> 00:19:30,042 and snarling like a rabid bobcat. 452 00:19:30,162 --> 00:19:32,962 That Lois needed me to make her feel better. 453 00:19:33,962 --> 00:19:35,202 Oh, Hal. 454 00:19:35,562 --> 00:19:36,762 So, now you know. 455 00:19:37,162 --> 00:19:38,962 Now you can go out and get new 456 00:19:39,322 --> 00:19:42,282 orthotics, and I'll just try to stay out of your way. 457 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,922 Hal, you are being ridiculous. 458 00:19:45,082 --> 00:19:47,482 These things are not gonna replace you. 459 00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:50,442 Remember that time I got that non-stick German waffle iron? 460 00:19:50,602 --> 00:19:53,442 I was walking on air for weeks, but it didn't last. 461 00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:56,042 True. - Remember when our kids made us happy? 462 00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,842 Oh, well, we were both just being stupid there. 463 00:19:59,042 --> 00:20:00,322 But the point is 464 00:20:00,602 --> 00:20:02,762 something's always gonna come up. 465 00:20:03,042 --> 00:20:04,402 I'll be miserable again. 466 00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:07,682 You promise? 467 00:20:07,802 --> 00:20:08,842 Of course. 468 00:20:13,242 --> 00:20:14,362 Come on. 469 00:20:15,722 --> 00:20:17,882 Now, I am gonna get another pair, Hal. 470 00:20:18,202 --> 00:20:19,762 Fine, but I don't want to know about 'em. 471 00:20:19,882 --> 00:20:21,682 And keep them out of our bedroom.