1 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,329 Yeah... 2 00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,418 What are those kids complaining about? 3 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:31,770 ♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪ 4 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,556 ♪ I don't know ♪ 5 00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:37,907 ♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪ 6 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:40,127 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 7 00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:42,564 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 8 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,957 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 9 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,090 ♪ And you're not so big ♪ 10 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,571 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 11 00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,573 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 12 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:54,097 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 13 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,926 ♪ And you're not so big ♪ 14 00:00:57,013 --> 00:01:01,496 ♪ Life is unfair ♪ 15 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:11,593 Four, three, two... brown... 16 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,552 Clear... 17 00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:15,945 Brown again... 18 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:18,426 Good. 19 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:19,818 What about this watch, Dad? 20 00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:21,603 It's only 12.99. 21 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:22,865 Ah, that's where they get you, son. 22 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,345 See, it says 12.99, 23 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,042 but that doesn't include the hidden costs-- 24 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,565 shipping, handling, 25 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:28,784 box tops. 26 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,002 By the time you're through, 27 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,092 you're paying on the high side of $15. 28 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,963 I've never owned a $15 watch. 29 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,747 But I need one, Dad! 30 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:36,835 Son, a cork and a piece of string 31 00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,837 make a perfectly fine sundial-- 32 00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:42,189 and a great conversation piece with the ladies. 33 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,408 Malcolm, aren't you having 34 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,323 your yearbook picture taken today? 35 00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,716 Yep. 36 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:49,021 Well, don't you think it would be nice 37 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,545 to get a little dressed up for it? 38 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:51,894 Why? I'm never going to see these people again. 39 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,069 They're just a bunch of shallow jerks 40 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,288 who don't care about anything 41 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:55,854 but who's instant-messaging who, 42 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,639 and who's going to the stupid Moonlight Dance. 43 00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,989 A bunch of kids in formal clothes, 44 00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:01,817 barefoot on the beach... it's just pathetic. 45 00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,079 I wouldn't have gone 46 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,254 even if they told me about it. 47 00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,126 Here's your uniform, Reese. 48 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,823 You're really lucky you got your old job back again. 49 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,955 Lucky? They have me on the delivery route, 50 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,566 hauling stuff around all day. 51 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,263 At least, when I worked in the slaughterhouse, 52 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,136 there were breaks every couple of hours to find guys's fingers. 53 00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:17,963 Okay, next. 54 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,444 Hey, man, is my tie straight? 55 00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,620 Yeah. Wow. 56 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,579 Everyone's taking these yearbook pictures pretty seriously, huh? 57 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,058 Are you kidding? 58 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,625 This is how everyone's going to remember us 59 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,453 for the rest of our lives. 60 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,020 Yeah, it's like a time capsule. 61 00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:32,674 I mean, our children 62 00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:33,979 are going to look at these pictures years from now 63 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:35,546 to see what we used to be like. 64 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,332 Isn't that right, sweetie? 65 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:41,030 -Yes... yes, it is. 66 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,555 PHOTOGRAPHER: Great. 67 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:45,730 Next! 68 00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,603 Oh, another rebel, huh? 69 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,257 -What? -I get it, kid-- 70 00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:51,649 the T-shirt, the scowl... 71 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,260 you're a tough guy. You're dangerous. 72 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,305 I see that a lot with you scrawny ones. 73 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:56,959 -No, that's not... -Come on, Chachi, 74 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,352 let's get it over with. 75 00:02:58,439 --> 00:02:59,918 I made a mistake. I'd like to re-sched--... 76 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,662 Ooh, take that, society. 77 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,403 Next! 78 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,279 Hi, Dewey. How was school? 79 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,237 Terrible! 80 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,717 I missed the school bus because I didn't know what time it was, 81 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,327 and then I was late for a spelling test 82 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:19,111 because I didn't know what time it was, 83 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,113 and then David Klausner beat me up 84 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,072 because I didn't know what time it was! 85 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,595 You want to know what time it is, Dewey? 86 00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:26,423 It's half past a roof over your head, 87 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,295 clean clothes, and three meals a day. 88 00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:29,557 That's what time it is! 89 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,123 Let me tell you something, Mom. 90 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,647 The roof leaks, the clothes are hand-me-downs, 91 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:33,952 and the food stinks! 92 00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,563 -Room! -Dirty! 93 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,782 -HAL: This is interesting. 94 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,176 Our credit card company sent us a collection notice 95 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,917 and an application for a new card. 96 00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:46,443 -Oh, my God! -What is it? 97 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,794 It's a check for Malcolm for $10,000! 98 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,535 -What?! You're joking! -No, no, no! 99 00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:54,408 It says it's from a McClellan Fellowship Genius grant 100 00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:57,237 to further his education... no strings attached! 101 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,281 I can't believe it! 102 00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,587 This is fantastic! 103 00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:00,805 It's amazing! 104 00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,111 I've never seen so many zeros 105 00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,634 on that side of the decimal point! 106 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,462 Can you imagine what he could do with that? 107 00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:08,160 Imagine what anyone could do with that! 108 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,380 Imagine what we could do with that. 109 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,686 What are you talking about? 110 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,688 Nothing. 111 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,646 All I'm saying is that we can do a lot 112 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,082 with this kind of money. 113 00:04:17,168 --> 00:04:19,214 But it's not ours, Hal. It's Malcolm's. 114 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,825 Of course it's Malcolm's. 115 00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,653 But we have to take a moment 116 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,961 to think about what a teenager is going to do with $10,000. 117 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,397 Well, you know he's just going 118 00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,748 to blow it all on Legos and penny candy. 119 00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,402 Besides, it's not like Dr. Brainiac 120 00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:33,925 isn't going to get a free ride 121 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,101 to whatever college he wants to go to, right? 122 00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:37,799 I don't think I like where this is going, Hal. 123 00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:39,366 Lois, 124 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,759 all I'm thinking about is protecting Malcolm. 125 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:43,239 I mean, sure, he's got 126 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,893 that brilliant mind, but right now 127 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,242 it is being held hostage 128 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:49,550 by gallons of crazy teenage hormones. 129 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,987 All I'm saying is maybe we should hold onto this 130 00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:53,380 for a little while 131 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,730 before we decide what to do with it. 132 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:56,905 -Yeah, but, Hal... 133 00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,210 Thanks, Mom, for letting me go 134 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,560 to picture day dressed like this. 135 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:00,822 You made me look like a total jackass! 136 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:01,823 It's not your picture. 137 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:03,999 You don't care what I look like. 138 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:05,348 Any mail for me? 139 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,614 -No. 140 00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:14,270 MAN : Don't forget, these plants are perennials 141 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,924 and they do have that dormant... 142 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,752 Geez, my feet are killing me. 143 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,103 I told you, you gotta let the blood drip into your shoes. 144 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,539 Once it coagulates, 145 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,976 then it's like walking on puffy clouds. 146 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:27,718 REESE: Look at all these people, 147 00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:30,373 sitting here, just waiting for death. 148 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,809 Yeah, I'd like to show 149 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,507 those animal rights whackos this place. 150 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,073 This is exactly what would happen to cows 151 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,771 if it wasn't for us. 152 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:39,208 Wait here. I'm gonna get someone to sign for the delivery. 153 00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:42,777 MAN : ...to make the cut is just below a bud right here. 154 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,256 You can see where the... 155 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,954 And, of course, as always, 156 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,695 seal up your cut, 157 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:51,176 to make sure that no funguses, or, um, insects 158 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,353 get in your plant. 159 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,442 Thanks for beating Hitler. Now we're gonna watch something else. 160 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,835 MAN : Here's another guy with a million-dollar body 161 00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,663 -and a ten-cent brain. 162 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:00,838 Thank you. 163 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,146 This is pretty sweet. 164 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:08,933 Man, it's true what they say-- old age is wasted on the old. 165 00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,030 Hal, there's nobody home. 166 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,336 We can't be too careful. 167 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,685 Meet me at the clothesline! 168 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,649 See, Hal? You know this is wrong. 169 00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,302 You're acting like you have something to hide! 170 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,260 What are you talking about? 171 00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:32,653 It's a beautiful day. 172 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,611 Since when is it a crime to get some fresh air? 173 00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,657 No. I thought about it, and it is just wrong. 174 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,267 We're giving that money back to Malcolm. 175 00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:40,400 Besides, the check is made out to him. 176 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,532 The bank probably wouldn't even... 177 00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:46,101 Put that away! 178 00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,363 Oh! 179 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,321 No, wait. Let me see it again! 180 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,367 Oh, my God! 181 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:54,283 No! We're not going to do this. 182 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,372 Honey, you are looking at this all wrong. 183 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,939 We will pay him back. 184 00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,854 We are like a bank. 185 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,290 And banks don't give you back 186 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:02,857 the same exact money that you gave them. 187 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,815 They use it, and then pay you back 188 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,469 with different money later on. 189 00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:08,819 It's what makes our economy the envy of the world. 190 00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:09,864 I don't know. It just seems wrong. 191 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,169 Look at it 192 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:12,606 as a forced savings plan. 193 00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:15,391 We're actually doing him a favor. 194 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,262 Lois, I can honestly say 195 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,264 that I was not a good father to Malcolm 196 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:22,267 until I forged his signature on that check. 197 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:25,183 And we're going to pay him back, right? 198 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,490 Absolutely-- every cent we spend. 199 00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:28,883 Plus interest. 200 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:31,320 With no hidden handling fees. 201 00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:40,155 -Okay. -Good. 202 00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:41,678 Honey, we have absolutely nothing 203 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,114 to be ashamed of here. 204 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,160 Okay, you go back into the house. 205 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:46,596 I'll follow in 30 seconds. 206 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,729 Go on. 207 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,295 Good. Next! 208 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:52,689 Sorry, pal, you had your chance. 209 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,170 No! You have to take my picture again! Please! 210 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:57,868 I thought I didn't care what people think of me, but I do. 211 00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,783 -I really do! -Look, kid, 212 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:01,263 I'm making 20 cents a head, 213 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,873 and reshoots come out of my pocket. 214 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,310 That adds up to "I don't give a crap." 215 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:06,703 Don't blame me that you're a no-talent clown 216 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,792 who couldn't even cut it at Sears! 217 00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:11,447 I'm not going anywhere until you take my picture! 218 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,276 Fine, let's go. 219 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:17,061 Let's just get rid of some of that shine. 220 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,638 What did you do?! 221 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,118 I look terrible! 222 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:31,598 It looks pretty good to me. 223 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:34,818 But that's just one clown's opinion. Next! 224 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,745 ♪ I am sitting ♪ 225 00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:52,749 -♪ on top of the world ♪ 226 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:55,273 ♪ Just rolling along ♪ 227 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,929 ♪ Just rolling along ♪ 228 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:03,543 ♪ And I am quitting the blues of the world ♪ 229 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:06,023 -♪ Just singing a song ♪ 230 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,374 ♪ Just singing a song ♪ 231 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,512 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 232 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,905 Whoo-hoo! 233 00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,561 Aren't you the meat delivery guy? 234 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,345 What the hell are you doing here? 235 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,739 I, um... 236 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:26,914 He's my grandson. 237 00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,525 He's here visiting me. 238 00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,703 Hi, Grandma. 239 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,966 It's great to see you. 240 00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,359 You can drop the act, kid. 241 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:40,318 I haven't lost my marbles. 242 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:43,408 I just like seeing someone have some fun around here. 243 00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,848 Clothesline. 244 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,115 I got an estimate for the new pipes! 245 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:56,770 Think of it, Hal-- clean water, on demand, 246 00:09:56,857 --> 00:10:00,077 the decision of hot or cold water entirely up to us! 247 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:03,037 Yes, well, we could spend the money on new pipes, 248 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,953 or we could put a down payment 249 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,824 on her. 250 00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,130 Where did you get this? 251 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,827 -At the boat show. -The boat show? 252 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,524 Lois, I was on my way to work when, all of a sudden, 253 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,005 I see this giant billboard for the boat show, 254 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,268 only 60 miles away! 255 00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,053 Now, I'm not saying 256 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,098 there's an invisible hand guiding our lives, 257 00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:23,100 but, I mean, what are the odds? 258 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:24,754 We're not wasting the money on a boat. 259 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:27,278 It's not wasting. It's investing. 260 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,585 A boat is a money maker, Lois. 261 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,717 Do you know how many opportunities 262 00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,370 we have missed out on 263 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,329 because we weren't traveling in the right circles? 264 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,679 Where are all the connections being made, 265 00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:39,726 the elbows being rubbed, the deals going down? 266 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:40,944 The yacht club! 267 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,467 Forget it! 268 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,513 We're not spending Malcolm's money on a boat. 269 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,819 That's final! 270 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:47,864 Lois! 271 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,788 You're looking at this the wrong way. 272 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,747 It's not Malcolm's money anymore. 273 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,924 Until we pay him back, it's ours. 274 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:08,580 All right, maybe I was reaching too far with the big one, 275 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,321 but just take a look at these... 276 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,368 Huh? 277 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:17,459 You can choose the Wave Skimmer or the Weekender. 278 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,331 What do you think? 279 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,073 I like this one. 280 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:31,342 Unbelievable! You know what's going on, Mom? 281 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,996 How could he do this to me?! 282 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,998 Malcolm, I know it looks bad, but let me explain! 283 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,696 Don't try and stick up for him, Mom. 284 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,394 Oh, Malcolm, I know he's not perfect, but I love him. 285 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:42,571 You love my yearbook photographer? 286 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,443 Yes. 287 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,316 Well, maybe love is too strong a word for it, 288 00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,927 but, ah! He does great work. 289 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,799 The guy's hired to take good yearbook pictures! 290 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:55,192 Now my grandchildren are going to look at my photo in 50 years 291 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,064 and think that their grandfather was a dork! 292 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,849 Well, then I'm going to have to rethink my feelings for him. 293 00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:03,897 Hello? 294 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,550 Uh, yes. 295 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,117 Hello, Guv'nor. 296 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:09,032 Is your mum at home? 297 00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,164 It's Dad. 298 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:12,427 Hal? 299 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,689 Clothesline. 300 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,085 What's he doing here? 301 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:19,782 -He's in. -What?! How did...? 302 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,262 He just is! 303 00:12:21,349 --> 00:12:22,829 Look, it's isn't important how it happened. 304 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,395 Let's just move on with this, okay? 305 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,658 Look, Dewey, you understand 306 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,008 we're not stealing this money. 307 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,226 Every cent is going back to Malcolm. 308 00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,880 We're a bank. 309 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,752 Yeah, well, this bank is getting a Rolex. 310 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,449 A big one. 311 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,407 That money is going towards new pipes for the house! 312 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,105 She can spend her share any way she wants. 313 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,542 And I'm spending my share on a Rolex. 314 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:41,891 I think I've earned it. 315 00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,588 There are no shares! Listen to me! 316 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,503 We are not splitting up that money! 317 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,983 Who put you in charge? 318 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,593 Yeah, who put you in charge? Let's vote. 319 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,943 There will be no voting! 320 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,467 -I vote there's voting. -Me, too. 321 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,077 I'm going to get the money. 322 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,775 It's not there anymore. I moved it. 323 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,124 I know. 324 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,952 I moved it from where you moved it. 325 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,475 -And I moved it again. -What? 326 00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:01,824 I was the one who came up with this idea... 327 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,130 You did the same... 328 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,523 -The money's safe. -Give it! 329 00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,264 -Give me that. 330 00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:08,526 HAL: Let go! 331 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:11,660 -I want the... 332 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,445 And that... 333 00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:16,534 is the French Tuck! 334 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:19,624 I don't know. 335 00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:23,106 It sounds to me like he was asking to be beaten up. 336 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:24,499 That's what I said! 337 00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:25,500 Just because you're a crossing guard, 338 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,110 you're suddenly off limits? 339 00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:29,721 "Walk. Don't walk." Who the hell is he to boss me around? 340 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,115 It's nice to see someone with a little spirit. 341 00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,596 So many young people just lie about the house, 342 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:39,166 just watching their Miami Vice and MTVs. 343 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,558 Pie? 344 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,169 This is great. 345 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,648 -I never knew old people could be nice. 346 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,433 I thought you were all wrinkled bags of skin 347 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,652 babbling about how stuff used to cost less. 348 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,437 No, some are like that, 349 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:52,875 but there's a few of us who still have some life left. 350 00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:59,012 Who's the geezer? 351 00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,492 That's Teddy. Handsome, isn't he? 352 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,190 You want me to push you over to him? 353 00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:04,931 No, I don't think that would be a good idea. 354 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:08,021 See, we're not allowed to have romances around here. 355 00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:09,500 It's as if they don't think 356 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:12,416 we're capable of having feelings anymore. 357 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,765 That is totally unfair! 358 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,550 I mean, as long as the two of you 359 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,291 can see each other naked and still keep your lunches down, 360 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,815 you should be able to do whatever it is you want to do. 361 00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,425 Oh... 362 00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,473 Thank you. 363 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,868 Okay, I alphabetized all the seniors' names, helped lug 364 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,087 your equipment for three days from here to your shop, 365 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:32,872 and I held the lights for those creepy photo shoots. 366 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,135 You have to take another picture of me. 367 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,614 You held up your part of the bargain, 368 00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,007 I'll hold up mine. Sit down. 369 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,139 Thank you! 370 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,619 Chin to the left... 371 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:43,578 Square your shoulders... 372 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,059 Smile! 373 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,286 What did you do to me?! I look like a freak! 374 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,766 Kid, that's you. 375 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,333 That's what you look like. 376 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,639 I can't let my grandchildren see me like that! 377 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,119 You have to fix it! 378 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,121 Put on a special filter, or-or brighter lights... 379 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,383 Please, do something! 380 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,777 Sorry, kid. That's the best I can do. 381 00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,780 I'm a yearbook photographer, not a magician. 382 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,312 Where have you been? 383 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,661 School. 384 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,620 That story better hold up, mister. 385 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,404 Your father wants to count the money again. 386 00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:29,015 I just think we all get along better when we know 387 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,538 it's all here. 388 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,496 By the way, I'm going to need some of this. 389 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,759 I got an estimate to fix my transmission. 390 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:37,371 This receipt is from 1986, Hal! 391 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,373 I can see where you erased the date! 392 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,114 -Amateur. -Oh, yeah? 393 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,506 Well, how do I know this plumber's for real, 394 00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:44,639 and not just some actor that you hired? 395 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:47,250 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I held auditions while you were at work, Hal! 396 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:48,686 I knew it! 397 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,427 Listen to yourself! You've gone insane! 398 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,734 That would be pretty convenient for you, wouldn't it? 399 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,562 Well, you are not locking me away! 400 00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,607 I haven't trusted either of you since I was six! 401 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:58,653 All right, all right, let's just split it. 402 00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,960 Three ways, and we'll all be happy. 403 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:02,831 I wouldn't say happy, but it's a start. 404 00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,007 I have a better idea. 405 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:08,489 We just stop this nonsense and give the money back to Malcolm. 406 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,752 Okay, you can have your pipes. 407 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,928 No, Hal, this isn't a bargaining tool. 408 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,409 This money has turned us into animals. 409 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,150 I'm going down to the bank tomorrow morning 410 00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:19,369 and getting a cashier's check in Malcolm's name. 411 00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,371 Then the three of us can slink away and forget 412 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,025 that this whole thing ever happened. 413 00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:24,896 Oh! 414 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,073 Can't you control that woman? 415 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,249 Watch your tone, young man! 416 00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:30,685 Or else what? 417 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,426 You'll just cave, like you did with Mom. 418 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,558 All right, that's it! Go to your room! 419 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,738 I think maybe we should both go to our rooms. 420 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:42,958 Fine! 421 00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:59,018 Code blue! Code blue! 422 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,708 I think some of these are Viagra. Go for it. 423 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,536 What can we do to repay you? 424 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,148 Give me a five-minute head start. 425 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,329 Honey, we want to apologize. 426 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,548 Yeah. You were right. 427 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,333 We were turning into monsters. 428 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,812 The bad kind. 429 00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,727 You're just so much stronger than we are. 430 00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,686 Thank God for your levelheadedness. 431 00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:00,122 Thank God there was someone in this house 432 00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,993 who was able to keep their sanity. 433 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,344 And you taught us a lot of important lessons 434 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,128 about honesty and trust. 435 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,610 So... if you'll just tell us 436 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,046 where you hid the money... 437 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:17,574 -I've done something very bad. -What? 438 00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:26,540 There was this antique store across the street from the bank, 439 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,890 and I saw this dollhouse in the window. 440 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,979 And, the next thing I knew, I was walking out with it. 441 00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:32,067 It was like that money 442 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,025 in my pocket killed the old Lois 443 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,506 and replaced her with a crazy person. 444 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,421 It's okay, honey. I mean... 445 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,728 So what if you spent a couple hundred dollars on a dollhouse? 446 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,512 It's no big deal. 447 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,861 Now, where's the rest of the money? 448 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,385 There isn't any. 449 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,213 -What?! -You-You spent 450 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,781 $10,000 on a stupid dollhouse?! 451 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:51,913 They wanted 12. 452 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,001 But look, Hal... 453 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:55,003 it has a tiny little dumbwaiter, 454 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,787 and the lights really work. 455 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,191 No! 456 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,672 Oh... no. 457 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,587 Hi, Judith. 458 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,806 Oh, hello, Reese. 459 00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:19,984 I want to thank you so much for everything you've done. 460 00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:22,073 It felt good to do something nice for a change. 461 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,902 I'm seriously thinking about peppering that into my repertoire. 462 00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:28,602 Are you the one who helped Judith and Teddy get together yesterday? 463 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,647 Yes, I am, and I would do it again. 464 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,432 Your rules are just stupid. 465 00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,477 I mean, who does it hurt to let two old people be happy? 466 00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,392 You whore! 467 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,046 You stole my husband! 468 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:43,051 No, I just used him without your permission 469 00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,619 and gave him back to you... 470 00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:49,057 Just like someone did with my sewing machine. 471 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,843 Look at her. I couldn't say no! 472 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,367 How can you say no to that? 473 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:57,196 Oh, shut up, you old fool! 474 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,980 Wait! I can fix this! 475 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,417 Just get back at him by sleeping with someone else! 476 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,115 How about him? 477 00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,207 When he has his teeth in, he's quite the looker! 478 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,952 Okay, I sold my car. 479 00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:17,607 Well, we'll add that to what I got for my engagement ring 480 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,522 and my grandmother's pearls. 481 00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,568 No one wanted to buy my bike, 482 00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:25,702 but a bunch of kids did pay to watch me eat a centipede. 483 00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,531 We're doing the right thing. We should all remember that. 484 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,229 Quit sermonizing. 485 00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,927 I'll get enough of that from the nut-jobs on the bus. 486 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,888 You guys aren't gonna believe it! 487 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,412 I got a McClellan Fellowship grant 488 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,589 for $3,857! 489 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,547 That's wonderful, Malcolm! 490 00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:46,245 Congratulations, son. 491 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,985 Yeah, congratulations. 492 00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:49,857 This couldn't have come at a better time! 493 00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,207 I know exactly what I'm gonna do with it! 494 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,949 -♪ Beverly Hills ♪ 495 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:58,213 ♪ That's where I want to be ♪ 496 00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,997 ♪ Gimme gimme, gimme gimme ♪ 497 00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:03,871 ♪ Living in Beverly Hills... ♪ 498 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:10,225 Let's see them call me a dork now. 499 00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,312 Captioned by Post Haste Digital