1
00:00:01,170 --> 00:00:03,788
It's our first wedding together
so we need nicknames.
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,988
Nick is Knick-Knack!
Or Mr. Suspenders.
3
00:00:07,070 --> 00:00:09,188
No nicknames, ok?
Your only job tonight
4
00:00:09,470 --> 00:00:10,488
is to be Nick's girlfriend, okay?
5
00:00:10,497 --> 00:00:13,088
And make sure he stays
out of trouble with Caroline.
6
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:14,467
Why can't you and Winston help?
7
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,967
We've tried...
He doesn't listen to us anymore.
8
00:00:17,967 --> 00:00:19,967
She's not coming back, Nick.
9
00:00:20,467 --> 00:00:21,467
He's right, I don't.
10
00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:22,567
♪ Da, da-da, dah!! ♪
11
00:00:22,617 --> 00:00:23,616
No!
12
00:00:23,617 --> 00:00:27,167
That is the ugliest dress
I've ever seen, Jess!
13
00:00:27,517 --> 00:00:29,667
I'm really gonna need you
to step it up tonight, ok?
14
00:00:29,917 --> 00:00:31,467
When I see you,
I wanna be thinking...
15
00:00:32,017 --> 00:00:34,267
"Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?"
16
00:00:34,917 --> 00:00:37,467
Probaby the slut butler, right?
17
00:00:38,217 --> 00:00:40,867
Yo, let's go. We can't be late,
I am in the weeding.
18
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,367
You're the usher,
so relax!
19
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,867
Yeah! I'll be busy.
20
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:44,867
That way
I won't have to sit around
21
00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:46,367
answering a bunch of
stupid questions all day.
22
00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:47,867
Like, "Do you have a job."
23
00:00:47,967 --> 00:00:49,367
"Are you still playing basketball."
24
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:52,688
Does it look like I'm still
playing overseas basketball?
25
00:00:52,773 --> 00:00:54,307
What is the matter with you?
26
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:56,192
This is the first job I've had
in, like, two months, dude,
27
00:00:56,276 --> 00:00:57,610
and I really want
to just get in there
28
00:00:57,677 --> 00:00:58,778
and ush this
wedding in the face!
29
00:00:58,845 --> 00:01:01,113
- You're gonna be great, man.
- So when we do
30
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:03,282
the chicken dance, I do it
a little bit differently.
31
00:01:03,350 --> 00:01:04,951
I know that it usually
goes, like...
32
00:01:05,018 --> 00:01:06,202
♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, da... ♪.
33
00:01:06,286 --> 00:01:07,570
Oh. ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, da. ♪
34
00:01:08,849 --> 00:01:11,551
But instead of doing claps,
I like to do a peck.
35
00:01:11,635 --> 00:01:13,335
'Cause it's more realistic.
36
00:01:13,387 --> 00:01:14,937
No chicken dance!
37
00:01:15,005 --> 00:01:16,522
Look, we're not
trying to be mean.
38
00:01:16,607 --> 00:01:19,892
We just don't want you
to be yourself... in any way.
39
00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:22,278
Okay. Suppress the Jess.
40
00:01:22,345 --> 00:01:24,197
Got it.
41
00:01:24,281 --> 00:01:25,848
Did you use my hair gel?
42
00:01:29,787 --> 00:01:30,853
- No.
- You sure?
43
00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:31,988
I used your hair gel.
44
00:01:32,039 --> 00:01:33,589
Are you serious?
45
00:01:33,657 --> 00:01:35,775
Yeah. It's...
46
00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:39,412
Who let the dirty slut
out of the slut house?
47
00:01:39,496 --> 00:01:42,131
Wow. You look great.
48
00:01:42,199 --> 00:01:45,084
Let's go knock biscuits,
brother-cousins.
49
00:01:45,169 --> 00:01:46,502
No!
50
00:01:46,553 --> 00:01:48,588
No teeth, Jess.
You can't use prop teeth.
51
00:01:48,672 --> 00:01:49,806
Come on, guys.
52
00:01:49,873 --> 00:01:51,124
These are hilarious.
53
00:01:51,191 --> 00:01:52,508
Kids love these.
54
00:01:54,076 --> 00:01:56,461
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
55
00:01:56,462 --> 00:01:57,448
♪ It's Jess. ♪.
56
00:01:57,715 --> 00:02:03,717
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:05,221 --> 00:02:06,773
You want to know one
of my beauty secrets?
58
00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:08,908
The only way
I could fit in this dress
59
00:02:08,992 --> 00:02:11,727
was by wearing little girl's
bicycle shorts underneath.
60
00:02:11,779 --> 00:02:12,945
♪ They are tight ♪
61
00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:14,897
♪ I will not be peeing
tonight! ♪.
62
00:02:14,948 --> 00:02:16,365
Oh, my God, bubbles.
63
00:02:16,417 --> 00:02:18,334
No, no, no, no, Jess. No
bubbles, no bubbles, please.
64
00:02:18,401 --> 00:02:23,840
Ooh, a lot of big
game here tonight. Yo.
65
00:02:23,907 --> 00:02:25,741
- Oh. Oh, there's Brooke.
- Who's Brooke?
66
00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:27,743
He's been into her
since freshman year.
67
00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:29,245
She used to get drunk
and pass out on our porch.
68
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:31,130
It was like having a hot,
alcoholic cat.
69
00:02:31,215 --> 00:02:32,598
I'd always leave
water out for her.
70
00:02:32,683 --> 00:02:34,634
Okay. Tonight
just got real.
71
00:02:34,718 --> 00:02:36,418
She goes on top
of the kill list.
72
00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:37,770
Is that because
you're gonna attempt
73
00:02:37,855 --> 00:02:39,605
to kill her
by having sex with her?
74
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,023
More or less, yeah.
75
00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:43,726
Oh, Schmidt, one day you're
gonna kill the nicest girl.
76
00:02:46,897 --> 00:02:48,064
Look at my new boyfriend.
77
00:02:48,115 --> 00:02:50,783
So fancy in his big boy tie.
78
00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:52,285
Jess, would you
please stop?
79
00:02:52,369 --> 00:02:53,653
Okay, what is it with Caroline?
80
00:02:53,737 --> 00:02:54,987
You're like a different person.
81
00:02:55,072 --> 00:02:57,623
Just focus on getting
through today, please.
82
00:02:57,708 --> 00:03:00,109
Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend.
83
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,127
What did I tell you?
84
00:03:01,211 --> 00:03:02,628
Don't be myself.
Yes.
85
00:03:02,713 --> 00:03:04,464
That's what I love
about our relationship.
86
00:03:04,548 --> 00:03:05,832
You never let me be myself.
87
00:03:08,168 --> 00:03:09,719
Hey!
88
00:03:09,786 --> 00:03:11,220
Winston!
89
00:03:12,288 --> 00:03:13,344
- You're back.
- Yeah.
90
00:03:14,007 --> 00:03:15,224
What are you up to?
Where you working at?
91
00:03:16,292 --> 00:03:18,177
Here. As an usher.
92
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:20,730
Hi. What a beautiful dress.
93
00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:22,148
I'm surprised
you noticed the dress.
94
00:03:22,232 --> 00:03:23,516
I was distracted
by the woman inside.
95
00:03:25,769 --> 00:03:27,570
Jimmy Longjam,
alternate usher.
96
00:03:27,637 --> 00:03:29,071
Alternate usher.
97
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:30,823
I mean, I'm here.
I'm the usher.
98
00:03:30,908 --> 00:03:32,191
You were late.
It's called commitment.
99
00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:33,993
Look it up
in a typewriter, old man.
100
00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:35,912
- What?!
- How much money do you make?
101
00:03:35,979 --> 00:03:37,079
Where is your mother?
102
00:03:37,147 --> 00:03:38,247
Can someone help me?
103
00:03:38,315 --> 00:03:40,149
Hello. Bride or groom?
104
00:03:47,508 --> 00:03:49,458
Oh, no. No, not tonight.
105
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:52,211
No!
106
00:03:52,296 --> 00:03:53,162
Who is that?
107
00:03:53,213 --> 00:03:54,330
Gretchen Nelson.
108
00:03:54,381 --> 00:03:55,548
She's a terrible person.
109
00:03:55,632 --> 00:03:56,682
We can't stand each other.
110
00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:58,384
At every wedding, we end up...
111
00:03:58,468 --> 00:03:59,452
we end up having sex.
112
00:04:10,163 --> 00:04:11,314
I mean, look,
the sex is amazing.
113
00:04:12,365 --> 00:04:13,682
Oh, she's coming over.
114
00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:15,017
Hey, there are those
people that we know.
115
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:16,152
Oh, what people?
116
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,123
- Hello, Gretchen.
- Uh-huh.
117
00:04:21,191 --> 00:04:22,408
I see you wore
the pantsuit again.
118
00:04:22,492 --> 00:04:23,793
This is a new one.
119
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:27,046
It's got way more
stretch... in the pants.
120
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:28,915
- That's horrible.
- Are you ready for tonight?
121
00:04:29,599 --> 00:04:30,966
I'm gonna tie you down
122
00:04:31,033 --> 00:04:32,718
and show you pictures
of my river rafting trip.
123
00:04:32,803 --> 00:04:34,703
Oh, my God,
how many are there?
124
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:36,672
- It's a two-hour slideshow.
- No, Gretchen.
125
00:04:36,723 --> 00:04:38,341
We can't do this anymore, okay?
126
00:04:38,392 --> 00:04:39,725
It's not... It's not healthy.
127
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:40,843
- All right? Please, no more.
- Yeah.
128
00:04:43,796 --> 00:04:44,897
There she is.
There she is.
129
00:04:44,981 --> 00:04:46,349
She's right over there.
There she is.
130
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,384
She's right over here.
She's right...
131
00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:50,936
Just be cool...
Okay, okay.
132
00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:51,687
Hi.
133
00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:52,939
Hey, Caroline. Wow.
134
00:04:53,523 --> 00:04:54,740
I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
135
00:04:54,825 --> 00:04:56,058
Great to see you.
136
00:04:56,109 --> 00:04:57,660
Nicholas, you have
to introduce me.
137
00:04:58,127 --> 00:04:59,111
Uh, yeah, of course.
138
00:04:59,196 --> 00:05:01,330
Uh, Jess, this is Caroline.
139
00:05:01,398 --> 00:05:02,398
Hi.
140
00:05:02,449 --> 00:05:04,083
One more time.
Cara-lee?
141
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,918
- Uh, Caroline.
- Caraloo?
142
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:07,336
- Coraline?
- Caroline.
143
00:05:07,404 --> 00:05:10,923
Okay. Fancy.
144
00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:13,009
Well, I'm Nicholas's girlfriend.
145
00:05:13,076 --> 00:05:14,377
We just started dating,
146
00:05:14,428 --> 00:05:17,430
so we're still
in that honeymoon phase.
147
00:05:17,514 --> 00:05:19,599
I barely sleep.
So much doing it.
148
00:05:19,683 --> 00:05:20,967
So much doing it.
149
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:22,184
It's crazy.
150
00:05:22,252 --> 00:05:23,636
He's so soft,
like a towel.
151
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,754
Well, it was
nice to meet you.
152
00:05:25,806 --> 00:05:27,690
So nice to meet you,
too, Carol.
153
00:05:27,757 --> 00:05:28,891
Caroline.
154
00:05:28,942 --> 00:05:30,559
I give up! I guess
155
00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:32,028
I'll see you later.
156
00:05:32,095 --> 00:05:33,312
For sure, for sure, for sure.
157
00:05:37,317 --> 00:05:39,318
Oh, my God.
Was she jealous?
158
00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:41,937
I think she was jealous.
You did so good.
159
00:05:41,989 --> 00:05:43,272
That was remarkable.
160
00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:46,275
I just done what
my mama learnt me.
161
00:05:46,326 --> 00:05:48,244
Give me the teeth.
162
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:02,106
Brooke.
163
00:06:02,158 --> 00:06:03,992
Hi. Wow.
164
00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:05,326
Schmidt.
165
00:06:05,911 --> 00:06:08,213
You used to borrow my
poncho freshman year.
166
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,414
Remember that? No.
167
00:06:09,465 --> 00:06:10,832
Hmm.
168
00:06:12,416 --> 00:06:14,282
Fat Schmidt?
169
00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:15,587
Fat Schmidt!
170
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:17,422
Of course! Wow.
171
00:06:17,473 --> 00:06:19,390
You look great.
172
00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:21,226
You, also, for sure.
173
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:22,894
Um, how are your classes?
174
00:06:22,961 --> 00:06:25,296
I mean, not that we're... not
that we're in school anymore.
175
00:06:25,347 --> 00:06:26,397
I know that.
176
00:06:26,465 --> 00:06:28,600
What are you drinking?
White wine?
177
00:06:28,651 --> 00:06:29,934
I'm not drinking.
178
00:06:29,985 --> 00:06:31,436
I'm sober, six months.
179
00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:33,271
Can I get a seltzer, please?
180
00:06:33,322 --> 00:06:34,772
Me, too.
181
00:06:34,824 --> 00:06:36,491
You're six months sober, also?
182
00:06:36,575 --> 00:06:37,492
Seven months. One more.
183
00:06:37,576 --> 00:06:39,244
Wow. That's great.
184
00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,079
Congratulations.
185
00:06:41,146 --> 00:06:42,280
Here's your, uh, white wine.
186
00:06:42,331 --> 00:06:43,948
What? What?
That's a mistake.
187
00:06:43,999 --> 00:06:45,200
No, I didn't
order that. No!
188
00:06:45,284 --> 00:06:46,618
No, sir!
189
00:06:46,669 --> 00:06:48,336
Even the...
even smell of it.
190
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,154
I'm gonna run back to my table.
191
00:06:50,206 --> 00:06:53,258
But you can come talk
to me if you need to.
192
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,043
Oh. Okay, thank you.
193
00:06:57,012 --> 00:06:58,596
So what I need you
to do is this.
194
00:06:58,664 --> 00:07:01,332
I need you to put vodka
in a water bottle, okay?
195
00:07:01,383 --> 00:07:03,834
Then rendezvous with me
in the restroom, okay?
196
00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,838
Same page? Same page?
197
00:07:11,026 --> 00:07:13,177
This kid is pushing my buttons.
198
00:07:13,229 --> 00:07:15,897
Winston, he's just
a little boy. Relax.
199
00:07:15,981 --> 00:07:18,199
Brooke asks, I'm six
months clean and sober,
200
00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:19,651
and looking to
settle down.
201
00:07:19,702 --> 00:07:21,736
Great. Schmidt's sober.
202
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:22,904
What are you doing?
203
00:07:22,988 --> 00:07:25,022
She's looking at us.
204
00:07:28,026 --> 00:07:30,194
Your head is shaped
like a yam.
205
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:32,330
Yeah, I know. I can't
wear soft hats.
206
00:07:32,381 --> 00:07:34,132
Uh-huh.
Hey, when she comes here,
207
00:07:34,199 --> 00:07:34,883
I want to talk
to her by myself.
208
00:07:34,967 --> 00:07:37,302
- No. Are you sure?
- Jess, I'm fine, for real.
209
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,703
Hi. NICK: Oh, hey.
210
00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:40,305
Could that ceremony
have lasted any longer?
211
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,173
- It really was...
- Ha, ha. We loved it.
212
00:07:42,224 --> 00:07:45,042
Taking notes in case
Mr. Commitment-Phobe over here
213
00:07:45,094 --> 00:07:46,761
decides to make an honest woman
out of me.
214
00:07:46,845 --> 00:07:47,712
Oh.
215
00:07:47,763 --> 00:07:49,147
Hey, Jess,
216
00:07:49,214 --> 00:07:51,182
did you want
to go do that thing from...?
217
00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,184
Yes, I did.
I want to do it very badly.
218
00:07:53,235 --> 00:07:54,385
- Yup.
- Thank you.
219
00:07:54,436 --> 00:07:57,438
And now,
for the first time ever,
220
00:07:57,523 --> 00:08:00,775
Mr. and Mrs. Handelman-Pyong.
221
00:08:00,859 --> 00:08:02,076
♪ ♪
222
00:08:06,615 --> 00:08:09,900
Yay! Bride and groom!
223
00:08:09,952 --> 00:08:11,836
Make way!
224
00:08:11,903 --> 00:08:15,456
Huzzah! Celebrate love!
225
00:08:15,541 --> 00:08:20,044
Get ready for a wonderful
life of merriment and joy.
226
00:08:21,797 --> 00:08:23,848
Jess is... great.
227
00:08:23,915 --> 00:08:26,417
The best. Yeah, so happy.
228
00:08:26,468 --> 00:08:28,553
Are you guys
pretty serious, or...?
229
00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:30,521
Yeah, we are pretty serious.
230
00:08:30,589 --> 00:08:32,590
Yeah, we live together.
231
00:08:32,641 --> 00:08:34,359
I mean, different bedrooms,
but shared bathroom,
232
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,110
so that's something.
233
00:08:36,895 --> 00:08:38,696
Alcohol. Any kind
of alcohol you have.
234
00:08:38,764 --> 00:08:40,365
Just give me anything.
235
00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:41,699
Thank you.
236
00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:43,034
Give me that.
237
00:08:43,101 --> 00:08:44,235
Oh, God.
238
00:08:45,871 --> 00:08:47,772
It's like you're lapping it
out of a puddle.
239
00:08:47,823 --> 00:08:50,908
Ugh! Where'd you get those
boots, off a lady hiker?
240
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,128
Look at those earrings.
Are they clip-ons?
241
00:08:54,213 --> 00:08:55,613
I'm gonna make
you wear them.
242
00:08:58,784 --> 00:08:59,917
Huh?
No.
243
00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:01,169
No?
244
00:09:01,253 --> 00:09:05,506
♪ ♪
245
00:09:05,591 --> 00:09:07,291
Is it bad that I
can't feel my legs?
246
00:09:07,343 --> 00:09:09,394
Yes-- now let's talk
about my problems.
247
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,145
Jess, I have to go home
with Brooke tonight.
248
00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:12,647
I deserve someone
like Brooke.
249
00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:13,848
She's perfect,
250
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:16,401
and it doesn't matter
that I have gymnastic,
251
00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:19,570
mean-spirited, highly
educational sex with Gretchen.
252
00:09:19,638 --> 00:09:21,806
It's just-- that's not what
I want to do anymore, okay?
253
00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:22,940
Not tonight.
254
00:09:22,992 --> 00:09:24,158
What's so bad about
liking Gretchen?
255
00:09:24,243 --> 00:09:25,526
I mean, you guys
obviously have,
256
00:09:25,611 --> 00:09:26,944
like, a weird connection.
257
00:09:26,996 --> 00:09:28,997
No, no, no, no, I want
to connect with Brooke.
258
00:09:29,081 --> 00:09:30,948
I want to connect with her
in the shower, on the floor...
259
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,250
Okay, you know what?
260
00:09:32,317 --> 00:09:33,618
- ...sitting Indian style.
- You can keep talking,
261
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,787
but I'm going to put
my hands over my ears.
262
00:09:35,838 --> 00:09:37,622
- We got a problem.
- What?
263
00:09:39,258 --> 00:09:41,158
Jess, what did you do?
264
00:09:41,210 --> 00:09:43,044
What? They're fine,
they're just talking.
265
00:09:43,128 --> 00:09:46,831
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
with Caroline he is not fine.
266
00:09:46,882 --> 00:09:49,333
Okay, he ran into her
at a party two months ago,
267
00:09:49,385 --> 00:09:51,969
then sent me a ten-page e-mail
about what she meant
268
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:53,838
when she said,
"I'll see you soon."
269
00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:57,942
She will flirt with him until
she knows she can have him.
270
00:09:58,009 --> 00:09:59,777
It's like he's
her backup plan.
271
00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:00,945
I didn't know that.
272
00:10:01,012 --> 00:10:02,146
You want to live with Nick
273
00:10:02,197 --> 00:10:04,515
when he's not showering
and crying all day?
274
00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:06,117
He sounds like this.
275
00:10:06,184 --> 00:10:07,184
You ever heard
a grown man sob
276
00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:08,903
and listen
to Simon and Garfunkel?
277
00:10:08,987 --> 00:10:10,038
- Yeah, my dad.
- Yeah.
278
00:10:10,122 --> 00:10:12,040
Okay, I get it...
but I just...
279
00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:13,825
These bicycle shorts
are really tight.
280
00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:14,959
Come on,
281
00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:17,795
- work through it, woman.
- Okay, okay.
282
00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:20,164
Okay.
283
00:10:20,215 --> 00:10:22,250
It's all on you, Jess.
284
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:25,720
♪ ♪
285
00:10:26,872 --> 00:10:29,039
Come on in, honey.
286
00:10:30,175 --> 00:10:31,092
The water's fine.
287
00:10:31,176 --> 00:10:33,210
Jess, you know I don't dance.
288
00:10:33,262 --> 00:10:35,813
Oh, but you didn't know
that I did this.
289
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:37,231
I'm mime-walking.
290
00:10:37,316 --> 00:10:38,933
I'm Mime-chael Jackson.
291
00:10:39,017 --> 00:10:40,485
- I'm gonna get a drink.
- Me, too.
292
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:41,986
Nick, wait, no.
293
00:10:42,053 --> 00:10:43,554
Jess, relax,
this is good.
294
00:10:43,605 --> 00:10:45,890
I may actually have a chance,
and it's all because of you,
295
00:10:45,941 --> 00:10:47,108
- so thank you.
- No, Nick,
296
00:10:47,192 --> 00:10:48,192
that wasn't my intention.
297
00:10:48,243 --> 00:10:50,361
Nick--
oh, hi.
298
00:10:50,412 --> 00:10:54,231
I don't feel like dancing
right now, I'm sorry.
299
00:10:54,283 --> 00:10:58,035
♪ ♪
300
00:10:58,087 --> 00:11:01,372
I'm... really
uncomfortable right now.
301
00:11:01,423 --> 00:11:03,073
Oh, Winston, thank God!
Nick got away.
302
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,509
Nick can wait.
303
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:05,626
This...
304
00:11:05,711 --> 00:11:07,244
this is about honor.
305
00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:14,302
And...
it looks like we have a dance-off!
306
00:11:18,924 --> 00:11:20,191
What?!
307
00:11:20,258 --> 00:11:22,477
Oh, my God,
what are you doing?
308
00:11:22,561 --> 00:11:23,561
Mommy?
309
00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:30,267
Nick? Nick?
310
00:11:34,199 --> 00:11:35,267
The chocolate fountain.
311
00:11:35,599 --> 00:11:36,667
Reminds me
of the one in Tuscany.
312
00:11:37,099 --> 00:11:38,367
You ever been?
313
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:40,267
Yeah!
I was just there for New Year's.
314
00:11:40,429 --> 00:11:41,846
Where's the chocolate fountain?
315
00:11:41,931 --> 00:11:43,314
I don't know, I've never been.
316
00:11:43,399 --> 00:11:45,483
I'm just fascinated
with the culture.
317
00:11:45,568 --> 00:11:47,635
Schmidt! Schmidt,
I need you to help me
318
00:11:47,686 --> 00:11:49,988
get these off
so I can go find Nick!
319
00:11:50,072 --> 00:11:51,856
God, are you friends
with that girl?
320
00:11:53,526 --> 00:11:54,075
Schmidt!
321
00:11:54,143 --> 00:11:55,577
Look, I...
322
00:11:55,644 --> 00:11:58,646
I didn't want to have
to tell you this, but...
323
00:11:58,697 --> 00:12:01,783
she was a mistake I made
when I hit rock bottom.
324
00:12:01,834 --> 00:12:03,585
It was like I was
her Sid and she was
325
00:12:03,652 --> 00:12:06,004
my Nancy, and then I got sober
and she couldn't deal with it,
326
00:12:06,088 --> 00:12:08,840
and the poor thing just went...
she went crazy.
327
00:12:08,924 --> 00:12:10,875
Schmidt, I need you to come
help me slap my thighs around!
328
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,210
Look, I don't want to scare you,
329
00:12:12,294 --> 00:12:13,711
but she can be really dangerous
when she drinks.
330
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:16,598
Okay? I shouldn't even be
in the same room with her,
331
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:18,383
it's just...
332
00:12:18,467 --> 00:12:20,301
it feels so good
talking to you.
333
00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:22,554
Maybe we should
get you out of here.
334
00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:24,172
What a great idea. Yes!
335
00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:26,057
I just have to go
to the bathroom really quickly.
336
00:12:26,142 --> 00:12:28,610
Whatever you need,
whatever... of course.
337
00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:31,463
Ready? No lips.
338
00:12:31,530 --> 00:12:34,582
Name one, name one.
Do, uh, wind tunnel.
339
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:35,950
Super high driver's license.
340
00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:40,205
Can we stay in
here all night?
341
00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:46,377
Oh, hi.
342
00:12:46,462 --> 00:12:48,529
Schmidt is very fond of you.
343
00:12:48,581 --> 00:12:50,215
Um, look, I don't...
344
00:12:50,299 --> 00:12:52,150
I, uh, I don't even really
know him that well,
345
00:12:52,218 --> 00:12:53,551
- okay?
- Oh.
346
00:12:53,636 --> 00:12:55,870
I'm just cutting off
my underwear. You know.
347
00:12:55,921 --> 00:12:56,971
Girl stuff.
348
00:13:03,981 --> 00:13:04,948
So tight.
349
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:08,001
Well, it's been really nice
chatting with you.
350
00:13:08,085 --> 00:13:10,120
But I've got a pretend
351
00:13:10,171 --> 00:13:12,422
boyfriend to hunt down.
I think he's
352
00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:14,207
cheating on me.
353
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:17,427
Oh, and don't break Schmidt's heart,
or you'll have me to deal with.
354
00:13:21,465 --> 00:13:22,498
Yeah, yeah, of course.
355
00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:26,970
Aha! I trusted you!
356
00:13:27,222 --> 00:13:28,772
- Jess, get out of here.
- Nothing happened.
357
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:30,106
After everything we built.
358
00:13:30,174 --> 00:13:30,974
Go away, Jess, please.
359
00:13:31,025 --> 00:13:32,009
Who are you?!
360
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:34,978
No, really, nothing happened.
I have a boyfriend.
361
00:13:35,029 --> 00:13:38,365
Wait, you have a boyfriend?
362
00:13:38,449 --> 00:13:40,734
Yeah, well, I-I've been seeing
someone. I didn't bring him
363
00:13:40,818 --> 00:13:41,785
because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
364
00:13:41,853 --> 00:13:44,621
- but now I know that you have Jess...
- Yeah, he has me.
365
00:13:44,688 --> 00:13:46,656
And our baby!
366
00:13:46,707 --> 00:13:48,858
Okay, I'm just gonna
let you guys...
367
00:13:48,909 --> 00:13:51,962
And our other baby!
368
00:13:52,029 --> 00:13:53,046
Jess, what happened with Brooke?
369
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:55,048
- What?
- She just left here in tears
370
00:13:55,132 --> 00:13:56,833
because she said that you
threatened her with a knife?
371
00:13:56,884 --> 00:13:59,336
No, I was talking you up!
372
00:13:59,387 --> 00:14:00,536
No, you shouldn't have been
talking me up.
373
00:14:00,588 --> 00:14:02,705
You should have been taking care
of Nick.
374
00:14:02,757 --> 00:14:05,175
Why is it so hard
to do one thing?
375
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:07,510
- How is this my fault?
- Ruiner.
376
00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:10,981
Did you just call me a ruiner?
377
00:14:11,048 --> 00:14:12,215
Yeah.
378
00:14:12,266 --> 00:14:15,218
Okay, you know what?
Forget it.
379
00:14:15,269 --> 00:14:16,719
I'm not helping
you guys anymore.
380
00:14:16,771 --> 00:14:18,071
- Give me my teeth back.
- Stop it.
381
00:14:18,155 --> 00:14:20,440
- You don't appreciate them.
- Cool it!
382
00:14:20,524 --> 00:14:21,941
Give them back.
383
00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:24,027
I'm gonna have fun,
384
00:14:24,078 --> 00:14:26,746
'cause there's nothing wrong
with who I am,
385
00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:28,415
and I like having fun
at weddings.
386
00:14:28,499 --> 00:14:29,916
And I like dancing.
387
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:33,569
And if you don't like that,
then tough tater tots, tooter.
388
00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:36,239
Jess is back!
389
00:14:40,845 --> 00:14:45,548
Oh, you're going home
with me, aren't you?
390
00:14:45,599 --> 00:14:47,133
Oh...
391
00:14:49,303 --> 00:14:50,920
Good boy.
392
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:01,281
♪ ♪
393
00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:04,567
That's Caroline and that's me.
394
00:15:04,618 --> 00:15:06,286
Four years.
395
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:08,988
Four years together, so...
396
00:15:09,573 --> 00:15:10,606
It doesn't matter to me.
397
00:15:10,658 --> 00:15:13,877
It's just what
matters is respect.
398
00:15:13,944 --> 00:15:15,211
I'm just so alone
399
00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:16,946
right now, man.
400
00:15:16,997 --> 00:15:18,882
It is a real bad situation.
401
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:20,166
Uh, Steve and Bree, babe.
402
00:15:20,251 --> 00:15:21,501
Steve and Bree, 'cause that's
what this is about.
403
00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:22,802
I agree with you.
404
00:15:22,887 --> 00:15:24,671
You're good at your job, babe.
405
00:15:24,755 --> 00:15:27,140
I'm so happy for you two.
406
00:15:27,224 --> 00:15:28,842
You look great.
407
00:15:28,926 --> 00:15:31,010
It feels a little bit like
you're rubbing it in my face,
408
00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,146
your little happiness,
but let's be honest, Bree,
409
00:15:33,230 --> 00:15:35,398
this doesn't look
great on you-- this.
410
00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:37,800
That's not a great look, Bree!
411
00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:40,737
Congratulations, Steve.
Nice fedora.
412
00:15:40,804 --> 00:15:42,822
And no open bar, Steve?!
413
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:45,325
Don't you understand
that's tacky?!
414
00:15:45,409 --> 00:15:49,812
Your dad's rich,
you're a lawyer, man.
415
00:15:49,864 --> 00:15:51,498
Yeah!
416
00:15:51,582 --> 00:15:53,149
That happened!
417
00:15:57,922 --> 00:16:00,990
The photo booth is a liar-- FYI.
418
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:03,826
Oh, hey, ladies, you guys want
to see a grown man cry?
419
00:16:03,878 --> 00:16:06,346
No? Then get out!
420
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:09,665
I think I saw a single doctor
looking at you!
421
00:16:09,717 --> 00:16:12,168
This is gonna take awhile,
Orange.
422
00:16:19,489 --> 00:16:22,091
Hey, there, partner.
423
00:16:27,346 --> 00:16:28,514
Hey, can I tell you something
424
00:16:28,599 --> 00:16:31,134
you promise to never
tell Schmidt?
425
00:16:31,502 --> 00:16:33,219
I love bubbles.
426
00:16:33,604 --> 00:16:37,273
I don't know why,
I just always have.
427
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:40,026
You see that? - Oh!
That was like two in one.
428
00:16:42,529 --> 00:16:43,946
You okay?
429
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:45,448
Yeah, I'm fine.
430
00:16:45,516 --> 00:16:47,900
Those guys were jerks.
431
00:16:47,985 --> 00:16:50,119
But I know they're
glad you're around.
432
00:16:50,187 --> 00:16:51,187
Really?
433
00:16:51,238 --> 00:16:52,989
Yeah!
434
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,658
They're not just gonna come
out and say it, though.
435
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:58,377
Especially Nick, you know,
but they're all thinking it.
436
00:16:58,462 --> 00:16:59,996
Even me.
437
00:17:00,047 --> 00:17:01,864
Most of the time.
438
00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:08,221
It was weird when I was stuck in
a freak sandwich
439
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:10,539
between you and that
eight-year-old.
440
00:17:10,591 --> 00:17:12,508
Do you want to talk about that?
441
00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:16,396
You know, it's just that he got
to be a bit annoying, so...
442
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,233
I kind of took my
feelings out with dance...?
443
00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:23,386
Okay, so, uh, we
have a situation.
444
00:17:27,725 --> 00:17:29,486
Hey, Nick, how you doing, buddy?
445
00:17:29,557 --> 00:17:32,746
They want me to leave the
booth, but I'm staying.
446
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:35,866
This is my home now.
It's got everything that I need.
447
00:17:35,917 --> 00:17:37,952
You can see by looking
at these pictures
448
00:17:38,036 --> 00:17:40,454
that he's experiencing a variety
of different emotions.
449
00:17:40,538 --> 00:17:43,756
This one is... well,
that's actually his butt.
450
00:17:43,841 --> 00:17:44,925
He just keeps saying "Jess."
451
00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:51,464
Jess, fact is that I was a mean
person and I'm sorry, okay?
452
00:17:55,301 --> 00:17:56,270
Hi, Nicholas.
453
00:17:56,354 --> 00:17:58,255
Hey, Jess, I live in a photo
booth bow.
454
00:17:58,306 --> 00:17:59,640
Oh, is that so?
455
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:01,692
Yep, come on in,
come on in.
456
00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:02,776
- Thank you.
- That's the kitchen area.
457
00:18:02,861 --> 00:18:04,978
- Very nice.
- This is the common area.
458
00:18:05,063 --> 00:18:07,231
- Okay. - Dining room, living
room, kind of everything.
459
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,099
It's very nice.
460
00:18:10,151 --> 00:18:13,787
Hey! She has a boyfriend.
461
00:18:13,871 --> 00:18:17,106
She shouldn't have been
flirting with you all night.
462
00:18:17,158 --> 00:18:19,626
You can't be her backup plan.
463
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:22,445
You have to let
each other go.
464
00:18:22,496 --> 00:18:25,331
So now, you have
to make a decision.
465
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:29,502
"Am I gonna stay locked in a
photo booth for the next hour,
466
00:18:29,587 --> 00:18:34,057
"or am I gonna get out
there, take my shoes off,
467
00:18:34,124 --> 00:18:36,226
and dance my face off?"
468
00:18:37,661 --> 00:18:40,814
Come on, it's up to you.
469
00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:48,971
All right.
470
00:18:51,075 --> 00:18:53,159
I love you, photo booth.
471
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:58,782
♪ ♪
472
00:19:02,168 --> 00:19:04,487
Yo, look at him.
473
00:19:05,823 --> 00:19:07,123
He looks better.
474
00:19:07,174 --> 00:19:08,842
I can't do this anymore.
475
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,129
I have to let you go,
Caroline, for real.
476
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:14,831
It has to be over.
477
00:19:20,887 --> 00:19:22,004
Good-bye.
478
00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:24,691
Good luck and everything.
479
00:19:28,345 --> 00:19:30,530
Good-bye.
480
00:19:30,614 --> 00:19:35,017
All right, um, I've got to...
Excuse me.
481
00:19:42,326 --> 00:19:45,161
♪ When I'm feeling blue ♪.
482
00:19:45,912 --> 00:19:47,129
Come on, Jess.
483
00:19:47,197 --> 00:19:47,964
What?
484
00:19:48,031 --> 00:19:50,717
Just please, just come
with me right now.
485
00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:52,385
- Okay.
- Thank you.
486
00:19:52,470 --> 00:19:56,222
♪ Then I'm not so blue ♪
487
00:19:56,307 --> 00:19:58,875
♪ When you're close to me ♪
488
00:19:58,926 --> 00:20:02,595
♪ I can feel your heart beat ♪
489
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:09,152
♪ I can hear you breathing
in my ear ♪
490
00:20:09,219 --> 00:20:12,054
♪ Wouldn't you agree? ♪
491
00:20:12,106 --> 00:20:19,362
♪ Baby, you and me got a groovy
kind of love ♪.
492
00:20:19,413 --> 00:20:22,332
That looks like so much fun.
493
00:20:22,399 --> 00:20:25,585
♪ Anytime you want to ♪
494
00:20:25,669 --> 00:20:28,922
♪ You can turn me on to ♪
495
00:20:29,006 --> 00:20:31,457
♪ Anything you want to ♪
Okay.
496
00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:34,711
♪ Anytime at all ♪
497
00:20:34,762 --> 00:20:38,715
♪ When I kiss your lips ♪
498
00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:42,802
♪ Ooh, I start to shiver ♪
499
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:48,758
♪ Can't control the quivering
inside ♪
500
00:20:48,809 --> 00:20:51,110
♪ Wouldn't you agree? ♪
501
00:20:51,195 --> 00:20:55,532
♪ Baby, you and me got
a groovy kind of love ♪.
502
00:20:55,599 --> 00:20:57,700
Check out my beaks.
503
00:20:57,768 --> 00:21:00,904
Ooh, stop copying my beaks.
504
00:21:08,779 --> 00:21:11,998
Gretchen, you think that,
like, hooking up
505
00:21:12,083 --> 00:21:13,666
at all these weddings...
I mean, one of
506
00:21:13,734 --> 00:21:15,802
these times, we can go
on an actual date?
507
00:21:16,386 --> 00:21:19,656
No. I'm just using you
for your body.
508
00:21:20,723 --> 00:21:23,877
Oh. Okay. Cool.
509
00:21:24,444 --> 00:21:25,695
How many more of
these things?
510
00:21:26,262 --> 00:21:28,064
We're just getting started.
511
00:21:29,617 --> 00:21:30,933
That yellow helmet.
512
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,168
Ugh!
513
00:21:32,236 --> 00:21:36,422
Tonight, I'm gonna get certified
in the River Schmidt.
514
00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:44,325
Sync & corrections by Alice
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