1
00:00:07,046 --> 00:00:08,463
Ooh.
2
00:00:08,547 --> 00:00:10,131
Scary movie.
3
00:00:10,715 --> 00:00:11,799
I hate scary movies.
4
00:00:11,884 --> 00:00:12,667
Why are we watching this?
5
00:00:12,735 --> 00:00:14,919
We're not watching this, Jess.
6
00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:17,254
We're watching it.
7
00:00:26,649 --> 00:00:29,183
So fun, hanging
with the dudes,
8
00:00:29,251 --> 00:00:32,236
eating ice cream,
watching scary movies.
9
00:00:32,287 --> 00:00:34,656
We're not scared; we're dudes.
10
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:35,657
Shh!
11
00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:40,878
You know what we should watch?
12
00:00:40,946 --> 00:00:42,279
Have you guys ever seen Fame?
13
00:00:43,346 --> 00:00:45,879
It's about a group of dreamers,
with talent to spare
14
00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:48,595
taking New York City by storm,
15
00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:50,497
one dance number
at a time--
16
00:00:50,565 --> 00:00:51,698
the cafeteria,
17
00:00:51,766 --> 00:00:52,650
the street...
18
00:00:52,717 --> 00:00:54,651
Oh! Ooh!
19
00:00:54,719 --> 00:00:56,103
That's so much blood.
20
00:00:56,187 --> 00:00:57,554
It's spurting!
21
00:00:57,605 --> 00:00:59,556
Mmm, that was good.
22
00:01:00,692 --> 00:01:02,193
That guy's gonna blow
himself up.
23
00:01:02,244 --> 00:01:03,161
♪ Wah, wah. ♪.
24
00:01:03,228 --> 00:01:05,346
Why would that guy
blow himself up?
25
00:01:08,283 --> 00:01:09,784
Sorry. I saw it
in the theater.
26
00:01:10,551 --> 00:01:12,069
You know what else
we should watch?
27
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,120
An American Tale.
28
00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:15,172
It's about a little Jewish mouse
29
00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:16,673
with a great big heart and a...
30
00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:17,174
All right.
31
00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:18,175
Wait.
32
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:19,593
Where are you guys going?
33
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:22,713
♪ Hey, girl ♪
34
00:01:22,764 --> 00:01:24,765
♪ What you doing? ♪
35
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:27,802
♪ Hey, girl ♪
36
00:01:28,386 --> 00:01:30,355
♪ Where you going? ♪
37
00:01:30,422 --> 00:01:33,157
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
38
00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:34,442
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
39
00:01:34,526 --> 00:01:37,278
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪.
40
00:01:37,279 --> 00:01:41,278
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for 720p Web-DL by Baqinardo
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,119
Do you know where
you're taking her?
42
00:01:46,955 --> 00:01:48,272
You know, it's been
a while for you.
43
00:01:48,323 --> 00:01:49,407
Want me to stretch you out?
44
00:01:49,458 --> 00:01:51,108
It's not a date, Schmidt.
45
00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:52,877
Actually, I don't know
what it is.
46
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,962
She's, uh... she's
a little hard to read.
47
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:57,798
Wouldn't it be funny
if we, like, went out? Like...
48
00:01:58,483 --> 00:01:59,550
- Do you want to go on a date?
- Yeah.
49
00:01:59,617 --> 00:02:00,968
We, like, go for dinner,
50
00:02:01,052 --> 00:02:03,387
and, like, the two of us,
like, do stuff.
51
00:02:03,455 --> 00:02:05,289
- Is that a yes?
- I know, right?
52
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:06,824
- Seriously, do you want to get dinner?
- Right. No, I know.
53
00:02:06,892 --> 00:02:08,659
Sometimes she's so ironic
54
00:02:08,727 --> 00:02:10,728
that I think
she's being serious.
55
00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:12,680
I get it.
Led Zeppelin is classic,
56
00:02:12,764 --> 00:02:14,732
but I mean, it's no, like,
Steve Miller Band.
57
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:16,517
Steve Miller Band?
"The Joker"?
58
00:02:21,506 --> 00:02:24,742
Oh, yeah. No, I love
The Steve Miller Band.
59
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,911
Hey, look. You've been out
of the game for a while.
60
00:02:26,978 --> 00:02:28,145
I have three date packages.
61
00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:29,830
They work every time.
62
00:02:29,915 --> 00:02:33,334
Package A: Close-up
magic, dinner, drinks.
63
00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:36,620
Package B: Close-up
magic, drinks.
64
00:02:36,671 --> 00:02:39,256
Package C:...
65
00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:40,925
Close-up magic.
66
00:02:40,992 --> 00:02:42,510
You have a date? Fun!
67
00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:44,495
I want to talk to you guys
about this stuff.
68
00:02:44,546 --> 00:02:45,513
With Amanda.
69
00:02:45,597 --> 00:02:47,131
- Schmidt.
- Amanda?
70
00:02:47,182 --> 00:02:48,182
From the bar?
71
00:02:48,766 --> 00:02:49,466
Whoa!
72
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:50,334
She's a looker.
73
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:51,886
Hatchie-matchie!
74
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:53,687
Yeah, I know how hot she is,
Jess.
75
00:02:53,772 --> 00:02:55,723
Have you been out with anyone
since Caroline?
76
00:02:55,807 --> 00:02:56,724
No.
77
00:02:56,808 --> 00:02:59,393
Whoa! Big-deal alert.
78
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:01,262
Scary stuff, kids.
79
00:03:01,329 --> 00:03:02,679
Yeesh!
80
00:03:02,731 --> 00:03:05,032
Falling rocks. Bridge out.
Duck!
81
00:03:05,116 --> 00:03:06,283
This is why I don't talk to you,
Jess.
82
00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:07,318
Nick, you're gonna be fine.
83
00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:08,552
Don't worry about it.
84
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,955
Just, you know,
suck in the gut.
85
00:03:12,022 --> 00:03:12,990
What gut?
86
00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:14,708
The little pooch where you
keep your extra cookies.
87
00:03:35,396 --> 00:03:36,730
All right.
88
00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:47,274
♪ Well, you say with this riddim
you have a patch? ♪
89
00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,994
♪ Yellowman mend it ♪
90
00:03:50,061 --> 00:03:55,065
♪ And if you haffi done mend it,
me set it ♪
91
00:03:55,116 --> 00:03:58,569
♪ Zungguzungguguzungguzeng ♪
92
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,871
♪ Zungguzunggugu-
zungguzeng ♪
93
00:04:00,922 --> 00:04:03,674
♪ Seh if yuh have a paper,
yuh must have a pen ♪
94
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:06,544
♪ And if yuh have a start,
yuh must have a end ♪
95
00:04:06,595 --> 00:04:09,213
♪ Seh five plus five,
it equal to ten ♪
96
00:04:09,264 --> 00:04:10,848
♪ And if yuh have goat... ♪
97
00:04:10,915 --> 00:04:12,766
I had a lot of adventures
in this room
98
00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:14,918
while you were gone, Winston.
99
00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:16,687
How'd the
job interview go?
100
00:04:16,754 --> 00:04:18,539
You know, terrible.
101
00:04:18,607 --> 00:04:20,423
Did you see the
JWoww retweet
102
00:04:20,475 --> 00:04:22,141
and the Gaga Twitpic?
103
00:04:23,428 --> 00:04:25,779
I know Word,
and I can open a document...
104
00:04:26,815 --> 00:04:28,365
...save it, save as,
105
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,150
print,
106
00:04:30,218 --> 00:04:31,719
print preview...
107
00:04:31,786 --> 00:04:32,987
She just wanted
to chitchat about stuff
108
00:04:33,071 --> 00:04:34,471
I've never even heard of.
109
00:04:34,539 --> 00:04:36,040
Well, you gotta get
up to speed, man.
110
00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:37,658
The chitchat is
the interview.
111
00:04:37,742 --> 00:04:40,377
I've spent the last two years
of my life in Latvia.
112
00:04:40,445 --> 00:04:41,579
I was playing ball
year round.
113
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:42,913
I didn't read the news.
114
00:04:42,964 --> 00:04:44,748
I have no idea
what happened in America.
115
00:04:44,799 --> 00:04:45,816
I've got interviews tomorrow.
116
00:04:45,884 --> 00:04:47,051
Fill me in. What'd I miss?
117
00:04:47,118 --> 00:04:49,003
From... from the past two years?
118
00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:50,621
Give me the highlights.
Highlights. Okay.
119
00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:52,389
Uh, country's broke.
120
00:04:52,457 --> 00:04:54,625
Betty White's back.
121
00:04:54,676 --> 00:04:57,628
Oh, cool, cool. What about
the rest of the Golden Girls?
122
00:04:57,679 --> 00:04:59,013
All dead, man.
123
00:05:00,815 --> 00:05:03,400
Damn. You know what?
Give me your computer.
124
00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:06,270
I gotta get started, man.
I'm going in.
125
00:05:06,321 --> 00:05:08,305
♪ Lady Ann a yuh
so take fe toy ♪
126
00:05:08,356 --> 00:05:10,908
♪ Playgal all dem call him joy ♪
127
00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:13,694
♪ Yuh nuh fe call
Yellowman nuh bwoy ♪
128
00:05:13,778 --> 00:05:16,914
♪ Yuh nuh fe call John
John nuh bwoy ♪
129
00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:19,750
♪ Yuh nuh fe take I
and I fe bwoy ♪
130
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:22,620
♪ Zungguzungguguzungguzeng,
watch it! ♪.
131
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:24,638
It is what it is.
132
00:05:24,706 --> 00:05:28,175
♪ Zungguzungguguzungguzeng... ♪.
133
00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:31,178
Hey, Nick, can you turn down
that music?
134
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:33,213
♪ 'Ca Yellowman make yuh
feel so fine ♪
135
00:05:33,298 --> 00:05:36,383
♪ Me chat all me lyric,
me chat dem in a rhyme ♪
136
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:40,054
♪ Me nuh eat lime it
full of a rhyme... ♪.
137
00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:41,905
Hey, Nick,
can you...
138
00:05:42,173 --> 00:05:43,123
What...? What are you...?!
139
00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:48,479
Oh, my God!
140
00:05:54,568 --> 00:05:57,153
Look at you.
You're like an animal.
141
00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:58,339
What are you watching now?
142
00:05:58,437 --> 00:06:00,039
The King's Speech
and Human Centipede.
143
00:06:00,106 --> 00:06:02,625
Next up: Precious
and David After Dentist.
144
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:04,710
I think you're
doing a good job.
145
00:06:04,777 --> 00:06:06,295
Okay, you know
what, test me.
146
00:06:06,379 --> 00:06:07,946
Pretend this is an interview.
Hit me with the chitchat.
147
00:06:07,998 --> 00:06:09,215
Ask me anything.
148
00:06:09,282 --> 00:06:10,466
Chitchat. Let's go.
149
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:11,750
Forget it, man.
Let's go!
150
00:06:11,802 --> 00:06:12,835
Come on, what are you
waiting for, man?
151
00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,620
You're getting
intense right now.
152
00:06:14,671 --> 00:06:16,388
- You're the intense one.
- I think you need to bring it down.
153
00:06:17,474 --> 00:06:18,891
Can I talk to you for a sec?
154
00:06:19,858 --> 00:06:20,876
Something's happened.
155
00:06:20,944 --> 00:06:23,562
It was totally an accident.
156
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,131
Not a big deal.
I just want to do
157
00:06:26,183 --> 00:06:28,517
the mature thing
and come clean about it.
158
00:06:28,602 --> 00:06:32,738
But, um, I accidentally saw
Nick's pee-pee.
159
00:06:32,805 --> 00:06:33,989
- What?
- What'd she say?
160
00:06:34,057 --> 00:06:37,375
I accidentally saw
Nick's pee-pee
161
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:38,410
and his bubbles.
162
00:06:39,478 --> 00:06:40,579
But it's not a big deal.
163
00:06:40,647 --> 00:06:42,164
Ain't no thing.
164
00:06:42,249 --> 00:06:43,249
Ain't no thaaang.
165
00:06:44,816 --> 00:06:45,701
Oh, Nick, hey.
166
00:06:45,785 --> 00:06:47,036
Hey.
167
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,955
So, that was weird, right?
168
00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:51,290
I'm running out
the door, Jess.
169
00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:52,824
I think we should
talk about it.
170
00:06:53,376 --> 00:06:53,843
Talk about what?
171
00:06:54,927 --> 00:06:57,096
About me seeing...
172
00:06:57,163 --> 00:06:58,797
your peen.
173
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:03,302
The peen what I saw.
174
00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:06,138
Bonjour, le peen.
175
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:07,239
You're blocking the door.
176
00:07:07,307 --> 00:07:08,607
Okay. Cool.
177
00:07:08,675 --> 00:07:10,359
Have fun on your date.
178
00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:12,361
Tell that guy to behave.
179
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,647
The adventure begins.
180
00:07:14,698 --> 00:07:16,348
Okay. Excuse me, Jess.
181
00:07:24,857 --> 00:07:27,877
- That was so horrible.
- What am I gonna do?
182
00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:30,546
He's never gonna speak to me
again. I'm so embarrassed.
183
00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:32,798
It's not a big deal.
I've seen Nick's stuff, like, a million times.
184
00:07:33,565 --> 00:07:34,466
You have?
185
00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:36,635
I mean... how?
186
00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:37,720
We grew up together.
187
00:07:37,804 --> 00:07:39,405
Locker rooms,
swimming pools,
188
00:07:39,472 --> 00:07:40,839
penis fights--
it just happens.
189
00:07:40,891 --> 00:07:41,824
Why haven't I seen it?
190
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:43,659
Why do you want to see it?
191
00:07:43,743 --> 00:07:44,710
He's my best friend.
192
00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:47,563
Again, why do you
want to see it?
193
00:07:47,647 --> 00:07:48,881
What if Nick gets
into an accident?
194
00:07:48,949 --> 00:07:50,916
What if he's
horribly disfigured,
195
00:07:50,984 --> 00:07:52,568
and I have to identify him,
196
00:07:52,652 --> 00:07:54,987
and all that remains
are his private parts?
197
00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:56,855
And I'm standing there
and I'm saying,
198
00:07:56,907 --> 00:07:58,991
"Sorry, Officer,
I can't help you,
199
00:07:59,058 --> 00:08:01,493
because no, I haven't
seen his penis."
200
00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:03,746
And then boom, he's buried
in an unmarked grave.
201
00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:06,915
Again, why do you
want to see it?
202
00:08:06,999 --> 00:08:08,450
- What did it look like?
- What do you mean?
203
00:08:08,535 --> 00:08:09,668
Just say when.
204
00:08:09,736 --> 00:08:11,069
Just sa... serious...
205
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:13,222
Seriously? Are you se...
Are you serious?
206
00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:15,591
Okay, you know what.
This is impossible.
207
00:08:15,675 --> 00:08:16,908
I'm starting over.
208
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,628
Schmidt, I need your help.
209
00:08:19,713 --> 00:08:22,765
Okay... all right, Jess, fine.
210
00:08:22,849 --> 00:08:24,416
What happened
after you walked in?
211
00:08:24,467 --> 00:08:26,685
I don't know.
I kind of laughed.
212
00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:29,188
Jess, you can't laugh
at a naked man,
213
00:08:29,255 --> 00:08:30,689
especially Nick.
214
00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:31,974
Nick is delicate...
215
00:08:32,558 --> 00:08:33,692
like a flower.
216
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,945
Like a chubby, damaged flower
who hates himself.
217
00:08:36,029 --> 00:08:37,563
Now, listen to me.
You're gonna act
218
00:08:38,131 --> 00:08:39,765
like this never happened.
219
00:08:39,816 --> 00:08:40,733
We live together.
220
00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:41,767
We're a family.
221
00:08:41,818 --> 00:08:43,769
Families talk about things.
222
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:47,473
No. Families ignore things
until they go away.
223
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:49,141
Hey, Mom,
hey, Mom, hey, Mom,
224
00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:50,242
I'm a bunny, Mom. Mom!
225
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:51,961
Mom, Mom, Mom,
226
00:08:52,028 --> 00:08:53,812
I'm a bunny, Mom. Mom!
227
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,831
No one wants to talk
about their feelings, Jess.
228
00:08:56,415 --> 00:08:57,716
Never talk about this again.
229
00:08:57,784 --> 00:08:59,618
Okay. I'll ignore it.
230
00:09:00,971 --> 00:09:02,338
♪ Not gonna talk about... ♪.
231
00:09:02,422 --> 00:09:04,006
Or sing about it.
232
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,474
The bing-bong. I'm done.
233
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:08,594
This is my... my chambre.
234
00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:11,263
What does that mean?
235
00:09:12,014 --> 00:09:14,350
You're a good kisser.
236
00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:16,352
Can we, can we be serious?
237
00:09:16,436 --> 00:09:17,736
Do you mind just
being serious?
238
00:09:17,804 --> 00:09:19,071
I'm gonna get serious--
on your face.
239
00:09:20,740 --> 00:09:23,525
I have no idea what that means.
240
00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:25,577
Actually, let's not laugh
when you're near my penis.
241
00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:27,496
Take it off.
242
00:09:29,165 --> 00:09:30,783
Here, just take
your shirt off.
243
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:34,486
♪ ♪
244
00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:40,926
Can't...
245
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:42,711
Here. Do...
246
00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:44,162
Do you want me to go first?
247
00:09:44,214 --> 00:09:45,547
You're offering just
to take your...
248
00:09:45,632 --> 00:09:47,132
Oh, my God!
249
00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:49,551
Look at you.
250
00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:51,837
Take off your clothes now.
251
00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:07,018
President Obama.
252
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,120
Yeah, I like him
to watch over me.
253
00:10:09,706 --> 00:10:13,325
Do you, like, want to take it
slow... or something?
254
00:10:16,628 --> 00:10:19,064
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
255
00:10:19,132 --> 00:10:21,333
MAN It's starting to
even look like a triple rainbow.
256
00:10:22,869 --> 00:10:25,387
Oh, my God, it's full-on!
257
00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:29,425
Hi, Nick.
258
00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:33,545
So I guess your date went well.
259
00:10:34,096 --> 00:10:35,330
Sleepover party.
260
00:10:36,883 --> 00:10:38,717
I have something from school
261
00:10:38,785 --> 00:10:40,519
that, um... made me
think of you.
262
00:10:48,361 --> 00:10:49,945
It's a Feeling Stick.
263
00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:51,997
Whoever's holding
a Feeling Stick
264
00:10:52,064 --> 00:10:54,116
has permission to say
whatever he or she is feeling
265
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,367
without being judged.
266
00:10:55,918 --> 00:10:57,403
I'll go first. Um...
267
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:02,257
I feel like I want to know
what you're feeling.
268
00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:15,804
Believe it or not,
that's not the first time
269
00:11:15,889 --> 00:11:17,773
someone's broken
my Feeling Stick.
270
00:11:21,693 --> 00:11:22,844
- I have a travel size.
- No.
271
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,614
Nick, wait!
272
00:11:27,449 --> 00:11:29,902
Nick, we have to talk
about this.
273
00:11:30,453 --> 00:11:31,820
What are you doing?
274
00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:34,540
I'm sorry I saw your doojer
and your chickadees.
275
00:11:34,607 --> 00:11:36,208
And I didn't mean
to laugh. I just...
276
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:38,243
Then why did you laugh?
277
00:11:38,294 --> 00:11:39,745
Is there something
funny about it?
278
00:11:40,296 --> 00:11:40,996
No.
279
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,714
It's beautiful.
280
00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:44,515
Stately.
281
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:45,717
A real treat.
282
00:11:45,785 --> 00:11:46,835
Oh, my God.
283
00:11:51,057 --> 00:11:52,724
I think
it's great you dance naked
284
00:11:52,791 --> 00:11:53,675
to Jamaican music.
285
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,310
That's really cool.
286
00:11:55,395 --> 00:11:57,012
You should explore
your sexuality.
287
00:11:59,732 --> 00:12:02,634
- Nick?
- Excuse me.
288
00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:04,770
Come on, Nick.
I dance naked all the time.
289
00:12:05,321 --> 00:12:07,506
We have to talk about this.
290
00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:11,309
Ugh! Nick!
291
00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:21,837
Nick, please talk to me.
292
00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:23,755
Jess, there's nothing
to talk about.
293
00:12:23,822 --> 00:12:24,923
You ruined my date.
294
00:12:24,991 --> 00:12:27,125
Every time I tried
to take my clothes off, Jess,
295
00:12:27,677 --> 00:12:29,461
I heard your little...
296
00:12:29,512 --> 00:12:31,346
Your little crazy
giggle scream.
297
00:12:31,431 --> 00:12:34,216
And all I want to do
is have meaningless sex
298
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:38,003
with a beautiful woman who, yes,
talks in mind-bending riddles.
299
00:12:38,554 --> 00:12:39,721
But I can't,
300
00:12:40,306 --> 00:12:41,606
because I can't
get your little...
301
00:12:43,874 --> 00:12:45,310
...out of my head!
302
00:12:48,447 --> 00:12:50,199
Well, maybe you don't want
to have meaningless sex.
303
00:12:50,283 --> 00:12:51,483
Maybe that's
not your style.
304
00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:52,818
I have a bing-bong
and chickadees.
305
00:12:52,869 --> 00:12:54,653
It is my style.
306
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,522
Stop following me.
307
00:12:57,574 --> 00:12:58,874
Then stop running
away from me.
308
00:12:58,958 --> 00:13:00,826
I just want to have
a mature conversation.
309
00:13:00,877 --> 00:13:02,360
How can we have a
mature conversation
310
00:13:02,412 --> 00:13:04,246
when you can't even
say the word "penis"?
311
00:13:04,314 --> 00:13:06,582
I can say the word "pen..."
312
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,199
- Say it.
- I...
313
00:13:08,751 --> 00:13:10,285
"Peernyas."
314
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,620
- What?
- "Peernis."
315
00:13:12,688 --> 00:13:14,339
You said "peernis."
316
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:16,541
- ♪ Penis. ♪
- Not singing.
317
00:13:17,093 --> 00:13:18,543
Penis.
318
00:13:18,595 --> 00:13:19,861
Not like a ghoul.
319
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:22,180
I... I can say it!
320
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,101
- Pianist.
- No, you said "pianist."
321
00:13:26,185 --> 00:13:28,437
- Enispay!
- Not pig Latin.
322
00:13:28,521 --> 00:13:30,239
- "Peernis."
- Okay, not in Swedish.
323
00:13:30,323 --> 00:13:31,740
- "Pemo."
- Not in fake Italian.
324
00:13:31,824 --> 00:13:33,441
Penis!
325
00:13:34,026 --> 00:13:35,193
Shut up!
326
00:13:36,228 --> 00:13:38,280
- Say it with me-- "pe...
- Pe...
327
00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:40,231
- ...nis."
- ...neers.
328
00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:42,534
Yeah, I'm the one
that's immature.
329
00:13:52,378 --> 00:13:54,296
- Hey, man.
- Aah!
330
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,597
I'm the only one
who hasn't seen it.
331
00:13:55,682 --> 00:13:57,399
- What?
- Just the gun.
332
00:13:58,267 --> 00:13:59,718
- No.
- Just the roses.
333
00:13:59,769 --> 00:14:02,020
- What?
- Just the hub, where it connects.
334
00:14:02,088 --> 00:14:04,006
- Get out.
- Fine!
335
00:14:04,073 --> 00:14:05,223
I thought we were
best friends.
336
00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:06,475
We are.
337
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:07,776
Apparently not.
338
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:09,961
Best friends
don't do this, Schmidt.
339
00:14:10,029 --> 00:14:11,163
They do it
all the time.
340
00:14:14,171 --> 00:14:16,655
- You laughed?
- Yeah, I couldn't help it.
341
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:19,424
Did you freak out and make
that noise that you always make?
342
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:21,293
What? I don't always
make a noise.
343
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,266
Fine.
344
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,167
I guess I missed the moment
345
00:14:28,218 --> 00:14:30,185
when everybody got cool
about sex.
346
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,506
I really messed up.
347
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:36,608
Ah, guys are simple.
348
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,111
You know what I would do?
I would just make it even.
349
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:41,313
You've seen his; show him yours.
350
00:14:42,164 --> 00:14:42,981
No.
351
00:14:43,032 --> 00:14:44,683
I can't do that.
352
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,052
Hey, Winston.
353
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,521
Oh, no. Oh, man.
354
00:14:49,572 --> 00:14:51,490
The interview?
Did you mess up?
355
00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:53,692
No, I didn't mess up.
356
00:14:54,243 --> 00:14:56,044
Killed it. I was amazing.
357
00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:57,670
At one point, I
was on the outside...
358
00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:00,230
...of my body
watching myself be amazing.
359
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:02,190
- Well, that's a good thing, right?
- The woman asked me...
360
00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:04,240
...why I wanted to sell
medical supplies.
361
00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:06,400
I had no answer.
362
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:10,530
I've done anything but play
basketball my entire life.
363
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,680
"Winston Bishop is an
American basketball player
364
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,640
"who played
professionally in Latvia
365
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:17,850
and he loves ducks".
366
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,580
Winston, did you write
the part about the ducks?
367
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,390
I don't even like
ducks that much, man.
368
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,700
Okay, look, man.
369
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:25,790
You got to get off
Wikipedia, alright?
370
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:26,730
You're going crazy.
371
00:15:26,940 --> 00:15:28,370
I was the guy who
was good enough
372
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:29,950
to play in Latvia.
373
00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,770
And then one day,
I don't know, man...
374
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:33,800
I just lost it.
375
00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:36,110
They found another
black guy.
376
00:15:36,170 --> 00:15:39,100
Labak melno virietis.
377
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:41,690
- Means "the better black guy".
- A better melno?
378
00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:43,380
- You're-you're the best melno.
- I don't know, man.
379
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,679
- I just don't know what comes next.
- You know what you do next?
380
00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:47,770
Come on. You're gonna get up.
Let's get up. Come on, buddy.
381
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:48,920
We're gonna get you
out of the house.
382
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,760
We're gonna get you moving.
It's gonna feel good.
383
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,390
Whoo! This feels good.
384
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,770
Totally. I love it.
385
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,960
You know, I think I was
just scared, man.
386
00:15:58,010 --> 00:15:59,630
I've been playing basketball
my whole entire life.
387
00:16:00,390 --> 00:16:01,450
What if I was
wasting my time?
388
00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:03,720
Maybe I should have been
figuring out my life like you.
389
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:05,900
I don't have
anything figured out.
390
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:07,820
I'm a fully-grown man
with roommates.
391
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,850
I have a stupid job.
I'm single.
392
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,520
My best friend won't even
let me see his penis.
393
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,740
I mean, my whole life
is a sham.
394
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:15,750
Aah!
395
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,970
I actually feel
a lot better.
396
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,990
Thanks, Schmidt.
397
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:21,640
Winston, my legs!
398
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,310
- Schmidt?
- My legs are seizing up.
399
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,530
- Schmidt!
- I hate my life. I hate my...
400
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,120
...making new discoveries.
401
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:28,600
I'm a fear-based
person, apparently.
402
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,990
Stop it. Go.
I need a...
403
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,300
Give me a hug, please. 911.
404
00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:33,730
Ow. Ow.
405
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:38,840
Hey.
406
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:40,300
Hey.
407
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,810
I'm sorry about
last night, Amanda.
408
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,790
So you're... you're, like,
super into "cuddling".
409
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,280
No, I'm not super
into cuddling.
410
00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:50,090
I'm just getting out
of a relationship
411
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:51,830
and I think I got nervous.
412
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,330
I've heard that I'm
not great at talking about
413
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,740
what I'm feeling
all the time
414
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,130
and so I'm sorry
about last night.
415
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,250
Honesty.
416
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:06,770
I like that.
417
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,420
Really nice.
418
00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:23,410
Oh, yeah?
419
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,546
We're doing it.
420
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:30,190
- Oh, yeah!
- You're so hot...
421
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:31,770
Okay.
422
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:33,740
Yeah. Yeah.
423
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,240
- Alrigh, wow.
- Yeah.
424
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,239
Oh wow.
This is happening.
425
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,641
Take off your pants.
Take off your pants!
426
00:17:37,642 --> 00:17:38,610
Okay, okay.
427
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:39,420
Yeah, take your pants off.
428
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:40,410
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
429
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,050
- You want me to take them off?
- Yeah.
430
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:42,220
- Want me to?
- Yeah. Take them off.
431
00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:43,560
- Okay. Want me to take these off?
- Yeah.
432
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,130
Okay, lights on, pants off.
Here we go.
433
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,390
Okay.
Okay. Yeah.
434
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,990
Oh, I'm totally
cool with this.
435
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:53,840
Yeah.
All right.
436
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,100
Okay.
437
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,120
What are you doing?!
438
00:17:59,170 --> 00:18:01,340
What is...?! Who is that?!
439
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:05,710
What are you doing?!
440
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,550
Hi. I'm Jess.
441
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,730
Welcome to our home.
442
00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:23,750
We live in a world with rules.
We knock.
443
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:25,760
We have doors.
444
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,360
And we knock on those doors.
445
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,510
I'm sorry, Nick.
446
00:18:29,590 --> 00:18:31,390
Just knock!
447
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,030
Nick.
448
00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:38,030
I--
449
00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:39,990
- Put that down.
- But we have to talk.
450
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,220
Nothing to talk about.
451
00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:47,760
I feel that Nick is not
honoring the Feeling Stick.
452
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,320
I feel me, too.
453
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:56,180
I feel Schmidt's had
454
00:18:56,215 --> 00:18:57,960
a particularly bad day,
455
00:18:58,020 --> 00:19:00,790
and I feel that if Nick is
truly Schmidt's friend,
456
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,290
he would show Schmidt
what's in his pants.
457
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,010
I feel supported.
458
00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:08,300
What is going on with you two?
459
00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,300
What are you doing?
460
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,240
I feel Nick is yelling.
461
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:15,500
Stop it!
462
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,690
Yo. I just wanted
to thank you
463
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,990
for taking me running.
464
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:24,810
Made me feel
a lot better.
465
00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:26,640
Now, I might not have a job
or anything but...
466
00:19:26,675 --> 00:19:28,450
at least I can run a mile.
467
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:31,370
I mean, watching you try to run,
yeah, that was just pathetic.
468
00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:33,010
I needed that.
469
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,340
I suffer from
exercise-induced asthma.
470
00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:36,950
Do you suffer
from exercise-induced crying?
471
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,710
It's a real thing,
man, okay? EIA.
472
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,480
You know what I learned
from the Internet?
473
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,620
We got nothing to worry about.
474
00:19:43,670 --> 00:19:46,040
Everybody has
their moment.
475
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:47,640
We might get a cat one day.
476
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:48,990
That cat might play
the keyboard.
477
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:50,630
A bear might fall
on our trampoline.
478
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,360
We don't need to have it
figured out right now.
479
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:55,970
Our moments will come.
480
00:19:58,310 --> 00:19:59,400
Hey, man.
481
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:01,670
Let's keep bro'ing out.
482
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:05,810
Come in.
483
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,029
Jess, you don't have to knock
484
00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:09,980
once you're
in the room.
485
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:14,210
I worked on something for you.
486
00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:16,600
All right.
487
00:20:19,570 --> 00:20:20,520
Penis.
488
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:23,470
Very good.
489
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:24,880
Thank you.
490
00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:27,170
Um, so did Amanda
call you back?
491
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,810
No, I don't see Amanda
calling me back.
492
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,720
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
493
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:31,940
Maybe you were right.
494
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:32,854
Maybe I'm not ready
495
00:20:32,855 --> 00:20:34,930
for meaningless sex
with beautiful women.
496
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:38,140
Well, you know,
maybe when you are
497
00:20:38,210 --> 00:20:41,070
you'll be able to show
her your other penis.
498
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,180
Your heart penis.
499
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,980
- Get out of my room.
- Okay.
500
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:48,240
Hey, um,
when I was, um,
501
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:49,910
leaving in a hurry
502
00:20:49,990 --> 00:20:54,950
um, did you see
503
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,330
everything?
504
00:20:57,011 --> 00:20:57,810
Yup.
505
00:20:58,460 --> 00:20:59,450
Even my...
506
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,090
my gumbo pot?
507
00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:04,340
Ugh. Gumbo pot? Get out.
508
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:19,940
Get out, Schmidt.
509
00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:22,640
I'm the only one
who hasn't seen it.
510
00:21:36,075 --> 00:21:43,540
Sync & corrections by Alice
Resync for 720p Web-DL by Baqinardo
www.addic7ed.com
Minute 14"56 on -- Resync of a subtitle by Mikhel for subtitulos.es