1 00:00:13,454 --> 00:00:14,621 Meow. 2 00:00:14,688 --> 00:00:15,955 Meow. 3 00:00:24,465 --> 00:00:25,698 Wait, wait. 4 00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:27,000 Are we really gonna do this? 5 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,335 - Yes. Yes! - Okay. 6 00:00:29,402 --> 00:00:32,571 ♪ Intercourse, intercourse. ♪ 7 00:00:32,638 --> 00:00:34,039 Intercourse. 8 00:00:34,107 --> 00:00:35,374 Intercourse. 9 00:00:36,609 --> 00:00:37,843 Sorry, that was weird. 10 00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:39,211 No, no, no. It's okay. 11 00:00:39,279 --> 00:00:40,412 I have to go to the loo. 12 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,381 Okay. 13 00:00:43,949 --> 00:00:45,549 Hey, tiger. 14 00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:47,452 You're having sex tonight. 15 00:00:50,522 --> 00:00:52,790 Don't give me that look, just do it. 16 00:00:54,926 --> 00:00:56,727 I'm sorry. 17 00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,396 No. You kidding? 18 00:00:58,464 --> 00:00:59,997 Don't worry about it. 19 00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:02,532 It's fine. 20 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,501 I just haven't had sex with anyone 21 00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:07,904 but Spencer in six years, and I get so nervous. 22 00:01:07,972 --> 00:01:11,508 It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview. 23 00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,443 Don't worry about it. I'm good. 24 00:01:13,511 --> 00:01:14,911 I'm more than good. 25 00:01:14,979 --> 00:01:16,178 It's okay. 26 00:01:16,246 --> 00:01:17,346 You know what? 27 00:01:17,414 --> 00:01:18,481 Tomorrow night. 28 00:01:18,548 --> 00:01:19,681 Let's just go out to dinner 29 00:01:19,749 --> 00:01:21,317 and then just nail each other. 30 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:22,751 Just pound each other. 31 00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:24,053 V-bomb on the P-bomb. 32 00:01:25,622 --> 00:01:29,291 I would have the... P-bomb, right? 33 00:01:29,359 --> 00:01:31,860 ♪ Who's that girl? Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg 34 00:01:31,861 --> 00:01:33,861 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg 35 00:01:33,929 --> 00:01:35,230 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ It's Jess. ♪ www.addic7ed.com 36 00:01:35,231 --> 00:01:36,598 www.addic7ed.com 37 00:01:36,999 --> 00:01:38,666 Yes, I'm confirming the appointment. 38 00:01:38,735 --> 00:01:40,268 I made the damn appointment. 39 00:01:40,336 --> 00:01:41,502 That's what. Why wouldn't... 40 00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:42,537 Yeah, okay. 41 00:01:42,605 --> 00:01:43,504 Appointment confirmed. 42 00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:49,110 Can you not do this to yourself? 43 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,611 Look at your hair, you look ridiculous. 44 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:51,612 What am I supposed to talk about for an hour? 45 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,613 It's a haircut. 46 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,181 No, you're trapped. 47 00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:55,850 You can't move, and they're standing 48 00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:57,251 behind you with their hands 49 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,285 in your hair, and they expect 50 00:01:58,353 --> 00:01:59,353 you to talk back. 51 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,156 Oh, yeah, it's your baby. 52 00:02:02,224 --> 00:02:03,990 He's cute. 53 00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:06,425 Yeah, your baby's cute. 54 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,828 Okay, I tell you what, man, just come to my place. 55 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,396 No, I'm not going to a black barbershop, Winston. 56 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,867 I've seen the movies; I know how fast they talk. 57 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,136 I don't need to seem any less cool than I already do. 58 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,170 Want to go to my salon? 59 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,238 Hey, guys. 60 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,205 - Hey. - So, um... 61 00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:21,740 heads up, Paul's coming tonight. 62 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,541 And I just wanted to tell you 63 00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:25,677 that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. 64 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:27,079 I'm gonna be searching for some syrups. 65 00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:29,948 I'm gonna be having sex with him. 66 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:30,883 - All right. - All right, hey! 67 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:31,917 Why are you telling us this? 68 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,886 'Cause I want to. I want to give you a heads up. 69 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:35,420 You nervous? You need tips? 70 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,288 No, I'm not nervous. 71 00:02:37,355 --> 00:02:39,356 Just, you know, I can drive stick. 72 00:02:39,424 --> 00:02:41,125 Yeah, 'cause it seems like 73 00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:42,226 you're freaking out a little bit. 74 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,828 With this whole activity. 75 00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:45,263 That's not stick, that's automatic. 76 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,430 That's not automatic. 77 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,434 Another bathroom break, Schmidt? 78 00:02:50,502 --> 00:02:52,035 You know, I've been timing you all day. 79 00:02:52,103 --> 00:02:53,569 Seven minutes and 23 seconds. 80 00:02:53,637 --> 00:02:55,438 I wonder what was going on in there. 81 00:02:55,506 --> 00:02:57,440 Hmm? You pooped. 82 00:02:57,508 --> 00:02:58,775 Can you stop timing me, please? 83 00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:00,076 It's ridiculous that you do that. 84 00:03:00,144 --> 00:03:01,077 I will break you. 85 00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:02,378 Hey, Lisa! 86 00:03:02,446 --> 00:03:04,080 You were on fire last night, girl! 87 00:03:04,148 --> 00:03:05,148 I'm taking her job. 88 00:03:05,216 --> 00:03:07,150 What did you do last night? 89 00:03:07,218 --> 00:03:09,551 Everyone from the office went to Jill's bachelorette party. 90 00:03:09,619 --> 00:03:11,220 Why don't I get invited places? 91 00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:12,988 Is it because I'm the only man in the office? 92 00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:15,457 - "Man." That's adorable. - How is it... 93 00:03:15,525 --> 00:03:16,358 You know, Sarah got promoted. 94 00:03:16,426 --> 00:03:17,392 Sarah? 95 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:18,794 With the, with the gums? 96 00:03:18,862 --> 00:03:20,062 - Yeah. - So she's out of the... 97 00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:21,964 That corner cubicle is free. 98 00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:27,202 So much kick-back space. 99 00:03:27,269 --> 00:03:31,472 And, you know, Gina personally invited me 100 00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:33,074 to her baby shower tonight. 101 00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:37,946 So that corner cubicle-- that's all mine. 102 00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:39,480 You like a Bond villain? 103 00:03:39,548 --> 00:03:41,014 You just told me your whole plan. 104 00:03:47,455 --> 00:03:50,157 Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet. 105 00:03:50,225 --> 00:03:52,459 Why are we here? 106 00:03:52,526 --> 00:03:54,027 You don't understand. 107 00:03:54,095 --> 00:03:55,528 You've never been cheated on before. 108 00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:57,330 Spencer and I never tried anything new, 109 00:03:57,397 --> 00:04:01,467 and maybe if I'd been... more erotic... 110 00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:04,436 Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, 111 00:04:04,504 --> 00:04:05,771 not 'cause you're bad in bed. 112 00:04:05,839 --> 00:04:07,473 It's been six years. 113 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,475 Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer 114 00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:11,244 or the Clinton impeachment trial. 115 00:04:11,311 --> 00:04:13,245 He used a cigar as a sexual aid 116 00:04:13,312 --> 00:04:14,946 with her in the Oval Office area... 117 00:04:15,014 --> 00:04:16,348 - Jess! - Mom?! 118 00:04:16,915 --> 00:04:18,950 I'm not listening to NPR. 119 00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,087 No. No whistle. 120 00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:24,022 It's terrible! 121 00:04:26,259 --> 00:04:27,492 Uh, excusez-moi. 122 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,559 Can I try this on, please? 123 00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:31,262 Oh, the starfish. You can't try that on. 124 00:04:31,329 --> 00:04:32,263 Health code. 125 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,331 I'll take it! 126 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,433 Ha! 127 00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:38,903 I hope Paul's packing some coral polyps, 128 00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:41,471 'cause this starfish is hungry. 129 00:04:43,608 --> 00:04:44,775 Starfish eat coral polyps. 130 00:04:44,842 --> 00:04:46,509 Just pay, Jess. 131 00:04:46,576 --> 00:04:49,145 So today I'm gonna show you how to cut your own hair. 132 00:04:49,213 --> 00:04:50,780 Uh, I consider myself... 133 00:04:50,847 --> 00:04:52,882 Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing, Nick? 134 00:04:52,950 --> 00:04:55,118 It's a haircut! Human interaction. 135 00:04:55,185 --> 00:04:57,620 You're a bartender, you talk to strangers every single day. 136 00:04:57,687 --> 00:04:59,522 I don't like when they touch my head, Winston. 137 00:04:59,589 --> 00:05:00,822 I don't like it. 138 00:05:00,890 --> 00:05:02,891 Go to the damn salon! 139 00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:04,459 No, it's fine, okay? 140 00:05:04,527 --> 00:05:05,961 I'm learning how to do it myself. 141 00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:07,296 I'm learning from this video. 142 00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:11,699 - Oh! - Oh, my God, man! 143 00:05:14,504 --> 00:05:16,004 I was wondering why it had so many views. 144 00:05:16,071 --> 00:05:17,405 Let's watch it again. 145 00:05:18,472 --> 00:05:19,140 Hey. 146 00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:20,308 What? 147 00:05:20,375 --> 00:05:22,410 You know, Gina, I was just walking by and, I mean, 148 00:05:22,478 --> 00:05:25,980 I was literally pulled in here by the glow. 149 00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:28,783 - What do you want, Schmidt? - I was just working my tail off 150 00:05:28,851 --> 00:05:30,885 at my cubicle, which, between you and me, is surrounded 151 00:05:30,953 --> 00:05:32,753 by a couple of chatty Cathys. 152 00:05:32,821 --> 00:05:33,987 I mean, that's really their names. 153 00:05:34,055 --> 00:05:35,221 It's Cathy S. and Cathy G. 154 00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:36,356 Anyway, they won't shut up 155 00:05:36,424 --> 00:05:37,858 about a baby shower tonight 156 00:05:37,926 --> 00:05:40,360 for a certain VP VP. 157 00:05:40,428 --> 00:05:44,331 "Very pregnant vice presidente." 158 00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:46,366 You're the worst. Seriously, the worst. 159 00:05:46,374 --> 00:05:47,374 Get out. 160 00:05:47,401 --> 00:05:49,469 Gina, honestly, it would mean so much to me 161 00:05:49,536 --> 00:05:51,838 if you would just let me come to your baby shower. 162 00:05:51,905 --> 00:05:53,940 Okay, fine. Come to my baby shower. 163 00:05:54,007 --> 00:05:55,808 I can come? - Yeah. So I'm invited? 164 00:05:55,876 --> 00:05:57,142 - Yeah, you're invited. - All right. 165 00:05:57,210 --> 00:05:58,244 I saw your registry. 166 00:05:58,311 --> 00:05:59,545 I'm gonna get you one of those portable baby pumps. 167 00:05:59,613 --> 00:06:00,980 You're just out there 168 00:06:01,047 --> 00:06:02,781 in every day life, but you're pumping yourself 169 00:06:02,849 --> 00:06:03,915 at the same time, you know. 170 00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:05,683 Just milking away. Just... 171 00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,417 - Get out. - Okay, I'm gonna go. 172 00:06:09,555 --> 00:06:10,889 Why don't we meet here at 8:00? 173 00:06:10,957 --> 00:06:11,890 Great. Okay. 174 00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:13,324 Uh, where's the place? 175 00:06:13,392 --> 00:06:15,927 Um, I think it's in Koreatown. 176 00:06:16,595 --> 00:06:17,762 Let me check. 177 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:19,364 Ooh, exotic. 178 00:06:20,465 --> 00:06:22,299 Let me see here. 179 00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:26,803 Jess? 180 00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:27,871 What? 181 00:06:27,938 --> 00:06:30,107 Oh, um... 182 00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:31,641 Sorry, uh... 183 00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:32,976 Can I call you back? 184 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,444 Yeah. 185 00:06:37,947 --> 00:06:39,915 Hey, Schmidt! 186 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,518 Can I borrow your computer? 187 00:06:43,686 --> 00:06:45,554 Nick? Winston? 188 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,130 What? 189 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,768 What? 190 00:07:04,305 --> 00:07:05,506 Hey, do you have my comput... 191 00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:07,608 Oh, my computer. 192 00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:09,243 - I have your computer. - I can see that. 193 00:07:09,310 --> 00:07:11,445 Hey, I got to cram for this baby shower. 194 00:07:11,513 --> 00:07:13,180 Can I, can I have it back? 195 00:07:13,248 --> 00:07:15,215 I've been watching porn. 196 00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,484 You... 197 00:07:17,552 --> 00:07:19,719 I found your red folder. 198 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,321 How-how long you been doing that for? Are you okay? 199 00:07:21,389 --> 00:07:23,357 Five and a half hours. 200 00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:28,394 Wow. Uh, you went deep, Jess. 201 00:07:28,462 --> 00:07:29,395 Real deep. 202 00:07:29,463 --> 00:07:30,530 Help me, guys. 203 00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:31,597 I have 15 minutes. 204 00:07:31,665 --> 00:07:33,866 Teach me how to be good at sex. 205 00:07:36,771 --> 00:07:39,271 I just, I have to go on this date right now 206 00:07:39,339 --> 00:07:42,608 and I can't do it. I'm freaking out, okay? 207 00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:44,710 I need all of you to sit in front of me 208 00:07:44,777 --> 00:07:46,845 and tell me what guys like in bed, right now. 209 00:07:47,512 --> 00:07:48,313 What do you want to know? 210 00:07:48,381 --> 00:07:49,347 Okay. 211 00:07:49,414 --> 00:07:51,649 Um, when you're... 212 00:07:51,717 --> 00:07:53,117 if you're in the... 213 00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:55,819 if you're holding the... 214 00:07:55,887 --> 00:07:56,887 Start over. 215 00:07:56,955 --> 00:07:58,589 Um... 216 00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:00,491 when you reach... 217 00:08:03,662 --> 00:08:04,795 ...completion... 218 00:08:04,863 --> 00:08:06,028 - Yeah, that was it. - Completion? 219 00:08:06,096 --> 00:08:07,196 - No! No, wait. - I can't do this, Jess. 220 00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:08,498 Come on. Come back here. 221 00:08:08,566 --> 00:08:10,933 Jess, guys want to be whisked away. 222 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,135 They want to be enchanted. 223 00:08:12,202 --> 00:08:13,303 Just take your clothes off, Jess. 224 00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,871 Do you think that Paul 225 00:08:14,938 --> 00:08:16,706 watches stuff like that? 226 00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:18,174 - All the time. - For sure. 227 00:08:18,242 --> 00:08:19,142 Probably watching it right now. 228 00:08:19,209 --> 00:08:20,143 Really? Okay. 229 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:21,377 I put this on mute, 230 00:08:21,444 --> 00:08:22,544 because this girl's... 231 00:08:22,612 --> 00:08:24,012 like, pretty loud. 232 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,847 And, um, my main thing 233 00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:27,149 that I took away was, 234 00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,318 gosh, that young lady can 235 00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:30,419 really multitask. 236 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:31,587 - Super normal. - She's a pro. 237 00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:32,588 - What she's doing. - I don't know 238 00:08:32,656 --> 00:08:33,990 if every girl's like that, but she's a pro. 239 00:08:34,057 --> 00:08:36,192 Was wondering if there are any trendy moves. 240 00:08:36,259 --> 00:08:37,593 'Cause I've been doing the same four 241 00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:40,996 for the last six years, like... 242 00:08:42,163 --> 00:08:44,131 Uh, and you know, like, uh... 243 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,501 That one. 244 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:47,835 And I don't know. 245 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,437 Do you think that Paul would be 246 00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:51,739 into, like, something like that? 247 00:08:51,807 --> 00:08:53,140 What, a little light choking? 248 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,375 I'm gonna bet Paul is into some pretty dark stuff. 249 00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:57,511 - Light choking, really? - No one's doing that. 250 00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,513 You know what, Nick, maybe you're hooking up with the wrong kind of girl. 251 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,481 Apparently, I'm hooking up with the right girl, Schmidt, 252 00:09:01,549 --> 00:09:03,250 because they don't choke me. 253 00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:05,251 Nick is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. 254 00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:06,653 - Winston and I... - Don't want to be a part of this. 255 00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:07,988 - ...we're sushi. - So you guys really think 256 00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:09,055 you're better at sex than me. 257 00:09:09,123 --> 00:09:09,957 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 258 00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:12,391 What did you do after you lost your virginity? What did you say to me? 259 00:09:12,459 --> 00:09:14,059 Don't say that right now. You're taking it out of context. 260 00:09:14,127 --> 00:09:15,594 He said, "Winston, is it okay that 261 00:09:15,662 --> 00:09:16,896 I didn't get my pants all the way off?" 262 00:09:16,964 --> 00:09:18,397 That's a true story. That really happened. 263 00:09:18,465 --> 00:09:20,633 I was 16 years old. 264 00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,535 And I've gotten a lot better. 265 00:09:22,602 --> 00:09:24,370 You haven't gotten that much better. I used to listen 266 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,204 to you and Caroline all the time in college. 267 00:09:26,271 --> 00:09:27,872 It was like listening to a rescue crew 268 00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:30,942 trying to communicate with a stranded miner. 269 00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,177 "Are you okay?" 270 00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:36,180 "Yeah. Are you okay?" 271 00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:37,415 - "Yeah." - Hey, guys, 272 00:09:37,483 --> 00:09:38,450 I don't have much time. 273 00:09:38,517 --> 00:09:39,684 Can we get this back on track? 274 00:09:39,752 --> 00:09:41,785 I need to know what to do. 275 00:09:41,853 --> 00:09:44,254 Would flicking be, like, a cool thing? 276 00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:45,589 No. 277 00:09:45,657 --> 00:09:46,724 - No! - Absolutely not. 278 00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:47,791 How about role play? 279 00:09:47,859 --> 00:09:48,992 Do you know any voices? 280 00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:50,027 Yes. I can do 281 00:09:50,095 --> 00:09:52,596 an old-timey newscaster, like, "Hey there, son, 282 00:09:52,664 --> 00:09:54,731 I'm gonna kick you into next Tuesday, see?" 283 00:09:54,798 --> 00:09:57,000 You're telling me, for the last 15 years, you've been 284 00:09:57,068 --> 00:09:59,435 thinking I'm bad at sex. I'm fantastic at sex. 285 00:09:59,503 --> 00:10:01,203 Dude, you're scared to get a haircut. 286 00:10:01,271 --> 00:10:02,372 Yeah, I don't like getting a haircut! 287 00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:03,974 It's too intimate. What does that have to do with sex? 288 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:04,875 Okay, Jess, here's what you're gonna do. 289 00:10:04,942 --> 00:10:06,410 You got a question, just come to me because 290 00:10:06,478 --> 00:10:09,279 - I'm obviously the best. - No, you're not the best. 291 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:11,982 Jess, who do you think, of the three of us, is the best at sex? 292 00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:13,033 Yes. 293 00:10:13,049 --> 00:10:14,183 And take emotion out of it. 294 00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:16,385 No one's feelings are gonna get hurt. 295 00:10:16,452 --> 00:10:18,287 - Go with your gut. - Especially, you know, Nick and Winston's. 296 00:10:18,355 --> 00:10:19,755 No, I'm not doing this. 297 00:10:19,822 --> 00:10:21,357 - Say a name. - Go with your gut. 298 00:10:22,725 --> 00:10:23,859 Oh. Oh! 299 00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:25,460 Hey! Paul! 300 00:10:25,528 --> 00:10:27,228 Hey, Paul. 301 00:10:28,998 --> 00:10:30,531 - Hey. - Hey. 302 00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:32,900 Hey, goose. 303 00:10:32,967 --> 00:10:35,035 Hey, goose. 304 00:10:37,272 --> 00:10:38,506 I'm gonna go get ready in my room. 305 00:10:38,573 --> 00:10:39,741 - Okay. - I'll be back. 306 00:10:39,809 --> 00:10:41,876 - I'll just hang out with the guys. - Cool. 307 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,277 Hey, guys. 308 00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:44,045 - What's up? - What's up? 309 00:10:44,113 --> 00:10:45,245 - What's up, Paul? - Oh, you're 310 00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:46,246 looking at me like, "what?" 311 00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:47,447 I should tell you. 312 00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:50,283 Um, "Goose" is short for "me gusta Jess." 313 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,885 - Of course. - Come here, sit down, man. 314 00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:16,207 - Thank you. - I am so tired of people being so careful with me. 315 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,208 It's like, I am 40 and I am pregnant. 316 00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:19,677 I am not made out of crackers. 317 00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:24,114 Hey, ladies What are you guys talking about? 318 00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:26,050 - Afterbirth. - Afterbirth. 319 00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:27,585 That's like the, the party you guys have 320 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:29,520 after you have the baby... 321 00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,823 - Sort of. - You know, I'd like to be invited to that. 322 00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:33,790 You know what they say, "An afterbirth ain't an afterbirth 323 00:11:33,858 --> 00:11:35,326 without some Schmidt up I in there." 324 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,327 Schmidt? Come here. 325 00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,127 I'm gonna talk to you in a little bit. 326 00:11:38,228 --> 00:11:39,563 - What are you doing? - I'm rocking this party, Beth. 327 00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:40,831 Watch this. 328 00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:47,136 Hi. How's everyboby doing? 329 00:11:47,204 --> 00:11:50,806 You know, I just, I just wanted to take a moment to, well, 330 00:11:50,874 --> 00:11:52,541 to say how honored I am to celebrate 331 00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:54,877 the journey of Bogart 332 00:11:54,945 --> 00:11:57,346 through Gina, and out and into the light. 333 00:11:57,413 --> 00:11:59,114 Here's to elective C-sections! 334 00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:07,221 Just face it, baby. 335 00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:08,990 You don't know the first thing about women. 336 00:12:09,057 --> 00:12:11,659 Ah, you're the best, Beth. I don't know if you know this 337 00:12:11,727 --> 00:12:14,596 about me, but I was in two frats in college. 338 00:12:14,663 --> 00:12:16,397 Want to know why? 339 00:12:16,465 --> 00:12:18,065 'Cause I just couldn't decide. 340 00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:21,268 Hey, ladies! Let's get this party started! 341 00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:26,507 ♪ ♪ 342 00:12:26,574 --> 00:12:28,775 We're all getting drunk tonight! Except for you, Gina. 343 00:12:28,843 --> 00:12:30,544 Horribly irresponsible. 344 00:12:37,618 --> 00:12:39,619 So, I'm looking forward to having sex tonight. 345 00:12:39,686 --> 00:12:41,888 Yeah. Me, too. 346 00:12:41,955 --> 00:12:44,490 Sex is the bomb. 347 00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:48,160 Sorry. That sounded like a guy from Entourage. 348 00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:49,461 Do you like porn? 349 00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,064 No. Do you? 350 00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:55,800 Yeah, I mean, I... Yeah. 351 00:12:55,868 --> 00:12:57,769 I do, I do like pornos. 352 00:12:57,837 --> 00:12:59,638 Yeah, you know, when my imagination 353 00:12:59,705 --> 00:13:01,706 isn't really working... 354 00:13:01,774 --> 00:13:05,244 or I've exhausted, uh, the bullpen. 355 00:13:05,311 --> 00:13:07,079 I just find it very erotic. 356 00:13:07,147 --> 00:13:09,848 And then I just love, like... 357 00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:13,184 everything that's erotic. 358 00:13:19,691 --> 00:13:21,292 Yeah, party! 359 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,527 Party, yeah! 360 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:23,794 Yeah, Gina! Yeah! 361 00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,930 Baby wants his bottle! Yeah! 362 00:13:26,997 --> 00:13:28,694 Party! 363 00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:38,072 Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! 364 00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:40,074 Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt! 365 00:13:45,079 --> 00:13:46,748 Ah-ha! Yeah! 366 00:13:46,815 --> 00:13:48,982 This is so weird! 367 00:13:49,050 --> 00:13:50,051 I love it! 368 00:14:01,897 --> 00:14:03,998 I'm having a baby! 369 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:06,734 She's having a baby! 370 00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:13,506 Yeah! 371 00:14:17,945 --> 00:14:21,013 ...the things people say sometimes, I don't really... 372 00:14:21,081 --> 00:14:22,614 write it, but I think... 373 00:14:22,682 --> 00:14:24,116 Are we going to do this? 374 00:14:24,184 --> 00:14:26,618 - Yeah. Definitely. - Sit down. 375 00:14:27,686 --> 00:14:28,788 Okay. 376 00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:34,494 Whoa, wow. 377 00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:36,662 You are hot, hot, hot. 378 00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:39,230 Thank you. Hello, weather service? Oh! 379 00:14:39,299 --> 00:14:43,701 There's a heat wave from Portsmouth to Port, Kansas! 380 00:14:43,769 --> 00:14:45,970 I don't know, I don't... what is happening. 381 00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:47,005 We're talking dirty, slim. 382 00:14:47,072 --> 00:14:49,174 Oh, okay. You want me to do... you're doing a voice. 383 00:14:49,241 --> 00:14:51,610 You want me to do a voice? Okay, um... 384 00:14:51,678 --> 00:14:54,912 Well, I'm so happy to be here! 385 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:56,681 Jimmy Stewart? 386 00:14:57,748 --> 00:15:00,351 You look ravishing in your... 387 00:15:01,419 --> 00:15:01,786 netting... 388 00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:03,688 - Thank you very much. - ...contraption. 389 00:15:03,755 --> 00:15:05,989 Now, why don't you let me see your little caboose? 390 00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:07,725 Okay, here. Let me go ahead and... 391 00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,158 - Your caboose. - Oh, okay. 392 00:15:09,226 --> 00:15:10,760 - Your butt. - Oh, my butt! Okay. 393 00:15:10,828 --> 00:15:12,929 Here's my caboose! 394 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,964 Oh, happy birthday, me! 395 00:15:15,032 --> 00:15:17,834 - I... Oh. - Oh, my God, oh, my God. 396 00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:20,337 - I'm so sorry. Is that okay? - No, it was great. 397 00:15:20,404 --> 00:15:22,706 I just it felt so good, and sensual. 398 00:15:22,773 --> 00:15:24,573 - Hey! - You want me to wiggle it around? 399 00:15:24,641 --> 00:15:28,143 How about you help me get a little more comfortable? 400 00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:30,512 Oh. Oh, all right, dear. 401 00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:31,747 Okay, I just don't know... 402 00:15:31,815 --> 00:15:34,282 - I'm going to try something different. - Oh. Okay, great. 403 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,051 Young man! 404 00:15:36,118 --> 00:15:39,254 Young man, the things I'm gonna do to you! 405 00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:43,524 - Well, I can't wait to... - Young man, don't take all day. 406 00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:47,161 Well, I-I understand, ma'am, but you're wearing chain mail here. 407 00:15:47,229 --> 00:15:48,663 I am not getting any younger. 408 00:15:48,731 --> 00:15:50,698 It's like an erotic rope course. 409 00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:53,167 Okay, I... let me try up here. 410 00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:55,135 I think it's... I can't do the voice 411 00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:57,237 - and get this off at the same time... - Okay. 412 00:15:57,304 --> 00:16:00,006 - Oh. Is that, are you okay? - Yes. 413 00:16:00,074 --> 00:16:02,075 Wow, this is a... 414 00:16:02,142 --> 00:16:05,379 I'm gonna split you like a log! 415 00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:08,548 Okay. What are you... wait, hold on. What is that? 416 00:16:10,116 --> 00:16:11,317 It's a lumberjack. 417 00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:12,618 Hold on one second. 418 00:16:13,186 --> 00:16:14,652 Can we just... start over, 419 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,154 and just kind of go back to basics for a minute? 420 00:16:16,222 --> 00:16:18,123 Just you and me. 421 00:16:18,191 --> 00:16:19,358 - Okay. - Okay. 422 00:16:19,426 --> 00:16:21,727 Just our regular voices. 423 00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:24,062 All right. 424 00:16:38,309 --> 00:16:39,143 See? So nice. 425 00:16:40,913 --> 00:16:44,048 So nice... 426 00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:46,917 Ah, you're hurting me. 427 00:16:46,984 --> 00:16:48,719 Oh, my God! 428 00:16:48,787 --> 00:16:50,721 Oh, God. 429 00:16:50,789 --> 00:16:52,322 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, I'm good, I'm good! 430 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:53,924 Let me get you some water. 431 00:16:53,991 --> 00:16:55,526 Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get some water at home. 432 00:16:55,593 --> 00:16:58,395 - I-I have good water at home. - No, no, no, I have water here. 433 00:16:58,463 --> 00:17:00,730 I have a filter, it's a special ionized filter... 434 00:17:00,798 --> 00:17:01,731 I got at home. 435 00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:11,284 Oh, I'm so glad you convinced me to go to your barbershop. 436 00:17:11,352 --> 00:17:14,486 Wow, man. I... it actually looks really good. 437 00:17:14,554 --> 00:17:16,622 Right? I look good. 438 00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:19,091 And I loved it in there. You think they liked me in there? 439 00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:20,459 I think they loved you in there, man. 440 00:17:20,527 --> 00:17:21,961 Okay, good. 441 00:17:22,029 --> 00:17:24,163 - How'd it go? - Is he still in there, Jess? 442 00:17:27,832 --> 00:17:29,034 No more tea. 443 00:17:30,101 --> 00:17:31,369 I forgot to buy tea. 444 00:17:44,414 --> 00:17:45,782 Hello. 445 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,388 Where's... 446 00:17:51,455 --> 00:17:53,022 where's the door? 447 00:17:56,126 --> 00:17:56,827 Hey. 448 00:17:56,895 --> 00:18:00,029 What's up, Jess? 449 00:18:00,097 --> 00:18:02,065 You okay, Jess? 450 00:18:02,132 --> 00:18:03,900 I messed up. 451 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,135 He ran away. He got scared. 452 00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:07,703 Why would he be scared? 453 00:18:07,771 --> 00:18:09,705 Because I choked him. 454 00:18:09,773 --> 00:18:11,874 I lightly choked him. 455 00:18:11,942 --> 00:18:13,442 Wow. 456 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,643 That's what happens when you listen to Schmidt. 457 00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:17,312 It's just... when I was with Spencer, 458 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,381 I just didn't even think about this stuff, you know? 459 00:18:19,448 --> 00:18:22,284 - Just did it. - Okay. 460 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,219 Here's the thing. 461 00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:25,954 You gotta stop thinking about it. 462 00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,655 Just relax, and be yourself. 463 00:18:27,723 --> 00:18:28,890 You're awesome. 464 00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:30,191 What do you think, Winston? 465 00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,226 Why are you asking Winston? 466 00:18:32,294 --> 00:18:33,961 Because, Nick, look at your hair. 467 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,896 You really don't look like someone who's good at sex. 468 00:18:35,964 --> 00:18:37,798 I can't believe you just said that. 469 00:18:37,865 --> 00:18:39,599 Here's what you do. You're gonna stop worrying about it. 470 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:42,303 - Completely. - Yeah. That's really good. 471 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:43,870 That's literally what I just said. 472 00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:45,105 What are you worried about, anyway? 473 00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:47,340 Paul doesn't care what you do. 474 00:18:47,408 --> 00:18:49,142 I've seen the way that boy looks at you. 475 00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:51,044 And he is crazy about you. 476 00:18:51,111 --> 00:18:52,312 - I agree, I... - Shh. 477 00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:54,713 I'm trying to listen to Winston. 478 00:18:58,617 --> 00:18:59,585 - Oh, hi! - Hi. 479 00:18:59,653 --> 00:19:01,387 - Paul. - Hey, Winston. 480 00:19:01,455 --> 00:19:02,755 Could I talk to you for a minute? 481 00:19:02,823 --> 00:19:04,623 Yeah. 482 00:19:04,691 --> 00:19:06,859 We'll... step into my office. 483 00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:08,561 - Okay. Hey, Nick. - Okay. 484 00:19:11,798 --> 00:19:14,132 Um... 485 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,335 - Hi. - Hi. 486 00:19:18,104 --> 00:19:20,839 - So, last night was, um... - No, I'm so sorry. 487 00:19:20,906 --> 00:19:23,141 - No, no, don't, please... - Unacceptable. 488 00:19:23,209 --> 00:19:25,643 I'm really intimidated by you, Jess. 489 00:19:25,711 --> 00:19:28,146 You're so experienced, and I've never done any of that stuff, 490 00:19:28,214 --> 00:19:31,183 that S and M style... bondage stuff. 491 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,518 It scares me a little, but I... 492 00:19:33,586 --> 00:19:35,820 want to do it, because I know that you're into it. 493 00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:38,923 Just please be gentle with me at first, okay? 494 00:19:39,991 --> 00:19:41,292 I really like you. 495 00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:43,660 Really? 496 00:19:43,728 --> 00:19:45,562 Yeah, I do. 497 00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:47,431 And nothing else matters. 498 00:19:48,799 --> 00:19:50,167 Except, just... 499 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:53,003 no fire, and no handcuffs, please. Please, please, please. 500 00:19:53,070 --> 00:19:55,338 Okay? And I'm allergic to felt. 501 00:19:55,406 --> 00:19:56,973 And most polyurethanes. 502 00:19:57,741 --> 00:19:59,675 Okay, well, that's it. 503 00:20:02,512 --> 00:20:04,079 And no bugs, too, I don't know if that was... 504 00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:05,314 Paul. 505 00:20:05,382 --> 00:20:06,516 Wait. Um... 506 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,255 Last night was kind of a... low point for me. I mean... 507 00:20:14,323 --> 00:20:17,559 I'm not really into that stuff. I just... I thought that 508 00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:20,228 whatever I used to do wouldn't be good enough, 509 00:20:20,295 --> 00:20:22,898 or sexy enough, or advanced enough, 510 00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:24,666 - and that's why I did that... - Oh no! 511 00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:26,534 - Sorry. - Oh, no. No, it's okay, it just surprised me 512 00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:29,804 - a little bit. - I just... 513 00:20:29,872 --> 00:20:31,138 I like you. 514 00:20:34,676 --> 00:20:37,611 Well, good. 515 00:20:37,679 --> 00:20:39,647 I'll walk you down. 516 00:20:39,714 --> 00:20:40,949 Okay. 517 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,221 Oh! Um, the new trombones came in... 518 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:51,558 Paul... 519 00:21:18,984 --> 00:21:20,984 You know that doesn't speed it up when you do that. 520 00:21:21,052 --> 00:21:21,919 I know, I know. 521 00:21:25,290 --> 00:21:26,323 We're about to go see a movie. 522 00:21:26,391 --> 00:21:27,425 You guys want to come? 523 00:21:27,493 --> 00:21:29,327 - Sure. - Sure. 524 00:21:30,395 --> 00:21:32,597 Hey, Jess? Is that your shoe? 525 00:21:36,734 --> 00:21:38,535 Boy, your haircut look like a high-rise. 526 00:21:41,339 --> 00:21:43,340 Where the penthouse at? 527 00:21:43,408 --> 00:21:45,742 Hey, old man, what, did you steal those pants 528 00:21:45,810 --> 00:21:47,277 off of Danny Glover's grandfather? 529 00:21:52,282 --> 00:21:55,951 I am Danny Glover's grandfather. 530 00:21:56,719 --> 00:21:57,886 I'm a big fan of his work. 531 00:21:57,954 --> 00:21:59,722 He's great in the Lethal Weapons. 532 00:22:01,289 --> 00:22:03,225 No, I'm not. 533 00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:11,194 Sync by Alice | Corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com