1
00:00:02,328 --> 00:00:03,395
Oh! Oh!
2
00:00:08,502 --> 00:00:09,468
L'Chaim.
3
00:00:10,226 --> 00:00:11,565
To humping.
4
00:00:12,772 --> 00:00:13,907
I was like a river.
5
00:00:13,991 --> 00:00:15,491
Did you feel that?
Did you feel me sweeping you
6
00:00:15,559 --> 00:00:17,694
along with the
current of my body?
7
00:00:17,745 --> 00:00:19,579
You were like a canoe
on my body river.
8
00:00:21,098 --> 00:00:23,082
Like you'd ever be
seaworthy with those breasts.
9
00:00:24,351 --> 00:00:25,268
Boobies.
10
00:00:25,353 --> 00:00:27,404
I wish there was
a word that meant
11
00:00:27,488 --> 00:00:30,657
complete satisfaction
and complete self-loathing.
12
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:33,660
I've never seen a woman bite
her own shoulder before.
13
00:00:34,813 --> 00:00:35,948
That was the last time.
14
00:00:36,197 --> 00:00:37,563
You said that twice last night.
15
00:00:38,615 --> 00:00:39,032
You'll be back.
16
00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,450
I'm like your
black tar heroin.
17
00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:43,103
You just need that sweet taste
in your veins.
18
00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:45,905
Schmidttle and
the damage done.
19
00:00:46,589 --> 00:00:47,724
Neil Young, yo.
20
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,402
Just get me out of here
without someone seeing.
21
00:00:56,446 --> 00:00:57,529
Schmidt?
22
00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:03,337
Oh,
23
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:05,475
did you have a
sexual guest?
24
00:01:05,559 --> 00:01:06,810
- What?
- Was it
25
00:01:06,894 --> 00:01:08,278
the same girl
from the other night?
26
00:01:09,276 --> 00:01:10,360
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- It is!
27
00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:12,863
Oh, my God. You slept with the same
girl twice in a row?
28
00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:15,318
Was it a mistake? Was she
wearing some kind of disguise?
29
00:01:15,403 --> 00:01:18,737
Hey, Nick, Schmidt slept with
the same girl twice in a row.
30
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:19,789
I owe you five dollars.
31
00:01:19,874 --> 00:01:22,709
You know, I thought I heard
the door open at 3:00 a.m.
32
00:01:22,776 --> 00:01:24,777
Those are the sounds
of true love.
33
00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:26,663
- Bet she had the time of her life.
- What happened?
34
00:01:27,247 --> 00:01:28,231
Did I miss her?
35
00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:29,415
- You did.
- Man, I love meeting
36
00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:30,333
the girls you bring home.
37
00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:31,551
I like to pretend
like I'm your lover
38
00:01:31,618 --> 00:01:33,953
on the down-low,
Theodore K. Mullins.
39
00:01:34,704 --> 00:01:36,956
Damn, Schmidt, in our bed?
40
00:01:37,507 --> 00:01:38,624
Where we shave each other?
41
00:01:39,176 --> 00:01:39,959
I've always
42
00:01:43,497 --> 00:01:44,931
So, you gonna
three-peat this ho?
43
00:01:44,982 --> 00:01:46,750
Who is this bitch?
We want to meet her.
44
00:01:46,817 --> 00:01:49,502
I'm not gonna parade her
around like some trophy.
45
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:51,738
You know me,
I'm not that kind of guy.
46
00:01:52,806 --> 00:01:53,907
Oh!
47
00:01:53,974 --> 00:01:55,808
Schmidt told me this
was the front door?
48
00:01:57,928 --> 00:01:59,612
What's wrong with her?
Does she have a hunchback?
49
00:01:59,663 --> 00:02:00,413
Dwarf parts?
50
00:02:00,481 --> 00:02:01,331
Lovitz body?
51
00:02:01,415 --> 00:02:04,701
She happens to be
an incredibly beautiful woman.
52
00:02:04,785 --> 00:02:06,035
She another one
of your heavy gingers, Schmidt?
53
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,987
- How big are her knuckles?
- Butter body?
54
00:02:08,038 --> 00:02:10,507
She has a Hitler moustache.
55
00:02:12,993 --> 00:02:14,210
I'm sorry, just,
56
00:02:14,795 --> 00:02:16,296
like, I want to banter
with you guys in the morning.
57
00:02:16,347 --> 00:02:17,964
I just, like, panicked,
and I made a Hitler joke.
58
00:02:18,015 --> 00:02:18,932
I'm sorry.
59
00:02:18,999 --> 00:02:22,018
♪ Hey, girl
60
00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:24,103
♪ What you doing?
61
00:02:25,171 --> 00:02:27,190
♪ Hey, girl
62
00:02:27,774 --> 00:02:30,226
♪ Where you going?
63
00:02:30,311 --> 00:02:32,612
♪ Who's that girl?
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
64
00:02:32,679 --> 00:02:34,314
♪ Who's that girl?
65
00:02:34,365 --> 00:02:36,616
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess.
66
00:02:36,617 --> 00:02:41,036
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
67
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,824
Your science projects
are looking great, you guys.
68
00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:46,859
Love the potato battery, Harper.
69
00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,494
- Good job.
- Thanks.
70
00:02:48,545 --> 00:02:50,213
Luke, I like your tree exhibit.
71
00:02:50,797 --> 00:02:52,198
Might want to think
about changing the name.
72
00:02:52,249 --> 00:02:53,333
- Okay?
- Okay.
73
00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:55,368
Whoa.
74
00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:56,920
You built a robotic arm.
75
00:02:57,304 --> 00:02:58,671
I think we know who's gonna win.
76
00:02:59,022 --> 00:03:00,723
Anyone can still win, Brianna.
77
00:03:01,308 --> 00:03:02,675
Even me, Miss Day?
78
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:04,727
Yes.
79
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:08,214
Okay, lunchtime.
80
00:03:17,524 --> 00:03:18,358
Can I have lunch in here?
81
00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,226
Oh, no, Nathaniel, what's wrong?
82
00:03:20,277 --> 00:03:21,744
In the cafeteria,
83
00:03:21,829 --> 00:03:24,113
kids have started playing
this game, coin slot.
84
00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:26,682
They put pennies
in my butt crack.
85
00:03:27,701 --> 00:03:29,335
I made 46 cents.
86
00:03:29,403 --> 00:03:31,237
No, no, no,
you earned that.
87
00:03:33,290 --> 00:03:34,240
Um,
88
00:03:34,791 --> 00:03:36,258
Nathaniel,
I'm gonna help you out.
89
00:03:39,379 --> 00:03:40,830
Julia sent me a cactus.
90
00:03:42,266 --> 00:03:43,550
She's on a business trip
to China,
91
00:03:43,617 --> 00:03:45,468
and she sent it to me
out of the blue.
92
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:50,006
I'm not an idiot.
93
00:03:50,507 --> 00:03:52,091
She's gonna break up with me.
94
00:03:52,142 --> 00:03:54,027
Who told you that?
95
00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:56,112
Did the cactus tell you that?
96
00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:58,364
Is this one of those
fortune-telling cactuses...
97
00:03:58,432 --> 00:04:00,700
Winston, think.
She's gonna break up with me.
98
00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:03,102
She doesn't think I can
take care of a regular plant.
99
00:04:03,903 --> 00:04:05,004
Well, you can't.
100
00:04:12,546 --> 00:04:14,714
Any idiot can take care
of a cactus, Winston.
101
00:04:14,782 --> 00:04:15,882
She thinks I'm an idiot.
102
00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:17,417
Why are you watering a cactus?
103
00:04:17,468 --> 00:04:18,468
Because I'm an idiot.
104
00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:20,637
Julia sent him a cactus,
105
00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:21,754
which means
she's gonna break up with him.
106
00:04:23,507 --> 00:04:24,624
Hm.
107
00:04:24,675 --> 00:04:26,426
I'm sorry, I thought
that was a joke
108
00:04:26,477 --> 00:04:28,394
because otherwise that would
be totally stupid and insane.
109
00:04:28,962 --> 00:04:30,063
Snap out of it, son.
110
00:04:30,130 --> 00:04:31,264
Jess, you don't get it.
111
00:04:31,315 --> 00:04:34,150
This cactus is like a symbol
112
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:36,019
of my relationship with her.
113
00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,570
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
114
00:04:41,524 --> 00:04:42,742
I'm not gonna quit on this.
115
00:04:43,309 --> 00:04:44,510
I'm gonna get her back.
116
00:04:47,447 --> 00:04:48,331
There it is.
117
00:04:48,415 --> 00:04:49,749
Look at that.
118
00:04:49,816 --> 00:04:52,585
Not bad, just fix red eye,
red eye,
119
00:04:53,153 --> 00:04:54,170
red eye.
120
00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:55,988
Send.
121
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:57,657
Hello?
122
00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:58,824
Where are you?
123
00:04:58,876 --> 00:05:00,660
Oh, hey, Cecilia,
124
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:03,463
Did you get my junk mail?
125
00:05:03,514 --> 00:05:05,264
I'm in front of your loft.
126
00:05:05,332 --> 00:05:07,450
I know I said that last time
was the last time,
127
00:05:07,518 --> 00:05:10,503
but... you want to come down?
128
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:12,639
Yeah, I want to co...
129
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:14,023
Yeah, I'll come down,
that sounds good.
130
00:05:14,608 --> 00:05:15,574
All right.
131
00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:20,029
So, I think I changed
a life today, you guys.
132
00:05:20,114 --> 00:05:21,948
I pulled a Gandhi,
a real Gandhi.
133
00:05:22,015 --> 00:05:23,700
There's a student of mine,
134
00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:25,518
he's been bullied for
the past few months,
135
00:05:25,569 --> 00:05:27,320
so after warning the kids
that there would be
136
00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:29,522
serious repercussions
if this continued,
137
00:05:29,573 --> 00:05:32,325
I delivered a lesson
in the key of learning.
138
00:05:33,577 --> 00:05:36,129
Learning minor.
139
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:42,835
♪ He's a plump bird who prefers
the shelter of a hole ♪
140
00:05:45,339 --> 00:05:47,256
♪ He has a stubby beak
141
00:05:47,341 --> 00:05:49,058
♪ And a nervous soul
142
00:05:50,877 --> 00:05:52,779
♪ Because being chased
143
00:05:52,846 --> 00:05:54,480
♪ By predators takes its toll
144
00:05:56,883 --> 00:06:01,154
♪ Let the sad sparrow
fly on... ♪
145
00:06:01,721 --> 00:06:04,107
You think singing a song
about a kid
146
00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:06,492
is gonna stop him
from getting his ass kicked?
147
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,445
I know 12-year-olds are vicious,
vengeful creatures.
148
00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:10,897
Middle-school girls
149
00:06:10,964 --> 00:06:12,749
literally scalp each other.
150
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:15,084
I spent most of sixth grade
with a bald spot on my head.
151
00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:16,569
- What?
- But don't tell me
152
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:17,870
music can't make a difference,
153
00:06:18,338 --> 00:06:19,038
'cause it can.
154
00:06:19,089 --> 00:06:20,573
Those kids were videotaping me
155
00:06:20,624 --> 00:06:21,791
- on their cell phones.
- Right.
156
00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:23,092
I think these kids
are gonna really
157
00:06:23,177 --> 00:06:24,577
- remember that.
- Yeah, um,
158
00:06:24,628 --> 00:06:25,911
- You know, this day.
- What's the song called?
159
00:06:25,963 --> 00:06:27,597
Um, "Sad Sparrow"
160
00:06:27,681 --> 00:06:30,600
"(Imagine A World Without Bullies)" why?
161
00:06:30,684 --> 00:06:32,435
This is why.
162
00:06:32,519 --> 00:06:35,387
♪ He's not smartest bird
or the most pretty ♪
163
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:38,908
♪ He spreads disease
What?
164
00:06:38,992 --> 00:06:42,028
♪ Throughout the city
165
00:06:42,096 --> 00:06:44,664
Well, at least the bully's not
making fun of that kid any more.
166
00:06:44,732 --> 00:06:46,132
They're making fun of me.
167
00:06:51,588 --> 00:06:53,072
The hawk just took
a little poop on you.
168
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,590
I'm not proud of myself
for saying this,
169
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,259
but it's a really funny video.
170
00:06:56,343 --> 00:07:01,080
♪ Sad sparrow fly on...
171
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:07,890
Why can't we just go upstairs
for a little Schmidt and Spin?
172
00:07:07,943 --> 00:07:09,910
You just said that everybody's
upstairs in the living room.
173
00:07:09,995 --> 00:07:11,228
Okay, fine, what
about your place?
174
00:07:11,279 --> 00:07:12,580
My place is not
an option right now.
175
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,198
All the models are there.
176
00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:16,033
It's 12 models in two rooms.
177
00:07:16,084 --> 00:07:17,568
It's like a room full
of hungry Russians.
178
00:07:17,619 --> 00:07:19,787
Uh, yes, please,
let's go there.
179
00:07:19,871 --> 00:07:22,289
What about just a little good,
old-fashioned car sex?
180
00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:23,841
I can't do any
of my moves in there.
181
00:07:23,908 --> 00:07:25,593
I like to improvise
with my body.
182
00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:27,178
I'm like a sexual snowflake.
183
00:07:27,245 --> 00:07:29,630
Each night with me is a
unique experience, Cece.
184
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,915
Okay, are we gonna do this,
or not?
185
00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:34,435
'Cause I kind of need this
to happen right now, okay?
186
00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:36,220
Isn't there, like,
a Starbucks bathroom around here
187
00:07:36,271 --> 00:07:37,605
or something we could use?
188
00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:39,957
What do I look like,
a Gypsy courtesan?
189
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,442
So, how hard are
you gonna drop
190
00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:43,194
the hammer on the kid
who did this?
191
00:07:43,261 --> 00:07:45,730
I'm gonna find this kid,
and I'm just gonna...
192
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,364
open up a dialogue.
193
00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:48,783
Not gonna work.
194
00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:50,117
Take it from me,
I used to be a bully.
195
00:07:50,902 --> 00:07:51,935
Ow!
196
00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:53,854
Brown lightning!
197
00:07:53,922 --> 00:07:56,207
Wow, you had a catchphrase?
Yeah.
198
00:07:56,274 --> 00:07:57,458
You got to hit them
where it hurts.
199
00:07:57,526 --> 00:07:58,442
Thank you, Winston,
200
00:07:58,493 --> 00:07:59,610
but I have a different approach.
201
00:08:00,361 --> 00:08:01,395
Jerk-sica?
202
00:08:02,079 --> 00:08:03,581
My last name rhymes
with "gay,"
203
00:08:04,132 --> 00:08:06,884
and the best thing
you can think of is Jerk-sica?
204
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:08,618
Reason.
205
00:08:11,288 --> 00:08:12,389
Hey, Schmidt.
206
00:08:12,456 --> 00:08:14,808
Oh, there is?
Thank you.
207
00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:16,627
He says we should look
out the window.
208
00:08:16,678 --> 00:08:18,062
There's a crescent moon
out tonight.
209
00:08:18,129 --> 00:08:19,013
Oh, dip, seriously?
210
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,606
Why do we care
about a crescent moon?
211
00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:30,908
I don't know.
212
00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:34,328
I'm gonna live
up there someday.
213
00:08:36,531 --> 00:08:38,833
Hey, Julia, what's up, girl?
214
00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,501
Hope you're having
a great time in Beijing.
215
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:42,086
I miss you;
I can't wait to see you.
216
00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:43,087
I got the cactus.
217
00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:45,122
Thank you so much.
218
00:08:45,173 --> 00:08:46,707
I'm taking great care of it.
219
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:48,008
Yeah, things are doing
good here.
220
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:50,177
Everything's really cool,
just...
221
00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:53,848
taking names, kicking butt,
you know, all that.
222
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,299
So, great,
I'll see you Wednesday.
223
00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:57,351
You're the best around.
224
00:08:57,935 --> 00:08:59,303
Nope, that's not gonna
be the one.
225
00:08:59,354 --> 00:09:02,189
Hey, Julia, just calling back
to say that I get it.
226
00:09:02,274 --> 00:09:03,440
Message received.
227
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,259
I'm the cactus.
228
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:06,477
If you put me in the desert,
229
00:09:06,528 --> 00:09:07,812
I'll grow some needles, too.
230
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:09,012
You bet I would.
231
00:09:09,564 --> 00:09:10,614
You bet
I would.
232
00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:12,533
FYI, I'm not high right now.
233
00:09:12,601 --> 00:09:14,285
Julia!
234
00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:15,619
Julia!
235
00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:17,488
Call me back.
236
00:09:17,539 --> 00:09:19,206
Call me back, Julia.
237
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,075
Julia, it's Nick.
238
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:23,661
I'm sorry, I just realized
about the time difference.
239
00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:25,195
So, if you get this one first,
240
00:09:25,247 --> 00:09:27,331
could you please just delete
the other ones?
241
00:09:27,382 --> 00:09:28,549
I love you.
242
00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:30,584
What did I jus...?
243
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,604
I don't hear anyone out there.
244
00:09:33,672 --> 00:09:34,905
I think I'm safe.
245
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,807
And I-I want you to know,
246
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:38,475
that was the last time, okay?
247
00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:40,261
This is over.
248
00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:42,479
But we haven't even gotten
to the cheese course.
249
00:09:43,047 --> 00:09:45,533
A little sharp
aged cheddar? Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,585
Manchego?
251
00:09:47,652 --> 00:09:49,420
Maybe some buttery Gruyère?
252
00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:51,188
You sure you want
to miss out?
253
00:09:51,239 --> 00:09:52,656
I just want to...
254
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:55,058
slowly peel the wax
off your Babybels.
255
00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:58,028
What are you even saying?
256
00:09:58,096 --> 00:09:59,897
How about a little
stinky Taleggio?
257
00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:01,749
Why is this working?
258
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:04,118
I am so turned on
right now.
259
00:10:04,202 --> 00:10:05,753
Or maybe some
cream cheese?
260
00:10:05,837 --> 00:10:07,254
Want some schmear, Cece?
261
00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:08,739
You know what?
262
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,907
Cece, you should go.
263
00:10:09,958 --> 00:10:11,375
Because if you have the strength
264
00:10:11,426 --> 00:10:13,427
to turn all this down,
265
00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:15,846
do it.
266
00:10:18,549 --> 00:10:19,583
Yeah, I'm good.
267
00:10:23,238 --> 00:10:27,257
Hi. Who do I speak to
re: getting something removed
268
00:10:27,258 --> 00:10:28,759
from the Internet?
269
00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:30,027
Yeah, I can hold.
270
00:10:34,616 --> 00:10:35,966
Want to party with Havarti?
271
00:10:37,034 --> 00:10:37,902
Fine.
272
00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:40,204
Give me the damn cheese.
273
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:52,016
So, Brianna,
274
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:53,467
I saw the robot arm
275
00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:54,752
in the user profile,
276
00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:56,320
so I know you
made that video.
277
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:58,172
So I thought we could sit
and talk for a minute.
278
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:04,461
Look, Brianna, I know
you're better than this.
279
00:11:05,513 --> 00:11:06,964
Can we talk about you
for a few minutes?
280
00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:10,234
Can we talk about you instead?
281
00:11:10,301 --> 00:11:12,019
I'm an open book;
Ask me anything.
282
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:13,270
How come you don't have
a boyfriend?
283
00:11:14,338 --> 00:11:15,823
And why did Mr. Genzlinger
dump you?
284
00:11:16,407 --> 00:11:18,442
And is it true that
your boyfriend before that
285
00:11:18,493 --> 00:11:19,159
cheated on you?
286
00:11:19,727 --> 00:11:20,661
Are you barren, Miss Day?
287
00:11:20,745 --> 00:11:22,880
And why is your voice
so deep like a man's?
288
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:24,665
- It's no... it's not.
- Your happiness
289
00:11:24,749 --> 00:11:26,033
seems like a mask.
290
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:28,151
Well, I better go.
291
00:11:39,664 --> 00:11:41,849
What have I done?
292
00:11:45,796 --> 00:11:47,812
Julia! So glad you're home!
293
00:11:47,994 --> 00:11:49,130
Hey.
294
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:50,587
Are you okay?
295
00:11:50,657 --> 00:11:52,158
Yes, I'm okay;
Welcome back.
296
00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:54,010
- Are you sure?
- Did you listen to all the messages?
297
00:11:54,055 --> 00:11:55,721
- I did.
- You did? That sucks.
298
00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,034
You know, I really
didn't mean anything.
299
00:11:57,156 --> 00:11:58,527
- I know.
- I-I didn't.
300
00:11:58,596 --> 00:11:59,796
Look, I got in
my head, Julia,
301
00:11:59,957 --> 00:12:01,657
I thought you sent
me this cactus
302
00:12:01,742 --> 00:12:03,209
because you were
trying to tell me
303
00:12:03,276 --> 00:12:04,977
that I can't take care
of a normal plant.
304
00:12:05,045 --> 00:12:07,497
Which, when I think about
it, I probably can't.
305
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,315
Plants freak me out.
306
00:12:09,383 --> 00:12:11,584
I'm way better with
babies, actually.
307
00:12:11,635 --> 00:12:12,586
Hmm.
308
00:12:13,135 --> 00:12:13,886
Not that I want to have, like,
309
00:12:13,954 --> 00:12:15,287
a baby with you,
like, right now.
310
00:12:15,339 --> 00:12:16,889
- I can see us having babies.
- Please, can we not...
311
00:12:16,957 --> 00:12:18,841
- I know, that's not what I mean to say.
- No, come on...
312
00:12:18,926 --> 00:12:20,643
- I'm getting weird again. What I mean
to say, - No, Nick, I need to say...
313
00:12:20,728 --> 00:12:21,928
Julia, please, I overreacted.
314
00:12:22,479 --> 00:12:23,896
I think we should break up.
315
00:12:26,765 --> 00:12:31,838
I do. I mean, I didn't realize it
when I sent it...
316
00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:35,608
but then after listening
to the seven...
317
00:12:36,359 --> 00:12:37,026
Yeah, I know.
318
00:12:37,111 --> 00:12:38,444
...Seven, Nick,
319
00:12:38,512 --> 00:12:39,946
- Seven, yeah.
- Separate voice mails
320
00:12:39,997 --> 00:12:41,664
about the meaning
behind the cactus,
321
00:12:42,249 --> 00:12:45,451
I don't know, it really
just clicked in for me,
322
00:12:45,502 --> 00:12:47,987
and I just, I don't think
that we should do this any more.
323
00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:49,589
I'm really sorry.
324
00:12:57,464 --> 00:12:59,182
So I was right
about the cactus.
325
00:13:01,401 --> 00:13:04,170
Okay, what kind of crazy person
destroys a child's robot?
326
00:13:04,238 --> 00:13:06,689
Can you bring me, like, a bunch
of Phillips head screwdrivers
327
00:13:06,774 --> 00:13:10,943
and, like, a Crescent wrench
and, like, other tool things?
328
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:12,195
What if I'm busy?
329
00:13:14,698 --> 00:13:15,765
Thank you, Winston.
330
00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:17,300
I really needed that.
331
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:18,835
It's been a really hard week.
332
00:13:18,902 --> 00:13:20,486
Hey, man,
I'm going to the beach
333
00:13:20,537 --> 00:13:22,839
to watch the sun go down,
'cause I love sunsets.
334
00:13:22,906 --> 00:13:24,323
Did you know that about me?
335
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,709
What the hell is wrong with you?
336
00:13:26,794 --> 00:13:30,913
Oh, Julia dumped me,
so sad face.
337
00:13:31,998 --> 00:13:33,633
Hey, do you want
to come with me to the beach?
338
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,084
'Cause I feel great,
I'm ready to rock,
339
00:13:35,169 --> 00:13:36,535
but I really don't
want to be alone.
340
00:13:39,038 --> 00:13:39,839
Scissors?
341
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:42,391
How am I supposed to fix
a robot arm with scissors?
342
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:43,342
Those are my
good scissors.
343
00:13:43,393 --> 00:13:44,544
Why do you have good scissors?
344
00:13:44,595 --> 00:13:48,147
You know, the news
only focuses on what goes wrong.
345
00:13:48,215 --> 00:13:49,682
Never talks about
what goes right.
346
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:50,900
Evolution.
347
00:13:50,984 --> 00:13:51,901
- That's it. Come here.
- You know?
348
00:13:51,985 --> 00:13:53,436
Yeah, exactly.
349
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,855
I'm gonna kill him.
Can you get him out of here?
350
00:13:55,906 --> 00:13:58,741
Hey, guys, you guys want
to watch The Piano later?
351
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:01,661
Here?
352
00:14:01,728 --> 00:14:03,562
You want to do it here?
353
00:14:03,614 --> 00:14:05,698
Okay... all right.
What's the scenario?
354
00:14:05,749 --> 00:14:08,167
We enter separately,
pretending to be strangers
355
00:14:08,235 --> 00:14:09,702
meeting in the bathroom.
356
00:14:09,753 --> 00:14:11,838
You want me on the can,
off the can?
357
00:14:11,905 --> 00:14:13,256
No, I just, I
just need to
358
00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:14,624
pop in this party
for, like, 20 minutes.
359
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:15,791
When I come back,
we'll have sex.
360
00:14:15,876 --> 00:14:17,343
Okay, yeah, let's do it.
361
00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:19,128
Oh, no. Um, I'm going
in there alone.
362
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:21,380
Well, what am I supposed to do?
363
00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,465
I'll crack a window for you.
364
00:14:22,549 --> 00:14:24,800
Crack a window for me?
365
00:14:24,885 --> 00:14:26,302
- Yeah.
- What am I, your sex dog?
366
00:14:26,386 --> 00:14:28,221
What... what if I have to go
to the bathroom?
367
00:14:28,288 --> 00:14:30,022
Why don't you just
give me a chew toy.
368
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:32,191
Come on, Schmidt, stop
being such a big baby.
369
00:14:32,759 --> 00:14:34,961
Oh, my... Are you ashamed of me?
370
00:14:35,028 --> 00:14:36,896
Yes. Absolutely.
371
00:14:36,947 --> 00:14:39,482
100%. I'm 100%
ashamed of you.
372
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:41,784
What-what a revelation.
373
00:14:41,869 --> 00:14:44,603
Okay, come on, Schmidt, I
can't be the first woman
374
00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:46,138
who's ashamed
to be with you.
375
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:49,659
Okay, look,
I won't go into your party,
376
00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:51,427
if...
377
00:14:51,495 --> 00:14:54,046
if you go to breakfast
with me tomorrow.
378
00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:55,715
In public.
379
00:14:56,782 --> 00:14:57,700
Yeah, okay.
380
00:14:57,768 --> 00:14:58,751
Oh, really?
381
00:14:58,819 --> 00:15:00,086
Really.
382
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:01,470
I mean, I can
survive breakfast.
383
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,308
I'll be back soon.
384
00:15:06,727 --> 00:15:08,394
Hey, Wendy.
How's it going?
385
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:23,826
I hope it works.
386
00:15:23,911 --> 00:15:25,811
I didn't get a chance
to test it.
387
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,863
Even broken, it's
still got a shot at top prize.
388
00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:29,532
I mean, have you seen
some of this crap?
389
00:15:29,616 --> 00:15:31,667
"What can old
people do?"
390
00:15:31,752 --> 00:15:33,669
"Does it taste better
with hot sauce?"
391
00:15:33,754 --> 00:15:34,954
My friends.
392
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:36,172
Guess what I
just learned.
393
00:15:36,256 --> 00:15:37,506
What's inside of a pumpkin.
394
00:15:38,341 --> 00:15:39,658
Apparently, a lot.
395
00:15:39,710 --> 00:15:40,843
I didn't know.
396
00:15:42,212 --> 00:15:43,846
Whoa!
397
00:15:44,431 --> 00:15:46,015
Winston, you have to
get him out of here.
398
00:15:46,099 --> 00:15:47,516
You see him, he's
about to blow.
399
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:48,684
I'm not having him
by himself right now.
400
00:15:48,769 --> 00:15:49,885
There's Brianna.
401
00:15:53,173 --> 00:15:54,673
Hi, Brianna.
402
00:15:54,725 --> 00:15:56,809
You must be
Brianna's moms.
403
00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:58,010
I'm Miss Day.
404
00:15:58,061 --> 00:15:59,312
Right. The singer.
405
00:15:59,363 --> 00:16:00,846
You're the one
who sings.
406
00:16:00,897 --> 00:16:03,399
This is Brianna's project,
a robotic arm.
407
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:04,867
Start it up, Brianna.
408
00:16:11,758 --> 00:16:14,293
And a project bursts
into flames.
409
00:16:14,361 --> 00:16:16,329
Brianna, what happened?
410
00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:18,197
Someone must have
sabotaged it.
411
00:16:19,866 --> 00:16:22,218
Bet it was Nathaniel.
412
00:16:22,302 --> 00:16:24,420
Hey! Get my scissors
out of your mouth!
413
00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:25,704
What is wrong
with you?!
414
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:28,674
He's been creating problems
for our daughter.
415
00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:30,042
What are you gonna
do about it?
416
00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:31,310
Nathaniel, come over here.
417
00:16:31,378 --> 00:16:34,480
Um, actually, uh...
418
00:16:35,599 --> 00:16:37,099
...this is my fault.
419
00:16:37,184 --> 00:16:39,769
I sabotaged the science project.
420
00:16:39,853 --> 00:16:41,320
- You did what?
- What?
421
00:16:41,388 --> 00:16:42,989
And it was
totally unprofessional.
422
00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:44,890
And I'm sorry,
423
00:16:44,941 --> 00:16:47,994
but your daughter is--
how do I put this?
424
00:16:49,046 --> 00:16:50,696
Brianna is difficult.
425
00:16:50,747 --> 00:16:53,115
Difficult? You're the one
that sabotaged her project.
426
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,283
You daughter sucks.
427
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:55,401
Okay, she is
a demon seed,
428
00:16:55,452 --> 00:16:57,403
she is the
spawn of Satan.
429
00:16:57,454 --> 00:16:59,372
And I do believe I speak
for the entire human race
430
00:16:59,423 --> 00:17:03,125
when I say that people like her
should not be building robots.
431
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:04,510
Who are you?
432
00:17:04,577 --> 00:17:06,712
Brown lightning.
433
00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:08,247
I want her disciplined.
434
00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:09,932
No! No!
435
00:17:10,017 --> 00:17:11,884
- Wonderful.
- Hey, no.
436
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:13,185
No.
437
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:15,354
Why can't we all just
438
00:17:15,422 --> 00:17:16,922
love each other, right?
439
00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:19,225
What are you doing?
440
00:17:19,276 --> 00:17:21,527
Want a science project?
441
00:17:21,594 --> 00:17:24,697
How about this as a science
project: love is a myth.
442
00:17:24,764 --> 00:17:26,065
Why is this Earth
443
00:17:26,116 --> 00:17:28,034
so big and I am so small?
444
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,904
So, yay, Earth.
445
00:17:31,955 --> 00:17:34,707
Be optimistic? Learn?
446
00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:36,409
We're all gonna die alone, so...
447
00:17:41,965 --> 00:17:43,165
- My office, 9:00 a.m.
- How embarrassing.
448
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,550
I was right about the cactus.
449
00:17:51,707 --> 00:17:55,544
I assure you, I'll be watching
Miss Day very closely.
450
00:17:56,996 --> 00:17:58,480
Hey.
451
00:17:58,812 --> 00:17:59,745
Hi.
452
00:18:01,783 --> 00:18:03,985
I am so sorry, Tanya.
453
00:18:04,069 --> 00:18:05,436
Don't be.
454
00:18:05,487 --> 00:18:06,371
I love it!
455
00:18:06,438 --> 00:18:08,873
Jess, you're a
real teacher now.
456
00:18:08,941 --> 00:18:09,741
What?
457
00:18:09,792 --> 00:18:10,875
You're a kid hater.
458
00:18:10,943 --> 00:18:12,327
You're one of us.
459
00:18:12,411 --> 00:18:14,879
Come here. Welcome.
460
00:18:14,947 --> 00:18:16,948
I'm-I'm not a kid hater.
461
00:18:19,117 --> 00:18:21,169
That's right.
462
00:18:21,253 --> 00:18:23,788
None of us are.
463
00:18:25,141 --> 00:18:26,257
Hey, Brianna.
464
00:18:26,808 --> 00:18:28,593
Can I speak to you?
465
00:18:30,144 --> 00:18:31,128
Look,
466
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:32,931
I know I'm not your
favorite teacher.
467
00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:34,149
You don't like my style.
468
00:18:34,233 --> 00:18:36,351
That's fine.
469
00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:38,186
But I'm not gonna
change who I am,
470
00:18:38,270 --> 00:18:39,771
so you're just gonna
have to deal with it
471
00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:41,656
and respect it.
472
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,491
Also, you're gonna
take this paper,
473
00:18:43,576 --> 00:18:45,243
and you're gonna
sing a duet with me.
474
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:46,528
What?!
475
00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:47,478
Oh, yeah.
476
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:48,696
Everybody, settle down.
477
00:18:50,281 --> 00:18:51,415
Camera phones are encouraged.
478
00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:52,250
No.
479
00:18:52,317 --> 00:18:54,252
One, two, three, four.
480
00:18:54,819 --> 00:18:56,154
You really
don't want to be seen
481
00:18:56,155 --> 00:18:58,273
having breakfast
with me, do you?
482
00:18:58,340 --> 00:18:59,874
Are we even still in L.A.?
483
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:02,677
Schmidt, you and I
are not together.
484
00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:05,096
We're not in a relationship.
485
00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:06,831
- We're just having sex.
- And I love it.
486
00:19:06,883 --> 00:19:10,151
And I'm not gonna be a prize
that you get to show off.
487
00:19:13,606 --> 00:19:17,341
Look, guys are always
just showing me off,
488
00:19:17,393 --> 00:19:19,110
and I hate it.
489
00:19:19,177 --> 00:19:23,064
Look, I... I want to tell people
490
00:19:23,148 --> 00:19:26,985
because I think
that you are the dopest,
491
00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:28,453
flyest...
492
00:19:30,522 --> 00:19:34,242
...smartest, ballsiest,
bitchiest,
493
00:19:34,326 --> 00:19:36,294
truly terrifying woman
494
00:19:36,861 --> 00:19:38,296
that I have
495
00:19:38,363 --> 00:19:41,082
sexually enjoyed
in a really long time.
496
00:19:46,555 --> 00:19:48,506
Do you want
to tell the waitress?
497
00:19:48,557 --> 00:19:50,425
Uh, if I could have
everyone's attention.
498
00:19:50,509 --> 00:19:51,993
Real quick, if
you could, uh...
499
00:19:52,061 --> 00:19:54,662
Hey, guys, call a time-out
to whatever-whatever-
500
00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:56,698
whatever that thing is.
Okay, great.
501
00:19:56,765 --> 00:20:00,151
I am having sex
with this woman right here.
502
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:02,053
You want to stand up?
503
00:20:02,104 --> 00:20:03,988
No. Okay, you don't want to do it?
All right, great.
504
00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:06,724
I'm enjoying myself
im-immensely.
505
00:20:06,775 --> 00:20:08,159
Uh, it's, you know,
506
00:20:08,226 --> 00:20:09,410
a physical thing,
but I am definitely,
507
00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:12,497
for real having sex
508
00:20:12,564 --> 00:20:16,784
with this girl right here,
to completion.
509
00:20:20,455 --> 00:20:21,789
Parkour!
510
00:20:21,874 --> 00:20:22,890
Hit it!
511
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:24,492
Down! Hit it!
512
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,344
Down! Hit it!
513
00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:29,314
Yeah.
514
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,852
Hey.
515
00:20:37,306 --> 00:20:39,274
I got you a real plant.
516
00:20:39,358 --> 00:20:41,859
Yeah, I don't want it, Jess;
I'll just kill it.
517
00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:43,561
I know.
518
00:20:43,612 --> 00:20:45,262
You're a plant killer.
519
00:20:45,314 --> 00:20:47,065
And I write songs.
520
00:20:47,116 --> 00:20:49,033
We're weirdos.
521
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:51,069
But that's who we are.
522
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,570
And that's fine.
523
00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:54,438
And you have
a giant cactus needle
524
00:20:54,490 --> 00:20:55,940
sticking out of your face.
525
00:20:55,991 --> 00:20:58,576
What? Where is it?
526
00:20:58,627 --> 00:21:01,245
Can you get it out?
Get it out. Ow.
527
00:21:01,313 --> 00:21:04,782
♪ So it's time
we all make a change ♪
528
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:07,652
♪ Find somewhere else
for our loose change ♪
529
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,421
The song is called "Let Me
Lift You Up With My Robot Arm"?
530
00:21:10,489 --> 00:21:12,874
- Yeah.
- It's catchy.
531
00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:14,759
I mean, the title is flawed,
there's no question about that.
532
00:21:14,827 --> 00:21:17,595
But you are kicking ass
with the comments.
533
00:21:17,662 --> 00:21:18,913
Look at this.
534
00:21:18,981 --> 00:21:20,848
"This teacher is muy caliente."
535
00:21:20,933 --> 00:21:22,867
- Hot, hot, hot.
- "I'd like to grade her on a curve."
536
00:21:23,435 --> 00:21:24,266
Yep.
537
00:21:24,270 --> 00:21:26,154
"Finally, entertainment
that doesn't
538
00:21:26,221 --> 00:21:27,589
resort to salty language."
539
00:21:27,657 --> 00:21:29,857
Finally.
540
00:21:29,925 --> 00:21:32,276
Jess, these commenters
are all you, aren't they?
541
00:21:32,344 --> 00:21:33,677
Yes. Yes, they are.
542
00:21:33,844 --> 00:21:35,177
♪ A robot arm.
543
00:21:35,844 --> 00:21:40,877
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com