1 00:00:09,007 --> 00:00:11,707 Nick, your houseguest is urinating in the bathroom 2 00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:13,146 Tony the Tiger style. 3 00:00:13,178 --> 00:00:14,829 - Naked with a kerchief? - What? 4 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,130 Naked with a kerchief. 5 00:00:16,197 --> 00:00:19,392 No, what do you call top, no pants? 6 00:00:19,392 --> 00:00:21,830 - Oh, that's like a Winnie the Pooh or a Paddington. - Honey the Smacks Frog. 7 00:00:21,887 --> 00:00:23,220 - There's a Donald the Duck. - I guess pretty much 8 00:00:23,305 --> 00:00:24,836 any kind of bear except for Yogi 9 00:00:24,836 --> 00:00:26,125 'cause that's naked with a tie. 10 00:00:26,157 --> 00:00:27,674 Alvin, Simon, Theodore. 11 00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:29,782 I saw his entire butt. 12 00:00:29,849 --> 00:00:31,349 Look, Dirk's a good guy. 13 00:00:31,495 --> 00:00:33,440 He was my roommate when I was in law school. 14 00:00:33,481 --> 00:00:35,383 - Smartest guy I know. - So, he's a lawyer? 15 00:00:35,384 --> 00:00:37,464 No, he's not a lawyer, but he does have a law degree, 16 00:00:37,502 --> 00:00:39,744 a business degree, and a master's in agriculture. 17 00:00:39,804 --> 00:00:41,534 He's kind of like a degree collector. 18 00:00:41,766 --> 00:00:43,461 He's got his PhD in poetry, so... 19 00:00:43,524 --> 00:00:45,224 That sucks for poems. 20 00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:46,642 How'd it go with Fancyman? 21 00:00:46,759 --> 00:00:48,793 It was an amazing first date, 22 00:00:48,891 --> 00:00:51,393 except for one awkward part at the end. 23 00:00:51,633 --> 00:00:54,414 I don't go on dates very often. 24 00:00:54,491 --> 00:00:57,180 Guys my age always want to skip the date 25 00:00:57,235 --> 00:00:59,186 and just go right for the gold. 26 00:01:00,407 --> 00:01:02,126 Which I don't give them 27 00:01:02,193 --> 00:01:04,211 because I'm stingy with my gold. 28 00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:06,163 Unless they dig for it. 29 00:01:09,201 --> 00:01:11,701 I haven't even gotten to the awkward part yet. 30 00:01:11,753 --> 00:01:13,587 Oh, hi. 31 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,595 Black sedan? 32 00:01:21,679 --> 00:01:23,263 Uh, yeah. 33 00:01:23,348 --> 00:01:25,098 What? 34 00:01:25,183 --> 00:01:26,884 So, he patted me on the back. 35 00:01:26,985 --> 00:01:28,101 I thought I'd at least get 36 00:01:28,153 --> 00:01:30,604 a front pat. Whoo-ha! 37 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:31,705 What? 38 00:01:31,773 --> 00:01:33,107 Look, 39 00:01:33,175 --> 00:01:34,441 he probably just got nervous. 40 00:01:34,492 --> 00:01:35,793 No, Russell's never nervous. 41 00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:37,294 That's the worst answer. 42 00:01:39,831 --> 00:01:41,081 Hey, what's up, baby? 43 00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:42,383 - Ooh. - Hey, is that Shelby? 44 00:01:44,252 --> 00:01:45,502 What was that? That was a cat sound. 45 00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,538 Oh, because you did the whip, we should've... 46 00:01:47,606 --> 00:01:48,923 - Guys! - It should have been the other way around. 47 00:01:48,974 --> 00:01:50,641 Okay, I'm just gonna ask Cece. 48 00:01:50,725 --> 00:01:53,126 But next time you guys want advice about girls, 49 00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:54,812 don't come crawling to me. 50 00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:55,980 - You got it. - That sounds good. 51 00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:58,582 No, that was a joke; I love it 52 00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:00,718 when you guys ask me stuff. It makes me feel really important. 53 00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:02,703 - And I love it... - "One shade the more," 54 00:02:02,771 --> 00:02:04,238 "One ray the less," 55 00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:06,740 "Had half impaired the nameless grace." 56 00:02:06,808 --> 00:02:08,776 Are you wearing a ladies' scarf? 57 00:02:08,843 --> 00:02:10,027 Come to my lecture tomorrow night. 58 00:02:10,611 --> 00:02:12,646 Absolutely not. 59 00:02:13,697 --> 00:02:14,782 She's missing out, my man. 60 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:15,811 - Hey, Schmidt? - Yeah? 61 00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:17,396 Mind if I borrow your car to take Shelby to the airport? 62 00:02:17,535 --> 00:02:19,370 Oh, I don't have a car, Winston. 63 00:02:20,154 --> 00:02:22,489 Hey, Schmidt, uh, you mind if I use the, uh, 64 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:24,491 "man-bulance"? 65 00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:26,210 The man-bulance is resting. He needs to get ready 66 00:02:26,294 --> 00:02:28,245 for the corporate team-building retreat on Monday. 67 00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:30,014 That's cool. I'm sure the man-bulance couldn't handle 68 00:02:30,098 --> 00:02:31,682 all of Shelby's luggage anyway. 69 00:02:31,766 --> 00:02:33,550 Ooh... What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? 70 00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:35,853 The man-bulance could fit the luggage of nine Shelbys. 71 00:02:35,937 --> 00:02:37,304 It has the towing capacity 72 00:02:37,372 --> 00:02:38,739 of a thousand Shelbys. 73 00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:39,974 You know what? Here you go, Winston. 74 00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:41,141 There you go. 75 00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:42,776 - Enjoy luxury. - All good, man. 76 00:02:42,844 --> 00:02:44,561 I got your second set, so thank you. 77 00:02:44,646 --> 00:02:46,030 How'd you get my second set of keys? 78 00:02:46,114 --> 00:02:47,347 Hey, someone left your door open. 79 00:02:47,399 --> 00:02:49,316 Someone left your face beautiful. 80 00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:51,518 Who is that? 81 00:02:51,569 --> 00:02:52,820 Apparently, his name is Dirk. 82 00:02:55,322 --> 00:02:57,791 Sorry, Dirk, I'm seeing somebody. 83 00:02:57,858 --> 00:02:59,159 But should that stop you 84 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:00,494 from seeing this? 85 00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:01,996 Yeah! 86 00:03:02,047 --> 00:03:03,797 That's awesome. Does he keep you happy? 87 00:03:03,865 --> 00:03:04,732 He does what he's told. 88 00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:08,836 So you're the boss and he's your little secretary? 89 00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,587 Oh, 90 00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:12,206 you're a sex-cretary? 91 00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:13,974 I am definitely the boss. 92 00:03:15,443 --> 00:03:17,478 Sex-cretary, he just made that up. 93 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,046 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 94 00:03:19,114 --> 00:03:20,481 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 95 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,182 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 96 00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:23,684 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess ♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 97 00:03:24,435 --> 00:03:26,236 I hate bachelorette parties. 98 00:03:26,321 --> 00:03:28,739 I have, like 50 different penis items in my carry-on. 99 00:03:29,123 --> 00:03:30,324 This plane goes down, there's gonna be 100 00:03:30,391 --> 00:03:32,776 some sharks doing some really weird stuff. 101 00:03:32,861 --> 00:03:34,394 Sharks? I thought you were going to Vegas? 102 00:03:34,438 --> 00:03:36,266 No, I'm going to Mexico. I thought I told you that. 103 00:03:36,347 --> 00:03:37,064 Hmm-mm. 104 00:03:37,115 --> 00:03:38,499 Well, if you don't want me to go, 105 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,084 I don't have to go. 106 00:03:40,151 --> 00:03:41,952 No, no, no, no, no, no, I want you to go. 107 00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:43,504 It'll be good, you know? 108 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,072 We spent the last five nights together. 109 00:03:45,123 --> 00:03:47,007 I mean, you know, we both could use some space. 110 00:03:49,243 --> 00:03:50,711 Right. 111 00:03:52,747 --> 00:03:54,765 - Did I say something wrong? - What? 112 00:03:54,849 --> 00:03:58,185 I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you across all the space. 113 00:04:01,422 --> 00:04:02,523 Hey. 114 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,858 Great news, um, Jess is taking a shower. 115 00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:08,195 Okay, I just need, like, a good, solid ten minutes. 116 00:04:08,262 --> 00:04:09,446 Eat this granola bar first. 117 00:04:10,031 --> 00:04:12,900 I want to try something called the horse trough. 118 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:15,536 No, Cece. 119 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,204 I'm not having sex with you right now. 120 00:04:17,272 --> 00:04:18,872 I have to get everybody in the company's name 121 00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:20,391 into a version of "We Didn't Start the Fire." 122 00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:21,658 Totally fine. 123 00:04:21,743 --> 00:04:24,161 What do you need, like, 20 minutes? 124 00:04:24,245 --> 00:04:26,080 Cece, this... Okay, this is real work 125 00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:29,449 for my real boss who is not you. 126 00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:33,170 Oh, I get what's happening here. 127 00:04:33,254 --> 00:04:37,124 It's 'cause Ponytail called you a "sex receptionist." 128 00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:39,259 A sex receptionist answers calls all day. 129 00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:42,596 A sex-cretary does scheduling, light filing, 130 00:04:42,647 --> 00:04:44,181 basically runs the office. 131 00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:45,432 So, first of all, 132 00:04:45,483 --> 00:04:47,651 thank you for the demotion. 133 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:48,802 And second of all, I quit. 134 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,404 So, I'll see you tonight. 135 00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:52,106 Did you not hear anything I just said? 136 00:04:52,157 --> 00:04:54,992 Oh, no, I totally heard you loud and clear, 137 00:04:55,076 --> 00:04:59,496 but do you know who didn't happen to hear you? 138 00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,115 What are you doing? 139 00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:02,149 Don't-don't-don't involve them. 140 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,450 Oh, my... 141 00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:04,752 They just didn't hear. 142 00:05:04,819 --> 00:05:05,786 Don't bring them into this. 143 00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:07,154 Don't tell me. 144 00:05:07,205 --> 00:05:09,423 Tell them. 145 00:05:12,793 --> 00:05:13,727 Hi. 146 00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:17,297 I guess, uh, Harold, Kumar, 147 00:05:17,348 --> 00:05:18,882 I love... I love you both. 148 00:05:18,967 --> 00:05:21,969 All the zany adventures we've had. 149 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:24,337 But we can't go to White Castle today. 150 00:05:24,389 --> 00:05:25,472 Just can't do it. 151 00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:26,790 You're serious about this? 152 00:05:27,858 --> 00:05:28,692 Cece? 153 00:05:29,277 --> 00:05:30,510 Is Schmidt bothering you? 154 00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:31,945 This is not over. 155 00:05:32,013 --> 00:05:33,870 Okay? 156 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,779 Was it like a caress or like a... like a pat? 157 00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:38,569 No, like a pat; It was distinctly a pat, 158 00:05:38,653 --> 00:05:39,953 and it was actually kind of hot. 159 00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:41,321 The man knows how to pat a back. 160 00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:43,073 At any point during the night, 161 00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:45,358 did you do your Kermit the Frog imitation? 162 00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,627 Maybe. 163 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:47,795 Once or twice. 164 00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,633 No, stop, it freaks me out and you know. 165 00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:50,688 Well, what do I do? 166 00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:53,045 I really, really want to see him again, like, badly. 167 00:05:53,168 --> 00:05:55,302 - You just call him. - I can't. 168 00:05:55,369 --> 00:05:56,587 He's too sophisticated. 169 00:05:56,654 --> 00:05:58,338 He told me he'd run with the bulls, 170 00:05:58,389 --> 00:05:59,756 and I quote, 171 00:05:59,824 --> 00:06:01,433 "not the touristy bulls in Pamplona." 172 00:06:01,488 --> 00:06:03,234 Big deal. Just call him. 173 00:06:03,311 --> 00:06:05,929 Schmidt says the moment a woman touches a phone, 174 00:06:05,997 --> 00:06:08,599 she loses her power unless she's sexting, 175 00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:10,851 in which case, she gains a half power. 176 00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:11,985 Okay, well, that's Schmidt just talking... 177 00:06:12,053 --> 00:06:13,604 I mean, what does Schmidt know? 178 00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:16,191 Look, all the guys that you live with-- boys. 179 00:06:16,266 --> 00:06:18,161 You've only dated boys. 180 00:06:18,162 --> 00:06:19,616 Russell is a grown man, 181 00:06:19,616 --> 00:06:20,745 and I bet he likes women 182 00:06:20,829 --> 00:06:22,729 who know what they want and ask for it. 183 00:06:22,797 --> 00:06:25,949 He has a hot air balloon in a hangar in Palm Springs. 184 00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:27,835 Okay, sweetheart, you are sophisticated. 185 00:06:27,902 --> 00:06:29,336 You've just got to pick up the phone, 186 00:06:29,403 --> 00:06:31,688 and you ask him out for dinner. 187 00:06:31,756 --> 00:06:33,423 I am sophisticated. 188 00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:34,574 I'm gonna do this. 189 00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:36,776 What is that? 190 00:06:37,128 --> 00:06:38,262 It's a phone. 191 00:06:38,346 --> 00:06:39,213 Oh, God. 192 00:06:41,841 --> 00:06:45,614 And thus ends our journey through the words of time. 193 00:06:45,661 --> 00:06:48,012 From Dylan Thomas to Bob Dylan, 194 00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:50,164 from Dylan to Dylan. 195 00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:52,968 They're both named Dylan. 196 00:06:53,019 --> 00:06:55,053 - Watch him bring it home, man. - Do I have to? 197 00:06:55,137 --> 00:06:56,604 We have to rage. 198 00:06:56,671 --> 00:06:59,006 "Rage against the dying of the light. 199 00:06:59,058 --> 00:07:00,641 "And when the light 200 00:07:00,692 --> 00:07:03,728 is no longer bright." 201 00:07:07,733 --> 00:07:11,519 "Don't think twice, it's all right." 202 00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:12,686 It's over. 203 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,707 Smartest guy I know. 204 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:19,860 Professor? 205 00:07:19,912 --> 00:07:20,861 - Professor? - Yeah? 206 00:07:20,913 --> 00:07:22,246 We wanted to remind you 207 00:07:22,331 --> 00:07:24,749 about the post-lecture wine and cheese event. 208 00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:26,334 A soiree, eh? 209 00:07:26,385 --> 00:07:27,802 Super classy. 210 00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:30,555 Crackers, bubbles, crab, hummus. 211 00:07:30,639 --> 00:07:32,873 Yeah, I-I e-mailed you about that. 212 00:07:32,925 --> 00:07:35,343 - That was me. - Oh, sometimes when I get a really long e-mail... 213 00:07:39,030 --> 00:07:39,880 I don't read it. 214 00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:42,683 Bye. 215 00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,436 Oh, Mommy. 216 00:07:45,521 --> 00:07:46,988 All right, Dirk, what about Deb? 217 00:07:47,055 --> 00:07:48,656 You guys having problems or something? 218 00:07:48,723 --> 00:07:50,558 No, no, no, everything's fine. 219 00:07:51,109 --> 00:07:52,860 She left me and moved out of the house. 220 00:07:52,911 --> 00:07:55,396 I guess it was "too hard to support me." 221 00:07:55,947 --> 00:07:56,864 "Financially." 222 00:07:56,866 --> 00:07:59,084 It's all fine; her leaving has allowed me to realize 223 00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:00,869 the one thing that was missing in my life. 224 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:01,753 Scarves? 225 00:08:01,837 --> 00:08:03,622 Undergraduate ladies. 226 00:08:03,706 --> 00:08:05,540 You see, girls our age, what do they want? 227 00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,575 They want us to wed them, sire their children. 228 00:08:07,627 --> 00:08:08,677 They want you to have 229 00:08:08,744 --> 00:08:10,128 - a-a bedframe. - Right, yeah. 230 00:08:10,212 --> 00:08:11,680 Hmm? They want you to eat off plates, 231 00:08:11,747 --> 00:08:13,048 but girls in college 232 00:08:13,099 --> 00:08:14,415 all they want you to do 233 00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:17,686 is tell them that their photography has potential. 234 00:08:17,753 --> 00:08:19,971 Yeah, but don't they want to hang out wth guys their own age? 235 00:08:20,056 --> 00:08:21,890 Have you hung out with a 20-year-old dude lately? 236 00:08:21,941 --> 00:08:24,759 - Trust me, they are setting the bar very, very low. - Right. 237 00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:27,395 - They haven't even gone through their gay phase yet. - Hey, man, I'm gonna 238 00:08:27,446 --> 00:08:28,546 give Shelby a call really quick. 239 00:08:28,605 --> 00:08:30,278 Just want to check on her, see if everything's all right. 240 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:31,891 - Sounds good, man. - What, dude, relax, okay? 241 00:08:31,934 --> 00:08:33,818 I just said we're gonna give each other space, 242 00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:35,370 doesn't mean I can't call her, right, 243 00:08:35,437 --> 00:08:38,239 to see if anything funny happened on the plane. 244 00:08:38,290 --> 00:08:39,741 You know what "space" means, right? 245 00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:41,626 That's space to have sex with other people. 246 00:08:41,711 --> 00:08:43,795 No, space means you go to Mexico, 247 00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:45,914 and you do not have sex with other people. 248 00:08:46,365 --> 00:08:47,115 Watch this. 249 00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:49,384 Nick, don't give my any space. 250 00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:50,802 You got it, my man. 251 00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:52,637 See, this makes it pretty hard 252 00:08:52,722 --> 00:08:54,639 for you and I to have sex right now, doesn't it? 253 00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:56,307 Now, Nick, I want you 254 00:08:56,392 --> 00:08:57,642 - to give me some space. - You got it. 255 00:08:57,727 --> 00:09:00,311 All this space allows me opportunity 256 00:09:00,396 --> 00:09:02,147 to have as much sex as we want. 257 00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:03,148 Smartest guy I know. 258 00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:04,399 See how much sex 259 00:09:04,466 --> 00:09:06,901 - we could be having? - That-that does... 260 00:09:06,969 --> 00:09:09,137 Get out of my way, bookworms! 261 00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,439 You ready to make love to some college chicks? 262 00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:13,324 Hey, when's the last time you had mono? 263 00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:14,743 I don't know. 264 00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:17,696 Tomorrow, you're gonna say yesterday. 265 00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,581 I have that team-building research 266 00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:21,315 you asked for, Mr. Schmidt. 267 00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:25,003 What... are you wearing? 268 00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:27,088 I don't... I don't know. 269 00:09:27,156 --> 00:09:28,322 I mean, I found this 270 00:09:28,374 --> 00:09:30,258 at the lost and found at the gym. 271 00:09:30,326 --> 00:09:33,511 I'm not really sure how sexy a sex-cretary is supposed to be. 272 00:09:34,329 --> 00:09:35,130 I've never had to do this. 273 00:09:35,197 --> 00:09:36,881 I've never had to seduce somebody before. 274 00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:38,499 If you're gonna seduce me, 275 00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:41,302 don't dress up like my aunt Frieda at Seder. 276 00:09:42,353 --> 00:09:43,521 Come on, okay? 277 00:09:43,606 --> 00:09:45,440 I will do anything, 278 00:09:46,157 --> 00:09:47,976 and I'll do it anywhere. 279 00:09:48,027 --> 00:09:48,860 All right? 280 00:09:50,730 --> 00:09:53,031 Even fantasy location... 281 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,116 number three? 282 00:09:56,184 --> 00:09:57,152 Okay. 283 00:09:59,705 --> 00:10:02,824 Um, how good are the Beatles? 284 00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:04,709 Beatles are the best. 285 00:10:05,094 --> 00:10:06,527 Were you so upset when they broke up? 286 00:10:07,079 --> 00:10:08,529 I would have been, but I was one. 287 00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:13,818 Well, you're not one any more. 288 00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:17,772 How's your prostate? 289 00:10:17,823 --> 00:10:19,607 - Uh... - I had my breast exam last week, 290 00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:21,042 and, like, they're fine. 291 00:10:21,610 --> 00:10:22,494 It's just boob in there, 292 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,913 but we have to be careful. 293 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:26,447 Our bodies are decaying. 294 00:10:27,199 --> 00:10:27,882 Are you okay? 295 00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,300 You seem strange. 296 00:10:29,385 --> 00:10:30,668 Why didn't we kiss the other night? 297 00:10:30,753 --> 00:10:31,669 Sorry. 298 00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:36,057 I'm sorry. 299 00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:38,143 - No, it's fine. - Oh. 300 00:10:38,227 --> 00:10:39,344 - What? - Hey, I... 301 00:10:39,428 --> 00:10:41,312 - Is everything okay? Oh. - I got to go. 302 00:10:41,397 --> 00:10:43,181 - This ought to take care of the dinner. - Yeah. 303 00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:45,967 Okay? 304 00:10:46,018 --> 00:10:47,402 Oh, I cannot believe I almost left 305 00:10:47,469 --> 00:10:48,686 without, um... 306 00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:49,971 Here, there's cab fare. 307 00:10:50,022 --> 00:10:50,822 - Get home safe. - Oh. 308 00:10:56,712 --> 00:10:57,996 Baby, look, I don't want space, okay? 309 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,497 I don't want anyone to have space. 310 00:10:59,582 --> 00:11:01,366 I want to be standing right in front of you. 311 00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,168 I want the air that you breathe 312 00:11:03,252 --> 00:11:05,537 to be the air coming directly from out of my mouth. 313 00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:07,655 I want to just be passing air back and forth 314 00:11:07,706 --> 00:11:09,757 between each other until it's mostly carbon dioxide 315 00:11:09,825 --> 00:11:12,343 and then we both pass out and die. 316 00:11:16,999 --> 00:11:18,183 No flights tonight. 317 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:21,098 Hey, Schmidt, do you mind if I borrow your car again? 318 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,560 "Of course you can, Winston. You're so great." 319 00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:23,861 Thank you! 320 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,819 Nope. 321 00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:45,192 Hey, my name's Nicholas. 322 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,153 Nick, Nick. 323 00:11:47,216 --> 00:11:50,099 Buddy, nobody ever regretted throwing an after party. 324 00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,127 Oh, I do. 325 00:11:51,193 --> 00:11:52,365 Dirk, I feel so old here. 326 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,138 Is calling a girl "Shorty" still cool? 327 00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:55,941 We just got to find your angle with these college girls. 328 00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:58,493 Your hook, your panty-melter. 329 00:11:58,561 --> 00:12:01,179 Usually, my hook is that it's closing time, and I'm there. 330 00:12:01,247 --> 00:12:03,165 You were a panty-melting icon in law school. 331 00:12:03,232 --> 00:12:05,066 If panties were snowmen, 332 00:12:05,118 --> 00:12:07,536 you were March, bro. 333 00:12:10,306 --> 00:12:11,206 Hey. 334 00:12:11,257 --> 00:12:12,841 - Don't-don't do this. - Skyler, Miriam, 335 00:12:12,908 --> 00:12:14,293 - come over here for a second. - Don't humiliate me, Dirk. 336 00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:15,877 How cool is my friend, Nick? 337 00:12:15,928 --> 00:12:17,379 Are you a professor, too? 338 00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:18,680 No, no, no, I'm a bartender. 339 00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:19,848 30 years old, 340 00:12:19,915 --> 00:12:21,383 I don't have health insurance. 341 00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,969 You know how to make drinks? 342 00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,754 Panty-melter. 343 00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:27,889 Do I know how to make drinks, did you say? 344 00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,691 Yeah, like alcoholic drinks? 345 00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:31,109 Yeah, I do that professionally. 346 00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:33,278 You could get me drunk professionally? 347 00:12:33,346 --> 00:12:34,980 Are you a cop? 348 00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:36,164 Sometimes. 349 00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:39,483 Do you have identification on you? 350 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:48,827 I gotta call Jenna 351 00:12:48,828 --> 00:12:51,046 and tell her I'm making out with a bartender. 352 00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:53,131 Five nights a week. 353 00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:56,451 Jess, you made it to the party! 354 00:12:56,502 --> 00:12:58,336 What's going on? Why is the cast 355 00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,005 of the Social Network in our apartment? 356 00:13:00,089 --> 00:13:01,890 Dirk is a genius! 357 00:13:01,957 --> 00:13:04,393 20-year-old girls-- they think I'm awesome! 358 00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,011 And look at 'em! 359 00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:08,013 They don't know what Saved by the Bell is 360 00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:09,347 and they've never felt pain. 361 00:13:10,432 --> 00:13:12,934 I'm Skyler's Fancyman! 362 00:13:12,985 --> 00:13:14,102 Can you believe it? 363 00:13:14,153 --> 00:13:15,487 Where's your Fancyman? Where is he? 364 00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:17,489 I don't know. It was horrible. 365 00:13:17,573 --> 00:13:20,809 He left and gave me $100 for a cab! 366 00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:22,244 You know what? 367 00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:24,413 I'm gonna use the remaining 90 368 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,815 to get out of here and start a new life. 369 00:13:26,866 --> 00:13:28,200 It's been nice knowing you. 370 00:13:28,284 --> 00:13:31,086 Hey...! 371 00:13:31,153 --> 00:13:32,871 I'm gonna die alone! 372 00:13:32,955 --> 00:13:34,489 Oh, no! 373 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:37,125 I am so, so sad right now. 374 00:13:37,176 --> 00:13:39,845 My heart hurts! 375 00:13:39,929 --> 00:13:42,214 You want Nick to make you a bayberry breeze? 376 00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:44,466 - 'Cause he is so smart. - So smart. 377 00:13:44,517 --> 00:13:46,501 Yes, I do. Yes, I do! 378 00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:52,607 This. 379 00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:55,610 I'm not happy! 30 sucks! 380 00:13:55,678 --> 00:13:58,563 Ah, weird party move. 381 00:14:01,016 --> 00:14:05,454 ♪ It's time to try defying gravity ♪ 382 00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:10,709 ♪ I think I'll try defying gravity ♪ 383 00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:11,860 It's been two hours. 384 00:14:11,911 --> 00:14:13,211 This is officially crazy. 385 00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:14,713 Also, I have to go to the bathroom. 386 00:14:14,797 --> 00:14:16,131 Just pee yourself. 387 00:14:16,198 --> 00:14:17,499 So you'd rather sit in my urine 388 00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:18,967 for the rest of the car ride 389 00:14:18,969 --> 00:14:21,253 than admit to Winston that we're sleeping together? 390 00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:24,055 Yep, absolutely. Don't even have to think about it. 391 00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:26,725 I don't want to ruin what we have, okay? 392 00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:28,760 Because if people find out, 393 00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:30,562 they're gonna have a lot of questions, 394 00:14:30,646 --> 00:14:32,681 like, "Cece, why are you sleeping with him?" 395 00:14:32,732 --> 00:14:35,433 And, "Seriously, why?" 396 00:14:35,518 --> 00:14:37,269 You think we have something to ruin? 397 00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:39,821 Earlier, I was dressed as a sex-cretary. 398 00:14:39,889 --> 00:14:42,941 And I was wearing shoulder pads. 399 00:14:43,025 --> 00:14:45,160 So I obviously 400 00:14:45,227 --> 00:14:47,362 must like sleeping with you. 401 00:14:48,498 --> 00:14:50,532 A secre-tarty. 402 00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:53,118 Shut... up. 403 00:14:56,405 --> 00:14:57,973 This is pretty great. 404 00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,441 I'm freezing. 405 00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:01,293 - Yeah. - I'm so cold. 406 00:15:01,377 --> 00:15:03,211 How are you not freezing? 407 00:15:03,262 --> 00:15:05,914 Does brown skin retain heat? 408 00:15:05,965 --> 00:15:08,383 ♪ Instead of dreary who-you-were, well, are ♪ 409 00:15:08,434 --> 00:15:12,053 ♪ There's nothing that can stop you from becoming popular ♪ 410 00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:13,722 ♪ Lar ♪ 411 00:15:13,773 --> 00:15:15,724 ♪ La, la ♪ 412 00:15:15,775 --> 00:15:18,276 ♪ La, ah-ah, ah... ♪ 413 00:15:21,697 --> 00:15:24,065 Take out your tampon and drink, Trevor! 414 00:15:24,116 --> 00:15:27,101 The Flip Queen has spoken! 415 00:15:27,153 --> 00:15:29,037 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 416 00:15:29,104 --> 00:15:30,488 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 417 00:15:33,742 --> 00:15:34,576 Shelby. 418 00:15:34,627 --> 00:15:36,077 Babe, I don't want space. 419 00:15:36,128 --> 00:15:37,495 Neither do I! 420 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,831 That's why I'm at your apartment. 421 00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,583 I got on a plane. I wanted to see you. 422 00:15:41,634 --> 00:15:43,301 What?! 423 00:15:43,386 --> 00:15:45,887 Babe, look, I'm in Mexico. I came to see you. 424 00:15:45,955 --> 00:15:47,005 Are you serious? 425 00:15:47,089 --> 00:15:48,056 I miss you, Shelby. 426 00:15:48,123 --> 00:15:49,457 You're so sexy, girl. 427 00:15:49,508 --> 00:15:51,626 In or out of the wig. 428 00:15:51,677 --> 00:15:53,645 I don't care. Shelby. 429 00:15:53,729 --> 00:15:55,630 You make me so feel brave, babe, 430 00:15:55,681 --> 00:15:57,732 and I've never felt like this about anybody else before. 431 00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,634 I love you. 432 00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:03,188 And I carry your soul-song with me wherever I go. 433 00:16:03,256 --> 00:16:04,639 I love you, too. 434 00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:06,641 I'm coming back, baby. No space! 435 00:16:10,246 --> 00:16:12,280 Are you traveling with any non-US citizens? 436 00:16:13,249 --> 00:16:15,701 You actually catch people with that line? 437 00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:18,987 No, sir, just me and my American heart... 438 00:16:20,038 --> 00:16:21,039 full of love. 439 00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:24,376 Then how do you explain... 440 00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:27,963 this? 441 00:16:29,682 --> 00:16:31,800 I can't... sir. 442 00:16:33,853 --> 00:16:37,322 No one in the entire world can explain that. 443 00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:43,756 I am so tall! 444 00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,509 I feel like a Chinese basketball player. 445 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,895 Russell? 446 00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:53,131 Oh. 447 00:17:00,273 --> 00:17:01,774 Hey, Jess. 448 00:17:01,825 --> 00:17:03,442 I'm not Jess. 449 00:17:03,493 --> 00:17:06,829 I'm her cousin... Sylvia? 450 00:17:08,615 --> 00:17:09,865 Are you doing okay? 451 00:17:10,449 --> 00:17:12,000 I want a donut. 452 00:17:12,585 --> 00:17:15,821 Then let's get you a donut. 453 00:17:15,889 --> 00:17:17,589 Please? 454 00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:20,509 I want to talk to you... alone. 455 00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:25,546 Well, this is a fun group. 456 00:17:25,631 --> 00:17:27,132 Hmm. Can you drop me off at my dorm? 457 00:17:27,183 --> 00:17:28,016 It's called Hamilton. 458 00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,686 I'd like to vomit now. 459 00:17:36,843 --> 00:17:39,511 God! 460 00:17:39,562 --> 00:17:42,030 I've never jumped out of a moving car before! 461 00:17:42,115 --> 00:17:44,400 That was bad-ass! 462 00:17:44,484 --> 00:17:45,951 - Hey, uh, kiddo. - Okay. 463 00:17:46,018 --> 00:17:47,535 - Nick, that's the road. - What's up? 464 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:48,454 You want the woods. 465 00:17:48,521 --> 00:17:49,872 I want the woods. You're smart, Russ. 466 00:17:49,956 --> 00:17:51,407 - Come here. - Hey, it was nothing. 467 00:17:51,491 --> 00:17:53,692 You're okay, Russ. 468 00:17:53,743 --> 00:17:56,829 Okay, we can hug some more later. 469 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,547 This isn't her, you know. 470 00:17:58,631 --> 00:18:00,215 She's not like us. 471 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,518 She's one of the good ones. 472 00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:06,922 Time to make the puke, Russell. 473 00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:08,674 So listen, man, it's-it's really 474 00:18:08,725 --> 00:18:09,733 important to us 475 00:18:09,736 --> 00:18:11,877 that our completely equal sexual relationship 476 00:18:11,928 --> 00:18:14,045 where neither one of us has the upper hand, 477 00:18:14,097 --> 00:18:17,232 uh, remain a secret, and while I respect 478 00:18:17,317 --> 00:18:19,651 the fact that you listen to Wicked while you're alone, 479 00:18:19,719 --> 00:18:22,604 I could use that information against you 480 00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,556 at any point in time. 481 00:18:24,607 --> 00:18:26,108 By the way, there's a stop sign, like, right up... 482 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,526 Is that a stop sign? 483 00:18:27,594 --> 00:18:29,128 Well, you'd probably want to slow down... 484 00:18:29,179 --> 00:18:30,763 Oh, my God. Maybe it's a go sign. 485 00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:32,381 I don't think it's a go sign. 486 00:18:32,465 --> 00:18:34,550 Because if somebody like you 487 00:18:34,634 --> 00:18:37,436 is sleeping with someone like her, 488 00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:39,638 then maybe the whole damn world is upside down! 489 00:18:39,689 --> 00:18:41,473 It's just what I'm thinking. 490 00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:45,027 And I want to talk to you. 491 00:18:45,111 --> 00:18:46,728 I want to have a chance to explain. 492 00:18:46,813 --> 00:18:48,480 That's okay. I understand. 493 00:18:48,531 --> 00:18:50,866 I just... I thought 494 00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:54,019 you wanted a sophisticated lady, but now I realize that 495 00:18:54,070 --> 00:18:57,322 you like dating younger girls 'cause we think you're cool. 496 00:18:57,373 --> 00:18:58,624 And you know what? 497 00:18:58,691 --> 00:19:00,876 It's working because... 498 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,462 I think you're a hotty with a body. 499 00:19:03,529 --> 00:19:05,998 Oh. Um... 500 00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:08,967 I got to tell you, I didn't ask you out 501 00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:10,018 because you're younger than me. 502 00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:11,553 I asked you out because I like you. 503 00:19:12,138 --> 00:19:16,225 But I-I've forgotten really how... how to do this, you know. 504 00:19:16,309 --> 00:19:19,261 I haven't dated since 1989... 505 00:19:20,345 --> 00:19:23,081 when I took her to the picture show in my buggy. 506 00:19:23,149 --> 00:19:26,685 1989 was, my friend, 507 00:19:26,736 --> 00:19:29,988 the year that I learned to use the toaster by myself. 508 00:19:30,056 --> 00:19:32,324 Oh. 509 00:19:32,391 --> 00:19:34,610 The text I got at dinner was from my ex-wife. 510 00:19:34,694 --> 00:19:35,994 Sarah's with her this weekend, 511 00:19:36,062 --> 00:19:37,529 I didn't pack her inhaler. 512 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,797 She was having an asthma attack. 513 00:19:38,865 --> 00:19:40,532 - Is Sarah okay? - Yeah. 514 00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:43,001 Yeah. Thanks. I-I... 515 00:19:43,569 --> 00:19:45,621 I just feel like I should have explained. 516 00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:47,239 And I really wanted to kiss you 517 00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:49,074 - the other night. - Really? 518 00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,126 I wanted to do more than kiss you. 519 00:19:51,211 --> 00:19:52,911 I'd like to do you, at some point. 520 00:19:52,962 --> 00:19:54,546 Like, you know, really, 521 00:19:54,597 --> 00:19:56,248 really give it to you good. 522 00:19:58,084 --> 00:20:00,269 Uh, but I've forgotten how to tell 523 00:20:00,353 --> 00:20:02,788 whether it's the right moment. 524 00:20:02,856 --> 00:20:04,590 I was nervous. 525 00:20:04,657 --> 00:20:06,558 You were nervous? 526 00:20:06,609 --> 00:20:08,927 Nick was right. 527 00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:11,763 He can be really wise sometimes. 528 00:20:11,814 --> 00:20:13,482 Oh, my God, it's happening! 529 00:20:13,566 --> 00:20:16,201 It's coming! I think I'm dying! 530 00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:18,303 I feel scared and excited! 531 00:20:21,874 --> 00:20:23,075 What do you think? 532 00:20:23,126 --> 00:20:24,993 What do I think of what? 533 00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:26,712 Do you think now is the right moment? 534 00:20:26,779 --> 00:20:28,480 I think so. 535 00:20:28,548 --> 00:20:30,215 Okay. 536 00:20:30,283 --> 00:20:33,051 Get out of me, you poison! 537 00:20:35,805 --> 00:20:38,423 Wait. Is that your hand? 538 00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:40,225 No. 539 00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:41,643 That's my hand. 540 00:20:41,728 --> 00:20:43,795 - Oh, my God! - You're welcome. 541 00:20:43,846 --> 00:20:45,931 Get out of here, Dirk! 542 00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:47,299 You get out of here... 543 00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:49,518 Come here. 544 00:20:55,491 --> 00:20:57,976 Hey! 545 00:20:58,027 --> 00:21:00,478 Oh, no! 546 00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:03,665 Where are you guys? 547 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:08,587 Hello? 548 00:21:08,638 --> 00:21:09,955 Hey, where are you guys? 549 00:21:10,023 --> 00:21:12,307 Hey, could I have walked out into the mountains? 550 00:21:12,392 --> 00:21:14,526 When does a hill become a mountain? 551 00:21:14,594 --> 00:21:17,729 It just happened. 552 00:21:17,797 --> 00:21:19,264 I'm so cold. 553 00:21:19,315 --> 00:21:20,465 Who is this? 554 00:21:25,905 --> 00:21:29,140 Oh, my God, Dirk is dead! 555 00:21:29,192 --> 00:21:31,675 Dirk is dead! 556 00:21:34,392 --> 00:21:36,175 Smartest guy I knew. 557 00:21:36,177 --> 00:21:41,178 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther