1
00:00:00,831 --> 00:00:03,394
- Here you guys go. Some cookies.
- Wow.
2
00:00:03,396 --> 00:00:04,403
Okay, great. Um,
3
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:05,717
as you guys know, I'm moving in
4
00:00:05,745 --> 00:00:07,381
with Caroline,
and I'm glad we can
5
00:00:07,396 --> 00:00:08,928
talk about this like adults.
6
00:00:08,961 --> 00:00:11,764
Caroline is, uh,
quite the baker.
7
00:00:11,855 --> 00:00:12,771
Anything else, anyone?
8
00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:14,362
You're making a huge,
9
00:00:14,393 --> 00:00:16,526
life-ruining mistake
by moving in
10
00:00:16,564 --> 00:00:17,941
with a woman who turned you
11
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:19,299
into an agoraphobic,
12
00:00:19,347 --> 00:00:21,880
turtle-faced,
borderline alcoholic.
13
00:00:22,416 --> 00:00:23,690
I'm going to start over,
14
00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:25,748
'cause this did not go
the way I had planned.
15
00:00:27,211 --> 00:00:29,649
As you guys know, I'm leaving,
so there are some things
16
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:31,686
- we need to work out.
- Yeah, like, what am I going to do
17
00:00:31,687 --> 00:00:33,712
with all that extra money I have
now that I don't
18
00:00:33,713 --> 00:00:35,018
- have to cover for you any more?
- Okay.
19
00:00:35,042 --> 00:00:37,328
- Maybe I'll buy a city.
- Oh, and you can open a mall
20
00:00:37,391 --> 00:00:40,078
- And call it Winston's Corners.
- What are you guys doing?
21
00:00:40,093 --> 00:00:41,687
You're just sitting here
and letting this happen?
22
00:00:41,719 --> 00:00:42,663
What else are we going to do?
23
00:00:42,691 --> 00:00:43,886
The guy obviously
knows what he wants.
24
00:00:43,909 --> 00:00:45,097
- I do.
- When Nick leaves,
25
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,738
I'm going to call a plumber
and just
26
00:00:46,777 --> 00:00:48,457
throw cash at him
while he works.
27
00:00:48,504 --> 00:00:50,370
Fitties and hunnits,
hunnits, hunnits.
28
00:00:50,394 --> 00:00:52,317
Look, while you're at it, can
you please call an exterminator
29
00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:53,887
so we can get rid
of that crime against nature?
30
00:00:53,902 --> 00:00:55,512
Yeah, he's not fooling anyone.
31
00:00:55,535 --> 00:00:56,517
You think, just 'cause he's
32
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,486
a snappy dresser,
the mice don't see the hammer?
33
00:00:58,775 --> 00:01:00,517
Mice come
from all over the building
34
00:01:00,546 --> 00:01:02,299
to laugh at that dummy witch.
35
00:01:02,316 --> 00:01:04,022
Is this a freaking carob chip?
36
00:01:04,056 --> 00:01:05,278
What, are you trying
to buy our love
37
00:01:05,314 --> 00:01:06,377
with hippie chocolate?
38
00:01:06,754 --> 00:01:08,694
You idiot.
39
00:01:08,695 --> 00:01:10,242
Aren't you going to
miss this, Nick?
40
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,243
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪Who's that girl?♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:13,268 --> 00:01:15,728
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl?
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:20,131 --> 00:01:22,121
- He's taking the bandages off.
- Wow.
43
00:01:22,122 --> 00:01:23,847
The old Washington Monument.
44
00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:26,099
Ready to serve this
great nation once again.
45
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:27,176
- Can you stop?
- What?
46
00:01:27,177 --> 00:01:29,161
It's time to make this
horse into a unicorn.
47
00:01:29,162 --> 00:01:31,145
Can we save this talk
until after we're done
48
00:01:31,146 --> 00:01:33,107
interviewing Neil here
to take Nick's room?
49
00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:34,197
Hey, don't worry about me.
50
00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:37,129
I could talk about my dingus
all night long.
51
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:39,169
Neil, tell us about yourself--
you know, uh, anything
52
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:41,111
we should know,
aside from the fact
53
00:01:41,112 --> 00:01:43,205
that you responded
to our Craigslist ad with a fax?
54
00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:46,112
Well, um, yeah, my name is Neil.
55
00:01:46,113 --> 00:01:49,183
Um, just coming out
of a pretty hairy divorce.
56
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,129
I am in human resources.
57
00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:52,163
Well, I used to be.
58
00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:54,367
I had the unique, uh, experience
59
00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:56,139
of having to let myself go.
60
00:01:56,163 --> 00:01:59,460
- I did not take it well.
- Let me ask you a question.
61
00:01:59,481 --> 00:02:01,507
I would love for you to save
your questions till the end.
62
00:02:01,532 --> 00:02:03,157
Are you going to be
a wuss about things
63
00:02:03,185 --> 00:02:05,748
- like crabs and bedbugs?
- Like, crabs from Maine?
64
00:02:05,767 --> 00:02:08,931
I hope you like feminist rants,
'cause that's kind of my thing.
65
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,538
Neil, she's just saying this
to scare you.
66
00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:12,087
What are you...
67
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,130
- What are you doing?
- Shut up.
68
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,825
I'm a cutter.
69
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,680
Neil, uh, I want you
to give us a minute, okay?
70
00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:18,907
I got to go talk
to my roommates
71
00:02:18,953 --> 00:02:20,910
- in the bathroom. Guys? - Okay.
- Yeah.
72
00:02:20,942 --> 00:02:22,381
You're acting insane.
73
00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:24,736
I'm acting insane?
That guy's insane.
74
00:02:24,766 --> 00:02:27,139
Look, Jess, when you moved in,
we all had to roll with it.
75
00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:30,120
To be fair, you do some
pretty weird stuff.
76
00:02:30,121 --> 00:02:31,663
You know, I still can't
get used to the way
77
00:02:31,678 --> 00:02:33,632
you let us know
when you're using the toilet.
78
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:38,685
I'm good with Neil.
79
00:02:38,714 --> 00:02:41,554
- I am, too.
- What are you guys doing?
80
00:02:41,652 --> 00:02:43,301
Nick's leaving.
81
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:44,824
You're his friends.
82
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:47,056
Aren't you going to fight
for him to stay?
83
00:02:47,121 --> 00:02:48,179
You're in.
84
00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:50,120
Ah, yes! Okay.
85
00:02:50,121 --> 00:02:51,201
And get ready for songs,
86
00:02:51,202 --> 00:02:54,154
'cause I am kind of
a troubadour.
87
00:02:54,155 --> 00:02:57,116
This is happening, Nick.
This is happening.
88
00:02:57,117 --> 00:02:59,092
Whoa, whoa! Why you
taking back your lamp?
89
00:02:59,093 --> 00:03:00,460
I think you just answered that
90
00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:01,860
when you called it my lamp.
91
00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:03,730
No, man.
Squatters' rights.
92
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:05,604
What's wrong?
You still afraid of the dark?
93
00:03:05,646 --> 00:03:06,902
What? No. Dude.
94
00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:08,021
'Cause, if you are,
95
00:03:08,131 --> 00:03:10,112
I'll leave this behind.
96
00:03:10,113 --> 00:03:12,107
Nick, first of all,
I'm not afraid of the dark.
97
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,163
But if I were afraid
of the dark,
98
00:03:13,164 --> 00:03:15,108
that would be a
totally rational,
99
00:03:15,109 --> 00:03:16,687
adaptive evolutionary response.
100
00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:18,656
- Good night, Winston.
- That's ridiculous.
101
00:03:18,679 --> 00:03:19,736
I'm not afraid of the dark.
102
00:03:19,768 --> 00:03:21,076
Good night, sweetheart.
103
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:24,525
Unless the monsters get you.
104
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,150
Hey.
105
00:03:31,151 --> 00:03:33,158
You came.
106
00:03:35,109 --> 00:03:36,162
Whoa.
107
00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:38,108
What you got in there?
108
00:03:38,109 --> 00:03:39,117
It's a hard cast.
109
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:41,125
Yeah, things didn't go
110
00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:43,125
quite like we had hoped
at the doctor.
111
00:03:43,126 --> 00:03:45,128
Yeah, so I told the guy
I had never been snowmobiling
112
00:03:45,129 --> 00:03:46,142
in my life, you know, and...
113
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,733
Oh, God!
114
00:03:48,765 --> 00:03:49,979
That's not my penis.
115
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,386
But look, on the bright side,
116
00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:54,138
it is impossible for me
to get aroused in this thing.
117
00:03:54,156 --> 00:03:56,272
Here, watch--
say something hot to me.
118
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,146
Fresh-pressed linens.
119
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,649
Nope, nothing.
120
00:04:04,736 --> 00:04:06,053
Not an inch.
121
00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:08,126
- Like a swaddled baby.
- Hey, Cece.
122
00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:09,882
- They're ready for us.
- Oh, okay.
123
00:04:09,924 --> 00:04:11,913
Just hang out, okay?
Have fun.
124
00:04:16,192 --> 00:04:18,134
That's right. Ride that missile.
125
00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:19,196
Grip it. Yeah.
126
00:04:19,197 --> 00:04:21,169
You've got a whole
tank full of jet fuel.
127
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,117
You're heading
straight for the sun.
128
00:04:23,118 --> 00:04:25,120
What the hell war is this?
129
00:04:25,121 --> 00:04:26,975
- All right, turn around and face him.
Am-am I...
130
00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:28,719
Am I supposed
to want to buy a missile?
131
00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:30,032
I don't understand.
132
00:04:30,072 --> 00:04:32,033
Just pounding the drum of war.
133
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,666
What-what, did no one
listen to Eisenhower?
134
00:04:36,113 --> 00:04:37,174
All right,
so that's everything.
135
00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:39,155
I took my fair share
of rubber bands,
136
00:04:39,156 --> 00:04:41,137
so I don't want
to hear about it.
137
00:04:41,138 --> 00:04:43,158
In my room,
you will find a shoe box.
138
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,116
In that box,
there is a guinea pig
139
00:04:46,117 --> 00:04:48,108
that I said I would bury,
140
00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:49,914
- so please deal with it.
- There's a corpse in your room?
141
00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:51,507
All right, guys, well,
thanks for helping me move.
142
00:04:51,514 --> 00:04:52,827
What are we standing
in a circle for,
143
00:04:52,849 --> 00:04:54,063
like a bunch
of weirdos? Let's go.
144
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,129
Hey, Nick?
145
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:56,536
Yeah.
146
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,085
Why are you rushing this?
147
00:04:58,134 --> 00:04:59,505
You have so much time.
148
00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:00,864
Why not just...
149
00:05:00,886 --> 00:05:03,086
take a second and
think about this?
150
00:05:03,138 --> 00:05:04,182
I feel confident.
151
00:05:04,183 --> 00:05:06,147
I-I couldn't be
more confident, Jess.
152
00:05:06,148 --> 00:05:09,159
- Are you?
- Yeah.
153
00:05:09,162 --> 00:05:11,155
- Are you?
- Yes.
154
00:05:11,156 --> 00:05:12,184
Are you really?
155
00:05:12,685 --> 00:05:14,176
Thanks for helping me move.
156
00:05:27,205 --> 00:05:31,112
I love the way he smelled.
157
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:34,108
Caroline and I are starting
a whole new life together.
158
00:05:34,109 --> 00:05:35,159
Right now, we're
trying to decide
159
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,166
between eggshell and
soft mint for the walls.
160
00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:41,200
My gut says that eggshell
is trying too hard,
161
00:05:41,201 --> 00:05:44,685
but soft mint is really
tricky to match.
162
00:05:44,706 --> 00:05:46,628
Have I told you guys about the
bay windows I'm going to have?
163
00:05:46,666 --> 00:05:47,980
- Yes, you have.
- Yeah, you just did.
164
00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:49,536
They are stunning, right?
165
00:05:50,315 --> 00:05:53,675
I'm going to curl up
in those like a damn cat.
166
00:05:53,777 --> 00:05:56,156
- That's the place.
That's-that'sthe place right there?
167
00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:58,108
Right there, yeah.
168
00:05:58,109 --> 00:05:59,163
Aren't you going to stop?
169
00:05:59,164 --> 00:06:01,125
Yeah, seems like I should.
170
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:02,176
Um, hey-hey, Nick.
171
00:06:02,177 --> 00:06:04,109
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
172
00:06:04,112 --> 00:06:07,155
- I'm freaking out! Yeah!
- What are you...?
173
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,674
Oh, no.
174
00:06:08,741 --> 00:06:10,718
Oh, Nick Miller's
freaking out again!
175
00:06:10,755 --> 00:06:12,026
Whoop-de-whoo.
176
00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:13,218
What's new?
177
00:06:21,684 --> 00:06:23,023
Come on!
178
00:06:23,046 --> 00:06:24,623
What the hell?
You think he's okay, man?
179
00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:26,308
Oh, no, no, no,
he's totally fine.
180
00:06:26,323 --> 00:06:27,356
We do this every day.
181
00:06:27,357 --> 00:06:29,316
We just never invite
you, Winston.
182
00:06:30,062 --> 00:06:31,929
What have I done?!
183
00:06:31,942 --> 00:06:33,270
Hey, Nick, I'm pretty sure
184
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,992
you overshot the apartment
by like 140 miles!
185
00:06:36,024 --> 00:06:37,781
Let's just hop
back in the truck,
186
00:06:37,848 --> 00:06:39,047
turn around and go home.
187
00:06:39,095 --> 00:06:41,975
- Yeah, yeah, you're right. - Okay?
- Okay.
188
00:06:41,991 --> 00:06:44,746
- This is crazy that I drove out here.
- Yeah, it is.
189
00:06:44,784 --> 00:06:46,427
Give me the keys.
I'll drive you back to Caroline.
190
00:06:46,429 --> 00:06:48,970
Caroline... no!
191
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,938
Well, that was unexpected.
192
00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:56,303
♪ I like to move in, move in,
I like to move in, move in ♪
193
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,315
♪ I like to ♪
194
00:06:58,316 --> 00:06:59,336
♪ Move in. ♪
195
00:06:59,337 --> 00:07:02,316
I like it quiet, quiet.
196
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,362
Okay, I rode up
197
00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:06,855
in the elevator with that guy,
198
00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:09,027
and something growled
in that box.
199
00:07:09,081 --> 00:07:11,114
I hope he has a pet.
That would cheer me up.
200
00:07:11,186 --> 00:07:12,311
Um, is Schmidt here?
201
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:15,275
No, he's helping Nick
move-- but, uh, Neil is.
202
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,378
Do you want to do a
sex-only thing with him?
203
00:07:17,379 --> 00:07:21,403
He came by my shoot earlier
and was so jealous.
204
00:07:21,404 --> 00:07:24,365
He was freaking out
the entire time.
205
00:07:24,366 --> 00:07:26,324
Oh.
206
00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:27,395
It's him, so...
207
00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:29,386
Hi, Schmidt.
208
00:07:29,387 --> 00:07:31,319
How's it going?
209
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,385
How's the new apartment?
210
00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:34,400
Does it smell like, uh,
new paint and compromise?
211
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:36,311
What?
212
00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:37,378
Where?
213
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:39,345
- There's not much sunlight left.
- What are you
214
00:07:39,348 --> 00:07:41,408
- afraid of, the dark?
- No, I'm not afraid of the dark.
215
00:07:41,409 --> 00:07:43,408
Worried about Schmidt.
He's a Jew in the desert.
216
00:07:43,409 --> 00:07:45,366
I don't want him to wander.
217
00:07:45,369 --> 00:07:47,382
That's Caroline.
Now, what do I tell her?
218
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,403
Tell her there's
freaking fire ants everywhere.
219
00:07:49,404 --> 00:07:51,323
Give me a sec.
220
00:07:51,324 --> 00:07:51,927
Hey.
221
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,295
Nick, where are you?
222
00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:54,403
In the desert.
223
00:07:54,404 --> 00:07:55,699
The what?
224
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,224
Yeah, I kind of...
225
00:07:57,849 --> 00:07:59,897
I kind of freaked out.
226
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,313
Look, I know it's a lot.
227
00:08:02,657 --> 00:08:04,529
Just get back here
228
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:06,307
as soon as you can,
and we'll...
229
00:08:06,345 --> 00:08:08,104
we'll figure it out.
230
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,217
Really?
231
00:08:10,234 --> 00:08:11,984
I love you.
232
00:08:12,104 --> 00:08:13,617
I love you, too.
233
00:08:19,387 --> 00:08:21,403
Think I overreacted
by throwing my keys earlier.
234
00:08:21,404 --> 00:08:23,333
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. I don't know why
235
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,113
I ever doubted Caroline.
She's the best.
236
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,523
So, why the hell would you throw
your damn keys away?!
237
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:28,383
I deserve this.
238
00:08:28,386 --> 00:08:31,316
- I'm going to kill you!
- Hey, Winston, no.
239
00:08:31,319 --> 00:08:33,362
- The boat is going down!
- All right, all right.
240
00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,341
- Calm down. Nick!
- I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
241
00:08:35,344 --> 00:08:37,333
Enough!
242
00:08:37,348 --> 00:08:39,107
Would you stop it?
There's violence everywhere!
243
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,098
Why are we fighting?
Why are we fighting?
244
00:08:43,362 --> 00:08:44,328
Oh, good.
245
00:08:44,329 --> 00:08:45,382
Oh, thank God.
246
00:08:45,383 --> 00:08:47,323
Hey, Jess!
247
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,352
What took you so long?
248
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,643
Let me tell you something--
you never want
249
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,070
to lose a race
against the night.
250
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,759
Nice new place, Nick.
251
00:08:52,785 --> 00:08:54,619
- It's very spacious.
- Yes, I'm an idiot, Jess.
252
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,266
- Really nice.
- Hey.
253
00:08:56,332 --> 00:08:57,955
That's for you.
254
00:08:57,977 --> 00:08:59,106
What happened at the shoot?
255
00:08:59,137 --> 00:09:00,169
You... you kind of left
256
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:01,776
before I had a chance
to say good-bye.
257
00:09:01,799 --> 00:09:03,285
Good stuff, sure.
258
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:04,779
It was hard to tell
where you stopped
259
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,850
and Goggles McHardBody began.
260
00:09:07,186 --> 00:09:09,144
That's my job.
261
00:09:09,239 --> 00:09:11,301
Gino is just some guy
that I see around the office,
262
00:09:11,396 --> 00:09:13,861
except for, in my office,
they rub us down
263
00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:16,047
- with baby oil before we start.
- Yeah, I-I get that.
264
00:09:16,096 --> 00:09:18,126
Look, your business
is selling sex.
265
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:20,299
Sure, you're a sex worker.
266
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,999
You're an idiot.
267
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:23,977
If we leave right now,
268
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,897
I can get back
to Caroline by 8:00.
269
00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:26,777
Caroline?
270
00:09:26,793 --> 00:09:29,353
Yeah, I-I changed my mind.
Gonna move in.
271
00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:31,331
Yeah, and I actually don't
even care about this truck.
272
00:09:31,332 --> 00:09:32,352
I'll come back
and get it tomorrow.
273
00:09:32,353 --> 00:09:33,383
I say we just leave now,
274
00:09:33,384 --> 00:09:34,973
- get out of the desert.
- Sounds good.
275
00:09:35,006 --> 00:09:36,342
- Sounds good.
- Here's my question.
276
00:09:36,382 --> 00:09:38,358
- What's that?
- How are you going to get there?
277
00:09:38,374 --> 00:09:39,647
Uh, I think you're
going to drive me.
278
00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:41,382
- Oh, I don't think so.
- Wait. What?
279
00:09:41,383 --> 00:09:42,919
- Then why'd you come out to the desert?
- What?!
280
00:09:42,935 --> 00:09:44,906
- What? What are you doing?
- Jess.
281
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:46,236
- Jess!
- No!
282
00:09:46,361 --> 00:09:48,319
Come on!
283
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,374
People, just please
listen to me.
284
00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:52,332
Stop throwing your damn keys!
285
00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:54,322
The werewolves
come out at night, man.
286
00:09:54,323 --> 00:09:55,404
I don't want nobody to eat me!
287
00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:58,350
- I got big thighs. I got a fat ass.
- Relax.
288
00:09:58,351 --> 00:10:00,140
We are in the middle
of the desert, and nobody
289
00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:01,851
- is going to find our bodies!
- Come here.
290
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,546
- What?
- You're having a nervous breakdown.
291
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,069
You're having a nervous breakdown.
292
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:07,906
The tow truck can't come
until tomorrow.
293
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,867
Aren't you glad
I stole all this beer?
294
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:12,863
- Hello. Look what I found.
- Don't. Put that away.
295
00:10:12,864 --> 00:10:14,413
- No, I have to hear it.
- I-I'm begging you
296
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,398
to put that away.
It's humiliating.
297
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:17,430
I made that when I was 14.
298
00:10:17,431 --> 00:10:19,391
Nick, I have to hear this.
299
00:10:19,392 --> 00:10:22,350
- This next song - Turn it up.
- No, please...
300
00:10:22,353 --> 00:10:24,362
Goes out to a very special girl,
Gwen Bressler.
301
00:10:24,363 --> 00:10:26,425
I know you like breakfast,
but how do you feel about...
302
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,367
- "Breakfast at Tiffany's"?
- "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
303
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:30,018
Oh, that is a terrible song.
304
00:10:30,044 --> 00:10:31,565
This is a great song.
305
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,412
You guys are crazy.
Listen to the lyrics.
306
00:10:33,422 --> 00:10:36,366
Oh, man.
I feel it in my body.
307
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,345
Oh...
308
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,408
Are you kidding me?
This is in my bones.
309
00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:44,341
♪ I said, "What about
Breakfast at Tiffany's"? ♪
310
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:46,363
- No!
- ♪ Something, something ♪
311
00:10:46,366 --> 00:10:49,354
♪ Da da-da da-ta ♪
312
00:10:52,424 --> 00:10:53,348
Gwen, you don't even
313
00:10:53,372 --> 00:10:54,426
know my name, do you?
314
00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:55,828
"How Bizarre."
315
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:59,841
Oh, yes, this is where Nick
got cool again.
316
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:00,900
Oh, not you, too.
317
00:11:05,921 --> 00:11:08,171
God, I'm like, I'm back.
318
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,054
Thank you for doing
this, actually.
319
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,370
Make fun of me all you want.
320
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,089
I'm back!
I'm back!
321
00:11:13,117 --> 00:11:14,836
Thank you for doing this.
322
00:11:16,921 --> 00:11:18,908
♪ In the hot, hot sun ♪
323
00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:22,849
♪ Suddenly, red-blue lights
flash us from behind ♪
324
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,921
♪ Loud voice booming... ♪
325
00:11:26,388 --> 00:11:28,841
I'm gonna miss this, you guys.
326
00:11:28,842 --> 00:11:30,933
Just all of us, together,
327
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:32,846
making fun of Nick.
328
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:35,896
Okay.
329
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:40,908
All right, I did it.
330
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,841
I'm an idiot.
331
00:11:42,842 --> 00:11:44,268
I see what you guys are doing.
332
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,465
I get it.
333
00:11:45,519 --> 00:11:47,496
You're trying to force me
to remember how great it is
334
00:11:47,521 --> 00:11:49,483
when we're all hanging out
so I don't want to leave.
335
00:11:49,498 --> 00:11:51,052
- We're just having fun.
- I get it.
336
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,169
You guys think I'm dumb
and I make bad decisions,
337
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:54,218
- but this isn't that.
- No.
338
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:55,624
What? Come on.
339
00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:57,077
You're being crazy.
Where are you going?
340
00:11:57,094 --> 00:11:58,321
- To get my keys.
- Dude, where you going?
341
00:11:58,352 --> 00:11:59,795
You're never gonna
find your keys.
342
00:12:03,471 --> 00:12:05,513
What's wrong with you?
343
00:12:05,842 --> 00:12:07,405
You're stress-eating meat.
344
00:12:07,457 --> 00:12:08,794
Hey, Jess.
345
00:12:09,238 --> 00:12:10,280
How many have you had?
346
00:12:10,281 --> 00:12:11,300
Like, three.
347
00:12:11,301 --> 00:12:13,233
That's a lot of pig parts.
348
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:14,253
It's just Cece.
349
00:12:14,254 --> 00:12:16,280
I thought it was going
so well between you guys.
350
00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:17,308
Yeah.
351
00:12:17,309 --> 00:12:19,778
You know, she's a good egg.
352
00:12:21,301 --> 00:12:23,512
She's never gonna be happy
with somebody like me, Jess.
353
00:12:23,554 --> 00:12:25,215
What? That's crazy.
354
00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:26,894
That's why I'm gonna
have to White Fang her.
355
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:28,531
Schmidt, come on!
356
00:12:28,565 --> 00:12:30,233
Look, I try not to
judge what you guys do,
357
00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:32,255
but please don't tell
me things like that.
358
00:12:32,256 --> 00:12:34,258
No, no, Jess, Jess.
359
00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:36,279
White Fang.
360
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,217
- Oh.
- This guy
361
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,245
Befriends a wild creature.
362
00:12:40,246 --> 00:12:42,254
But he must, he must
set the animal free
363
00:12:42,255 --> 00:12:44,211
because that's
what's best for it.
364
00:12:44,212 --> 00:12:45,236
I know the plot of White Fang.
365
00:12:45,237 --> 00:12:46,236
But the animal won't go.
366
00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:47,296
So with a breaking heart,
367
00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:50,216
he throws stones at it
until it runs away.
368
00:12:50,217 --> 00:12:52,237
You-you want
Cece to go away?
369
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:55,216
No.
370
00:12:55,217 --> 00:12:57,300
I want her to be happy.
371
00:12:57,301 --> 00:13:00,224
'Cause when-when you care
about somebody,
372
00:13:00,225 --> 00:13:02,241
you do what's-what's best
for them.
373
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:05,242
Even if it sucks for you.
374
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,279
Even if they're just a "woof."
375
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,304
A wolf?
376
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:11,809
- A "woof."
- A wolf.
377
00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:13,211
Yeah, that's what I said,
a "woof."
378
00:13:13,262 --> 00:13:14,309
A wolf.
379
00:13:14,310 --> 00:13:15,946
A "woof."
380
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:17,225
Come on, keys.
381
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,278
Hey, Nick?
382
00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:19,286
Come on, they could be anywhere.
383
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:20,296
Let's come back in the morning.
384
00:13:20,297 --> 00:13:22,712
I don't want to come back
in the morning, Jess.
385
00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:23,705
Okay, I want to be
386
00:13:23,706 --> 00:13:26,258
in my new bed,
in my new apartment,
387
00:13:26,259 --> 00:13:28,224
with my new old girlfriend.
388
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,254
Okay, just-- look,
I know I've been--
389
00:13:30,255 --> 00:13:32,216
What?
390
00:13:32,217 --> 00:13:34,220
Oh, my God.
391
00:13:34,221 --> 00:13:36,304
Shh-shh. Shh.
392
00:13:41,031 --> 00:13:42,093
Oh, my God.
393
00:13:42,547 --> 00:13:43,462
Okay, just be cool.
394
00:13:43,463 --> 00:13:44,520
What do we do?
What do we do?
395
00:13:44,521 --> 00:13:46,457
I don't know, I don't
know what to do!
396
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:48,505
- Okay, but, Jess, we have
to do something! - Shh.
397
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:51,665
Meep-meep!
398
00:13:51,901 --> 00:13:53,479
- What are you doing?
- Like the Road Runner.
399
00:13:53,523 --> 00:13:54,538
I know it's like
the Road Runner.
400
00:13:54,539 --> 00:13:55,797
Why would you
do the Road Runner?
401
00:13:55,804 --> 00:13:57,289
- Because he's...
- Don't do that, Jess.
402
00:13:57,331 --> 00:13:58,816
- Meep-meep!
- Jess, honestly,
403
00:13:58,847 --> 00:14:01,114
Don't do the Road Runner
to a coyote!
404
00:14:01,143 --> 00:14:02,722
That's how you
deal with coyotes.
405
00:14:02,729 --> 00:14:04,007
Coyotes hate roadrunners!
406
00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:05,030
That's how you deal with them.
407
00:14:05,055 --> 00:14:06,377
Coyotes want to
kill roadrunners!
408
00:14:08,476 --> 00:14:09,475
Meep-meep!
409
00:14:09,476 --> 00:14:10,475
Oh, you...
410
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,475
No disrespect.
411
00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:17,505
It's watching us.
It's watching us.
412
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:25,337
We need to talk.
413
00:14:25,439 --> 00:14:26,458
All right.
414
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,926
This is not another
one of those
415
00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:30,038
"merlot is the whore of the
vineyard" talks, is it?
416
00:14:30,057 --> 00:14:32,072
This isn't working out.
417
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:35,995
Are you kidding... right now?
418
00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,140
Are you trying
to end this with me?
419
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,021
Now go on!
420
00:14:52,849 --> 00:14:53,953
You heard me!
421
00:14:53,971 --> 00:14:54,974
Go on!
422
00:14:55,053 --> 00:14:56,326
Go on, scram!
423
00:14:56,474 --> 00:14:57,486
Go!
424
00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:59,053
I hate you! Go!
425
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,590
Go back to your kind!
426
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,250
Are you White Fanging me?
427
00:15:06,336 --> 00:15:07,338
Sorry, what?
428
00:15:07,372 --> 00:15:10,097
White Fang, Schmidt.
429
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:12,295
The only book on your Kindle.
430
00:15:12,366 --> 00:15:13,932
The one that you wouldn't
stop talking about.
431
00:15:13,958 --> 00:15:14,997
Remember, I said, "Please,"
432
00:15:15,021 --> 00:15:16,554
stop talking about White Fang."
433
00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:20,119
And you said, "Someday,
I'm gonna do this to somebody."
434
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,458
That White Fang. Uh-huh.
435
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,156
Why are you trying
to push me away?
436
00:15:27,455 --> 00:15:29,525
I saw your phone, Cece.
437
00:15:29,526 --> 00:15:32,479
I saw the text message
from Gino.
438
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,675
Your colleague.
439
00:15:33,697 --> 00:15:34,731
You went through my phone?
440
00:15:34,857 --> 00:15:35,905
What? No.
441
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:39,094
Winston... Winston
went through your phone.
442
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,411
That is not okay.
443
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:45,462
This is about trust,
Schmidt, okay?
444
00:15:45,463 --> 00:15:46,503
It's about trust.
445
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:48,110
And I told you how
this was gonna be,
446
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,910
and I asked you to
get okay with it.
447
00:15:49,925 --> 00:15:51,854
How am I supposed
to trust you, Cece?
448
00:15:51,877 --> 00:15:52,832
You slept with me.
449
00:15:52,863 --> 00:15:55,597
I mean, that doesn't say much
about your taste in men.
450
00:16:06,488 --> 00:16:09,103
And I have more than one book
on my Kindle.
451
00:16:09,144 --> 00:16:11,703
And a subscription to Cricket.
452
00:16:11,756 --> 00:16:13,768
And a lot of PDFs!
453
00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:17,305
Doesn't he have
somewhere to be?
454
00:16:17,346 --> 00:16:19,040
Well, this is a disaster.
455
00:16:19,236 --> 00:16:20,955
Why did you keep driving?
456
00:16:20,985 --> 00:16:22,482
I don't want to talk
to you about this, Jess.
457
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:24,522
I know what you're gonna say,
and I don't want to hear it.
458
00:16:24,523 --> 00:16:26,521
No.
459
00:16:26,522 --> 00:16:29,467
No, you don't know
what I'm gonna say.
460
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:33,471
I want you to be happy.
461
00:16:33,472 --> 00:16:36,471
And if that means
moving in with Caroline,
462
00:16:36,472 --> 00:16:38,472
then I think you should do it.
463
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:42,509
That's what you think?
464
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,959
I think you need me too much.
465
00:16:44,976 --> 00:16:47,147
No, I'm gonna be fine. I am.
466
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:47,967
I don't think so.
467
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,995
- You know why?
- Why?
468
00:16:51,983 --> 00:16:53,480
'Cause I met you.
469
00:16:56,893 --> 00:16:58,547
That's why I'm okay.
470
00:17:02,178 --> 00:17:03,127
That's why
471
00:17:03,950 --> 00:17:05,971
I can do this.
472
00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:07,458
What are you doing?
473
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:10,892
To beat the coyote,
you have to be the coyote.
474
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:12,259
That's what I thought
you were gonna say.
475
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,519
That's a very dumb idea.
Don't do this.
476
00:17:13,544 --> 00:17:15,479
I'm not with her on this.
477
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,509
This is her move, not mine, sir.
478
00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:20,479
No.
479
00:17:27,493 --> 00:17:29,459
Oh, my God.
- I did it!
480
00:17:29,462 --> 00:17:31,454
Oh, my God.
481
00:17:31,455 --> 00:17:33,457
I did it! I have so much dirt
in my mouth, and I did it!
482
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,551
- Come here, come here.
- I did it!
483
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:35,551
Nice job!
484
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:36,551
I did it!
485
00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,128
Oh, my God. Schmidt?
486
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:43,909
Hello?
487
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:44,970
Winston?
488
00:17:45,002 --> 00:17:46,476
Oh, my goodness!
489
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:47,543
Oh, my goodness!
490
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:50,488
- Oh... my goodness!
- He'll be fine.
491
00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:54,542
I don't know.
492
00:17:54,543 --> 00:17:56,478
You guys want
some candy or something?
493
00:17:56,479 --> 00:17:57,501
Found it in the truck.
494
00:17:57,502 --> 00:17:58,516
No.
495
00:17:58,517 --> 00:18:00,458
I don't want your dirty lolly.
496
00:18:00,459 --> 00:18:01,476
Guys!
497
00:18:01,477 --> 00:18:02,517
- Ah!
- Whoo!
498
00:18:02,518 --> 00:18:03,522
I survived, man.
499
00:18:04,523 --> 00:18:05,796
I made it out alive.
500
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:06,909
- Wait, wait, don't touch me.
- Don't touch...
501
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,505
There's, uh,
there's pee everywhere.
502
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:11,454
Like... everywhere.
503
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:12,474
It's everywhere?
504
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:13,507
Well, I didn't just pee on me.
505
00:18:13,508 --> 00:18:14,545
I peed-- well, I peed on me,
506
00:18:14,546 --> 00:18:16,543
but other-other things
peed on me, too.
507
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:18,521
I saw things, man.
508
00:18:18,522 --> 00:18:20,542
I had an experience.
509
00:18:20,543 --> 00:18:23,466
I think I made out with
the side of a dune.
510
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:24,529
Hey!
511
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:26,458
Look, I found my keys!
512
00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:27,497
Ah! Thank God!
513
00:18:34,538 --> 00:18:36,475
We still on for brunch?
514
00:18:36,476 --> 00:18:38,457
Gonna come help me
unload my stuff tomorrow?
515
00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:39,467
No, not a chance.
516
00:18:39,468 --> 00:18:41,467
No, yeah, so we can't do brunch.
517
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:54,458
Just go.
518
00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:55,467
Get in the car.
519
00:18:57,476 --> 00:18:59,475
Unacceptable.
520
00:18:59,476 --> 00:19:01,484
Good luck.
521
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,512
Well...
522
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,547
Well...
523
00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:16,455
All right, I'll see you.
524
00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:21,526
See ya.
525
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,546
Wow.
526
00:19:34,547 --> 00:19:37,512
Look how pronounced
Nick's couch hole got.
527
00:19:37,513 --> 00:19:38,888
All this time
528
00:19:38,913 --> 00:19:40,083
I thought he was
just sitting here
529
00:19:40,104 --> 00:19:42,078
drinking beer and complaining,
530
00:19:42,329 --> 00:19:43,618
he was making something.
531
00:19:54,821 --> 00:19:55,862
Hey.
532
00:19:57,371 --> 00:19:59,350
What do you think?
533
00:20:25,905 --> 00:20:27,954
Hey, WNICK listeners,
534
00:20:27,955 --> 00:20:29,538
this one is going out
to all the ladies
535
00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:31,487
I'm gonna meet when I grow up.
536
00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:33,466
Not.
537
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:49,509
Hey.
538
00:20:52,513 --> 00:20:56,459
Welcome back, you clown.
539
00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:06,504
♪ She was a fast machine,
she kept her motor clean ♪
540
00:21:06,505 --> 00:21:11,454
♪ She was the best damn woman
that I ever seen ♪
541
00:21:11,455 --> 00:21:15,483
♪ She had the sightless eyes,
telling me no lies ♪
542
00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:18,537
♪ Knocking me out
with those American thighs ♪
543
00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:22,537
♪ Taking more than her share,
had me fighting for air ♪
544
00:21:22,538 --> 00:21:26,496
♪ She told me to come,
but I was already there ♪
545
00:21:26,497 --> 00:21:28,512
♪ 'Cause the walls
start shaking ♪
546
00:21:28,513 --> 00:21:31,512
♪ The earth was quaking,
my mind was aching ♪
547
00:21:31,513 --> 00:21:32,522
Nick, turn it off!
548
00:21:32,523 --> 00:21:34,471
♪ And we were making it ♪
549
00:21:34,472 --> 00:21:39,500
♪ And you shook me
all night long ♪
550
00:21:39,501 --> 00:21:42,484
♪ Yeah, you shook me ♪
551
00:21:43,493 --> 00:21:47,475
♪ Yeah, you shook me ♪
552
00:21:47,476 --> 00:21:50,458
♪ All night long. ♪
553
00:21:50,959 --> 00:21:56,459
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