1 00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:06,805 ♪ Happy birthday, dude! ♪ 2 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,286 - Hello. - I made you a cake. 3 00:00:08,311 --> 00:00:10,740 Can't. Booked a car show for tomorrow, 4 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,517 and I have been so good this week. 5 00:00:13,561 --> 00:00:15,503 - I lost four pounds. - Oh, come on, Cece. 6 00:00:15,527 --> 00:00:17,875 It's your birthday. We're gonna eat cake, 7 00:00:17,986 --> 00:00:19,895 we're gonna watch Clueless on VHS, 8 00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:22,168 and we're gonna try to make prom dresses out of towels. 9 00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:24,250 Obviously, just like we always do. 10 00:00:24,423 --> 00:00:25,451 As if! 11 00:00:25,628 --> 00:00:29,102 As if is, like, the funniest thing ever. 12 00:00:29,141 --> 00:00:31,116 I wish I had a stepbrother to fall in love with. 13 00:00:31,148 --> 00:00:33,502 I know, right? Paul Rudd. 14 00:00:33,527 --> 00:00:35,638 You know, actually, I thought maybe this year, 15 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,664 we could go out, you know? 16 00:00:37,744 --> 00:00:39,398 We go party tonight. 17 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:43,475 Let dogs out. Catch gypsy. 18 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:47,111 Yeah. Yeah, Nadia wants me to go to this last-minute thing 19 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,411 she found out about, so I thought 20 00:00:48,429 --> 00:00:49,998 we could all, you know, just go out tonight. 21 00:00:50,012 --> 00:00:52,537 - You, me, Nadia, the girls. - The models? 22 00:00:52,562 --> 00:00:55,018 Yes, Jess, the models. Please? 23 00:00:55,045 --> 00:00:58,053 You and I have never spent my birthday apart, ever. 24 00:00:58,549 --> 00:01:00,030 Except for the one time in seventh grade 25 00:01:00,048 --> 00:01:02,040 where you walked out of my sleepover because 26 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:04,126 - you claimed... - When you struck me in the breast. 27 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,265 But I didn't even touch boob, because you know, 28 00:01:06,284 --> 00:01:08,180 - we all knew you were stuffing... - Oh, my God. 29 00:01:08,211 --> 00:01:10,330 - We were all stuffing. Stuffing? - You've seen my grandmother. 30 00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:12,101 - We all stuffed. Yes, we were. - I was not stuffing. 31 00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:14,158 - It was seventh grade. - I've been like this since I was seven. 32 00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:16,637 - You're... - Come out with us tonight! 33 00:01:16,927 --> 00:01:18,949 - Please, please, please! - Okay. 34 00:01:19,563 --> 00:01:20,589 - Okay. - I'll come. 35 00:01:20,936 --> 00:01:22,236 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:23,767 I so excited. 37 00:01:23,927 --> 00:01:27,633 I shake this thing that my mama gave me. 38 00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:29,223 YOLO! 39 00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,161 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 40 00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:33,087 - ♪Who's that girl?♪ - ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 41 00:01:33,112 --> 00:01:35,035 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 42 00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,705 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 43 00:01:36,731 --> 00:01:38,056 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 44 00:01:38,194 --> 00:01:39,532 The Galapagos tortoise, 45 00:01:39,563 --> 00:01:41,307 - or Galapagos giant tortoise, - Unbelievable... 46 00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:43,001 Is the largest living species of tortoise... 47 00:01:43,026 --> 00:01:44,716 Spectacular. 48 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,189 Hey, do you think 49 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:48,523 Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess, 50 00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,881 even though I had that name picked out before she moved in? 51 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,205 - A turtle? - Thinking man's best friend, Schmidty. 52 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:56,276 In our home? Over my turtle-disease-ridden dead body. 53 00:01:56,302 --> 00:01:58,518 Whatever, dream killer. What's this? 54 00:01:58,781 --> 00:01:59,712 Got you a cookie. 55 00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:02,177 What, you have, like...? 56 00:02:02,387 --> 00:02:03,387 Have, like, an extra? 57 00:02:04,219 --> 00:02:05,654 No. 58 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,743 So you just, like, got me a cookie? 59 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:11,212 Yeah, I was thinking about you. 60 00:02:11,613 --> 00:02:13,270 What do you mean you were thinking about me? 61 00:02:13,325 --> 00:02:15,101 What do you mean? I don't know. I was thinking about you. 62 00:02:15,144 --> 00:02:17,197 Think about you a lot, bro. 63 00:02:19,666 --> 00:02:20,766 Why? 64 00:02:20,842 --> 00:02:24,115 I don't know. Because you're my friend, you're on my mind. 65 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,586 What, do you not think about me? 66 00:02:26,616 --> 00:02:28,673 Of course not! 67 00:02:29,262 --> 00:02:31,068 Oh. 68 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,435 Schmidt got me a cookie. 69 00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:35,923 Oh. Very nice. 70 00:02:37,255 --> 00:02:38,506 What do you guys think? 71 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,154 - Whoa! - - Smokin' hot. 72 00:02:40,179 --> 00:02:42,335 I'm going out tonight with Cece and her model friends, 73 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,494 and I'm going for "promising ballerina turned streetwalker." 74 00:02:46,987 --> 00:02:48,412 You have too much joie de vivre. 75 00:02:48,449 --> 00:02:51,048 Okay, you want to look a little bit more bored, tired. 76 00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:53,010 Just altogether disengaged. 77 00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:54,820 More tired-- more, like, sick-like. 78 00:02:54,886 --> 00:02:56,368 Really let your bones prop you up. 79 00:02:56,399 --> 00:02:58,321 Did you put shoe polish on your eyes? 80 00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,863 I never understand you women-- God. 81 00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,694 - Eye shadow, man. - That's...? 82 00:03:02,738 --> 00:03:03,756 Oh, that's makeup? 83 00:03:03,881 --> 00:03:05,131 I would take that off. 84 00:03:05,155 --> 00:03:06,028 That looks crazy. 85 00:03:06,059 --> 00:03:07,023 Can't believe I have to deal 86 00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:08,672 with the models just to hang out with Cece. 87 00:03:08,703 --> 00:03:10,716 Last time we hung out, it was awful. 88 00:03:10,759 --> 00:03:11,963 I figure the best way to talk 89 00:03:11,988 --> 00:03:14,177 to models is just point to objects and describe them. 90 00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:16,576 The table is round. 91 00:03:16,762 --> 00:03:18,719 It's also flat. 92 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:22,659 Yes, the table is round, and it's flat. 93 00:03:22,816 --> 00:03:23,858 Oh, look, a lamp. 94 00:03:25,078 --> 00:03:27,847 I love Cece, and these are Cece's friends, 95 00:03:27,865 --> 00:03:29,523 so I should be able to get along with them. 96 00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:31,562 I should be able to deal with the fact 97 00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,611 that they think I look like a monkey... 98 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,309 from a Russian cracker ad. 99 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,424 Whatever. 100 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,761 It's Cece's birthday. It's her special night. 101 00:03:49,805 --> 00:03:51,540 I can get drunk, point at furniture 102 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,479 if that means I can spend some quality time with my BFF. 103 00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:57,983 Hey, is it totally obvious that I'm not wearing underwear? 104 00:03:58,145 --> 00:03:59,826 ♪ Because it should be. ♪ 105 00:03:59,947 --> 00:04:01,421 And that makes two of us. 106 00:04:01,498 --> 00:04:04,250 Hey! 107 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,095 - You made it! - Sorry I'm late. 108 00:04:06,119 --> 00:04:08,731 They let in a lot of people ahead of me-- like, a lot. 109 00:04:08,928 --> 00:04:10,713 Saving the best for last. 110 00:04:10,769 --> 00:04:11,771 Monkey cracker. 111 00:04:11,804 --> 00:04:13,207 Monkey cracker. 112 00:04:14,139 --> 00:04:15,045 Monkey, 113 00:04:15,082 --> 00:04:17,789 monkey, where you keep the crackers? 114 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,784 This is so much fun. 115 00:04:22,466 --> 00:04:23,458 Schmidt? 116 00:04:23,508 --> 00:04:24,913 So, it turns out 117 00:04:25,019 --> 00:04:27,022 there's more than one type of turtle. 118 00:04:27,099 --> 00:04:30,024 I could go Eastern Box, or spur thighed, 119 00:04:30,048 --> 00:04:31,443 or nearsighted loner. 120 00:04:33,425 --> 00:04:34,908 What was that? You just grunt at me? 121 00:04:34,937 --> 00:04:36,758 - Wasn't a grunt. - That was a grunt, Schmidt. 122 00:04:36,783 --> 00:04:39,347 - It was a "hurumph." Hurumph. 123 00:04:39,377 --> 00:04:41,268 I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way; it was not a grunt. 124 00:04:41,299 --> 00:04:42,738 Serena Williams. That was a grunt. 125 00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:44,359 It's all good, man, all right? 126 00:04:44,454 --> 00:04:46,089 It's all "smoove in the groove." 127 00:04:46,159 --> 00:04:48,150 Mellow, man. 128 00:04:48,338 --> 00:04:50,338 Mega-mellow. 129 00:04:52,636 --> 00:04:54,391 Okay. 130 00:05:02,396 --> 00:05:04,059 Schmidt, what the hell are you doing? 131 00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:06,769 You don't think about me? 132 00:05:06,777 --> 00:05:09,096 - What are you talking about? - Earlier today, when I gave you the cookie, 133 00:05:09,114 --> 00:05:11,486 I heard very clearly, "I don't think about you, Schmidt." 134 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,586 - Why would I think about you?! - Because we're friends, we're not animals. 135 00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:17,726 We're men, Schmidt! The only time a man is allowed to think 136 00:05:17,757 --> 00:05:20,737 about another man is when that man is Jay Cutler. 137 00:05:20,774 --> 00:05:22,340 I don't know who Jay Cutler is! 138 00:05:22,358 --> 00:05:24,011 Why are you saying "Cutler" like that? 139 00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:25,574 And I also don't know what is allowed 140 00:05:25,595 --> 00:05:27,569 in the Cold-Hearted Republic of Nick Miller, 141 00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:28,744 but I do know how I feel. 142 00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:30,760 - Ugh! - And I know how much you love cookies. 143 00:05:30,805 --> 00:05:32,159 And I saw it there behind the glass, 144 00:05:32,190 --> 00:05:33,873 and I thought, "Nick Miller-- I'm gonna buy him that." 145 00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:36,121 If I could give you that cookie back, I would. 146 00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:39,185 Nothing would make me happier than to throw it up, 147 00:05:39,223 --> 00:05:43,020 mash it into cookie-shape, and shove it down your throat! 148 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,665 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No, that's not... 149 00:05:45,685 --> 00:05:47,467 - You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No. 150 00:05:47,492 --> 00:05:49,589 You're not mama-birding anybody any cookie. 151 00:05:49,661 --> 00:05:51,931 Schmidt, I don't want to mama-bird you a cookie. 152 00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:54,256 What is your problem, Schmidt? 153 00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:56,743 No mama-birding here! 154 00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:02,698 Okay, I think I got it, okay-- ♪ Monkey, monkey ♪ 155 00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:04,717 ♪ Where you keep your cracker? ♪ 156 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:09,443 ♪ Monkey, monkey, you are comrade best! ♪ 157 00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:10,654 - Whoo. - You know what? 158 00:06:10,692 --> 00:06:13,934 The dance is surprisingly sexual for a children's cracker. 159 00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:17,183 - Do song again-- "Dance Monkey." - I don't want to dance... 160 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,352 "Dance Monkey." 161 00:06:20,484 --> 00:06:22,458 ♪ Monkey, monkey ♪ 162 00:06:22,495 --> 00:06:24,739 - ♪ Where you keep your crackers? ♪ - Dance monkey, dance monkey. 163 00:06:24,772 --> 00:06:26,448 - Dance monkey. - Cracker, please! 164 00:06:26,474 --> 00:06:28,531 Monkey! Monkey! - No. You know what? 165 00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:29,560 Monkey! Monkey! 166 00:06:29,593 --> 00:06:31,932 Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! 167 00:06:31,951 --> 00:06:33,195 Monkey, monkey, monkey! 168 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,464 - Dance Monkey... - - You know what? No! Stop it! 169 00:06:36,711 --> 00:06:39,161 I don't want to, okay? I'm done. 170 00:06:39,269 --> 00:06:40,969 You guys are the worst! 171 00:06:40,993 --> 00:06:42,920 You're the worst. I'm sorry, but it's true. 172 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,821 All these racist in-jokes about Romanians. 173 00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:48,498 Well, guess what? I'm one-eighth Romanian! 174 00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:51,642 - Monkey, no! - And I don't know why Cece would want to spend her birthday here. 175 00:06:51,683 --> 00:06:55,175 It's like years of modeling have made her dumber. 176 00:06:55,264 --> 00:06:57,895 - Nice, Jess. - No! Cece. 177 00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:59,931 No, I'm sorry. I didn't... 178 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:01,174 It's official. 179 00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:02,893 We got to turtle-proof this loft. 180 00:07:02,918 --> 00:07:04,438 Schmidt cares about you so much, man, 181 00:07:04,462 --> 00:07:06,144 and you don't even think about him. 182 00:07:06,472 --> 00:07:08,108 Are you being serious right now? 183 00:07:08,198 --> 00:07:10,019 Are you really taking Schmidt's side on this? 184 00:07:10,044 --> 00:07:11,623 I am, because I know how you are. 185 00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:14,664 I just don't know why he would run away. 186 00:07:14,904 --> 00:07:16,937 All I ever did was love him. 187 00:07:17,556 --> 00:07:19,188 This rock is so round. 188 00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:21,425 I'm gonna go put it in a jar. 189 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,485 And nothing has changed. Nothing has changed, Nick. 190 00:07:24,516 --> 00:07:25,391 You think Schmidt is 191 00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:26,783 in the right, and I am in the wrong here? 192 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,084 You realize I say good night to you every night, 193 00:07:29,118 --> 00:07:31,283 and you never say good night back? 194 00:07:31,301 --> 00:07:33,539 - No. - What is the problem, Nick? 195 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,099 Do you not want me to have a good night? 196 00:07:35,136 --> 00:07:37,770 I can't just go around saying good night to everyone, 197 00:07:37,839 --> 00:07:39,286 and buying people cookies. 198 00:07:39,317 --> 00:07:41,469 I am not a titan of finance, sir. 199 00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:44,745 Do you know, once a week he goes into your room and cleans it, 200 00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:46,418 and then returns everything the way he found it? 201 00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:49,443 - And I'm weird in this situation? - The dirty old T-shirts, which he washes. 202 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,394 I didn't ask for that-- I like living in my filthy messes. 203 00:07:51,425 --> 00:07:54,402 That's the point, man. You didn't have to ask. 204 00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:59,806 Nobody buys people cookies for no reason. 205 00:07:59,837 --> 00:08:00,855 You still don't get it, do you? 206 00:08:00,873 --> 00:08:03,489 - Nobody. - That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a... 207 00:08:03,587 --> 00:08:05,975 - What? - Man, that was a piece of his heart. 208 00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:10,263 Now, if you don't mind, good... night. 209 00:08:12,778 --> 00:08:15,723 I'm sorry, but in my defense, Nadia just spent an hour 210 00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,111 explaining to me how to drink vodka with my butt. 211 00:08:18,142 --> 00:08:20,140 You just embarrassed me in front of my colleagues. 212 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,808 Are you kidding me? It's not like you work in the UN. 213 00:08:22,864 --> 00:08:24,862 You judge me for being a model. 214 00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:26,446 - Yes, I do. - You always have. 215 00:08:26,476 --> 00:08:28,284 It's your birthday, and you won't eat cake. 216 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,772 Cece, you're better than that; you really are. 217 00:08:30,935 --> 00:08:33,930 I just... I just feel sorry for you sometimes. 218 00:08:34,712 --> 00:08:37,295 You feel sorry for me? 219 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,583 You just hit me in the boob. 220 00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:45,222 - It was an accident. - It was not an accident. 221 00:08:45,299 --> 00:08:46,724 Fine. It wasn't. 222 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,214 Oh... my... God! 223 00:08:49,569 --> 00:08:50,569 Ho, ho. 224 00:08:50,603 --> 00:08:51,957 What? Huh? 225 00:08:52,044 --> 00:08:53,557 - Huh? - You want that?! 226 00:08:53,989 --> 00:08:56,419 - Go. Just go. - Ugh! Uh! 227 00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:57,893 What you gonna do now, huh? 228 00:08:57,963 --> 00:08:59,805 - Just... - What? 229 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,556 - What? What? What? - What? 230 00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:03,278 - What? What? - What? 231 00:09:07,091 --> 00:09:08,419 You should go. 232 00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,447 Thanks for a great birthday. 233 00:09:18,326 --> 00:09:19,332 Cece? 234 00:09:19,363 --> 00:09:21,008 You drink with mouth? 235 00:09:21,058 --> 00:09:23,233 Tonight, I drink with mouth. 236 00:09:26,425 --> 00:09:29,006 Well, guess who's not getting a turtle? 237 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,553 They were out of turtles. 238 00:09:30,598 --> 00:09:33,129 I bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing. 239 00:09:33,553 --> 00:09:35,847 - Schmidt's not talking to you right now. - We're still on this? 240 00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:38,878 Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed. 241 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:41,296 Lining your shoes up at the door... 242 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:42,801 Don't line my shoes up at the door any more. 243 00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:44,749 - ...Recording your favorite TV shows... - I appreciate that. 244 00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:47,524 - ...The turn-down service. - The turn-down service is weird 245 00:09:47,568 --> 00:09:50,274 - And I never asked you to do that. - Well, I guess those chocolate mints 246 00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,712 - Just disappeared on their own. - Oh, I thought we weren't talking. 247 00:09:52,737 --> 00:09:54,518 - We're not. - Then why do I hear words 248 00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:56,108 Coming out that stupid hole in your face? 249 00:09:56,133 --> 00:09:58,642 I'm a human being, and I'm entitled to my emotions. 250 00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:00,037 Are you crying? 251 00:10:00,055 --> 00:10:01,313 No. 252 00:10:01,553 --> 00:10:03,603 Are you seriously crying, Schmidt? 253 00:10:03,623 --> 00:10:05,141 I'm not crying. 254 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,076 Rough night, you guys. 255 00:10:13,131 --> 00:10:14,594 I forgot to take out my contacts. 256 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,595 I think they're fused to my eyeballs. 257 00:10:19,226 --> 00:10:20,437 What's going on? 258 00:10:21,475 --> 00:10:23,127 Did you guys watch porn together again? 259 00:10:23,152 --> 00:10:24,327 Why do you keep doing that? 260 00:10:24,364 --> 00:10:25,905 It's always awkward. 261 00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:31,144 Oh, wow. 262 00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:32,789 What the hell was that? 263 00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:34,890 In March, I will have been living 264 00:10:34,908 --> 00:10:36,784 with Schmidt for ten years. 265 00:10:36,865 --> 00:10:37,572 I know that 266 00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:39,125 because he sent me an e-mail asking 267 00:10:39,144 --> 00:10:41,677 how I want to celebrate our "tin anniversary." 268 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,724 How did you guys become friends? 269 00:10:43,762 --> 00:10:44,640 Was it an accident? 270 00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:45,946 Did you hit him with your car 271 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,559 and you became his reluctant caretaker? 272 00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:49,059 He lived in my freshman dorm. 273 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,712 And one day, he was just there. 274 00:10:53,757 --> 00:10:55,949 Hey, hey, whoa, man, what are you doing in here? 275 00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:56,944 That's my ramen. 276 00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,656 It's better this way. 277 00:10:58,698 --> 00:11:00,677 Y-You add water to it, you weirdo. 278 00:11:00,797 --> 00:11:03,266 It's not a dry treat, it's a soup. 279 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,918 - Who are you? - Schmidt. 280 00:11:04,983 --> 00:11:06,448 You freak me out, man. 281 00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:10,335 This is cool. We got a good vibe going, man. 282 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,923 You're a super weird guy. 283 00:11:15,955 --> 00:11:17,869 Hey, sit there while I throw things at you. 284 00:11:17,921 --> 00:11:19,169 - Body slam! - No! 285 00:11:19,194 --> 00:11:20,859 Don't do this! No! 286 00:11:20,877 --> 00:11:22,897 And then he was always there. 287 00:11:23,874 --> 00:11:25,848 And the truth is, is, 288 00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:28,851 Schmidt loves me so much, 289 00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,623 and to be honest, Jess, it scares me. 290 00:11:31,676 --> 00:11:32,872 I mean, I don't think I deserve 291 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,902 all of Schmidt's love. 292 00:11:33,947 --> 00:11:35,420 All I do is tease him. 293 00:11:35,451 --> 00:11:37,062 I mean, of course you do. 294 00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:38,575 That's all you can do. 295 00:11:38,628 --> 00:11:40,378 Do you think I'm a bad friend? 296 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,875 No, no, I'm a bad friend. 297 00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,253 I got mad at Cece for being a model. 298 00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:46,166 It's a dumb thing to be. 299 00:11:46,215 --> 00:11:48,206 We got in a boob fight. 300 00:11:48,443 --> 00:11:50,963 - Feels like I fell forward on a treadmill. - I'm just gonna say this-- 301 00:11:51,008 --> 00:11:52,516 I find that arousing, and let's move on. 302 00:11:52,541 --> 00:11:55,015 Just, she's smart, you know, and she's interesting 303 00:11:55,027 --> 00:11:56,953 and she could be doing anything else with her life 304 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,260 or at least trying. 305 00:11:58,297 --> 00:11:59,341 You know, the weird thing is, 306 00:11:59,372 --> 00:12:01,187 I was actually there when she got discovered. 307 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,415 You, take your glasses off. 308 00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:05,625 Okay. 309 00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:11,303 I can take my glasses off. 310 00:12:14,036 --> 00:12:15,726 I guess I was always disappointed 311 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,927 with her for calling that lady. 312 00:12:17,977 --> 00:12:20,102 It's just, when I hear all the stuff 313 00:12:20,127 --> 00:12:21,334 about Cece's profession-- 314 00:12:21,358 --> 00:12:24,247 like, the dieting-- it's crazy-- 315 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,331 and the butt drinking and the... 316 00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:27,455 Did you say "butt drinking"? 317 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,830 - Yeah. - You can't say "butt drinking" 318 00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:30,305 - And then not explain what it is. - Yeah. 319 00:12:30,337 --> 00:12:32,103 It has two of my four favorite things. 320 00:12:32,134 --> 00:12:35,112 - I just feel like we have nothing in common, you know? - Yeah. 321 00:12:35,328 --> 00:12:36,561 Do you ever wonder why we're friends 322 00:12:36,579 --> 00:12:38,099 with these people, Jess? 323 00:12:38,156 --> 00:12:40,500 And, worse, if we met them now, 324 00:12:40,581 --> 00:12:42,213 you think we'd still be friends with them? 325 00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,654 Maybe not. 326 00:12:47,028 --> 00:12:48,459 I should go talk to her. 327 00:12:50,377 --> 00:12:53,587 Well, Nick, I'm out of tears-- plumb out. 328 00:12:53,631 --> 00:12:57,626 All that's left is just yellowish goo. 329 00:12:57,790 --> 00:13:00,365 That's right, Nick-- goo. 330 00:13:03,327 --> 00:13:05,339 That's a third of my life. 331 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:06,922 Cece. 332 00:13:06,973 --> 00:13:08,525 Oh, hey, Nadia, sorry. 333 00:13:08,575 --> 00:13:10,575 This Wilmer Valderrama. 334 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,925 Um, Nadia, that's not-- 335 00:13:16,981 --> 00:13:21,612 I mean-- or what I thought he would look like 336 00:13:21,856 --> 00:13:22,914 in person. 337 00:13:22,951 --> 00:13:23,930 Nice to meet you. 338 00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:24,642 Big fan. 339 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:25,611 Where's Cece? 340 00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:27,083 Cece drink too much. 341 00:13:27,236 --> 00:13:29,108 She puke, puke, puke. 342 00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:29,949 She puke, 343 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,703 cry, puke, cry. 344 00:13:31,734 --> 00:13:33,039 She's so weak. 345 00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:35,907 You put on pajama, Wilmer Valderrama, 346 00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,118 top only. 347 00:13:37,137 --> 00:13:39,748 Then, you make me salad, bitch. 348 00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:43,070 Let's, let's get you into bed, okay? 349 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,411 I don't think we're doing any modeling today. 350 00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:47,825 No, I have to go, Jess, I have to go. 351 00:13:47,856 --> 00:13:49,914 It's my job, all right? 352 00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:51,358 You know what, Cece? 353 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,694 I'm so sorry about last night. 354 00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,767 I know that you're... 355 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,808 I know you're an intelligent person, 356 00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,268 and sometimes I just... 357 00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:07,402 I just get mixed up, you know, 358 00:14:07,439 --> 00:14:09,709 And I think that you're like me. 359 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,221 Don't, don't worry, I'm here. 360 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,076 Just tell me where to stand and what we're selling. 361 00:14:14,101 --> 00:14:15,755 I'm gonna give it everything I got. 362 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:18,873 I'm calling your agency. 363 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,530 This is totally unprofessional. 364 00:14:20,561 --> 00:14:21,864 Don't call my agency. 365 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:22,891 Just tell me where to stand. 366 00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,460 Up on the spinning platform. 367 00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:27,138 - Yeah, I can't do that. - Okay. 368 00:14:27,244 --> 00:14:29,579 - Please, no, seriously don't. I can't lose this job. - No. 369 00:14:29,632 --> 00:14:30,951 Don't call the agency, okay? 370 00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:32,975 - I'll do it. - What? 371 00:14:33,099 --> 00:14:36,305 I'm actually a model, too, mostly in Japan. 372 00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:40,957 Um, they call me Giggle Bangs Rice Bowl. 373 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,187 I know you're lying and I just don't care. 374 00:14:43,225 --> 00:14:44,838 Get over to hair and makeup now. 375 00:14:44,862 --> 00:14:46,837 Cool. 376 00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:01,870 These things are heavy. 377 00:15:01,895 --> 00:15:03,355 It's like chain mail on my eyes. 378 00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:05,062 So, your job is to highlight the features of the car 379 00:15:05,077 --> 00:15:06,771 - We need you to be fun and sexy and American. 380 00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:08,440 Then he's gonna move to the EcoBoost engine 381 00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:09,603 and the new interior styling. 382 00:15:09,624 --> 00:15:11,288 For the EcoBoost engine, give me something 383 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,944 - mischievous. - Mischievous. 384 00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:14,972 - Mischievous. - Show me mischievous. 385 00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:16,677 Okay, and at the end, just say, 386 00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:18,687 "Ford. Go further." 387 00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:20,363 Do I have to wear those? 388 00:15:20,398 --> 00:15:22,380 Hey, everybody, my name's Gary, and I want 389 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:26,646 to introduce you to the all-new 2013 Ford Fusion. 390 00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,285 Say hello to my good friend Jessica. 391 00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:38,318 The all-new Fusion has been totally redesigned 392 00:15:38,368 --> 00:15:40,417 inside and out. 393 00:15:40,449 --> 00:15:43,402 All-new styling, 18-inch aluminum wheels, 394 00:15:43,522 --> 00:15:45,805 three-year, bumper-to-bumper warranty, 395 00:15:45,823 --> 00:15:47,126 five-year power train, 396 00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:49,043 available Active Park, 397 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,343 available lane-keeping system, 398 00:15:51,412 --> 00:15:53,921 standard voice-activated SYNC. 399 00:15:53,957 --> 00:15:56,690 Your co-workers will be jealous. 400 00:15:56,753 --> 00:15:59,553 From power plants that enhance efficiency 401 00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:02,041 the high-voltage lithium-ion battery pack 402 00:16:02,066 --> 00:16:05,436 provides enough power to operate in all-electric mode 403 00:16:05,453 --> 00:16:08,428 for short commutes-- very smart. 404 00:16:08,462 --> 00:16:12,419 The Ford Fusion is designed to be environmentally conscious. 405 00:16:12,595 --> 00:16:15,133 Fusion Hybrid and the Fusion Energi are each powered 406 00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:17,828 by a combination high-voltage electric motor 407 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:22,378 that utilizes... recycled material. 408 00:16:27,151 --> 00:16:30,550 The Fusion is available with an EcoBoost engine... 409 00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:32,262 a hybrid, 410 00:16:32,349 --> 00:16:34,820 and a plug-in hybrid. 411 00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:39,199 The SE Hybrid is available with eco-friendly cloth seating. 412 00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:43,262 No matter what color your seats-- ha!-- they'll be green. 413 00:16:43,332 --> 00:16:46,471 Smoother rides, more fuel efficiency... 414 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,084 Gary... 415 00:16:47,109 --> 00:16:49,609 The hybrid gets 47 miles to the gallon, 416 00:16:49,637 --> 00:16:52,231 - so you're gonna be filling up your tank less. - Gary... Gary...! 417 00:16:52,253 --> 00:16:53,509 - When you do... - I can't get out. 418 00:16:53,528 --> 00:16:55,947 Hey, man, it's your old pal Jessica. 419 00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:57,685 And it's not that difficult to get out. 420 00:16:57,715 --> 00:16:59,877 There's also the available auto start-stop 421 00:16:59,908 --> 00:17:00,941 That... 422 00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:03,496 - Use the handle. - What's happening? 423 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,822 Further, go further. 424 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,730 Hey. 425 00:17:13,717 --> 00:17:16,041 Uh, Schmidt, I got you something, man. 426 00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,880 Uh, they didn't have a Jewish star at the store, 427 00:17:26,941 --> 00:17:28,703 so I got you a regular cookie 428 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:31,266 and I made the star myself by breaking off the pieces. 429 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:34,319 It's meant to celebrate your Jewish heritage. 430 00:17:34,369 --> 00:17:35,422 What is this? 431 00:17:35,449 --> 00:17:36,582 A Jewish star-- I just said that. 432 00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:38,476 - Hey, hey, Schmidt, just... - This... 433 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:42,471 Is so terrible! 434 00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:45,215 You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie. 435 00:17:45,424 --> 00:17:47,466 You gave me a cookie, gave you cookie. 436 00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:51,461 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 437 00:17:51,649 --> 00:17:54,652 You gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man! 438 00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:56,259 Gave me cookie, got you cookie! 439 00:17:56,290 --> 00:17:58,323 We're even! We're even, Schmidt! 440 00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:01,756 I mean, what do you want from me? 441 00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:03,444 What do you want, Schmidt? 442 00:18:03,629 --> 00:18:06,587 I've been racking my brain all day. 443 00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:08,420 I walked around the grocery store, man, 444 00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:10,606 for 45 minutes. 445 00:18:10,805 --> 00:18:12,161 I didn't know what to get you. 446 00:18:12,545 --> 00:18:14,559 And then I was thinking I was gonna get you ramen 447 00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:17,095 like we used to eat, but you probably eat, like, 448 00:18:17,135 --> 00:18:19,415 fancy ramen now with, like, figs in it. 449 00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:21,468 I don't know, man. 450 00:18:22,029 --> 00:18:24,597 You love me too much, Schmidt, 451 00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:27,338 and you picked the wrong guy. 452 00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,723 And when are you gonna get that 453 00:18:29,871 --> 00:18:31,895 through that giant head of yours? 454 00:18:33,932 --> 00:18:36,383 I'm just gonna let you down, man. 455 00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:42,674 Are you crying? 456 00:18:42,702 --> 00:18:44,008 I'm not crying, man. 457 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,021 Yeah, you are crying. 458 00:18:46,061 --> 00:18:46,834 Oh, my God. 459 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,658 I'm not crying, guys. Just drop it. 460 00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,446 I just felt like I did something nice. 461 00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:51,911 Yes, you are, and that's okay. 462 00:18:51,942 --> 00:18:53,665 Don't say that, man, 'cause that... 463 00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:55,203 You know what I mean? Like... 464 00:18:55,228 --> 00:18:56,313 Just let it rain, man. 465 00:18:56,337 --> 00:18:57,362 I got you the cookie, Schmidt. 466 00:18:57,412 --> 00:18:58,764 It's the best I can do, man. 467 00:19:01,136 --> 00:19:02,631 What about the turtle? 468 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,130 You're the only turtle I want. 469 00:19:07,762 --> 00:19:09,344 You're the turtle, man. 470 00:19:09,407 --> 00:19:10,985 I knew I was the turtle. 471 00:19:12,678 --> 00:19:14,719 Yeah, man, you're the turtle. 472 00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:16,100 I knew I was the turtle. 473 00:19:18,755 --> 00:19:20,941 You guys are the best, man. I love you guys. 474 00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,015 I'm sorry, sorry, man. 475 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,131 Hey, yeah. 476 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:33,840 - I'm going to, uh... - Yeah, I've got... 477 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:35,485 I'm gonna eat my sandwich. 478 00:19:35,677 --> 00:19:36,783 This is a good sandwich. 479 00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:39,158 - See you guys. - This needed to happen. 480 00:19:39,274 --> 00:19:42,006 Wow, they gave you the, the huge lashes. 481 00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:43,262 Like, those are the magnums. 482 00:19:43,287 --> 00:19:44,604 Yeah, I actually like 'em. 483 00:19:44,629 --> 00:19:46,040 I think I'm just gonna keep 'em on. 484 00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:47,133 You're afraid to take the glue off. 485 00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,208 Yeah, I'm terrified. 486 00:19:50,425 --> 00:19:52,445 I'm really sorry about what I said last night 487 00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:55,542 'cause... this is hard. 488 00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:57,636 It is just pointing at stuff, 489 00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,539 but it is-- it's hard. 490 00:19:59,564 --> 00:20:00,606 Why is it so hard? 491 00:20:00,629 --> 00:20:02,520 You make it look a lot harder. 492 00:20:02,539 --> 00:20:04,538 No, you're brave. 493 00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:06,711 You've always been braver than me. 494 00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:16,512 Okay, what did you do to me last night? 495 00:20:16,543 --> 00:20:19,270 I mean, can you sprain someone's chest? 496 00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:21,328 You should see the other guys. 497 00:20:24,062 --> 00:20:26,468 Dionne asking Tai for sex advice? 498 00:20:26,504 --> 00:20:28,029 I'm so full. 499 00:20:28,065 --> 00:20:29,893 This really is your best cake ever. 500 00:20:29,911 --> 00:20:30,843 - Do you think so? - Mm-hmm. 501 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:31,880 We all think so. 502 00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,649 Hey, that's gross. 503 00:20:33,697 --> 00:20:35,350 - Get a fork, man. - I got two 504 00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:37,620 Perfectly good forks at the end of my arms. 505 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:38,788 Hey, man, you do what you do. 506 00:20:38,819 --> 00:20:40,757 - Be you, man. - I'd eat out of your hands, Nick. 507 00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:42,097 - Cake on your face. - Petting zoo style. 508 00:20:42,134 --> 00:20:43,384 - Yeah, yeah. - Cake all day. 509 00:20:43,415 --> 00:20:44,878 Talkin' about cake! 510 00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,943 - Frickin' cake dudes. - Look at you. 511 00:20:46,968 --> 00:20:48,187 - Look at you. Frosting face. - Hey. 512 00:20:48,212 --> 00:20:49,874 - Want cake on your face? - I don't really care. 513 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,683 Do you think, if we met today, we would still be friends? 514 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,601 - I could watch you eat cake all day. - Couple of guys eating cake. 515 00:20:56,633 --> 00:20:57,722 I'm gonna have to do so much cardio tomorrow. 516 00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,756 I don't know, but we're friends now. 517 00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:04,625 Happy birthday, Cece. 518 00:21:04,657 --> 00:21:06,788 Oh, man! That's messy. 519 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,526 - You like rap music? - Yeah, sure do. 520 00:21:08,588 --> 00:21:11,539 - Who's your favorite rapper? - Brian Austin Green. 521 00:21:11,906 --> 00:21:13,716 - He's cool. - He's awesome. 522 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,749 Go like this. 523 00:21:17,761 --> 00:21:20,239 Try to catch the Pop-Tart, you big boy. 524 00:21:20,270 --> 00:21:21,702 Good, I love Pop-Tarts. 525 00:21:21,971 --> 00:21:23,302 Oh! 526 00:21:23,326 --> 00:21:24,614 Now close your eyes. 527 00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:28,000 - Did you get me? - Yeah. 528 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,606 - Good job. - Ready? 529 00:21:32,323 --> 00:21:33,661 - Ready? - Yeah. 530 00:21:34,256 --> 00:21:36,884 Aah, we did it! 531 00:21:37,056 --> 00:21:42,056 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther