1
00:00:01,745 --> 00:00:03,443
I can't believe they're playing
these old matches.
2
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:05,531
- Man, these were legendary.
- Camel clutch!
3
00:00:06,041 --> 00:00:07,116
That's not a camel clutch.
4
00:00:07,148 --> 00:00:08,241
That is a camel clutch.
5
00:00:08,434 --> 00:00:10,240
Gentlemen, hi.
6
00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:11,741
I'd just like a moment
of your time.
7
00:00:11,775 --> 00:00:13,338
- Jess, you can't turn that off.
- If I may.
8
00:00:14,103 --> 00:00:15,587
I have a word that's
gonna change your life.
9
00:00:15,612 --> 00:00:16,831
The answer is already "no."
10
00:00:16,939 --> 00:00:18,640
- Bathtub.
- Bathtub's two words.
11
00:00:18,688 --> 00:00:20,232
- It's one word.
- Bathtub is two words.
12
00:00:20,263 --> 00:00:21,432
How come I'm James Brown?
13
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:23,689
When you don't smile
for my pictures, you get replaced.
14
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,748
You come home after a long,
hard day at work.
15
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:28,844
- Tired.
- You want to relax, but how?
16
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:32,627
How about soaking in a glorious
bubbly pool for one?
17
00:00:32,663 --> 00:00:35,276
Sipping the nectar of the gods.
18
00:00:35,401 --> 00:00:36,826
I don't get it--
is this bath water?
19
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,251
Might as well be;
It's rosé.
20
00:00:38,427 --> 00:00:39,974
Burn notice, France.
21
00:00:41,445 --> 00:00:43,059
- Now that I'm working again,
- Don't do this.
22
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,947
I'd really love to come home
and soak in a beautiful bathtub.
23
00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:48,804
Bathtubs are Medieval
filth cauldrons-- pass.
24
00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,331
Yeah, it's a waste
of money, Jess.
25
00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:53,881
I'm not interested in simmering
in testicle tea for 20 minutes.
26
00:00:54,284 --> 00:00:55,217
Loft vote.
27
00:00:55,258 --> 00:00:56,447
- No.
- No.
28
00:00:56,484 --> 00:00:58,522
Feel like I'm at a garden party,
haven't even left home.
29
00:00:58,546 --> 00:01:00,328
Winston, what are you talking
about-- loft vote, no.
30
00:01:00,369 --> 00:01:02,224
What, yeah, no, duh, of course.
31
00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:04,761
- Okay, you know what-- loft vote...
- Nay.
32
00:01:04,795 --> 00:01:06,451
- Loft vote.
- Nay.
33
00:01:06,486 --> 00:01:08,386
Loft vote, I'm turning
wrestling back on.
34
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,368
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
35
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,270
- Camel clutch! Camel clutch!
- No.
36
00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:13,894
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ who's that girl? ♪
37
00:01:13,919 --> 00:01:15,354
♪ It's Jess. ♪
38
00:01:15,412 --> 00:01:19,212
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
39
00:01:20,945 --> 00:01:22,070
Hey, Schmidt.
40
00:01:22,146 --> 00:01:24,320
- Ooh, hey. - Want to pitch on
the new Double V campaign?
41
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,671
I'm all about the Double V--
what is that?
42
00:01:25,696 --> 00:01:26,881
It's a new vodka, yeah.
43
00:01:26,898 --> 00:01:28,866
Filled with vitamins--
Double V?
44
00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:30,069
What do you think?
45
00:01:30,099 --> 00:01:31,271
You know, I've never
been considered
46
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,490
to run an account before.
47
00:01:32,835 --> 00:01:35,896
Wait a min...
Wait, is this just
48
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,682
is this because we used
to... bingity-bangity?
49
00:01:38,703 --> 00:01:39,973
No, of course not.
50
00:01:41,464 --> 00:01:42,665
Take a look at the specs
51
00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:45,196
and come into my office tomorrow
in your best suit,
52
00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:47,324
and, uh, blow me away
with your take.
53
00:01:47,383 --> 00:01:49,812
My best suit--
I can put on my best suit.
54
00:01:52,273 --> 00:01:53,307
Okay.
55
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:57,204
Wasted project, Nick, huh?
56
00:01:58,948 --> 00:02:00,049
Herringbone?!
57
00:02:01,009 --> 00:02:02,643
How did you get in here?
58
00:02:10,236 --> 00:02:11,386
To schmidt.
59
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,831
Sleeping his way to the top.
60
00:02:12,864 --> 00:02:14,632
Cheers to me.
61
00:02:16,064 --> 00:02:17,331
I hope you like it.
62
00:02:17,384 --> 00:02:18,918
I poured that one for you.
63
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:21,390
Drink it up.
64
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:23,274
This is coming off weird--
it's creepy, right?
65
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,523
- Go get her.
- I can't do that.
66
00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,985
- I can't talk to thirsty.
- Thirsty?
67
00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:28,415
I don't know her name,
so I call her Thirsty.
68
00:02:28,818 --> 00:02:30,658
- Thirsty Mendelson.
- Oh, you made her Jewish?
69
00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,627
- I didn't make her Jewish.
- Mendelson? She's not Jewish?
70
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,775
- Well, Thirsty. - If her last
name's Mendelson, she's Jewish.
71
00:02:34,795 --> 00:02:36,389
Tell you what her first name is, too--
It's Rachel.
72
00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,486
Get out of my head--
you're kind of ruining my thing right now.
73
00:02:38,514 --> 00:02:40,334
What I have with
thirsty is perfect.
74
00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:42,363
She's surly like I'm surly,
75
00:02:42,398 --> 00:02:44,364
and she rolls her eyes
at everybody
76
00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:46,012
like I roll my eyes
at everybody.
77
00:02:46,053 --> 00:02:47,962
She likes to drink
in the afternoon.
78
00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:49,364
And I like to drink
in the afternoon.
79
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,994
- Go talk to her.
- No, I can't.
80
00:02:51,024 --> 00:02:52,650
That breaks the first rule
81
00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:54,858
of bartending--
never cross the bar.
82
00:02:54,905 --> 00:02:57,399
'Cause once you cross
the bar, it gets messy.
83
00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:59,821
Rudy just wants her $200 back.
84
00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:02,388
Come on, neither of you has
the right bra for this.
85
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,022
Excuse me, have you seen Rhonda?
86
00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:06,150
Have you seen the ferret lady?
87
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,219
Why am I doing this?!
88
00:03:10,788 --> 00:03:12,644
Never cross the bar.
89
00:03:12,665 --> 00:03:14,499
Your rules have
gotten you so far.
90
00:03:14,608 --> 00:03:16,242
- Classic Nick Miller.
- You got it.
91
00:03:16,282 --> 00:03:17,523
Jess.
92
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,685
You want to help me at the
jukebox really quick?
93
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,685
Oh, my God, yes-- I've always
wanted to do this with you.
94
00:03:21,717 --> 00:03:23,710
Well, I was gonna go
"Raspberry Beret," but...
95
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,401
If we're gonna go Prince,
I think we should go, like--
96
00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:27,960
Jess, I want to talk to you
about your bathtub pitch.
97
00:03:28,134 --> 00:03:29,597
I love baths-- I do.
98
00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:32,230
Back in Latvia,
we had a great tub.
99
00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:39,378
But I tell you what--
there are parts of my butt
100
00:03:39,402 --> 00:03:40,770
only a tub can clean.
101
00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:41,775
Ew, but okay!
102
00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,993
Okay, here's what we're gonna
do, so the guys don't know.
103
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,756
We're gonna split
the 400 bucks for the tub.
104
00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:47,386
Then we can hide it on the roof
105
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:49,041
and install it in the middle
of the night, and then
106
00:03:49,059 --> 00:03:51,182
we can just pretend like you
did it without our permission.
107
00:03:51,285 --> 00:03:52,752
Or we could just...
108
00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:54,413
say that you wanted a tub, too.
109
00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:56,770
How about we just keep this
a Jess and Winston thing?
110
00:03:58,352 --> 00:03:59,892
- Hey, Cece, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
111
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:02,034
I'm good;
Just broke up with Robby.
112
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,675
I'll make you a drink.
113
00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:06,733
- What ha... what happened?
- Um,
114
00:04:06,772 --> 00:04:09,229
I told him I had to start
getting serious
115
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:13,368
about having kids and he said,
"Okay, that's cool."
116
00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:16,533
But then that's all he said
for the next eight hours,
117
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:19,537
and he hasn't said
anything to me since.
118
00:04:19,586 --> 00:04:20,491
So terrible.
119
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,404
I just, I can't even...
120
00:04:22,459 --> 00:04:23,678
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
121
00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:25,076
I mean that's...
but I mean...
122
00:04:25,126 --> 00:04:28,061
There's... cool.
It's cool.
123
00:04:28,239 --> 00:04:30,711
- 'Cause you're single. You're single.
- Really subtle stuff.
124
00:04:30,742 --> 00:04:33,155
- She's single now; technically, you're single...
are you not single? - Schmidt!
125
00:04:33,181 --> 00:04:34,805
I have to get serious
about my future,
126
00:04:34,836 --> 00:04:36,498
otherwise my mom is going
to set me up
127
00:04:36,522 --> 00:04:39,472
with a hundred sweet, gentle,
painfully boring Indian guys.
128
00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:40,803
Oh, my God, your mother.
129
00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,465
I want to control your life.
130
00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:43,996
That's how my
parents met and they had
131
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,988
a beautiful, healthy marriage.
132
00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:48,050
I respect your parents--
I do.
133
00:04:48,082 --> 00:04:50,241
I respect everything that--
look what they've created.
134
00:04:50,272 --> 00:04:52,845
Look at that... look at
your beauty, with your hair.
135
00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,593
I'd eat it out of a bowl,
your hair.
136
00:04:54,614 --> 00:04:56,377
I'd put it in a bowl
and I'd eat your hair.
137
00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:57,822
Oh, my God.
138
00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:02,931
Hey, Cece.
139
00:05:03,573 --> 00:05:05,707
I-I know it's unexpected
that I'm here.
140
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,089
It's because I wanted
to tell you something.
141
00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:10,748
You're my boo.
142
00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:13,126
You're my boo
and I'm... and I'm...
143
00:05:13,165 --> 00:05:15,000
I been missing you.
144
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,515
I been missing you oh, so long.
145
00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:20,299
You know what's weird?
I don't find this weird anymore.
146
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,315
What's your problem, Nick-- how
long you been standing there?
147
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,697
How much of that did you hear?
148
00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:26,864
I'm in love, man.
149
00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:28,519
I'm in love with Cece.
150
00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:30,096
Everyone knows that,
you dumb-ass.
151
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,019
- You always have been.
- I gotta tell her, man.
152
00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:33,948
You should do that, Schmidty,
that sounds great.
153
00:05:34,135 --> 00:05:36,055
- Do I have your blessing?
- Do you have my blessing?
154
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,032
Yeah. I don't think you
need my blessing, big guy.
155
00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:40,266
- Just kind of do your thing. - I would
like your blessing. You're my best friend.
156
00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,991
- I want your blessing. - Schmidt, fine,
you got my blessing, okay? Just...
157
00:05:43,032 --> 00:05:43,901
What is this?
158
00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:46,663
Give me a hug. Give me a hug.
I need this.
159
00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,520
Come on, please, give me,
give me a hug, Nick.
160
00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:53,676
Please, just give me a hug!
I want-- Ow!
161
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:56,994
Good stuff.
162
00:05:58,671 --> 00:06:00,205
- Thank you, Nick.
- Come on!
163
00:06:00,247 --> 00:06:02,548
All right, looks good--
no leaks.
164
00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:04,745
- We did it.
- Yeah, we did.
165
00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:08,672
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
166
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:10,072
It's flooding!
167
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,708
- Do something!
- No, no, no, no, no!
168
00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:15,263
I've never wished
I was dead more.
169
00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:17,778
Schmidt's gonna freak out.
170
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,735
He once told me he spent $300
on a pocket square.
171
00:06:23,455 --> 00:06:25,918
No!
172
00:06:28,232 --> 00:06:30,426
- Am I overreacting?
- Eh, that's about right.
173
00:06:33,857 --> 00:06:36,175
There you go...
good as new.
174
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,994
So, I've, uh, handled
this one-man job,
175
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:43,099
any two-man jobs
you want us to tackle?
176
00:06:43,123 --> 00:06:44,471
I think we're good.
Thanks, Remy.
177
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,060
You sure there's not something
else that needs fixing?
178
00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:49,935
Maybe in the...
lady's bedroom?
179
00:06:52,555 --> 00:06:55,147
Uh, yeah, I think we're done--
thank you, Remy.
180
00:06:55,189 --> 00:06:57,618
I will return your ladder
when I feel like it.
181
00:06:57,647 --> 00:06:59,314
Thank you, bye.
182
00:06:59,348 --> 00:07:00,448
He's so weird.
183
00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:02,903
Um, okay, so, phase two.
184
00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:05,582
Didn't Schmidt make us
get renter's insurance
185
00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:08,116
when he almost tore down
that rafter with the sex swing?
186
00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:10,046
Jess, we fake a robbery.
187
00:07:10,207 --> 00:07:11,788
We fake a robbery
for the insurance.
188
00:07:11,813 --> 00:07:12,817
That's a great idea.
189
00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:13,981
We're a couple of meth-heads.
190
00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:15,238
- Oh, yeah.
- Boom.
191
00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:17,646
Got any meth?
192
00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:19,548
Got any rings on your fingers?
193
00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:21,474
I need them for meth.
194
00:07:21,998 --> 00:07:24,721
Get it all, get it all, get
it all, get it all, get it all.
195
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,766
Whoa! Do we have to steal
my moustache trimmer?
196
00:07:26,796 --> 00:07:30,253
This is worth three bowls
of sweet, sweet meth.
197
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:33,093
- This? This?
- No.
198
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,775
No.
This?
199
00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:36,079
I just don't think
the meth-heads
200
00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:37,918
would want
anything in this room.
201
00:07:40,414 --> 00:07:41,420
What about this?
202
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,362
A land line?
203
00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:44,646
To me, it looks
like a meth sandwich.
204
00:07:45,401 --> 00:07:47,368
Don't hog all the meth, daddy.
205
00:07:48,694 --> 00:07:49,961
Did you hit this already?
206
00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:51,483
- No, did you?
- No.
207
00:07:53,366 --> 00:07:54,829
What are you doing?
208
00:07:54,854 --> 00:07:56,255
You're smothering
me, all right?
209
00:07:56,316 --> 00:07:57,435
I'm done with this!
210
00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,027
At least leave your wallet!
211
00:07:59,052 --> 00:08:00,793
I'm out of here!
212
00:08:21,411 --> 00:08:22,912
Would you like a whiskey?
213
00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:25,030
What?
214
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,531
I said that because I know you
like whiskey.
215
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,965
You're a whiskey girl, like me.
216
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,902
You're a whiskey girl?
217
00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:34,662
I'm Nick.
218
00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,196
I'm Angie.
219
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,546
Angie...
Angie, Angie.
220
00:08:38,567 --> 00:08:40,034
Well, what are you
standing there for?
221
00:08:40,277 --> 00:08:42,083
Go grab a bottle
and get me drunk, idiot.
222
00:08:42,112 --> 00:08:44,413
Well, I-I couldn't drink
with you-- I work here.
223
00:08:44,581 --> 00:08:46,282
Just kidding, I get drunk,
like, all the time.
224
00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:47,793
I've got a drinking thing.
225
00:08:48,955 --> 00:08:50,106
You got it.
226
00:08:51,652 --> 00:08:54,845
I also have all the access to
pistachios if you want, like, a full...
227
00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,452
I'll make my own mind
up on that.
228
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,901
He took my
doctor's appointment suit!
229
00:09:01,564 --> 00:09:03,724
He took El Capitan!
230
00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:04,738
Damn it!
231
00:09:04,899 --> 00:09:06,667
The only thing he left was
my summer suit
232
00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:07,943
with the lightning bolt
on the back.
233
00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:09,746
I keep that in my
summer bin along with
234
00:09:09,777 --> 00:09:12,098
my summer condoms--
citrus-flavored,
235
00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:13,889
for a more refreshing
summer experience.
236
00:09:13,925 --> 00:09:16,058
- That's a jar...
- Jar for sure, yeah.
237
00:09:17,446 --> 00:09:19,354
Look at this--
took my suits.
238
00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:21,165
Left the...
left the douche bag jar.
239
00:09:21,268 --> 00:09:22,367
Typical meth-head.
240
00:09:22,385 --> 00:09:23,790
- Typical meth-head.
- Yeah, it's a shame.
241
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:25,912
Good thing that I have
a security camera in there.
242
00:09:25,953 --> 00:09:27,354
I'm gonna download the footage
243
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:28,855
and I.D. this S.O.B.
244
00:09:28,897 --> 00:09:30,193
He's going down.
245
00:09:32,327 --> 00:09:33,963
I respect the amount you drink--
246
00:09:33,996 --> 00:09:35,265
- Oh,
- FYI these drinks
247
00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:36,326
- aren't free.
- Wow, well, joke's
248
00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:38,564
on you 'cause Mike left
with all my money.
249
00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:39,577
Oh, really!
250
00:09:39,608 --> 00:09:41,333
Then how you gonna
pay for the drinks?
251
00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:44,404
Oh... probably with sex?
252
00:09:46,891 --> 00:09:48,425
Sorry...
253
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:50,878
That is not pretty.
254
00:09:51,338 --> 00:09:52,004
Well...
255
00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,526
I was gonna let you
have sex with Mike.
256
00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:55,688
- Oh...
- What? It's good.
257
00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:57,300
That was an old switcheroo.
258
00:09:58,455 --> 00:10:00,644
I just want to say
you two, uh...
259
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:02,320
What?
260
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,890
- No, no, I don't want to say.
- Come on, what?
261
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,714
I don't want to say.
I don't feel like it's--
262
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,447
- The point is it's not my...
- What are you afraid of?
263
00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:09,952
- You're thinking it. - I'm not afraid, but...
He's kind of an ass-- damn it!
264
00:10:10,397 --> 00:10:12,853
You think I should
break up with Mike?
265
00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:14,998
No, no, that is not
my place to...
266
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:17,293
- Well, you did; it is your place.
- But I've been drinking with you,
267
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:20,376
and I feel like you're
luring me in... Dump his ass!
268
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,422
Damn it.
269
00:10:25,382 --> 00:10:27,517
I can't believe
you'd say that to me.
270
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,107
You should mind
your own business.
271
00:10:31,026 --> 00:10:32,626
So many years of footage.
272
00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:34,144
This is from last May.
273
00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:36,019
I was trying to add
an extra ab muscle.
274
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:36,975
Jess, I can't take this...
275
00:10:36,999 --> 00:10:38,756
This is when I was experimenting
with faux hawks.
276
00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,264
- I can't, I can't, I can't
take it, Jess. - You can.
277
00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:43,194
- You're gonna blow this.
- My face is numb.
278
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,062
This is when I was lowering
my bar sexually.
279
00:10:45,093 --> 00:10:47,228
- Why is my face numb?
- Okay, I'm gonna say this once.
280
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,908
- Tighten up.
- Okay, yeah.
281
00:10:48,932 --> 00:10:50,254
I can't believe
this is happening.
282
00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:51,555
It's such an important day.
283
00:10:51,597 --> 00:10:52,907
What's happening today?
284
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,318
I just have to look good.
285
00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:57,074
Okay? Not like
some Ukrainian dentist.
286
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:02,345
Oh, my God.
287
00:11:04,712 --> 00:11:06,075
- Jess, I'm dying.
- What's wrong with you.
288
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:07,230
I'm dying, Jess.
289
00:11:08,622 --> 00:11:10,690
Jess, pretend you're
not seeing this...
290
00:11:11,052 --> 00:11:13,719
Schmidt, this isn't
a good time.
291
00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:15,835
Cece, please.
292
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,316
Just... just open the box.
293
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,025
You brought a pigeon
into my house?
294
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:26,337
I couldn't find a dove.
Come on, Beatty.
295
00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:31,264
It's... it was supposed to fly
out when you opened up the lid.
296
00:11:31,289 --> 00:11:34,053
- What are you doing?
- I love you, Cece.
297
00:11:35,232 --> 00:11:39,459
And I have been in love
with you for so long.
298
00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:44,440
I used to think it was just
a heavy like, but...
299
00:11:45,723 --> 00:11:47,190
it's love.
300
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,789
- There it goes.
- Is this real?
301
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:53,705
For you?
302
00:11:53,825 --> 00:11:55,333
Yes.
303
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:59,459
Cece, I'm ready for
a serious commitment.
304
00:11:59,526 --> 00:12:01,691
I'm up for a huge
promotion at work.
305
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,432
I'm ready to have kids with you,
if that's what you want.
306
00:12:04,989 --> 00:12:05,926
You want to have kids?
307
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,545
Let's go right now,
let's go make a kid.
308
00:12:07,884 --> 00:12:08,971
Take your top off.
309
00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:11,140
Schmidt, my mother...
310
00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:13,000
she's gonna hate you.
311
00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:15,119
Okay? You're Jewish.
312
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,500
She hates Jews; I mean,
she really hates them.
313
00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:19,057
Everybody hates the Jews.
314
00:12:19,256 --> 00:12:20,769
Your mom's in the majority.
315
00:12:21,859 --> 00:12:23,909
I'll convert to Indianism.
316
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,596
Hindi... Hindi-is...eh?
317
00:12:26,983 --> 00:12:29,837
Indiani-Indi...
Indi-Buddhi-ism?
318
00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:34,196
Schmidt, we have so much
going against us.
319
00:12:34,316 --> 00:12:36,422
Let's have dinner.
Tonight.
320
00:12:40,715 --> 00:12:41,472
Okay.
321
00:12:41,557 --> 00:12:42,790
Cool. No, yeah, cool.
322
00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:45,107
Just give me a second.
323
00:12:48,543 --> 00:12:52,116
Ah... yes!
324
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,314
I'm sorry.
325
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,703
- Wiston, are you out of your head?
- Security camera.
326
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,334
What are you doing?
Schmidt has a security camera.
327
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,323
Why did I think he didn't
have a security camera?
328
00:13:04,759 --> 00:13:06,422
Oh. You're a briefs man.
329
00:13:06,472 --> 00:13:07,728
I was hoping
I'd never find out.
330
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:09,941
Oh, my goodness, we should not
have gone for that tub.
331
00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:11,990
I just like bubbles so much...
332
00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,996
Winston, I think you're
having a panic attack.
333
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,100
Hmm?
334
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,290
Shut up, hey, Jess, no.
335
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:21,983
I'm, uh... this is
just the willies.
336
00:13:22,099 --> 00:13:24,231
The w... the what?
The... the willies?
337
00:13:24,268 --> 00:13:25,467
The willies, yeah.
It's the same thing
338
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,171
that happened when I
took my driver's test.
339
00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:28,739
Go ahead and start the car.
340
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:33,097
No! No!
341
00:13:37,078 --> 00:13:38,672
A lot of people
get panic attacks.
342
00:13:38,699 --> 00:13:40,430
- The willies.
- My dad used to get them all the time.
343
00:13:40,458 --> 00:13:42,412
Like, every time
he had to make a left turn.
344
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:43,812
It would take him
two and a half hours
345
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:44,760
to drive me to school.
346
00:13:44,784 --> 00:13:46,894
We'd just drive all around
Portland, making right turns.
347
00:13:48,856 --> 00:13:50,290
- Okay.
- It's okay.
348
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,821
- Okay.
- It's really okay.
349
00:13:53,276 --> 00:13:54,839
Are you going to tell
anybody about my underwear?
350
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,178
Look, I really want to.
351
00:13:57,553 --> 00:13:59,154
But I won't.
352
00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:01,117
- Where is he?
- It's over, Mike.
353
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,875
- Where's Nick?
- Just stop... just stop it.
354
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,356
Hey. You Nick?
355
00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:07,754
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm not Nick.
356
00:14:07,809 --> 00:14:09,493
Nick has pinkeye!
I'm Ricardo!
357
00:14:09,530 --> 00:14:11,467
- Let Nick go!
- Ricardo? Ricardo? This is Nick, huh?
358
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:13,866
You're a dead man!
359
00:14:15,452 --> 00:14:16,440
I had it handled!
360
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,643
He was gonna kill you.
I've seen him do it.
361
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,736
- I know someone at work who can
stitch him up. - Okay, let's get him
362
00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,493
- stitched up right now.
This is disgusting. - Okay.
363
00:14:22,539 --> 00:14:23,773
I'm out there every night,
364
00:14:23,815 --> 00:14:26,484
balling to the max, and you
expect me to do what,
365
00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:29,571
just stop and chew up
some cherry-flavored multi-V?
366
00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:30,896
No, thanks.
367
00:14:30,998 --> 00:14:33,679
I'll take my vitamins
on the rocks. Double V.
368
00:14:33,727 --> 00:14:36,805
Heart. Spirit. Body. Party.
369
00:14:37,012 --> 00:14:39,193
You gotta get specific
about this vodka.
370
00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:40,877
- Have you tried Double V?
- No.
371
00:14:40,952 --> 00:14:42,039
Let's open up this bitch.
372
00:14:42,074 --> 00:14:43,472
Let's open up... okay.
373
00:14:43,497 --> 00:14:45,775
- Um... I kind of...
- We're going to do every vitamin,
374
00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,474
in alphabetical order.
Each shot that you do,
375
00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:50,449
makes me know you're
going that extra mile.
376
00:14:50,948 --> 00:14:53,592
- Emma, I really... - Is there something
more important than work?
377
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,479
- What?
- Okay.
378
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,793
- But you said--
- No, I... no, no, no.
379
00:14:56,818 --> 00:14:58,268
Let's-let's just...
all right, we'll do it.
380
00:14:58,291 --> 00:14:59,597
Don't feel weird, Winston.
381
00:14:59,645 --> 00:15:01,273
Everybody has their
weird thing.
382
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,760
Even me.
383
00:15:03,371 --> 00:15:05,596
Look, I'm gonna tell you
something about myself.
384
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,641
I am really claustrophobic.
385
00:15:09,671 --> 00:15:11,838
- Jess, I don't believe you.
- No, seriously, watch.
386
00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,759
- You seem fine to me.
- I seem fine,
387
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:21,459
but if I close the door,
388
00:15:21,845 --> 00:15:24,881
it's gonna feel
like I'm dying...
389
00:15:25,266 --> 00:15:27,397
even more than
390
00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,509
a real death.
391
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:32,515
It just feels like death...
plus more death.
392
00:15:32,589 --> 00:15:34,064
Okay, this is silly.
Just come on.
393
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,784
But I'm gonna be okay, because
I know you're out there.
394
00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:37,426
- Mm-hmm.
- And you can help me...
395
00:15:38,119 --> 00:15:39,387
Oh, my God...
396
00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:40,629
Okay...
397
00:15:42,077 --> 00:15:44,402
- Oh, my God. Let me out!
- Jess, this is not... this is not funny, Jess.
398
00:15:44,439 --> 00:15:45,834
- Can you open up the door?
- Jess?
399
00:15:45,965 --> 00:15:47,053
It's closed!
400
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,591
Oh, my God, Jess, the door is stuck.
401
00:15:48,672 --> 00:15:50,847
- Jess, the door is stuck!
- It's so hot in here!
402
00:15:50,922 --> 00:15:53,223
- Oh, my God! - Jess, come on,
now, this is not funny.
403
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:56,172
- Oh, my God... Oh, my God... Oh!
- Jess, this is not... oh, my goodness, is it hot?
404
00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,512
- So you're not a nurse?
- Who said I was a nurse?
405
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,581
Stitches-- you said somebody
at work can do stitches.
406
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,148
Who does stitches
at a strip club?
407
00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,407
Someone need stitches?
408
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,301
Let me get my needle
and my bifocals.
409
00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:06,505
Be right back.
410
00:16:06,552 --> 00:16:09,121
Okay, let's get you down
right next to that dirty pole.
411
00:16:09,165 --> 00:16:10,641
There? That? Okay, good.
412
00:16:11,558 --> 00:16:13,360
Th... really nice place.
413
00:16:13,428 --> 00:16:15,733
Uh, this is where you work.
414
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:17,225
You the ticket-taker?
415
00:16:17,264 --> 00:16:18,531
- No, I'm a stripper.
- Yeah.
416
00:16:18,549 --> 00:16:20,338
But what is it
that you do here?
417
00:16:20,368 --> 00:16:22,821
- Stripper. - Because college is
so expensive these days...
418
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,708
- I'm a stripper.
- But only topless.
419
00:16:25,744 --> 00:16:27,419
- Completely naked.
- Mike, where's my taco?
420
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,549
What happened? What happened?
421
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,042
Uh, he remembered that
he was married to you,
422
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,233
so he tried to beat the memory
out of his brain with a brick.
423
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:35,222
- Oh, he's married...
- You stupid bitch!
424
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:36,367
Oh, not okay!
425
00:16:37,485 --> 00:16:38,519
Ladies!
Stop fighting!
426
00:16:38,541 --> 00:16:41,370
Hey, hey!
Stop this now!
427
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:44,203
Don't stop this!
I'm super aroused!
428
00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:45,934
I think I just
became a dirt bag.
429
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,073
Why did I cross the bar?
430
00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:52,746
I did it.
431
00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:55,167
- I'm here for dinner. I made it.
- It's really late.
432
00:16:55,216 --> 00:16:57,705
We got the account.
I was with my boss, we got the account.
433
00:16:57,795 --> 00:17:00,172
- We did it.
- You were with your boss?
434
00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:01,638
What?
435
00:17:01,679 --> 00:17:03,667
- No. - The woman who made
you sign a contract
436
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,843
- so she could have sex
with you, your boss? - No.
437
00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:07,805
No. Uh...
438
00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:09,012
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
439
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,545
No... but nothing happened.
440
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:12,521
She just wanted me
to taste the V.
441
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:14,527
That came out wrong.
442
00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:15,810
- Yeah.
- I thought about...
443
00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:18,162
I thought about
the boss's boobs once.
444
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,385
They're still real nice,
445
00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:24,122
but I didn't have no connection
to them emotionally, whatsoever.
446
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:25,702
Nothing.
447
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:29,999
Cece, I can pay
for our baby's college now.
448
00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:31,891
Literally anywhere
they want to go.
449
00:17:31,978 --> 00:17:35,080
UCLA, UMass...
any of the U schools.
450
00:17:35,117 --> 00:17:37,746
- I love you so much.
- You should probably...
451
00:17:38,029 --> 00:17:39,196
Oh, not...
452
00:17:44,389 --> 00:17:45,732
It's okay.
453
00:17:51,739 --> 00:17:53,407
Cece, I'm gonna
pee in my summer suit.
454
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:55,518
Hey, Mom, it's me.
455
00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:58,133
I think I'm ready to
have you set me up.
456
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,178
This is not a prank.
Call me back.
457
00:18:04,632 --> 00:18:06,095
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, my goodness.
458
00:18:06,114 --> 00:18:08,256
- Thank you, man.
- I see.
459
00:18:08,278 --> 00:18:10,628
If you guys have been
playing hard to get,
460
00:18:10,647 --> 00:18:12,883
you don't have to.
I am totally ready
461
00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:16,327
to get mixed up in this
choco-vanilla shake.
462
00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:18,662
No.
463
00:18:18,712 --> 00:18:20,704
Yeah, you know what
I'm talking about here.
464
00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:22,329
- I'm just talking about...
- Yes... I know, I know.
465
00:18:22,354 --> 00:18:23,114
We got it.
466
00:18:23,128 --> 00:18:25,376
- We got it, Remy. We got it. Yeah.
- ...doing it with-with both of you.
467
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,549
Three...
468
00:18:27,365 --> 00:18:29,065
This never happened.
469
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:34,069
Jess, I just want
to say thank you.
470
00:18:34,217 --> 00:18:35,700
You know, I thought
I was the only crazy one,
471
00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:37,227
but it turns out
you're nuts as well.
472
00:18:37,252 --> 00:18:39,563
Oh, I'm straight-up
bananas, Winston.
473
00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:41,415
Next time that happens to you,
474
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:44,187
just come to me, and I'll
help you keep your pants on.
475
00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:47,668
So what are we gonna do
about Schmidt's suits?
476
00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:50,212
I feel like there's
a very obvious solution.
477
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,495
Oh, come on! Again?
478
00:18:58,401 --> 00:19:00,616
Thank God.
The meth-heads came back.
479
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:03,094
They brought your suits back
'cause they don't fit them.
480
00:19:03,123 --> 00:19:04,688
They did the right thing,
'cause they're
481
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,773
- drug addicts, they're not monsters.
- Right.
482
00:19:06,816 --> 00:19:08,483
They actually got them
dry-cleaned, um...
483
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,169
deluxe package, very pricey.
484
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,450
Why'd he tie you up?
485
00:19:11,507 --> 00:19:12,374
They kept saying, like,
486
00:19:12,405 --> 00:19:14,844
"Ah, I'm so hungry for
more meth," you know?
487
00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:17,155
"Let's get rid of these suits.
488
00:19:17,999 --> 00:19:20,467
These clean... suits."
489
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,026
Jess and I want a tub.
490
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:23,909
We want candles and bubbles.
491
00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:25,926
Oh, damn it, Schmidt,
we want bubbles, man.
492
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:28,437
I want to cover everything
up on my body with bubbles.
493
00:19:28,462 --> 00:19:30,464
You know, and then just
blow 'em off like this...
494
00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:32,017
and laugh, like...
495
00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:34,372
Get a tub, man.
Let's get a tub; I don't care.
496
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:36,485
- Hey.
- You okay?
497
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,743
What's wrong?
498
00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:40,619
I told Cece that I loved her.
499
00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:44,340
Then I got drunk,
and she called her mom, and...
500
00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:49,580
She's going brown.
501
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:52,990
She wants to marry a brown man.
502
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,592
- Schmidt...
- Schmidt!
503
00:19:59,071 --> 00:20:01,172
- Hey, man.
- Hey...
504
00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:02,951
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hold it right there.
505
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:04,450
Let it go, man.
506
00:20:04,549 --> 00:20:06,683
- Let it go.
- Okay.
507
00:20:09,865 --> 00:20:12,066
How'd you guys
get out of your ties?
508
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:18,377
Hey...
509
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:20,556
Hey.
510
00:20:20,581 --> 00:20:21,820
What can I get you
to drink, Angie?
511
00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:23,372
Oh, no, I don't...
512
00:20:23,708 --> 00:20:26,747
I just want to...
hang out.
513
00:20:27,819 --> 00:20:28,918
I've got this rule.
514
00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:30,418
Never cross the bar.
515
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:32,981
And I broke that rule, and...
516
00:20:33,717 --> 00:20:35,644
Look, these 18 inches of oak
517
00:20:35,676 --> 00:20:38,394
are the only thing
that separates me
518
00:20:38,431 --> 00:20:40,264
from guys like Sid over there.
519
00:20:40,921 --> 00:20:42,822
No disrespect.
I got your next round.
520
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,577
Well, I don't have any rules.
521
00:20:46,589 --> 00:20:48,288
Don't do... don't...
522
00:20:48,353 --> 00:20:50,121
No customers...
523
00:20:51,536 --> 00:20:53,118
...behind the bar.
524
00:21:00,972 --> 00:21:02,973
Oh, Sid, you gotta...
You're killing me.
525
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:05,373
Sit down and drink your beer.
526
00:21:06,805 --> 00:21:08,505
I'm a man with feelings.
527
00:21:08,761 --> 00:21:11,431
Feelings that are bubbling up
inside of me, and...
528
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,071
...they're about to explode.
529
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:16,678
I'd like for those feelings
to explode on you.
530
00:21:19,465 --> 00:21:21,428
You got this, dawg.
Look at you, dawg.
531
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,812
Look at you!
532
00:21:22,847 --> 00:21:24,180
Look at your face, dawg!
533
00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:25,522
Look at your face!
534
00:21:25,595 --> 00:21:26,862
You got this, son!
535
00:21:27,049 --> 00:21:29,685
♪ Well, I love you ♪
536
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,255
♪ And I've never
said those words ♪
537
00:21:32,361 --> 00:21:35,662
♪ Well, I love you,
from the bo... ♪
538
00:21:36,636 --> 00:21:41,669
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther