1
00:00:03,041 --> 00:00:04,843
You know, maybe
I found out too early.
2
00:00:04,877 --> 00:00:08,633
I was five years old when "Santa"
gave me my own fire truck
3
00:00:08,652 --> 00:00:09,906
and a teddy bear that smelled
4
00:00:09,931 --> 00:00:11,263
like my dad's cigarettes.
5
00:00:11,437 --> 00:00:12,956
That's not Santa.
6
00:00:12,991 --> 00:00:15,293
I just believe things
and go on believing them.
7
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,730
If someone tells me a fat man's
bringing me dolls every year,
8
00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:19,995
- I just don't question it.
- You would've been my nightmare.
9
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:22,257
We were on very strict
instructions from Rabbi Schmulie
10
00:00:22,276 --> 00:00:23,613
not to say a word until the last
11
00:00:23,644 --> 00:00:25,178
Christian kid found out
about Santa Claus.
12
00:00:25,231 --> 00:00:27,606
Ruining Christmas,
very bad for our brand.
13
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,453
Well, whether or not
Santa's real, it's just
14
00:00:29,478 --> 00:00:31,012
nice to have something
to believe in.
15
00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:33,751
Did you just say
"Whether or not Santa's real"?
16
00:00:33,787 --> 00:00:35,724
- You don't believe in
Santa Claus, do you? - No.
17
00:00:35,955 --> 00:00:37,536
Do I wish Santa was real?
18
00:00:37,831 --> 00:00:39,349
- I mean, yeah.
- Santa's not real, Winston.
19
00:00:39,382 --> 00:00:40,909
Shut up, stupid!
You're a dummy!
20
00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:45,507
So... and...
I don't even c...
21
00:00:45,574 --> 00:00:47,467
Like, you're the...
Okay, aw, here we go.
22
00:00:47,492 --> 00:00:49,436
You know what, look who's talking.
You're the same guy
23
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:50,930
who only eats mayonnaise
on game days.
24
00:00:50,957 --> 00:00:52,480
That's how you makee
the Chicago Bears win.
25
00:00:52,505 --> 00:00:54,563
Hey, Winnie,
were you a good boy this year?
26
00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:56,111
Oh, really?
27
00:00:56,126 --> 00:00:57,270
Stop, guys, stop!
28
00:00:57,301 --> 00:00:58,570
Don't throw the cranberries!
29
00:00:58,597 --> 00:00:59,481
- Get him!
- Stop!
30
00:00:59,532 --> 00:01:01,290
- I don't mess around!
- No!
31
00:01:02,973 --> 00:01:04,791
- Go for the eyes!
- Truce! Truce! Truce!
32
00:01:04,829 --> 00:01:05,779
Truce! Truce!
33
00:01:05,827 --> 00:01:07,108
One got stuck in my ear.
34
00:01:07,225 --> 00:01:08,688
We got a cranberry in his ear.
35
00:01:08,721 --> 00:01:10,221
How is that even possible?
36
00:01:10,252 --> 00:01:11,552
Why don't you ask
Santa Claus to take
37
00:01:11,577 --> 00:01:13,157
- the cranberry out of your ear?
- Huh?!
38
00:01:13,301 --> 00:01:14,945
I said it got stuck in my ear!
39
00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,795
Truce! Truce! Truce! Truce!
40
00:01:17,499 --> 00:01:19,000
♪ Who's that girl?
41
00:01:19,051 --> 00:01:21,720
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess.
42
00:01:21,758 --> 00:01:25,694
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:26,691 --> 00:01:28,533
These pieces don't
make a full berry.
44
00:01:28,571 --> 00:01:30,546
There's definitely something
still stuck in there.
45
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:33,743
Hey, would anybody mind giving me
a ride to the airport tomorrow?
46
00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:34,853
Full disclosure:
47
00:01:34,874 --> 00:01:36,944
It's out of San Diego
at 3:00 a.m.
48
00:01:36,979 --> 00:01:39,463
So tonight's our last chance
for a holiday hang-together?
49
00:01:39,488 --> 00:01:41,352
A group hang on the
Saturday before Christmas?
50
00:01:41,377 --> 00:01:43,640
No, sorry, I can't
tonight, Jess. Office party.
51
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,610
There are literally millions
of parties. It's a puzzle as...
52
00:01:45,634 --> 00:01:47,254
That's what you guys
are talking about, right?
53
00:01:47,469 --> 00:01:49,025
I mean, it's not like
I can hear anything,
54
00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:51,116
because I got a cranberry
stuck in my ear!
55
00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:52,435
- You're yelling.
- Huh?
56
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,216
Slade and Sienna
are having a house thing.
57
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,396
Oshiro-San is serving
whale meat after midnight.
58
00:01:56,422 --> 00:01:58,006
- Huh? What y'all talking about?
- Shut up.
59
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,003
Sadie is having
a cookie-decorating party.
60
00:02:00,022 --> 00:02:02,353
The gorilla twins
are having a thump-thump.
61
00:02:02,381 --> 00:02:04,419
Let's try to hit all
the parties we can.
62
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:07,294
Otherwise, I'm just gonna stay
home and try not to call Sam.
63
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:09,149
- What'd you say?
- I'm gonna die alone.
64
00:02:09,285 --> 00:02:10,904
And merry Christmas.
65
00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:13,392
- We have to hang out together.
- I hate that idea.
66
00:02:13,412 --> 00:02:14,829
I'll be designated driver.
67
00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,298
- I'm in.
- Okay, yeah, let's do it.
68
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,631
The only we make this work
is if we do the Irish good-bye.
69
00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:20,223
We leave the parties
without saying good-bye.
70
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,504
And I'm asking you guys
as my friends to not be
71
00:02:22,531 --> 00:02:25,925
so damn awkward around
my stripper girlfriend,
72
00:02:25,955 --> 00:02:27,711
just 'cause she's a stripper.
- You are the most awkward.
73
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,266
You should probably stop calling
her your "stripper girlfriend."
74
00:02:29,284 --> 00:02:31,568
She's unpredictable
and exciting,
75
00:02:31,598 --> 00:02:32,754
and I love that!
76
00:02:32,828 --> 00:02:34,097
Ol' Nick Miller
77
00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:36,531
lives on the edge now.
Vroom! Vroom!
78
00:02:36,633 --> 00:02:39,246
And plus, we haven't had sex yet,
and we might tonight.
79
00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:42,742
I understood that!
80
00:02:42,969 --> 00:02:44,129
Oh, yeah!
81
00:02:44,525 --> 00:02:45,629
What'd you say, though?
82
00:02:45,788 --> 00:02:47,350
♪ On the first day
of Christmas ♪
83
00:02:47,381 --> 00:02:49,883
♪ My true love gave to me
a partridge... ♪
84
00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:51,870
Merry Christmas!
85
00:02:51,943 --> 00:02:53,044
Am I talking too loud?
86
00:02:53,078 --> 00:02:54,262
- Schmidt?
- What?
87
00:02:54,288 --> 00:02:55,735
- A word?
- What?
88
00:02:55,817 --> 00:02:58,619
You haven't said one word to
Cece since she got in the car.
89
00:02:58,705 --> 00:03:00,167
I cannot believe
that you invited her.
90
00:03:00,191 --> 00:03:01,248
She's my best friend.
91
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,343
- Hey, can I talk to you a little later?
- Oh, were you hoping that
92
00:03:03,362 --> 00:03:04,782
I still had some soul left
for you to crush?
93
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,799
I'm glad we're gonna be
mature about this.
94
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:08,898
Whoa, what happened there?
95
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:11,490
Nothing. He told her
that he loved her...
96
00:03:11,508 --> 00:03:12,959
Okay, I just want
to spend the night
97
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,107
making it with some fatty
in an elf costume.
98
00:03:15,132 --> 00:03:16,715
Is that too much to ask for?
99
00:03:17,085 --> 00:03:18,466
Instead I'm stuck here
100
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,192
at this Lesbian cookie party.
101
00:03:20,385 --> 00:03:22,437
It's all wreaths, no trees.
102
00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:24,987
All right, Jess,
you're on the clock;
103
00:03:25,011 --> 00:03:27,078
You have five minutes
in this party black hole.
104
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,616
- Your friends are cool.
- Yeah, no, no, I like them.
105
00:03:29,681 --> 00:03:30,865
- Yeah, they...
- I live with them.
106
00:03:30,916 --> 00:03:32,884
But being serious,
it's been really fun.
107
00:03:33,368 --> 00:03:36,302
I'm glad we're hanging out and spending
time together and all that good stuff.
108
00:03:36,421 --> 00:03:38,771
You know, to be completely
honest, when I first met you,
109
00:03:38,808 --> 00:03:40,918
I didn't think that
you could handle this.
110
00:03:41,069 --> 00:03:43,132
Handle what? The fact
that you're a stripper?
111
00:03:43,169 --> 00:03:44,595
- Me being... Yeah.
- Are you kidding?
112
00:03:44,627 --> 00:03:46,160
Me?
- Yeah.
113
00:03:46,325 --> 00:03:48,227
Is it good?
You're sweating a little bit.
114
00:03:48,266 --> 00:03:50,785
You know what, lady, I was born
on the wrong side of the tracks.
115
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:53,008
I've had tetanus
thrice in my life.
116
00:03:53,054 --> 00:03:55,522
- Ew. - And look at what a
badass cookie I made.
117
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,546
That's the kind of cookie
Nick Miller makes.
118
00:03:57,679 --> 00:03:59,455
- Fine, look at my cookie.
- What?
119
00:04:02,131 --> 00:04:04,282
Yeah, but there
are people here.
120
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,750
Are you not into having
sex around people?
121
00:04:06,952 --> 00:04:08,019
Who are you talking to?
122
00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:10,171
- Yeah? - I'm so open with
sex, it's ridiculous.
123
00:04:12,095 --> 00:04:13,851
You could at least
take your coat off.
124
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:15,201
Oh, but I can't.
125
00:04:15,458 --> 00:04:17,159
Pastel walls
give me the chills.
126
00:04:17,181 --> 00:04:18,849
- Hey.
- Hey.
127
00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:21,408
- Oh, my God!
- What?
128
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,058
- What...
- It's Sam! It's Sam! Put your coats on.
129
00:04:23,076 --> 00:04:24,295
- We're leaving.
- Sam Sam? Where?
130
00:04:24,315 --> 00:04:25,082
Yes, he's right over there.
131
00:04:25,109 --> 00:04:26,503
He's talking to a woman
whose sexuality
132
00:04:26,522 --> 00:04:27,939
I won't jump to
conclusions about.
133
00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:29,157
What a situation, huh, Jess?
134
00:04:29,191 --> 00:04:30,475
Forced to spend time
with someone
135
00:04:30,518 --> 00:04:32,226
who ruthlessly rejected you
136
00:04:32,311 --> 00:04:34,067
after you told him
how much you cared about him.
137
00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:35,398
- Maybe...
- Damn, he looks good.
138
00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:38,439
Just wants everyone
to get along.
139
00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:39,911
Okay, if he wanted
everybody to get along...
140
00:04:39,942 --> 00:04:41,098
I'm seriously freaking out
right now.
141
00:04:41,116 --> 00:04:43,287
...then he wouldn't have acted
like such a callous lady jerk.
142
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:44,313
- Lady jerk?
- Lady jerk.
143
00:04:44,355 --> 00:04:45,594
I'm seriously
freaking out right now.
144
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,388
- Duck! He's gonna see you.
- Ow. We have to get out
145
00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:49,060
of here, you guys.
Where is everybody?
146
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,688
Yeah, man, see,
when a cranberry gets lodged
147
00:04:51,714 --> 00:04:54,092
in the ear, it hurts.
Look.
148
00:04:54,131 --> 00:04:55,298
- Psst, Winston.
- Hey!
149
00:04:55,321 --> 00:04:56,905
Do you guys know Sam's here?
150
00:04:59,004 --> 00:05:01,072
- Jess? - We're Irish good-bye-ing.
Go! Go!
151
00:05:01,107 --> 00:05:03,191
- Go?
- Go, go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
152
00:05:03,225 --> 00:05:04,956
Go! Go! Go!
153
00:05:05,068 --> 00:05:06,699
All right, Schmidt,
what's the address?
154
00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:08,838
Get ready, last year
this party had acrobats
155
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:10,199
and caged snow leopards.
156
00:05:10,414 --> 00:05:11,281
What?!
157
00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:18,112
We're all here together.
No drama.
158
00:05:18,131 --> 00:05:19,756
- Not bad, Schmidt.
- Thank you.
159
00:05:19,795 --> 00:05:21,808
Are they just gonna play
computer music all night?
160
00:05:21,826 --> 00:05:23,702
What are you talking about?
That's a really respected deejay,
161
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,227
who was also an actor
on Boy Meets World.
162
00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:26,662
- Hey, Jess. Whoa, Sam.
- What?!
163
00:05:26,704 --> 00:05:27,368
No!
164
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,993
Why is this happening? No.
Please, I need to talk...
165
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:29,749
Oh, God.
166
00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:30,893
No. Oh, my...
167
00:05:31,002 --> 00:05:32,327
Oh, I feel like a bird.
168
00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:33,663
Aw, that's just sad.
169
00:05:33,707 --> 00:05:35,376
- How are you here?
- Winston told me
170
00:05:35,414 --> 00:05:37,276
where the party was in
exchange for an ear exam.
171
00:05:37,301 --> 00:05:38,668
Winston told you what?!
172
00:05:39,344 --> 00:05:39,889
What?
173
00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:41,518
Jess, listen to me.
174
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,635
I want you back, Jess.
175
00:05:45,484 --> 00:05:46,884
Oh.
176
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,049
Oh!
177
00:05:50,793 --> 00:05:53,237
Are none of these doors open ?
178
00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:54,172
Oh!
179
00:05:56,213 --> 00:05:59,153
What, he just wants a relationship
now, out of the blue?
180
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:01,768
You never just dreamed
about him crawling back to you?
181
00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:03,709
Anybody who's ever been dumped
182
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:06,238
has dreamed about
that special someone
183
00:06:06,263 --> 00:06:07,989
crawling their way back to them.
184
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:10,025
I mean, come on, right?
It's the dump fantasy.
185
00:06:10,049 --> 00:06:11,454
Let's workshop that term.
186
00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:12,973
Of course I have.
187
00:06:13,050 --> 00:06:16,425
We meet in a hospital, during wartime.
188
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,916
You can forgive a lot
during wartime.
189
00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:20,814
That is a fantasy, Jess.
190
00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:22,295
Okay, people don't change.
191
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:24,048
They just think that they do.
192
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:25,631
He's a player.
Think about it.
193
00:06:25,656 --> 00:06:27,441
Why would a good-looking
person ever become a doctor?
194
00:06:27,468 --> 00:06:28,752
Jess?
195
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,006
Oh, my God!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
196
00:06:31,078 --> 00:06:32,448
Go, go, go.
197
00:06:32,511 --> 00:06:34,368
- Door...
- Jess?
198
00:06:36,556 --> 00:06:38,864
Jess, uh, I don't know
if you're in here.
199
00:06:38,907 --> 00:06:40,666
I just wanted to
tell you that...
200
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,338
I messed up.
201
00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:45,473
You know, I-I went
to that party to see you.
202
00:06:45,526 --> 00:06:47,394
I knew you were gonna
be there, 'cause I saw
203
00:06:47,428 --> 00:06:49,897
the comments on the Evite.
204
00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:52,864
"Amazeballs, can't wait."
205
00:06:52,917 --> 00:06:54,798
If you are here, I'm sorry if
this sounds a little rehearsed.
206
00:06:54,822 --> 00:06:56,409
This is the third room
I've done this in.
207
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,001
Hey, what's he saying?
208
00:06:58,034 --> 00:06:59,404
- I want to hear...
- Shut up, Winston.
209
00:06:59,435 --> 00:07:00,352
Jess?
210
00:07:00,773 --> 00:07:02,158
- Jess?
- Yep.
211
00:07:07,299 --> 00:07:08,050
No.
212
00:07:08,147 --> 00:07:09,547
You just think
you can come back
213
00:07:09,578 --> 00:07:10,909
and I'm just gonna be
waiting for you?
214
00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:13,095
No, of course not.
I mean...
215
00:07:13,947 --> 00:07:15,347
I had to at least try.
216
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:16,973
You're too late.
217
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:18,827
I'm in love.
218
00:07:18,851 --> 00:07:20,049
What?
219
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,012
With Winston.
220
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:25,710
What?
221
00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:27,422
We've lain together.
222
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:29,143
No, yeah, I don't know
how it happened.
223
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:32,937
It just got stuck up there
so far, so quickly.
224
00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:34,699
The relationship.
225
00:07:34,712 --> 00:07:36,131
You know, sometimes
when we're hanging out,
226
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:37,122
it can get a little rough.
227
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:38,988
- Oh, boy, does it.
- Yeah.
228
00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:40,632
All right. Well, I didn't
know that, so...
229
00:07:40,686 --> 00:07:42,686
What's going on? I feel like
I'm missing something.
230
00:07:46,095 --> 00:07:47,431
Snow time.
231
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:49,590
Hey, what are you doing?
No, no, no.
232
00:07:49,644 --> 00:07:52,092
Hey, everything is so expensive
here, Angie.
233
00:07:52,129 --> 00:07:53,064
Don't. Get off that thing.
234
00:07:53,095 --> 00:07:54,514
Why don't you get on?
235
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,178
You know what?
236
00:07:58,225 --> 00:08:00,226
Get in the sleigh, girl.
237
00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:04,153
What happens in the sleigh?
238
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:06,492
What happens in the sleigh
239
00:08:06,524 --> 00:08:09,192
- is I'll be your reindeer...
- Uh-huh.
240
00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:12,646
And take your toys
up in the sky.
241
00:08:13,799 --> 00:08:15,127
Sexy.
242
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,368
Ooh! Ho ho ho!
243
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,743
Here comes the
chubby Santa boy!
244
00:08:24,848 --> 00:08:26,238
Get in here.
245
00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:28,163
This is real.
246
00:08:28,197 --> 00:08:29,981
We are...
This is...
247
00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:31,603
You are quick to the belt.
248
00:08:31,652 --> 00:08:32,735
Let's do this.
249
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,564
You have been Taken.
250
00:08:35,062 --> 00:08:35,812
What's that?
251
00:08:35,859 --> 00:08:37,994
A nearly perfect Liam Neeson.
252
00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:39,973
Whoa!
253
00:08:40,057 --> 00:08:41,224
Oh, no!
254
00:08:47,785 --> 00:08:49,177
No! This isn't...
255
00:08:50,726 --> 00:08:54,162
This is my nightmare!
256
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,512
Merry Christmas!
257
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,246
Oh.
258
00:09:08,144 --> 00:09:10,894
Hey. I know... I know
you're trying to avoid me,
259
00:09:10,919 --> 00:09:14,094
but just take this gift
I got you and I will walk away.
260
00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:17,018
I don't celebrate Christmas,
okay? Or as I like to call it,
261
00:09:17,042 --> 00:09:19,148
White Anglo-Saxon Winter
Privilege Night.
262
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:20,727
I really want us to be friends.
263
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:22,326
Whenever you're ready.
264
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:24,017
Because I really do
care about you.
265
00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:25,467
Thank you so much for this.
266
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:28,306
'Cause this
makes it so much better.
267
00:09:30,816 --> 00:09:33,318
Here. This is for you.
268
00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:36,077
What if you came
home with me tonight?
269
00:09:36,102 --> 00:09:38,075
You look like a hot elf.
270
00:09:40,376 --> 00:09:41,607
- Hold still.
- Uh-huh.
271
00:09:43,038 --> 00:09:43,745
Got it.
272
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,870
Oh, thank you, thank
you, thank you, man.
273
00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:47,811
Now that I think about it,
I mean, I'm not really
274
00:09:47,836 --> 00:09:49,692
surprised by you and...
you know.
275
00:09:49,748 --> 00:09:51,616
I mean, three guy roommates.
276
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,385
If I really am being honest
with you,
277
00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:55,537
you were the only one
that I was really threatened by.
278
00:09:55,874 --> 00:09:57,879
I mean, you got
Metrosexual Jones
279
00:09:57,935 --> 00:09:59,315
and Sweatshirt Guy over there.
280
00:09:59,345 --> 00:10:00,911
What are we talking about here?
281
00:10:00,936 --> 00:10:03,271
Yeah, I would trade places
with you in a heartbeat.
282
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:05,152
You know,
except for the mustache.
283
00:10:05,419 --> 00:10:08,407
Can I ask you something?
How did you get her?
284
00:10:11,509 --> 00:10:12,878
Oh...
285
00:10:13,592 --> 00:10:14,742
Hmm.
286
00:10:15,605 --> 00:10:16,723
Jess.
287
00:10:17,462 --> 00:10:19,768
Yes.
Yes, my love.
288
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:24,127
Honey, we both know we have been
unhappy for far too long.
289
00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:28,216
I am not just a vehicle you get
to ride to Pleasure Town.
290
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:30,740
Be gone, honky!
291
00:10:31,921 --> 00:10:33,871
This is for your own good.
292
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:36,536
Say good-bye
to paradise, honey!
293
00:10:41,937 --> 00:10:43,355
We were never going out.
294
00:10:43,389 --> 00:10:44,908
Yeah, I got that.
295
00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:51,162
I mean, Sam, what am
I supposed to think?
296
00:10:51,303 --> 00:10:53,853
So what? I'm just
supposed to believe you
297
00:10:53,877 --> 00:10:55,642
when all of a sudden
you come back to me,
298
00:10:55,666 --> 00:10:57,350
and you tell me you
want to make it work?
299
00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:00,160
I-I want to believe you,
but I just feel so...
300
00:11:03,431 --> 00:11:04,425
No!
301
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,388
No! Why do you think
you can just kiss me?
302
00:11:08,431 --> 00:11:09,654
I thought that was the right...
303
00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:11,201
That's all this ever was to you.
304
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:12,934
- That's not true, Jess.
- No.
305
00:11:12,969 --> 00:11:15,765
No. I'm always so gullible,
and I'm not doing it.
306
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:17,730
I'm not doing it anymore.
307
00:11:18,449 --> 00:11:19,400
I'm done.
308
00:11:19,791 --> 00:11:21,335
Oh, I mean, I get it.
309
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,575
I'm... I'm too late.
I messed up.
310
00:11:23,613 --> 00:11:25,278
Yeah, you did.
You messed up.
311
00:11:25,647 --> 00:11:27,148
Well, I'll leave you alone.
Merry Christmas.
312
00:11:27,181 --> 00:11:28,431
No!
313
00:11:28,665 --> 00:11:30,668
I'm leaving you alone.
314
00:11:34,273 --> 00:11:36,161
I know... I know you do this
kind of thing all the time,
315
00:11:36,192 --> 00:11:37,994
but believe it or not, I don't.
316
00:11:38,049 --> 00:11:39,968
What? What does that mean?
317
00:11:39,997 --> 00:11:43,057
Look, I know for you,
this kind of stuff is normal.
318
00:11:43,096 --> 00:11:44,664
- Oh.
- Doing it in sleds.
319
00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:46,418
- And...
- Oh, this is because I'm a stripper.
320
00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:47,636
Yeah.
321
00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:49,087
- Are you laughing at me?
- No.
322
00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:52,451
I'm laughing into me.
323
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:55,556
- Maybe you just can't handle this.
- No. It's great.
324
00:11:55,603 --> 00:11:57,641
You're a stripper for now.
I'm a bartender for now.
325
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,518
- For now?
- We're not gonna be that for...
326
00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:01,743
Okay, well, for now,
I'm just gonna walk away.
327
00:12:01,768 --> 00:12:04,230
For now, you can kiss my ass.
328
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:09,308
Nick Miller-- turning lemonade
into lemons since 1981.
329
00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:15,951
Up on the housetop.
330
00:12:15,989 --> 00:12:17,159
Click, click, click.
331
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:18,811
You know, I just want
to say what's up to all
332
00:12:18,829 --> 00:12:21,178
my girls in the county
looking so lovely,
333
00:12:21,212 --> 00:12:24,064
like you always sometimes do.
334
00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:27,076
♪ Ho, ho, ho,
who wouldn't go? ♪
335
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,309
♪ Ho, ho, ho...
336
00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:30,600
- Hey.
- Hey.
337
00:12:31,082 --> 00:12:32,664
What are you doing
in this place?
338
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,377
Um...
339
00:12:37,429 --> 00:12:40,565
And we're back,
and I'm Dr. Gavin Daytona.
340
00:12:40,616 --> 00:12:43,335
You are live on the radio.
We got a caller Wendy.
341
00:12:43,356 --> 00:12:45,336
You are on the phone with
the doctor. What have you got?
342
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,698
Hey. Hey, Doctor.
343
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,779
This is Dr. Gavin. You're live
to five million people.
344
00:12:50,809 --> 00:12:53,387
- I actually, I-I had a guy...
- Oh, yeah, you did.
345
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:56,392
- I really liked him.
- Wah, wah!
346
00:12:57,747 --> 00:13:00,918
I'm right not to
believe him, right?
347
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,375
I don't know, actually.
348
00:13:04,697 --> 00:13:07,160
I think you're the kind of girl
a guy would come back for.
349
00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:10,895
Buh, buh, buh.
350
00:13:19,195 --> 00:13:20,323
It was a bracelet.
351
00:13:20,371 --> 00:13:21,777
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
352
00:13:21,832 --> 00:13:24,333
Tungsten carbide,
because you said
353
00:13:24,361 --> 00:13:26,049
that was the most baller metal.
354
00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:27,829
That's what Statham wore
in all the Transporter movies.
355
00:13:27,863 --> 00:13:31,215
I just wanted to try
to find a way to say thank you
356
00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,808
for telling me
that you loved me.
357
00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:37,355
Even if I was the wrong person.
358
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:41,909
You're welcome, Cece.
359
00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:45,594
But love is stupid, okay?
360
00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:47,369
It is a lie.
361
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,610
So, bah humbug to you, Cecilia.
362
00:13:50,907 --> 00:13:52,091
Bah humbug.
363
00:13:52,437 --> 00:13:54,472
Bah...
364
00:13:54,823 --> 00:13:56,224
humbug.
365
00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:58,965
♪ Up on the housetop,
click, click, click... ♪
366
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:00,528
Where is your girlfriend?
367
00:14:00,556 --> 00:14:02,240
I blew it.
368
00:14:02,393 --> 00:14:05,645
She's so out there
and adventurous,
369
00:14:05,704 --> 00:14:07,719
and not afraid, and...
370
00:14:07,756 --> 00:14:09,030
She's probably bored
of me already.
371
00:14:09,042 --> 00:14:10,461
I mean, she doesn't
want to be here.
372
00:14:10,819 --> 00:14:12,917
Does Angie ever do anything
373
00:14:12,957 --> 00:14:14,320
she doesn't want to do?
374
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:15,633
No.
375
00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:19,187
What's wrong with a girl that's
fearless? I think that could
376
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:21,833
be good for you, especially
since you're such a chicken.
377
00:14:23,101 --> 00:14:24,203
Don't.
378
00:14:28,461 --> 00:14:29,845
Go get her.
379
00:14:35,485 --> 00:14:36,736
Is this on?
380
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:38,899
It's on.
381
00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:40,158
Right on. Cool.
382
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:43,127
Um... Angie?
383
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:46,769
I just want to say publicly
that I'm an idiot.
384
00:14:47,245 --> 00:14:50,278
I couldn't just put myself
out there all the time.
385
00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:51,878
It's too scary.
386
00:14:51,923 --> 00:14:54,644
I'm not as brave as you,
but here goes.
387
00:14:54,774 --> 00:14:56,441
I'm very poor.
388
00:14:57,249 --> 00:14:59,724
Having a checking account
would be an honor.
389
00:14:59,952 --> 00:15:00,839
I'm a writer.
390
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:03,647
I've written a zombie book.
It's terrible.
391
00:15:04,710 --> 00:15:06,298
I'm a slow runner.
392
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,935
I'm obsessed with karate.
393
00:15:09,514 --> 00:15:11,070
Yeah, yeah.
394
00:15:11,295 --> 00:15:13,720
You are the scariest thing
in the world.
395
00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:16,931
And you're so goofy
to be going out with me.
396
00:15:17,389 --> 00:15:18,889
And I don't want to...
397
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,508
Thank you for...
398
00:15:23,361 --> 00:15:24,286
Winston?
399
00:15:24,318 --> 00:15:26,155
Why don't you do me
a favor, homeboy?
400
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,759
Sorry I called you homeboy.
401
00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,472
But turn that damn music up.
402
00:15:31,106 --> 00:15:33,341
'Cause I'm about
to get sexy up in here.
403
00:15:36,057 --> 00:15:38,695
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
404
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,397
♪ Fa la-la la-la,
la, la, la, la ♪
405
00:15:41,444 --> 00:15:43,697
-♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly...♪
- Sexy?
406
00:15:43,722 --> 00:15:46,226
- No. - Weird choice, but
I'm going for it.
407
00:15:46,706 --> 00:15:48,364
♪ Don we now
our gay apparel... ♪
408
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,199
- Would you give me a second chance?
- ♪ Fa la-la la-la, la, la, la, la ♪
409
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,053
Yeah.
410
00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:54,169
Good. See, I know
what sexy is.
411
00:15:54,225 --> 00:15:55,867
- What's happening?
- And I'm gonna show you
412
00:15:55,891 --> 00:15:56,792
what kind of...
413
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,066
Huh? Oh.
414
00:16:00,057 --> 00:16:02,286
Oh, no, no. Oh, okay.
415
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,035
Is this, is this a lap dance?
416
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:04,864
This...
417
00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:07,109
This isn't happening.
418
00:16:12,527 --> 00:16:14,610
Oh, yeah, that-that's
the stuff.
419
00:16:14,642 --> 00:16:16,521
That-That's kind of the stuff.
420
00:16:16,571 --> 00:16:18,009
Sexy.
421
00:16:18,876 --> 00:16:21,543
♪ Fast away
the old year passes ♪
422
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,462
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
423
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,313
Let me show you how to do it.
424
00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:26,951
♪ Ye lads and lasses
425
00:16:26,983 --> 00:16:29,401
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
426
00:16:29,498 --> 00:16:32,208
♪ Sing we joyous all together
427
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,849
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
428
00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:37,626
♪ Heedless of the wind
and weather ♪
429
00:16:37,651 --> 00:16:40,204
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
430
00:16:40,722 --> 00:16:42,957
Okay, Angie, Angie,
you're doing it all wrong.
431
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:43,985
Okay, honey?
432
00:16:44,021 --> 00:16:45,221
Let me just...
433
00:16:45,675 --> 00:16:47,435
Eye contact.
434
00:16:48,403 --> 00:16:50,886
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la... ♪
435
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:53,855
What are you doing?
You are as dumb as it gets.
436
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:56,429
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
437
00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:58,467
♪ Don we now our gay a...
438
00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:01,694
- What the hell?
- What are you doing?
439
00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:04,619
I just... I-I'm sorry, I think
I made a mistake about Sam.
440
00:17:04,643 --> 00:17:06,671
- I think I need to turn around.
- No, you didn't, Jess.
441
00:17:06,695 --> 00:17:08,817
- You did the right thing.
- You're right, you're right.
442
00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:12,280
- Aah, no!
- Oh, come on.
443
00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:14,289
No, no, no.
444
00:17:16,308 --> 00:17:17,982
- No, no, no, no.
- We are so busted.
445
00:17:18,025 --> 00:17:19,298
Oh, Jess, you reek of booze.
446
00:17:19,323 --> 00:17:21,173
Winston threw a drink on me.
447
00:17:21,304 --> 00:17:23,332
- Turn on the waterworks.
- Just take the jacket off.
448
00:17:23,398 --> 00:17:24,829
We are so busted.
449
00:17:24,863 --> 00:17:26,485
There's two of you?
Come on, I thought we were
450
00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:27,860
in the middle
of a budget crisis.
451
00:17:27,906 --> 00:17:29,297
Officer, I understand
452
00:17:29,322 --> 00:17:31,081
how this looks and smells,
453
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:34,278
but I assure you, I would not
ever get behind the wheel
454
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,689
of a vehicle if I had had
even a drop to drink.
455
00:17:38,018 --> 00:17:40,470
This has just been
the most crazy night.
456
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,437
And I'm not going to cry
457
00:17:42,468 --> 00:17:44,864
because I believe
in traffic violations
458
00:17:44,896 --> 00:17:47,614
and paying your debt to society,
but you have
459
00:17:47,638 --> 00:17:49,723
- to believe...
- I believe you.
460
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:52,401
You do?
461
00:17:53,317 --> 00:17:54,983
- Why?
- Jess, be cool.
462
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,075
Sometimes people tell the truth.
463
00:17:57,239 --> 00:17:58,573
You drive safely,
464
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:01,084
and happy holidays.
465
00:18:06,591 --> 00:18:08,108
- Was that...?
- Santa.
466
00:18:08,143 --> 00:18:09,426
- Black Santa.
- We saw Santa.
467
00:18:09,444 --> 00:18:11,478
It was Black Santa.
468
00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:13,096
Santa Claus isn't even real.
469
00:18:13,114 --> 00:18:14,918
We got a black president,
we got a black Santa Claus.
470
00:18:14,943 --> 00:18:16,601
It was not Black Santa Claus!
471
00:18:16,645 --> 00:18:18,713
What a-- that's ludicrous.
472
00:18:18,744 --> 00:18:20,501
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
473
00:18:20,539 --> 00:18:21,597
Now, what is he doing?
474
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,422
He should be at home
getting ready.
475
00:18:23,489 --> 00:18:24,790
I believe.
476
00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:27,438
I believe Sam
477
00:18:27,829 --> 00:18:29,330
and I want to go see him.
478
00:18:29,381 --> 00:18:30,781
To the Black North Pole!
479
00:18:30,815 --> 00:18:32,299
We saw Black Santa.
480
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:34,040
Black Santa Claus?!
481
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:35,896
I am so sick of hanging out
with Christians.
482
00:18:35,927 --> 00:18:38,077
This is my last
Christian Christmas.
483
00:18:41,475 --> 00:18:43,654
- Hi, um, I'm here to see, um...
- Do you have
484
00:18:43,685 --> 00:18:45,598
- family members in the hospital?
- Uh, no, uh...
485
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:46,898
Then, you're not here
to see anyone.
486
00:18:46,923 --> 00:18:49,496
- Visiting hours are over.
- It's Christmas!
487
00:18:53,826 --> 00:18:55,070
Okay, new plan.
488
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,552
We're carolers.
489
00:18:58,481 --> 00:18:59,337
Gum?
490
00:19:01,609 --> 00:19:02,916
Boobs?
491
00:19:03,394 --> 00:19:04,629
Thank you.
492
00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:08,482
FYI, I'm totally fine
with what just happened.
493
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,353
Schmidt, let's go, let's go.
494
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:12,641
Look.
495
00:19:17,421 --> 00:19:19,507
Jess, I still think
this is a mistake.
496
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:20,815
I mean, what if
he hurts you again?
497
00:19:20,856 --> 00:19:22,575
Sometimes people tell
the truth, Schmidt.
498
00:19:22,615 --> 00:19:25,371
Oh, thank you, Professor Cliché,
just in time for the holidays.
499
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:27,980
Hold it. Oh, okay,
well, we should...
500
00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:29,300
Um, madrigals.
501
00:19:31,042 --> 00:19:34,878
♪ O come, all ye faithful
502
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:37,786
♪ Joyful and triumphant
503
00:19:39,461 --> 00:19:44,488
♪ Matzo ball, Star of
David, Hanukkah ♪
504
00:19:44,648 --> 00:19:47,152
♪ Gotta do what you wanna do
when you do it ♪
♪ Menorah
505
00:19:48,805 --> 00:19:49,699
♪ Come
506
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,890
♪ I don't know the words
507
00:19:54,925 --> 00:19:57,627
♪ I don't know
the words... ♪
508
00:20:01,632 --> 00:20:07,049
♪ I don't...
509
00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:08,373
♪ Know
510
00:20:08,561 --> 00:20:10,529
♪ The
511
00:20:10,572 --> 00:20:14,116
♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-o-r...
512
00:20:16,847 --> 00:20:18,348
♪ ...rds-ah!
513
00:20:20,296 --> 00:20:21,405
Good stuff.
514
00:20:21,468 --> 00:20:23,476
Yeah, thanks so much.
Thank you very much.
515
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,384
Okay, okay, everyone,
back in your rooms.
516
00:20:25,427 --> 00:20:27,022
It's okay, I know these people.
517
00:20:27,046 --> 00:20:27,996
- It's okay.
- All right.
518
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:29,773
Thank you.
519
00:20:30,172 --> 00:20:31,391
You came back.
520
00:20:31,483 --> 00:20:33,166
Yeah, um...
521
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,782
Jess, I know that
you don't believe me,
522
00:20:34,825 --> 00:20:37,360
but when we met, I...
523
00:20:37,398 --> 00:20:39,555
this girl had screwed me up.
524
00:20:46,442 --> 00:20:47,626
I believe you.
525
00:20:48,762 --> 00:20:53,546
♪ My friends wanna know how it
came to be that, ooh ♪
526
00:20:53,671 --> 00:20:55,806
All right, you're
in a hospital, so...
527
00:20:55,846 --> 00:20:56,980
A lot of hands.
528
00:20:57,008 --> 00:20:59,071
All right, Doctor,
ease up, ease up.
529
00:20:59,106 --> 00:21:01,975
♪ 'Cause I caught Santa
under my tree... ♪
530
00:21:02,122 --> 00:21:03,306
Cab it to the next party?
531
00:21:03,583 --> 00:21:04,540
Yes.
532
00:21:04,736 --> 00:21:06,570
Cece, do you want to come?
533
00:21:06,617 --> 00:21:09,086
I mean, I think there's
a cab stand, uh...
534
00:21:09,339 --> 00:21:11,197
Uh, maybe it's down that way.
535
00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:13,867
Could be over there,
I don't know.
536
00:21:14,177 --> 00:21:16,146
I didn't really give it away,
you know.
537
00:21:16,544 --> 00:21:17,677
I'd never do that.
538
00:21:18,018 --> 00:21:19,195
Happy Hanukkah.
539
00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:20,387
Happy Moon Festival, Cece.
540
00:21:20,441 --> 00:21:21,424
Nope, not a thing.
541
00:21:21,926 --> 00:21:22,807
Happy Carnaval.
542
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,364
You should stop
while you're ahead.
543
00:21:24,527 --> 00:21:26,963
Uh, where are Nick and Angie?
544
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,513
Ugh, in a children's hospital.
545
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:32,338
Sexual animals, sexual animals.
546
00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:35,477
Shameless, just shameless.
547
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,714
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com