1
00:00:02,312 --> 00:00:04,381
Oh! It's Coach!
2
00:00:04,393 --> 00:00:06,912
- Coach, our old roommate?
- He wants to hang out tonight.
3
00:00:06,947 --> 00:00:08,480
- What?
- He just texted me.
4
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,977
Oh, man, you better give
Power of Attorney to a loved one,
5
00:00:10,989 --> 00:00:12,443
'cause it's about to get crazy.
6
00:00:12,462 --> 00:00:14,963
When Coach has the dice,
every roll's a seven.
7
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,504
♪ Here I am ♪
8
00:00:17,515 --> 00:00:20,441
♪ Rock you like a hurricane ♪
9
00:00:20,464 --> 00:00:22,858
Nick, trumpet solo.
10
00:00:22,876 --> 00:00:25,595
- Yeah!
- You're ruining my wedding!
11
00:00:26,365 --> 00:00:28,204
You know, I bet this means
he broke up with Malia.
12
00:00:28,226 --> 00:00:30,782
I mean, that's his thing. He finds
a girl, he just disappears.
13
00:00:31,278 --> 00:00:33,053
Holy crap in a hat! Schmidt!
14
00:00:33,085 --> 00:00:35,152
- How long have you been out there?
- Oh, relax.
15
00:00:35,174 --> 00:00:37,136
Just bringing my chimes
over to the new loft.
16
00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:40,094
Damn it, Schmidt! You're here
all the time taking our stuff.
17
00:00:40,118 --> 00:00:42,231
You decided to move
out, so get new stuff.
18
00:00:42,249 --> 00:00:44,583
Oh, I'm sorry that I'm more into
material possessions than you.
19
00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:47,170
Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste
while I was using it.
20
00:00:47,198 --> 00:00:48,204
That's vindictive.
21
00:00:48,212 --> 00:00:49,493
- That's who took the toothpaste?
- Yeah.
22
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,925
Uh-oh, you better watch out,
break of, break of dawn,
23
00:00:51,937 --> 00:00:53,938
because I'm about to
party all up in you!
24
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:55,443
- Coach texted you, too?
- Yeah, man.
25
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,122
Well, I guess he doesn't realize you're a
dill weed who doesn't live here anymore.
26
00:00:58,136 --> 00:01:00,971
Well, I guess he doesn't realize
that you're a dill weed who...
27
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:02,982
who still lives here.
28
00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:05,272
Remember when you got those
chimes, and there was that girl?
29
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:06,602
Yeah.
30
00:01:07,575 --> 00:01:09,304
- What's happening?
- I don't know. I don't get it.
31
00:01:09,315 --> 00:01:11,364
- I had so much sex on patio furniture.
- A lot of fun.
32
00:01:11,382 --> 00:01:12,333
The best.
33
00:01:12,359 --> 00:01:14,662
- I'm still mad at you.
- I'm mad at you, man!
34
00:01:15,949 --> 00:01:18,117
I need everyone to shut up
35
00:01:18,169 --> 00:01:21,749
and answer
one... simple... question!
36
00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:26,059
You sons a bitches
ready to party?
37
00:01:26,077 --> 00:01:27,153
Yeah!
38
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:30,211
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
39
00:01:30,235 --> 00:01:31,608
♪ Who's that girl?
40
00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:33,691
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
41
00:01:34,314 --> 00:01:36,126
It's good to have
you back, old man.
42
00:01:36,217 --> 00:01:37,773
So, what, uh, you
and Malia broke up?
43
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:40,961
Oh, yeah. She got real fat on
me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
44
00:01:40,982 --> 00:01:43,126
I guess her gain is our gain!
45
00:01:44,088 --> 00:01:45,290
Who are you?
46
00:01:45,894 --> 00:01:48,142
- Hey, come... Come on, man.
- It's me, Jess.
47
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:50,731
- Ah, yeah, no.
- We lived together for, like, two weeks.
48
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,219
We shared
some pretty big moments.
49
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:55,947
- Yes! We got Bin Laden!
- SEAL Team 6, bitches!
50
00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:57,850
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
51
00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,240
Huh.
52
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,681
- I thought I was alone for that.
- You weren't.
53
00:02:01,799 --> 00:02:05,441
Anyway, I'm single, and me and my
boys are gonna get crazy tonight!
54
00:02:05,562 --> 00:02:06,884
Huh?
55
00:02:07,258 --> 00:02:08,905
You know what I'm talking about,
Shrimp Forks.
56
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:10,269
- Oh, man.
- Oh, no.
57
00:02:10,281 --> 00:02:11,439
What's Shrimp Forks?
58
00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:14,127
It's a name I gave Winston
when we played hoops.
59
00:02:14,145 --> 00:02:16,844
The ball used to always slip through
his little, small girly hands.
60
00:02:17,047 --> 00:02:18,707
Winston Bishop, point guard...
61
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,406
Winston Bishop,
point guard, R...
62
00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:23,826
Point guard, R...
63
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,762
He couldn't palm an apple.
Old Shrimp Forks.
64
00:02:26,998 --> 00:02:28,627
So, I'm thinking strip club tonight?
65
00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:31,699
- Hmm?
- Oh, fun, fun! Fun! Fun!
66
00:02:31,729 --> 00:02:35,016
Uh, Nick, can I talk to you in
the other room alone for a sec?
67
00:02:35,998 --> 00:02:37,983
Should I close the door,
or do you want to just do it quietly?
68
00:02:38,005 --> 00:02:40,127
- We're not having sex, Nick.
- No, I know that.
69
00:02:40,145 --> 00:02:42,002
- You wanted to come here and talk.
- Yeah.
70
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,084
A strip club on a Tuesday night?
71
00:02:44,104 --> 00:02:46,522
No, I know, I know, but this is
just what we always used to do.
72
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,939
I don't want to be one of those girls, but
I feel kind of uncomfortable about it.
73
00:02:49,955 --> 00:02:51,880
- I totally get it.
- Let's go, Nick.
74
00:02:51,899 --> 00:02:54,030
These dollar bills aren't gonna
stick themselves in a thong.
75
00:02:54,055 --> 00:02:56,325
- I'm coming, my man.
- Right on.
76
00:02:57,147 --> 00:02:58,735
I might... I might
be coming, my man.
77
00:02:58,751 --> 00:03:01,635
- Oh, I get it. You're whipped.
- No, I'm not.
78
00:03:01,654 --> 00:03:03,363
I know you had to check
in with your girlfriend.
79
00:03:03,388 --> 00:03:05,150
We haven't even discussed
the girlfriend-boyfriend thing.
80
00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:06,747
Oh, cool, man. Let's go.
81
00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:09,438
What?
82
00:03:11,794 --> 00:03:12,613
What a...
83
00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:14,712
- I'm sorry, what did I just hear?
- What I...
84
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,339
All I said was we haven't had the
girlfriend-boyfriend discussion,
85
00:03:17,357 --> 00:03:19,208
- which we haven't.
- You don't think you're my boyfriend?
86
00:03:19,224 --> 00:03:20,820
No, I never said that.
87
00:03:20,843 --> 00:03:23,312
I'm just talking terminology.
We've never had the terminology.
88
00:03:23,338 --> 00:03:24,938
- We've never had the terminology.
- What?
89
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,254
We've never used
the terminology.
90
00:03:26,279 --> 00:03:27,749
It's funny you act like
you're my boyfriend,
91
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:29,524
you have all the "privileges"
of being my boyfriend.
92
00:03:29,547 --> 00:03:30,399
I enjoy them.
93
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,499
- Would like me to revoke those privileges?
- No, you're twisting my words.
94
00:03:33,526 --> 00:03:37,379
What I'm saying, Jess, is we've
never had the boyfriend-girlfriend,
95
00:03:37,398 --> 00:03:39,076
seeing other people conversation.
96
00:03:39,098 --> 00:03:41,764
We haven't had the seeing
other people conversation?
97
00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:44,632
- You're seeing other people?
- No, I'm not. Are you?
98
00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:46,190
- No.
- Jess, I'm just...
99
00:03:46,202 --> 00:03:49,348
We haven't had the
conversation is all,
100
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:53,219
and it's a conversation that I,
personally, would love to have.
101
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,304
Uh, dude, let's go.
It's gonna close.
102
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,068
Geez, is she not letting you go?
103
00:03:57,090 --> 00:03:59,734
I'm just telling her what
kind of cake to bake me, son.
104
00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:02,563
Oh. Damn!
105
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,797
That's right. All right.
106
00:04:05,887 --> 00:04:07,731
- What are you doing?!
- I don't know.
107
00:04:07,755 --> 00:04:10,192
- What are you doing?!
- Jess, it's when Coach is here,
108
00:04:10,227 --> 00:04:11,989
- I just...
- No.
109
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,653
Nick!
110
00:04:14,207 --> 00:04:17,182
- I'm really sorry.
- Guess what, Nick?
111
00:04:17,207 --> 00:04:20,126
I'm going out tonight because we haven't
had the boyfriend-girlfriend talk,
112
00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:22,571
and we haven't had the
seeing other people talk,
113
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,593
and I'm gonna bake a cake, a
pineapple upside down cake.
114
00:04:25,611 --> 00:04:27,541
- In terms of the metaphor, I'm really...
- Don't!
115
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:30,234
Go to the strip club, Nick.
Knock yourself out.
116
00:04:30,309 --> 00:04:33,512
- Oh, don't wait up, Jebecca.
- Yeah, it's Jess.
117
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,608
Right on.
118
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:39,255
Men suck.
119
00:04:39,281 --> 00:04:41,301
- Nick isn't even a man.
- Mm-mm.
120
00:04:41,373 --> 00:04:45,465
He's like some man-boy,
man-child hybrid.
121
00:04:45,498 --> 00:04:48,718
The other day, I had to tell
him not to pull a dog's tail.
122
00:04:48,765 --> 00:04:50,314
I shouldn't have to do that.
123
00:04:50,327 --> 00:04:54,095
If a guy wants to play games, Jess,
you got to play them right back.
124
00:04:54,117 --> 00:04:55,692
- Right, good.
- Yeah.
125
00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,197
What does that mean?
126
00:04:57,225 --> 00:04:59,456
- I'd make him jealous.
- Yeah, right, yeah.
127
00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:02,339
And there are a lot of guys out there
that want to hook up with you.
128
00:05:02,358 --> 00:05:05,958
There is this one guy, Artie, from
the coffee shop who asked me out.
129
00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:07,529
Oh, actually, you
have my number.
130
00:05:07,547 --> 00:05:09,925
So give me a call. Maybe
we can go out sometime.
131
00:05:10,038 --> 00:05:11,969
Shut your face!
132
00:05:12,189 --> 00:05:14,723
You should maybe give this
guy, Artie, a call and see...
133
00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:16,309
No, that's too real.
134
00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:17,636
That's just way too real.
135
00:05:17,653 --> 00:05:19,116
Then why do you have his
number in your phone?
136
00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:20,477
I just like looking at it.
It's not weird.
137
00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:22,568
- No.
- But it has, like...
138
00:05:23,028 --> 00:05:25,596
a lot of fours in it.
139
00:05:26,474 --> 00:05:28,212
You know, you know what I mean?
140
00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:30,087
No, I don't.
141
00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:37,857
Oh, which one of y'all want a lap
dance, because WB just hit the ATM.
142
00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:40,086
- Oh, hold up.
- Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:40,142 --> 00:05:41,759
Shrimp Forks, why'd you get
so much Bunny Money?
144
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:44,038
- What is Bunny Money?
- That is Bunny Money.
145
00:05:44,066 --> 00:05:46,467
That's not real money.
Look at the bill.
146
00:05:46,545 --> 00:05:48,926
President Rabbit with
two big ass jugs.
147
00:05:49,462 --> 00:05:50,746
Damn, man.
148
00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:52,973
It's fine. As long as you didn't
take out too much, you're okay.
149
00:05:52,990 --> 00:05:54,647
Hey, Schmidt,
I took out $2,000.
150
00:05:56,809 --> 00:05:59,232
You keep making
mistakes, Winston.
151
00:05:59,396 --> 00:06:00,821
Oh, isn't this great, guy?
152
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,169
- Awesome.
- Yeah, man, the best.
153
00:06:02,188 --> 00:06:03,589
And it's gonna keep
getting better,
154
00:06:03,611 --> 00:06:06,191
because we're not leaving here
until the sun comes up.
155
00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:08,383
- Whew.
- Hey, yo, brick top!
156
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,023
We about to get it popping.
157
00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:12,654
Whistle while you twerk!
158
00:06:12,669 --> 00:06:15,040
- That man has so much confidence.
- It's amazing.
159
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:17,501
Until the morning? I can't do this,
Schmidt. I'm having anxiety here.
160
00:06:17,514 --> 00:06:19,118
I have an 8:00 a.m. presentation.
161
00:06:19,143 --> 00:06:21,604
That means I have to get there at
7:45 to lower everyone's chairs.
162
00:06:21,613 --> 00:06:23,559
Jess hasn't texted me back.
I'm starting to freak out.
163
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:24,634
Here's what I think we should do.
164
00:06:24,653 --> 00:06:26,952
I think you should be the one to just
kind of tell him that we want to leave
165
00:06:26,983 --> 00:06:28,972
and that maybe you want to leave
and then we'll all go together.
166
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,288
- Why do I have to be the heavy?
- All right, fellas!
167
00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:33,507
All right, he's back!
168
00:06:33,606 --> 00:06:36,918
So I got dancers for each of us,
plus one floater to play the zone.
169
00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:38,743
Oh, defense!
170
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,584
- Yeah!
- Here's a crazy idea.
171
00:06:41,603 --> 00:06:44,322
- Shoot, man.
- What if we got out of here,
172
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,288
went back to the loft
and just hung out?
173
00:06:46,304 --> 00:06:48,542
You're going through a big breakup.
Let's talk it out, man.
174
00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:51,473
Yeah, yeah, let's just, um,
go home and talk feelings.
175
00:06:51,506 --> 00:06:52,837
- No.
- Mm-mm.
176
00:06:52,856 --> 00:06:56,250
I was with Malia, now I'm not.
There, we talked about it.
177
00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:58,832
Oh, look at the time.
It's butt o'clock.
178
00:06:58,854 --> 00:07:00,476
- You whipped.
- Shut up, Schmidt.
179
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,917
- You whipped.
- Straight-up whipped.
180
00:07:01,929 --> 00:07:03,579
- I'm not whipped.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
181
00:07:03,604 --> 00:07:05,260
- Yeah, you are.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
182
00:07:05,272 --> 00:07:05,929
Whipped!
183
00:07:05,948 --> 00:07:08,250
So, Cece, I'm thinking
of firing off this text to Nick.
184
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,103
"Loving single life."
185
00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:12,532
Should I add a "whoo-hoo"
or is that too bitchy?
186
00:07:12,552 --> 00:07:14,352
Look who I called.
187
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,576
Hey, Jess.
188
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,099
Shut your face.
189
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:22,336
What?
190
00:07:24,315 --> 00:07:26,794
Oh, looks like you
could use a new drink.
191
00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:28,031
Barkeep,
192
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:30,194
can I please get
a Shirley Temple
193
00:07:30,222 --> 00:07:34,291
with a finger of coconut
rum and a lemon squeeze?
194
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:37,957
I call it a Temple Grandin because
it makes friendly and compassionate.
195
00:07:39,481 --> 00:07:42,112
- I have a boyfriend.
- No, she... No, she doesn't.
196
00:07:42,118 --> 00:07:43,417
Yeah, I do. She do.
197
00:07:43,447 --> 00:07:45,344
- No.
- Obviously, this is a bad time,
198
00:07:45,357 --> 00:07:47,491
and, uh, you're involved.
199
00:07:47,524 --> 00:07:50,065
- In some shape or other.
- No, no, no. She's free as a bird.
200
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:50,859
Cece.
201
00:07:50,877 --> 00:07:54,102
All right, well, he's a very lucky man.
I hope he realizes that.
202
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:56,395
Oh, don't move.
203
00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:58,253
You've got an eyelash.
204
00:07:58,438 --> 00:08:00,023
There we go. Make a wish.
205
00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:01,994
I'm afraid to.
206
00:08:02,176 --> 00:08:04,026
All right, take care.
207
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,868
- Big mistake.
- I shook his hand. I had my fun.
208
00:08:07,886 --> 00:08:12,594
Do you think that Nick is in the strip
club right now shaking hands? No.
209
00:08:12,679 --> 00:08:14,646
Because he is a man.
210
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:15,819
You can't trust them, Jess.
211
00:08:15,837 --> 00:08:20,197
Okay? The moment you let your guard
down, they just walk all over you.
212
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:22,857
Tonight is the night to beat
them at their own game.
213
00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:28,207
Hey, Artie! Bet you
can't lift me!
214
00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:32,971
Uh, all sales of Bunny
Money are final.
215
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:36,324
How am I supposed to
spend $2,000 on dancers?
216
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,238
Oh, no. Our dancers
don't take it.
217
00:08:38,357 --> 00:08:41,365
- What? - However, uh, Bunny
Money is redeemable at the bar,
218
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:44,445
our gift shop and our sister
club in Fort Myers, Florida.
219
00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:45,626
What?!
220
00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:47,131
Body shot.
221
00:08:50,445 --> 00:08:52,793
You taste delicious, do you know that?
What is that? An aftertaste?
222
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:54,717
- Probably baby formula.
- Oh...
223
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,243
- Tuesday nights!
- Girl, you are a pistol.
224
00:08:58,525 --> 00:09:03,966
I'll tell you what, how 'bout you and me
go back and I dance on you this time?
225
00:09:05,808 --> 00:09:07,364
Oh, man.
226
00:09:08,338 --> 00:09:09,691
Tuesdays nights.
227
00:09:09,703 --> 00:09:11,460
You know, for a chub,
you're a terrible heavy.
228
00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:14,671
Let's just get Coach really
drunk until he passes out.
229
00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:16,832
Then we take him home.
Shot contest.
230
00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:18,699
Like in Raiders of the
Lost Ark, Schmidt.
231
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:20,536
I'm not ripping a page
from that pro-Nazi film.
232
00:09:20,555 --> 00:09:22,105
- It isn't pro-Nazi.
- Of course it is.
233
00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:24,454
It might as well be an
SS propaganda movie.
234
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:27,083
- No, everybody in a Nazi uniform
literally dies. - Yeah, the...
235
00:09:27,476 --> 00:09:29,847
- When she puts the hand into the, uh...
- The heart.
236
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,839
No, not... Well, that happens, too.
Nazis.
237
00:09:32,910 --> 00:09:34,388
I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
238
00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,458
They ate the monkey brains,
and there was all the bugs.
239
00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:37,994
Nazi, Nazi.
240
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,387
Nick's at a strip club,
241
00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:41,801
but he's just being a normal
guy in his 20s that wants
242
00:09:41,819 --> 00:09:43,776
to hang out with other
guys in their 20s.
243
00:09:43,802 --> 00:09:46,058
They're all in their 30s.
244
00:09:46,242 --> 00:09:48,627
- Hmm.
- Yeah. Enough about Nick.
245
00:09:48,645 --> 00:09:51,557
What do you do when you're not
making coffee at the coffee shop?
246
00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:54,161
- Well, actually, I own the coffee shop.
- What?
247
00:09:54,186 --> 00:09:55,714
It's not as glamorous
as you may think.
248
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:59,642
It's a lot of spreadsheets and jetting
off to Brazil at a moment's notice.
249
00:09:59,718 --> 00:10:01,484
Nick's never been to Brazil.
250
00:10:01,508 --> 00:10:03,333
Maybe you should step away.
251
00:10:03,518 --> 00:10:06,139
You know, call Nick up
and hash things out.
252
00:10:06,163 --> 00:10:09,097
Hmm-mm, can't call Nick 'cause then
he'll know I'm thinking about him.
253
00:10:09,128 --> 00:10:10,494
- Ah.
- And then he wins.
254
00:10:10,517 --> 00:10:12,201
Maybe you both win.
255
00:10:12,339 --> 00:10:13,890
Say Brazil again.
256
00:10:14,032 --> 00:10:16,224
Brazil.
257
00:10:17,045 --> 00:10:19,159
Say "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
258
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:22,329
- Rubber babby buggy bumpers.
- Oh, my God!
259
00:10:23,006 --> 00:10:24,851
Shot contest isn't working.
260
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,359
It's only making him stronger.
261
00:10:27,321 --> 00:10:28,809
It's Jess.
262
00:10:29,224 --> 00:10:31,555
Hey, Jess, I'm so
glad you called!
263
00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,575
Nick, can I talk to
you for a second?
264
00:10:33,596 --> 00:10:36,331
Oh, is that, uh,
Notorious N.A.G.?
265
00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:38,475
- Hey!
- Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?
266
00:10:38,993 --> 00:10:42,233
Hey, I don't need your
help checking my woman.
267
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,030
You're checking your woman?
268
00:10:44,193 --> 00:10:45,480
Wait, how did you hear that?
269
00:10:45,498 --> 00:10:47,911
You were covering
the listening part, dummy.
270
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:50,031
Yeah, but they look the same.
I'm too drunk.
271
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:53,051
Well, I'm way drunk,
too, and I'm with a man.
272
00:10:53,326 --> 00:10:54,023
What?
273
00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:57,610
He owns a business,
and he goes to Brazil.
274
00:10:58,819 --> 00:11:00,432
- Nick?
- Oh, it's a coin flip.
275
00:11:00,525 --> 00:11:02,794
Hello?
He's so immature.
276
00:11:02,906 --> 00:11:04,260
Jess!
277
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,211
Jess, I got it.
278
00:11:06,237 --> 00:11:07,993
Hey, I think you guys
have had enough.
279
00:11:08,026 --> 00:11:10,614
- Why don't you let me give you a
ride home? - Wait, you weren't drinking?
280
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:13,616
- Oh, no, no, no, I don't drink.
- I got to get a jump on the morning.
281
00:11:13,641 --> 00:11:15,839
Well, you really
have it together.
282
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,977
I bet you can use a phone, too.
283
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:20,918
Your bar for having it
together is set pretty low.
284
00:11:21,019 --> 00:11:22,417
I don't think this
is such a good idea.
285
00:11:22,441 --> 00:11:25,428
- We can just grab a cab home.
- Cece, this was your idea.
286
00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:27,515
Artie, can we take your jet?
287
00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:30,223
Oh, it's just one coffee shop.
288
00:11:30,247 --> 00:11:32,313
Wouldn't you like to know?
289
00:11:32,581 --> 00:11:35,065
All right, guys,
give it up for Candy!
290
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,476
Is that lobster gray?
291
00:11:36,494 --> 00:11:38,326
Most expensive thing on the menu.
292
00:11:38,883 --> 00:11:40,483
- I got to go.
- What?
293
00:11:40,507 --> 00:11:42,346
Jess is drinking
and talking to some guy.
294
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,438
Forget her, dude.
Relationships are prisons.
295
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,325
How often do we get to
hang out like this?
296
00:11:47,346 --> 00:11:50,802
- I haven't seen you in two years.
- Strippers and booze forever.
297
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:53,311
- There it is. - Hear, hear.
- No, stop, no, no.
298
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,140
Relationships are not prisons,
299
00:11:56,157 --> 00:11:58,418
and Jess is amazing.
300
00:11:58,947 --> 00:12:00,591
She's sexy
301
00:12:00,616 --> 00:12:03,692
and sweet, and I can't lose her.
302
00:12:04,802 --> 00:12:06,174
So I'm going home to see her.
303
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,100
Why are you crying? We can
see each other tomorrow.
304
00:12:14,127 --> 00:12:16,766
I didn't break up with
Malia, all right?
305
00:12:17,509 --> 00:12:20,580
- She broke up with me.
- Why didn't you say anything, man?
306
00:12:20,617 --> 00:12:22,889
'Cause I was
embarrassed, Winston.
307
00:12:23,915 --> 00:12:27,623
I lost her. I was just trying to fill
a void with all these naked chicks.
308
00:12:27,651 --> 00:12:30,834
I don't want to be here.
I want to be in love.
309
00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:33,260
Oh, Coach, this is so pathetic.
310
00:12:33,278 --> 00:12:36,877
Now she's dating some
dude named Derrique.
311
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,494
Or Derek.
312
00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:40,919
Coach, you need to go home,
and I need to go home, too.
313
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:42,511
You're right, man.
314
00:12:42,831 --> 00:12:44,413
You have to fight
for your relationships.
315
00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:46,226
- Freaking Derrique.
- Let's go.
316
00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:48,059
Mm-mmm, guys, guys,
you cannot leave.
317
00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:50,181
Dude, I was just crying. I
want to get out of here.
318
00:12:50,193 --> 00:12:51,777
It's embarrassing. He
cried in a strip club.
319
00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:53,268
All the dudes saw me cry.
Dude, I want to leave.
320
00:12:53,281 --> 00:12:56,277
Man, I got Bunny Money
coming out of my pockets.
321
00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,233
Wait a minute, this
ain't the way home.
322
00:13:00,342 --> 00:13:02,584
Yeah, we're just gonna
make a quick stop.
323
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,468
We're gonna kick Malia's
boyfriend's ass.
324
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:07,022
Wait, this is a police station?
325
00:13:07,041 --> 00:13:10,516
- Uh-huh, that's where he works.
- You want to drunk fight a cop?
326
00:13:10,535 --> 00:13:12,816
He stole my girlfriend.
327
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,624
Did you hear the joke
about the two black guys
328
00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:17,174
and two white guys who walked
into a police station?
329
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:19,726
- The two white guys came out.
- I'm with Winston.
330
00:13:19,752 --> 00:13:20,770
- Winston?
- Mm-hmm?
331
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:23,899
I got two of these, and you
got one more of those.
332
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:25,515
- Put that away.
- Coach!
333
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:26,595
Coach, let's do it.
334
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,050
- Coach, no!
- Let's get raucous.
335
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,769
- I'm ready.
- We're not ready!
336
00:13:31,947 --> 00:13:34,677
- He is pure life force.
- He's a lunatic, man.
337
00:13:34,696 --> 00:13:36,839
- I got to get out of here.
- I want to go, too. I got a work thing.
338
00:13:36,865 --> 00:13:38,959
- Well, I got a girl thing, dude.
- Work trumps girls.
339
00:13:38,978 --> 00:13:40,772
Girls are replaceable.
Jobs are forever.
340
00:13:40,803 --> 00:13:43,050
I bet I get left with the fare.
I just bet...
341
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,830
Hey, driver, let me
just ask you something.
342
00:13:44,864 --> 00:13:46,595
Do you like strippers?
343
00:13:46,683 --> 00:13:48,788
Do you also like the
deal of a lifetime?
344
00:13:48,814 --> 00:13:50,502
I wanted to leave first.
345
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:53,415
I've been saying that the whole night,
and none of you guys can stop me.
346
00:13:53,437 --> 00:13:56,112
You think that you can...
you can...
347
00:13:56,611 --> 00:13:59,311
beat me in a physical
altercation of fisticuffs?
348
00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,496
I will beat you in a way
349
00:14:01,619 --> 00:14:04,421
that you've never
been beaten before.
350
00:14:05,479 --> 00:14:06,642
Ooh.
351
00:14:06,668 --> 00:14:07,567
Damn it!
352
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,856
- You got hit in the face, son.
- Hit me again.
353
00:14:11,191 --> 00:14:14,429
'Cause I swear you'll be...
I'll be...
354
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:18,026
Loosen up your neck so I can put you
into the headlock of a lifetime.
355
00:14:18,076 --> 00:14:19,851
Guys, it's escalating, look!
356
00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:24,033
- I'm a cop, pew, pew, pew.
- No, no, no, no, no.
357
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,117
Thanks for the ride, Artie.
358
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,983
Bathroom's down the hall. It's
the one with the urinals.
359
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,647
I do live with men.
360
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:32,416
Nay, boys.
361
00:14:35,215 --> 00:14:38,560
Look, if he can pee in Brazil,
he can pee at my house.
362
00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:40,167
- Do you actually like this guy?
- What?
363
00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:42,452
No, no.
364
00:14:42,537 --> 00:14:46,910
Nick couldn't call me his
girlfriend, and that hurt.
365
00:14:47,245 --> 00:14:50,687
Now I want to hurt him
back with some long,
366
00:14:50,911 --> 00:14:52,686
hot conversation.
367
00:14:52,698 --> 00:14:54,592
- That's what you really want to do?
- Yes.
368
00:14:54,622 --> 00:14:57,610
- Men suck, remember?
- I'm sorry about saying that,
369
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,835
because I put that
on you, all right?
370
00:14:59,848 --> 00:15:03,291
That's because I'm going through
something right now with Schmidt.
371
00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:05,548
- You have Nick.
- Nick's a child
372
00:15:05,565 --> 00:15:07,344
who drinks on Tuesdays.
373
00:15:07,368 --> 00:15:09,349
You're drinking on a Tuesday
and you are a teacher.
374
00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:11,959
Those kids are watching
a movie tomorrow.
375
00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:14,076
Look, Nick doesn't
have a life plan.
376
00:15:14,106 --> 00:15:15,649
He doesn't have a day plan.
377
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:19,835
I once found a note he wrote to
himself that said "Put on pants"
378
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:22,231
followed by a question mark.
379
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:24,758
That means it read,
"Put on pants?"
380
00:15:24,781 --> 00:15:27,917
Also, he throws
pizza at seagulls,
381
00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:32,414
which I guess is kind of nice
because he's trying to feed them.
382
00:15:33,468 --> 00:15:36,060
And he's a really,
383
00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:38,221
really great kisser.
384
00:15:38,276 --> 00:15:40,777
You have something really good.
385
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:46,193
Just go get Artie and tell
him to leave, all right?
386
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,234
Can you just get Derek?!
387
00:15:48,259 --> 00:15:49,074
Hey! Hey!
388
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,713
He's gonna get the whole precinct!
This is a high-income area.
389
00:15:51,725 --> 00:15:52,980
They're very bored in there.
390
00:15:54,075 --> 00:15:56,714
Oh, my goodness, this jacket
smells like gasoline.
391
00:15:57,197 --> 00:15:58,936
Guys, come on.
392
00:15:59,238 --> 00:16:01,487
Come on, man, we're
too old for this.
393
00:16:01,532 --> 00:16:04,376
- We're too old for this whole night.
- What?
394
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:07,000
Life changes. You
got to grow up.
395
00:16:07,026 --> 00:16:10,228
I did. I'm in a relationship,
and I'm happy.
396
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:13,891
- Schmidt moved out of the loft,
and he's happy. - I'm miserable!
397
00:16:13,914 --> 00:16:15,732
- It's your fault.
- What are you talking about?
398
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:17,549
I'm in a vacancy room!
399
00:16:17,568 --> 00:16:20,113
- A room of vacancy! Empty nest!
- By choice! By choice!
400
00:16:20,132 --> 00:16:21,782
Let me tell you something,
when I'm done with you,
401
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:24,839
your face is gonna look all melted like
the president at the end of Raiders.
402
00:16:24,856 --> 00:16:26,655
He wasn't a president!
You saw a different movie
403
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,671
- than everybody else in the world!
- I'll kill you!
404
00:16:28,695 --> 00:16:30,204
- He wasn't a president.
- Guys, guys!
405
00:16:30,216 --> 00:16:31,616
Kick you in the butt!
406
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:33,482
- Don't! You touched my penis!
- Hey, hey!
407
00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:36,098
- Don't touch my penis!
- Stop! Stop it!
408
00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:37,643
- You just touched my penis!
- Hey! Hey!
409
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:39,363
You touched my...
410
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:41,857
You guys, grow up!
411
00:16:41,874 --> 00:16:44,780
- You grow up. Grow up!
- Coach? What are you doing here?
412
00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:50,405
- Is this about Malia?
- Yeah, it's about Malia.
413
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,380
Take care of her, man.
414
00:16:59,410 --> 00:17:01,270
Yeah, I will.
415
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,593
I'm a cop,
416
00:17:03,633 --> 00:17:05,267
not some drunk loser.
417
00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:07,669
Get out of here.
418
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:14,310
Should we grow up
tomorrow night?
419
00:17:16,028 --> 00:17:17,191
Yeah.
420
00:17:17,214 --> 00:17:18,258
Muscle time!
421
00:17:18,289 --> 00:17:20,089
- Get on the ground!
- Muscle time!
422
00:17:20,214 --> 00:17:21,903
- I'm a cop!
- Back up!
423
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:23,983
- I got a badge and a gun!
- Arrest me, dude!
424
00:17:24,468 --> 00:17:26,281
He's got backup! Go! Go!
425
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:27,801
- Go! Go!
- Go!
426
00:17:28,823 --> 00:17:30,273
Serpentine!
427
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,284
Serpentine!
428
00:17:38,004 --> 00:17:40,362
Artie, I have to hit the hay.
429
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,076
- Oh, dear!
- Don't worry.
430
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,303
I'm gonna make you
coffee in the morning.
431
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,606
It's been a really great evening,
what a treat it's been,
432
00:17:57,625 --> 00:18:00,062
but I think somewhere
along the way,
433
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,738
some signals got crossed.
434
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,784
Signals could not have
been any clearer.
435
00:18:04,113 --> 00:18:05,559
Come on in.
436
00:18:05,987 --> 00:18:07,803
The water's warm.
437
00:18:09,334 --> 00:18:12,088
- Are you splashing me?
- I'm fixing to mix you up.
438
00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:13,654
Seriously?
439
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:15,731
Oh, men are such dicks.
440
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:22,664
All right, guys, second wind.
441
00:18:22,793 --> 00:18:25,177
You got an old TV?
Let's throw it off the roof.
442
00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,522
Come on, you're
crashing with me.
443
00:18:27,588 --> 00:18:30,761
And you, go talk to
your girlfriend.
444
00:18:31,056 --> 00:18:32,490
Thanks.
445
00:18:32,624 --> 00:18:34,434
Hey, it was a fun night.
446
00:18:35,318 --> 00:18:37,168
- All right, guys.
- Let's go, Shrimp Forks.
447
00:18:37,188 --> 00:18:39,674
Coach, Shrimp Forks?
448
00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:42,920
Come on, man, that makes no sense.
I played professional basketball.
449
00:18:43,008 --> 00:18:44,475
You got to stop calling me that.
450
00:18:44,553 --> 00:18:46,020
I'm sorry, man.
451
00:18:46,605 --> 00:18:48,614
Hop along, Bunny Money.
452
00:18:48,739 --> 00:18:50,063
Better than Shrimp Forks.
453
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:53,488
- I'll take that.
- Fantastic. It only cost you $2,000.
454
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:54,923
It did, didn't it?
455
00:18:54,945 --> 00:18:58,868
The Brazilians have the same word
for making love to one woman
456
00:18:59,052 --> 00:19:01,487
as they do for
making love to two.
457
00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,507
Mah-gaa-leesh.
458
00:19:05,876 --> 00:19:07,364
Take off your tops
and say it with me.
459
00:19:07,388 --> 00:19:08,318
Jess!
460
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,111
Oh, my God, that's Nick!
461
00:19:10,127 --> 00:19:13,396
Okay, okay, you-you just get him dressed.
I will stall Nick.
462
00:19:13,414 --> 00:19:16,602
- I am really good at this kind of thing.
- Oh, my God.
463
00:19:16,632 --> 00:19:18,307
Nick, hey, great.
464
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,003
I've been wanting to talk to you
about this side table.
465
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:22,078
What kind of wood is it made out of?
Jess, I failed!
466
00:19:22,103 --> 00:19:23,647
Jess.
467
00:19:24,903 --> 00:19:26,621
Welcome, brother.
468
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,103
Oh, my God.
469
00:19:28,118 --> 00:19:31,412
Nick, I can't imagine what you
must be thinking right now.
470
00:19:31,703 --> 00:19:33,494
Actually, I can. This is
your worst nightmare.
471
00:19:33,518 --> 00:19:36,053
There's a very good-looking man
in my bed, and he's naked,
472
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:37,828
and I'm flushed,
and I'm flustered.
473
00:19:37,848 --> 00:19:41,160
I might as well just spray paint
"Jay Cutler sucks" on the wall
474
00:19:41,172 --> 00:19:42,773
and just round
out the whole image, right?
475
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:48,707
But, Nick, nothing happened, and
nothing was ever going to happen,
476
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,540
and you have to believe me,
please.
477
00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:54,583
Say you believe me, please.
478
00:19:59,187 --> 00:20:00,890
I believe you.
479
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,477
Do you have any questions?
480
00:20:07,829 --> 00:20:09,629
Do you want me to
have questions?
481
00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,103
Well...
482
00:20:11,397 --> 00:20:12,997
Hey, Artie?
483
00:20:14,271 --> 00:20:17,694
I'm gonna need you to get out
of my girlfriend's bed, man.
484
00:20:18,849 --> 00:20:24,723
Well, uh, I'm naked and-and in bed, and
you're fully clothed and standing,
485
00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:27,550
so I mean, I hardly think
this would be a fair fight.
486
00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:29,747
Well, I'd like it
to be a fair fight.
487
00:20:31,615 --> 00:20:34,832
- Thank God for snaps.
- Men are so weird.
488
00:20:34,851 --> 00:20:37,401
I must warn you,
489
00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:39,730
while spending time in Brazil...
490
00:20:39,752 --> 00:20:42,102
Let get situated first before
we get into this thing.
491
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,887
Oh, my God!
492
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,491
- Bye-bye.
- Don't die, big guy.
493
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:50,362
- Hey.
- Hey.
494
00:20:50,734 --> 00:20:54,221
- You called me your girlfriend.
- Did I? I don't remember.
495
00:20:58,087 --> 00:20:59,676
Where's Winston with the food?
496
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,561
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
497
00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:04,352
It was crazy at the V-Rab.
Bachelor party season.
498
00:21:04,375 --> 00:21:06,561
- I got a deep-dish gyrator, no mushrooms.
- That's me.
499
00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,598
Don't call it V-Rab.
500
00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:11,778
- Please.
- I got the main stage fish tacos.
501
00:21:11,796 --> 00:21:13,477
No regrets. Great order.
502
00:21:13,502 --> 00:21:14,983
Pour some sugar on meatballs?
503
00:21:15,006 --> 00:21:16,765
Oh, that's me. Thank you.
504
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:20,335
Let's see, and I got the short
stack ass-clap pancakes.
505
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,760
You want to switch?
506
00:21:23,191 --> 00:21:25,435
- Schmidt, you want a taco?
- No, I'm gonna take one of Winston's.
507
00:21:25,454 --> 00:21:27,460
- Take it if you want it, dude.
- I was just thinking maybe-
508
00:21:27,472 --> 00:21:29,375
maybe you guys could
chip in a little bit.
509
00:21:29,787 --> 00:21:32,337
- 'Cause it was expensive.
- You want one of Winston's tacos?
510
00:21:33,137 --> 00:21:36,139
I'll take 50 cents on the dollar,
I really would. I really would.
511
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,472
Please?
512
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:43,756
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther