1 00:00:02,621 --> 00:00:05,163 Oh, hey. I was wondering about date night tonight. 2 00:00:05,188 --> 00:00:08,107 Um, do you wanna just stay in? 'Cause you know what that means. 3 00:00:08,127 --> 00:00:10,315 - Romantic dinner and "Homeland"? - Sex on the couch. 4 00:00:10,339 --> 00:00:11,231 Or your thing. 5 00:00:11,250 --> 00:00:13,342 - Actually, "Homeland" sounds great. - Or your thing. 6 00:00:13,362 --> 00:00:15,076 Hey, Nick, um... 7 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,348 Last night when Ferguson and I were in the shower, 8 00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:18,645 I had an epiphany. 9 00:00:18,669 --> 00:00:21,776 It's time to get back in the game. You know, meet some women. 10 00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:24,745 - Human women. - Human? Is there any other kind? 11 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,708 Anyway, I was wondering if you'd watch Ferguson tonight 12 00:00:26,728 --> 00:00:28,658 while I go out for some drinks with some work buddies. 13 00:00:28,674 --> 00:00:30,822 Just for a little while. You just gotta give him a pill at 6:00. 14 00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,490 - We're having date night tonight. - Jess... 15 00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:36,929 Winston wants to go out to meet human women. 16 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:39,901 - Without the cat. - Oh, yep, yep. 17 00:00:39,919 --> 00:00:42,887 Yep, yep. Nick will watch the cat. 18 00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,203 Question... Are those mouth pills or butt pills? 19 00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:48,156 Just one pill. Just one butt pill. 20 00:00:48,578 --> 00:00:50,004 - Here you are. - I'm not touching that thing. 21 00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:51,833 No? Okay. 22 00:00:52,276 --> 00:00:53,936 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. You got it. 23 00:00:53,947 --> 00:00:55,789 Hey, guys. Just hanging at home tonight? 24 00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:58,866 - No, actually, we have a date tonight. - 'Cause I just made some cobbler. 25 00:00:58,891 --> 00:01:01,336 Some peach cobbler and slow-churned vanilla bean ice cream, 26 00:01:01,357 --> 00:01:04,164 and Coach is asking Cece out on a date tonight, and... 27 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,249 Does anybody want a bite of this, 'cause it's...? 28 00:01:06,285 --> 00:01:08,591 Ho! Ho! 29 00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:10,812 It's fresh out of the oven. 30 00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:12,485 It's piping hot! 31 00:01:12,516 --> 00:01:14,114 Ha! Ha! 32 00:01:14,888 --> 00:01:16,369 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 33 00:01:16,388 --> 00:01:19,247 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess ♪ 34 00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:22,752 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 35 00:01:23,422 --> 00:01:25,553 Well, I hope Coach at least ran this by you first. 36 00:01:25,566 --> 00:01:29,053 Coach came over, he followed the bro code. Actually went really well. 37 00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:32,255 Yeah. Just the man I wanted to see. 38 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:33,686 - You found me. - Yeah, I did. 39 00:01:33,704 --> 00:01:35,938 - I got a question for you, playa. - Drop the bomb, man! 40 00:01:37,301 --> 00:01:40,857 - Can I ask Cece out on a date? - Yeah! Wait, what? 41 00:01:41,064 --> 00:01:44,580 Wait, that's so great for Cece. Coach is super hot. 42 00:01:46,465 --> 00:01:48,519 Wrong crowd. I see that now. 43 00:01:48,558 --> 00:01:52,100 Be that as it may, you blew it with Cece, so you have to be fine with this. 44 00:01:52,121 --> 00:01:53,625 - I am. - You are? 45 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,485 - I promise I am. - You are? 46 00:01:55,510 --> 00:01:57,304 - 100% fine. - You're fine? 47 00:01:57,329 --> 00:01:59,299 - Yeah, I'm absolutely fine. - Really? 48 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,753 It's good for Cece, it's good for Coach, it's good for America. 49 00:02:01,775 --> 00:02:04,150 Who knows? We might even get another Tiger Woods out of this situation. 50 00:02:04,177 --> 00:02:05,370 Wouldn't that be nice? 51 00:02:05,414 --> 00:02:09,165 I'm probably getting ahead of myself. Who knows if Cece will even say yes? 52 00:02:09,190 --> 00:02:10,428 She said yes! 53 00:02:10,448 --> 00:02:12,773 We're going to the Staples Center to watch a game tonight. 54 00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:17,837 - Are you still... Are you cool with this? - Hmm? 55 00:02:18,509 --> 00:02:21,862 I mean, 'cause all you have to do is say the word, man, and I'll back off, for real. 56 00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:23,562 N... No, man. 57 00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,487 Come on. Date that thing. 58 00:02:25,504 --> 00:02:27,975 - Yeah! And then date it again. - All right. 59 00:02:27,987 --> 00:02:30,425 - It's not gonna date itself. - Yeah, date it all night long. 60 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,939 I'm kind of nervous! 61 00:02:33,369 --> 00:02:34,601 Yeah, I'm nervous. 62 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,543 Yeah, I'm really nervous. Um... 63 00:02:36,563 --> 00:02:38,330 I mean, she's beautiful and she's super cool. 64 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,915 And it's just, like... Like, you don't even know. 65 00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:42,571 - I 100% know. - Yes, you kno... You know. 66 00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:44,533 She stopped the wedding because of me, so I'm just saying. 67 00:02:44,553 --> 00:02:46,216 And then I ruined it 'cause I had my own thing. 68 00:02:46,241 --> 00:02:48,847 Malia broke up with me and that kind of, like, threw my head for a loop, 69 00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:51,218 so I'm super vulnerable right now. It's like... I don't know. 70 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:54,550 - Think I'm feeling kind of insecure. - Come on. You're Coach. 71 00:02:54,572 --> 00:02:56,140 - You're the Coach. - Yeah. 72 00:02:56,156 --> 00:02:59,631 You're the prize. Remember, you're the prize. 73 00:03:00,031 --> 00:03:01,675 - You're the prize. - I'm Coach! 74 00:03:01,692 --> 00:03:03,660 Yeah, you're Coach. 75 00:03:03,862 --> 00:03:05,811 - She doesn't stand a chance! - Oh, yeah, well... 76 00:03:05,838 --> 00:03:08,588 - She's gonna get it good! - Yeah! Or you could take it slow! 77 00:03:08,613 --> 00:03:10,754 - Nah, I'm gunning it! - Oh, oh! Y-you're gonna gun it. 78 00:03:10,772 --> 00:03:12,444 - I am gunning it. Yes. - You're gonna gun it for real? 79 00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:14,723 That first-class ass is sitting in coach tonight. 80 00:03:14,769 --> 00:03:19,176 And best believe, my seat will be in an upright and locked position. 81 00:03:19,568 --> 00:03:20,833 Thanks, Schmidt. 82 00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:25,807 Oh... boy. 83 00:03:25,837 --> 00:03:27,139 He's gonna gun it. 84 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,088 I don't know if you heard that, but he said he's going to gun it. 85 00:03:34,624 --> 00:03:36,458 - He's really not fine. - When he says, 86 00:03:36,476 --> 00:03:39,013 "I'm fine," he's about to get un-fine. 87 00:03:39,735 --> 00:03:41,403 Aw, Schmidters. 88 00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,576 There's gonna be other open mics. 89 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,626 With sturdier stools. 90 00:03:46,066 --> 00:03:48,329 - I'm fine. - I know you're fine. 91 00:03:48,346 --> 00:03:51,159 Then they'll see your rap skills. Then... 92 00:03:51,216 --> 00:03:54,233 Hey. Stop! You just said you were fine! 93 00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:56,518 - You just said you were fine! - Let me die! 94 00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,193 Look. I know Schmidt. 95 00:03:58,479 --> 00:04:00,851 He's gonna try and stop that date from happening. 96 00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:03,611 - So the strategy is containment. - Okay. 97 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,272 - Okay. - We got to lock him up. 98 00:04:05,292 --> 00:04:08,419 Distract him like a baby. If he gets out of line, we got to get physical. 99 00:04:08,441 --> 00:04:09,985 We're gonna get physical with a baby? 100 00:04:09,998 --> 00:04:13,629 - Please don't question me. I'm a pro. - Or we could help him move on. 101 00:04:13,656 --> 00:04:15,610 Take him out, get him drunk, maybe meet someone new? 102 00:04:15,628 --> 00:04:17,622 No. We just got to keep him in a safe place. 103 00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:20,114 - I wish I had that dog cage. - What? 104 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,956 When you see a dog cage for sale, you buy it. 105 00:04:22,993 --> 00:04:25,394 Hey, Jess, about tonight, I'm so sorry. 106 00:04:25,402 --> 00:04:28,413 We'll have date night when we're marrie... Da, burp a durp a durp. 107 00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:32,083 - What did you just... - Merry. When we're very Merry Christmas. 108 00:04:32,101 --> 00:04:33,581 All right, moving on. 109 00:04:34,643 --> 00:04:36,135 Hey, uh... 110 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,457 I'm having second thoughts about Coach and Cece. 111 00:04:38,475 --> 00:04:40,387 Maybe I should stop their date. 112 00:04:40,443 --> 00:04:41,918 Smarten up! 113 00:04:41,962 --> 00:04:44,037 Thank you. Um... 114 00:04:44,077 --> 00:04:47,013 Did you get a chance to get that, uh... the dog cage? 115 00:04:47,042 --> 00:04:49,104 - No. I feel bad. - You didn't? 116 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,973 - That was the solution. - I know it was. 117 00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:53,696 Yeah, Jess, so I j... I just... I just buzzed him up. 118 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,886 I... He asked me out on a date, and I said yes. 119 00:04:56,909 --> 00:04:59,390 We're both going through a breakup right now, which is good, right? 120 00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:00,263 Totally. 121 00:05:00,282 --> 00:05:01,895 Gun it. Gun it! 122 00:05:02,821 --> 00:05:04,415 - He's here. - Don't go past second base. 123 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,874 Okay. Bye. 124 00:05:07,652 --> 00:05:09,391 - Hey. - Hey. 125 00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:12,859 Wow. Uh, y-you look... amazing. 126 00:05:13,061 --> 00:05:14,130 Aw. 127 00:05:14,141 --> 00:05:15,949 You look... 128 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,159 this. 129 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,859 I give you this 'cause you look... 130 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,730 ...this, this and this. 131 00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:26,275 - I'll give you all these. No. - Thank... 132 00:05:27,206 --> 00:05:29,645 - I'm really excited about the game. - Yeah! 133 00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:31,891 Yeah. Yeah. 134 00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:34,079 - I'm gonna go get my purse. - Okay, cool. 135 00:05:34,107 --> 00:05:35,657 What is wrong with you? 136 00:05:35,675 --> 00:05:38,742 You're the prize! You're the prize! Get it together. 137 00:05:40,733 --> 00:05:43,033 - Hey. What's up, man? - Hey. 138 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:47,847 That's what's up, that's what's up, that's what's up. 139 00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:50,988 Really appreciate this, guys. 140 00:05:54,638 --> 00:05:56,400 - Are you guys hungry? - Always. Yeah. 141 00:05:56,431 --> 00:05:58,287 Great. I'm gonna go get some food from the Staples Center. 142 00:05:58,328 --> 00:06:00,144 - Hey, easy. Chill out. - Okay. All right. 143 00:06:00,165 --> 00:06:01,640 You're right, you're right. Great call. 144 00:06:01,663 --> 00:06:02,823 Hey, Winston. 145 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,634 Hey. What happened to you? I thought you were supposed to go to a party. 146 00:06:05,655 --> 00:06:09,219 Yeah, it's been so long that I think I forgot how to talk to women. 147 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:12,346 You ever wonder if someone in here has killed someone? 148 00:06:14,615 --> 00:06:17,396 Ferguson is his name. Yeah, he's my cat. Here's him in a cowboy hat. 149 00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:19,749 Good lord, darling, how big are your feet? 150 00:06:20,373 --> 00:06:23,232 You know what? It's fine. I'll be alone my whole life. 151 00:06:23,269 --> 00:06:25,644 You know, Hank Aaron was alone for every home run he hit. 152 00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:27,397 As long as I got Ferguson. 153 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,108 Speaking of which, where is that cat? 154 00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:30,153 Ferguson! 155 00:06:31,769 --> 00:06:33,857 That's strange. He usually comes when I call him. 156 00:06:35,081 --> 00:06:38,047 Nick, you left the window open? Oh, my God, no. 157 00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:39,035 - Nick! - What? 158 00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:41,174 You know he always trying to kick it with those pigeons. 159 00:06:41,198 --> 00:06:42,098 Nick, you let him out. 160 00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:43,768 I did... I didn't mean to. I just opened the window. 161 00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:46,093 - Man, I asked you to do one thing! - Winston, I'm really sorry. 162 00:06:46,118 --> 00:06:47,837 - This is your fault, man! - I feel terrible, Winston. 163 00:06:47,861 --> 00:06:49,556 You're gonna help me find him! 164 00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,508 Winston, don't leave... Winston... 165 00:06:51,528 --> 00:06:52,896 Okay, I'm coming, buddy. 166 00:06:52,921 --> 00:06:55,390 Jess, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to stay here and keep an eye on Schmidt. 167 00:06:55,408 --> 00:06:58,100 No! No, no, no. You can't leave me here with him. 168 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,320 No, she's right. You can't do that. What if it gets rough? 169 00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,729 Nick, he is in pain. I can feel it. 170 00:07:02,753 --> 00:07:03,641 - Don't you go! - Stay! 171 00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:05,953 - I am so scared, man! - What do you want me to do, Jess? 172 00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:07,853 - Stay. - Don't you dare go. - Everybody settle! 173 00:07:07,877 --> 00:07:11,861 Look, this is my fault. Winston, I'm coming with you. Schmidt, just get it together. 174 00:07:11,885 --> 00:07:15,786 Jess, I'm sorry. Just keep him here and keep his mind off the date. I have to go. 175 00:07:15,851 --> 00:07:17,464 - I'm sorry. - We got to go. 176 00:07:17,509 --> 00:07:19,352 Let's find that damn cat! 177 00:07:21,297 --> 00:07:22,930 What do you think Coach and Cece are doing right now? 178 00:07:22,955 --> 00:07:25,261 - I don't know. - They probably just sat down. 179 00:07:25,273 --> 00:07:27,097 Touching thighs for the first time. 180 00:07:27,138 --> 00:07:28,796 - I'm gonna go stop that date! - No! 181 00:07:35,284 --> 00:07:37,341 Is that literally all you have? 182 00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:40,539 Oh, my God, we're screwed. 183 00:07:40,902 --> 00:07:42,581 - Nick! - Nick! 184 00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:48,287 Uh, think. 185 00:07:48,312 --> 00:07:51,881 Coach gave me an out. He said, "Just say the word and it's off." 186 00:07:51,898 --> 00:07:54,860 - And you know what? I'm just gonna say the word. - No! No! 187 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,282 - You call, you say the word. - No, Schmidt! 188 00:07:57,454 --> 00:08:00,973 God, you can't do that to Cece. She's just starting to move on. 189 00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:02,592 All we have to do is get through the night. 190 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,825 - Just get through the night. - Just have to get your mind off her. 191 00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:06,380 What do you want to start with? 192 00:08:06,524 --> 00:08:07,905 ♪ Play it now ♪ 193 00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:10,600 ♪ Play it now, my baby ♪ 194 00:08:10,618 --> 00:08:12,983 ♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on by ♪ 195 00:08:12,997 --> 00:08:14,398 What's-what's happening? 196 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:19,922 Maybe just go no shoes. I don't know. 197 00:08:19,952 --> 00:08:22,121 Okay, and this one's tenth grade, so... 198 00:08:22,243 --> 00:08:23,343 This one's from Evan G. 199 00:08:23,357 --> 00:08:26,236 Evan G. was the captain of the water polo team. 200 00:08:26,278 --> 00:08:28,513 "Hey, Jess, we both like lunch." 201 00:08:28,886 --> 00:08:29,929 That's true. 202 00:08:29,954 --> 00:08:31,648 Oh, lean in... Aw, dude... 203 00:08:31,674 --> 00:08:34,677 ♪ Play it now, play it now ♪ 204 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,230 - ♪ My baby ♪ - ♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on board ♪ 205 00:08:38,266 --> 00:08:41,469 Camryn Manheim represents a woman who was heckled by a carnival clown, 206 00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,768 - and Dylan McDermott says... - I can't stop thinking about Cece! 207 00:08:43,787 --> 00:08:46,208 Okay! Nick said this would work. Sit down. 208 00:08:46,231 --> 00:08:47,680 Stop thinking about Cece. 209 00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:48,720 Wow. 210 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:52,971 Look at this leather. It's so smooth, brown. 211 00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,487 It's just like Cece. 212 00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,582 That's weird. 213 00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:59,643 You're right. I'm just gonna lay down for a little bit. 214 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:00,812 Okay. 215 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,674 Oh, yeah, this feels good. 216 00:09:13,709 --> 00:09:15,028 Okay. 217 00:09:15,041 --> 00:09:16,656 What are you doing, Schmidt? 218 00:09:16,674 --> 00:09:18,359 - Nothing, just go. - No, no, no, no. 219 00:09:18,377 --> 00:09:21,173 - Just go away. - Okay... Schmidt, hey. 220 00:09:21,218 --> 00:09:24,191 No! We're getting you out of here, and we're gonna get you a new woman, okay? 221 00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:25,919 Nick said to stay home. 222 00:09:25,937 --> 00:09:27,839 Well, Nick doesn't know everything, Schmidt. 223 00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:30,941 And please stop this. This is so disgusting. I can't even look at you. 224 00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:33,661 - Come on, this is gross. This is getting really weird. - Please! Just one more kiss! 225 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,307 No, you're kissing a sectional, you dummy! 226 00:09:36,324 --> 00:09:37,687 All right. 227 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:40,669 That was the right move. You did good. 228 00:09:41,783 --> 00:09:43,516 - Ferguson! - Ferguson! 229 00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:45,570 - Ferguson! - Come here, buddy! 230 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,319 Come on, you little son of a bitch! 231 00:09:47,565 --> 00:09:48,860 We should do another lap around the park. 232 00:09:48,874 --> 00:09:51,121 I bet those mean-ass kids playing frisbee are gone by now. 233 00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:52,613 Winston... 234 00:09:52,894 --> 00:09:54,466 We've looked everywhere. 235 00:09:54,485 --> 00:09:56,265 What are you do...? Winston. 236 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:57,812 Damn it! 237 00:09:58,669 --> 00:10:00,225 I should've never gone to that party. 238 00:10:00,242 --> 00:10:02,030 Nah, the party was a good thing. 239 00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:03,985 - You should go to more parties. - Really? 240 00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:07,383 I got shot down by, I don't know, 16 or so different women. 241 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:11,362 And then I come home to find out that you have misplaced my best friend. 242 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,214 - Ferguson's your best friend now? - Yes! 243 00:10:13,229 --> 00:10:15,770 Would you listen to yourself? This is pathetic. 244 00:10:15,893 --> 00:10:17,306 - Whoa. - "Pathetic" is harsh. 245 00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,172 - I didn't mean... - Friends don't call friends pathetic. 246 00:10:20,197 --> 00:10:23,720 Well, what do friends do when their other friend is taking a shower with a cat? 247 00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,100 Wait, wait, wait! 248 00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:30,045 I just got a text. Somebody found him. 249 00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,896 - No way! Ferguson? - Yes. 250 00:10:31,921 --> 00:10:33,471 Yes! Don't do that at all. 251 00:10:33,493 --> 00:10:35,360 If that cat's alive, we're made up. 252 00:10:37,844 --> 00:10:39,575 How you liking that merch? 253 00:10:40,126 --> 00:10:41,583 Oh, it's... 254 00:10:41,777 --> 00:10:43,843 - It's great, thanks. - Yeah, yeah. 255 00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:47,453 - You want a pretzel? - No, I'm-I'm fine, thanks. 256 00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:49,510 It wasn't a question. Hey, yo, slice! 257 00:10:49,539 --> 00:10:52,414 Let me get about seven of them hot things! 258 00:10:52,889 --> 00:10:55,650 You worried about the money? It's cool, I got it, babe. 259 00:10:56,499 --> 00:10:58,658 Coach had a good year today. 260 00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:03,467 Yeah, when I-I agreed to go out with you, this isn't exactly what I expected. 261 00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:05,924 I know, I hear that a lot, I hear that a lot. 262 00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:10,342 Uh-oh! 263 00:11:10,371 --> 00:11:11,893 Ha-ha! Look at that. 264 00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:13,655 Coach is blowing up. 265 00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:15,154 Oh. 266 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,696 I'll just... 267 00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,337 - Thanks. - Damn it. 268 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,854 I can't mingle with this trash. 269 00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:24,488 - I've been to the mountaintop. - Okay, look. Look at me. 270 00:11:24,508 --> 00:11:27,050 You are moving on. Now, where's the old Schmidt? 271 00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:29,985 When I moved into the loft, you used to pull so many ladies. 272 00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:31,188 You were legendary. 273 00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:34,716 That year, uh, Hurricane Schmidt did-did demolish 274 00:11:34,734 --> 00:11:36,704 - a number of beach communities. - Right. 275 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,907 All right, we're gonna go talk to this girl over here. 276 00:11:38,939 --> 00:11:40,739 She's on a flip phone, Jess. 277 00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:43,011 I mean, she's either poor or a time traveler. 278 00:11:43,383 --> 00:11:45,571 Hi! This is my friend Schmidt. 279 00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:47,805 And he's sweet and he's smart. 280 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:50,421 And he has a job that I don't really understand, but seems to pay him well. 281 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:51,780 - Schmidt, sit down. - Okay. 282 00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:54,088 I'm gonna give you two a moment. 283 00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,398 Look, 284 00:11:58,423 --> 00:11:59,586 you're a beautiful woman. 285 00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:02,532 In another life, we certainly would've been lovers, but... 286 00:12:02,564 --> 00:12:05,986 my soul mate is at a Sparks game right now with another man. 287 00:12:06,015 --> 00:12:07,027 I need to go get her. 288 00:12:07,042 --> 00:12:08,908 - Oh, you poor thing... - Please don't interrupt me. 289 00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:11,855 Now, do you see that bug-eyed woman over there? 290 00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:16,185 I need to ditch her so that I can go fulfill my destiny. 291 00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:18,022 Now, tell me when she looks away. 292 00:12:18,262 --> 00:12:19,737 Not now. 293 00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:21,569 Not now. Wait. 294 00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:22,667 Now. 295 00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:26,853 What might've been. 296 00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,153 Hey, Schmidt! No! 297 00:12:34,693 --> 00:12:37,385 What do you think he's gonna look like when we get him back? 298 00:12:38,362 --> 00:12:41,043 Found him under the steps eating a dead raccoon's eyeball. 299 00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:43,538 Your cat's a psycho. 300 00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:46,961 Oh, did my baby have a tasty treat? 301 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:49,342 Ferguson, I missed you so much, little buddy. 302 00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:50,655 They're very connected, those two. 303 00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:52,962 I can relate. Got a beast of my own. 304 00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:54,484 Hodgkiss, wake up. 305 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:58,224 - We got company. - Aw. 306 00:12:58,264 --> 00:13:00,395 - Is that a squirrel? - Squirrel? It's a hamster. 307 00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:03,610 Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. Okay, you've been outside, man. 308 00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:05,680 Trying to just figure out the smell, I guess. 309 00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:06,988 This guy's the best. 310 00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:10,257 I'd rather stay home and watch Grey's with him than go out to some bar, 311 00:13:10,276 --> 00:13:13,215 try to impress some douche bag dressed like a lumberjack. 312 00:13:13,630 --> 00:13:15,034 I am done chasing men. 313 00:13:15,059 --> 00:13:18,382 I hear that. I am so done chasing women. 314 00:13:19,839 --> 00:13:21,320 That's too bad. 315 00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:27,857 Yeah, it's too bad. 316 00:13:27,868 --> 00:13:29,063 Chuckles) 317 00:13:29,088 --> 00:13:31,244 - You guys hungry? - Oh, no, but thank you very much... 318 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,550 I could eat. 319 00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,344 Winston, do you like bologna? 320 00:13:35,091 --> 00:13:37,987 It's the kind you have to peel the wrapper off just to get to the meat. 321 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,676 And do you have pudding in a cup? 322 00:13:40,691 --> 00:13:42,214 I never have pudding in a cup. 323 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:43,742 No. 324 00:13:44,177 --> 00:13:46,127 Is that a good thing or a bad thing that she doesn't? 325 00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:47,617 That's a good thing. 326 00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:50,684 You know, I don't know what's going on here. 327 00:13:51,015 --> 00:13:52,584 Find Staples Center! 328 00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:56,072 - Finding Starples Medical Supply. - No, you dumb pocket robot! 329 00:13:56,091 --> 00:13:58,730 - Dan plummer rubber stumpers. - Aah! Now you're just making up words! 330 00:13:58,736 --> 00:14:00,952 That's not even a place! Damn you! 331 00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:04,078 - Maiden worcestershire sauce. - Huh. Chocolate. 332 00:14:05,373 --> 00:14:06,561 Hi, there. 333 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,485 I'm ruining a date, and I don't want to show up empty-handed. 334 00:14:09,497 --> 00:14:12,874 I will take three of the, ooh, the dulce de leches. 335 00:14:12,905 --> 00:14:13,824 Um... 336 00:14:15,097 --> 00:14:16,943 How about some caramels? 337 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,197 Do you have anything that says "I'm sorry for cheating on you. 338 00:14:19,214 --> 00:14:20,850 Please don't sleep with my friend"? 339 00:14:22,144 --> 00:14:25,372 Of course you don't. Wonderful. Ooh, look at that... Samples. 340 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,880 Wha...? Who are you texting right now? 341 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,468 Uh, wh-what are you talking about? I'm not texting. I was just, uh... 342 00:14:34,489 --> 00:14:36,058 You're texting right now. 343 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,836 - Nah, I'm just, uh... - Okay, you know what? 344 00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:39,909 Whoever you are texting, if you want to be with them, 345 00:14:39,934 --> 00:14:41,959 you should just go off and be with them. 346 00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:43,686 You're so jealous. 347 00:14:44,028 --> 00:14:46,096 Okay, yeah, you know what... That's it! 348 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:49,370 That is the last straw! I'm out of here. 349 00:14:51,489 --> 00:14:52,839 Cece... 350 00:15:02,149 --> 00:15:04,111 So, Bertie, have you always been a bus driver? 351 00:15:04,138 --> 00:15:07,107 I used to manage a shoe store. Then I, uh, quit, 352 00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:08,641 had a few dark years. 353 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,462 - Sold christian t-shirts for a while. - Okay. 354 00:15:11,529 --> 00:15:13,729 Got my tubes tied. Not cheap. 355 00:15:13,741 --> 00:15:16,312 - This is a real honest conversation. - Shut up, Nick. 356 00:15:16,336 --> 00:15:18,782 Pulled myself out of that personal hell, and... 357 00:15:18,857 --> 00:15:19,970 voilà. 358 00:15:20,005 --> 00:15:22,337 - Wow. - You know, I like driving bus. 359 00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:24,567 Get to put whatever I want on the dash. 360 00:15:25,082 --> 00:15:27,433 Keeps the darkness away. You know? 361 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,128 I also, uh... 362 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,058 - I paint. - You paint? 363 00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:38,095 It's a boat. 364 00:15:38,116 --> 00:15:39,784 Oh, I can see it's a boat. 365 00:15:41,868 --> 00:15:43,840 All right, well, uh... 366 00:15:44,096 --> 00:15:47,090 I better take my stomach medicine. I got to get up at 3:30. 367 00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:48,910 - Is that A.M.? - I drive a bus. 368 00:15:48,922 --> 00:15:51,132 Will you eat your damn sandwich, Nick. 369 00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:53,522 I don't like it. 370 00:15:53,549 --> 00:15:55,249 What about you, Winston? Do you like it? 371 00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:57,099 I'm not gonna lie to you, Bertie. 372 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,026 Sometimes it was a little hard to chew. 373 00:15:59,035 --> 00:16:00,199 Well... 374 00:16:00,224 --> 00:16:02,408 You can suck on it to make it soft. 375 00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:10,804 Wow. Is something happening between you two? 376 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,741 - Dude, she is so real. - Okay, good. 377 00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:15,825 Would you do me a favor? Now, you owe me. 378 00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:18,335 Winston, I would love to. Anything. 379 00:16:18,552 --> 00:16:20,008 - I mean it. Anything. - Okay. 380 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,373 I owe you. 381 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:23,226 I need you... 382 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,624 ...to take Ferguson home tonight for me 383 00:16:25,646 --> 00:16:28,957 while I just stay here and, you know, see where this goes. 384 00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,457 Yes. This is a big moment. 385 00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:32,612 - Yeah. - I'm proud of you. 386 00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,867 Listen, Ferguson, I'm about to do what adults do. 387 00:16:35,903 --> 00:16:37,298 - Hey, wish me luck. - I think that's enough. 388 00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:39,134 - Wish me luck. - Oh, this is a fat cat. 389 00:16:39,152 --> 00:16:40,696 It's a tough decision. Do I...? I'll just leave... 390 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,045 - Stay here, stay here. - Okay. Yeah! 391 00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:44,788 Cece, wait! Please wait! 392 00:16:44,817 --> 00:16:46,316 I was texting my mom! 393 00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:48,403 - Dork. - Shut up! 394 00:16:49,988 --> 00:16:52,191 Oh, come on! 395 00:16:52,206 --> 00:16:54,626 Do you really expect me to believe that? 396 00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,860 No. I-I promise... I... My mom... 397 00:16:56,888 --> 00:17:01,430 She was texting me because I was super nervous about this date. 398 00:17:01,461 --> 00:17:03,180 - Your mom? - Look. 399 00:17:03,705 --> 00:17:05,174 "Go get 'em, BooBoo"? 400 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,316 That's me. I'm BooBoo. 401 00:17:07,355 --> 00:17:11,578 Why do you need inspirational quotes from your mom just to talk to me? 402 00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:13,128 I'm sorry. I... 403 00:17:14,384 --> 00:17:17,803 I'm just... I'm coming out of this relationship, and, like... 404 00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,768 I just... I don't know. I feel I don't know how to... 405 00:17:20,792 --> 00:17:22,918 I don't know how to do this anymore. 406 00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:26,287 I know how you feel. 407 00:17:26,954 --> 00:17:28,371 You do? 408 00:17:28,994 --> 00:17:30,225 Yeah. 409 00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,087 Wow. Uh... 410 00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:35,945 I just want to put on some Drake and get up on you, girl. 411 00:17:35,964 --> 00:17:38,216 - You see, you're doing it again. - Damn it! I know. 412 00:17:38,636 --> 00:17:40,176 Sorry. 413 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,797 Hey! Schmidt! 414 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,552 Schmidt, what are you doing?! Why do you have all that chocolate? 415 00:17:45,581 --> 00:17:47,200 I'm going to go win her back! 416 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:49,060 Do you know where I can get a pretty candle?! 417 00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:51,171 No. Come on, Schmidt, get in the car. 418 00:17:54,071 --> 00:17:55,690 Get in the car. 419 00:17:55,710 --> 00:17:57,238 I love her, Jess. 420 00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,096 I have to tell her. 421 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,164 Well, you can't. 422 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,860 - You have to let her go. - I know. 423 00:18:05,831 --> 00:18:07,235 Look, you're right. I know. 424 00:18:07,301 --> 00:18:09,599 Okay, good. Come on, get back in the car. 425 00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:11,282 I also know that in about 30 seconds, 426 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,932 I'm gonna run away from you again, and this time, I will lose you. 427 00:18:13,958 --> 00:18:16,460 I'll go down alleys, I'll cut across parks. 428 00:18:16,488 --> 00:18:21,450 I will live in the shadows, just slithering, lurking, trolling the darkness. 429 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,544 Jess, there's only one way for you to stop me. 430 00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:27,362 Well, I'll do it, whatever it is. 431 00:18:28,035 --> 00:18:29,731 Hit me with your car. 432 00:18:30,349 --> 00:18:32,070 What?! No! No! 433 00:18:32,082 --> 00:18:35,822 - It's the only way for you to stop me! - No! That's crazy, Schmidt! 434 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,104 Come on, Jess. Now, do it! I deserve it. 435 00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:40,955 I cheated on your best friend, I tried to break up you and Nick. 436 00:18:40,993 --> 00:18:42,712 - No! No! - Hit the gas. 437 00:18:42,735 --> 00:18:45,404 Jess, you do this, or I'm gonna run. 438 00:18:45,435 --> 00:18:47,772 - I don't want to! - I'm gonna give you to the count of three. 439 00:18:47,789 --> 00:18:51,283 - No, I don't want to! Schmidt! - Three. Two. Do it for Cece. 440 00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,272 Oh, my God! 441 00:18:57,622 --> 00:19:00,816 - What the hell was that?! - You told me to hit you with the car! 442 00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:03,483 - You friggin' hit me with your vehicle! - You asked me to. 443 00:19:03,502 --> 00:19:06,919 - I didn't think you were gonna do it. - I barely tapped you. 444 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:08,346 This is my favorite utility khaki! 445 00:19:08,377 --> 00:19:10,261 Well, then don't tell me to hit you with my car 446 00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,151 if you don't want me to hit you with my car! 447 00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:13,830 - You're out of control! - What? 448 00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:16,595 - Ma'am, please pull over. - Jess! 449 00:19:18,934 --> 00:19:20,928 Oh, my God! Schmidt! 450 00:19:21,051 --> 00:19:22,818 Son of a bitch! 451 00:19:25,627 --> 00:19:28,118 - I know how this looks. - Like you hit a man with your car? 452 00:19:28,152 --> 00:19:29,617 Twice. 453 00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:31,445 I only meant to hit you once. 454 00:19:31,476 --> 00:19:34,171 - Well, you hit me twice. - Also, he asked me to hit him. 455 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,763 I'm in a really weird place. 456 00:19:35,781 --> 00:19:38,658 - I just need to write a report. - She's not a criminal. She... 457 00:19:39,227 --> 00:19:42,975 - She was being a friend. - I hit him because I care about him. 458 00:19:44,714 --> 00:19:46,635 You guys are into some weird stuff. 459 00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,507 Well, congratulations. 460 00:19:55,537 --> 00:19:57,122 You made it. 461 00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,825 - I did, didn't I? - Yeah. 462 00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:06,358 And, hey, you know, don't worry about the hospital bill. I'll pay it. 463 00:20:07,046 --> 00:20:09,110 Wait a minute. Did you think that I was gonna pay...? 464 00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,178 Well, you hit me with your car, 465 00:20:10,203 --> 00:20:13,598 - and I thought... - You told me to hit you with the car. 466 00:20:21,895 --> 00:20:24,357 Schmidt, don't pretend you're fine. 467 00:20:24,388 --> 00:20:26,996 - I know you're not. - I'm not fine. 468 00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:31,824 But I will be. 469 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,177 Uh... 470 00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:36,253 - Let's just wait it out. - Okay. 471 00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,543 God, it's been a half an hour. 472 00:20:42,569 --> 00:20:44,770 Come up for air, you weirdoes. 473 00:20:45,362 --> 00:20:47,074 Mm, mm, mm. 474 00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:49,513 I'm getting kind of revved up. 475 00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:51,201 Nick has some work to do. 476 00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:52,707 Oh, God. 477 00:20:52,770 --> 00:20:54,356 Give me a chocolate. 478 00:20:58,343 --> 00:20:59,790 Mm. 479 00:21:03,757 --> 00:21:05,561 - Hey, there. - Hey. 480 00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:08,988 Can I get some of that? 481 00:21:22,819 --> 00:21:25,558 - Mm-hmm. - You spending the night, or what? 482 00:21:26,373 --> 00:21:27,905 Oh, hell, yeah. 483 00:21:35,746 --> 00:21:41,746 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther