1
00:00:01,046 --> 00:00:03,894
- Nick! We need to talk.
- Winston stays. End of discussion.
2
00:00:03,917 --> 00:00:06,647
No, dude. I got your
Thanksgiving invitation.
3
00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:12,875
- Did you make this?
- Absolutely not.
4
00:00:13,025 --> 00:00:15,106
He's announcing Thanksgiving!
5
00:00:15,124 --> 00:00:17,678
With his little trumpet,
he's announcing the feast!
6
00:00:17,712 --> 00:00:19,386
It's so funny...
7
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,653
We should name that
little guy Roger.
8
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,102
When your testicles fell off,
9
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:29,148
did you form lady parts, or is it
kind of like a Gonzo nose down there?
10
00:00:29,164 --> 00:00:31,043
- It's really interesting.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:31,069 --> 00:00:33,625
- You see, the thing is, my testicles
haven't fallen off... - Right.
12
00:00:33,643 --> 00:00:34,850
...it's just the morning.
13
00:00:34,882 --> 00:00:38,470
And my testicles do this really
unique thing of burrowing...
14
00:00:38,535 --> 00:00:40,212
when it's cold out.
15
00:00:41,437 --> 00:00:42,687
You're burning me.
16
00:00:42,711 --> 00:00:43,954
- I gotta be real with you.
- Please.
17
00:00:43,979 --> 00:00:47,673
I know how a guy can get,
like, lost in a relationship.
18
00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:50,972
I've been there, dude. You're snuggling,
you're snuggling, you're snuggling,
19
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,128
and then, bam!
20
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:56,340
Next thing you know, you're wearing a jean
skirt and a tube top with no panties on,
21
00:00:56,363 --> 00:00:59,469
because you guys said you were gonna
dress up like each other for Halloween.
22
00:00:59,502 --> 00:01:00,991
But she doesn't
dress up like you.
23
00:01:01,022 --> 00:01:04,222
- But you still go to the party.
- I could not be more sorry for you,
24
00:01:04,246 --> 00:01:06,590
- but that's not my story.
- Stand up.
25
00:01:06,627 --> 00:01:08,345
- Stand up?
- Yeah.
26
00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:10,768
Okay.
27
00:01:15,439 --> 00:01:18,456
- Are those Jessica's pajama bottoms?
- It's, uh...
28
00:01:18,483 --> 00:01:21,571
football player pants for, uh,
br-breast cancer awareness.
29
00:01:21,978 --> 00:01:26,178
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
30
00:01:26,574 --> 00:01:28,105
I like the way that
they hug my gronk.
31
00:01:28,531 --> 00:01:31,294
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
32
00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:32,725
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
33
00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:34,676
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
34
00:01:34,933 --> 00:01:36,665
Camping on Thanksgiving?
35
00:01:36,689 --> 00:01:39,959
It might be a crazy Nick
idea, but I kind of like it.
36
00:01:39,985 --> 00:01:42,207
I thought you hated
camping and nature.
37
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:44,274
You said you were
afraid a fly was gonna
38
00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:46,120
fly in your head and
learn all your thoughts.
39
00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:49,744
I am a man, and men
belong in wilderness.
40
00:01:50,261 --> 00:01:51,799
It really means a lot to me.
41
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:55,222
The only thing I care about
is that we're all together.
42
00:01:55,253 --> 00:01:57,836
And that we can all sit down
together and have a nice dinner.
43
00:01:57,853 --> 00:01:59,422
I 100% agree.
44
00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:02,196
- I think everybody's gonna
love this idea. - Me, too.
45
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:04,100
- Camping? What the hell?
- Like we're animals?
46
00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:05,450
Come on.
Hear him out.
47
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:08,683
Let's face it. Our indoor
Thanksgivings haven't been so great.
48
00:02:08,702 --> 00:02:10,556
- Turkey!
- Dead body!
49
00:02:10,579 --> 00:02:11,873
I think I'm into your mother.
50
00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:13,370
So this can't be worse.
51
00:02:13,395 --> 00:02:15,410
- Thank you, Jessica, I got
it from here. - All right.
52
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,054
This Thanksgiving,
53
00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:20,263
I want to honor the traditions
of our forefathers.
54
00:02:20,296 --> 00:02:25,368
The mighty Pilgrims and Native Americans
who came together in order to survive.
55
00:02:25,386 --> 00:02:26,505
Sure, yeah.
56
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:29,166
The first chapter in
a proud history of cooperation.
57
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:33,958
It'll be the ultimate test of
manhood and our survival skills.
58
00:02:33,989 --> 00:02:36,333
- It will? - How's this for
a test of our manhood?
59
00:02:36,351 --> 00:02:39,135
We stay at home, we drink
beer, we watch football.
60
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,159
- Manhood.
- I like that idea.
61
00:02:40,174 --> 00:02:42,124
Winston, I'm talking
about real men.
62
00:02:42,149 --> 00:02:43,805
- Me, too.
- Men who fend for themselves.
63
00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:46,806
You're the laziest man I know.
Okay, Jess, be honest with me.
64
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:48,327
Has he ever been on top?
65
00:02:48,373 --> 00:02:50,592
- Real men are on the bottom.
- No, they're not.
66
00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:53,522
- Guys, guys. It's Thanksgiving.
- You're on the bottom...
67
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,914
We need to be together.
Who's in?
68
00:02:57,475 --> 00:02:59,394
- Come on, guys!
- All right, I'm in.
69
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,852
- What?
- Yeah, Schmidt! - Yes!
70
00:03:00,875 --> 00:03:03,759
Look, my parents were super divorced
and they never took me camping,
71
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:05,855
but I always thought
that I'd be incredible at it.
72
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:06,816
Let's get ready.
73
00:03:06,831 --> 00:03:08,669
What the hell is on
your head, Schmidt?
74
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:11,900
It's an exact replica of the hat.
Viggo Mortensen wore in Hidalgo.
75
00:03:11,928 --> 00:03:13,428
Knew you'd like it.
76
00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:19,891
Wow! Nice job, Miller!
77
00:03:19,915 --> 00:03:21,604
This spot's beautiful.
78
00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:22,859
I know.
79
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,125
- Cece!
- Cece's here?
80
00:03:25,143 --> 00:03:26,919
I didn't know she
was gonna be here.
81
00:03:27,522 --> 00:03:29,478
Yay, I'm so happy you came!
82
00:03:29,497 --> 00:03:32,147
We're all together! It
makes me so excited.
83
00:03:32,172 --> 00:03:33,913
Of course! I mean,
what could be better
84
00:03:33,938 --> 00:03:36,026
than camping in the woods
with my ex-boyfriend
85
00:03:36,045 --> 00:03:37,396
and his friend I
just made out with.
86
00:03:37,421 --> 00:03:39,046
With whom you just made out.
87
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:41,003
- Don't. You know I hate that.
- It's very important.
88
00:03:41,027 --> 00:03:43,121
- Don't. Seriously, don't.
- Grammar's important.
89
00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:45,070
If it get awkward,
I'll come save you.
90
00:03:45,096 --> 00:03:47,356
Happy Thanksgiving!
91
00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:48,390
Yay!
92
00:03:49,977 --> 00:03:52,327
- Hey, what's up, girl?
- Hey, Cece.
93
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,985
Hey, I never, uh... had
a chance to ask you.
94
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:06,160
How did the, um...
95
00:04:06,178 --> 00:04:07,580
How'd your guys' date
go the other night?
96
00:04:07,592 --> 00:04:09,036
- Oh, with Cece?
- Yeah.
97
00:04:09,063 --> 00:04:11,986
Uh... it was... I loved it.
98
00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:13,363
I mean, it was good.
99
00:04:13,769 --> 00:04:15,779
- It was cool.
- That's great.
100
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,026
- Super.
- Super-duper.
101
00:04:19,687 --> 00:04:21,693
So where you thinking about
pitching, uh, pitching a tent?
102
00:04:21,718 --> 00:04:23,199
- Thinking over there.
- Oh, yonder?
103
00:04:23,224 --> 00:04:24,862
- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah. Yonder.
104
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,783
Listen, I've been researching on
the Internet for the past 12 hours
105
00:04:27,795 --> 00:04:29,746
everything there is to
know about the wood.
106
00:04:29,771 --> 00:04:32,188
Now I'm a... I'm
a master camper.
107
00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:36,225
So if you need any help with anything,
just come to me and ask, okay?
108
00:04:36,523 --> 00:04:38,492
Thanks, man. I don't
know anything about the wood.
109
00:04:38,516 --> 00:04:40,893
- I know everything.
- I'm lost. What is that, a tree?
110
00:04:40,912 --> 00:04:43,923
If these trees were skyscrapers,
you'd feel very comfortable.
111
00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:47,190
Yeah. I'd be right at home.
Unfortunately, they're actual trees.
112
00:04:47,215 --> 00:04:49,659
- Yeah. You're the best.
- I love the hat!
113
00:04:50,077 --> 00:04:52,827
I'm sorry, is that a solar
cell phone charger?
114
00:04:53,062 --> 00:04:56,497
Yeah, I can't go more
than two days without it.
115
00:04:56,882 --> 00:04:59,352
Okay, hold on. Do you...
do you hate camping, too?
116
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,710
Are you kidding me? I
absolutely hate camping.
117
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:04,379
Then why are we here?
118
00:05:04,406 --> 00:05:07,089
Because I didn't get a say.
I never get a say.
119
00:05:07,095 --> 00:05:09,261
Whenever I want to do something,
they don't give a hoot.
120
00:05:09,362 --> 00:05:11,576
Guess who just got free
passes to a pottery seminar.
121
00:05:11,607 --> 00:05:13,153
- Get out of here.
- Winston!
122
00:05:13,190 --> 00:05:16,112
We could've made the
craziest mugs, man.
123
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,427
- Hey, Nick?
- Yeah.
124
00:05:20,451 --> 00:05:21,508
There's just beer in here.
125
00:05:21,533 --> 00:05:23,701
That should last us for the
first few hours, actually.
126
00:05:23,726 --> 00:05:25,887
Where's the food? Where-where
are all the pies I made?
127
00:05:25,921 --> 00:05:27,644
Look, don't worry, Jess.
128
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,561
'Cause the food is...
129
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,473
right here.
130
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:34,621
I'm... sorry. I don't
understand that gesture.
131
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,519
We're gonna be hunting
and foraging for our dinner,
132
00:05:37,543 --> 00:05:40,145
just like the Indians
and the Pilgrims.
133
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:44,834
But you brought beer.
134
00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:47,522
You can't forage for beer.
And that's a necessity.
135
00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,990
So this is Thanksgiving meal?
136
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,610
- 96 warm beers?
- We can do this.
137
00:05:52,630 --> 00:05:54,316
Guys, we've gotten soft!
138
00:05:54,335 --> 00:05:56,978
With our antibiotics
and our sports creams.
139
00:05:56,996 --> 00:06:00,072
Do you think George
Washington had a pet cat?
140
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,088
- Yeah. - No.
- He didn't.
141
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,648
He hunted them.
142
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:05,703
- What? - And he made milk
and butter out of their spoils.
143
00:06:05,728 --> 00:06:07,918
- That's terrible. - So you're saying
George Washington milked his cat?
144
00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:10,360
- Nothing is sounding accurate right now.
- Not at all. - Where'd you read this?
145
00:06:10,378 --> 00:06:13,040
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.
It's gonna be hard.
146
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:17,574
But we will emerge out of this
better friends and a tribe.
147
00:06:17,599 --> 00:06:19,197
I'm on board.
148
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,527
Going old-school.
149
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,378
- Men! Killing! Hunting!
- Men!
150
00:06:22,395 --> 00:06:24,026
Men! Men! Men! Men!
151
00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:27,839
Oh, my cowman's... my cowman...
my cowman's hat, my cowman's hat.
152
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:31,095
Guys, look, I'm as much
a man as anybody here,
153
00:06:31,112 --> 00:06:33,040
but this plan is
straight-up dookie.
154
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,440
- I need my sweets and I need my parade.
- Yeah, you know what? I'm out, too.
155
00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:39,226
Guys, guys, guys. Look.
156
00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:41,256
We're together.
157
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,882
We're a family.
It's Thanksgiving.
158
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:45,801
And I'm sure Nick has a plan.
Right?
159
00:06:45,818 --> 00:06:47,568
- Oh, yeah. I've got a plan.
- Great. - You got a plan?
160
00:06:47,586 --> 00:06:48,575
The man's got a plan.
161
00:06:48,622 --> 00:06:51,451
These wilderness guides right
here detail what plants
162
00:06:51,469 --> 00:06:54,371
are safe for eating and
what traps we can build.
163
00:06:54,394 --> 00:06:56,161
Unfortunately, I
ran out of money,
164
00:06:56,185 --> 00:06:59,023
so I couldn't print out the chapters
on gutting and skinning, but...
165
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,464
we'll worry about that when we
get there. Pilgrim rules.
166
00:07:01,486 --> 00:07:03,428
Men, hunters!
167
00:07:03,604 --> 00:07:05,004
Women, foragers.
168
00:07:05,027 --> 00:07:08,119
I'm not hunting. The only Hunt
I want is Bonnie or Helen.
169
00:07:08,141 --> 00:07:10,333
- You know what I'm talking
about, Coach. - What?
170
00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:12,767
Nick.
171
00:07:15,678 --> 00:07:18,140
This is perfect.
Primal man in nature.
172
00:07:18,158 --> 00:07:20,979
Stalking prey. Who's basically
the lady now, Coach?
173
00:07:21,003 --> 00:07:23,665
I've seen that tree six times
in the past 20 minutes.
174
00:07:23,682 --> 00:07:25,828
We're definitely moving
in a small circle.
175
00:07:26,085 --> 00:07:28,335
Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm
gonna clear a path this way.
176
00:07:28,370 --> 00:07:30,333
We will travel
northbound, I believe.
177
00:07:30,351 --> 00:07:31,496
That's not north;
that's south.
178
00:07:31,523 --> 00:07:33,704
That is south? Then let's
travel southbound.
179
00:07:33,852 --> 00:07:36,080
I'm gonna clear a path. If something's
in there and you get injured,
180
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:38,284
I promise you I
will kill you fast.
181
00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:41,555
Scat! Scat.
182
00:07:47,382 --> 00:07:49,495
- There's an animal nearby.
- Hey, Schmidt, that's a raisin, man.
183
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,625
That's not a raisin.
This is scat.
184
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,331
Okay.
185
00:07:57,493 --> 00:08:00,026
That's poop for sure. I was right.
In your face, Nick.
186
00:08:00,038 --> 00:08:01,565
- In your face, Nick.
- How so?
187
00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:03,714
I don't know, he put a...
put a turd in his mouth.
188
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:04,871
- And that's in my face?
- Yeah.
189
00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:07,881
I don't think we should start eating
poo yet, Schmidt. Let's wait on that.
190
00:08:07,911 --> 00:08:10,461
- You want to chase that with some dirt?
- Does anyone have any gum?
191
00:08:10,506 --> 00:08:11,305
No.
192
00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:13,900
Not that I wanted any
in the first place.
193
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,220
That's a mighty
big hole there, Nick.
194
00:08:18,249 --> 00:08:20,574
- You trying to catch a refrigerator?
- It's a bear hole.
195
00:08:20,596 --> 00:08:23,837
Bear falls in, other stuff falls in.
We take what the bear doesn't want.
196
00:08:23,866 --> 00:08:25,984
- Makes sense.
- Classic human/bear team-up.
197
00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:28,885
- I'm from Chicago. It's the best I can do.
- Yeah, bears love to share.
198
00:08:28,903 --> 00:08:31,137
What are you planning on doing with
that bear when he falls into the hole?
199
00:08:31,154 --> 00:08:33,927
Dude, I'm trying the best that I can!
We have no food.
200
00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:35,811
Let me explain something
to you, Nick.
201
00:08:36,207 --> 00:08:38,574
When you're building a trap, you
want to customize it to your prey.
202
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:41,810
So, I don't know, if was trying
to catch, say a squirrel,
203
00:08:41,845 --> 00:08:43,733
I'd want think like a squirrel.
204
00:08:43,759 --> 00:08:45,619
Allow me to demonstrate
with this trap that I built.
205
00:08:45,642 --> 00:08:47,692
How do you get into the
mindset of a squirrel?
206
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,078
I'm a squirrel... right?
207
00:08:51,107 --> 00:08:52,559
- You do that really well.
- Look at this!
208
00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:55,010
Oh, there's some nuts here.
Look at all these little nuts.
209
00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:56,382
You might not want to do that.
210
00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:58,648
If I needed your advice on how
to lead a spinning class,
211
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,423
I'd ask you, but this
is my territory.
212
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:03,238
- My scapula!
- Dude, are you all right?
213
00:09:03,256 --> 00:09:05,621
Aah! Aah, get it off! Aah!
214
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:08,619
Get it!
215
00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:10,512
Get up.
Keep breathing, man.
216
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,507
I don't mean to be laughing,
but are you okay?
217
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,386
- I'm gonna make you a sling.
- You're gonna make me a what?
218
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,521
- You don't know how to do that.
- Of course I do.
219
00:09:16,774 --> 00:09:18,965
What...? What are you doing?
220
00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:22,345
- I was an Eagle Scout. - What are you
talking about, you were an Eagle Scout?
221
00:09:22,589 --> 00:09:24,570
- Look.
- That's actually really good.
222
00:09:24,589 --> 00:09:26,895
I'm sorry, dude. You wanted
to be the best at camping.
223
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,870
You were so excited about your hat. I
didn't want to get in the way of that.
224
00:09:29,895 --> 00:09:33,214
- Plus with the whole Cece thing or
whatever. - What are talking about?
225
00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:36,869
You're gonna let me
be the best camper.
226
00:09:36,891 --> 00:09:38,876
- I am the best camper!
- Yeah.
227
00:09:39,884 --> 00:09:41,652
I think this is chicory.
228
00:09:41,671 --> 00:09:43,352
It says you can eat the root.
229
00:09:43,861 --> 00:09:47,126
Or it's jasmine.
Which will kill you.
230
00:09:47,165 --> 00:09:48,770
Hmm.
What do you guys think?
231
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,107
- I'm sure it's fine.
- Yeah, just eat it.
232
00:09:50,119 --> 00:09:51,943
Hey, raspberries!
233
00:09:52,078 --> 00:09:54,606
There... Ow!
: Ow.
234
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,171
There are a lot of
brambles in here.
235
00:09:56,208 --> 00:09:58,186
- There's a country store
not far from here. - Ow!
236
00:09:58,234 --> 00:10:01,592
Three and a half stars. The reviews
say, "It's functional and dusty."
237
00:10:01,611 --> 00:10:02,942
- Ow!
- Sounds good to me.
238
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,184
This is so fun.
Who wants to help?
239
00:10:05,215 --> 00:10:08,603
This plan is officially the worst.
We are starving.
240
00:10:08,639 --> 00:10:10,851
Just admit, you don't want
to do this, either.
241
00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:15,097
Okay, listen up. Only stuff we
can find in the forest, right?
242
00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:18,950
Look at that fish.
243
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:20,135
It's perfect.
244
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,699
- What?
- Oh, I'm gonna grab it.
245
00:10:21,717 --> 00:10:25,065
- I'm so hungry. Now we get to eat, boys.
- Dude, that looks dead.
246
00:10:25,087 --> 00:10:28,032
- Guys, stop being negative right now.
- Laying on its side means it's dead.
247
00:10:28,979 --> 00:10:30,442
I wouldn't get
in that water, man.
248
00:10:30,454 --> 00:10:32,167
You're gonna get beaver fever.
249
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,254
Where are my testicles
now, Coach?
250
00:10:34,395 --> 00:10:37,640
When he catches that little critter,
I'm gonna show you how to scale it.
251
00:10:37,683 --> 00:10:39,206
- Ow.
- That hurts?
252
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,696
Yeah, it hurts! A
boulder fell on my...
253
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,522
Is all this 'cause I teased
you about the invite?
254
00:10:44,547 --> 00:10:45,858
Yes, it is! No regrets!
255
00:10:47,321 --> 00:10:49,279
- Aw!
- Aw, come on, Nick.
256
00:10:50,624 --> 00:10:51,743
- Yes!
- Quit it.
257
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,085
You guys might be right!
It might be dead!
258
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:57,212
In fact, it was dead!
259
00:10:58,189 --> 00:11:00,520
Smells fresh... enough!
260
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,086
Oh, come on, Winston, what?
261
00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:04,514
You just get your nails done?
Get the apple dirty!
262
00:11:04,544 --> 00:11:06,568
Grind some dirt in it,
grind some dirt in it.
263
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,841
- God, I'm so hungry!
- Hey, hey!
264
00:11:08,864 --> 00:11:10,431
- Hey.
- Look what the men brought.
265
00:11:10,457 --> 00:11:12,660
- Oh, hey! Hey, hey!
- The plan worked.
266
00:11:12,697 --> 00:11:15,463
- Hey, he looks like a fighter.
- He really was, kind of.
267
00:11:15,495 --> 00:11:17,446
- Oh, my God!
- Wow.
268
00:11:17,465 --> 00:11:18,597
- I mean, well...
- Whoa.
269
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,983
- Like a smorgasbord.
- You guys did great.
270
00:11:20,995 --> 00:11:22,789
- Yeah, we did.
- Yep.
271
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:23,842
Where'd you get the cashews?
272
00:11:23,873 --> 00:11:26,251
- Um, on a bush.
- Yeah.
273
00:11:26,547 --> 00:11:27,920
How about the beets?
274
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,020
- Also a bush.
- That's right.
275
00:11:30,045 --> 00:11:32,044
- Yeah.
- The avocado?
276
00:11:33,147 --> 00:11:35,285
- Also on a bush.
- That's right.
277
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:39,155
Well, look at us. Living off the
land, fending for ourselves.
278
00:11:39,185 --> 00:11:43,540
We got fish and fruits, and this is
probably gonna be the most delicious apple
279
00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:45,383
I've ever eaten in my life.
280
00:11:50,256 --> 00:11:51,968
"Product of Oregon"?
281
00:11:52,187 --> 00:11:54,050
We walked to Oregon?
282
00:11:54,062 --> 00:11:55,182
- What?
- What?
283
00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:56,837
- That's why this cramp...
- Yeah... This place...
284
00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:59,317
Come on, you think the three
of us are true dumb-asses?
285
00:11:59,337 --> 00:12:01,604
We're not. I kind of knew from the
beginning. I mean, there's no way.
286
00:12:01,614 --> 00:12:03,512
You just went to a store
and got all this?
287
00:12:03,545 --> 00:12:04,988
I think so.
288
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:07,063
I think they definitely bought
everything from the store.
289
00:12:07,081 --> 00:12:10,161
The one thing I wanted was
for us all to sit down
290
00:12:10,186 --> 00:12:13,458
together and have dinner, and you
can't do that without dinner.
291
00:12:13,485 --> 00:12:14,635
We have dinner.
292
00:12:14,648 --> 00:12:16,577
That fish kind of looks
like hippo meat.
293
00:12:16,606 --> 00:12:17,606
Come on, man.
294
00:12:17,618 --> 00:12:20,000
Let's just sit down and eat
some delicious almonds.
295
00:12:20,015 --> 00:12:21,153
- And enjoy ourselves.
- Yes.
296
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:23,220
And have a really nice
Thanksgiving together.
297
00:12:23,232 --> 00:12:25,279
- Come on, Nick, let's eat.
- Come on, man, let's eat.
298
00:12:25,294 --> 00:12:28,141
I feel like how they must've
felt on the first Thanksgiving.
299
00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:30,308
Betrayed.
300
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,566
What?
301
00:12:31,902 --> 00:12:32,971
Happy Thanksgiving.
302
00:12:32,990 --> 00:12:34,418
- Oh, come on. Nick, come on!
- Don't do this.
303
00:12:34,443 --> 00:12:37,066
FYI, the first Thanksgiving
was the good one.
304
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,485
Come on, Nick! These
avocados were expensive!
305
00:12:42,788 --> 00:12:44,017
Here we go.
306
00:12:44,049 --> 00:12:47,926
It smells so good. I can't wait till
it's ready. I'm gonna be so stuffed.
307
00:12:49,282 --> 00:12:50,669
Ooh!
308
00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:53,291
The eyeball fell off. That's
how you know it's good.
309
00:12:53,632 --> 00:12:56,015
They got to pop out
when it's ready, I think.
310
00:12:56,046 --> 00:12:57,633
Now that the cards are
finally on the table,
311
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,921
I guess we can see who the
true camp master really is.
312
00:12:59,942 --> 00:13:02,176
- The answer's me.
- First one to make a flame wins.
313
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:03,428
Let's do this.
314
00:13:04,443 --> 00:13:06,242
Now, check this out.
315
00:13:07,529 --> 00:13:08,679
This is how you make a flame.
316
00:13:08,691 --> 00:13:11,110
You go with two rocks.
One against the other.
317
00:13:11,128 --> 00:13:12,920
You create friction.
318
00:13:13,078 --> 00:13:14,478
- I'm done.
- What?
319
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,921
- I'm done. - Well, that's
barely a flame, it's going out.
320
00:13:16,948 --> 00:13:19,703
Whoa! Well, goodness gracious!
What are you? A sorcerer?
321
00:13:20,864 --> 00:13:22,062
Damn it!
322
00:13:26,563 --> 00:13:28,368
Hey, mountain man.
323
00:13:28,405 --> 00:13:30,805
You want to come eat some
dirty vegetables with us?
324
00:13:30,841 --> 00:13:32,881
I should've known those beets
weren't from nature.
325
00:13:32,893 --> 00:13:34,652
Nothing purple grows in nature.
326
00:13:34,708 --> 00:13:37,520
Look, we didn't
come through, okay?
327
00:13:37,544 --> 00:13:39,269
You came through!
328
00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:42,015
Look, you caught a fish!
329
00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:45,038
That's really, really impressive.
How'd you do it?
330
00:13:45,628 --> 00:13:46,557
With my bare hands.
331
00:13:46,579 --> 00:13:48,673
- No way! You're so strong.
- Yeah.
332
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:50,427
Yeah, it was... It fought...
333
00:13:51,815 --> 00:13:53,871
- What are you doing?
- I'm not doing anything.
334
00:13:53,889 --> 00:13:57,268
I think that's amazing.
You provided for us.
335
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,753
- You're a man.
- Don't patronize me, Jess.
336
00:13:59,782 --> 00:14:03,270
I'm not. Ever since we
started dating, Jess,
337
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,224
we've been doing a
bunch of girly stuff,
338
00:14:05,242 --> 00:14:07,682
and I like some of it
and you, but...
339
00:14:08,036 --> 00:14:11,970
my tolerance to alcohol has,
like, gotten really, scary low.
340
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:15,721
I drank three beers, and I got,
like, all giggly and tired.
341
00:14:15,739 --> 00:14:17,358
And I didn't want a fourth.
342
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,753
Last night, I had a dream
that I was brushing a horse.
343
00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:23,934
I just feel like I'm
losing myself a little.
344
00:14:24,409 --> 00:14:26,818
Just... let me eat this
disgusting fish and...
345
00:14:26,857 --> 00:14:29,313
- No, Nick, Nick.
- Yeah, just let me be over here.
346
00:14:29,331 --> 00:14:31,706
This is the most beautiful
fish I've ever seen.
347
00:14:31,724 --> 00:14:33,162
- It is! - Don't touch...
I wouldn't touch it.
348
00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:35,387
- It is. - Jess, don't...
Don't put your hands in...
349
00:14:35,423 --> 00:14:36,681
Oh, my Lo...
350
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:40,564
Spit it out.
351
00:14:41,106 --> 00:14:44,027
Mmm...!
352
00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:45,344
Mmm...!
353
00:14:45,375 --> 00:14:47,930
Mmm...!
354
00:14:48,227 --> 00:14:49,265
Fragrant.
355
00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:51,299
Mmm, I can really...
356
00:14:51,893 --> 00:14:53,834
- I can really taste the lake.
- Spit it out.
357
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,657
I feel like I'm there in
the lake with the fish.
358
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,947
Mmm!
359
00:14:58,334 --> 00:14:59,629
Bony.
360
00:15:00,319 --> 00:15:02,379
That's gonna hurt going down.
361
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,473
But I like it.
362
00:15:05,023 --> 00:15:06,604
Hurts so good!
363
00:15:06,804 --> 00:15:08,548
Hurts so good!
364
00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:10,578
Jess, that fish was dead
when I caught it.
365
00:15:10,971 --> 00:15:12,803
There was a sock near it.
366
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:19,204
- I'm gonna come with you.
- No.
367
00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:20,690
Jess, let me come with you.
368
00:15:20,715 --> 00:15:22,370
- Where are you going?
- There's something over here.
369
00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:23,853
- I'm gonna look at it.
- Jess...
370
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:27,341
I'm seeing some
interesting things.
371
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:30,068
I'm out of the
office till Friday.
372
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:34,951
For immediate assistance, please
call Deb at extension A.C. Slater.
373
00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:37,842
You guys see where she went?
374
00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:38,897
- No.
- No. Jess?
375
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:40,391
- Jess? - Jess?
- Jess!
376
00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,805
- Jess?
- Jess?
377
00:15:42,073 --> 00:15:43,540
Jess?
378
00:15:43,971 --> 00:15:45,096
Jess!
379
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,773
I just want to see more carpet samples
before I make a final decision.
380
00:15:50,635 --> 00:15:52,904
- Jess!
- Jess?
381
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:56,448
Jess! Jess, where are you?
382
00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:58,273
- Jess!
- Jessica!
383
00:15:58,297 --> 00:16:01,092
Oh, God, this is all my fault.
384
00:16:01,362 --> 00:16:03,118
And you know what, Coach?
385
00:16:03,142 --> 00:16:04,606
I did like the invitation.
386
00:16:04,865 --> 00:16:07,463
I made it. And I liked the little
trumpet guy. I thought he was cute.
387
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,442
- He was cute as a damn button!
- What?
388
00:16:09,810 --> 00:16:12,320
- So many st...
- Hey, guys, look. There she is!
389
00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:14,821
There are dogs that
have dollar signs
390
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,104
but don't even own banks.
391
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:18,962
- Jess, we're over here!
- Jess! - Wait, wait, wait.
392
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:21,636
I've seen that tree before.
Jess, stop!
393
00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:23,381
The bear trap!
394
00:16:23,422 --> 00:16:25,610
- No!
- I'm coming!
395
00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:27,216
Jess!
396
00:16:29,453 --> 00:16:31,878
Headfirst? Why?
397
00:16:34,997 --> 00:16:36,620
Son of a...
398
00:16:36,864 --> 00:16:39,499
Oh, my God, Jess,
I am so sorry.
399
00:16:39,543 --> 00:16:43,144
I was an idiot. This
Thanksgiving plan was so stupid.
400
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,143
You shouldn't have eaten
that fish. I'm sorry.
401
00:16:45,161 --> 00:16:47,137
Don't let them pay
the bill, okay?
402
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:49,020
You bring the check to me.
403
00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:50,708
No arguments, moon man.
404
00:16:50,749 --> 00:16:52,679
- Oh, my God!
- Is anyone hurt?
405
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:56,567
We're fine.
I may have cracked a few ribs, and, uh,
406
00:16:56,955 --> 00:16:58,656
Jess is delirious.
407
00:16:58,698 --> 00:17:00,348
I think she thinks
she's a rabbit.
408
00:17:00,361 --> 00:17:01,971
Guys, we're gonna figure
something out, all right?
409
00:17:02,001 --> 00:17:03,798
Just get us a rope or
a stick or something.
410
00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:06,353
- All right, man, so, any ideas?
- What are you talk...?
411
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:07,964
You know what, Coach?
Don't humor me.
412
00:17:07,976 --> 00:17:09,541
- What?
- You know what to do.
413
00:17:09,566 --> 00:17:11,904
Look, I admit it. You're a
better camper than I am.
414
00:17:11,917 --> 00:17:15,479
You're better at life than I am. You're
probably better at dating Cece than I am.
415
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:19,663
I saw you guys the other night inhaling
each other in front of the loft.
416
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,340
Schmidt, that's all we did.
That was it.
417
00:17:22,401 --> 00:17:24,576
I asked her to come upstairs,
she said no, okay?
418
00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:26,443
And now she won't return
any of my text messages.
419
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:28,111
She's been ignoring
me this whole trip.
420
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,259
I'm all, like, "Hey."
She's like, "Mm-hmm."
421
00:17:30,284 --> 00:17:32,088
I'm like, "What?"
422
00:17:33,814 --> 00:17:35,800
- Why are you smiling, dude?
- I'm not smiling.
423
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:37,436
I'm over here baring my soul
to you, dude, and you're
424
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,831
- freaking smiling in my face. - Yeah.
This is the face I make when I listen.
425
00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:41,526
- All your teeth show when you listen?
- I'm not.
426
00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:43,070
You're smiling right now.
I opened up to you.
427
00:17:43,088 --> 00:17:44,688
- You're pissing me off. Stop smiling.
- I'm not.
428
00:17:44,712 --> 00:17:46,475
- I will wreck you.
- You're crazy, man.
429
00:17:46,501 --> 00:17:48,199
- You're nuts.
- Stop it, listen to me.
430
00:17:48,218 --> 00:17:51,462
We are going to solve this right now.
All right, take your pants off.
431
00:17:51,533 --> 00:17:54,476
Okay, I am no Eagle Scout, but I
know how to make a pants rope.
432
00:17:54,495 --> 00:17:56,040
- Pants rope.
- You're a genius.
433
00:17:56,065 --> 00:17:57,866
- I know. - Okay.
- Are you gonna take off your pants?
434
00:17:57,897 --> 00:18:00,360
Yeah, right after I take off my bra so
we can anchor the rope to the tree.
435
00:18:00,373 --> 00:18:02,141
- That's gonna happen for real?
- Just take them off now.
436
00:18:02,189 --> 00:18:06,631
Whoa, look at Winston's pants.
It's got kittens on it.
437
00:18:06,655 --> 00:18:08,765
- These aren't kittens.
- I cannot believe I'm here voluntarily.
438
00:18:08,792 --> 00:18:11,373
- So stupid. Take them off.
- They're coming off.
439
00:18:11,418 --> 00:18:14,183
Here, you guys, grab
hold of the rope.
440
00:18:15,159 --> 00:18:17,193
Okay, you go first, Jess.
441
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:19,449
I'll be right behind
you to support you.
442
00:18:19,471 --> 00:18:21,677
- Ding, dong, ding, dong!
- What are you doing?
443
00:18:21,702 --> 00:18:23,981
Okay, how about this? Get on
my back, I'll bring us both up.
444
00:18:23,999 --> 00:18:26,405
- Back at you.
- Whoa.
445
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,653
You can do it!
446
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,622
There, hold this
flashlight, buddy.
447
00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:31,290
Grab hold.
448
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,883
- Come on, Nick! - Come on.
- Here we go!
449
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:35,098
Oh, God, I'm gonna
get you out of here.
450
00:18:36,884 --> 00:18:38,459
Use your legs, Nick.
451
00:18:39,963 --> 00:18:41,476
Come on, Nick!
452
00:18:41,762 --> 00:18:42,742
Come on.
453
00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:45,256
- Ah, Winston, I hate your leggings.
- Come on.
454
00:18:45,268 --> 00:18:46,256
Almost there.
455
00:18:46,285 --> 00:18:48,621
- Let's go.
- You got it, you got it.
456
00:18:48,653 --> 00:18:49,928
You got it, you...
457
00:18:56,909 --> 00:18:58,560
You chubby son of a bitch.
458
00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,309
Yeah.
459
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:03,610
- You okay, Jess, you all right?
- Yeah!
460
00:19:03,624 --> 00:19:05,186
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
461
00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:06,521
Oh!
462
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,220
Hey.
463
00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:15,668
Thanks for saving me,
mountain man.
464
00:19:16,066 --> 00:19:18,468
So I've got good news
from the doctor:
465
00:19:18,735 --> 00:19:20,703
you don't have rabies.
466
00:19:20,852 --> 00:19:21,648
Oh.
467
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:25,966
You have, uh, giardia and something
called Legionnaires' disease.
468
00:19:26,784 --> 00:19:29,498
I'm just glad they were
able to save your foot.
469
00:19:30,347 --> 00:19:32,436
- What?
- No, nothing.
470
00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:34,242
Never mind.
471
00:19:37,103 --> 00:19:39,049
Hey, I'm sorry
472
00:19:39,524 --> 00:19:41,074
about the whole camping thing.
473
00:19:41,244 --> 00:19:42,680
Oh, no, it's okay.
474
00:19:42,699 --> 00:19:45,774
Ah, I was really stupid.
I haven't been myself.
475
00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:48,853
You're the man I want.
476
00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:55,246
All you wanted was for everyone to
be together on Thanksgiving, Jess.
477
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,200
Next year.
478
00:20:01,777 --> 00:20:03,343
- Potato chips.
- Chips?
479
00:20:03,391 --> 00:20:04,904
Maybe a treat.
480
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,894
Listen, Coach, uh,
481
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,587
in the spirit of Thanksgiving,
482
00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:16,180
I thought maybe that I could
give you some advice about...
483
00:20:16,205 --> 00:20:17,318
about Cece.
484
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,155
- How desperate do you think I am?
- I think you're probably very desperate.
485
00:20:20,173 --> 00:20:22,575
I'm very desperate, I mean,
she's giving me nothing.
486
00:20:22,602 --> 00:20:24,696
Told her she looked
pretty, she said thanks.
487
00:20:24,717 --> 00:20:26,067
- Mm-hmm.
- What kind of mind game is that?
488
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,413
Look, Coach, things have
always come easy to you.
489
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,824
Cece is not going to be
one of those things.
490
00:20:32,281 --> 00:20:36,956
I once spent hours in a car with
just a cracked window for air.
491
00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:40,257
She was going into a club and
she just kind of left me there.
492
00:20:40,728 --> 00:20:42,318
Why are you smiling about that?
493
00:20:42,649 --> 00:20:46,533
Hey, guys, I figured out a way to
save Thanksgiving. I got a plan.
494
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,221
- Enough with the plans.
- Not another Nick Miller plan.
495
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,179
I love you, man, but you
are terrible at plans.
496
00:20:51,128 --> 00:20:51,973
Hey.
497
00:20:51,987 --> 00:20:54,981
It's still 11:48, so
happy Thanksgiving.
498
00:20:54,993 --> 00:20:56,239
What?
499
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:59,713
Got us some Brazilian nuts, a
couple of string cheeses, and.
500
00:20:59,777 --> 00:21:01,647
- Snack.
- Thank you.
501
00:21:01,670 --> 00:21:03,195
I got the parade on my phone.
502
00:21:03,214 --> 00:21:05,302
- Yes.
- Made some decorations.
503
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:09,146
I think this may be a turkey
sandwich, but I'm not sure,
504
00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:11,583
- and I know this whole thing isn't...
- It's perfect.
505
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:13,586
Look, guys, start without me
506
00:21:13,615 --> 00:21:16,310
because it might be a few
weeks before I can eat again.
507
00:21:16,761 --> 00:21:18,565
You were throwing up a lot.
508
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:21,233
That was scary...
509
00:21:21,545 --> 00:21:22,999
seriously.
510
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,936
- Okay, I'm starving actually. Let's eat.
- Yeah, let's eat.
511
00:21:24,959 --> 00:21:26,640
Nick found all this
food in the woods.
512
00:21:28,022 --> 00:21:29,678
- Can I have the ginger ale?
- Yeah, Nick found that.
513
00:21:29,702 --> 00:21:31,427
It's already open.
514
00:21:35,572 --> 00:21:40,572
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