1 00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:03,556 - That's so cute! - ♪ Bum, bum, bum! 2 00:00:03,575 --> 00:00:05,188 Birthday Eve Cocktail. 3 00:00:05,208 --> 00:00:08,328 Oh, my God. You're my favorite bartender. Thank you! 4 00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:13,096 Oh, my God. What is that? 5 00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:15,200 Is it not good? I'm still learning how to make drinks. 6 00:00:15,226 --> 00:00:17,961 I'm better at shots. Want a birthday shot? 7 00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:19,306 I think I'm good. 8 00:00:19,325 --> 00:00:21,187 So, any special birthday plans? 9 00:00:21,213 --> 00:00:23,900 No, she's just gonna go to the movies alone, as usual. 10 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,254 No, I'm not, actually. Uh, this year... 11 00:00:26,297 --> 00:00:29,270 Nick asked me to spend the day with him. 12 00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:31,258 That's so sweet. I mean, what are you gonna do? 13 00:00:31,278 --> 00:00:32,925 - Something special? - Maybe. 14 00:00:32,938 --> 00:00:35,824 You know, whatever Nick wants to do. I'm not really a birthday person. 15 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,816 - Please. - I do have a lot of expectations for people. 16 00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:41,670 - Happy birthday. - Oh, my God. 17 00:00:45,732 --> 00:00:47,272 "Made in China"?! 18 00:00:47,287 --> 00:00:49,622 Are you taking me to China?! 19 00:00:50,814 --> 00:00:52,465 And that's why, a long time ago, 20 00:00:52,484 --> 00:00:55,967 I decided that I would spend my birthday alone at the movies. 21 00:00:56,128 --> 00:00:58,007 It's just... safer, you know? 22 00:00:58,030 --> 00:01:00,763 No getting your hopes up, no getting let down. 23 00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:02,740 Well, I know how you feel about movies. 24 00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:05,926 I mean, my parents took me to see Witness 25 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:07,373 and then they never came back. 26 00:01:07,394 --> 00:01:09,395 - What? - I can really quote that movie though. 27 00:01:09,409 --> 00:01:12,069 "Be careful out among them English." 28 00:01:12,859 --> 00:01:14,088 But enough about me! 29 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:17,580 I am talking your ear off, lady, and it's your birthday. 30 00:01:17,790 --> 00:01:19,177 This year's gonna be different. 31 00:01:19,199 --> 00:01:21,512 Maybe Nick has something big planned, maybe not. 32 00:01:21,535 --> 00:01:22,955 I'm gonna be chill. 33 00:01:22,976 --> 00:01:24,596 No expectations. 34 00:01:24,798 --> 00:01:26,763 Low maintenance. No maintenance. 35 00:01:26,793 --> 00:01:29,533 I'm just gonna be one of those... cool girlfriends, like in the movies. 36 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:32,181 She just, like, has bed head and she wears, like, 37 00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,576 men's shirts and she's just like, "Yeah, cool. 38 00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:36,810 "I'll wear, like, men's shirts and, like, sneakers and stuff. 39 00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:39,065 And, like, I don't care about how I look." 40 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,902 Hey. Hey. 41 00:01:44,036 --> 00:01:45,543 She has no idea about the party. 42 00:01:47,917 --> 00:01:49,912 Uh, Winston's STD-free. 43 00:01:52,792 --> 00:01:55,325 - Whew! It was a close call. Yeah. - Yeah. 44 00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,285 Yeah. Yeah. 45 00:01:57,624 --> 00:01:59,345 Close call, y'all. 46 00:02:00,199 --> 00:02:01,642 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 47 00:02:01,675 --> 00:02:04,001 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 48 00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:08,046 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 49 00:02:08,815 --> 00:02:11,842 Do you guys know how hard it's been for me to keep this party a secret? 50 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,949 Nick, it's been an inspiration, and that's why we're 51 00:02:13,975 --> 00:02:15,916 gonna help you cross that finish line, okay? 52 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:16,902 This is our Rudy. 53 00:02:16,923 --> 00:02:18,350 Very condescending but thank you. 54 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,399 - Right on. - All right, team check-in. 55 00:02:20,426 --> 00:02:21,999 Coach, where we at with decorations? 56 00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:23,122 - I forgot. - Wait, what? 57 00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,710 Psych! I'm the best at stuff. 58 00:02:25,723 --> 00:02:27,253 I don't forget stuff. 59 00:02:27,804 --> 00:02:28,985 First place! 60 00:02:29,005 --> 00:02:30,892 Wait. Why are you first place? 61 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,390 I dominated on cake patrol. 62 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,146 And thank you for getting that cake. 63 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:35,380 You don't have to add the "patrol." 64 00:02:35,394 --> 00:02:37,313 Decorations beats cake. 65 00:02:37,497 --> 00:02:39,864 Uh, no. Cake definitely beats decorations. 66 00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:42,913 - Oh, really? Let's do a word association game, okay? - Yeah. I'm in, I'm in. 67 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,390 - Birthday. - Decorations. Wait, what'd I say? 68 00:02:45,419 --> 00:02:49,019 Okay, Schmidt, are you ready to transport all electronics to the party venue? 69 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,729 By "electronics," you mean this itty-bitty flash drive 70 00:02:51,742 --> 00:02:53,918 that I can fit in my pocket and that is light as air? 71 00:02:53,934 --> 00:02:57,567 - I need a verbal confirmation. - You insult me. Yes. 72 00:02:57,604 --> 00:02:59,725 Cece, you ready to cover my shift tomorrow with Mike? 73 00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,185 Born ready. Yes. 74 00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:02,225 Oh. 75 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,150 You're giving your Saturday to Cece? 76 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,886 That's cool. That's really wonderful. 77 00:03:07,460 --> 00:03:08,813 Can you tell I'm being sarcastic? 78 00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:10,476 - Absolutely. - Yeah, it's pretty clear. - I'm ready. 79 00:03:10,497 --> 00:03:12,298 You set fire to soda water. 80 00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:14,489 Who does that? How do you even possibly do that? 81 00:03:14,502 --> 00:03:16,082 It's not a flammable thing. 82 00:03:16,122 --> 00:03:17,742 It's not even... Are you a witch? 83 00:03:17,771 --> 00:03:18,878 Mike... 84 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,533 I hate all of you hipsters so much... 85 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,341 Okay, and I'm gonna be on Jess Watch. 86 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,737 I'm gonna make sure she doesn't see anything 87 00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:26,597 that will ruin the surprise of this party 88 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,179 that has taken everything from me, 89 00:03:29,196 --> 00:03:31,276 emotionally and physically and financially. 90 00:03:31,297 --> 00:03:32,624 So what do you have planned for the day? 91 00:03:32,659 --> 00:03:35,232 A big surprise party. 92 00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:36,522 Next. 93 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,725 Right, but before then. 94 00:03:39,371 --> 00:03:42,891 The party's at 7:00. What do you have planned b-before that? 95 00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,229 - Wait... - Nick, you need a plan, okay? 96 00:03:45,248 --> 00:03:48,052 I don't care what Jess says. She's going to expect something. 97 00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:50,455 I have to plan a birthday before the birthday? 98 00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:52,315 - The whole day is the birthday. - This is a very big deal. 99 00:03:52,328 --> 00:03:54,740 This is your first birthday together as a couple. 100 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,616 All right, you know what? It's gonna be okay. 101 00:03:57,635 --> 00:04:01,268 It's her birthday. That girl's gonna want to sleep in. 102 00:04:01,688 --> 00:04:03,575 My day is not starting till noon. 103 00:04:08,386 --> 00:04:10,827 This is the time I was born. 104 00:04:11,716 --> 00:04:13,375 I'm wide awake. 105 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,464 It's my birthday. 106 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,815 My day started earlier than I thought. 107 00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:26,892 I got to slow down breakfast. 108 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,047 - What's going on with you guys? - Nick, first of all, blessings. 109 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,202 Um, second of all, 110 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,980 there may have been a possible mix-up with the cake. 111 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,207 Possibly. 112 00:04:35,288 --> 00:04:38,157 "See You in Hell, Boomer"? Oh, my God 113 00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:40,535 What part of you thought this was Jess's cake? 114 00:04:40,564 --> 00:04:42,684 - I thought it was an inside joke. - I'll do the cake. 115 00:04:42,703 --> 00:04:45,915 - No, I am the cake patrol. - Both of you do the cake. 116 00:04:45,992 --> 00:04:47,852 I'm considering this problem solved. 117 00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:49,642 Hey, speaking of problems, do you want me to go check up 118 00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,541 - on Cece at the bar today? - I don't think that's necessary. 119 00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:53,990 All right, I'll do it. But you owe me one, bro. 120 00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:56,136 I need to make a 90-minute omelet. 121 00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,265 I love my birthday breakfast. 122 00:05:00,753 --> 00:05:02,447 I can't believe you were gonna make this all yourself. 123 00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:03,734 It would've taken you hours. 124 00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:06,173 I know. And with your help, it took six minutes. 125 00:05:06,191 --> 00:05:08,106 I know. I'm so fast. 126 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:12,529 What do you say we go into my bedroom and, uh, slow things down? 127 00:05:12,764 --> 00:05:14,390 Ooh. 128 00:05:14,986 --> 00:05:16,299 Wow. 129 00:05:16,541 --> 00:05:18,724 That's the fastest it's ever taken. 130 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,853 Yeah, I know. You just look very pretty. 131 00:05:22,431 --> 00:05:24,736 So, you want to take a long nap? 132 00:05:24,911 --> 00:05:26,457 Oh. Um... 133 00:05:27,298 --> 00:05:30,898 If that's what you have planned, then, yes, let's take a long nap. 134 00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:33,630 Perfect. Maybe for, like, six, seven hours? 135 00:05:35,027 --> 00:05:36,404 Hmm... 136 00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:40,699 - It's just such a nice day outside... - Yeah. Um, so let's take, uh... 137 00:05:40,812 --> 00:05:42,824 let's take this party outside. 138 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,940 - Sure. - Next up on the agenda is... 139 00:05:46,298 --> 00:05:47,358 it's lunch. 140 00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:50,960 - It's 8:30 in the morning. - Oh, my God, it's so early. 141 00:05:55,374 --> 00:05:57,235 What are you doing here, Schmidt? 142 00:05:57,342 --> 00:05:58,702 Nick thought you might need some help. 143 00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:01,544 Yeah, well, I don't, okay? So... you can go. 144 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,168 Maybe I'll just stay for a little bit. 145 00:06:03,194 --> 00:06:05,509 - Double-tap some Insta-G's. - Okay. 146 00:06:08,205 --> 00:06:10,411 Oh, hey, Mike. I cleaned the glasses. 147 00:06:11,188 --> 00:06:13,767 Oh, wow, a bunch of broken glass in the ice tub. 148 00:06:13,786 --> 00:06:15,516 - That'll be fun for me to clean up. - I'm sorry. Um... 149 00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:17,761 I'm not gonna cover for you like Nick does, okay? 150 00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:19,848 I promise you that. And don't make eyes at me 151 00:06:19,874 --> 00:06:21,815 because it's not gonna work because I'm super gay. 152 00:06:21,828 --> 00:06:23,722 When I look at you, I just see... 153 00:06:23,748 --> 00:06:26,595 You know, it's fine, but it's bumpy, it's creepy. 154 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:27,979 Eh. 155 00:06:28,005 --> 00:06:30,970 Doesn't do anything. It's like... looking at this, it's like a... 156 00:06:30,996 --> 00:06:33,704 it's-it's-it's-it's-it's... it's not o... 157 00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:35,711 it's not a good... it's not good. 158 00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:39,760 - Okay. - This, all this, everything you got, eh. 159 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:42,474 Three out of... six. 160 00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:46,416 Damn shame about that cake, Winston. 161 00:06:46,436 --> 00:06:49,249 Looks like someone dominated their party task. 162 00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:51,930 "Coach, where are all the kazoos?" 163 00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:53,500 All over your face. 164 00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:56,139 I'll pick those up. 165 00:06:56,158 --> 00:06:58,111 Or maybe in my spare time... 166 00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:00,059 I'll make a cake. 167 00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,860 Just back off, Coach. 168 00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:05,823 What's up, Nick? 169 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:07,142 - How's the cake situation? - Cake's good. 170 00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:09,318 - Can I just see the phone? Can I see the phone really quick? Got it. - Dude, get... 171 00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:12,414 Hey. Cake's good, man. I'm on top of it. So, how's your plan working out? 172 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,752 Okay, I have no plan. I'm just winging it, okay? 173 00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,372 I panicked and took her to a drugstore. 174 00:07:16,387 --> 00:07:18,221 She's getting a free diabetes test. 175 00:07:18,244 --> 00:07:20,413 I don't know where to take her. Is it safe to bring her home? 176 00:07:20,426 --> 00:07:23,190 - Hey. - Oh! The birthday girl! 177 00:07:23,203 --> 00:07:25,770 I got the test. My blood sugar is normal. 178 00:07:25,797 --> 00:07:27,450 Already? You did that... all that already? 179 00:07:27,462 --> 00:07:30,873 - Yeah. - Birthday girl gets, all your favorite... 180 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:32,883 Next activity. 181 00:07:32,889 --> 00:07:34,210 I see what you're trying to do here, man. 182 00:07:34,222 --> 00:07:37,096 - You're trying to show me up. - What are you talking about, Bish? 183 00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:38,682 I'm referring to basketball. 184 00:07:38,705 --> 00:07:41,245 When we used to play back in the day, no matter how open I was, 185 00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:43,872 you never passed me the ball, you never let me shoot. 186 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,809 You just couldn't stand to let me shine. 187 00:07:46,043 --> 00:07:49,262 Your nostrils are flaring so much right now, 188 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,960 it's distracting. 189 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,880 I'm done letting you run the court. 190 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,627 I'm building my own court. 191 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:57,684 And it's gonna be bigger and yummier than yours. 192 00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,397 Are you challenging me to a bake-off, Bish? 193 00:08:01,423 --> 00:08:03,449 Yes, I am challenging you to a bake-off. 194 00:08:03,476 --> 00:08:04,603 Okay. 195 00:08:04,874 --> 00:08:06,941 Well, then, I'll... do the countdown. 196 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,937 You know what? I'll do the countdown then. 197 00:08:09,487 --> 00:08:13,254 The countdown begins when this timer goes off. 198 00:08:18,544 --> 00:08:20,657 You set the timer for 20 minutes. 199 00:08:24,342 --> 00:08:27,209 I'm gonna make a cake so moist, 200 00:08:27,222 --> 00:08:30,027 girls are gonna be, like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? 201 00:08:30,046 --> 00:08:31,703 I hate that word." 202 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:34,417 I'm gonna be, like, "Just taste the cake." 203 00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,690 And they're gonna be, like, "Damn, it's moist!" 204 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,063 And... 205 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,197 - Bake! - Bake! Okay, bake! 206 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,454 - I said it first. I said it first. - I said it first. I said it first. 207 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,312 A customer ordered an old-fashioned, 208 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:48,894 and she got gin in a mug with a peanut in it. 209 00:08:48,922 --> 00:08:51,402 - I'll fix it. - Make me an old-fashioned right now, 210 00:08:51,421 --> 00:08:52,923 or I'm gonna call the manager. 211 00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:56,059 And I want to talk to him anyway, because he's just gorgeous. 212 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:58,647 I want to be a barnacle on his ship. 213 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,526 Just hanging on by my mouth, 214 00:09:00,532 --> 00:09:02,584 getting all the nutrients I need. 215 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:05,351 Okay, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned. 216 00:09:05,364 --> 00:09:07,484 If it's old-fashioned, it probably has something like... 217 00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:09,775 - absinthe... - Oh, the old-fashioned. 218 00:09:10,297 --> 00:09:12,828 One of my favorite drinks; a classic cocktail. 219 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,924 Just a half ounce of simple syrup. 220 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:23,486 Splash of water, two dashes of bitters. 221 00:09:23,506 --> 00:09:25,579 Mix that up with some ice. 222 00:09:25,605 --> 00:09:27,925 And then, you know my personal favorite. 223 00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,309 You know, and just, far be it from me, 224 00:09:30,342 --> 00:09:32,094 but the bourbon whiskey. 225 00:09:32,119 --> 00:09:34,559 - Bourbon. - Two ounces of bourbon whiskey. 226 00:09:34,595 --> 00:09:35,728 No. 227 00:09:35,753 --> 00:09:36,900 Hmm. 228 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,571 - It's not the Scotch whiskey. - It's... 229 00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:40,197 No, it's certainly not the vermouth. 230 00:09:40,227 --> 00:09:42,972 Vermouth would be insane. Yes, the bourbon whiskey. 231 00:09:43,003 --> 00:09:45,336 My favorite. Wonderful. 232 00:09:46,941 --> 00:09:49,081 Look at that. Old-fashioned. 233 00:09:49,115 --> 00:09:50,389 Hmm. 234 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,168 Old-fashioned? 235 00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:55,812 Oh, my stars and garters, you made a drink. 236 00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,625 Holy crud. 237 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,869 Yes, Nick! 238 00:10:04,886 --> 00:10:06,296 I have the electronics! 239 00:10:06,316 --> 00:10:08,365 Do you know any, like, time-consuming 240 00:10:08,383 --> 00:10:10,594 and free activities in Griffith Park? 241 00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:11,872 Gross! 242 00:10:12,009 --> 00:10:12,857 Suicide? 243 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,740 Schmidt, please. I need some a... 244 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:18,101 Well, just figure it out, dude! 245 00:10:18,138 --> 00:10:20,439 - Oh, it's my mom. - Okay, um, 246 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,881 found the biggest rock I could carry. 247 00:10:22,739 --> 00:10:24,072 It was this one. Um... 248 00:10:24,099 --> 00:10:25,392 - It's heavy. - It's huge. Yeah, heavy. 249 00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:27,145 Oh, my God. Um... 250 00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:28,888 what are we doing here? 251 00:10:28,910 --> 00:10:31,546 It's not that I'm not having fun, 'cause I am. 252 00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:34,879 It's okay if you didn't plan anything for my birthday. 253 00:10:34,899 --> 00:10:36,945 - Are you kidding?! - Really, Nick. 254 00:10:36,977 --> 00:10:38,543 Not only did I plan something, 255 00:10:38,566 --> 00:10:40,193 but my plan's about to blow your mind. 256 00:10:40,214 --> 00:10:42,641 - Honestly. - You need to trust me a little bit. 257 00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:46,680 'Cause everything is about to be made very clear very soon. 258 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:47,853 Oh, my God! 259 00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:49,422 - What? - Nick! 260 00:10:51,124 --> 00:10:52,516 You're the best. 261 00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:54,148 - I'm amazing. - I'm so surprised! 262 00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:55,791 - I'm so surprised. - This is amazing! 263 00:10:55,807 --> 00:10:58,027 - It's amazing! - This is amazing! Yay! 264 00:10:58,047 --> 00:10:59,300 Oh, son of a bitch! 265 00:10:59,319 --> 00:11:00,969 - Oh! - Don't touch anything! 266 00:11:00,989 --> 00:11:03,208 - It'll ruin the surprise! Yeah. - Yay! 267 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,962 - Yes. - Yeah...! 268 00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:06,958 - Yay! - Hey, Jess, let's get out of here 269 00:11:06,971 --> 00:11:08,775 - before anything ruins this perfect moment. - Ooh! 270 00:11:08,787 --> 00:11:11,228 I wouldn't t... Wait because we've got a whole, uh, ceremony. 271 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,613 No! 272 00:11:12,987 --> 00:11:15,640 That lady took my birthday! 273 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,069 What is happening? 274 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,011 - Jess! Look, look, I'm sorry, Jess. - No, no, no, Nick, 275 00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:30,830 I just... I don't know why I get so crazy about birthdays. 276 00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:34,836 You know, it's crazy, 'cause you had a very fun day put together. 277 00:11:34,864 --> 00:11:36,937 Eggs and sex and... 278 00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:39,602 and a really long uphill walk. 279 00:11:39,676 --> 00:11:42,496 And, um... look, um, 280 00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:44,417 that's amazing for you, you know? 281 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:45,810 For me? 282 00:11:45,842 --> 00:11:48,146 You're not a guy who plans things. 283 00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:50,690 - Maybe I am. - Look... 284 00:11:50,716 --> 00:11:53,303 every day, you show me, in your own way, 285 00:11:53,335 --> 00:11:54,497 how you care about me. 286 00:11:54,517 --> 00:11:56,937 Like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk. 287 00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,550 - For your ponytail. - I could not be more fine. 288 00:11:59,574 --> 00:12:01,480 I'm super chill. 289 00:12:02,537 --> 00:12:04,372 I'm just gonna go home for a second. 290 00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:05,866 - Jess, let's keep... Jess! - Bye. 291 00:12:05,875 --> 00:12:07,989 Don't follow me. 292 00:12:09,753 --> 00:12:11,933 - Sure you know how to tap a keg? - How hard could it be? 293 00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:14,649 It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots. 294 00:12:14,697 --> 00:12:17,231 - Wait. Nick told me something about... - Cece, look, I got... I got it. 295 00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:19,070 - Ooh, there's a knob back here. - I got it in. 296 00:12:19,083 --> 00:12:20,953 He told me if I turn this, I shoulde able to... 297 00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:23,819 - Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, no! - Turn it off! 298 00:12:23,834 --> 00:12:25,587 - Oh, sorry! It's just... - Turn it off! 299 00:12:25,623 --> 00:12:26,956 Oh. 300 00:12:29,998 --> 00:12:31,044 You butt hole. 301 00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:32,976 You can't do anything right, can you? 302 00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,095 I'm so sorry. 303 00:12:40,937 --> 00:12:42,410 He's right, though. 304 00:12:42,439 --> 00:12:44,292 I can't do anything. 305 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,179 No skills. 306 00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:49,156 I told you this, but I didn't even graduate high school. 307 00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:51,434 A lot of people never graduated high school. 308 00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:53,602 Okay-- Einstein, Bill Gates, 309 00:12:53,622 --> 00:12:55,224 Anne Frank. 310 00:12:56,298 --> 00:12:57,726 I'm gonna take back that last one. 311 00:12:57,748 --> 00:13:00,146 Why did I think that I could bartend? 312 00:13:00,975 --> 00:13:02,602 Because you can. 313 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:04,950 You are strong, and you are confident. 314 00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:07,164 Those are skills. Use them. 315 00:13:07,596 --> 00:13:09,268 And be a little bit meaner to the people here. 316 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,743 It should be easy for you. Just pretend that they're me. 317 00:13:13,782 --> 00:13:15,102 You're right. That is easy. 318 00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:16,536 And pull your shirt down a little bit. 319 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,773 - This isn't a monastery. - Do not push your luck with me. 320 00:13:18,786 --> 00:13:20,033 I'll look away. 321 00:13:21,335 --> 00:13:25,528 - You're wearing paper towels. Behind! - No it's an environmental-friendly, 322 00:13:25,548 --> 00:13:27,428 - recyclable apron. - Behind! Behind! 323 00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,333 Okay, real... really? Okay. 324 00:13:29,346 --> 00:13:30,627 - Behind. - Behind. 325 00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:31,926 Behind! 326 00:13:32,189 --> 00:13:34,088 - Whoa! Behind! - Behind! Behind. 327 00:13:34,128 --> 00:13:35,308 Behind! 328 00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:37,327 - Oh, so you... - Behind! 329 00:13:37,347 --> 00:13:39,667 Whoa! Behind. In front. 330 00:13:39,717 --> 00:13:41,731 Behind. What's this? 331 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,483 - It's Jess! - Oh, my God. 332 00:13:47,511 --> 00:13:49,284 - I mean, it's Jess! Hey! - What's up, girl? 333 00:13:49,297 --> 00:13:51,131 What you... doing home? 334 00:13:51,157 --> 00:13:52,960 I'm great. I'm great. 335 00:13:52,984 --> 00:13:55,278 - Hide the cake. Hide the... - I'm great. - Behind. 336 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,380 - How's your day going? - Going good? 337 00:13:59,765 --> 00:14:01,825 - You're crying? - Oh. 338 00:14:01,845 --> 00:14:03,670 I'm taking... 339 00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:06,116 - Um... - I got mine off first. 340 00:14:06,155 --> 00:14:09,029 - No, you didn't. - Rest up over here. - What a day, guys. 341 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,502 - Really long, huh? - Yeah. Bet you had a long day, huh? 342 00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,181 I'm really fine. 343 00:14:13,503 --> 00:14:15,356 It had a real day, you know. 344 00:14:16,705 --> 00:14:18,374 I'm disappointed in Nick. 345 00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:21,342 - Yeah, you got to let that out, you know, 'cause... - But I'm disappointed 346 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,701 in myself because I'm disappointed in Nick, you know. 347 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,747 Oh, I feel you. 348 00:14:25,772 --> 00:14:27,819 - Yeah, that's messed up. - Yeah, let it out. Let it out. 349 00:14:27,838 --> 00:14:28,898 I'm getting up. 350 00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:30,585 - Oh...! Jess... - No, no, no... 351 00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:33,291 Hey. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 352 00:14:33,818 --> 00:14:36,471 Want you to close your eyes, breathe deep, 353 00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:39,322 and go to the most magical place on earth-- 354 00:14:39,596 --> 00:14:41,203 your imagination. 355 00:14:41,231 --> 00:14:42,544 Have you guys been baking? 356 00:14:42,566 --> 00:14:44,346 Ah, nah. Bakery downtown exploded. 357 00:14:44,359 --> 00:14:46,328 Don't look into it. It's not on the Internet. 358 00:14:47,483 --> 00:14:49,896 Yeah. She is here. What happened? 359 00:14:49,909 --> 00:14:53,020 She doesn't think I can do anything or plan anything, 360 00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:54,839 and it feels like crap. 361 00:14:54,866 --> 00:14:57,439 Maybe she's right. Why did I think I could pull this off? 362 00:14:57,941 --> 00:15:00,114 I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack. 363 00:15:00,134 --> 00:15:03,947 And I haven't arranged for anybody to clear my Internet history. 364 00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:06,108 I wasn't building a bomb! 365 00:15:06,130 --> 00:15:07,450 I was just curious. 366 00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,705 Nick, you got a whole team of friends pulling for you, okay? 367 00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:12,307 Just get yourself home. You can still pull this off. 368 00:15:13,547 --> 00:15:14,883 Hey, Mike. 369 00:15:14,973 --> 00:15:16,613 - What? - So I cleaned out the beer trap, 370 00:15:16,636 --> 00:15:18,304 I polished all these wine glasses, 371 00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:21,873 and I turned that penis graffiti in the bathroom into a whimsical hat. 372 00:15:22,795 --> 00:15:25,088 Now my friend and I have to go to a party. 373 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,817 All right, Schmidt, let's go. 374 00:15:29,059 --> 00:15:31,223 - You called me your friend. - Did I? 375 00:15:31,517 --> 00:15:33,181 And now, look, no matter what we see in here, 376 00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:35,807 I just want you to know that it's been an honor working with you. 377 00:15:36,528 --> 00:15:38,057 You, too, man. 378 00:15:44,424 --> 00:15:45,657 Oh... 379 00:15:46,731 --> 00:15:48,059 Wow, look at that. 380 00:15:51,964 --> 00:15:53,481 Oh, my God. 381 00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:56,508 Oh, man. 382 00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:58,213 Our, uh... 383 00:15:58,347 --> 00:15:59,667 cakes merged. 384 00:16:00,135 --> 00:16:02,110 - Looks as if they have. - Yeah. 385 00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:05,331 Well... 386 00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:07,516 - Hey! - Aah! 387 00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:09,209 - Ah. - Ah. 388 00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:10,414 Team check-in. Where we at? 389 00:16:10,446 --> 00:16:12,359 Our cake became double cake. 390 00:16:12,382 --> 00:16:13,482 Yeah. Two cakes. 391 00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:14,869 Yeah. 392 00:16:15,671 --> 00:16:16,911 Two cakes became one? 393 00:16:16,931 --> 00:16:18,004 - Two cakes, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 394 00:16:18,032 --> 00:16:20,022 - Fantastic, I'll go get Jess. - Cool. - Nice. 395 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,362 Hey, Jess. 396 00:16:23,285 --> 00:16:24,582 Hey, guys! 397 00:16:27,176 --> 00:16:28,624 What's up, man? 398 00:16:29,011 --> 00:16:30,511 She's at the movies. 399 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,340 - This might actually work. - At the what...? 400 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,563 Come on! 401 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,796 More, more. 402 00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:40,353 More. 403 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:41,513 Uh... 404 00:16:41,539 --> 00:16:42,579 and, okay. 405 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,154 I think we're good. Same to the second one. 406 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,805 Hey, Jess, it's, uh, Nick. 407 00:16:55,046 --> 00:16:56,606 You obviously knew that. 408 00:16:56,629 --> 00:17:01,009 Um, I know this is where you always go on your birthday to be by yourself, 409 00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:04,173 but I thought this year you might want a little company. 410 00:17:04,192 --> 00:17:05,985 Mind if I sit? 411 00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:07,754 Look under the seat. 412 00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:12,046 Now please read the card, I'll wait. 413 00:17:12,066 --> 00:17:13,603 How did you know I was gonna be sitting here? 414 00:17:13,629 --> 00:17:14,689 I put one under every seat, 415 00:17:14,712 --> 00:17:16,835 - but you got to go fast, 'cause of the timing. - Okay. 416 00:17:16,854 --> 00:17:18,722 "My name is Jess, I like to wear tights. 417 00:17:18,742 --> 00:17:21,369 It's dark in this room, so let's turn on the lights." 418 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:23,002 Surprise! 419 00:17:24,713 --> 00:17:25,920 Whoo! 420 00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:27,937 That's enough. Timing, guys, timing. 421 00:17:34,746 --> 00:17:36,166 In the beginning, there was nothing, 422 00:17:36,192 --> 00:17:39,092 and then there was light and dark and oceans and birds and stuff... 423 00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:41,361 and then there was Jess! 424 00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:44,191 Nick? This was the plan all along? 425 00:17:48,631 --> 00:17:50,591 What do I think of when I think of Jess? 426 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:53,039 When I think of Jess. Okay... 427 00:17:53,076 --> 00:17:54,929 When I think about Jess... 428 00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:58,333 I think of how sweet she is and how smart she is. 429 00:17:58,474 --> 00:18:01,634 ...uh, is glasses and the hair thing. 430 00:18:01,661 --> 00:18:04,021 ...think of dance parties and sleepovers... 431 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,713 Jess does not like being tackled. 432 00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:09,063 The eyes, two eyes. 433 00:18:09,092 --> 00:18:11,169 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 434 00:18:11,227 --> 00:18:14,259 Your youthful exuberance... 435 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:16,952 exhausts me. 436 00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,411 May it fade with each passing year. 437 00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,858 Well, she made me try papayas. 438 00:18:20,884 --> 00:18:22,211 That was cool. 439 00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:23,995 They're super soft inside. 440 00:18:24,014 --> 00:18:26,247 Jess is the upstairs lady. 441 00:18:26,508 --> 00:18:28,458 There is a... there is a ma... 442 00:18:29,349 --> 00:18:31,349 I feel like I'm not doing this right. 443 00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:33,039 You make mistakes. 444 00:18:33,723 --> 00:18:36,843 Happy birthday to my best work friend. 445 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,406 Tina, if you see this, I'm sorry. 446 00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:42,282 I just feel like we drifted apart after Jeremy's cocaine thing. 447 00:18:42,457 --> 00:18:43,964 It was awkward. 448 00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:48,099 "When the stirrups of life start to feel like the speculum of old age..." 449 00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:51,492 Nick, I'm not reading this. This is terrible. Happy birtay, Jess. 450 00:18:51,513 --> 00:18:53,359 Your boyfriend is sweet and simple 451 00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:55,630 and will not get out of my waiting room. 452 00:18:55,877 --> 00:18:58,237 I saw a squirrel once. It looked like Jess. 453 00:18:58,927 --> 00:19:00,310 Then it attacked my sister, 454 00:19:00,342 --> 00:19:02,510 So I had to beat it with a stick, 455 00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:05,171 and then it didn't look like Jess anymore. 456 00:19:05,199 --> 00:19:07,247 Happy birthday. It's Bearclaw. 457 00:19:07,269 --> 00:19:08,706 ♪ Birthday 458 00:19:08,924 --> 00:19:10,781 ♪ Winston is about to do some... ♪ 459 00:19:13,508 --> 00:19:15,881 He said a bunch, but it was really weird and racist. 460 00:19:15,898 --> 00:19:18,345 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 461 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:20,175 Yay! 462 00:19:20,436 --> 00:19:23,795 What I remember most of all is the pain. 463 00:19:23,826 --> 00:19:26,686 Honestly, it was 36 hours-- 464 00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:30,907 more than that-- of just searing, ripping, and then... 465 00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:38,571 Out you came, the most beautiful, 466 00:19:38,954 --> 00:19:41,630 beautiful little baby I ever saw in my life. 467 00:19:41,642 --> 00:19:43,083 And I forgot all the pain. 468 00:19:43,112 --> 00:19:46,840 When you were born, I got a deli sandwich at the hospital cafeteria. 469 00:19:46,869 --> 00:19:49,113 And then there was a baby. 470 00:19:49,698 --> 00:19:53,098 Happy birthday to my oldest and my best friend. 471 00:19:53,111 --> 00:19:54,532 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 472 00:19:54,556 --> 00:19:55,523 Happy birthday. 473 00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:56,787 Birthday. 474 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:57,847 Happy birthday, Jess. 475 00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:58,987 Happy birthday, Jess. 476 00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:01,513 Happy birthday... from Bearclaw. 477 00:20:01,537 --> 00:20:03,410 I love you. Happy birthday. 478 00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,173 Happy, happy birthday. 479 00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:07,756 You have a cool boyfriend. 480 00:20:08,444 --> 00:20:11,847 This is the coin I had in my pocket the first night we kissed. 481 00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:14,541 And I always have it. 482 00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:16,082 Happy birthday, Jess. 483 00:20:16,108 --> 00:20:20,506 ♪ Happy birthday to you 484 00:20:20,536 --> 00:20:21,456 Cha, cha, cha. 485 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:26,560 ♪ Happy birthday to you 486 00:20:26,579 --> 00:20:27,538 ♪ Ooh, ooh 487 00:20:27,562 --> 00:20:30,698 ♪ Happy birthday dear Jess... 488 00:20:30,719 --> 00:20:34,439 Um... hmm, where'd... Where'd she...? 489 00:20:35,585 --> 00:20:36,685 Where'd...? 490 00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:43,943 Hey, Jess, I'm so sorry. That was cheesy, embarrassing. 491 00:20:44,347 --> 00:20:47,750 I didn't have great talent to work with. Winston was terrible. 492 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:58,388 It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 493 00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,224 And I'm sorry. 494 00:21:07,496 --> 00:21:10,292 Shh, shh. It's starting. 495 00:21:15,204 --> 00:21:17,058 Happy birthday, Jess. 496 00:21:18,246 --> 00:21:21,919 - That was so stupid, dude. - Oh, what is wrong with you? 497 00:21:21,943 --> 00:21:22,925 Ashamed of yourself. 498 00:21:22,952 --> 00:21:25,086 - Come on, Schmidt. - Quit it. 499 00:21:31,467 --> 00:21:33,280 - Boo. - No! 500 00:21:35,881 --> 00:21:41,881 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther