1 00:00:00,858 --> 00:00:03,221 - Man, this is gonna be fun! - Ah, come on! 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:04,328 Get it close to the light. 3 00:00:04,343 --> 00:00:06,638 Okay, just because you invented Sky Knife 4 00:00:06,664 --> 00:00:08,564 doesn't mean you can tell me how to throw. 5 00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,039 Hurry up, man. You can do this. 6 00:00:10,061 --> 00:00:11,594 One, two, three. 7 00:00:11,623 --> 00:00:12,508 Sky Knife! 8 00:00:13,906 --> 00:00:15,125 Yeah! 9 00:00:15,519 --> 00:00:16,306 What's up? 10 00:00:16,334 --> 00:00:19,362 - Oh, hey. What's up? Nothing, just a... - Hey, uh, straight-up chillin'. 11 00:00:19,388 --> 00:00:23,178 You guys, it's a really long story, but I think I saw an eagle. 12 00:00:23,198 --> 00:00:25,218 I was shopping for books on Western... 13 00:00:25,237 --> 00:00:26,630 Oh, my God! 14 00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:27,551 - Oh! - Oh! 15 00:00:27,578 --> 00:00:30,931 - Oh, God, what the hell? - You were in the drop zone. 16 00:00:30,944 --> 00:00:33,213 - Good save, Nick. - You were a hero! 17 00:00:33,239 --> 00:00:35,979 - Good save. - We were playing Sky Knife. You mad? 18 00:00:36,013 --> 00:00:39,635 No. No. I... I think it's been a great game this week. 19 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,142 I'm amazed at how great it is. 20 00:00:41,165 --> 00:00:43,818 Uh! Awesome! I thought you were gonna be mad. All right. 21 00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:45,742 I'm gonna go get the bad-ass knives from Schmidt's house. 22 00:00:45,764 --> 00:00:47,097 - Cool. - Get 'em, girl. 23 00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:51,328 Um, guys, we have a problem. 24 00:00:51,349 --> 00:00:53,739 I know, but Abby's gonna fix it. She's going to get the cooler knives. 25 00:00:53,758 --> 00:00:56,078 The problem is Abby. 26 00:00:56,101 --> 00:01:00,486 She's been here one week and has already created chaos everywhere. 27 00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:01,906 I don't know if anybody noticed, 28 00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:03,854 but she destroyed my sunflower painting 29 00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:06,149 - with a picture of a penis. - The iguana's cool. 30 00:01:06,171 --> 00:01:08,358 - I like the iguana. - Who doesn't love an iguana? 31 00:01:08,371 --> 00:01:10,040 - I like its tail. - Yeah. 32 00:01:11,416 --> 00:01:12,942 Oh, my God, you guys, it's Terry. 33 00:01:12,964 --> 00:01:14,830 The bastard found me. He wants his stuff. 34 00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:17,401 Who's Terry?! What's his stuff?! Cocaine drugs?! 35 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:19,580 Worse. You guys got to hide. 36 00:01:19,597 --> 00:01:21,298 Oh, my God, I knew this was gonna happen. 37 00:01:21,325 --> 00:01:23,858 - Everybody in your earthquake spots now! - Jess! 38 00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:26,943 She's messing with you. 39 00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:30,384 Yeah, I know. 40 00:01:30,403 --> 00:01:33,100 We are messing with you. 41 00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:34,491 - No. - I don't think you were involved. 42 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,136 - Don't taunt you, dude. - You guys were all afraid of Terry. 43 00:01:36,169 --> 00:01:38,606 Us Day sisters up to our old pranks. 44 00:01:38,623 --> 00:01:40,357 - You're not part of it. - Yes, I am! 45 00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:43,218 - You got messed with. - You got messed with, not me. 46 00:01:43,241 --> 00:01:44,788 You're doing that voice when you get messed with. 47 00:01:44,808 --> 00:01:46,702 - No, I'm not. - You guys, this is so fun. 48 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,321 - I want to live here. - Ah, ha, ha! 49 00:01:49,341 --> 00:01:52,166 That was funny, 'cause we're messing with you again. 50 00:01:52,183 --> 00:01:54,431 No. I'm serious. That one was real. 51 00:01:54,444 --> 00:01:55,777 I think I should live here. 52 00:01:56,586 --> 00:01:57,579 I hate this game. 53 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:02,391 ♪ Hey, girl ♪ 54 00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:04,774 ♪ What you doing? ♪ 55 00:02:05,134 --> 00:02:07,315 ♪ Hey, girl ♪ 56 00:02:07,882 --> 00:02:10,044 ♪ Where you going? ♪ 57 00:02:10,055 --> 00:02:12,805 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 58 00:02:12,825 --> 00:02:14,160 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 59 00:02:14,179 --> 00:02:15,206 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 60 00:02:15,226 --> 00:02:16,515 ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 61 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:20,554 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 62 00:02:25,029 --> 00:02:27,026 You looking up how to eat a bagel? 63 00:02:27,045 --> 00:02:30,254 No. I'm, uh, seeing if I passed the LAPD entrance exam. 64 00:02:30,261 --> 00:02:32,474 Results go up in 30 seconds. 65 00:02:32,857 --> 00:02:34,197 If you pass, you get to be a cop? 66 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,567 No, I get to go to the police academy, you know? 67 00:02:36,828 --> 00:02:38,335 Hope I get a dog partner. 68 00:02:38,364 --> 00:02:40,020 - Yeah. - Oh, you are pretty calm 69 00:02:40,039 --> 00:02:42,171 for someone who's about to get life-changing news. 70 00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,752 You must be really cool under pressure. 71 00:02:43,766 --> 00:02:46,438 No! I'm a huge choker. 72 00:02:46,462 --> 00:02:48,069 Huge! 73 00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:50,095 Girl, I ain't had a job in over three months. 74 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,398 So, this is... that moment, I guess, 75 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:55,121 when you find out if you're really a failure or not. 76 00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:59,219 Check it. Excitement's killing me! 77 00:02:59,255 --> 00:03:01,395 Man, would you look at the... time? 78 00:03:01,410 --> 00:03:06,014 Man. Girl, I got an obligation at a sandwich meeting... 79 00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,022 to... to go to. 80 00:03:11,138 --> 00:03:12,534 Yes... 81 00:03:14,303 --> 00:03:17,756 Well, you see, loyalty has a price, Mr. President. 82 00:03:17,787 --> 00:03:19,531 Give me the hot dogs! 83 00:03:20,115 --> 00:03:23,550 Put the damn hot dogs in the bag, you son of a bitch, and I won't... 84 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:27,325 Oh, my God. What are we gonna do? She can't move in to... 85 00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:28,655 Take that off. 86 00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:31,056 - I hope those are clean. - Enough. 87 00:03:31,486 --> 00:03:33,551 I don't want to be involved with your weird thing with your sister. 88 00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:36,543 It's not a weird thing with my sister. 89 00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:37,705 She is crazy. 90 00:03:37,714 --> 00:03:39,942 - No. - She's wanted in Canada. 91 00:03:39,962 --> 00:03:43,035 Canada. No one's wanted in Canada. 92 00:03:43,058 --> 00:03:45,544 Hey, uh, you guys want to hang out, like, right now? 93 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,413 Maybe go up to Alhambra, try on a whole mess of jeans? 94 00:03:48,431 --> 00:03:50,458 Don't you find out about that cop test today? 95 00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:53,152 Oh, you know... Oh, yeah. No. 96 00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:55,037 Look, man, the Alhambra thing, though... 97 00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:56,784 it's getting a lot of momentum, you know? 98 00:03:56,799 --> 00:03:58,246 So I think I'm gonna go ahead and do that 99 00:03:58,274 --> 00:04:00,492 'cause when you... you know, when you do that, so... 100 00:04:00,512 --> 00:04:04,081 Okay, I'm gonna guarantee you that Abby is responsible for that. 101 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,515 Yeah, she got to me. 102 00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:08,159 If you don't want Abby to live here, Jessica, why don't you just tell her? 103 00:04:08,177 --> 00:04:12,183 Nick, you can't just tell Abby to do something, 'cause she'll do the opposite. 104 00:04:12,207 --> 00:04:14,433 So I'm gonna have to go find a place for her to live 105 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:16,170 and make her think it's her idea. 106 00:04:16,192 --> 00:04:18,030 She can't find out what I'm up to. 107 00:04:18,043 --> 00:04:20,462 Do you think you can keep her busy and lie to her all day? 108 00:04:20,482 --> 00:04:23,825 Jess, I come from a family of con artists and liars. 109 00:04:23,852 --> 00:04:27,054 And the one thing I learned is, you can't lie to a liar. 110 00:04:27,069 --> 00:04:28,636 It don't fly. 111 00:04:28,756 --> 00:04:31,173 - Yeah, you shouldn't be involved. - No, I shouldn't. 112 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,374 Wait a second. 113 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,315 - Are you doing reverse psychology? - Yeah, it is reverse psychology. 114 00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:39,991 That is reverse psychology, so you just reversed it, 115 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:42,388 so now it's reverse, reverse, which is just psychology. 116 00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:44,298 Hmm, which one is it? 117 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,674 You outfoxed me. I'm in. 118 00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:47,728 I'm gonna do it. 119 00:04:48,404 --> 00:04:52,908 So, our time is up, but, um, I don't have any more clients, 120 00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:53,861 - so, uh... - Oh. 121 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,583 You brought it with that less set, ma. 122 00:04:55,611 --> 00:04:57,979 I got to tell you. I mean, what can't that butt do? 123 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,007 - You shaped it, so you get dibs. - Mmm. 124 00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:02,162 Dibs. 125 00:05:03,508 --> 00:05:06,798 Can I get dibs? Because both y'all butts look great. 126 00:05:06,815 --> 00:05:09,118 I mean, I can't tell who's in first place. 127 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,344 Hey, uh, Coach, you know how you're always getting on me about my pizza baby? 128 00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:14,895 - Yeah. - Well, today is the day that I get rid of it. 129 00:05:14,918 --> 00:05:18,034 - I am here to train. - Save it, dude. 130 00:05:18,047 --> 00:05:20,745 You're avoiding your test results. Nick texted me. 131 00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:22,830 Guess you can't outrun a text. 132 00:05:22,845 --> 00:05:24,672 - Nope. - Well, with the right amount of training... 133 00:05:24,687 --> 00:05:27,018 All right, listen to me. Um, I need you to leave. 134 00:05:27,037 --> 00:05:29,739 I'm with a client. A beautiful one. 135 00:05:29,759 --> 00:05:31,992 I'm trying to, you know... 136 00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:33,442 Mm. 137 00:05:33,921 --> 00:05:34,962 You're trying to whistle. 138 00:05:34,983 --> 00:05:36,625 No, no, no, no, no, I'm trying to have sex with her. 139 00:05:36,645 --> 00:05:39,121 Oh! Sex. 140 00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:42,922 But I did book you for the entire afternoon, though. 141 00:05:44,399 --> 00:05:45,614 - Why would you do that? - But... 142 00:05:45,627 --> 00:05:47,978 if you guys are doing a little thing, then I could easily just... 143 00:05:47,995 --> 00:05:49,422 - Leave and check your test scores? - ...do a tandem session. 144 00:05:49,446 --> 00:05:50,693 - Oh, fun. - Right? 145 00:05:50,713 --> 00:05:54,185 Coach, you should show him that ground stretch you did on me earlier. 146 00:05:54,203 --> 00:05:56,871 It was opening me up really nicely. 147 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,471 Yes, please. 148 00:05:59,053 --> 00:06:00,426 I don't wanna. 149 00:06:02,249 --> 00:06:03,399 Oh. 150 00:06:08,464 --> 00:06:11,005 - This is amazing. - Oh! 151 00:06:11,026 --> 00:06:13,199 I'm taking a little trip here, Coach. 152 00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:16,569 - You know where I'm going. - Why do I keep looking down? 153 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,060 I don't know. 154 00:06:18,917 --> 00:06:22,368 This museum is my favorite place in Los Angeles. 155 00:06:22,952 --> 00:06:25,032 Um... come on, Nick. 156 00:06:25,048 --> 00:06:26,995 Jess is making you babysit me, right? 157 00:06:27,009 --> 00:06:28,562 Babysit you? 158 00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:30,051 What? 159 00:06:30,072 --> 00:06:31,624 Like you're a little baby? 160 00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:32,784 No. 161 00:06:33,896 --> 00:06:35,969 - That's how you want to play this? - Well, I'm not "playing" it. 162 00:06:35,991 --> 00:06:37,844 - Oh. - Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? 163 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,242 - I just want to touch it. - Don't touch it. 164 00:06:39,261 --> 00:06:41,408 - I just need to touch it. - But it's not for touching. Hey, hey! 165 00:06:41,427 --> 00:06:42,867 What? Can I not jump on it? 166 00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:44,073 - Abby. - That's not allowed? 167 00:06:44,079 --> 00:06:46,761 - Abby! - Maybe I shouldn't climb all over the car. 168 00:06:46,776 --> 00:06:48,543 You need to get off of that car. 169 00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:50,671 Why don't you tell me what it is Jess is up to? 170 00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:54,257 Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, you're scratching the hood! 171 00:06:54,296 --> 00:06:55,756 Tell me what I want to know. 172 00:06:55,772 --> 00:06:57,712 - Get off there right now. - There's nothing to tell! 173 00:06:57,732 --> 00:06:59,271 - Tell me what I want to know. - There's nothing to tell! 174 00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:01,033 - Tell me what she's doing! - Get her off! 175 00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:02,689 - If I tell you, will you get off the car? - Yes. 176 00:07:02,710 --> 00:07:03,657 - You promise? - Yes. 177 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,530 She's looking for a safe apartment for you 178 00:07:05,554 --> 00:07:07,460 'cause she doesn't want you to live with us! 179 00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:11,725 Now, would you please get off the car? 180 00:07:12,926 --> 00:07:14,319 Do you guys serve drinks here? 181 00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:17,684 Why don't they give us Tasers? 182 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,024 Wow. I mean, this place is beautiful. 183 00:07:25,037 --> 00:07:28,845 It makes the other nine places we've seen today just kind of fade away. 184 00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:31,135 Yeah, um, tell me about the neighborhood. 185 00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:32,424 Is there a lot of nightlife? 186 00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:34,886 Well, this part of town is pretty quiet. 187 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,514 Unless you count church bells. Which you should. 188 00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,377 We have nine within hearing distance. 189 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:43,145 What about the other tenants? Are there single men between 18 and 65? 190 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,265 Actually, make that 16 and 72. 191 00:07:45,292 --> 00:07:49,212 Most of the other tenants are middle-aged gay veterans like myself. 192 00:07:49,229 --> 00:07:50,737 Oh. Whoa. 193 00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:52,362 Jackpot. 194 00:07:52,386 --> 00:07:56,206 And if the demons come calling, there's an emergency room right across the street. 195 00:07:56,229 --> 00:07:57,962 You had me at "gay veterans." 196 00:07:57,984 --> 00:07:59,937 And then again at "emergency room." 197 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,707 And before that at "church." 198 00:08:01,729 --> 00:08:05,627 I wish I could just travel back in time and tell 19-year-old me 199 00:08:05,645 --> 00:08:07,525 to move into a place like this. 200 00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:10,476 Maybe I would've settled down. Met a, you know, nice guy. 201 00:08:10,496 --> 00:08:14,251 Nothing flashy. Works in a bank, makes a great veggie lasagna. 202 00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:16,610 - Okay, not now, Cece. - No, don't stop her. 203 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,868 Who is this guy? 204 00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:19,932 Right? 205 00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:23,377 Bet you are a mean dancer. 206 00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:26,161 - Come on. Live a little. - You were right to call me. 207 00:08:26,185 --> 00:08:28,425 Nobody deals with crazy girls better than I do. 208 00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:30,808 Crazy girls are kind of my Hurt Locker. 209 00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:32,198 - You know what I mean, Nick? - Okay. Yeah. 210 00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:35,119 Some-some men, they can just walk away. Not me. 211 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,018 - I just keep coming back. - Okay, are you gonna help me 212 00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:38,390 - get her off the car? - Mmm. 213 00:08:38,416 --> 00:08:39,869 - You know what this is, Nick? - What? 214 00:08:39,876 --> 00:08:41,116 - This is nonsense. - Exactly. 215 00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:42,573 And how do we deal with nonsense? 216 00:08:42,948 --> 00:08:45,688 No, no. We just don't stand for it is what we do. 217 00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:47,444 Security is on the way. 218 00:08:47,914 --> 00:08:50,401 Come on, you old bird. Get up here. 219 00:08:50,403 --> 00:08:52,203 I can't afford it. 220 00:08:52,225 --> 00:08:54,945 I'm already the staff troublemaker. 221 00:08:54,961 --> 00:08:57,098 - Can you make it happen? - I'm thinking. 222 00:08:59,952 --> 00:09:02,790 Where are you at right... Like, is it kind of game... Yeah. 223 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,036 Just shh. 224 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:08,954 - I got it. - You do? 225 00:09:08,975 --> 00:09:10,019 Yeah. 226 00:09:10,044 --> 00:09:11,599 No nonsense. 227 00:09:13,779 --> 00:09:15,789 Hey, Abby, look at me. 228 00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:17,122 Let's go get a taco. 229 00:09:17,136 --> 00:09:18,395 Okay. 230 00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:20,021 - You got to be kidding. - There you go. Thank you. 231 00:09:20,038 --> 00:09:21,505 There you go. Perfect. 232 00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:24,207 Hey, you're not gonna tell Jess I told you about the apartment, right? 233 00:09:24,224 --> 00:09:26,737 Hmm, I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. 234 00:09:26,768 --> 00:09:27,801 It'd be cool if you... 'Cause... 235 00:09:27,821 --> 00:09:29,668 - Why don't you straighten things up with the museum? - Thank you. 236 00:09:29,688 --> 00:09:31,969 I appreciate that. It's only ten dollars! 237 00:09:32,498 --> 00:09:34,358 That's not gonna... It's ten dollars! 238 00:09:34,379 --> 00:09:35,903 You snakes. 239 00:09:36,429 --> 00:09:37,609 Follow through. 240 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:38,963 Yeah, all right. 241 00:09:38,983 --> 00:09:40,241 Or else that creepy guy at the bar 242 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:41,516 isn't gonna take his hand off your thigh. 243 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:42,894 Hands off my thigh, dude! 244 00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:48,028 Hands off my thigh, dude. 245 00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,714 What are you doing, dude? Stop stalling. Check your score. 246 00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:54,573 I'm not stalling. 247 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,496 I'm gonna have Anders work my core 248 00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:58,529 and maybe just go get some juice with him. 249 00:09:58,545 --> 00:10:01,688 - No, um. No, I-I want juice. I'm... - Hey, I bought your time. 250 00:10:01,714 --> 00:10:03,095 I do whatever I want with it. 251 00:10:03,389 --> 00:10:05,102 Go check your score! 252 00:10:05,197 --> 00:10:06,044 Hey, what are you doing? 253 00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,092 - No. Wait, what are you doing, dude?! - I'm checking it myself! 254 00:10:08,114 --> 00:10:09,946 No! Come on, man! 255 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,755 I said no, dude. 256 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,634 No. W... 257 00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,484 What? 258 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,172 You failed. 259 00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:24,265 I didn't even... 260 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:26,578 You know, it's not even a... 261 00:10:28,721 --> 00:10:31,107 Yeah, it's not a big deal, so... 262 00:10:31,471 --> 00:10:33,007 You know, so... 263 00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:35,879 You should probably put a passcode on your phone, dude. 264 00:10:40,176 --> 00:10:41,471 Hey, Schmidt! 265 00:10:41,493 --> 00:10:43,193 Hey, Schmidt. Have you seen Abby? 266 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,062 Huh? 267 00:10:45,091 --> 00:10:47,698 What... are you... what are you doing? 268 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,172 I'm melting chocolate. 269 00:10:52,891 --> 00:10:54,698 Abby and I are having sex. 270 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,774 What happened to no nonsense, Schmidt? 271 00:10:58,409 --> 00:11:00,649 I've really changed my tune on nonsense, Nick. 272 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:01,839 You know, for the life of me, 273 00:11:01,855 --> 00:11:04,985 I could not understand the grasp that Jess had on you, 274 00:11:05,004 --> 00:11:07,782 but if she came from the same gene pool as this one... 275 00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:08,979 kudos, my friend. 276 00:11:08,995 --> 00:11:11,029 Even if it's a tenth of what I just experienced. 277 00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:13,847 Even if it'sa DeVito/Schwarzenegger split from Twins. 278 00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:15,434 You calling Jess the DeVito? 279 00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:18,235 - What? - Abby, I was supposed to be watching you. 280 00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:20,445 - Go ahead. - Don't... don't play tricks with my words. 281 00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:22,925 Jess is gonna kill me. She's gonna say my name in that short, clipped way 282 00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:24,451 - where she doesn't add the "K." - What? 283 00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:26,675 When she's mad, she just says "Nic." 284 00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:29,680 Do you really think that the "K" adds to the sound of your name? 285 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,207 - Yes. - How do you usually say your name? 286 00:11:31,217 --> 00:11:32,996 - Nick. - Say it without the "K." 287 00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:34,503 - Nic. - It's the same thing. 288 00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:35,710 Stop distracting me! 289 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,181 Nick, you're so worried about disappointing Jess. Relax, man. 290 00:11:40,254 --> 00:11:42,099 Okay, you got to get out of here. 291 00:11:48,794 --> 00:11:49,976 Oh... 292 00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:55,744 I choked. 293 00:11:56,930 --> 00:12:00,383 I choked, man. I'm 31. I have nothing figured out. 294 00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:02,096 Can I not find a job? 295 00:12:02,116 --> 00:12:05,626 - I mean, I feel like I'm losing it. - Dude, they're hiring here. 296 00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:08,395 You know I can't work here, man. They never have any cookies. 297 00:12:08,422 --> 00:12:10,522 It's all the better, man! There's no pressure. 298 00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:13,775 You get this job and then when you're ready, you try the cop thing again. 299 00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:15,134 Okay. 300 00:12:15,154 --> 00:12:16,509 - See? - Yeah. 301 00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:19,708 But now I'm sitting here thinking about how badly I need this job. 302 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,600 - Stop! - I need this job real bad... 303 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:24,028 Excuse me, um, could we get a job application over here, please? 304 00:12:24,051 --> 00:12:28,144 In a way, I have a lot more riding on this job than I do the cop thing. 305 00:12:29,221 --> 00:12:30,866 God, I'd love to work here! 306 00:12:32,463 --> 00:12:34,116 I got the apartment! 307 00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:35,574 The place is great. 308 00:12:35,599 --> 00:12:38,381 The only thing I'm a little worried about is there is a Russian grocery store 309 00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:42,091 down the block and Abby has a little bit of a weird thing with ethnic white people. 310 00:12:42,236 --> 00:12:44,759 But I think she could really thrive there! 311 00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:46,085 Where is she? 312 00:12:46,104 --> 00:12:47,453 - Where's who? - Abby. 313 00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:49,508 Ab...? Oh, she's sleeping. 314 00:12:49,717 --> 00:12:51,110 By herself. 315 00:12:51,364 --> 00:12:52,964 Which is called "napping." 316 00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:55,496 Okay, I'm gonna start secretly packing up some of her stuff. 317 00:12:55,515 --> 00:12:57,014 Do you think you can keep distracting her? 318 00:12:57,038 --> 00:12:58,647 - Yes, yeah, you know, just... - Good. 319 00:12:58,659 --> 00:13:02,627 how do we distract her? How do you distract a woman like that? 320 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:03,929 Probably a guy. 321 00:13:04,258 --> 00:13:06,646 Right? Who can we set her up with? 322 00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,702 Well, well, well, who do we have? 323 00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:11,016 Coach. No. 324 00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:13,364 - Winston... - That's actually kind of a good idea... 325 00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,489 No! 326 00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:17,737 - Schmidt! - That's a terrible idea. 327 00:13:18,091 --> 00:13:21,673 - But in the same sense... - Abby will wreck Schmidt! 328 00:13:22,161 --> 00:13:23,729 - Well, then luckily, the... - So, here's the plan. 329 00:13:23,751 --> 00:13:26,991 We're gonna have a nice dinner, we're gonna get her buzzed but not drunk. 330 00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,604 And then we're gonna casually and naturally 331 00:13:29,624 --> 00:13:32,839 bring up the apartment so she thinks it's her idea. 332 00:13:32,858 --> 00:13:34,632 - And I can do that, okay? - Okay, good. 333 00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:37,234 - I'm glad. - I'll act cool, natural. 334 00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,564 Casual. Au naturel. 335 00:13:39,592 --> 00:13:41,593 - Au casual. - You know what? 336 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,162 Maybe I should write you some lines, pal. 337 00:13:43,183 --> 00:13:45,943 Yeah, I'd really appreciate that 'cause... Maybe not a lot of words. 338 00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:50,487 Uh, so tell me, what are your three weakest qualities? 339 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,799 See... 340 00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:54,021 Just say "perfectionist." 341 00:13:54,035 --> 00:13:55,460 - Perfectionist. - Yeah. 342 00:13:57,198 --> 00:13:58,898 And the other two... 343 00:13:59,236 --> 00:14:00,387 um... 344 00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:06,089 I'm overheating, right? 345 00:14:06,102 --> 00:14:08,583 I'm overheating, okay? So here's what we're gonna do now... 346 00:14:08,602 --> 00:14:11,482 I'm just gonna shoot from the hip, little rapid fire, 347 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,106 give you some fun facts you might not know about me. 348 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,316 I hate standing up, I'm bad with numbers, and... 349 00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:20,077 I just honestly, from the bottom of my heart, 350 00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:23,188 don't think women should be allowed to handle money. 351 00:14:23,211 --> 00:14:24,787 Just, that's for real. 352 00:14:28,141 --> 00:14:30,100 Let's just move on to the salary. 353 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,936 And you didn't even fill out the back of the application. 354 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,654 There's a back? 355 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:37,717 There is a back to the application? 356 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:39,124 - Coach. - What? 357 00:14:39,153 --> 00:14:42,613 The LAPD exam... maybe it had a back. 358 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,276 You didn't check to see if it had a back? 359 00:14:45,295 --> 00:14:49,008 We got to go to the precinct. I didn't choke. I'm just careless. 360 00:14:49,028 --> 00:14:52,935 And that is my biggest weakness, you bitch. 361 00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,792 - I'm so sorry, dude. I'm so sorry, dude. - Yeah, that was bad. 362 00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:57,187 - Man, I didn't even mean that. - All right, get out of here. 363 00:14:57,211 --> 00:14:59,378 - Get out of here. - Dawg, I didn't mean that at all, man. 364 00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:01,774 To our newest resident. 365 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:05,053 The City of Angels has sprouted another pair of wings. 366 00:15:05,079 --> 00:15:09,191 It's a majestic city, drenched in sunshine, 367 00:15:09,217 --> 00:15:13,681 that is actually just a collection of 75 different neighborhoods. 368 00:15:13,702 --> 00:15:15,659 Wow, I had no idea. 369 00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:17,663 Please continue to tell me more. 370 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,873 - You want more? - Who wants to rediscover couscous? 371 00:15:19,893 --> 00:15:22,626 - Hey, what the hell are you doing here, Schmidt? - I invited him. 372 00:15:22,971 --> 00:15:24,624 - I live here, too, right? - Yeah, but... 373 00:15:24,644 --> 00:15:26,513 It's okay, Abby can make her own decisions, 374 00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:28,507 no matter what they might lead to. 375 00:15:28,742 --> 00:15:32,045 - Thank you. - Now, somebody call the pound 'cause my stomach is growling. 376 00:15:35,023 --> 00:15:37,109 I said my stomach is growling. 377 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,678 Sp... okay, uh, speaking of dinner, 378 00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:42,606 there are a lot of great options in North Hollywood. 379 00:15:42,636 --> 00:15:45,349 It's a real hot spot full of young, hip people 380 00:15:45,356 --> 00:15:46,962 who will be the leaders of tomorrow. 381 00:15:46,981 --> 00:15:48,865 - More wine? - Great. 382 00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:53,560 If I were moving to L.A. now, I'd say yes-ho to NoHo. 383 00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,722 Hey, hey, what are you doing? 384 00:15:55,741 --> 00:15:56,681 Oh, my. 385 00:15:56,711 --> 00:15:58,598 Stop touching him, Abby. 386 00:15:58,617 --> 00:16:00,231 I'm sorry, what'd you say? 387 00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:02,187 - Touch him more? - Do not touch him. 388 00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:05,060 - What are you...? - Do not do this right now. 389 00:16:05,517 --> 00:16:06,821 How about that? 390 00:16:07,552 --> 00:16:11,860 As luck would have it, I actually know of a place in North Hollywood 391 00:16:11,885 --> 00:16:14,195 with great tile work. 392 00:16:17,289 --> 00:16:20,540 - I said, "Great tile work." - Oh, for the first 12 months. 393 00:16:22,870 --> 00:16:27,173 I think what you really mean to say is there's an introductory offer 394 00:16:27,201 --> 00:16:28,841 - for cable television. - That's it, yeah... 395 00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,643 Cable's a scam, I tell ya. Sa... Satellite. 396 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,225 - What happened to no nonsense, Schmidt? - Satellite's where it's at. 397 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,378 Nonsense has the hands of an angel. 398 00:16:37,391 --> 00:16:39,300 Okay, what's going on here? 399 00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:43,967 I told Abby about the apartment, and now she's... 400 00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:46,276 giving Schmidt a sp... a special. 401 00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:51,071 Don't look at me. Just look away. 402 00:16:51,106 --> 00:16:53,463 Look away, look... or look right at me. 403 00:16:58,097 --> 00:17:01,177 - So this was going on the whole time? - Yes. 404 00:17:01,197 --> 00:17:03,091 And the hands are just the half of it. 405 00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:05,883 I mean, there's been banging and poking and scratching 406 00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:08,309 and hanging and teasing... such teasing. 407 00:17:08,323 --> 00:17:11,009 I mean, really excruciating, life-giving teasing. 408 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:13,521 Shut up, Schmidt! She was talking to me. 409 00:17:13,535 --> 00:17:16,528 This has been a whole day of lying and I can't take it. 410 00:17:16,545 --> 00:17:17,865 First I had to lie to Abby, 411 00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:20,457 and so I spilled the beans about the apartment. I'm sorry. 412 00:17:20,476 --> 00:17:23,363 And then I had to lie about Abby and Schmidt and the boning. 413 00:17:23,392 --> 00:17:26,818 And then the manipulating and the out-manipulating... 414 00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:28,172 That's lying! 415 00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:31,634 If you guys were just honest with each other for one second, 416 00:17:31,654 --> 00:17:33,574 none of this would have happened. 417 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:36,044 Okay. All right. Abby... 418 00:17:36,057 --> 00:17:40,259 I'm really sorry I tried to trick you, but I just want what's best for you. 419 00:17:40,281 --> 00:17:42,663 - One of us has to! - You know, that is your problem. 420 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:44,770 You think you're better than people and you always try to fix them. 421 00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:46,146 - No, I don't! - Yes, you do. 422 00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:48,028 You've done it your whole life. It's annoying. 423 00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:49,390 You know what? Yes. 424 00:17:49,425 --> 00:17:52,172 Yes. I would like to fix you. 425 00:17:52,178 --> 00:17:54,719 No... I would love to fix you! 426 00:17:54,737 --> 00:17:57,564 But I'm done trying. Because you're not changing. 427 00:17:57,586 --> 00:18:02,707 And you don't think or care about other people at all, and I do. 428 00:18:02,724 --> 00:18:04,991 And that's why I don't want you living in this loft. 429 00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:08,533 That's honest. 430 00:18:09,345 --> 00:18:13,098 You're a garbage person and you should live in a Dumpster with rotten snails. 431 00:18:13,121 --> 00:18:14,770 Hey! Nick! 432 00:18:15,143 --> 00:18:16,810 - Too far! - Yeah, way over the line, buddy. 433 00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:19,152 - Yeah, but I thought we were just piling in... - That's my sister, dude. 434 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,800 I didn't mean that, yeah. Sorry. 435 00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:23,387 Well, lucky for you, 436 00:18:24,226 --> 00:18:27,067 - I'm moving out. - Oh, thank God, Abby. 437 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,480 Oh, my God. 438 00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:31,997 - You're really gonna like this place. It's so nice... - I'm moving in with Schmidt. 439 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,761 What... what's that, now? You're moving in with who? 440 00:18:33,776 --> 00:18:35,249 - Seriously? - We would have sex all the time. 441 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:36,870 Dinner was lovely, you guys. 442 00:18:36,891 --> 00:18:38,581 - Thank you so much. - Bye. 443 00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:42,089 - What? - Ooh. Hey, uh, Jess? 444 00:18:42,096 --> 00:18:44,623 Can I borrow your glasses? We're gonna role-play as you guys. 445 00:18:44,652 --> 00:18:46,817 - Ew. No. - You don't understand. 446 00:18:47,148 --> 00:18:49,139 She's not gonna be you. I'm gonna be you. 447 00:18:49,152 --> 00:18:50,800 - Ugh! Get out, Schmidt! - Get out of here! 448 00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:51,992 Okay... 449 00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:54,906 Oh, God! 450 00:18:56,096 --> 00:18:57,409 What's up, my man? 451 00:18:57,425 --> 00:18:58,588 I took the test last week... 452 00:18:58,607 --> 00:19:01,922 or should I say, I took the front part of the test last week... 453 00:19:01,955 --> 00:19:04,881 and, sir, I am here to finish what I started. 454 00:19:05,672 --> 00:19:08,845 - What? - What he's trying to say is, he took the entrance exam, 455 00:19:08,865 --> 00:19:10,172 but he forgot to do the back half. 456 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:13,665 Well, the test is administered on a computer. There is no back. 457 00:19:16,631 --> 00:19:18,788 You took the test on a computer? 458 00:19:18,807 --> 00:19:21,269 I choked. I am a failure. I am a loser. 459 00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:24,138 I am never gonna amount to anything. I'm never gonna shoot somebody. 460 00:19:24,158 --> 00:19:26,868 Dude. Have some dignity, all right? 461 00:19:27,475 --> 00:19:29,215 Thank you for your time, sir. 462 00:19:29,504 --> 00:19:30,875 Winston. 463 00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:33,171 Winston! Yo! 464 00:19:33,194 --> 00:19:34,274 Winston! 465 00:19:35,255 --> 00:19:37,317 Dude, you failed, man. 466 00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:40,849 You failed hard! At everything! 467 00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:43,601 - Dude, this pep talk sucks. - I'm not finished. 468 00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,545 Like, seriously, it's like the Winston of pep talks. 469 00:19:45,565 --> 00:19:46,952 Look at me. 470 00:19:46,975 --> 00:19:48,745 You can do this, Winston. 471 00:19:49,143 --> 00:19:51,402 Because now there's nothing to be afraid of. 472 00:19:51,832 --> 00:19:53,605 You hit rock bottom, man. 473 00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:55,311 This is the worst it's gonna get. 474 00:20:00,514 --> 00:20:04,149 Sir, it has been my dream to become a cop. 475 00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:08,313 And no one's gonna stand in my way... not you, not him... 476 00:20:08,346 --> 00:20:09,648 Hey, I was helping. 477 00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,621 ...and definitely not myself. 478 00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,004 I would like to retake this test. 479 00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,935 Well, there's one at 7:30 tomorrow. 480 00:20:16,961 --> 00:20:18,771 Man, what about my last score makes you think 481 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,944 I'm ready to take this test again in 12 hours? 482 00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,766 - He'll be there. Yeah. - Yeah, I'll be there. 483 00:20:25,026 --> 00:20:28,427 Thank you for messing everything up and being such a terrible liar. 484 00:20:28,447 --> 00:20:29,467 Uh, you are very welcome. 485 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,077 I think I really needed to say that stuff to my sister. 486 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,516 - She's gonna wreck Schmidt. - Oof... 487 00:20:34,536 --> 00:20:36,538 He has no idea. 488 00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:38,616 I'm sorry my family's so crazy. 489 00:20:38,636 --> 00:20:41,749 Crazy? Your family's not crazy. My family's crazy. 490 00:20:42,028 --> 00:20:43,742 My father used to trade horse semen. 491 00:20:43,771 --> 00:20:46,568 I've got an uncle whose God-given name is Shifty. 492 00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,075 Well, thank goodness... 493 00:20:51,472 --> 00:20:53,194 we're the sane ones. 494 00:20:54,464 --> 00:20:55,138 So... 495 00:20:55,163 --> 00:20:57,945 - Okay, now, remember: Up, and... - Uh-huh. 496 00:21:04,311 --> 00:21:06,558 - Hello, Abby. - Hey. S'up? 497 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,713 Have you thought about what you're gonna do 498 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,466 if they pair you with a dirty cop? 499 00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:14,587 Well, then, I would just go to Internal Affairs. 500 00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:16,685 Well, that's a good way to get killed. 501 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,663 - Then at least I would die a hero. - Hmm, no, you won't. 502 00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:23,236 They'll put you in panties and then they'll plant you next to a dead prostitute. 503 00:21:23,997 --> 00:21:25,504 That's a poor lady. 504 00:21:25,523 --> 00:21:26,884 It'd be a dude. 505 00:21:27,816 --> 00:21:30,563 But it's awesome! Good luck on the exam! 506 00:21:33,786 --> 00:21:35,668 They got dude prostitutes? 507 00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:37,362 Nuh-uh. 508 00:21:37,389 --> 00:21:43,189 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther