1 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,696 "You and Jess broke up." 2 00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:18,634 Oh, man. 3 00:00:20,904 --> 00:00:22,438 "The bed got burned." 4 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,444 I thought it was a dream. 5 00:00:28,478 --> 00:00:30,245 "It was a not a dream." 6 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,647 I'm a little scared to see 7 00:00:31,681 --> 00:00:32,881 what's on the other side. 8 00:00:34,651 --> 00:00:36,752 "Writing left-handed is HARB." 9 00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:48,664 Oh! 10 00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:50,265 Goodness. Hi. Sorry. 11 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,934 I was just changing in the closet, 12 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,302 like Superman. 13 00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,471 Are we still allowed to see each other naked? 14 00:00:55,505 --> 00:00:56,672 - Yes. - Do you think so? 15 00:00:56,706 --> 00:00:57,606 I don't know. 16 00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:58,974 - Hmm. - Maybe. 17 00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:00,242 - Ah... - Definitely not. 18 00:01:00,276 --> 00:01:01,377 "Derfi-niddley nit." 19 00:01:03,446 --> 00:01:06,215 Boob season's over, for you. 20 00:01:06,249 --> 00:01:08,384 - Mind if I grab my socks? - Um, no. You can go ahead. 21 00:01:08,418 --> 00:01:09,485 - I'll close my eyes. - Okay. 22 00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:12,321 - Hey! - Whoa! 23 00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:14,556 So how you doing? 24 00:01:14,591 --> 00:01:15,758 - I'm really good. - Good. 25 00:01:15,792 --> 00:01:17,326 - How 'bout you? - Great. 26 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,727 Yeah, I'm really enjoying the breakup. 27 00:01:18,762 --> 00:01:20,229 - Yeah. - I think I'm handling it well. 28 00:01:20,263 --> 00:01:21,664 Yeah, you are. You are. 29 00:01:21,698 --> 00:01:23,232 You're. You know, you're not drunk, 30 00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:24,466 you haven't left me 300 voicemails... 31 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,668 And you're not crying while 32 00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:26,869 watching that movie Ghost. 33 00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,437 Well, it's Dirty Dancing. 34 00:01:28,471 --> 00:01:30,606 Doesn't Swayze do a dirty dance with that clay? 35 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,374 That's not Dirty Dancing. 36 00:01:32,409 --> 00:01:35,377 It's Ghost. It's a different movie. 37 00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:37,012 Which one takes place at camp? 38 00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:39,014 Dirty Dancing. 39 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:40,816 Which one's Whoopi in? 40 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,351 Stop asking me questions about them. 41 00:01:42,385 --> 00:01:43,552 Drop it. 42 00:01:46,957 --> 00:01:49,625 So I saw this TV show about monkeys in India, 43 00:01:49,659 --> 00:01:51,860 and one of the monkeys, when it gets nervous 44 00:01:51,895 --> 00:01:53,729 and it wants to play submissive, it goes like this: 45 00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:57,466 And that lets all the other monkeys know 46 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,034 it doesn't want trouble. 47 00:01:59,069 --> 00:02:01,704 That's cool. 48 00:02:01,738 --> 00:02:04,440 They also give each other oral pleasure. 49 00:02:04,474 --> 00:02:06,475 And they masturbate. 50 00:02:14,451 --> 00:02:16,352 So what do we do now, Jess? 51 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,586 Well, normally, I would go home, 52 00:02:17,621 --> 00:02:18,787 but I already am home, so... 53 00:02:18,822 --> 00:02:19,989 can't do that. 54 00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:21,390 I know where you live. 55 00:02:21,424 --> 00:02:22,658 And I live where you live. 56 00:02:22,692 --> 00:02:24,593 Should we tell the people we live with? 57 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,362 - Yeah, let's do that. - Okay. 58 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,063 ♪ Bad boys, bad boys ♪ 59 00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:29,732 ♪ What you gonna do ♪ 60 00:02:29,766 --> 00:02:31,800 ♪ What you gonna do when I come for you? ♪ 61 00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:33,702 Hey, you guys, we have, um... 62 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:34,770 Big news! 63 00:02:34,804 --> 00:02:37,640 I just got into the police academy. 64 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,410 ♪ Police naw give me no break ♪ 65 00:02:41,444 --> 00:02:43,646 - ♪ Not a solider mona give you no break ♪ - You know it. 66 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,381 He knows it. 67 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,815 - Because you are a cop. - No, my uncle was on Cops 68 00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:48,417 a bunch of times. 69 00:02:48,451 --> 00:02:49,718 He got no residuals, though. He's poor. 70 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,487 That really is big news! 71 00:02:51,521 --> 00:02:52,688 Big news. 72 00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:55,190 What a happy, happy day! Huzzah! 73 00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:58,227 And to celebrate, I'm gonna have a banquet in my honor. 74 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,362 A banquet for yourself? That seems tacky. 75 00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,164 Can anyone here think of any reason 76 00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:04,867 why today should not be all about me? 77 00:03:05,664 --> 00:03:08,414 Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss www.addic7ed.com 78 00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,139 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 79 00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:12,708 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 80 00:03:12,742 --> 00:03:14,176 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 81 00:03:14,973 --> 00:03:16,666 So I guess we're not telling anyone today. 82 00:03:16,811 --> 00:03:18,288 Nah, it doesn't seem like the right move. 83 00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:20,115 Yeah. So we have to pretend 84 00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,650 to be a couple for one more day. 85 00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:22,851 It's not that big of a deal. 86 00:03:22,886 --> 00:03:24,853 - It's gonna be easy. - Yeah. 87 00:03:24,888 --> 00:03:26,689 So we broke up. What's the difference? 88 00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:28,023 Um... 89 00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:29,892 I-I couldn't be more okay with it. 90 00:03:29,926 --> 00:03:32,628 Well, I couldn't be more okay, either. 91 00:03:32,662 --> 00:03:33,796 Great. Me, too. 92 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,165 Capital "O," capital "K" 93 00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:38,434 capital "A," capital "Y." 94 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,768 I'm okay. 95 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,770 I'm not okay, Mom. 96 00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:44,473 I'm not okay. 97 00:03:44,507 --> 00:03:45,574 I'm not okay. 98 00:03:45,609 --> 00:03:47,443 I'm sorry to pull you 99 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,911 out of your dance class. 100 00:03:50,113 --> 00:03:52,915 Oh, the recital was today? 101 00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:55,684 I know we did the right thing, I just... I feel like... 102 00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:58,187 really upset, and... 103 00:03:58,221 --> 00:04:00,055 Nick seems totally okay 104 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:02,958 and I guess I just need someone to tell me it's gonna be fine. 105 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,661 It's not gonna be fine, Jess. 106 00:04:05,695 --> 00:04:07,863 I'm never gonna be a grandmother! 107 00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:09,498 What? Mom... 108 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:10,900 Stop crying. 109 00:04:10,934 --> 00:04:12,635 You don't even have to love him, honey. 110 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,436 You just have to get that sperm cooking! 111 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,373 - Mom... - I'm sorry, honey, I just... 112 00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:19,375 You know, this is where I'm at right now. 113 00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:20,576 Well, this was really comforting, Mom. 114 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,580 It's like I'm in the womb, sucking my thumb. 115 00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:26,982 Look, of course she doesn't know I'm in pain, Tran. 116 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,951 I'm hiding it like you're supposed to. 117 00:04:28,985 --> 00:04:31,687 But I'm lying to my best friend. 118 00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:35,124 You're also my best friend, don't... 119 00:04:35,158 --> 00:04:38,594 don't start that weird jazz train. 120 00:04:38,628 --> 00:04:41,063 I don't know how I'm gonna hold it all together. 121 00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:43,399 I can't talk about it with anyone all day. 122 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:44,900 I feel like a piñata, you know, 123 00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:46,435 and I'm just gonna pop. 124 00:04:47,971 --> 00:04:50,406 What does that mean: 125 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,608 "The problem is the solution?" 126 00:04:52,642 --> 00:04:56,412 Oh, you mean just focus myself on Winston, 127 00:04:56,446 --> 00:04:59,415 and I won't have time to think about Jess. 128 00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:02,017 That's really smart, but that's not exactly 129 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,419 "the problem is the solution." 130 00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:04,653 Do you know what I mean? 131 00:05:04,688 --> 00:05:06,755 That's, like, a cool sentence, but... 132 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,891 it's more just "stay busy," right? 133 00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:12,161 Thanks, Tran. 134 00:05:12,195 --> 00:05:14,597 If I'd met you in your prime, during the war, 135 00:05:14,631 --> 00:05:16,065 that would have been glorious! 136 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:17,233 But then we would've been enemies 137 00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,034 and tried to murder one another, 138 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,936 unless we formed an alliance. 139 00:05:20,971 --> 00:05:22,137 Oh... 140 00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:24,540 You and me forming an alliance 141 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,774 in an old-school war? 142 00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:27,510 That's a fantasy. 143 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,011 Or a novel. 144 00:05:29,045 --> 00:05:30,446 You just gave me another idea. 145 00:05:31,715 --> 00:05:32,948 Winston? 146 00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:34,617 I've been thinking about it, 147 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:36,819 and a banquet is not big enough. 148 00:05:36,853 --> 00:05:38,254 You're not retiring from some 149 00:05:38,288 --> 00:05:40,189 insurance company. 150 00:05:40,223 --> 00:05:41,657 So what do you really want, 151 00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:43,125 besides a piñata? 152 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,026 Dream big. 153 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,227 Dream big, he said. 154 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,629 Okay. Um... 155 00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:47,830 If I had my druthers... 156 00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,298 you know, 100% of my druthers... 157 00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:50,299 I... 158 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,101 I gotta go Honey Roast. 159 00:05:52,135 --> 00:05:53,636 The hell is that? And don't say it 160 00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:54,837 like it's some thing we know! 161 00:05:54,871 --> 00:05:56,105 It's a roast, 162 00:05:56,139 --> 00:05:57,773 except you say nice things about me. 163 00:05:57,808 --> 00:05:59,842 Honey Roast. 164 00:06:00,544 --> 00:06:01,811 - Huh. - You know? 165 00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,679 Well, I can't wait to make that happen for you. 166 00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:05,614 - You serious? - He thinks you're serious. 167 00:06:05,649 --> 00:06:07,149 - How do I do it? - You just get everybody 168 00:06:07,184 --> 00:06:08,784 to say a bunch of cute stuff about me. 169 00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:10,419 You know, all the, like, 170 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,421 funny stuff that makes me sweet, you know? 171 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,656 Done! What else? 172 00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,891 What? There's... There's more? 173 00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:17,526 Uh... 174 00:06:17,561 --> 00:06:19,728 make me a prominent chair. 175 00:06:19,763 --> 00:06:20,596 - Like a throne? - Come on. 176 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,597 A throne? 177 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,598 Who am I, CeeLo? 178 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,866 No, I just... 179 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,167 This is me, I'm still the same person. 180 00:06:25,202 --> 00:06:27,169 - Stop touching me. - I'm not gonna change. 181 00:06:27,204 --> 00:06:28,671 - I'm still the same person. - Stop touching me. 182 00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:30,206 So make me a prominent chair. 183 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,607 Then you shall have that, Winston. 184 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,608 What else you want? 185 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,809 I'm thinking maybe 186 00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:35,277 you should MC my roast. 187 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,779 Okay, I will. 188 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,280 And can you do it dressed as Furguson? 189 00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:41,217 I'm not gonna do that. 190 00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:42,351 Thought it might be special. 191 00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,019 Nah, it's strange. 192 00:06:44,054 --> 00:06:45,187 All right, I'm gonna get started on that chair. 193 00:06:45,222 --> 00:06:46,288 Well, this just in: 194 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,756 the dress code for 195 00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:48,991 Winston's banquet tonight is... 196 00:06:49,025 --> 00:06:50,926 is opt... is optional. 197 00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,294 Why would he write "optional" there? 198 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,629 That's gotta be a mistake, right? 199 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,997 And they're gonna give him a gun? 200 00:06:55,031 --> 00:06:56,298 What are you doing back there? 201 00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,936 Thought it was about time I graduated high school. 202 00:07:00,971 --> 00:07:02,638 - Mmm... - I'm proud of you. 203 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,839 That's it? 204 00:07:03,874 --> 00:07:05,674 No snide comments? 205 00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:06,742 I've got legions. 206 00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:07,877 But I'm gonna be supportive. 207 00:07:08,812 --> 00:07:11,647 "Legions" means "a lot." 208 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,282 I know what "legions" means. 209 00:07:13,316 --> 00:07:14,750 Anyway, I probably won't even take the test. 210 00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:16,685 I failed the last five practice exams. 211 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,254 So that seems like a bad sign. 212 00:07:18,288 --> 00:07:19,822 Of course you're failing. 213 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,790 You're studying here in a rowdy tavern. 214 00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:24,160 Chumbawamba's playing, it's not even "Tubthumping." 215 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,661 You're writing with what looks to be 216 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,897 a golf pencil. Where are your flash cards? 217 00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,698 Do you not have o-one single flash card? 218 00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:31,000 There's maraschino goo everywhere! 219 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,234 You don't have a flash card? 220 00:07:32,269 --> 00:07:33,669 I'm taking over. You need a tutor. 221 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,870 Yes, I'll do it. 222 00:07:34,905 --> 00:07:36,205 You realize I have a boyfriend, right? 223 00:07:36,239 --> 00:07:37,239 Oh, the hunky Australian boy? 224 00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:38,507 Congratulations. 225 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,075 Cece, this is about your education. 226 00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:41,710 - Nothing more. - Mm. 227 00:07:41,745 --> 00:07:44,346 He's actually from Perth, so... 228 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,449 Perth is in Australia, Cece. 229 00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:48,484 We'll start with geography. 230 00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:55,163 Oh, Cece, I really need... 231 00:07:57,066 --> 00:07:58,800 to ask Schmidt 232 00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,036 if my outfit's working. 233 00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:03,104 It is not. 234 00:08:04,507 --> 00:08:06,274 I was in the middle of tutoring Cece! 235 00:08:06,309 --> 00:08:08,577 - Make it quick! - I know why you're upset, okay? 236 00:08:08,611 --> 00:08:10,078 I should've asked you to tutor me. 237 00:08:10,112 --> 00:08:11,713 But he just volunteered, 238 00:08:11,747 --> 00:08:13,782 and I figured you'd be busy with Nick. 239 00:08:13,816 --> 00:08:16,017 Well, I'm not busy with Nick anymore. 240 00:08:16,052 --> 00:08:18,186 Oh, no. 241 00:08:18,221 --> 00:08:20,188 Did you guys break up? 242 00:08:23,025 --> 00:08:24,426 Jess, are you pregnant? 243 00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:30,065 I feel like I made it weird with the pregnancy thing, you guys. 244 00:08:30,099 --> 00:08:31,533 Did I make it weird with the pregnancy thing? 245 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:32,868 'Cause I really feel like I did. 246 00:08:32,902 --> 00:08:34,669 I feel like, in my heart, that that was a... 247 00:08:34,704 --> 00:08:36,738 that was the wrong to say, especially to two women 248 00:08:36,772 --> 00:08:39,074 who are sitting alone in a room together. 249 00:08:39,108 --> 00:08:41,243 You know, I don't know where you guys are at with your lives 250 00:08:41,277 --> 00:08:43,144 But you're certainly getting up to an age 251 00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:45,080 where babies are on your mind, and-and I didn't want 252 00:08:45,114 --> 00:08:46,715 to throw that into the mix. I could see 253 00:08:46,749 --> 00:08:48,216 that you were emotional, Jess, when you left, 254 00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:49,885 and I, and I don't want to make you more emotional 255 00:08:49,919 --> 00:08:51,653 by bringing up pregnancy. 256 00:08:51,687 --> 00:08:54,456 And, Cece, you can probably barely spell "pregnancy." 257 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:57,158 And I feel terrible. 258 00:08:57,193 --> 00:08:59,227 Are you frickin' razzing me in there? 259 00:08:59,262 --> 00:09:00,762 Did I just here a razz? 260 00:09:00,796 --> 00:09:01,796 Damn it! 261 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:06,334 So you're really building Winston's throne, huh? 262 00:09:06,369 --> 00:09:08,069 It's a prominent chair. 263 00:09:08,104 --> 00:09:11,706 And it's not right! It's not regal enough! 264 00:09:11,741 --> 00:09:14,017 - How long have you been doing this? - It's for the Honey Roast. 265 00:09:14,057 --> 00:09:15,744 I'm trying to think of cute things to say about Winston. 266 00:09:15,778 --> 00:09:17,045 I got great stuff about his feet. 267 00:09:17,079 --> 00:09:19,114 What are you saying, dude? You sound insane. 268 00:09:19,148 --> 00:09:22,050 If anything's cute about Winston, it's his yawn. 269 00:09:26,622 --> 00:09:28,857 He goes, like... 270 00:09:28,891 --> 00:09:30,826 - Can I use that? - You're scaring me, man. 271 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:33,762 Like, for real. Like, I'm scared for you. 272 00:09:33,796 --> 00:09:36,231 Don't do that voice 'cause it makes me confess things. 273 00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:37,766 I'm really scared for you. 274 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,302 - I broke up with Jess. - You broke... 275 00:09:40,336 --> 00:09:42,737 - You broke up with Jess?! - I broke up with Jess. 276 00:09:42,772 --> 00:09:44,606 - Aw, man. - It's real. 277 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,107 Or she broke up with me, I don't know, but we're broken up. 278 00:09:46,142 --> 00:09:47,809 Well, at least that explains all of that. 279 00:09:47,844 --> 00:09:49,077 Kind of. 280 00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:51,112 I just feel like I'm falling apart. 281 00:09:51,147 --> 00:09:53,081 Like, my brain feels like spaghetti. 282 00:09:53,115 --> 00:09:54,382 And my future feels 283 00:09:54,417 --> 00:09:55,650 like a dark hole 284 00:09:55,685 --> 00:09:57,285 that I can't stop falling down. 285 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,488 You can't show her this pain. 286 00:09:59,522 --> 00:10:01,156 Or she'll freak out and it'll be over, okay? 287 00:10:01,190 --> 00:10:02,524 I wish someone would've told me that 288 00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:04,159 when Malia and I broke up. 289 00:10:04,193 --> 00:10:05,627 Malia, I'm in pain 290 00:10:05,661 --> 00:10:08,363 and I want you to know! 291 00:10:08,397 --> 00:10:12,100 I want to get this pain out of my body! 292 00:10:13,369 --> 00:10:14,936 I haven't seen her since. 293 00:10:14,971 --> 00:10:17,105 I still read her e-mails, though. 294 00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:18,740 - Every day. - Every day. 295 00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:20,809 - Every damn day. - Every day. 296 00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:23,378 You have to hide your feelings no matter what. 297 00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:26,181 And I am. She thinks I'm okay. That's my game plan. 298 00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:28,016 I'm talking about pills, man. Schmidt's got 299 00:10:28,050 --> 00:10:30,218 some anxiety pills in his top drawer, you know? 300 00:10:30,253 --> 00:10:32,020 - That's a great idea. - Do it. 301 00:10:32,054 --> 00:10:34,856 Don't tell any of the roommates about the breakup. 302 00:10:34,891 --> 00:10:36,628 Thought I made it clear that I do not want to talk about this. 303 00:10:36,797 --> 00:10:37,811 Sure. 304 00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:40,862 He just seemed so fine with it. 305 00:10:41,964 --> 00:10:43,365 Like he's happier 306 00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:45,333 than me watching Coach 307 00:10:45,368 --> 00:10:47,102 watching Winston yawn. 308 00:10:56,479 --> 00:10:59,281 I'm sure he's just as sad as you are. 309 00:10:59,315 --> 00:11:00,382 It's an act. 310 00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:02,017 You need to go and talk to him 311 00:11:02,051 --> 00:11:04,352 so he can tell you how he really feels. 312 00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:07,055 I'll go with you, okay? 313 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:09,357 - Thanks. - Of course. 314 00:11:09,392 --> 00:11:11,726 Are you guys Frenching? 315 00:11:11,761 --> 00:11:13,361 Okay, say you're Frenching and I'll stop knocking. 316 00:11:13,396 --> 00:11:14,963 Ignore him, okay? Just ignore him. 317 00:11:17,774 --> 00:11:19,795 Remember Cece, no one knows we broke up. 318 00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:22,030 - Not a word. - Nope. 319 00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:24,666 - Hey! - Come here, you. 320 00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:26,902 Why are we doing this? 321 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,770 Uh... 322 00:11:28,805 --> 00:11:30,872 this is, uh, how I, how I greet everyone now. 323 00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:34,109 And then I, uh, do this. 324 00:11:34,143 --> 00:11:35,177 - Then do that. - Oh. 325 00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:36,178 And top it off 326 00:11:36,212 --> 00:11:37,379 with a little bit of that. 327 00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:38,513 You feel me? 328 00:11:38,548 --> 00:11:39,615 This is how you greet everybody now? 329 00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:41,483 Ah, come here, you. 330 00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,352 Uh, that wasn't an invitation. 331 00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,089 Nick, hi! 332 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,223 Son of a bitch! Come here, you. 333 00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:49,758 What are you doing, man? 334 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,461 - You take the pills? - Uh, I feel as if I'm of cotton. 335 00:11:52,495 --> 00:11:53,829 Sorry for what's about to happen. 336 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,270 Do you have a minute to maybe have a conversation 337 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,604 with your sweet, sweet girlfriend? 338 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,076 I think the only way we're gonna get through this 339 00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:09,678 is if we're really honest with each other 340 00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,079 about how we're really feeling. 341 00:12:11,114 --> 00:12:12,281 This morning I told you 342 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,383 I was okay, and... 343 00:12:16,619 --> 00:12:17,819 Why are you winking at me? 344 00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:19,254 - Am I winking? - Yeah. 345 00:12:19,289 --> 00:12:20,856 I think I'm just a little nervous. 346 00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:23,759 I'm gonna put my sunglasses on so we can keep talking. 347 00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:25,594 - Okay, okay. - 'Cause I don't think I can stop this. 348 00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:26,728 Please continue with what you were saying. 349 00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:28,830 Um, I just, um, 350 00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:30,699 want you to tell me how you really feel. 351 00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:33,602 - Great. - Gre... I'm sorry, "Great"? 352 00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:35,537 - I feel great. - Is great the, the, uh, 353 00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:36,939 is the emotion you feel right now? 354 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,340 - No. - Oh. 355 00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:42,177 I feel amazing. 356 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:44,880 - "Amazing"? - Yeah. 357 00:12:44,914 --> 00:12:47,182 You feel amazing right now? 358 00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:48,784 I just feel happier and amazing 359 00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:50,352 and lighter. 360 00:12:50,386 --> 00:12:52,287 Tonight's about Winston. 361 00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:54,089 You don't have to worry about me 'cause I'm worried 362 00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:55,357 about the Honey Roast. 363 00:12:55,391 --> 00:12:56,758 I'm sorry I forgot 364 00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:58,827 that Winston is the most important thing 365 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,729 that's going on today. 366 00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:01,830 That's where I'm putting all my energies. 367 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,565 Fan... 368 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,001 tastic. 369 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,003 Took a long time to say that word. 370 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,938 There you are! 371 00:13:09,973 --> 00:13:12,674 - We're supposed to be studying. - Come here, you. 372 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,509 Ah, thanks, Coach. I needed this. 373 00:13:15,612 --> 00:13:18,247 Mm. Delightful. 374 00:13:18,281 --> 00:13:19,715 To you, too, my friend. 375 00:13:19,749 --> 00:13:20,749 That is super weird. 376 00:13:20,783 --> 00:13:22,284 What is wrong with you? 377 00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:24,152 What are you scared of a couple practice tests? 378 00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:25,621 Just something more important came up, that's all. 379 00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:26,922 There should be nothing 380 00:13:26,956 --> 00:13:29,424 more important to you, Cece, than your future. 381 00:13:29,459 --> 00:13:30,826 Because nothing is more important 382 00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,261 to me than your future. 383 00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:33,829 Do you know how stupid it makes me feel 384 00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:35,631 to care more about your future than you do? 385 00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,367 Nick and Jess broke up. 386 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,235 I knew you knew! 387 00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,236 - Oh! - I knew it! 388 00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:42,504 So, you knew, too. 389 00:13:42,539 --> 00:13:44,840 But you knew and you told. 390 00:13:44,874 --> 00:13:46,708 Look, that was so sweet of you, Schmidt. 391 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,644 Okay? And thank you for believing in me... 392 00:13:48,678 --> 00:13:51,228 - Who gives a rat's A?! - Hmm? 393 00:13:51,278 --> 00:13:53,126 Nick and Jess break up. and you spring this on me 394 00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:55,217 like a, like it's a freaking weather report? 395 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,487 I am a child of divorce! I'm delicate! 396 00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:01,189 Should've graduated the first time around, you buffoon! 397 00:14:01,224 --> 00:14:02,691 Better keep it together, dude. No one can know you know. 398 00:14:02,725 --> 00:14:05,227 Guess what, Cece? 399 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,728 My boyfriend Nick 400 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,664 is totally frickin' fine. 401 00:14:08,698 --> 00:14:10,766 He's actually, he's "amazing." 402 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,401 Okay, wine. 403 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,870 Yeah, make it a big one. A holiday pour. 404 00:14:14,904 --> 00:14:16,538 'Cause today's all about Winston. 405 00:14:16,573 --> 00:14:17,839 Yeah, it's all about Winston. 406 00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:20,909 Somebody say Winston? 407 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,512 - Whoa! - What? 408 00:14:23,546 --> 00:14:27,716 Guys, I gotta say, I am walking on air, I really am. 409 00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:28,717 It's, uh... 410 00:14:28,751 --> 00:14:29,718 Excuse me for a second. 411 00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:31,320 Hey, Winston! 412 00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:34,556 Hey, it's your day! I'm diving in! What can I do? 413 00:14:34,591 --> 00:14:37,459 'Cause today is all about Winston. 414 00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:38,560 Yeah, all about Winston. 415 00:14:38,595 --> 00:14:40,729 - Whatever you want, buddy. - Mm-hmm. 416 00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,164 Anything? 417 00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:43,799 My name is Nick Miller 418 00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:47,102 and I'm your host of tonight's Honey Roast. 419 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,104 Thank you! Thank you! 420 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:52,307 And I'm Furguson the cat. 421 00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:53,775 Ya-ya! 422 00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:58,575 Okay, uh, tonight's Honey Roast, we're gonna keep it sweet, 423 00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:01,978 keep it positive, and most of all, we're gonna keep it cute. 424 00:15:02,013 --> 00:15:03,313 Am I right, Furguson? 425 00:15:05,683 --> 00:15:06,983 Hope that cat's not driving. 426 00:15:07,018 --> 00:15:09,285 How is a cat costume just lying around? 427 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,854 She has four of them. 428 00:15:10,888 --> 00:15:12,794 I'm drinking a "Catbernet." 429 00:15:14,425 --> 00:15:15,392 - That's pretty good. - Okay. 430 00:15:15,426 --> 00:15:16,426 That's pretty good. 431 00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:18,595 A Pinot "meowoir..." 432 00:15:18,629 --> 00:15:20,063 Meow-oi-rr. 433 00:15:20,097 --> 00:15:23,199 If I have one more of these, you're gonna have to point 434 00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:25,802 this old kitty in the direction of my litter box 435 00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:28,872 because I'm gonna need to find it. 436 00:15:28,906 --> 00:15:30,874 Mm, let's keep it cute, guys. 437 00:15:30,908 --> 00:15:32,842 'Cause I'm gonna have to pee. 438 00:15:32,877 --> 00:15:35,912 Speaking of cute, Winston Bishop is so cute... 439 00:15:35,946 --> 00:15:38,014 How cute is he? 440 00:15:38,049 --> 00:15:39,316 How cute am I? 441 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:41,282 Teddy bears buy Winston for their kids. 442 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,121 That was good. That is exactly how cute I am. 443 00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:47,023 - Horrible visual. - Want to know how cute you are? 444 00:15:47,058 --> 00:15:48,058 Yeah, I want to know how cute I am. 445 00:15:48,092 --> 00:15:49,025 You want to know how cute you are? 446 00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,026 I want to know how cute I am. 447 00:15:50,061 --> 00:15:50,927 Puppys put him... 448 00:15:50,961 --> 00:15:52,195 Not gonna do that one. 449 00:15:52,229 --> 00:15:53,797 Are we still pretending that we don't... 450 00:15:53,831 --> 00:15:56,166 - Relax. Keep it together. - Mm-hmm, it'll be over soon. 451 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,335 - Pretend like you're enjoying this. Smile. - Mm-hmm. 452 00:15:58,369 --> 00:16:01,738 Winston is so cute, he once met a Japanese gal named Ariko, 453 00:16:01,772 --> 00:16:04,174 and she started wearing him as a backpack! 454 00:16:05,976 --> 00:16:07,877 Boom! 455 00:16:07,912 --> 00:16:11,548 Ooh! I did not see that one coming! Oh, my! 456 00:16:11,582 --> 00:16:13,283 - I didn't expect it either. - Surprise ending! 457 00:16:13,317 --> 00:16:16,486 I think it's time, I think it's time 458 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,254 that this cat takes over. 459 00:16:19,223 --> 00:16:20,290 Why hold back? 460 00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:22,092 I feel like we should make this 461 00:16:22,126 --> 00:16:23,593 - a real roast. - Yeah. 462 00:16:23,627 --> 00:16:25,428 - Don't do that. - Mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. 463 00:16:25,463 --> 00:16:27,263 I'm kind of scared, but I'm also kind of excited. 464 00:16:27,298 --> 00:16:29,332 - I think, actually, it's my turn to... - It's my turn! 465 00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,101 - Uh... mm-mm. - Okay, back here. 466 00:16:31,135 --> 00:16:32,102 This is the best idea. 467 00:16:32,136 --> 00:16:33,436 I think I should sit down. 468 00:16:33,471 --> 00:16:34,804 Getting a little mean. 469 00:16:34,839 --> 00:16:35,839 Time to add some honey. 470 00:16:35,873 --> 00:16:37,273 Who's in the house? 471 00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:38,441 Coach is in the house. 472 00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:39,943 What-what? 473 00:16:39,977 --> 00:16:41,378 What's up, Coach? 474 00:16:41,412 --> 00:16:44,714 You have so many sweatpants, you need to buy normal pants. 475 00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:48,418 Cece here. 476 00:16:48,452 --> 00:16:49,753 You guys know Cece. 477 00:16:49,787 --> 00:16:52,997 - Your hair's so long. - Well, you're basically busted. 478 00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:54,038 - Good one. - That was good. 479 00:16:54,089 --> 00:16:55,197 - That was really a good one. - That was a good one. 480 00:16:55,259 --> 00:16:56,566 - Schmidt... - Jess, please, don't. 481 00:16:56,606 --> 00:16:57,717 I'm very fragile right now. 482 00:16:57,752 --> 00:16:59,929 Your head's so big. 483 00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:01,197 That actually wasn't that bad. 484 00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:02,766 You got a big-ass head, dude! 485 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:03,767 And Nick Miller... 486 00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:05,368 Oh, boy. 487 00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:08,505 What can I say about Nick that hasn't already been said? 488 00:17:08,539 --> 00:17:09,572 Oh, here we go. 489 00:17:09,607 --> 00:17:12,876 Nick calls birds "wind mice." 490 00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,010 Think about it. 491 00:17:14,045 --> 00:17:17,013 - Nick says "Yahtzee" when he climaxes. - Oh, boy. 492 00:17:17,048 --> 00:17:19,482 He calls turtles "shell beavers." 493 00:17:19,517 --> 00:17:21,785 Well, that's what they should be called. 494 00:17:21,819 --> 00:17:23,953 They're green. Beavers are brown. 495 00:17:23,988 --> 00:17:25,689 We've had this argument and we have agreed 496 00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:27,624 to not talk about it in front of others. 497 00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:29,125 But you know the worst, 498 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,361 worst, worst thing about Nick? 499 00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:34,297 - You don't have to say it. You just... - Mm-mm, mm-mm. 500 00:17:34,332 --> 00:17:38,201 He's okay. 501 00:17:38,235 --> 00:17:39,903 He's okay. 502 00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:41,471 And I am... 503 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:45,342 not okay. 504 00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:48,044 I'm not okay. 505 00:17:48,079 --> 00:17:50,080 What are you talking about? 506 00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:52,882 Are you nuts? 507 00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:53,883 I'm falling apart. 508 00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:55,318 Yeah, I... 509 00:17:55,353 --> 00:17:57,787 I'm on Schmidt's anti-anxiety medicine. 510 00:17:57,822 --> 00:17:59,189 What?! 511 00:17:59,223 --> 00:18:00,991 Yeah, I stole it from his drawer. 512 00:18:01,025 --> 00:18:02,092 Schmidty's little helpers. 513 00:18:02,126 --> 00:18:03,727 - Ooh. - Sorry about that. 514 00:18:03,761 --> 00:18:05,962 I'm very much not okay! I was only acting okay 515 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,297 'cause I thought you were okay. 516 00:18:07,331 --> 00:18:08,665 - I'm not okay. - I am not okay. 517 00:18:08,699 --> 00:18:10,133 I'm terrible! 518 00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:13,470 I know I'm smiling right now, but I feel terrible. 519 00:18:13,504 --> 00:18:15,071 - I'm so happy... - Yeah. 520 00:18:15,106 --> 00:18:16,439 ...that you feel terrible. 521 00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:17,443 It's a devastating breakup. 522 00:18:18,209 --> 00:18:19,349 - You know, I know we lived together. - It's really hard. 523 00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:20,853 - It's tricky, you know? - Yeah. 524 00:18:21,379 --> 00:18:22,699 - You know, it sucks. - I really thought we had a future. 525 00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,707 Me, too. Yeah, saw the whole thing, the whole thing. 526 00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:27,034 - And now we don't. It's done, yeah. - We have nothing in common. 527 00:18:27,143 --> 00:18:28,172 Yeah. 528 00:18:28,252 --> 00:18:30,353 I also can't stop smiling because of the drugs, 529 00:18:30,388 --> 00:18:31,554 so my face feels crazy. 530 00:18:31,589 --> 00:18:32,989 It feels like I had plastic surgery. 531 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,157 Can somebody please 532 00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:36,226 tell me what the hell is going on in here? 533 00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:37,761 - You want to do this? - I think we should. 534 00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:39,162 We broke up! 535 00:18:39,196 --> 00:18:40,697 - We're done. It's over. - It's all done. 536 00:18:40,731 --> 00:18:42,699 - Are you serious?! What?! - What?! No! 537 00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,234 Come on, guys, it's so obvious. 538 00:18:44,268 --> 00:18:46,369 - Son of a bee sting. - I mean... 539 00:18:46,404 --> 00:18:47,704 What, you broke up today? 540 00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:49,873 - Yesterday. - Yesterday. 541 00:18:49,907 --> 00:18:51,074 Well, why didn't you tell me? 542 00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:53,410 Because we didn't want to ruin your day. 543 00:18:53,444 --> 00:18:56,279 And I'm so sorry we did. We're so proud of you 544 00:18:56,314 --> 00:18:57,947 that you got into the police academy, 545 00:18:57,982 --> 00:19:00,283 but we're just, we're in a really bad zone. 546 00:19:00,318 --> 00:19:03,186 - Yeah, a too bad zone. - So let's just come out and admit it. 547 00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:04,587 We're in a terrible zone. 548 00:19:04,622 --> 00:19:06,122 Are you kidding me? 549 00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:07,390 Something this big happens 550 00:19:07,425 --> 00:19:10,126 and you guys still look out for me? 551 00:19:10,161 --> 00:19:11,261 I mean, that's... Thank you. 552 00:19:11,295 --> 00:19:13,663 I really appreciate it, you guys, 553 00:19:13,698 --> 00:19:15,198 but I'm here for whatever you need. 554 00:19:15,232 --> 00:19:16,833 Thank you, buddy. 555 00:19:23,975 --> 00:19:26,309 Look, I know this is super weird and... 556 00:19:26,344 --> 00:19:28,678 definitely high on anxiety pills but... 557 00:19:28,713 --> 00:19:31,247 I'd like everybody to hold hands in this moment. 558 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:33,149 - No. - Just do it, man. That's it. 559 00:19:33,184 --> 00:19:34,217 - Everybody? - Oh. 560 00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,553 - It's two ladies. - I'm okay. 561 00:19:36,587 --> 00:19:38,121 This feels good. 562 00:19:38,155 --> 00:19:40,390 Om... 563 00:19:46,497 --> 00:19:48,832 Let's never tell anyone we did this. 564 00:19:48,866 --> 00:19:50,967 Should we all try to live inside a peach, 565 00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:53,103 or is that weird? 566 00:19:53,137 --> 00:19:56,773 Guys, in light of what's been going on, 567 00:19:56,807 --> 00:19:58,608 I will be postponing the Honey Roast 568 00:19:58,643 --> 00:20:00,443 - until tomorrow night. - Okay. 569 00:20:00,478 --> 00:20:01,578 - Ah! - No. 570 00:20:01,612 --> 00:20:02,579 - No way. - Not doing this. 571 00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:04,180 We could say everybody come back, 572 00:20:04,215 --> 00:20:06,249 - Sorry, Winston. - everybody come back the same time, so... 573 00:20:06,283 --> 00:20:09,152 then you guys all get to wear white. 574 00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:22,999 Hi, again. 575 00:20:25,269 --> 00:20:27,637 I'm watching Dirty Dancing. 576 00:20:27,672 --> 00:20:29,272 I know. I've heard all three screenings. 577 00:20:29,307 --> 00:20:31,474 I just don't understand how Penny got in trouble. 578 00:20:31,509 --> 00:20:33,243 Well, you know, it was a different time. 579 00:20:33,277 --> 00:20:34,444 Who wins in a fight? 580 00:20:34,478 --> 00:20:37,247 Swayze from Dirty Dancing 581 00:20:37,281 --> 00:20:38,848 or Swayze from Roadhouse? 582 00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:41,818 I think, uh, To Wong Foo Swayze would win. 583 00:20:41,852 --> 00:20:43,253 Jess, this is really hard. 584 00:20:43,287 --> 00:20:44,854 I don't know what to do. 585 00:20:44,889 --> 00:20:46,690 I don't know what to call you. 586 00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:48,391 It's like a riddle. 587 00:20:48,426 --> 00:20:49,826 I know! 588 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:52,595 I don't know where to change or where to sleep 589 00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:54,164 or where to go to the bathroom. 590 00:20:54,198 --> 00:20:56,566 Well, I know where to go to the bathroom. 591 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,802 But you know, the social component. 592 00:21:00,871 --> 00:21:03,440 Oh, no. 593 00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:04,607 I'm out of tissues. 594 00:21:04,642 --> 00:21:05,642 I got it. 595 00:21:06,944 --> 00:21:07,911 Heads up! 596 00:21:07,945 --> 00:21:10,213 Oh! Hey. 597 00:21:10,247 --> 00:21:11,815 Thank you. 598 00:21:11,849 --> 00:21:14,818 No problem. That's what I'm here for. 599 00:21:14,852 --> 00:21:17,120 Good night, honey. 600 00:21:17,154 --> 00:21:18,521 Good night. 601 00:21:27,164 --> 00:21:30,834 ♪ Hungry eyes ♪ 602 00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:33,470 ♪ One look at you and I can't disguise ♪ 603 00:21:33,504 --> 00:21:35,438 ♪ ...guise, I got hungry eyes... ♪ 604 00:21:35,473 --> 00:21:36,673 Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss www.addic7ed.com