1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,287
Thanks for helping me
with my school dance.

2
00:00:07,699 --> 00:00:12,246
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever, and..."

3
00:00:12,514 --> 00:00:16,147
- How many "and ever"s?
- Technically infinity, but...

4
00:00:16,207 --> 00:00:17,727
I could only fit 12.

5
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,357
Well, this is going to be
tough for you, huh?

6
00:00:21,392 --> 00:00:23,653
Yes! Foster said
we couldn't afford it,

7
00:00:23,654 --> 00:00:25,660
but I really stuck my neck out
for this dance.

8
00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:29,777
No, I-I mean because the theme
of the dance is "Love is forever" and...

9
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,987
Nick, and the breakup...

10
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:35,691
What? No, Cece, look, you remember
what school dances were like for me.

11
00:00:35,881 --> 00:00:37,783
They were miserable.
I was just waiting in the bathroom

12
00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:40,715
for Tim Keymaker to magically appear
and ask me out.

13
00:00:40,716 --> 00:00:43,466
I remember. I was smoking
in the stall next to you.

14
00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:45,339
We get it, you were bad.

15
00:00:45,374 --> 00:00:47,801
I just don't want it to be
like it was for me.

16
00:00:47,983 --> 00:00:51,661
I want them to have an incredible time.
My life is a bit of a mess right now,

17
00:00:51,977 --> 00:00:56,293
but the one thing I can do
is throw an amazing dance for them.

18
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:59,473
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever..."

19
00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:02,929
- What is this?
- The theme of Jess's school dance.

20
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,455
- It's pretty ironic, huh?
- Jess, you poor thing.

21
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,649
- Come-come here. Come here.
- What?

22
00:01:05,684 --> 00:01:06,546
What?

23
00:01:06,581 --> 00:01:07,814
Just... there.

24
00:01:07,848 --> 00:01:09,049
- What are you doing?
- All right.

25
00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:11,384
Uh-huh. Okay.

26
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,919
Oh, I know. I know.

27
00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:15,088
- I know.
- What's happening?

28
00:01:15,122 --> 00:01:16,990
I got hug number two
locked and loaded.

29
00:01:17,024 --> 00:01:19,159
Soft or hard, it's up to you.

30
00:01:19,193 --> 00:01:20,594
- I know.
- Schmidt...

31
00:01:25,388 --> 00:01:29,729
Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss.
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:31,038 --> 00:01:32,706
Ay-ay-ay, I needed a shvitz.

33
00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:34,299
Ech, me, too.

34
00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:37,222
My arms are so sore
from doing so many push-ups.

35
00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:38,425
That seems like a lie.

36
00:01:38,426 --> 00:01:40,210
No, I'm trying to stay fit
after the breakup.

37
00:01:40,387 --> 00:01:43,237
I've been eating salads,
yeah, no dressing,

38
00:01:43,411 --> 00:01:45,986
- mostly just the protein.
- What kind of salad you've been eating?

39
00:01:46,145 --> 00:01:48,999
- The little chopped of pieces of ham.
- Just the ham?

40
00:01:49,179 --> 00:01:50,036
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

41
00:01:50,086 --> 00:01:53,013
I don't like the lettuce. I think it's
gross to eat stuff on earth that's green.

42
00:01:53,159 --> 00:01:54,593
- Well, look, you know baby steps...
- Not baby steps,

43
00:01:54,741 --> 00:01:56,577
- there were some pretty big pieces of ham.
- Okay.

44
00:01:56,612 --> 00:02:00,952
It's still not as good.
I genuinely miss goofing around with Jess.

45
00:02:01,115 --> 00:02:03,180
Breakups aren't
supposed to be easy, so...

46
00:02:03,361 --> 00:02:04,843
Well, it's really mature of you, man.

47
00:02:04,845 --> 00:02:05,833
We're doing something where we are...

48
00:02:06,013 --> 00:02:09,383
we are not allowed to be in the room
alone together without Winston.

49
00:02:09,695 --> 00:02:12,350
'Cause he just naturally takes
the sexual tension out of a room.

50
00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:17,389
What'd you guys want?

51
00:02:17,423 --> 00:02:19,124
You see? I'm proud of you.

52
00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:20,625
That's what I'm talking
about. We're men.

53
00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:21,893
We've felt pain, we've survived it.

54
00:02:21,927 --> 00:02:23,428
Look at me.

55
00:02:23,462 --> 00:02:24,896
I'm watching Cece drool
over some 20-year-old.

56
00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:26,998
How could she be interested in a boy

57
00:02:27,033 --> 00:02:28,500
when she could have these ripe berries?

58
00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:29,801
Look at these, Nick.

59
00:02:29,835 --> 00:02:31,069
Put your towel down.

60
00:02:31,103 --> 00:02:33,338
Oh, God, I need a shvitz.

61
00:02:33,372 --> 00:02:35,907
Why does my sweat smell like asparagus?

62
00:02:35,941 --> 00:02:37,909
He does take all the sexual tension
out of a room.

63
00:02:37,943 --> 00:02:39,844
Man, I heat up every room I walk into.

64
00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,814
Put me next to a dozen eggs.
They hatching. You know why?

65
00:02:42,849 --> 00:02:44,583
'Cause I got the heat of a mother hen.

66
00:02:44,617 --> 00:02:46,451
There was no sexual tension
in here before he got here.

67
00:02:46,486 --> 00:02:47,552
Keep telling yourself that, Nick.

68
00:02:48,888 --> 00:02:50,589
Congrats, chaperones!

69
00:02:50,623 --> 00:02:51,990
With your help, tonight
is going to be...

70
00:02:52,024 --> 00:02:53,258
unforgettable.

71
00:02:53,292 --> 00:02:54,626
I didn't sign up for this.

72
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,528
No, you didn't. None of you did.

73
00:02:56,562 --> 00:02:58,196
In fact, none of you have ever, ever

74
00:02:58,231 --> 00:03:00,432
signed up for any school event, ever.

75
00:03:00,466 --> 00:03:02,968
Which means you've never felt the joy

76
00:03:03,002 --> 00:03:04,369
of exchanging your free time

77
00:03:04,403 --> 00:03:06,037
for a child's smile.

78
00:03:06,072 --> 00:03:08,507
I never volunteer because
of my Munchausen syndrome.

79
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:09,474
Are we getting paid?

80
00:03:09,509 --> 00:03:10,876
You will get paid, um, actually,

81
00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:13,779
in attractive hats that I made.

82
00:03:13,813 --> 00:03:15,814
They say "chaperone."

83
00:03:16,916 --> 00:03:17,983
And Gary the Janitor has one

84
00:03:18,017 --> 00:03:19,117
that says "clean up crew."

85
00:03:19,152 --> 00:03:20,786
You call me Gary the Janitor

86
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,687
as if me being a janitor

87
00:03:22,722 --> 00:03:23,955
is my whole identity.

88
00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:25,524
It's like someone calling you

89
00:03:25,558 --> 00:03:28,026
Jess the Third-Hottest White Teacher.

90
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,027
Okay.

91
00:03:29,061 --> 00:03:30,028
Are we done?

92
00:03:30,062 --> 00:03:31,029
I'm gonna say we're done.

93
00:03:31,063 --> 00:03:32,497
Yeah. Okay.

94
00:03:32,532 --> 00:03:34,199
Thank-thanks, guys.
Good-good meeting.

95
00:03:34,233 --> 00:03:36,468
I don't know
where I'm supposed to be right now.

96
00:03:36,502 --> 00:03:37,836
Thanks, guys.

97
00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:39,805
It's gonna be great!

98
00:03:39,839 --> 00:03:41,873
You don't have to wear that, Coach.

99
00:03:41,908 --> 00:03:43,141
As far as I'm concerned,

100
00:03:43,176 --> 00:03:44,376
this dance starts now.

101
00:03:44,410 --> 00:03:46,344
I know how important
this dance is to you.

102
00:03:46,379 --> 00:03:48,103
Those kids won't get away with anything.

103
00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:51,018
They want to bang, they're gonna
have to bang through me.

104
00:03:51,052 --> 00:03:52,052
Wait.

105
00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:54,388
If they want to bang,

106
00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:56,357
they're gonna have to bang through me!

107
00:03:56,391 --> 00:03:57,725
Wait.

108
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,194
Hey, Wendy.

109
00:04:01,396 --> 00:04:02,730
Whoa!

110
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,432
That shirt's scary! Whoa.

111
00:04:08,069 --> 00:04:09,269
You going to the dance tonight?

112
00:04:09,304 --> 00:04:10,504
My mom's making me go.

113
00:04:10,538 --> 00:04:11,739
Making you go

114
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,340
to the best night of your life?

115
00:04:13,375 --> 00:04:15,075
Your mom sounds really cool.

116
00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:18,312
Come one, at your age, love
is forever and ever and ever.

117
00:04:19,714 --> 00:04:20,914
What are you gonna wear?

118
00:04:20,949 --> 00:04:21,949
This shirt.

119
00:04:21,983 --> 00:04:23,050
Oh.

120
00:04:23,084 --> 00:04:24,285
Oh!

121
00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:25,686
That is

122
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,155
the best idea I've heard all week.

123
00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:31,525
Whoa! Scary shirt!

124
00:04:31,559 --> 00:04:32,926
We all think that you're an idiot

125
00:04:32,961 --> 00:04:34,194
for dating this 14-year-old.

126
00:04:34,229 --> 00:04:35,429
He's 20.

127
00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:36,697
That means he was seven

128
00:04:36,731 --> 00:04:38,065
when Good Will Hunting came out.

129
00:04:38,099 --> 00:04:39,733
Seven, Cece.
Good Will Hunting.

130
00:04:39,768 --> 00:04:41,402
You know what? Let me go,
let me go, let me go.

131
00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:43,304
Um, check this out.
Cece's boyfriend

132
00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:46,974
is so young that...

133
00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:49,076
It'll come back to me.

134
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,744
Buster is more of a man than all of you.

135
00:04:50,779 --> 00:04:52,813
Okay? He's been to, like, 40 countries,

136
00:04:52,847 --> 00:04:54,248
he builds boats,

137
00:04:54,282 --> 00:04:55,788
he used to train snakes with his uncle.

138
00:04:55,818 --> 00:04:57,381
Earning a respectable wage,

139
00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:59,719
wearing a proper-hanging
pair of slacks,

140
00:04:59,753 --> 00:05:02,221
ordering sushi like a sick-ass boss...

141
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:05,575
- These things a man maketh.
- So stupid stuff that you do.

142
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:07,511
I know that technically
you guys are men,

143
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:10,943
but all you do is hang out
with each other, like you're 12.

144
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,431
What do you know?
You're just a stupid girl.

145
00:05:12,466 --> 00:05:14,267
Okay, I got it, I got it.

146
00:05:14,301 --> 00:05:17,336
Okay, Cece's boyfriend
is so young that...

147
00:05:17,371 --> 00:05:19,839
- How-how young is he?
- Winston.

148
00:05:19,873 --> 00:05:22,108
It's not working, man.
I'm serious.

149
00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:24,777
- I'm at my wit's end with you.
- What?

150
00:05:24,811 --> 00:05:26,245
Wait a minute.

151
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,980
Why's the door locked?

152
00:05:28,015 --> 00:05:29,749
The dance starts in five minutes.

153
00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:31,684
- Okay.
- Gary!

154
00:05:31,718 --> 00:05:33,586
Thank God you're here.
Can you unlock the door?

155
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,421
No. I didn't put that there.

156
00:05:35,455 --> 00:05:36,589
What?

157
00:05:36,623 --> 00:05:37,924
Who else could have done it?

158
00:05:37,958 --> 00:05:39,158
We can't start the dance

159
00:05:39,192 --> 00:05:40,526
if the door's locked.

160
00:05:40,561 --> 00:05:42,361
Don't tell me I wore my raw denim

161
00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,131
for no reason.
Don't you dare tell me that!

162
00:05:45,165 --> 00:05:46,132
I am not telling you that.

163
00:05:46,166 --> 00:05:47,633
So the dance is cancelled, then?

164
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:48,834
No, no, no. There is gonna be a dance.

165
00:05:48,869 --> 00:05:49,835
It's gonna be great and perfect

166
00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:51,137
and lovely and it will celebrate

167
00:05:51,171 --> 00:05:52,605
love is forever and ever and ever.

168
00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:53,706
Where are you guys going?

169
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:55,641
In life, nowhere.

170
00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,810
But I know I don't want to be here.

171
00:05:57,844 --> 00:06:00,680
Guys, please stay. It would
really mean a lot to me.

172
00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:01,881
Boring.

173
00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:05,384
It's Jess. All of her
chaperones just bailed,

174
00:06:05,419 --> 00:06:06,852
and she needs help.

175
00:06:06,887 --> 00:06:07,954
A lady needs help?

176
00:06:07,988 --> 00:06:10,022
Is that a job for a boy?

177
00:06:10,057 --> 00:06:11,023
- No.
- Or a...

178
00:06:11,058 --> 00:06:12,358
- Man!
- man?

179
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:14,694
Men! Men! Men!

180
00:06:14,728 --> 00:06:17,630
Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!

181
00:06:17,664 --> 00:06:19,065
Well, the dummy patrol is ready.

182
00:06:19,099 --> 00:06:20,800
- Men! Men! Men!
- Aah!

183
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:22,668
Men. Man!

184
00:06:22,703 --> 00:06:25,004
- So stupid.
- Seriously, are you okay for real?

185
00:06:25,038 --> 00:06:27,306
- You got any ice?
- Dude, rub his shoulder. Rub his shoulder.

186
00:06:27,341 --> 00:06:29,308
- I'll get ice. I'll get ice.
- My shoulder go into his. You all right?

187
00:06:29,343 --> 00:06:31,344
- Ow, man!
- Okay, all right, just sit back.

188
00:06:31,378 --> 00:06:33,246
Nick, get the ice!

189
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,030
- How do you know how to do that?
- Well, a tire iron is

190
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:41,799
actually strong enough to break through
a high-carbon steel steering wheel lock,

191
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,768
so, you know, I figured
I'd work with this.

192
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:45,169
Cece scares me sometimes.

193
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,771
It's just the tip
of the iceberg, my friend.

194
00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:51,655
- Got it. There we go.
- Oh! Yes!

195
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:54,091
Everything's back on track, guys!

196
00:06:54,125 --> 00:06:56,093
This bike lock was a real punk move.

197
00:06:56,127 --> 00:06:58,862
Seems like there's a lot of
punks here. Did you do this?

198
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:01,932
- Hey. You did this? Huh? You did this?
- Hey, easy, easy.

199
00:07:01,966 --> 00:07:03,667
If anyone's messing
with this dance, it's one

200
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:06,036
of those teachers...
Those hats were begging for payback.

201
00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:07,003
- Let's do this.
- Hey.

202
00:07:07,038 --> 00:07:09,005
Listen up, chaperones.

203
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,540
You will obey all of my instructions.

204
00:07:10,575 --> 00:07:12,542
This means everything to Jess.

205
00:07:12,577 --> 00:07:14,444
Your asses belong to me now.

206
00:07:14,479 --> 00:07:16,146
Which means I currently have

207
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,647
four asses.

208
00:07:17,682 --> 00:07:20,217
The three of yours and mine.

209
00:07:20,251 --> 00:07:21,385
I think we're capable of handling

210
00:07:21,419 --> 00:07:23,387
a bunch of prepubescent kids.

211
00:07:23,421 --> 00:07:25,222
Do you think you are tough, Winston?

212
00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:26,223
You have no idea

213
00:07:26,257 --> 00:07:27,657
what these little bastards

214
00:07:27,692 --> 00:07:28,825
are capable of.

215
00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:29,993
I mean, I love them.

216
00:07:30,027 --> 00:07:31,528
I love them with all my heart.

217
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:35,811
But they will hurt
your feelings sometimes.

218
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,503
He's right. I remember sticks and
stones may break your bones,

219
00:07:39,537 --> 00:07:42,539
but not if you're a fat
kid with calcium deficiency.

220
00:07:42,573 --> 00:07:45,575
Schmidt, you're on snack table
duty. Keep the chip bowls full.

221
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:46,977
Don't let the kids spike the punch.

222
00:07:47,011 --> 00:07:48,211
And make sure Diabetic Amy

223
00:07:48,246 --> 00:07:50,247
only has four cookies.

224
00:07:50,281 --> 00:07:53,150
Diabetic Amy ain't gonna
get no cookies on my watch.

225
00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:55,385
No, she-she has to have
at least two or she'll pass out.

226
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,054
She's getting nothing
as far as I'm concerned.

227
00:07:57,088 --> 00:07:59,222
At least two, at least two
or she'll pass out.

228
00:07:59,257 --> 00:08:01,758
- All right, Winston? Dance floor duty.
- Yes, sir.

229
00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:03,827
Ooh, you shouldn't have
said that, man, that is

230
00:08:03,861 --> 00:08:04,895
the perfect place for
me right now. I got

231
00:08:04,929 --> 00:08:06,263
- so much heat coming off me, man.
- No.

232
00:08:06,297 --> 00:08:08,098
No, no, no, no, no, no. No heat.

233
00:08:08,132 --> 00:08:09,533
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- No heat. Hey, hey, hey.

234
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,601
None. Hey, look at me. No heat.

235
00:08:11,636 --> 00:08:14,538
The opposite of heat. Six inches
separation at all times.

236
00:08:14,572 --> 00:08:16,740
Nobody's getting pregnant tonight.

237
00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:18,842
That's the same thing I say on my dates.

238
00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:21,411
Not cool.

239
00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:24,748
- Let's hit it.
- Hey, hey.

240
00:08:24,782 --> 00:08:26,450
Saving the best for last?

241
00:08:26,484 --> 00:08:27,951
Oh, I'm sorry, Nick, uh,

242
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,419
you're not chaperone material.

243
00:08:29,454 --> 00:08:31,555
I've been at this job
for a few weeks now

244
00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:33,457
and I know the stink of a bad kid.

245
00:08:33,491 --> 00:08:36,413
That makes me the perfect
candidate to be a chaperone, Coach.

246
00:08:36,453 --> 00:08:37,561
Just think about it.

247
00:08:37,595 --> 00:08:40,263
I can get in the mind of a bad kid.

248
00:08:40,265 --> 00:08:42,866
Think like 'em, go deep.
I can go too deep.

249
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:45,202
I'm gonna put you in the parking lot
to sweep for stragglers.

250
00:08:45,236 --> 00:08:47,304
- You want me on the streets.
- It's not that important of a job.

251
00:08:49,273 --> 00:08:51,274
I won't let you down.

252
00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:53,310
I'm not gonna let you down!

253
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:58,315
You taking a... a break right now?

254
00:09:10,428 --> 00:09:11,928
When the heat moves
you, you got to move...

255
00:09:11,963 --> 00:09:13,430
Okay, no heat. No heat.

256
00:09:13,464 --> 00:09:15,332
No heat, Bishop, no heat.

257
00:09:15,366 --> 00:09:16,833
Keep that heat locked up.

258
00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:18,769
Keep that heat...

259
00:09:18,803 --> 00:09:21,104
Think you're going, baby

260
00:09:21,139 --> 00:09:23,273
I, this is...

261
00:09:23,307 --> 00:09:24,608
Crazy.

262
00:09:24,642 --> 00:09:26,243
Put that heat away, Bishop.

263
00:09:26,277 --> 00:09:28,678
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You got that, man.

264
00:09:28,713 --> 00:09:29,980
You got...

265
00:09:31,382 --> 00:09:32,849
What are you looking at?

266
00:09:32,884 --> 00:09:35,352
Cool mustache.

267
00:09:36,621 --> 00:09:38,822
Too much heat.

268
00:09:38,856 --> 00:09:40,857
Too much heat.

269
00:09:40,892 --> 00:09:42,959
All right, kids, let's
use the serving tongs.

270
00:09:42,994 --> 00:09:44,528
This isn't Appalachia.

271
00:09:44,562 --> 00:09:47,564
Hurry up, everybody,
before Justin eats everything.

272
00:09:49,801 --> 00:09:51,301
Son, I...

273
00:09:51,335 --> 00:09:52,369
don't think you meant to hurt

274
00:09:52,403 --> 00:09:54,104
Justin's feelings, there.

275
00:09:54,138 --> 00:09:56,440
What's going on, really?

276
00:09:56,474 --> 00:09:58,341
Are the parents fighting at home?

277
00:09:58,376 --> 00:09:59,543
Leave me alone, flamer.

278
00:09:59,577 --> 00:10:01,678
Flamer?

279
00:10:01,713 --> 00:10:03,180
You're the... You're the flamer, pal.

280
00:10:03,214 --> 00:10:05,315
- You're the flamer.
- You're the flamer.

281
00:10:05,349 --> 00:10:07,117
- Flamer.
- Stop saying that word, it's probably

282
00:10:07,151 --> 00:10:08,852
- offensive to some people, you flamer.
- Flamer, flamer.

283
00:10:08,886 --> 00:10:10,721
- Yeah, take a doughnut, there, you flamer.
- Flamer.

284
00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:13,223
Schmidt. I got a bit
of a situation here.

285
00:10:13,257 --> 00:10:15,959
Um, thoughts? Advice?

286
00:10:15,993 --> 00:10:17,294
What now?

287
00:10:17,328 --> 00:10:20,897
Aw, son of a b... penis.

288
00:10:20,932 --> 00:10:22,733
Ah, that wasn't better.

289
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:24,501
Sorry, everyone.

290
00:10:24,535 --> 00:10:26,203
You were right.

291
00:10:26,237 --> 00:10:28,705
Someone's trying to mess with my dance.

292
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:31,007
Hmm. It's paste.

293
00:10:31,042 --> 00:10:32,376
And it's fresh.

294
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:39,449
Banana in the dark.

295
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,187
Uh-oh.

296
00:10:44,222 --> 00:10:46,649
You ruined my dance.
I can smell the paste.

297
00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,454
Perpetrator!

298
00:10:51,509 --> 00:10:52,910
He's in there.

299
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,912
Okay, when we get in there,

300
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,214
I'm going to be good cop,
you be bad cop, okay?

301
00:10:57,248 --> 00:11:00,150
Got it.

302
00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:01,518
There are two ways this can go.

303
00:11:01,553 --> 00:11:02,920
Number one:

304
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,255
you tell us why you ruined the dance.

305
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:09,693
Number two: I bash
your skull in with a carburetor!

306
00:11:11,029 --> 00:11:13,197
- I thought I was bad cop.
- You are the bad cop.

307
00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:16,333
I'm the tough, competent cop,
who's good at her job,

308
00:11:16,368 --> 00:11:18,569
you're the kind of fumbly, dumb cop

309
00:11:18,603 --> 00:11:21,176
- who's nice and...
- Yeah, that's not how it works, though.

310
00:11:21,326 --> 00:11:23,204
I mean, the good cop is nice
and the bad cop is mean.

311
00:11:23,254 --> 00:11:24,608
- That would be nice cop, mean cop.
- It's how it works

312
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,544
- on every cop show, when you watch it.
- I watch cop shows.

313
00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:29,279
- You need to pay more attention.
- I do pay attention...

314
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:33,050
- What do you awful women want?
- We want to know...

315
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:36,854
why you locked the door and
poured glue in the breaker.

316
00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:38,389
I didn't do any of that.

317
00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:41,091
Why would anybody

318
00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:43,127
want to ruin such a magical night?

319
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:46,664
Uh, you're the only one who
wanted to have this stupid dance.

320
00:11:46,698 --> 00:11:48,165
Revenge would be my guess.

321
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,801
What do you know?

322
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,570
Well, you have the grip
of a much taller woman.

323
00:11:53,605 --> 00:11:56,807
And I don't not like that.

324
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,108
Ugh.

325
00:12:01,913 --> 00:12:02,980
...some fireworks or something.

326
00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:06,417
What's up, gentlemen?

327
00:12:06,451 --> 00:12:08,318
Just hanging out outside
in the parking lot?

328
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,320
We're not doing anything.
We don't need a chaperone.

329
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,956
Calling me a 'rone?

330
00:12:12,991 --> 00:12:16,794
I'm not a 'rone. I'm
basically the same guy as you.

331
00:12:16,828 --> 00:12:18,929
We're wearing the same shirt.

332
00:12:18,963 --> 00:12:21,999
I'm a good guy, I'm
having fun. I'm just...

333
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,901
I'm bored in there,
I'm looking to hang out.

334
00:12:23,935 --> 00:12:25,703
Is that a crime, officers?

335
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,572
Say, you guys got any Billy Whizz?

336
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:31,475
Any juice, any sweet
Mary Jane? I'm looking.

337
00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:33,644
Okay, if you're really
not a chaperone...

338
00:12:33,678 --> 00:12:35,746
why don't you take a sip of this?

339
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,649
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
I got nothing to prove.

340
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:39,850
Are you a 'rone or not?

341
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,152
Give me that.

342
00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:55,666
What is that? Is that a suicide?

343
00:12:55,668 --> 00:12:58,168
- The soda flavors all mix together.
- You know it, bro.

344
00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:00,938
That was super intense.

345
00:13:00,972 --> 00:13:02,673
Sorry, I spit some of it up.

346
00:13:02,707 --> 00:13:04,141
He's cool.

347
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,650
Hey, buddy, uh,

348
00:13:12,684 --> 00:13:15,719
Tommy, is it? I just...
I just wanted to apologize

349
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,388
for what happened before, kiddo.

350
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,456
What, are you gonna propose to me, now?

351
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,995
That's funny. No, I... I
get it. You know, when I...

352
00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:28,065
when I was young, I too found
that humor can be a useful tool.

353
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,700
Dude, get up, I'm not gonna marry you.

354
00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:34,004
I, too, found that humor can be a...

355
00:13:34,039 --> 00:13:35,339
...a useful tool.

356
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:37,408
And then you grow up
and you become a man.

357
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,476
Well, you smell like a woman.

358
00:13:39,511 --> 00:13:41,245
That's it, enough is enough with you.

359
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,580
You think you're a tough guy, tough guy?

360
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,182
Prove it, man.

361
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:46,650
Name the time and place.

362
00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:48,852
15 minutes. Parking lot.

363
00:13:48,887 --> 00:13:50,321
- Fist fight?
- Foot race.

364
00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:52,156
- A what?
- Yeah,

365
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,024
you heard me...
foot race, man.

366
00:13:54,059 --> 00:13:56,960
I'll run circles around
you and all your pals.

367
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:04,668
Oh. You girls are
multiplying like bunnies.

368
00:14:04,703 --> 00:14:06,470
That's weird.

369
00:14:06,504 --> 00:14:09,006
Lot more of you than there is of me.

370
00:14:14,879 --> 00:14:16,347
We should lock all the doors.

371
00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:18,282
No one gets in, no one gets out.

372
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,384
The culprit's inside.
It's frickin' Gosford Park!

373
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:22,252
You need to just calm
down a little, Jess.

374
00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:25,589
I can't calm down!
I want this to be perfect.

375
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:27,558
I know, but it's too
late for that, okay?

376
00:14:27,592 --> 00:14:29,193
There are kids doing
their homework in there.

377
00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:30,461
It's bleak.

378
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,895
I know after what happened with Nick

379
00:14:31,930 --> 00:14:34,531
you wanted this to go great, but

380
00:14:34,566 --> 00:14:37,201
it's not your fault that the
dance got messed up, all right?

381
00:14:37,235 --> 00:14:39,476
You'll get 'em next time.

382
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,044
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

383
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:42,746
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

384
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:46,483
Oh, that was a sugar rush, man.
That's a buzz in the brain!

385
00:14:47,751 --> 00:14:50,620
Ooh, ooh!

386
00:14:50,654 --> 00:14:52,989
You guys see how high I just got?

387
00:14:57,495 --> 00:14:58,995
I'm good.

388
00:14:59,029 --> 00:15:00,497
He ain't a 'rone. Too dumb.

389
00:15:00,531 --> 00:15:02,599
Aw, this is fun, man! I miss this!

390
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:04,167
I really do, man. Let's keep going.

391
00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:06,136
Let's get burgers. Meet some girls.

392
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,004
Different ages, man. It's so early!

393
00:15:08,038 --> 00:15:11,141
Hey, we got something to show you.

394
00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:16,446
Look, guys, we had a lot of fun, but...

395
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,083
we can get in a lot of
trouble for doing this.

396
00:15:20,117 --> 00:15:24,154
Which is why you gotta run
really fast when it goes off.

397
00:15:24,188 --> 00:15:24,921
Like now!

398
00:15:24,955 --> 00:15:26,656
- Oh, dude!
- Go! I mean it! Go!

399
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,494
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!

400
00:15:31,529 --> 00:15:33,129
Yeah!

401
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:35,165
What are we gonna do now?

402
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:37,901
Let's ride.

403
00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:39,002
Oh, hell yeah!

404
00:15:42,239 --> 00:15:43,273
Wendy?

405
00:15:43,307 --> 00:15:45,675
Busted.

406
00:15:52,338 --> 00:15:53,705
Well, you really did
come prepared, Wendy.

407
00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:55,440
A wrench...

408
00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:58,710
some glue...

409
00:15:58,744 --> 00:16:01,112
a box of tampons?

410
00:16:01,147 --> 00:16:02,714
What were you gonna do with this?

411
00:16:02,748 --> 00:16:03,748
Um...

412
00:16:03,783 --> 00:16:06,117
Oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

413
00:16:07,587 --> 00:16:09,955
So you really didn't
want the dance to happen?

414
00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:11,957
None of the boys want to dance with me.

415
00:16:11,991 --> 00:16:13,258
Jess?

416
00:16:13,292 --> 00:16:14,226
Hey, Cece.

417
00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:15,894
Hey. This is Wendy.

418
00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,229
She was just telling
me how she doesn't like

419
00:16:17,263 --> 00:16:18,463
to dance with boys.

420
00:16:19,599 --> 00:16:22,901
Oh.

421
00:16:22,935 --> 00:16:26,905
Yeah. Well... that makes sense

422
00:16:26,939 --> 00:16:29,074
because boys are the dumbest.

423
00:16:29,108 --> 00:16:30,275
You're just saying that.

424
00:16:30,309 --> 00:16:31,576
No. No, no. No.

425
00:16:31,611 --> 00:16:33,979
Cece and I have met so many boys,

426
00:16:34,013 --> 00:16:35,480
and they are all so dumb.

427
00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:37,816
Yeah, and I've met more than her, so...

428
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:40,585
Yeah, and Cece has met more
than me because she is...

429
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,420
nicer than me.

430
00:16:42,455 --> 00:16:44,756
- Nicer?
- I just mean you've met...

431
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:46,458
'cause you're well-traveled.

432
00:16:46,492 --> 00:16:49,094
- "Well-traveled" is how we're gonna say it?
- I mean...

433
00:16:49,128 --> 00:16:50,762
- You better tread lightly.
- I will... Travel...

434
00:16:50,796 --> 00:16:51,997
You travel a lot.

435
00:16:52,031 --> 00:16:54,266
Mm-hmm.

436
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,501
I don't think I'm ever
gonna dance with a boy.

437
00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:59,337
Listen, are boys dumb?

438
00:16:59,372 --> 00:17:02,674
Yes. Yes!

439
00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:06,511
Do they do disappointing,
stupid, stupid things

440
00:17:06,546 --> 00:17:11,016
that really...
hurt your feelings? Yes.

441
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:13,985
Sometimes things don't work
out the way you plan them...

442
00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:16,855
actually, they never work
out the way you plan them...

443
00:17:16,889 --> 00:17:20,625
but, in the end, it's all worth it,

444
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:24,229
and that's why you have to try.

445
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,267
Are you talking about sex or dancing?

446
00:17:29,302 --> 00:17:31,269
- Dancing.
- Dancing. Oh, God. Dancing, dancing.

447
00:17:31,304 --> 00:17:32,771
- We're talking about dancing.
- Upright dancing.

448
00:17:32,805 --> 00:17:35,006
Okay. I'll try.

449
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,441
So let's get back out there.

450
00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:37,809
Oh, Cece, it's okay.

451
00:17:37,844 --> 00:17:39,611
There's no light, no music.

452
00:17:39,645 --> 00:17:40,879
The dance is over.

453
00:17:40,913 --> 00:17:42,547
Oh, no, this dance is not over.

454
00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:46,585
We just need to find some stupid boys.

455
00:17:47,887 --> 00:17:49,454
You look so slow.

456
00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:50,555
Like a s... like a s...

457
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,991
super... dumb, slow turtle.

458
00:17:53,025 --> 00:17:55,026
- I'm so fast, and you're so old.
- So much like a...

459
00:17:55,061 --> 00:17:57,162
like a turtle, it's crazy to me.

460
00:17:57,196 --> 00:17:58,363
Are we gonna do this or what?

461
00:17:58,397 --> 00:17:59,464
Oh, yeah, we're gonna do this.

462
00:17:59,499 --> 00:18:01,533
I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

463
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,468
On the count of three.

464
00:18:03,503 --> 00:18:04,903
One...

465
00:18:04,937 --> 00:18:06,171
two...

466
00:18:06,205 --> 00:18:08,273
thr... Flo-Jo!

467
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:16,148
Flo-Jo!

468
00:18:18,951 --> 00:18:20,685
What are you doing?

469
00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:33,131
Hello?!

470
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:37,335
Yeah! Yeah!

471
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,337
Man!

472
00:18:39,372 --> 00:18:42,040
- What is your problem, man?!
- I wasn't driving!

473
00:18:43,943 --> 00:18:45,744
Are you kidding me?!

474
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:50,081
All students inside now!

475
00:18:50,116 --> 00:18:52,050
Go, go, go, go, go, go.

476
00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:53,084
You three

477
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:54,419
are the worst

478
00:18:54,453 --> 00:18:57,355
chaperones possible on earth.

479
00:18:57,390 --> 00:18:58,757
A dog would be better than you.

480
00:18:58,791 --> 00:19:00,892
A plant wearing underwear

481
00:19:00,927 --> 00:19:02,427
would be better than you.

482
00:19:02,461 --> 00:19:06,131
Ray Charles' ghost
would be better than you!

483
00:19:06,165 --> 00:19:08,099
Wh...

484
00:19:08,134 --> 00:19:09,501
what kind of men are you?

485
00:19:10,570 --> 00:19:11,970
Hey!

486
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,339
Stupid boys!

487
00:19:15,408 --> 00:19:17,409
We need ya.

488
00:19:17,443 --> 00:19:19,778
Who's ready to have a good time?

489
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:21,980
The lights went out, and
you made your own light.

490
00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:25,750
The music went out, and we're
gonna make our own music.

491
00:19:25,785 --> 00:19:27,652
We have

492
00:19:27,687 --> 00:19:30,088
a very special guest for you
tonight. Please give a big

493
00:19:30,123 --> 00:19:32,090
Coolidge Middle School welcome

494
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,960
to the Dumbest Boys in School!

495
00:19:36,762 --> 00:19:38,897
I ought we were going
with Sweet Surrender.

496
00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:40,232
This won't be good.

497
00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:42,901
Calm down, girls. Don't get crazy.

498
00:19:42,935 --> 00:19:44,769
Just calm down.

499
00:19:44,804 --> 00:19:46,738
Okay, Coolidge, get ready
to hit the dance floor

500
00:19:46,772 --> 00:19:50,142
in three, two, one!

501
00:19:50,176 --> 00:19:52,844
Aw, yeah. All right.

502
00:19:55,948 --> 00:19:58,683
Rap battle. 8 Mile.

503
00:19:58,718 --> 00:20:00,352
This one goes out to
your vice principal,

504
00:20:00,386 --> 00:20:02,354
my friend, Jessica Day.

505
00:20:02,388 --> 00:20:04,356
♪ I don't wear indigo,
I don't wear teal ♪

506
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,358
♪ You better look out,
you know that's right ♪

507
00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:08,994
♪ That's right 'cause...
'cause Schmidt is for real, mmm ♪

508
00:20:09,028 --> 00:20:10,795
♪ I take that back, actually ♪

509
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,764
♪ I do wear teal sometimes ♪

510
00:20:12,798 --> 00:20:14,666
When I say "sometimes,"

511
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,701
you say "teal." Sometimes!

512
00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:17,803
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

513
00:20:17,837 --> 00:20:18,804
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

514
00:20:18,838 --> 00:20:20,205
- Teal!
- Mic drop.

515
00:20:22,408 --> 00:20:24,843
What's up, what's up, what's up?

516
00:20:24,877 --> 00:20:26,611
Anybody here from Chicago?
Chicago, Illinois?

517
00:20:26,646 --> 00:20:28,346
City of Big Shoulders, Big Dreams!

518
00:20:28,381 --> 00:20:30,749
That would make sense. You guys go

519
00:20:30,783 --> 00:20:33,485
to school here. You're just
kids, so you're all from here.

520
00:20:34,053 --> 00:20:35,487
- Somebody else, go.
- That was it?

521
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:36,708
Yeah.

522
00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:40,559
♪ Gonna be a cop,
straight walking a beat ♪

523
00:20:40,593 --> 00:20:42,561
♪ Role model, out on the street ♪

524
00:20:42,595 --> 00:20:45,263
♪ Unless I get assigned to
a desk, which is also vital ♪

525
00:20:45,298 --> 00:20:47,566
♪ Because when paperwork slides,
that's how you get a mistrial ♪

526
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,534
When I say "miss," you say "trial."

527
00:20:49,569 --> 00:20:51,436
- Miss.
- Trial.

528
00:20:51,471 --> 00:20:52,971
I said, when I say
"miss," you say "trial."

529
00:20:53,005 --> 00:20:54,606
Miss, unless you trying to die.

530
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,775
What, are you nuts?
Then know who you are.

531
00:20:56,809 --> 00:20:59,244
- A whole carton of dumbasses.
- Ruin them khakis you got on.

532
00:20:59,278 --> 00:21:00,979
- Thank you all very much! Thank you!
- I'm just saying, they're wearing light...

533
00:21:01,013 --> 00:21:02,614
Hey, they're kids.

534
00:21:02,648 --> 00:21:04,115
Good idea, Todd.

535
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:05,383
...also got to die.

536
00:21:05,418 --> 00:21:06,852
Ow...!

537
00:21:06,886 --> 00:21:08,487
One, two, one, two.

538
00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:10,054
Here we go.

539
00:21:34,031 --> 00:21:38,272
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