1 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,880 I can't. I can't do it. 2 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:12,620 Oh, of course you can and you will. 3 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,560 Okay, Schmidt, we've been to 11 weddings in a row. 4 00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:18,130 That's too many weddings. 5 00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:20,740 I can't even get into the fridge anymore. 6 00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:26,630 Aah! 7 00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:28,500 I'm so hungry. 8 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,160 Why does everybody get to have a party 9 00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,700 for everything in their life? 10 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,530 Why can't I have a party 11 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,030 for really dedicating myself to knitting this summer? 12 00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:37,130 God, I hate that you knit. I hate everything about it. 13 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:37,740 Why? 14 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,070 It makes me angry and scared all at the same time. 15 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,400 Just like when I hear the phrase, 16 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,770 "Academy Award winner Anna Paquin." 17 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,910 - Jessica, you are going to this wedding. - Well... well... 18 00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:47,910 And I'm gonna tell you why: Sexual intercourse. 19 00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:49,010 Do you remember that? 20 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,910 You got to get back out there, Jess. 21 00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:52,750 The last mouth that you kissed 22 00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:53,750 was Nick's mouth. 23 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:55,080 That was four months ago. 24 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,550 Think about that. That's horrible. 25 00:00:57,580 --> 00:00:59,190 Hey. Is Schmidt making fun of me? 26 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,020 - Yes. - Hi, Nick. 27 00:01:00,050 --> 00:01:01,020 Okay, cool. Just checking. 28 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:02,390 Are you wearing tap shoes? 29 00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:03,460 I got 'em at the goodwill. I thought they were 30 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:04,560 just really shiny dress shoes. 31 00:01:04,590 --> 00:01:05,430 (Clicking) 32 00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:07,130 They're cool. 33 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,390 Coach: Hey, what do you guys think 34 00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:10,560 about this belt? Like for a wedding gift? 35 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:11,900 Nick, Coach, get in here. 36 00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:13,520 Everybody in here. 37 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,030 Are we a man down? 38 00:01:15,070 --> 00:01:16,740 I feel like there's one more of us. 39 00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:18,200 Something's going on in Jess' room?! 40 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,410 I'm coming! 41 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,740 (Moans) 42 00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:23,640 Just wait for me. 43 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,750 - He's sore from police academy. - I'm sore from police academy! 44 00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:29,220 Okay, we have gone to wedding after wedding this summer, 45 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,650 and, with the exception of Coach and myself, 46 00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:33,790 none of us have truly taken advantage 47 00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:36,140 of the sexual opportunities that a wedding provides. 48 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,140 Jess: Not true. 49 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,290 Wedding number seven, an unneutered dog ran after me, so... 50 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:40,960 (Scoffs) 51 00:01:40,990 --> 00:01:41,960 I made out with a bridesmaid. 52 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,160 - Jess: You did? - Yes. 53 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,300 She was wearing a hospital bracelet 54 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,230 and carrying a dead goldfish in a bag. 55 00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,930 (Snorts) She was still a bridesmaid. 56 00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:48,800 Coach: She looked like the snowman from Frozen. 57 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,340 Hey, aim for the middle. 58 00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:52,940 The ride's rough at first, but the body adjusts. 59 00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:53,810 (Thud, clattering) 60 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,810 I'm all right! I just rolled off the couch. 61 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,940 Winston, please! 62 00:01:58,330 --> 00:02:00,080 I can't close my ass! 63 00:02:00,110 --> 00:02:02,620 We are hooking up tonight, all five of us, 64 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:04,720 including the gimp. 65 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:05,850 This is the last wedding of summer, 66 00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:07,650 which means it is our last chance. 67 00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:09,840 - Nobody meets anybody in fall... - No. 68 00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:11,590 Or winter. What, are you gonna gamble 69 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:14,680 on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater? 70 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:18,000 - Not me. - Do you realize how important this is? 71 00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,000 I do. 72 00:02:19,030 --> 00:02:22,170 Winter... is coming. 73 00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:25,970 No one comes home alone. 74 00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:27,640 You know what, yeah. 75 00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:29,440 Yeah, I'm in. 76 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,740 She's in. We're all in. 77 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:31,640 - Yeah. - Yes. 78 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:32,650 I'm in. 79 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,650 I can't hear what's going on, 80 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:34,750 but I'm in. 81 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,120 All five of us out there together, 82 00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:38,280 in the wild, 83 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,190 getting some strange, like a sex fist. 84 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:42,390 - I'm sorry, what? - Mm, that's not what you mean. 85 00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,490 - What's a sex fist, now? - One, two, three, four, 86 00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:47,560 five of us, together, make a fist. 87 00:02:47,590 --> 00:02:48,830 - You're making a mistake right now. - Schmidt, Nick, 88 00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:51,230 Coach, Winston, Jess... sex fist. 89 00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:53,300 - When you put them all together, - Nick: No, that's not right. 90 00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:54,800 tearing our way through the reception. 91 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,310 - Slow down. - Are you listening to what you're saying? 92 00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:58,670 Isn't that sweet? It's a metaphor for togetherness. 93 00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:00,140 - It could just be a fist. - All five of us 94 00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,610 sex-fisting our way... 95 00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,750 S04E01 The Last Wedding 96 00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:13,420 Hi, everybody. Uh, I'm Ted. I'm, uh... 97 00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:15,690 I'm Mark's best friend and his best man. 98 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,620 I-I've known mark since he was in diapers, you know? 99 00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:22,060 Uh, and, by that, I mean junior year of college. 100 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,030 (Laughter) 101 00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:26,600 Ah, what about him, Jess? 102 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,640 - What? The best man? - Best man. 103 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,570 Get real, you clown. 104 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,310 I've been out of the game too long. 105 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:34,330 - He's a wedding celebrity. - Everybody say hi to Nana. 106 00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:35,780 How great does Nana look, everybody? 107 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,700 Give it up for Nana. 108 00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:39,310 Six months sober. 109 00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:40,410 (Laughter) 110 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,220 I'm kidding. Three months. 111 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:43,830 (Laughter) 112 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,650 Jess, come on. Get in there. 113 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:46,720 - What? - You got this. 114 00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,250 - Think so? - Yes, you got the bangs parted. 115 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:49,060 You're looking good. 116 00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:50,390 - Really? - Yes. 117 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:52,790 - Okay. - Wait a minute. Hold on. 118 00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:55,060 Stick your boobs out. Gotta turn the headlights on. 119 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,800 Ew! Schmidt. 120 00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:57,970 But you got it. 121 00:03:57,990 --> 00:03:59,360 Sex fist. 122 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,830 All right. 123 00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:02,010 Hi. 124 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,070 Hi to you. 125 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,240 (Chuckles) 126 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,820 I'm Coach. 127 00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:08,660 Oh, my God. 128 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,850 You don't remember me? 129 00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:11,810 Yeah... 130 00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:13,080 Yeah, I remember... (Yells) 131 00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:14,980 Ooh... Ooh... 132 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,310 - I'm good. - It's the end of the wedding season. 133 00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:18,700 We've got some repeats. 134 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,620 Oh, God. What is she doing here? 135 00:04:20,650 --> 00:04:22,360 I thought she was in Australia. 136 00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:23,360 How do I look? 137 00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:24,490 How-how Jewish? 138 00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:25,930 I mean, like, good Jewish or bad Jewish? 139 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,490 Oh, I won't say... it feels like a trap. 140 00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:29,730 Come on. Come with me. 141 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,530 I haven't told the guys 142 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:33,770 that you broke up with Buster yet, 'cause, um... 143 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,400 I feel like I might have to tell Schmidt 144 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,100 outside a hospital, 145 00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:38,770 like, you know, when you give a baby 146 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,240 peanut butter for the first time? 147 00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:41,710 Yeah. 148 00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:43,440 You're not doing this tonight. 149 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,700 - What? - You're not doing this tonight. 150 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,110 - I'm not listening to you. - You're not doing this tonight. 151 00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:47,110 I'm picturing CeCe naked. 152 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:48,280 Stop doing this! 153 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,520 CeCe has a boyfriend, and your obsession with her 154 00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,450 is not good for you, man. 155 00:04:53,490 --> 00:04:55,020 She's been away all summer, 156 00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,020 and you have been killing it! 157 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:58,660 Mostly hand stuff. 158 00:04:58,690 --> 00:04:59,960 Who had sex with a bridesmaid 159 00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:02,130 on a 45-minute flight to San Jose? 160 00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:04,630 - Me. - You were boarding group "d." 161 00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:06,830 She was "b." How's that even possible? 162 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:08,470 - Gotta think outside of the box, my man. - Now get your little 163 00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:10,400 white butt back out there 164 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,310 and finish the summer of sex that you started. 165 00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:14,310 That's what I'm talking about. 166 00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:15,310 CeCe gone. 167 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:16,310 See that bridesmaid right there? 168 00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:17,260 - The pretty one? - Schmidt: Sure do. 169 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,510 - The foxy lady? - Mm-hmm. 170 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,750 Well, you're going home with her tonight. 171 00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:20,960 - And I got your back. - Look at that. 172 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,900 She looks like the girl from the commercial playing tennis with a tampon in. 173 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,240 Let's do it. 174 00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:28,150 Hi. I'm Jess. 175 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:28,890 Hi. I'm Ted. 176 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,650 - Cheers. - Cheers. 177 00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:32,490 So you're from Wisconsin... (Voice squeaks) 178 00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:33,530 (Clears throat) 179 00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,230 (Coughs) 180 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,750 I'm sorry. Is this thing on? 181 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:38,530 You're making your throat like a microphone. 182 00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:39,700 Yeah. (Goofy, raspy cough) 183 00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:40,430 That's funny! 184 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,570 - Thank you. - Yeah. 185 00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:43,770 - Woman: I loved your speech. - Oh. 186 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,540 - Hi. I'm Kat. - Hi. 187 00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:47,160 - I'm Ted. - Kat: Really nice to meet you. 188 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,240 Yeah. Oh. 189 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,510 Excuse me. 190 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:52,550 My girlfriend's getting jealous. 191 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:55,020 Kat: Perfect specimen. 192 00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:01,160 Ted is the only eligible guy here, 193 00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:04,010 and we are his two best options for procreation. 194 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:06,260 - Oh. - I'm not trying to intimidate you, 195 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,160 I just want you to know who you're dealing with 196 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,410 if we're both gonna compete for this man tonight. 197 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:11,800 - What? - Here are the facts: 198 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,330 I am technically a genius, 199 00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:14,530 I have a photographic memory 200 00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:16,760 and I lost my virginity to Malcolm Gladwell. 201 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:17,900 Okay... 202 00:06:17,940 --> 00:06:20,170 Have you ever heard of plutoxic syndrome? 203 00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,710 That's because I cured it. 204 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,080 You're welcome, vaginas everywhere. 205 00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:25,990 (Goofy voice): Oh, thank you very much. 206 00:06:27,410 --> 00:06:28,920 I'm sorry, that was... 207 00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:30,680 Vagina voice, and a... 208 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:31,990 It was a huge mistake. 209 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,620 I stay current on sporting events. 210 00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:35,520 I watch 30 minutes of porn every night 211 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,360 just to stay up to date on the latest sex trends. 212 00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:38,860 In the coming months, I'm predicting 213 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,190 a throwback to missionary. 214 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:42,260 It all depends on what happens in Syria. 215 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,600 Well, have you ever had sex 216 00:06:43,630 --> 00:06:45,200 when you were really, really, really, really, 217 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,370 - really, really tired? - I'm never tired. 218 00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,270 I'm the better choice of mate. 219 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,340 From a purely biological standpoint, 220 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,470 you're shorter, weaker, and dumber. 221 00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:54,730 No offense. I love those shoes. 222 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,650 I love your shoes. 223 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,750 But I love your shoes. 224 00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:02,080 Your shoes. 225 00:07:02,610 --> 00:07:04,040 - No, I love your shoes. - Your shoes. 226 00:07:04,060 --> 00:07:05,770 - Your shoes. - (Very quiet): Your shoes. 227 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:07,610 (Whispering): Your shoes. 228 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,060 (No voice) 229 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,670 - What? - I was just moving my mouth. 230 00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:17,580 - So you're competing with her? - Jess: I can take her down, 231 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,060 because I have something she doesn't have: 232 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:20,850 You guys. 233 00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:22,320 Now, strategies. 234 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,360 What about you, Coach? 235 00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:24,790 You hook up at weddings all the time. 236 00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:25,960 What's your strategy? 237 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,500 It's called being a gorgeous black man 238 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,450 with the body of an action figure. 239 00:07:29,470 --> 00:07:31,130 I could give that a try. 240 00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:32,930 (Laughing) Nick: You want to know what your ex-boyfriend 241 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,000 thinks you should do to get the guy? 242 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,270 No, I don't. That's super weird. 243 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,810 Yeah, it's too weird, so... Somebody else. 244 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,380 Okay, look, babe, just get out on the dance floor, okay? 245 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,020 Guys think that they way you dance is the way you have sex. 246 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:42,510 Okay. 247 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:43,810 So just give them a little something, okay? 248 00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:45,970 You just need to, like, roll your body a little bit. 249 00:07:45,990 --> 00:07:47,820 Something a little sexy. 250 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,430 Pop your hip out a little bit. 251 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,990 Hey, man, I'm not gonna lie to you right now. 252 00:07:51,010 --> 00:07:52,480 - I've got a halfie. - Okay, we got to go! 253 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,240 - Excuse me, everybody! - I need a minute. 254 00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:56,260 What do you think of this? 255 00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:01,730 Mm... hmm... 256 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:03,470 Mm-mm. 257 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,650 - I'm good to go now. - Let's go! 258 00:08:06,670 --> 00:08:07,820 All right. 259 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,320 Ugh! 260 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:13,240 I just want to get back out there, but I feel like I forgot everything I knew. 261 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,980 Do you guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty? 262 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,780 Would you like to know my strategy, Jess? 263 00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:20,760 Is the art of seduction really where you shine? 264 00:08:20,950 --> 00:08:22,190 Be there. 265 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:25,420 - (Laughs): That's it? - Yeah. Just be there. 266 00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:27,750 No matter where he goes, be there. 267 00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,880 He gets a drink, be there. He talks to his friends, be there. 268 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:33,200 At the end of the night, be there. 269 00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,480 It's called "the Joe Biden." 270 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,900 That's creepy, man. 271 00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,070 The basic concept of what he's saying, though, 272 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,130 - could actually work. - Yeah. 273 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,440 (Quiet laugh) 274 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:42,670 I'm gonna biden his ass. 275 00:08:43,430 --> 00:08:44,370 Mm-hmm. 276 00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:47,040 Oh, yeah. Yup. That'll do it. 277 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,780 I know. 278 00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:50,780 Oh, hey! Uh, you know, 279 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,510 Kat was just telling me about her hairlessness. 280 00:08:53,550 --> 00:08:55,020 Hmm. She's like a seal. 281 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:57,090 (Laughs) Hmm. That's okay. 282 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,020 You guys talk. 283 00:08:59,050 --> 00:09:01,380 I'm just gonna be here. 284 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,460 I'm sorry I didn't call you. 285 00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:05,560 Why are you so scared of intimacy? 286 00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:08,230 Who broke your heart and why haven't you forgiven her? 287 00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:10,500 Uh... well... Yeah, the thi... 288 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:11,730 Huh? 289 00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:13,470 You're arrogant, you're sexist... 290 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,100 You stole my phone charger. 291 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,940 You're conceited. You're a liar. 292 00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:18,070 Aah! 293 00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:19,650 I rented best man holiday. 294 00:09:19,670 --> 00:09:21,380 You're not in it. 295 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,350 So, you know Tom... 296 00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:29,320 Uh, Tom, of course, he wanted to sell shoes for a profit. 297 00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:30,690 And I said, "no." 298 00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:32,120 I said, "you... 299 00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,650 You do something better." 300 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,830 You got a... pretty good face. 301 00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:41,500 So, you guys want to come home with us, right? 302 00:09:42,590 --> 00:09:43,900 We want to do a four-way. 303 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,870 Me, her, you and him. 304 00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:49,040 Of course. We'll, uh... Nick? 305 00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,100 (Knocks) 306 00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,640 Nick?! 307 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:56,550 - Hi. How are you? - Hi. Good. How are you? 308 00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:59,610 - Are you enjoying the wedding? - Yeah. 309 00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:01,620 You be... yeah. 310 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,600 Mm! 311 00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:08,970 Hey. 312 00:10:08,990 --> 00:10:10,360 - Hey, Nick. - Hey, Schmidt. 313 00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:13,460 Hey, do you know how they sell ice cream at the drugstore...? 314 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,660 I'm not having a four-way with you... end of discussion. 315 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,030 Come on, Nick. We don't have any other choice. 316 00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:19,100 I've found 15 other girls since I've been here. 317 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:22,000 They're all either married or taken or mad at Coach. 318 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,200 I'm not doing a four-way with you... 319 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,950 It's the last helicopter out of Saigon, my man. 320 00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:26,140 Charlie won. 321 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,880 - No, Schmidt. - You won't even know it's me, Nick. 322 00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:30,550 Look, at this point, it's all skin and shapes... 323 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:31,750 That's-that's what I'm afraid of. 324 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:32,780 It-it's the fog of war, man. 325 00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:34,450 There's so much stuff going on. 326 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,100 - You're just, you're just here. - Yeah... 327 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,050 You don't even know what's happening. 328 00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,250 Okay, but I want to know what's happening 329 00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:40,170 if it's with sex... I don't want some 330 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:42,890 fog of war on top of me, if it looks like you. 331 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:43,540 That's the point. 332 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,030 The fog of war is something you can't see through. 333 00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,360 Like, the whole thing with the Charlie thing 334 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,030 and Vietnam, I don't know who I'm fighting! 335 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:50,330 I'm soft like a lady. You won't even know. 336 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,190 - But what if I get a surprise? - "A surprise"? 337 00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:54,730 - What if there's a surprise on me? - There's not gonna be a surprise on you. 338 00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:56,820 What if I'm fighting the war and boom... there's a surprise! 339 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,470 You go north, I go south. 340 00:10:58,490 --> 00:11:00,830 Do you know what I'm saying? 341 00:11:00,850 --> 00:11:02,510 I'll be in steerage and I'm rowing. 342 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:04,650 And I'm rowing and I'm rowing and the... 343 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,050 You're up in the crow's nest. 344 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,480 Fre-fresh air up there, man. 345 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,020 And I'm in the trenches, you know? 346 00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:10,220 I'm digging for coal. 347 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,690 I'm breathing in those fumes. 348 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,090 And you're up here. You're just taking 349 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,260 in the sights. You're spotting dolphins, huh? 350 00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:17,710 You're just the handsome prince covered in salty sea spray... 351 00:11:17,730 --> 00:11:20,530 I don't want you calling me handsome before a potential four-way! 352 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,800 This... 353 00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:23,100 Nick, please! 354 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,070 I'm begging you for this. 355 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,070 CeCe is here. 356 00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,400 And I can't get her out of my head. 357 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,790 Don't, don't, don't play the CeCe card right now, don't do... 358 00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:30,810 I'm gonna play the CeCe card, okay? 359 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,240 Look, she's here and I don't want to go home alone. 360 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,410 (Groans) I need your help, please. 361 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,110 (Grunts loudly) 362 00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,380 What's up, guys? 363 00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:41,920 Tell you what. I am so sore 364 00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,920 I can't have sex with nobody tonight. 365 00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:47,220 Only thing I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. I.B. Profen. 366 00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:48,860 (Laughs) Minus the mister. 367 00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:50,630 My man... Winston, I got a question for you. 368 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:52,730 Do you think that, that two men 369 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,560 can engage in group sex without... 370 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,630 without compromising their friendship. 371 00:11:57,670 --> 00:11:58,700 Good question, good question. 372 00:11:58,730 --> 00:12:00,370 Um... okay. 373 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,600 Uh, let's just say 374 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,810 Nick is the salt. 375 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,540 And, Schmidt, you are the pepper. 376 00:12:05,570 --> 00:12:07,410 I'm assuming we're talking about you two. 377 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,680 - Hypothetically, I suppose. - Whatever. Yes. 378 00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,410 Hypothetically, all right. Not necessarily. 379 00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:12,310 Actually I'm gonna need some... 380 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,380 Ooh, boy. 381 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:15,920 Seems as if I've made a mess. 382 00:12:15,950 --> 00:12:17,350 Got to clean that up. 383 00:12:17,390 --> 00:12:18,990 Yes, look at that. 384 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:20,760 Salt all in the pepper. 385 00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:21,960 Pepper all in the salt. 386 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,030 Just mixed up like that. 387 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,040 Is there salt shoved in the pepper hole? 388 00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:30,060 How'd it get in there? How did salt get shoved into this 389 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,870 tiny, tiny pepper hole? 390 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,780 Nick? 391 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,440 You're terrible at demonstrations! 392 00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:44,450 Oh, uh... 393 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,580 You know, I-I'm just gonna, uh... 394 00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:46,880 Yeah, Ted. Get crazy. 395 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,520 Leave it all out there on the field. 396 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,020 Okay. (Claps hands) 397 00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:52,190 I'll come back with stories. (Chuckles) 398 00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:53,590 (Both laugh) 399 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:56,660 - Are you bidening? - What? No. 400 00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:58,890 (Whispers): How did you know about that? 401 00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,100 Because I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. 402 00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:03,700 Extreme biden! 403 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,270 (Whispering): Kat. 404 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:12,270 (Grunts with effort) 405 00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,310 Kat, Kat... let me out. 406 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,210 This was a huge mistake. 407 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,780 I'm sorry. I'm not proud of this. 408 00:13:17,810 --> 00:13:19,530 It smells so bad in here. 409 00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:22,450 (Quiet groan) 410 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:24,990 Ted: Jess? 411 00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,300 Hi. 412 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,790 Jess, th-this is the men's room. 413 00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:35,280 This is where it all happens. 414 00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:41,470 Don't wait for me, Ted, 'cause I might be awhile. 415 00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:45,940 See you out on the dance floor. 416 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,380 And at wedding 12, 417 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,990 I sat on a men's toilet. 418 00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:04,130 When did one-on-one sex become old-fashioned? 419 00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:07,190 You know, America's got to take a hard look in the mirror at ourself. 420 00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:09,350 We used to make things. 421 00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:11,960 Just be glad you're not single. 422 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:12,960 Oh. 423 00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:15,550 Actually Buster and I broke up. 424 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,700 - So, anyway... - (Groaning): Oh... no! 425 00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:22,030 No! 426 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,570 That is so terrible! 427 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,250 - Didn't know you cared this much. - No, no, no, no... 428 00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:27,780 - If you're single... - Mm-hmm. 429 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,360 that means that I have to do something. 430 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,040 Something awful. 431 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,110 You have no idea what you just did to me. 432 00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:36,360 You have no idea, young lady! 433 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,420 I'll do the four-way with you. 434 00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:43,260 Yes! Okay, I'm gonna go book the room. 435 00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:45,700 You go to housekeeping, have them give you as many shower caps 436 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:46,760 - as they'll give you... - Okay, stop. 437 00:14:46,790 --> 00:14:48,530 They're gonna get one hand and I'm not gonna move it. 438 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,900 I'm just gonna dangle it into the mix 439 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,260 while I look at something else on my phone. 440 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:52,300 And that's the deal. 441 00:14:52,330 --> 00:14:53,600 Aw, man, this is gonna be big for us. 442 00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:55,330 - This is for you, buddy. - Thanks. 443 00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:56,610 (Laughs): Yeah! 444 00:14:58,070 --> 00:14:59,240 What the hell is that? 445 00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:00,510 What are you talking about? 446 00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:02,040 Yeah, what's-what's that on your hand, man? 447 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,480 Why is it so rough? It's like hoof. 448 00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:05,140 There's nothing on my hand. This is a regular old hand... 449 00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,580 I'm out, I'm out. You're out of what? 450 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:07,750 Four-way. Done. No way. 451 00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:09,150 - Not with that thing. - You're a buffoon. 452 00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:11,020 - That is ridiculous. - I was only doing it for you, Schmidt, 453 00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:13,250 so you don't freak out when you find out that CeCe's single. 454 00:15:13,290 --> 00:15:15,820 And now I'm the weirdo with the hoof hand. 455 00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,090 What... take it back from the hoof hand. 456 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,690 What'd you say before? About CeCe being single? 457 00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:19,830 How do you know that? 458 00:15:19,860 --> 00:15:21,590 She's single? 459 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,800 I have my, uh... 460 00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:25,660 - assumptions. - So CeCe's single now. 461 00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:26,670 You don't know that for sure. 462 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,670 That's interesting. 463 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,130 Why are you so calm? 464 00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:32,440 Interesting. 465 00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:34,370 Don't just say "interesting." 466 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,010 That's interesting. 467 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,880 If you're gonna say "interesting" say why it's interesting. 468 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:40,110 It is interesting. 469 00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:43,380 (Screams) 470 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,520 Aah! 471 00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:45,980 Nick! 472 00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:47,150 What are you doing here? 473 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:48,290 What are you doing here? 474 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,320 It's the men's room! 475 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,620 Mmm... 476 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:52,660 Jess, scooch over. All right. 477 00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,170 (Groans) 478 00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:59,570 What are you doing? Just hiding in the bathroom? 479 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,630 Kind of. 480 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:01,870 (Laughs) 481 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,300 (Laughs) Me, too. 482 00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,000 I know I'm supposed to, like, 483 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,570 "get back out there," 484 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:09,480 you know? But... 485 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,740 Maybe I'm just not built for it. 486 00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:12,880 Man, I hear you. 487 00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,210 Sidebar: What do my hands feel like? 488 00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,250 - Hooves. - Aw, son of a... 489 00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:19,690 Maybe there's a reason 490 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,360 I'm not up on a fridge, you know? 491 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:22,820 Maybe some people are fridge people, 492 00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:24,720 and other people are... 493 00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:26,070 toilet people. 494 00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:28,330 You think you're a toilet person? 495 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,430 (Laughing) You're not a toilet person. 496 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,630 You want to get on the fridge, 497 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:32,760 you'll get on the fridge, Jess. 498 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,330 Just be yourself, 499 00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:36,240 and if he's not into Jessica Day, 500 00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:38,300 then there's something wrong with him. 501 00:16:41,650 --> 00:16:43,680 Be myself. 502 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,380 Like do my Tina Turner impression? 503 00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:46,610 How did your brain jump there? 504 00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,610 ♪ What's love got to do ♪ 505 00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:50,050 ♪ got to do with it? ♪ 506 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,320 (Laughs) 507 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,320 (Laughs) All right. 508 00:16:52,350 --> 00:16:53,590 I hear your logic. 509 00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:57,320 - Come on. - No man wants that, but... 510 00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,790 you can't quit, either. 511 00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:02,130 You're our last hope. 512 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,860 You're the only one out of the group 513 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,870 who might not go home alone tonight, Jess. 514 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,320 - Really? - Yes. 515 00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:09,800 It's all on your shoulders. 516 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,270 So the sex fist... 517 00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:13,970 has... 518 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,280 turned into a sex finger. 519 00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:18,400 - Uh, don't... yeah. - Sex finger. 520 00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:25,100 Hey. Ted. Um... 521 00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:27,590 (Clears throat) I'm out of moves, so... 522 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,490 I'm just gonna try being myself. 523 00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:31,030 Here's some stuff about me: 524 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:32,500 I've never cured anything. 525 00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:34,530 I'm a middle school vice principal 526 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:35,870 and I love my job. 527 00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,530 Um, I'm just getting out of a relationship 528 00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:39,170 with a guy that I still live with, 529 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,670 which is kind of complicated. 530 00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:41,510 He's over there. 531 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:42,370 What's up, Nick? 532 00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:43,710 Hi, I'm Nick! 533 00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:49,410 Sometimes I cry when newscasters 534 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:50,980 wish each other "Happy Birthday" on air. 535 00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:53,920 My first crush was on a Batman cake, 536 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:56,790 but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba. 537 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,660 'Cause he was super hot, 538 00:17:59,690 --> 00:18:02,030 and I still, actually, find him hot. 539 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,660 Uh, truth time. Um... 540 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,300 So that's me. 541 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,530 And if you want to take me home, Ted, 542 00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:10,420 we can definitely do some no-bra stuff. 543 00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,160 Uh... 544 00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,820 That's me naked. 545 00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:15,570 Well... 546 00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:16,870 ...and this is me with 547 00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:19,840 a guy who I thought was Larry king. 548 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,380 So it's decision time. 549 00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:24,080 Yeah, Ted, who's it gonna be? 550 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,180 Me or Jess? 551 00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,220 (Sighs) 552 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,930 Hmm? 553 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,100 Ted: Ooh... 554 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:40,930 Ted: Wow. Hah. 555 00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,530 Ooh... 556 00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:45,940 This is tough. 557 00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:47,900 I mean, okay, 'cause I mean, over here 558 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:50,570 we've got, you know, the whole... you know. 559 00:18:50,610 --> 00:18:52,380 And then, but of course over here we got the... bing, 560 00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:53,380 and the... you know. 561 00:18:53,410 --> 00:18:54,950 Mmm... 562 00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:56,780 (Groaning): Oh, God, what do I do? 563 00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:57,950 What do I do? 564 00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,780 - It's over. - Moment's passed, Ted. 565 00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,020 Okay. 566 00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:03,580 I'll take him out. 567 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:06,190 So you and Buster broke up. 568 00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:07,590 Whew. I'm sorry. 569 00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:10,860 Yeah, I'm just waiting 570 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,160 for you to do something weird now. 571 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,160 Yeah, I feel that coming on, so, um... 572 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,470 I'm gonna go. 573 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,570 (Sighs heavily) 574 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,100 You know what doesn't whine and cry 575 00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,870 is the sperm in my freezer. 576 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,540 I am counting down the days 577 00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:26,080 until we don't need men to procreate. 578 00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:28,010 If I really put my mind to it... 579 00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,910 Autumn 2018. 580 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,780 Are you ready? 581 00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,750 Oh, it's my plan "b." 582 00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:37,820 Yeah. Beats going home alone. 583 00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:39,560 Just giving her a ride. 584 00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,110 Nothing weird. 585 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,760 (Whispering): We do this every time. 586 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,630 So, Katherine, uh... Where do you live? 587 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:48,700 About two inches north of your mouth, Padre. 588 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,970 Bye. 589 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,100 Bye. 590 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,110 Schmidt: It's okay, Jess. 591 00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,970 Sex fist is obviously over. 592 00:19:57,010 --> 00:19:58,780 We're all going home alone. 593 00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,840 Well, that's where you're wrong, Schmidt. 594 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,980 We're not going home alone. 595 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,670 - That's great. - All right. 596 00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:07,150 It's like that. 597 00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,360 "Regan, Kevin and Rebecca..." 598 00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:13,990 (Laughing) 599 00:20:14,030 --> 00:20:15,230 "...request the honor of your presence." 600 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,660 How about the honor of my garbage can? 601 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:18,660 Coach: Hey! 602 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:22,160 Jess: Those fridge people with their stupid houses... 603 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,630 Oh, look at this one, guys. 604 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,340 Uh, it looks like Jeffrey and Lauren 605 00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:27,370 want us to share in their joy. 606 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:29,460 How about they share in my chocolate pocket? 607 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:31,440 (Laughing): What does that mean? 608 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,440 In my butt. 609 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,710 - Mm-mm. - Jess: That's gross. 610 00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,510 Yeah, I... 611 00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:36,950 (Laughing) 612 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,080 Oh, man... how about this one, you guys? 613 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,280 Scott and Derek. 614 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,450 Yeah, real tasteful wedding... 615 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,790 - for a Thursday! - Nick: Yeah. 616 00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:45,190 Oh, look at that... Laurie and Mitchell. 617 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,520 They had a cash bar. 618 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,230 I hope they can't have kids! 619 00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:50,060 That's super dark, bro. 620 00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:51,400 - That was too far. I hope they can... - Yeah! 621 00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:52,730 ...I hope they can, I hope they can. 622 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:53,830 CeCe and Shivrang... You bastards, 623 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:54,830 take that one down. 624 00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:56,200 You know what? It's gone. 625 00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:57,700 (Whoops) No... 626 00:20:57,740 --> 00:20:59,210 - Nick: Take that one down! - Oh, yeah. 627 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:00,140 Jess: Wait a minute. 628 00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:01,140 Who are Gabe and Stephanie, 629 00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:02,710 with the profile, these things? 630 00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:04,270 Oh, Gabe's the heavy guy with the perm and the wheelchaiair... 631 00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:05,410 No, Gabe was the guy on the motorcycle... 632 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:06,840 No, no, no, no. The guy with the perm. 633 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,910 The guy who kept showing his stomach the whole time. 634 00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:08,980 Oh. Schmidt: That's the woman who was 635 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:10,080 eight and a half months pregnant. 636 00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,820 The groom was dressed as the bride... 637 00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:12,880 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, uh... 638 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,880 This wedding's next week. 639 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,150 - What? - What? 640 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,680 (All muttering) 641 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,820 Not anymore. 642 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:20,660 (Whooping, cheering) 643 00:21:20,690 --> 00:21:21,930 Whoa! 644 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,490 (All laughing) 645 00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:24,960 That's right! Come on, now! 646 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,360 Ripping it up! 647 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,170 (Everyone talking at once) 648 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,870 Oh! Oh! Look at that one. 649 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,340 Rippin' 'em up. 650 00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:33,000 (Whoops) 651 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,570 Rip. Oh, right there. 652 00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:35,870 Yes. 653 00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:37,210 Mmm... 654 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,300 (Laughing) More to rip.