1
00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:21,717
Hey, nick?
(whispers): Shh, i'm reading.
2
00:00:21,719 --> 00:00:24,019
Can you just give me a second?
What do you want this time?!
3
00:00:24,021 --> 00:00:25,688
So, i'm-i'm pitching
on the sponge account today.
4
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,089
It's kind of a...
It's kind of a big deal.
5
00:00:27,091 --> 00:00:28,557
I'm just wondering why
6
00:00:28,559 --> 00:00:30,259
My idea notebook is covered
in crimson stains.
7
00:00:30,261 --> 00:00:31,727
Oh, that's a fair question.
8
00:00:31,729 --> 00:00:33,262
It's either sloppy joes,
or it's blood.
9
00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:36,565
(groans)
10
00:00:38,903 --> 00:00:40,569
You unbelievable pig person!
11
00:00:40,571 --> 00:00:43,739
You giant, fat pig
person! You sloth.
12
00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:45,775
You should be living in a tree
in costa rica, you know that?
13
00:00:45,777 --> 00:00:47,843
Hi, guys. Um, have either of you
seen the french press?
14
00:00:47,845 --> 00:00:49,345
The french press is
in cupboard 64b.
15
00:00:49,347 --> 00:00:50,946
Did you not consult
your item map?
16
00:00:50,948 --> 00:00:53,115
Oh, no, i looked there.
The tagine's in 64b.
17
00:00:53,117 --> 00:00:55,785
What is the tagine doing
in 64 frickin' b?!
18
00:00:55,787 --> 00:00:57,353
I used the french press.
19
00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:59,088
Everybody chill out.
So it's in here somewhere.
20
00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:01,023
Nick, you know you're not
allowed to use the french press.
21
00:01:01,025 --> 00:01:02,725
I use it to get the pulp
out of my juice.
22
00:01:02,727 --> 00:01:04,093
So just give me one second,
i'll find it.
23
00:01:04,095 --> 00:01:05,761
(chuckles):
Hold on. Oh, yeah.
24
00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:07,963
I wasn't looking for it,
but i found my pulp bowl.
25
00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:10,099
That is a crystal candy bowl
filled with orange goop.
26
00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:12,134
I don't need to sit here
and take this!
27
00:01:12,136 --> 00:01:13,569
I'm going to my study.
28
00:01:13,571 --> 00:01:15,704
You are gonna get back here
and clean your room, mister!
29
00:01:15,706 --> 00:01:17,206
Jess:
Guys, i still need
the french press.
30
00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:18,908
Winston, i need my study corner!
31
00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:21,610
No, not after last time.
32
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:28,617
Hey, winnie! You know there's
an albany in california?
(yells)
33
00:01:28,619 --> 00:01:32,555
(chuckles): Well,
hello, winston bishop.
34
00:01:32,557 --> 00:01:36,091
I towel-burned my unders.
Well, i just prairie-dogged
thanks to you guys.
35
00:01:36,093 --> 00:01:38,828
Stop fighting! Now the
bathroom stinks for no reason.
36
00:01:38,830 --> 00:01:41,063
You happy, schmidt?
You just scared coach's poop!
37
00:01:41,065 --> 00:01:44,066
No, i'm not happy. I'm poor, and
i'm living in a filthy thimble.
38
00:01:44,068 --> 00:01:46,135
I've gone from riches to rags.
It's reverse annie.
39
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:48,938
Oh, spoiler alert.
Now you just ruined annie.
40
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:51,807
(men arguing)
41
00:01:51,809 --> 00:01:52,975
Jess:
Guys, chill out!
42
00:01:52,977 --> 00:01:54,944
Schmidt, your people
have been selling sponges
43
00:01:54,946 --> 00:01:57,146
Since the days of abraham.
You got this.
44
00:01:57,148 --> 00:02:00,115
Nick, the pulp bowl is
real gross. Tighten up.
45
00:02:00,117 --> 00:02:03,285
Most importantly, my dad is
coming with his new girlfriend,
46
00:02:03,287 --> 00:02:05,187
And i need the french press.
47
00:02:05,189 --> 00:02:07,122
Oh, 64b.
The tagine is in 64b.
48
00:02:07,124 --> 00:02:08,491
64b is occupied!
49
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,161
Uh, he said the tagine
is in 64b.
50
00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:14,430
It stinks in there!
What did you do?!
51
00:02:14,432 --> 00:02:15,764
You kill an animal?!
52
00:02:15,766 --> 00:02:17,833
♪ who's that girl? ♪
53
00:02:17,835 --> 00:02:21,270
♪ who's that girl? ♪
♪ it's jess. ♪
54
00:02:26,110 --> 00:02:27,309
How long before you
unleash holy hell
55
00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:29,144
On your dad's
new girlfriend?
56
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:31,380
I want to make sure i got a
good seat and plenty of snacks.
57
00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:33,816
Okay, cecilia, look, i know
i've been a little bit hard
58
00:02:33,818 --> 00:02:35,184
On my dad's girlfriends
in the past...
59
00:02:35,186 --> 00:02:37,987
I know you stole my dad's
credit card, margot.
60
00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:40,222
Hit the damn road.
61
00:02:40,224 --> 00:02:41,223
I don't have a car.
62
00:02:41,225 --> 00:02:42,958
(whispers):
Find one.
63
00:02:43,961 --> 00:02:45,661
I was the one
who had to pick up the pieces
64
00:02:45,663 --> 00:02:46,695
When his heart got broken.
65
00:02:46,697 --> 00:02:48,697
Besides, to hear
my dad talk,
66
00:02:48,699 --> 00:02:51,367
It sounds like he has really
found someone who...
67
00:02:51,369 --> 00:02:53,002
Is good for him.
68
00:02:53,004 --> 00:02:54,003
Ha!
69
00:02:54,005 --> 00:02:56,405
And you believe that?
70
00:02:56,407 --> 00:02:58,741
Your dad has terrible taste
in women.
71
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:00,543
That's why i love him so much.
72
00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:03,012
Remember the one who pretended
to be a paraplegic?
73
00:03:03,014 --> 00:03:04,680
Get up!
74
00:03:04,682 --> 00:03:06,682
I can't!
75
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:09,351
Oh, whatever.
76
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:10,653
That's the last one
i met, and i'm lucky
77
00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:11,887
He's letting me
meet this one.
78
00:03:11,889 --> 00:03:13,756
So, what? You're just gonna be
nice to her?
79
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:15,424
No fireworks? No show?
80
00:03:15,426 --> 00:03:17,693
I'm gonna be nice to her
no matter who she is.
81
00:03:17,695 --> 00:03:18,861
Then what the hell
am i doing here?
82
00:03:18,863 --> 00:03:20,396
(knocking)
oh.
83
00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:24,366
Hey, sweetie. Hi. Hi.
Hi, daddy.
84
00:03:24,368 --> 00:03:26,569
Gee, i'm sorry we're late,
85
00:03:26,571 --> 00:03:28,837
You know, but we saw seal
at the airport.
86
00:03:28,839 --> 00:03:31,907
We talked to him for 20
minutes, got his autograph.
87
00:03:31,909 --> 00:03:33,509
Wasn't him.
No.
88
00:03:33,511 --> 00:03:35,344
Anyway, this is ashley.
89
00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:36,512
Hi.
90
00:03:39,684 --> 00:03:43,886
I think, um, we went
to high school... Together.
91
00:03:43,888 --> 00:03:45,287
You went to high school
together!
92
00:03:45,289 --> 00:03:46,589
We went to high
school together!
93
00:03:46,591 --> 00:03:49,458
Julie berkman's
older sister ashley?
94
00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:51,694
That's me.
(cece laughs)
95
00:03:51,696 --> 00:03:53,929
Is this fun or
what? (laughs)
96
00:03:57,234 --> 00:03:58,567
(whispering):
Oh, my god!
97
00:03:58,569 --> 00:04:01,904
(whispering): Your dad is dating
trashley berkman?
98
00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:03,072
Didn't she...?
99
00:04:03,074 --> 00:04:04,940
Yes. She sexually intercoursed
100
00:04:04,942 --> 00:04:06,942
My high school boyfriend george
jiang underneath the bleachers.
101
00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:09,878
While you were sitting...
Yes! While i was sitting
on those bleachers.
102
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,647
Have you ever seen sex
from above, cece?
103
00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:14,717
It's horrible. That's why
god thinks it's a sin.
104
00:04:14,719 --> 00:04:17,786
Also, trashley gave him giardia
in his belly ring.
105
00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:21,156
Giardia is a river disease.
She had river mouth.
106
00:04:21,158 --> 00:04:23,058
Wasn't george jiang,
like, six-11?
107
00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:25,561
Yeah. They called him
george jiang the giardia giant,
108
00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:27,730
And i never got
to hold him in my arms.
109
00:04:27,732 --> 00:04:30,432
What are you gonna do?!
110
00:04:30,434 --> 00:04:32,501
Uh...
111
00:04:32,503 --> 00:04:34,403
Uh... Nothing.
112
00:04:34,405 --> 00:04:36,338
I'm gonna be sweet
and kind and supportive.
113
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:38,674
Look, peop-peop...
People change.
114
00:04:38,676 --> 00:04:41,143
People change.
It's been 15 years.
115
00:04:41,145 --> 00:04:43,679
She had sex with
our dare officer!
No way.
116
00:04:43,681 --> 00:04:46,448
There were rumors flying around
about every damn one.
117
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:47,916
(chuckles)
118
00:04:47,918 --> 00:04:49,284
You remember the rumor about me?
119
00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:51,520
Oh, that you
shaved your chin?
What?
120
00:04:51,522 --> 00:04:53,322
Was that was the rumor about me?
121
00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:55,791
That was the rumor.
No. It was...
122
00:04:55,793 --> 00:04:58,427
Definitely sexier than that.
123
00:04:58,429 --> 00:04:59,928
Thank you guys for coming. It's
really helpful that you're here.
124
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:02,598
I'm trying to get my boss
to give me the new account.
125
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:03,866
I just have to figure out
126
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,467
How to sell sponges to men.
127
00:05:05,469 --> 00:05:06,502
What do i have?
128
00:05:06,504 --> 00:05:08,604
I have a blood-stained
idea notebook
129
00:05:08,606 --> 00:05:10,873
Filled with terrible ideas.
130
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,775
I don't know what to do,
you guys. Damn it!
131
00:05:12,777 --> 00:05:14,276
"spongey make wipey."
i like that.
132
00:05:14,278 --> 00:05:16,211
Okay, please.
I don't have a lot of time.
133
00:05:16,213 --> 00:05:18,781
This is what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna say the word "sponge",
134
00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:21,316
And you guys are gonna say
the first word that pops
135
00:05:21,318 --> 00:05:23,352
Into your head, okay?
Ready, one, two, three. Sponge.
136
00:05:23,354 --> 00:05:25,120
Sponge! That was mine.
Yellow.
Sponge.
137
00:05:25,122 --> 00:05:26,155
Okay, let's just try this.
138
00:05:26,157 --> 00:05:27,456
We're gonna try this
one more time.
139
00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,058
Okay?
Just clear your head, okay?
140
00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:30,392
So i'm gonna say the word,
and you're gonna say
141
00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,694
The first word
that pops in your head.
142
00:05:31,696 --> 00:05:33,062
Okay, it might be "sponge."
don't say "sponge."
143
00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,196
Sponge!
Sponge.
144
00:05:34,198 --> 00:05:36,231
Damn it! Focus!
145
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,900
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's just try it again.
146
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:40,002
Give me a shot.
Give me a shot. Give me a shot.
147
00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:41,704
I'm gonna say "sponge"
one more time, first word
148
00:05:41,706 --> 00:05:43,072
That pops into your head. Ready?
One, two, three, sponge.
149
00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:44,907
Sponge. Aah!
150
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:45,808
Winston!
151
00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:47,176
Sorry. So much pressure, man.
152
00:05:47,178 --> 00:05:49,144
Okay, you know what?
Let's move on to coach.
153
00:05:49,146 --> 00:05:51,346
Coach, here we go.
You're the man of the group.
154
00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:53,182
You should be good at this.
We're selling sponges to men.
155
00:05:53,184 --> 00:05:54,683
Ready, one, two, three, sponge.
156
00:05:54,685 --> 00:05:56,685
Sponge.
Why would you say that?
157
00:05:56,687 --> 00:05:58,153
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, come on, come on.
158
00:05:58,155 --> 00:05:59,421
One more time.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sponge.
159
00:05:59,423 --> 00:06:01,156
Cake.
What?
160
00:06:01,158 --> 00:06:02,024
Cake.
161
00:06:02,026 --> 00:06:03,525
Sponge cake.
No!
162
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,394
We all know
that men are idiots.
163
00:06:05,396 --> 00:06:07,996
How long have you been
in my office?
164
00:06:07,998 --> 00:06:12,434
But what we don't know
is how much they love to clean.
165
00:06:12,436 --> 00:06:13,869
You're wasting my time,
schmidt. Go.
166
00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:15,537
Come on, gina, you have
to give me this account.
167
00:06:15,539 --> 00:06:17,039
They want
to market sponges to men.
168
00:06:17,041 --> 00:06:18,207
I'm the only man in the office.
169
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,843
Oh, speaking of. Sherri,
you got the sponge account!
170
00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:23,545
Touchdown!
Yeah.
171
00:06:23,547 --> 00:06:24,747
Just hear me out here.
172
00:06:24,749 --> 00:06:26,248
The reason why men don't talk
173
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:27,916
About how much
they love to clean is
174
00:06:27,918 --> 00:06:29,551
Because they're afraid
to admit it.
175
00:06:29,553 --> 00:06:30,853
Give me a chance here.
176
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:33,188
Be the one to put schmidt
on the map.
177
00:06:33,190 --> 00:06:35,190
Let's blast america
right in the face
178
00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:37,025
With a little bit
of schmidt.
Oh!
179
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:38,527
God in heaven! Fine!
180
00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,262
Put together
a focus group, okay?
181
00:06:40,264 --> 00:06:41,630
I will do that.
This is exciting.
182
00:06:41,632 --> 00:06:43,031
All right. Maybe next week
183
00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:44,533
We'll start it?
No. Today, 3:00.
184
00:06:44,535 --> 00:06:46,468
Today... Today at 3:00?
185
00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:47,870
Today at 3:00?
Mm-hmm.
186
00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:49,538
3:00 today--
that sounds great.
187
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:51,039
I love that idea.
188
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:53,242
Mm-hmm, you just... You just
earned a special thank you
189
00:06:53,244 --> 00:06:54,643
In my autobiography.
190
00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:57,946
Working title:
Punting the sweet fantastic.
191
00:06:57,948 --> 00:07:00,048
I feel like you kind of
have to do something
192
00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:01,483
To write a book about yourself.
193
00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:05,254
Sports!
194
00:07:05,256 --> 00:07:06,488
(screams)
195
00:07:09,627 --> 00:07:11,293
Oh, it's just so great
to see you guys again.
196
00:07:11,295 --> 00:07:12,795
Will you please
remind me?
197
00:07:12,797 --> 00:07:15,831
Were you there my first
senior year or my second?
198
00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:17,933
I was not good
at high school.
199
00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:19,268
(bob and ashley laugh)
200
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:20,569
Oh, the early 2000s.
201
00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:21,937
God, i did so much e.
202
00:07:21,939 --> 00:07:25,474
Just doing e,
watching that show ed.
203
00:07:25,476 --> 00:07:28,177
I would love to know
how you two lovers met.
204
00:07:28,179 --> 00:07:29,778
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, sure.
205
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:31,580
Okay, so i was listening
206
00:07:31,582 --> 00:07:34,149
To him sing with his
band, the co-pays.
Yeah, well...
207
00:07:34,151 --> 00:07:37,419
I didn't know you were
in a band, dad.
Yeah, just-just me
208
00:07:37,421 --> 00:07:38,921
And a few other pharmacists.
209
00:07:38,923 --> 00:07:40,856
You know, we do alt rock covers.
210
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:43,592
Oh, man, when he started
singing "she's so high"...
211
00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:49,164
♪ she's so high... ♪
212
00:07:49,166 --> 00:07:52,201
Stop. Because i'm gonna
fall in love again.
213
00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:55,437
Okay, go, i want to.
♪ she's so high... ♪
214
00:07:56,674 --> 00:07:57,873
Ashley (sighs):
Oh.
215
00:07:57,875 --> 00:07:59,842
Oh, man.
216
00:07:59,844 --> 00:08:01,777
That was it.
I was done.
217
00:08:01,779 --> 00:08:03,946
Ashley, have you kept in touch
with our dare officer?
218
00:08:03,948 --> 00:08:05,180
Oh! Cece.
219
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:07,216
Oh. Okay, i-i get it.
220
00:08:07,218 --> 00:08:08,817
You guys heard
about that rumor
221
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:10,719
That i had sex with
the dare officer?
222
00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:12,955
No! Only a crazy person...
223
00:08:12,957 --> 00:08:14,389
That rumor was true.
224
00:08:14,391 --> 00:08:15,657
(stammers)
225
00:08:15,659 --> 00:08:17,526
Crazy fun person.
226
00:08:17,528 --> 00:08:18,627
Oh, yeah, that guy.
227
00:08:18,629 --> 00:08:20,195
Wow, i did not
just say no.
228
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:21,897
I said yes.
Oh, yeah.
229
00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:25,167
I just said,
"yes, yes, yes."
oh, she said yes a lot.
230
00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:27,669
(laughs)
she's had sex
with hundreds of guys.
231
00:08:27,671 --> 00:08:29,872
Yeah.
You know, we spent
some time trying
232
00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:31,540
To total them all up.
It was fun.
233
00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:34,076
Killed a whole saturday. Yeah.
We couldn't even
get through the list.
234
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,644
We got to the "ls."
(laughs)
235
00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:38,080
But that was
in the past.
236
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:40,749
And then i was diagnosed
with a sex addiction.
237
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:42,251
Oh, great.
Thankfully,
238
00:08:42,253 --> 00:08:44,086
I attended rehab.
239
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,355
Which... Did not
take the first time.
240
00:08:46,357 --> 00:08:47,856
Or the second.
241
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:48,991
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
242
00:08:48,993 --> 00:08:50,559
But third time's the charm.
243
00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:51,827
For a lot of people.
Not for me.
244
00:08:51,829 --> 00:08:53,662
For me, it took
four. Four times.
245
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:56,164
Well, bobby, we should get
ready to go to the beach.
246
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,833
Okay.
Yeah.
247
00:08:57,835 --> 00:08:59,601
Thank you so much for this
delicious brunch, jess.
248
00:08:59,603 --> 00:09:01,270
It was wonderful.
249
00:09:01,272 --> 00:09:03,338
I ate so much, i'm gonna
have to bang nine guys
250
00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:04,439
Just to work
it off. (laughs)
251
00:09:04,441 --> 00:09:06,208
Oh, my goodness.
(bob laughs)
252
00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:07,576
I'm kidding. I
did do that once,
253
00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:09,077
But i'm not gonna
do it this time.
254
00:09:09,079 --> 00:09:10,779
It's all in the past
for me.
255
00:09:10,781 --> 00:09:12,047
Isn't she great?
256
00:09:12,049 --> 00:09:13,615
I just love her.
257
00:09:13,617 --> 00:09:15,117
She makes me
laugh so much.
258
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,752
(groaning)
259
00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:18,921
What? What-what,
are you humming?
260
00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:22,424
Mm... Dad, just so we
have this conversation...
261
00:09:22,426 --> 00:09:24,726
No, no, jess.
She seems like the type of girl
who might hurt you.
262
00:09:24,728 --> 00:09:27,229
Jessica...
I've seen you get hurt
by a lot less.
263
00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:28,730
Please, don't-don't
go there.
264
00:09:28,732 --> 00:09:32,134
No matter what you say, you're
not gonna change my mind.
265
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:35,604
I'm in love with her,
and i'm gonna marry her.
266
00:09:38,309 --> 00:09:40,509
Gonna... Get a new mom, jess.
267
00:09:41,445 --> 00:09:46,281
Bob:
♪ she's so high... ♪
268
00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:49,584
Hey, are you okay? Because
i am not sure if you heard that,
269
00:09:49,586 --> 00:09:51,486
But there is going to be
a wedding.
270
00:09:51,488 --> 00:09:53,755
Oh...
271
00:09:53,757 --> 00:09:57,659
There will be no wedding.
272
00:09:57,661 --> 00:10:00,395
And it begins.
273
00:10:00,397 --> 00:10:03,065
Why are we meeting
in a parking garage?
274
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,633
Because what we are
doing is unsavory
275
00:10:04,635 --> 00:10:06,335
And we're hiding from god.
And you also...
276
00:10:06,337 --> 00:10:07,769
You promised winston and
everybody pizza, so...
277
00:10:07,771 --> 00:10:09,137
Yeah, you definitely did.
278
00:10:09,139 --> 00:10:11,239
Yes, there'll be pizza.
Just do one thing for me first.
279
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:12,641
Here, memorize these.
280
00:10:12,643 --> 00:10:15,310
That's yours.
That's yours.
281
00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:19,014
"i love sponges because they
connect my heart to my hand."
282
00:10:19,016 --> 00:10:20,615
Look, i had to scramble,
you guys.
283
00:10:20,617 --> 00:10:22,918
I told my bosses how much
men love to clean.
284
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,486
What are talking about?
Only you.
285
00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:26,121
Yeah, only... Yeah.
I know!
286
00:10:26,123 --> 00:10:28,357
Why do you think
i'm rigging this focus group?
287
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:31,193
"sponges make me feel
more exhilarated
288
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:32,961
"than any home run
or touchdown
289
00:10:32,963 --> 00:10:34,262
Ever could."
290
00:10:34,264 --> 00:10:35,597
This is ridiculous, man.
291
00:10:35,599 --> 00:10:37,599
I'm out!
292
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,368
I can buy my own pizza.
293
00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,837
Can somebody please
loan me $15?
294
00:10:41,839 --> 00:10:43,605
And maybe like 20, 25,
depending on toppings,
295
00:10:43,607 --> 00:10:44,940
'cause i'd love to get
a bunch of ham.
296
00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,675
Ham.
What about the tip, dude?
What about tip?
297
00:10:46,677 --> 00:10:48,110
I don't give tips.
It's for delivery.
298
00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:49,211
You don't tip
delivery people, ever.
299
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,445
You definitely tip
delivery people, but...
300
00:10:50,447 --> 00:10:52,047
Guys. Guys.
301
00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:54,516
I get sponges, this solves
all our problems. Okay?
302
00:10:54,518 --> 00:10:56,351
I make more money,
nick gets his room back,
303
00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:58,053
I get my life
back on track.
304
00:10:58,055 --> 00:11:00,022
Punting the sweet fantastic.
305
00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:02,157
For the last time, schmidt,
that doesn't mean anything!
306
00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,525
Fine. But i'm gonna
need one hour
307
00:11:03,527 --> 00:11:04,993
In a quiet room
to get into character.
308
00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:06,461
No.
Right on.
309
00:11:06,463 --> 00:11:09,631
After long and thoughtful
and careful consideration,
310
00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:11,033
Winston is in.
311
00:11:11,035 --> 00:11:14,202
Okay.
Assuming pizza
is still on the table.
312
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,709
Say "pizza" one more
time, winston.
313
00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:21,843
No, just don't.
Just don't.
314
00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:23,245
No, we just never talked about
315
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,880
When we're gonna...
Don't.
316
00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:26,882
Just don't bring it up.
He's getting really mad.
317
00:11:26,884 --> 00:11:28,517
Like, delivery of...
Say "pizza." say
"pizza" one more time.
318
00:11:28,519 --> 00:11:30,152
Don't say it again.
Say "pizza" again.
319
00:11:30,154 --> 00:11:31,420
Pizza.
Say "pizza"
one more time,
320
00:11:31,422 --> 00:11:33,088
I'm gonna k-kill you!
I just thought
321
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:35,057
Maybe we'd talk about toppings,
perhaps, or something.
322
00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:37,592
Okay.
323
00:11:37,594 --> 00:11:39,194
Not a mirror.
324
00:11:39,196 --> 00:11:40,762
Not a mirror,
you idiot.
325
00:11:40,764 --> 00:11:41,997
Not a mirror.
326
00:11:41,999 --> 00:11:46,501
Sponges make me feel exhilarated
more than any...
327
00:11:46,503 --> 00:11:49,237
Did you just say "sponges
make me feel exhilarated"?
328
00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:51,239
(chuckles):
No, no. I-i..
329
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:52,707
What do you think of sponges?
330
00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:55,210
They're stupid.
That's how i feel.
(laughs)
331
00:11:55,212 --> 00:11:57,612
I mean, who cares?
Ex... That's
exactly how i feel.
332
00:11:57,614 --> 00:11:59,347
What do you think
of this whole place?
333
00:11:59,349 --> 00:12:01,083
I'd rather not be here.
334
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:02,751
"be here" is what
i was about to say.
335
00:12:02,753 --> 00:12:04,753
I'm nick.
I'm brittany.
336
00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:06,788
Oh, my god, we have
so much in common.
337
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:07,722
Okay.
338
00:12:07,724 --> 00:12:09,391
My dad can't marry her.
339
00:12:09,393 --> 00:12:11,426
He gets hurt in relationships
with normal women.
340
00:12:11,428 --> 00:12:13,862
Yeah.
He can't handle
a recovering sex addict.
341
00:12:13,864 --> 00:12:15,864
No.
What if she relapses?
342
00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:18,400
It would crush him.
It would crush his heart.
343
00:12:18,402 --> 00:12:20,602
I can't let this happen.
I have to protect him.
344
00:12:20,604 --> 00:12:24,106
So what are you gonna do?
I could write him a letter
about my feelings.
345
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:26,908
We... Yeah, but her
phone is in her purse,
346
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,711
And we could check her
phone for dirt on her.
347
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,815
But he hates letters.
348
00:12:33,817 --> 00:12:35,817
He always gets so frustrated
opening the envelope.
349
00:12:35,819 --> 00:12:38,887
You know you want to check her
phone. You know you want to.
350
00:12:38,889 --> 00:12:40,889
Cece, we're adults; we're gonna
handle this like adults.
351
00:12:40,891 --> 00:12:41,957
We're not snooping.
352
00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:43,158
You're right,
you're right.
353
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,392
That is...
That's a huge violation
354
00:12:44,394 --> 00:12:46,128
Of privacy;
you can't do that.
355
00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:47,996
Put that...
What does it say?
356
00:12:47,998 --> 00:12:49,431
It's bad.
357
00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,500
Mm.
Give that to me.
358
00:12:51,502 --> 00:12:52,801
(gasps)
359
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:54,970
Dad, she's cheating on you!
360
00:12:54,972 --> 00:12:56,404
What?
361
00:12:56,406 --> 00:12:57,506
Yeah, just ask jim.
362
00:12:57,508 --> 00:12:59,574
At 10:40, jim heard
she was in town.
363
00:12:59,576 --> 00:13:01,977
At 11:52,
364
00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:04,679
Jim had his hands
down his pants.
365
00:13:04,681 --> 00:13:06,014
And at 11:53...
366
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,816
Cumin?
367
00:13:07,818 --> 00:13:09,851
What, is he
cooking cumin?
368
00:13:09,853 --> 00:13:11,086
(clears throat)
369
00:13:11,088 --> 00:13:12,487
Oh, my god.
370
00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:14,956
My dad is the best guy in
the world, and you better
371
00:13:14,958 --> 00:13:17,626
Hit the damn road, unless
you want to say hello to
372
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:20,162
My old friends
crabtree and evelyn.
373
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:23,165
That's my work phone.
I'm a sex therapist.
374
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,133
Jim is my client.
375
00:13:25,135 --> 00:13:27,469
Your... Your client?
376
00:13:27,471 --> 00:13:29,804
Client!
Client.
377
00:13:29,806 --> 00:13:31,273
Client.
Client.
378
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:34,142
Am i supposed
to say "client" now?
379
00:13:34,144 --> 00:13:36,444
I'm gonna go.
This was clearly a mistake.
380
00:13:37,281 --> 00:13:38,346
No.
381
00:13:38,348 --> 00:13:39,381
And for the record,
382
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,283
George jiang gave me giardia.
383
00:13:41,285 --> 00:13:43,318
I saved you from
a hideous river disease.
384
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,687
Thank you.
385
00:13:49,359 --> 00:13:51,326
Damn it. She won't answer
any of my calls.
386
00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:53,195
I left ten voice mails.
387
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:55,964
Two of them, i'm screaming.
Three, i'm crying.
388
00:13:55,966 --> 00:13:58,700
One is a long silent one.
Nothing!
389
00:13:58,702 --> 00:14:00,835
And it's all your fault--
both of you guys.
390
00:14:00,837 --> 00:14:02,137
But mostly you.
391
00:14:02,139 --> 00:14:03,471
Look, dad, i'm so sorry.
392
00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:05,140
Is there anything i can do...
393
00:14:05,142 --> 00:14:07,042
There's nothing more
that you can do.
394
00:14:07,044 --> 00:14:09,711
I-i knew this was a mistake
bringing her here.
395
00:14:09,713 --> 00:14:11,813
Wait, dad.
396
00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:13,715
(door slams)
397
00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:17,719
Schmidt: So, uh, why
don't you tell me
398
00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:19,554
What you think about
that sponge there, coach.
399
00:14:19,556 --> 00:14:21,723
I mean... (clears throat)
ernie.
400
00:14:21,725 --> 00:14:23,558
I don't know why
i would call you coach.
401
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,893
Okay.
402
00:14:24,895 --> 00:14:26,528
Um...
(clears throat)
403
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:27,996
Well, i love sponges
404
00:14:27,998 --> 00:14:30,198
Because they connect
my heart to my hand.
405
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,901
Wow, thank you so much for that.
I wish my buddies
could see me now.
406
00:14:32,903 --> 00:14:35,036
What?
They'd be all like, "hey, man,
407
00:14:35,038 --> 00:14:37,239
Let me get a hit of
that squishy whip."
408
00:14:37,241 --> 00:14:40,208
Right on. Way to, uh,
add your own take.
409
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:42,410
Uh, to-to your...
To your own take.
410
00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:44,112
Winston: You know, i-i have
something i'd like to add.
411
00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:45,614
Please.
Um, i like cleaning.
412
00:14:45,616 --> 00:14:46,948
You like cleaning.
It is the only thing
413
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:49,884
I can control in a world
filled with chaos.
414
00:14:49,886 --> 00:14:51,186
Thank you.
May i add,
415
00:14:51,188 --> 00:14:56,424
I am thor, and this is
my hammer, mjÃ♪lnir.
416
00:14:56,426 --> 00:14:58,226
M... Melnir. MjÃ♪lnir.
417
00:14:58,228 --> 00:15:01,129
Okay, wonderful detail.
Thank you so much for that.
418
00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:03,265
Uh, how about you down there,
mayor of the corner?
419
00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:04,599
(chuckles)
420
00:15:04,601 --> 00:15:06,101
(pounds table) nick.
What?
421
00:15:06,103 --> 00:15:08,136
How does cleaning
make you feel?
422
00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:09,971
Uh, like i-i'm cleaning. Move on
to somebody else, please.
423
00:15:09,973 --> 00:15:12,140
(quietly): Read the cards that
i gave you. Remember the cards?
424
00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:13,708
Not now.
(pounds table) read your cards!
425
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,944
You want to know what i
think about your sponges?!
426
00:15:15,946 --> 00:15:17,379
(imitates farting)
427
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:18,913
(laughs)
428
00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:20,215
(laughs)
429
00:15:20,217 --> 00:15:21,883
Well, this is
clearly rigged.
430
00:15:21,885 --> 00:15:23,051
My office.
431
00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:24,719
Now, schmidt.
432
00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:26,121
Schmidt...
433
00:15:28,392 --> 00:15:30,325
Schmidt, i'm sorry.
(door closes)
434
00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:33,762
Dad.
435
00:15:33,764 --> 00:15:35,630
Thanks for waiting.
436
00:15:35,632 --> 00:15:38,266
I wasn't waiting. I just can't
get this damn thing started.
437
00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:40,135
You're just pressing buttons.
438
00:15:40,137 --> 00:15:43,338
This was supposed to be a big
weekend for me and ashley.
439
00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:44,439
I had everything
planned.
440
00:15:44,441 --> 00:15:48,276
I-i even wrote new
lyrics to our-our song.
441
00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:54,049
(high-pitched):
♪ ashley, marry me... ♪
442
00:15:57,688 --> 00:15:59,020
(engine starts)
443
00:15:59,022 --> 00:16:01,089
Y-you didn't have to
do that, you know.
444
00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:02,424
I can take care of myself.
445
00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:04,292
Can you?
446
00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,927
Dad, if i hadn't
447
00:16:05,929 --> 00:16:08,363
Protected you after
you and mom's divorce,
448
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:10,699
You would've ended up
with nancy zimmerman.
449
00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:12,934
Oh, nancy zimmerman.
She was bad news, dad.
450
00:16:12,936 --> 00:16:14,836
Ooh, v-very bad. You don't
know the half of it.
451
00:16:14,838 --> 00:16:17,138
That woman made me
try cocaine in 2005.
452
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:17,972
What, dad?!
453
00:16:17,974 --> 00:16:19,607
Booger sugar?
Yes.
454
00:16:19,609 --> 00:16:21,142
Nicaraguan yazz.
455
00:16:21,144 --> 00:16:23,278
Are you kidding me?
It was a very
expensive evening.
456
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,381
I wound up buying
his and her jet skis.
457
00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:29,517
The point is i'm
still standing,
458
00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:32,320
And i can take
care of myself.
459
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:36,157
Yes, i might get hurt,
but that'll be my problem.
460
00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:38,727
You don't need to
do it anymore, jess.
461
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:41,529
I should be taking
care of you.
462
00:16:42,899 --> 00:16:46,835
Ashley is different from
any woman i've ever dated.
463
00:16:46,837 --> 00:16:49,671
She-she makes
every day better.
464
00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:53,675
I-i want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
465
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:57,178
Aw, dad, that's so sweet.
466
00:16:57,180 --> 00:16:58,380
(car alarm chirps)
hey!
467
00:16:58,382 --> 00:16:59,514
Hey, th... Ashley!
468
00:16:59,516 --> 00:17:00,982
Jess:
What did she do?
469
00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:03,184
She went out and found a guy?
470
00:17:03,186 --> 00:17:04,519
She's gonna relapse. Um...
471
00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:06,321
Oh, we have to turn her off.
Ashley...
472
00:17:06,323 --> 00:17:08,790
Let's turn on npr
and blare it.
Oh...
473
00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:14,329
Ashley, wait.
Wait a minute. Please.
474
00:17:14,331 --> 00:17:15,897
Please don't do this. Please.
475
00:17:15,899 --> 00:17:17,165
Jess: Ashley, if
you're gonna relapse,
476
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,533
Relapse with my dad.
477
00:17:18,535 --> 00:17:20,869
I'm not relapsing.
478
00:17:20,871 --> 00:17:22,937
This is roy.
He's my l.A. Sponsor.
479
00:17:22,939 --> 00:17:24,739
Bob:
This is roy? Oh!
480
00:17:24,741 --> 00:17:27,175
You know, i-i always wanted
to meet you. Hi.
481
00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:29,611
Jess, he's not a strange man.
482
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,613
He's a sex addict.
483
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,182
Former sex addict.
Uh, current chocoholic.
484
00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:36,751
I'd be in trouble
if you were black.
485
00:17:36,753 --> 00:17:38,353
Thank you?
486
00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:41,256
Ashley, look, i screwed up.
487
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:43,391
I have to let my dad
make mistakes.
488
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:44,526
Oh, i'm a mistake?
489
00:17:44,528 --> 00:17:45,693
No, you are not a mistake.
490
00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:46,961
That came out wrong.
491
00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:48,797
I'm sorry, bob.
492
00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:51,299
I never meant to come
between you and your daughter.
493
00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:52,700
I love you
so damn much.
494
00:17:52,702 --> 00:17:55,703
You're my big, round, bald,
495
00:17:55,705 --> 00:17:57,205
Fuzzy weeble-wobble.
496
00:17:57,207 --> 00:18:00,608
But i just...
I just need a little space.
497
00:18:05,715 --> 00:18:07,315
It's not over, dad.
498
00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:08,716
Get the ring.
499
00:18:08,718 --> 00:18:09,918
I'm sorry, schmidt.
500
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,286
What can i say?
501
00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:13,087
You're just not really built
to play with the big girls.
502
00:18:13,089 --> 00:18:14,956
Don't fire him!
Oh, god.
503
00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:17,592
What the... Why?
Give him the account.
504
00:18:17,594 --> 00:18:20,562
He's a hard worker,
and he's a neat freak.
505
00:18:20,564 --> 00:18:23,665
How do i know that?
'cause i share a room with him.
506
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,766
You two share a room?
507
00:18:24,768 --> 00:18:26,134
And you should see
his side.
508
00:18:26,136 --> 00:18:29,637
It is so clean. It looks like
the inside of a japanese subway.
509
00:18:29,639 --> 00:18:32,006
Speaking of sharing a bedroom,
brittany's coming over tonight.
510
00:18:32,008 --> 00:18:35,577
Uh, so i'm gonna need ten
to 15 minutes of privacy for...
511
00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:37,278
I don't need 15 minutes.
That's excessive.
512
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,580
Give me five to ten.
513
00:18:38,582 --> 00:18:40,982
That feels braggy.
Give me three to five,
514
00:18:40,984 --> 00:18:43,017
But no less than three
'cause that's rude to girls.
515
00:18:43,019 --> 00:18:44,953
Do you really think that
she's gonna have sex with you
516
00:18:44,955 --> 00:18:47,255
In that pulp-covered
filth bunker?
I'll throw a tarp down.
517
00:18:47,257 --> 00:18:48,656
Oh, god.
Schmidt:
What if she's turned off
518
00:18:48,658 --> 00:18:51,326
By the mess?
What if she's turned off by...
519
00:18:53,263 --> 00:18:55,697
What if she's turned
off by the mess?
520
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,365
Hey, gina, why don't you hear me
out here for a second.
521
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:59,167
That's all right.
If nick cleans his room
522
00:18:59,169 --> 00:19:00,969
Before brittany comes
over, he might get laid.
523
00:19:00,971 --> 00:19:03,471
I don't know.
It seems like a lot of work.
524
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:05,273
Not with the right tool.
525
00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:07,008
We open up
on a modern man
526
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:08,810
With a nose that only
america could love.
527
00:19:08,812 --> 00:19:09,777
This might seem obvious,
528
00:19:09,779 --> 00:19:11,312
But what side does
the dirty stuff go on?
529
00:19:11,314 --> 00:19:12,647
He doesn't know a lot,
530
00:19:12,649 --> 00:19:14,782
But he's about to discover
the ultimate wingman.
531
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:15,984
Nick:
I bet this side is
532
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:17,285
Really good for tough areas.
533
00:19:17,287 --> 00:19:18,953
The man sponge.
534
00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:21,055
Because the dirtiest
thing in your room...
535
00:19:21,057 --> 00:19:22,790
Probably be her.
(chuckles)
536
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,559
Yay. We're doing a pitch.
537
00:19:24,561 --> 00:19:25,860
Yeah.
(chuckles)
538
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:29,797
I... Can't believe
i'm saying this,
539
00:19:29,799 --> 00:19:31,165
But i like it.
540
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:32,967
All right, you get
the sponge account, schmidt.
541
00:19:32,969 --> 00:19:34,569
Sponges.
We got sponges.
542
00:19:34,571 --> 00:19:36,571
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
543
00:19:36,573 --> 00:19:38,172
Jess:
Wait!
544
00:19:38,174 --> 00:19:41,009
Ashley! My dad loves you!
545
00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:41,976
No matter what! Wait!
546
00:19:41,978 --> 00:19:44,245
♪ ashley... ♪
547
00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:46,247
On your right!
Left side!
On your right.
On your left.
548
00:19:46,249 --> 00:19:47,015
(jess whimpering)
549
00:19:47,017 --> 00:19:48,850
On your right!
Left!
550
00:19:48,852 --> 00:19:50,218
Right!
Bread and butter.
551
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,486
On your left.
On your right.
552
00:19:51,488 --> 00:19:52,487
(jess continues whimpering)
553
00:19:52,489 --> 00:19:53,488
Oh, my god!
554
00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:55,823
Left side!
Left side!
555
00:19:55,825 --> 00:19:57,892
♪ ashl... ♪
on your right!
556
00:19:57,894 --> 00:19:59,227
Bob:
Jess!
557
00:19:59,229 --> 00:20:01,396
Jess, baby, baby, are you okay?
Oh.
558
00:20:01,398 --> 00:20:04,332
You... Here, come on, come on.
Let's get you to a hospital.
Yeah. Yes.
559
00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:06,100
Oh, my god!
Is she okay?
I don't know.
560
00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:07,101
I mean, are you okay?
561
00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,903
You need to do
it now, dad,
562
00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:11,339
Before we get flattened
by a parade. Come on.
563
00:20:14,911 --> 00:20:17,412
Ashley... Will you marry me?
564
00:20:17,414 --> 00:20:20,682
And be the stepmom
to a very crazy
565
00:20:20,684 --> 00:20:23,685
But-but very lovable woman?
566
00:20:23,687 --> 00:20:26,020
(chuckles):
Yes.
567
00:20:26,022 --> 00:20:29,724
Yes. Yes!
568
00:20:29,726 --> 00:20:30,925
Oh, yes!
569
00:20:30,927 --> 00:20:33,795
Jess, you're
my little girl now.
570
00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:35,063
Oh, jess.
571
00:20:35,065 --> 00:20:37,031
You go to your room.
(laughs): I'm just kidding.
572
00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:40,368
I'm kidding. But you should
go to a-a hospital.
573
00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:44,539
Here's to attending a wedding
with everyone from high school
574
00:20:44,541 --> 00:20:46,407
And my dad's side of the family.
575
00:20:46,409 --> 00:20:48,209
It's gonna be great.
It's like going to prom
576
00:20:48,211 --> 00:20:49,811
With all my dad's friends.
Nick: Hear, hear!
577
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:50,778
(cheering)
578
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:52,714
Oh.
Oh.
579
00:20:52,716 --> 00:20:53,881
No, no, no, no.
Don't worry, don't worry.
580
00:20:53,883 --> 00:20:55,383
I got it. I got it.
I'll just clean it.
581
00:20:55,385 --> 00:20:56,584
Coach:
Dude, there's a sponge
582
00:20:56,586 --> 00:20:58,620
In your hand.
Schmidt: No, let him go.
583
00:20:58,622 --> 00:21:00,421
He's my inspiration.
You know, living with him
584
00:21:00,423 --> 00:21:03,925
In that slovenly hellhole
has been a secret blessing.
585
00:21:03,927 --> 00:21:04,892
It's made me stronger.
586
00:21:04,894 --> 00:21:05,994
Without ash to rise from,
587
00:21:05,996 --> 00:21:08,129
The phoenix would just be
a bird getting up.
588
00:21:08,131 --> 00:21:10,064
I am a phoenix, and i will rise.
589
00:21:10,066 --> 00:21:12,133
He usually says that speech
before sex.
590
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:14,068
By 2015, i will have
my own room.
591
00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:16,304
And by 2016...
592
00:21:18,408 --> 00:21:19,841
Coach:
What is he looking at?
I don't know.
593
00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:22,176
...I will be a millionaire.
(all groaning)
594
00:21:22,178 --> 00:21:24,879
(piano playing gentle music)
595
00:21:36,092 --> 00:21:37,692
(gasps)
596
00:21:37,694 --> 00:21:39,994
Spongey make wipey.
597
00:21:39,996 --> 00:21:42,130
Announcer:
The man sponge.
598
00:21:42,132 --> 00:21:44,799
Because the dirtiest thing
in your room...
599
00:21:44,801 --> 00:21:47,835
Should be me.
600
00:21:47,837 --> 00:21:49,771
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
601
00:21:49,773 --> 00:21:52,373
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org