1 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,620 Oh, the female reproductive system. 2 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,750 Kind of looks like the Chicago Bulls symbol. 3 00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:23,350 - It does. - Now, this is the only part that matters. 4 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,390 - The money train. Sure. - Hey, I call it my nine-to-five. 5 00:00:25,420 --> 00:00:27,860 'Cause it's my job to work it. You know what I'm saying? 6 00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:29,690 (laughter) 7 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,590 The large intestine, you degenerates. 8 00:00:31,630 --> 00:00:33,230 What? 9 00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:34,360 - Let me see that. - I told Jess 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,360 that I don't want to teach health. 11 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,430 I'm not good at it. Such a hassle. 12 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:42,500 Studying, planning, giving weak kids good grades. No. 13 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:45,170 I heard that. There are good things, too. Like you get 14 00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:48,710 to come with me to a dope two-day teaching conference in Palmdale. 15 00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:51,510 - I want to stay and hang out with the guys at Guys' Night. - What's Guys' Night? 16 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,940 Oh, yeah, we're celebrating you being gone. No offense. 17 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,240 - Guys' Night! - Guys' Night! 18 00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:56,620 Guys' Night! 19 00:00:56,650 --> 00:00:58,120 The conference is gonna be really fun. We just have 20 00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:00,790 to work from, like, 9:00 to 7:00. 21 00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:02,960 And then after that it's a par-tay. 22 00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:05,590 Until 10:00, when quiet hours are strictly enforced. 23 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,930 But before then we rage. For three hours. 24 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,870 Actually, two because there's the half an hour of setup time 25 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:13,430 and the half an hour of cleanup time because we have to actually 26 00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:14,800 be in bed at 10:00. 27 00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:16,940 CECE: Ooh! 28 00:01:16,970 --> 00:01:18,570 Are you kidding me? 29 00:01:18,610 --> 00:01:20,940 Ryan is going? 30 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:23,710 Ryan-Ryan? The guy you have a crazy crush on? 31 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,710 I had a crush on him. Principal Foster 32 00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:29,220 says that administrators can't date teachers. It's forbidden. 33 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,150 That makes it so much hotter. 34 00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:33,390 It makes it crazy hotter. But, look, 35 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,060 it's not just about Principal Foster. 36 00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,320 This is about how I worked 37 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,060 really hard to get to Vice Principal, 38 00:01:38,090 --> 00:01:40,800 and I'm not gonna let some British guy get in my way. 39 00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,430 Some redcoat bastard. 40 00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:43,830 That's why I keep all 41 00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,430 of our interactions strictly professional. 42 00:01:46,470 --> 00:01:48,440 Hey. How was your weekend? 43 00:01:48,470 --> 00:01:50,840 That's personal. 44 00:01:50,870 --> 00:01:53,340 I can't risk learning any personal details about him. 45 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,240 What if he taught his dyslexic sister how to read? 46 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,810 I can't know that. I'll go crazy with lust. 47 00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:01,080 - My pants will turn to ash. - And so exactly 48 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,420 how do you plan to avoid this man 49 00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:05,490 that you are trapped in the same hotel with? 50 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,090 There are, like, a thousand porns that start that way. 51 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,420 Yeah, but no porns have teachers. 52 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:10,690 Every porn has a teacher. 53 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,330 Well, I'm not worried, okay? 54 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,600 'Cause I'll probably never even see him. 55 00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,830 Jess? 56 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,350 Can you believe we're right next to each other? 57 00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:31,210 - Hey, you guys want sangria? - It's Guys' Night! 58 00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:34,480 - Only beer! - Yeah, what is this, Spain? 59 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,180 Great sangria burn, man. 60 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,690 - Really? - Never let your guard down! 61 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,490 - Aah! - Oh, takedown! 62 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,060 Never let your guard down. 63 00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:42,370 - Well played. - All right, first up, 64 00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,030 we eat meat. 65 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:44,890 How much meat?! 66 00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:46,290 Then we take a fart nap. 67 00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:47,830 - Not for me. Pass. - All right, guys, 68 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:49,830 - it's Guys' Night. Let's think. - Okay. 69 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:53,840 Anything else we can't do when Jess is here. 70 00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:55,170 Wow. 71 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,670 - Look at that stretching. - I don't want to... 72 00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:01,540 make this sound too creepy, but I want to own those girls. 73 00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:02,910 I wouldn't touch them. They'd want 74 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,910 for nothing. But I would know they were there. 75 00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:06,850 - Stretching. For me. - I want 76 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,580 to French braid that girl hair. 77 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,380 I want to French braid that hair so good. 78 00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,050 The third hottest one just waved at me. Hello! 79 00:03:13,090 --> 00:03:13,690 Ah! 80 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,420 - Ooh! - Oh, no. 81 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,460 - Oh! - No! 82 00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:16,920 - No, no, no! - Oh... 83 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,330 -Jess is gonna kill you. - Shoot! She's not gonna kill me. 84 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,530 I'm just gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have 85 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,760 it cleaned, I'll have it cleaned. 86 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,860 - Schmidt, red wine sets. - Shut up, Winston! It sets. 87 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:23,760 Why don't you just wash it? 88 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,530 Why don't I just what? 89 00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:25,770 Wash it. 90 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,100 Just wash the blanket. 91 00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:30,100 Unless you can't. 92 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,070 Come on, man. Get out of here. 93 00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,390 I've known you for a lot of years 94 00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:34,710 and I've never seen you do laundry. 95 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:35,880 Never seen me do laundry... Get out of town. 96 00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:37,580 Wait, wait. Is that true? 97 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:38,610 Come on, you guys, this is so... 98 00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:39,650 Really, this is silly. 99 00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:40,880 Then do it. 100 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,120 Right now. 101 00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:43,350 We'll watch. 102 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,790 Doing the laundry... 103 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,660 It's no problemo. 104 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,930 Little bit of this. 105 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,370 What in the world...? 106 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,570 Straining the soap. 107 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,910 Get that in there. 108 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,710 Back in there. 109 00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:08,980 Um, okay. 110 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,480 And... 111 00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:17,150 That's it. Laundry. 112 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,550 Can't... Oh, so silly. 113 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:19,790 Forgot to put the quarters in. 114 00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:20,990 That's right, the quarters. 115 00:04:27,830 --> 00:04:29,760 - Schmidt... - All right! I don't know how to do laundry! 116 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,930 - I knew it! - Forget it. 117 00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,130 - Finally! - That is insane! 118 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,600 Hope you're happy. 119 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,600 Nerd. Nerd. 120 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,900 Dud. 121 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,140 Lady nerd. Goofus. 122 00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:41,440 - Virgin... - Hey, Coach, I need you to be my buffer! 123 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,610 Okay, but Nick can never find out about this. 124 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,150 Wait, what? Hmm? 125 00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:46,950 - What? - What are you talking about? 126 00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:48,520 What are you talking about? 127 00:04:48,550 --> 00:04:50,620 I need you to be my buffer between Ryan and me. 128 00:04:50,650 --> 00:04:51,850 He's so sexy. 129 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:52,620 - Really? - Yeah. 130 00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,650 That guy? 131 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,090 Beautiful. Did you make that? 132 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,690 Looks like a Boys Department mannequin. 133 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,130 Yeah. 134 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,660 - Hey, Jess, can I, um... - Nope. 135 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,700 No time for chatting. 136 00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:02,830 We have to sit down. 137 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,770 You can't sit there. 138 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,000 Coach likes to sit in the middle. 139 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,440 Mm-hmm. 140 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,970 I sit bitch or I don't sit at all. 141 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,010 (whispering): You're weird. (whispering): You're weird. 142 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,480 - You're a weirdo. - You're weird. 143 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:16,390 - You're weird. - You're weird. 144 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:20,280 Shh. 145 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,950 I am education guru Brenda Brown. 146 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,050 COACH: Oh, no. Who is this? She looks like 147 00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:27,050 one of those ladies who talks you into having a baby in a tub. 148 00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:28,790 You. the talker. 149 00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:29,690 Mmm... 150 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:30,730 Stand up. 151 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,200 - Talk to us. - There were other people talking, 152 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:37,830 - I just want to let you know that. - Why are you a teacher? 153 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,070 Uh, 'cause my... 154 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,670 my roommate made me. 155 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,970 Hmm. 156 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,210 What? 157 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:45,340 I'm worried about you. 158 00:05:45,370 --> 00:05:46,670 You're a worry. 159 00:05:46,710 --> 00:05:48,540 Wor... why, why are you worried about me? 160 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,080 Teaching is an awesome 161 00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:52,910 responsibility. 162 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,910 You are not prepared for it. Sit down. 163 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,250 Okay. 164 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,320 Today, we will learn 165 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:00,720 about our fellow educators, 166 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,260 their hopes, their dreams, 167 00:06:02,290 --> 00:06:04,160 their bitter regrets. 168 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:07,030 The things they wish they'd said to their birth mother... 169 00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,530 So, partner up. 170 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,230 Will you be my partner? 171 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:12,900 Mmm, sorry, I'm with Coach. 172 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,170 No, I can't do it. 173 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,570 I'm going to the bar. What? 174 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,310 - Buffer out. Buffer out. - No, buffer in. 175 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:19,340 Buffer in. Buffer in. Buffer out. 176 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:20,740 Everything okay here? 177 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,010 Yeah, sorry. 178 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,440 My, um... my partner just left. 179 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,580 Or... did your partner just arrive? 180 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,380 Oh. Um... No... 181 00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:30,380 - Wicked. - Everyone! 182 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,520 Look at your partner, really look. 183 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,290 Take his or her hand and say, 184 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,560 "I'm excited!" 185 00:06:37,590 --> 00:06:39,830 - I'm excited. - Oh, crap. 186 00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:43,620 (knocking at door) 187 00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:47,750 We just came to say we're sorry. 188 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:50,170 Guess you think I'm pretty dim, huh? 189 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,910 A man who can't do laundry. 190 00:06:51,940 --> 00:06:54,420 You weren't born this way, were you? 191 00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:56,710 Born not knowing how to do laundry? 192 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,350 Like everyone else? 193 00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:00,950 Yes, Winston, I was. It wasn't till after birth 194 00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:03,250 - that the trouble really began. - Here we go. 195 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,220 SCHMIDT: Nana wouldn't let me in the laundry room. 196 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:07,190 I think it's because my hands 197 00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:08,890 were always covered in butter. 198 00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:11,230 And so I went to college unable to do laundry. 199 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:13,730 - I'm making jean shorts! - I'm doing laundry! 200 00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:15,900 - Big day for both of us! - Yeah, it is. 201 00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,930 As I pulled out my maternity corduroys, 202 00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:20,300 I spied a six-pack of Pi-Phis. 203 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,710 I need... um... 204 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:23,980 I need them loose to keep... 205 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,380 to keep my sperm count up. 206 00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,040 You know how it is! 207 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,610 Eventually, the window of time when it was acceptable 208 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,920 to learn something so basic had closed. 209 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,650 I was an adult. 210 00:07:33,690 --> 00:07:34,690 It was too late. 211 00:07:34,690 --> 00:07:36,650 Well, I understand. 212 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,660 You know, I've never told anyone this, 213 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:39,960 but, um... 214 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,630 I don't know how to read a ruler. 215 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,590 I don't, I mean, how do you start? 216 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,330 At the edge or the first tick? 217 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,100 - It's confusing to me. - Are you serious? 218 00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:49,240 - Do you know how to count? - It always gets on top of me, and 219 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,470 'Cause then you should know how to use a ruler, you idiot! 220 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:52,900 I'm an idiot? You can't even wash your own underwear, 221 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,940 you dumbass. 222 00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:55,970 Hey! They're both super easy! 223 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,840 We're talking about laundry and a ruler! 224 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,450 I'm gonna teach you guys right now! 225 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,750 Let's go. 226 00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,610 Each of you holds a stack of cards 227 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,120 with questions for your partners. 228 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:08,520 You must uncover the answers. Begin. 229 00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,020 What gets you out of bed in the morning? 230 00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,300 Let me guess. 231 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,620 Your mother, who you live with, says, 232 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,430 "Ryan, your crumpets are getting cold." 233 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,830 The thought that any ordinary day could be 234 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:19,900 the day I look back on when I'm much older 235 00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:21,130 as being the best day of my life. 236 00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:22,270 You? 237 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:25,340 Same. 238 00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:26,770 Don't look away. 239 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,110 - Embrace the intimacy... - I'm good. 240 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,880 - Embrace the intimacy. - Okay. 241 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,680 You know, I think there's an art to a picnic basket. 242 00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:35,280 Apricot jam would never go with a sesame cracker. 243 00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:37,050 Of course it wouldn't, it would go with 244 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,780 BOTH: a flaky baguette. 245 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,650 Duck, duck. Okay, now step forward, step forward, 246 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:44,020 another step forward; okay, go to your right, go to your right. 247 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,060 Do you scrapbook? 248 00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:47,290 On rainy days. 249 00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:49,030 Step forward, go to your left; left, left. 250 00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,060 Big step, that's it, big step; now come 251 00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:51,560 to me, another big step; come to me. 252 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,030 Do you own yarn? 253 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,070 Spools of it. 254 00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:58,840 I craft so much. 255 00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,400 It's a left, and again come to me, come to me. 256 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,870 - Yes. - Come to me. 257 00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:03,740 - Oh! - Oh! 258 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,510 It's okay, I've got you. 259 00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:09,680 We have a new record. 260 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:12,880 He's amazing. 261 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,490 I think he might be an angel 262 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,920 sent down to Earth like Denzel Washington 263 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:17,030 in The Preacher's Wife. 264 00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:18,820 Oh, honey, okay, what can I do? 265 00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:19,860 In your purse, 266 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,590 you will find a white envelope. 267 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,360 Okay, you, you wrote a letter to yourself, 268 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,730 and stuck it in my purse? 269 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,270 Read it, I need to hear it. 270 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,670 "Dear Jess, 271 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,070 "If you are reading this, 272 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,840 "it's because you're being an idiot 273 00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,870 "and developing feelings for your employee, 274 00:09:33,910 --> 00:09:37,740 you ballet-flat-wearing piece of Oregon trash." 275 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:38,880 You are so right. 276 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,340 You are so right. 277 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,850 "To have intercourse with the first man 278 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,550 "hired under your reign 279 00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:45,850 would be an insult to yourself and also..." 280 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,250 This part's in caps. 281 00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:49,350 - ...all women everywhere." - All women everywhere. 282 00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:51,890 "Did you learn nothing from the movie Elizabeth, 283 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,960 you stupid little bitch?" 284 00:09:53,990 --> 00:09:56,530 No one respects a queen who sleeps with her subjects. 285 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,300 I will paint my face white. 286 00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,430 No man may have me. 287 00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:00,460 Thank you, Cece. 288 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:01,700 You're welcome? 289 00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:04,900 Teaching is such a pain in the ass. 290 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,400 Isn't it? 291 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,810 I'll tell you what, 292 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,440 I wouldn't give it up for anything. 293 00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:11,410 You get to really impact those kids' lives. 294 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,710 I'm not gonna impact them, I'm just teaching health. 295 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:15,910 "Just health"? 296 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,420 - Hey, Carol. - Hey, Ned. 297 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,380 - Oh, it's Carol. - Oh, hey, Carol. 298 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,050 Health is the most important subject. 299 00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,570 Screw up, and they "just" get pregnant. 300 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,090 What's your safe sex lesson plan? 301 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,590 I don't know! 302 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,230 Uh, lie to them and say condoms feel good? 303 00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:31,160 Uh, maybe tell them about my buddy 304 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,930 who's got bumps on his thing? 305 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,400 Maybe bring up Magic Johnson. 306 00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,100 Maybe bring up Kobe Bryant. 307 00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:37,970 You're my best friend in the whole world, 308 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,100 but I'm really worried about you. 309 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,140 You think the line is a suggestion? 310 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,150 - I don't know what it is... - It isn't! 311 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,480 - Do it again. - It's too hard! 312 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:53,580 Do it again! 313 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,290 Okay, so you start with the first tick. 314 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,150 Oh... 315 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,760 That's it, really. 316 00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,020 Stop! 317 00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:02,660 That was at the line! 318 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:03,960 That was perfect. 319 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,360 Now do it ten more times. 320 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,000 So in the beginning, you never mind the edge. 321 00:11:08,030 --> 00:11:09,700 - Yeah. - Man. 322 00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:11,700 You got to hold on to it. 323 00:11:11,740 --> 00:11:14,710 - What about bleach? - Let's walk before we can run, huh, pal? 324 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,540 Hey, Winston, he's asking about bleach! 325 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:19,980 (laughs) Man, that is way too soon. 326 00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:22,280 - Warm-warm, warm-cold... - You got this, don't get flustered! 327 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:24,390 Cold-cold, hot-cold, hot-hot? It's hot-hot! 328 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:26,820 - It's always warm-cold. - Well, what's "permanent press"? 329 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,450 - Fake button, nobody uses it. - Yeah, don't press that one. 330 00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:30,790 (buzzing) The machine is buzzing, you didn't close it! 331 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,060 What?! Yeah, I closed it! 332 00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,220 Who you gonna believe, me or the machine?! 333 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,190 I'm gonna believe the machine! 334 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,690 (grunts) 335 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,430 This is bull! 336 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,700 (buzzing stops) 337 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:40,730 Damn it, you! 338 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,670 We're so close. 339 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,170 Take ten and relax. 340 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,740 Nine-inch bottle. 341 00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:48,240 Rappers be lying. 342 00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:49,540 You told me to relax, so... 343 00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,180 Self-pleasure is the only thing that relaxes me. 344 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,010 - Ugh. Seriously, Schmidt? - That is crass. 345 00:11:53,050 --> 00:11:56,550 I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it. 346 00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:57,820 So stupid. 347 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,850 Hey, you did it! 348 00:12:01,890 --> 00:12:02,890 You did it! 349 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:03,890 Yes! 350 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,560 - Yeah! - All right! 351 00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,160 That's what I'm talking about! 352 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,930 Guys' Night! 353 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,760 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 354 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,400 - I saved you a seat. - Oh! No. 355 00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:18,670 I've been offered a seat at the higher-ups' table. 356 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,570 The tastemakers. 357 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:24,510 - You're not invited. - Oh, I see. You're back to avoiding me. 358 00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:26,580 I'm not av... I don't know what you're talking about. 359 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:28,350 Yes, you do. You've been avoiding me for weeks at school. 360 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,580 That's why I was so happy 361 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:31,520 that we were finally getting a chance to, 362 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,620 I don't know, maybe get to know each other. 363 00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:33,470 What, is this summer camp? 364 00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:35,990 - We don't need to get to know each other. - What's your problem with me? 365 00:12:36,070 --> 00:12:38,520 - Did I do something to offend you? - Why do... I... I don't have a problem. 366 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,630 - You have a problem with me. - I don't have a problem with you. 367 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:41,870 Yes, you do, you have a problem. 368 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,920 - Do you have a problem? - No, I don't have a problem. 369 00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:45,040 Great, then we bothdon't have a problem. 370 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,390 We have a problem. 371 00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:48,320 COACH: Hey, Jess! 372 00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,540 Buffer on the roof! 373 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:51,770 (laughs) 374 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,040 I'm freaking out. 375 00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:55,540 Freakin', freakin' out. 376 00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:56,940 Freak, freak, freak. (dog barks) 377 00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:59,580 Is that a baby? I feel like I hear a baby. 378 00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:04,980 All right, gentlemen... bar crawl. 379 00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,980 Man, look at this, I know how to do laundry! 380 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,050 - I feel like a new man. - Good, good, good. 381 00:13:09,090 --> 00:13:10,920 There is no way for me to express my joy. 382 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,060 Except by telling you the width of my smile. 383 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:14,120 (giggles) 384 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,960 (chuckles) 385 00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:17,790 I can't read it, somebody else read it. 386 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,130 No, I want to do it, I want to do it, hold on. 387 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,470 But I can't see, let me turn it... uh... 388 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,130 You know what? To Nick. 389 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,840 What can't you do? 390 00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:27,640 A lot, you know, I can't say "Frebuary." 391 00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:29,510 (laughs) No one can! 392 00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,340 Frebuar... Febuar-ar... 393 00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,140 - Feb.. I... (babbles) - Whatever. 394 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,810 - Feb... February. - Yeah, it's February. 395 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:36,610 I can't say the alphabet unless I'm singing the song. 396 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,620 And I never learned how to love. 397 00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,250 But enough about me... Guys' Night! 398 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,280 Let's go, gentlemen. 399 00:13:41,290 --> 00:13:42,690 WINSTON: Man, that is... that is heavy. 400 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,120 Hey, Nick, that's something we should talk about. 401 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,760 I mean, what are we gonna do, 402 00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:48,630 sit around all night and talk about love? 403 00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,960 (laughs) 404 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,800 WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: ♪ I want to know what love is ♪ 405 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,770 ♪ I want you to show me ♪ 406 00:14:00,810 --> 00:14:02,770 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 407 00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:05,940 ♪ I want to know what love is ♪ 408 00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,140 ♪ Oh... ♪ 409 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,280 ♪ And I want you to sh... ♪ 410 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,720 - ♪ I know you can show me ♪ - Sad song. 411 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,120 Hey, buddy. 412 00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:14,150 Hey! 413 00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,550 JESS: What's happening? 414 00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:17,350 I freaked out about the whole teaching health thing, 415 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,990 and then I went and I-I got drunk with Ned... 416 00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:22,230 Neddy! 417 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,230 And then I bet 418 00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:25,000 everybody in the bar 419 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,830 that I could do a backflip off the roof, 420 00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:29,000 and that's what I came to do. 421 00:14:29,030 --> 00:14:30,230 So... 422 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,000 Hey, look, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 423 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,040 Uh, I... I totally understand how you're feeling. 424 00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:35,310 Yeah? Does, uh, teaching 425 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,970 scare the crap out of you, Jess? 426 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,340 Well, it is my life's calling, 427 00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:39,910 - so, no. - Exactly. 428 00:14:39,940 --> 00:14:42,750 - You don't get it. - I do. 429 00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:45,020 What's up, player? It's the British dude. 430 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,350 This is my first time teaching, and I'm scared, too. 431 00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,420 - It's a terribly important job. - Yeah, but health 432 00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:50,690 is the most... (all gasping) 433 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:51,760 I'm good. 434 00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:53,320 Health is the most important 435 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,930 subject on Earth. 436 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,160 Yes, it is important. 437 00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:57,890 'Cause you know kids, 438 00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,560 they're always wanting to have sex with each other. 439 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,200 They don't know that it just feels good for a second 440 00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:02,500 and then you're sad. 441 00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:04,600 And that's why we need someone great, 442 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,840 someone strong, who the kids trust. 443 00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:08,040 Okay. 444 00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:09,270 Someone who can yell at them 445 00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:10,570 about chlamydia. 446 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,880 That does... that sounds like... 447 00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:14,280 like something Coach would do. 448 00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:16,750 - You can teach. - I can teach, guys! 449 00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,180 That's mostly what I was trying to tell you. 450 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:20,520 No one needs to worry about me anymore! 451 00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:23,250 No! (all screaming) 452 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,020 - Oh, my God. - I'll get him. 453 00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:26,860 - No. - Yes. 454 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,560 Don't do anything heroic right now. 455 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,160 (all gasp, exclaim) 456 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,200 (gasping for air) 457 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,470 (cheering) 458 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,410 This guy's amazing. 459 00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:51,210 NICK, WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: ♪ Hello ♪ 460 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:55,490 ♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪ 461 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,950 ♪ I can see it in your... ♪ 462 00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,790 I want to be the someone 463 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,990 that somebody is looking for. 464 00:16:02,030 --> 00:16:04,230 -♪ In your smile... ♪ - But what do I have to offer? 465 00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:06,160 Do not talk about yourself like that. 466 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,730 Come on, guys, what do I bring to the table? 467 00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:08,800 That's easy, man. 468 00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:09,970 You're the cute one. 469 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000 - What? - That's right. 470 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,270 Look, I'm the smart one, 471 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,770 Winston's the silly one, 472 00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:15,840 Coach is the sports one, and you're the cute one. 473 00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:17,310 Well, if I were so cute, 474 00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:18,780 then how come I can't find anyone to love? 475 00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,480 'Cause you're aiming too low. 476 00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:23,180 Nick, my man, you don't find diamonds underground. 477 00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:25,680 That's exactly where you find diamonds, Winston. 478 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,020 Let's... can we not... 479 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,290 This is not about gems, okay? 480 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,590 This is about Nick valuing himself 481 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,260 enough to aim for the top. 482 00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:35,930 Now, I-I've been to the top of the mountain, with Cece, 483 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,460 and it was glorious up there. 484 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,660 And you know, one of these days... could be tomorrow... 485 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:40,960 I'm gonna be a millionaire. 486 00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:43,370 If I don't have Cece, 487 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,800 then what do I have? 488 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,800 You got a million dollars. 489 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,010 If I'm being honest, you guys, uh... 490 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,840 I'm worried about being a cop. 491 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,280 - Sure. - You know, what if I see something 492 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,210 really bad and then it... 493 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,650 it changes me? 494 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,780 You know, it makes me lose my faith 495 00:16:57,820 --> 00:16:59,320 and then I become really bad? 496 00:17:01,550 --> 00:17:03,320 You guys really think I'm the cute one? 497 00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:04,990 You know what's not cute? 498 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,690 Pretending that you don't know that you are. 499 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:07,820 Schmidt, this sangria 500 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,960 is just delicious. 501 00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:09,790 Thanks, man. 502 00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,030 I'm jealous of that 503 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,300 little orange in there. 504 00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:13,530 It gets to just drink 505 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,030 all the sangria it wants. 506 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,700 Yeah. I'm probably gonna... 507 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:20,040 I'm gonna eat the orange, too. 508 00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,540 - Guys' Night. - Guys' Night! 509 00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:23,570 (blowing) 510 00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:24,570 (whistles) 511 00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:25,880 (whistles) 512 00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:27,640 It's like instant world music. 513 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,010 (tones harmonizing) 514 00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:31,250 (laughing) 515 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,050 - Wait, shh. - Why "shh"? 516 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,650 I think he's finally... 517 00:17:34,690 --> 00:17:36,550 (Coach snores) 518 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,020 - asleep. - Asleep. 519 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:40,760 (giggles) 520 00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:41,690 Cheers. 521 00:17:41,730 --> 00:17:43,360 Chin-chin. 522 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,100 Um... 523 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,370 Hey... 524 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,830 I'm sorry. 525 00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:51,070 I was a little bit of a jerk to you earlier. 526 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:52,340 No, it's fine. 527 00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:54,070 I'm used to jerks. 528 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:55,510 I used to work in finance. 529 00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,270 Oh! Finance! 530 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,440 - Mm-hmm. - Really? 531 00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:59,540 Why did you leave? 532 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,010 I know this sounds silly, but I realized 533 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,380 that the only time I'd been really happy in my life 534 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:09,020 was teaching my little sister how to read. 535 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:11,220 She suffers from crippling dyslexia. 536 00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:12,860 - Oh, God! - What? 537 00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:15,030 You're just... so perfect. 538 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,260 Well, it's more common than you might think. 539 00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,200 No, you're like the most perfect person 540 00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:19,900 I've ever met. And it's like 541 00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,130 you're an angel who's been 542 00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:22,870 sent down to the Earth, like... 543 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,430 have you ever seen the movie The Preacher's Wife? 544 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:27,940 Anyway, I just have this big, stupid crush on you. 545 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,980 I... 546 00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:37,250 didn't say that. 547 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,470 - No, it's fine. It's-it's... - Shouldn't have said... No. 548 00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:39,950 I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, um... 549 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,040 I need a bucket. 550 00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:41,940 Now! 551 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,720 - Um, you should go. - I need a bucket! 552 00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,190 (gags) Just go. 553 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,220 No, let me help, please. Let me help. 554 00:18:46,260 --> 00:18:47,590 No, just go, just go, just go. 555 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:49,660 COACH: Ugh, gettin' the mouth sweats. 556 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,430 - Oh, I need a bucket! - Just go. 557 00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,260 - Just go. Just go. - Okay. 558 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,130 Why is there ice in here? 559 00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:58,140 More room... (sighs) 560 00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,400 for what's about to happen... 561 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,970 - Oh, God... - Oh, my God! 562 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,930 When I get home I'm hitting the books. 563 00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:09,170 I am going to crush health. 564 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,270 - Yeah, you are. - Yeah. 565 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,570 Ned! 566 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,970 Let me get his contact before we leave. 567 00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:16,410 - What? - Ned! I need details, bro! 568 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,010 Hey, man. Am I gonna get your e-mail? 569 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,780 - What's gonna happen here? - Yeah, let's do it, let's do it. 570 00:19:20,810 --> 00:19:22,410 - Let's do it, let's do it. - Yeah. 571 00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:24,950 It's therealned8@guhmail.com. 572 00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:26,620 At guhmail... you mean Gmail? 573 00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:29,130 Oh, is that how you say it? 574 00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:31,160 Um... (chuckles) 575 00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:33,120 Good morning. 576 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,430 Good morning. 577 00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:37,090 Can I, um... talk to you about last night? 578 00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:39,000 No, I want to talk to you about last night, 579 00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:41,200 because I said some things, um, 580 00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:44,540 that don't reflect how I really feel about you. 581 00:19:44,570 --> 00:19:45,810 Um... 582 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,500 so I'd really appreciate it 583 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,640 if you could strike them from the record. 584 00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:53,010 It was the conference talking, not me. 585 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,180 Consider them struck. 586 00:19:55,210 --> 00:19:56,810 Thank you. 587 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,020 Enjoy your Thanksgiving vacation. 588 00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:00,650 It's, uh, an American holiday 589 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:02,790 where we celebrate the fact that we... 590 00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,720 didn't know how to farm by ourselves. 591 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,990 Are you curious to know 592 00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:10,130 how I really feel about you? 593 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,560 - No. - Because if you were 594 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,800 interested, I'd tell you that 595 00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:15,400 I won't enjoy my Thanksgiving 596 00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:17,200 because I won't get to see you every day. 597 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,970 I think you're beautiful 598 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,410 and totally insane, 599 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,840 and when I'm at work, 600 00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:24,010 I can't focus, 601 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,140 because I can't get you 602 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,180 out of my head. 603 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,320 COACH: Hey. 604 00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,520 Hey, uh, you guys want to stop 605 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,190 on the way home and get some pancakes? 606 00:20:39,220 --> 00:20:41,030 Hey, what do you call them in England? 607 00:20:41,060 --> 00:20:42,090 Roundy-yums. 608 00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:42,860 Really? 609 00:20:42,890 --> 00:20:44,090 No. 610 00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,930 See you after the holidays. 611 00:20:49,270 --> 00:20:50,500 Oh, boy. 612 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,270 You didn't see anything! 613 00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:58,440 Where'd your lipstick go? 614 00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,940 - Hit 'em! Hit 'em! - From the back. 615 00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:01,210 - Hit 'em! - Ugh! 616 00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:03,410 It smells terrible in here! 617 00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,620 How many beers did you guys drink? 618 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,550 - So much. - Beer, beer! Lots of beer. 619 00:21:07,590 --> 00:21:08,850 Just a lot of beer. 620 00:21:08,890 --> 00:21:09,890 - That's how beer smells. - So many beers. 621 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:10,920 (sniffs) 622 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,020 Smells like sangria. 623 00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:13,360 SCHMIDT: That must be the perfume 624 00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:15,030 from all the ladies we hooked up with. Yeah. 625 00:21:15,060 --> 00:21:16,260 - Mm-hmm. -They were all Spaniards. 626 00:21:16,290 --> 00:21:17,460 WINSTON: Mine was named 627 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:18,860 Señorita Lucinda Madrid. 628 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:20,130 Say, how was the conference? 629 00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:23,520 It was just... stupid... conferences... 630 00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:24,620 Ugh. 631 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,020 So, she finally hooked up with Ryan. 632 00:21:28,190 --> 00:21:30,340 He put his teeth behind her teeth. 633 00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:31,420 Wow! 634 00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,790 Aah! 635 00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:40,290 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 636 00:21:52,390 --> 00:21:54,570 What the hell did you guys do to my blanket?